1 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:08,479 What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me? 2 00:00:09,221 --> 00:00:11,021 "That's too much cologne." 3 00:00:11,608 --> 00:00:13,711 "That's how girls end up dead." 4 00:00:14,001 --> 00:00:15,860 "Don't talk black to me." 5 00:00:16,145 --> 00:00:19,031 "It's inappropriate because she's your teacher." 6 00:00:19,277 --> 00:00:22,472 How do you even talk black? Like, end words with "izzle"? 7 00:00:22,597 --> 00:00:24,634 It's talkback, you idiot. 8 00:00:27,581 --> 00:00:29,290 "Act more like an adult." 9 00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:32,370 What does "act more like an adult" even mean? 10 00:00:33,391 --> 00:00:35,139 Look at you. You're soaked. 11 00:00:35,264 --> 00:00:38,509 That is so lame! You're the one who wanted to do it! 12 00:00:38,677 --> 00:00:40,209 What are you two doing? 13 00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,199 I picked up one of those water weasels. 14 00:00:42,324 --> 00:00:45,012 You hook it on the end of the hose and it flies around in the air. 15 00:00:45,137 --> 00:00:46,708 Just... like a weasel. 16 00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:48,811 Yeah, look at how awesome. He's so wet. 17 00:00:49,097 --> 00:00:50,646 I put the weasel in my pants. 18 00:00:50,814 --> 00:00:52,752 - He totally did! - Dork. 19 00:00:52,877 --> 00:00:55,377 Is there a reason why my window is wet? 20 00:00:55,753 --> 00:00:57,129 Very difficult to say. 21 00:00:57,254 --> 00:00:58,354 Up fi... ow. 22 00:00:58,698 --> 00:00:59,696 What's wrong? 23 00:01:00,192 --> 00:01:02,783 - Sweetie, are you okay? - A little... a little twinge. 24 00:01:02,951 --> 00:01:05,369 - I'll call 911. - Maybe the firemen will come. 25 00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:07,400 Give me it! 26 00:01:07,611 --> 00:01:10,861 The firemen in our town have a reputation for being... 27 00:01:10,986 --> 00:01:11,792 hot. 28 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,106 Do I resent that? Of course not. They're my friends. 29 00:01:14,231 --> 00:01:16,046 I play basketball with them. I bake for them. 30 00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:18,381 My question is, what's hot? 31 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,424 Come on! Let's go! 32 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:21,738 We're coming. 33 00:01:21,863 --> 00:01:24,179 Manny, it's inappropriate because she's your teacher. 34 00:01:24,304 --> 00:01:27,681 - What's the big deal, anyway? - It's a surprise, you'll see. 35 00:01:27,860 --> 00:01:28,910 Oh, my god! 36 00:01:29,186 --> 00:01:30,977 - Jay, you didn't! - Yes, I did. 37 00:01:31,147 --> 00:01:32,988 I got us into that new Benihana. 38 00:01:33,113 --> 00:01:36,476 They got a chef there that can flip a shrimp into his own hat. 39 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:37,651 What the hell? 40 00:01:39,155 --> 00:01:40,905 - Dad! - There's my boy! 41 00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:44,992 What the hell is he doing here? He was supposed 42 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,578 to pick up Manny yesterday and disappointed him again, as usual. 43 00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:50,516 Now he just sails in here out of the blue? 44 00:01:51,297 --> 00:01:54,163 I don't like the guy. Do I have reasons? Yeah. 45 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,788 Good reasons? Yeah. 46 00:01:56,411 --> 00:01:58,537 How many reasons do I need? None. 47 00:01:58,662 --> 00:02:00,082 I don't like the guy. 48 00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:03,039 Subtitles by Tyno 49 00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,053 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 50 00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:15,342 I would have called, but while I was buying this boat for a friend, 51 00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:17,566 I got chased out to sea by another boat. 52 00:02:18,358 --> 00:02:20,569 - Were they pirates? - I didn't stop to ask. 53 00:02:20,694 --> 00:02:22,946 It's not hard to tell. Did they have curvy swords 54 00:02:23,114 --> 00:02:25,908 and sing songs about how fun it is to be a pirate? 55 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:28,368 Such a beautiful house, huh? 56 00:02:28,536 --> 00:02:31,288 - So, we were just headed out to dinner. - You think I show up empty-handed? 57 00:02:31,456 --> 00:02:33,123 I brought dinner... Lobsters! 58 00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:36,627 Did you catch them with your bare hands? 59 00:02:36,837 --> 00:02:39,035 I bought them with my bare hands. 60 00:02:40,145 --> 00:02:43,395 And I have some nice wine, a good cuban cigar for Jay. 61 00:02:43,806 --> 00:02:46,428 Why don't you take a picture of him with your new camera phone? 62 00:02:46,597 --> 00:02:49,513 - I don't have a camera phone. - You do now. 63 00:02:49,899 --> 00:02:50,799 Awesome! 64 00:02:51,091 --> 00:02:53,767 All this excitement, my heart is just going. 65 00:02:53,892 --> 00:02:56,952 Listen, you bring that with you when you come to visit me this summer. 66 00:02:57,077 --> 00:03:00,781 We'll go in a racecar with my friend, and after that, maybe a bullfight. 67 00:03:01,008 --> 00:03:04,382 I know all these guys, the matadors. They are like artists. 68 00:03:04,507 --> 00:03:06,573 You're quite the bullfight artist yourself. 69 00:03:07,582 --> 00:03:09,977 Manny, why don't you show your father to the kitchen? 70 00:03:11,244 --> 00:03:13,746 Someone put on some music. Tonight, we dance. 71 00:03:14,164 --> 00:03:15,764 Oh, we're gonna dance. 72 00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:22,722 What did he say? Does he need money for the lobsters? 73 00:03:22,847 --> 00:03:24,460 - Jay, be nice. - "Be nice"? 74 00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:27,529 I could be sitting grill-side watching a guy build an onion volcano. 75 00:03:27,654 --> 00:03:29,798 Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen, 76 00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:32,391 and I got a stolen boat in my driveway. 77 00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:34,543 If it was for me, he'll be out of my life. 78 00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:36,914 But it's good for Manny to be with his father. 79 00:03:37,105 --> 00:03:40,055 I just can't believe you ever fell for that act. 80 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,908 Colombians can be very persuasive. 81 00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:46,048 They can make you agree to things before you even know it. 82 00:03:46,173 --> 00:03:47,656 You must have been pretty naive. 83 00:03:47,845 --> 00:03:50,284 Yeah, but now I'm with the right man, okay? 84 00:03:50,409 --> 00:03:51,345 Right. 85 00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:54,420 - Javier's only going to stay one night. - Good. 86 00:03:55,099 --> 00:03:56,149 Wait. What? 87 00:04:02,295 --> 00:04:04,755 Don't be mad. I just got up to change her. 88 00:04:06,176 --> 00:04:08,792 Mitchell really wanted to ferberize the baby. 89 00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:12,091 It is a method of getting the baby to sleep through the night 90 00:04:12,216 --> 00:04:15,351 by, yes, basically letting her cry herself to sleep. 91 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,460 Torture. 92 00:04:17,061 --> 00:04:18,355 It's not torture. 93 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,673 It's just hard if you happen to be a person 94 00:04:20,798 --> 00:04:22,858 who hates to hear another person suffer. 95 00:04:25,294 --> 00:04:27,412 Or two people suffer. 96 00:04:31,784 --> 00:04:33,160 You got up to comfort her, 97 00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:35,900 which teaches her that when she cries, her daddy will come in 98 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,966 and cuddle her and put on her favorite... 99 00:04:38,091 --> 00:04:39,499 What are we watching? 100 00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:43,170 Brian de Palma's controversial masterpiece "Scarface." 101 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,646 - For the baby? - She happens to like it. 102 00:04:46,771 --> 00:04:48,851 I don't know if it's the colors or the sounds. 103 00:04:48,976 --> 00:04:51,168 Here comes the nightclub massacre. She loves it. 104 00:04:51,293 --> 00:04:54,378 Watch her little eyelids. It's so cute. They get so heavy. 105 00:04:55,419 --> 00:04:56,558 That's bad! 106 00:04:56,837 --> 00:04:59,168 - Oh, honey. - I'm fine. No, I'm fine. 107 00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:01,226 I'm just... Okay, that's cancer! 108 00:05:01,351 --> 00:05:04,024 - Maybe it's just a kidney stone. - "Just," Claire? 109 00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:06,777 - What's going on, guys? - It's nothing. Go back to bed. 110 00:05:06,946 --> 00:05:08,222 - Dad... - Don't touch me. 111 00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:11,093 - I bet it's just a kidney stone. - "Just" again. 112 00:05:11,218 --> 00:05:14,407 Someone get your mom a glass of water and a piece of gravel from the driveway 113 00:05:14,532 --> 00:05:16,032 and she how she likes it. 114 00:05:16,157 --> 00:05:18,774 - Why is everybody yelling? - Something's wrong with dad. 115 00:05:18,899 --> 00:05:20,664 Don't frighten him. Come here. 116 00:05:20,844 --> 00:05:23,093 That's got to be death! Death is coming! 117 00:05:23,218 --> 00:05:26,518 - You need to go to the hospital. - I just need a pill. 118 00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,215 Get me the biggest one you can find. 119 00:05:28,383 --> 00:05:30,586 Honey, breathe. Just... just breathe. 120 00:05:30,711 --> 00:05:33,856 That's what I told you when you were in labor and you threw my smoothie at me. 121 00:05:33,981 --> 00:05:35,931 - Pill! - Okay, I'm calling. 122 00:05:36,099 --> 00:05:38,024 No, it's fine. It's actually... it's fine. 123 00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,679 It's passing. It's passing. 124 00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:42,649 I'm sorry to alarm everyone. I think I was probably just overreacting 125 00:05:42,774 --> 00:05:45,190 because there's an alien inside of me! 126 00:05:45,751 --> 00:05:47,528 - Close it down. - I'm gonna call. 127 00:05:47,653 --> 00:05:50,070 All systems down. All systems down. 128 00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:57,322 - Son of a bitch. - What's the matter? 129 00:05:57,447 --> 00:05:59,671 He's playing on my pool table, that's what. 130 00:05:59,796 --> 00:06:01,440 Probably got himself a nice drink, too. 131 00:06:01,565 --> 00:06:03,941 - Where are you going, Jay? - Just to check things out, okay? 132 00:06:04,066 --> 00:06:05,698 - Come on. - You hear that? 133 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,696 Now he's messing around with my remote control. 134 00:06:07,821 --> 00:06:09,821 You can't hear that from here. 135 00:06:13,344 --> 00:06:16,262 - Hey, there. - Hey, Jay. Sorry. Did I wake you up? 136 00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:18,667 No, no. I'm a light sleeper. 137 00:06:19,016 --> 00:06:21,893 - It's what happens when you get older. - You're not old. 138 00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:24,896 - I didn't say I was old. - I never sleep much, anyway. 139 00:06:25,978 --> 00:06:28,310 Life is just more interesting after 2:00 a.m. 140 00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:30,360 You know, the liquor tastes better, 141 00:06:30,528 --> 00:06:32,199 the women are more beautiful. 142 00:06:32,324 --> 00:06:33,824 What is it they say? 143 00:06:34,031 --> 00:06:36,881 The night belongs to the poets and the madmen. 144 00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:38,993 Which are you? 145 00:06:39,443 --> 00:06:40,593 Perhaps both. 146 00:06:40,718 --> 00:06:42,580 But I think maybe you, too, huh? 147 00:06:42,748 --> 00:06:45,445 I see a picture over here of you on a motorcycle. 148 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:47,460 - You ride? - I used to. 149 00:06:47,856 --> 00:06:48,856 "Used to"? 150 00:06:49,214 --> 00:06:50,316 "Used to"? 151 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,848 The saddest words in any language, my friend. 152 00:06:54,635 --> 00:06:55,968 Hey, help me out here. 153 00:06:56,502 --> 00:06:58,311 Everybody sees you as this great guy. 154 00:06:58,436 --> 00:07:00,598 You know, you live this life of adventure. 155 00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:03,318 How come I don't buy a word of it? 156 00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,978 All I see is a dad who doesn't show up. 157 00:07:06,148 --> 00:07:08,190 Manny knows me. I live in the now. 158 00:07:08,315 --> 00:07:11,435 Well, I was living in the yesterday when Manny was crying outside that door 159 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,695 'cause you didn't show up for the tenth time. 160 00:07:14,593 --> 00:07:17,490 And when I don't come, you think I'm just off chasing a good time? 161 00:07:18,993 --> 00:07:22,143 You ever think it might be hard for me, coming here? 162 00:07:22,371 --> 00:07:24,372 Why? Because of Gloria? 163 00:07:25,805 --> 00:07:27,055 Because of you. 164 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,469 They're on their way. 165 00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:45,175 Kids, gather around 166 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,936 like you're hugging me, but don't touch me, okay? 167 00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:51,466 - Now, look, I'm gonna be fine. - We know, dad. 168 00:07:51,591 --> 00:07:53,722 We don't know that. It's a miracle I'm standing up. 169 00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:56,070 But, look, in case anything happens... 170 00:07:59,243 --> 00:08:01,550 I want you to know that if I'd have had time, 171 00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,162 - I would have fixed that step. - Thanks, dad. 172 00:08:05,989 --> 00:08:08,622 Don't cry, Luke. I'm okay. 173 00:08:08,747 --> 00:08:10,209 I broke the coffee table. 174 00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:12,045 That's okay. What? 175 00:08:12,213 --> 00:08:13,877 I broke the glass coffee table. 176 00:08:14,002 --> 00:08:15,673 The one you swore you didn't break 177 00:08:15,842 --> 00:08:18,058 and then we blamed Esperanza and fired her 178 00:08:18,186 --> 00:08:20,636 and she stole a turkey at Thanksgiving for her family 179 00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:21,763 and got deported? 180 00:08:22,599 --> 00:08:24,098 - Damn it! - I'm sorry! 181 00:08:24,266 --> 00:08:25,641 You will be sorry. 182 00:08:26,971 --> 00:08:28,771 - They're here. - Really? 183 00:08:31,159 --> 00:08:32,559 Did you hear that? 184 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,359 Luke broke the... 185 00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:37,658 - You changed your clothes. - Well, I had to get dressed. 186 00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:41,491 Into that sexy, clingy... Oh, my god. It's the firemen. 187 00:08:41,668 --> 00:08:43,173 - No, sweetie. - And lipstick! 188 00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:44,786 I'm convulsing in agony 189 00:08:44,954 --> 00:08:46,536 and you're looking for cute tops? 190 00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,541 I threw on the first thing I could find. 191 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:51,606 We got a minute, if you want to try on some tighter jeans. 192 00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,281 Phil, sweetie. 193 00:08:53,469 --> 00:08:55,539 By all means, we want you looking your sexiest 194 00:08:55,664 --> 00:08:58,058 when the hunky gay firemen get here! 195 00:08:58,183 --> 00:08:59,801 - How we doing? - We're great. 196 00:08:59,926 --> 00:09:02,133 - He meant me! - Oh, right. 197 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:12,230 Jay, you're a tough guy to compete with. Look at all you have. 198 00:09:12,624 --> 00:09:14,088 So Manny has to suffer? 199 00:09:14,213 --> 00:09:15,399 No, you're right. 200 00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:17,530 Look, I'm going to try harder. 201 00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:20,154 But maybe it's a good thing that he has the two of us. 202 00:09:20,324 --> 00:09:22,812 From you, he learns stability. From me, 203 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,119 he learns how to be spontaneous. Grab life by the throat. 204 00:09:26,287 --> 00:09:28,949 We do a little throat-grabbing ourselves around here. 205 00:09:29,074 --> 00:09:31,247 We were on our way to Benihana when you showed up. 206 00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,646 As long as my boy follows his passion. 207 00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:36,337 The worst career decision I ever made was playing baseball, 208 00:09:37,139 --> 00:09:38,840 but I loved every minute of it. 209 00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:40,767 You played baseball? 210 00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:42,361 I lived baseball. 211 00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:46,013 I only made it to triple-a, but I played with all those guys... 212 00:09:46,198 --> 00:09:47,398 Sosa, McGwire. 213 00:09:47,683 --> 00:09:49,809 - You look like played some. - I played in high school. 214 00:09:50,642 --> 00:09:51,942 I was all right. 215 00:09:52,595 --> 00:09:53,980 Never hit a curveball. 216 00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:56,237 So that's a dream of yours, to hit a curve? 217 00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,817 - Used to be. - "Used to be." 218 00:09:59,820 --> 00:10:01,070 I said that again, right? 219 00:10:01,238 --> 00:10:02,905 You're right. I shouldn't say that. 220 00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:04,782 What are you guys doing? 221 00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:06,500 Did we wake you up? I'm sorry. 222 00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,745 No, I was doing my science extra credit. 223 00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:10,389 Of course you were. 224 00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:11,622 Can I play? 225 00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:13,390 That's up to your dad. 226 00:10:14,223 --> 00:10:16,934 Actually, I think we're done with pool for right now. 227 00:10:17,059 --> 00:10:20,009 I have a better idea for the three of us. Vamos. 228 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:23,740 So, how do you know this guy? 229 00:10:23,865 --> 00:10:25,722 He owes me a little favor. 230 00:10:30,987 --> 00:10:33,519 This is the coolest night ever! 231 00:10:34,548 --> 00:10:37,119 Now, let's see about that curveball. 232 00:10:41,242 --> 00:10:42,069 Out! 233 00:10:42,194 --> 00:10:45,444 - I thought you were... - Those were pillows. Come on. 234 00:10:47,527 --> 00:10:50,286 Cameron, do you realize how infuriating this is? 235 00:10:50,454 --> 00:10:53,414 The whole point of ferberizing is to teach her to put herself to sleep 236 00:10:53,582 --> 00:10:55,007 and you keep ruining it. 237 00:10:55,164 --> 00:10:57,346 I can't help it. I'm like a mother bear. 238 00:10:57,471 --> 00:11:00,163 When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her. 239 00:11:00,548 --> 00:11:01,839 Except you're not a bear. 240 00:11:02,185 --> 00:11:03,423 Get in our room. 241 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,865 - Cam, get in there. - Cut it out. 242 00:11:06,990 --> 00:11:09,836 All the way. Our room. Get. Get in there. 243 00:11:10,057 --> 00:11:11,848 Come on. Come on. Get in there. Get! 244 00:11:14,234 --> 00:11:16,043 That's so unfair. Why not? 245 00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:17,920 That's how girls end up dead. 246 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,895 - Hey, honey. - Hey, guys. 247 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,602 We just wanted to see how you were doing. Is this a bad time? 248 00:11:22,727 --> 00:11:25,298 No, we're just giving him something to relax before the procedure. 249 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,153 Which is gonna go just fine. 250 00:11:27,278 --> 00:11:28,991 - We know. - We don't know. 251 00:11:29,252 --> 00:11:30,410 In case it doesn't, 252 00:11:30,578 --> 00:11:32,745 promise me you'll be nice to your new fireman daddy. 253 00:11:32,913 --> 00:11:34,103 Unbelievable. 254 00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:36,415 My wife got dressed up for the firemen last night. 255 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,479 I didn't get dressed up for the firemen. 256 00:11:38,604 --> 00:11:41,087 - Those heels were really high. - You put on heels? 257 00:11:41,255 --> 00:11:42,455 Let's drop it. 258 00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,132 What are they doing to you, dad? 259 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,847 I have a little, scratchy rock inside of me, 260 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:49,053 and they're sliding in a tube and sucking it out. 261 00:11:49,398 --> 00:11:50,805 You're not scared, are you? 262 00:11:51,153 --> 00:11:53,725 When was the last time you saw your old man scared? 263 00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:57,049 When you walked through the spider web. When we were playing with the ouija 264 00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,605 - and the wind blew the door shut. - There was no wind, buddy. 265 00:11:59,774 --> 00:12:01,499 We brought something forth. 266 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,903 This stuff's really hitting me. 267 00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:08,071 My insides feel like velvet. 268 00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,836 Why don't you guys wait out in the hallway, okay? 269 00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,521 - Feel better, dad. - I will. 270 00:12:12,646 --> 00:12:14,766 - Love you, dad. - Love you. 271 00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:15,991 Luke, buddy, 272 00:12:16,796 --> 00:12:18,096 hold back a sec. 273 00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:20,876 It's not gonna happen, okay, 274 00:12:21,045 --> 00:12:23,379 but there is a scenario where you could be the man of the house 275 00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:25,920 and you need to know all the pin numbers and passwords. 276 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:27,884 - 741... - I don't want to. 277 00:12:28,052 --> 00:12:29,702 Don't talk black to me. 278 00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:32,055 Your dad's gonna be fine. Wait out in the hall. 279 00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:33,923 I'll be right out, okay? 280 00:12:35,196 --> 00:12:38,846 Honey, I'm gonna run them to school. I'll be back right after. 281 00:12:41,056 --> 00:12:42,873 You did get dressed up, didn't you? 282 00:12:42,998 --> 00:12:45,198 I pulled on the first thing I saw. 283 00:12:47,371 --> 00:12:48,521 I'll drop it. 284 00:12:49,086 --> 00:12:52,677 'Cause this stuff is making me fall asleep. And if I never wake up, 285 00:12:52,802 --> 00:12:56,806 I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie. 286 00:13:08,656 --> 00:13:11,556 I might have gotten dressed up just a tiny bit. 287 00:13:18,937 --> 00:13:20,837 - I knew it. - Oh, damn it. 288 00:13:24,024 --> 00:13:25,817 Manny, we're gonna be late for school. 289 00:13:26,079 --> 00:13:27,929 Why are you so tired today? 290 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,138 - Any reason I can't take him? - I'm surprised you're up. 291 00:13:35,263 --> 00:13:37,412 I know what time you went back to bed. 292 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:39,447 We just went out, we hit a few balls, 293 00:13:39,572 --> 00:13:41,791 and you'll never guess where... Javier knew a guy... 294 00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:42,834 You know what? 295 00:13:43,008 --> 00:13:45,744 Now that he knows you, the next time he needs something, 296 00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:46,838 you are the guy. 297 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:53,261 - Did you take him with you? - You couldn't do that in school? 298 00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:56,619 Let's go. We're gonna be so late. 299 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,179 Get in the car. 300 00:14:01,304 --> 00:14:04,063 I thought you said you wanted me to bond with Javier. 301 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:05,840 I said be nice. 302 00:14:06,239 --> 00:14:09,373 I didn't say take Manny out all night and play games. 303 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:12,113 - Then we got hotdogs. - Go to sleep! 304 00:14:12,281 --> 00:14:14,474 If I wanted to be married to a wild man, 305 00:14:14,599 --> 00:14:16,699 I would have stayed with Javier. 306 00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:20,213 Dad! 307 00:14:21,134 --> 00:14:22,334 What the hell? 308 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,423 Wait a minute. You're not leaving, are you? 309 00:14:27,548 --> 00:14:29,492 - I've got school. - What? School. 310 00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:32,238 School. That's where people go to learn things, 311 00:14:32,363 --> 00:14:34,509 like not to keep children up all night! 312 00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:36,596 - He told her? - He's weak. 313 00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:39,738 Listen, you said you used to like riding motorcycles, right? 314 00:14:39,863 --> 00:14:42,478 - So I brought you one. - I know, but I kind of got work. 315 00:14:42,603 --> 00:14:44,103 - Work. - Go, Jay. 316 00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:45,730 Yes, go, Jay, 317 00:14:45,899 --> 00:14:47,849 and take Manny with you, too! 318 00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:50,420 No, Manuel Alberto, in the car, 319 00:14:50,611 --> 00:14:52,411 or I put you in the trunk! 320 00:14:53,822 --> 00:14:56,289 I'm not gonna argue anymore. I'm not gonna say anything else. 321 00:14:56,414 --> 00:14:57,926 Do whatever you want. 322 00:14:58,051 --> 00:15:01,287 But I don't want to hear you any more saying that Colombians are crazy, 323 00:15:01,456 --> 00:15:03,550 because you're the one that is acting crazy, 324 00:15:03,675 --> 00:15:05,990 even though he's the one that is making you act crazy, 325 00:15:06,115 --> 00:15:09,065 so I don't know what the hell I'm talking about! 326 00:15:15,478 --> 00:15:17,731 You didn't need to come home during naptime. 327 00:15:17,856 --> 00:15:20,041 I think we proved last night that I did. 328 00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:23,421 She's back there now, so why don't you go so you don't get in trouble? 329 00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:26,871 That's okay. I told everyone that I have an unreliable partner 330 00:15:26,996 --> 00:15:28,496 and they understood. 331 00:15:28,621 --> 00:15:31,161 You know what? I don't need to sit here and be condescended to. 332 00:15:31,286 --> 00:15:33,436 I'm gonna make myself an ice tea. 333 00:15:34,037 --> 00:15:36,864 - I will bring you down. - You can't bring me down. 334 00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:38,406 I'll sweep your legs. 335 00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:44,497 It's wrong that the sound of our child in such distress doesn't bother you. 336 00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:46,666 She is not in distress, and this proves 337 00:15:46,834 --> 00:15:48,626 that you need this more than she does. 338 00:15:48,998 --> 00:15:51,339 - I'm ferberizing two babies. - Raccoons 339 00:15:51,714 --> 00:15:54,632 slipped into the lawsons' home and stole a loaf of bread. 340 00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:57,169 - Your point? - We left Lily's window open a crack 341 00:15:57,294 --> 00:15:59,683 and those raccoons need something to put between that bread... 342 00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:01,365 And that is Lily's "help me" cry. 343 00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,869 - I'm coming for you, Lily. - You will not. 344 00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:05,777 Let me go. Hey, stop! 345 00:16:06,228 --> 00:16:07,078 Let go! 346 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,438 - Slow down! - I will not slow down. 347 00:16:10,608 --> 00:16:13,192 - Stop being such a baby! - I'm coming for you! 348 00:16:16,244 --> 00:16:17,735 - What? - My ankle. 349 00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:19,421 - What? - My ankle. 350 00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:30,057 I guess you didn't kill yourself in the motorcycle today. 351 00:16:30,753 --> 00:16:34,526 You were looking forward to killing me, I'm not gonna take that away from you. 352 00:16:34,755 --> 00:16:36,339 Did Javier call you? 353 00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:37,675 No, why? 354 00:16:37,843 --> 00:16:40,600 He's dragging me to this bar with some of his old baseball pals. 355 00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:43,765 - He was supposed to be here at 5:00. - Ah, he's dragging you, huh? 356 00:16:43,890 --> 00:16:46,516 I figured it would be okay. I've seen half these guys play, 357 00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:48,677 and Javier says it's cool. 358 00:16:49,912 --> 00:16:52,148 - What? What's the joke? - Nothing. 359 00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:54,467 It's just funny to me that you make fun of me 360 00:16:54,592 --> 00:16:57,247 because I was seduced by him, and here you are... 361 00:16:57,372 --> 00:16:59,362 No one is getting seduced. 362 00:16:59,957 --> 00:17:01,449 I'm doing this for Manny. 363 00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:04,184 Yeah, it's very important for Manny that you two go 364 00:17:04,309 --> 00:17:06,464 and have a nice picnic in the mountains. 365 00:17:06,589 --> 00:17:08,414 It wasn't a picnic. We stopped for coffee. 366 00:17:08,856 --> 00:17:11,042 They just happened to be selling crepes. 367 00:17:11,642 --> 00:17:13,669 Just let me know when he calls, all right? 368 00:17:14,028 --> 00:17:15,678 Geez, it's almost 6:00. 369 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,973 - The kids really want you back. - Me too. 370 00:17:22,098 --> 00:17:24,868 - Luke made you a sign. - He's a sweetie. 371 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:28,935 - You seem great. - I am great. 372 00:17:29,104 --> 00:17:29,904 Good. 373 00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:33,812 - Except for that firemen thing. - You remember it. 374 00:17:34,142 --> 00:17:35,492 Look, I am sorry. 375 00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:37,553 I'm so sorry. 376 00:17:37,678 --> 00:17:39,402 There's no excuse for it. 377 00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:43,210 I think I just spend so much time in dowdy mom clothes, 378 00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:46,035 and I'm covered in paste and peanut butter... 379 00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:50,160 I wanted to feel attractive for a second, you know? 380 00:17:51,345 --> 00:17:52,667 I'm sorry. Really... 381 00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:56,170 Honey, I just... just need a little bit of time. 382 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,075 Gonna be fine. 383 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,436 I was already fine with it. 384 00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:05,135 Here's the deal... Claire messed up. She owed me. 385 00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:07,157 This never happens. 386 00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:10,309 Old Phil has a golden ticket. 387 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,438 I could have cashed that in right away for something small. 388 00:18:13,563 --> 00:18:16,189 Get out of cleaning the garage, a week at circus camp. 389 00:18:16,314 --> 00:18:17,414 Still fresh. 390 00:18:18,621 --> 00:18:20,906 But the longer you hold onto it, 391 00:18:21,306 --> 00:18:23,106 the more the guilt builds, 392 00:18:23,371 --> 00:18:24,721 the more you get. 393 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,447 Five years... Trip to Paris with my buddies. 394 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:32,142 10 years... Sweet, little convertible. 395 00:18:33,051 --> 00:18:34,183 20 years... 396 00:18:34,877 --> 00:18:38,708 Hello, fully articulating, five-function robot 397 00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:40,599 that can read my mind 398 00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:43,080 and has feelings. 399 00:18:45,387 --> 00:18:47,013 You're leaving without saying goodbye? 400 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,744 - Hey, Elaine. - Is this your husband? 401 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,559 Goodbye, Paris. 402 00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:53,768 I'm visiting my sister, and he was entertaining us 403 00:18:53,938 --> 00:18:55,578 all afternoon with his card tricks. 404 00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:57,209 Is that Phil? 405 00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:03,529 Hey, mom, Phil's leaving. 406 00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:05,281 Without a hug? 407 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:08,446 Goodbye, 408 00:19:08,827 --> 00:19:11,096 fully articulating, five-function robot 409 00:19:11,221 --> 00:19:13,204 with the ability to... Goodbye. 410 00:19:13,374 --> 00:19:15,874 Brittany, hurry, honey. Phil's leaving. 411 00:19:16,143 --> 00:19:17,243 You're fine. 412 00:19:20,928 --> 00:19:23,214 - How's your ankle? - It's cold. 413 00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:26,550 - I'm sorry I hurt you. - No, don't be. 414 00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:30,285 I could have just as easily hurt you. 415 00:19:30,659 --> 00:19:32,266 It's cute that you think that. 416 00:19:33,098 --> 00:19:36,936 Listen, Cam, I can't always be the bad cop here. 417 00:19:37,106 --> 00:19:40,066 I know it's my issue, but she can't grow up 418 00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:42,280 with one huggy, happy, cuddly dad 419 00:19:42,405 --> 00:19:45,738 and one frowny, lesson-teachy dad. 420 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,865 Because guess which one 421 00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:49,909 she's gonna ask to walk her down the aisle. 422 00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:57,625 Okay, you know what? I can be the bad cop sometimes. 423 00:19:58,795 --> 00:20:00,668 I'll always make her eat her vegetables. 424 00:20:01,127 --> 00:20:02,670 Okay. Dentist. 425 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,008 - Deal. - Good. 426 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:06,568 As long as you make her practice her violin. 427 00:20:06,693 --> 00:20:08,676 Oh, yeah, the violin. I like that. 428 00:20:09,318 --> 00:20:12,138 And we're both walking her down the aisle. 429 00:20:12,308 --> 00:20:14,520 Assuming you can walk by then. 430 00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:18,667 - Do you need to go to the hospital? - God, no. It's not that bad. 431 00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,568 You meant call 911, didn't you? 432 00:20:21,693 --> 00:20:22,689 Firemen. 433 00:20:22,814 --> 00:20:25,401 You call and I'm gonna go change my shirt. 434 00:20:26,606 --> 00:20:29,240 So, if I'm supposed to act like an adult, 435 00:20:29,556 --> 00:20:32,368 is that act like adults I see in the world... 436 00:20:32,855 --> 00:20:34,285 Water weasel! 437 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:36,456 or the adults in my family? 438 00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:42,367 'Cause if it's the ones in my family... 439 00:20:43,689 --> 00:20:45,122 Come on. Let's go. 440 00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:46,247 All right. 441 00:20:47,131 --> 00:20:47,981 Then... 442 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:51,580 How hard could that be? 443 00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:59,728 Doing the card tricks at the hospital got me fired up about my magic again. 444 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,248 Is... this your card? 445 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,774 Yes. Oh, my gosh! 446 00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:07,711 It's... It's not, is it? 447 00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,880 No, it's... not. 448 00:21:10,073 --> 00:21:12,141 The hardest part is when people forget their card 449 00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:13,925 because then I look like the idiot. 450 00:21:14,093 --> 00:21:16,058 - Let's do it again. - We really have to go. 451 00:21:16,183 --> 00:21:18,049 - You think I like this? - I'm sorry. 452 00:21:18,174 --> 00:21:19,806 I'm gonna teach you one, okay? 453 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,204 On the count of three, just grab this. You ready? Put your hand out. 454 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:26,447 1, 2, 3. There it is. 455 00:21:26,572 --> 00:21:28,090 No. What was that? 456 00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,371 Thank you.