1 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:05,875 Dennis. 2 00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:08,008 - Wake up, buddy. 3 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,053 - Smell the stew, okay? 4 00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:14,449 Breathe in the arousing aromas 5 00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:16,886 of this delicious st... Ah, screw it. 6 00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,413 What the hell was that? That's hot as shit. 7 00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:23,980 Yeah, yeah, that's a whole bowl of stew 8 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,329 you took right in the grill. 9 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,549 See? It does wake people up. 10 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,509 Why am I in a hospital? 11 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,861 And why is your head still on? Did they reattach it? 12 00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,385 Left the skin pretty loose, I see. 13 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:39,039 You didn't behead me, you stupid idiot. 14 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,084 You had a 105-degree fever, 15 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,738 and you were hallucinating. 16 00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,696 You were too weak to even lift the ax. 17 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,592 You did collapse and shit yourself 18 00:00:46,627 --> 00:00:48,125 and stink up the whole castle. 19 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,137 You know, Dee, I, uh... 20 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,182 I'm starting to think I might have had COVID. 21 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,097 - Oh, yeah? You think? - Yeah. 22 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,186 Mr. Reynolds, you're finally up. 23 00:00:57,429 --> 00:00:58,435 What is that? 24 00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:00,321 - It's stew. What's the update, man? - Stew. 25 00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:02,714 Uh, okay. How are we feeling? 26 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,890 Uh, outraged, violated, 27 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,416 disgusted at the looseness of my sister's neck, covered in stew, 28 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,809 dragged from my castle to a dingy hospital 29 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,768 where I'm about to be saddled with an enormous bill. 30 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,726 Well, there is no bill. It's free. 31 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,616 Ireland has public health care. 32 00:01:16,651 --> 00:01:17,990 Oh, well, then that'll be fine. 33 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,873 It's free, huh? 34 00:01:19,908 --> 00:01:22,038 Well, then maybe I ought to get my neck done. 35 00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:25,824 Yeah, your sister's a stitch. 36 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,565 Oh, yeah? Have you heard the one 37 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,524 about the hot Irish doctor who has a fling 38 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,482 with the hilarious American tourist? 39 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,136 'Cause I could give you the punch line 40 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,833 over drinks tonight, my place. 41 00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:37,314 Uh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Sounds great. 42 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,099 - Tonight it is. - Tonight it is. 43 00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:44,191 Looks like mama's about to have 44 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,628 a little of the old luck of the Irish. 45 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,218 You know, I'm just so glad you're feeling better, 46 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:12,523 Dennis, I really am. 47 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,090 Now, a couple quick things about the castle, 48 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,527 I do need you to clear out of here for the night. 49 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,703 - What? - Mm. 50 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,357 Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things 51 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:21,532 I want to do with this castle. 52 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,534 - Now you're asking me to leave? - Yeah. 53 00:02:23,972 --> 00:02:25,188 Oh, Christ! 54 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,407 Frankenstein in the house. 55 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,539 - Christ. What is this? - What are you doing? 56 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,238 Just want to reconnect with my kids. 57 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,196 Not you so much, more Dennis. 58 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,764 Like, you know, father-son thing. 59 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,635 I mean, you know, it's one of the strongest bonds there is. 60 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,421 - Come on. Give me a kiss. - What are you doing? 61 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,031 - A kiss? No! - Come on, give me a... lean down, give me a kiss. 62 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,728 Give your daddy a kiss. 63 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:45,965 No, no! God. Get your lips away from me, Frank. 64 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,036 What? 65 00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,820 - Cut the bullshit. What's your angle? - What are you doing here? 66 00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,561 Charlie's got a new dad. 67 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:52,520 A-a new dad? 68 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:53,912 - Weird. - Yeah. 69 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:56,219 I want to humiliate the jerk. 70 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,395 I want to send his Irish ass packing. 71 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,180 - He's jealous. - Yeah. 72 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,399 Okay, well, listen, I-I don't have any interest in the, uh, 73 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,662 interpersonal dynamics between an old man 74 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,230 and his roommate/surrogate adult son, 75 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,753 but if we can incorporate 76 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,973 the castle into it in some way, then I'm in. 77 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,148 - Done. - No. 78 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,454 - No. - Yes. 79 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,238 Goddamn it, no! You listen to me. 80 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,676 This trip has been absolutely ruined because of you, okay? 81 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,505 And I have one chance tonight to have a good time in Ireland, 82 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,159 so here is what is going to happen, 83 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,683 I'm going to go down to the bog, I'm going to gather peat moss 84 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,903 to burn it to try and get rid of the shit smell 85 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,818 that Dennis stunk up the castle with. 86 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,342 Do not be here when I get back. 87 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,691 Cool. 88 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,393 She's... 89 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,656 - Bent out of shape. - Yeah. 90 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,311 Well... just me and you, huh? 91 00:03:45,313 --> 00:03:47,139 Yeah. 92 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,925 It's a little odd being one on one, though, you know. 93 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,103 I feel, I feel like we usually have a buffer. 94 00:03:52,138 --> 00:03:53,149 Yeah. 95 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:54,930 Yeah. 96 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,806 So, Mac, 97 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,505 when did you hear the call to become a priest? 98 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,247 Oh, when God took away my Irish identity 99 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:10,989 and made me Dutch to smite me for the urges that He gave me 100 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,601 when I made the original sin of being born. 101 00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,777 That's not the way God works, Mac. 102 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,605 He doesn't smite us. 103 00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:19,998 Yes, He does. Yes, He does. Remember the flood 104 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,609 that took out the whole world? 105 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,567 Remember? Then-then-then Noah made that ark, 106 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,308 and he saved himself but no women, 107 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,005 which was really cool. 108 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,486 Not sure how he made more people after that, though. 109 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:30,879 Could've been another rib situation. 110 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:33,229 Either way, then God made the Ark of the Covenant 111 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,579 where he promised to never, ever do it again. 112 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,407 Then a bunch of people looked at it. 113 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:40,280 He didn't like that, so he blasted them, too. 114 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,412 Remember, the Nazis got their faces all melted off, 115 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,545 and the-the guy with the whip and the hat, he was cool. 116 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,722 I think you've mixed that story up with Indiana Jones. 117 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:49,550 Oh. I did? 118 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,726 - Yeah, but listen... - Oh. 119 00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:54,468 many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. 120 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,731 Parables with lessons. 121 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,820 What's the lesson of the last one? Don't look at my shit? 122 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:00,561 Look, you're looking at this all wrong. 123 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,780 The Bible is a guidepost. 124 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:05,665 Interpretations can change over time. 125 00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:08,351 - They can? - Yes, and so can the Church. 126 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:11,223 Our God, the God we teach here, 127 00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,964 is a merciful God. 128 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:16,054 One that loves us for exactly who we are. 129 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,318 Otherwise, why would He have made us that way 130 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,667 in the first place? 131 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,018 Yeah. 132 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,150 Yeah. Wow. 133 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,413 Thanks, Gus. 134 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,892 That's John Patrick Kelly. 135 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:28,980 Killed by the plague. 136 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,028 And his son William, also the plague. 137 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,291 And Michael Kelly. 138 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,727 He was attacked by the village loon, 139 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,686 became a loon himself. 140 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:41,819 He died from eating rocks, which he thought were eggs. 141 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,822 Oof. Yeah, I've made that mistake, yeah. 142 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:47,259 So, are all the Kellys buried here? 143 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,870 Uh... 144 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,829 Honored, yes. Buried, no. 145 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,223 They were all thrown from a cliff into the sea. 146 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,878 You see, legend has it 147 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:59,315 that only when a man is thrown from a cliff into the sea, 148 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,622 may his soul be released. 149 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,233 - Huh. - When I pass, I'll have the same done for me. 150 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:07,628 All Kelly men must be thrown from a cliff into the sea. 151 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,586 Wow. 152 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:10,761 - That's pretty cool. - Yeah. 153 00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,067 Yeah. What about the women? 154 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,808 Oh, the women are thrown from a cliff as well. 155 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:14,939 Mostly alive. 156 00:06:15,884 --> 00:06:17,420 Just to see if they can fly, 157 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,248 as they're presumed to be witches. 158 00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:21,119 Right. Right. 159 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:24,079 Well, we... we honor their spirits. 160 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,908 Ah, yes, their spirits watch over us. The men, that is. 161 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,083 Ah. 162 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,346 The women roam the land 163 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,827 as terrible hags and banshees 164 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,308 whose wailing warns of impending death. 165 00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:37,919 If you ever see 166 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,399 a gruesome woman 167 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,313 covered in filth 168 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:43,054 with long, stringy hair, 169 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,448 who's horribly shrieking 170 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,276 in the night, 171 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,669 the end is near. 172 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,324 Whoa. 173 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,938 I mean, how am I supposed to know what peat is? 174 00:06:56,981 --> 00:07:00,071 What am I, a botanist? 175 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,204 Hey-o. I'll burn you. 176 00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,467 Be like lighting a match. That works. 177 00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:06,570 Oh. 178 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,168 Hey-o. That's my guy. 179 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,041 A selfie, huh? You got it. 180 00:07:15,753 --> 00:07:17,045 Oh, goddamn it. 181 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,134 Dennis got me all worked up about my neck. 182 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:22,180 Here. 183 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:24,966 I mean, that's just insane. 184 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,446 Maybe if I stand back a little bit. 185 00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,798 Let's see here. 186 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,279 Oh! 187 00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:36,425 Ew. 188 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:39,471 Oh, shit. 189 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:47,031 Oh... Help! 190 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,132 Dennis! 191 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,165 Um, I... 192 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,297 This is crazy, but I think I'm stuck. 193 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,300 Am I sinking? 194 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,563 Oh, shit, I'm sinking. 195 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,697 Yes. 196 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,657 Yes. 197 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,919 You're right. 198 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,964 Huh? Who you talking to? 199 00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:09,358 Hmm? Oh, uh, nothing. It's just the-the castle. 200 00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:10,620 The castle? 201 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:11,839 - Oh. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 202 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,623 - Yeah, no. - Okay, we've got it. 203 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,886 - What? - It'll be a dinner. 204 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,541 - Hmm? - A banquet of humiliation. 205 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:21,936 Wait a minute. The old turd in the soup trick. 206 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,720 - What? No. We're not... - Turd in the soup. 207 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,070 We're not putting a turd in someone's soup, Frank, okay? 208 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,464 Can we be a little bit more sophisticated than that? 209 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,989 All right, so you invite them to a classy dinner. 210 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,600 You wine and dine the man 211 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,037 while also pointing out all of his character flaws, 212 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,604 and then you lure him over 213 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:40,258 to the castle's murder hole. 214 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,565 Is that like a-a glory hole? 215 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,046 A predecessor to the glory hole, perhaps. 216 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,439 It's a discreet opening concealed in plain sight, 217 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,615 except, instead of for sex, 218 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,618 it's used for murder. 219 00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:55,535 - You didn't see that there, did you? - No. 220 00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:59,190 No. Yeah, so you'll lure him under the hole, 221 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:01,192 where I will, uh, douse him with boiling oil 222 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:04,479 or hot tar or really any scalding substance. 223 00:09:04,505 --> 00:09:06,676 Wait, you're gonna char the guy? 224 00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:08,112 Yeah. 225 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,549 - Gonna char him up? - Yeah. 226 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,028 I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's-it's 227 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,290 got to be hot enough to be annoying as shit, right? 228 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,422 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. Burn him. 229 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,815 Uh, he's gonna get burned. But, I mean, 230 00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:15,990 Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, 231 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,469 so we can expose him 232 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,471 as the child-abandoning monster that he really is. 233 00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,648 - Exactly. - Oh, FYI, I'll know exactly 234 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:24,041 when to pour the boiling substance on him because 235 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,957 I'm going to be hiding in this passageway here. 236 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,872 I'm gonna take this painting, 237 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,352 cover up the passageway. 238 00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,397 I'm gonna cut out the eyeholes 239 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:34,204 so I can see everything that's happening. 240 00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:36,053 That's something I've always wanted to do, 241 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,829 and it fully takes advantage of the castle. 242 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,101 It also happens to be the castle's preference 243 00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:42,625 for how this is all gonna go down. 244 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:43,974 - Oh, right. - Yeah. 245 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,585 Wow. I wouldn't have been able 246 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,343 to think of this all by myself. I... 247 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:48,379 I mean... You know, 248 00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:51,852 the sickness and anger inside of you is diabolical. 249 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:55,551 - Way to go, son. - Well... 250 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,032 I suppose all of your years of neglect 251 00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,164 and misdeeds 252 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,558 have allowed me to harness the darkness inside me 253 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,908 and to unleash it 254 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:07,563 without conscience, so... 255 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,610 Yeah, perhaps I owe you a... 256 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,525 thanks for making me the man I am today, Frank. Thank you. 257 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,876 You're welcome. 258 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,226 Yeah, y... Maybe I'll just, um... 259 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,495 - There. - Oh. 260 00:10:27,706 --> 00:10:29,585 Was that okay to do? 261 00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:32,022 Yeah, it was nice. 262 00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:35,417 Good. 263 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,027 So, you're telling me 264 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,421 that the whole Cain and Abel thing didn't actually happen? 265 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,596 Metaphor. 266 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,424 This is all so confusing. 267 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,121 Yes, look... 268 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:47,429 Our faith is... it's complicated. 269 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,083 Can I admit something? 270 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:52,652 You said you were, you were born a certain way. 271 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,784 - You're... different. - Mm-hmm. 272 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:57,134 You have urges that, traditionally, 273 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,702 the Church has been very clear about. 274 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:00,747 Well... 275 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,488 I have those urges, too. 276 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,708 - You do? - Yes. 277 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,232 I, too, have an eye for the lads. 278 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,453 It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. 279 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:14,282 It's who He made us. 280 00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,719 But, uh, our path, 281 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:19,461 this path, is very clear. 282 00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:22,333 We must never act on those urges. 283 00:11:23,394 --> 00:11:25,467 That's gonna be really hard for me. 284 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,295 That's what he said. 285 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,691 - That's-that's really good. - Thank you. I'm sorry. 286 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,910 It just slipped out. 287 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,259 That's what he said. 288 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,653 Shh! Shh. 289 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,741 Sorry. 290 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,091 Sorry. 291 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,571 Help! 292 00:11:43,391 --> 00:11:44,704 Oh, God, help. 293 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,183 - Hello? - Hello! 294 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:48,795 - Hello? - H-Hello! 295 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,362 - Hello... - W-W-Waitress? 296 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,356 Oh... my God. 297 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,445 What the hell are you doing out here? 298 00:11:55,489 --> 00:11:59,101 What are you doing out here with a toiletry bag? 299 00:11:59,144 --> 00:12:01,233 Are you gonna brush your teeth in a stream or something? 300 00:12:01,277 --> 00:12:03,975 No. I was gonna shave my legs. 301 00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:06,064 Ew. Gross. 302 00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:09,372 Um, hey, can you help a girl out and then get me of this bog? 303 00:12:09,416 --> 00:12:10,721 Are you stuck in there? 304 00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,775 Yeah. 305 00:12:13,379 --> 00:12:15,596 - I know. - I also seem to be sinking. 306 00:12:15,639 --> 00:12:16,814 - And, uh... I know. - Uh-oh. 307 00:12:16,858 --> 00:12:18,250 And I-I-I have a date tonight 308 00:12:18,294 --> 00:12:19,556 with a real hot Irish doctor. 309 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,992 Is he meeting you here, or...? 310 00:12:22,864 --> 00:12:25,388 You got me. No, no. He's meeting me out there. 311 00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:26,694 - I bet. - So that's why I want 312 00:12:26,737 --> 00:12:28,478 to get out of here. I also don't want to die, 313 00:12:28,522 --> 00:12:29,958 but, either way, could you p... just give me a big tug, 314 00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:31,438 and I bet you could get me out. 315 00:12:31,481 --> 00:12:33,614 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. I got you. Let me just... 316 00:12:33,657 --> 00:12:36,138 - You're a livesa... - Grab my hand, and I'll... Psych! 317 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,011 "Psych"? 318 00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:43,101 - Your face. I'm kidding. No, I got you. - Okay. 319 00:12:43,145 --> 00:12:44,929 - Psych! - Oh... 320 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,453 Two times. 321 00:12:47,371 --> 00:12:48,890 - I will get you. - Hey, uh, well, just quick tip 322 00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:50,761 for you, nobody does "psych" anymore. It's kind of dumb. 323 00:12:50,805 --> 00:12:52,328 - Oh, do they not? - Nah, it's not funny, it's dumb. 324 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,461 - I feel like it's classic. I-I got you. - Oh, you got me. 325 00:12:54,504 --> 00:12:56,027 - You got me. I got you, and you got me. - I got you. 326 00:12:56,071 --> 00:12:57,377 Okay. 327 00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:59,117 It's fun. All right, here we go. Psych! 328 00:12:59,161 --> 00:13:01,337 Oh, my God. Just... Come on. Knock it off. 329 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,165 Cut the shit. Get me out of here. 330 00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:04,775 I will, I will, I will. All you have to do is one thing. 331 00:13:04,819 --> 00:13:06,690 Yes. Great. What? 332 00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:08,910 Say my name. 333 00:13:10,307 --> 00:13:11,373 Hmm? 334 00:13:11,513 --> 00:13:13,828 Just say my name. What is it? 335 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,311 Oh, o... kay, yeah. 336 00:13:19,355 --> 00:13:21,444 Yeah, yeah. 337 00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:22,750 - It's... That's easy. - Okay. 338 00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:24,708 Just, just give me, give me a second. 339 00:13:24,752 --> 00:13:26,797 Well, Mac, this is it. 340 00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:29,147 The end of a typical day in my life. 341 00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:31,236 It's modest, pious, 342 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,760 and somewhat dull, 343 00:13:32,803 --> 00:13:36,154 but I can't imagine my life any other way. 344 00:13:36,198 --> 00:13:38,200 - What do you think? - Gus, 345 00:13:38,243 --> 00:13:40,289 knowing that there's somebody here 346 00:13:40,332 --> 00:13:43,988 that's exactly like me gives me the courage 347 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:47,035 to-to want to do it, too, so tomorrow 348 00:13:47,078 --> 00:13:49,298 I am going to join the seminary. 349 00:13:49,341 --> 00:13:51,822 Grand! I am so happy for you. 350 00:13:51,866 --> 00:13:55,173 And I must admit, I'm happy for myself, too. 351 00:13:55,217 --> 00:13:56,566 Having someone here 352 00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:58,655 who knows how I feel will help keep me 353 00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:00,701 - on the straight and the narrow. - Yes. 354 00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:02,833 And no matter how strong those urges get, 355 00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:04,705 and they will be strong, 356 00:14:04,748 --> 00:14:06,097 we must never, ever give in to them 357 00:14:06,141 --> 00:14:07,534 because we would get kicked out of the Church. 358 00:14:07,577 --> 00:14:08,883 - Good, good. - Yes. 359 00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:10,624 And we'll never, ever leave each other alone 360 00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:12,364 in the room with the wee lads. 361 00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,671 Yes, and I also think... 362 00:14:14,715 --> 00:14:15,890 Wait, what? 363 00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:18,109 Or the wee lasses, whatever you're into. 364 00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:19,894 There's no judgment here. 365 00:14:19,937 --> 00:14:22,331 And, of course, you know, if you do slip up, 366 00:14:22,374 --> 00:14:24,681 you'll go to a new parish, they sort the family out, 367 00:14:24,725 --> 00:14:26,814 have some chats, perhaps some money changes hands, 368 00:14:26,857 --> 00:14:28,685 perhaps not. No harm, no foul. 369 00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:30,644 You come back, you're grand. 370 00:14:30,687 --> 00:14:32,559 Uh... 371 00:14:32,602 --> 00:14:34,952 Yeah, I'm gay. What are you talking about? 372 00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:40,305 Oh... 373 00:14:40,349 --> 00:14:42,351 No. I'm gay. That's it. 374 00:14:42,394 --> 00:14:44,005 I'm a gay man. 375 00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:47,704 I'm a gay man who has trouble controlling his... 376 00:14:47,748 --> 00:14:50,228 urges with other 377 00:14:50,272 --> 00:14:52,361 gay adult men, 378 00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:54,494 and that's the end of it. 379 00:14:57,821 --> 00:14:59,390 Goddamn it. 380 00:15:04,985 --> 00:15:07,384 Ah, welcome, welcome. Come in, come in. 381 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,734 - You're leaving us waiting out there forever. - No, no, no. Come on in. 382 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:12,476 Welcome, welcome. Shirley, let me take your coat. 383 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,826 Frank, his name is Shelley, okay? You know this. 384 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,437 And you couldn't take his coat if you tried, dude, 385 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:17,655 'cause it's buttoned to his pants 386 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:18,961 in traditional Irish style. 387 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,616 I'm not wearing a coat. 388 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,705 Right, he's not even wearing a coat, man. 389 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,750 All right, look, we brought you this. We made it ourselves, 390 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,361 - with love. - Mm. 391 00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:29,972 You made cheese together? 392 00:15:30,827 --> 00:15:31,974 Uh, well, personally, 393 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,237 I think cheese should be sprayed out of a can, 394 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,804 but to each his own. 395 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,458 Yeah, well, normally I would agree with you, Frank, 396 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,416 but Shelley's really opened my eyes to a whole new world. 397 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,028 Oh, yeah? Well, that can be very blinding. 398 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,073 But I'm sure, by the end of the evening, 399 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:46,467 we'll all be seeing clear. 400 00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:49,122 Let's sit down. 401 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,907 I don't like how you said that. I don't like how he said that. 402 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,387 - Ah, yeah. - Wow. 403 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:54,997 - Well, come on in. - Cool. 404 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,477 - Wow. Okay. - Yeah. - Very nice. 405 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,001 Put it right there. Welcome. Sit down there. 406 00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,698 - Went all out, huh? - Shirley, you over there. 407 00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:01,826 - Charlie, there. - Here? 408 00:16:01,913 --> 00:16:04,006 Welcome, and thank you all for coming. 409 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,617 You know, it's been a very trying time 410 00:16:06,661 --> 00:16:09,969 with Charlie finding his biological father, 411 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,544 who abandoned him when he was a child, by the way. 412 00:16:12,579 --> 00:16:14,756 Not judging, just the facts. 413 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,540 Okay, I can't really read the tone of this dinner, you know? 414 00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,715 It's very confusing. You're being mean, 415 00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:18,890 you're being nice. What are you doing? 416 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,023 No, no, I-I want everybody to be happy. 417 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,634 In fact, in the spirit of that, I bought everybody a gift. 418 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,768 So, just look under your seats, and you'll see 419 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,075 a nice gift for you. Uh, Shelley, you go first. 420 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,251 - Oh. - Oh, wow. 421 00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,774 - Yeah. - Okay. 422 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,819 Very nice. 423 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,214 Swim goggles? 424 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,173 Yeah, they're good ones, too. 425 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,740 They'll protect your eyes from any chlorine 426 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:45,004 or oils or any other hot liquid 427 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,006 that might come in contact with your face. 428 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,746 That's, that's very kind of you, Frank, yeah, thanks. 429 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,574 Yeah, Frank, I'm not seeing a present for me. 430 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,054 No, no, no. 431 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,708 Just the one gift, just for Shelley. 432 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,058 Eat up. Yeah. 433 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,234 Eat it while it's hot. It's, uh, 434 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,410 it's, uh, butternut squash soup. 435 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,151 And for the special guest, 436 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,892 there's a couple meatballs in there. 437 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,763 Didn't put any goddamn meatballs in that soup. 438 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,462 - Do you hear something? - Yeah. 439 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:11,334 Oh, it's probably your stomach grumbling from hunger. 440 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:13,032 Eat up before they get cold. 441 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,468 Oh, why don't I get any meatballs? 442 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,079 Now, just for the special guest. Eat up, Shel. 443 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,516 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't eat that. 444 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,302 What's in the soup, Frank? 445 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,306 Just butternut squash. A simple soup. 446 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,655 Are the meatballs turds? 447 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:31,311 What? No, no, they're homemade meatballs. 448 00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,661 Shelley, eat 'em up before they get cold. 449 00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,489 - Go on. Go on. - No, don't-don't-don't eat them. 450 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,622 - Go on, Shelley. - Frank, you eat a meatball. 451 00:17:40,049 --> 00:17:41,538 You want me to eat the meatball? 452 00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,366 Yeah, just eat a meatball. Eat one. 453 00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:47,936 All right. 454 00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:49,459 Grab a meatball, scoop it out. 455 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,652 Delicious. 456 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,872 Now, Shelley, have, have a meatball. 457 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,091 No, no, no, no. 458 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,701 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 459 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:14,876 No, Shelley doesn't want one yet. 460 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,051 Chew it. Chew it. 461 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,400 And then swallow it. 462 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,275 Chew it up. 463 00:18:26,878 --> 00:18:28,803 Oh! I knew it! 464 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,196 I knew it, Frank! 465 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,806 You're not trying to bring us closer together, 466 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,155 you're trying to drive us apart! 467 00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,374 I knew you couldn't host a dinner without a motive. 468 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,549 You just can't do it. 469 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,117 All right, you got me. Okay? 470 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,250 I'm tired of you hanging out with him the whole vacation. 471 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,382 I mean, all right, go ahead, 472 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:43,470 go, have your fun, 473 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,080 but when you get back to Philly, 474 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,430 I don't want to even hear the name Shelley. 475 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,519 Well, I'm not coming back to Philly, Frank! 476 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,610 I think there's another man in this room. 477 00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,612 Never mind him. What'd you say, Charlie? 478 00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,310 I said I'm not coming back, Frank. I want to stay here. 479 00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:58,876 I'm gonna stay here, 480 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,313 and I'm gonna work in my dad's shop with him, 481 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,923 if-if that's all right with you. 482 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,055 Oh, that would make me the happiest man in the world. 483 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:06,667 Well, you do that, and... don't... 484 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,148 don't even think of coming back because we're finished. 485 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,366 That's the end of it. 486 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,194 All right, Frank, if that's how you feel, 487 00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:13,369 we'll get out of your hair. Come on, Dad. 488 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,805 I'm sorry about this. 489 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,461 Thanks for the goggles, Frank. 490 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:25,686 Frank! What the hell was that? 491 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:28,297 Charlie picked Shelley. 492 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:31,387 I... I'm talking about the turd soup, man. 493 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:32,910 You know, I'm starting to get caught up 494 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,390 in this whole father-son thing, too, 495 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,871 but then you put a-a turd in your mouth. I mean, my God. 496 00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,178 He had me up against the wall. What was I supposed to do? 497 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,049 Not eat a poopy. 498 00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:46,315 Clementine? Valentine? 499 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,230 Diana? Denise? 500 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,362 Dennis? Dane? 501 00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,668 Goddamn it. 502 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,279 I've named every name in the entire world. 503 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,194 How have I not gotten it yet? 504 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,979 Oh, no, no, no. You... you got it a while back. It's just... 505 00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,547 I'm really enjoying watching you struggle. 506 00:20:01,731 --> 00:20:02,853 You drunk bitch! 507 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,467 Okay. 508 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:09,937 I'm gonna save you. 509 00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:13,299 Unlike you, I'm not a psychopath. 510 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,431 Oh, ugh, God. Okay. 511 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:21,263 Okay. Oh... Oh, God. 512 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,569 Uh-oh, uh-oh. Now I'm in it. 513 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:26,050 Hold on. No. Oh. Let go. No, let go! 514 00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,530 - Yes, you're doing it. - No, you're pulling me in. 515 00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,792 - Yes. - What are you doing? 516 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,490 - No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. - Thank you! 517 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:31,882 - It's working. You're doing it. - You're pushing me under. 518 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,493 - You're doing it. - Let me out. 519 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,191 - Oh, you are my hero. - My legs are stuck. 520 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,020 - Oh, yes! - Wait! 521 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,414 - Wait, wait, now I'm stuck. - You're stuck? 522 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,590 I would suggest you don't move 'cause you're just 523 00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,069 - gonna sink. - Help me out. 524 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,680 Oh, no, I'm not gonna do that 'cause I got a date, 525 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,290 - but I'll come back. - No, no, no. 526 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,770 - You can't leave me here. - Great job! 527 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:50,945 Oh, you dirty bitch. 528 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,860 I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna kill you. 529 00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:54,209 - I'll be back after my date. - I'll kill you. 530 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,776 Thank you so much. 531 00:20:56,411 --> 00:20:57,604 Help! 532 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,522 I'm so sorry about Frank. I... 533 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:03,914 I can't believe he tried to feed you shit. 534 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,046 I'll never forgive him for that. 535 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:08,310 Ah, Charlie, it's good to forgive. 536 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,051 You know, a true Kelly 537 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,314 always puts things right with the men in his life. 538 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,795 Yeah. 539 00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:16,797 Not so much the women. 540 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,017 Thus, the curse of the banshees. 541 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:21,715 Right. 542 00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:24,021 Help! Help! Help! Help! 543 00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,241 Help! 544 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,199 Help! 545 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,288 What is that? 546 00:21:32,433 --> 00:21:33,944 Are you seeing that? What is that? 547 00:21:48,785 --> 00:21:50,352 What was that? 548 00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,398 A banshee. 549 00:22:26,573 --> 00:22:29,263 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com