1 00:00:00,095 --> 00:00:01,645 - Up front. - This is so unfair. 2 00:00:01,780 --> 00:00:03,179 I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't happen to, like, 3 00:00:03,248 --> 00:00:04,781 loads of women all the time, 4 00:00:04,783 --> 00:00:06,916 but I don't harass anybody, so why am I here? 5 00:00:06,985 --> 00:00:09,736 Because some Internet warrior put Paddy's on a list 6 00:00:09,738 --> 00:00:12,805 of unsafe places for women and we can't have that, okay? 7 00:00:12,875 --> 00:00:14,207 - Not in this climate. - Right. 8 00:00:14,342 --> 00:00:17,010 Ugh! You kids and your climates. 9 00:00:17,145 --> 00:00:20,346 Back in the day, I banged all my secretaries. 10 00:00:20,382 --> 00:00:21,815 - Frank. - That's the way you did it. 11 00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:24,417 You hire some girl with no experience, 12 00:00:24,419 --> 00:00:26,369 you bang her, you promote her. 13 00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:28,638 It's a win-win situation for everybody, 14 00:00:28,757 --> 00:00:30,373 except for the wives. 15 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:33,643 Frank, modulate your volume, okay? This is serious, okay? 16 00:00:33,645 --> 00:00:36,446 The future of Paddy's depends on us completing this seminar. 17 00:00:36,448 --> 00:00:37,980 You guys should be really worried. 18 00:00:38,016 --> 00:00:39,716 I'm not worried about anything, man. If anyone should be 19 00:00:39,851 --> 00:00:41,718 worried about weird shit with women, it's you, bro. 20 00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:43,336 The only reason we're here 21 00:00:43,471 --> 00:00:45,538 is because you DENNIS'd someone probably 22 00:00:45,607 --> 00:00:47,941 and she put us on the list. We're only here 'cause of you. 23 00:00:47,943 --> 00:00:49,743 Yeah, you perv. You happy now? 24 00:00:49,878 --> 00:00:51,211 - You happy? - Happy? 25 00:00:52,368 --> 00:00:53,213 You guys, this isn't about me. 26 00:00:53,332 --> 00:00:54,947 I don't know if you noticed, 27 00:00:54,983 --> 00:00:56,683 but women are on a little bit of a rampage right now 28 00:00:56,818 --> 00:00:59,035 and anyone could be taken down at any moment, 29 00:00:59,037 --> 00:01:01,671 so, you know, no, I'm not happy right now. 30 00:01:01,673 --> 00:01:03,373 Who could possibly be happy right now? 31 00:01:03,508 --> 00:01:04,840 Hey-o! 32 00:01:04,876 --> 00:01:06,843 Who's ready to party? 33 00:01:36,238 --> 00:01:37,991 Hello. I'm Kate. 34 00:01:38,044 --> 00:01:40,510 And I want to begin today by addressing the reason 35 00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:42,112 that we're all here, the so-called 36 00:01:42,247 --> 00:01:45,849 "Shitty Bar List" of unsafe places for women. 37 00:01:45,984 --> 00:01:47,383 Ah, yes. Uh, just a quick question. 38 00:01:47,452 --> 00:01:48,968 How many points do we need? 39 00:01:49,037 --> 00:01:50,837 I'm sorry, points? 40 00:01:50,839 --> 00:01:52,371 Yeah, how many points do we need to score 41 00:01:52,407 --> 00:01:54,373 to get our name taken off the list? 42 00:01:54,409 --> 00:01:56,576 Oh. No, there's no points. 43 00:01:56,578 --> 00:01:57,977 Everything is graded by points, right? 44 00:01:58,013 --> 00:01:59,178 I mean, otherwise, how could the Eagles 45 00:01:59,214 --> 00:02:00,179 have won the Super Bowl, right? 46 00:02:00,248 --> 00:02:02,115 All you have to do is complete the seminar 47 00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:04,851 and then your bar will have its name removed from the list. 48 00:02:04,853 --> 00:02:06,135 - There you go. Simple. - Yeah, but our-our name 49 00:02:06,171 --> 00:02:07,937 shouldn't even be on that list 'cause, like, 50 00:02:08,006 --> 00:02:11,341 we don't really have any history of misbehavior at Paddy's Pub. 51 00:02:11,476 --> 00:02:13,676 Well, I'm sure a lot of people here today feel that way, 52 00:02:13,679 --> 00:02:16,746 but I encourage you to keep your minds open... 53 00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:17,670 And your dicks in your pants. 54 00:02:19,418 --> 00:02:21,284 Ma'am, that kind of language is inappropriate 55 00:02:21,286 --> 00:02:22,969 in a professional setting. 56 00:02:23,104 --> 00:02:25,972 That's one of the things that you'll learn in the seminar. 57 00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:27,707 Uh, yes? Do you have a question? 58 00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:29,634 Statute of limitations. 59 00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:32,312 Okay. I'm just trying to get through the introduction here, 60 00:02:32,447 --> 00:02:36,048 but since you asked, the federal law is 300 days 61 00:02:36,084 --> 00:02:39,169 from the last act, depending on the state and... 62 00:02:39,171 --> 00:02:41,070 Sir, are you leaving? 63 00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:42,405 - Frank! - What? 64 00:02:42,474 --> 00:02:45,074 They got nothing on me past '92, tops. 65 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,447 Hold on a second there. 66 00:02:46,545 --> 00:02:49,345 Uh, pardon me, Kate, but, um, aren't some states considering 67 00:02:49,348 --> 00:02:52,816 doing away with the statute of limitations altogether? 68 00:02:52,818 --> 00:02:55,618 Some states like, uh, Nevada? 69 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,037 Yes, that's right. 70 00:02:57,172 --> 00:02:58,488 Can they do that? 71 00:02:58,606 --> 00:03:00,440 It's possible. Yes. 72 00:03:00,442 --> 00:03:01,574 Nevada, huh? 73 00:03:02,402 --> 00:03:04,777 Ah, it's getting warm in here. 74 00:03:04,813 --> 00:03:07,513 Uh, got to make some calls. Shit. 75 00:03:09,186 --> 00:03:10,850 You can continue now. 76 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:13,809 I promise you there will be no further interruptions. 77 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,339 Right. We're gonna jump right into the group work. 78 00:03:16,408 --> 00:03:17,941 Half of you are gonna go with me 79 00:03:17,943 --> 00:03:20,477 and the rest will be led by my associate Alan. 80 00:03:20,479 --> 00:03:22,011 Hello, everyone. I'm Alan. 81 00:03:22,147 --> 00:03:23,679 Oh! Here comes the boss man. 82 00:03:23,749 --> 00:03:25,215 - Finally, a dude. - Yeah. 83 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:26,416 Yeah, okay, cool. He's in charge. 84 00:03:26,551 --> 00:03:30,035 Uh, ma'am? Could we go with Alan, please? 85 00:03:30,072 --> 00:03:32,839 Actually, I think we should split your group up. 86 00:03:32,974 --> 00:03:35,775 That's, uh, that's gonna be a lot harder for me 87 00:03:35,811 --> 00:03:37,533 - to keep tabs on you guys. - Don't worry, Dennis. 88 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:38,582 I'm gonna make you so proud. 89 00:03:38,648 --> 00:03:41,314 I'm gonna work really hard and get all the points and... 90 00:03:41,383 --> 00:03:42,315 What is with you and the points? 91 00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:43,783 There are no points. We established that. 92 00:03:43,819 --> 00:03:45,045 Well, that's how the Eagles won the Super Bowl. 93 00:03:45,054 --> 00:03:47,937 I know that's how the Eagles won the... but this isn't the Eagles. Okay? 94 00:03:47,973 --> 00:03:49,472 - This is a seminar. - Go Birds, though. 95 00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:51,408 - Oh, go Birds, go Birds. - All right, fine, go Birds. Yes. 96 00:03:51,543 --> 00:03:52,942 I know. Go Birds. Get your hand off my knee. 97 00:03:53,011 --> 00:03:54,544 Look, just sit here and do nothing. 98 00:03:55,058 --> 00:03:55,945 So, in this room 99 00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:57,813 we're going to be talking about harassment 100 00:03:57,849 --> 00:03:59,281 in the workplace. 101 00:03:59,317 --> 00:04:01,951 And thank you to Elliot who's agreed to play our boss. 102 00:04:01,987 --> 00:04:04,304 I'll just need another volunteer from the group. 103 00:04:04,306 --> 00:04:05,638 - Oh! Oh! Alan! - Alan! Alan! Alan! 104 00:04:05,707 --> 00:04:07,173 - I'll do it. - Uh, so, uh... - Alan! Alan! 105 00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:09,776 Sir, would you mind just jumping in for me? 106 00:04:09,845 --> 00:04:10,752 Thank you. 107 00:04:11,313 --> 00:04:14,981 Um, great. So just read from the script and I'll jump in as and when. 108 00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:17,250 "Good morning, boss." 109 00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:21,270 "Hello, Johnson. Have that report on my desk by 5:00. 110 00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:24,474 - "Hey, did you see the boobs on that new intern?" - And stop. 111 00:04:24,509 --> 00:04:27,276 Now, can anyone tell me what the boss did wrong there? 112 00:04:27,345 --> 00:04:29,278 Yeah. He mumbled his lines. 113 00:04:29,347 --> 00:04:30,679 I didn't believe a word out of his mouth. 114 00:04:30,715 --> 00:04:33,149 Uh, no, sorry. I mean in the scenario. 115 00:04:33,151 --> 00:04:35,618 - He-he used vulgar language. - That is correct. 116 00:04:35,654 --> 00:04:36,560 B-But she didn't hear it. 117 00:04:36,605 --> 00:04:38,638 This is just locker room talk between guys. 118 00:04:38,707 --> 00:04:40,907 Now, that's actually a common misconception, okay? 119 00:04:40,926 --> 00:04:42,508 Lewd comments can be a form of harassment 120 00:04:42,577 --> 00:04:44,644 even if directed to a third party. 121 00:04:44,646 --> 00:04:46,779 But it's not for her. It's about her. 122 00:04:46,782 --> 00:04:48,181 No, sorry. It's-it's actually, 123 00:04:48,316 --> 00:04:49,783 it's the employee who's talking to the boss 124 00:04:49,918 --> 00:04:51,184 that is the one that was offended. 125 00:04:51,253 --> 00:04:52,668 - What? Why? - No, no, no, the employee 126 00:04:52,737 --> 00:04:54,403 - would find it hilarious. - Yeah. 127 00:04:54,473 --> 00:04:56,272 I mean, not this guy 'cause the boss sucks at telling jokes. 128 00:04:56,274 --> 00:04:58,607 Well, also, we really don't know how funny the joke is yet 129 00:04:58,643 --> 00:05:00,609 'cause we haven't seen the girl's boobs. Can we see them? 130 00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:02,812 Okay. Uh, let's... let's switch gears. 131 00:05:02,814 --> 00:05:04,881 Maybe try a different scenario. Thanks, gents. 132 00:05:05,016 --> 00:05:06,682 Just, uh, uh, take a seat. 133 00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:10,703 Um, so, uh, Mac, what is it that you do at the bar? 134 00:05:10,705 --> 00:05:13,439 - I am the head of security at Paddy's Pub. - He's our doorman. 135 00:05:13,475 --> 00:05:15,508 - No, he's just like our gay guy now. - No, well... 136 00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:17,510 Great. So, you check IDs. That-that sort of thing. 137 00:05:17,579 --> 00:05:19,779 - He should. - Not once has he ever checked an ID. 138 00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:21,514 - It's one aspect of the job. - Yeah, he should. 139 00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:24,517 Why don't you, why don't you hop up here and we'll do a little scenario 140 00:05:24,652 --> 00:05:26,202 that-that might be a little more familiar to you. 141 00:05:26,271 --> 00:05:28,137 - You are very tall. - Yes, I am. 142 00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:30,273 Now, should I take my shirt off for the scenario? 143 00:05:30,408 --> 00:05:31,608 Because I feel like standing next to you, 144 00:05:31,743 --> 00:05:33,075 they're not gonna be as intimidated, 145 00:05:33,111 --> 00:05:34,811 but if I were to take my shirt off, they would be intimidated. 146 00:05:34,946 --> 00:05:36,011 I'm not in the scenario. 147 00:05:36,047 --> 00:05:37,614 - We're good. We're good. - Yeah, we're okay. 148 00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:39,415 - We get it. We get it. - That's him doing his gay guy thing. 149 00:05:39,484 --> 00:05:41,417 So, uh, can we also get a female customer? 150 00:05:41,486 --> 00:05:42,885 - Ooh, yeah. - A volunteer? 151 00:05:42,887 --> 00:05:45,171 I will be the young, female customer. 152 00:05:45,173 --> 00:05:47,307 "Young, female customer." Great, good. Yes. 153 00:05:47,309 --> 00:05:50,910 Okay. Well, um, just, uh, do your job as you would normally 154 00:05:50,979 --> 00:05:54,247 and I will, um, you know, jump in if you cross over into any gray areas. 155 00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:55,715 Okay. So what's my character? 156 00:05:55,784 --> 00:05:57,316 Uh, you're just trying to get into the bar. 157 00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:58,717 Yeah, but why? 158 00:05:58,787 --> 00:06:00,937 To get a drink, I suppose. 159 00:06:00,939 --> 00:06:02,538 Why? I just drank three beers on the way over. 160 00:06:02,607 --> 00:06:04,674 You don't show up at a bar sober. 161 00:06:04,676 --> 00:06:06,342 What a waste of money. What are you gonna... 162 00:06:06,477 --> 00:06:08,144 Just you're trying to get into the bar. 163 00:06:08,213 --> 00:06:09,945 - I'm here for revenge. - Okay. Sure. 164 00:06:09,981 --> 00:06:11,480 Alan, what's my character again? 165 00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:15,018 - You're the doorman. - Right. 166 00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:16,635 And how many drinks have I had at this point? 167 00:06:16,671 --> 00:06:18,037 You are... you're not in the scenario. 168 00:06:18,106 --> 00:06:20,440 - I've had five. - Okay. Marvelous. 169 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:22,442 Let's, uh, let's begin whenever you're ready. 170 00:06:23,691 --> 00:06:24,777 Excuse me, sir, have you... 171 00:06:26,681 --> 00:06:28,715 - Whoa! - Wow. 172 00:06:29,269 --> 00:06:31,250 Jesus Christ. 173 00:06:31,319 --> 00:06:32,585 Why did you do that? 174 00:06:32,703 --> 00:06:34,470 Oh, well, well, she came at me, 175 00:06:34,472 --> 00:06:36,406 - and it was sort of my instinct. - That was amazing. 176 00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:38,875 - That was great, right? - You got me, like, a foot off the ground. 177 00:06:38,877 --> 00:06:41,544 - A-Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. No, it doesn't hurt. 178 00:06:41,546 --> 00:06:43,079 Did it-did it make you feel humiliated? 179 00:06:43,214 --> 00:06:44,813 Did it make you-make you feel small? 180 00:06:44,849 --> 00:06:46,616 That's what it is, it made me feel teeny-tiny. 181 00:06:46,618 --> 00:06:48,151 - Like Thumbelina. - That's what I was going for. Thumbelina! 182 00:06:48,286 --> 00:06:50,770 - That's the highest I've ever gotten. - He's never gotten me that high before. 183 00:06:50,772 --> 00:06:52,372 You're lucky I haven't called the police. 184 00:06:52,374 --> 00:06:53,839 Why-why would you call the police? 185 00:06:53,909 --> 00:06:56,309 Oh, wait. H-Hold on. Is that sexual harassment? 186 00:06:56,444 --> 00:06:58,244 No, that is sexual assault. 187 00:06:58,246 --> 00:06:59,779 - Really? - Assault? 188 00:06:59,914 --> 00:07:02,581 No. Dee, Dee. I did not assault you. 189 00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:04,784 Please tell Alan that I did not assault you. 190 00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:08,354 Well, now that I've gotten a little distance from the event. 191 00:07:08,473 --> 00:07:10,971 Wha... No, Alan, we do this kind of stuff all the time. 192 00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:12,942 W-Charlie, would you tell him? 193 00:07:12,944 --> 00:07:15,211 - He's gone. - You do this all the time? 194 00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:17,680 Y-You've got a big problem, all right? She could press charges. 195 00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:20,549 - Could I? - No. 196 00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:22,151 No! Dee. No. 197 00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:24,503 - He just said I could, so... - Oh, God. 198 00:07:24,539 --> 00:07:26,439 It just, i-it... did somebody turn up the heat? 199 00:07:26,508 --> 00:07:28,687 Yeah, you sweating? You sweating a little bit, Ronald? 200 00:07:28,722 --> 00:07:29,675 - Yeah? - No, it's just the climate. 201 00:07:37,926 --> 00:07:42,271 The term "sexual harassment," it wasn't coined until 1975, 202 00:07:42,307 --> 00:07:44,874 - by a woman named Carmita Wood. - Carmita Wood. Oh. I'm sorry. 203 00:07:44,876 --> 00:07:46,943 - Sorry. - You really know your history. 204 00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:49,345 - Well, this is important stuff. - Oh, please. 205 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,681 - God, get lost, Dee. - No way, I'm on a roll. 206 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,483 - So who could tell me... Hey. 207 00:07:53,618 --> 00:07:55,551 Is it sexual harassment when a man 208 00:07:55,553 --> 00:07:58,438 constantly calls his female coworker a bird? 209 00:07:58,573 --> 00:08:02,108 That depends. Is that a sexual innuendo of some kind? 210 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:04,243 Just a big dumb flightless bird. 211 00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:07,513 Well, it's not very nice, but it's not sexual harassment. 212 00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:09,715 Nice try, you dumb bitch. 213 00:08:09,784 --> 00:08:11,717 Um, Kate, if I may, yeah. 214 00:08:11,786 --> 00:08:15,738 Um, federal law really only recognizes two types of sexual harassment: 215 00:08:15,807 --> 00:08:19,541 quid pro quo and hostile work environment. 216 00:08:19,577 --> 00:08:21,144 That is very good, Dennis. 217 00:08:21,279 --> 00:08:22,612 - Thank you. - No, no, don't do that. 218 00:08:22,747 --> 00:08:24,880 This man is a monster. Believe you, me. 219 00:08:24,916 --> 00:08:26,883 - What? - He is the worst person I know. 220 00:08:27,018 --> 00:08:29,285 Got to protect me on this, Larry. 221 00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:31,637 I... start with the secretaries. 222 00:08:31,706 --> 00:08:33,705 Oh, Jesus Christ, Frank. Pants. 223 00:08:33,742 --> 00:08:35,041 I was sweating through my clothes. 224 00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:36,843 It's this damn climate. 225 00:08:36,845 --> 00:08:38,778 Sir, that robe is inappropriate. 226 00:08:38,913 --> 00:08:41,313 - And I don't think... - Hon, I'm on the phone, you see? 227 00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:44,851 I don't know. I bought her a Camaro. No... 228 00:08:44,853 --> 00:08:46,536 You know I don't go Chinese. 229 00:08:46,671 --> 00:08:49,004 I don't know why, I just don't. 230 00:08:49,303 --> 00:08:50,139 Korean? 231 00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:52,141 Oh, put her on the list. 232 00:08:52,177 --> 00:08:53,609 I really did a number on her. 233 00:08:54,552 --> 00:08:55,545 Yeah... 234 00:08:55,547 --> 00:08:56,979 Why don't we take a break? 235 00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,413 Got to get your shit together, Frank. 236 00:09:01,448 --> 00:09:02,701 - You... - Oh, I wish I was dead. 237 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,837 These vultures are picking my carcass clean. 238 00:09:04,873 --> 00:09:06,639 Whoa, Frank. Hey, stop talking. 239 00:09:06,641 --> 00:09:08,374 - Where'd you get that robe? - Upstairs. 240 00:09:08,443 --> 00:09:10,176 I got to get one of them, man. Nice. 241 00:09:10,311 --> 00:09:12,111 Whoa. Wait, Jesus, Mac. What the hell happened to you? 242 00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:15,381 I'm gonna be honest. The first half has not gone well. 243 00:09:15,516 --> 00:09:17,983 - You got exposed, too? - Oh, yeah, he did. Big time. 244 00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:19,936 He did a role-play thing, it went bad. 245 00:09:20,071 --> 00:09:21,604 Wait, role-playing thing? Y-You were supposed to do nothing. 246 00:09:21,673 --> 00:09:23,672 I mean, n-now you're all sweaty and twitchy? 247 00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:25,274 Well, it's-it's so hot in here. 248 00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:26,943 I mean, I feel like they crank up the heat. 249 00:09:26,945 --> 00:09:28,610 Oh, they cranked it up. I'm roasting. 250 00:09:28,646 --> 00:09:32,614 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which one of you just grabbed my ass? 251 00:09:34,085 --> 00:09:36,085 Did you see that? Did you see... 252 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:37,770 T-that is a problem for us. 253 00:09:37,772 --> 00:09:39,972 T-Their powers are growing. Okay? 254 00:09:40,008 --> 00:09:42,441 Now, we got to start taking this more seriously, okay? 255 00:09:42,444 --> 00:09:44,710 Can you guys just go back in there and do nothing, okay? 256 00:09:44,779 --> 00:09:46,912 Just don't say or do anything. 257 00:09:47,611 --> 00:09:48,514 Can anyone tell me 258 00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:50,983 the two types of sexual harassment? 259 00:09:50,985 --> 00:09:53,602 Oh. Oh, oh. Uh, uh, flirting and groping. 260 00:09:53,638 --> 00:09:56,405 No! Uh, groping and-and dick pics. 261 00:09:56,541 --> 00:09:58,407 Yeah, I-I know that sending dick pics is one of them. 262 00:09:58,543 --> 00:10:01,143 You're kidding. Christ. 263 00:10:01,146 --> 00:10:03,613 - I got to shoot some texts. - Actually, 264 00:10:03,748 --> 00:10:06,615 it's quid pro quo and hostile work environment. 265 00:10:06,684 --> 00:10:08,134 Would you please stop interrupting me? 266 00:10:08,252 --> 00:10:10,703 - Ooh, ooh, burn. - Please... And you. 267 00:10:10,838 --> 00:10:12,572 Could you please sit down? 268 00:10:12,707 --> 00:10:13,706 No, it's cool. I'm on your side. 269 00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,307 There are no sides. 270 00:10:15,376 --> 00:10:17,309 Shit, I just looked at her tits. 271 00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:19,445 - Frank! Don't tell her that. - Okay, don't panic. 272 00:10:19,514 --> 00:10:22,048 A passing glance is not sexual harassment. 273 00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:23,983 Oh. I like your tactic here. 274 00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:25,317 Get them all horny with your titties. 275 00:10:25,386 --> 00:10:26,736 That's when they make their mistakes. 276 00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:28,738 Ma'am, that's victim blaming. 277 00:10:28,873 --> 00:10:31,007 No, I'm blaming Frank. He's been staring at your boobs 278 00:10:31,142 --> 00:10:32,608 this whole time. Still doing it. 279 00:10:33,518 --> 00:10:34,310 Frank! 280 00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:37,947 What? I'm not allowed to like things anymore? 281 00:10:38,082 --> 00:10:40,750 - It's a compliment. - How is that a compliment? 282 00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:43,302 Well, they're not that great. 283 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:44,970 Make her feel good. 284 00:10:45,039 --> 00:10:46,438 - Hey, hey, hey. Don't let them get to you. - Okay... 285 00:10:46,508 --> 00:10:48,040 Okay? Your tits are fine. 286 00:10:48,845 --> 00:10:49,775 Okay, everybody, 287 00:10:49,777 --> 00:10:51,843 if, uh, you could take a seat, please. 288 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,514 So now what we're gonna do is, uh, 289 00:10:54,649 --> 00:10:57,250 imagine a-a hypothetical scenario, 290 00:10:57,252 --> 00:10:59,318 uh, based right here in Philadelphia. 291 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:02,644 So, uh, i-imagine a-a woman, we'll call her "the waitress," 292 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:04,140 who works at a local coffee shop. 293 00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:07,009 Now, i-in this particular instance, this waitress 294 00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:09,545 is being harassed by one of her customers. 295 00:11:09,614 --> 00:11:11,347 He's following her home from work, uh, 296 00:11:11,482 --> 00:11:14,483 digging through her trash and calling her repeatedly, 297 00:11:14,552 --> 00:11:16,635 until she complains to her boss about it. 298 00:11:16,704 --> 00:11:18,504 Now, the boss does nothing. 299 00:11:18,573 --> 00:11:21,574 Can anyone tell me who's legally at fault here? 300 00:11:21,576 --> 00:11:23,709 Ooh. Wow, what do you think, Charlie? 301 00:11:23,778 --> 00:11:25,711 I-I think The Waitress is. 302 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,513 Y-You know, 'cause, for-she doesn't realize 303 00:11:27,648 --> 00:11:29,848 that, like, true love is in front of her stupid face. 304 00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,984 - Well... - Why would she say that's an assault? 305 00:11:32,053 --> 00:11:34,003 Hold on a second. Now, this is just a-this is just 306 00:11:34,072 --> 00:11:36,272 a hypothetical, uh, scenario that he's painting. 307 00:11:36,341 --> 00:11:38,140 He's not getting the whole big picture, right? 308 00:11:38,142 --> 00:11:40,009 - Well, of course, it's a hypothetical. - I know, but maybe 309 00:11:40,078 --> 00:11:42,678 she, like, only thought like she wasn't into him, but then, like, 310 00:11:42,747 --> 00:11:44,479 15 years later, when she needed a baby, like, 311 00:11:44,515 --> 00:11:46,282 really bad, and she'd been in and out of, like, 312 00:11:46,351 --> 00:11:48,284 - a women's shelter, he banged her. - Sorry. 313 00:11:48,286 --> 00:11:51,703 That-that doesn't mean that the customer didn't harass. 314 00:11:51,739 --> 00:11:53,705 All right, well then, I think all of the customers' friends 315 00:11:53,741 --> 00:11:55,107 harassed her, too, because they all banged her. 316 00:11:55,176 --> 00:11:56,442 - I mean, he did. - That's true. 317 00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:58,110 Oh, well, don't bring me into th... 318 00:11:58,146 --> 00:12:00,246 This is a hypothetical scenario. I'm not involved. 319 00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:02,381 - Neither are you. - She also did hand stuff to Mac. 320 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,383 She did. I-It wasn't very good, though. 321 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,469 All right, look, are you trying to tell me that no matter what, 322 00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:08,804 it's always just gonna be the customer's fault? 323 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,074 It is, in fact, the boss's fault. 324 00:12:12,076 --> 00:12:14,076 The boss. 325 00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:16,078 Well, that makes sense. I always hated Seth. 326 00:12:16,147 --> 00:12:18,146 - He's a real creep. - Well, you don't know his name 327 00:12:18,182 --> 00:12:19,882 because this is hypothetical, and he didn't say t-that... 328 00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:21,684 Well, it doesn't matter anyway, 'cause she just said 329 00:12:21,753 --> 00:12:23,068 what I-what I did to her wasn't harassment 330 00:12:23,137 --> 00:12:24,569 because Seth did it to her. 331 00:12:24,606 --> 00:12:25,905 Sorry. I... Can I just make this very clear? 332 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,440 Okay? What the customer did was harassment. 333 00:12:28,476 --> 00:12:30,109 - Right. - Yes. If it were you. 334 00:12:30,111 --> 00:12:31,710 And so, take in the information, but don't take it personally. 335 00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:33,512 Uh, yeah, technically, don't, like, I get, like, a free pass 336 00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:35,815 and stuff, 'cause I mean, I was molested. 337 00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:37,649 Ah... W-Well, now, actually, that is true. 338 00:12:37,685 --> 00:12:39,051 He did get molested by his uncle Jack. 339 00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:40,603 His-his uncle Jack got to him pretty good. 340 00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:42,071 - No, Uncle Jack never molested me. - Oh. 341 00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:43,672 - I dodged him. - Oh, no, he got you. He got you. 342 00:12:43,708 --> 00:12:45,674 - He got you big time. - You weren't there. 343 00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:47,143 - You wrote a whole play about it. - Yeah, you did write a play. 344 00:12:47,278 --> 00:12:49,545 - I got molested by Dee. - What? 345 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,081 What? Oh, c-that's ludicrous. 346 00:12:52,216 --> 00:12:53,749 No, it's true. Like, a couple years ago, 347 00:12:53,818 --> 00:12:55,551 she banged me, and I didn't want to do it. 348 00:12:55,686 --> 00:12:57,903 - There you go. - Wait, wait. You had sex with Charlie? 349 00:12:57,905 --> 00:12:59,304 - Oh, God. - You had sex with Dee? 350 00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:00,640 - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 351 00:13:00,775 --> 00:13:02,642 We, okay, it was a mistake. 352 00:13:02,777 --> 00:13:05,311 - Yeah, I'll say. - I-It... I regret every second of it, 353 00:13:05,446 --> 00:13:06,846 - but it was consensual. - It was not! 354 00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,780 I totally wanted her to stop, and, like, 355 00:13:08,816 --> 00:13:11,384 I was very intimidated by her larger frame. 356 00:13:11,386 --> 00:13:13,235 - Oh, yeah, I can see that. Yeah. - So, you know. 357 00:13:13,337 --> 00:13:15,270 I have a petite frame. I... i-it's a Thumbelina frame. 358 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:17,206 - I don't... Not to me. - Y-You didn't tell me to stop. 359 00:13:17,341 --> 00:13:18,720 Yeah, and I kept saying... 360 00:13:19,343 --> 00:13:22,025 And you're like, "Shut up! Stop talking! Be still. 361 00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:23,412 "Let me do my thing. I can't, I can't get off 362 00:13:23,481 --> 00:13:24,814 with you moving and talking and shit." 363 00:13:24,949 --> 00:13:27,149 Oh, shit. Yup. That's ringing a bell. 364 00:13:27,151 --> 00:13:29,705 - Jesus, Dee. Ugh, God. - All right, but yeah. 365 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,837 Either way, It does... I can't molest you, you know? 366 00:13:31,839 --> 00:13:34,306 It doesn't work that way 'cause I'm a woman and you're the man. 367 00:13:34,342 --> 00:13:35,841 Right, right? Back me up, girlfriend. 368 00:13:35,843 --> 00:13:38,911 Actually, a woman can sexually harass and even rape a man. 369 00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:40,245 Is that what happened here? 370 00:13:41,226 --> 00:13:42,648 Actually, maybe. 371 00:13:42,717 --> 00:13:45,050 No, no, no, no. You don't, you don't just throw around 372 00:13:45,053 --> 00:13:47,135 the-the "R" word, Kate. It's hot, right? 373 00:13:47,171 --> 00:13:48,404 Yello? 374 00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:52,141 What? Then find her through the abortion records. 375 00:13:52,143 --> 00:13:54,676 Can the group from Paddy's Pub please focus up. 376 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:55,944 You guys have been very disruptive. 377 00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:57,813 Well, maybe you should explain it more better 378 00:13:57,948 --> 00:13:59,414 because I'm totally confused about... 379 00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,416 Maybe if you stopped interrupting. 380 00:14:01,452 --> 00:14:03,085 Maybe if you two stopped sucking a fat dick. 381 00:14:03,087 --> 00:14:06,104 - You do suck a fat dick. - You've sucked a dick through this process. 382 00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:07,373 What? Are you kidding me? 383 00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:09,375 After all of this, I ended up firing her? 384 00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:12,311 Oh, my God. 385 00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:15,180 Hey, Larry? How soon can you get to the Hyatt? 386 00:14:15,216 --> 00:14:17,249 My dong fell out. Some woman saw it. 387 00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:18,317 Well, goddamn it. 388 00:14:18,386 --> 00:14:19,935 All right, calm down, calm down. 389 00:14:19,937 --> 00:14:22,404 Everybody take it easy, everybody take a deep breath. 390 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,872 You know, we're gonna get through this. 391 00:14:23,908 --> 00:14:25,207 I think, look, Kate, 392 00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,142 you two are clearly a little in over your heads here. 393 00:14:27,211 --> 00:14:29,011 Right? Yeah. You're never gonna be able to rein in 394 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,746 this particular group, so I tell you what. 395 00:14:30,748 --> 00:14:33,081 I have some experience running, uh, 396 00:14:33,117 --> 00:14:34,884 little educational seminars like this, 397 00:14:34,886 --> 00:14:36,902 so why don't I take over for a little bit. 398 00:14:36,971 --> 00:14:38,971 You guys, scoot. All right? On your bikes. 399 00:14:45,632 --> 00:14:47,018 - Here's a statistic for you: 400 00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:50,249 100% of men are capable of being sexual harassers. 401 00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:54,536 And 100% of women are capable of being sexually harassed. 402 00:14:54,605 --> 00:14:56,405 Now, am I saying that all men 403 00:14:56,407 --> 00:14:58,807 are sexual harassers? No, no, no, no. No, no. 404 00:14:58,876 --> 00:15:00,476 Of course not. No. Absolutely not. No. 405 00:15:00,611 --> 00:15:01,961 Yes, some men are, uh, well, 406 00:15:02,079 --> 00:15:03,546 they're-they're sexual harassers, 407 00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:05,614 but they don't represent all men, you know, 408 00:15:05,616 --> 00:15:07,015 just like all women aren't represented 409 00:15:07,051 --> 00:15:09,084 by a few bad ones, you know. Women like, uh... 410 00:15:10,638 --> 00:15:13,239 You know, and of course... 411 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,706 And then we got... 412 00:15:14,776 --> 00:15:16,508 Point is, 413 00:15:16,544 --> 00:15:19,578 that gender really doesn't have anything to do with it. 414 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,714 There's really only one thing that determines 415 00:15:21,849 --> 00:15:23,916 whether a person will be accused of sexual harassment, 416 00:15:23,918 --> 00:15:25,117 and that is... 417 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,202 ugliness. 418 00:15:28,325 --> 00:15:29,404 Let me explain. 419 00:15:29,474 --> 00:15:31,740 Now, see, here's a, here's a graph of ugliness 420 00:15:31,776 --> 00:15:33,809 as it relates to time. 421 00:15:33,811 --> 00:15:35,611 Now you see how the, how the arrow plunges 422 00:15:35,746 --> 00:15:38,080 pretty steeply downward as your ugliness increases. 423 00:15:38,149 --> 00:15:40,682 Now I want you to imagine a scenario for me 424 00:15:40,718 --> 00:15:42,751 where this man walks into work one day, 425 00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:44,836 sees a woman, and says, "I like your dress." 426 00:15:44,872 --> 00:15:48,240 Oh. Mildly sexual, but innocuous enough, yeah. 427 00:15:48,309 --> 00:15:52,844 Now imagine the same sentence spoken by this man. 428 00:15:53,663 --> 00:15:55,180 Yeah. 429 00:15:55,182 --> 00:15:56,448 Suddenly, you're very uncomfortable. 430 00:15:56,484 --> 00:15:58,650 We're all uncomfortable just looking at him now. 431 00:15:58,719 --> 00:16:02,071 Because he's gross, he's ugly, he's a little bit of a monster. 432 00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:04,739 Now is it this man's fault that he looks this way? 433 00:16:04,775 --> 00:16:07,559 No. He was, he was born this way, but the point is, 434 00:16:07,711 --> 00:16:10,106 I know it's not my fault, you know. Is it your fault? I don't think so. 435 00:16:10,115 --> 00:16:12,063 It's certainly not the woman's fault, you know? 436 00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:15,150 The point is, know your place, monster man. Your time's up. 437 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,636 Yeah, I know what you're thinking. 438 00:16:17,705 --> 00:16:20,239 You're thinking, "How do I know if I'm ugly? 439 00:16:20,374 --> 00:16:21,907 Well, if you're not sure, 440 00:16:21,976 --> 00:16:23,375 probably best to assume that you are. 441 00:16:23,444 --> 00:16:25,511 Everyone in this room is. I-I did a scan. 442 00:16:25,513 --> 00:16:26,979 Now here's the part where you say, 443 00:16:26,981 --> 00:16:28,981 "But, Dennis, I can't be ugly, 444 00:16:28,983 --> 00:16:30,849 I'm rich." 445 00:16:30,852 --> 00:16:34,203 And, yes, money can offset and reduce ugliness, 446 00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:36,805 but it actually increases your risk. 447 00:16:36,841 --> 00:16:38,874 You see, a construction worker, he can can catcall women 448 00:16:38,876 --> 00:16:40,246 all day long, right? And he gets away with it 449 00:16:40,345 --> 00:16:42,645 'cause nobody gives a shit, but a rich guy... 450 00:16:43,732 --> 00:16:45,518 A rich guy's fun to take down. 451 00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:47,282 Time's up. 452 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,935 "But, Dennis," you're saying, 453 00:16:50,037 --> 00:16:52,971 "I can't be ugly, and-and it doesn't matter because I'm gay." 454 00:16:53,349 --> 00:16:54,306 Well, guess what, pal? 455 00:16:54,441 --> 00:16:57,042 You-you are ugly, and it doesn't matter how much 456 00:16:57,111 --> 00:16:59,245 you work out. It's never gonna change that fact. 457 00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,513 You've also objectified tons of men, including me. 458 00:17:01,549 --> 00:17:03,182 You know, you got to stop kissing me, man. 459 00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:05,250 I don't want it. I don't want you touching me at all. 460 00:17:05,286 --> 00:17:07,269 Okay, it's never gonna happen. All right? 461 00:17:07,404 --> 00:17:09,071 Not willingly. Your time's up. 462 00:17:10,775 --> 00:17:14,276 "But, Dennis, I can't be ugly. I'm a hopeless romantic." 463 00:17:14,463 --> 00:17:16,545 But no, you're-you're not. 464 00:17:16,614 --> 00:17:18,547 Okay, you're-you're a sad, pathetic wretch of a man, 465 00:17:18,616 --> 00:17:20,348 so desperate to be loved 466 00:17:20,384 --> 00:17:22,751 that you'll actually go rifling through somebody's garbage. 467 00:17:22,886 --> 00:17:24,770 And there's nothing... 468 00:17:24,905 --> 00:17:28,040 nothing more unattractive than desperation. 469 00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:29,975 To... No, not him. 470 00:17:30,110 --> 00:17:31,377 No, talking about you. No. 471 00:17:31,379 --> 00:17:32,645 Not him, either. Yeah, I am talking 472 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,846 about you. You know what, never mind. Your time's up. 473 00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:39,317 "But Dennis... I-I... see, I can't be ugly, all right? 474 00:17:39,353 --> 00:17:40,736 I'm a woman." 475 00:17:40,805 --> 00:17:42,070 Well, no, women can be ugly, 476 00:17:42,139 --> 00:17:43,472 and you are one of them. 477 00:17:43,607 --> 00:17:45,407 One of the ugly ones. You're lanky, and your hair's... 478 00:17:45,409 --> 00:17:47,876 well, it looks like a wig. Yeah. What's going on? 479 00:17:47,912 --> 00:17:49,945 Is it a wig? Doesn't matter. Your time's up. 480 00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:52,081 But guys, 481 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,682 I got some good news for you. 482 00:17:53,751 --> 00:17:56,151 Okay? It's not a crime to be ugly. 483 00:17:56,287 --> 00:17:58,370 But you can't be ugly 484 00:17:58,439 --> 00:18:00,372 and sloppy. 485 00:18:01,057 --> 00:18:02,574 So, take me, for example. 486 00:18:03,087 --> 00:18:05,444 I'm neither. Yeah, you see that? 487 00:18:05,446 --> 00:18:08,580 That is 11% body fat. Now, the only place you're gonna... 488 00:18:08,616 --> 00:18:10,248 - What year was that photo taken? - No, no, no. 489 00:18:10,318 --> 00:18:11,917 Not taking questions right now, Mac. 490 00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:13,185 So just... Yeah. 491 00:18:13,254 --> 00:18:15,403 Point is, I keep my body tight. 492 00:18:15,439 --> 00:18:18,540 But I also keep my life tight. 493 00:18:18,609 --> 00:18:21,142 I got the tapes. I got the receipts. 494 00:18:21,178 --> 00:18:22,478 They're all time-stamped and coded. 495 00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:24,079 After every encounter, I received a text 496 00:18:24,214 --> 00:18:26,715 confirming each partner's consent and enjoyment. 497 00:18:29,086 --> 00:18:30,569 Now, you may ask, "Well... 498 00:18:30,571 --> 00:18:33,172 would a woman really-really text that, Dennis?" 499 00:18:34,152 --> 00:18:35,541 Their phones did. 500 00:18:38,145 --> 00:18:40,646 I got the documents to prove it, so don't try coming at me. 501 00:18:40,781 --> 00:18:43,582 But some of you... 502 00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:45,850 you just haven't been careful enough. 503 00:18:45,886 --> 00:18:49,337 So you're asking yourself, "What can I do to save myself now?" 504 00:18:49,373 --> 00:18:51,673 You got to clean up your act. Otherwise, you're going down, 505 00:18:51,676 --> 00:18:53,008 and you're gonna take me down with you, 506 00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:54,476 and I ain't going down. 507 00:18:54,545 --> 00:18:56,945 You understand? I've been telling you this for years, 508 00:18:57,081 --> 00:18:58,480 but you refused to listen. 509 00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:00,682 And so that's why I had to find a way to make you listen, 510 00:19:00,718 --> 00:19:03,569 which is why I created the Shitty Bar List. 511 00:19:04,579 --> 00:19:05,637 What? 512 00:19:05,673 --> 00:19:06,772 That's right. 513 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,307 I made the spreadsheet, I posted it online, 514 00:19:08,442 --> 00:19:10,442 and I even hired these two bozos to host the seminar. 515 00:19:10,577 --> 00:19:11,744 Wait, you hired us? 516 00:19:13,147 --> 00:19:14,379 You're a monster. 517 00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:17,049 Oh, yeah? Prove it. 518 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,770 Oh, wow! I feel like we should clap. 519 00:19:21,806 --> 00:19:23,105 - Yeah. - Yeah. 520 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,506 - That was pretty good. - That was awesome. 521 00:19:24,575 --> 00:19:26,575 Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't follow most of it, 522 00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:28,777 - but so cool, man. - Yeah. 523 00:19:28,846 --> 00:19:31,179 Pretty drastic move to publicly expose us, 524 00:19:31,248 --> 00:19:33,315 but I see why you did it. 525 00:19:33,384 --> 00:19:35,651 Yeah, but it's true. I mean, women are out to get us. 526 00:19:35,786 --> 00:19:37,118 Well, well, no, no. Women are right. 527 00:19:37,154 --> 00:19:39,271 I mean, men are monsters. We're constantly harassing them. 528 00:19:39,406 --> 00:19:41,073 I'm just saying we need to be more careful 529 00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:42,674 so we don't get accused. 530 00:19:42,677 --> 00:19:44,076 And we should probably stop harassing them. 531 00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:46,611 Uh, well, you know, I don't know. One step at a time. 532 00:19:46,647 --> 00:19:47,812 We don't want the whole system to collapse, 533 00:19:47,848 --> 00:19:49,348 - you know what I mean? - Ease-ease into it. 534 00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:50,883 - It'd be chaotic. Yeah, yeah. - Ease into it. 535 00:19:51,018 --> 00:19:52,217 Yeah, yeah. You guys want to go grab some margaritas 536 00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:53,352 - by the pool? - Oh. 537 00:19:53,354 --> 00:19:54,369 - I do. - Booze. 538 00:19:54,405 --> 00:19:55,704 - I'm ready for some booze. - Oh, yeah. 539 00:19:55,839 --> 00:19:56,972 - Let's go. - Yeah. - Me, too. 540 00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:57,955 Oh! 541 00:19:58,509 --> 00:20:00,709 - Oh, "MeToo." - Very good. 542 00:20:00,711 --> 00:20:03,245 - That's great. - Very good, and for a woman, a good joke. 543 00:20:03,314 --> 00:20:05,313 Hey, you guys think that Alan guy's got a big dick? 544 00:20:05,349 --> 00:20:06,382 - Oh, yeah. - Huge. 545 00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,050 I saw it in the bathroom. I sought it out. 546 00:20:42,104 --> 00:20:44,104 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com