- How cool is that? - That's what I'm saying.
The attention to detail is remarkable.
- It's all about the presentation. - What's it made out of?
I don't know. The usual. Like eggs, butter, flour.
- Shit, really? - No...
Oh, it tastes like cardboard.
Hold on a second. What is everybody talking about?
This show. It's amazing.
They get genius bakers to disguise cake as ordinary objects. It's nuts.
Nobody gives a shit about cake, Frank.
We're talking about this elegant invitation
- to the Ben Franklin Liberty Ball. - Where'd you get that?
- I threw it in the dumpster. - That's exactly where I got it.
- Oh. - Hang on.
You going in the dumpsters these days? That's kinda my turf, no?
I know, and I'm really sorry.
- It's not so bad in there. - Digging for loose change...
- You find some treasures. - Find stuff like this.
- See what I'm saying? - Therein lies the problem.
We're rooting around in trash for opportunities
when we should be attending elite galas.
Ah, those galas are a waste of time.
I mean, a bunch of rich assholes dressed to the nines,
eating great food, talking about multimillion-dollar business deals.
- That sounds awesome. - That sounds really fun.
The exact kind of thing we brought you into our operation years ago for, Frank.
To do stuff like that to elevate us,
not to drag us down by having conversations about what is or isn't cake.
- Right? - Making a good point.
The cake is the whole thing.
You think we can't figure out what is or is not cake, Frank? That's so stupid.
- What are we talking about? - You just don't get it.
Why can't you just die and leave us your money, you know?
Like every normal human being, so I don't have to root around in the dumpsters.
- You don't mean that. - I absolutely do mean it.
- In fact, you know what? - Good.
What you hiding in your pockets? Any change in there?
- Get out of here. Get away. - No. Give me your...
- Dee, tickle him. - Don't. Don't, don't, don't!
- Yeah, yeah. Tickle him. - Yeah.
Back off, bitch.
- I don't like it. It hurts. - You don't like it?
Oh, yeah? If it hurts, why you laughing?
Uh-oh.
Frank, knock it off. What are you doing?
Is he good?
All right, guys, let's not worry, all right? This guy's tough as nails.
I've seen him go into a coma, like, every single night,
and he always pops right up in the morning.
Well, that's just sleep.
- Are you sure? - You're describing sleep.
- You've seen him sleep. - Okay, what's the difference?
Either way, listen, I think our organization
is at a bit of a crossroads now.
I mean, this man was our de facto leader, now he's literal dead weight.
It's not like we could just, you know,
wheel him around and plug him in wherever we go.
No, we could. We just get a big battery or something,
- like a Tesla battery. - No. That's so stupid.
They don't make batteries that big. Gonna have to get a generator.
- And spend all our money on gas? - Oh, right, right.
But either way, that's not the point I'm trying to make.
What I'm saying is even if he does live, I think we need to move on from this man.
Okay, well, look, why don't we just let the lady finish,
and then we devise a plan. Sound good?
- Yeah, that's the right thing to do. - Sure. Yeah. Okay.
Sorry. You were saying?
Yes, like I say,
Frank requests to convalesce here instead of hospital.
- Obviously it's happening... - Clearly.
One of you is Deandra?
Yeah, that's me. What'd I win?
In event that his heart rate drops below 50 beats per minute,
you will remove life support
- and facilitate death. - Why me?
Maybe because you tickled the man to death.
- Yeah. - You think it was the tickling
- and not the decades of whores and drugs... - I don't know.
and living under sewers and bridges?
Where's the expression come from? "Tickle a man to death."
"Tickled to death." That's a thing.
- Dee, it's the man's dying wish. - Yeah.
Perhaps you're all experiencing stages of grief.
First is denial, then anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance.
Is it lecture time?
- I didn't realize I was back in school. - No.
Professor Doctor over here. Yeah.
- I deny what you're saying, by the way. - Absolutely. It's not that.
- Yeah, let's roll. - No, no, no. Where you going?
We'll come back. We were gonna go to Paddy's and grab some supplies.
Yeah. We'll go to Paddy's. We'll get some beers and some more chairs.
Uh-huh. What's wrong with the chairs?
Well, there aren't chairs. There's a chair, and it's covered in wax.
- I believe that's cheese. - I don't want to sit in cheese either.
Fine, have it your way.
- We'll get cheeseless chairs. - Great.
- Get beers and come right back. - Dee. We'll be right back.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, just to be clear, we're going to that gala, right?
- That's exactly where we're going. - Absolutely.
I just figured in the interest of streamlining things, we cut Dee loose.
- I think that's right. - Does that feel right?
We can't have her there. It's not gonna be a good look for us.
You know, guys, Frank's situation's got me reflecting on, like, where we are,
and I'm afraid we've drifted a little too far off track from our original goal.
I mean, I don't know if you recall,
but we were never supposed to own only one bar.
No, Paddy's was always supposed to be, like, a global brand, you know?
Yeah. Like a Starbucks for dive bars.
Exactly, yes, but bringing your friendly neighborhood watering hole to everybody.
Everywhere, right? A Paddy's on every corner, right?
Airports, shopping malls,
- drive-throughs. - Yeah, schools, churches, like, little...
- Hundred percent. - What went wrong? Like, what went...
- When Dee got involved. - Yes.
- And women ruin everything, we know that. - This woman does.
- Then Frank got involved. - All women, kind of. And then Frank.
I can't totally deny that. I mean, the stats are there, right?
- The stats are there. - We got distracted.
It was like dude, dude, dude, dude, woman. Right?
- Let's get back on track, okay? - Yeah, yeah.
Look, this gala is the perfect opportunity for us...
It's gonna be jam-packed with wealthy benefactors
who are champing at the bit to strap themselves to our rocket ship.
Yeah. Please, like, let's not worry about Frank.
Trust me, he's gonna be totally fine.
God, I hate this.
How long is it gonna to take for him to kick the bucket?
E-everyone is different.
No, I get that, but it's like days or weeks?
You know, studies suggest that coma patients can hear.
Perhaps you speak with Frank.
Oh, no, no. I'm good.
I didn't really love talking to the guy when he was alive, you know?
- He's still alive. - Oh...
You know what I mean. I just...
I don't like him. It's time to cut him loose.
This is happening at a good time for me.
It's natural to be in denial.
Oh, my God. Here you go again.
Lady, I'm not in denial. I just don't care about Frank.
Which I... I can hear it when it comes out of my mouth.
That sounds like I-I'm in denial, but y-you know what you're doing?
You're painting me into a corner.
You're boxing me out and leaving me with nothing to say
that doesn't sound like I'm in denial. I have no way to win this fight.
Hey, does it say anything in those files about what kind of action I'm getting?
- I do not understand. - Inheritance. Gotta get my money.
Headed down to South America.
Gonna get some cosmetic surgery done on the cheap.
I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say
I'll probably need two seats on the flight back.
I'm getting my ass done.
Ooh. I might get a foot reduction while I'm down there too.
Although, you know what? That's not a good idea.
No, I'm gonna need these feet to carry that big fat ass around.
Look at the chandeliers.
Wow, this is such a fancy gala.
I'm not seeing a lot of tuxes, I gotta say. But you know what?
I think we'll just tell people that we came from an even fancier gala.
- Yeah. - Right?
- That'll make us look cool. Okay. - It will.
Now, I'm thinking that table right there, that's where we make our move.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Those guys look intense. - Those are heavy hitters.
I got an angle. Okay. We go in there. We say that we're the Smuckers brothers.
Why?
Well, we're, like, the Smuckers brothers.
We're purveyors of fine jellies and jams from the Deep South.
How does that get us closer to the goal?
They're gonna be impressed with some jelly magnates.
- I think that you are confusing... - Magnates?
the Smuckers brothers with the Smothers Brothers
who were a folk singing duo from the '50s.
- Shit. Yeah. - And they were, I think, Canadian.
Stop. What are we talking about?
None of that gets us closer to the goal of franchising Paddy's.
Well, we just want to make a good impression, you know?
Yeah, yeah, like... And so who are we playing?
We'll just be ourselves.
I don't feel comfortable playing myself.
We haven't done that in ages, man.
Guys, don't do this to yourselves, okay? Listen, we belong here, right?
We're not asking for a handout. We're not asking these people for favors.
Hell, we're doing them a favor by giving them the opportunity
to get in on the ground floor of a cultural juggernaut.
- Yeah. - Yeah. - And if they even hesitate,
boom, offer rescinded.
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - Okay?
We are young self-made entrepreneurs
who are about to change the way the world consumes alcohol.
- Oh, yeah, dude. - Yeah.
- That's getting me fired up, man. - Yeah!
I feel like I could run through a brick wall.
- Hell yeah. - Do it right now. Do it right now.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Don't actually run through a brick wall.
- I wanted to impress Charlie. - They're not brick.
- These will knock down. - Listen.
Do carry that feeling with you. Okay? I like the confidence.
So pop your chins up, puff your chests out and follow my lead.
- Let's do it. - That's a... That's a little much. Just...
Less stiff. Just... All right, forget the chin and chest thing.
- Just... - Okay.
I don't... I can't forget it though 'cause he said it.
Well, how we doing over here, fellas?
Oh, great. Um, and we'll... we'll do another bottle.
- Uh, uh... Yep. - Good. Yeah.
Also, we're ready for dessert, so we can clear all this.
- Right away, sir. Yes. - Uh-huh. Yeah, of course.
Oh, God, this is boring. I'm so bored.
I could go for a beer. You want a beer? Know what? I'll check in with the guys.
Mikey, they hate these Chardonnays. I need something nicer.
Hello?
Hey, Charlie. It's Dee. What's going on with those beers?
Oh. I kinda can't talk right now, Dee.
- Where are you? - At Paddy's.
You sound like you're on the Titanic.
I'm gonna need a double scotch and a club and Campari...
- I got Dee. Wants to know where we are. - Don't tell her about the gala.
- I'm not gonna tell her about the gala. - Hang up.
- I can hear you. - I think she can hear us.
- I can! - Course she can hear us.
- Tell her I ran through a brick wall. - That was my invitation.
Dee, I gotta hang up on you, but Mac ran through a brick wall.
That's actually why we're not back at the place yet.
Tell her both of us ran through a brick wall.
Dennis also ran through the wall, and I did too.
- Okay. Yeah. - You son of a bitch.
they have forks. All right. Hey, listen...
Dee, I can't talk right now, all right? We're working at the gala.
No. No, no, no! You don't hang up on me! You...
What are you looking at?
Let me guess, did I enter the anger phase?
You do seem angry.
Yeah, I'm angry! But it's got nothing to do with Frank.
It's about the dick bags. They think they can just cut me out. Well, you know what?
I-I'm gonna cut them out. I'm gonna cut them out.
There's gotta be something valuable around here. It's gotta be here somewhere.
You know what I mean?
Oh, those sons of bitches. I'll show...
Ha! Ha! Whoo!
Five bucks! Five bucks I found!
All right. Listen, listen. We need to regroup.
Okay? This whole thing's gone off the rails.
We gotta do it quick 'cause I told some guys I'd pull their car around.
I gotta get their coats before they go,
- but then... - Guys, we do not work here.
- Could you hand me a towel, please? - Yes, sir. Of course, sir.
- Give a towel. - Yeah, well.
- Thank you. - I know.
You know what I'm saying? Otherwise we're gonna...
- Thank you, sir. Have a good night. - Thank you, sir.
Okay, we're not... Why does everyone think we're employees?
It could be the tuxes or that we're doing everything that everybody asks of us.
The tuxes definitely make us look like bathroom attendants.
You know what? I blame Frank.
He did not give us the tools to survive in this world.
- We look like fools. - A hundred percent.
A hundred percent. Like he locked us in a zoo
and then now he's released us out into the Serengeti to be devoured.
- We're sitting ducks out here. - We don't know what we're doing.
If he weren't already in a coma, I would strangle him.
- It's his fault. - Hey, fellas.
Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear the conversation.
I really, really hope that your father dies.
- Wha... Excuse me? - Huh?
Frank, that's your dad, right? You said he was in a coma.
- Yeah. - Yeah. I really, really hope he dies.
He sounds just like my dad.
He just like craps on all your ideas, doesn't believe in you,
doesn't hug you.
- Oh. Sorry to hear that about your dad. - Oh.
No, are you... No, don't sweat it.
He's in a box under the ground right now. He's dead.
Which is fucking awesome 'cause I run his company.
- Oh, shit. - Wow!
- That is awesome! - Yeah! Who's the idiot now, bitch?
- He's dead. - He's a dead idiot.
- Nice, dude. - Oh, my God. Cool.
What kinda company do you run? Like, what do you do?
I'm, like, your typical capitalist pig.
I dismantle companies, sell the scraps for a marginal profit.
- That sorta thing. - Sick!
- Bet you make a lot of money? - I'm a piece of shit.
- That's us! - We are too. We are too.
- You guys are cool. I'm Simon, by the way. - Uh...
No, no, I wasn't taking a shit.
- I was just... I was doing cocaine. - Oh.
Do you guys want to do a bump of cocaine with me?
- Yes. - Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah! Let's do it! - Yeah. We'll do it. Yeah.
- One for me. - Uh-huh.
And one for me.
- That's awesome. - He's good at it.
Hey, guys, I was gonna go to this after-party
- if you guys wanna tag along with me. - There's an after-party?
I mean, it's probably gonna be bullshit, but we can talk business.
You guys can... We can bounce some ideas around, see if anything sticks.
- Yeah, that'd be great. - It'd be really cool to collab.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. - Wouldn't it be cool to collab?
Are you guys open to collabing?
- Yeah. - Let's collab.
I'm gonna tell my driver to pull around, and we'll get this going.
- We'll give our guy the night off. - Okay, amazing.
Give me back my cocaine. Give it back right now!
I like you guys. You're real people. You're human beings.
You're not like these soulless reptiles over here.
- Yeah. Yeah. - They're disgusting. Come on. Let's roll.
Did you hear what he said, "soulless reptiles"? Pizzagate!
- No, no. - Yeah. They're lizards!
- No conspiracy theories. Don't ruin this. - He's right.
- This is a good business opportunity. - Oh, God, that's good coke.
That was good cocaine. That's rich guy cocaine.
There we go. There we go.
Okay, a severed gas handle. No.
Let's see. What is that? Ooh.
Gold tooth. Pop that in the keeper pile.
- Uh... This looks promising.
BigAssButts? 1973? Goddamn it!
Where is it, you son of a bitch? Where is it?
Where's the gold and-and the-the jewels and millions of dollars?
I have a fun idea. Let's pull the plug now, okay?
- It'll just be our little secret. - I cannot do this.
You don't have to do anything. Just go take a potty break
and I'll just trip over the plug.
No, no, this is murder you describe.
Oh, God, don't be a prude. Okay, listen. I'll make it worth your while.
My ass doesn't have to be that big, right?
I'll kick you a few CCs, and then you and me will take our brand-new dumpers
and we'll just go, you know, flaunting around Copacabana Beach.
- What do you say? - I must say no.
And I must say, screw you! I don't need any of this.
I'm taking my inheritance, and I'm going home.
Frank, if you can hear me, I'm taking your big butt magazine! It's mine now!
- This is a much cooler vibe in here, man. - This is a great vibe.
- You guys discussing the vibe? - It's classy, right?
It's freaking amazing, right? And people are very cool here.
I am a little concerned about Frank.
At some point, we should probably check in.
You said everything was gonna be fine with Frank.
I know, but it's getting late.
I'll tell you what, let's stay here for another hour or so,
see what we can get going. And then if you're still concerned,
- we can split and check in on him. - Yo!
- Got some more genius powder, boys. - Wow! Nice!
- Get your fucking hands out. - Okay!
- Get your hands... Get your hands out. - Out in the open?
- This is my fucking party! - This is your party? Okay.
- Okay. Your rules, man. - Okay!
Do it up, boys!
- Ow! Ow! - Whoo!
That burns. That's very different from the last coke.
Man. You got a sophisticated palette. I love that, bro.
Yeah, it burns 'cause it's different. It's not coke. Ow!
- What is it? - It's not coke?
- It's crystal. - It's what?
- Crystal meth? - Yeah, crystal meth.
- Oh. - Can you remind me
what you guys, uh, do again?
- Uh... - Sorry, you mean like... like our jobs?
Yeah, come on, I whipped mine out. You gotta whip yours out.
- We're in the beverage space. - Yeah.
- Oh, cool. What's the company called? - Paddy's Pub.
- Yeah. - Well, yeah.
Paddy's Pub? Like a bar?
Yeah, well... It is a bar, but it's much more robust than it sounds.
Yeah. We see a lot of growth potential.
Yeah, of course you do. Because, dude, it's global brand.
It's not just a bar. It's fucking Starbucks.
- Oh, my God! Dude... - Right?
- Yes! - There's so many possibilities.
Dude, you are in our heads right now, man.
- I'm in your fucking heads! - I don't wanna say this too loud
because we don't have room for everybody in this,
but we're still in the early stages of possibly bringing on some investors,
you know what I mean? So if you're interested,
- we'd love to have you. - Yeah, yeah, dude.
What do you mean?
- Uh... We were... - Other investors...
We're doing a friends and family round, and we thought you'd be...
- Yeah. It's just... - But you literally just met me.
- But we like you. So we thought... - We like you.
You like my money.
- It's not... - You meet me in a bathroom, you do my drugs,
and then I bleed green for you, for your fucking bar?
- No, man. - Shit, dude. We're really sorry.
- No... - We're really sorry, man.
- You... - I like you, guys!
I would fucking love to give you money.
Enough. Shut up. Wanna fucking celebrate? Want to go to another party?
After-after-party? It's gonna be really fun.
- Another party after this after-party? - Better than this?
Dude, let's do it. I'm so ready. Let's do it, guys. I'm so excited.
- Let's go! - Let's go!
- Oh, my God. What's happening? - It's all happening for us.
Might as well take a look at what I'll never have.
Thanks a lot, Frank.
Man.
What's this?
Oh, my God.
This was his most prized possession?
- This is the place, huh? - Where are we?
Yeah.
- What's the password? - Narcan.
- Well, that's a bit unsettling. - Narcan?
- We're in, boys. - All right.
- We're in. - Isn't that what they give you
- when you OD or something? - Yeah.
- Let's go, Phil. - What's up, Simon?
- I love you so much. - Hi.
Oh, shit. Um, okay.
He really likes that guy. Um...
Okay. Uh...
- I love you, Phil. - Thank you.
You got it for me? Great.
That's Phil. He's a great guy. A little annoying, but I like him.
Come on, take a seat.
- I'll stand. - Do you mind if I stand?
- Make me rich. Fuck me with an idea. - Okay. Good.
- Take an idea and fuck me with it. - Okay, yeah. Sure...
- Right now? - Well, we just have the...
Don't overthink it, just fuck me. Fuck me with an idea.
- Yeah, it was Starbucks... - I'm drying up.
I just want you to spit on it and I want you to stick it in me.
Someone's got to fuck me.
- Can you give us a second... - One second, we'll figure out which one...
- Which idea we're gonna... - Take your time.
I'm gonna make the world stop spinning.
gonna fuck you with and... I'm concerned...
This guy's not gonna help us with our business.
- There's no way, right? - His dad was right about him.
- Absolutely. Absolutely. - Frank was right about this whole thing.
He was protecting us this whole time. That's what it is.
That's why he doesn't invite us to these places.
Yes, because Frank knew. He knew that galas were gateways to crack houses.
If you just have so much and you don't know what to do with yourself,
you wind up like that.
Look, also, man, I'm getting worried about him, okay?
- I wanna be there when he wakes up. - Fuck.
We've kind of left him alone for too long.
- Let's get out of here, 'cause I'm scared. - You should be scared.
- Let's say bye to Simon real quick. - Yeah, 'cause I don't like...
- Simon, look... - Simon, we...
Oh.
- We're leaving. - Yeah, we're gonna leave, Simon.
- That's a very unnatural position. - He seems fine. No, he's fine.
Let's, um... All right. Let's just go.
- Thank you, guys. - Thanks, everybody.
We're gonna use your driver and then we'll send him back for you.
Dad, if you can hear me in there,
I want you to know that I love you.
- Hey. - Hey, how's he doing?
- Yeah, how's it going? - He's at the end.
It's time to say goodbye.
Oh, no, come on. What are you talking about?
- Yeah, what? - Dee, you look actually upset.
You guys don't understand. It's time. We gotta pull the plug.
- No. Sorry, no. He's still alive, right? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- This is his wish. It's time. - No. I'm... No. I'm saying no.
- We just realized we need him. - Frank, we need you, man.
- I'm not letting him go. - Guys. You guys.
It's over.
I love you, Dad.
I can't believe this is happening.
Tastes sweet.
- What do you mean? - Is he supposed to taste sweet?
Shouldn't it be salty, if anything?
- What is happening? What is that? - Jesus Christ.
Cake. It's cake.
- I'm cake. - What is happening?
What is going on? What are you talking about?
I tricked you guys. You said you could tell the difference
between what was cake and what was not cake,
- and you couldn't. Ha! - What are you talking about, man?
I commissioned a cake. I rented all of this hospital equipment,
and I even had to draw that little stupid drawing with you and me holding hands.
"I love Daddy. I love you, Daddy."
Why? Why would you do all that?
Hang on, time out. Who's this woman?
She's a pastry chef and a goddamn good one.
- You doing all right? - My God.
You were doing an accent. Whoa!
Did you do all of this just so that I would appreciate you?
Deandra, I don't give a shit what you think about me.
I was trying to show you the magic of cake technology.
You cried over a cake.
- Bravo. Bravo. - Good job.
Hey, hey, hey. Pitch him the...
That reminds me. Frank, what do you think about Paddy's as a global franchise?
- Like Starbucks for dive bars? - He gets it. Yes.
- That's it. Exactly. - It's a terrible idea. I hate that idea.
- It's a stupid idea, man. - That's a dumb, dumb idea.
- That's why we need you. - Dumbest idea ever.
That's why we need you, man. Saving us from our dumb ideas.
How is it, guys? Is it good?
It's really good.
- That really hurt my feelings. - Frank, you're delicious.
- Oh, yeah? - Not bad.
- It's pretty good. - This is delicious.
- The whole thing is a cake, by the way. - Oh, my God.
It goes all the way down to the feet.
- Is the hair cake or... - The hair is fondant.
- You can just... Yeah. - Really? Just eat the fondant?
- What you can do with cake these days. - Oh, my God.
It does feel like the right stuff for us to be focusing on as a group.
- Does it? - What else can we make cake?
That's an idea, like, keeping our eye on what's happening in the future
and not being stuck in the past.
- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com