1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:07,600
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
00:00:17,458 --> 00:00:18,825
Isn't this nice?

3
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,291
No better time of year.

4
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:27,500
You know, let me tell you one
of my favorite Yuletide stories.

5
00:00:28,583 --> 00:00:30,828
'Twas the night before Christmas,

6
00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:32,953
and all through the town,

7
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:37,661
the Avengers were fighting
a brand-new superpower.

8
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:40,011
The stockings were
hung by the chimney...

9
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,828
Well, not anymore.

10
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:43,875
Where's Thor?

11
00:00:51,425 --> 00:00:52,580
Oh, right.

12
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:55,328
You're probably wondering
who this guy is.

13
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,875
Perhaps I should start
a bit further back.

14
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,291
Time.

15
00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:08,708
Space.

16
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,458
Reality.

17
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,125
It's more than a linear path.

18
00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:25,500
It's a prism of endless possibility,

19
00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:31,541
where a single choice can
branch out into infinite realities,

20
00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:37,125
creating alternate worlds
from the ones you know.

21
00:01:41,041 --> 00:01:42,375
I am the Watcher.

22
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,625
I am your guide through
these vast new realities.

23
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,916
Follow me and ponder the question...

24
00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:57,666
"What if?"

25
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,625
Okay, let's try this again.

26
00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:12,078
'Twas only two hours prior and
the tower was not yet on fire.

27
00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:14,393
To the left, to the left. To the...

28
00:02:14,398 --> 00:02:17,161
No, too much left. Stop. Stop!

29
00:02:18,666 --> 00:02:21,036
Sparrow-1 to Puffin-2, do you copy?

30
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,328
We have a code red down here.

31
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:25,453
Darcy, I told you, while
JARVIS is being defragged,

32
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,245
this line is for emergency use only.

33
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,153
Please. Sparrow-1 on the comms, boss.

34
00:02:29,158 --> 00:02:31,911
And it's a total code red.
The caterers are here,

35
00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:35,120
and all I'm seeing are cheese
cubes and carrot sticks.

36
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:37,453
Where's the showmanship?
Where are the Kogi buns?

37
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,245
Darcy, you wanna get college
credit for this? Listen to me.

38
00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,411
This Avengers holiday gala
is not my first rodeo.

39
00:02:42,416 --> 00:02:44,703
Fine, fine. Ten to the four, Puffin-2.

40
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:47,328
Wait. Why am I a puffin?
And a second puffin at that.

41
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,333
- Who's the first puffin?
- Bernard in Accounting.

42
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,536
Okay, that just hurts.

43
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:54,081
I can offer you Turkey-1, Flamingo-6.

44
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,661
Ooh, how about the Parakeet?

45
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:59,453
Wait. I have a better idea. A very
special assignment just for you.

46
00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:01,811
Maraschino cherries. We're running low,

47
00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:03,496
and Tony can't have
a hot toddy without them.

48
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,161
Oh, I didn't know people
put cherries in hot toddies.

49
00:03:06,166 --> 00:03:07,786
Hey, you're trying to get rid of me.

50
00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:10,620
Just looking for a little peace
on Earth, okay? Ow!

51
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,728
$50 million, you can't watch
where you're going?

52
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:14,911
Everything under control?

53
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:18,870
Director Hill. You're looking
quite, uh, festive.

54
00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,378
Now that JARVIS has been
shut down for maintenance...

55
00:03:21,383 --> 00:03:22,499
Oh, I wanna talk to you about that.

56
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,786
I'd like to share a few messages

57
00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:26,270
about upgrading our threat matrix...

58
00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:28,786
Maybe you should leave that
to the security professionals.

59
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,454
But I am a security professional.

60
00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:32,746
I need you to focus on tonight's party.

61
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:35,036
Eagle-1, Eagle-1.
You're needed in command.

62
00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:37,036
- On my way.
- Eagle-1?

63
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,411
This holiday party is vital, Mr. Hogan.

64
00:03:39,416 --> 00:03:42,828
After the year we've had, people
need a reason to celebrate.

65
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:45,036
I'm counting on you to pull it off.

66
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:46,083
Yes, ma'am.

67
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:48,453
Hmm...

68
00:03:48,458 --> 00:03:50,870
Christmas playlist.

69
00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,790
Hanukkah playlist...

70
00:03:52,795 --> 00:03:55,585
That one Mariah Carey
song on loop. Bingo!

71
00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,916
And to all a good...

72
00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:02,558
Sergei, you stepped on my line, buddy.

73
00:04:04,708 --> 00:04:06,553
Or maybe this is the story of

74
00:04:06,558 --> 00:04:09,998
how Justin Hammer stole Christmas.

75
00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:13,036
After the corrupt defense contractor

76
00:04:13,041 --> 00:04:15,225
nearly blew up the Stark Expo,

77
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:18,495
he found himself on the naughty list.

78
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,833
With time to think, time to reflect,

79
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:23,583
time to...

80
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,495
ponder his future.

81
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,415
Perhaps, in this universe,

82
00:04:28,419 --> 00:04:32,745
Justin Hammer had
a little too much time.

83
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,453
We're gonna die!

84
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:41,245
Yo, Rusty, hand me that, would you?

85
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:42,829
How'd they even get in here?

86
00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:45,328
The name is Rustam Leonid Vyacheslav.

87
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,620
And that's exactly why
we're sticking with Rusty.

88
00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:51,036
People, people, listen up.

89
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,911
You stay calm, you stay quiet

90
00:04:52,916 --> 00:04:56,453
and I guarantee that you'll
be home for the holidays.

91
00:04:56,458 --> 00:05:00,453
Hey, there's no crying on Christmas.

92
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:02,745
You know, when I was seven years old,

93
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,828
I wanted a Red Ryder BB gun
more than anything in the world.

94
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:08,245
I begged my parents.
I begged Santa for it.

95
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:11,403
Accidentally got my tongue
stuck on a telephone pole.

96
00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:13,620
Isn't that a classic movie?

97
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,245
Yes, the one with the leg lamp.

98
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,600
Hey, shut up. But I didn't
get the BB gun

99
00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,161
that Christmas. Do you know why?

100
00:05:20,275 --> 00:05:22,065
'Cause this is America,

101
00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:25,328
and if you want something,
you gotta take it.

102
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,700
Oh, you unplug JARVIS for five minutes,

103
00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:34,036
the whole building collapses.

104
00:05:39,541 --> 00:05:40,541
Huh?

105
00:05:44,541 --> 00:05:45,661
Uh, boss?

106
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:50,070
Relax. Reprogramming command
protocols, setting new targets.

107
00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:52,286
"All on site staff" sounds good to me.

108
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:54,161
What?

109
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,541
Knock 'em dead, Johnny Fives.

110
00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:11,416
"Eagle-1".

111
00:06:12,495 --> 00:06:13,495
Whoa.

112
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,495
- Okay, boys.
- Hammer?

113
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:19,370
Behind these doors is
a gamma-radiated antigen serum.

114
00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:20,453
Hulk blood.

115
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:23,036
- The amniotic fluid, so to speak...
- Gross.

116
00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:26,745
that will birth the next
superhero. Me.

117
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:28,870
I'm already smarter than 10 Tony Starks

118
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,328
and pretty soon I'll be stronger
than 12 Captain Americas.

119
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,661
So, let's get cracking.

120
00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:35,995
No problems.

121
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,620
Dude, come on. What is this?

122
00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:39,203
You said you were a safecracker.

123
00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,041
Yes, and now I crack safe.

124
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:45,870
I knew I should have
gone with the Sokovian team.

125
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:47,370
Hill. Hill, come in.

126
00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:48,995
We got three hostiles in Tony's lab.

127
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,661
You'd think they'd raid
the armory first.

128
00:06:50,666 --> 00:06:52,504
Tony's been messing around
with Banner's blood,

129
00:06:52,508 --> 00:06:55,261
seeing if he can be the Hulk
without the anger management issues.

130
00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:57,245
- Was he successful?
- It's a process.

131
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,328
I'm gonna head up.

132
00:06:58,333 --> 00:07:01,578
Oh, oh, that's not good. Okay, okay.

133
00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:03,978
Call me when you get the good stuff.

134
00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:06,986
Time for me to go and
sit on Tony's throne.

135
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:10,078
- I'm not gonna flush, if you get my drift.
- Oh.

136
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:12,495
Yeah, it's Hammer. He's
heading for Tony's bathroom.

137
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,578
Oh.

138
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:14,951
Hogan, can you secure the samples?

139
00:07:14,955 --> 00:07:16,371
Yes. I think I have a way in.

140
00:07:16,375 --> 00:07:18,208
Good. 'Cause I've got Hammer.

141
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,603
Right in the jingle bells.

142
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,291
Ah! Ah! Whoa!

143
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,861
Jesus.

144
00:07:26,866 --> 00:07:29,370
"Throw a holiday party.
It'll be fun", Tony said.

145
00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:30,703
"What could go wrong?"

146
00:07:30,708 --> 00:07:33,828
I told them the air vent would be
a security issue, but no.

147
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:35,600
Nobody listens to Happy.

148
00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:42,750
Mmm.

149
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,370
Look at this bar! Oh, my goodness!

150
00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:48,416
I love it!

151
00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:52,703
Hands where I can see them, Hammer.

152
00:07:52,708 --> 00:07:54,328
Now surrender peacefully.

153
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:58,703
Oh, the day you've been
dreading has finally come.

154
00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:00,703
The day that you face off

155
00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:03,286
against Tony Stark's greatest adversary.

156
00:08:03,291 --> 00:08:06,453
"Greatest adversary"?
What are you, a wealth tax?

157
00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:09,203
Nothing?

158
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:10,703
Your technique is off.

159
00:08:10,708 --> 00:08:12,661
More strength in back.

160
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,041
Less arms, more hips.

161
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,875
Da, da, da. I get it now.

162
00:08:22,158 --> 00:08:23,741
Okay, let's take a look.

163
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:27,541
Where is it? Hulk blood, Hulk blood.

164
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,328
Hulk blood. Hulk blood.

165
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,078
Okay, just where is...

166
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,833
Think... A little vial.

167
00:08:34,541 --> 00:08:36,741
Happy, find the Hulk blood,
find the Hulk... No!

168
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,078
Hey, hey, hey. Did you hear that?

169
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:49,353
Oh, got it.

170
00:08:49,358 --> 00:08:51,371
- Stop.
- Your little jokes won't do

171
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,411
much good against the
master of tae kwon do,

172
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:55,556
- jiujitsu and Muay Thai.
- Switch the channel.

173
00:08:57,416 --> 00:08:58,495
That's right.

174
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:01,286
- I learned prison-fighting techniques.
- Oh, God.

175
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,120
All on the prison yard.

176
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,370
Hmm, maybe a rat.

177
00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:08,078
You know what the most important
thing I learned in lockup is?

178
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,161
Enlighten me.

179
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,453
Cheating is for winners.

180
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,620
No, Maria!

181
00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,661
Oh, whoa.

182
00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:23,966
Be a shadow. Be a shadow.
Be a loose shadow.

183
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,495
You guys can see me, right?

184
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,870
Da, we see you.

185
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:33,245
Boss, we have security guard.

186
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:36,533
Clever. You thought you
could distract the Hammer?

187
00:09:37,416 --> 00:09:40,245
- Hey! Get back here.
- Hulk blood. I just need the Hulk blood.

188
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,411
Where will you run?

189
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:45,286
Come on. What's a guy gotta do
to find an epidural of Banner blood?

190
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:46,500
Hulk... Huh?

191
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:47,878
A confetti arrow?

192
00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:51,495
Come on, Tony. You booking Hawkeye
out for birthday parties now?

193
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,000
Hulk blood! Oh, yes! Bingo!

194
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:58,411
All right. I should definitely
be getting hazard pay for this.

195
00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,328
Whoa!

196
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,333
No! Why'd it do that?

197
00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,661
Step aside, my little elves.

198
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,058
Oh, that's not good.

199
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:17,578
Oh, that's not good.

200
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,766
Hammer.

201
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,708
Shoot him with all you've got.

202
00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:24,120
Whoa!

203
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,371
- There, there, there. Let's go.
- Hey! Get back here!

204
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,328
Oh, yeah, the things you learn
working for a mad,

205
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,508
over-caffeinated scientist. Incoming!

206
00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:39,578
Hey, stop, stop! Stop! You're
gonna destroy the Hulk blood.

207
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:40,833
What's the matter with you?

208
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:43,875
Oh, that's useful.

209
00:10:44,416 --> 00:10:47,161
Screw what I said. Just get him. Now.

210
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,245
Happy. Oh, my leg is broken.

211
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,036
Yeah, that's okay. I might have
enough leg for the both of us.

212
00:10:52,041 --> 00:10:54,161
Happy? Look, I'm counting on you.

213
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:57,220
Is that him? Is that the
fly in my super serum?

214
00:10:57,225 --> 00:10:59,495
Stop Hammer. Save the tower.

215
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,411
Maria! Maria!

216
00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:05,120
Oh, you got a big box of coal
coming your way, missy.

217
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:09,075
Cuff her. I'm sick of this chick
roasting my chestnuts.

218
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:14,703
Okay, it's all on me now.
It's all on me now.

219
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:17,625
Oh, it's all on me now.

220
00:11:31,916 --> 00:11:35,953
Okay, yes, there's no "I" in team.
There's no "I" in team!

221
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:37,495
What? No, no, no!

222
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:46,170
- Romanoff. Happy, not a great time.
- Natasha? Natasha!

223
00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:47,905
I'm being held at gunpoint

224
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:50,536
by a former HYDRA agent with 17 kills.

225
00:11:50,541 --> 00:11:52,703
Eighteen kills. You forgot Nigeria.

226
00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:54,370
Oh, that was you? Show off.

227
00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:56,870
Uh... You want me to get you help?

228
00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,828
Oh, no, I've got this.
See you at the party.

229
00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:02,078
Yeah, she'll be fine.

230
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:04,245
Okay, Tony. Pick up, Tony, please.

231
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:05,455
Perfect timing. Happy,

232
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,703
can you tell Timmy here
that a replica Cap shield

233
00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:09,453
is nothing but a patriotic Frisbee?

234
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:10,953
- Tony, it's an emergency!
- Whoa!

235
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:13,536
Trouble here, too. Soccer moms
are cornering Cap. Gotta go.

236
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,286
Tony. Tony!

237
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,661
Okay.

238
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,386
Come on. Answer the phone,
answer the phone.

239
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:23,786
Hello. What? What? Hold on a sec.

240
00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:26,911
Clint, think we need to wrap this up.
Sun's getting real low, pal.

241
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:29,370
Like, super winter solstice kind of low.

242
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,453
Banner, Banner!

243
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,120
- I'm sorry. It's the last one.
- Banner!

244
00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:33,453
Clint, just give her the toy!

245
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,371
- No can do.
- Come on. Just let her have it.

246
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:38,786
The wife says, "Bring home this toy
or don't come home at all".

247
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,875
- Damn it. Clint, just...
- Let her have it!

248
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,541
Oh.

249
00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:44,775
Yeah!

250
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,958
Oh, yeah!

251
00:12:48,358 --> 00:12:51,578
Start pouring the Shirley Temples,
big guy. I got your cherries.

252
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,953
Sparrow-1, this is Puffin-2.

253
00:12:53,958 --> 00:12:56,786
Do you copy? We got a code red.

254
00:12:56,791 --> 00:12:58,686
The tower's been
overtaken by terrorists.

255
00:12:58,691 --> 00:13:01,203
Terrorists on Christmas?
What is this? Con Air?

256
00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:02,564
No, wait. Under Siege?

257
00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:04,536
No, no, no. That's not it.
Wait. I know this one.

258
00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:06,703
Uh, walking my mental Blockbuster aisle.

259
00:13:06,708 --> 00:13:08,203
Hey, John McClane, focus.

260
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:11,536
Every weapon, every suit is
currently under Hammer's control.

261
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,770
What are you calling me for?

262
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:15,478
Tell JARVIS to dial up
the army or the Avengers.

263
00:13:15,483 --> 00:13:17,371
Or that scary dude with the eye-patch.

264
00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:20,536
JARVIS is offline defragging.
It's how they were able to...

265
00:13:20,541 --> 00:13:22,261
Darcy, you're a genius.

266
00:13:22,266 --> 00:13:25,828
Thanks. I have been in college
for the better part of a decade.

267
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,453
Not to brag. But what did I say?

268
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,478
JARVIS has a mainframe
in the sub-basement.

269
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,298
If we bring JARVIS back online,

270
00:13:31,303 --> 00:13:32,786
we can take control of the building

271
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:33,953
and everything inside of it.

272
00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:37,328
Puffin-2, are you asking me to be
your Reginald VelJohnson?

273
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:40,120
Reginald VelJohnson? That's what
you remember from the movie?

274
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:41,125
Oh, damn.

275
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:45,708
Eh...

276
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,416
You guys can see me, right?

277
00:13:49,383 --> 00:13:51,216
Uh...

278
00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:59,375
Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay.

279
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,666
- Oh, okay.
- Hey!

280
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,366
Hmm.

281
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,275
Guess the only way out is out!

282
00:14:15,191 --> 00:14:17,850
Holy...

283
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,995
See that? I got Hulk blood
pumping through me.

284
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,266
Might as well try it on for size.

285
00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:00,703
Wait, wait. Do you hear that?

286
00:15:00,708 --> 00:15:01,958
Go, go, go.

287
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,661
Broke that damn chain pretty good.

288
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:07,661
What about the short fuse?
Can't have a temper tantrum.

289
00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:09,453
Be calm. Breathe.

290
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:10,870
That's supposed to help, right?

291
00:15:12,541 --> 00:15:15,328
10-9, Puffin-2. Everything
okay there, boss?

292
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,836
'Cause you sound a little Darth Vader-y.

293
00:15:17,841 --> 00:15:20,005
I just need a minute.
I'm going through some stuff.

294
00:15:20,009 --> 00:15:23,161
Can't believe the whole building
runs off this one dinky box.

295
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:25,828
My next internship should
totally be at WikiLeaks,

296
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,866
'cause I've got this whole
hacking thing... Oh, no.

297
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,083
Whoa!

298
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,286
A secret room!

299
00:15:36,291 --> 00:15:38,536
You thought the doorknob
was the mainframe, didn't you?

300
00:15:38,541 --> 00:15:41,578
Anyone would. This is
like Narnia for dorks.

301
00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:44,536
There should be a backup JARVIS AI
in the sub-basement.

302
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:47,745
Boss, he has someone else on
the inside. In the sub-basement.

303
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,495
Wait. I got a better idea.
Get back to the penthouse.

304
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,786
It's better to make them
come to the Hammer.

305
00:15:53,791 --> 00:15:56,495
All right. Here we go, boss.
We got a Friday,

306
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,582
a W.A.D.S.W.O.R.T.H., an E.D.I.T.H. 1.0.

307
00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:00,286
Gosh, sounds like a BBC mystery.

308
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:01,745
Darcy, just pick one!

309
00:16:01,750 --> 00:16:03,745
Wunderbar! Werner it is.

310
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,453
Whoa!

311
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,458
Darcy? Darcy, do you copy?

312
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:12,416
Oh, fine. Come in, Sparrow-1.
This is Puffin-2. Do you copy?

313
00:16:12,791 --> 00:16:14,620
Is this on?

314
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:19,578
The only difference between
a hero and a villain is good PR.

315
00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:22,703
You see, redemption in this
country, it isn't about penance.

316
00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,453
No, it's about rebranding,

317
00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:27,328
and that Hulk blood
was gonna be my chance.

318
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,911
And then you stole it from me,
Happy Hogan. But don't worry.

319
00:16:30,916 --> 00:16:34,870
I will reverse-engineer it after
I dissect your twitching corpse.

320
00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:36,370
Don't let him spook you, Happy.

321
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:39,453
That's right. Ho-Ho-Hogan,
I got your girl Friday,

322
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,328
but all I want for Christmas is you.

323
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,620
Oh-ho! Gotta admit that's some
solid holiday word play.

324
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,953
Hey, thanks. Penthouse. Five minutes.

325
00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:48,870
Or your intern gets a bullet from Santa.

326
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,078
But I'm adorable.

327
00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:54,586
Oh, and, Happy, do us
all a favor. Don't be a hero.

328
00:16:54,591 --> 00:16:57,575
Turn the elevator on. I'm coming up.

329
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,161
All right. Let's see what we got here.

330
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:06,120
Given the weight, no sound,
I'm guessing it's a Rolex watch?

331
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,250
Oh, my goodness.

332
00:17:08,255 --> 00:17:11,120
The billionaire got
Captain America socks.

333
00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:14,786
Wow, the press lied. These
two really do not get along.

334
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:17,161
Quality socks can be excellent gift.

335
00:17:19,508 --> 00:17:21,786
Hey, Happy, here to borrow
a cup of sugar?

336
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,083
Light him up, fellas.

337
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,083
Happy, no!

338
00:17:27,733 --> 00:17:29,203
Oh!

339
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:31,453
So, give us some figgy pudding!

340
00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,120
Wha... "Let it snow?"

341
00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:36,911
Oh, sugar cookies.

342
00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:41,578
What the hell is that?

343
00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:43,143
Earthquake? Is it an earthquake?

344
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,975
I think that's Happy Hogan.

345
00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:02,078
Uh, hello? Giant freak on the loose.

346
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:04,370
What the hell do you
think I pay you for?

347
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,495
Not this.

348
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,495
Come on, come on. Yoga room.
Karaoke studio. Really?

349
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,333
Avengers armory. Bingo!

350
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,333
Uh...

351
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:22,203
Wow. Your neck is thicker than Thor's.

352
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,491
Crazy, right? And the party
hasn't even started.

353
00:18:25,291 --> 00:18:26,995
Look, if we can reboot JARVIS...

354
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,036
Already on it, Sparrow-1.

355
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,578
You said you were counting on me.
That means something.

356
00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:32,953
Hammer's heading to the armory.

357
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:35,995
I'll handle him. You guys get
to work on the JARVIS reboot.

358
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,416
It's time for that Hammer to get nailed.

359
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,291
Hammer! Hammer!

360
00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:44,783
Oh.

361
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:36,345
You lost, Hammer. And there's
not gonna be a Christmas miracle.

362
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:39,308
Oh, famous last words, Hulk Hogan.

363
00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,203
Oh, my God! It's Santa!

364
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:46,458
He's real.

365
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,666
I'm Santa Claus, baby.

366
00:19:59,708 --> 00:20:02,745
Hammer's taken control
of the Hulkbuster.

367
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:05,870
We need to gain control of
the suit, now. Upload JARVIS.

368
00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:07,750
Not JARVIS, but German.

369
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,161
This is the worst internship ever.

370
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,870
Come on, Happy. Don't be like that.

371
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:20,936
Let's make it quick.
I just need a little slice.

372
00:20:20,941 --> 00:20:22,150
Oh, you'll get a piece of me.

373
00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:33,036
There's no way that Stark is paying you

374
00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:34,801
enough to deal with the Hammer.

375
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,833
Hey, what are you doing?

376
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,400
Nothing?

377
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,703
Oh, yeah! Best boss ever.

378
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:50,828
Oh, Darcy, really?

379
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,538
Oh, that means a lot coming from, well,

380
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,578
someone who's had just so many bosses.

381
00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:01,578
Oh, it's frozen. We're locked out.

382
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:04,450
Damn you, pinwheel of death.
Quick. Control-Alt-Delete.

383
00:21:05,566 --> 00:21:07,161
Huh? That actually worked.

384
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,101
A little trick I picked up interning

385
00:21:09,106 --> 00:21:11,370
for the Culver University IT department.

386
00:21:11,375 --> 00:21:14,000
- Have you ever had an actual paying job?
- Nope.

387
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,411
Guten tag.

388
00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:28,206
Yes. All right, we're up. Disengage

389
00:21:28,211 --> 00:21:29,870
the Veronica Hulkbuster Protocol.

390
00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:32,498
In the beginning, men
controlled machines.

391
00:21:32,502 --> 00:21:35,203
Now, machines control the fate of men.

392
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:40,203
Yeah, okay, right. Are
you calling the Avengers?

393
00:21:40,208 --> 00:21:42,866
As they say in German, no.

394
00:21:44,441 --> 00:21:47,745
What the hell is this program?
Siri for nihilists?

395
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:48,870
It sounds like my dad.

396
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,666
Happy, you're on your own.

397
00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:59,791
Here's some Muay Thai,
jiujitsu, tae kwon do!

398
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:07,036
Know when you're beat, freak.

399
00:22:07,041 --> 00:22:08,916
What?

400
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:27,458
Son of a nutcracker. That
monster is eating my suit!

401
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,250
Huh?

402
00:22:35,833 --> 00:22:38,286
Bruce, a little help.

403
00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:40,078
No, you guys got this.

404
00:22:44,875 --> 00:22:46,870
Where's Thor?

405
00:22:46,875 --> 00:22:48,161
Is that Happy?

406
00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:49,208
Um, no.

407
00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:51,875
What is this thing?

408
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:57,495
No, no, no. He's on the guest list.

409
00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,120
Repeat, he is on the guest list.

410
00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:04,325
Natasha! It's me.

411
00:23:04,833 --> 00:23:06,536
Oh, my God. Happy?

412
00:23:06,541 --> 00:23:07,703
I was right.

413
00:23:07,708 --> 00:23:12,000
This is the good guy,
that is the bad guy.

414
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,870
What are you doing with my suit?

415
00:23:15,875 --> 00:23:17,391
Uh, nothing?

416
00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:22,911
Um...

417
00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:42,245
You saved me. Why?

418
00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,953
It's Christmas, Hammer.
Goodwill towards men.

419
00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:46,703
Even the bad ones.

420
00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:47,708
Huh.

421
00:23:52,333 --> 00:23:53,803
I'm sorry about the party, Tony.

422
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:55,495
I'm sure insurance will
cover most of it.

423
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,578
Are you kidding? You're the only
insurance policy I'll ever need.

424
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,120
Ah, thanks, Tony. Wait. You
do have a cure, don't you?

425
00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:02,453
I'm not stuck this way, right?

426
00:24:04,166 --> 00:24:07,245
My head of security, everybody.
How about this guy, right?

427
00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:08,745
- Yeah, Happy.
- Good job, Happy.

428
00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:10,495
- Crushed it, man.
- Bah, humbug.

429
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:13,661
As for how the rest of
this holiday tale goes,

430
00:24:13,666 --> 00:24:16,331
the tower was safe and secure,

431
00:24:16,335 --> 00:24:18,661
still decked in holly and bows,

432
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,745
when Tony Stark to his team
gave a whistle.

433
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:24,036
I think I speak for everyone when I say

434
00:24:24,041 --> 00:24:25,370
some food would be beneficial.

435
00:24:25,375 --> 00:24:26,873
My appetite is raging.

436
00:24:26,877 --> 00:24:29,411
I can eat an actual
fruitcake after that fight.

437
00:24:29,416 --> 00:24:31,091
But I heard a voice say

438
00:24:31,096 --> 00:24:33,286
as the heroes vanished from sight...

439
00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:36,000
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a..."

440
00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:37,833
Guys?

441
00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:39,745
Oh, I missed the party.

442
00:24:41,458 --> 00:24:43,966
"To all, a good night".

443
00:26:01,375 --> 00:26:02,458
Yeah

444
00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:29,995
All right.

445
00:26:53,916 --> 00:26:55,891
Happy Holidays!

446
00:26:55,895 --> 00:26:58,895
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -