1 00:00:01,907 --> 00:00:04,305 My God, for the love of God, there's two more of 'em. 2 00:00:04,349 --> 00:00:06,133 I mean, it's giving me indigestion. 3 00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:07,700 - Yeah, man. - I'm tired of looking at it. 4 00:00:07,743 --> 00:00:09,484 And where are they even coming from, dude? 5 00:00:09,528 --> 00:00:11,182 It's that new salon that opened up down the street. 6 00:00:11,225 --> 00:00:12,487 I thought it was gonna be good for business, 7 00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:14,228 - but this is hard to look at. - I don't even understand 8 00:00:14,272 --> 00:00:16,622 - why you guys give a shit. - Why do we give a shit? 9 00:00:16,665 --> 00:00:18,276 - Yeah. - These women have mutilated themselves, Dee. 10 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,712 It's an abomination. 11 00:00:19,755 --> 00:00:21,105 Once you go down that road, it's, 12 00:00:21,148 --> 00:00:23,194 you... there's no turning back. 13 00:00:23,237 --> 00:00:25,544 It's just, like, the dumbest hat, too, like... 14 00:00:25,587 --> 00:00:27,720 A hat? Are you talking about their hair? 15 00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:30,070 That's hair? Oh, my... I thought that was, like, 16 00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,202 a little comedy hat or something. 17 00:00:31,245 --> 00:00:33,552 That's their actual hair... Why would anyone do that? 18 00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:36,076 Wait a second. Poppins? 19 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,686 - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God, it's Poppins! 20 00:00:38,094 --> 00:00:39,558 Poppins! He came back! 21 00:00:39,601 --> 00:00:41,342 My dog came back! 22 00:00:41,386 --> 00:00:42,561 How the hell is that dog still alive? 23 00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,779 Yeah, Mac, why don't you just 24 00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:45,303 put that poor thing out of its misery? 25 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,782 Put him down? What, are you crazy? 26 00:00:46,826 --> 00:00:48,349 This is my dog, Dee. I love him. 27 00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:49,959 Well, he doesn't love you. 28 00:00:50,003 --> 00:00:51,135 Comes around every three or four years, 29 00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:52,788 eats a bunch of batteries or whatever, 30 00:00:52,832 --> 00:00:55,090 takes a giant dump on the floor, and then leaves again. 31 00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:57,228 Dee, Poppins comes and goes as he pleases 32 00:00:57,271 --> 00:00:59,103 'cause that's his right as a male. 33 00:00:59,138 --> 00:01:00,144 - Mm. - Right? 34 00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:02,189 - Women are never gonna get that. - They'll never get it. 35 00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:03,495 Yep. We are hunter-gatherers, Dee. 36 00:01:03,538 --> 00:01:05,149 And if we decide to leave, we're gonna leave. 37 00:01:05,192 --> 00:01:08,152 - Yeah, 'cause that's nature. That's tradition. - That's bullshit. 38 00:01:08,195 --> 00:01:09,283 Traditional roles are ridiculous, 39 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:10,806 and they're made up by men. 40 00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:13,042 If I want to have a baby and then abandon that baby, 41 00:01:13,077 --> 00:01:14,288 I have the right to do that. 42 00:01:14,332 --> 00:01:17,378 - Oh... - A woman abandoning her child? 43 00:01:17,422 --> 00:01:18,901 - Yeah, that's awful, Dee. - That's cheap. 44 00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,338 And it's not natural. You know what I mean? 45 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,382 Like those haircuts. I mean, they... 46 00:01:21,426 --> 00:01:23,384 that's traditionally a man's look. 47 00:01:23,428 --> 00:01:25,038 Women can't just adopt it. 48 00:01:25,082 --> 00:01:26,300 You know? I mean, look, it's one thing 49 00:01:26,344 --> 00:01:28,172 for, like, a 60-year-old art critic to do it, 50 00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:30,261 but, I mean, these are young, sexually viable women 51 00:01:30,304 --> 00:01:32,393 making themselves no longer sexually attractive to me, 52 00:01:32,437 --> 00:01:35,004 and that upsets the natural balance of things. 53 00:01:35,048 --> 00:01:36,354 - Mm. - What? No. 54 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,573 If women want to get short, ugly, lesbian haircuts, 55 00:01:38,617 --> 00:01:41,272 then they deserve to do that because it's their body 56 00:01:41,315 --> 00:01:42,925 and, therefore, their choice. 57 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,231 Oh, you're gonna make it about that? 58 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,190 You know what? Killing babies is wrong, Dee, 59 00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:47,408 and God forbids it. 60 00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,584 Oh, God. 61 00:01:49,628 --> 00:01:50,716 Here comes another one. 62 00:01:51,443 --> 00:01:52,935 It's too much! 63 00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:18,787 I'm telling you, man, something is wrong with Poppins. 64 00:02:18,831 --> 00:02:21,312 His belly's all big. I've never seen him so run-down. 65 00:02:21,355 --> 00:02:22,661 I mean, it's not like he's never been sick before. 66 00:02:22,704 --> 00:02:24,184 You remember the time he drank an entire pot of coffee? 67 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,186 - That wasn't good. - No, this is different, dude. 68 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,057 - Yeah. - This is... Look, check this out. 69 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,453 - Oh, yeah. That's not good. - Nothing. Nothing. 70 00:02:32,497 --> 00:02:33,565 I mean, it's just like... 71 00:02:34,673 --> 00:02:36,065 Where'd you get the air horn? 72 00:02:36,109 --> 00:02:37,893 Oh, I-I picked it up at the hardware store 73 00:02:37,937 --> 00:02:39,286 - when you were grabbing coffee. - Yeah. 74 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:40,400 Yeah. Why? 75 00:02:40,444 --> 00:02:42,768 I want to jump-start Poppins's system. 76 00:02:42,811 --> 00:02:44,422 You know? But it's not working. Maybe if I do it longer? 77 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,250 - I'll do it super long, huh? - Uh, you know what? 78 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:48,339 - What if I feed him my coffee, right? - Mm-hmm. Yep. 79 00:02:48,382 --> 00:02:50,776 You blast him with the air horn, a-and that might wake him up. 80 00:02:50,819 --> 00:02:52,778 Oh, and maybe I'll scream into the other ear. 81 00:02:52,821 --> 00:02:53,996 Okay, yeah. Give it a whirl. 82 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,346 Please don't. 83 00:02:55,389 --> 00:02:57,217 Oh, uh, am I not doing it right? 84 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,349 Do you want to give it a go? 85 00:02:58,392 --> 00:03:00,612 Uh, no, I don't. And, yes, you're doing it correctly, 86 00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:03,267 I just prefer you not feed your dog coffee 87 00:03:03,310 --> 00:03:06,210 and blow an air horn repeatedly into its ear canal. 88 00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:07,619 Hey, look, if that doesn't make this dog less sleepy, 89 00:03:07,662 --> 00:03:10,361 - nothing's gonna. - Well, to be clear, 90 00:03:10,404 --> 00:03:13,494 uh, sleepiness is not Poppins' problem. 91 00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:15,402 Oh, no. Is it a tumor? 92 00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:17,498 If it's not, could you say it in that really funny 93 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,718 Arnold Schwarzenegger voice that's, like, so funny? 94 00:03:19,761 --> 00:03:21,154 - "It's not a tumor." - You know what I mean? And that always, like... Yeah. 95 00:03:21,198 --> 00:03:22,590 - "It's not a tumor." - It's funny when he says it, too. 96 00:03:22,634 --> 00:03:23,809 Unless it is a tumor, 97 00:03:23,852 --> 00:03:26,159 - and then it's not gonna be funny. - Is it? 98 00:03:26,203 --> 00:03:28,944 Well, uh, there's good news and there's bad news. Right? 99 00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:32,731 Uh, the good news is that Poppins is pregnant. 100 00:03:32,774 --> 00:03:34,515 Wait. Poppins is a girl? 101 00:03:34,559 --> 00:03:38,127 Oh, you didn't know your dog was a female? 102 00:03:38,171 --> 00:03:40,826 Oh, nah, I-I could never get underneath that hind leg 103 00:03:40,869 --> 00:03:43,089 - to check. - You don't want to try to get under Poppins. 104 00:03:43,132 --> 00:03:45,091 I mean, one time I tried to give him a belly scratch 105 00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:47,876 - and he bit my thumbnail clean off. - He's a monster. 106 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,443 - Uh, "she." - Say what now? - Huh? 107 00:03:49,487 --> 00:03:51,184 "She-She's a monster." 108 00:03:51,228 --> 00:03:53,926 I can't believe that Poppins is gonna be a father. 109 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:55,623 - A mother. - What? 110 00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,104 - A mother? - He is? 111 00:03:58,147 --> 00:04:02,935 Hmm... Okay. Uh, do you two not understand gender? 112 00:04:02,978 --> 00:04:05,067 - No, I mean... - Well, 113 00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,505 - we don't really do gender at our bar anymore. - Yeah. 114 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,420 - Mm-hmm. - Like, gender's so, like, old school. 115 00:04:09,463 --> 00:04:11,204 - Like, I-I don't identify... - Um, I'm so sorry 116 00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:13,424 to tell you, uh, the bad news, 117 00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:17,123 is that given Poppins' advanced age, 118 00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:22,302 I'm afraid that she most likely will not survive the delivery. 119 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,565 - He won't? - Again, she. 120 00:04:24,609 --> 00:04:26,524 And, uh, yeah. 121 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,091 I-I don't think I've ever seen a dog this old. 122 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:33,095 It's a miracle that she was even able to get pregnant, 123 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:36,142 so when she gives birth, 124 00:04:36,185 --> 00:04:39,450 she will most likely die. 125 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,106 Well, you got to kill those babies, then. 126 00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:45,934 - Uh... - What? Dude, what the hell? 127 00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:47,545 I thought you were all pro-life and everything. 128 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,983 I am, but this is different. This affects me. 129 00:04:51,026 --> 00:04:54,334 Uh, I'm so sorry, but we don't perform that procedure here. 130 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,205 We can talk to a, like, a doctor, not a nurse. 131 00:04:56,249 --> 00:04:57,990 That's a good idea. Do you have any doctors here? 132 00:04:58,033 --> 00:04:59,208 - Let's go. - I'm a... 133 00:04:59,252 --> 00:05:00,601 Let's go. We'll go find a man. 134 00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:02,429 Okay. 135 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:04,615 Got some information for you. 136 00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:06,172 - You're gonna want this information. - Great hair. Keep the hair 137 00:05:06,215 --> 00:05:07,521 - the way it is. - Very important information, honestly. 138 00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:09,697 - Keep your hair the way it is. It's really great. - Yeah. 139 00:05:09,741 --> 00:05:11,177 - Oh. Oh... Hi! - Hi... G-Going the wrong way. 140 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,700 - You going in here to get the... Yeah. - I was. 141 00:05:12,744 --> 00:05:14,615 Check this out: um, uh, did you know 142 00:05:14,659 --> 00:05:16,617 that hair only grows about six inches 143 00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:18,053 over the course of an entire year? 144 00:05:18,097 --> 00:05:20,404 Did you realize that? Isn't that mind-blowing? 145 00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:21,709 - Think about that for a second. You know? - Mm. 146 00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:23,711 Here. Grab that for me, if you will. 147 00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:25,409 - Oh, my. - Yeah, it's something else. 148 00:05:25,452 --> 00:05:27,411 - You can't get your hair cut. You don't want to do that. - Um, now I'll tell you something. 149 00:05:27,454 --> 00:05:29,717 With luxurious locks like yours, it could take, oh, 150 00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:32,416 - three, four years to grow back to its current length. Yeah. - Yeah, if it ever grows back. 151 00:05:32,459 --> 00:05:34,374 - Okay. Thanks. - Well, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. 152 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,942 If that doesn't convince you, there's more. Um... 153 00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:39,423 Listen, are you familiar with the television series Felicity, 154 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:41,512 - starring Keri Russell? Yeah. - Yes. Mm-hmm. 155 00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:43,644 - Well, this is Keri Russell right here. - Beautiful. 156 00:05:43,688 --> 00:05:46,212 - Look at her. Beautiful. Gorgeous. - Beautiful girl. Yeah, gorgeous. 157 00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:47,431 - Yep. - Millions of adoring fans, 158 00:05:47,474 --> 00:05:50,259 hit television show, you know, and then she went and did this. 159 00:05:50,303 --> 00:05:52,479 - Oh, God. - Yeah. 160 00:05:52,523 --> 00:05:53,959 - Look at that. Oh, God. - What a mess. 161 00:05:54,002 --> 00:05:55,613 - Shocking, isn't it? - Still pretty. 162 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,224 With this one tragic decision, Keri Russell a-alienated 163 00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:00,444 all of her fans, she got her show canceled, 164 00:06:00,487 --> 00:06:02,663 and, man, she was never heard of ever again. 165 00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:04,883 Yeah, but Keri Russell works all the time. 166 00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:06,667 Yeah, now, does she still play women? 167 00:06:06,711 --> 00:06:08,277 Look, leave me alone, creep. 168 00:06:08,321 --> 00:06:10,279 - Probably in a cape or something. - Well, no, no, hold on. 169 00:06:10,323 --> 00:06:11,672 You're about to make a huge mistake, lady. 170 00:06:11,716 --> 00:06:13,587 - You don't want to do this. Man. - Hey. - She got in. 171 00:06:13,631 --> 00:06:16,068 - What is this? What are you guys doing? - One got away. 172 00:06:16,111 --> 00:06:18,636 - We let her go. - Well, Dee, we are educating the public is what we're doing. 173 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,028 - We're trying to help these women. - Oh, my God. 174 00:06:20,072 --> 00:06:21,595 Will you please leave these poor women alone? 175 00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:24,468 They're clearly bored and lonely and-and-and needing 176 00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:27,079 to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special. 177 00:06:27,122 --> 00:06:28,994 Listen. Take this one for example. 178 00:06:29,037 --> 00:06:30,430 You don't get a monkey cut like that 179 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,910 unless you're broken inside. 180 00:06:31,953 --> 00:06:34,434 I'm sorry. Are you talking to me? 181 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:35,653 No, sweetie, I'm talking about you. 182 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,089 I'm using you as an example. 183 00:06:37,132 --> 00:06:39,918 I support your choice to look like whatever kind of primate 184 00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:42,877 or simian species you choose, because it is your choice. 185 00:06:42,921 --> 00:06:44,575 Okay? You know what? 186 00:06:44,618 --> 00:06:46,315 Go full baboon, girl. I support you. 187 00:06:46,359 --> 00:06:48,750 No. Dee, Dee, you're not being rational. 188 00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,054 Can you at least acknowledge 189 00:06:50,089 --> 00:06:52,147 the fact that men should have some say in what women do 190 00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:53,584 with their hair? I mean, for Christ's sakes, 191 00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:55,063 we're the ones that have to look at it all day! 192 00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:57,065 No, Dennis. I won't acknowledge that. 193 00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:59,503 You have no say. In fact, you know what? 194 00:07:00,092 --> 00:07:01,389 I'm gonna get the haircut. 195 00:07:01,896 --> 00:07:04,333 Don't do it, Dee. You're gonna, you're gonna look hideous. 196 00:07:04,377 --> 00:07:06,727 I know I will. I don't have the face or the body to support 197 00:07:06,771 --> 00:07:08,294 a haircut like that, but I'm gonna do it anyway, 198 00:07:08,337 --> 00:07:09,513 because I can. 199 00:07:09,556 --> 00:07:11,515 Because I choose to, and there's nothing you can do about it. 200 00:07:11,558 --> 00:07:12,951 - You don't do it. - Excuse me. 201 00:07:12,994 --> 00:07:14,735 You do not do it. You go back to the bar. 202 00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:15,793 I command you! 203 00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:17,912 Dee. 204 00:07:17,956 --> 00:07:20,262 You're not being serious enough. 205 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:21,916 - Oh... - One monkey cut, please! 206 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,135 Oh, God. 207 00:07:23,178 --> 00:07:25,746 You... you bitch. 208 00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:28,096 Yeah, so, 209 00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:31,143 what we'd like you to do is kill the dog puppies, if you could. 210 00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:32,536 Hey. Don't-don't say "kill," though. 211 00:07:32,579 --> 00:07:34,755 Uh, sorry, murder them, if possible? 212 00:07:34,799 --> 00:07:36,888 - Say, uh... Uh, no, say, uh... - Uh, sorry, my friend has a... 213 00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:39,499 - "... terminate the embryos." - To terminate... 214 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,328 - Yeah, so if you could terminate the puppies' embryos? - Yeah. 215 00:07:42,371 --> 00:07:43,895 - Yeah. You know what? Come on. Let me just-let me... - Uh-huh. Sorry. 216 00:07:43,938 --> 00:07:45,984 - Hang on one second. My friend wants to talk to you. - Yeah. I'll do it. 217 00:07:46,027 --> 00:07:49,074 Yes, hi. Yes, we-we need you to perform this dog abortion, 218 00:07:49,117 --> 00:07:51,511 and if you don't, my dog is gonna die. 219 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,340 And he-he-he's not gonna be able to survive the... 220 00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:57,681 Yes, I'm-I'm aware that a boy dog can't have puppies. 221 00:07:57,716 --> 00:07:59,563 - What's with this? I... - I... Yes. Look, 222 00:07:59,606 --> 00:08:01,434 it's a little bit confusing because he used to be... 223 00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:02,870 Look, there was a transition at some point, all right? 224 00:08:02,914 --> 00:08:05,351 - He had a sex change. - We see past gender at our bar. 225 00:08:05,394 --> 00:08:06,744 And I don't... They hung up. 226 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,572 - That's the tenth one. - You know what? 227 00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,138 The problem is we-we can't get any doctors on the phone. 228 00:08:10,182 --> 00:08:12,010 - I know. - You know? You're always talking to a secretary. 229 00:08:12,053 --> 00:08:14,012 - I know, it's just... - Puts you on the phone with some other female secretary, 230 00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:16,101 - and it's like... - And honestly, I tune them out, 231 00:08:16,144 --> 00:08:18,103 because I can't... they get so high up in the register. 232 00:08:18,146 --> 00:08:19,365 Yeah. 233 00:08:19,408 --> 00:08:22,107 She's gone too far! She has no idea 234 00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:24,789 of the ramifications of what her actions... 235 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,807 Whoa. Frankie. 236 00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:29,941 Take it easy, buddy. Your valve's getting all worked up. 237 00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:31,812 That's not good. 238 00:08:31,856 --> 00:08:33,248 Hey, your valve's acting up... You know what? 239 00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:34,685 Here, here... eat some cat food. 240 00:08:34,728 --> 00:08:36,059 Come on, settle down. 241 00:08:36,774 --> 00:08:38,819 You-you got to get that valve down, man. 242 00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:40,212 - You got to calm that down, all right? - Okay... 243 00:08:40,255 --> 00:08:41,953 - Neutralize it out with the cat food. - Let me have it. 244 00:08:41,996 --> 00:08:43,955 All right, walk me through what's happening here. 245 00:08:43,998 --> 00:08:45,347 - It's Dee. - Yeah? 246 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,436 Yeah, she's gonna do it. She's gonna cut her hair off. 247 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,004 Dennis... put me in charge... 248 00:08:50,048 --> 00:08:54,356 of making sure she doesn't go through with this madness. 249 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,837 Ooh, Frankie, that valve is bad, man. That is backed up. 250 00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:59,710 - You-you drinking enough beer, bud? - No. 251 00:08:59,753 --> 00:09:01,233 Okay. Let-Let's get you another beer 252 00:09:01,276 --> 00:09:02,669 - or something. - Let me have a brew, 253 00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:03,944 and pop me another can of this cat food. 254 00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:05,063 - It's working. - Yeah. 255 00:09:05,106 --> 00:09:06,760 We got to settle that valve down, buddy. 256 00:09:08,283 --> 00:09:09,807 Hey, Frank, 257 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,548 you know anybody that'll do a dog abortion? 258 00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:15,247 Yeah, I got a guy. 259 00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:21,993 Yeah. There you go. Take a look. 260 00:09:22,036 --> 00:09:23,995 You seriously want to buy me a car 261 00:09:24,038 --> 00:09:25,387 as long as I don't cut my hair? 262 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,607 Yeah, and we should look at the convertibles. 263 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:28,739 I want the wind blowing through 264 00:09:28,782 --> 00:09:31,393 those long, beautiful locks of yours. 265 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,612 - This is ridiculous. - No, it's not. 266 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:33,874 This has nothing to do with a haircut 267 00:09:33,918 --> 00:09:36,398 and everything to do with you controlling my body. 268 00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,705 It's got everything to do with a haircut, Deandra. 269 00:09:38,749 --> 00:09:40,707 Look at this. 270 00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:41,882 What is this? 271 00:09:41,926 --> 00:09:44,493 That's me when I was young. 272 00:09:44,537 --> 00:09:45,712 I was like Samson. 273 00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:47,888 I had hair down to my butt crack. 274 00:09:47,932 --> 00:09:49,890 I looked like a Greek god. 275 00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:51,022 You look like a bridge troll. 276 00:09:51,065 --> 00:09:53,241 Well, the point is, I cut it all off. 277 00:09:53,285 --> 00:09:55,766 I-I needed the money and I read an ad... 278 00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:59,291 for a toupee company that said they would give good money 279 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,510 for real hair, so I bought in. 280 00:10:01,554 --> 00:10:04,905 But I shaved it all off to the nub. It never grew back. 281 00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:06,472 And-and, plus, when I think about it, 282 00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:08,909 I get a... pain in my stomach 283 00:10:08,953 --> 00:10:11,129 and I... gastronomical. 284 00:10:11,172 --> 00:10:12,913 - Oh, God. - And I burp. 285 00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:16,047 That's not how hair works. Or gastrointestinal tracts. 286 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:18,745 I want to show you something else. 287 00:10:19,877 --> 00:10:21,139 What? 288 00:10:21,182 --> 00:10:22,836 There it is. 289 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,925 There what is, Frank? 290 00:10:24,969 --> 00:10:27,711 That's my old hair. 291 00:10:27,754 --> 00:10:29,495 He-He's given it a good home. 292 00:10:29,538 --> 00:10:31,279 He takes care of it. 293 00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:33,717 Probably better than I would've taken care of it myself. 294 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,588 - Wha...? - I come by time to time 295 00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:37,938 to check it out, see how it's doing. 296 00:10:37,982 --> 00:10:39,505 Oh, my God. 297 00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:40,724 Ah, here he comes. 298 00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:41,812 Don't-don't say anything, 299 00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:43,944 because I don't want to make it feel bad. 300 00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:45,511 - Hey, how are you? - Hey, here's my guy. 301 00:10:45,554 --> 00:10:46,860 - Hi. How you doing? - How you doing, Frankie? 302 00:10:46,904 --> 00:10:48,514 - Good to see you. - Very nice to see you. 303 00:10:48,557 --> 00:10:51,299 I love this guy. He's bought, like, five cars off of me. 304 00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:52,866 - You know? - I hope you're using that money 305 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,477 for high-end shampoos and conditioners. 306 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:58,176 S... Always with the shampoo jokes. 307 00:10:58,219 --> 00:11:01,309 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - I have no idea what you're talking about. 308 00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:03,964 Uh, so, anyway, you here to buy something today? 309 00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,357 - Yes. Yeah. - No! No. 310 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,793 I-I... you're not buying me a car, Frank. 311 00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:07,925 You can't control me 312 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,754 with your cars and your threats of male pattern baldness. 313 00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,581 That-that was an unrelated burp. 314 00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,758 I had four beers on the way here, I'll have you know. 315 00:11:14,801 --> 00:11:16,107 I'm getting the haircut. I'm getting it. 316 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:18,326 Don't do it, Deandra. You'll regret it! 317 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:19,806 I'm telling you! 318 00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:21,547 What was that all about? 319 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,549 Just trying to save a life. 320 00:11:23,592 --> 00:11:25,725 Oh. The wind's kicking up. 321 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,293 You better get inside. I don't like to see her struggle. 322 00:11:28,336 --> 00:11:29,686 Okay. 323 00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:34,995 You sure this is the place? 324 00:11:35,039 --> 00:11:37,345 Yeah. This is where Frank said to meet the guy, so... 325 00:11:37,389 --> 00:11:38,999 - What up? - Oh, hey, Z. 326 00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:40,218 - Hey. - How you doing, man? 327 00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:42,002 - What you boys up to? - Uh, we're waiting 328 00:11:42,046 --> 00:11:44,004 on a doctor that Frank's hooking us up with. 329 00:11:44,048 --> 00:11:45,571 Yeah, that's me, homie. 330 00:11:45,614 --> 00:11:47,442 - Oh. - You're a doctor? 331 00:11:47,486 --> 00:11:48,835 Straight up. 332 00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:50,402 Come on. No, you're not. 333 00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:52,360 Bitch, you don't think I'm a doctor? 334 00:11:52,404 --> 00:11:55,233 I was a medic in Desert Storm. 335 00:11:55,276 --> 00:11:58,932 I did Doctors Without Borders, I saved mad lives. 336 00:11:58,976 --> 00:12:01,369 See, you racist. That's what the problem is. 337 00:12:01,413 --> 00:12:03,704 I'm so sorry, Z. I didn't have any idea. 338 00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:05,373 - That's impressive, yeah. - Sorry. Sorry. 339 00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:08,159 Bitch, I'm just playing with you. 340 00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:09,464 I ain't no motherfucking doctor. 341 00:12:09,508 --> 00:12:10,729 Oh! 342 00:12:11,075 --> 00:12:13,773 - Okay. All right. - Are you serious? 343 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,601 I do still feel bad, though. 344 00:12:15,644 --> 00:12:16,820 - I feel terrible. - I feel bad, too, because I feel 345 00:12:16,863 --> 00:12:18,560 - like I was exposed. - Lesson learned. 346 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:21,041 - Lesson learned. That was good. - I was... My racism was exposed. 347 00:12:21,085 --> 00:12:22,216 But I do fuck with dogs, 348 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,957 - so tell me what's up. - Oh, okay. Good. 349 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:26,655 - So, uh, Poppins is sick. - Right. 350 00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,832 Yeah, and there's a bunch of babies in there. 351 00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:31,399 Oh, snap. Okay. Right. 352 00:12:31,443 --> 00:12:33,880 Now, the vet said that if he gives birth, he's gonna die. 353 00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:36,013 Oh, so you want me to scoop them babies out 354 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,188 so your dog can die. 355 00:12:37,231 --> 00:12:40,408 - Uh, n-no. The, the opposite, actually. - Okay. 356 00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:43,455 You want me to scoop them puppies out and chuck 'em 357 00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:46,458 and then put your dog out its misery. 358 00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:47,981 - Uh, no. No. - No. Uh-uh. 359 00:12:48,025 --> 00:12:50,027 No, uh, we want you to kill the babies 360 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,898 and keep this dog alive. 361 00:12:51,942 --> 00:12:53,857 Okay, word. I can get with that. 362 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,685 Yeah, is there a version, like, where no dog dies? 363 00:12:56,729 --> 00:12:58,035 Yo, son, that's hard to tell. 364 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,819 I made dogs make babies, 365 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,300 but I ain't never taken no babies out the dog. 366 00:13:02,343 --> 00:13:03,649 Oh, you're a breeder. 367 00:13:03,692 --> 00:13:05,999 - Right. - That's why Frank hooked us up. 368 00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:08,654 - Yeah, yeah. I breed dogs. - Nice. 369 00:13:08,697 --> 00:13:10,482 - I groom dogs. I fight dogs. - Nice. 370 00:13:10,525 --> 00:13:11,831 - Oh. Mm. - I ain't never abort 371 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,877 no dog, but we can get it done. 372 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,966 Poke around in one of them trash cans, 373 00:13:16,009 --> 00:13:18,142 try to find an Allen wrench. 374 00:13:20,971 --> 00:13:22,668 Yeah, I'm starting to think this is a mistake, man. 375 00:13:22,711 --> 00:13:24,452 I don't think he's qualified to do this. 376 00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:25,976 - But... - Yeah, I-I don't know. 377 00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:27,412 I don't know what else we're gonna do, man. 378 00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:28,892 I mean, we got to save Poppins. 379 00:13:28,935 --> 00:13:31,024 Oh, shit. Wait. Who's this? 380 00:13:31,068 --> 00:13:32,547 Oh... Oh, my God. 381 00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:34,332 Wait a second. Charlie... 382 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:35,550 I think this is the real Poppins! 383 00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:37,074 That's Poppins, isn't it? 384 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,423 I was wondering why I didn't have 385 00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:39,990 to pop this dog's eye back in its socket. 386 00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:41,861 That dog has a very solid eye. It was very mysterious why... 387 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,689 Oh, my God. Yeah, look how dirty he is. 388 00:13:43,732 --> 00:13:45,691 Oh, look. Oh, look at this. He came back. 389 00:13:45,734 --> 00:13:47,127 He's getting all nose-deep 390 00:13:47,171 --> 00:13:49,695 - in, uh... in her goodies there, so... - Oh, my God. Wait a second. 391 00:13:49,738 --> 00:13:51,088 Charlie, 392 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,699 maybe the puppies inside of this dog are Poppins's! 393 00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:55,701 Oh, my God. Poppins is the dad? 394 00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:56,920 Yes! 395 00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:58,138 - Uh... - That is so cute. 396 00:13:58,182 --> 00:13:59,270 - Yeah. - He came back 397 00:13:59,313 --> 00:14:00,706 - to take care of his family. - He did. 398 00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:02,447 He likes to take... Oh, no, he did not. He did not. 399 00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:03,970 - There he goes. - He wanted the blanket. 400 00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:05,885 Yeah, he's a survivor. He's gonna 401 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:06,947 take what he needs. 402 00:14:06,991 --> 00:14:08,423 He's gonna do what he's gonna do. Wow. 403 00:14:08,519 --> 00:14:10,063 - Bye, buddy. - Bye, Poppins! 404 00:14:10,107 --> 00:14:11,543 All right. See you in a few years. 405 00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:12,677 Mm-hmm. 406 00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:13,937 All right. What are we gonna do 407 00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:15,721 - with this piece of shit? - Mm-hmm. 408 00:14:27,864 --> 00:14:29,822 Listen here, you monster. 409 00:14:29,866 --> 00:14:32,781 Okay, well, if you see her, can you call me? I'm just really 410 00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:35,306 freaking out. It's not like her at all. 411 00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:37,351 Um... 412 00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:39,092 I'm so sorry. Um, can I help you? 413 00:14:39,858 --> 00:14:40,904 Yeah. 414 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,184 Yes. I'm sorry, the... 415 00:14:44,228 --> 00:14:46,317 Your tears were unexpected. I, uh... 416 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,188 Yeah. 417 00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:49,798 Sometimes I find it very arousing, tears, 418 00:14:49,842 --> 00:14:51,017 but this time, I wasn't... 419 00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:52,149 I-I wasn't coming in-in that zone. 420 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,412 You know what I mean? So, I, uh, was... 421 00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:56,762 I just wasn't ready for it. I was... I was gonna do a th... 422 00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:58,416 I could switch gears, though. You want to do...? 423 00:14:58,459 --> 00:15:01,114 We could do a... This could be an arousing thing. I... 424 00:15:01,158 --> 00:15:02,768 What is happening? 425 00:15:02,811 --> 00:15:05,118 Right. Sorry. Uh... 426 00:15:05,162 --> 00:15:07,947 Yeah, so, no. I... No, I came here with a plan, and, um... 427 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,819 Yes, I'm gonna stick to that plan, so... Sorry. 428 00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:14,171 - I'd like a haircut, please. - Oh. 429 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,347 Yeah, sure. Um, if you can just leave your name and number. 430 00:15:16,390 --> 00:15:17,565 What do you mean "yes"? 431 00:15:17,609 --> 00:15:19,176 - I can... - Sorry. What? 432 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,874 I can make you an appointment if you leave your name and number. 433 00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:22,875 - Right on. - And I can 434 00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:25,791 - give you... - You cut men's hair? 435 00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:28,011 Yeah. We cut anyone's hair who needs it. 436 00:15:29,055 --> 00:15:31,144 Good. As it should be. 437 00:15:33,146 --> 00:15:34,191 - Good. - Yeah. 438 00:15:36,595 --> 00:15:38,630 - So... - Are you okay? 439 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,069 You won't outsmart me. 440 00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:45,202 Sorry. I-I... 441 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,247 I thought you were gonna say that you only cut 442 00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:49,249 women's hair, and I was gonna claim discrimination 443 00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:51,904 to get you shut... it doesn't matter. 444 00:15:52,843 --> 00:15:55,038 I have to admit, you've-you've put me a bit out of sorts. I... 445 00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:57,214 With the, with the, the tears and the... 446 00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,130 arousal and your face and words. I... 447 00:16:00,173 --> 00:16:01,609 Can we start over? Uh... 448 00:16:01,653 --> 00:16:02,871 Do you want an appointment? 449 00:16:02,915 --> 00:16:05,265 No! No. 450 00:16:05,309 --> 00:16:08,225 I-I... Because I don't want a-a-a haircut from a butcher. 451 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,400 All right? I'm not gonna get butchered 452 00:16:09,443 --> 00:16:11,054 like you've butchered these poor women's hairs. 453 00:16:11,097 --> 00:16:12,185 - Are you insane? - No. 454 00:16:12,229 --> 00:16:13,839 Look, I can be reasonable, okay? 455 00:16:13,882 --> 00:16:15,406 I don't expect to save everybody from this, 456 00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,799 but I can save one person, all right? 457 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,005 My sister Deandra Reynolds. 458 00:16:19,049 --> 00:16:20,063 She-she has an appointment here, 459 00:16:20,106 --> 00:16:21,673 and I want it stricken from the record. 460 00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:23,283 - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. - Look, 461 00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:26,939 you don't understand, okay? She's... she's my twin sister, all right? 462 00:16:26,983 --> 00:16:28,854 Fr-From a genetic standpoint, I mean, her hair is just 463 00:16:28,897 --> 00:16:30,682 as much mine as it is hers, you know what I mean? 464 00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:33,206 I-I-I... I have every right to stop her from killing it. 465 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:35,208 Okay, I don't know what's going on here, 466 00:16:35,252 --> 00:16:36,862 but I don't have time for this. 467 00:16:36,905 --> 00:16:38,211 Oh, yeah, yeah, you're very busy 468 00:16:38,255 --> 00:16:40,387 destroying young people's lives, aren't you? 469 00:16:40,431 --> 00:16:43,434 Yeah. Doesn't surprise me it's reduced you to tears. 470 00:16:43,477 --> 00:16:47,307 I'm crying because my dog is lost, asshole. 471 00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:49,657 What's your dog look like? 472 00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:57,448 Oh, shit. 473 00:17:03,498 --> 00:17:04,237 Well, this all worked out 474 00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:06,283 - pretty well, didn't it? - Yeah, yeah. - Well, yeah. 475 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,459 I can't believe how quick you gave up Poppins's puppies, 476 00:17:08,502 --> 00:17:10,156 though, you know? You didn't even think about keeping 'em. 477 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,766 Well, that's a lot of responsibility, 478 00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:13,333 - Charlie, right? - Yeah, that's true. 479 00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:15,683 And plus, there's no doggy paternity test to actually prove 480 00:17:15,727 --> 00:17:17,250 that they were Poppy's puppies in the first place. 481 00:17:17,294 --> 00:17:18,351 That's true, too. 482 00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:19,905 You know? But, hey, 483 00:17:19,948 --> 00:17:21,863 if Poppins wants to stop by and say, "What's up?" 484 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,126 and, like, be a dad for while... 485 00:17:23,169 --> 00:17:24,344 - Right. - ... he's gonna. 486 00:17:24,388 --> 00:17:25,780 - Exactly. - Or he won't. 487 00:17:25,824 --> 00:17:27,086 Yeah, that's how I do. That's how I do. 488 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,088 But, guys, seriously, we got to stay vigilant, okay? 489 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,655 I mean, yes, we were able to stop Dee 490 00:17:30,698 --> 00:17:32,135 from doing something horrible. 491 00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:35,225 But, you know, we can't rest until every single woman is free 492 00:17:35,268 --> 00:17:37,923 from the choice of ruining their lives forever. 493 00:17:37,966 --> 00:17:39,185 - Mm. - So what are we gonna do? 494 00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:40,230 I was thinking we use shame. 495 00:17:40,273 --> 00:17:41,361 It's a great motivator. 496 00:17:42,282 --> 00:17:43,711 Hello... oh, my God! 497 00:17:43,755 --> 00:17:45,148 - Oh! - Oh! 498 00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:47,976 - Oh! Aah! - Oh, my God! 499 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:49,891 - Dee, what have you done? - Yeah. Yeah. 500 00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:51,371 I told you I was gonna get the cut! 501 00:17:51,415 --> 00:17:52,590 - Goddamn it! - Oh. 502 00:17:52,633 --> 00:17:55,332 But then I went into the salon, and the woman refused to see me. 503 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,463 She refused, she said, 504 00:17:56,507 --> 00:17:58,030 'cause she was-she was doing some sort of trade 505 00:17:58,074 --> 00:17:59,814 in a dog-kidnapped situation. I don't know. 506 00:17:59,858 --> 00:18:02,730 I ended up having to do it all by myself! That's right! 507 00:18:02,774 --> 00:18:03,809 Listen, l-listen. 508 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,951 - It looks... terrible. - I... 509 00:18:05,994 --> 00:18:07,387 - So bad. - I mean, really, really bad. 510 00:18:07,431 --> 00:18:10,129 I know it looks terrible! The scissors were dirty, 511 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,348 and they weren't even sharp. 512 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,784 But now it's done. It's done now. 513 00:18:12,827 --> 00:18:14,307 There's no turning back. 514 00:18:14,351 --> 00:18:15,569 What have I done? What have I done? 515 00:18:15,613 --> 00:18:18,398 I've-I've forced my sister into a back-alley chop. 516 00:18:18,442 --> 00:18:20,531 Guys, I think we-we need to realize something. 517 00:18:20,574 --> 00:18:22,010 We're never gonna be able to stop women 518 00:18:22,054 --> 00:18:23,795 from doing whatever the hell they want with their own bodies. 519 00:18:23,838 --> 00:18:25,405 - Thank you! - Okay? 520 00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:27,146 And if we can't stop them from making stupid 521 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,192 and selfish choices, then we need to give them a place 522 00:18:29,235 --> 00:18:30,367 to go to be stupid and selfish. 523 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,846 - Thank you. - Where it's safe. 524 00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:33,283 - Yes! - Where they won't do bullshit like this. 525 00:18:33,326 --> 00:18:35,415 - It's bullshit! - This is a bullshit haircut! 526 00:18:35,459 --> 00:18:36,416 I know! 527 00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:39,289 Okay, guys, here's something else, too. 528 00:18:39,332 --> 00:18:41,378 I don't care about any of this, really, you know? 529 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,423 If I'm being honest, I don't care that much, either. 530 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:44,381 - Right? - Oh... 531 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,773 - Like, who gives a shit? - Yeah. 532 00:18:45,817 --> 00:18:47,297 Yeah, I guess I don't really care that much, either. 533 00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,385 - What? No, you... No. - I don't know, 534 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,256 it just... it's annoying, but I don't care. 535 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,432 We don't really care. 536 00:18:52,476 --> 00:18:53,781 Why did you guys make such a big deal about it, then? 537 00:18:53,825 --> 00:18:56,219 Well, uh, you know, that's, like, a guy thing. 538 00:18:56,262 --> 00:18:57,220 Well, 'cause we're-we're used to being in charge, 539 00:18:57,263 --> 00:18:58,438 and we want to make sure that... 540 00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:00,266 You did! You cared! You cared so much, 541 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:03,051 and then I did it, and now what am I supposed to do? 542 00:19:03,095 --> 00:19:05,663 - I care. I know what to do. - You do? 543 00:19:05,706 --> 00:19:07,273 I got a guy. 544 00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:11,234 - Hey. - Oh. 545 00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:13,236 How that wig feel, Dee? 546 00:19:13,279 --> 00:19:14,672 - Really good. - Oh. 547 00:19:14,715 --> 00:19:16,108 It feels great. Thank you, Z. 548 00:19:16,152 --> 00:19:19,372 Now, Dee, just remember that one day you may get a call 549 00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,461 from the woman who gave birth to that hair. 550 00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:26,074 And, uh, I would consider some visitations. 551 00:19:26,118 --> 00:19:27,815 Nah, she ain't got to worry about that. 552 00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:30,122 I groomed that shit off a border collie. 553 00:19:30,166 --> 00:19:31,558 Well, then you're good. 554 00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:34,170 Hey. Might be some fleas up in there, but she good. 555 00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:19,571 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com