1 00:00:04,434 --> 00:00:06,478 Let's go, buddy. School time. 2 00:00:06,562 --> 00:00:09,022 Oh, and Gloria, if you want to get together with the girls later, 3 00:00:09,106 --> 00:00:12,109 I could just, you know, watch the football game or something. 4 00:00:12,192 --> 00:00:14,153 That means he wants to watch a football game. 5 00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:16,738 I'm not talking to you. 6 00:00:16,822 --> 00:00:18,740 What are you drinking coffee for anyway? 7 00:00:18,824 --> 00:00:20,742 It's my culture. I'm Colombian. 8 00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:24,663 Oh, yeah? What part ofColombia are those French toaster sticks from? 9 00:00:24,788 --> 00:00:28,458 Babe, I'm not sure about the game. The whole family's coming over for the barbecue. 10 00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:30,586 That's today? Sí. 11 00:00:30,711 --> 00:00:33,714 It's the Ohio State game. So? Everybody can watch. 12 00:00:33,797 --> 00:00:35,465 I don't like watching the game... 13 00:00:35,549 --> 00:00:37,134 with people who don't know the game. 14 00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:39,219 People talk. You talk at my football games. 15 00:00:39,303 --> 00:00:40,971 For one thing, it's called soccer. 16 00:00:41,054 --> 00:00:42,764 Your team scored two goals all season. 17 00:00:42,848 --> 00:00:44,766 I'm not taking a big risk. 18 00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:48,020 How much of this did you drink? 19 00:00:48,103 --> 00:00:51,440 Give me a break. I have to climb a rope today. 20 00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:54,318 - Hey, Mom. - Yeah? 21 00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:57,154 Can I have $40 for lunch? 22 00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:58,947 Forty dollars? 23 00:00:59,031 --> 00:01:01,909 - I also need a book for school. - What book? 24 00:01:01,992 --> 00:01:03,911 I want a dress. 25 00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:06,914 Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are? 26 00:01:06,997 --> 00:01:10,709 I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title. 27 00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:13,086 Luke, come on. We're late. 28 00:01:13,170 --> 00:01:16,048 Mmm, there's a first- inside out and backwards. 29 00:01:16,131 --> 00:01:19,718 At least it isn't zipped into his- Oh. There it is. 30 00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,971 Well, there's book smart, and then there's street smart. 31 00:01:23,055 --> 00:01:24,973 Yeah, and then there's Luke. 32 00:01:25,057 --> 00:01:27,392 Oh, he's just- He's just curious. That's all. 33 00:01:27,476 --> 00:01:30,896 He's got this almost scientific mind... 34 00:01:30,979 --> 00:01:34,191 with a thirst for knowledge. 35 00:01:34,274 --> 00:01:36,693 He's like this little Einstein. 36 00:01:36,777 --> 00:01:39,529 Some people ask, "Why?" 37 00:01:39,613 --> 00:01:43,617 - Luke asks, "Why not?" 38 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,661 I ask "Why?" a lot. 39 00:01:47,204 --> 00:01:50,457 We're at the 10. We're at the five. 40 00:01:50,540 --> 00:01:53,043 We're at the one. Daddy, we're scoring a touchdown! 41 00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:55,754 No, please- please don't spike our baby. 42 00:01:55,837 --> 00:01:57,756 Why is she dressed like the Hamburglar? 43 00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:01,760 She's a referee. Oh. Do- Do we even have to go to my dad's tonight? 44 00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:04,596 Are you kidding me? We're playing Ohio State. 45 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,682 I collect antique fountain pens. 46 00:02:06,765 --> 00:02:10,227 I'm quite adept at Japanese flower arrangement- ikebana- 47 00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,522 and I was a starting offensive lineman at the University of Illinois. 48 00:02:13,605 --> 00:02:15,274 Surprise. 49 00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:17,317 I don't like football. You know what? 50 00:02:17,401 --> 00:02:19,319 I thought part of being in a relationship... 51 00:02:19,403 --> 00:02:21,405 was pretending to enjoy your partner's interests. 52 00:02:21,488 --> 00:02:24,032 Do you think I really loved home pickle-making? 53 00:02:24,116 --> 00:02:25,951 Yeah, 'cause you did. 54 00:02:26,034 --> 00:02:28,578 For a week, until we became the weird guys who gave everybody pickles. 55 00:02:28,662 --> 00:02:31,623 Oh, thank you, Marvin, for inviting us into your lovely home. 56 00:02:31,707 --> 00:02:33,458 Here. Would you care for a sack of pickles? 57 00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:36,211 - It was charming. - We were picklers, Mitchell. 58 00:02:36,295 --> 00:02:39,589 Okay, you know what? Fine. Stay home with your little jagged scissors. 59 00:02:39,715 --> 00:02:43,343 - Maybe catch up on your scrapbooking. - Come- You loved scrapbooking. 60 00:02:43,427 --> 00:02:45,554 Did I, Mitchell? Did I? 61 00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:47,889 Stop. Don't do the "double question to prove a point" thing. 62 00:02:47,973 --> 00:02:49,391 I hate it when people do that. 63 00:02:49,474 --> 00:02:51,476 Do you, Mitchell? Do you? 64 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,562 Stop, Lily. 65 00:02:54,896 --> 00:02:56,982 ? Hey, hey? 66 00:02:57,065 --> 00:03:00,986 ? Hey, hey Hey, hey? 67 00:03:01,069 --> 00:03:03,905 ? Hey, hey Hey? 68 00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:10,245 No problem. We'll be right down. Thanks. 69 00:03:16,209 --> 00:03:18,128 Hey, honey. What's up? 70 00:03:18,211 --> 00:03:21,173 The school just called. Luke got in a fight. 71 00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:23,008 Oh, geez. Is he okay? 72 00:03:23,091 --> 00:03:25,969 Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there. 73 00:03:26,094 --> 00:03:27,804 Where are you? I'm showing a house. 74 00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:30,098 What house? 75 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,518 I'm golfing. 76 00:03:37,814 --> 00:03:40,025 I bet it was that Durkas kid. I hate that kid. 77 00:03:40,108 --> 00:03:42,652 He probably jumped on Luke and Luke just fought back. 78 00:03:42,778 --> 00:03:45,322 Kid's a menace. He made fun of my hair once. 79 00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:47,074 Shh. The parents are probably in there. 80 00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:50,660 I slept on it funny. Like that never happened to him? Come on. 81 00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:55,874 - What are you doing here? - These two knuckleheads were fighting each other. 82 00:03:55,957 --> 00:03:58,168 - What? - Could've been worse. 83 00:03:58,251 --> 00:04:00,796 I was not ready to face Durkas today. 84 00:04:00,879 --> 00:04:02,798 So what happened? 85 00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:06,218 Well, apparently there was some name-calling and shoving on the playground. 86 00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:08,220 By the time a teacher separated them, 87 00:04:08,303 --> 00:04:10,389 Luke was sitting on Manny's chest. 88 00:04:10,472 --> 00:04:12,641 - Luke, that's not like you. - Wait a minute. 89 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:14,434 - You're Luke's father? - Grandfather. 90 00:04:14,518 --> 00:04:17,854 - So Manny's father is- - Javier. 91 00:04:17,938 --> 00:04:20,941 Crazy guy. That's where he gets his fire. 92 00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:22,943 - Okay, you're- - He's our son. 93 00:04:23,026 --> 00:04:25,278 - And my grandson. - I'm his daughter. 94 00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:27,197 - So you're- - His uncle. 95 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,908 Stop saying that or I'll sit on your chest again. 96 00:04:29,991 --> 00:04:32,285 Ho! Wait a second. Is that what this was all about? 97 00:04:32,411 --> 00:04:34,830 He keeps calling me his nephew. You are my nephew. 98 00:04:34,955 --> 00:04:36,873 Shut up! Okay, okay. 99 00:04:36,957 --> 00:04:40,085 I'm getting the sense that you're all related, uh, somehow. 100 00:04:40,168 --> 00:04:42,421 So it's probably best if you work this out at home... 101 00:04:42,504 --> 00:04:44,172 so the boys can go back to class, okay? 102 00:04:44,256 --> 00:04:46,466 But we're not happy about this, boys. 103 00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:49,261 This is not how mature young men behave. 104 00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,054 Here's your note for Miss Passwater. 105 00:04:56,143 --> 00:04:58,437 Look, I wouldn't worry. They're good kids. 106 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,272 It's just tough when one kid's a little different. 107 00:05:00,355 --> 00:05:02,357 Yes. Yes. 108 00:05:03,692 --> 00:05:05,819 You heard how she said that, right? 109 00:05:05,902 --> 00:05:07,571 "Yes." 110 00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:09,781 She thought Luke was the weird one. Luke. 111 00:05:09,865 --> 00:05:12,284 Her kid gets his head stuck in the furniture, 112 00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:14,244 and Manny is the different one. 113 00:05:14,327 --> 00:05:16,246 I will tell you what's weird. Our son is not weird. 114 00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:19,124 What's weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count. 115 00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:21,501 I think we should cancel with them for the barbecue. 116 00:05:21,585 --> 00:05:24,463 If we cancel, it'll just make this a bigger deal than it is. 117 00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:28,300 It'll be good for Luke and Manny to spend some time. 118 00:05:28,425 --> 00:05:30,886 Might be good for you and Gloria too. Why? 119 00:05:30,969 --> 00:05:33,805 She's always had a problem with me. 120 00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:35,807 I think I'm gonna find out what it is. 121 00:05:35,891 --> 00:05:39,269 That's the worst thing you could do. Just sweep it under the rug. 122 00:05:39,394 --> 00:05:41,396 I'm not a sweeper. Trust me on this. 123 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,398 I think you two need to talk it out. 124 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,317 I don't have anything to say to her. 125 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,152 She's the one with the problem, not me. 126 00:05:47,277 --> 00:05:51,072 Whose side are you on? She's my daughter. You're my wife. 127 00:05:51,156 --> 00:05:53,408 Let's remember what's important here. 128 00:05:53,492 --> 00:05:55,410 There's a football game on. 129 00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:59,080 I just hate it when my two girls aren't getting along. 130 00:05:59,164 --> 00:06:01,583 How exactly is she your girl? 131 00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:08,590 I got a few things for the party. 132 00:06:08,673 --> 00:06:10,592 Is Lily ready to go? 133 00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,677 Oh, yeah, yeah. She's ready. 134 00:06:12,761 --> 00:06:14,679 What's wrong? 135 00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:17,516 I'm just really worried about C.J. Hightower. 136 00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:20,519 With the bad ankle, I don't know how he's gonna run his corner routes. 137 00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:22,938 What did my boyfriend just say? 138 00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:26,149 Listen, I heard what you said, and I thought, yes, 139 00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:28,860 I should try to learn more about football. 140 00:06:28,944 --> 00:06:30,946 That is very mature of you. 141 00:06:31,029 --> 00:06:34,032 I figure, if football fans can learn it, how hard can it be? 142 00:06:34,115 --> 00:06:35,784 That's very elitist of you. 143 00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:38,036 I'm taking baby steps here, all right? 144 00:06:38,119 --> 00:06:40,413 I'm actually- I'm really looking forward to it. 145 00:06:40,497 --> 00:06:42,415 'Cause it's not just the game. 146 00:06:42,499 --> 00:06:45,669 It's-It's the bands and the drama, the pageantry. 147 00:06:45,794 --> 00:06:48,505 Don't forget about the team mascots. They wear ascots? 148 00:06:48,588 --> 00:06:50,924 No. Mascots. With an "M." 149 00:06:51,007 --> 00:06:52,926 That could have been very embarrassing. 150 00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,928 Okay. 151 00:06:55,011 --> 00:06:57,013 Am I straight? 152 00:06:58,348 --> 00:07:01,393 I'm not sure what you are right now. Hmm? 153 00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:03,436 Hi, hi, hi, hi! How ya doin'? 154 00:07:03,562 --> 00:07:05,272 Hey, Gramps. Hi, beautiful. 155 00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:07,023 Hi, Phil. Good to see ya. 156 00:07:07,148 --> 00:07:09,526 Let me guess. Game's on? Just started. 157 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:12,028 Hey. For you. 158 00:07:12,153 --> 00:07:15,282 It's nice to see you, Gloria. Ah! Two times today. 159 00:07:15,365 --> 00:07:17,576 Okay, well- Uh, Phil? 160 00:07:17,659 --> 00:07:19,744 She means we've seen them two times today. 161 00:07:19,828 --> 00:07:22,163 Okay, everybody, the food's in there. The drinks are in there. 162 00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,791 - I'll be in here. - Hold on, Jay. 163 00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:27,294 I think we should address the elephant in the room. 164 00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:31,172 Uh, Luke, Manny. Bring it in. 165 00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:35,552 Come on. Huddle up. Football. 166 00:07:35,635 --> 00:07:38,471 Now in light of what happened at school today, 167 00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:40,557 do you have any feelings you'd like to express? 168 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,350 I think this is the proper forum- 169 00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:45,186 For God's sakes. All right, both of you. 170 00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:47,731 Now, in this family, do we kick and punch each other, 171 00:07:47,814 --> 00:07:49,482 or do we love each other? 172 00:07:49,608 --> 00:07:51,818 Love each other. That's right. 173 00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:53,862 I'll be in the den. 174 00:07:56,323 --> 00:07:59,284 So, I brought dessert. 175 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,286 Okay. Thank you. 176 00:08:01,369 --> 00:08:03,788 I make pie too. 177 00:08:03,872 --> 00:08:07,042 You can never have too many pies, right? 178 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,044 Okay, whoa. Whoa. 179 00:08:09,127 --> 00:08:12,088 Everybody take a deep breath. Let's think about getting real. 180 00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:14,799 - Phil, no. - Why "Phil, no"? 181 00:08:14,924 --> 00:08:16,926 What is Phil doing? I'm just gonna say it. 182 00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:18,887 There's tension between you two. 183 00:08:19,012 --> 00:08:21,222 Bam. It's out there. I'm gonna kill you. 184 00:08:21,306 --> 00:08:24,893 I think he's right, and I think we should talk about it. 185 00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,646 That's what I'm talkin' 'bout- 186 00:08:27,729 --> 00:08:30,815 you two talking... 187 00:08:30,899 --> 00:08:32,901 'bout it. 188 00:08:34,736 --> 00:08:37,656 - First and goal to go for the Illini. - I like football. 189 00:08:37,739 --> 00:08:40,825 Haley hates it, which is weird because it's all boys... 190 00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:42,911 and there's no reading required. 191 00:08:42,994 --> 00:08:46,623 Do you know that she spends at least 45 minutes every morning doing her hair? 192 00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,625 And then sometimes- 193 00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:50,627 ? Let's go, Illini? 194 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,629 Let's go! Right now! 195 00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:55,090 Looks like I gotta watch the game with Dick Butkus. 196 00:08:55,173 --> 00:08:57,175 Dad! Dad, come on. That's offensive. 197 00:08:57,258 --> 00:08:59,719 Mitchell, he's one of the greatest linebackers to ever play at Illinois... 198 00:08:59,803 --> 00:09:01,888 and one of my personal heroes. 199 00:09:01,971 --> 00:09:03,765 And his name is "Butt-kiss"? 200 00:09:03,848 --> 00:09:07,185 We're just choosing to- Okay. All right. 201 00:09:07,268 --> 00:09:09,187 Dad, I thought you were being homophobic. I'm sorry. 202 00:09:09,312 --> 00:09:11,314 We got all night. Yes, we do. 203 00:09:11,398 --> 00:09:14,984 - Are you joining us here? - Yeah. Jay, you know what? He's been studying up. 204 00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:17,696 I gotta tell ya, I'm a little worried about C.J. Hightower. 205 00:09:17,779 --> 00:09:21,116 Right? With the bad ankle? I'm wondering how he's gonna run his corner routes. 206 00:09:21,199 --> 00:09:23,910 - Hightower's out. - What? 207 00:09:23,993 --> 00:09:25,912 Oh. Then who is gonna run the corner routes? 208 00:09:25,995 --> 00:09:27,706 I'll tell you who it won't be- Billings. 209 00:09:27,789 --> 00:09:30,166 That's low. He's in jail. 210 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:32,544 Oh, wow. Yeah. Then no. 211 00:09:32,627 --> 00:09:35,171 Double tight end, it's gonna be a quarterback roll-out to the left. 212 00:09:35,296 --> 00:09:39,551 They're gonna run it. Trust me. He's got the slot. In the end zone! Touchdown! 213 00:09:39,676 --> 00:09:43,096 Lucky call. Maybe they, uh, should've considered blitzing. 214 00:09:43,179 --> 00:09:45,181 Blitzing wouldn't have helped them. Get outta here. 215 00:09:45,265 --> 00:09:48,727 Oh, gosh. Blitzing. 216 00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:52,105 So, my interest in football ended as suddenly and dramatically... 217 00:09:52,188 --> 00:09:54,649 as the climax of West Side Story. 218 00:09:54,733 --> 00:09:56,651 I'm a musical theater fan. 219 00:09:56,735 --> 00:09:59,821 Surprise. 220 00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:03,867 Okay. The truth? I sometimes feel like you don't like me. 221 00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:05,869 Wow. 222 00:10:05,952 --> 00:10:08,413 Powerful, powerful stuff. 223 00:10:08,496 --> 00:10:10,373 Claire? Tell us how that makes you feel. 224 00:10:10,498 --> 00:10:13,918 Right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger. No, don't tell me. Tell her. 225 00:10:14,002 --> 00:10:16,004 Gloria, right now, I'm really angry at Phil. 226 00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:17,839 Let's respect the process. 227 00:10:20,341 --> 00:10:23,219 Gloria, I don't know why you think I don't like you. 228 00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:26,264 Sometimes when you see me, you make that face. What face? 229 00:10:26,347 --> 00:10:28,808 - Like this. - I do not make a face like that. 230 00:10:28,933 --> 00:10:30,810 Oh, my God. That is so Claire. Mitchell! 231 00:10:30,894 --> 00:10:35,106 See? She does that with everyone. It's just her face. 232 00:10:35,190 --> 00:10:37,442 No, it's not just the face. 233 00:10:37,525 --> 00:10:40,820 From the beginning, I feel like Manny and I are not welcome in this family. 234 00:10:40,945 --> 00:10:45,283 That is so crazy. No, it's not so crazy. It's how I feel. 235 00:10:48,119 --> 00:10:51,414 I am sorry if you feel that way. 236 00:10:51,498 --> 00:10:54,667 I really am, because from the moment I met you, 237 00:10:54,751 --> 00:10:58,087 I have tried to make you feel comfortable with us. 238 00:10:58,171 --> 00:11:00,507 You think it's all in my head? 239 00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:02,592 No. Kind- I don't know. 240 00:11:02,675 --> 00:11:06,638 I mean, we really love having you and Manny in our family. 241 00:11:06,763 --> 00:11:07,847 Really? Really. 242 00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:10,517 So, you don't have to be so defensive. 243 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,852 I do that, don't I? 244 00:11:12,936 --> 00:11:15,480 Well, a bit. 245 00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:18,983 I'm feeling a hug. 246 00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:21,945 I was thinking group hug, but this is nice. 247 00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,197 I'd be there if I could. Oh, my God. There's hugging. 248 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,241 Haley, get off the phone already. 249 00:11:26,366 --> 00:11:29,661 Where did you go? You heard him. He said, "Get outta here." 250 00:11:29,744 --> 00:11:31,496 Oh, my God. You're such a girl. 251 00:11:31,579 --> 00:11:34,040 Dad- I was coming to get a beer anyways. 252 00:11:34,165 --> 00:11:36,876 Nice apology. Nice beer. 253 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,338 - Hey, there are the little roustabouts. 254 00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:43,800 You look like you patched things up pretty good, huh? Yeah. 255 00:11:43,883 --> 00:11:46,344 Oh, we can learn so much from the children. 256 00:11:46,427 --> 00:11:49,848 Bet it seems kind of silly now what you were even fighting about, huh? 257 00:11:49,931 --> 00:11:53,101 - I made fun of his accent. - What accent? 258 00:11:53,184 --> 00:11:55,562 I made fun of him for having the same thing for lunch every day. 259 00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:59,732 - Eegh! - I made fun of him because his mom used to dig coal. 260 00:11:59,816 --> 00:12:01,734 What? 261 00:12:01,818 --> 00:12:03,570 He said you were a coal digger. 262 00:12:03,653 --> 00:12:05,697 Okay. I think we can move on. 263 00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,574 Who said I was a coal digger? 264 00:12:07,657 --> 00:12:10,702 That's what my mom told me. What's a coal digger? 265 00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:12,745 Sweetheart, he heard it wrong. It's "gold digger." 266 00:12:12,829 --> 00:12:14,747 I'm gonna have to call you back. 267 00:12:14,831 --> 00:12:17,667 I really do not think that I remember ever saying that. 268 00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:20,044 Well, you said in the car. 269 00:12:20,128 --> 00:12:22,589 You said it at Christmas. You said it in the Mexican restaurant- 270 00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:25,675 Okay, Mr. "Leaves His Sweatshirts at School Every Day... 271 00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:27,760 Suddenly Remembers Everything," thank you. 272 00:12:28,928 --> 00:12:30,847 And it was all in my head, huh? 273 00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:35,810 Oh, listen. Gloria, it was... like, a year ago, before I knew you. 274 00:12:35,894 --> 00:12:39,147 Nice going. Now my mom and my sister are fighting. 275 00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:45,528 If I say something that everybody else is thinking, 276 00:12:45,612 --> 00:12:47,530 does that make me a mean person? 277 00:12:47,614 --> 00:12:51,242 Or does it make me a brave person? 278 00:12:51,326 --> 00:12:55,747 One who is courageous enough to stand up and-and say something... 279 00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:58,750 behind someone's back to... a 10-year-old. 280 00:13:00,585 --> 00:13:03,171 Well, she's pissed. 281 00:13:03,296 --> 00:13:06,049 Yeah. She wouldn't even come out of her room. Oh. 282 00:13:06,132 --> 00:13:09,052 Did you really have to call her that- a gold digger? 283 00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:11,262 Well, you know what, Dad? It was a year ago. 284 00:13:11,346 --> 00:13:13,932 And it was a natural question to ask. 285 00:13:14,015 --> 00:13:16,351 She's a beautiful, hot woman, 286 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:19,103 and you're not exactly, you know- 287 00:13:19,187 --> 00:13:21,356 Not exactly what? 288 00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:24,484 Um- Mitchell, little help? 289 00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,486 No. You are doing great. 290 00:13:26,569 --> 00:13:29,530 See, this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug- 291 00:13:29,614 --> 00:13:31,449 so people don't get hurt. 292 00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:34,744 Yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you got a lumpy rug. 293 00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:38,998 Creates a tripping hazard. You open yourself up to lawsuits. 294 00:13:39,082 --> 00:13:41,417 Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking. 295 00:13:48,174 --> 00:13:50,885 Gloria? It's Phil. 296 00:13:50,969 --> 00:13:54,013 Hi. Can I talk to you for a second? 297 00:13:54,097 --> 00:13:56,933 Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem... 298 00:13:57,016 --> 00:13:59,018 or part of the solution. 299 00:13:59,102 --> 00:14:01,604 But I happen to believe that you can be both. 300 00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:06,401 Listen, Claire feels terrible. 301 00:14:06,484 --> 00:14:08,486 Why don't you talk to her? 302 00:14:08,569 --> 00:14:12,323 Why? I know what she thinks- a coal digger. 303 00:14:12,407 --> 00:14:14,993 - You know she's saying "gold digger"? - Yes, Phil! 304 00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:16,744 Well, I-I know she said that. 305 00:14:16,828 --> 00:14:19,539 But that was a long time ago, before she knew you. 306 00:14:19,622 --> 00:14:21,749 Does Jay buy me nice things? 307 00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:24,002 Yes! Of course! All beautiful things. 308 00:14:24,085 --> 00:14:27,130 Look at this- yellow, red, blue. 309 00:14:27,213 --> 00:14:29,132 All the colors. 310 00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:32,552 Do you think I can't live without this? Take them away, Phil. 311 00:14:33,886 --> 00:14:37,890 Gloria, we all know you'd be fine without underwear. 312 00:14:37,974 --> 00:14:40,518 I mean, we know it's not about that. 313 00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:44,564 No. It's about me not being accepted by my new family. 314 00:14:44,647 --> 00:14:48,735 That is not true. Gloria, look, you're a beautiful woman. 315 00:14:48,818 --> 00:14:52,030 In fact, you're probably one of those beautiful women who doesn't even know it. 316 00:14:52,113 --> 00:14:54,407 No, I know it. 317 00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:58,077 So it's natural for Claire to wonder about you and her dad. 318 00:14:58,161 --> 00:15:01,456 This family's very protective of each other. 319 00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:04,500 I remember the first time Claire brought me home. 320 00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:07,420 Do you think Jay thought I was good enough for his little girl? 321 00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:10,798 No way. But over time, 322 00:15:10,882 --> 00:15:14,135 he realized that I loved Claire as much as he did. 323 00:15:14,218 --> 00:15:16,763 And by then, Mitch had brought Cam home, so I was golden. 324 00:15:18,014 --> 00:15:20,975 Claire just needs a little time. 325 00:15:21,059 --> 00:15:24,604 And then, trust me, she'll be the most loyal friend you've ever had. 326 00:15:27,732 --> 00:15:29,817 You're not leaving, are you? 327 00:15:29,901 --> 00:15:31,944 You know, there's kind of a lot of drama. 328 00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:34,197 So we're torn. Let me ask you something. 329 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:39,243 Your sister said that Gloria would never go for anybody who looked like me. 330 00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:43,206 Now, you guys basically are like women. 331 00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:45,750 You know, you look at guys. 332 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,668 So what do you think? 333 00:15:47,752 --> 00:15:50,046 You're seriously asking us if you're attractive? 334 00:15:50,129 --> 00:15:52,131 Well, I know I'm no Erik Estrada or anything. 335 00:15:52,256 --> 00:15:54,842 I'm just curious is all. Dad. 336 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:58,346 So if I was in one of your bars and- 337 00:15:58,429 --> 00:16:00,389 Righteous Brothers were on, you know. 338 00:16:00,473 --> 00:16:02,308 Would you, uh, 339 00:16:02,391 --> 00:16:04,936 I don't know, check me out? 340 00:16:05,019 --> 00:16:07,814 Dad, you're really close to ruining gay for me. 341 00:16:07,939 --> 00:16:09,941 All right, fine. Whatever. Jay. Jay, now listen. 342 00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:14,779 I think it's- I just think it's a little weird for a son to say this to his father. 343 00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:18,533 But for the record, I think you're smokin' hot. Really? 344 00:16:18,616 --> 00:16:20,993 Yeah, 100%. You're totally my type. 345 00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:23,162 You're dangerous, you're getable, 346 00:16:23,287 --> 00:16:25,998 you have a little "cashola" in your pocket. 347 00:16:26,124 --> 00:16:31,462 Face, body, the whole- The whole kit and caboodle, I think. Really. 348 00:16:31,587 --> 00:16:33,881 What about a seven? Nine. For sure, nine. 349 00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:36,592 But you knew that. I might have lowballed a little bit. 350 00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:38,678 Okay, isn't there a game on? 351 00:16:40,388 --> 00:16:43,141 Touchy. I know. 352 00:16:45,935 --> 00:16:48,688 Gloria? Come on, let's- let's talk about this. 353 00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:52,066 I've seen her kick in a door before. 354 00:16:57,405 --> 00:17:00,533 I don't know what my husband is saying to you or... 355 00:17:00,616 --> 00:17:02,618 why he's covered in your underwear. 356 00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:07,456 Obviously I'm trying to seduce him for his money. 357 00:17:07,582 --> 00:17:09,625 That's- 'Cause that's what I do, right? 358 00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,419 What do I have to give back... 359 00:17:11,502 --> 00:17:15,256 so that everyone trusts me? Huh? 360 00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:16,966 These earrings? No. 361 00:17:17,091 --> 00:17:19,760 What? This bracelet? No. 362 00:17:19,844 --> 00:17:22,305 My new dress? No. 363 00:17:25,683 --> 00:17:28,686 I didn't respond because... 364 00:17:28,769 --> 00:17:33,024 this shouldn't be about me. 365 00:17:33,107 --> 00:17:34,859 It should be about you... 366 00:17:34,942 --> 00:17:38,946 talking to you... about it. 367 00:17:41,490 --> 00:17:43,451 Phil? Honey? 368 00:17:43,534 --> 00:17:45,411 No, no, no. No. 369 00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:48,331 You're welcome. 370 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:54,170 I don't know what to say except for that I am really, really sorry. 371 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,759 Just tell me one thing. How do you really feel that I'm with your father? 372 00:17:59,842 --> 00:18:02,011 Uh, well- 373 00:18:02,094 --> 00:18:04,013 Honestly, at first, it was hard. 374 00:18:04,096 --> 00:18:06,140 I mean, you don't expect to wake up one morning... 375 00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:09,435 with a new mom who looks like she fell off a mud flap. 376 00:18:09,518 --> 00:18:12,230 But... I'm getting used to it. 377 00:18:12,313 --> 00:18:16,484 And the important thing is you make him happy, 378 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:20,071 which you do in- in so many ways, 379 00:18:20,154 --> 00:18:22,531 so many colors. 380 00:18:24,283 --> 00:18:26,744 Are we okay? 381 00:18:26,827 --> 00:18:29,080 - No. - No? 382 00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:31,707 You embarrassed me in front of everyone downstairs. 383 00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:34,085 What, I'm supposed just to forget about it? 384 00:18:34,168 --> 00:18:37,713 What do you want me to do- just embarrass myself so we're even? 385 00:18:37,838 --> 00:18:41,342 Go jump in the pool. Oh, you mean go jump in a lake. Right. 386 00:18:41,425 --> 00:18:44,762 Go jump in the pool with your clothes on. Then I know you're sorry. 387 00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:46,973 I'm not gonna do that, Gloria. 388 00:18:47,056 --> 00:18:49,809 Okay. Then I won't forgive you. 389 00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,854 Now a field goal beats us. 390 00:18:53,938 --> 00:18:55,856 Hey, you guys work that out? 391 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,858 Almost. Gloria just wants me to jump in the pool. 392 00:18:57,984 --> 00:18:59,902 Okay then. What? 393 00:18:59,986 --> 00:19:03,864 If they could get a pass rush on 'em, something, a break. 394 00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:10,246 This is so awesome. 395 00:19:10,329 --> 00:19:12,331 I know. Mom does not look good wet. 396 00:19:12,415 --> 00:19:14,625 Gloria, is this really necessary? 397 00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:17,378 Dad, it's fine. It's fine. If I need to jump in this water... 398 00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,714 to prove to Gloria how sorry I am, I will do it. 399 00:19:19,797 --> 00:19:22,341 I'm fine. 400 00:19:22,425 --> 00:19:25,636 - You're serious? You're not gonna stop me? - Why would I do that? 401 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,932 Because I am standing here. I am showing you my willingness to- 402 00:19:30,016 --> 00:19:32,601 No? 403 00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:41,777 - Are you happy? - Yes! I forgive you! 404 00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:44,655 - Then give me your hand. - Oh, that's the oldest trick in the book. 405 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:46,824 She's gonna pull you in there. No! 406 00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:50,286 - And that's my job. 407 00:19:52,204 --> 00:19:54,123 This is funny, but this is also a teaching moment. 408 00:19:54,248 --> 00:19:55,708 Yeah! Think about- No! 409 00:19:59,962 --> 00:20:02,423 - Whoa! 410 00:20:02,506 --> 00:20:05,718 Cannonball! 411 00:20:08,888 --> 00:20:12,099 The snap! Fumble! How could he fumble that? 412 00:20:12,224 --> 00:20:14,226 Center blew the snap. I hate that. 413 00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:17,563 I played center, and I always got blamed for a quarterback's clumsy hands. 414 00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:19,857 Well, I was a quarterback, and it was probably your fault. 415 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,859 It's impossible to fumble the ball... 416 00:20:21,942 --> 00:20:24,195 when the quarterback has the proper hand placement. 417 00:20:24,278 --> 00:20:27,073 It's weird to think of a woman being sexually attracted to Dad. 418 00:20:27,156 --> 00:20:30,910 No, you wanna hear weird? Cam said he'd pick up Dad at a gay bar. 419 00:20:31,035 --> 00:20:34,205 Ooh. How did that come up? Mmm, I'm really trying to block it out. 420 00:20:34,288 --> 00:20:36,332 As far as I'm concerned, Mom and Dad had sex two times. 421 00:20:36,457 --> 00:20:38,376 Agreed. 422 00:20:38,459 --> 00:20:41,295 Okay, get your hands up there like you're lifting me off the ground. 423 00:20:41,379 --> 00:20:43,756 Be one with me, Jay. There you go. 424 00:20:43,881 --> 00:20:47,343 Do you wanna get something to eat? I am never eating again. 425 00:20:47,426 --> 00:20:49,178 Just snap the damn thing. 426 00:20:49,261 --> 00:20:52,348 Perfect. That one kinda hurt.