1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,656 My phone is moving slow as shit. 2 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,093 Is it? 'Cause mine's 3 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,269 - going super slow, too. Yeah. - Really? 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:10,097 I heard if you just do the new software update, 5 00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,055 - then everything moves faster. - Oh, there's a new update? 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,839 - Yeah, yeah. Just go to settings. - Uh-huh. 7 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,276 - Uh-huh. Is that the little gear thing? - And then... Yep. 8 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,191 And then just click update. 9 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,496 How long's it gonna take? 10 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,194 Uh, says 30 minutes. 11 00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,152 - What? - What? - What? 12 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,067 What are we gonna do without our phones for 30 minutes? 13 00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,764 We don't need the phones. 14 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,463 Maybe... Oh. What if we just kick back 15 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,421 and remember some of the good old days? 16 00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:32,119 No. What? 17 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,511 No, no, no, no. Come on, what are you talking about? 18 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,296 Look, we can think of something to do. 19 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,994 - I don't know, it does sound kind of fun. - That's what you do 20 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,126 when you start getting old. 21 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,084 You know, you start reliving the glory days 22 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,955 'cause you can't think of anything new to do. 23 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,696 Do you remember the time that I sewed myself 24 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,176 into the couch naked? 25 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,656 - Uh, yes. Remember? - Oh. 26 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,745 - Oh, great, now you've... 27 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:53,183 Oh, what in the hell? 28 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,404 - Oh, Jesus Christ! - Oh, God! Oh, God! 29 00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:58,754 - Oh, no. - What is happening? 30 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,451 Can't breathe. 31 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:01,800 - Too hot. - Why are you naked, Frank? 32 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:04,977 - It was too hot. Leather couch. - Okay. But did you hear? 33 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,328 - She called you an asshole. - She called you an asshole, Frank. 34 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,156 No air. No air. 35 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:12,333 - Air! Air! - God! 36 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,752 I was running down the street. 37 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:43,320 I was, I was naked. I didn't feel the cold. 38 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,279 I-I was just sweating bullets. 39 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,845 Slimy. 40 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,630 And the way you tell that, it's like I was there. 41 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,372 - And I was not there. I was not there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 42 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,764 - We were there, and it was like that. - Hey, guys. 43 00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:55,376 Yeah, we were there. Guys, guys, uh, what about this memory? 44 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:59,206 Uh, hola, estúpidos. 45 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,338 - What is that? What is that from? - What are you doing? 46 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,993 Um, can I ask you a question? 47 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,429 You're just doing a bad accent? 48 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,214 - What, what...? - That's not... No? - Yeah. 49 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:08,606 - That's not really a memory. - You're remembering the time 50 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217 you burned a Mexican's house down? 51 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,219 - No, no, not that one. I was doing a character. - Oh. 52 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,221 I was thinking we could remember all my hilarious characters 53 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,397 - that I've created. - You've never had any. 54 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,181 Now, hang on a second. You've created characters? 55 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,661 What are you talking about? 56 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:22,446 Y-You don't remember Taiwan Tammy? 57 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,013 - Oh! Oh, my goodness. - Oh! You can't do that. 58 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,971 - You can't... 59 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,321 - No, that's right. - All right. 60 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,280 Well, what about my Saint Patrick's Day? The... 61 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,455 I'm Crazy Pad... 62 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:32,804 Oh. 63 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,850 Oh! Yes! 64 00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,330 - Oh, wow. That was hilarious. - Wow. 65 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,332 - That was funny. - Ow! 66 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,637 - Ooh, ooh, guys! I got an idea. - Ooh! 67 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,813 Why don't we remember all the times 68 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,424 No. What? What? 69 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,034 I'm not doing that, okay? No. 70 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,862 I-It's too late. I'm already remembering it. 71 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,172 Holy shi... 72 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,785 I found the kittens. 73 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:59,004 Oh, come on! 74 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:11,234 I wanted to, uh... 75 00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,890 Oh. Upsy-daisy. 76 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:18,676 You guys are exaggerating. 77 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,461 You weren't even there for half of that. 78 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,114 It's just how we remember it, Dee. I mean... 79 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,682 You can't, you can't beat physical comedy memories. 80 00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,118 - They're timeless. - Yeah, yeah. 81 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,250 Oh, you know what? Let's remember 82 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,121 all, like, the classic times. 83 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,645 - You know, like, - Yeah. 84 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,257 Ho ho ho ho. 85 00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,911 Well, hello, and Merry Christmas. 86 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,307 So, where's your little one? Oh. 87 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,310 Ho ho ho ho. You're a big boy, aren't you? 88 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,400 Uh, is he? 89 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,532 I got this one. 90 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,970 So, son, what would you like for Christmas? 91 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,972 Huh? 92 00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,931 Did you fuck my mom? 93 00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:58,368 What? 94 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,328 Did you fuck... 95 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,461 my mom? 96 00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,942 What do you mean? I, uh... 97 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,552 Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? 98 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,467 - Mm-mm. - Did you fuck my mom? 99 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,686 - No, I... - Did you fuck her? 100 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,949 - No, I... - Did you fuck my fucking mom? 101 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,342 Did you fuck my mom, Santa? 102 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,431 He's biting my neck! 103 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:18,954 Wait, you're gonna kill him! 104 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,348 - He's biting my neck! - You're gonna kill Santa Claus! 105 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,480 Brakes. No. Guys, why aren't the brakes working? 106 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,701 Because I cut the brakes. Wild card, bitches! 107 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,703 Yee-haw! 108 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,705 - What? Charlie! - What? 109 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,447 - Seriously? What? - Abort! Abort! Abort! 110 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,712 You want to maybe put this divider up? 111 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,541 Well, no. We don't want to exclude a great man like Frank 112 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,586 from the conversa... 113 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,719 Oh, my God! 114 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:47,330 - Call 911! - Oh, no, it's okay. 115 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,419 I have a touch of consumption. 116 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,382 - That seems really dark. - No, no, it's not dark. 117 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,992 - You're misunderstanding me, bro. Okay? - I-I... 118 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,428 - I think I am. - Yeah, you are. 119 00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,603 Because if the girl said no, then the answer, 120 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:00,952 - obviously, is no. - No. 121 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,606 - Right. - But the thing is is she's not gonna say no. 122 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:05,305 She would never say no because of the implication. 123 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,179 Now, you... you've said that word "implication" 124 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,964 a couple of times. W-What implication? 125 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,402 The implication that things might go wrong for her 126 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,012 if she refuses to sleep with me. 127 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:19,014 Now, not that things aregonna go wrong for her, 128 00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,233 - but she's thinking that they will. - Are you gonna hurt women? 129 00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,583 - I'm not gonna hurt these women. - Oh, okay. 130 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,367 - Why would I ever hurt these women? - I don't know. 131 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,238 - I feel like you're not getting this at all. - I'm not getting it. 132 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:29,416 I am gonna punch a hole through your face. 133 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,548 I'd like to see you try that. 134 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:34,595 I don't feel we're reading as eagles. 135 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,858 No, bro. We look like assholes. 136 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,599 They didn't turn out the way that I had envisioned. 137 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,340 I'm getting more of a chicken vibe. 138 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,951 Oh, hey, Dee. 139 00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,173 You know, you and me palling around. 140 00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:51,046 Getting nuts. Doing crazy... 141 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,569 I'm not doing any kind of things 142 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,571 that you want me to do with you, Uncle Jack. 143 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,312 And action. 144 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,661 I'll read the words you wrote. 145 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,315 "Hello, fellow American. 146 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,273 "This you should vote me. 147 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:03,450 "I leave power. Good. 148 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,452 Thank you." 149 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,540 Thank you. 150 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,412 "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. 151 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,328 "The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do, 152 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,331 Philadelphia, so do." 153 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,202 I'm gonna gun this car as fast as it goes 154 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:18,595 - directly into that wall. - Mm-hmm. 155 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,468 The last possible second, we jump out to safety, 156 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,643 and we're dead to the world. 157 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,471 Okeydokey. Good luck with that. 158 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:25,820 Wait, where are you going, dude? 159 00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,084 Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna watch you do it. 160 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,129 - No, we need to do it together. - I'm not really doing anything. 161 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,870 Well, yes, you are, Charlie. You're here for moral support 162 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:34,306 - on top of that. - I know, but if no one's actually seeing us 163 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,612 jump out of the car, whatever, it's not exciting. 164 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,527 Well, it's... We're gonna kill ourselves together. 165 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,007 - I'm gonna watch you. All right. - Get out, get out, get out! 166 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,443 I'll do it myself. Get out! 167 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,010 The whole thing's really better without me anyway, Mac. 168 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:43,533 I'm telling you, it's gonna be great without me. 169 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,840 - All right, buddy, good luck. - Pussy. 170 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,504 Mac? 171 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:58,722 Holy shit, dude! 172 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,332 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 173 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:01,595 - Why didn't you jump out? - I'm okay. 174 00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,832 Hey, dude, I can't... I-I can't... 175 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,486 I can't do any of this shit anymore. 176 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,922 - Okay? I'm... I'm leaving. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 177 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,707 No, hold on a second. You can't just leave. 178 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,969 - Dennis. - Yeah, dude. What-what about us? 179 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,536 I mean, what about... what about the bar? 180 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,189 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 181 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:34,105 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 182 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:36,586 Mac, Dee, Frank. 183 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,632 The bar is done. 184 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,985 Good-bye, Philadelphia. 185 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,684 Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. What...? 186 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,686 - What the hell was that? - Yeah. 187 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,296 What was that? I am not an ostrich. 188 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,689 Yeah. No, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about. 189 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,386 I'm talking about the last memory 190 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:55,866 where Mac turned the lights off to the bar. 191 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,086 Yeah, what about it? 192 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,741 Well, that never happened. I-Iturned the lights off. 193 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,612 No, that's not how I remember it. 194 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,396 No, Mac, that's not what happened. 195 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,703 - Yeah, thank you, Dee. - Pretty sure I turned the lights off. 196 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:08,792 Oh, right. Yes, it was you, and then I flipped them back on. 197 00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,620 Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, "No! Get him out here. 198 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,187 - Let him go." - Yeah, actually, we did a great bit. 199 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,756 No, no. Wait, wait. No, guys. No, remember? 200 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,148 I quit the bar, 201 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:18,802 I moved to North Dakota, and I shut the lights off. 202 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,804 Wait. You went to North Dakota? 203 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,545 I don't remember Dennis leaving. 204 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,155 Wait. No. Goddamn it. Come on, guys. 205 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,549 The... Look, this is how it went down, okay? 206 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,551 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 207 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:31,380 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 208 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,425 Mac, Dee, Frank. 209 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,471 The bar is done. 210 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,130 Stop sucking and go. 211 00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,610 Stop sucking and go. 212 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,481 - So was, uh... sneaking that... - No. 213 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,787 - Yeah. I told you. Yeah, wasn't that good? - Yeah, right. 214 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,571 Okay, now, see, 215 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,138 now you're infecting my memory with your memory, 216 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,836 and I can't even remember my own life correctly. 217 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,490 - Yeah. - I think you are remembering it right. 218 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,752 - Yeah. - It was a pretty good pick now that I remember it. 219 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,493 Guys, no, can we not do this? 220 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,016 Can we not start messing with each other's memories? 221 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,976 Okay? Distorting facts, like, basically changes history. 222 00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:04,021 You know what? It's like fake news, you know? 223 00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,849 And then, all of a sudden, nobody knows what the truth is, 224 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,156 and facts don't matter. Guys, it's a slippery slope. 225 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,810 Okay, okay, you know what? 226 00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,028 Fine. Let's try to remember something 227 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,161 we all know for sure happened like, um... 228 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,511 like The Nightman Cometh. 229 00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:26,740 - What the hell was that? - Huh? 230 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,611 - What was that? - Oh, I'm just remembering 231 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,222 when I-I told Mac I was gonna cut the song. 232 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,224 Right, but why was that memory in a different language? 233 00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,052 Oh, shit. You know what's happening? 234 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,750 All right, now I'm getting confused, 235 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,840 'cause I was remembering the time that I spoke Chinese, so... 236 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,624 - You never spoke Chinese. - Yeah. 237 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,408 Yeah, I did. They gave me a magic pill, and I learned it, 238 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,671 - and I speak it fluently. - No. - Mm, no, they didn't. 239 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,498 - Uh, no, buddy. 240 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,892 Oh, by the way, we're getting way off track here. 241 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,502 - What-what is happening? - Yeah. 242 00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:52,896 Oh, why don't we remember all the times 243 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,637 that somebody didn't know what was happening. 244 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,639 A business opportunity as rare 245 00:09:56,683 --> 00:10:00,817 as the albani berries themselves. 246 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,471 What's happening? 247 00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,693 What is happening? 248 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,304 "His name was Dennis." 249 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:12,002 - I'm-I'm sorry. What is happ...? - Silence. 250 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,352 - What is happening? - We don't know. 251 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,485 - Come on now! 252 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,401 - What is happening? - What is happening? 253 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,275 - Reliving old memories is so fun. 254 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,538 - I'm having a blast. 255 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,279 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, guys, I got one 256 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,325 I think we can all remember— the contest. 257 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,805 - Oh, the contest. - The contest. 258 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,155 - Ooh. - Yeah. - Okay. Yeah, yeah. 259 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,767 Hey. 260 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,073 - Hey. - Hey. - Hey. 261 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,945 Well, where's my money? Who caved? 262 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,773 - Not me. - Not me. 263 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,557 - No. - Hmm. What are you guys looking at? 264 00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,298 Oh, there's a naked woman across the street. 265 00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,694 This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made. 266 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,959 So my friend Joyce is teaching an exercise class. 267 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,395 I think I'm gonna go tonight. 268 00:10:57,439 --> 00:11:00,877 Uh, the waitress should have taken it back. 269 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,928 So then, um, I got a call this morning. 270 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,494 You know, I was, uh... 271 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,583 I was chosen to go on the space shuttle. 272 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,500 We're going to Mars. 273 00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,807 - Have a good time. 274 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,465 I'm out! 275 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,132 That was, like, 276 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,742 one of the best memories of all time. 277 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,396 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 278 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,137 - Well, yeah, it's a classic really, and... - Yeah. 279 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,356 - It was so Jewish. Really. - Yeah, uh... 280 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,315 Yeah, it is. It is. The only thing is, though, 281 00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,099 is that that wasn't us. 282 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,884 What are you talking about? Of course it was us. We just... 283 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,929 - They just... - Yeah, the whole... We're in the apartment. 284 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:55,584 Yeah, I'm forgetting. When did we live in New York City? 285 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,020 - God, when was that? - Oh. Oh, uh... 286 00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,674 - It was like mid-'90s, right? - '90s, yeah. 287 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,589 - Early '90s. - Early '90s? 288 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,156 Is that right? Yeah, when we were in high school? 289 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:03,766 - Were we? 290 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:04,941 And-and-and who were those people laughing? 291 00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,770 - Fans. - Oh, the fans. - The fans. 292 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,032 - Yeah. - Right. - The fans? 293 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:10,686 - Fans. - The fans. Guys... 294 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,122 You guys are remembering an episode of Seinfeld. 295 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,037 - Oh, my God. - Oh! - That's it. 296 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,386 - That's what it is. - Whoa. - That's what it is. 297 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,606 - Yeah. - Memories are tricky. - Yeah. 298 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,173 Wait, wait, wait, but when we saw that episode, 299 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,391 - we had our own contest. - Yeah. - Yeah. No. 300 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,045 - That's what it is. - That's right. 301 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,177 - We did that contest. - That's what you were trying to remember. 302 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,352 - Uh-huh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 303 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,006 We had our own contest, except ours was 304 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,398 to see who could masturbate the most 305 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:29,052 in a 24-hour period. 306 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,359 Yeah, that, uh... that-that landed us in the hospital. 307 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:34,971 Your penises have suffered severe abrasions. 308 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:39,019 The skin has been all but removed from the organs. 309 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,412 I've... I've never seen anything like it. 310 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,849 And my vagina? 311 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:45,068 I'm afraid it's been, uh... 312 00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:47,070 Yeah. 313 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,855 No. no, no, no. You guys are doing it again. 314 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,857 You're misremembering. Okay, that's... that is not how that 315 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,293 went down, okay? And that doctor— he... 316 00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:54,034 That's not even a real doctor. 317 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,426 That guy was like a figment of my imagination 318 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,167 from when we got stuck in the convenience store. 319 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,387 Well, then you must have described it to me perfectly, 320 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,302 - because I remember the dude. - Yeah, well, look, 321 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,869 you can't do this, okay? 322 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,087 Every time you misremember something, 323 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,002 like, run the risk of altering reality. 324 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:08,831 - Altering reality? - Yeah, uh, yes. I'm just say... 325 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,877 I'm saying, like, how you remember something 326 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,704 sort of, like, becomes reality. 327 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,445 You're saying I can change reality. 328 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,012 Yeah, well, no, I'm not saying... 329 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,493 No, it doesn't change reality. Reality is reality. 330 00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,887 I'm just saying it becomes yourreality. 331 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,934 Charlie? 332 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,850 I wanted to talk to you about the other night. 333 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,504 Oh. 334 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,462 Cool. Wh-Which night, though? 335 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,029 'Cause there's been a lot of nights. 336 00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,466 The night we had sex. 337 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,251 - Oh, that night. - Yeah. 338 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,470 That was... that was a great night. 339 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,950 It was. 340 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,823 And I'm pregnant. 341 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,130 Wow, like... 342 00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,871 is it mine? 343 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,700 Yep. 344 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,049 - Huh. - Okay, I have... 345 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,138 I have so many problems with that. 346 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,748 Come on, man, I'm just trying to, like, remember, like, 347 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,663 something about the waitress so I can alter my reality. 348 00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,101 You get it. Like, having a baby, being back together. 349 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,711 Then again, that-that's not remembering, 350 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,713 that's just making stuff up. Also, I have a problem 351 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,497 with howyou were attempting to remember, you know, 352 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,325 the way you were just watching yourself watch yourself 353 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:09,936 through the door, like the... 354 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:12,155 like the Ghost of Christmas Past or something. 355 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,896 Well, that's just how everyone remembers. 356 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,680 - Mm-mm. - No, no, it's not. - Nobody does. 357 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,334 But it doesn't matter anyway, because it's not like 358 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,075 he can change reality, right? 359 00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,991 Charlie? Give me a hand with this kid, would you? 360 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:23,471 His diaper smells like a homeless man 361 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:24,951 took a dump in it. 362 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,474 Oh, shit, that's a baby. 363 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,692 Wait, wait, wait. What the hell is this? 364 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:28,693 Holy shit, it worked! 365 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,173 I did it! I did it! 366 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,175 - Charlie! Come on! - I'm coming. 367 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,569 Geez, I'm carrying, like, a million things. 368 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,789 - Whoa! Oh! What the hell? - Two Charlies? 369 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:40,183 Well, it's not like the baby's gonna drop dead just 'cause I'm 370 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,532 two seconds behind you coming into the bar. 371 00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:43,970 Wait a second. Maybe by watching yourself 372 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,711 watch yourself, you created two Charlies? 373 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,104 That's not good. 374 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,715 Hey! Hey, you, man! 375 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,935 Look, that-that's my girl. That's my kid. 376 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,155 You got to get out of here, dude. 377 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,939 Oh, my God, there's two of you? 378 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,768 Okay, well, one of you has to change this baby's diaper, 379 00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,596 'cause I need to go get drunk. 380 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:04,164 Are you gonna... Oh, dude. Thanks a lot, man. 381 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:07,210 Wait, wait, wait. Why is your voice so high? 382 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:08,995 Myvoice is high? I'm the one with the normal voice. 383 00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,126 You're the one with the high voice, dude. 384 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,345 I have a high voice? 385 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,563 You're telling me I have a high voice? 386 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,609 Yeah, your voice is crazy sounding! 387 00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:15,958 Are you kidding me? 388 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,612 - Oh, it's hearing itself. - Do you even hear yourself, bro? 389 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,396 This is bizarre. 390 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,572 Look, it doesn't matter, man. You got to get lost, all right? 391 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,835 - There can only be one of us. - Oh, please, 392 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,141 please let me get lost. 393 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,100 You know what? Take the kid, take the girl. 394 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,798 I'll go back to living with Frank, 'cause I miss him. 395 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,061 Aw. Charlie, that is so nice. 396 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,802 I miss you, too. 397 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,238 Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right, this isn't right. 398 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,413 We must not be back in reality. 399 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,067 We must still be in somebody's memory. 400 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:39,242 - Oh, yeah? Like whose? - Like whose? 401 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,244 - Don't copy me. - I don't know. 402 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,767 Wait. 403 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,769 Frank, why do you have hair? 404 00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:47,816 - I've always had hair. - Bullshit, Frank. You have n... 405 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:50,166 You know what, we're in his head right now. That's why Charlie 2 406 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,212 was talking about wanting to go back to living with him. 407 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,823 It's insane; Charlie already went back to living with me. 408 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,172 - We're not in myhead. - Oh, yeah? 409 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,609 - Nah. Uh-uh. - Then why are your legs so long? 410 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:02,004 My legs have always been long. It's a burden being tall. 411 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,788 Ah, bullshit, Frank. We're in your head. 412 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,442 Get us out of there. Come on, man. 413 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,053 - Ah... - Ah, yeah. 414 00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:09,098 Oh, you couldn't let me have that memory? 415 00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,448 No, Frank, because it wasn't a memory, it was a fantasy. 416 00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,189 I liked the two me's. That was a really cool angle, though. 417 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,408 - That was good. - Yeah, okay, fine, but th... 418 00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,410 Can we not go there, please? 419 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,020 All right? For Christ's sakes, we can't even just sit around 420 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,891 having memories without things getting out of hand. 421 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,676 Well, at least we're not being lazy, right? We're coming up 422 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:24,418 - with new stuff. - Yeah, all right, all right, okay, 423 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,115 let's stop, okay? We-we had our fun, 424 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,160 now we're back to reality, a-and let's just, 425 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,857 I'd like to keep it that way, so... 426 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,294 - Yeah, software update's almost done anyway. - Oh, nice. 427 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,079 Okay, good, well... Wait. 428 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,863 - Dee. - What? 429 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:37,039 Where's your cut? 430 00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,128 What cut? 431 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:42,088 The giant, gaping cut that was-was just on your forehead. 432 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,873 - Where is it? - Oh. I don't... I don't know. 433 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,093 Is she changing reality? 434 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,659 I don't know. I don't know what it means, okay? 435 00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,052 But I do know that we're not back 436 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,880 in the real reality, and that's not good. 437 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,882 Wait a second. Are we not? Like, are you sure 438 00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,231 she actually fell, that that actually happened? 439 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,667 I don't know. I don't know. I mean, 440 00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,191 this is so disorienting. I don't know. 441 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,236 - Dee, snap us back. - I can't. I'm trying. 442 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,065 All right, all right, wha-what if it's not thatmuch different? 443 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,893 You know? Like, what if this reality, 444 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:07,200 the only difference is that Dee doesn't have a cut on her head? 445 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,463 - Is that that big of a deal? - Yes, it's a big deal. 446 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,334 You're talking about never knowing 447 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:12,727 which reality you're living in. 448 00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,251 Okay, you know what? We need to, we need to orient ourselves. 449 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,948 Um... Frank. 450 00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,124 - Yeah? - Are you tall and handsome 451 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,255 with a full head of hair? 452 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,083 I like to think so, but no. 453 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,345 No. Good. Okay, so, Charlie, 454 00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:23,738 is the waitress in love with you? 455 00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:26,088 Aw, I had her for a minute, but no. 456 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,264 Great. Uh, Dee, are you a successful actress? 457 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,744 Oh, I could have been. 458 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,354 Dee, be serious! Yes or no? 459 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:32,094 - No. - Yeah. 460 00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,488 Mac, um, are you my roommate? 461 00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,142 - No, of course not. - Oh! 462 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:37,969 - Okay, well, so there it is. - There we go. 463 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:40,450 - All right, Mac, it's clearly you... - Oh. 464 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,148 so snap us out of it, man. 465 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,497 No. W-We're not in my head. I swear. 466 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,499 Yes, we are, man. We're in your head. 467 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,153 You're trying to alter reality. 468 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,676 Dude, if we were in my head, 469 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,244 why would I not want you to be my roommate? 470 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,376 But... 471 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,117 - Ah... - Oh, I get it. - Wait a minute. 472 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:58,294 Dennis, we're in your head, aren't we? 473 00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:01,384 - Yeah. - Yeah. - No. Why would we be in my head? 474 00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:04,518 Dennis, everyone knows that the most annoying person 475 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:07,303 - in the world is Mac. - Huh? 476 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,305 So why would you ever want to live with him? 477 00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:12,003 No, that's not— I— No, he's great as a roommate. 478 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,570 - Is he great? - Yeah, he's great. 479 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,746 Name one way. 480 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,574 Yeah, easy. He, um... 481 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,931 - Oh, your head, yeah! So yeah. - Okay, fine, damn it, 482 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,542 I was trying to, yeah, get rid of him. 483 00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,152 So you don't like living with me, Dennis? 484 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,241 Oh, no, I... no, I love having a roommate 485 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,243 who spends three hours a day on a dildo bike. 486 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,984 Guys, see, this is, this is why I didn't want to do this. 487 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,768 You know? No good can come of it. 488 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,206 - It doesn't feel good. - It has been kind of messy, 489 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,425 like, you know, it's been confusing, for sure. 490 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:45,036 So let's just... we just... so now we just got to make sure 491 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,343 - we're-we're back in reality. - Yeah, but how do you ever know 492 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,563 - if you're in reality? - You know what? 493 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:52,305 I think I got a top here under the bar. Yeah, I do. I do. 494 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,350 - A top under the bar? - Top? What do you do with a top? - So? 495 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,831 Well, a top. Didn't you guys see the movie Inception? 496 00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:59,181 You know, they spin the top, and see, the thing is, 497 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:02,358 if we aren't in reality, then the top will just spin forever. 498 00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,055 But if it wobbles and falls, 499 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,579 then you know you're back in reality. 500 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,972 - Should we give it a spin? - Yeah, let's do it. - Sure. 501 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,018 Let's see. 502 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,020 Seems like that's gonna go for a while, though. 503 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,761 It does, it seems like it's gonna... 504 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:16,285 - Gave it a hell of a spin there. - Yeah! - Yeah! 505 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,331 Well, it's a good, it's a quality top. 506 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,854 Oh. 507 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,856 - Oh, our phones are updated. - Oh, for real? 508 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,771 - Oh! - There we go! - Oh, sweet! 509 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:27,035 - Ah... - Finally. - Um... 510 00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,211 Thank God we're back to normal.