1 00:00:10,762 --> 00:00:12,895 Oh, Christ, does every single one of these kids have the flu? 2 00:00:12,897 --> 00:00:14,731 Seems like it. 3 00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:16,699 All right, now I bet you guys are wondering what's going on 4 00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:18,735 with this racing suit, huh? No, not even a little bit. 5 00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:20,203 You're like, "What's that rascal Charlie up to? 6 00:00:20,205 --> 00:00:22,238 What's he up to this time?" Right, right? 7 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,306 I'm not thinking that at all. Yeah, yeah, well, 8 00:00:23,308 --> 00:00:25,475 it's an issue of aerodynamics, really. 9 00:00:25,477 --> 00:00:27,543 You see, every second counts in the water park. Right. 10 00:00:27,545 --> 00:00:29,912 And we plan to ride every single ride in there today. Yup. 11 00:00:29,914 --> 00:00:31,481 Yeah, the brochure says three days. 12 00:00:31,483 --> 00:00:32,482 We're saying bullshit to that. One day. 13 00:00:32,484 --> 00:00:33,916 We're gonna get it done in one. 14 00:00:33,918 --> 00:00:35,618 All right, well, good luck with that 'cause you got, like, 15 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,287 ten minutes of clean water and then every slide's basically 16 00:00:37,289 --> 00:00:38,655 a urine delivery system. 17 00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:39,922 Yeah. (laughs) We're not gonna get 18 00:00:39,924 --> 00:00:41,324 drenched in piss. No. 19 00:00:41,326 --> 00:00:42,959 We're gonna go in there, find our favorite ride, 20 00:00:42,961 --> 00:00:44,494 bomb down it once, Yeah. 21 00:00:44,496 --> 00:00:46,996 then sit by the pool the rest of the day disease-free. 22 00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:48,331 Don't kid yourself about the water, buddy. 23 00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:49,332 You're not gonna be disease-free; 24 00:00:49,334 --> 00:00:50,466 this water's already infested 25 00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,734 with every parasite on the planet. 26 00:00:51,736 --> 00:00:53,002 And I, for one, have no intention 27 00:00:53,004 --> 00:00:54,337 of stepping foot in any of it. 28 00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:55,905 So what do you come to a water park for? 29 00:00:55,907 --> 00:00:59,142 Hot food, cold beer, bikini'd women seeking relief 30 00:00:59,144 --> 00:01:01,077 from the insufferable prison of motherhood. 31 00:01:01,079 --> 00:01:02,578 Yeah, lot of pleasures to be had at the park, Frank. 32 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,180 None of which involve piss. Hmm. 33 00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:06,015 And it's all free, too, if you know how to get it. 34 00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:07,650 Well, it's not free, you got to pay to get in. 35 00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:10,086 Not me, I had my bracelet laminated in the '90s. 36 00:01:10,088 --> 00:01:12,021 I haven't paid to get in here since I was 14. 37 00:01:12,023 --> 00:01:14,490 Nice! Nice, nice. Oh, smart. 38 00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,926 Oh, shush! Shush, shush, shush, shush, they're about to open! Why do we have to shush? 39 00:01:16,928 --> 00:01:18,461 Oh, guys! I almost forgot. 40 00:01:18,463 --> 00:01:20,263 Do not go near the pool drains, 41 00:01:20,265 --> 00:01:22,665 no matter how good you might think they feel on your butt. 42 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,300 What? Huh? What? 43 00:01:24,302 --> 00:01:25,768 You do not sit on those! 44 00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:27,370 You know, because of the suction on your butthole? 45 00:01:27,372 --> 00:01:28,971 No one's thinking about that, man. (all disagreeing) 46 00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:30,273 No one's thinking about that at all. 47 00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:32,308 Oh, good, 'cause it is bad news. 48 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:34,377 Those things will suck the intestines right out of you. 49 00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:36,779 Like it did to that one kid back in '96. 50 00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:38,348 Now, she had to chew through her intestines 51 00:01:38,350 --> 00:01:39,849 just to get free. When I see the drain, 52 00:01:39,851 --> 00:01:41,284 I'm not gonna go try and sit on it. 53 00:01:41,286 --> 00:01:42,652 Oh, here we go. Okay, here we go! Here we go! 54 00:01:42,654 --> 00:01:44,454 We got to go! Get in there! 55 00:01:44,456 --> 00:01:46,189 Go! Go! Go! Christ! 56 00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:16,319 Here we go, here we go, here we go! 57 00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:19,055 Yeah, Kiddie Twister! I'm so excited. 58 00:02:19,057 --> 00:02:21,324 It's been, like, 20 years. What's that? 59 00:02:21,326 --> 00:02:22,759 Uh, it's a urine tester. 60 00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:24,360 Just want to be 100% sure. 61 00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:26,763 It turns light red at the slightest hint of piss. 62 00:02:26,765 --> 00:02:29,198 And I think we're good. Let's roll. 63 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,433 Hey, guys, guys, guys. 64 00:02:30,435 --> 00:02:31,834 Slide's for kids only. 65 00:02:31,836 --> 00:02:34,170 Size requirement. 66 00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:35,738 Shut up, nerd! 67 00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:39,275 Kiddie Twister! 68 00:02:40,779 --> 00:02:42,412 Screw you, nerd! 69 00:02:42,414 --> 00:02:43,413 You're gonna get hurt 70 00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:45,047 Uh, come on, nerd. 71 00:02:46,518 --> 00:02:48,251 Whoo-hoo! Kiddie Twister! 72 00:02:48,253 --> 00:02:50,453 I don't give a shit. 73 00:02:50,455 --> 00:02:52,388 Kiddie Twister! 74 00:02:54,025 --> 00:02:56,359 Kiddie Twis... oh, shit! 75 00:02:56,361 --> 00:02:58,694 Kiddie Twister! Wait, Dee, no! 76 00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,563 No, I'm stuck, wait! (Dee yells) 77 00:03:00,565 --> 00:03:02,632 Ow! 78 00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:03,933 Shit! (Dee yells) 79 00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:05,468 Ow! Ow, Dee, I'm stuck! 80 00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:06,903 Yeah, no shit! 81 00:03:06,905 --> 00:03:08,604 Dee, you got to move. Me move? You move. 82 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,306 You're blocking me. 83 00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:12,608 Your stupid wrist band got us all jammed up. 84 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,277 It's not just that. (grunting) 85 00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:16,979 The slide's too small, the nerd was right. 86 00:03:16,981 --> 00:03:18,881 Shit, what are we gonna do? 87 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:20,983 Uh... okay. Just remain calm, all right? 88 00:03:20,985 --> 00:03:22,752 Do not panic, that's the worst thing you can do. 89 00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,587 Okay, but we got to get unstuck before they send another kid 90 00:03:24,589 --> 00:03:26,422 because... oh, God, 91 00:03:26,424 --> 00:03:28,424 some big, fat kid's just gonna come blasting down on us. 92 00:03:28,426 --> 00:03:31,327 You're gonna be fine. Trust me. (thud, both yell) 93 00:03:31,329 --> 00:03:33,229 Shit! Goddamn it! 94 00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:34,564 Jesus Christ! 95 00:03:35,934 --> 00:03:37,166 This is slow, Charlie. 96 00:03:37,168 --> 00:03:38,734 I'm never gonna get through this crap. 97 00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:41,070 We should've gone down the first slide we saw. 98 00:03:41,072 --> 00:03:43,306 I know, I know, but we needed to start at the northmost point 99 00:03:43,308 --> 00:03:44,574 of the park, right? (groans) 100 00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:46,509 Then we work our way south, Yeah. 101 00:03:46,511 --> 00:03:48,911 and that cuts back on the excess running back and forth. Oh, yeah. 102 00:03:48,913 --> 00:03:50,613 You know, that said, I'm sorry I got us so lost. 103 00:03:50,615 --> 00:03:52,748 I can't ever tell which way is north on a map. 104 00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:54,317 It's at the top. 105 00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:56,752 I thought north was, like, up. "Up"? 106 00:03:56,754 --> 00:03:58,821 Yeah, like if I turn the map this way, now where is north? 107 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,490 Still at the top of the— no. Down? 108 00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:02,925 Now, come on, Charlie, this is ridiculous. It's confusing, right? 109 00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:04,327 We got to get going here. 110 00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:06,295 I know, goddamn it. Where's he going? 111 00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:08,331 Coming through. Excuse us. What, what? 112 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:09,866 How come he can cut to the front? 113 00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:11,534 Oh, Ethan is here with a special program 114 00:04:11,536 --> 00:04:12,869 for children with leukemia, 115 00:04:12,871 --> 00:04:15,338 so he skips to the front of the line. 116 00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,606 Thank you! 117 00:04:16,608 --> 00:04:18,841 Coming through. 118 00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:20,643 AIDS! 119 00:04:20,645 --> 00:04:22,712 AIDS, I got AIDS. I got AIDS, we're coming through. 120 00:04:22,714 --> 00:04:24,847 Yeah, yeah, sorry. Cutting through. 121 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,116 I'm his doctor, my patient's got to get to the front of the line Yeah. 122 00:04:27,118 --> 00:04:28,818 because he has AIDS. I got the AIDS. 123 00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:30,853 He got it from a gay guy in the '80s. 124 00:04:30,855 --> 00:04:32,121 I'm not gay, I didn't— but... Well... 125 00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:33,689 There's two kind of AIDS— 126 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,725 there's the vagina AIDS and then the needle-based AIDS. 127 00:04:35,727 --> 00:04:37,660 I-I'm a vagina guy. 128 00:04:37,662 --> 00:04:39,695 Well, no, actually my test results show I got— sorry, I'm— AIDS. 129 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:40,963 that it was the gay AIDS. 130 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:42,298 All AIDS are bad. Well... 131 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,533 That's— no good AIDS. 132 00:04:43,535 --> 00:04:45,201 But I'm telling you, like I said, 133 00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:46,702 this is not the gay AIDS. 134 00:04:57,582 --> 00:04:59,315 Lie back down. 135 00:05:04,989 --> 00:05:07,323 One of these little stinkers yours? 136 00:05:07,325 --> 00:05:08,558 My son. 137 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,825 This one here? 138 00:05:09,827 --> 00:05:11,193 Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, 139 00:05:11,195 --> 00:05:12,495 he's adorable. (chuckling) 140 00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:13,496 You? 141 00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:15,498 Oh, daughter, yeah. 142 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,600 I try to take her to fun places like this. 143 00:05:17,602 --> 00:05:19,268 Let a little sunshine back into her life 144 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:21,003 ever since her mom... 145 00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:24,907 Oh, my God. Did she... 146 00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:26,776 Die horrifically? 147 00:05:26,778 --> 00:05:28,110 Yeah. 148 00:05:28,112 --> 00:05:29,745 Drowning. Kind of ironic, 149 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:30,913 us being at a water park, 150 00:05:30,915 --> 00:05:32,582 but, you know, you got to... 151 00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:34,450 you got to roll with the punches, you know? 152 00:05:34,452 --> 00:05:36,085 Got to get back out there and live life... 153 00:05:36,087 --> 00:05:38,421 Daddy, Daddy, can I borrow $20? 154 00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:39,689 What? 155 00:05:39,691 --> 00:05:41,624 Oh, hi there, what's your name? 156 00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:42,892 Abby. 157 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:44,126 I'm hungry, Daddy. 158 00:05:44,128 --> 00:05:45,995 Can I please have $20? 159 00:05:47,565 --> 00:05:49,098 Well, I think you can get something to eat 160 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,866 for a lot less than that, hon. 161 00:05:50,868 --> 00:05:52,201 Dad! 162 00:05:52,203 --> 00:05:53,703 I'm hungry, I'm starving, 163 00:05:53,705 --> 00:05:55,838 and you haven't given me any money. 164 00:05:56,741 --> 00:05:59,208 (sighs) Yeah. 165 00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,443 What the hell? 166 00:06:01,646 --> 00:06:04,046 Anything for my little... 167 00:06:04,048 --> 00:06:05,481 Abby. (chuckles) 168 00:06:10,555 --> 00:06:12,622 Interesting. 169 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,958 What's interesting? 170 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,627 Nothing. 171 00:06:17,629 --> 00:06:18,894 I'm done with you. 172 00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:20,196 Keep up. 173 00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:28,938 Aah! Jesus. You'd think all the pressure would blast us through. 174 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:31,407 No, it's just squeezing me further into the stuck! 175 00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:32,908 Okay, well, get-get the bracelet off. 176 00:06:32,910 --> 00:06:34,744 Just rip it off. Dee, I'm trying. 177 00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:36,579 I can't get any actual leverage on it. 178 00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:37,813 Besides, it's triple-laminated. 179 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,148 It's not just gonna rip. Oh, no. 180 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,583 I think someone peed. What? 181 00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:41,817 Sherman, did you pee? 182 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,586 No. Sherman, my vial 183 00:06:43,588 --> 00:06:44,987 is turning light pink. Ugh... 184 00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:47,523 goddamn it, Sherman, I ordered you not to pee! 185 00:06:47,525 --> 00:06:49,492 Sorry! Oh, disgusting! 186 00:06:49,494 --> 00:06:50,826 Sorry's not gonna cut it, Sherman, 187 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,294 it's not gonna cut it. Nobody else pee! 188 00:06:52,296 --> 00:06:53,529 Ah, the sun's just blasting me 189 00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:54,797 right in the face. 190 00:06:54,799 --> 00:06:56,165 Why does it have to be right there? 191 00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,200 Dee, if God put the sun there, 192 00:06:58,202 --> 00:06:59,802 there's probably a reason, okay? 193 00:06:59,804 --> 00:07:01,303 Don't question him; we need God! 194 00:07:01,305 --> 00:07:03,305 God didn't put the sun anywhere. 195 00:07:03,307 --> 00:07:05,941 The sun stays still; the Earth moves around it. 196 00:07:07,378 --> 00:07:08,844 Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. All right. 197 00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,880 We gotta get these kids out of here. 198 00:07:10,882 --> 00:07:12,848 All right. I'm going for it. I'm just pulling on one of 'em. 199 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,985 Come on. Ah, this friggin' dome's like a magnifying glass. 200 00:07:17,288 --> 00:07:19,055 Get him through, I can get him. 201 00:07:20,692 --> 00:07:22,825 Get help. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 202 00:07:22,827 --> 00:07:24,827 Kid, kid, kid, listen. Come here. 203 00:07:24,829 --> 00:07:26,495 Before you go, 204 00:07:26,497 --> 00:07:28,798 no matter how alluring it is, 205 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,633 do not put your genitals or your butthole 206 00:07:30,635 --> 00:07:32,168 near the pool drain. You got it? 207 00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:33,803 In fact, cover your butthole. Okay, go. 208 00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:35,805 Okay, kid. Go, kid, go! Come on. Go. 209 00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:37,039 Cover that butthole, kid! 210 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,708 Mac. Stop talking to children 211 00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:39,975 about their buttholes, okay? 212 00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:41,177 It's not appropriate. Okay. 213 00:07:41,179 --> 00:07:42,511 Okay. 214 00:07:42,513 --> 00:07:43,913 Uh, I think we gotta get another kid out. 215 00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:45,214 You know what? 216 00:07:45,216 --> 00:07:46,882 What about this one? 217 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,417 That kid looks passed out, Dee. 218 00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:49,919 Yeah, he's out cold, but I think 219 00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:51,520 I can maneuver his body pretty easily. 220 00:07:51,522 --> 00:07:53,389 Yeah, but if we send him down there, he might drown. 221 00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:56,292 Guys, I gotta take a poop. 222 00:08:10,842 --> 00:08:12,541 I see you stealing. I wasn't stealing them! 223 00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:13,943 I just forgot I was wearing them! 224 00:08:13,945 --> 00:08:15,511 Let go of me! 225 00:08:15,513 --> 00:08:16,846 My dad's a cop! 226 00:08:16,848 --> 00:08:19,548 Abigail! What is going on in here? 227 00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:21,250 Where have you been? I've been worried sick about you. 228 00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:22,852 This your daughter? Yes. 229 00:08:22,854 --> 00:08:24,420 Officer Dennis Reynolds. 230 00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:25,855 Hi. Off-duty, of course. 231 00:08:25,857 --> 00:08:27,723 This is your jurisdiction. 232 00:08:27,725 --> 00:08:29,125 Look, I caught her stealing sunglasses. Yeah? 233 00:08:29,127 --> 00:08:31,026 No, I didn't! I was just... Abigail, 234 00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:32,728 I gave you $20 to buy whatever you wanted. 235 00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,029 What happened to that? Do you still have it? 236 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:37,566 Yes. 237 00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,702 Well, then you need to pay for these sunglasses. 238 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:43,372 Actually, no. You know what? 239 00:08:43,374 --> 00:08:44,874 On second thought, no. 240 00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:46,575 You don't get the sunglasses. 241 00:08:46,577 --> 00:08:48,811 You need to be taught a lesson. I think that she gets... 242 00:08:48,813 --> 00:08:50,446 I really appreciate everything that you do. 243 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,782 Real police officer to security guard, 244 00:08:52,784 --> 00:08:54,450 honestly, I want to thank you for everything. 245 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:56,318 Thanks. This little girl, 246 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,653 she's gonna be grounded for a month. 247 00:08:57,655 --> 00:08:59,221 Come on, Abigail, let's go. 248 00:08:59,223 --> 00:09:02,224 Try to touch me, and I'll scream "rape." 249 00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:03,592 Please. 250 00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:04,927 I see the road you're headed down: 251 00:09:04,929 --> 00:09:06,395 the lying, the stealing, all of it. 252 00:09:06,397 --> 00:09:07,630 And as somebody who's been down that road, 253 00:09:07,632 --> 00:09:08,931 let me tell you 254 00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:11,133 you've got real talent. 255 00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:12,601 Okay... 256 00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:14,069 Mmm. 257 00:09:14,071 --> 00:09:15,304 That ought to work. 258 00:09:15,306 --> 00:09:16,605 What are you doing? 259 00:09:16,607 --> 00:09:18,007 Oh, it's a simple lunch play. 260 00:09:18,009 --> 00:09:19,675 I tell the burger stand 261 00:09:19,677 --> 00:09:21,443 some hyperactive brat knocked my food on the ground, 262 00:09:21,445 --> 00:09:22,945 they replace it, no questions asked. 263 00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:24,613 I usually just swipe a burger 264 00:09:24,615 --> 00:09:26,615 off some dumb-ass family while they're not looking. 265 00:09:26,617 --> 00:09:28,284 Well, that begs the question, Abigail: 266 00:09:28,286 --> 00:09:30,953 you want to be a thief or do you want to be an artist? 267 00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:32,621 You see, an artist takes whatever 268 00:09:32,623 --> 00:09:35,090 he wants when somebody's looking right at him. 269 00:09:39,764 --> 00:09:41,297 These are too small for me. Yeah. 270 00:09:41,299 --> 00:09:44,166 You get the point. Yeah. 271 00:09:58,649 --> 00:10:00,649 I got AIDS, AIDS. AIDS! Guy with AIDS, coming through. 272 00:10:00,651 --> 00:10:02,685 AIDS, coming through. AIDS, AIDS... 273 00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,787 AIDS! Hey, man, go through. Hey, go for it, go, go, go! 274 00:10:04,789 --> 00:10:06,455 No, you need a raft! You need a raft! 275 00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:23,672 Ah! Ah! Ow! 276 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,012 My camera! Oh, great, your camera. 277 00:10:30,014 --> 00:10:31,380 I was really worried about that. 278 00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,082 This is my watch. 279 00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:45,661 Go. (screams) 280 00:10:45,663 --> 00:10:47,529 Go. (screams) 281 00:10:47,531 --> 00:10:49,999 My sunglasses. Oh, all of our chains! 282 00:10:50,001 --> 00:10:51,200 You know how hard it is to get all of our chains. 283 00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:52,201 AIDS... AIDS, AIDS! 284 00:10:57,575 --> 00:10:58,908 Ow! 285 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:01,377 Stop sending kids, nerd! 286 00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:03,545 You goddamn nerd! Go. 287 00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:05,214 We're making good time. We're doin' it, Charlie. 288 00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:06,749 We're pretty much... we're pretty much caught up. 289 00:11:06,751 --> 00:11:09,451 Whoa, hey, hey, guys! 290 00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:11,420 What are you guys doing? You guys doing a AIDS thing? 291 00:11:11,422 --> 00:11:12,688 Oh, yeah! Yeah. 292 00:11:12,690 --> 00:11:14,023 I gave Frank a couple hickeys 293 00:11:14,025 --> 00:11:15,457 to sell the lesions. Sucked on 'em. 294 00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:16,926 Yeah, yeah. 295 00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,360 You doing a fake daughter thing? 296 00:11:18,362 --> 00:11:20,729 Yeah. Cool. All right, man, see ya. 297 00:11:20,731 --> 00:11:22,531 See ya. (starts fake crying) 298 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,721 Three, two, one, go! 299 00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,225 I got AIDS! 300 00:11:52,997 --> 00:11:55,297 Yeah! (whooping) 301 00:12:01,272 --> 00:12:02,838 Frank, we did it, man! Charlie! 302 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,173 With time to spare! Charlie! We... 303 00:12:04,175 --> 00:12:06,508 Every single ride in here! We won! 304 00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:07,943 Hey! Hey, hey, hey! 305 00:12:07,945 --> 00:12:09,111 Hey! Suck on that, river rat! 306 00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,346 Every ride! (laughs) 307 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:13,749 We did it. Oh, shit. 308 00:12:13,751 --> 00:12:15,851 Frank. Look at this! 309 00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:19,822 Oh. Oh... 310 00:12:19,824 --> 00:12:21,357 What... what is that? 311 00:12:21,359 --> 00:12:23,192 I don't know. 312 00:12:23,194 --> 00:12:24,860 I mean, that-that's not on the map— what ride is that? 313 00:12:24,862 --> 00:12:26,028 Excuse me? 314 00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:27,196 Excuse me, ma'am? Yeah? 315 00:12:27,198 --> 00:12:28,630 What is this ride over here? 316 00:12:28,632 --> 00:12:29,665 Oh, that's our new slide. 317 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,100 It's, uh, Thunder Gun Express. 318 00:12:31,102 --> 00:12:32,434 We just finished construction. 319 00:12:32,436 --> 00:12:33,936 It'll be open in a few weeks. 320 00:12:33,938 --> 00:12:34,937 A Thunder Gun ride? Yeah. 321 00:12:34,939 --> 00:12:36,105 Like the movie? 322 00:12:36,107 --> 00:12:37,639 Yeah, but there's no water or anything yet, 323 00:12:37,641 --> 00:12:39,141 so we still have to test it. Oh, yeah. 324 00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:40,609 It's totally dry. 325 00:12:40,611 --> 00:12:41,977 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not— 326 00:12:41,979 --> 00:12:44,113 no, but it's not, it's, it's not open yet. 327 00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:45,447 It's Thunder Gun, man. No hesitation. 328 00:12:45,449 --> 00:12:47,282 No, no, no. No surrender. No man left behind. 329 00:12:47,284 --> 00:12:48,817 We got to get to the top of that slide. 330 00:12:48,819 --> 00:12:51,353 And raw-dog the shit out of it! 331 00:12:53,958 --> 00:12:55,157 Mac? Yeah? 332 00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:56,825 My vial is blood red. 333 00:12:56,827 --> 00:12:58,460 That's because the water's not even running through anymore. 334 00:12:58,462 --> 00:12:59,962 It's just pooling up. 335 00:12:59,964 --> 00:13:01,530 Well, I got to tell you something, though, I... Huh? 336 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,532 I don't know if I'm gonna be able to hold it much longer. 337 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,467 What? I-I've been in here for so long, I-I... 338 00:13:05,469 --> 00:13:07,302 Don't you do it, Dee! Don't you do it! 339 00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:08,637 The problem is it's already happening. 340 00:13:08,639 --> 00:13:10,072 I'm peeing on your shoulder right now. 341 00:13:10,074 --> 00:13:12,041 But I don't mean to, I'm sorry. (groaning) 342 00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,075 It's warm. You bitch! 343 00:13:13,077 --> 00:13:14,643 When we get out of here, I'm gonna kill you! 344 00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:16,311 What am I supposed to do? How are you even holding your pee? 345 00:13:16,313 --> 00:13:17,746 We've been stuck in here forever! 346 00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:19,381 Oh, I peed as soon as we got in the slide. 347 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:21,150 Me, too. What? (laughter) 348 00:13:21,152 --> 00:13:22,584 Ew! What? 349 00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:23,919 These animals are, they're laughing! 350 00:13:23,921 --> 00:13:25,154 Of course they are! 351 00:13:25,156 --> 00:13:26,655 I think they're actually enjoying this shit! 352 00:13:26,657 --> 00:13:27,823 Oh, they love every second of it! 353 00:13:27,825 --> 00:13:29,024 They're just pissing all over us! Goddamn it. 354 00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:31,493 We're gonna die in here with them! 355 00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:33,062 Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, Dee. 356 00:13:33,064 --> 00:13:35,164 I've got an idea! What? 357 00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,665 If we can get Sherman's mouth 358 00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:38,767 to this bracelet, we can get out of here. 359 00:13:38,769 --> 00:13:39,768 You said you couldn't rip through it. 360 00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:40,769 No, I can't. 361 00:13:40,771 --> 00:13:42,704 But Sherman can chew through it! 362 00:13:42,706 --> 00:13:44,706 Like the girl in the pool drain 363 00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:46,909 when she got her anus stuck, she chewed through 364 00:13:46,911 --> 00:13:50,045 her prolapsed anus and chewed herself to freedom. 365 00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:51,713 What are you talking about? Sherman! 366 00:13:51,715 --> 00:13:53,515 Get your mouth to this bracelet and chew! 367 00:13:53,517 --> 00:13:54,616 Aw, screw it. Try it. 368 00:13:54,618 --> 00:13:55,918 Chew like you've never chewed before. 369 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,386 Go, Sherman, chew! 370 00:14:01,725 --> 00:14:02,791 Whoa! 371 00:14:03,961 --> 00:14:05,861 Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? 372 00:14:05,863 --> 00:14:07,362 I got some boy to give me this. 373 00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:09,898 I said I'd kiss him if he met me in the parking lot. 374 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,568 Then I swiped his wristband, so he can't get back in. 375 00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:13,635 (laughs) Nice. 376 00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:15,571 Thanks. Well, I got to roll. 377 00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:17,106 What do you mean? Where you going? 378 00:14:17,108 --> 00:14:18,574 We're just getting started. 379 00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:21,043 Yeah, but my mom said it's time to leave. 380 00:14:21,045 --> 00:14:23,378 Wow. 381 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,647 That's a disappointing glimpse into your future. 382 00:14:25,649 --> 00:14:26,782 Now, why don't you tell your mom 383 00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:28,083 you want to stick around for a little while? 384 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:29,118 That won't work. 385 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,752 She never listens to me. 386 00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:32,821 Oh, now, see, no. That bothers me. 387 00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:35,891 A genius whose fate is controlled by an idiot? 388 00:14:35,893 --> 00:14:38,327 You think I'm a genius? 389 00:14:38,329 --> 00:14:39,928 Yes! Yes, I think you're a genius. 390 00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,263 Are you kidding me? 391 00:14:41,265 --> 00:14:42,831 When I was your age, I couldn't have accomplished 392 00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:44,333 half the things you did today. 393 00:14:44,335 --> 00:14:46,001 See, this is why the Chinese are destroying us. 394 00:14:46,003 --> 00:14:47,336 If you were born in China, 395 00:14:47,338 --> 00:14:49,037 you'd be the head of some factory by now. 396 00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:51,907 Or they would've thrown you in a river, 397 00:14:51,909 --> 00:14:53,509 'cause you weren't a boy. 398 00:14:53,511 --> 00:14:54,977 All right, it's not a great analogy, 399 00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:56,278 but you get my point. 400 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,513 A-Abby... 401 00:14:57,515 --> 00:14:59,281 you deserve better. 402 00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:02,351 Here, I... I want you to have it. 403 00:15:02,353 --> 00:15:03,652 No, what do you mean? You earned that. 404 00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:05,087 No, please, take it. 405 00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:07,723 So you never forget me. 406 00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:11,527 Thanks, Dennis. 407 00:15:11,529 --> 00:15:14,863 For being the first adult to actually give a shit about me. 408 00:15:20,704 --> 00:15:21,937 You! 409 00:15:21,939 --> 00:15:23,539 Yes? 410 00:15:23,541 --> 00:15:24,706 We need to have a conversation. 411 00:15:24,708 --> 00:15:25,874 Your daughter is a special kid. 412 00:15:25,876 --> 00:15:28,477 A gifted child who should be treasured. 413 00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:30,712 If she were born in China, she... 414 00:15:30,714 --> 00:15:32,514 Wait, I already did that. 415 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,549 Didn't work. 416 00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:35,350 If she were born in... 417 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,553 What country treasures their women? 418 00:15:37,555 --> 00:15:39,855 What are you talking about? What am I talking about? 419 00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:41,890 Mom, can I have a slushy? 420 00:15:41,892 --> 00:15:43,358 Yes, in just a minute. 421 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,626 Is that Abby's brother? 422 00:15:44,628 --> 00:15:45,727 I don't have a daughter. 423 00:15:45,729 --> 00:15:47,095 Yes, you do. The girl that was just... 424 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,568 Please take it. 425 00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:56,872 So you never forget me. 426 00:15:56,874 --> 00:16:00,409 See, an artist takes whatever he wants... 427 00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:02,744 when somebody's looking right at him. 428 00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:10,819 What is wrong with you? Why are you...? 429 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,926 (quietly): Huh. 430 00:16:20,998 --> 00:16:22,731 How would you even describe something like that? 431 00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:24,199 It's so beautiful. 432 00:16:24,201 --> 00:16:26,034 They should've sent a poet. 433 00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:28,170 All right, let's go, let's go. Okay. 434 00:16:28,172 --> 00:16:29,338 All right, all right. Okay. 435 00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,940 Here we go. (laughing) 436 00:16:31,942 --> 00:16:33,208 Oh, oh. 437 00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:34,610 All right. 438 00:16:34,612 --> 00:16:35,844 This should be good, right? 439 00:16:35,846 --> 00:16:36,878 Oh, that's great. 440 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,013 That'll do it. Oh! 441 00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:39,348 Who's going first? 442 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:41,850 Well, it should be you, right? 443 00:16:41,852 --> 00:16:43,218 I mean, you pulled off the AIDS thing. 444 00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:45,220 Oh, Charlie! Charlie! 445 00:16:45,222 --> 00:16:46,288 All right! 446 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:47,422 Let's go before we get caught. 447 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,423 Let's go before we get busted, okay? 448 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,424 All right, here we go. All right. 449 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,859 All right. Ready, Frankie! 450 00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:52,594 I won't let you down! All right! 451 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,896 I like the spirit here. Oh! 452 00:16:54,898 --> 00:16:57,099 (squeaking) Oh, it burns! It burns! It burns! It burns! 453 00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:58,934 Aah! 454 00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,276 My back! 455 00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:08,410 That guy has AIDS! 456 00:17:08,412 --> 00:17:10,545 Aah! Aah, my back! 457 00:17:12,082 --> 00:17:14,616 AIDS! Everybody out. 458 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,118 Aah! Aah! 459 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:24,626 We're free! 460 00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:25,627 Oh, my God! 461 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:26,628 Ah, we're free! 462 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,929 My God! 463 00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:29,264 Is that blood? 464 00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:30,766 There's AIDS blood in the pool! 465 00:17:30,768 --> 00:17:32,100 That's goddamn AIDS blood? 466 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,504 Has anyone seen my son? 467 00:17:35,506 --> 00:17:36,805 Goddamn it! 468 00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:39,308 I hate this goddamn water park!