1 00:00:11,021 --> 00:00:12,105 My name is Frank. 2 00:00:12,731 --> 00:00:17,694 I've had a great life, a family, lots of friends, adventures, 3 00:00:18,195 --> 00:00:20,155 but I'm ready for a change. 4 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,908 One last shot at finding true love. 5 00:00:24,243 --> 00:00:25,494 I'm hoping this is it. 6 00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:36,838 Thank you. Hi. 7 00:00:40,676 --> 00:00:42,219 Thank you so much. Thank you. 8 00:00:44,179 --> 00:00:45,889 Thank you and good evening, Bachelor nation. 9 00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:50,978 I'm Jesse Palmer, and welcome to The Golden Bachelor season finale. 10 00:00:53,105 --> 00:00:56,066 Of course we are coming to you live from Los Angeles 11 00:00:56,149 --> 00:01:00,153 as Frank's journey to find the love of his life comes to a dramatic conclusion. 12 00:01:00,237 --> 00:01:03,782 Now admittedly, the crew nor the producers were prepared 13 00:01:03,865 --> 00:01:08,620 to host a Bachelor as eccentric as Frank Reynolds. 14 00:01:08,704 --> 00:01:11,748 In fact, this is the first season in Bachelor history 15 00:01:11,832 --> 00:01:14,293 where we considered ending the entire franchise altogether. 16 00:01:14,793 --> 00:01:19,256 But, boy, are we glad we didn't, because Frank captured our hearts, 17 00:01:19,339 --> 00:01:21,383 and tonight is the moment we've all been waiting for. 18 00:01:21,466 --> 00:01:23,802 Will Frank find true love again? 19 00:01:23,885 --> 00:01:26,722 All I can say is that you'll have to see it to believe it. 20 00:01:26,805 --> 00:01:28,557 So let's take a look back at the season's highlights 21 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,184 where Frank started in a very different place 22 00:01:31,268 --> 00:01:32,603 than where we find him today. 23 00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:35,314 Let's get this show on the road. 24 00:01:35,397 --> 00:01:41,069 Can't wait to find a Grade A, prime cut piece of ****. 25 00:01:41,695 --> 00:01:42,696 To love. 26 00:01:42,779 --> 00:01:47,200 Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher around the edges than we're accustomed to. 27 00:01:51,705 --> 00:01:55,917 All right, so where are all the broads? 28 00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,210 I dropped a couple of blueys. 29 00:01:57,294 --> 00:02:02,049 This baby's got about a half hour to perform like, pew, 30 00:02:02,132 --> 00:02:03,842 and then that's it. So, let's hurry up. 31 00:02:03,925 --> 00:02:07,596 - Okay, the first car is arriving now. - Okay, all right, good. The first car. 32 00:02:07,679 --> 00:02:09,181 Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby. 33 00:02:09,681 --> 00:02:11,683 Look at this. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 34 00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:14,770 Ooh. Here it comes. I'm anticipating this… 35 00:02:15,646 --> 00:02:17,773 Oh, let's see, yeah. 36 00:02:20,817 --> 00:02:23,695 - Uh, nope. - Excuse me? 37 00:02:23,779 --> 00:02:25,822 - No. No. Nope. - Frank, Frank. 38 00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:27,616 Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass. 39 00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:30,035 You can walk by. You can keep on going. 40 00:02:30,118 --> 00:02:32,120 Just walk on by. That's it. 41 00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:35,374 Next, next, next. Bring the next one in. 42 00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:39,419 - Uh-uh. - Frank. 43 00:02:39,503 --> 00:02:41,421 No, no. Absolutely not. 44 00:02:41,505 --> 00:02:43,882 No, no. Pass on. Next. Let's go to the next one. 45 00:02:43,965 --> 00:02:45,801 Next one, this is not working out. What's going on? 46 00:02:45,884 --> 00:02:48,178 Frank, there's a time for this. It's just not right now. 47 00:02:48,261 --> 00:02:50,472 All right, bring the next one on, bring the next one on. 48 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:55,143 I'm starting to get nervous. What do we got? 49 00:02:57,646 --> 00:02:59,147 Holy… Oh… 50 00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:02,567 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 51 00:03:02,651 --> 00:03:04,986 No, pass, pass, pass. 52 00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:07,155 Are all these whores gonna be this old? 53 00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:10,575 Why did I do this? I don't know what's the matter with me. 54 00:03:10,659 --> 00:03:12,828 What the **** did I do? 55 00:03:12,911 --> 00:03:16,373 Everyone that got out of the car, I mean, they were, like, crackling. 56 00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:18,625 I mean, you could hear their **** crackling. 57 00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:22,254 - It was like, just, old meat. - Frank, 58 00:03:22,337 --> 00:03:24,131 honestly, you didn't understand the premise of this show? 59 00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:26,174 Well, I knew there would be a couple of duds, 60 00:03:26,258 --> 00:03:29,970 but I thought you Hollywood people were all about diversity. 61 00:03:30,053 --> 00:03:31,847 Well, there's gonna be women of every ethnicity here. 62 00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:34,391 Age. Diversity of age. 63 00:03:34,474 --> 00:03:37,853 Frank, the show's called The Golden Bachelor. 64 00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:39,646 Golden Bachelor, my ****. 65 00:03:39,729 --> 00:03:41,189 I'm **** out of here 66 00:03:41,273 --> 00:03:44,151 unless I find something coming out of that car that I like. 67 00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:45,694 You gotta do something. 68 00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:48,280 - You ever watch TikTok? - Yeah, of course. 69 00:03:48,363 --> 00:03:50,991 Well, you ever… you ever hear of Cock Chewa? 70 00:03:51,074 --> 00:03:52,075 - Cock Chewa? - Cock Chewa… 71 00:03:52,159 --> 00:03:54,661 And so in a series of Golden Bachelor firsts, 72 00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:57,372 we caved into Frank's demands. 73 00:03:57,456 --> 00:03:59,958 I saw this trash on TikTok. 74 00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:01,835 Her name was Cock Chewa. 75 00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:06,423 Her catchphrase was, "Chew on that thang." 76 00:04:06,506 --> 00:04:07,674 I had to have her. 77 00:04:07,757 --> 00:04:10,010 My heart's beating a mile a minute. 78 00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:11,303 Let's see what happens. 79 00:04:13,847 --> 00:04:16,850 Oh, oh, oh. 80 00:04:16,933 --> 00:04:19,978 What's coming out? 81 00:04:20,604 --> 00:04:23,690 Oh! It's her. That's her. That's her! 82 00:04:23,774 --> 00:04:25,901 Hey, y'all! 83 00:04:25,984 --> 00:04:28,445 - Chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang! 84 00:04:28,528 --> 00:04:30,739 - Chew on that thang. - Okay. She's it. She's the one. 85 00:04:30,822 --> 00:04:31,907 - Wait, what? What? - I picked her. 86 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:33,658 - Yeah, she's it. Okay, that's it. - Wait, what? 87 00:04:33,742 --> 00:04:35,660 - I choose her. Yes. - I get paid for this, right? 88 00:04:35,744 --> 00:04:37,746 Yeah, the game's over. We can take her. 89 00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,290 No, no, no, Frank. It's only the first episode, okay? 90 00:04:40,373 --> 00:04:43,460 We have to go through this whole process, otherwise there can't be a show. 91 00:04:43,543 --> 00:04:46,671 - All right, well, you get paid. - Yeah. 92 00:04:46,755 --> 00:04:47,756 It's the first night, 93 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,050 so you're gonna have to wait a little while 94 00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:52,761 - to chew on that thang. - Chew on that thang. 95 00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:54,805 - Chew on that thang. - Okay, let's just keep it moving here. 96 00:04:54,888 --> 00:04:57,891 Oh, baby, am I boned up. Okay, here let's go. 97 00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:00,268 Okay. Okay. 98 00:05:00,811 --> 00:05:01,853 All right. 99 00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:05,106 Oops, I thought you said we were done with the old ones. 100 00:05:06,149 --> 00:05:10,612 Uh, hi. Very nice to see you, you know. But no. 101 00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:13,281 - But no. Okay, so anyway, pass. - Oh. 102 00:05:13,365 --> 00:05:17,786 But, you know, go on inside and keep warm. I'll get you out of here ASAP. 103 00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:21,289 You're kidding me. This cretin is the bachelor? 104 00:05:21,373 --> 00:05:23,458 I got better looking boils. 105 00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:27,671 That was a good one. You got me there. You got me there. 106 00:05:27,754 --> 00:05:30,257 Well, maybe I'll keep this one around just to entertain me. 107 00:05:30,799 --> 00:05:32,968 She got me with that… That was very… 108 00:05:33,051 --> 00:05:35,470 She's good. Let's lump her in with the other one. 109 00:05:35,554 --> 00:05:39,015 We'll see how it goes. That was funny. She was pretty funny. 110 00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:43,478 Oh. Oh. What's this? I thought I said no dudes. 111 00:05:43,562 --> 00:05:46,022 Oh, I have an Amazon Prime delivery for a, uh, Frank Reynolds. 112 00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:47,399 - Oh, Frank Reynolds, that's me. - Okay. 113 00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:50,068 Yeah, that's me. Oh, yeah, this… Thank you. 114 00:05:50,151 --> 00:05:52,779 Oh, my, my, that was so fast. 115 00:05:52,863 --> 00:05:55,824 Amazon Prime deliveries are so fast. 116 00:05:55,907 --> 00:05:57,784 Frank, what are you doing? You can't bring your own plugs. 117 00:05:57,868 --> 00:06:00,912 Yeah… I… No, we… No plugs. Their items are very meaningful to me. 118 00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:05,750 I am fired up about Chewy. That's a broad I could spend my life with. 119 00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:08,920 And the other one's good too. They both got mouths on 'em. 120 00:06:09,004 --> 00:06:11,506 One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp. 121 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:13,508 I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old. 122 00:06:14,092 --> 00:06:15,719 Since Frank had already chosen his final two, 123 00:06:15,802 --> 00:06:19,347 we had to get creative with the situations we put them in. 124 00:06:20,432 --> 00:06:22,142 So, uh, where you from? 125 00:06:22,225 --> 00:06:23,560 Gang, gang. 126 00:06:24,144 --> 00:06:26,229 Chew, chew. 127 00:06:27,856 --> 00:06:30,275 Gang, gang. Gang. Gang, gang. 128 00:06:30,358 --> 00:06:32,903 That's a butthole. 129 00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,613 Thank you, y'all. Thank you. 130 00:06:34,696 --> 00:06:36,531 What's that? What are you doing? 131 00:06:36,615 --> 00:06:38,241 I'm making money on a live stream. 132 00:06:38,325 --> 00:06:40,327 - Huh? - Gang, gang. 133 00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,745 You're making… 134 00:06:41,828 --> 00:06:45,040 So, uh, yeah, yeah, hmm. 135 00:06:47,876 --> 00:06:49,169 - Well, what kind of music do you like? - Thank you. 136 00:06:50,337 --> 00:06:52,339 The conversation was a little rough. 137 00:06:52,422 --> 00:06:55,050 I didn't know what the hell she was doing with the phone. 138 00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:58,219 I guess people pay her to respond to emojis? 139 00:06:58,303 --> 00:07:00,096 I was losing my patience. 140 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:04,267 Gang, gang. Chew, chew. Chew. 141 00:07:04,351 --> 00:07:06,853 Look, if we don't bang soon, I'm gonna boot you off the show. 142 00:07:09,356 --> 00:07:11,024 - Well, that worked like a charm. - All right. 143 00:07:11,107 --> 00:07:12,859 We banged three times that night. 144 00:07:12,942 --> 00:07:16,446 And on some kind of OnlyFans live stream thing. 145 00:07:16,529 --> 00:07:19,074 Made 12 grand. It was incredible. 146 00:07:19,157 --> 00:07:21,701 Except for the chewing. 147 00:07:21,785 --> 00:07:23,119 That was weird as hell. 148 00:07:23,745 --> 00:07:28,792 I-I thought it was more of a catch phrase than an actual method. 149 00:07:35,548 --> 00:07:36,800 Where the **** is he? 150 00:07:36,883 --> 00:07:38,218 - Wow. I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, hey. 151 00:07:38,301 --> 00:07:40,804 I had to dump out big time. 152 00:07:40,887 --> 00:07:43,306 Oh, well, that makes two of us. 153 00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:45,016 Just got here myself. 154 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:48,853 Took the liberty of ordering us the seafood linguine. 155 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:53,525 - Oh. Strong choice. I like that. - Uh-huh. 156 00:07:53,608 --> 00:07:55,985 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 157 00:07:57,237 --> 00:07:59,948 So… Hmm. Mm-mmm. 158 00:08:01,616 --> 00:08:02,826 What now? 159 00:08:04,369 --> 00:08:06,788 Ah. Well… 160 00:08:07,872 --> 00:08:11,584 we could get the linguine to go, go back to your place. 161 00:08:11,668 --> 00:08:15,588 I would say we bang at my place, but I don't want you hanging around after. 162 00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:18,800 - You get it. - What makes you think I'm gonna bang you? 163 00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,636 All right, we bang after dinner. 164 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,013 - Eh, make love. - Hmm. 165 00:08:24,097 --> 00:08:26,933 Yeah. So what's your deal? Were you ever married? 166 00:08:27,892 --> 00:08:28,977 If you must know. 167 00:08:30,937 --> 00:08:32,188 My husband's dead. 168 00:08:33,022 --> 00:08:34,190 You knock him off? 169 00:08:34,274 --> 00:08:38,445 They say he got chomped in two by a great white 170 00:08:38,528 --> 00:08:41,197 while he was snorkeling off the coast of Maine. 171 00:08:41,281 --> 00:08:42,949 Ooh, wicked. 172 00:08:43,032 --> 00:08:46,953 Personally, I think he was smuggling drugs down from Canada, 173 00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:50,081 got chainsawed by some cartel. 174 00:08:51,332 --> 00:08:52,959 They only found the bottom half. 175 00:08:54,919 --> 00:08:55,920 Nasty. 176 00:08:56,004 --> 00:08:58,423 Mmm. Nasty business. 177 00:08:58,506 --> 00:09:00,050 Did you keep the dong? 178 00:09:02,927 --> 00:09:04,387 Of course I did. 179 00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:08,808 I had it pickled and put in a jar. 180 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:10,560 - Yeah. - Wow… 181 00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:15,273 That's what I would have wanted. 182 00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:18,401 - Hmm. - Wow. Beautiful. 183 00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:23,990 I have to say I enjoyed the conversation. 184 00:09:24,074 --> 00:09:26,451 We talked all night, didn't even bang. 185 00:09:26,534 --> 00:09:29,537 Which is probably better because my cock was chewed to ****. 186 00:09:30,163 --> 00:09:33,124 So Frank was left with a dilemma. Who was he gonna choose? 187 00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:35,335 And for that he turned to his family. 188 00:09:35,418 --> 00:09:37,337 But in a bizarre turn of events, 189 00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:41,674 the producers learned that his family was not his family at all. 190 00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,553 He had hired actors to play them. 191 00:09:45,637 --> 00:09:48,264 These people are maniacs. You don't understand. 192 00:09:48,348 --> 00:09:51,184 I was afraid they were gonna embarrass me on national television. 193 00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:55,730 So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him. 194 00:09:55,814 --> 00:09:57,190 It was time to go to his hometown: 195 00:09:57,857 --> 00:10:01,027 Philadelphia. The birthplace of our nation. 196 00:10:01,111 --> 00:10:03,071 Could it be the birthplace of a new love? 197 00:10:03,154 --> 00:10:05,949 Things were off to a rocky start. 198 00:10:06,032 --> 00:10:10,370 I was terrified to have Sam and Chewy meet the gang. 199 00:10:10,453 --> 00:10:12,664 But I have to admit, they played it really cool. 200 00:10:13,915 --> 00:10:15,166 Well, here we are. 201 00:10:16,126 --> 00:10:19,671 - I'm so excited to see Frank. - Oh, I'm just excited to meet the ladies. 202 00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,381 If Frank likes them, I'll like them. 203 00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:25,468 Wonder where they are. 204 00:10:25,552 --> 00:10:27,137 I, too, am feeling things. 205 00:10:29,264 --> 00:10:32,267 Well, speak of the dev… Uh, speak of Frank. 206 00:10:34,269 --> 00:10:36,187 - Hello. - Hi. Hi. 207 00:10:36,271 --> 00:10:39,858 - Well, here we are. - Uh-huh. 208 00:10:39,941 --> 00:10:41,109 - Yeah. - Oh. 209 00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:43,069 I was really nervous that you guys were gonna be mad 210 00:10:43,153 --> 00:10:44,612 about the whole fake family thing. 211 00:10:44,696 --> 00:10:46,281 Oh. 212 00:10:46,364 --> 00:10:49,325 - Frank, forget it, huh? - Oh, no. Please, we get it. 213 00:10:49,409 --> 00:10:50,702 - I don't care. - You were nervous. 214 00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:51,870 - Yeah. - I'm passed that. 215 00:10:51,953 --> 00:10:55,915 Yeah, I want you to know how happy we are for both of you and for Frank. 216 00:10:55,999 --> 00:10:57,834 - Well, thank you. - We just want what's best for everyone. 217 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:58,918 - That's right. - Yeah, yeah. 218 00:10:59,002 --> 00:11:01,754 Uh, Frank, should we take your dates and get to know them a little better? 219 00:11:01,838 --> 00:11:03,590 Oh. 220 00:11:03,673 --> 00:11:07,427 Okay. Uh, all right. Play nice. 221 00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:08,511 Play nice. 222 00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:11,139 - Well, we always play nice. - He's a funny guy, right? 223 00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,724 - He's so funny. - A joker. 224 00:11:12,807 --> 00:11:16,102 Okay, listen, bitch. You are not getting the money. 225 00:11:16,186 --> 00:11:17,395 Yeah, you're too old to have a baby. 226 00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,522 And if you try and adopt, so help me God, 227 00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:21,691 we will snuff that thing out like a cigarillo. 228 00:11:21,774 --> 00:11:23,985 - Hmm. - You're on television. 229 00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:26,112 Please. 230 00:11:26,196 --> 00:11:27,947 I think we all know Disney's never gonna air this. 231 00:11:28,031 --> 00:11:29,866 - No, but you will have heard it. - What? 232 00:11:29,949 --> 00:11:31,576 So listen to me and listen good. 233 00:11:32,285 --> 00:11:35,788 You are not getting our money. 234 00:11:36,372 --> 00:11:39,042 I have my own money. 235 00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:41,711 You do? 236 00:11:42,795 --> 00:11:43,796 Explain yourself. 237 00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:48,384 I got chicken money and plenty of it too. 238 00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:51,429 So whatever Frank's got, he can just keep it. 239 00:11:51,512 --> 00:11:54,098 I made my own fortune on the backs of others. 240 00:11:54,182 --> 00:11:57,727 I don't need to be pulling it out of an old man's pocket. 241 00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:00,438 - Chicken money. - Chicken money, huh? 242 00:12:01,606 --> 00:12:03,608 The chicken money comment was a bit of a relief, you know? 243 00:12:03,691 --> 00:12:05,485 - Not that I trust her. - Well, no, that's true. 244 00:12:05,568 --> 00:12:07,070 We're not really the trusting kind, you know? 245 00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:09,489 But if she does have this so-called "chicken money", 246 00:12:09,572 --> 00:12:11,157 then we wouldn't mind, uh… 247 00:12:11,241 --> 00:12:13,326 Wetting our beaks. 248 00:12:15,328 --> 00:12:17,247 Did you see that? I didn't have to say it. 249 00:12:17,330 --> 00:12:18,539 She-She walked right into it. 250 00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:21,668 Dee's a bird. 251 00:12:29,092 --> 00:12:31,970 Uh……Chewy. May I call you Chewy? 252 00:12:32,053 --> 00:12:34,055 - Yeah. - Chewy, we are a vibe. 253 00:12:34,138 --> 00:12:35,682 And we need to know how you're gonna fit in. 254 00:12:35,765 --> 00:12:38,518 You know, I think it's important that whoever we bring into the fold 255 00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:39,602 fits with our dynamic. 256 00:12:39,686 --> 00:12:42,397 Oh, I love the gays. I'll chew on that thang. 257 00:12:43,189 --> 00:12:45,358 That doesn't make any sense. Moreover, it sickens me. 258 00:12:45,441 --> 00:12:47,151 What is this? How is this gonna work? 259 00:12:47,235 --> 00:12:49,153 Like, there's no room for you on my couch, man. 260 00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:51,656 - There's just not. - Okay. Well, we have to pick one, Charlie. 261 00:12:51,739 --> 00:12:54,993 I don't want to pick one. I don't understand why Frank did this. 262 00:12:55,076 --> 00:12:56,744 If he was unhappy, why didn't he come to me? 263 00:12:57,453 --> 00:13:00,373 You ruined this, okay? I need it to go back to the way that it was. 264 00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:01,958 Well, he's not gonna just chew on that thang. 265 00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:03,960 - Whatever y'all want. - What does that mean? 266 00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,336 Why does she keep saying it? 267 00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:07,463 I'd seen all I needed to see. 268 00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:09,257 I mean, we-we couldn't run the risk of one of these women 269 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,551 becoming a major player in our lives. 270 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,553 We need to bring in someone Frank might go for, 271 00:13:13,636 --> 00:13:15,930 but who we know we can control. 272 00:13:16,014 --> 00:13:20,685 A woman with no personal ambitions but who Frank could also bang. 273 00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:22,645 Guys, I believe I have the first line. 274 00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:24,856 - Uh, announcement. - Announce. Just an announcement. 275 00:13:24,939 --> 00:13:26,316 - It's just a natural conversation. - Yes. 276 00:13:26,399 --> 00:13:29,068 - He just has to talk first. - Welcome to Mac and Dennis's apartment. 277 00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:30,945 - Well, you're Mac. - I'm Mac. 278 00:13:31,029 --> 00:13:32,155 - Well, he's just welcoming. - Yeah. 279 00:13:32,238 --> 00:13:33,990 This is Dennis, and this is our apartment. 280 00:13:34,073 --> 00:13:36,075 - Yes. - And we do a lot of hosting. 281 00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:38,328 - That's right. - And we are not a couple. 282 00:13:38,411 --> 00:13:42,248 - No. - But our living arrangement is 283 00:13:42,331 --> 00:13:44,000 - perfectly age appropriate. - But he is gay. 284 00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:45,585 - Well, he is gay. - Well……Goddamn it. 285 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:47,170 And I am gay. 286 00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:50,048 Uh, I believe I may have snapped at Dennis and hit him a little bit… 287 00:13:50,131 --> 00:13:51,758 - Yeah, a little bit too hard. - …too hard. 288 00:13:51,841 --> 00:13:54,093 And also the fact that you're gay is inconsequential because… 289 00:13:54,177 --> 00:13:55,428 - It's playful. - Yes. 290 00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:57,722 …that's gonna make it sound like maybe I'm not. 291 00:13:57,805 --> 00:14:00,308 - Chew on that thang. - What? 292 00:14:01,309 --> 00:14:04,729 - She's not supposed to say that, right? - Is that it? That's all she can say? 293 00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:06,314 - The vocab is limited. - Good. 294 00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:07,815 - Yeah. - I'ma barf on it. 295 00:14:08,566 --> 00:14:09,776 - What? - What? 296 00:14:10,276 --> 00:14:11,277 That's not your line. 297 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,071 - What are you… What are you doing? - What is she… 298 00:14:13,154 --> 00:14:15,281 Ah. It's kind of a catchphrase that I do, you know what I mean? 299 00:14:15,364 --> 00:14:18,159 - She's kidding. You're kidding. - Barf on that thing, y'all. 300 00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,161 - That's playful. - Oh, no. 301 00:14:20,244 --> 00:14:21,788 Well, no, no, no. 302 00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:23,748 Should I have a catchphrase? I don't approve of this union. 303 00:14:23,831 --> 00:14:25,333 Let's keep this evening about Frank, okay? 304 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,002 And not have… We don't have… Nobody has any catchphrases. 305 00:14:28,086 --> 00:14:31,422 We-we're just… Uh, I'm gonna raise a toast… Um… 306 00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:35,510 to these two wonderful women and to an impossible choice. 307 00:14:35,593 --> 00:14:36,761 - Yeah. - Oh. 308 00:14:36,844 --> 00:14:38,346 Oh. 309 00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:40,765 - My, my. Who could that be? - Oh. What's this? 310 00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:43,184 Goddamn it. 311 00:14:48,439 --> 00:14:50,108 Hey… Oh, Miss… Ms. Kelly. 312 00:14:50,191 --> 00:14:53,111 - Mom. - My God. Well, what brings you here? 313 00:14:53,194 --> 00:14:57,198 To be a slut and to marry Frank. 314 00:14:57,281 --> 00:14:58,366 That was… 315 00:14:58,449 --> 00:15:00,201 Oh. 316 00:15:01,452 --> 00:15:03,663 Really? Oh, good. Dennis, did you put her up to this? 317 00:15:03,746 --> 00:15:05,164 What do you mean? She just came over. 318 00:15:05,248 --> 00:15:07,583 Already I have to deal with two sluts and now a third? 319 00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,836 Start over, Mac! Start over. 320 00:15:30,064 --> 00:15:33,693 Now the stakes were even higher with a third woman in the mix, 321 00:15:33,776 --> 00:15:35,069 but luckily for Frank, 322 00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:38,197 he'd have the fantasy suites to help him make up his mind. 323 00:15:38,281 --> 00:15:41,826 This was the hardest decision of my life. What's the order? 324 00:15:41,909 --> 00:15:46,581 Do I go Chewy first and work my way to Bonnie through Sam? 325 00:15:46,664 --> 00:15:50,501 Or do I run the risk of being gnawed to a stump and have to heal? 326 00:15:50,585 --> 00:15:52,503 I was feeling so many things. 327 00:15:53,004 --> 00:15:55,423 And then, I had an idea. 328 00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:58,843 Frank, there is no way Disney is ever gonna go with that. 329 00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:00,052 It's what I want. 330 00:16:00,136 --> 00:16:01,971 No, Frank, we have to stagger them. 331 00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:04,640 I'll handle that once we're in the middle of it. 332 00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:05,933 Look, you wanna join us? 333 00:16:06,017 --> 00:16:09,395 I don't love it, but no eye contact and we're good. 334 00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:11,147 All right. Let's go ahead. Let's go. 335 00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:13,649 Ha! Let's go, ladies. 336 00:16:14,483 --> 00:16:17,278 We're gonna do kind of a group situation. 337 00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:20,281 Why don't you just come this way? 338 00:16:20,364 --> 00:16:22,158 - There you go. There you go. - Yeah. 339 00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:24,410 - O-Okay, listen to me, Frank. - Hey. 340 00:16:24,493 --> 00:16:25,786 I'm no prude, right? 341 00:16:25,870 --> 00:16:28,164 I mean, I was in the navy, right? 342 00:16:28,247 --> 00:16:31,375 I took a whole destroyer full of torpedoes, you know? 343 00:16:31,459 --> 00:16:33,252 That's pretty funny, Sam. 344 00:16:33,336 --> 00:16:34,921 Yeah, but here's the thing: 345 00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:38,341 I feel like I'm ready to settle down and, you know… 346 00:16:38,424 --> 00:16:43,137 - …I got feelings for-for-for you, Frank. - You do? 347 00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:45,723 Yeah, you know. Ain't that something. 348 00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:47,934 I-I gotta tell you a little story, right? 349 00:16:48,017 --> 00:16:50,269 Well, I'm kind of on the clock here, you know? 350 00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:51,479 Yeah, okay. 351 00:16:52,521 --> 00:16:54,148 When I was a little girl, 352 00:16:54,232 --> 00:16:57,818 I shortened my name to Sam and I told everybody, 353 00:16:57,902 --> 00:17:00,029 "Ooh, I-I really liked that so much better," 354 00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:02,365 but I didn't. 355 00:17:03,282 --> 00:17:09,288 I-I just thought that… Samantha, that's-that's too long for anybody to say. 356 00:17:09,956 --> 00:17:14,502 So-So I changed my name, Frank, because I thought 357 00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:18,756 that nobody would care enough to take the time to say the whole thing. 358 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:22,134 Oh, my God. Stupid, huh? 359 00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:27,848 - Well, you were a kid. - I lived my whole life that way. 360 00:17:28,849 --> 00:17:33,187 And when I was busy pretending to be somebody that I wasn't, 361 00:17:34,939 --> 00:17:40,444 you were living your life being exactly who you are. 362 00:17:44,782 --> 00:17:46,993 I just love that about you, Frank. 363 00:17:49,203 --> 00:17:53,082 And I kind of thought it was too late for me, but then, 364 00:17:54,542 --> 00:17:58,713 you've shown me that it's never too late 365 00:17:59,714 --> 00:18:01,007 to find your heart. 366 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,551 And your voice. 367 00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:05,386 And your name. 368 00:18:09,515 --> 00:18:12,143 I think I'm falling in love with you, Frank. 369 00:18:13,060 --> 00:18:15,396 Yeah, I-I don't want to ruin that. 370 00:18:16,147 --> 00:18:18,691 So, you know, I'm not going in there. 371 00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:21,068 I'm-I'm gonna go. 372 00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:32,830 Sam had struck a chord. 373 00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:35,750 And now Frank had an even tougher decision to make. 374 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,877 Just what was he going to do? 375 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,296 Yeah, I mean, I took a shot, right? 376 00:18:40,379 --> 00:18:44,508 And I-I think he's feeling the same things I am. 377 00:18:44,592 --> 00:18:46,969 At least, I hope so, right? 378 00:18:47,845 --> 00:18:48,846 Yeah. 379 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:55,770 What's it say? 380 00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:07,448 Look, as much as Dennis wanted Frank to pick Bonnie, 381 00:19:07,531 --> 00:19:10,159 we all knew he was gonna go with the 20-year-old, so… 382 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:13,079 I devised that prank to make sure she was cool. 383 00:19:13,704 --> 00:19:16,248 The prank is this, when they fly us out there, we set off 384 00:19:16,332 --> 00:19:19,627 one of those elephant toothpaste bombs in the mansion. 385 00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:21,379 And then, if she likes it, she's in. 386 00:19:21,462 --> 00:19:22,797 - What the hell is that? - What is that? 387 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,757 Oh. It's-It's like a chemical reaction. Check it out. 388 00:19:28,344 --> 00:19:29,720 - Cool, huh? - Oh. Yeah. 389 00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:32,223 This is a good idea though, Mac. I could work with this. 390 00:19:32,306 --> 00:19:33,808 - Yeah, that's gonna be fun. - Okay. 391 00:19:33,891 --> 00:19:37,603 So Frank was concerned that his real family would embarrass him. 392 00:19:38,104 --> 00:19:40,231 Well, we've got them here with us tonight. 393 00:19:40,773 --> 00:19:42,066 How do you guys feel about that? 394 00:19:44,819 --> 00:19:45,820 Well… 395 00:19:45,903 --> 00:19:51,992 The situation……under the circumstances is quite understandable. 396 00:19:52,076 --> 00:19:57,790 Our appearance may seem gruesome, but all can be quite easily explained. 397 00:19:57,873 --> 00:19:58,999 Oh. Indeed. 398 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:00,418 - Yeah. - Indeed. 399 00:20:00,501 --> 00:20:04,547 As you can tell, our voices have also been affected, 400 00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:07,717 creating an unintentionally sinister tone. 401 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,511 - So, where did things go wrong, guys? - Well… 402 00:20:10,594 --> 00:20:12,430 There seems to have been a miscalculation. 403 00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:15,015 - Our hubris got the best of us. - Nonsense. 404 00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:20,938 There was no mix-up in the laboratory, no……neglect of the pH balance. 405 00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:23,315 It was my jealousy of these women 406 00:20:23,399 --> 00:20:26,861 that drove me to surreptitiously add 20 gallons 407 00:20:26,944 --> 00:20:30,906 of Nair hair removal into the concoction. 408 00:20:31,532 --> 00:20:32,533 Wait, wait, you did what? 409 00:20:33,325 --> 00:20:38,539 You wear short shorts If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for… 410 00:20:38,622 --> 00:20:40,040 Yeah, we know the product. 411 00:20:40,124 --> 00:20:41,250 You're familiar with it? 412 00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:42,710 Do you guys know the song? 413 00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:44,670 - Yes, we know the goddamn song. - Yes. 414 00:20:44,754 --> 00:20:45,963 Uh. Okay, okay, okay, that's just… 415 00:20:46,046 --> 00:20:47,923 We're gonna stop right there. 416 00:20:48,007 --> 00:20:50,342 Uh. So with no help from his family whatsoever, 417 00:20:50,426 --> 00:20:53,596 Frank is now left with the most important choice of his entire life. 418 00:20:53,679 --> 00:20:57,683 And on that final night he had to make that choice alone. 419 00:21:00,394 --> 00:21:01,395 Ooh. 420 00:21:03,439 --> 00:21:05,065 Frank, it's the final rose. 421 00:21:05,149 --> 00:21:08,027 This is it. So who will you choose? 422 00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:10,112 Will it be Bonnie or Sara? 423 00:21:11,781 --> 00:21:12,948 Who the hell is Sara? 424 00:21:13,574 --> 00:21:16,368 You actually thought that the woman's birth name was Cock Chewa? 425 00:21:16,452 --> 00:21:19,121 Oh. Never gave it much thought. 426 00:21:19,205 --> 00:21:20,664 America is waiting. 427 00:21:21,415 --> 00:21:24,126 Frank, who are you gonna give it to? 428 00:21:26,879 --> 00:21:32,134 Well, Bonnie, you are a dirty, dirty slut. 429 00:21:32,885 --> 00:21:34,345 Thank you, Frank. 430 00:21:34,428 --> 00:21:35,513 And you're old as hell. 431 00:21:36,055 --> 00:21:41,060 But-But I gotta be honest, you bone me up like nobody else. 432 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,146 So it's really hard not to choose you. 433 00:21:47,733 --> 00:21:51,570 Chewy, I gotta be honest, I don't like the teeth. 434 00:21:51,654 --> 00:21:56,325 I-I never understood the chewing thing. I mean, people like that? 435 00:21:56,408 --> 00:21:57,785 Chew on that thang? 436 00:21:57,868 --> 00:22:01,121 It's weird as hell. It hurts, your chomping on it. 437 00:22:01,205 --> 00:22:04,041 I mean, it's like… 438 00:22:04,124 --> 00:22:06,961 You go deep, deep, deep. The bottom? Oh. 439 00:22:07,044 --> 00:22:09,547 I may never recover from that. 440 00:22:10,714 --> 00:22:11,799 But I gotta say, 441 00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:17,221 you are so goddamn hot. 442 00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:19,473 It is hard not to choose you. 443 00:22:20,683 --> 00:22:22,059 I gotta make a decision. 444 00:22:26,814 --> 00:22:28,065 I gotta make a decision. 445 00:22:31,527 --> 00:22:32,528 And… 446 00:22:34,029 --> 00:22:35,239 my decision is… 447 00:22:42,079 --> 00:22:43,080 Sam! 448 00:22:44,123 --> 00:22:46,458 Sam! Sam, where are you? 449 00:22:48,294 --> 00:22:49,295 Sam! 450 00:22:50,421 --> 00:22:51,422 Sam! 451 00:22:53,591 --> 00:22:54,884 Sam! 452 00:22:57,386 --> 00:23:00,806 Samantha! Samantha! 453 00:23:01,724 --> 00:23:02,725 Frank. 454 00:23:03,475 --> 00:23:05,185 - Frank. - Saman… Oh. 455 00:23:05,686 --> 00:23:07,563 Samantha, don't get on that bus. 456 00:23:07,646 --> 00:23:09,273 I'm a jerk. I'm an idiot. 457 00:23:09,356 --> 00:23:11,525 But most of all I'm a coward. 458 00:23:11,609 --> 00:23:14,987 I-I didn't let you go because I didn't like you. 459 00:23:15,738 --> 00:23:18,908 I-I got rid of you because I like you too much 460 00:23:18,991 --> 00:23:20,993 and it scared the shit out of me. 461 00:23:21,660 --> 00:23:23,245 I'm just like you, Samantha. 462 00:23:24,121 --> 00:23:26,457 But together we don't have to be afraid. 463 00:23:28,334 --> 00:23:31,253 Would you accept this rose and be my wife? 464 00:23:37,134 --> 00:23:38,135 Frank, 465 00:23:39,011 --> 00:23:40,012 I will. 466 00:23:57,029 --> 00:23:58,572 Be strong, Bonnie. 467 00:23:58,656 --> 00:24:01,992 Be strong for your little gingerbread man. 468 00:24:02,076 --> 00:24:03,577 Bonnie? 469 00:24:03,661 --> 00:24:04,870 How do you guys know each other? 470 00:24:06,413 --> 00:24:07,665 - This is my date. - Yeah. 471 00:24:07,748 --> 00:24:10,709 One. Two. Three. 472 00:24:10,793 --> 00:24:13,671 - Why are you doing everything in threes? - So Charlie doesn't die. 473 00:24:13,754 --> 00:24:15,005 Show us on the doll. 474 00:24:15,089 --> 00:24:16,131 Show you what? 475 00:24:16,215 --> 00:24:17,716 Where he touched you. 476 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,385 I don't want a dog to eat my face, Charlie. 477 00:24:19,468 --> 00:24:21,053 She doesn't want a dog eating her face. 478 00:24:21,136 --> 00:24:22,930 Oh. Sorry. 479 00:24:23,013 --> 00:24:24,014 You! 480 00:24:24,098 --> 00:24:26,016 - Hey. - Merry Christmas. 481 00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:27,851 - I'm so excited. It's almost Christmas! - I'm so excited! 482 00:24:27,935 --> 00:24:31,897 I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men for my gingerbread boy.