1 00:00:01,549 --> 00:00:02,779 What do you mean, you have a boyfriend? 2 00:00:02,804 --> 00:00:05,124 I mean, I have a boyfriend. Is it that hard to believe? 3 00:00:05,149 --> 00:00:06,912 I got a boyfriend. His name's Ryan. 4 00:00:06,937 --> 00:00:08,695 How the hell did you get a boyfriend? 5 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:09,955 I met him on Bunchers. 6 00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:11,700 Right, right, so you went on a group date 7 00:00:11,725 --> 00:00:14,772 with a bunch of ugly chicks to make yourself look good, and you tricked a guy. 8 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,732 Yes, of course, that's exactly what I did, 9 00:00:16,757 --> 00:00:19,547 and it worked well, and-and now we're going steady. 10 00:00:19,572 --> 00:00:22,455 - That's a good trick. - Bunchers— sounds like the '70s. 11 00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:23,988 Bunch of people would get together. 12 00:00:24,011 --> 00:00:27,575 The next thing you know, it was all asses and hands and tits and... 13 00:00:27,598 --> 00:00:31,121 I could slip right in and out without anybody noticing. It was great. 14 00:00:31,136 --> 00:00:33,020 I can definitely brush up on my game. 15 00:00:33,043 --> 00:00:35,985 I don't know if you guys noticed this, but, like, 16 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:39,302 I'm kind of having a hard time closing the deal with the waitress. 17 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:41,853 - Is he...? - Yeah, we've noticed. 18 00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,852 So, maybe I can go on, like, some group dates with you, 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,438 and you can show me some skills, and I can figure out the final move 20 00:00:46,461 --> 00:00:49,570 that I need to, you know... Oh, and let's do 'em at Paddy's. 21 00:00:49,579 --> 00:00:50,623 We could make a bunch of money. 22 00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:52,867 - It's a good idea. - We can make a bunch of money. 23 00:00:52,882 --> 00:00:54,421 I'll tell you what. As an erotic man, 24 00:00:54,428 --> 00:00:58,076 I have been keeping my eye on this buncher situation, and I got to say— 25 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,226 I'm into it. So, I'll tell you what. 26 00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:01,046 I will take you two under my wing, 27 00:01:01,054 --> 00:01:03,273 - and show you the DENNIS system in action. - Oh. 28 00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:06,726 Sounds great, and myself— I'm all tied down, so I can't participate, 29 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:09,702 but, uh, I think it'd be great to jump in on this trend. 30 00:01:09,727 --> 00:01:11,727 All right, here's to orgies. 31 00:01:21,894 --> 00:01:31,894 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 32 00:01:44,648 --> 00:01:47,758 Man, I'm really nervous. I'm, like, sweating through my pants. 33 00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:49,328 Yeah. Do you want some cheese? 34 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,131 Have you brought cheese? 35 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:51,881 - Yeah, you need some? - Yeah. Give me some. 36 00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,052 Okay. Right? 37 00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:54,904 - Ah... - Focus up, guys. Come on. 38 00:01:54,929 --> 00:01:56,679 - The girls are gonna be here soon, geez. - Right, right. 39 00:01:56,694 --> 00:01:59,111 - Why do you have a dog leash? - Oh. Good question. 40 00:01:59,135 --> 00:02:01,283 Yeah. It's for the first "D" in the DENNIS system. 41 00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:03,535 See, the girls will see the leash, and I'll say, 42 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,522 "I've got a rescue dog outside," thereby, 43 00:02:05,547 --> 00:02:08,412 "D," demonstrating my value as a compassionate man. 44 00:02:08,437 --> 00:02:11,063 Later, when we go outside, the dog will be missing. 45 00:02:11,077 --> 00:02:13,028 I'll become hysterical and suggest that, maybe, 46 00:02:13,053 --> 00:02:14,835 the dog ran back to the apartment. 47 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,336 Then we will go back to the apartment. The dog won't be there, either, 48 00:02:17,359 --> 00:02:19,930 and the girl will console me. With sex. 49 00:02:19,953 --> 00:02:21,695 Oh! 50 00:02:21,718 --> 00:02:23,578 - What happened to the dog? - He let it go. 51 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,506 It probably got obliterated by a taxi or something. 52 00:02:25,522 --> 00:02:26,471 Ah, I bet that's what happened. 53 00:02:26,493 --> 00:02:27,759 - Shit, poor thing. - No, no, no, no, no. 54 00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,602 There never was a dog. 55 00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:32,761 - Oh, my God! - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 56 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,005 - There was no dog? - Wait, I am now totally lost here. 57 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:37,114 It's a made-up scenario to... Just follow my lead. 58 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:40,403 - I thought we got a dog. - Mac, Charlie and Dennis? 59 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:41,739 - Yes! Hi. - How are you? 60 00:02:41,754 --> 00:02:45,444 - Good evening! - Hi, baby... - Oh... what the hell? 61 00:02:46,682 --> 00:02:48,187 All right. 62 00:02:50,089 --> 00:02:52,795 Oh, I am gonna make a shitload of cash tonight. 63 00:02:52,818 --> 00:02:54,961 Which is good, because I just dropped a whole bunch of money 64 00:02:54,983 --> 00:02:57,758 on a new promise ring for my man. 65 00:02:57,781 --> 00:03:00,922 Oh, you're proposing? Good. Smart. 66 00:03:00,937 --> 00:03:03,922 Corral him, because God knows he'll never ask you. 67 00:03:03,937 --> 00:03:07,748 No, I'm not proposing, I'm promising my fidelity in our new relationship. 68 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:11,115 I deactivated my Bunchers account and I changed my Facebook status 69 00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:13,655 - to "In a Relationship." - Why would you do that? 70 00:03:13,662 --> 00:03:15,264 I told you, 'cause we're going steady. 71 00:03:15,287 --> 00:03:18,115 - He's my main squeeze. - You sound like a 12-year-old. 72 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:22,158 It's a total turn-off. My cock ring is sliding off. 73 00:03:22,813 --> 00:03:26,965 Why my father is talking to me with a cinch around his penis is beyond my grasp. 74 00:03:26,972 --> 00:03:29,730 You gotta be ready for when the orgy breaks out. 75 00:03:31,052 --> 00:03:33,146 Oh, shit. It fell off. 76 00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,284 - Ugh... - Help me find it. 77 00:03:40,926 --> 00:03:42,612 Oh, well, he... his name's Henry. 78 00:03:42,634 --> 00:03:43,932 - He's a dog. - He's a dog. 79 00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,287 Y... uh, yeah. 80 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:49,202 Uh, named him after my grandfather, um, who I'm very, very close to. 81 00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:50,500 No, Henry's a great little guy. 82 00:03:50,525 --> 00:03:54,205 I tell you, when I snuggle up next to him on the couch, I'd swear that... 83 00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:58,485 - that he's the one who rescued me. - Oh, that's so sweet. 84 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,016 The waitress got bit by a chow once, 85 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,814 and I kicked the shit out of the thing. 86 00:04:02,838 --> 00:04:04,893 - You kicked a dog? - Yeah. 87 00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:06,768 Well, uh, you know, for the waitress. 88 00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:08,268 - Who's the waitress? - Nobody, nobody. 89 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,428 Oh, I'm sorry. No... Nobody? 90 00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:11,933 She's the woman I'm in love with, you know? 91 00:04:11,949 --> 00:04:13,278 And I follow her around a lot, 92 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,016 and she doesn't really give me the time of day, and... 93 00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:17,196 that's cool, though, 'cause I'm not gonna give up on her, you know? 94 00:04:17,203 --> 00:04:18,797 You don't give up on something that beautiful. 95 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:20,539 - Right. - She's not beautiful. 96 00:04:20,562 --> 00:04:22,524 And everybody's banged her. Except for me. 97 00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:24,075 She was like, "I want to do hand stuff with you," 98 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:26,116 - and I was like, "Ugh, you're gross." - Keep this up, man. 99 00:04:26,138 --> 00:04:28,208 - Keep this up, see what happens. - Yeah, what are you gonna do? 100 00:04:28,223 --> 00:04:30,388 - I will strike you down. - Okay. 101 00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:32,622 - I will strike you down! - You're gonna strike me down? 102 00:04:32,637 --> 00:04:36,903 - Hang on. See? That's a... - That's our thing. 103 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,043 - They're doing a bit. - Sorry, that was just a joke. 104 00:04:39,066 --> 00:04:40,550 Do you guys want to do something a little fun? 105 00:04:40,567 --> 00:04:41,692 - Oh, yeah. - I do, I do. 106 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,173 - Let's mix up the seating arrangement. - We'll mix up the seating arrangement. 107 00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:47,088 Yeah. Kim, I'm detecting a little bit of a vibe from you, 108 00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,327 so why don't you come sit where he's sitting. 109 00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,889 - I'll move! - If you sit where she's sitting... 110 00:04:50,914 --> 00:04:52,649 - And I'll stay here. - No, you're gonna... 111 00:04:52,664 --> 00:04:54,345 you're gonna switch places with Becki. 112 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:58,121 Right? Because while I don't particularly find you conventionally attractive, 113 00:04:58,136 --> 00:05:00,177 I do find you oddly sexy. 114 00:05:00,752 --> 00:05:02,424 Excuse me? 115 00:05:03,442 --> 00:05:04,317 That was a compliment. 116 00:05:04,332 --> 00:05:06,739 - Um, sorry, that came out weird. - Excuse me. 117 00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,965 - You guys work here, right? - Yeah, uh... 118 00:05:08,988 --> 00:05:11,793 - Can I get a drink? - Y... go ask one of the other ones. 119 00:05:11,818 --> 00:05:13,271 What other ones? 120 00:05:13,286 --> 00:05:15,273 The other ones, the bird lady, the-the troll man. 121 00:05:15,287 --> 00:05:16,756 Ask them for a drink. We're on a date. 122 00:05:16,763 --> 00:05:18,279 Are you touching my leg? 123 00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:20,874 - Ah, he is engaging you physically. - Don't label it. 124 00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:22,454 Oh, you know what? You were supposed to want that, 125 00:05:22,469 --> 00:05:24,978 because he was supposed to tell the dog story to demonstrate his value, 126 00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,290 and I botched it. He has a system for women. 127 00:05:27,305 --> 00:05:29,361 Well, don't talk about the system. 128 00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:31,018 The system happens without them knowing. 129 00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:32,596 - There-there is no system. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 130 00:05:32,619 --> 00:05:35,463 - And there is no dog. - The system is not a thing. 131 00:05:35,478 --> 00:05:39,488 The dog is a thing. Uh, guys, let's, um... 132 00:05:39,489 --> 00:05:41,856 let's talk about something fun, that's fun for me. 133 00:05:41,871 --> 00:05:43,441 Well, don't move away from me. What are you doing? 134 00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:45,847 You're moving closer to the men who eat trash and bang transsexuals? 135 00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:47,272 Move close to me! 136 00:05:49,626 --> 00:05:51,155 Ryan? 137 00:05:51,162 --> 00:05:53,176 Hi! How are you? 138 00:05:53,191 --> 00:05:55,262 Dee! Oh, hey, what's up? 139 00:05:55,285 --> 00:05:57,444 Are you surprising me at work, you stinker? 140 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,069 I love that! You're so cute. 141 00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:01,850 - Guess what? I got you a little surprise, too. - Yeah. 142 00:06:01,873 --> 00:06:04,624 I didn't know you worked here. It's so strange. 143 00:06:04,639 --> 00:06:06,796 Um, yeah, I'm actually on a Buncher. 144 00:06:06,818 --> 00:06:08,905 - Wait, what? - Yeah, they should be here any minute. 145 00:06:10,697 --> 00:06:12,533 - It was good seeing you. - Oh. 146 00:06:12,548 --> 00:06:14,674 - What do you got here? What's in the box? - No, that... 147 00:06:14,697 --> 00:06:17,603 that's just a... It's a cock ring. 148 00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:20,121 It's a cock ring, just from all my lovers. 149 00:06:20,144 --> 00:06:22,868 Oh. It's kind of small, huh? 150 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,440 Well, it's my dad's. 151 00:06:25,972 --> 00:06:27,972 So... 152 00:06:28,770 --> 00:06:30,716 Huh. Weird. 153 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:31,864 I'm breaking up with you. 154 00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,827 Right. Well, I didn't know that we were together. 155 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,063 Look, can I get a beer? 156 00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:44,529 We killed it, boys. We killed it. 157 00:06:44,552 --> 00:06:47,110 - This was a great idea. - Yeah, but the date sucked. 158 00:06:47,126 --> 00:06:49,294 No, I think the date went pretty well for me. 159 00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:50,960 It did suck for you guys, though. 160 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,210 Yeah, I imagine those girls are probably at their apartments right now, 161 00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:54,757 trying to figure out how to get in touch with me. 162 00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:57,065 Unbelievable. Goddamn son of a bitch. 163 00:06:57,090 --> 00:06:59,530 Buy you a promise ring, you're out flitting around, dating other people. 164 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,587 I shouldn't have given this guy a five-star rating. 165 00:07:01,612 --> 00:07:04,081 He didn't deserve it and then he used it against me! 166 00:07:04,106 --> 00:07:07,684 - What's this now? You're rating people? - Yeah, it's that site. Raters. 167 00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:09,479 Girls can rate guys they go on dates with. 168 00:07:09,494 --> 00:07:11,359 They rate them? Like... what do you mean, 169 00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:13,336 - like a star rating or something? - Yeah, it's a star rating. 170 00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:15,223 I'm gonna take that guy's five-star rating, 171 00:07:15,248 --> 00:07:17,740 - I'm gonna give him a zero. - Hey, wait a second. 172 00:07:17,763 --> 00:07:20,182 Hang on a second. Are-are we rated on there? 173 00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:22,226 - Yep. - Ah! 174 00:07:22,249 --> 00:07:23,531 - We are? - What? 175 00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:26,018 Holy shit. Let me see. 176 00:07:27,058 --> 00:07:28,355 Oh! Wait. 177 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:29,700 - One star? Out of five? - Yep, yep. 178 00:07:29,725 --> 00:07:31,241 - No, no, no. - Oh, shit! 179 00:07:31,263 --> 00:07:32,708 Me and Charlie got two stars! 180 00:07:32,723 --> 00:07:34,747 Oh! Nice! We're better than you, dude! 181 00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:37,732 No, that's bullshit. No, no, no, the only reason I was rated one star 182 00:07:37,755 --> 00:07:39,911 is 'cause I was brought down by you two morons, all right? 183 00:07:39,919 --> 00:07:42,751 I... I was a five-star man before the Internet, 184 00:07:42,776 --> 00:07:44,503 and I'm damn sure a five-star man now, okay? 185 00:07:44,528 --> 00:07:46,780 I just gotta drop the dead weight so I can shine. 186 00:07:46,805 --> 00:07:50,163 Goddamn it... Goddamn it. 187 00:07:50,868 --> 00:07:53,361 He's out, I'm in, let's swing. 188 00:07:59,706 --> 00:08:05,489 Ah, this poor jerk has no idea he's about to get played like a goddamn guitar. 189 00:08:05,514 --> 00:08:06,928 - Only one guy? - Yeah. 190 00:08:06,951 --> 00:08:08,719 I'm doing Sparkers now. Isn't that what you're doing? 191 00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:10,094 I thought you got rid of Mac and Charlie. 192 00:08:10,109 --> 00:08:13,130 Yeah, no, I did, but, uh, I still wanted three girls, you know? 193 00:08:13,155 --> 00:08:14,712 - I-I like having the options. - Yeah. 194 00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:16,892 I'll just make some shit up about where the other guys are. 195 00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,424 - Can I get a drink, please? - No, not now. 196 00:08:18,447 --> 00:08:19,961 - Ask-ask one of the other ones. - Yeah. 197 00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:21,509 The dirty one or the gay one. 198 00:08:21,525 --> 00:08:22,668 Frank, why do we have to be in here? 199 00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:25,527 We should be out there, gettin' our swings in, dude. 200 00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:28,660 Because we're not ready. We need a game plan. 201 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,035 We can't risk losing our two-star rating. 202 00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:32,162 - That's a good point. - Right. 203 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,505 - Don't want to lose any stars. - Okay. 204 00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:35,973 A good date is all about conversation. 205 00:08:35,988 --> 00:08:39,192 If we could master some pleasant banter 206 00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:43,459 and then punctuate it with a joke, we'd be in good shape. 207 00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:46,507 - That sounds easy enough. Yeah, all right, we can do that. - Okay, all right. 208 00:08:46,522 --> 00:08:48,616 What are some of the things we could talk about? 209 00:08:48,631 --> 00:08:50,858 Ah. Creatine shits. 210 00:08:50,883 --> 00:08:52,165 Creatine shits? 211 00:08:52,180 --> 00:08:53,904 Yeah. Oh, creatine is a workout supplement. 212 00:08:53,911 --> 00:08:55,707 It shows that I care about my body. 213 00:08:55,732 --> 00:08:57,771 What's shitting it out got to do with anything? 214 00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:00,176 Oh, well, that demonstrates an inside knowledge of the product. 215 00:09:00,192 --> 00:09:02,349 It shows that I'm not just mentioning it, I actually use it. 216 00:09:02,364 --> 00:09:08,733 No. I think we should avoid talking about muscles and men's bodies and shits. 217 00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:10,656 I mean, it sends the wrong message. 218 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,171 We should also avoid talking about the waitress, Charlie. 219 00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:15,447 Why? It's, like, a super romantic thing to talk about. 220 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,905 It's a love story for the ages. 221 00:09:16,912 --> 00:09:19,187 Yeah, I-I think you should actually bring it up. 222 00:09:19,212 --> 00:09:21,624 Also, who's going to say grace? We should figure that out now. 223 00:09:21,649 --> 00:09:23,316 - Right, Frank... - Wait, wait, wait, okay. Listen, 224 00:09:23,335 --> 00:09:26,959 maybe we should concentrate on stuff not to talk about. 225 00:09:31,808 --> 00:09:34,894 So, what, you're like a chiropractor or some shit? 226 00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:37,879 - A spinal surgeon, actually. - Cool. Yeah, cool. 227 00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:40,027 Oh, what, this? Henry. 228 00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:44,069 Henry the dog. He's lost. Probably dead. 229 00:09:44,094 --> 00:09:47,377 Look, let's cut to the chase. I like you. 230 00:09:47,402 --> 00:09:50,825 I like you very much. This is gonna happen. 231 00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,182 Cheers. 232 00:09:55,788 --> 00:09:58,030 Whoa! That's strong. 233 00:09:58,045 --> 00:09:59,140 Mmm. 234 00:09:59,648 --> 00:10:02,270 - I'm not much of a drinker. - No? I'll get two more. 235 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,803 Hey. Hi. 236 00:10:06,819 --> 00:10:08,546 - Hi. - Hi. - Hi. 237 00:10:08,569 --> 00:10:10,405 So, um... 238 00:10:10,430 --> 00:10:11,563 where are the other guys? 239 00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:14,838 Oh, yeah, it's... fair enough. Yeah, no, the other guys got tied up. 240 00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:17,102 They couldn't make it, but, uh, fortunately, 241 00:10:17,127 --> 00:10:19,132 I possess all of their good qualities. 242 00:10:19,157 --> 00:10:20,902 All right. 243 00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:23,752 Hey, you know what, ladies? These-these things can be a little bit awkward, right? 244 00:10:23,777 --> 00:10:25,754 - What do you say we do some shots? - Oh, please. - Yes, please. 245 00:10:25,769 --> 00:10:28,941 Yeah, let's do it. Oh! What is that? 246 00:10:28,956 --> 00:10:30,793 What are you doing? Are you, are you rating me? 247 00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:33,039 No. No, I'm just checking my phone. 248 00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:34,486 Oh. That's cool. 249 00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:37,464 Cool. If you were to rate me, what would you put? 250 00:10:37,926 --> 00:10:39,257 I don't know. I... 251 00:10:39,282 --> 00:10:41,845 Oh... Well, you can't not know, right? 252 00:10:41,862 --> 00:10:44,571 I mean, that-that'd be, that's stupid. It's simple, it's one out of five. 253 00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:47,312 If it were a one out of five thing, and it is, what would you give me? 254 00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:50,249 The obvious five-star rating, or would you be a liar? 255 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,813 Can we... stop talking about ratings? 256 00:10:54,432 --> 00:10:56,482 Yeah. Of course we can. 257 00:10:56,507 --> 00:10:58,367 That's stupid, why would we even... yeah. 258 00:10:58,382 --> 00:11:00,949 Oh, I have a rescue dog outside. 259 00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:03,239 - Okay. - That was jarring. 260 00:11:03,254 --> 00:11:06,426 There's no context for that. Sorry, sorry. I'm just... 261 00:11:06,451 --> 00:11:08,691 sorry, my rhythm's a little bit, is a little bit off. 262 00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:11,263 I'm thrown because... I-I kind of want to just... 263 00:11:11,288 --> 00:11:13,712 can we just get the rating thing out of the way, you know? 264 00:11:13,737 --> 00:11:16,260 - I feel like it's a thing now, and... - What's going on here, dude? 265 00:11:16,268 --> 00:11:17,807 Were there really other guys? 266 00:11:17,832 --> 00:11:20,973 Of course there were other guys. I don't like the way you asked me that. 267 00:11:20,998 --> 00:11:22,795 - Switch with her. - Oh, my God, you know what? 268 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:24,250 I think we're gonna go. 269 00:11:24,257 --> 00:11:26,609 Okay, fine. Well, then, I don't want you to rate me. 270 00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:27,647 That's not what I want anymore. 271 00:11:27,672 --> 00:11:29,516 I was never going to rate you in the first place. 272 00:11:29,531 --> 00:11:32,891 - But now I definitely am. - Oh. How many stars? 273 00:11:32,914 --> 00:11:35,026 - Oh, my God! - God. 274 00:11:35,981 --> 00:11:38,988 Looks like the spider caught herself a fly. 275 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:44,191 Uh... we can't talk about snakes or smells? 276 00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:45,532 What else is there? 277 00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:48,120 - Uh, can you put "Jews" in the "yes" column? - What? 278 00:11:48,143 --> 00:11:49,768 I feel like we gotta get it out in the open. 279 00:11:49,785 --> 00:11:51,043 Would you leave the Jews out of it? 280 00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:52,544 No, because they have their "J" sites 281 00:11:52,569 --> 00:11:55,186 'cause they don't want to be with us as much as we don't want to be with them. 282 00:11:55,204 --> 00:11:58,149 - I don't support any of that. - No, no, that-that... that... 283 00:11:58,162 --> 00:11:59,998 I'm sorry, I'm just concerned that the person I'm gonna be 284 00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:01,292 dating killed the savior of the world. 285 00:12:01,308 --> 00:12:04,229 - That's all. That's all! - Put "religion" in the "no." 286 00:12:04,244 --> 00:12:06,086 Let's switch gears and go to the joke. 287 00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:10,080 - Yeah. - Oh, oh! I got a great one about a dago fisherman. 288 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,478 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 289 00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:14,036 Ethnic jokes are really dicey. You can't do that. 290 00:12:14,061 --> 00:12:18,077 You gotta keep it light. Like, uh, a cowboy and a teacher walk into a bar. 291 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,515 Yeah, but that doesn't make sense, 'cause cowboys hate teachers. 292 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,249 You know, cowboys are independent thinkers who like to learn for themselves. 293 00:12:23,272 --> 00:12:26,065 All right, all right, look. I think we're gettin' bogged down here. 294 00:12:26,089 --> 00:12:29,589 Why don't we just go out and do a dry run with some broads 295 00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:32,942 - and see how we do on our feet? - Okay, but what about our stars? I mean... 296 00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:36,997 If things go wrong, I'll blow this whistle and call the date 297 00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:40,092 - before they have a chance to get to know us. - Mm. 298 00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:42,258 Let's just keep it simple. 299 00:12:42,267 --> 00:12:44,423 Let's just start with our names. 300 00:12:44,914 --> 00:12:47,105 Hi, ladies. I'm Frack. 301 00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:48,573 Shit. 302 00:12:57,704 --> 00:12:59,751 Now I'm a half a star? Half a star? 303 00:12:59,765 --> 00:13:01,840 How does a five-star man get... Is it... you know what? 304 00:13:01,862 --> 00:13:04,581 It's these group dates. That's what's doing it, man, 305 00:13:04,596 --> 00:13:07,549 there's just too many variables, you know? The girls feel too safe. 306 00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:09,941 I gotta get 'em in a one-on-one scenario. 307 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,359 Sorry, I've got to get to work at the hospital. 308 00:13:12,384 --> 00:13:14,353 - The hospital. Do you? - Yeah. 309 00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:16,936 - I've never had a one-night stand before. - Hmm, hmm. 310 00:13:16,949 --> 00:13:20,808 - I... hope this isn't that. - Oh, no! I'm gonna call you. 311 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,021 Okay. 312 00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,467 Call you one star, bitch. Ha! 313 00:13:25,556 --> 00:13:27,581 - Pass me that computer. - What are you doing? 314 00:13:27,597 --> 00:13:29,933 - One star? That guy was awesome. - Hmm. 315 00:13:29,948 --> 00:13:32,457 - Is he a doctor? - Yeah, he was a doctor and super hot. 316 00:13:32,472 --> 00:13:34,191 This feels good. Okay, you know what? 317 00:13:34,206 --> 00:13:35,891 You're a heartless pig. That's what's happening. 318 00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:39,393 You lead a man on, you have sex with him and you just throw him in the trash? 319 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,006 You've been doing that to women for years. 320 00:13:41,031 --> 00:13:44,539 Yes, but I don't rate them online for everyone to see. 321 00:13:44,564 --> 00:13:46,249 Don't all your sex tapes have star ratings? 322 00:13:46,274 --> 00:13:47,457 Yeah, but that's different, Dee, okay? 323 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,820 That's not... that doesn't go on the Internet. That's just for me. 324 00:13:50,845 --> 00:13:52,729 - And Mac. And Charlie... - Okay. 325 00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:55,059 You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, it's my turn. 326 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:58,569 This is my time, it's Dee's time. I even have my own system. 327 00:13:58,594 --> 00:14:01,873 The DEE system. Do them. Establish low rating. 328 00:14:01,893 --> 00:14:03,208 Increase power. 329 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,717 "Increase" is spelled with an "I." 330 00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:07,141 Okay, well, then, uh... 331 00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:10,181 - Infuriate them when they find out... - Another "I." 332 00:14:10,206 --> 00:14:12,347 Empower. It doesn't... the word doesn't matter. 333 00:14:12,372 --> 00:14:14,958 - It's-it's the system... ah, I don't care about you. - All right, you know what? 334 00:14:14,977 --> 00:14:16,282 This is, this is the problem, Dee. 335 00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:18,835 You can't even spell, much less come up with a decent system, 336 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,507 and now your slapdash opinions are gonna be thrown across the Internet 337 00:14:21,515 --> 00:14:24,881 for everyone to see. You know, these-these ratings, they follow a man around. 338 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:28,769 - They're gonna ruin this man's reputation. - Well, sucks to be him. 339 00:14:38,282 --> 00:14:39,697 But the thing about a rating is 340 00:14:39,722 --> 00:14:42,277 you don't know the quality of the person who's giving the rating, right? 341 00:14:42,292 --> 00:14:45,722 I mean, like, for instance, some dum-dum goes into a Morton's Steakhouse. 342 00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,999 She orders a steak well-done and then complains 343 00:14:48,024 --> 00:14:49,741 when the damn thing comes out and it's too dry. 344 00:14:49,766 --> 00:14:53,180 Well, it's like, "Hey, dum-dum, you ordered the damn thing well-done. 345 00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:55,586 That's why it's dry, you stupid idiot." 346 00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:57,539 Not bad, a little stiff. 347 00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,866 Got tripped up on the conversation portion, but we're improving. 348 00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:02,033 - Mm-hmm. - Hey. 349 00:15:02,058 --> 00:15:04,785 - Oh, hey. How'd your date go? - Uh, not great. She ditched me. 350 00:15:04,808 --> 00:15:06,982 Yeah, this-this rating thing. It's just, it's messing with my head, 351 00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:08,272 it's throwing my game off. 352 00:15:08,297 --> 00:15:10,773 I think I need to target some more undesirable women. You know? 353 00:15:10,798 --> 00:15:13,780 Pick up some easy stars. I think that'll get me out of this funk. Yeah. 354 00:15:13,805 --> 00:15:16,768 - We made it past introductions... - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, and... 355 00:15:20,203 --> 00:15:21,299 Wow, check out Dee, man. 356 00:15:21,324 --> 00:15:23,027 - She's killing it! - Yes! She's got it down! 357 00:15:23,050 --> 00:15:25,126 Forget her! Let's get back on the horse. 358 00:15:25,151 --> 00:15:26,582 - All right. - Come on. 359 00:15:26,974 --> 00:15:29,487 - So, you guys own this bar? - Officially yes. 360 00:15:29,502 --> 00:15:30,916 Unofficially we're so much more. 361 00:15:30,941 --> 00:15:33,746 I like to think of us as mercenaries, a strike force actually. 362 00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:37,330 Frank's management, I'm security, Charlie bashes rats. 363 00:15:37,355 --> 00:15:40,047 I don't really bash them so much as I start to drown them these days 364 00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:41,774 so I don't have to listen to their screams. 365 00:15:42,414 --> 00:15:44,997 He's a five-star dog 'cause I wouldn't rescue a four-star 366 00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:47,113 or a three-star dog, certainly not a half-star dog. 367 00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:03,893 Oh, I like cats, too. I actually have 80 of them that live in my alleyway. 368 00:16:03,909 --> 00:16:05,456 Too many cats, sounds strange. 369 00:16:06,151 --> 00:16:08,323 I have eight cats that sleep in my sink. 370 00:16:08,339 --> 00:16:09,911 Still too many. 371 00:16:10,373 --> 00:16:13,494 I don't have any cats, but I sure do enjoy them. 372 00:16:14,425 --> 00:16:16,355 I mean, half a star? 373 00:16:16,378 --> 00:16:18,870 It doesn't change the five-star man, who he is. 374 00:16:18,885 --> 00:16:21,578 I'm a five-star man! I'm a five-star man! 375 00:16:29,129 --> 00:16:30,660 I'm a five-star man! 376 00:16:35,848 --> 00:16:37,810 One... one... 377 00:16:37,824 --> 00:16:41,302 one... one... one... 378 00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:49,209 one... one... 379 00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:51,912 I'm a five-star man! 380 00:16:57,763 --> 00:17:00,077 - Hello, Dennis. - Hi. 381 00:17:00,461 --> 00:17:04,210 Hi. Thank you so much for coming. Uh, please, sit. 382 00:17:07,174 --> 00:17:09,159 So, what do you want? 383 00:17:09,543 --> 00:17:12,614 Frankly, I've-I've hit a bit of a rough patch, 384 00:17:12,639 --> 00:17:18,139 and it's made me realize that I have not been the best to women. 385 00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:19,281 You included. 386 00:17:19,296 --> 00:17:22,184 I've manipulated, I've judged. 387 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,639 I've ignored your feelings for pursuits of the flesh. 388 00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:31,045 But now I know what it feels like to be completely unwanted like you. 389 00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,140 And... 390 00:17:33,165 --> 00:17:34,782 it doesn't feel good. 391 00:17:35,478 --> 00:17:36,939 Oh, that's... 392 00:17:37,773 --> 00:17:41,449 - really big of you to say. - This is for you. 393 00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:45,469 - My god, are you proposing? - No. No, no. 394 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,603 No. I'm not proposing. I would never, uh... 395 00:17:50,739 --> 00:17:54,395 - No, this is, um, it's a promise ring. - Oh. 396 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:57,077 So, from now on, Waitress... 397 00:17:57,102 --> 00:18:00,235 I promise to be nice and true. 398 00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,367 - I have a name. - Do you want the ring or not? 399 00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:05,336 I do, yes. Thank you. Wow! 400 00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:07,202 Thank you. 401 00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:10,743 And in return, of course, I 402 00:18:10,768 --> 00:18:13,010 would ask that you promise something to me. 403 00:18:13,018 --> 00:18:15,154 - To be your girlfriend. - No! 404 00:18:16,033 --> 00:18:18,392 No. Stop, okay? 405 00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:19,650 Do-Don't do that. 406 00:18:19,675 --> 00:18:22,728 I just need you to give me a good rating on an Internet Web site. 407 00:18:22,753 --> 00:18:24,800 Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. I can... 408 00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:25,684 - Yeah? - Yeah. 409 00:18:25,699 --> 00:18:28,177 That would mean so much to me. It really would. 410 00:18:28,184 --> 00:18:31,575 Okay. I, um... I don't have online, though. 411 00:18:32,056 --> 00:18:33,884 What does that me...? You "don't have online"? 412 00:18:33,909 --> 00:18:35,823 - No. - What the hell does that...? Just... 413 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,528 you can just go on your phone and do it on your phone. 414 00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:40,692 My phone is, it's so old! 415 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:44,177 Oh, my God! That phone is preposterous! How long have you had that? 416 00:18:44,202 --> 00:18:46,205 - Nine... 90... - 90...? 417 00:18:46,746 --> 00:18:48,603 - How do you get on the Internet? - I don't. 418 00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:50,226 I mean, I don't do, like, the e-mails... 419 00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:53,158 "The e-mails"? It's e-mail. It's just e-mail. 420 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,683 Who doesn't have the Internet in this day and age? 421 00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:58,900 What am I doing? Why am I lowering myself to this? 422 00:18:58,925 --> 00:19:01,699 I don't need your approval. Goddamn. I don't need anyone's approval. 423 00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:03,269 This is stupid. What are you doing, huh? 424 00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:05,470 You rating me right now? Well, guess what. 425 00:19:05,495 --> 00:19:08,441 Go ahead, rate me! 'Cause I'll rate you, huh? 426 00:19:08,456 --> 00:19:10,175 Go ahead, rate me! I don't give a shit! 427 00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:13,751 Rate me... I'll rate you! Zero, zero, zero rate! 428 00:19:13,776 --> 00:19:14,645 - Okay, sir... - Rate, rate! 429 00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:16,168 - Sir, you need to leave, okay? - Rate, rate! 430 00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:17,567 - You need to leave, okay? - Zero, zero! 431 00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:20,398 I will rate every single woman in this restaurant! 432 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,086 - So, he had the mule... - But he forgot the water. 433 00:19:26,101 --> 00:19:28,195 Then the guy looks up and he says, "Wait a second. 434 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,148 Where am I... in Ohio?" 435 00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:36,048 - You guys are so funny. - Oh, thanks, thanks. 436 00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:38,764 - Yeah, yeah. - Can-can you give us a second? 437 00:19:40,086 --> 00:19:41,023 - Holy shit! - What the...? 438 00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:42,158 We've never got this far! 439 00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:43,852 These girls are ready to bang. 440 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,378 All right, well, what do we say? What do we do? 441 00:19:45,403 --> 00:19:46,856 We-we're gonna have to go off script. 442 00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,327 No, no, Frank, blow the whistle! Call it, call it... We got to bail... 443 00:19:50,349 --> 00:19:52,654 What are you kidding me? Are you crazy? 444 00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:55,747 - We've come too far to call it! - Uh, my stomach's killing me. 445 00:19:55,755 --> 00:19:57,016 - Should we talk about that? - No, no... 446 00:19:57,032 --> 00:19:59,423 - I got the shits, I do have the shits... - No, no, no! Not good! 447 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,276 Try another joke, quick! 448 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:03,458 - Another joke? I got it. - Okay. 449 00:20:03,966 --> 00:20:06,092 Ladies, got another one for you. 450 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,617 - There's this dago fisherman... - Oh, shit! 451 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,491 - What? No... - No, no, Charlie... Charlie, we got it, we got... 452 00:20:11,516 --> 00:20:14,156 Oh, shit! There goes my cock ring! 453 00:20:14,181 --> 00:20:16,575 - His cock ring fell! - Yeah, I got the power, girls. 454 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,186 Yeah, you think you can rate me? Bullshit! Rate— zero! 455 00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:21,913 Zero! Zero rating! Zero rating! Ha-ha! 456 00:20:21,936 --> 00:20:24,194 Yeah, I got the power! How does it feel, ladies? 457 00:20:24,209 --> 00:20:26,334 I don't give a shit. Yeah! Get the hell out of here! 458 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,656 You know what? I want every single lady in here out of here! 459 00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:32,414 Where-where-where are all, are all the ladies? 460 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,859 Oh, uh, you know, the crowd's kind of been thinning out. 461 00:20:34,874 --> 00:20:37,460 I think it's because we haven't really been tending bar. 462 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,252 Well, there's still a bunch of dudes here. 463 00:20:39,275 --> 00:20:42,283 Yeah, there's a bunch of dudes here 'cause I'm crushing it. 464 00:20:42,299 --> 00:20:45,119 They're all here to get Deed— the most empowered woman in Philly. 465 00:20:45,134 --> 00:20:47,072 They all do seem to be into her. 466 00:20:47,097 --> 00:20:49,214 - Hey, Dee. - You again? Listen. 467 00:20:49,232 --> 00:20:50,578 I'm not gonna change your rating, okay? 468 00:20:50,603 --> 00:20:53,353 Just be grateful for the time that we had together and beat it. 469 00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:55,045 Actually I was hoping to hang out again. 470 00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:58,386 Yeah? I bet you do. It's 'cause I gave you one star— I played you. 471 00:20:58,411 --> 00:21:01,137 I don't need stars. I was just hoping to get laid again. 472 00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:01,856 What? 473 00:21:01,881 --> 00:21:06,004 Hey, Dee, any chance I could get Deed again? 474 00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:07,506 No, you're upset. 475 00:21:07,512 --> 00:21:10,279 Aren't you upset? You're upset about the zero rating I gave you. 476 00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:13,708 No. You could rate me lower if you like. 477 00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:15,452 Hey, are you the whore who bangs everybody? 478 00:21:15,477 --> 00:21:18,071 No, I'm not the whore... I-I'm the empowered woman 479 00:21:18,086 --> 00:21:20,211 who gives poor ratings to men. 480 00:21:20,226 --> 00:21:21,915 Sure. Can I get a rating? 481 00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:24,627 No! Why would you want that from me? What's going on? Get out of here! 482 00:21:24,642 --> 00:21:26,088 All three of you! Get out of here! 483 00:21:26,111 --> 00:21:28,670 Okay, yeah, guys, go ahead. Go, go, go, go. Go. 484 00:21:29,202 --> 00:21:32,801 I understand. Okay, I think I know what's happening here. Guys? 485 00:21:33,691 --> 00:21:37,067 We've lost sight of what's truly important. 486 00:21:37,092 --> 00:21:39,985 You can't derive your self-worth from the opinions of others. 487 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,784 No! No, you get your self-worth from when you convince yourself 488 00:21:44,809 --> 00:21:46,801 that your tough and that you're straight. 489 00:21:46,816 --> 00:21:48,496 I am tough. 490 00:21:48,521 --> 00:21:50,099 Sure, yes, absolutely. 491 00:21:50,115 --> 00:21:53,287 Or-or that you have got a shot with a woman who we've all banged, 492 00:21:53,302 --> 00:21:54,341 but who hates you. 493 00:21:54,366 --> 00:21:57,265 Right. You're saying that I'm getting closer. Nice. I got a shot. 494 00:21:57,288 --> 00:21:59,687 Yeah, you're getting close, buddy. You'll get there. 495 00:21:59,702 --> 00:22:02,691 Or you— that your penis could ever possibly remain erect 496 00:22:02,716 --> 00:22:05,419 for more than a couple of seconds, even with a cock ring on. 497 00:22:05,434 --> 00:22:08,856 - Hmm. - Or that you are a powerful woman... 498 00:22:08,881 --> 00:22:12,950 instead of a dirty, dirty whore... who bangs toad people. 499 00:22:12,975 --> 00:22:14,189 Yeah, guys, guys, guys. 500 00:22:14,212 --> 00:22:16,803 Your true power comes not from outside sources, 501 00:22:16,828 --> 00:22:21,359 but from the delusional stories that you all convince yourselves of. 502 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:25,657 And no one, no one can take that away from you. 503 00:22:26,457 --> 00:22:27,746 Wow. 504 00:22:28,356 --> 00:22:30,521 - And what about you? - Me? What about me? 505 00:22:30,544 --> 00:22:33,873 I'm good, man. I-I've been doing great. Yeah, this whole thing's been great for me. 506 00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:37,345 Well, that's good because you're down to zero stars. 507 00:22:37,370 --> 00:22:38,792 - Oh, is he? - Yeah, down to zero. 508 00:22:38,807 --> 00:22:40,456 I don't give a shit about that, you know what I mean? 509 00:22:40,481 --> 00:22:42,252 The star rating thing is not... 510 00:22:43,193 --> 00:22:44,709 - Can I see that for a second? - Yeah. 511 00:22:44,724 --> 00:22:46,170 Let me see that, yeah. 512 00:22:47,406 --> 00:22:49,789 Yeah, you know... Goddamn it! 513 00:22:49,811 --> 00:22:52,601 Goddamn it! You son of a bitch! 514 00:22:54,695 --> 00:23:04,695 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther