1
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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

2
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On my way down to coordinate
search and rescue.

3
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:16,458
On my way down to coordinate
search and rescue.

4
00:00:16,542 --> 00:00:19,500
I mean, honestly,
how do you keep your food down?

5
00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:20,667
Shut up.

6
00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:25,208
- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey, hey. Buddy!

7
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,792
What do you think?
Maximum occupancy has been reached.

8
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:29,625
Take the stairs.

9
00:00:29,708 --> 00:00:31,625
Yeah. Stop, stop.

10
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,667
Hand over the case, Stark.

11
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,583
Hand it over.

12
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,542
- Stark?
- Stark?

13
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,333
Breathe, breathe.

14
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:54,583
Good job. Meet me in the alley.
I'm gonna grab a quick slice.

15
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,958
No stairs!

16
00:01:10,708 --> 00:01:11,750
Where's Loki?

17
00:01:12,292 --> 00:01:14,708
Loki! Loki!

18
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:04,708
I am Loki of Asgard.

19
00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:08,667
And I am burdened with glorious purpose.

20
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:13,833
I...

21
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:22,083
Never mind.

22
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,083
Don't touch that.

23
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:32,500
Appears to be
a standard sequence violation.

24
00:03:33,292 --> 00:03:35,833
Branch is growing
at a stable rate and slope.

25
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,875
Variant identified.

26
00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:40,167
I beg your pardon.

27
00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:42,833
On behalf of the Time Variance Authority,

28
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:46,083
I hereby arrest you
for crimes against the Sacred Timeline.

29
00:03:46,833 --> 00:03:47,958
Hands up.

30
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:49,917
You're coming with us.

31
00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:52,208
I'm sorry. Who's "us"?

32
00:03:54,292 --> 00:03:55,750
Last chance, Variant.

33
00:03:59,875 --> 00:04:01,583
It's been a very long day,

34
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:05,583
and I think I've had my fill of idiots
in armored suits telling me what to do,

35
00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:09,250
so, if you don't mind,
this is actually your last chance.

36
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,708
Now get out of my way.

37
00:04:24,292 --> 00:04:27,167
You are now moving at 1/16th speed,

38
00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:30,458
but feeling all that pain in real time.

39
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,875
Reset the timeline.

40
00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:19,292
- What species?
- Variant Skrull.

41
00:05:19,917 --> 00:05:21,375
What is this place?

42
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:24,000
My dad is on the board of Goldman Sachs.

43
00:05:24,083 --> 00:05:26,292
One call and your whole job is privatized.

44
00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,458
- All right.
- How'd you like that?

45
00:05:28,542 --> 00:05:29,917
Hello, sir.

46
00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:41,250
- Come on.
- You're making a terrible mistake.

47
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:42,917
You're making a big mistake. Whoa!

48
00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:46,208
- Hello, ma'am, uh...
- Log this as evidence.

49
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:48,167
Oh...

50
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:50,458
Can you at least tell me what it is?

51
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:53,208
It's the Tesseract.
Be very careful with it.

52
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:54,958
It sounds dumb.

53
00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,208
Know this.

54
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,000
You cross me,
there are deadly consequences.

55
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:02,458
We'll see.

56
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,667
Hey, hey!

57
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:25,917
Absolutely not.

58
00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:28,583
This is fine Asgardian leather.

59
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,958
Hold very still.

60
00:06:39,417 --> 00:06:40,958
Now, hang on just a minute.

61
00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:53,583
Please sign to verify
this is everything you've ever said.

62
00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:54,667
What?

63
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Sign this, too.

64
00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:03,708
Oh, this is absurd.

65
00:07:08,458 --> 00:07:09,458
And this.

66
00:07:36,292 --> 00:07:39,458
Please confirm to your knowledge
that you are not a fully robotic being,

67
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,000
were born an organic creature,

68
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,875
and do in fact possess
what many cultures would call a soul.

69
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:46,375
What? "To my knowledge"?

70
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:49,417
Do a lot of people not know
if they're robots?

71
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,583
Thank you for confirming. Move through.

72
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,167
What if I was a robot
and I didn't know it?

73
00:08:02,542 --> 00:08:04,625
The machine would melt you
from the inside out.

74
00:08:04,708 --> 00:08:05,792
Please move along, sir.

75
00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,542
Okay, I'm not a robot, so I'll be fine.

76
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:19,250
What?

77
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,458
- Oh, what's that?
- Your temporal aura.

78
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:28,000
- What's that?
- Please, through the door.

79
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,250
Take a ticket.

80
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:36,458
What is this, a deli? No.

81
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:43,875
Take a ticket.

82
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,208
There's only two of us in here.

83
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,833
Take a ticket.

84
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,042
This is a mistake! I shouldn't be here!

85
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:16,458
Hey there! You're probably saying,

86
00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:19,250
"This is a mistake.
I shouldn't even be here."

87
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:25,708
Welcome to the Time Variance Authority.

88
00:09:25,792 --> 00:09:27,250
I'm Miss Minutes,

89
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:32,542
and it's my job to catch you up
before you stand trial for your crimes.

90
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:35,500
So let's not waste another minute.

91
00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:39,542
Settle in, sharpen your pencils,
and check this out.

92
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:46,042
Long ago, there was
a vast multiversal war.

93
00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:49,833
Countless unique timelines
battled each other for supremacy,

94
00:09:49,917 --> 00:09:52,208
nearly resulting
in the total destruction of...

95
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,917
well, everything.

96
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,208
But then, the all-knowing
Time-Keepers emerged,

97
00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:03,125
bringing peace by reorganizing
the multiverse into a single timeline,

98
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the Sacred Timeline.

99
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:11,083
Now, the Time-Keepers protect and preserve
the proper flow of time

100
00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:13,458
for everyone and everything.

101
00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:18,917
But sometimes, people like you veer off
the path the Time-Keepers created.

102
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,333
We call those Variants.

103
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:26,542
Maybe you started an uprising,
or were just late for work.

104
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:30,708
Whatever it was, stepping off your path
created a nexus event,

105
00:10:30,792 --> 00:10:34,208
which, left unchecked,
could branch off into madness,

106
00:10:34,292 --> 00:10:37,292
leading to another multiversal war.

107
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,292
But, don't worry,

108
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to make sure that doesn't happen,

109
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the Time-Keepers created
the TVA and all its incredible workers.

110
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:51,917
The TVA has stepped in to fix your mistake

111
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,917
and set time back
on its predetermined path.

112
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,917
Now that your actions have left you
without a place on the timeline,

113
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you must stand trial for your offenses.

114
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So sit tight, and we'll get you
in front of a judge in no time.

115
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Just make sure you have your ticket,

116
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and you'll be seen
by the next available attendant.

117
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- For all time.
- Always.

118
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,167
Time-Keepers? The Sacred Timeline?

119
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,708
Who actually believes this bunkum?

120
00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:29,292
- Ticket, sir?
- He didn't give me a ticket. I asked.

121
00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,875
- Ticket, sir!
- I tried to ask that guy for a ticket!

122
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,000
Sir...

123
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:36,417
What, you're raising
your voice at me, bucket head?

124
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Thanks for visiting the TVA.

125
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,500
Don't hesitate
to let us know how we're doing.

126
00:12:21,292 --> 00:12:24,125
The hunter and his Minutemen
responded to a routine nexus event.

127
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:27,375
It appears that when they arrived,
somebody got the jump on 'em.

128
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You think?

129
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It's him.

130
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,167
Yeah, stab wounds look
consistent with the others.

131
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Positioning of the bodies indicates
they didn't know what the hell hit 'em.

132
00:12:42,958 --> 00:12:46,833
And reset charge is gone.

133
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,833
That's the sixth attack in the last week.

134
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:52,625
That we know of.

135
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,833
- Hey!
- Wait, stand down! Stand down.

136
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,000
It's just a kid.

137
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Hey, yo!

138
00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:37,542
Tap it.

139
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,125
Don't worry,
that devil's afraid of us.

140
00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:59,000
We're gonna take care of him.

141
00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:02,417
And we're gonna put you
back where you belong.

142
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,833
Devil bearing gifts.

143
00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:26,083
Go ahead and run this for sequence period
and any hints of temporal aura.

144
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:28,708
You know we won't get anything.

145
00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:30,667
Yeah, just give it a shot.

146
00:14:33,292 --> 00:14:35,958
The branch
is nearing red line. We need to go.

147
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,375
Okay.

148
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,083
It's okay.

149
00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:52,958
Set a reset charge.

150
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,667
Sir, there's something you'll wanna see.

151
00:15:03,792 --> 00:15:05,667
Next case, please.

152
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:16,458
Laufeyson. Variant L1130,
AKA Loki Laufeyson,

153
00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:20,542
is charged with
sequence violation 7-20-89.

154
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:24,750
How do you plead?

155
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:29,000
Madam, a god doesn't plead.

156
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:33,458
This has been a very enjoyable pantomime,
but I'd like to go home now.

157
00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:36,750
Are you guilty or not guilty, sir?

158
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:40,458
Guilty of being
the God of Mischief? Yes.

159
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:43,625
Guilty of finding
all this incredibly tedious? Yes.

160
00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:48,083
Guilty of a crime
against the Sacred Timeline?

161
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,500
Absolutely not, you have the wrong person.

162
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,625
Oh, really? And who should we have?

163
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:54,833
I suspect, the Avengers.

164
00:15:54,917 --> 00:15:58,625
I came into possession of the Tesseract
because they traveled through time,

165
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no doubt in a last-ditch effort
to stave off my ascent to God King.

166
00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:05,333
That's quite an accusation.

167
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:08,625
Oh, believe me, you can smell
the cologne of two Tony Starks.

168
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:12,375
You speak of Time Criminals?
It's they you should be after.

169
00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:16,750
Perhaps you could provide me
with a taskforce and resources,

170
00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:19,417
and I could return
and eliminate them for you.

171
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,333
We're not here to talk about the Avengers.

172
00:16:21,417 --> 00:16:22,583
- Oh, no?
- No.

173
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:26,625
What they did was supposed to happen.
You escaping was not.

174
00:16:31,042 --> 00:16:32,667
Right. Uh...

175
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:36,042
"Not supposed to happen"?
According to whom?

176
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:38,333
The Time-Keepers?

177
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:40,333
Oh, the Time-Keepers. Right.

178
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:46,083
Well, perhaps I should speak
to these Time-Keepers, gods to gods.

179
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:49,125
I'm sorry, but they're quite busy.

180
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,083
Oh, they are? What are they doing?

181
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:53,042
Dictating the proper flow of time.

182
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:55,792
I see. Right. And then what do you do?

183
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,208
Dictate the proper flow of time
according to their dictations.

184
00:16:59,292 --> 00:17:00,417
How do you plead?

185
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,417
Guilty...

186
00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,333
of this.

187
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,625
- What's going on?
- Hang on. Everyone quiet.

188
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,750
- He's trying to use his powers, ma'am.
- Don't rush me.

189
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:26,500
Damn it! Why won't it work?

190
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:31,125
Magic powers?
They're no good in the TVA, Mr. Laufeyson.

191
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,875
The court finds you guilty,
and I sentence you to be reset.

192
00:17:34,958 --> 00:17:36,458
Next case, please!

193
00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:40,500
"Reset"? What does that mean?
What, is it bad? What does it mean?

194
00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:45,083
Hey! You ridiculous bureaucrats
will not dictate how my story ends!

195
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:48,542
It's not your story, Mr. Laufeyson.
It never was.

196
00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:51,542
You have no idea what I'm capable of!

197
00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:53,208
I... I think I might.

198
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,333
Have an idea of what he's capable of.

199
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:00,125
Approach the bench.

200
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,167
Hi.

201
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,458
If you're thinking what I think you are,
it's a bad idea.

202
00:18:10,542 --> 00:18:12,750
Okay, I'm just chasing a hunch.

203
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:17,333
Anything goes sideways, it's on you.

204
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:20,333
Okay. I feel like
I'm always looking up to you.

205
00:18:20,417 --> 00:18:22,708
I like it. It's appropriate.

206
00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:33,333
And who are you?

207
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:40,083
I'm gonna burn this place to the ground.

208
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:43,042
I'll show you where my desk is,
you can start there.

209
00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:50,292
Have a look.

210
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,292
Home sweet home.

211
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:02,708
I thought there was no magic here.

212
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:03,833
There isn't.

213
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,042
That's not real.

214
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,250
It is, and, unfortunately,
so is all the paperwork.

215
00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:33,292
Good tinder for your fire, though.
Come on.

216
00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:35,708
This place is a nightmare.

217
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,042
That's another department.

218
00:19:37,125 --> 00:19:39,292
Now that department
I'll help you burn down.

219
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,000
I'm Agent Mobius, by the way.

220
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:53,208
Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?

221
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:56,625
No. That's where you just were.
I'm taking you some place to talk.

222
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:58,542
I don't like to talk.

223
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:01,083
But you do like to lie,
which you just did.

224
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,625
Because we both know you love to talk.

225
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:06,167
Talkie-talkie.

226
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:09,333
How long have you been here?

227
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:13,667
I don't know. It's hard to say,
time passes differently here in the TVA.

228
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:16,750
- What does that mean?
- You'll catch up.

229
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:22,250
So, you're part of the TVA's
courageous and dedicated workforce?

230
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,375
Yes.

231
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,750
- You were created by the Time-Keepers.
- Yep.

232
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:28,833
- To protect the Sacred Timeline.
- Correct.

233
00:20:31,292 --> 00:20:32,333
Is that funny?

234
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:36,708
The idea that your little club
decides the fate of trillions of people

235
00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:40,208
across all of existence
at the behest of three space lizards,

236
00:20:40,292 --> 00:20:41,417
yes, it's funny.

237
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:42,958
It's absurd.

238
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,875
I thought you didn't like to talk.

239
00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:49,083
After you.

240
00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:05,792
For the record, this really does feel
like a killing-me kind of a room.

241
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:07,750
Not big on trust, are you?

242
00:21:08,417 --> 00:21:10,792
Trust is for children and dogs.

243
00:21:11,292 --> 00:21:13,083
There's only one person you can trust.

244
00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:15,125
Yourself? I like it.

245
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:16,792
Slap it on a T-shirt.

246
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:21,167
If the TVA truly oversees all of time,

247
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,583
how have I never heard of you until now?

248
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,250
'Cause you've never needed to.

249
00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,500
You've always lived within your set path.

250
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,958
I live within whatever path I choose.

251
00:21:30,042 --> 00:21:32,875
Sure you do.
Okay, come have a seat.

252
00:21:38,333 --> 00:21:40,833
I told you,
time moves differently in the TVA.

253
00:21:41,708 --> 00:21:42,708
Come on, sit down.

254
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:46,167
Let's get into this.

255
00:21:53,542 --> 00:21:54,583
Go on, have a seat.

256
00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:04,083
If looks could kill.

257
00:22:04,917 --> 00:22:06,458
What do you want from me?

258
00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:09,000
Well, let's start
with a little cooperation.

259
00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:10,667
Not my forte.

260
00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:12,000
Really?

261
00:22:12,083 --> 00:22:15,167
Even when you're wooing
someone powerful you intend to betray?

262
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,250
Come on.

263
00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,375
You don't know anything about me.

264
00:22:18,458 --> 00:22:20,167
Maybe I'd like to learn.

265
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:23,750
I specialize in the pursuit
of dangerous Variants.

266
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:25,458
Like myself?

267
00:22:25,750 --> 00:22:26,792
Mmm...

268
00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,000
No, particularly dangerous Variants.

269
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,667
You're just a little pussycat.

270
00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:34,250
I got a set of questions for you.

271
00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:35,708
You answer them honestly,

272
00:22:35,792 --> 00:22:38,667
and then maybe
I can give you something you want.

273
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:40,667
You wanna get out of here, right?

274
00:22:41,458 --> 00:22:42,792
Yeah, so we'll start there.

275
00:22:42,875 --> 00:22:44,958
Should you return, what are you gonna do?

276
00:22:47,708 --> 00:22:49,958
- Finish what I started.
- Which is?

277
00:22:50,542 --> 00:22:51,792
Claim my throne.

278
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,458
You wanna be king?

279
00:22:53,542 --> 00:22:55,542
I don't want to be, I was born to be.

280
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:58,208
I know, but king of what exactly?

281
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:02,042
You wouldn't understand.

282
00:23:02,125 --> 00:23:03,125
Try me.

283
00:23:06,042 --> 00:23:07,417
Midgard.

284
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:09,250
AKA Earth.

285
00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:13,167
All right. Now you're the king of Midgard,
then what?

286
00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:14,417
Happily ever after?

287
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,667
Asgard, the Nine Realms.

288
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,208
- Space?
- Space?

289
00:23:21,292 --> 00:23:25,083
Space is big.
That'd be a nice feather in your cap.

290
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:26,625
"Loki, the King of Space."

291
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,875
Mock me if you dare.

292
00:23:29,958 --> 00:23:31,708
No, I'm not.

293
00:23:32,042 --> 00:23:35,125
Honestly, I'm actually a fan. Yeah.

294
00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:41,167
And I guess I'm wondering why does someone
with so much range just wanna rule?

295
00:23:45,208 --> 00:23:47,417
I would've made it easy for them.

296
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,917
People like easy.

297
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,125
The first
and most oppressive lie ever uttered

298
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,583
was the song of freedom.

299
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,292
How's that one go?

300
00:23:57,375 --> 00:23:59,917
For nearly every living thing,

301
00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:05,500
choice breeds shame
and uncertainty and regret.

302
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:09,250
There's a fork in every road,

303
00:24:09,333 --> 00:24:12,000
yet the wrong path always taken.

304
00:24:12,458 --> 00:24:14,125
Good. Yeah.

305
00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:15,833
You said "nearly every living thing,"

306
00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:18,750
so I'm guessing
you don't fall into that category?

307
00:24:22,750 --> 00:24:24,958
The Time-Keepers
have built quite the circus,

308
00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:29,083
and I see the clowns are playing
their parts to perfection.

309
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,042
Big metaphor guy. I love it.

310
00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:34,917
Makes you sound super smart.

311
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,125
I am smart.

312
00:24:36,792 --> 00:24:37,875
I know.

313
00:24:37,958 --> 00:24:39,083
Okay.

314
00:24:41,292 --> 00:24:42,292
Okay.

315
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,500
What is this?

316
00:25:04,042 --> 00:25:06,833
A sampling of your greatest hits,
if I may.

317
00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:16,292
If it's all the same to you...

318
00:25:19,292 --> 00:25:20,750
I'll have that drink now.

319
00:25:23,042 --> 00:25:24,042
No.

320
00:25:24,625 --> 00:25:27,125
And I remember. I was there.
Anything else?

321
00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:32,375
It's funny, for someone born to rule,
you sure do lose a lot.

322
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:35,208
You might even say it's in your nature.

323
00:25:35,292 --> 00:25:39,125
You know, things didn't turn out so well
for the last person who said that to me.

324
00:25:39,208 --> 00:25:40,667
Oh, yeah, Phil Coulson.

325
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,250
No!

326
00:25:45,083 --> 00:25:49,167
Didn't the Avengers come together
to literally avenge him by defeating you?

327
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:51,125
Little solace to a dead man.

328
00:25:51,208 --> 00:25:52,750
Do you enjoy hurting people?

329
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,500
Making them feel small?

330
00:25:57,125 --> 00:25:58,333
Making them feel afraid?

331
00:25:58,417 --> 00:26:01,000
- Your games don't frighten me.
- Making them feel little?

332
00:26:01,083 --> 00:26:02,250
I know what I am.

333
00:26:02,333 --> 00:26:04,083
- A murderer?
- A liberator.

334
00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:06,250
Of eyeballs, maybe.

335
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:12,167
Look at that smile.
You are enjoying that.

336
00:26:12,250 --> 00:26:13,750
Did you enjoy hurting them?

337
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,042
I don't have to play this game. I'm a god.

338
00:26:16,125 --> 00:26:18,333
Of what, again? Mischief, right?

339
00:26:18,417 --> 00:26:21,833
Yeah. I don't see anything
very mischievous about this.

340
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,708
No, I don't suppose you do.

341
00:26:28,708 --> 00:26:30,458
Let's talk about your escapes.

342
00:26:30,542 --> 00:26:34,833
You're really good at doing awful things,
and then just getting away.

343
00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:37,542
What can I say? I'm a mischievous scamp.

344
00:26:38,625 --> 00:26:40,042
This is one of my favorites.

345
00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:44,750
From the flight deck,
Captain William A. Scott,

346
00:26:44,833 --> 00:26:48,208
Northwest Orient Airlines 305,
on schedule to land in Seattle.

347
00:26:48,292 --> 00:26:50,042
Flight time today, approximately...

348
00:26:50,125 --> 00:26:51,292
Bourbon and soda?

349
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:53,375
Thank you.

350
00:26:53,875 --> 00:26:55,083
Absolutely.

351
00:26:55,167 --> 00:26:57,042
Is there anything else
I can do for you, sir?

352
00:26:57,958 --> 00:26:59,792
I suppose we'll find out, won't we?

353
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,542
- Uh, Miss?
- Yes, Mr. Cooper?

354
00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:10,875
You might want to take a look
at that note.

355
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:14,542
I have a bomb.

356
00:27:30,625 --> 00:27:33,250
I fail to see how this has
any relevance or bearing on...

357
00:27:33,333 --> 00:27:34,917
No. This is the good part.

358
00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:48,125
See you again someday.

359
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:54,208
Brother,
Heimdall, you better be ready.

360
00:28:11,125 --> 00:28:14,708
I can't believe you were D.B. Cooper.
Come on!

361
00:28:14,792 --> 00:28:17,333
I was young, and I lost a bet to Thor.

362
00:28:17,417 --> 00:28:20,667
Where was the TVA when I was meddling
with these affairs of men?

363
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:23,917
We were right there with you,
just surfing that Sacred Timeline.

364
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,083
So that had the Time-Keepers'
seal of approval, did it?

365
00:28:27,167 --> 00:28:30,375
Well, I wouldn't think of it
in terms of approval and disapproval.

366
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,583
That's sort of a...

367
00:28:32,625 --> 00:28:33,792
Let's get back to escapes...

368
00:28:33,875 --> 00:28:35,917
and a little psychobabble.

369
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,792
What is it that you think
that you're really running from?

370
00:28:38,875 --> 00:28:39,917
Enough.

371
00:28:42,792 --> 00:28:44,042
Back in your cage.

372
00:28:44,958 --> 00:28:47,208
See, I can play the heavy keys, too.

373
00:28:47,292 --> 00:28:49,333
I was just standing up to make a point.

374
00:28:49,417 --> 00:28:50,917
I'm sorry, go ahead.

375
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,292
It won't be as meaningful now.

376
00:28:52,375 --> 00:28:53,542
Okay, well, stay seated.

377
00:28:53,625 --> 00:28:54,875
I'll do what I want to do!

378
00:28:54,958 --> 00:28:55,958
Sure.

379
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:02,958
What exactly is it that you want?

380
00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:06,250
I want you to be honest
about why you do what you do.

381
00:29:06,750 --> 00:29:07,792
Liar.

382
00:29:07,875 --> 00:29:08,875
I'm serious.

383
00:29:08,958 --> 00:29:14,667
All I seek is a deeper understanding
of the fearsome God of Mischief.

384
00:29:14,750 --> 00:29:17,625
What makes Loki tick?

385
00:29:18,083 --> 00:29:20,625
- I know what this place is.
- What is it?

386
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:22,042
It's an illusion.

387
00:29:24,417 --> 00:29:30,583
It's a cruel, elaborate trick
conjured by the weak to inspire fear.

388
00:29:30,667 --> 00:29:33,875
A desperate attempt at control.

389
00:29:33,958 --> 00:29:36,208
Now, you all parade about

390
00:29:36,292 --> 00:29:39,708
as if you're the divine arbiters
of power in the universe.

391
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:42,125
- We are.
- You're not.

392
00:29:43,042 --> 00:29:44,583
My choices are my own.

393
00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:46,958
Your choice is your own.
Good, let's go with that.

394
00:29:47,042 --> 00:29:48,708
I think this one's gonna fire you up.

395
00:29:48,792 --> 00:29:52,750
The bright lure of freedom
diminishes your life's joy

396
00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:55,208
in a mad scramble for power...

397
00:29:55,333 --> 00:29:56,333
Precisely.

398
00:29:57,458 --> 00:29:58,458
I was...

399
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:02,375
I am on the verge of acquiring
everything I am owed,

400
00:30:02,458 --> 00:30:04,667
and when I do, it'll be because I did it.

401
00:30:04,750 --> 00:30:06,500
Not because it was supposed to happen.

402
00:30:06,583 --> 00:30:10,708
Or because you
or the Time Variance Authority,

403
00:30:10,792 --> 00:30:13,875
or whatever it is you call yourselves,
allowed me to.

404
00:30:14,583 --> 00:30:16,042
Honestly, you're pathetic.

405
00:30:16,958 --> 00:30:18,083
You're an irrelevance.

406
00:30:19,042 --> 00:30:20,042
A detour.

407
00:30:20,667 --> 00:30:22,208
A footnote to my ascent.

408
00:30:24,458 --> 00:30:25,542
You finished?

409
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:28,083
You're gonna start
taking things seriously.

410
00:30:28,208 --> 00:30:30,250
If you hadn't picked up the Tesseract,

411
00:30:30,333 --> 00:30:32,917
you would have been
taken to a cell on Asgard.

412
00:30:42,333 --> 00:30:43,333
Loki.

413
00:30:43,917 --> 00:30:45,417
Hello, Mother.

414
00:30:46,042 --> 00:30:47,417
Have I made you proud?

415
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:50,167
Please don't make this worse.

416
00:30:50,250 --> 00:30:51,250
What is this?

417
00:30:51,333 --> 00:30:53,917
This is nonsense, more tricks.
This never even happened.

418
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,042
Not to you.

419
00:30:55,125 --> 00:30:56,292
Not yet.

420
00:30:57,083 --> 00:30:59,417
Look, the TVA doesn't just know
your whole past,

421
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:01,917
we know your whole life,
how it's all meant to be.

422
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,542
Think of it as comforting.

423
00:31:04,208 --> 00:31:05,292
This is absurd.

424
00:31:05,375 --> 00:31:07,167
And am I not your mother?

425
00:31:11,417 --> 00:31:12,500
You're not.

426
00:31:14,292 --> 00:31:15,292
Hmm.

427
00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:21,583
Always so perceptive
about everyone but yourself.

428
00:31:22,083 --> 00:31:24,292
And then the Dark Elves
attack the palace,

429
00:31:24,375 --> 00:31:26,667
and you think you send them to Thor.

430
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,167
You might wanna
take the stairs to the left.

431
00:31:29,750 --> 00:31:31,833
But instead, you send them...

432
00:31:32,417 --> 00:31:33,667
I'll never tell.

433
00:31:49,417 --> 00:31:51,250
Where do you have her? Where is she?

434
00:31:51,833 --> 00:31:53,292
You lead them right to her.

435
00:31:53,375 --> 00:31:56,125
I don't believe you.
You're lying. It's not true.

436
00:31:56,208 --> 00:31:57,625
It is true.

437
00:31:58,125 --> 00:31:59,833
That's the proper flow of time,

438
00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:04,292
and it happens again and again and again
because it's supposed to,

439
00:32:04,375 --> 00:32:05,500
because it has to.

440
00:32:05,583 --> 00:32:08,208
- The TVA makes sure of it.
- Where is she?

441
00:32:08,292 --> 00:32:11,833
Now why don't you tell me,
do you enjoy hurting people?

442
00:32:11,917 --> 00:32:13,958
- I don't believe you.
- Do you enjoy killing?

443
00:32:14,042 --> 00:32:15,875
- I'll kill you.
- Like you did your mother?

444
00:32:23,167 --> 00:32:26,042
Sorry, the Time Twister just loops you,
not the furniture.

445
00:32:26,458 --> 00:32:28,417
You weren't born to be king, Loki.

446
00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:31,833
You were born to cause
pain and suffering and death.

447
00:32:31,917 --> 00:32:35,583
That's how it is, that's how it was,
that's how it will be.

448
00:32:35,667 --> 00:32:40,167
All so that others can achieve
their best versions of themselves.

449
00:32:57,875 --> 00:32:59,083
What is this place?

450
00:33:02,417 --> 00:33:03,458
Come on.

451
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,583
What are you doing?

452
00:33:13,667 --> 00:33:16,250
My job. Is it yours to interrupt?

453
00:33:16,333 --> 00:33:18,125
We have a situation.

454
00:33:18,208 --> 00:33:20,833
There's always a situation.

455
00:33:23,458 --> 00:33:24,625
Don't go anywhere.

456
00:33:25,875 --> 00:33:28,167
It was just getting good. Spirited.

457
00:33:35,250 --> 00:33:37,833
- Talking to that Variant is a mistake.
- That's your position.

458
00:33:37,917 --> 00:33:39,167
He should be reset!

459
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:42,083
You think everyone should be reset.
I'm getting good stuff!

460
00:33:42,167 --> 00:33:43,167
We lost another unit.

461
00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:50,708
Okay, Loki, I think we can
finish up tomorrow and just pick it...

462
00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:05,167
Mischievous scamp.

463
00:34:21,708 --> 00:34:23,333
Wish I could say I was surprised.

464
00:34:23,417 --> 00:34:26,125
- Yeah, I wish you hadn't interrupted us.
- Me? It's my fault?

465
00:34:26,208 --> 00:34:27,875
Look, he can't have gotten very far.

466
00:34:27,958 --> 00:34:30,375
Split up. Prune on sight.

467
00:34:30,458 --> 00:34:33,333
No, no pruning, no resetting.
He can still help us!

468
00:34:42,333 --> 00:34:43,500
Hey.

469
00:34:43,583 --> 00:34:45,292
Hey. I know you.

470
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,875
You're that criminal with the blue box.

471
00:34:48,542 --> 00:34:50,375
- Ow.
- What's your name?

472
00:34:50,958 --> 00:34:52,250
Casey.

473
00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:55,583
Give me the Tesseract,
or I'll gut you like a fish, Casey.

474
00:34:55,667 --> 00:34:57,125
What's a fish?

475
00:34:57,208 --> 00:34:58,208
What's a fish?

476
00:34:58,292 --> 00:34:59,833
How do you not know what a fish is?

477
00:34:59,917 --> 00:35:01,667
I've lived my entire life behind a desk.

478
00:35:01,750 --> 00:35:03,333
Well, what difference does it make?

479
00:35:03,417 --> 00:35:06,208
I wanna know exactly what I'm being
threatened with before I comply.

480
00:35:06,292 --> 00:35:09,125
Death, Casey. Violent, painful death.

481
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:12,208
Okay, okay. I comply, I comply.

482
00:35:13,833 --> 00:35:15,375
I comply. Jeez!

483
00:35:17,125 --> 00:35:20,333
Um... Oh.

484
00:35:20,417 --> 00:35:22,083
This it?

485
00:35:26,917 --> 00:35:27,917
What?

486
00:35:29,167 --> 00:35:30,542
Infinity Stones?

487
00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:34,083
How...

488
00:35:35,667 --> 00:35:36,833
How do you have these?

489
00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:39,083
Oh, We actually get a lot of those.

490
00:35:39,375 --> 00:35:41,750
Yeah. Some of the guys
use them as paperweights.

491
00:35:42,625 --> 00:35:43,708
Some of 'em.

492
00:36:24,833 --> 00:36:27,333
Is this the greatest power
in the universe?

493
00:36:39,125 --> 00:36:41,458
Oh, you almost hit me!

494
00:36:41,542 --> 00:36:42,833
That's so messed up.

495
00:36:43,667 --> 00:36:45,667
Split up.
Check the lower concourse.

496
00:36:46,792 --> 00:36:48,083
I do not forgive you.

497
00:37:44,833 --> 00:37:46,458
I love you, my sons.

498
00:37:49,208 --> 00:37:50,625
Remember this place.

499
00:37:52,375 --> 00:37:53,500
Home.

500
00:38:10,833 --> 00:38:12,542
Loki, I thought the world of you.

501
00:38:14,958 --> 00:38:17,625
I thought we were gonna fight
side by side forever.

502
00:38:22,708 --> 00:38:25,542
Maybe you're not so bad after all,
brother.

503
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,000
Maybe not.

504
00:38:27,875 --> 00:38:28,917
Thank you.

505
00:38:29,708 --> 00:38:31,750
If you were here,
I might even give you a hug.

506
00:38:32,917 --> 00:38:34,208
I'm here.

507
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,375
Undying?

508
00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:53,833
You should choose
your words more carefully.

509
00:39:07,333 --> 00:39:08,542
You...

510
00:39:09,667 --> 00:39:10,917
will never be...

511
00:39:13,958 --> 00:39:15,000
a god.

512
00:40:06,417 --> 00:40:07,875
What's so funny?

513
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:13,042
Glorious purpose.

514
00:40:59,542 --> 00:41:00,542
Stop...

515
00:41:02,125 --> 00:41:03,125
It.

516
00:41:04,167 --> 00:41:05,208
Stop it!

517
00:41:06,875 --> 00:41:08,500
St... Stop it...

518
00:41:08,583 --> 00:41:09,917
It... Stop it...

519
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,042
Stop... I... St... Sto... St...

520
00:41:21,875 --> 00:41:25,417
And this guy kept saying
he was gonna turn me into a fish,

521
00:41:25,500 --> 00:41:26,542
whatever that is,

522
00:41:26,625 --> 00:41:28,833
and then they show up
and just prune my cart,

523
00:41:28,917 --> 00:41:30,583
so there was nothing I could have done.

524
00:41:32,750 --> 00:41:34,208
Hey, there you are.

525
00:41:34,292 --> 00:41:37,583
You know, that Variant you had got away.

526
00:41:55,958 --> 00:41:56,958
Loki?

527
00:41:59,708 --> 00:42:01,083
Nowhere left to run.

528
00:42:04,708 --> 00:42:06,250
I can't go back, can I?

529
00:42:08,875 --> 00:42:10,167
Back to my timeline.

530
00:42:18,333 --> 00:42:21,292
I don't enjoy hurting people.

531
00:42:25,458 --> 00:42:26,458
I...

532
00:42:27,042 --> 00:42:28,292
I don't enjoy it.

533
00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:34,250
I do it because I have to,

534
00:42:34,333 --> 00:42:35,500
because I've had to.

535
00:42:36,083 --> 00:42:37,583
Okay, explain that to me.

536
00:42:38,083 --> 00:42:40,458
Because it's part of the illusion.

537
00:42:43,042 --> 00:42:48,417
It's the cruel, elaborate trick
conjured by the weak to inspire fear.

538
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,750
A desperate play for control.

539
00:42:51,792 --> 00:42:53,375
You do know yourself.

540
00:42:55,625 --> 00:42:57,333
A villain.

541
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,417
That's not how I see it.

542
00:43:06,583 --> 00:43:08,083
You try to use that?

543
00:43:08,167 --> 00:43:09,458
Oh, several times.

544
00:43:11,125 --> 00:43:14,375
Even an Infinity Stone is useless here.

545
00:43:17,542 --> 00:43:19,583
The TVA is formidable.

546
00:43:20,458 --> 00:43:22,083
That's been my experience.

547
00:43:22,833 --> 00:43:25,458
Listen, I can't offer you salvation,

548
00:43:26,208 --> 00:43:28,333
but maybe I can offer you
something better.

549
00:43:31,042 --> 00:43:33,958
A fugitive Variant's been killing
our Minutemen.

550
00:43:35,083 --> 00:43:38,708
And you need the God of Mischief
to help you stop him?

551
00:43:38,792 --> 00:43:40,167
That's right.

552
00:43:40,750 --> 00:43:41,917
Why me?

553
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,917
The Variant we're hunting is...

554
00:43:44,917 --> 00:43:45,917
you.

555
00:43:48,250 --> 00:43:49,333
I beg your pardon?

556
00:44:18,958 --> 00:44:21,292
Time signature
is early third millennium.

557
00:44:21,375 --> 00:44:22,500
Definitely anachronistic.

558
00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:30,250
Oil.

559
00:44:30,917 --> 00:44:33,042
I think some jackass found himself
a time machine,

560
00:44:33,125 --> 00:44:34,542
came back here to get rich.

561
00:44:34,625 --> 00:44:36,667
Should we fan out and look for him, sir?

562
00:44:37,125 --> 00:44:40,125
Nah. It's not worth the paperwork.

563
00:44:40,208 --> 00:44:42,875
Just prune it. Let's bail. Set a charge.

564
00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:46,042
Wait. Someone's out there.

565
00:44:49,500 --> 00:44:50,583
Check it out.

566
00:45:01,708 --> 00:45:02,792
Get down!

567
00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:15,042
Thanks for visiting the TVA.

568
00:50:15,125 --> 00:50:17,958
Don't hesitate
to let us know how we're doing.

569
00:50:18,305 --> 00:50:28,305
Who are the real-world Illuminati?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com