1
00:00:18,108 --> 00:00:19,474
go for it, go for it.

2
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,046
Well, somebody's
chipper this morning.

3
00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:26,248
Oh... you guys were there
all this time?

4
00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:27,449
I didn't see you.

5
00:00:27,451 --> 00:00:28,584
Yeah, we just didn't
want to interrupt

6
00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:30,185
your morning routine.

7
00:00:30,187 --> 00:00:32,921
Is doing cocaine every
morning your routine, frank?

8
00:00:32,923 --> 00:00:35,090
Yeah. Hey, frank,

9
00:00:35,092 --> 00:00:36,425
how's wolf cola doing?

10
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,593
Funny you should ask.

11
00:00:37,595 --> 00:00:39,127
I'm selling it to the Jews

12
00:00:39,129 --> 00:00:40,562
in boca raton.

13
00:00:40,564 --> 00:00:41,697
They're slurping it up

14
00:00:41,699 --> 00:00:42,798
like candy. They're...

15
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,299
I'm telling you,
they're addicted.

16
00:00:44,301 --> 00:00:45,901
If I recall, wolf cola
used to just be, like,

17
00:00:45,903 --> 00:00:47,536
a money laundering front.

18
00:00:47,538 --> 00:00:50,572
Well, it was, but I'm selling
it now by the truckload.

19
00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:52,240
I mean, they can't
get enough of it.

20
00:00:52,242 --> 00:00:55,444
It's become the official drink
of boca raton.

21
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:56,612
Why do you ask?

22
00:00:56,614 --> 00:00:58,313
Well, just 'cause of this.

23
00:00:59,148 --> 00:01:00,415
The group released

24
00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:01,850
another video today.

25
00:01:14,497 --> 00:01:16,398
Preliminary investigations

26
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,667
have revealed that
wolf cola may in fact be

27
00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:22,838
an American soda company,
although how and why boko haram

28
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,140
has adopted it
as their official soft drink

29
00:01:25,142 --> 00:01:27,242
is unknown at this time.

30
00:01:27,244 --> 00:01:30,846
We'll keep you updated
on this story as it develops.

31
00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:33,181
Boca raton, frank?

32
00:01:33,183 --> 00:01:36,318
Or the official soft
drink of boko haram?

33
00:01:38,187 --> 00:01:39,788
Whoops.

34
00:02:02,145 --> 00:02:03,945
how do you confuse
a city in Florida

35
00:02:03,947 --> 00:02:06,815
with a terrorist
organization in Africa?

36
00:02:06,817 --> 00:02:08,383
It's an easy misunderstanding.

37
00:02:08,385 --> 00:02:09,885
It is if you're
an elderly cokehead,

38
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,319
trying to launder money
through a dummy

39
00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:12,621
soda corporation.

40
00:02:12,623 --> 00:02:14,056
This is bigger than cola, Dee.

41
00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,824
This is gonna touch
all of frank's fluids.

42
00:02:15,826 --> 00:02:17,325
My god, there are other fluids?

43
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:20,462
Yeah, wolf cola,
some nip boba drink...

44
00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:21,563
Fight milk.

45
00:02:21,565 --> 00:02:22,831
Fight milk? Fight milk?

46
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:23,832
Yeah. Wait, wait, dude,
that's our drink.

47
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:24,833
You've been selling that?

48
00:02:24,835 --> 00:02:25,834
It's selling like crazy

49
00:02:25,836 --> 00:02:27,135
with the ufc guys.

50
00:02:27,137 --> 00:02:29,071
Ufc fighters are drinking fight milk?
What?

51
00:02:29,073 --> 00:02:30,072
Buying it like crazy.

52
00:02:30,074 --> 00:02:31,339
Oh, my god, Charlie,
this is huge.

53
00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:33,141
Yeah! Remember, we designed that

54
00:02:33,143 --> 00:02:34,876
for bodyguards, by bodyguards.

55
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:36,578
And it makes total sense
because the-the best bodyguards

56
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,180
are former ufc fighters.
Well, of course.

57
00:02:38,182 --> 00:02:39,581
And the best ufc fighters
are former bodyguards,

58
00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:40,849
so bodyguards, ufc fighters,

59
00:02:40,851 --> 00:02:42,217
that's like...
It's a revolving door.

60
00:02:42,219 --> 00:02:44,086
Absolutely. Of course. We got
to take control of the product.

61
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:45,487
L-let's get out there.

62
00:02:45,489 --> 00:02:46,822
Let's-let's-let's mingle
with these dudes.

63
00:02:46,824 --> 00:02:48,557
Let's expand the brand, baby.

64
00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,392
Fight milk's back.

65
00:02:50,394 --> 00:02:51,593
Fight milk! Yeah! Yeah!

66
00:02:52,929 --> 00:02:54,429
Found my go bag.

67
00:02:54,431 --> 00:02:56,071
Dee, come over here
and dye my hair blond.

68
00:02:56,734 --> 00:02:57,766
Go bag? You're gonna go blond?

69
00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:58,767
Yeah.

70
00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,035
This is not funny.

71
00:03:00,037 --> 00:03:01,570
Oh, no, it's very
funny to me, actually,

72
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,105
'cause your life's
falling apart.

73
00:03:03,107 --> 00:03:04,439
Yeah, you really screwed
yourself this time, frank.

74
00:03:04,441 --> 00:03:05,540
Hey, do you mind?

75
00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:06,775
Yeah, go ahead. I'm screwed?

76
00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:08,210
You're going down, too, buddy.

77
00:03:08,212 --> 00:03:09,578
What?

78
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,779
Remember when
you wanted all the power

79
00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:11,780
so you could get the puss?

80
00:03:11,782 --> 00:03:13,048
I made you executive

81
00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:15,283
vice president
of worldwide distribution.

82
00:03:15,285 --> 00:03:16,918
Shit, but nobody
knows that, right?

83
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,687
I mean, dude, I only wanted
the illusion of power.

84
00:03:18,689 --> 00:03:19,855
The-the illusion.

85
00:03:19,857 --> 00:03:20,889
I never saw an ounce of puss.

86
00:03:20,891 --> 00:03:22,524
Oh, this is a good day for me.

87
00:03:22,526 --> 00:03:24,426
You're going down, too? This is great.
You're laughing?

88
00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:26,528
You're executive vice president
of operations.

89
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,130
Oh. What? Yes.

90
00:03:28,132 --> 00:03:30,265
Goddamn it, frank,
why would you lump me into this?

91
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:32,200
It's a family business.
I wanted it to be wholesome.

92
00:03:32,202 --> 00:03:33,535
Okay, a-all right, all right.
Oh, no.

93
00:03:33,537 --> 00:03:34,603
Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.
Oh, no.

94
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,104
I got this, I got this.

95
00:03:36,106 --> 00:03:37,405
We-we just need to face
this thing head-on.

96
00:03:37,407 --> 00:03:39,040
And we need to do
it right away, okay?

97
00:03:39,042 --> 00:03:41,276
Because we only have...

98
00:03:43,045 --> 00:03:44,713
24 hours.

99
00:03:44,715 --> 00:03:45,714
This is why we had to wait

100
00:03:45,716 --> 00:03:46,815
for you to go to
bed bath & beyond?

101
00:03:46,817 --> 00:03:48,984
Yes, bitch. Now, listen,

102
00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,418
we live in the age
of the 24-hour news cycle,

103
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:51,720
which means we only have

104
00:03:51,722 --> 00:03:53,121
24 hours to respond to this,
okay?

105
00:03:53,123 --> 00:03:54,322
If we don't,
then Internet trolls

106
00:03:54,324 --> 00:03:55,557
are gonna control the narrative.

107
00:03:55,559 --> 00:03:56,758
I don't know how
we're gonna come back

108
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,326
from dealing with terrorists.

109
00:03:58,328 --> 00:04:00,061
Christ, Mercedes built
Nazi tanks, okay?

110
00:04:00,063 --> 00:04:01,663
And the Jews are still driving
their cars around.

111
00:04:01,665 --> 00:04:03,064
Floyd Mayweather beat the shit

112
00:04:03,066 --> 00:04:04,900
out of multiple women
and he's the highest paid

113
00:04:04,902 --> 00:04:06,268
athlete of all time.

114
00:04:06,270 --> 00:04:07,569
All right? There's
only one thing

115
00:04:07,571 --> 00:04:09,571
you can't come back from...
Banging kids.

116
00:04:09,573 --> 00:04:11,072
Well, what about
the catholic church?

117
00:04:11,074 --> 00:04:12,307
That's a good point. Hmm.

118
00:04:12,309 --> 00:04:13,441
Yeah, no, they did sidestep

119
00:04:13,443 --> 00:04:15,010
banging kids pretty masterfully,

120
00:04:15,012 --> 00:04:16,645
but they've got billions of
dollars at their disposal

121
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,480
and we do not, so... No.

122
00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:19,848
Here we go.

123
00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,854
Fight milk! Fight
milk's in the house.

124
00:04:25,856 --> 00:04:27,622
Fight milk's in the house.

125
00:04:27,624 --> 00:04:29,544
Who wants to drink some fight milk?
Fight! Fight!

126
00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:33,862
Fight milk's in the house.
That's right.

127
00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:35,297
Time to stop eating your crow

128
00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:36,631
and start drinking
your crow, everybody.

129
00:04:36,633 --> 00:04:37,632
Hey, guys.

130
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:38,767
Turn off that Cancun,

131
00:04:38,769 --> 00:04:40,769
pussy ass, techno bullshit.

132
00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:42,304
Yeah. Yeah, that's what I said.

133
00:04:42,306 --> 00:04:43,772
I said turn off the... That's
what I was saying is...

134
00:04:43,774 --> 00:04:45,140
Don't play the c... the...

135
00:04:45,142 --> 00:04:46,374
The Cancun bullshit, Charlie,

136
00:04:46,376 --> 00:04:47,676
and he said... I said
the same thing, yeah.

137
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,311
Got to go spring break.
Well, anyway,

138
00:04:49,313 --> 00:04:50,645
let's tell you about ourselves.
Yeah.

139
00:04:50,647 --> 00:04:52,380
We're the founders and
creators of fight milk.

140
00:04:52,382 --> 00:04:53,882
Yeah. We wanted to
come by and tell you

141
00:04:53,884 --> 00:04:55,350
a little bit about what we do.

142
00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:57,118
Yeah. Now, I've always
been very passionate

143
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,687
about dominating other men.
Uh-oh.

144
00:04:58,689 --> 00:04:59,988
There's nothing like the feeling

145
00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:01,990
of another man
submitting to your will.

146
00:05:01,992 --> 00:05:03,225
Now that's power.

147
00:05:03,227 --> 00:05:04,359
Yeah. In a lot of
ways, that's love.

148
00:05:04,361 --> 00:05:05,327
What are you talking about?

149
00:05:05,329 --> 00:05:06,828
Okay, he's a bodyguard, though.

150
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:08,196
Yeah. I feel like you
were being unclear.

151
00:05:08,198 --> 00:05:09,798
Did-did I not say that?
Yeah, you should say...

152
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,066
You should lead with that.
I'm screwing up the pitch.

153
00:05:11,068 --> 00:05:12,500
You know what,
I'm gonna jump in here.

154
00:05:12,502 --> 00:05:14,336
We're-we're a couple
of crow enthusiasts

155
00:05:14,338 --> 00:05:15,704
who wanted to take the power

156
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,339
and essence of a crow

157
00:05:17,341 --> 00:05:19,040
and-and we packed that
into a delicious milk drink

158
00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:20,742
that we invented, thus fight milk.
Yeah.

159
00:05:20,744 --> 00:05:22,811
I don't know what you guys
are talking about right now,

160
00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:24,312
but I have heard of your stuff

161
00:05:24,314 --> 00:05:26,047
and cerrone and felder,
they actually love it.

162
00:05:26,049 --> 00:05:27,582
Are you kidding me, dude?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

163
00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:29,351
Cowboy cerrone and Paul
felder drink fight milk?

164
00:05:29,353 --> 00:05:30,352
Oh, they love it. They crush it.

165
00:05:30,354 --> 00:05:31,519
They crush it.
They're crushing...

166
00:05:31,521 --> 00:05:32,387
That's... Fight milk

167
00:05:32,389 --> 00:05:33,655
is supposed to be crushed.

168
00:05:33,657 --> 00:05:35,690
Uh, this is for
wiping yourself down.

169
00:05:35,692 --> 00:05:36,858
Yeah, yeah, thanks, bro.
Okay, man.

170
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:37,859
All right, yeah, my man.
All right, thanks, bro.

171
00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:38,860
Yeah, thanks, guys.

172
00:05:38,862 --> 00:05:40,161
Hey, good luck with that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

173
00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:41,696
Hello? Hello?

174
00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,198
Uh, Mr. cowboy, Mr. felder.

175
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,867
Oh, cowboy! Hey!

176
00:05:45,869 --> 00:05:47,469
Oh! Oh!

177
00:05:48,704 --> 00:05:50,538
It's us, the fight milk guys.
Hey.

178
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,840
Oh, man, we love your drink.

179
00:05:51,842 --> 00:05:53,208
We just had some.

180
00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:55,210
Yeah, man, I'd get up
and shake your hands

181
00:05:55,212 --> 00:05:57,779
if I wasn't shitting
my brains out right now.

182
00:05:57,781 --> 00:06:00,615
Oh, no. No, no,
that's fine, yeah.

183
00:06:01,785 --> 00:06:02,951
So, fight milk makes you sick?

184
00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:05,253
Makes you expel all body fluids.

185
00:06:05,255 --> 00:06:06,855
Sweat, piss,

186
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:08,256
and shit; We got these
weigh-ins coming up.

187
00:06:08,258 --> 00:06:10,425
Nothing cuts weight
like fight milk.

188
00:06:10,427 --> 00:06:12,427
Oh, you're using it
to cut weight, huh?

189
00:06:12,429 --> 00:06:13,862
They should give
you guys a nobel...

190
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:19,267
Oh, I just puked on my dick!

191
00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:20,235
Rock and roll.

192
00:06:20,237 --> 00:06:21,269
All right, cool.

193
00:06:21,271 --> 00:06:22,737
Well, uh... Rock and roll, yeah.

194
00:06:22,739 --> 00:06:25,106
Yeah.
We just got you some merch.

195
00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:26,408
Um...

196
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:27,909
Yeah, water bottle.

197
00:06:27,911 --> 00:06:30,145
For when you feel better, and...

198
00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,479
Um... yeah, we should, uh...

199
00:06:31,481 --> 00:06:32,747
Well, keep drinking
the-the drink

200
00:06:32,749 --> 00:06:34,149
that makes you guys
throw up and...

201
00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:36,785
Oh! Oh! Oh, god!

202
00:06:39,756 --> 00:06:40,755
all right, you guys ready?
We are.

203
00:06:40,757 --> 00:06:41,756
This is our opportunity

204
00:06:41,758 --> 00:06:43,625
to control our message
to the public.

205
00:06:43,627 --> 00:06:46,594
And I think how we do that
is soften their brand.

206
00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:48,196
Whose brand? Boko haram.

207
00:06:48,998 --> 00:06:50,131
What? Wait, stop,

208
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,733
fr-frank, you want to change...

209
00:06:51,735 --> 00:06:54,235
The perception of a global
terrorist organization?

210
00:06:54,237 --> 00:06:56,938
Yeah, and I've got many facts to do it.
No. No, no, no, no.

211
00:06:56,940 --> 00:06:59,240
Put your facts away. We're
just here to apologize, bozo.

212
00:06:59,242 --> 00:07:00,909
No, hold on a second, Dee, no.
We're not here

213
00:07:00,911 --> 00:07:02,978
to apologize, either, okay?
You never apologize.

214
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:04,479
We're just here to
take responsibility,

215
00:07:04,481 --> 00:07:05,780
but for nothing specific.

216
00:07:05,782 --> 00:07:07,482
All that matters
is that consumers feel

217
00:07:07,484 --> 00:07:09,150
their voices are being heard.
No.

218
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:11,286
You say you're sorry, and
then you just move on.

219
00:07:11,288 --> 00:07:12,854
No, Dee, actually,
you don't say anything.

220
00:07:12,856 --> 00:07:14,789
But you do have
a very important job...

221
00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:16,691
To say nothing and
stand behind me.

222
00:07:16,693 --> 00:07:18,259
You see, audiences
are gonna trust me

223
00:07:18,261 --> 00:07:20,295
over you because you're a woman,

224
00:07:20,297 --> 00:07:22,831
and, by definition, shrill.

225
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:25,200
No. Women identify
with women in power.

226
00:07:25,202 --> 00:07:27,702
Oh, no, Dee. Women hate
other women in power.

227
00:07:27,704 --> 00:07:29,137
I'm threatened by 'em.
Everyone is.

228
00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:32,007
Now, objectify yourself
and humanize me.

229
00:07:32,009 --> 00:07:33,842
Hmm.

230
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:39,180
And here to tell
their side of the story

231
00:07:39,182 --> 00:07:41,282
is the team from wolf cola.

232
00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:42,384
Guys, thanks for coming in.

233
00:07:42,386 --> 00:07:44,019
Oh, well, thank you
for having us, Chet.

234
00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:46,521
We at wolf cola were
as shocked and saddened

235
00:07:46,523 --> 00:07:48,623
by this news as everyone else.

236
00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:50,692
Uh, this by no means
reflects our ideals

237
00:07:50,694 --> 00:07:52,560
as a premium soda company.

238
00:07:52,562 --> 00:07:54,162
We're a family-run business,

239
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:55,964
and we really care
about people's concerns.

240
00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:57,065
Listen, the point is,

241
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,800
we have heard you all,

242
00:07:58,802 --> 00:08:02,003
and we are working tirelessly
to remedy this situation.

243
00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:03,204
Well, not an easy situation,

244
00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:05,173
indeed, but handled
with grace and aplomb.

245
00:08:05,175 --> 00:08:06,875
Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.
And it looks like

246
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,643
you're already getting
good feedback.

247
00:08:08,645 --> 00:08:10,211
Oh, that's-that's great.
Well, uh, thank you, Chet.

248
00:08:10,213 --> 00:08:12,047
And I want to say thank you
to America...

249
00:08:12,049 --> 00:08:13,915
And also, we're sorry.

250
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:15,583
We accept full responsibility

251
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:17,886
for this heinous mistake,
and please know

252
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,755
that I am actively
firing people as we speak,

253
00:08:20,757 --> 00:08:23,391
because I am the boss.

254
00:08:23,393 --> 00:08:25,026
Bitch.

255
00:08:25,028 --> 00:08:26,928
That's good to know.

256
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:27,762
Yes.

257
00:08:27,764 --> 00:08:29,064
Next up, a heroic tale...

258
00:08:29,066 --> 00:08:30,398
You know what, Chet,

259
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,499
can I say something?

260
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:32,567
I think we've said enough.

261
00:08:32,569 --> 00:08:33,835
I think... You got to understand

262
00:08:33,837 --> 00:08:35,904
that boko haram did not do 9/11.

263
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:37,739
Yeah. That was... Al-qaeda.

264
00:08:37,741 --> 00:08:39,040
Paris, that was done

265
00:08:39,042 --> 00:08:40,108
by Isis.

266
00:08:40,110 --> 00:08:41,910
Boko haram
is just concentrating,

267
00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,678
they're doing Africa. I mean...

268
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,180
I mean, there's
mosquitos down there

269
00:08:45,182 --> 00:08:48,850
that are bigger terrorists
than boko haram.

270
00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:54,789
We're gonna take a break.

271
00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:03,198
And the 24-hour news cycle
starts again.

272
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,632
Way to go, assholes.

273
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:06,067
I made good points.
Jesus Christ,

274
00:09:06,069 --> 00:09:07,902
I am just getting
eviscerated online.

275
00:09:07,904 --> 00:09:10,371
People calling me a bitch,
flat-chested bitch,

276
00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:12,574
pretty much everybody
wanting to rape me.

277
00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:14,409
All right, you opened that door
the second you apologized, Dee.

278
00:09:14,411 --> 00:09:16,277
You don't see this?
People need an outlet

279
00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,046
to unleash their rage.
Now social media

280
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:19,614
will come down on you

281
00:09:19,616 --> 00:09:21,316
with the fury of
a middle-aged man

282
00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:22,817
who's accomplished nothing.

283
00:09:22,819 --> 00:09:24,752
Hi-yo! What's up, bitches?

284
00:09:24,754 --> 00:09:26,154
What's that? What do you got?

285
00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:28,156
Huh? Crow traps, baby. Look.

286
00:09:28,158 --> 00:09:29,557
Fight milk is boomin'.
Apparently,

287
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,593
people are using it
to lose weight.

288
00:09:31,595 --> 00:09:34,229
Yeah. Now, we're gonna
lean into that new market

289
00:09:34,231 --> 00:09:35,964
and rebrand the product. Mm-hmm.

290
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,732
I like this rebranding idea.

291
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:40,502
That's what I got to do...
I got to rebrand my product.

292
00:09:40,504 --> 00:09:43,605
You guys, the problem is,
I just ooze sexuality.

293
00:09:43,607 --> 00:09:44,572
Well, you ooze.

294
00:09:44,574 --> 00:09:45,840
A real woman of power,

295
00:09:45,842 --> 00:09:48,109
she exudes no sexuality at all.

296
00:09:48,111 --> 00:09:51,579
That's true. I think we got to
focus on not losing boko haram.

297
00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:53,748
That's a good business.
The fastest-growing marketplace

298
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,783
is Muslim extremists.

299
00:09:55,785 --> 00:09:57,652
Frank, we're not going into
business with terrorists.

300
00:09:57,654 --> 00:09:59,020
Are you crazy?

301
00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:01,489
Look, we need to get
back on TV immediately

302
00:10:01,491 --> 00:10:03,258
and control the
goddamn narrative.

303
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:05,326
Yeah, speaking of TV, we're gonna
be doing a little controlling

304
00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:07,328
of our narrative, so you
guys mind clearing out?

305
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:09,130
Yeah, this is now our set.

306
00:10:09,132 --> 00:10:10,465
All right, come on, we got work
to do, guys. Let's go.

307
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:11,833
Let's go.
Don't forget your phone,

308
00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:13,001
stupid idiot. Yep.

309
00:10:16,773 --> 00:10:18,640
Three, two, one! What up!
What up!

310
00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:21,876
Are you fat? You probably are,
'cause you're watching TV!

311
00:10:21,878 --> 00:10:23,378
Or Internet.

312
00:10:25,048 --> 00:10:26,848
fight milk! Rebrand!

313
00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:32,453
let's talk about women's bodies.

314
00:10:32,455 --> 00:10:33,721
I like women.

315
00:10:33,723 --> 00:10:35,290
It's easy for us men...
We have four

316
00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:36,724
acceptable body types.

317
00:10:36,726 --> 00:10:39,227
Skinny ripped,
Jack ripped, dad bod,

318
00:10:39,229 --> 00:10:41,029
and fat... if you're funny.

319
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:43,031
It's a landslide!

320
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,868
As we all know, women only have
one acceptable body type.

321
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:48,636
Skinny, big tits!

322
00:10:48,638 --> 00:10:50,672
New evidence is suggesting
that all this science

323
00:10:50,674 --> 00:10:52,140
inside one crow's egg

324
00:10:52,142 --> 00:10:55,210
can scientifically make
your breasts larger.

325
00:10:55,212 --> 00:10:58,079
Watch the enzymes
enlargify your breasts.

326
00:10:59,516 --> 00:11:01,249
Want to hear more about it?
The sci...

327
00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:02,383
Aah!

328
00:11:02,385 --> 00:11:04,752
No nerds! Fight milk!

329
00:11:05,755 --> 00:11:06,854
Finally there's a crow-based

330
00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:08,723
protein alcoholic drink for you.

331
00:11:08,725 --> 00:11:10,425
Fight milk! Fight milk!

332
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:16,097
Well, what do you guys think?
I don't get it.

333
00:11:16,099 --> 00:11:17,532
That's 'cause you're
a stupid ring girl.

334
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:18,866
It couldn't be any simpler.
Yeah, look,

335
00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:20,668
take it easy.
Basically, we're trying

336
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:22,837
to expand our product
to the world of ufc women,

337
00:11:22,839 --> 00:11:25,173
and look, uh, ring girls
are the perfect combo.

338
00:11:25,175 --> 00:11:26,708
Really. Yeah. I mean,
honestly, ladies,

339
00:11:26,710 --> 00:11:28,543
you could afford to
lose a few pounds,

340
00:11:28,545 --> 00:11:29,711
maybe in this area...

341
00:11:29,713 --> 00:11:32,046
Well... Or here.

342
00:11:32,048 --> 00:11:34,582
Really, I mean, between the three
of you, we could be opening up

343
00:11:34,584 --> 00:11:36,351
a bakery with all the
muffin tops I'm seeing.

344
00:11:36,353 --> 00:11:37,785
Yes. Now, fight
milk will help you

345
00:11:37,787 --> 00:11:39,287
lose those unwanted pounds

346
00:11:39,289 --> 00:11:41,122
so you don't have
to resort to surgery,

347
00:11:41,124 --> 00:11:43,224
which could cause scarring and
make you even less attractive

348
00:11:43,226 --> 00:11:45,293
to men than you already are, okay?
All right.

349
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:46,628
Now, I feel like... No,
no, look, I'm sorry,

350
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:48,363
my friend has
really weird women issues.

351
00:11:48,365 --> 00:11:50,098
I didn't realize he brought
a laser pointer.

352
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,634
But the point is,
you guys could look even better

353
00:11:52,636 --> 00:11:54,102
if you drank fight milk.

354
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,971
We're not into
your weird diarrhea drink.

355
00:11:56,973 --> 00:11:58,706
Right. Okay,
it's not a diarrhea drink.

356
00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:00,275
It's... You know what, Charlie?

357
00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:01,876
This isn't the dream
that I had for fight milk.

358
00:12:01,878 --> 00:12:03,878
No! We're not the diarrhea guys.

359
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,713
No!
That's not what I want to be.

360
00:12:05,715 --> 00:12:07,882
It's not for women! It
was never made for women!

361
00:12:07,884 --> 00:12:10,084
But it'd be great
if women also drank it.

362
00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,120
The dream was to create
a muscle-up energy drink

363
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:14,722
yeah. That gave you the
power to fight like a crow!

364
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:16,224
Yes! Men!

365
00:12:16,226 --> 00:12:17,892
Or women.
But yes. But definitely

366
00:12:17,894 --> 00:12:19,827
crow-power fighting skills.
Either way,

367
00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:22,764
absolutely. I think, dude, we
got to get back to the lab.

368
00:12:22,766 --> 00:12:25,066
I think we got to get
some more crows.

369
00:12:28,405 --> 00:12:31,339
From dog fighting
to finding a loving home.

370
00:12:31,341 --> 00:12:33,174
Amazing.

371
00:12:33,176 --> 00:12:35,910
Now, who wouldn't want
to adopt a little guy like this?

372
00:12:35,912 --> 00:12:37,812
Well said, Mike.

373
00:12:37,814 --> 00:12:38,913
Great story.

374
00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:43,951
Now, a local soda company
is back in hot water

375
00:12:43,953 --> 00:12:46,287
with controversial remarks.

376
00:12:46,289 --> 00:12:49,857
Returning to talk about it today
is the team from wolf cola.

377
00:12:49,859 --> 00:12:52,960
Thank you so much
for having us back, Chet. Um,

378
00:12:52,962 --> 00:12:55,663
we at wolf cola are not just
about making a satisfying soda.

379
00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:58,266
We are about making
satisfied customers.

380
00:12:58,268 --> 00:13:00,001
We do acknowledge
consumers' concerns.

381
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:02,437
Yes, but we are not apologizing.

382
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:05,807
Right. Oh. Sorry.

383
00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:07,809
I'm just here to humanize him.

384
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:09,210
To support me.
To-to support him.

385
00:13:09,212 --> 00:13:10,645
Support me.

386
00:13:12,148 --> 00:13:13,815
Uh, Chet, we would also
like to announce

387
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:15,683
that for every can
of wolf cola sold,

388
00:13:15,685 --> 00:13:18,319
a portion of the proceeds
will be going to a charity

389
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:19,987
that supports African people.

390
00:13:19,989 --> 00:13:21,456
All africans,

391
00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:23,491
even the...
Our friends at boko haram,

392
00:13:23,493 --> 00:13:25,626
because they are people, too.

393
00:13:25,628 --> 00:13:27,695
We don't discriminate.
Okay, right.

394
00:13:27,697 --> 00:13:29,230
Uh, yeah, look, Chet, if I may

395
00:13:29,232 --> 00:13:30,565
address the public directly?

396
00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:31,833
By all means. Okay.

397
00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:33,234
Um, I assure you

398
00:13:33,236 --> 00:13:34,836
that we have righted this ship,

399
00:13:34,838 --> 00:13:36,871
and we are taking
every step necessary

400
00:13:36,873 --> 00:13:38,673
to address all of your concerns.

401
00:13:38,675 --> 00:13:40,808
We at wolf cola hope
to be a part

402
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:43,144
of your family's daily
refreshment for years to come.

403
00:13:43,146 --> 00:13:46,514
And we can say that
without saying I'm sorry.

404
00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:48,383
Well, Mr. Reynolds,

405
00:13:48,385 --> 00:13:50,685
it sounds like wolf cola has
the right man in charge.

406
00:13:50,687 --> 00:13:52,520
Yeah. Well, I appreciate that.

407
00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:54,322
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

408
00:13:54,324 --> 00:13:55,857
I thought we were done
with the dog segment.

409
00:13:55,859 --> 00:13:57,525
What the hell's this?
Oh. Looks like we got

410
00:13:57,527 --> 00:13:59,260
a lovable little guy
loose in the studio here.

411
00:13:59,262 --> 00:14:00,828
Yeah. Can we get him out
of here?

412
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:02,230
Great. Thanks. Not a dog

413
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,531
lover, Mr. Reynolds? Yeah.

414
00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:04,999
Well, if you're asking me if I,

415
00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:06,701
if I like wild animals
slobbering all over me,

416
00:14:06,703 --> 00:14:08,169
then, yeah,
I guess I'm not really a...

417
00:14:08,171 --> 00:14:09,837
Not really a dog lover then.
Wow. I have

418
00:14:09,839 --> 00:14:11,839
never met a person who
does not like dogs before.

419
00:14:11,841 --> 00:14:13,341
Yeah. Yeah, well...

420
00:14:13,343 --> 00:14:15,109
There are plenty of us
out there,

421
00:14:15,111 --> 00:14:17,545
uh, Chet. Okay, trust me.
We're just afraid to admit it

422
00:14:17,547 --> 00:14:20,181
because we feel like we're gonna
be judged by people like you.

423
00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:22,717
Well, let's take a break. You know what?
Actually, I'm not done.

424
00:14:22,719 --> 00:14:25,620
Uh, Chet, are you a
vegetarian by any chance? No.

425
00:14:25,622 --> 00:14:27,054
Oh, so you're a hypocrite. Yeah.

426
00:14:27,056 --> 00:14:28,523
See, I find that most people
that are whining

427
00:14:28,525 --> 00:14:30,391
about dog fights
are actually the same people

428
00:14:30,393 --> 00:14:32,126
going to football games
and ufc fights,

429
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:34,195
watching human beings
beat the ever-loving shit

430
00:14:34,197 --> 00:14:36,230
out of each other while eating,
uh, fried chicken.

431
00:14:36,232 --> 00:14:38,900
So, wait. Are you saying you're
an animal rights activist?

432
00:14:38,902 --> 00:14:40,701
No, I'm actually
the opposite, pal.

433
00:14:40,703 --> 00:14:42,870
I can't imagine a bigger waste
of people's time and energy.

434
00:14:42,872 --> 00:14:44,372
I mean, Chet, if you can eat
fried chicken, then

435
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:45,973
I should be able
to eat me some fried dog.

436
00:14:45,975 --> 00:14:47,708
Know what I'm saying?
I should be able to eat a bucket

437
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,577
of fried dog at a chicken fight.

438
00:14:49,579 --> 00:14:51,045
Yeah. All I'm saying is,

439
00:14:51,047 --> 00:14:54,382
look, let's just, you know,
let's be consistent.

440
00:15:08,598 --> 00:15:10,097
How you feeling, boys?
You've been pounding

441
00:15:10,099 --> 00:15:12,066
that new formula?
Yeah, I see you doing it.

442
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:13,434
Yeah, and we're not doing
so good, asshole,

443
00:15:13,436 --> 00:15:14,836
'cause nothing's
coming out of me.

444
00:15:14,838 --> 00:15:17,138
My trash can's empty.

445
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:19,173
Yeah, we're scared to shit we ain't
gonna make weight. Oh, guys.

446
00:15:19,175 --> 00:15:20,741
Guys, just don't worry. Yeah, yeah,
don't worry. No, guys, guys, guys.

447
00:15:20,743 --> 00:15:22,143
Don't worry. Okay,
look, this is all a part

448
00:15:22,145 --> 00:15:23,678
of our two-step
process, all right?

449
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,079
See, right now,
you're crow loading...

450
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:26,447
Yeah, you've...
You've drank about, like,

451
00:15:26,449 --> 00:15:28,082
four or five entire crows

452
00:15:28,084 --> 00:15:29,917
'cause I'm grinding one up
for every bottle at this point.

453
00:15:29,919 --> 00:15:31,853
Yes, and it is that crow enzyme
that's jacking you up,

454
00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:34,655
and that's why you look so
beefy and so handsome. And...

455
00:15:34,657 --> 00:15:36,491
All right, but then what's gonna
happen is, you start drinking

456
00:15:36,493 --> 00:15:37,959
the fight milk classic, right,

457
00:15:37,961 --> 00:15:39,527
and-and that's gonna
make you really sick,

458
00:15:39,529 --> 00:15:40,962
'cause that's just the crow eggs

459
00:15:40,964 --> 00:15:42,363
and some
of the crow's fecal matter.

460
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:43,798
So you start
to puke everything out,

461
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,333
and then you'll be
fine for the weigh-in.

462
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,168
You're gonna be puking
on your dick in no time.

463
00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,870
Yeah, yeah, that one's real
nasty. Don't worry about it.

464
00:15:48,872 --> 00:15:50,304
Yeah. You're gonna make
weight at the weigh-in.

465
00:15:50,306 --> 00:15:51,939
Yeah, all I know is,
we don't make weight,

466
00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:53,407
I'm killing you both.

467
00:15:54,543 --> 00:15:56,477
Yeah.

468
00:15:56,479 --> 00:15:57,778
- All right.
- Uh, that's fine.

469
00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,514
We're gonna be... We're good.

470
00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:01,015
Yeah. Yeah. All right, guys, hey, go...
go kick ass.

471
00:16:01,017 --> 00:16:03,784
Remember, that's the nasty one.
Drink that one.

472
00:16:03,786 --> 00:16:05,553
That one's got a real...

473
00:16:06,956 --> 00:16:08,656
all right,

474
00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:11,225
let's bring out
the first fighter, cub Swanson.

475
00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:17,665
We got to get him on fight milk, man.
Oh, yeah, we got to get him.

476
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,367
We got to get him. We got
to get him drinking it.

477
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,337
Up next, the challenger,
Donald "cowboy" cerrone.

478
00:16:24,841 --> 00:16:26,307
Cowboy! Yeah!

479
00:16:26,309 --> 00:16:28,743
Yes!

480
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:34,482
This is it. This is it, dude.
If he makes weight,

481
00:16:34,484 --> 00:16:36,817
this is gonna change fight milk
and our lives forever.

482
00:16:36,819 --> 00:16:38,653
I know, but if he doesn't,
we're bolting, right?

483
00:16:38,655 --> 00:16:40,488
Oh, yeah. I've already
scoped out every single exit.

484
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:41,889
Cowboy! Cowboy! 155.

485
00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:44,492
Yes!

486
00:16:44,494 --> 00:16:46,060
Yeah. We did it!

487
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:47,495
We're gonna be rich! We did it!
We're gonna be rich!

488
00:16:47,497 --> 00:16:49,196
We're gonna be rich. Let's go.

489
00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:50,898
All right, cowboy,
how you feeling right now?

490
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,334
I'm feeling good. Ready to put
on a show for all these guys.

491
00:16:54,938 --> 00:16:57,905
What the hell is going on?
Who are these guys?

492
00:16:57,907 --> 00:17:00,174
Uh, just like to take the
opportunity to thank fight milk.

493
00:17:00,176 --> 00:17:03,210
Yes, and thank you, cowboy,
and thank you, Megan.

494
00:17:03,212 --> 00:17:04,679
We'd also like
to take this opportunity

495
00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:06,180
to announce
that fight milk is now

496
00:17:06,182 --> 00:17:07,915
the official drink of the ufc.
Official drink.

497
00:17:07,917 --> 00:17:09,350
Now, if you're in...

498
00:17:09,352 --> 00:17:10,785
No, no.

499
00:17:10,787 --> 00:17:12,553
This is not
the official drink of the ufc.

500
00:17:12,555 --> 00:17:14,355
And I don't know
who these guys are.

501
00:17:14,357 --> 00:17:17,191
Security, get these assholes out of here!
Fight milk!

502
00:17:17,193 --> 00:17:18,626
Fight milk! Fight milk!

503
00:17:18,628 --> 00:17:21,429
Fight milk!
Fight milk! Fight milk!

504
00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:23,297
Fight milk! Fight milk!

505
00:17:23,299 --> 00:17:26,434
The nationwide hatred
of wolf cola

506
00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:29,570
continues to intensify
on an hourly basis...

507
00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:32,440
Holy shit. We're getting
hammered worse than before.

508
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,775
Bye-bye, frank's fluids.

509
00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:36,777
Turns out there are two things
that can't be forgiven...

510
00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:38,613
Raping children
and disliking dogs.

511
00:17:38,615 --> 00:17:41,549
Well, what am I gonna do
with all the merchandise, man?

512
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:43,618
Throw it in the garbage,
burn it. Who gives a shit?

513
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,553
Yeah, we're done.
Fight milk shit the bed.

514
00:17:45,555 --> 00:17:47,989
What happened? Breaking news

515
00:17:47,991 --> 00:17:49,256
from the sports world.

516
00:17:49,258 --> 00:17:50,558
Fighters at a ufc

517
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,960
event in Philly tested positive

518
00:17:52,962 --> 00:17:55,129
for several banned substances,

519
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:58,466
stemming from an energy drink
called fight milk.

520
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,768
We pumped it full of human
growth hormone, you know. Yeah.

521
00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:02,470
I mean, just nothing
else was working.

522
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,271
It just... it was just
giving people diarrhea.

523
00:18:04,273 --> 00:18:05,439
Mm. Ugh.

524
00:18:05,441 --> 00:18:06,841
Starting to become known

525
00:18:06,843 --> 00:18:08,676
as the official drink
of the ufc,

526
00:18:08,678 --> 00:18:11,479
this fight milk is
a serious smudge for the group,

527
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:15,116
and a potential
public relations nightmare.

528
00:18:15,118 --> 00:18:16,751
Ooh. Holy shit. Holy shit.

529
00:18:16,753 --> 00:18:18,319
What? You guys, this is good.

530
00:18:18,321 --> 00:18:20,087
This is good. We're freed,
and they are screwed.

531
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,622
See, this is actually
the one good thing

532
00:18:21,624 --> 00:18:23,424
about the 24-hour news cycle.

533
00:18:23,426 --> 00:18:25,793
If you give it enough time,
something new will come along

534
00:18:25,795 --> 00:18:28,462
to replace people's old
outrage with new outrage.

535
00:18:28,464 --> 00:18:30,097
Not much is known
about fight milk,

536
00:18:30,099 --> 00:18:32,466
except that it's made
right here in Philadelphia

537
00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:35,302
by a parent company
known as frank's fluids.

538
00:18:35,304 --> 00:18:37,872
Goddamn it!

539
00:18:39,442 --> 00:18:41,042
Start the clock.

540
00:18:41,044 --> 00:18:42,410
Yeah.

541
00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:27,421
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh

542
00:19:29,024 --> 00:19:31,358
look, as we all know, everything
is about emotion with women.

543
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,426
Right, Dee? What?

544
00:19:32,428 --> 00:19:34,195
Oh, my god! Whoa! Whoa.

545
00:19:34,197 --> 00:19:35,529
All right, Dee. Relax.

546
00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,598
We're trying to have
a rational conversation.

547
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,067
Sunny. All new.

548
00:19:40,069 --> 00:19:43,137
Wednesdays at 10:00.
Only on fxx.

549
00:19:47,042 --> 00:19:51,112
I am a very dangerous man

550
00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:52,480
to know.

551
00:19:55,283 --> 00:19:59,353
Taboo.
All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on fx.

552
00:20:04,126 --> 00:20:06,560
Man seeking woman.

553
00:20:06,562 --> 00:20:08,729
All new, wednesdays at 10:30.

554
00:20:08,731 --> 00:20:10,364
Only on fxx.

555
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:14,235
What kind of a clown
do you think you are?

556
00:20:14,237 --> 00:20:16,804
You know, the sad clown,
the distraught clown.

557
00:20:16,806 --> 00:20:18,939
More like a dead-inside clown.

558
00:20:21,910 --> 00:20:24,912
- What are you doing? Chip!
- I'll pick those up.

559
00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:27,148
Oh, god!

560
00:20:27,150 --> 00:20:28,449
Baskets.

561
00:20:28,451 --> 00:20:31,218
All new Thursdays at 10:00.
On fx.

562
00:20:35,323 --> 00:20:37,091
So, is he crazy?

563
00:20:37,093 --> 00:20:40,127
He believes he's mentally ill.

564
00:20:40,129 --> 00:20:43,063
But at the same time,
part of him knows...

565
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:46,700
The power's real.

566
00:20:54,743 --> 00:20:57,311
Take an hour of his time.

567
00:20:57,313 --> 00:20:59,914
Wow. Look at Stan's yard.

568
00:20:59,916 --> 00:21:02,016
Someone's been busy.

569
00:21:02,018 --> 00:21:05,152
Clearly not in ours. Maybe
Henry can do some work today.

570
00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:07,254
Yeah.

571
00:21:07,256 --> 00:21:09,757
I forget your back is always
bad this time of year.

572
00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:11,392
Only when there are leaves...

573
00:21:15,597 --> 00:21:17,598
When did you wash this last?