1 00:00:02,304 --> 00:00:03,093 Frank, pick up! 2 00:00:03,108 --> 00:00:05,608 Pick up, buddy, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up! 3 00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:07,571 - Hello! - I got a Code Red, here, pal. 4 00:00:07,581 --> 00:00:10,690 I got a Code Red. I just got tipped off that the health inspector's coming today! 5 00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,315 The guy's gonna be here in like 15 minutes. 6 00:00:12,340 --> 00:00:13,848 They're pulling a fast one on us! 7 00:00:13,873 --> 00:00:15,552 Okay, I got the place looking pretty good already, 8 00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:18,033 'cause I was anticipating something like this, but do me a favor. 9 00:00:18,047 --> 00:00:19,862 Make sure no one is in the bar today, okay? 10 00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:22,495 I cannot have those guys in here making a mess, you got it? 11 00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:28,686 Oh, shit. 12 00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:53,227 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 13 00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:56,424 What the hell is this? 14 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:57,850 Why are there chickens everywhere? 15 00:00:57,873 --> 00:00:59,897 No time to explain it to you, you wouldn't get it anyway. 16 00:00:59,912 --> 00:01:03,117 - What are you painting? - It's a new sign. Okay? Look. 17 00:01:03,142 --> 00:01:04,932 "A Place for Steaks." 18 00:01:04,955 --> 00:01:06,520 What? No, I can't have you put that sign up. 19 00:01:06,535 --> 00:01:08,254 The health inspector's coming, like, any minute! 20 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,269 - So what? - So what? So we're not Carmine's. 21 00:01:10,285 --> 00:01:11,811 Look, I can't have them see the sign. 22 00:01:12,686 --> 00:01:14,517 Who gives a shit? We always get a passing grade. 23 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:16,830 Yeah, we get a passing grade because I bust my ass 24 00:01:16,855 --> 00:01:18,449 to make sure that happens, okay? 25 00:01:18,464 --> 00:01:20,222 And we don't pretend that we're a restaurant! 26 00:01:20,237 --> 00:01:22,152 Look, this is fucking crazy! No sign! 27 00:01:22,176 --> 00:01:24,343 No, we're using the sign, because the sign's a big part of the plan. 28 00:01:24,368 --> 00:01:25,907 What is the plan? What is happening? 29 00:01:25,932 --> 00:01:27,291 Charlie, we found a loophole in the system. 30 00:01:27,316 --> 00:01:30,051 Yeah, it's a closing loophole; It involves airline miles and points. 31 00:01:30,066 --> 00:01:32,628 You're doing a chicken and airline miles scam today? 32 00:01:32,643 --> 00:01:34,223 Look, it is a great plan, okay? 33 00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:36,270 We do not have a ton of time to explain it to you, we're busy... 34 00:01:36,293 --> 00:01:38,069 Okay, fine, whatever, I get it, I get it. 35 00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:39,998 - No, you don't. - It's a good plan, Charlie. 36 00:01:40,021 --> 00:01:42,043 Frank, Jesus Christ, man, where are your shoes? 37 00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:43,824 - I lost 'em in the bathroom. - All right, goddamn it. 38 00:01:43,839 --> 00:01:45,857 I gotta think here. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. 39 00:01:45,882 --> 00:01:47,423 We gotta get all these chickens and coops 40 00:01:47,448 --> 00:01:49,753 and feathers and everything in the back office. Now! Go! 41 00:01:49,778 --> 00:01:50,950 Why the hell would we do that? 42 00:01:50,975 --> 00:01:52,624 Well, I assume you don't want a health inspector 43 00:01:52,649 --> 00:01:55,868 seeing anything about a chicken "scam" you're trying to pull off. 44 00:01:55,893 --> 00:01:57,409 - That's a good point. - All right, yeah, fine. 45 00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:59,976 But don't pretend like you understand the plan, 'cause that's gonna piss me off. 46 00:01:59,999 --> 00:02:01,913 Okay. Dee, get the joke stool in the basement, all right? 47 00:02:01,928 --> 00:02:04,159 - Can't have it out. - What? No way. 48 00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:05,011 It's hilarious. 49 00:02:05,036 --> 00:02:07,450 It's not hilarious, it's just a stool with a nail sticking out of it. 50 00:02:07,465 --> 00:02:09,352 Yeah, and when it pokes their butts, they scream, 51 00:02:09,377 --> 00:02:10,955 'cause they just got a nail right in the butt. 52 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,768 I... you don't understand comedy, at all. 53 00:02:12,783 --> 00:02:15,033 You don't understand comedy. That's not a joke, it's a lawsuit. 54 00:02:15,041 --> 00:02:15,980 Just put it in the basement. 55 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,568 - All right, all right, fine. Okay! Relax! - Can't have the guy sitting on that... 56 00:02:18,575 --> 00:02:20,630 All right, Frank, let's go. Bathroom! Come on! 57 00:02:20,645 --> 00:02:22,918 - I gotta find your shoes! Let's go, let's go. - All right, all right... 58 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,317 And then help with the chickens, if you can, please. Move, move, move, move. 59 00:02:25,332 --> 00:02:27,887 How could you have possibly lost your shoes in... 60 00:02:27,901 --> 00:02:30,605 Oh, my God. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 61 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,605 - What's wrong with the toilet? - Looks clogged. 62 00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:35,184 What the hell? I just had these all in, like, perfect working condition. 63 00:02:35,209 --> 00:02:37,509 - Must be my shoes. - Your shoes? What are you talking about? 64 00:02:37,517 --> 00:02:41,153 Well, when I said I lost my shoes, I didn't mean I didn't know where they were. 65 00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:42,561 It's just that they were gone. 66 00:02:42,576 --> 00:02:44,990 You flushed your shoes down the toilet? Why would you do that? 67 00:02:45,015 --> 00:02:46,766 It's an anxiety thing, Charlie. 68 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,510 Everybody's moving so fast all of a sudden, it freaks me out. 69 00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,832 Flushing things gives me control. It's a thing. 70 00:02:51,855 --> 00:02:53,134 - That's not a thing. - It's a thing. 71 00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:56,528 That's not a thing, I've never heard of that thing. All right, I gotta dig 'em out. 72 00:02:56,553 --> 00:02:58,670 - Want me to get a snake tool? - No, I'm just gonna... 73 00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:00,108 Look, just go help with the chickens, okay? 74 00:03:00,133 --> 00:03:01,336 Help with the chickens, please? 75 00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:03,342 Get 'em in the back office, do whatever you can! 76 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,006 Charlie, I need you for something. 77 00:03:05,021 --> 00:03:06,428 Goddamn, the thing's broken. 78 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,086 Look, can you give me that fix bag right there? 79 00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:09,478 Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. 80 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:12,275 Hey, listen, um... we've got a huge problem out there, dude. 81 00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:13,861 - Oh. - Earlier, when Dennis said 82 00:03:13,868 --> 00:03:16,655 "We've got a really good idea with this plan," 83 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,018 that wasn't entirely accurate, 'cause it was actually my idea 84 00:03:20,043 --> 00:03:23,519 and I think the usage of the word "we" in there is really confusing, because, 85 00:03:23,544 --> 00:03:26,130 like, how can a whole group of people have the same idea at the same time? 86 00:03:26,145 --> 00:03:28,286 What, do they just say it all at once? It's ludicrous. 87 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,137 I don't understand why you're angling for credit right now. 88 00:03:30,162 --> 00:03:32,463 We'll go through the normal arbitration process at the end of all of this. 89 00:03:32,477 --> 00:03:35,657 Right. Well, I've just been screwed at the last three arbitration processes, 90 00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:39,549 and I just want you to be on my side, you know? 'Cause I really need you. 91 00:03:39,572 --> 00:03:42,065 Whatever, dude. I don't care. Wait. 92 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,737 What happened to the glory hole cover? 93 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,533 I took it off. I-I thought you... you put it on there by accident. 94 00:03:46,556 --> 00:03:48,521 No, I put it up there because I don't want the health inspector 95 00:03:48,545 --> 00:03:51,376 seeing that we have a place for a person to get their dick sucked by a stranger. 96 00:03:51,383 --> 00:03:55,266 Dude, uou are taking this whole inspection thing way too seriously, okay? 97 00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:58,256 Back to the credit issue... you just don't know what it's like to be overlooked. 98 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,883 Oh, my God, that's exactly what's happening to me right now. 99 00:04:00,898 --> 00:04:02,741 Okay. You know what? Maybe I'll just casually bring it up 100 00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:04,683 to him and then he won't even know what we're talking about. 101 00:04:04,699 --> 00:04:07,137 Ha! I got a fix! I got a fix right here— all right, 102 00:04:07,144 --> 00:04:09,515 we'll just put this up and boom, that's pretty good. 103 00:04:10,287 --> 00:04:12,514 What was that? Why did the lights go out? 104 00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:14,528 Uh, that could be the vacuum sealer. 105 00:04:14,535 --> 00:04:16,512 That thing probably pulls a lot of power. 106 00:04:16,527 --> 00:04:18,394 - Vacuum sealer? What the hell? - Yeah. 107 00:04:18,409 --> 00:04:20,269 All right, where's this packaging machine thing? 108 00:04:20,276 --> 00:04:21,357 - The keg room. - The keg room? 109 00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:23,664 Okay, good, they're back on. Frank, Frank, Frank, don't go away! 110 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,632 Okay, keep moving chickens, yes, but I need you to take the "Talk American" sign down. 111 00:04:26,655 --> 00:04:29,507 Are you sure? Maybe he's a racist, too. 112 00:04:29,522 --> 00:04:30,897 The health inspector's not a racist, Frank. 113 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,249 Take it down, please, okay? And shoes— shoes, please? 114 00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:34,850 Find some shoes? 115 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,430 - I got this. - Oh, shit! This thing's tits! 116 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,007 No, no, no, you can't use this machine, okay? 117 00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:40,320 It blew the surge protector. 118 00:04:40,345 --> 00:04:42,197 Well, we can't do the plan without the packaging machine. 119 00:04:42,222 --> 00:04:44,737 - How else are we supposed to vacuum-seal the steaks? - Steaks? 120 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,175 This is a chicken and air mile and steak scam, now? 121 00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:48,635 - Yeah. - All right, fine. 122 00:04:48,658 --> 00:04:50,047 I can work with it, I can work with it. 123 00:04:50,053 --> 00:04:52,605 Just do me a favor, start packaging lemons and limes and things, 124 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,930 - make it seem like we package... - Fun. 125 00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:56,133 - Dee, I need you down in the basement, I need your reach. - Me? 126 00:04:56,148 --> 00:04:58,292 Yeah, real quick, come on. Okay. 127 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,845 Hey, Dennis. 128 00:05:01,642 --> 00:05:03,642 Could I talk to you for a second? 129 00:05:05,112 --> 00:05:06,552 Do me a favor. I got a battery here. 130 00:05:06,577 --> 00:05:09,085 Reach up in the carbon monoxide detector, just pop it in real quick? 131 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,108 Yeah, you got it. 132 00:05:10,124 --> 00:05:13,628 Hey, Charlie, while we're down here, I just wanted to talk to you about ideas... 133 00:05:13,643 --> 00:05:14,981 and how funny it is that they can come 134 00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:17,051 from all kinds of different places, you know? 135 00:05:17,065 --> 00:05:18,618 - Somebody could say something really funny... - Shh, shh, shh— 136 00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:20,407 - and it might spark an idea... - Dee, zip up the mouth... 137 00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:22,043 No, I know, but before the arbitration, I need to know... 138 00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:25,178 Dee, shut up, shut up, shut up! That's, uh, G-sharp. Okay, I got it, I got it. 139 00:05:25,193 --> 00:05:27,007 - Yeah, yeah. - Is it broken? It won't shut the hell up. 140 00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:29,342 No, it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do and that's the problem. 141 00:05:29,357 --> 00:05:31,373 There's, like, a ton of carbon monoxide down here, 142 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,484 - so I don't want it doing that. - What? Why? 143 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,308 Uh, well, I... actually, what I do is I block the vents to the furnace 144 00:05:36,323 --> 00:05:38,472 and that fills the basement with dangerous gases. 145 00:05:38,487 --> 00:05:41,076 Drives the rodents away. I always do it leading up to an inspection. 146 00:05:41,101 --> 00:05:44,260 - Is that safe? - No, no. It's incredibly unsafe. We can't be down here too long, 147 00:05:44,285 --> 00:05:46,246 - so just get the battery and we gotta roll. - Oh, my God. 148 00:05:46,268 --> 00:05:49,153 - Yeah, get it out. And then just make it look like... - God damn you, Charlie. 149 00:05:49,168 --> 00:05:50,621 - Goddamn it, go. - All right, go, go, go. 150 00:05:50,637 --> 00:05:52,035 - You getting light-headed? - Yes! 151 00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:55,705 Why'd I hear a squeal? 152 00:05:55,728 --> 00:05:57,298 Oh, no, dude, why are you bleeding? 153 00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,939 Dennis scratched me. 154 00:05:58,964 --> 00:06:02,210 Mac was doing that thing where he tries to casually bring something up to me, 155 00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:04,633 like I don't notice. Come to me like a man! 156 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,204 - Talk about being tough all the time; Can't even look me in the eyes. - Okay. 157 00:06:07,219 --> 00:06:10,219 - How's the for shoes, Charlie? - Aw, no, Frank, come on, man! 158 00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:11,648 You're gonna get black paint everywhere! 159 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,359 I changed my mind about the stool. 160 00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,164 No, no stool. Stool's out. No way! 161 00:06:15,179 --> 00:06:16,877 It's just that it was my idea, Dennis. 162 00:06:16,891 --> 00:06:18,914 It's sort of like the jean shorts, you know, where you... 163 00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:21,085 Look at me when you're talking to me! 164 00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:24,435 Oh, shit. The steaks are here. 165 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:25,615 Nice. 166 00:06:28,193 --> 00:06:31,061 - Whoa. That's a big truck. - Shit. No, no, no, no, no. 167 00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:32,600 I can't have this truck out here! 168 00:06:32,623 --> 00:06:34,616 Hey, uh, is this Carmine's Steak House? 169 00:06:34,639 --> 00:06:36,417 You're looking at the sign, pal. 170 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:41,121 Oh. Hey, you guys mind if I get a quick bite here before we begin? 171 00:06:41,146 --> 00:06:42,185 You want to eat here? 172 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,429 Uh, yeah, you know, it's a long drive back to Ohio 173 00:06:44,454 --> 00:06:47,212 and I figured I was gonna be here a while, unloading all these steaks. 174 00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:50,494 Well, you won't be here that long, right? I mean, it's only 400 steaks. 175 00:06:50,517 --> 00:06:53,246 Four hundred? You ordered 4,000. 176 00:06:53,271 --> 00:06:55,615 Excuse me, I gotta use the toilet. 177 00:06:55,629 --> 00:06:57,744 - Oh, shit. - Oh, gosh, you know what? 178 00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,332 The thing is, our kitchen's not open... 179 00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:01,868 Okay, you know what? Yeah. Go ahead, uh, leave the keys in it, 180 00:07:01,893 --> 00:07:03,853 maybe pop the back, we'll help you get started. 181 00:07:03,878 --> 00:07:05,847 I'm gonna fire up the grill and all set. 182 00:07:05,862 --> 00:07:07,566 - Okay. - We got you covered. 183 00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:08,911 We got you... 184 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:10,849 Oh, son of a bitch. Did you flush your shirt? 185 00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:13,161 - Yep. - Okay, uh, I don't want to interrupt here, Charlie, 186 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:14,590 but we got a major problem on our hands. 187 00:07:14,614 --> 00:07:16,293 We are not a restaurant that serves food, 188 00:07:16,318 --> 00:07:19,092 and B): How are we gonna package 4,000 steaks? 189 00:07:19,115 --> 00:07:20,108 Look, we can handle it, okay? 190 00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:22,162 - Dee, we should've never done your stupid plan! - My plan? 191 00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:24,839 - No way, this was Frank's idea. - Wasn't my idea. 192 00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,565 - Dennis was all over it. - Me? No, this was Mac's stupid plan. 193 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,539 - Then why'd you scratch me? - 'Cause I was irritated with you. 194 00:07:29,564 --> 00:07:31,031 Look, we can handle all of this, all right? 195 00:07:31,056 --> 00:07:32,525 Excuse me, with all due respect, Charlie, 196 00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:33,956 you don't even know what the goddamn plan is. 197 00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:37,231 Okay, okay, with all due respect to you, I think I understand it fully, okay? 198 00:07:37,246 --> 00:07:40,046 You guys used Frank's credit card, you bought a bunch of airline miles. 199 00:07:40,062 --> 00:07:42,601 You used those airline miles to purchase 400 steaks. 200 00:07:42,626 --> 00:07:45,696 Knowing that this delivery company delivered all variety of animal products, 201 00:07:45,721 --> 00:07:47,869 your plan was to contaminate the steaks with chicken feathers, 202 00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:49,395 by rubbing live chickens all over them. 203 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,545 Then you were gonna repackage the steaks, at which point, 204 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,406 you were gonna return the contaminated steaks for actual cash, 205 00:07:54,431 --> 00:07:57,423 taking advantage of a loophole in the current airline miles system, correct? 206 00:07:57,446 --> 00:07:59,954 - Very good, Charlie. - That is it, that is it. 207 00:07:59,969 --> 00:08:01,576 That was the plan, but I mean... 208 00:08:01,601 --> 00:08:03,749 you know, we basically had already explained it to you, so... 209 00:08:03,772 --> 00:08:06,022 Right. But what you didn't plan for was a hungry delivery guy 210 00:08:06,045 --> 00:08:07,617 who'd driven here all the way from Ohio. 211 00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:10,298 Or that Dee's oversized fingers could've accidentally pressed "zero" again 212 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,667 when she ordered the steaks online. I'm assuming you did the typing, Dee, yes? 213 00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:15,485 - Goddamn it. - Dee, you bitch. 214 00:08:15,508 --> 00:08:18,665 But none of this matters to me, okay? Because today is inspection day. 215 00:08:18,688 --> 00:08:20,862 A day that I pride myself on, a day that I've never failed on 216 00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:23,194 and I don't plan to begin failing now, so listen to me and listen close, 217 00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,577 like you've never done before. 218 00:08:24,592 --> 00:08:28,974 We are going to pull this thing off, so help me God. 219 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,568 Son of a bitch. 220 00:08:36,288 --> 00:08:39,116 Okay, here we go. Here's the plan: Dee, Frank, come with me. 221 00:08:39,131 --> 00:08:41,443 I want you guys to set up a table and chair in the alleyway, all right? 222 00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,435 This guy's gonna be dining in our patio area. 223 00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:45,552 Dee, take his order, make him think it's a real restaurant. 224 00:08:45,575 --> 00:08:47,782 Frank, as soon as you're done, haul ass down the alleyway, 225 00:08:47,807 --> 00:08:49,065 move the guy's truck, all right? 226 00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:51,041 All right, I need you guys to take down the Carmine sign. 227 00:08:51,066 --> 00:08:52,886 I can't have it up when the inspector gets here, all right? 228 00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:54,505 - And get me a steak off the truck, okay? - Gladly. 229 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,645 All right, I'm gonna show this guy to his table. Here we go. 230 00:08:57,190 --> 00:08:59,260 Oh, hey, right on time! Here's my guy. You know what? 231 00:08:59,285 --> 00:09:01,749 Don't even bother unloading, 'cause I'm gonna have my guys handle it, okay? 232 00:09:01,764 --> 00:09:03,819 - You sure? - Oh, absolutely. The keys are in the truck, right? 233 00:09:03,837 --> 00:09:06,071 - Yeah, they're... - All right, come on in. Let's go have a bite to eat. 234 00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:07,508 I know you're a hungry guy. 235 00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:10,127 - Oh, it's-it's a nice spot. - Yeah, it's a nice spot. 236 00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:14,052 We can't complain. See all these booths over here? They're nice. 237 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:16,396 And we got a patio area. I think you're gonna enjoy sitting there. 238 00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:17,592 You know what? A booth is, is fine. 239 00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:20,452 Oh, no, see, look, we got these old stools and old booths, 240 00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:22,833 but the patio area is really something special. 241 00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:24,803 - You know, you're a top-shelf customer, right? - Right. 242 00:09:24,819 --> 00:09:28,451 You want to be having the top-shelf experience. And here we go. 243 00:09:28,476 --> 00:09:31,491 Welcome! Please, make yourself comfortable. 244 00:09:31,516 --> 00:09:34,934 Yeah, have a seat and, uh, enjoy the patio. 245 00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:36,944 Uh, this is an alley. 246 00:09:36,956 --> 00:09:39,121 I think I'd rather just sit inside. 247 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:42,428 Spends all day in a truck and he wants to eat indoors! 248 00:09:42,453 --> 00:09:43,765 Hey, the man needs fresh air! 249 00:09:43,779 --> 00:09:45,597 - Dee, take his order, okay? - Yes, yes. 250 00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,448 - Uh, what can I get you? - Okay, here we go. 251 00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:49,248 Okay, here we go. 252 00:09:51,452 --> 00:09:53,117 Okay. Here we go. 253 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,265 Mac! Steaks! Steaks! 254 00:09:56,288 --> 00:09:59,365 All right, back on this! Dennis, I need you to be the face in the bar, okay? 255 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,815 I accept that responsibility. 256 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,799 Frank, go, go, go! Okay, here's my guy, right on time. 257 00:10:03,824 --> 00:10:05,913 Come on, now, buddy, here we go. 258 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,093 Wait— wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa— who's this? 259 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,703 No, no, no, ma'am, ma'am, I'm sorry, you can't park here. 260 00:10:11,725 --> 00:10:14,208 - Are you the owner? - Uh, yeah, Charlie Kelly. 261 00:10:14,223 --> 00:10:16,496 - Who's asking? - I'm, uh, Sandy Lawlor. 262 00:10:16,519 --> 00:10:18,194 I'm with the City Board of Health. 263 00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:21,373 I'll be conducting an impromptu inspection of your bar. 264 00:10:21,396 --> 00:10:23,006 Okay, yeah, uh, what happened to Alan? 265 00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:25,530 Alan was let go on account of his leniency. 266 00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:28,178 - Shall we begin? - Okay. Uh... sure. 267 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,284 All right, let's get going. Right in here. 268 00:10:30,309 --> 00:10:32,498 This is our, uh, bartender over here. 269 00:10:32,521 --> 00:10:34,403 All right, all right, all right. 270 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,067 Okay. He's a bit of a character. 271 00:10:36,089 --> 00:10:38,847 - Where would you like to begin? - Let's, uh, begin with the bathrooms. 272 00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,666 Okay, that's fine. 273 00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:41,910 Come on in this way. 274 00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:45,349 - I assume all the toilets are in working order. - Oh, absolutely. 275 00:10:45,356 --> 00:10:47,247 Yeah, I wouldn't bother checking if I were you. 276 00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:49,082 I think I will. 277 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,667 - You're standing awfully close to me. - Sorry about that. 278 00:10:52,682 --> 00:10:55,288 - Yeah. - Do I smell cheese? 279 00:10:55,305 --> 00:10:57,931 I'm gonna leave you to it. You do your thing, okay? 280 00:10:58,969 --> 00:11:01,279 Dennis, heads up. What are these? 281 00:11:01,303 --> 00:11:02,778 They're car keys, okay? Just picked her pocket. 282 00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,530 Go move her car, so Frank can pull the truck up. 283 00:11:04,545 --> 00:11:07,068 Okay. Hey, Dee, hold up. Okay, put this on the furnace, all right? 284 00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:10,559 - Cook it up good. Oh, no, he wants a turkey burger. - What? Why? 285 00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:11,620 I don't know. I offered it to him. 286 00:11:11,635 --> 00:11:13,617 - Why would you do that? - You said pretend we're a restaurant— 287 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:14,961 he looked like a turkey burger kind of guy. 288 00:11:14,976 --> 00:11:16,761 He looks like a turkey burger kind of guy? Oh, my God, Dee, 289 00:11:16,786 --> 00:11:18,199 just put it on the furnace, okay, cook it up. 290 00:11:18,215 --> 00:11:20,723 Tell him you got the order wrong, just tell him you got the thing wrong. 291 00:11:20,738 --> 00:11:24,251 Oh, my God, what a stupid bitch. What a stupid bitch she is. Okay. 292 00:11:30,296 --> 00:11:31,600 Dude, what's the point with the chickens? 293 00:11:31,606 --> 00:11:33,083 Okay, everything's going in the back, all right? 294 00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:34,544 Chickens, cages, they're all going in the back. 295 00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:37,015 But first, count to, like, 30, and then start moaning into it. 296 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,272 - Why? - Will you just do it? Okay? 297 00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:42,176 Don't ask questions, just moan a bit, after a couple of moans say, "I'm sorry." 298 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,232 - You got it? 29, 28, 27... - Okay, sure, yeah. 299 00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:50,339 - 26, 25... - 24, 23, 22, 21, 20... 300 00:11:50,354 --> 00:11:52,839 19, 18, 17, 301 00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:56,315 16, 15, 14, 13, 302 00:11:56,338 --> 00:11:59,602 12, 11, ten, nine... 303 00:11:59,627 --> 00:12:02,910 And how are we lookin' in... here! 304 00:12:02,935 --> 00:12:05,560 - It's acceptable so far. - Okay. 305 00:12:07,253 --> 00:12:08,835 Oh, I guess there's somebody in there. 306 00:12:08,857 --> 00:12:10,334 It sounds like there's somebody in there, yeah. 307 00:12:10,349 --> 00:12:11,983 Let's take a little peek. 308 00:12:12,008 --> 00:12:15,000 Hey, buddy, how about a courtesy cough or something next time? 309 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:17,001 - Well, I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry, you know? 310 00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:18,820 Just, uh, give us all a heads-up you're in here, 311 00:12:18,845 --> 00:12:20,534 save us all the embarrassment, you know? 312 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:23,745 Some people, they got, like, no sort of social boundaries or anything like that. 313 00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:26,197 It's really kind of an awkward thing. Did you meet our bartender? 314 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,032 Hey! All right, all right, all right. 315 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,485 That's right, I think I introduced you to him. 316 00:12:29,507 --> 00:12:30,930 You want to check out the women's bathroom? 317 00:12:30,945 --> 00:12:34,313 - Yeah. - Women's bathroom, I assure you, is spotless. 318 00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:35,322 Well, we'll see. 319 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,567 No, we actually hardly ever have women in here, so... 320 00:12:37,592 --> 00:12:38,789 But we're not being graded on that. 321 00:12:38,804 --> 00:12:40,646 All right, in you go, in you go. Go ahead and take a... 322 00:12:40,671 --> 00:12:43,545 move your bowels if you have to. All right, okay, back office, okay? 323 00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:45,153 Chickens— vents— everything's going in the vents, 324 00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:46,686 - so get in the back. Go, go, go! - Okay, okay. 325 00:12:46,709 --> 00:12:48,668 The furnace cooked it way too fast— it's charred to shit. 326 00:12:48,691 --> 00:12:49,944 - It doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter? 327 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,188 I'm gonna give him the wrong order and just hand him a burned-up steak? 328 00:12:52,211 --> 00:12:54,203 - He's gonna be pissed. - Dee, this guy's not grading our bar— 329 00:12:54,209 --> 00:12:55,879 I don't care if he has the worst dining experience of his life— 330 00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:57,598 go give him the burned steak. 331 00:12:57,613 --> 00:13:00,412 - Okay, how's this...? - How am I gonna get all these steaks off the truck? 332 00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,644 You don't have to get 'em all, okay? We're just gonna contaminate a couple, 333 00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:05,159 - then we're gonna put the chickens onto the truck. - Why? 334 00:13:05,182 --> 00:13:07,784 Frank, we're gonna contaminate the whole truck, all right? 335 00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:11,127 That goes to the keg room, and for the love of God, find a shirt! Find a shirt, Frank! 336 00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:13,174 All right, okay, okay. 337 00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:17,131 Ah, okay. Come on, come on, come on. 338 00:13:17,532 --> 00:13:19,131 - Okay. Nice. - Done. 339 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,911 Well done! Okay! Up top! 340 00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:23,764 All right, okay, here's the plan: Got to go to the third stall vents in the bathroom. 341 00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:26,183 Chickens are coming out there. Everything goes to the keg room, right? 342 00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:28,195 Start rubbing chickens on steaks, seal them up good. 343 00:13:28,218 --> 00:13:30,053 And then put everything on the truck— chickens, steaks, 344 00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:31,514 - everything on the truck! - Got it, got it... 345 00:13:31,531 --> 00:13:33,609 We're contaminating the truck, guys. That's the plan. What is this? 346 00:13:33,624 --> 00:13:35,187 - What are you doing? - I'm painting a shirt! 347 00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,173 No! All right, look, just, uh, get out of sight! 348 00:13:37,188 --> 00:13:39,829 Or go to the keg room, hide out. I'm gonna send Dee to you in a minute, all right? 349 00:13:39,837 --> 00:13:42,484 In fact, just keep painting, that's fine, but go in the keg room. 350 00:13:42,509 --> 00:13:43,642 Oh, my God, what an idiot. 351 00:13:45,127 --> 00:13:48,744 Hi. Oh, hi, hello. I'm sorry, is there a-a problem out here? 352 00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:51,089 - He's making a big stink about the steak. - The steak is burnt to shit. 353 00:13:51,104 --> 00:13:52,877 - It's not even what I ordered. - Would you look at that? 354 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,084 Aw, man, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give you a beer on the house— 355 00:13:55,098 --> 00:13:56,966 - come on inside. - Oh, how nice! - No, I'll just take it here. 356 00:13:56,981 --> 00:13:58,724 No, actually we don't have our outdoor liquor license, 357 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,405 so I so I got to have you drink it inside, in you go! 358 00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:02,167 You know what— this is the worst restaurant I've ever been to. 359 00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,112 So sorry, terribly sorry, sir, terribly sorry. 360 00:14:04,127 --> 00:14:06,758 - Aw, Charlie, that's not good! - What are you talking about? 361 00:14:06,765 --> 00:14:08,924 It's great! Thinks we're a real restaurant. Okay, Dee, table, chairs— 362 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,371 everything's going in the Dumpster, all right? 363 00:14:10,396 --> 00:14:12,787 And then please push it, like, you know, another couple inches from the door, 364 00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:15,242 - it doesn't look like six feet to me. - What? Of course it does. 365 00:14:15,249 --> 00:14:17,074 No, no, Dee. It looks like five and a half, okay? 366 00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,323 You think she's gonna notice six inches? 367 00:14:19,338 --> 00:14:21,088 You move the goddamn Dumpster, you bitch, okay? 368 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,580 Then haul ass down the alleyway. 369 00:14:22,605 --> 00:14:24,808 Yeah. Okay. Hi! 370 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:27,504 Hi! How'd it go in there? Uh, fine, I suppose. 371 00:14:27,527 --> 00:14:29,269 Everything checks out. 372 00:14:29,294 --> 00:14:30,302 - Hello. - Hello. 373 00:14:30,325 --> 00:14:31,513 Yeah, lots of customers. 374 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,020 We're a bustling business, so 375 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:34,496 why don't you head on out to the alleyway 376 00:14:34,521 --> 00:14:37,218 and see if there's anything there that needs, uh, inspecting. 377 00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:39,050 And, ooh, sir, whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry. 378 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:41,393 - No, no, no! - I'm gonna need you to drink that in our VIP lounge area. 379 00:14:41,409 --> 00:14:42,871 - I just want to drink it here. - Oh, come on! 380 00:14:42,896 --> 00:14:46,363 A very important customer like yourself sitting on a bar with the regulars? 381 00:14:46,378 --> 00:14:48,639 I think you're gonna enjoy the exclusivity of the lounge area, 382 00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:50,193 - so just enjoy that. - It's not a lounge area... 383 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:51,927 Hey, all right, all right, all right! 384 00:14:51,943 --> 00:14:53,396 - Why are you doing that to me? - I don't know. 385 00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:54,785 Okay, I don't need you to do that to me, all right? 386 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,549 Just go, go— yeah, you gotta finish the job! 387 00:14:56,571 --> 00:14:58,378 - How'd it go with the Dumpster? You move it? - Huh? Yes. 388 00:14:58,401 --> 00:14:59,925 Okay, here's the plan. 389 00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,371 Give this to Frank. Tell him G-sharp. 390 00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,915 Then you got to paint him head to toe in black. 391 00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:04,703 - Why would I do any of that? - Dee, just do it, okay? 392 00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:06,827 Just do it, you goddamn bitch. Oh, you bitch! 393 00:15:06,842 --> 00:15:09,351 Stop questioning everything! Oh, that goddamn bitch. 394 00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:11,187 Oh, that goddamn bitch! 395 00:15:11,212 --> 00:15:15,329 Oh, my God, she's gonna ruin it all. And how are we out here? 396 00:15:15,993 --> 00:15:17,727 Everything will be in the report. 397 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:20,329 - Yeah, sure. - Mind if I head behind the bar? 398 00:15:20,344 --> 00:15:23,625 No! Sure! That's not an issue. Yeah, come check out the bar. 399 00:15:23,641 --> 00:15:26,699 You know, the bar is sort of the lifeblood of a bar. 400 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,180 I said bar, bar twice! And, oh, you know what? 401 00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:32,445 There's drainage pipes down there that I don't want you to check. 402 00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:35,612 "Drainage pipes"? I'm sorry, Mr. Kelly. 403 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,990 - I have to check it out. - Well, if you gotta do it, you gotta do it. 404 00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:40,099 Now... you know, but... 405 00:15:40,114 --> 00:15:43,521 I mean, I know that they're a little wet, they get damp and, uh... 406 00:15:43,536 --> 00:15:47,761 - Actually, they look pretty good. - All right, well, that's great. 407 00:15:47,776 --> 00:15:49,008 Uh, so one last thing. 408 00:15:49,023 --> 00:15:50,530 I suppose I want to show the blender here, 409 00:15:50,555 --> 00:15:53,493 - for our mixing up frozen drinks or... - I really don't need to see that. 410 00:15:53,508 --> 00:15:54,471 Turn it up higher? 411 00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,502 - I don't really need to... - No, that's not a good idea, 412 00:15:56,517 --> 00:15:59,260 but here we go... See? Yeah, we blew the power. 413 00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:01,817 It's not really environmentally safe to turn it up that high, 414 00:16:01,841 --> 00:16:04,583 that's why never really do it. I should drag you in for that one— I'm not gonna. 415 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:09,801 That's a joke. I'd love to show you our packaging machine I keep in the keg room. 416 00:16:09,826 --> 00:16:12,429 Here, come take a peek here. Look at all this. 417 00:16:12,444 --> 00:16:16,434 - Look at all of this! - Oh, my! This is... 418 00:16:16,450 --> 00:16:18,559 A bit excessive? Yes, I know, but I'm a little anal 419 00:16:18,584 --> 00:16:20,240 when it comes to securing the perishables. 420 00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:21,955 You know, I just don't want anything to get rotten, 421 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,581 and that's about as-as good as it gets. 422 00:16:23,595 --> 00:16:25,229 You're not the only one with standards around here. 423 00:16:25,244 --> 00:16:27,661 So, come on down to the basement and you can check this out. 424 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,909 Okay, so, uh, watch your step on the stairs here. 425 00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:33,020 Wouldn't want you to trip on any old paint cans or anything like that, 426 00:16:33,045 --> 00:16:35,248 but hopefully everything down here, you know, has been 427 00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:37,320 properly painted and put where it's supposed to be. 428 00:16:37,345 --> 00:16:38,658 So, you know what I'm saying? 429 00:16:38,683 --> 00:16:39,824 No, I don't. 430 00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:42,615 - Where's the carbon monoxide detector? - Carbon monoxide detector! 431 00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:45,161 All right, so you reach up there and you give that a poke and everything should... 432 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,887 Great and... oh! Twice, okay. 433 00:16:48,912 --> 00:16:50,940 Excellent. All right, that was excellent. 434 00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:53,299 Uh, I'm feeling a little light-headed. 435 00:16:53,324 --> 00:16:54,583 Yeah, could it be the stairs? 436 00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,403 Or, you know, maybe you're just dizzy by the cleanliness. 437 00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:57,954 - So, let's get you out of here. - What? 438 00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:01,155 No sense in lingering around. You checked the carbon monoxide and that, 439 00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:03,577 that's all you got to do there— okay, let's see. 440 00:17:03,585 --> 00:17:08,524 Uh, I think we covered everything. I mean, uh, doorknob? That works. 441 00:17:08,547 --> 00:17:10,313 Showed you all the packaged produce. 442 00:17:10,327 --> 00:17:13,077 - Hey, did you meet our bartender? - All right, all right. 443 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,833 We're not paying for contaminated steaks! 444 00:17:14,849 --> 00:17:16,732 Your entire truck is filled with chickens! 445 00:17:16,747 --> 00:17:18,677 You want me to return 4,000 steaks? 446 00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:21,153 - This restaurant is insane. - "Restaurant"? 447 00:17:21,171 --> 00:17:22,973 Uh, well, yeah, if you count a bowl of peanuts, you know? 448 00:17:22,989 --> 00:17:25,051 We get the drunks in here, they get all ornery and confused. 449 00:17:25,059 --> 00:17:27,378 What are you gonna do? It comes with the territory. Well, I'd love to spend 450 00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:29,799 - a little bit more time in here... - Ah, that's about it, Mr. Kelly. 451 00:17:29,807 --> 00:17:30,778 - That's it? - Yeah. 452 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,430 - Oh... - Hey! 453 00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,457 Yes? Are you talking to me? 454 00:17:38,506 --> 00:17:41,662 - Yeah. - What is it? 455 00:17:45,746 --> 00:17:48,342 All right, all right, all right. 456 00:17:49,982 --> 00:17:54,341 - Yes. Okay. - You know, all right, all right, all right. Kind of says it all. 457 00:17:54,356 --> 00:17:56,419 So, here we go. Uh, last thing, Sandy. 458 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,997 Is this concrete regulation? You know, I know there's some cracks and... 459 00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:01,098 It looks fine. 460 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,641 But I'll tell you what's not fine, Mr. Kelly, and that's the Dumpster. 461 00:18:04,665 --> 00:18:08,951 The regulation is exactly six feet and you were at five and a half. 462 00:18:08,966 --> 00:18:10,614 Oh, that goddamn bitch! 463 00:18:10,639 --> 00:18:13,087 I know Allen would let this slide, 464 00:18:13,112 --> 00:18:16,042 but I'm not Allen. I'll have to dock you for that. 465 00:18:16,065 --> 00:18:19,122 Okay, well, I understand, and I assure you that those responsible, 466 00:18:19,138 --> 00:18:20,177 they'll be dealt with. 467 00:18:20,192 --> 00:18:23,708 However, you do have an amazingly clean bar and 468 00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:28,482 therefore I'm giving Paddy's Pub the highest possible grade. 469 00:18:28,497 --> 00:18:30,624 Congratulations. Oh, my... 470 00:18:30,649 --> 00:18:33,118 You got me with the whole Dumpster thing! 471 00:18:33,143 --> 00:18:35,983 - Oh, man, that's really, really exciting stuff! - Oh, well... 472 00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:38,179 - It's just really fantastic. - That was nice. 473 00:18:38,194 --> 00:18:40,600 - Have a wonderful day. - Okay. 474 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,062 Okay. 475 00:18:46,531 --> 00:18:48,703 Guys, we got the highest grade! 476 00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:50,561 I didn't think we were gonna do it because of the Dumpster, 477 00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:52,133 but, man, she got us the highest grade! 478 00:18:52,158 --> 00:18:53,830 - The highest grade of...? - The health inspection! 479 00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:55,488 We passed the health inspection! 480 00:18:56,279 --> 00:18:59,265 - Boo! - Oh, yeah, we don't, we don't give a shit about that. 481 00:18:59,281 --> 00:19:01,485 - Yeah, we were excited about the airline miles thing. - Yeah! 482 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,449 Well, yeah, that's cool, too, 483 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,760 but the health inspection was the whole thing, man! 484 00:19:03,783 --> 00:19:05,680 I pulled it off! It was like, "Here goes there!" 485 00:19:05,705 --> 00:19:07,191 - I did the whole thing. - Uh, Charlie, come on. 486 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,181 We always pass, okay? We never have a hard time passing. 487 00:19:10,204 --> 00:19:11,686 It's not a big deal. Nobody gives a shit. 488 00:19:11,701 --> 00:19:13,300 You didn't do anything that special. 489 00:19:16,652 --> 00:19:19,863 - That's how you make a joke stool right there! That's... - Ow, Charlie! 490 00:19:19,878 --> 00:19:21,416 - Did you do that? - Yeah, you know what? 491 00:19:21,439 --> 00:19:22,377 - I think I did. - You did it? 492 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,478 - Oh, that's so funny! - Are you kidding me? 493 00:19:24,501 --> 00:19:27,025 - I thought I saw you! - Are you kid...? Unbelievable. 494 00:19:29,192 --> 00:19:39,192 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther