1 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,017 So, as you may recall, a little while back 2 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,818 we had some volunteers at the school. 3 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,954 Found out they were here for community service. 4 00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,422 I wasn't tripping. Four days, 5 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,291 free labor and they were outta here. 6 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:27,260 But we were alerted to some additional footage, if you will. 7 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,330 Turns out these clowns were up to a lot more than we knew. 8 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,098 Welcome to Abbott Elementary, 9 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,833 the best elementary school in the universe. 10 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,468 What's the deal with all the cameras? 11 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,304 We have, like, a Vanderpump thing going on. 12 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,972 - Don't worry about it. - No! 13 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:41,274 No. I think I'll be spending my time on the other side of the camera. 14 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,976 - Thank you very much. - See? 15 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,477 - Yeah, okay. - Totally get that. 16 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,946 Um... 17 00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:48,148 If Caucasian Cultural Exchange is over, 18 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,316 let's get to the free work. 19 00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:50,884 You got it. 20 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:54,754 Before we do that, could my associates and I talk? 21 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,056 If you wanna talk, talk. 22 00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,458 In private. I mean, away from the... 23 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,160 - Yeah. That's an issue. - The cameras. Yeah. 24 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,795 - Yeah. - If we could just not be near those. 25 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,430 - It'll only take a second. - Frank, just go... 26 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,098 - Go? - Yeah. 27 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,900 Yeah. We'll be right Yeah. We'll be right back. 28 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,902 - Yeah, of course. - We'll roam around your school. 29 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,737 - Yeah. - Just need a minute. 30 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,839 - What are we doing? - Go, go, go. Go. 31 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,008 Close that door and lock it. 32 00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,210 - Okay. I got an idea. - Frank, 33 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,312 let's not make this a whole thing, please. 34 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,147 - Just a quick in and out. - The faster we get it done, 35 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,482 - the better. - I see an opportunity here. 36 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,184 How's a school an opportunity? 37 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:28,355 It's not just a school. It's a gold mine. 38 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,358 I can't believe these shitheads forgot they were mic'd. 39 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:57,017 - How is a school a gold mine? - Copper piping. 40 00:01:57,018 --> 00:01:59,019 Thousands and thousands of yards of it. 41 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,988 And this is an old building. They use the thick kind. 42 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,157 I mean, a fence would pay a fortune 43 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,458 - for that stuff. - Frank. 44 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,993 - What? - We're not ripping copper piping 45 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,328 - out of a public school. - Well, why not? 46 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,463 The city's gonna make 'em do it anyway. 47 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,766 And they're gonna wind up paying for it. We'd be doing them a favor. 48 00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:14,434 Okay. Stop, stop. We're not doing this, all right? 49 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,736 We're just We're gonna get through the day. Okay? 50 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,872 And then we're gonna get the hell out of here. Because I... 51 00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,375 Oh, my God. This coffee is sludge. 52 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,477 What's the story on the snacks? Are these free or what? 53 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,980 Guys, I'm with Dennis. If I could just get this release signed, 54 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,182 then we could be outta here in a week. All right? 55 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,850 Look, I don't wanna get lice from one of these kids. 56 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,387 Did you guys know that Black people can't get lice? 57 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,889 Dee, that's, like, crazy racist. 58 00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,123 No, no, no. That's just science. 59 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,992 It's the lice who are racist. 60 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,860 - All right. Hold on, hold on. - Racist lice? 61 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,029 You hear this conversation? This is us digging a deeper hole. 62 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,031 Let's please not do it. I'm begging you all. 63 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,834 Why is this door locked? And who are you people? 64 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,970 Oh, hi. We're your volunteers. 65 00:02:49,971 --> 00:02:51,838 You're not supposed to be in here. This is the teachers' lounge. 66 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,373 Ah. Then where's the volunteers' lounge? 67 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,108 Actually, um, question. Sorry. 68 00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,110 Are you in charge of cleaning the coffee pots? 69 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,279 Because, um, they're really dirty 70 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,880 and you're not doing a good job. 71 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:01,882 What is this? 72 00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:04,150 - Quit eating that. - Yeah. Quit eating that. 73 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,319 I'm not I thought it was free. It's not free? 74 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,388 - Y'all get the hell out of here. - Get the hell out of here. 75 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,390 - Get out of here. He said. - I thought they were free. 76 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,459 - Get the hell out of here. You know? - Okay. All right. 77 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,861 - It's just a misunderstanding. Probably. - No. 78 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,930 Guy's gonna be a problem. Take care of him. 79 00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:19,332 I can't say I'm surprised by any of this. 80 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,067 I mean, I liked Dee at first, 81 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,902 but things got awkward when she tried to steal you. 82 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,204 That was never gonna happen. 83 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,106 Still. Safe to say I liked her less after that. 84 00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:28,742 But it wasn't until I saw the extra footage 85 00:03:28,743 --> 00:03:32,279 that I was able to realize just how much of a... 86 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,147 Mmm. I need to say a bad word. 87 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,349 - It's okay. Yeah. - Yeah? 88 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,984 - I'm gonna. It's real bad. - We talked about this. Go ahead. 89 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:41,421 How much of a total fucking cunt she was. 90 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,757 I I thought you was gonna call her a bitch. 91 00:03:43,758 --> 00:03:45,992 - No. I didn't feel that was strong enough. - Okay. 92 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,496 Bitch can be a very fine dog. That is not what this woman is. 93 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,867 Class, could I have your attention for one second? 94 00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:56,937 You are being taught by a genius. 95 00:03:56,938 --> 00:03:58,438 And class, if I may, 96 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,274 you have a genius volunteer aiding you. 97 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,342 Aw. 98 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,145 - You. You. - You. 99 00:04:05,146 --> 00:04:06,880 - No, you. - It's definitely you. 100 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:08,749 - Right now. One, two, three. You. - You. 101 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:14,120 Back up. Go. Go out there. Go out there. Go out there. 102 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,756 Okay. I notice you following that one around a bunch? 103 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,893 What is going on with that? I'm not picking up star vibes from her. 104 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:21,127 She's a dud. She's a giant dud. 105 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,296 But I have an idea: You follow me around, 106 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,031 make me the star of whatever this is, 107 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,866 and I will make this shit pop. Right? 108 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,769 I'll steal her man. I'll expose her for the dud she is. 109 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,072 What do you think? Let's work together. 110 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,007 Huh? Oh. 111 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,909 - Hey. - Hey. 112 00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:37,978 - We can't wait till you come back. - I can't wait to come back. 113 00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:40,714 Oh, my God. 114 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,817 I mean, what is she talking about? 115 00:04:43,818 --> 00:04:45,752 The star of the thing? What? 116 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,487 - I don't know. She's crazy. It's a... Yeah. - She really is crazy. 117 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,489 - If anything, Ava's the star. - Mmm. 118 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:53,026 Maybe Barb. Could be me at this point. 119 00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,995 - But you know - Sure. Yeah. 120 00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:56,063 Sure? 121 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:59,165 - You don't think I've gotten... - No. No. No, absolutely. 122 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,800 - You're the star. - The focus... 123 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,269 They kind of go through my interpretation of it. 124 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:04,104 - Yeah. It's for you. Yeah. - Okay. 125 00:05:04,105 --> 00:05:05,805 Well, actually, that's not what this is about. 126 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,908 - No. Exactly. - 'Cause it's about the kids. 127 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,843 But the good news is 128 00:05:09,844 --> 00:05:12,913 she was never actually attracted to Gregory at all. 129 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,850 Sorry. 130 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,952 She should've been. No. 131 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,189 These dumbasses couldn't even pretend to volunteer for very long. 132 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:26,460 Day one, they tried to recruit athletes for their old high school. 133 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:28,996 Yo. 134 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,832 Hey, dude. Pfft. This place is the worst, man. 135 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,868 They're, like, totally, like, trying to teach me to read and stuff. 136 00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:36,870 And I'm just, like, playing along and being like, "Oh. 137 00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:38,505 You know. You can help me." 138 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,340 But it's just like I'm trying to kill time, you know? 139 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,075 - Like, it's so boring. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. 140 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,877 - Sure. - What do they got you doing? 141 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:46,179 Uh, well, they don't really have me doing anything, 142 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,948 but I decided to do this. 143 00:05:47,949 --> 00:05:49,916 Oh. What What is this? 144 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,985 Well, I... I grabbed a bunch of stuff from the science class 145 00:05:51,986 --> 00:05:54,054 - Uh-huh. - and I'm doing a science experiment here. 146 00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:56,022 - Is it coffee? - It is coffee. 147 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,223 I could smell it. 148 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,992 It's the most amazing coffee you've ever had. 149 00:05:58,993 --> 00:06:00,894 - You wouldn't believe it. - Dude, sick. Give me a cup. 150 00:06:00,895 --> 00:06:02,529 - I'm like Walter White over here. - Yeah, absolutely. 151 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,130 - Hey, guys. - You want this one? It's ready to go. 152 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,332 You would not believe the bozos they got 153 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:06,866 as the stars of this thing. 154 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,468 - Stars of what thing? - Yeah. 155 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,904 Their reality show or whatever it is they got going. 156 00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:12,806 - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit. 157 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,474 - I keep forgetting about these guys. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 158 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,843 - Yeah, me too. - I'm gonna use it as a launching pad. 159 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,945 - I got an angle. - No, no, no. We're not doing angles, Dee. 160 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,914 - What smells good? - Coffee. You gotta try it. 161 00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:21,915 - Make her one. - You want one? 162 00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:23,783 - This is a coffee? Yeah. - Yeah. 163 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,085 It's really slow, so I'll make you a small one. 164 00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:26,953 - Raccoon on the loose. - What? 165 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,755 - Really? - Hey, hey. Frank, Frank. 166 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,058 Yeah. I bought a racoon in to keep that janitor busy. 167 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,760 - Coffee me, huh? - Nice, dude. Good move. 168 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,228 - Yeah. - No, no. Frank, cameras. 169 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,930 - Yo. What's up, bitches? - Oh, shoot. 170 00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:38,932 Have you guys seen the talent in this school? 171 00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:41,434 No. No. What are you... We're just doing the one thing, okay? 172 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,403 You guys are talking about five different things. 173 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,071 For Christ's sake, you're all over the place. 174 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,506 What talent? What you talking about? 175 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,742 Yeah. There's kids, like, that are taller than me. 176 00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:50,777 I say we recruit one for the basketball team at St. Joe's. 177 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,013 - No, no, no. - Dude. Great idea, man. 178 00:06:53,014 --> 00:06:55,282 - They've been sucking ass, bro. - We are just doing the one thing. Okay? 179 00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:57,884 I want a I want a straight line to Friday. That's it. 180 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,853 - Okay. All right. - He needs a coffee. 181 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,454 Yeah. Get him some coffee, man. Make a coffee for 182 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,123 - Coffee, coffee. - Mac, try a coffee. 183 00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,457 - Yeah. I'll have a coffee. - It's really good. 184 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,026 It's perfectly pH-balanced. 185 00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:07,861 I keep forgetting about the cameras, man. 186 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,030 - I forget about them every time, dude. - Shit. Yeah. 187 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,000 It is easy to forget about the cameras. 188 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,269 I keep cash on me to make things "go away." 189 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,837 But they took it to the next level. 190 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,342 That's a good idea. 191 00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:25,011 Totally profit off a young basketball player. 192 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,846 Like, pull a Blind Side on 'em. 193 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,015 - Are you pissing in that locker? - Oh, it's the coffee. 194 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,985 - I drank so much coffee. Yeah. - It goes right through you, yeah. 195 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,920 Let's do the Blind Side thing. 196 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,422 Well, yeah. But I think we're not supposed to say "blind side," 197 00:07:35,423 --> 00:07:37,524 - 'cause it's, like, a... - Why? 198 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,993 It got frowned upon, 'cause It was, like, a white savior thing. 199 00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,895 And I think white people aren't supposed to help Black people anymore. Right? 200 00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,096 No. That's a misunderstanding. 201 00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:45,231 - Okay, good. - Yeah. You see, St. Joe's is 202 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,067 predominantly white teams, so we're helping the basketball team. 203 00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:49,035 We're helping a white school, so it's fine. 204 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,805 - Look at that one. He's tall. - Don't say "that one." I know that much. 205 00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:54,141 - Let's go get him. Let's go get him. - I meant that Black kid. 206 00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:59,145 Hey, kid. Look at you. Wow. 207 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,448 Wow, man. We saw you in the hall. 208 00:08:01,449 --> 00:08:03,750 - We liked everything we saw. - We did. 209 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,185 What's it gonna take to convince you 210 00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:07,320 to leave a place like this and come with us? 211 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,356 We may have access to a Lexus if you wanna joyride. 212 00:08:09,357 --> 00:08:11,057 - You like joyriding? - Vroom, vroom. 213 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:17,964 What is this? What is going on here? 214 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,900 Uh... Well... 215 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,002 He... He left. Yeah. 216 00:08:23,398 --> 00:08:24,438 Okay, you need to leave too. 217 00:08:25,406 --> 00:08:26,740 What the... 218 00:08:26,741 --> 00:08:28,690 Poor Rodney. He was really freaked out. 219 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:29,976 Maybe it was Jacob interrupting them, 220 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,078 or maybe it was when they found out 221 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,514 that Rodney is legally blind in one eye and can't shoot for shit. 222 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,883 Don't think we didn't try. He's trash. 223 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,053 A basketball recruit? Oh, thank God. 224 00:08:41,422 --> 00:08:43,724 My mind was going to terrible places. 225 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:47,894 Anyway, they got off that idea and bounced to the next one 226 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,926 like one of those ADHD kids. 227 00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:52,899 The only thing I will say is, their coffee was fantastic. 228 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:58,671 Okay. Got a soy almond latte for Gregory. There we go. 229 00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,474 - Much obliged. - Okay. And Janine. You have the 230 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,576 Yeah. It was a mocha grande half-caf with a splash of... 231 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,245 - A splash of vanilla. - Yes. 232 00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:06,613 Okay. I got you right here. 233 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,182 - There we go. Enjoy. Enjoy. - Thanks. Okay. Thank you. 234 00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,784 Katie, I remember you. 235 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,353 Super complicated order. 236 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,755 I gotta say, guys. 237 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,590 This experience is not as bad as I thought it would be. 238 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,325 Yeah. It's fine, you know. 239 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,660 I mean, for once, laying low is maybe paying off for us. 240 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,528 No, no, no. Screw laying low. 241 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,731 I'm making a play for dingbat's guy, and it's working. 242 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,300 - No. Dee, I said no angles. What're you... - Excuse me. 243 00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:28,768 Guys, excuse me. I'm volunteering, 244 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,137 so I have to come through here. Yeah. 245 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:34,040 Yeah. Yeah, they said that the volunteers had to come through. 246 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,409 'Cause we wouldn't normally do that. 247 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,177 We're good people. But we had to. So... 248 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,512 What, bro? What? 249 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,149 Guys, I'm actually, like, really pissed at this school. 250 00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,785 Like, they have no idea how to teach people, you know? Like... 251 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,288 - What, you not learning to read? - No. It's not the reading. 252 00:09:48,289 --> 00:09:50,323 I know how to read. It's 9/11, man. 253 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,091 - What-What-What? - What about 9/11? 254 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,359 Yeah? 255 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,128 The kids don't know anything about it, man. 256 00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:56,596 - They don't know what it is. - What? 257 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,132 I heard a couple of 'em joking, 258 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,200 and they were sharing funny, like, Internet memes. 259 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,770 And they were, like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, that? I know that Internet joke thing." 260 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,305 No. 261 00:10:05,306 --> 00:10:07,073 - That's how they know it. - Okay. Hold on a second. I... 262 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,641 Well now I have to get involved, 'cause that's insane. 263 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,677 - Yeah, that's kids these days. - Huh? 264 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,245 - 9/11 is just one giant meme to them. - Yeah, it's a big joke. 265 00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:14,247 - It is? - Yeah. It's like Pearl Harbor. 266 00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:18,117 I mean, you know, that happens. Everybody looks the other way. 267 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,353 Now we're all buying Japanese cars. 268 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,488 And now the Arabs are buying golf from us. 269 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,290 - What? - Golf's not for sale, dude. 270 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,192 The purest sport in the history of humanity? 271 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,660 What's next, football? 272 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,162 - Wait a minute. - What happened to "never forget"? 273 00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:30,430 We said we weren't gonna forget. 274 00:10:30,431 --> 00:10:32,198 We made an agreement to never forget. 275 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,234 We collectively made an agreement to never forget. 276 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:36,436 Next thing you know, now the camps And just buying whatever car we want? 277 00:10:36,437 --> 00:10:38,571 - I mean, what the hell is this? - We're just forgetting what happened? 278 00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,206 This argument went on for way too long. 279 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,042 I remember every goddamn one of those attackers' names. 280 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,510 - Every goddamn one. - Of course you do. 281 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,279 - Mohamed Atta. - That guy! 282 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,047 - Marwan al-Shehhi! - Ziad Jarrah! 283 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,516 Bin Laden! He died like the dog in the dirt that he was, man! 284 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,418 - That's right, goddamn it. - That's where he belongs. 285 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,355 - The fallen fire department! - Gonna forget about the firefighters? 286 00:10:57,558 --> 00:11:00,159 These people were passionate, but dumb as shit. 287 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,096 'Cause at some point they argued themselves right into conspiracy theories. 288 00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,432 - So it had to be a hoax. - Of course. Yes. 289 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,735 I mean, steel would not melt at that temperature. 290 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,671 I mean, take fire to steel and see if it melts. It won't. 291 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,673 - You try it. - No, you know what? 292 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,675 A missile sent by your own government is probably what it was. 293 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,577 - I read online there wasn't even a plane. - Really? 294 00:11:17,578 --> 00:11:19,445 I'm starting to think there wasn't even towers, dude. 295 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,214 - I'd never been to them. - Has anybody seen the towers? 296 00:11:21,215 --> 00:11:24,050 - With your own eyes, not a picture. - Exactly. Not a picture. 297 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,252 Only seen pictures the government has shown me. 298 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,254 They're changing the weather now, do you know about this? 299 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,323 - They control the weather. - Yeah. With frogs. I saw that. 300 00:11:30,324 --> 00:11:32,225 - They control the weather. - Yeah, with frogs. 301 00:11:32,226 --> 00:11:34,360 - Yeah, they shoot the frogs up there. - They shoot frogs up there? 302 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,797 - They're throwing tornadoes at Florida. - Yeah. It creates a super storm. 303 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,274 - Crop control. - The oranges. There's too many oranges. 304 00:11:43,588 --> 00:11:45,571 I know it sounds crazy but I think at one point, 305 00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,440 these people were trying to start a boy band. 306 00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,809 All right. Remember to combine all three words here. 307 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,611 Darnell Lewis and Jordan Cox, 308 00:11:51,612 --> 00:11:53,446 please report to the principal's office. 309 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,448 I thought it was kinda odd 310 00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:57,417 when Ava had one of the volunteers making announcements. 311 00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:00,620 - Now, really think about... - No. What? Actually, wait. 312 00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,355 Yeah, sorry. Go to the bathroom. 313 00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,324 No, no. Don't tell them to go to the bathroom. 314 00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:06,159 Dennis, the acoustics are better. 315 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,760 What? Have them come to the music room. 316 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,429 Yeah. Okay, fine. Darnell and Jordan, 317 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,497 please go to the music room or whatever. Thank you. 318 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,499 Did you have that pushed the whole time? 319 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,601 - The what? No, which What? - Keep doing your work. 320 00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:16,336 I'll be right back. 321 00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:18,404 So I had to go down there and check it out for myself. 322 00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:32,485 - Ooh. This is what we want. - Yeah, yeah. 323 00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,487 - This is good. - A little pitchy at times. 324 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,356 - Very good singer. - Very nice. 325 00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:38,424 - He's a little pitchy, but it's fine. - Yeah? But... 326 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,361 My main concern is he's coming off like kind of a nerd. 327 00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:43,062 You know we've already got our nerd. 328 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,431 - We need a bad boy. - We do. 329 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,333 Hey, Steven, would you say you're a bad boy? 330 00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,468 I don't know. 331 00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:50,203 - You don't know? - You don't know, huh? 332 00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,804 I feel like a bad boy would know if he was bad, right? 333 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,473 - Yeah, he might. - I think so. 334 00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:55,308 Damn it. I told Mac to get the detention list. 335 00:12:55,309 --> 00:12:56,609 Yeah, 'cause that's how we're gonna find... 336 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,478 Hey. Hey. How we doing? All right. 337 00:12:58,479 --> 00:13:00,346 What's going on in here? 338 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:03,349 Uh, we're just having auditions. Well, Ava said it was okay. 339 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,485 Ava said we could use the room. 340 00:13:05,486 --> 00:13:07,487 - And we got her... - Real quick, just wanna walk this back. 341 00:13:07,488 --> 00:13:10,290 Um, Ava said that it was okay for you to pull kids out of class 342 00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:11,758 - so they could sing for you? - Yeah. 343 00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:13,459 Yeah. Otherwise how we're gonna know who's the 344 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,628 It was kinda like a class. In a way, it's a music class. 345 00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,498 Basically like, we're just kind of, like, shopping for kids here, 346 00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:20,333 and we got a pretty good collection. 347 00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,402 You know, we got a nerd and we got the boy next door. 348 00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:24,470 We got the ugly one that people feel sorry for, but we 349 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,407 He's so ugly too. But he is uglier than... 350 00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:28,741 Maybe too ugly. 351 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,443 - Yeah, maybe too ugly. - Now we found our bad boy. 352 00:13:30,444 --> 00:13:33,046 You see, the bad boy is the most important one. 353 00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:37,651 Because the bad boy makes the sexual component less weird. 354 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,059 Yeah. I wouldn't have said that, but... 355 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:48,061 That's not why. That's not really the... 356 00:13:48,062 --> 00:13:50,229 This was some crazy shit. I didn't wanna deal with it, 357 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,364 so I took it to Ava. 358 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,534 Ava. 359 00:13:55,526 --> 00:13:57,337 - What? - The others were right. 360 00:13:57,338 --> 00:13:59,172 These volunteers have got to go. 361 00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,341 No. You were right. They're amazing, and they're staying. 362 00:14:01,342 --> 00:14:04,077 Shit. I might frame 'em for another crime just to get their hours up. 363 00:14:04,446 --> 00:14:05,512 What? What? No. 364 00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:08,114 Did I ask you to stop steaming? 365 00:14:15,389 --> 00:14:17,357 Okay. She was right. 366 00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:20,093 Between fighting teachers, pissing in lockers and the boy band thing, 367 00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:21,427 I should have booted their ass. 368 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,463 Because that white woman was going in. 369 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:27,467 What do you mean you didn't get the fight on camera? 370 00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:29,202 What is wrong with you? 371 00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:32,305 I let that bitch kick my ass so that I could look like a victim. 372 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:34,474 You think I couldn't kick her... 373 00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:36,709 She's tiny. I could destroy her. 374 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,145 I'd rip her hair out. 375 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,481 I'd rip this whole school bald if I wanted to, 376 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,549 oh, but that would like some kind of hate crime 377 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,351 in the liberal media. 378 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,820 Wouldn't they just love that. No. I'm not doing it. 379 00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:51,324 What's wrong with you? You call yourself a camera crew? 380 00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:54,060 Oh, my God. Get your head out of your ass. 381 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,062 Nah, I've seen some shit. 382 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,364 But crazy white people hit different. 383 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,133 "Let me kick her ass?" 384 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:06,039 No. I am not a violent person, but if I wanna kick someone's ass, I will. 385 00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,308 "Let me kick her ass." She said that? 386 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,477 No. No. And you know what? I'm not mad. 387 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:15,282 I'm not, because I am totally over that woman, 388 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:19,152 um, because I'm a happy person. So... 389 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,259 I'm so sorry. I saw a mosquito. 390 00:15:29,584 --> 00:15:31,130 Yeah, so, in one point 391 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,933 I was misled into believing they were shooting an educational video 392 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,469 in the vein of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire." 393 00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,438 I don't know how the fuck they got on this. 394 00:15:38,906 --> 00:15:39,973 Bye. See youse. 395 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,376 Knock, knock, knock. I've got a piping hot 396 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,912 caramel macchiato for a Melissa. 397 00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:47,513 That's me. 398 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,115 - Oh, there you are. - Thank you, Dennis. 399 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,917 It's my pleasure. Absolutely. Hey, Go birds. 400 00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:52,518 - Go birds. - Hey, listen. 401 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,353 Um, might I trouble you with a query? 402 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,657 On the subject of Billy Joel with the scale being, one: 403 00:15:57,658 --> 00:15:59,759 "I can't stand his music" to ten: 404 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,728 "I think he's the single greatest musician in the history of sound," 405 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,063 where do you place the man? 406 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:07,333 Negative five. But you know who is a massive fan? 407 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,835 A hundred fifty. A million ten. Infinity. 408 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,704 Amazing. Okay, great. Yeah. 409 00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,773 So we are actually looking to recruit teachers 410 00:16:13,774 --> 00:16:16,676 to help us with a little song. 411 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,379 By that point, I should have known better 412 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,982 but, um, I'm a sucker for anything Billy Joel related, so... 413 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,117 - Yeah. - This is really exciting, guys. 414 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,386 Okay. So here's what we're gonna do. 415 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,788 You, our modern educators, 416 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,923 are going to sing the updated lyrics 417 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,892 to Billy Joel's classic song, 418 00:16:32,893 --> 00:16:36,662 and we will be reenacting the iconic historical moments 419 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,064 on video at a later date. 420 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,899 Oh, my God. Can we be part of that as well? 'Cause... 421 00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,767 I feel like it wouldn't be right if you weren't. 422 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,736 - That's great. Let's get them involved. - Yeah. 423 00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:45,037 - Yeah. - Yeah. Okay. 424 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,505 Matter of fact, I'm gonna film the rehearsal. 425 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,740 Yeah, just shoot it. Shoot everything. 426 00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,108 Okay, I'm gonna stumble through one. 427 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,910 Don't worry if you get it wrong. 428 00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:53,313 - Okay. Yeah. - Let's just try it for time. Okay? Um... 429 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,514 Okay. And... 430 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,853 Actually, they did start a fire. 431 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,923 You see this? Look, it's not even wilting. 432 00:17:36,924 --> 00:17:38,925 Mac, that's indestructible. 433 00:17:38,926 --> 00:17:40,660 You're telling me that an entire building is gonna melt to the ground 434 00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,361 but we can't even melt the bench? 435 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,663 - I don't think so. Oh. - Oh! 436 00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,932 Oh, shit. It's going up the wall. 437 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:47,900 But eventually, the whole song thing fell apart 438 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,703 when they discovered something that they did not like. 439 00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:54,840 - Wow. Wow, guys. This was amazing. - Yes. 440 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,776 - Love it. You guys. - Charlie. 441 00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:59,779 Look, guys. I'm so excited and I really can't wait 442 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:02,648 to be a part of the reenactment. I just want to throw that out there again, 443 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,885 but I'm just curious, like, as to why you guys are doing it? 444 00:18:05,886 --> 00:18:07,720 I just was wondering. 445 00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:09,889 - Fair. Fair. - Yeah. That's a good question. Like... 446 00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:11,524 So we realized that the kids don't know anything about 9/11 really. 447 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:13,025 It's like a joke or a meme to them. 448 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,794 And, like, "Never forget," you know? 449 00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:17,029 We said, "Never forget," and they seemed to have forgotten. 450 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:19,532 I love this. I mean, I love this. 451 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,701 Human beings have been educating one another 452 00:18:21,702 --> 00:18:24,437 through the method of song for generations 453 00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,106 that predate even the most ancient of societies. 454 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,608 - Absolutely. - Yeah. 455 00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:30,743 This particular song was instrumental, 456 00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:32,645 - I would say, in our education - It was big for us. 457 00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,881 and we just felt like it was due for an update. Right. 458 00:18:34,882 --> 00:18:36,849 - It's due for an update. - Yes. 459 00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,851 And I love that you guys did it almost better than Fall Out Boy, you know? 460 00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,453 - With the lyric change and everything. - Yeah. 461 00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:41,754 Well then, no this is Billy Joel's song. 462 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:46,592 No, no. The band Fall Out Boy, they already did an update 463 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:47,927 - Yeah. - like, of this song. 464 00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:49,896 Changed all the lyrics and 465 00:18:49,897 --> 00:18:51,797 Who's Fall Out Boy? 466 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,900 It's an emo band that did a really good update. It was really good. 467 00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:54,968 - Okay. - Yeah. 468 00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,737 - I thought that's why you... - Yeah. 469 00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,906 Will you excuse us for a moment? 470 00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:01,374 We're gonna need a... 471 00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:02,575 - We're just gonna need a minute. - Okay. 472 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,877 Is it to go listen to their version? 473 00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:05,912 - To... - No. 474 00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:06,913 - No. - Oh, okay. 475 00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:10,650 Apparently, this Fall Out Boy thing was a big deal to them. 476 00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,051 Son of a bitch! 477 00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:13,920 Every goddamn time we try a single thing 478 00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:15,721 this goddamn Fall Out Boy! 479 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,890 - Goddamn pricks! - Always a step ahead of us! Fuckers! 480 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,859 I mean, the Ed Hardy jeans. 481 00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:20,927 - The spiked hair. - Yeah! 482 00:19:20,928 --> 00:19:22,929 Plus the eyeliner! That was my look. 483 00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:23,930 - He stole it from me. - It was your look, Mac! 484 00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:25,932 That has been your look! 485 00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:27,734 - Goddamn Fall Out Boy. - This goddamn Fall Out Boy. 486 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,736 I've got nothing for this. 487 00:19:30,304 --> 00:19:32,705 In all my years of teaching primary school, 488 00:19:32,706 --> 00:19:37,843 I have never seen a student of mine tantrum that long. 489 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,012 And these were full-grown adults 490 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,882 with fully-developed frontal lobes. 491 00:19:42,883 --> 00:19:44,350 I thought they were done. 492 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,885 But then, I found this video online. 493 00:19:45,886 --> 00:19:48,688 It was titled "Fall Out Boy can't stop us." 494 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,744 I gotta hand it to these jabronis. 495 00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:13,312 'Cause I didn't really like the original, 496 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,748 'cause I felt like Billy Joel didn't even try 497 00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:17,883 to match the lyrics to the video, 498 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,385 but these guys, they milked the school 499 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:22,054 for every minute of content they could. 500 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,523 It reminded me of that verse on DMX's "What You Want." 501 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:27,293 "There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia." 502 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,428 I wasn't mad at it. It was a bop. 503 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:32,765 Look, at the end of the day, did I like those people? 504 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,333 No. I did not. 505 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,035 But I will admit 506 00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:39,405 that what they did before they left was pretty nice. 507 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,907 Thank you all so much for coming here. 508 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,009 Please enjoy a round of drinks on us. 509 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,412 - Johnnie Walker Blue. - No spirits. 510 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,380 Chardonnay, please. 511 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,783 Gosh, we don't have a bottle already open. 512 00:20:50,784 --> 00:20:52,251 - Yeah. - Okay. Heineken. 513 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,153 - Well, no imports though. - Yeah. 514 00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,721 Jesus Christ. 515 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,356 How about an iced tea? 516 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:01,260 - Iced tea. Uh, I think we have ice. - Mm-mmm. 517 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,461 Nope. You don't have ice. 518 00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,296 - I already checked. And... - Yeah, no. 519 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:05,998 We're off water altogether. 520 00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:07,333 - Sorry. - We're not doing water anymore in the bar. 521 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,434 It's a whole thing. 522 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,502 I am so sorry, but why are we here? 523 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,304 - Like, what is this? - Oh, right. 524 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,772 Yes, no. Fair. Um, yeah. 525 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,407 Well, listen, we just wanted to let you know 526 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:18,411 that our experience with you really touched us. 527 00:21:18,879 --> 00:21:22,448 You know, you blindsided us with your heart 528 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,283 and your care for those children. 529 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,251 And while Frank is sorry that he couldn't be here today, 530 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:31,156 he did spring for this gift for your teacher's lounge. 531 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,257 Mac. 532 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:34,760 A new espresso machine. 533 00:21:36,029 --> 00:21:38,397 Nice, right? We don't even have one of these. 534 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,267 May you be as happy as you are caffeinated. 535 00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,437 Maybe they're kinda sweet. That was kinda sweet. 536 00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:47,039 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 537 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,275 It wasn't that sweet. Come with me. 538 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,114 I think they lured us down to their bar so the old one could do this. 539 00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:03,222 He must've ripped out about a hundred feet of copper. 540 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:05,391 But on the bright side, 541 00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:07,192 the state was gonna make us move out some old pipes, 542 00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:10,129 so actually he saved us a few grand in construction costs. 543 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:14,184 I'm gonna lose my job if anyone sees this, so burn those tapes. 544 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:04,984 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com