1 00:00:01,437 --> 00:00:02,917 My apartment is not a spa. 2 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,655 Dennis and I are gonna take a soak. 3 00:00:05,668 --> 00:00:08,088 You and Dennis are going to bathe together? 4 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:09,723 It's that Turkish bath thing. 5 00:00:09,735 --> 00:00:11,472 - What are you worried about? - I'm not worried about anything, 6 00:00:11,485 --> 00:00:13,757 but my apartment is not a Turkish bath, okay? 7 00:00:13,770 --> 00:00:16,573 Well, Dee, you know, this is Dennis's apartment now, too. 8 00:00:16,579 --> 00:00:18,993 No. No, goddamn it, it's not, all right? 9 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,827 Mac and Dennis do not live here. 10 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,220 Just... So sick of you guys doing your stupid shit in my place. 11 00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:28,272 What the hell is this? 12 00:00:28,284 --> 00:00:29,907 One more! Wah! 13 00:00:29,911 --> 00:00:31,311 Stop! 14 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:32,337 - Hey! - Oh! 15 00:00:32,357 --> 00:00:34,886 - Good set, boys! - What are you doing? 16 00:00:34,898 --> 00:00:37,509 Oh, Dee, this is Jojo, Tiny, Charlie you know. 17 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:38,476 I don't care. 18 00:00:38,482 --> 00:00:40,642 Together, we are Ass Kickers United. 19 00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:42,055 Oh, you guys, come on, please, 20 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,240 I don't want you doing your weird routines in here! 21 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:47,451 It's not a routine, Dee, and there is nothing weird about this, okay? 22 00:00:47,470 --> 00:00:50,043 Ass Kickers United is a way of life, 23 00:00:50,068 --> 00:00:52,602 based on the life improvement teachings of the Master. 24 00:00:52,614 --> 00:00:54,208 What kind of cult shit is that? 25 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,855 No, no, it's not a cult, Frank. 26 00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:58,762 The Master is the only human to ever achieve enlightenment 27 00:00:58,787 --> 00:01:00,527 through the way of the warrior. 28 00:01:00,539 --> 00:01:01,720 Stop, two, three. 29 00:01:01,726 --> 00:01:04,067 One, two, three, four. Stop. 30 00:01:16,175 --> 00:01:26,175 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync f 31 00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:30,375 Come on! Goddamn it! 32 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,609 Frank, I can't get this Fight Milk out of the goddamn couch! 33 00:01:34,115 --> 00:01:35,582 Oh! Shit! 34 00:01:35,589 --> 00:01:37,375 It burned a hole in the cushion! 35 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,648 That's probably the crotein. Don't get that on your skin! 36 00:01:40,661 --> 00:01:44,146 Oh! Frank, Frank, sorry I'm late, man, but, uh, good news. 37 00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:45,759 I brought checkers. Oh, what's up, Dee? 38 00:01:45,771 --> 00:01:48,304 I got dominoes, and what the hell is going on? 39 00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:49,664 Your place looks like shit. What happened? 40 00:01:49,689 --> 00:01:52,202 Yeah, yeah, it does. I'll tell you what happened. Mac and his goddamn 41 00:01:52,227 --> 00:01:55,327 Ass Blasters Incorporated were in here jerking around all day. 42 00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:58,834 Mac, Charlie and a bunch of goons started a queer club. 43 00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:00,706 - Hmm. - They got a newsletter. 44 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:02,687 Oh, shit. 45 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,360 Ass Kickers United. Oh, my God. 46 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:08,294 - What? - Dee, Mac didn't start this club. 47 00:02:08,313 --> 00:02:09,960 - I did. - What are you talking about? 48 00:02:09,966 --> 00:02:13,318 Yeah. I, uh... I just made this shit up about Ass Kickers United 49 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:15,605 to get Mac to stop eating my Thin Mints. 50 00:02:15,611 --> 00:02:16,431 Huh? 51 00:02:16,445 --> 00:02:18,518 You know how Mac is all irritating and shit? 52 00:02:18,531 --> 00:02:19,785 - Of course. - The worst! 53 00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,478 Right, well, he was doing all this irritating shit, 54 00:02:21,503 --> 00:02:22,605 and he was driving me crazy. 55 00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:24,598 Worst of all, he was eating all my Thin Mint cookies, 56 00:02:24,623 --> 00:02:27,574 and, so, you know, playing on Mac's physical insecurities, 57 00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:29,132 I decided I would get in his head a little bit, 58 00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:31,136 so I created this Master character, all right? 59 00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:33,205 I typed up this newsletter, which was, 60 00:02:33,212 --> 00:02:36,624 you know, mostly about fitness and, like, just kicking ass at life in general, 61 00:02:36,637 --> 00:02:38,167 - just kind of speaking Mac's language. - Mm. 62 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:41,533 But mostly, I was speaking of the dangers of consuming too many Thin Mint cookies. 63 00:02:41,546 --> 00:02:43,004 And I'll tell you, man, it worked like a charm, 64 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,909 'cause he stopped eating Thin Mints almost immediately. 65 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,856 - That is extremely impressive. - Oh. 66 00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:50,063 Dennis, I missed most of that last part. 67 00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:51,150 Run it by me again. 68 00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:53,342 Frank, I just spoke for five straight minutes. I'm not doing it again. 69 00:02:53,349 --> 00:02:55,672 - Dennis started a cult. - No, I didn't start a cult. 70 00:02:55,679 --> 00:02:58,252 Yeah, sure sounds like a cult. Hey, I got a great idea. 71 00:02:58,258 --> 00:03:00,210 Why don't you type up another newsletter 72 00:03:00,235 --> 00:03:03,865 and tell Mac and his dum-dum friends to go and fix up your apartment, right? 73 00:03:03,877 --> 00:03:05,684 That way, you guys can get the hell out of my place. 74 00:03:05,697 --> 00:03:07,437 Or maybe get some broads involved. 75 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,159 Cults are great for attracting New Age tail. 76 00:03:10,165 --> 00:03:12,667 No, guys, you can't go straight to fixing apartments and getting young, 77 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,185 New Age tail. You can't do that. That takes years of brainwashing. 78 00:03:15,198 --> 00:03:17,638 But here's the problem. If you don't do that and write the newsletter 79 00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:19,831 and fix up the apartment, then I'm just gonna rat you out. 80 00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:20,709 No. Come on, Dee. 81 00:03:20,715 --> 00:03:23,001 I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to. You know why? 'Cause I'm up to here. 82 00:03:23,014 --> 00:03:24,433 All right, I've had a very bad day, all right? 83 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,967 - I'm at the end of my rope, if I'm being honest. - Okay, okay, Dee, calm down. 84 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:29,318 All right, look, I'll test the waters a little bit, okay, 85 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,990 see if we can get 'em there slowly. 86 00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,403 Maybe you can get 'em to eat a shit sandwich. 87 00:03:33,416 --> 00:03:34,756 That would be fun. 88 00:03:34,762 --> 00:03:36,716 Why the hell would I...? What? No, this isn't about fun. 89 00:03:36,728 --> 00:03:39,595 This is about... it's about Thin Mints, goddamn it! Right? 90 00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:42,401 And the reason I'm so good at this is because I take it seriously. 91 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:44,998 Now, just watch and learn. 92 00:03:48,935 --> 00:03:50,315 Listen up! 93 00:03:50,321 --> 00:03:52,101 According to the Master, guys, 94 00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:53,614 we're not getting enough vitamin D, 95 00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:56,826 so these stickers harness the power of the sun 96 00:03:56,851 --> 00:04:00,231 and deliver it directly to our bodies, okay? 97 00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:02,938 And, apparently, guys, there's another exercise. 98 00:04:02,957 --> 00:04:04,530 - Yes, sensei! - Yeah! 99 00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:08,716 All right, now, they're called hammer jerks, and it's sort of like a... 100 00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:11,233 - hammer, then you bend. - Mm-hmm. 101 00:04:11,246 --> 00:04:14,005 - Then you snap, then you jerk. - Ow. 102 00:04:14,011 --> 00:04:15,364 - Then a hammer. - Hammer. 103 00:04:15,377 --> 00:04:17,295 - Ow! Bend. - Bend, snap. 104 00:04:17,314 --> 00:04:18,454 - Damn it. - Jerk. 105 00:04:18,474 --> 00:04:22,601 - Oh, yeah. - Hammer, bend, snap, jerk. 106 00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:23,687 Hammer... 107 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,047 I can't believe they went for the sticker thing. 108 00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:27,100 Thank you. Thank you. 109 00:04:27,113 --> 00:04:29,267 Okay, so, time to dial it up a notch. 110 00:04:29,273 --> 00:04:30,932 Let's put 'em to work and get 'em to your apartment. 111 00:04:30,945 --> 00:04:32,276 Yeah, we can't just dive into that shit. 112 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:34,415 We talked about this. It's a slow burn. 113 00:04:34,434 --> 00:04:36,229 They're wearing sticks on their heads. They're there. 114 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:39,371 Look, look, look, stop. You guys are going crazy. 115 00:04:39,377 --> 00:04:42,993 You're gonna blow the Thin Mint thing. Will you just trust me? I got this. 116 00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:46,540 I am the Master. I'm gonna get you what you want. 117 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,664 You just got to let me do my thing. 118 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,220 - That-that-that sounds good. - Mm, yeah, okay. 119 00:04:51,227 --> 00:04:52,947 - You gonna goddamn blow this for me? - No. 120 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,404 - You gonna blow the Thin Mint thing? - No. 121 00:05:00,651 --> 00:05:02,524 "The Master sayeth." 122 00:05:02,543 --> 00:05:03,290 Mm-hmm. 123 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:08,975 "Kicking ass in life is all about drywall." 124 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:10,090 And pussy. Put "pussy." 125 00:05:10,103 --> 00:05:13,557 Goddamn, Frank, don't say "pussy." It's disgusting. I'm not putting it. 126 00:05:13,582 --> 00:05:20,082 - Hmm. - "To be a total badass, you must learn carpentry." 127 00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:20,815 Hmm. 128 00:05:20,828 --> 00:05:25,163 "Fixing apartments is what you must do." 129 00:05:25,176 --> 00:05:27,210 And buy Wolf Cola. 130 00:05:27,230 --> 00:05:29,594 - Let's make some coin. - Okay. 131 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:35,484 "And buy Wolf Cola, the only cola for true refreshment." 132 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,690 - That's good. - "Splash into the beast." 133 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,203 - Mm-hmm, that's great. - I know it is. 134 00:05:39,209 --> 00:05:41,269 Cool it with the jerky, will you? You're driving me nuts. 135 00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:42,857 Now, put-put "bring pussy." 136 00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:44,771 - Goddamn it. All right. Fine. Hey, listen. - Just put it in. 137 00:05:44,796 --> 00:05:46,150 This is what I'll do. 138 00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:50,090 "Ladies are now mandatory. 139 00:05:50,639 --> 00:05:56,053 "Each of you dick bags must recruit at least one woman." 140 00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:58,919 - Should we put anything else? - Make 'em eat a shit sandwich. 141 00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:00,231 What is it with you and the shit sandwich? 142 00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:02,836 Do you really want to see somebody take a roll and stick doody in it, 143 00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:04,528 and then they put it in their mouth? 144 00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:06,481 - God, you are so gross. - Eh... 145 00:06:08,337 --> 00:06:10,177 Okay, so, how much for the Wolf Colas? 146 00:06:10,197 --> 00:06:11,497 - Five bucks a piece. - Okay, great. 147 00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:13,570 - Ma, how many you want? - I'll take three. 148 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,115 Okay. And Mrs. Mac? 149 00:06:15,997 --> 00:06:17,170 She'll have one. 150 00:06:17,189 --> 00:06:20,609 - Huh? - One. Any more caffeine than that, and she will not stop talking. 151 00:06:20,622 --> 00:06:23,063 Really? Oh, kind of want to see that. 152 00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:25,782 - Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah. What's up? 153 00:06:25,788 --> 00:06:29,108 Um, does all this seem kind of strange to you? 154 00:06:29,128 --> 00:06:31,712 Huh? Uh, oh, you mean the Wolf Cola thing? 155 00:06:31,718 --> 00:06:35,690 Yeah. I was wondering. Like, how does the Master know about Wolf Cola? 156 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,492 Oh, he's an aficionado of all beverages. 157 00:06:37,504 --> 00:06:38,940 He's gonna know the finest of colas. 158 00:06:38,946 --> 00:06:41,800 Oh, oh, you mean the carpentry thing. Yeah. 159 00:06:41,812 --> 00:06:45,572 No. Throughout history, uh, Ass Kickers have always known carpentry. 160 00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:47,838 - Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford. - Right, okay. 161 00:06:47,857 --> 00:06:49,990 - What are you talking about? - The women. 162 00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:53,235 - Oh. - The women, dude. This is supposed to be a men's club, you know? 163 00:06:53,248 --> 00:06:56,248 - Who wants that around? - Oh. Uh... 164 00:06:56,261 --> 00:06:57,971 I don't know. I'm kind of cool with it. 165 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:01,124 Also, I don't ever remember anything in the newsletters about no women. 166 00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:04,338 It could not have been more No women, no gays. 167 00:07:04,873 --> 00:07:07,726 I don't ever remember you reading anything about that. 168 00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:08,986 It was implied, okay? 169 00:07:08,999 --> 00:07:13,989 Look, in these kind of texts, you need to be able to in-infer what's be... 170 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:17,042 Look, I'll explain it to you later. I think I'm just gonna... 171 00:07:17,056 --> 00:07:18,335 I needed some time off. 172 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,709 Whoa. Hey, man, you can't take a day off from kicking ass, okay? 173 00:07:21,721 --> 00:07:24,269 Look, an Ass Kicker must be present every day. 174 00:07:24,276 --> 00:07:27,436 An Ass Kicker must do the exercises. An Ass Kicker must avoid Thin Mints. 175 00:07:27,442 --> 00:07:29,869 I know the rules, okay? I don't need to... 176 00:07:29,888 --> 00:07:31,688 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. 177 00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,187 - I'm just gonna go. - You're just gonna go? 178 00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:34,497 I mean... 179 00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:36,320 I mean... 180 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,874 Okay, I'm taking the men with me, and Frank's got the women. 181 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,301 Oh, cool. Are you an Ass Kicker now? 182 00:07:41,307 --> 00:07:42,161 I'm an Ass Kicker now. 183 00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:43,550 Sweet. All right. Who signed you up? 184 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,397 - The dumb one. - Oh, Tiny? 185 00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:48,115 No, no, no. The one eating paint chips off the wall. 186 00:07:48,686 --> 00:07:49,778 These taste like paint. 187 00:07:49,792 --> 00:07:51,726 Uh, yeah, those are paint chips there, pal. 188 00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:52,712 - These are? - Yeah. 189 00:07:52,718 --> 00:07:54,927 - Oh, they're delicious. - Yeah, that's the good paint. 190 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,991 - Let's go. - All right, let's go. 191 00:07:56,997 --> 00:07:59,364 Hey, we're gonna, uh, go swing some hammers. 192 00:08:04,287 --> 00:08:06,654 Oh, you guys, it's so great that you do construction. 193 00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:10,453 I mean, this is just gonna be easy— just slap a couple coats of paint around, 194 00:08:10,478 --> 00:08:13,098 maybe a couple of new doors. You're gonna be in and out in a few hours. 195 00:08:13,111 --> 00:08:14,198 Yeah. 196 00:08:14,691 --> 00:08:15,857 Oh! 197 00:08:15,864 --> 00:08:17,903 Wow! Shit. 198 00:08:17,916 --> 00:08:20,189 No wall! That's... 199 00:08:20,214 --> 00:08:21,154 pretty awesome. 200 00:08:21,174 --> 00:08:23,099 - Okay, boys, let's get to work. - Yeah. 201 00:08:23,112 --> 00:08:25,039 Look, I do construction for a living. 202 00:08:25,052 --> 00:08:27,829 I mean, I thought Ass Kickers was just some sort of fun workout club— 203 00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:30,115 - you know, like... CrossFit. - CrossFit. 204 00:08:30,128 --> 00:08:33,021 Hey, man, you don't want to take this seriously? 205 00:08:33,027 --> 00:08:33,895 Hey, that's fine. 206 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,607 Why don't you give me those stickers back, then? 207 00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:38,671 Uh, no, I'm coming down with a cold and I need mine. 208 00:08:38,678 --> 00:08:40,218 Did you do, like, your deer antler spray? 209 00:08:40,224 --> 00:08:43,770 - Some. But I'm running lower. - Have some of mine. Here. 210 00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,903 All right, you know what, I overreacted, boys. 211 00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:48,723 I overreacted. I snapped at you, and the Master wouldn't like that. 212 00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:49,696 And I'm sorry. 213 00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:51,495 I think maybe this is my mission 214 00:08:51,514 --> 00:08:53,859 and my calling, so why don't you guys find some other mission 215 00:08:53,884 --> 00:08:55,897 and I'll handle this one, okay? 216 00:08:55,916 --> 00:08:57,549 - Thanks, Charlie. - All right, cool. 217 00:08:57,574 --> 00:08:59,427 - Good luck. - Thank you. 218 00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:00,333 Goddamn it, Charlie. 219 00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:03,219 It's fine. You know, the guys have been working their asses off. I got this. Look. 220 00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:05,414 Dee, the Master says fix it... 221 00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:07,986 I'm gonna fix it. 222 00:09:11,678 --> 00:09:12,985 Frank, is that you? 223 00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:14,651 Missed you in there, pal. 224 00:09:14,657 --> 00:09:17,589 Still pretty steamy, though, if you want to hop in and... 225 00:09:18,781 --> 00:09:21,863 - What the hell's this? - Just watching a little TV. 226 00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:22,863 Are those Thin Mints? 227 00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:24,926 Oh, yeah, big-time, dude. I love these things. 228 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:28,280 I notice, uh... you're looking a little out of shape there, bud. 229 00:09:28,871 --> 00:09:29,931 - I am? - Yeah. 230 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,827 Yeah, and it's a shame, too, because you've been looking so great lately. 231 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,527 - So sexy. - I was? 232 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,883 Yeah, so to see this is just disappointing. 233 00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:39,461 To me, but, you know... 234 00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:40,368 This disappoints you? 235 00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:42,321 Yeah. What-what are you doing? 236 00:09:42,328 --> 00:09:44,030 You taking a day off or something, is that okay? 237 00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:45,616 I'm sure the Master allows for that, though, right? 238 00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:47,157 Well, I'm not really sure about that. 239 00:09:47,162 --> 00:09:48,381 Oh, you're not sure, yeah. 240 00:09:48,394 --> 00:09:50,957 Did the Master not make that crystal goddamn clear? 241 00:09:50,977 --> 00:09:52,699 In all those newsletters? Was that not clear? 242 00:09:52,705 --> 00:09:55,550 - I didn't... I didn't read into it like that. - Wow, wow. 243 00:09:55,563 --> 00:09:57,132 I mean, I haven't read the things, but I've just... 244 00:09:57,145 --> 00:09:59,014 you guys have been telling me and... 245 00:09:59,027 --> 00:10:01,407 Thin Mints, from what I understand, that was a whole thing. 246 00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:02,587 I think that was, like, rule number... 247 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,804 - Oh, shit. - I... yeah. 248 00:10:04,817 --> 00:10:07,972 I-I... I may have... I messed up a little bit. 249 00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:09,728 I hope he doesn't notice 250 00:10:09,753 --> 00:10:13,380 the fat that I'm noticing sort of accumulated all over. 251 00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:15,363 But hey, maybe he won't notice. I noticed, but maybe he won't. 252 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,868 - Y-You don't think he would, or... - No, I think he will. 253 00:10:17,887 --> 00:10:19,822 Uh, do you mind if I use the computer? 254 00:10:20,258 --> 00:10:23,154 I'm just gonna grab this and take it over here for a little bit, okay? 255 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,427 Mmm. 256 00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:30,898 and snap it back! 257 00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:34,137 Bend and snap. 258 00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:35,935 How's that neck, Cindy? Everything good? 259 00:10:35,955 --> 00:10:37,313 How are the muscles? You feeling okay? 260 00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:39,222 You may want to soak 'em a little bit. 261 00:10:39,235 --> 00:10:41,208 - Actually, I feel great. - Oh, you feel great. 262 00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:44,015 Frank, I'm in tremendous pain. 263 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:46,566 I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to her. 264 00:10:46,591 --> 00:10:47,958 I can't breathe. 265 00:10:47,971 --> 00:10:51,297 Oh, she needs a cigarette break. Could we stop, please? 266 00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:55,002 I don't care what she needs. I'm not talking to you. 267 00:10:55,015 --> 00:10:57,649 Do whatever you want. I'm trying to hurt her. 268 00:10:57,655 --> 00:10:58,915 What? 269 00:10:58,928 --> 00:11:03,796 Uh, well, it's... it... you have to tear the fascial tissues 270 00:11:03,808 --> 00:11:06,903 in order to tone the muscles properly. 271 00:11:06,909 --> 00:11:09,196 - According to the Master. - Oh. Okay. 272 00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:11,589 So you bend and you snap. 273 00:11:11,602 --> 00:11:12,935 But snap your head back. 274 00:11:12,948 --> 00:11:14,715 Bend... you see it? 275 00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,042 - Frank... - And snap! 276 00:11:16,062 --> 00:11:17,460 Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank. We need to talk. 277 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,136 Uh, yo, Cindy, you keep working. Go ahead. 278 00:11:20,149 --> 00:11:23,001 - Yeah, okay, you got it. - Hey, listen. 279 00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:24,814 We gotta make a bit of an adjustment. 280 00:11:24,827 --> 00:11:26,967 Tiny and Jojo, they don't want to do the construction, 281 00:11:26,992 --> 00:11:30,332 so I was looking into what cults do to force people into labor 282 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:34,197 when the mind tricks don't work, and one of them was a personality test, right? 283 00:11:34,204 --> 00:11:37,720 You basically just get a bunch of dirt on people and you hold it over their heads. 284 00:11:38,228 --> 00:11:39,742 So, blackmail. 285 00:11:39,761 --> 00:11:40,718 Yeah. 286 00:11:45,152 --> 00:11:48,307 So this is a basic personality test. It's really simple. 287 00:11:48,313 --> 00:11:53,023 It just measures the amount of guilt stressors that you're feeling. 288 00:11:53,036 --> 00:11:56,114 You know, I took it, and I just... it's changed my life. 289 00:11:56,927 --> 00:11:58,992 Yeah, Dee, what... what are guilt stressors? 290 00:11:59,012 --> 00:12:00,627 Oh, great question, great question. 291 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,903 Apparently, secrets and lies lead to guilt stressors 292 00:12:03,928 --> 00:12:05,915 and that's not good, you guys. You know why? 293 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,739 It impedes muscle development. 294 00:12:07,752 --> 00:12:09,476 - I have read that. - Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah. 295 00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:11,661 - Well, it's science. Yeah, it's just basic science. - Oh, shit. Yeah. 296 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:12,694 It does sound like good science. 297 00:12:12,707 --> 00:12:16,174 So you guys just hang on to that machine and talk about all your regrets. 298 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,120 And what are regrets, again? 299 00:12:20,255 --> 00:12:22,748 Y-You just talk about things you feel really guilty about. 300 00:12:22,754 --> 00:12:24,975 - Oh. - Oh, okay. Uh, okay. 301 00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:26,117 - Do you want to... - Yeah, I'll go. 302 00:12:26,142 --> 00:12:28,217 - Uh, Dee, where do my feet go? - Oh, it doesn't matter. 303 00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:29,993 Okay, uh... 304 00:12:30,673 --> 00:12:32,793 I ate a baby toad once. 305 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,669 I'm not proud of it. Uh, just kind of happened. 306 00:12:35,694 --> 00:12:38,774 It pains me to think about how scared and confused it was and wondering, 307 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,692 "Why am I not home, and why am I in some sort of acid pond..." 308 00:12:41,705 --> 00:12:42,912 - Okay. - "... that's burning my skin?" 309 00:12:42,919 --> 00:12:44,866 And what if it was looking for its mother? It was just a baby. 310 00:12:44,885 --> 00:12:46,206 Oh, yeah, I got an idea. 311 00:12:46,217 --> 00:12:48,798 - How about we let one of these guys, uh, give it a shot. - Are you sure? 312 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,815 - 'Cause I don't really feel better, but all right. - Oh, I'll go. Yeah. 313 00:12:50,828 --> 00:12:52,215 - Where do my feet go, Dee? - Dee, his feet? 314 00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:54,333 It doesn't make a goddamn difference. 315 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:57,356 - Okay. I ate a toad, too. - Oh, God. 316 00:12:57,369 --> 00:12:58,337 - Really? - I did. 317 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,462 - Am I good, am I good? Okay. - Yeah, yeah. Do it again. 318 00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,183 Go ahead. 319 00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:03,281 Oh, I feel the burn. 320 00:13:03,287 --> 00:13:05,820 Yeah, how's-how's the neck feeling? How's the neck? 321 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:09,200 You know, it's not bad. It's actually a little tight. 322 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,307 It's a little tight. 323 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,927 Well, how about if we hop in the healing pool... 324 00:13:12,947 --> 00:13:14,880 - Okay. - ... and I'll give you some touch therapy, 325 00:13:14,905 --> 00:13:17,378 so you don't seem too weak for the Master. 326 00:13:17,385 --> 00:13:18,299 - Yeah. - Yeah. 327 00:13:18,305 --> 00:13:20,992 - I don't suppose that could hurt. - No, that won't hurt. 328 00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:25,180 Oh, shit. 329 00:13:25,186 --> 00:13:27,113 Oh, hi. 330 00:13:27,132 --> 00:13:29,146 The water's wonderful. 331 00:13:29,165 --> 00:13:30,132 When did you get in here? 332 00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:32,600 Oh, you don't mind that we came in first, do you? 333 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,253 There's plenty of room. 334 00:13:34,266 --> 00:13:35,940 No, how long are you gonna be? 335 00:13:35,951 --> 00:13:37,791 - Well... - Oh, man... 336 00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:41,420 She thinks she has a tear in her uterine wall, 337 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,378 so it might be a while. 338 00:13:43,403 --> 00:13:45,591 All right. Let's-let's go... 339 00:13:47,603 --> 00:13:49,843 I'm gonna go do a few more sets of KettlePops while, uh, 340 00:13:49,849 --> 00:13:51,462 - running the block a few times. - Yeah, nice. 341 00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:53,189 - Don't want to disappoint the Master. - Mm-hmm. 342 00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:55,854 - You want to come? - Go, you go get yourself good and banged up. 343 00:13:55,859 --> 00:13:57,572 - Okay. - Oh, yeah... 344 00:13:58,399 --> 00:14:00,739 Guys, guys, guys, there's been a mistake, a terrible mistake. 345 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,959 I got a new newsletter from the Master. 346 00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,245 There's gonna be no more women, 347 00:14:04,258 --> 00:14:07,671 no more Wolf Cola and no more carpentry in Ass Kickers United. 348 00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:09,872 This has all been a test designed by the Master 349 00:14:09,897 --> 00:14:12,084 to figure out who the true believers are. 350 00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:15,356 I passed, you failed and that's why I'm going to level two. 351 00:14:16,932 --> 00:14:21,012 Oh, also, uh, Dennis will be level two as well, but he'll be directly under me. 352 00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:22,725 Wh-What? Where'd you get that from? 353 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,085 - Uh, it was implied in the newsletter. - No. 354 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:26,690 Well, how is Dennis in level two? 355 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,203 Or an Ass Kicker, for that matter? 356 00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:29,389 Oh, he bought in. 357 00:14:29,414 --> 00:14:31,881 - He... bought in? - Come on, Ass Kickers, let's get out of here 358 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,100 before we're tainted by these disgusting women. 359 00:14:34,112 --> 00:14:35,725 - All right. Crazy. - Cool! 360 00:14:35,732 --> 00:14:37,275 Failed that test. 361 00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:40,652 Go kick some ass, huh? Go kick some ass! 362 00:14:43,453 --> 00:14:45,673 Thought you could outmaster the Master, idiots? 363 00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:47,469 So you swayed 'em back. Uh, whatever. 364 00:14:47,475 --> 00:14:49,866 - We can do that, too. - Dee, you think this is easy? 365 00:14:49,886 --> 00:14:53,699 You need years of practice to even sniff my talent for manipulation. 366 00:14:53,712 --> 00:14:57,178 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cult that needs a charismatic leader. 367 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,004 Yeah. 368 00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:05,048 Goddamn it, Frank. Goddamn it! No. 369 00:15:05,054 --> 00:15:07,141 No, we cannot let him get away with this. 370 00:15:07,153 --> 00:15:10,327 No, this is about something different now, something much more important. 371 00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:11,421 Shit sandwich? 372 00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:13,046 What? Why? What is that? 373 00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:14,306 No. God. 374 00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:16,213 No, this is about control now. 375 00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:19,340 This is about control and it's about beating Dennis. 376 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:22,117 I know exactly what we need to do. 377 00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:35,077 Deandra, we're all set. 378 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:35,949 - Yeah? - Yeah. 379 00:15:35,962 --> 00:15:37,262 - He's out? - He's lit. 380 00:15:37,275 --> 00:15:40,729 I have so much alcohol, and I gave him three bottles of Fight Milk. 381 00:15:40,749 --> 00:15:42,385 Whoa. That's a lot. 382 00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:44,183 Okay, you ready? Got your cards? 383 00:15:44,196 --> 00:15:46,559 - Okay. - Okay. Here we go. 384 00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:50,157 Charlie. 385 00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:52,361 Charlie. 386 00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:53,454 Say it louder. 387 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,781 - Charlie, wake up! - Huh? 388 00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,499 What's... what's... 389 00:15:58,651 --> 00:15:59,831 What's happening? 390 00:15:59,837 --> 00:16:01,780 It is I... 391 00:16:02,502 --> 00:16:04,455 the Master! 392 00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:07,656 - Am I dreaming? - You're having a vision. 393 00:16:07,665 --> 00:16:09,608 - Am I peeing? - Uh... 394 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,140 Is he peeing? 395 00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:12,518 Just read the card. 396 00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:17,020 You and the other Ass Kickers must con... 397 00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:19,245 con... 398 00:16:19,258 --> 00:16:21,018 - What's that word? - Congregate. 399 00:16:21,031 --> 00:16:22,091 Congregate? What does that mean? 400 00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,864 It doesn't matter. Just say it. 401 00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:25,592 Congregate. 402 00:16:25,598 --> 00:16:28,511 - What does that mean? - Oh, God. You know what? Just... 403 00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:29,878 Hey, Charlie, hey. 404 00:16:29,898 --> 00:16:33,511 Get all the Ass Kickers together and meet at Mac and Dennis's apartment, okay? 405 00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:36,058 Lord Zolo is gonna get you on the mother ship. 406 00:16:36,065 --> 00:16:37,394 Lord Zolo? 407 00:16:37,408 --> 00:16:41,229 Charlie... you've graduated to the next level. Congratulations. 408 00:16:41,248 --> 00:16:44,930 And your reward is to get to know all the secrets of the universe. 409 00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:50,918 Yeah, there's just a few things you have to do. 410 00:16:50,924 --> 00:16:52,767 Okay. I'll do them. 411 00:16:53,953 --> 00:16:55,955 - I'm peeing. - Uh-oh. 412 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:57,370 Oh... 413 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,245 Okay, you guys, ready... 414 00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:04,986 Holy shit! 415 00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:06,838 Whoa! What the hell happened in here? 416 00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,930 Hey, do you like it? Yeah, well, before Master Rex 417 00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:10,462 said that we weren't supposed to do carpentry, 418 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:13,627 I talked to Tiny and Jojo and they got their construction crew in here. 419 00:17:13,646 --> 00:17:16,540 - There's a wall. - Oh, you're goddamn right there's a wall. 420 00:17:16,553 --> 00:17:18,440 I'm good. Dennis is gonna shit his pants. 421 00:17:18,459 --> 00:17:19,960 Yeah... why? What are you good at? 422 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:23,060 Good at my... I'm a good person, and you know what? 423 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,600 It's time to... to do the plan that the Master laid out, right? 424 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:30,569 I'm gonna take Tiny in the other room and make the pods ready. Come on, Tiny. 425 00:17:30,576 --> 00:17:32,025 - Oh, we got pods? - You're so lucky. 426 00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:33,345 - Yeah. - Of course we got pods. 427 00:17:33,358 --> 00:17:36,538 Lord Zolo's gonna take you guys on that mother ship with him, you need pods. 428 00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,025 Am I right, Master? 429 00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:40,669 - Do-Do I get a pod? - Okay, guys, guys, guys... 430 00:17:40,682 --> 00:17:43,431 We got a... wow. Holy shit. 431 00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:44,364 That's a wall. 432 00:17:44,384 --> 00:17:45,971 Yeah. This place looks great. 433 00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:47,726 You're goddamn right this place looks great. 434 00:17:47,739 --> 00:17:49,939 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty impressive stuff, Dee, but, 435 00:17:49,952 --> 00:17:51,739 uh... it doesn't seal the deal. 436 00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:53,148 Guys, I've got an announcement to make. 437 00:17:53,161 --> 00:17:54,281 Yeah, we've got some big news here. 438 00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:56,621 The Master texted me while we were on our way over here. 439 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,274 Oh, interesting. 440 00:17:58,287 --> 00:18:01,000 Uh, I wonder how it's possible that the Master could've texted you 441 00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:03,333 when he's been here with us the whole time. 442 00:18:03,353 --> 00:18:04,926 Rex is the Master? 443 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,223 - That makes so much sense. - Yep. Yes. 444 00:18:07,242 --> 00:18:09,893 - Oh, my... - Of course I know that Rex is the Master, 445 00:18:09,899 --> 00:18:13,606 and of course I would never question the word of someone so... wise. 446 00:18:13,618 --> 00:18:17,532 But I actually got a text from the Supreme Overlord Master. 447 00:18:17,539 --> 00:18:20,092 - And that's Rex's master. - Oh, shit. 448 00:18:20,104 --> 00:18:22,411 "Oh, shit," is right, you guys. That's the... he's the big guy. 449 00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:25,751 He sits right at the tippy-tippy-top, and he made it very, 450 00:18:25,776 --> 00:18:29,649 very clear to me that all of you are going to need to... 451 00:18:30,236 --> 00:18:31,689 commit suicide. 452 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:34,129 Tits! I knew it! The final circle. 453 00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:36,409 Yeah, okay, sure, but hang on a second. 454 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,576 - Can I please talk to you for just a quick second? - Sure, sure, sure. 455 00:18:38,582 --> 00:18:41,041 Now, why don't you guys get yourselves all lathered up in lighter fluid 456 00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:43,337 - and, uh, you're gonna get ready to light yourselves ablaze. - Thank you, thank you! 457 00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:45,365 - Thanks for trusting me. - Yeah, of course. 458 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:46,837 I did it. I won. 459 00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:49,401 I am the most charismatic leader. 460 00:18:49,902 --> 00:18:52,335 I got Tiny to eat a shit sandwich. 461 00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:54,447 - Ugh! - Oh! Goddamn it! 462 00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:57,843 - I got him to eat a poopy. - You idiot! 463 00:18:57,857 --> 00:19:00,346 I got these guys to think they were going to another dimension. 464 00:19:00,371 --> 00:19:02,264 - I'm the winner. - Are you kidding me? 465 00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:04,193 They were gonna light themselves on fire for me. 466 00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:05,257 - I'm the winner. - Oh... 467 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,013 Guys, guys, hang on a second. The winner of what? 468 00:19:08,026 --> 00:19:10,315 The... the Ass Kickers, okay? 469 00:19:10,328 --> 00:19:13,305 The winner of the Ass Kickers. It-it's mine, it's not theirs. 470 00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:17,092 - What? - It's mine, it's... the whole thing's made up, I made it up. 471 00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:19,366 Master Rex, is this true? 472 00:19:19,379 --> 00:19:21,953 - Oh, don't ask Rex. What...? - The fire is started. 473 00:19:21,972 --> 00:19:23,933 Thank you so much for trusting me with this. 474 00:19:23,946 --> 00:19:25,688 - This is good-bye! - No... goddamn it, no! 475 00:19:25,695 --> 00:19:27,042 - No, man, don't do it! - Oh! 476 00:19:28,373 --> 00:19:29,166 Run! 477 00:19:29,178 --> 00:19:30,824 Hey! We'll get you some help, okay? 478 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,278 - We'll call the fire department. - Yeah. 479 00:19:32,303 --> 00:19:33,306 - Oh, God. - Yeah. 480 00:19:33,331 --> 00:19:34,691 - And then we'll go to Dee's. - Yeah, right? 481 00:19:34,711 --> 00:19:36,893 - No, no, can't we go anywhere else? - No, Dee. 482 00:19:36,898 --> 00:19:39,085 What if the Supreme Overlord tries to contact us? 483 00:19:39,104 --> 00:19:41,563 - He has to know where we are. - Yeah, exact-exactly. 484 00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:43,389 All right, well, at least he's on the mother ship now. 485 00:19:43,409 --> 00:19:44,827 - Yeah. - Oh, my God! Unbelievable! 486 00:19:44,841 --> 00:19:46,788 Come on, let's go. 487 00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:49,157 - Good luck, Jojo! - Thank you! 488 00:20:03,044 --> 00:20:10,044 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync f