1 00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:05,110 Hey, Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! 2 00:00:05,112 --> 00:00:07,078 Do you want to take your feet off my bed, please? 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,580 It's not your bed, okay? It's my goddamn floor! 4 00:00:08,582 --> 00:00:10,381 And how many times do I have to ask you guys 5 00:00:10,383 --> 00:00:11,583 to please just pick up your shit 6 00:00:11,585 --> 00:00:12,817 when you wake up in the morning? 7 00:00:12,819 --> 00:00:15,420 You're turning this place into the Superdome. 8 00:00:15,422 --> 00:00:17,322 Superdome? That's, like, six years too late. 9 00:00:17,324 --> 00:00:18,923 That's a super lame reference. 10 00:00:18,925 --> 00:00:20,158 And it's kind of offensive. 11 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,326 You'll be happy to know, by the way, 12 00:00:21,328 --> 00:00:22,627 we are looking for a place right now. 13 00:00:22,629 --> 00:00:24,062 All right? What about this place, man? 14 00:00:24,064 --> 00:00:25,964 Ah, it looks a little bit junky. 15 00:00:25,966 --> 00:00:27,132 It kind of reminds me of here. 16 00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:28,266 Yeah, this place is a piece of shit. 17 00:00:28,268 --> 00:00:29,601 It's not junky, okay? 18 00:00:29,603 --> 00:00:31,603 You guys have destroyed everything, 19 00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:34,072 and that's why it looks junkier, like a couple of locusts. 20 00:00:34,074 --> 00:00:35,773 Oh, I take that as a compliment. 21 00:00:35,775 --> 00:00:37,475 It's not a compliment. Well, it's biblical, 22 00:00:37,477 --> 00:00:38,676 so it's a compliment. Yeah. 23 00:00:38,678 --> 00:00:40,478 (stammers) Why is everything so goddamn expensive? 24 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,313 I mean, I wish we hadn't burned down 25 00:00:42,315 --> 00:00:44,015 our rent-controlled apartment. (both laugh) 26 00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:45,016 Yeah, you think? 27 00:00:45,018 --> 00:00:47,318 Dee, I will slap you in the teeth. 28 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,586 You think this is easy? 29 00:00:48,588 --> 00:00:49,954 We-we have a list of demands here. 30 00:00:49,956 --> 00:00:51,089 We need two bedrooms. 31 00:00:51,091 --> 00:00:52,657 We-we need two bathrooms, minimum. 32 00:00:52,659 --> 00:00:54,092 You know what? Whatever. What's your plan? 33 00:00:54,094 --> 00:00:55,960 Where are you guys gonna find a place that fits 34 00:00:55,962 --> 00:00:58,062 all of your needs for under 1,500 bucks a month? 35 00:01:23,657 --> 00:01:24,856 Well, guys, 36 00:01:24,858 --> 00:01:25,990 this is it. 37 00:01:25,992 --> 00:01:28,293 Welcome to our beautiful new home. 38 00:01:28,295 --> 00:01:29,794 This is crazy. You guys should've just 39 00:01:29,796 --> 00:01:31,563 moved into that empty apartment in our building. 40 00:01:31,565 --> 00:01:33,698 The one where the family was murdered? 41 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:34,732 Brutally murdered. 42 00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:36,568 Pass. This place is awesome. 43 00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,970 You guys are gonna thrive out here, and I am not gonna have 44 00:01:38,972 --> 00:01:40,538 to worry about you hogging my shower anymore. 45 00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,040 And we don't have to worry about getting ringworm. 46 00:01:42,042 --> 00:01:43,041 You brought the ringworm. 47 00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:44,175 Yeah, and now your apartment 48 00:01:44,177 --> 00:01:45,710 is infested with it. Yeah. 49 00:01:45,712 --> 00:01:47,045 Don't worry, you'll be back to giving 50 00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:48,313 each other worms soon enough. 51 00:01:48,315 --> 00:01:49,581 These are city scum. 52 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:51,316 They can't hack it out here. 53 00:01:51,318 --> 00:01:52,383 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 54 00:01:52,385 --> 00:01:54,085 You want to bet? Absolutely. 55 00:01:54,087 --> 00:01:56,254 Okay, Frank. So if Mac and I 56 00:01:56,256 --> 00:01:57,755 can live here for a month, 57 00:01:57,757 --> 00:01:59,891 then you have to pay our rent for an entire year. 58 00:01:59,893 --> 00:02:02,160 Deal. And if you don't, 59 00:02:02,162 --> 00:02:05,163 you have to sleep in bed with an old man for a year. 60 00:02:05,165 --> 00:02:06,497 (laughing): Gross! What? 61 00:02:06,499 --> 00:02:07,865 Yeah. 62 00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:09,834 What the hell are you laughing about, Charlie? 63 00:02:09,836 --> 00:02:11,269 You already sleep with an old man, 64 00:02:11,271 --> 00:02:13,037 and for no reason other than you seem to enjoy it. 65 00:02:15,008 --> 00:02:16,407 Yeah. 66 00:02:16,409 --> 00:02:17,675 Okay, you know what, Frank? 67 00:02:17,677 --> 00:02:19,911 You got a bet. 68 00:02:22,182 --> 00:02:23,715 Won't last a month— Frank is insane! 69 00:02:23,717 --> 00:02:26,117 This place is paradise, man. 70 00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:27,452 We can really stretch out, you know? 71 00:02:27,454 --> 00:02:29,120 It-it's quiet, it's calm. 72 00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:31,189 It's not like the city where everything is so 73 00:02:31,191 --> 00:02:32,590 stressful, you know? 74 00:02:32,592 --> 00:02:33,858 I'm-I'm just... I feel at ease. 75 00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:36,294 When was the last time that we had a home-cooked meal? 76 00:02:36,296 --> 00:02:37,362 Oh, dude... (stammers) 77 00:02:37,364 --> 00:02:38,363 it's been forever. 78 00:02:38,365 --> 00:02:40,365 Well, my friend, dig in. 79 00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:41,933 Mmm. 80 00:02:41,935 --> 00:02:44,202 Oh, my God. 81 00:02:44,204 --> 00:02:46,971 Mac... 82 00:02:46,973 --> 00:02:48,740 this is incredible. 83 00:02:48,742 --> 00:02:50,475 You like it? Oh, my God. 84 00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:52,710 Oh, that is such a relief because I worked so hard on it. 85 00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:54,045 Yeah. 86 00:02:54,047 --> 00:02:56,414 I call it Mac's famous mac and cheese. 87 00:02:57,884 --> 00:02:59,317 Okay, well, I don't know how... 88 00:02:59,319 --> 00:03:01,219 I don't really know how famous it is. 89 00:03:01,221 --> 00:03:03,488 I mean, I'm your roommate, and I've never heard of it. 90 00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:05,990 So, what do you want to do after dinner? 91 00:03:05,992 --> 00:03:08,259 Uh... well, see, the TV's not hooked up, 92 00:03:08,261 --> 00:03:10,128 so can't watch TV. 93 00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:12,897 Um, there's not really any bars around here, so... 94 00:03:12,899 --> 00:03:14,165 Right. 95 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,266 You know what we should do? 96 00:03:15,268 --> 00:03:16,668 Hmm? 97 00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:18,102 Let's just get a good night's sleep. 98 00:03:18,104 --> 00:03:19,270 That's a good idea. Yeah. 99 00:03:19,272 --> 00:03:20,405 (faint chirp nearby) Yeah. 100 00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:21,739 What was that? 101 00:03:21,741 --> 00:03:23,474 What was what? (chirps again) 102 00:03:23,476 --> 00:03:26,144 You hear that, that chirping sound? 103 00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:28,346 I did not, no. 104 00:03:28,348 --> 00:03:30,615 Probably a smoke detector or something like that, huh? 105 00:03:30,617 --> 00:03:32,283 Right, yeah. No big deal. 106 00:03:32,285 --> 00:03:35,186 Hey, to a great night's sleep. 107 00:03:55,608 --> 00:03:57,342 Good morning. Mm. 108 00:03:57,344 --> 00:03:58,710 Hey, man, did you hear that...? 109 00:03:58,712 --> 00:04:00,011 Pool filter? 110 00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:02,046 Oh, my God. It was like a jet engine. 111 00:04:02,048 --> 00:04:04,682 I didn't get any sleep at all last night, you know? 112 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,384 One noise is so much louder 113 00:04:06,386 --> 00:04:08,286 than all the city noises combined, you know? 114 00:04:08,288 --> 00:04:09,654 You just, you fixate. Totally. 115 00:04:09,656 --> 00:04:11,222 I get that, but I-I was actually talking 116 00:04:11,224 --> 00:04:13,057 about that chirping sound— did you hear that? 117 00:04:13,059 --> 00:04:14,625 It was, like, happening all night. 118 00:04:14,627 --> 00:04:15,727 No, I didn't hear that. 119 00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:17,628 Oh, man, it was driving me nuts. 120 00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:19,197 Yeah. Anyway, want to roll? 121 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:21,466 I, uh, got us some music. I made this Creed mix. 122 00:04:21,468 --> 00:04:23,301 Oh, uh, Creed, huh? 123 00:04:23,303 --> 00:04:24,635 Yeah, it's a long commute, so... 124 00:04:24,637 --> 00:04:25,837 Yeah, I was thinking more, 125 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,839 like, Bryan Adams. Okay. 126 00:04:27,841 --> 00:04:29,507 But it-it is Tuesday. Yeah... 127 00:04:29,509 --> 00:04:31,175 Which is technically my music day. Right. 128 00:04:31,177 --> 00:04:33,044 Yeah, and that was cool and all when it only took us, 129 00:04:33,046 --> 00:04:34,846 like, ten minutes to get to work, but now we're looking 130 00:04:34,848 --> 00:04:36,180 at, like, an hour or so commute. 131 00:04:36,182 --> 00:04:37,582 I'm thinking maybe more my thing. 132 00:04:37,584 --> 00:04:39,250 But, hey, you know what? Here's an idea. 133 00:04:39,252 --> 00:04:41,185 Why don't you take a personal day? 134 00:04:41,187 --> 00:04:42,854 You know, I mean, we got a lot of property here. 135 00:04:42,856 --> 00:04:45,256 It might be nice to have someone here to look after it. 136 00:04:45,258 --> 00:04:46,924 Yeah. You know, maybe get that TV working. 137 00:04:46,926 --> 00:04:48,826 Maybe take a run at that, uh, pool filter? 138 00:04:48,828 --> 00:04:50,395 Oh. Huh? Hey! 139 00:04:50,397 --> 00:04:51,596 You must be the new neighbors. 140 00:04:51,598 --> 00:04:52,897 Name's Wally Schmidt. 141 00:04:52,899 --> 00:04:54,599 No relation to Mike. 142 00:04:54,601 --> 00:04:56,667 But don't tell my wife. (chuckles) 143 00:04:59,739 --> 00:05:02,240 Boy, it sure is a hot one today, huh? 144 00:05:05,211 --> 00:05:07,345 Okay. 145 00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:09,781 Nice to meet you boys. 146 00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:14,385 What the hell was that all about? 147 00:05:14,387 --> 00:05:16,187 Just comes up and starts talking to us? 148 00:05:16,189 --> 00:05:18,189 Right, some guy comes up to me, I don't know what he's... 149 00:05:18,191 --> 00:05:20,091 I don't know what he's up to. No. It's like, the whole time, 150 00:05:20,093 --> 00:05:21,759 I'm staring at him, I'm thinking, does he have a knife? 151 00:05:21,761 --> 00:05:23,361 Are we gonna have to take this bitch out right now? 152 00:05:23,363 --> 00:05:24,562 No. I don't know. I don't know. 153 00:05:24,564 --> 00:05:26,030 But it's-it's the city, though. 154 00:05:26,032 --> 00:05:27,598 It-it's forced me to develop these sharp edges. 155 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,367 For protection, you know? I got to smooth them out. 156 00:05:29,369 --> 00:05:31,402 We're in the suburbs. Let's work on it a little bit. 157 00:05:31,404 --> 00:05:33,738 Okay, all right. Shall we? You know, 'cause now I'm all tense. 158 00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:36,040 I don't want to bring this energy into work, you know? 159 00:05:36,042 --> 00:05:38,776 Luckily, I got the commute to relax. 160 00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:42,980 Aw, merge, merge! You had your... 161 00:05:42,982 --> 00:05:46,083 Come on, you got, you have to seize the goddamn gap! 162 00:05:46,085 --> 00:05:47,752 People are so goddamn inefficient! 163 00:05:47,754 --> 00:05:49,420 Oh, goddamn it! 164 00:05:49,422 --> 00:05:51,722 I don't care if you're old! Seize the gap! 165 00:05:51,724 --> 00:05:54,058 You old fat bitch! 166 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,526 You fat bitch! 167 00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,899 So, how was your day? Good. 168 00:06:01,901 --> 00:06:03,634 How was work? Any-any good stories? 169 00:06:03,636 --> 00:06:06,270 Charlie and Frank are doing something with Russian hats now. 170 00:06:06,272 --> 00:06:08,272 Really? What? I don't know. 171 00:06:08,274 --> 00:06:10,775 I couldn't follow any of it. What did you do today? 172 00:06:10,777 --> 00:06:12,443 Did you, uh, fix that pool filter? 173 00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:14,145 Uh... I tried. 174 00:06:14,147 --> 00:06:16,147 But it turns out, it's actually really complicated, 175 00:06:16,149 --> 00:06:18,483 and I didn't go to school for that, you know? 176 00:06:18,485 --> 00:06:20,685 Mostly I just tried to get the living room set up. 177 00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:27,158 It took a little while to find a stud. 178 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,826 Yeah, I can, I can see that. 179 00:06:28,828 --> 00:06:31,028 Maybe, uh, take another personal day tomorrow, huh? 180 00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,331 You know, maybe I will take another run at that pool filter. 181 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:34,765 Maybe try and do all the other things 182 00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:36,367 that you tried to do today, but, uh, 183 00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:39,237 you know... do them. 184 00:06:43,109 --> 00:06:45,476 Shut up, shut up, shut up, 185 00:06:45,478 --> 00:06:47,044 shut up! 186 00:06:48,114 --> 00:06:50,948 Aw, damn it! 187 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:52,416 What is that? 188 00:07:01,027 --> 00:07:02,360 What's your plan, huh? 189 00:07:02,362 --> 00:07:03,961 Two miles an hour. There you go. 190 00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:06,364 Oh, gun it. 191 00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:07,899 Use your signal, you cow! 192 00:07:09,002 --> 00:07:10,668 Goddamn it. 193 00:07:12,539 --> 00:07:14,238 Unbelievable. 194 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,974 I don't see what the problem is. 195 00:07:16,976 --> 00:07:18,376 (tires screeching) Hey. Hey, hey! 196 00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,378 Slow down! 197 00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:23,080 Children play here, you fat cow! 198 00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:25,349 Hey, Wally. 199 00:07:25,351 --> 00:07:27,485 Oh, hey. (chuckles) 200 00:07:27,487 --> 00:07:29,053 Hot one today, huh? 201 00:07:29,055 --> 00:07:30,955 Yeah? 202 00:07:34,594 --> 00:07:36,761 Oh, that Wally loves to say "It's a hot one" 203 00:07:36,763 --> 00:07:38,429 when I already know it's a hot one. 204 00:07:38,431 --> 00:07:40,398 'Cause I'm standing outside in the hot one. 205 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,399 Thanks a lot, Wally. 206 00:07:41,401 --> 00:07:42,433 You know what? 207 00:07:42,435 --> 00:07:43,868 Tell me about future weather. 208 00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:45,770 Don't tell me about present weather... 209 00:07:47,006 --> 00:07:49,006 Oh, I didn't realize we had company. 210 00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:50,708 Hey, Dennis. 211 00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:52,543 This is Jimmy— he's the pool guy. 212 00:07:52,545 --> 00:07:54,245 I invited him over for dinner. 213 00:07:54,247 --> 00:07:57,281 Mac, can I speak to you in the foyer for a second? 214 00:07:57,283 --> 00:07:59,550 Oh, uh... 215 00:07:59,552 --> 00:08:00,952 Sure. (chuckles) 216 00:08:00,954 --> 00:08:02,219 Excuse us for a second. 217 00:08:02,221 --> 00:08:03,788 Just be a... just be a... 218 00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:05,056 just be a quick minute here. 219 00:08:05,058 --> 00:08:06,624 Hey. What? 220 00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:08,526 Come on, man. You gonna invite some guy 221 00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:10,127 over to my house that I don't even know. 222 00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:12,063 I just wanted to have, uh, somebody over for dinner. 223 00:08:12,065 --> 00:08:14,065 So I got to have dinner with some guy, "Hey, pool guy." 224 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,600 His name is Jimmy! 225 00:08:15,602 --> 00:08:17,234 Jimmy? I don't give a (bleep) what you do. 226 00:08:17,236 --> 00:08:19,203 You could ask him about all sorts of things. I mean... 227 00:08:19,205 --> 00:08:20,605 What do you want me to ask pool guy? 228 00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:22,607 If he knew shit that I was interested in, 229 00:08:22,609 --> 00:08:24,175 he wouldn't be a (bleep) pool guy. 230 00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:29,046 I said I was sorry. 231 00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:32,450 Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just, uh... (chuckles) 232 00:08:32,452 --> 00:08:34,452 I'm just confused, you know, I... 233 00:08:34,454 --> 00:08:37,455 Here I am thinking that we got a pool that's outside. 234 00:08:37,457 --> 00:08:40,224 Eh... I didn't realize that we had an indoor pool. 235 00:08:40,226 --> 00:08:42,226 Can we just forget about it and eat our dinner? 236 00:08:42,228 --> 00:08:43,628 It's just so funny. 237 00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:46,063 We got enough money for two pools. 238 00:08:46,065 --> 00:08:48,466 And yet we don't have enough money for a recipe book, 239 00:08:48,468 --> 00:08:51,569 'cause here we are eating mac and cheese again. 240 00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:52,970 You don't know how hard it is 241 00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:54,972 to be cooped up in here all by myself, okay? 242 00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:57,808 At least you get to go to work. 243 00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,243 I get to go to work? Yes. 244 00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:01,646 Oh, everybody, hey, I "get" to go to work. 245 00:09:01,648 --> 00:09:03,414 I "get" to have a job. 246 00:09:03,416 --> 00:09:06,183 I "get" to have to make money for us. 247 00:09:06,185 --> 00:09:08,519 Oh, my... You know what, screw this. 248 00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:09,854 Wh... Oh, oh, yes. 249 00:09:09,856 --> 00:09:11,122 Fine, just walk away right in the middle... 250 00:09:11,124 --> 00:09:12,189 Dennis! 251 00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,433 Goddamn it. 252 00:09:22,435 --> 00:09:23,634 What is that? 253 00:09:25,138 --> 00:09:26,470 Son of a bitch. 254 00:09:26,472 --> 00:09:27,471 What...? 255 00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:28,472 Son of a bitch. 256 00:09:28,474 --> 00:09:29,473 The hell you doing? 257 00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:30,474 Oh, do you hear it, too? 258 00:09:30,476 --> 00:09:31,876 I heard you bashing. 259 00:09:31,878 --> 00:09:33,210 Yeah, yeah, that chirping? 260 00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:34,879 I'm pretty sure it's a cricket. 261 00:09:34,881 --> 00:09:36,881 Okay, you know what, I'm gonna say something here, 262 00:09:36,883 --> 00:09:39,316 and it might not be popular, but... 263 00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:40,718 I hate this place. Yes. 264 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,319 And I got to get back to the city. 265 00:09:42,321 --> 00:09:43,554 I'm going nuts. 266 00:09:43,556 --> 00:09:45,289 I miss the city, too. I miss the action. 267 00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,291 You know, I thought this place would soften my edges, 268 00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:48,626 but they're sharper than ever. 269 00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:50,628 Dude, I cannot be cooped up here. 270 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,697 You know, cooking and cleaning and fixing. 271 00:09:52,699 --> 00:09:54,532 All right, all right, calm down, calm down. 272 00:09:54,534 --> 00:09:56,367 I... I think I have an idea. 273 00:09:56,369 --> 00:09:58,202 L-Let's... let's invite the gang over. 274 00:09:58,204 --> 00:09:59,704 You know, we'll clean up the place, 275 00:09:59,706 --> 00:10:01,405 we'll serve 'em a nice dinner, 276 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:03,140 we'll show 'em how-how well we're doing, 277 00:10:03,142 --> 00:10:05,342 and I'll feel Frank out about this bet, you know, 278 00:10:05,344 --> 00:10:08,179 which in retrospect is completely ridiculous. 279 00:10:08,181 --> 00:10:09,680 How are they gonna find an old man 280 00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:11,082 that's gonna go along with it? 281 00:10:11,084 --> 00:10:12,383 Right. Exactly. (chuckles) 282 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:17,054 Mac and Dennis, old man. 283 00:10:17,056 --> 00:10:19,790 Old man, Mac and Dennis. 284 00:10:26,599 --> 00:10:27,832 Ah... 285 00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:29,333 So, uh, what's with the hats? 286 00:10:31,104 --> 00:10:32,937 I... You wouldn't get it. Uh-uh. 287 00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:35,339 Yeah, you kind of had to be there, man. 288 00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:36,907 Hey, how about that food, huh? 289 00:10:36,909 --> 00:10:39,443 Mac calls it "Mac's famous mac and cheese." 290 00:10:39,445 --> 00:10:40,845 And it is famous. 291 00:10:40,847 --> 00:10:42,413 In my stomach. (laughs) 292 00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:44,181 Is it? I mean, we're your friends, I've never heard of it. 293 00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:46,016 Hey, guys. 294 00:10:46,018 --> 00:10:48,018 We are having so much fun at this house. 295 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,221 I'll tell you, I can't believe we ever lived anywhere else. 296 00:10:50,223 --> 00:10:52,623 But I was just curious, if we were to lose this bet, 297 00:10:52,625 --> 00:10:55,793 what would the logistics be, like, 298 00:10:55,795 --> 00:10:56,861 with the old man thing? 299 00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:58,095 Oh. 300 00:10:58,097 --> 00:10:59,964 Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. 301 00:10:59,966 --> 00:11:01,966 If you guys are cracking, you can forfeit now, 302 00:11:01,968 --> 00:11:05,436 I'll buy the three of youse a California king-size bed 303 00:11:05,438 --> 00:11:07,271 to sleep in. What? 304 00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:09,373 No, they're not gonna forfeit— this place is rad. 305 00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:11,108 You want a little side action? 306 00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:12,309 No, no, no, don't muddy this with side action. 307 00:11:12,311 --> 00:11:13,444 Dee, don't do it. 308 00:11:13,446 --> 00:11:14,445 I'll take some side action. 309 00:11:14,447 --> 00:11:15,446 Don't... 310 00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:16,614 Tell you what. 311 00:11:16,616 --> 00:11:18,149 How about, if they win, 312 00:11:18,151 --> 00:11:20,451 I'll take that California king bed for myself. 313 00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:22,286 Fine, and if they lose, 314 00:11:22,288 --> 00:11:24,288 the three of you got to sleep with the old man. 315 00:11:25,491 --> 00:11:26,657 Fine. 316 00:11:26,659 --> 00:11:27,658 Deal. Goddamn it. 317 00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:28,926 Excuse me. 318 00:11:28,928 --> 00:11:30,795 I have to piss. 319 00:11:31,731 --> 00:11:33,798 Out of my penis. 320 00:11:36,169 --> 00:11:37,334 Right. 321 00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:46,310 Okay, well, clearly Mac wants to speak to me in secret. 322 00:11:46,312 --> 00:11:48,479 Uh, so excuse me. 323 00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:51,282 Wha...? 324 00:11:51,284 --> 00:11:53,350 Oh, good, you got my signal. Yeah, got your signal. 325 00:11:53,352 --> 00:11:55,152 Dude, we're not gonna make it, we're not gonna make it. 326 00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:56,420 Yeah, dude, it's cool, man. 327 00:11:56,422 --> 00:11:57,421 W-We'll figure it out. It's... 328 00:11:57,423 --> 00:11:58,823 No, no, it's not cool. 329 00:11:58,825 --> 00:12:00,257 There's no way we're gonna make it. 330 00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:01,759 And also, dude, what's with the hats? 331 00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,327 What is with those hats? Dennis, I got to know! 332 00:12:03,329 --> 00:12:04,695 They told me the story, and it didn't make sense, 333 00:12:04,697 --> 00:12:06,263 and now we can't get it out of them. 334 00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,098 Look, dude, I don't want to sound racist, 335 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,301 but can we just discuss the fact that it's an old black man? 336 00:12:10,303 --> 00:12:12,303 Yeah, mmm. It was supposed to be an old man. 337 00:12:12,305 --> 00:12:14,171 Just an old man. Now it's a black man. 338 00:12:14,173 --> 00:12:15,840 Dude, that's, like, a whole other thing. That's two things. 339 00:12:15,842 --> 00:12:17,508 That's two things, it's two things. 340 00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:18,642 All right, you know what, let's... 341 00:12:18,644 --> 00:12:20,277 Maybe we just... we-we just... 342 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:21,979 we take the California king. I mean, that's a big bed. 343 00:12:21,981 --> 00:12:24,148 You want to share the bed with an old black man? 344 00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,382 No, of course not, I... 345 00:12:25,384 --> 00:12:26,817 All right, that sounded racist. 346 00:12:26,819 --> 00:12:28,452 I don't want to share a bed with an old man. 347 00:12:28,454 --> 00:12:29,720 I'm just saying it's a big bed, 348 00:12:29,722 --> 00:12:30,855 and we could probably work it out. 349 00:12:30,857 --> 00:12:33,290 Okay, so picture big bed, big bed. 350 00:12:33,292 --> 00:12:34,692 Me on the side, you know, you right here. 351 00:12:34,694 --> 00:12:36,026 Old man, right here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 352 00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:38,495 Why am I in the middle? Black man should be in the middle. 353 00:12:38,497 --> 00:12:40,130 Don't call him "black man." 354 00:12:40,132 --> 00:12:41,832 His name's not "black man." His name's "old man." 355 00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:43,300 Let's stick with "old man." Okay. 356 00:12:43,302 --> 00:12:44,668 Just sounds better. 357 00:12:44,670 --> 00:12:46,503 All right, so how about this? 358 00:12:46,505 --> 00:12:49,506 You and I on the big bed, side-by-side, black man, he's... 359 00:12:49,508 --> 00:12:51,041 Now you got me doing it. Mmm. 360 00:12:51,043 --> 00:12:53,410 Old man is down at the bottom, sideways, like a dog. 361 00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:55,546 Are you calling black people dogs? 362 00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:57,848 No, that's not what I... That's very racist. 363 00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,817 What the hell is going...? (gasps) 364 00:12:59,819 --> 00:13:01,685 Oh, my God. 365 00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:03,687 You guys are cracking, aren't you? (scoffs) 366 00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:06,323 Nah, it's-it's, like... fine. Nah, it's fine. What? 367 00:13:06,325 --> 00:13:08,425 It's soul-crushing, Dee! Oh, my God, I can't make this house into a home. 368 00:13:08,427 --> 00:13:09,727 I didn't go to school for that. 369 00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:11,328 He didn't go to school for it. No. 370 00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:13,197 Well, why did you let me take the side action? 371 00:13:13,199 --> 00:13:15,065 I told you not to take the side action! You bitch! You bitch! 372 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:17,167 Why didn't you yell it so I could hear it? I'm tired of yelling. 373 00:13:17,169 --> 00:13:19,403 Damn it. Now we got to figure out where Dee goes in the bed. 374 00:13:19,405 --> 00:13:21,772 Oh, right, Dee's got to be in the bed. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 375 00:13:21,774 --> 00:13:23,240 I'll tell you exactly where Dee goes, okay? 376 00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,708 Dee goes right in the goddamn middle 377 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:26,744 of her brand-new California king-size bed 378 00:13:26,746 --> 00:13:28,746 all by herself. 379 00:13:28,748 --> 00:13:31,015 How are we even having this conversation? 380 00:13:31,017 --> 00:13:32,383 All you boys have to do... 381 00:13:32,385 --> 00:13:36,153 Guys, all you got to do to win is just exist. 382 00:13:39,358 --> 00:13:41,292 Hey, morning, buddy. 383 00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:42,927 You're up early. 384 00:13:42,929 --> 00:13:44,695 Yeah, I'm up early, and I'm feeling great. 385 00:13:44,697 --> 00:13:46,697 You know, I was thinking about it, and Dee was right. 386 00:13:46,699 --> 00:13:48,699 All we have to do is exist here for the next couple weeks, 387 00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:49,934 and we win this bet. 388 00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,101 So... check this out. 389 00:13:51,103 --> 00:13:53,570 I made you that. 390 00:13:53,572 --> 00:13:55,406 "Mac's Honey Do List"? Yep. 391 00:13:55,408 --> 00:13:57,808 That is a list of chores to give you a sense of purpose, 392 00:13:57,810 --> 00:13:59,777 so you don't feel so cooped up and lonely. 393 00:13:59,779 --> 00:14:02,112 How's a list of chores going to make me feel less lonely? 394 00:14:02,114 --> 00:14:04,615 Well, check out chore number one. 395 00:14:04,617 --> 00:14:06,550 "Name the dog." 396 00:14:06,552 --> 00:14:08,485 Well, that's so stupid. I don't have a dog. 397 00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:10,587 You sure about that? 398 00:14:10,589 --> 00:14:12,222 Yeah, positive. I don't have a dog. 399 00:14:12,224 --> 00:14:13,490 I mean, I had Poppins, but he's gone. 400 00:14:13,492 --> 00:14:14,992 Are you sure? I don't have a dog. 401 00:14:14,994 --> 00:14:16,727 What do you mean, am I sure? Of course I'm sure. 402 00:14:16,729 --> 00:14:17,728 I wouldn't be so sure. 403 00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:19,229 What are you doing? Why... 404 00:14:19,231 --> 00:14:20,497 What... are you okay? Look behind you, asshole. 405 00:14:20,499 --> 00:14:22,633 Oh. (gasps) 406 00:14:22,635 --> 00:14:24,601 You got me a dog? Yeah. 407 00:14:24,603 --> 00:14:27,104 Oh, my God, he's so cute! 408 00:14:27,106 --> 00:14:28,605 I mean, he's no Poppins, but... 409 00:14:28,607 --> 00:14:30,674 Yeah, he's a lot better than Poppins, trust me. 410 00:14:30,676 --> 00:14:32,242 Oh, Dennis, Dennis. 411 00:14:32,244 --> 00:14:33,777 I'm gonna name him Dennis. 412 00:14:33,779 --> 00:14:35,279 Huh? 413 00:14:35,281 --> 00:14:37,348 You're Dennis. He's Dennis Jr. 414 00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:38,916 Weird. 415 00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:40,851 Um, but sure, yeah, that's fine. 416 00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:42,186 Hey, so why don't you go ahead 417 00:14:42,188 --> 00:14:43,454 and cross number one off the list there? 418 00:14:43,456 --> 00:14:45,122 See how it feels. Okay, yeah. 419 00:14:45,124 --> 00:14:47,791 Hey, what's a-a couple weeks between two best friends, right? 420 00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:49,193 It's whatever we make of it. 421 00:14:49,195 --> 00:14:50,861 So why don't we agree right now 422 00:14:50,863 --> 00:14:53,364 to make these next few weeks the best of our lives? 423 00:14:53,366 --> 00:14:54,631 You with me, buddy? 424 00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:56,133 I'm with you. 425 00:14:56,135 --> 00:14:58,369 I'm gonna raise this guy like he was our own son. 426 00:14:58,371 --> 00:14:59,636 Okay. (laughing) 427 00:14:59,638 --> 00:15:00,871 Yeah. Weird. 428 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,646 No, don't merge, don't merge. We're all... we'll all wait! 429 00:15:09,648 --> 00:15:12,049 We'll all wait for you to send your text! 430 00:15:12,051 --> 00:15:13,684 You fat pig! 431 00:15:13,686 --> 00:15:16,353 How you doing, neighbor? 432 00:15:19,358 --> 00:15:20,357 Shut up! 433 00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:30,200 Gonna show up to work, have everybody be like, 434 00:15:30,202 --> 00:15:31,835 "Why is there blood all over you?" 435 00:15:31,837 --> 00:15:33,537 'Cause I had to slit the guy's throat 436 00:15:33,539 --> 00:15:35,072 who causes all the traffic! 437 00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:37,674 Boy, it sure is a hot one, huh? 438 00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:50,921 (laughing): I can't believe it. 439 00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,059 Goddamn it! Damn it... 440 00:16:06,839 --> 00:16:08,872 Hey, buddy. 441 00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:10,674 Haven't seen you for a bit. 442 00:16:10,676 --> 00:16:12,743 You've probably been staying inside 443 00:16:12,745 --> 00:16:14,711 to avoid this, uh, heat wave, huh? 444 00:16:14,713 --> 00:16:16,914 Boy, it's been hot. 445 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,482 It's hot, huh? 446 00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:21,585 Yeah. 447 00:16:21,587 --> 00:16:23,087 It is super hot. 448 00:16:23,089 --> 00:16:24,922 Yeah. 449 00:16:24,924 --> 00:16:27,191 It's getting real hot around here. 450 00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:30,094 So hot, Wally. 451 00:16:30,096 --> 00:16:33,063 But you don't really know what hot is, do you? 452 00:16:33,065 --> 00:16:35,065 Hot's a storm. 453 00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:37,401 You ever been in a storm, Wally? 454 00:16:37,403 --> 00:16:40,737 I mean, a real storm? 455 00:16:40,739 --> 00:16:44,608 Not a thunderstorm, but a storm of fists 456 00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:47,044 raining down on your head. 457 00:16:47,046 --> 00:16:49,279 Blasting you in the face. 458 00:16:49,281 --> 00:16:51,715 Pummeling you in the stomach. 459 00:16:51,717 --> 00:16:54,751 Hitting you in the chest so hard 460 00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:56,553 you think your heart's gonna stop. 461 00:16:56,555 --> 00:16:59,490 You ever been in a storm like that, Wally? 462 00:17:03,996 --> 00:17:05,996 Dennis. 463 00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:07,331 Dennis. 464 00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:11,835 You okay, dude? 465 00:17:13,772 --> 00:17:15,005 Yeah. 466 00:17:15,007 --> 00:17:17,641 Who you talking to? 467 00:17:22,114 --> 00:17:24,815 No one. 468 00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:26,416 What's that? 469 00:17:26,418 --> 00:17:28,519 Dog grave. 470 00:17:28,521 --> 00:17:31,021 Oh. 471 00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,159 Anything exciting happen at work today? 472 00:17:35,161 --> 00:17:37,995 Uh-uh. 473 00:17:37,997 --> 00:17:39,496 Well, I called up there. 474 00:17:39,498 --> 00:17:41,565 They... they said you weren't even there. 475 00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,601 Can we not talk about my day? 476 00:17:44,603 --> 00:17:45,869 Sure. 477 00:17:45,871 --> 00:17:47,871 Perhaps we can talk about my day. 478 00:17:47,873 --> 00:17:49,773 And how was your day? 479 00:17:49,775 --> 00:17:51,175 Not great. 480 00:17:51,177 --> 00:17:53,210 You know, with the dog dying and all, but... 481 00:17:53,212 --> 00:17:55,546 somehow, old Mac pulled it together. 482 00:17:55,548 --> 00:17:57,848 He cooked for you, and he cleaned for you. 483 00:17:57,850 --> 00:18:00,484 In fact, Dennis, everything I do, 484 00:18:00,486 --> 00:18:02,252 I do for you. 485 00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:05,789 What are you talking about, man? 486 00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:08,492 I'm talking about everything I do, I do for you! 487 00:18:08,494 --> 00:18:09,693 And everything you do, 488 00:18:09,695 --> 00:18:12,029 you do for yourself! 489 00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:13,730 Sleeping in your car. 490 00:18:13,732 --> 00:18:15,365 Eating at Applebee's. 491 00:18:15,367 --> 00:18:17,301 Were you spying on me? 492 00:18:17,303 --> 00:18:18,969 Oh, don't you turn this around on me. 493 00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:20,370 All you do is think about yourself! 494 00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:21,738 You didn't even notice 495 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,473 that I switched up the mac and cheese. 496 00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,043 Is that what this is about? 497 00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:29,313 The goddamn mac and cheese? 498 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,248 Well, yeah, I noticed! 499 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,016 You put meat hunks in it! 500 00:18:33,018 --> 00:18:35,185 Wow! Hunks of meat! 501 00:18:35,187 --> 00:18:36,753 Mmm! Well, of course Dennis 502 00:18:36,755 --> 00:18:38,889 would like Dennis. What? 503 00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:40,757 It's Dennis! 504 00:18:40,759 --> 00:18:41,892 What are you talking about? 505 00:18:41,894 --> 00:18:43,527 You're eating the dog! 506 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:51,168 Oh! Oh! 507 00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:53,604 Oh, God! What is wrong with you? 508 00:18:53,606 --> 00:18:56,240 I don't know! I guess it was just a cry for attention! 509 00:18:56,242 --> 00:18:57,841 You didn't even blink twice 510 00:18:57,843 --> 00:18:59,576 when I told you that the dog was dead! 511 00:18:59,578 --> 00:19:01,878 I can't live with you anymore in this goddamn place. 512 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,180 I'm out of here. 513 00:19:03,182 --> 00:19:04,581 I'm gonna go stay in a hotel. 514 00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:06,583 Where's my suitcase, Mac? 515 00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:08,619 Wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. 516 00:19:08,621 --> 00:19:10,120 Dennis, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis... 517 00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:19,396 Tell me about Mac's famous mac and cheese. 518 00:19:19,398 --> 00:19:21,231 Okay, I can explain. 519 00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:24,101 I called it my famous mac and cheese as-as a joke. 520 00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,602 But then it seemed like you like it. 521 00:19:25,604 --> 00:19:28,038 You like that it was Mac's famous mac and cheese. 522 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,374 And so I just kept saying it. You're pathetic. 523 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:31,875 You're the one that's sitting at Applebee's 524 00:19:31,877 --> 00:19:33,076 eating pot stickers all by yourself. 525 00:19:33,078 --> 00:19:34,378 You're the one that's pathetic! 526 00:19:36,782 --> 00:19:38,248 Oh. 527 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:42,085 Well, that must be nosy Wally. 528 00:19:42,087 --> 00:19:45,922 Coming to see what all the fighting's about. 529 00:19:45,924 --> 00:19:49,926 Well... why don't we show him what all the fighting's about? 530 00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:52,062 Why don't we show him right now? Wait, wait, wait! 531 00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,797 Dennis, Dennis, calm down! 532 00:19:53,799 --> 00:19:55,465 Don't you tell me to calm down. 533 00:19:56,602 --> 00:19:58,268 There's that chirping again. 534 00:19:58,270 --> 00:19:59,503 How are you not hearing that? 535 00:19:59,505 --> 00:20:02,239 News flash, asshole! 536 00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:05,075 I've been hearing it the entire goddamn time! 537 00:20:05,077 --> 00:20:07,277 Then why wouldn't you say something? 538 00:20:07,279 --> 00:20:09,146 Because I hate you! 539 00:20:09,148 --> 00:20:11,481 Oh, my God. 540 00:20:15,287 --> 00:20:16,620 You did it! Look at this! 541 00:20:16,622 --> 00:20:18,622 Huh? We did what? You got this, man. 542 00:20:18,624 --> 00:20:20,090 In less than a minute... You're almost there. 543 00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:21,358 you guys will have been here a month. 544 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,526 Yep. We almost... 545 00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:24,027 we almost won the bet? Yeah. 546 00:20:24,029 --> 00:20:25,662 We almost did it! W-W-We almost won the bet? 547 00:20:25,664 --> 00:20:26,930 We're gonna do it! We're gonna win the bet! 548 00:20:26,932 --> 00:20:28,165 We're gonna win the bet! Yeah! 549 00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:29,766 Here it is, paid in full: 550 00:20:29,768 --> 00:20:31,101 one year's rent. 551 00:20:31,103 --> 00:20:32,502 (laughing): Free rent for a year! 552 00:20:32,504 --> 00:20:34,838 We did it! We did it! Free rent for... 553 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,807 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 554 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:38,375 Free rent for where? 555 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:41,044 For right here. 556 00:20:41,046 --> 00:20:42,446 Here we go. 557 00:20:42,448 --> 00:20:44,614 In five, four, 558 00:20:44,616 --> 00:20:46,783 three, two, one. 559 00:20:51,357 --> 00:20:53,523 Hey, guys. 560 00:20:53,525 --> 00:20:56,226 Is he dead? 561 00:20:56,228 --> 00:20:58,261 Yeah, I think so. 562 00:20:59,398 --> 00:21:02,966 Quiet your ass down. 563 00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:05,168 Sorry, black man. 564 00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:06,803 Old man. 565 00:21:06,805 --> 00:21:09,639 Old man. Sorry, old black man. 566 00:21:09,641 --> 00:21:11,408 Goddamn it. 567 00:21:49,248 --> 00:21:50,414 Brown.