1 00:00:07,065 --> 00:00:09,467 What? Oh, come on. This is bullshit. 2 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,435 - This has to be a mistake. - You're telling me. Mine's negative. 3 00:00:11,436 --> 00:00:13,003 How are we positive and you're negative? 4 00:00:13,004 --> 00:00:14,104 What is that, an AIDS test? 5 00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:16,240 No, it's a neuropsych test. 6 00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:18,442 Yeah, we went to Penn to get a full neuropsychological test done 7 00:00:18,443 --> 00:00:20,110 to see if any of us had ADHD. 8 00:00:20,111 --> 00:00:21,946 And according to this shit, Dennis and I do. 9 00:00:21,947 --> 00:00:23,681 - Which is a lie. - Consider yourselves lucky. 10 00:00:23,682 --> 00:00:26,150 - At least now you have an excuse. - An excuse for what? 11 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,519 For why your life turned out like shit, 12 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,555 why you never accomplished anything, why you failed out of Penn. 13 00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:35,359 Uh, no, no. No, we did not fail out of Penn, okay? 14 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,428 We declined to graduate. 15 00:00:37,429 --> 00:00:39,497 Yeah, we just decided not to take the final exam 16 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,966 'cause we got, like, you know, distracted by other shit. 17 00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:44,368 Yeah, but isn't getting distracted, like, the main thing of ADHD? 18 00:00:44,369 --> 00:00:46,203 Stop it. It's 19 00:00:46,204 --> 00:00:47,938 No, we got distracted by, like, sex, drugs, and rock and roll, 20 00:00:47,939 --> 00:00:49,206 like normal college kid shit. 21 00:00:49,207 --> 00:00:51,008 - Neurotypical distractions. - Right. 22 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,477 My whole life, I thought I had shit for brains, 23 00:00:53,478 --> 00:00:57,515 mainly because my mom would stick a Tootsie Roll in my ear when I slept. 24 00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,617 And I would wake up and find it and I would think there was 25 00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:02,153 - actually shit in my brains. - Leaking out of your head at night? 26 00:01:02,154 --> 00:01:05,089 I think it's because she loved me so much and she wanted to keep me at home, 27 00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:06,657 - you know? - Sure, yeah. 28 00:01:06,658 --> 00:01:08,592 And then I wised up and I caught on to her love ruse, 29 00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:12,363 and I realized that I probably did have some kind of disorder. 30 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,165 I thought you did, for sure. 31 00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:16,066 And now I have no excuse. I could have gone to Penn. 32 00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:19,136 Dude, I have a Ferrari brain that's stuck in first gear. 33 00:01:19,137 --> 00:01:20,538 Yeah. 34 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:23,107 You have a Subaru brain that has two flat tires. 35 00:01:23,108 --> 00:01:25,976 Yeah, Mac, you couldn't even study in high school without getting all pissed off 36 00:01:25,977 --> 00:01:27,378 and breaking all your pencils... 37 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:28,946 He'd throw all his books all around the room. 38 00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:30,481 That's not true. 39 00:01:30,482 --> 00:01:32,316 All right, yeah, but like, do I What's mine say? 40 00:01:32,317 --> 00:01:33,684 Like, what car is my brain? 41 00:01:33,685 --> 00:01:35,419 - This oughta be good. - Uh 42 00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:37,221 "Inconclusive." 43 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,689 - Oh, huh? - What? 44 00:01:38,690 --> 00:01:40,491 They want you to come back for more testing. 45 00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:42,193 - I gotta go back? - Yeah. 46 00:01:42,194 --> 00:01:44,061 I don't know why you guys give a shit about this. 47 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,529 I mean, you are who you are. 48 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:49,099 And as far as Penn goes 49 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:52,036 the only reason why you two got in there was because of my money. 50 00:01:52,037 --> 00:01:54,038 Your brains had nothing to do with it. 51 00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:55,673 Yeah, well, we'll see about that, Frank. 52 00:01:55,674 --> 00:01:57,275 Dee, you thinking what I'm thinking? 53 00:02:00,145 --> 00:02:02,112 - Dee? - Mmm. Mm-hmm? 54 00:02:02,113 --> 00:02:03,615 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 55 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,483 Absolutely. 56 00:02:05,484 --> 00:02:07,118 Great. Then say it with me. 57 00:02:07,619 --> 00:02:09,453 - Oh, I would love to. - We're... 58 00:02:09,454 --> 00:02:11,422 You just have to tell me what it is we were gonna say. 59 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,257 You literally just said you knew what I was thinking. 60 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,559 That was a lie. I got distracted for a sec. 61 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,394 I was gonna say we should go back to school. 62 00:02:17,395 --> 00:02:18,529 - Oh, shit, really? - Yeah. 63 00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:21,198 - Yeah. - Oh! Okay. I like it. 64 00:02:21,199 --> 00:02:23,400 - You want to say it together again? - No, I don't. I'll just do it. 65 00:02:23,401 --> 00:02:26,437 - We're gonna go back to school. Mmm. - Back to school. Did it. 66 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,231 Wow, look at this. 67 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,534 I don't know where we should sit now that we know we have ADHD. 68 00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:58,502 Maybe we just sit in the front row, you know? 69 00:02:58,503 --> 00:03:01,205 Mm-hmm. Get out of the way for when the shooter comes blasting. 70 00:03:01,206 --> 00:03:02,640 Wait, wait. Hey, don't do that. 71 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,375 It's upsetting. 72 00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:06,244 - It's-It's very triggering, you know? - Yeah. 73 00:03:06,912 --> 00:03:10,981 That being said, uh it would be good if he had to blast through 74 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,450 a couple rows before he got to us, 75 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:14,351 - you know what I mean? - Yeah. 76 00:03:14,352 --> 00:03:15,986 - Right. Give us a little time to scramble. - Exactly. 77 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,322 - Yeah. - What are you gonna do? 78 00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:22,593 Well, well, well, if it isn't the stupid little rich kids. 79 00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:25,095 Uh, we are not stupid. 80 00:03:25,096 --> 00:03:26,131 You are. 81 00:03:27,699 --> 00:03:29,533 - Is that the whole comeback? - I think so. I didn't... 82 00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:31,335 - Thought you were - That's not what I meant. 83 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,937 Give me a second. I'm gonna think of something else. 84 00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:34,472 It'll be too late. What are you doing here? 85 00:03:34,473 --> 00:03:36,974 I'm gonna prove to you that I could've gone to Penn. 86 00:03:36,975 --> 00:03:39,176 That's why I'm sitting right here in the front row, 87 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,444 'cause I'm going to pay attention. 88 00:03:40,445 --> 00:03:42,713 I'm going to take notes, and, of course, 89 00:03:42,714 --> 00:03:45,149 if the shooter comes in blasting, I can scramble. 90 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,418 - All right, let's do this thing. — What? 91 00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:50,020 What are you doing here? 92 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,456 We're doing a Back to School thing like Rodney Dangerfield did in the movie. 93 00:03:52,457 --> 00:03:54,492 "Let's party!" 94 00:03:54,493 --> 00:03:56,360 Okay, well, Frank, we are not doing a Back to School thing. 95 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,595 We're just going back to school. 96 00:03:57,962 --> 00:04:00,498 What's the difference? 97 00:04:00,499 --> 00:04:02,600 The difference is we're gonna pay attention and we're gonna study and focus. 98 00:04:02,601 --> 00:04:05,002 - We explained this at the bar. - I probably wasn't paying attention. 99 00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:07,171 - Do we all have ADHD now? - I guess. 100 00:04:07,172 --> 00:04:10,207 Not me. Look at how well-arranged my index cards are and my pencils. 101 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,275 I'm focused as shit. 102 00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:12,676 Okay, nerd. 103 00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:14,411 Nobody uses paper anymore, all right? 104 00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:17,348 It's all computers, you stupid, dumb dumb. 105 00:04:17,349 --> 00:04:20,551 - Dee. - I'm so sorry. I don't know. 106 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,587 I think that the diagnosis is messing with my confidence or something. 107 00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,990 Wait a minute. 108 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,424 If you guys are not gonna party, I'm gonna find somebody else who will. 109 00:04:27,425 --> 00:04:29,160 Ah. Four-eyes here. 110 00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:32,663 Come with me. I'm gonna show you what school really is. 111 00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:35,032 We're gonna "par-tay." 112 00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:38,135 All right, here. When the teacher comes, tell him I'm renting the kid. 113 00:04:38,136 --> 00:04:39,503 Come on. Let's go. 114 00:04:39,504 --> 00:04:41,071 Let's go. Come on. Get up. 115 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,073 Sort of a human trafficking situation. 116 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,176 - Seems like it, right? Whatever. - Yeah. 117 00:04:47,345 --> 00:04:50,147 You know what? I think I should get some Ritterall to help me focus. 118 00:04:50,148 --> 00:04:52,149 No, no, no. Dee, don't do that. 119 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:53,951 You know where that leads. 120 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:55,519 You know, starts with Ritterall, then you move to coke, 121 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,922 and then you're smoking crack and then more crack. 122 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,057 Okay? Let's not do that, all right? 123 00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:01,926 Worst comes to worst, we feel like we're not gonna pass the test, 124 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,061 just do what you always used to do. Just bang the professor. 125 00:05:05,664 --> 00:05:08,233 Oh. I think that's gonna have to be your department. 126 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:12,971 Well, no, I don't know about that. I mean, it could go either way, you know, but, uh 127 00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:16,173 Yeah, let's not Let's not go down that road. 128 00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,042 I-I don't really wanna bang her. 129 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,710 Good morning, class. 130 00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:20,945 Oh! 131 00:05:21,546 --> 00:05:22,881 Good 132 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,349 morning 133 00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:27,618 class. 134 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,353 Okay, Mr. Kelly. 135 00:05:29,354 --> 00:05:31,222 So I'm sure you've seen these types of tests before 136 00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:33,457 - when logging on to a website or a domain. - Mmm. 137 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,960 They're used for identifying robots. 138 00:05:36,428 --> 00:05:38,429 Oh. You think I might be a robot? 139 00:05:38,430 --> 00:05:40,397 No, of course not. 140 00:05:40,398 --> 00:05:41,465 Oh. 141 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:42,700 I have "drinken" motor oil. 142 00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:45,035 You Sorry, what? 143 00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:49,673 Uh Yeah. I didn't drink it all that much and I didn't like it. 144 00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:51,375 Okay. Right. 145 00:05:51,376 --> 00:05:53,177 So I'm probably not a robot. Put that down. 146 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,345 - Right. - Good. 147 00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:57,114 - Okay, well, let's try the test. - Yeah. 148 00:05:57,115 --> 00:06:00,217 Which of these images has grass? 149 00:06:00,218 --> 00:06:03,454 Um just this one. 150 00:06:03,455 --> 00:06:06,290 Just that one? 151 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:08,626 Yeah, that that's the only one I see. This guy right here. 152 00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:12,329 And out of curiosity, what color is the man's shirt? 153 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:16,000 Uh, no, I'm not colorblind if that's your concern. 154 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,535 Uh, his shirt is light blue. 155 00:06:17,536 --> 00:06:20,004 I can see it and I can smell it like crazy. 156 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,672 - Smell it? - Oh, yeah. 157 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,541 I-I can smell every color in this room. 158 00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:27,678 And why did you select that image as having grass? 159 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,081 Well, because hair is the grass of the head. 160 00:06:31,082 --> 00:06:33,617 I see. And why no grass in the others? 161 00:06:33,618 --> 00:06:36,420 Oh, well, because they're just pictures of grass, 162 00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:40,658 and you asked which picture has grass, and that's the only grass head one. 163 00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:42,293 But that one is also a photograph. 164 00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:45,429 Uh, yes, but it has a tiny hair on it. 165 00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:49,433 See? So this is the only one that had any actual grass. 166 00:06:49,434 --> 00:06:51,936 It was hard to see, but I could smell the black of the hair. 167 00:06:51,937 --> 00:06:54,104 Yeah. 168 00:06:54,105 --> 00:06:57,075 Do you mind if I invite a few other professors to join us? 169 00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,009 Sure, yeah. 170 00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:00,344 May I keep this? 171 00:07:00,345 --> 00:07:01,446 - Yeah. - Great. 172 00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,214 Good. Deal. 173 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:08,185 Are you sure I'm not a robot? 174 00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:11,155 You are definitely not a robot. 175 00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:12,223 All right. 176 00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:15,059 All right, all right. 177 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:19,163 Okay. Let's check out the dorm room. 178 00:07:19,164 --> 00:07:22,600 Well, right away, I see the issues in this room. 179 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:25,136 - Yeah. I don't see any bongs. - Oh. 180 00:07:25,137 --> 00:07:27,571 I don't see any lava lamps. Not good. 181 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,640 And the walls should be covered with titty posters. 182 00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:32,310 - Uh, oh. - You don't know how to do college, do you 183 00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,045 I never caught your name. What's your name? 184 00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:36,280 Um, I'm Jie. 185 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,349 - G? - Jie. 186 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:41,952 G? I want to stick with G. You're from another country, right? 187 00:07:41,953 --> 00:07:43,020 Yes, I'm from China. 188 00:07:43,021 --> 00:07:46,490 China. There you go. 189 00:07:46,491 --> 00:07:49,426 That's the problem right there, because they don't know 190 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,096 how to throw away a perfectly good education over there. 191 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,531 - Uh, oh. - They don't know that. 192 00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,332 - Let me tell you something, G. - Okay. 193 00:07:55,333 --> 00:07:59,436 - Life is the only education - Mmm. Uh. 194 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,172 And you don't want to fail at that. 195 00:08:01,173 --> 00:08:02,640 - Okay. - Okay? Yeah. 196 00:08:02,641 --> 00:08:05,543 Oh! Hello. This must be the roommate. 197 00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:07,211 Oh, here we go. This is good. 198 00:08:07,212 --> 00:08:09,380 He looks like he's all dolled up. 199 00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:11,348 You're ready to go out and have some fun, right? 200 00:08:11,349 --> 00:08:13,117 What are you gonna do? 201 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,319 Go to Go to the dean's office and crap on his desk? 202 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,021 No, I'm going to a protest. 203 00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:19,089 A protest? 204 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,258 Boring. 205 00:08:21,259 --> 00:08:22,927 What's the matter with you kids? You don't know how to have fun anymore? 206 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,629 Wait, you know what? 207 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,365 - Mmm. - Your roommate just gave me a great idea. 208 00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:31,235 - G, follow me. - Mmm. 209 00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:33,270 You know where the dean's office is? 210 00:08:33,271 --> 00:08:34,338 Uh, yes. 211 00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:39,176 Oh, f fuck! Oh 212 00:08:39,177 --> 00:08:41,612 Holy fuck. 213 00:08:41,613 --> 00:08:43,380 Oh, this is great. 214 00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:45,349 I fucked up my hand. Look at that. Huh? 215 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,451 - Holy shit. - That's the way it's got to be in college. 216 00:08:47,452 --> 00:08:49,420 God, wait, let me I got to do-do this. 217 00:08:49,421 --> 00:08:51,155 - Come on in, G. - Oh. Oh. 218 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,524 Come on, come on, come on in, G. I gotta blot. Whoo. 219 00:08:53,525 --> 00:08:57,027 Holy Toledo. There's blood. Holy shit. 220 00:08:57,028 --> 00:08:58,462 It's bleeding like a pig. 221 00:08:58,463 --> 00:09:00,097 See that trash can over here? 222 00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:02,099 Grab that, bring it over in the middle here. 223 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,534 Take a good crap in it. 224 00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:05,269 - Take a nice big crap in it - A A crap? 225 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,037 And dump it on the dean's desk. 226 00:09:07,038 --> 00:09:09,540 That's the way you do it. Come on. Go ahead. 227 00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:11,675 What's the matter? You can't take a shit? 228 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,277 - You dehydrated? - No. 229 00:09:13,278 --> 00:09:14,411 You got to hydrate. 230 00:09:14,412 --> 00:09:16,413 I'm going to get expelled. 231 00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:19,083 - Why you gonna get expelled? - They will know it's us. 232 00:09:19,084 --> 00:09:21,685 How they gonna know it's us? They can't know it's us. 233 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,288 You make me use my key card to open the building. 234 00:09:24,289 --> 00:09:26,323 Well, I can't smash every window, G. 235 00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,658 And they have cameras. 236 00:09:27,659 --> 00:09:30,895 - There's a camera. - Camera? Huh? 237 00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:35,266 Oh, shit. Oh Ooh. 238 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:37,401 Times are changing. 239 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,403 Uh, that's because of the shooters, probably. 240 00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,572 All right, shit. 241 00:09:41,573 --> 00:09:44,241 Uh Tell you what. Uh All right, all right. Relax. 242 00:09:44,242 --> 00:09:47,344 Uh Listen, don't blame G, this is all me. 243 00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:49,713 This is all my fault. I made him do it. 244 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,049 So don't blame him, okay? 245 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:56,020 And I-I-I had to break the glass over there to get in 246 00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:58,088 'cause we were gonna shit on your desk. 247 00:09:58,089 --> 00:10:01,692 This will pay for the window that I broke in the door. 248 00:10:01,693 --> 00:10:03,494 Okay? Everything good? 249 00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:06,497 There is a little cleanup, but there's no shit. 250 00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:09,366 You don't have to clean up any turds, any-any crap, 251 00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:11,969 'cause that desk would've been full of my shit 252 00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,637 if I could have got up there. Okay. 253 00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:17,575 I forgot how hard these classes are, you know. 254 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,244 And I can't even, uh, concentrate on what that old lady was saying. 255 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,580 Yeah, how are you supposed to concentrate on anything? 256 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,716 You know, the women, although ignorant and naive, are at their physical apex. 257 00:10:25,717 --> 00:10:27,918 You gotta look over your shoulder every three seconds to make sure 258 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,353 - there's not an active shooter - Right? 259 00:10:29,354 --> 00:10:31,255 And the teacher is like a draconian bore. 260 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,990 Yeah, how are you even supposed to know what to study? 261 00:10:32,991 --> 00:10:34,959 You know what? I don't know that, either. 262 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,927 Seriously, everything's apparently in a portal, 263 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,963 and I tried to get in the portal, but I can't get in. 264 00:10:38,964 --> 00:10:40,397 You need a computer science degree. 265 00:10:40,398 --> 00:10:43,100 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 266 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,935 - Are you on drugs? - Yeah, yeah. 267 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,671 Goddamn it, Dee. I I told you not to do Ritterall. 268 00:10:47,672 --> 00:10:50,107 No, I didn't do Ritterall. No, I-I found some coke. 269 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,509 - Oh, you bitch. - Yeah. 270 00:10:52,711 --> 00:10:54,245 - Do you have any more? - A little bit. 271 00:10:54,246 --> 00:10:56,046 Give me some. Give me some. 272 00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:57,448 Come on, come on, come on 273 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:58,716 Yeah. 274 00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:01,118 - Why'd I do that? - Yeah. 275 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,153 Aw, what the hell? 276 00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:04,455 Is that Mac over there studying his brains off? 277 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:06,524 - Yeah. - He's got a partner though, a study buddy? 278 00:11:06,525 --> 00:11:08,959 - That's cheating. You can't do that. - Don't worry, Dee. 279 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,396 I did a little something to nuke his confidence. 280 00:11:12,197 --> 00:11:14,098 Dude, how do you not know this answer? 281 00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:16,200 I've gone over it with you, like, five times. 282 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:18,369 No, I know, I Hold on. There's something weird in my What is this? 283 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:20,171 Oh. Ew! 284 00:11:20,172 --> 00:11:23,073 What is that? Oh, my God, that smells like shit. 285 00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:25,176 - Does that smell like shit to you? - Dude. I don't wanna smell it. 286 00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:27,111 - No, I know, but just smell it. - I don't wanna smell it. 287 00:11:27,112 --> 00:11:29,013 Is that What? 288 00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:30,581 Did you put a Tootsie Roll in his ear? 289 00:11:30,582 --> 00:11:32,049 I did. 290 00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:33,417 - Do you think it's poop? - Yeah. 291 00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:35,219 No, I don't think it's poop. 292 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,987 I-I popped a Tootsie Roll in there, yeah. 293 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,089 I-I shoved it in my asshole for a little while too, 294 00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,991 - so it smells like shit. - Did you? 295 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,927 - That's why it smells bad. - Yeah. 296 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:44,229 - Wow, nice touch. - Thank you. 297 00:11:47,632 --> 00:11:49,401 Okay, Mr. Kelly. 298 00:11:49,802 --> 00:11:52,236 - Yeah. - This should be an easy one. 299 00:11:52,237 --> 00:11:56,541 Backpacks are to books as coffee cans are to 300 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:02,914 A, coffee. B, rice. Or C, dirt. 301 00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:08,486 I'd like to answer D, a "stab" infection. 302 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,454 Interesting. 303 00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:12,223 Yeah, you almost had me. 304 00:12:12,224 --> 00:12:14,592 And how do you come by this answer, Charlie? 305 00:12:14,593 --> 00:12:18,596 Well you know, backpacks can be very "cummerbund" to carry around. 306 00:12:18,597 --> 00:12:21,232 They can pull on your necks, causing chronic injury, 307 00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:24,101 but at the heart of that problem are the books inside. 308 00:12:24,102 --> 00:12:26,370 Coffee cans can also cause injuries too. 309 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,639 They could have sharp edges if opened improperly, 310 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,309 and those could lead to cuts, which could lead to "stab" infections. 311 00:12:33,945 --> 00:12:35,246 I see. 312 00:12:35,247 --> 00:12:37,648 And why didn't you answer A, coffee? 313 00:12:37,649 --> 00:12:41,085 Well, 'cause coffee cans don't hold coffee. 314 00:12:41,086 --> 00:12:42,486 Coffee is a liquid. 315 00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,422 Coffee cans hold coffee beans, 316 00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:50,128 and this particular can has 627 beans inside of it, but no coffee. 317 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,631 And how do you think you know that? 318 00:12:53,632 --> 00:12:55,433 Well, I heard the number when you put it down. 319 00:12:56,268 --> 00:12:59,336 Yeah, just like I can hear you have two pencils in your right pocket 320 00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:01,438 because of the volume of your right footsteps. 321 00:13:01,439 --> 00:13:03,408 You tread lightly on that foot because you don't want to get poked. 322 00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:05,643 Yeah, there there you go. 323 00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:08,146 Amazing. 324 00:13:09,481 --> 00:13:11,615 Somebody do something? 325 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,951 Some... Did you do Did you do something? Do it again. I missed it. 326 00:13:13,952 --> 00:13:17,087 This is the most important thing that you could do in college. 327 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,223 - Okay. Oh. - Get laid. 328 00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:23,093 Because girls just wanna have new experiences. 329 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,697 - So let's find you the perfect girl. - Okay. 330 00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:29,367 How about her? With the can in her hand. 331 00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:35,039 Oh! Oh. No, no, no, no, no, I-I don't think she's interested in me. 332 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,442 G, you got to swing for the fences in college. 333 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,377 Don't worry about it. I know what to say. 334 00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:41,712 I'm gonna be right behind you, 335 00:13:41,713 --> 00:13:43,380 - whispering in your ear. - Okay. 336 00:13:43,381 --> 00:13:46,083 Remember the moves that I taught you earlier. 337 00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:47,485 - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, you do. 338 00:13:47,486 --> 00:13:48,619 Okay, let's go, come on. 339 00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:55,059 Hi, I'm G. I'm on the China Express to sexy town. 340 00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:57,094 What? It's too loud. I can't... 341 00:13:57,095 --> 00:13:58,596 Are you trying to talk to me? 342 00:13:58,597 --> 00:14:00,164 Compliment her tits. 343 00:14:00,165 --> 00:14:02,500 Okay, look, what do you creeps want? 344 00:14:02,501 --> 00:14:05,302 Hi, I'm Frank Reynolds, a local billionaire 345 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,071 and all-around good time. 346 00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:09,240 Uh, I'm pulling a Back to School. 347 00:14:09,241 --> 00:14:11,108 This is my friend, G. 348 00:14:11,109 --> 00:14:12,943 - Hi. - He's going to be rich too someday, 349 00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:15,713 but right now he's not looking for attachments. 350 00:14:15,714 --> 00:14:18,616 He's "down to clown," as the kids say, 351 00:14:18,617 --> 00:14:23,687 and he's got some exotic moves in the sack that you've probably never tried. 352 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,956 Show her the hip thing. Do the hip thing. 353 00:14:25,957 --> 00:14:27,424 - Do I have to? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. 354 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:29,326 Watch this. Watch this. Check this out. 355 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,495 Go on, do it. Do it bigger, bigger. 356 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,231 Yeah. Look at that. That is hot. 357 00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,433 That is Chinese dong. 358 00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:39,170 Not great from what I hear, but it's not nothing. 359 00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:41,438 And you may never get to sample this again. 360 00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:45,643 I mean, this is the time for you to have new experiences. Am I right? 361 00:14:45,644 --> 00:14:47,511 - What the hell is going on here? - Huh? 362 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,113 You nerds trying to hit on my girl? 363 00:14:49,114 --> 00:14:50,714 Nerds? 364 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:53,083 Who are you, Johnny Unitas? 365 00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:56,187 Who? I'm captain of the crew team, grandpa. 366 00:14:56,188 --> 00:14:57,555 What the hell is that kid doing? 367 00:14:58,156 --> 00:15:01,559 - Oh. Y-You can stop, G. G, you can stop. - Oh, okay. 368 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:06,363 So you're the tough guys on campus, huh? You're the top jocks, eh? 369 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,065 Well, listen to this. 370 00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:11,969 Tomorrow, G and I are gonna do a synchronized dive 371 00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:15,105 from the high dive in front of the whole school. 372 00:15:15,106 --> 00:15:16,640 Why? 373 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:19,176 Well, then we'll see who the nerds are. 374 00:15:19,177 --> 00:15:21,045 Be there or be square. 375 00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:23,981 - All right, man. - All right. 376 00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,417 Wait, wait, wait, why-why are we doing that? 377 00:15:26,418 --> 00:15:31,422 Dangerfield did it in Back to School. Trust me, it's gonna work. 378 00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:34,625 Come on. Let's get a brew. I want to get loaded. 379 00:15:57,315 --> 00:15:59,150 Uh, okay. Uh, the preconscious mind? 380 00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:01,119 Yes. True. 381 00:16:01,653 --> 00:16:03,320 Uh, I'm asking for the definition. 382 00:16:03,321 --> 00:16:05,857 I don't know what that word means. 383 00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:09,460 Nietzsche. Nietzsche! 384 00:16:09,461 --> 00:16:10,862 I don't know. 385 00:16:34,419 --> 00:16:37,555 Okay, that's you up there, G. And you're gonna go boing. 386 00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:40,958 Then you do a flip, and you boing straight in. 387 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,560 How's that? Too much? 388 00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:44,595 All right, I'll tell you what. There's another option. 389 00:16:44,596 --> 00:16:46,230 All right, this is easy. 390 00:16:46,231 --> 00:16:48,133 - Okay? All right. - Yeah. 391 00:17:12,858 --> 00:17:15,025 - All right, jump! - No, no, no. 392 00:17:15,026 --> 00:17:17,228 - Don't look down. Just look up. Look up. - Okay. 393 00:17:17,229 --> 00:17:19,431 Ready, and one, two, three. Jump! 394 00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,903 You did it! You did it, G! 395 00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:34,045 Is it hidden or no? 396 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:36,647 - Whoa. - True. False. 397 00:17:36,648 --> 00:17:38,316 I'm gonna toss the bookshelf, buddy. 398 00:18:05,944 --> 00:18:07,011 Dee. 399 00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:09,647 - Dee! - What? Yeah, what? 400 00:18:09,648 --> 00:18:10,915 Are you on crack? 401 00:18:11,349 --> 00:18:12,383 Yeah. 402 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:13,951 Bitch. 403 00:18:13,952 --> 00:18:15,086 Shh. 404 00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:26,597 I want to thank you all, and Mr. Kelly, 405 00:18:26,598 --> 00:18:29,934 for your time and effort in the pursuit of this diagnosis. 406 00:18:29,935 --> 00:18:34,238 It wasn't easy, but I think what we have uncovered 407 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:39,376 is the most extraordinary scientific discovery in the last 100 years. 408 00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:42,513 It is the opinion of this esteemed community 409 00:18:42,514 --> 00:18:48,219 that Mr. Charlie Kelly has a condition we would like to call... 410 00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:49,521 He left. 411 00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:52,624 - What? - He just walked out the door. 412 00:18:54,025 --> 00:18:55,092 Oh. 413 00:18:59,164 --> 00:19:02,099 Mr. Kelly! Mr. Kelly, wait. 414 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,634 - Hey. - Why did you leave? 415 00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:06,604 Oh. Well, uh, I saw you put your folder down. 416 00:19:06,605 --> 00:19:09,640 So when someone is no longer holding an object... 417 00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:12,376 That they've been holding while giving a lecture or a speech or something 418 00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:14,245 and they put it down, yeah, they're done talking. 419 00:19:14,246 --> 00:19:16,180 - Fascinating. - Yeah. 420 00:19:16,181 --> 00:19:17,982 Well, wouldn't you like to hear our diagnosis? 421 00:19:17,983 --> 00:19:20,018 Oh. Cool. Uh, of what? 422 00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:24,321 - Of you. - Of me? What about me? 423 00:19:24,322 --> 00:19:25,890 Don't you want to know what you are? 424 00:19:26,358 --> 00:19:27,392 Uh 425 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,293 I'm Charlie. 426 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,562 Uh, yes, sorry. I mean what you have. 427 00:19:31,563 --> 00:19:33,430 Uh 428 00:19:33,431 --> 00:19:37,034 No. Huh? Wh-What? No, what I have is to get to the pool. 429 00:19:37,035 --> 00:19:39,103 Yeah, my buddy's doing a big dive. 430 00:19:40,205 --> 00:19:41,573 Whole school is gonna be there. 431 00:19:44,176 --> 00:19:45,176 Huh. 432 00:19:45,610 --> 00:19:47,211 I thought there'd be more people here. 433 00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:52,917 Oh, I-I-I think this is too high. 434 00:19:52,918 --> 00:19:56,086 Ooh. I'm with you, kid. This is very high. 435 00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:57,455 Uh, do we have to do this? 436 00:19:57,456 --> 00:19:59,590 No, we don't. You do. 437 00:19:59,591 --> 00:20:02,426 It can't be all about tests and books, G. 438 00:20:02,427 --> 00:20:06,230 You got to take some wild risks in order to pass the test of life. 439 00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:08,365 - Okay. - Yeah, give me your glasses. 440 00:20:08,366 --> 00:20:10,100 - Okay. - Yeah, go on, go ahead. 441 00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:11,502 - Do your thing. Go on. - Okay. 442 00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:14,038 All right, ready? Go on, go on up there. 443 00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:16,974 Remember the training. You can do this, G, all right? 444 00:20:16,975 --> 00:20:18,509 - G? - Yes. 445 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,444 Take a leap of faith, kid. 446 00:20:20,445 --> 00:20:22,213 - Yeah. - Okay. 447 00:20:22,214 --> 00:20:24,149 - On my count. - Okay. 448 00:20:24,783 --> 00:20:27,218 - Ready? All right. - Uh 449 00:20:27,219 --> 00:20:29,019 - One - Okay. 450 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,087 Two 451 00:20:30,088 --> 00:20:31,422 - Okay. - Three. 452 00:20:31,423 --> 00:20:33,158 - I jump! - Jump! 453 00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:34,959 Flip! 454 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,294 Fly! 455 00:20:46,638 --> 00:20:48,907 Yeah! 456 00:20:49,341 --> 00:20:51,176 Oh 457 00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:54,512 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 458 00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:55,246 My bad, G! 459 00:20:58,350 --> 00:21:00,317 - Move! - Get out of th 460 00:21:00,318 --> 00:21:01,952 - Look out, please. - Scoot. 461 00:21:01,953 --> 00:21:03,554 Make way. We're trying to see something here. 462 00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:04,955 Dumbass kids. Move. 463 00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:06,223 I know I aced this thing. 464 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,225 Yeah, I guarantee you I aced it. 465 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,594 Yeah. Hey, um, you weren't putting shit in my ear, were you? 466 00:21:10,595 --> 00:21:12,463 Put something in your ear? 467 00:21:12,464 --> 00:21:14,165 What are you What are you talking about, man? 468 00:21:14,699 --> 00:21:16,467 Uh, I don't see us. 469 00:21:16,468 --> 00:21:17,568 - I don't see us either. - I don't think we're on this. 470 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,170 Wait, what do you mean? 471 00:21:19,171 --> 00:21:20,538 - Where are our grades? - Hang on a second. 472 00:21:20,972 --> 00:21:22,573 - Did she not grade us? - Are you kidding me? What the hell? 473 00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:24,242 Ugh. Goddamn it. You know what? 474 00:21:24,876 --> 00:21:27,444 Okay, I think I know what happened here. 475 00:21:27,445 --> 00:21:29,446 I'm a little ashamed to admit it, 476 00:21:29,447 --> 00:21:31,982 but you know, we never actually, like, enrolled in the school, 477 00:21:31,983 --> 00:21:33,617 so maybe that's why they didn't grade us? 478 00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:35,085 Did we have to? 479 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,954 Uh, probably. 480 00:21:36,955 --> 00:21:39,156 I skimmed the website, but there was, like, so many words. 481 00:21:39,157 --> 00:21:40,624 Yeah, who reads fine print? 482 00:21:40,625 --> 00:21:42,493 - There's a website? - There's a website, yeah, 483 00:21:42,494 --> 00:21:44,228 - for the university. - Goddamn it. 484 00:21:44,229 --> 00:21:45,629 That old bitch took advantage of me. 485 00:21:45,630 --> 00:21:47,698 What old bitch? What are you talking about? 486 00:21:47,699 --> 00:21:49,500 The Noth... Nobody. 487 00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:51,101 Yo, what's up? 488 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:53,337 Hey, Charlie! Hey, did you get your diagnosis? 489 00:21:53,338 --> 00:21:55,506 Uh, why? I'm not sick, you know what I mean? 490 00:21:55,507 --> 00:21:57,975 I don't need some teacher talking a bunch of words at me 491 00:21:57,976 --> 00:22:00,110 telling me what I am, 'cause I'm good, dude. 492 00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:02,213 Yeah, what is the point of all this, you know? 493 00:22:02,214 --> 00:22:04,048 - School. - Look, we are who we are. 494 00:22:04,049 --> 00:22:06,617 - No diagnosis is gonna change that. - I am what I am. 495 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,686 Look, if you want more information about yourself, 496 00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:11,055 hey, that's fine, good on you, 497 00:22:11,056 --> 00:22:14,458 but I don't need to take a test or get a diagnosis to find out how smart I am. 498 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,560 - I know I'm smart. Know what I mean? - I like that. 499 00:22:16,561 --> 00:22:19,163 - Yeah, I got what you were going for. - Yo. Let's get out of here. 500 00:22:19,164 --> 00:22:21,298 - Oh, dude, how's that kid doing? - Yeah? 501 00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:24,635 Oh, not good. He failed the most important test in life. 502 00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:26,437 - Which is what? - Don't do a bunch of shit 503 00:22:26,438 --> 00:22:28,439 some guy you just met tells you to do. 504 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,074 - Of course. - I mean, that's common sense. 505 00:22:30,075 --> 00:22:31,509 - Yeah. - Who does that? 506 00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:33,210 - Street smarts. - I diagnose you as dumb, kid. 507 00:22:33,211 --> 00:22:34,512 - Dumb. - Yeah. 508 00:22:34,513 --> 00:22:36,981 He did everything I told him to do. 509 00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,516 You know, you definitely don't need a rocket surgeon to tell you that. 510 00:22:38,517 --> 00:22:41,051 Right. Wait, did you say "rocket surgeon"? 511 00:22:41,052 --> 00:22:42,620 I don't know. You know what I meant. 512 00:22:42,621 --> 00:22:44,488 I'm still coming off the crack. Just give me a break. 513 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:47,091 Hey, Dennis, you didn't put anything into my ear, did you?