1 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,387 These pancakes smell great. 2 00:00:06,512 --> 00:00:09,193 - What are you doing with those? - A recycling drive with Luke. 3 00:00:09,318 --> 00:00:11,927 If we collect enough bottles, they build a school in Africa. 4 00:00:12,169 --> 00:00:15,556 Wouldn't that be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles? 5 00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,603 That would certainly be a special school. 6 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,582 Did you hear what I said, parents? "Special school"? 7 00:00:22,216 --> 00:00:23,856 Nobody make a big deal about it, 8 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,310 - but I just broke up with Dylan. - No! 9 00:00:26,435 --> 00:00:28,897 - My gosh. Are you okay, honey? - Yeah, I'm fine. 10 00:00:29,022 --> 00:00:31,713 I just... I need to date someone who has a clue, 11 00:00:31,838 --> 00:00:35,784 instead of an idiot who bangs his head when riding his bike out of his garage. 12 00:00:36,405 --> 00:00:38,542 - Every time. - I'm sorry, honey. 13 00:00:39,427 --> 00:00:41,227 I'm sorry for both of you. 14 00:00:41,961 --> 00:00:43,806 I'll have to text him later. 15 00:00:44,256 --> 00:00:45,586 Gotta jump in the shower. 16 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,098 - Where are you going? - To meet my friend Valerie. 17 00:00:48,223 --> 00:00:50,174 I haven't seen her in 15 years. We worked together. 18 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,434 You worked? 19 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,257 I can't imagine you working. 20 00:00:53,382 --> 00:00:56,305 Luke, let me tell you something. That is very offensive to women. 21 00:00:56,714 --> 00:00:58,098 Your mom works very hard. 22 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,059 Just now, she works for us. 23 00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:04,152 I will have you know that I had quite the little career going. 24 00:01:04,277 --> 00:01:06,607 I was an account manager at Starcrest Hotels. 25 00:01:06,878 --> 00:01:09,860 I had a little cubicle, and I wore my tennis shoes to work 26 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,947 and changed into my work pumps. It was very "Working Girl." 27 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,718 That movie's so clutch. 28 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,451 I don't mind saying, I was making quite a splash. 29 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,714 - Well, then, why'd you quit? - Well, Haley, call me old-fashioned, 30 00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:23,489 but I wanted to focus on raising a family, so... 31 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,377 - I married your dad. - And five months later, we... 32 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:30,417 were four months away from having this little bundle of joy. 33 00:01:34,747 --> 00:01:36,762 There's my lawyer! 34 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:40,511 Gloria got into a little car accident, so my dad asked me to help her out. 35 00:01:40,636 --> 00:01:44,435 And this is the first time my dad's asked me for legal advice, 36 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:45,570 and it's... 37 00:01:45,695 --> 00:01:46,772 it's nice to know 38 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:50,840 - that he respects me in that way. - Mitchell is an amazing lawyer. 39 00:01:51,102 --> 00:01:54,355 My dream for him is that, one day, he'll be on the Supreme Court. 40 00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:56,060 Why, Cam? 41 00:01:56,353 --> 00:02:00,043 So at parties, I can tell everyone my partner is one of The Supremes. 42 00:02:02,024 --> 00:02:03,205 There he is! 43 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:07,046 The steely, grizzled veteran ready to do battle with the plucky upstart. 44 00:02:07,171 --> 00:02:10,921 - Speed versus grace. Brute force... - Let's just do this. 45 00:02:11,228 --> 00:02:14,361 Jay and I are both gym rats. I love the sauna that's the dry heat, 46 00:02:14,486 --> 00:02:15,908 and the steam... wet. 47 00:02:16,033 --> 00:02:18,773 And, of course, I am just a kook for racquetball. 48 00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:21,133 Club champ two years in a row, 49 00:02:21,258 --> 00:02:23,060 Tonganoxie, Missouri, Rec Center. 50 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:26,944 So, naturally, Jay and I have been trying for months 51 00:02:27,069 --> 00:02:30,519 to get together to bang the old hollow rubber ball around. 52 00:02:31,772 --> 00:02:34,341 I have been avoiding this day like the plague. 53 00:02:34,466 --> 00:02:37,828 I mean, part of going to the gym is the locker-room atmosphere. 54 00:02:37,953 --> 00:02:41,200 And if I'm there with a gay guy, it's just not gonna be the same. 55 00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,704 I mean, for me, it's a locker room. 56 00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,247 For him, it's a showroom. 57 00:02:46,338 --> 00:02:47,404 She doesn't get it. 58 00:02:47,831 --> 00:02:50,158 Subtitles by Kevin & Tyno 59 00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:52,254 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 60 00:03:03,129 --> 00:03:06,922 I'll let you see my scar 61 00:03:07,047 --> 00:03:08,103 What the hell? 62 00:03:14,032 --> 00:03:15,706 Some people call me a salesman. 63 00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:17,279 I call myself a "salesfriend." 64 00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:20,366 So, obviously, I need strangers to trust me. I don't take kindly to it 65 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,201 when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench. 66 00:03:22,505 --> 00:03:23,448 Phil Dunphy. 67 00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:26,275 Phil, it's Barbara. The Pattersons want to back out of the deal. 68 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:27,620 Why? What happened? 69 00:03:27,745 --> 00:03:30,290 The wife's getting cold feet. I told her to call you. 70 00:03:30,415 --> 00:03:32,585 Okay. Fine. I'll handle it. 71 00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:34,672 I'm not losing this sale! 72 00:03:35,368 --> 00:03:37,058 I've spent way too much time on it. 73 00:03:37,491 --> 00:03:40,011 - Do you take Elm when you come to... - I saw it, Barbara. 74 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,598 It's a terrific gym, Jay. 75 00:03:49,723 --> 00:03:51,736 Very liberal with the towels. I love that. 76 00:03:51,861 --> 00:03:53,817 Showers are private, in case you're wondering. 77 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,342 I wasn't, but thanks for the heads-up. 78 00:03:57,439 --> 00:04:00,239 - Now, that's a surprise. Boxers. - Is that necessary? 79 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,033 I just always pictured you as a tighty-whitey guy. 80 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,943 Do me a favor, the next time you picture me, leave the underwear out of it. 81 00:04:06,068 --> 00:04:08,368 Don't you worry. The only thing I'm picturing 82 00:04:08,493 --> 00:04:11,709 is how clean the floor is gonna be when I'm done mopping it with you. 83 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,427 Is that the best you can do? 84 00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:16,742 It's gonna take a little more than some lame trash talk to get me out of... 85 00:04:17,163 --> 00:04:20,384 - What the hell was that? - Our butts pressed against each other. 86 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,887 They didn't press. It was glancing. Stop talking about it! 87 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:26,139 All this time in the locker room, this can't be your first moon landing. 88 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,242 - You got a name for it? - It's very common. 89 00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,186 At least it didn't happen after a shower. 90 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,337 - Enough. - We call that a splashdown. 91 00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:34,306 That's it. I'm changing in the stall. 92 00:04:34,431 --> 00:04:35,232 Excuse me! 93 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,832 I saw the pictures. 94 00:04:37,957 --> 00:04:40,981 You had your arm around her with that humpy look you get! 95 00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:44,373 No, that's not always how you look! We're over! 96 00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:46,674 So, I'd really like to talk to you, Mrs. Patterson, 97 00:04:46,799 --> 00:04:48,637 and see if we can't turn this thing around. 98 00:04:48,762 --> 00:04:50,811 You've got my number. Thank you. 99 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,137 I said we are over. 100 00:04:53,262 --> 00:04:55,470 Why don't you go out for a nice bike ride? 101 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,937 Dylan again, huh? 102 00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,712 Some guys just do not know how to play it. 103 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,583 - Dad, what are you doing? - Oh, right. 104 00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:05,126 Just test-driving my new soup strainer. 105 00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:07,598 I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think. 106 00:05:12,677 --> 00:05:14,967 Do people want their real-estate advice 107 00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:17,973 from someone who leads or from someone who follows? 108 00:05:18,098 --> 00:05:20,405 I'm betting these babies are coming back in a big way. 109 00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,959 Buy low, sell high. 110 00:05:22,084 --> 00:05:25,284 People are gonna see this and say, "That guy's high." 111 00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:29,878 Sorry to bother you. We're doing work next door and nicked a main, 112 00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:31,872 so we're gonna have to shut down your water. 113 00:05:32,406 --> 00:05:33,582 Okay. No problem. 114 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,544 It shouldn't be long. If you want, there's a port-a-potty out front. 115 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:37,628 Thanks. 116 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:39,622 Nice mustache. 117 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,508 Yeah, man. 118 00:05:41,644 --> 00:05:42,994 You too, brother. 119 00:05:44,686 --> 00:05:46,136 "You too, brother." 120 00:05:50,888 --> 00:05:52,996 Haley, she's the oldest, 15. 121 00:05:53,121 --> 00:05:56,138 And then Alex is 13. And that's my baby, Luke. 122 00:05:56,263 --> 00:05:59,275 - He's 11. Can you believe it? - Oh, my God. They're gorgeous. 123 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,111 All's good with Phil the thrill? 124 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,363 Yes. Things are great with him. 125 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,323 I'm so happy for you. Really. 126 00:06:06,448 --> 00:06:08,325 I'm so happy that you're happy. 127 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,518 Thank you. 128 00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:11,829 Well, and you, too. I mean, your life is... 129 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,445 Let's talk about you. 130 00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:16,470 Because, you know, you're... 131 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:18,574 You chose the... mother. 132 00:06:18,699 --> 00:06:21,839 You're the mommy, the yommy-mommy-mama person. 133 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,261 Kind of squeezing the ring right into my finger. 134 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,839 - Was I? - A little. 135 00:06:27,964 --> 00:06:29,114 I'm so sorry. 136 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,300 And just then, it hit me. She was jealous of me. 137 00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:36,203 Yes, there had always been a little bit of a competition between us. 138 00:06:36,328 --> 00:06:37,684 This was more serious. 139 00:06:37,809 --> 00:06:39,609 She was looking at my life 140 00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:42,185 as something that she'd always wanted... 141 00:06:42,595 --> 00:06:43,694 but never had. 142 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,196 How's life in the trenches? 143 00:06:45,364 --> 00:06:47,821 You still got the bastards on the 23rd floor making life miserable 144 00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:49,825 for all the people actually doing the work. 145 00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:51,653 Same as ever, right? 146 00:06:51,850 --> 00:06:53,100 One difference. 147 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,204 I'm one of them bastards now. 148 00:06:55,329 --> 00:06:58,125 - Wait, you're on the 23rd floor? - Well, I'm on the 24th floor. 149 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,707 Wow, that's insane. 150 00:06:59,832 --> 00:07:01,087 It's no big deal. 151 00:07:02,913 --> 00:07:05,730 If you hadn't left, it probably would have been you. 152 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,644 I was driving along this street. 153 00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:13,069 The cars were parked just like this, 154 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,855 and boom! Out of nowhere, he hits me. 155 00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:17,515 Okay, so he cut you off. 156 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,401 Yes. A crazy driver. 157 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,078 I used to be a little bit like that. 158 00:07:22,203 --> 00:07:25,359 Maybe it's because of Lily, but I've definitely become more considerate. 159 00:07:25,484 --> 00:07:28,933 Like, I used to never let people in, and now I do. 160 00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:31,925 I'm just now getting that metaphor. 161 00:07:32,643 --> 00:07:34,829 - So, what do you think? - Were there any witnesses? 162 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,178 No, just Manny. He was in the back seat. 163 00:07:37,303 --> 00:07:40,053 It all happened so fast, just like they say. 164 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,796 This is what we're gonna do. I'll take a few pictures, 165 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,534 we'll sit down and write a statement. 166 00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:45,464 Perfect. 167 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,816 I'll go and get us a table. Manny, come. 168 00:07:47,941 --> 00:07:50,344 Just a minute, mom. I need to tie my shoe. 169 00:07:52,747 --> 00:07:53,962 Don't talk. Listen. 170 00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:56,517 - It was her fault. - Sorry, what? 171 00:07:56,815 --> 00:07:59,019 Don't look at me. Do something. Take pictures. 172 00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:03,021 What kind of cupcake do you want? 173 00:08:03,146 --> 00:08:05,233 That's okay! I'm not hungry! 174 00:08:05,930 --> 00:08:08,487 That was a mistake. Now she'll know something's up. 175 00:08:08,612 --> 00:08:09,530 Are you okay? 176 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,000 I'm fine! 177 00:08:11,694 --> 00:08:14,124 She cut that guy off. She's a terrible driver. 178 00:08:14,249 --> 00:08:16,649 - She's a danger to us all. - Wait. Now stop. 179 00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:19,540 I thought she said he was parked and then he cut her off. 180 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,084 Everybody looks parked when you're going 100 miles an hour! 181 00:08:23,479 --> 00:08:26,616 - Why didn't you speak up? - She can't take criticism. 182 00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:28,930 Once, an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk. 183 00:08:29,055 --> 00:08:31,051 She honked so long the horn ran out. 184 00:08:34,293 --> 00:08:36,143 I've said too much already. 185 00:08:38,791 --> 00:08:40,341 Are you hearing this? 186 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:46,317 Point. 187 00:08:47,999 --> 00:08:48,903 Hinder! 188 00:08:50,527 --> 00:08:51,346 Boom! 189 00:08:51,471 --> 00:08:52,521 Lucky shot! 190 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,849 That is game! 191 00:08:53,994 --> 00:08:56,493 - And, believe, match. - Yep. Fine. You won. 192 00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:58,672 But, you know, what do you expect? 193 00:08:58,797 --> 00:09:01,874 For the first half of the game, I was distracted by what happened. 194 00:09:02,188 --> 00:09:04,533 You're sure it's not because I'm a fabulous racquetball player? 195 00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:07,192 You're average, but I was a little thrown by you touching me, 196 00:09:07,317 --> 00:09:09,840 which is unnatural. Not to you, of course. 197 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,374 - To you, it's like rocket fuel. - Sure. When you're gay, 198 00:09:12,499 --> 00:09:14,830 You just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. 199 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,810 It's like a high-five. It a low-two. 200 00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:20,576 You know what? I'm gonna prove that you won only because I was distracted. 201 00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,770 We're gonna have a rematch right here, right now. 202 00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:26,488 - Do you want to go up against me again? - Yes. No! Damn it! 203 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,180 - Hello! - Hey, dad. 204 00:09:29,305 --> 00:09:31,528 Did you know that the accident was Gloria's fault? 205 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,029 I wasn't there, but she's a horrible driver. 206 00:09:34,154 --> 00:09:35,908 If she hit 10 cars, wouldn't be surprised. 207 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,077 If you knew that, why did you get me involved? 208 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,121 Someone has to tell her she's in the wrong, and better you than me. 209 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,159 That's great. Here I am thinking that my dad actually respects me as lawyer, 210 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,335 and, really, you're just throwing me to the wolves. 211 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,732 Can't it be both? 212 00:09:47,857 --> 00:09:50,336 It doesn't bother you in the least that your gay son's 213 00:09:50,461 --> 00:09:52,466 the only one tough enough to stand up to your wife? 214 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,149 Go get 'em, Rocky. See you later. 215 00:09:54,274 --> 00:09:56,407 Your father and I had a moon landing in the locker room! 216 00:09:56,532 --> 00:09:57,805 What's the matter with you? 217 00:09:58,315 --> 00:10:01,011 What about you? Did you ever get serious with anyone? 218 00:10:02,095 --> 00:10:03,359 No. Not yet. 219 00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:05,726 Honey, you will. 220 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,339 Oh, no. I hope not. It's... it's fun. 221 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:10,526 I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm waiting for some news. 222 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:11,568 What news? 223 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,904 I'm up for the Paris job. 224 00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:16,677 The head of the international division? 225 00:10:16,802 --> 00:10:18,575 That's... that's crazy. 226 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,975 Yeah, no, I mean, I'll never get it, but it'd be great, 227 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,788 'cause one of my lovers lives in Paris. 228 00:10:24,079 --> 00:10:26,975 I don't know what jumps out of that sentence more, 229 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,899 "lovers" or "one of." 230 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,463 I'm single. It's kind of what you do. 231 00:10:31,944 --> 00:10:33,802 I have one in Paris. 232 00:10:35,138 --> 00:10:37,759 I have Paris, New York, Miami... 233 00:10:38,873 --> 00:10:42,236 I have a fourth one. I'm forgetting my lover. 234 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,001 Last night, I vacuumed the radiator thingy under the fridge, 235 00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:49,314 that collects the dust, 'cause you should, and I don't, so... 236 00:10:49,928 --> 00:10:50,928 Hold on. 237 00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:53,183 Cross your fingers. 238 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,486 I'm not gonna lie. 239 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,148 The thought of Valerie getting the job in the company that everyone coveted, 240 00:10:58,273 --> 00:10:59,908 I wasn't a lover of that. 241 00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:02,077 Okay, thank you. 242 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:04,988 Well? 243 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,709 They haven't made a decision. They're gonna tell me later on. 244 00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,379 - That's not what they said, is it? - Yeah. It is. It is. 245 00:11:12,770 --> 00:11:14,321 Valerie, come on. It's me. 246 00:11:14,446 --> 00:11:17,130 What are friends for if not to be there for you when you get bad news? 247 00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:19,055 - I got it! - Oh, my God! 248 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,518 - I'm the head of Europe! - For the hotel, not the continent, 249 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,102 - but... Yay! - Kind of, though. Kind of. 250 00:11:27,661 --> 00:11:29,730 Why didn't you tell me when you first heard? 251 00:11:32,194 --> 00:11:33,484 'Cause, you know. 252 00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,903 And that's when it really hit me. 253 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,555 Valerie wasn't jealous of me. She pitied me. 254 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:41,223 And part of me wanted to take her back to the house 255 00:11:41,348 --> 00:11:43,671 and show her everything she was missing 256 00:11:43,796 --> 00:11:46,729 in her sad, childless, husbandless life. 257 00:11:47,399 --> 00:11:49,476 But there's a little thing 258 00:11:49,973 --> 00:11:52,294 called "taking the high road." 259 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,672 - Why don't you come and meet everybody? - Oh, sure. That'd be great. 260 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,518 I mean, Alex is just a genius, 261 00:11:57,643 --> 00:12:00,444 and Haley is turning into this beautiful young woman. 262 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,888 It makes me realize that motherhood... 263 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,224 San Francisco. That was my fourth lover. 264 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,559 - "Fourth lover." - It would have kept me up all night. 265 00:12:11,437 --> 00:12:12,314 Dad, look. 266 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,525 - I'm on my way out to the bathroom. - Check it out. 267 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,589 The Aubreys had this huge party last night, 268 00:12:16,714 --> 00:12:18,445 and we got all these bottles to recycle. 269 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,525 Great! 270 00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:21,031 What's Jagermeister? 271 00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:25,874 Well, you know how in a fairy tale, 272 00:12:25,999 --> 00:12:28,472 there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep 273 00:12:28,597 --> 00:12:30,165 and then the guys start kissing her? 274 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,088 Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle. 275 00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:36,263 You wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation. 276 00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:03,115 - Luke, you're spilling it! - Aw, crud! 277 00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:06,285 Gross! A rat! 278 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,286 Cool. 279 00:13:09,192 --> 00:13:10,571 Hang on, I'm coming! 280 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,972 I believe you have something that belongs to me... 281 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:17,963 My heart. 282 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,840 I thought I I.M.'d you to stay away. 283 00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:28,784 Hello? 284 00:13:30,423 --> 00:13:33,179 D-Money? Hey, buddy? 285 00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:36,523 Hello, friendly neighbors! 286 00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:38,444 Little help? 287 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:39,985 But I love you! 288 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,171 You should have thought about that before you took 289 00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:44,948 that skank Sharon Nicolini to an Anne Hathaway movie! 290 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,575 I didn't. She was just there. 291 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:50,241 So you were just there by yourself at an Anne Hathaway movie? 292 00:13:50,366 --> 00:13:51,822 I don't think so! 293 00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:54,124 Yeah. I like her movies. 294 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,709 She's everywoman! 295 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,252 Come on. Let's not fight. 296 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,656 Let's just discuss this like two un-immature adults. 297 00:14:06,574 --> 00:14:08,335 Hello? Mrs. Patterson. 298 00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:10,410 Hi. I've been waiting for your call. 299 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,863 Is there any chance that we could talk a little bit... 300 00:14:13,988 --> 00:14:15,843 Now's perfect. That's fine. 301 00:14:15,968 --> 00:14:19,636 I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. Let me just... close my office door. 302 00:14:19,761 --> 00:14:22,152 There we go. Much, much better. 303 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,155 Maybe we should go over the accident one more time. 304 00:14:26,425 --> 00:14:28,075 Put the ducks on a row. 305 00:14:28,391 --> 00:14:29,784 You're such a good lawyer. 306 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:33,371 I want to make sure we're 100% clear on exactly what happened. 307 00:14:33,699 --> 00:14:35,623 Oh, we're clear. I told you. 308 00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:38,300 What? You don't believe me? 309 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,231 No! I just... 310 00:14:41,356 --> 00:14:44,383 You know, sometimes you can forget tiny details. Like, 311 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,510 is it possible, maybe, you were driving too fast? 312 00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:50,013 - Who said I was driving fast? - Yeah. Who? 313 00:14:51,063 --> 00:14:52,728 I'm just looking at the street, 314 00:14:52,853 --> 00:14:56,144 and I'm thinking if you were driving a little fast, It's possible that maybe 315 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,866 - you didn't see the car... - You're like everyone else, huh? 316 00:14:58,991 --> 00:15:00,769 You blame the latino driver. 317 00:15:00,894 --> 00:15:03,568 Where I come from, they always blame the latino driver. 318 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,945 Where you come from, isn't everybody a latino driver? 319 00:15:06,232 --> 00:15:07,475 Manny, tell him. 320 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,459 I can't 'cause I have cupcake in my mouth. 321 00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:11,345 Come on! Don't blame your cupcake! 322 00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:13,570 What? You think I'm guilty, too? 323 00:15:15,056 --> 00:15:18,166 Fine. I don't need you as a lawyer anymore. 324 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,155 And if you two think I'm such a bad driver, 325 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,921 you're safer walking home! 326 00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:24,056 Ciao! 327 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,059 Here it is. 328 00:15:28,184 --> 00:15:29,631 It's really cute! 329 00:15:29,756 --> 00:15:31,370 Yeah. We're pretty proud of it. 330 00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,420 Here's your stupid CDs! 331 00:15:33,545 --> 00:15:35,820 And your clothes! And your poems! 332 00:15:35,945 --> 00:15:37,306 Don't you do it! 333 00:15:37,776 --> 00:15:38,875 I'm doing it! 334 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,730 Haley, stop it! What are you doing? 335 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,190 Tearing out my heart! 336 00:15:42,547 --> 00:15:43,983 Why don't you go get a hickey 337 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,490 from Sharon Nicolini? 338 00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:49,176 - It's from my guitar strap, Haley! - Oh, thanks for reminding me! 339 00:15:49,301 --> 00:15:52,680 My daughter Haley and her boyfriend, Dylan. 340 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,004 This is a nice color. 341 00:15:57,299 --> 00:16:00,599 Listen. This is not normal with all that, nor... 342 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,131 Where's that liquor smell? Phil, honey? 343 00:16:03,256 --> 00:16:05,296 Oh, my God. Luke? What is that? 344 00:16:05,691 --> 00:16:06,701 Jagermeister. 345 00:16:06,826 --> 00:16:09,008 Dad says it makes girls easier to kiss. 346 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,511 - What happened to the rug? - I had an accident. 347 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,096 Okay. Alex, what are you doing? 348 00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:14,764 I'm trying to kill a rat. 349 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,977 Sharon was helping me buy you a birthday present! 350 00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,013 Don't you get it? I love your ass! 351 00:16:21,775 --> 00:16:23,782 You know, I... I'm late. 352 00:16:23,907 --> 00:16:26,142 - And I should go. - I know. I know. 353 00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:28,887 And it seems like things have gotten a little wonky around here. 354 00:16:29,012 --> 00:16:30,622 I don't know where Phil is. 355 00:16:30,747 --> 00:16:31,906 He's definitely... 356 00:16:33,457 --> 00:16:34,690 Oh, my God! 357 00:16:35,886 --> 00:16:37,096 Where is your father? 358 00:16:37,221 --> 00:16:39,621 He went outside to go to the bathroom. 359 00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,931 It's not usually like this. 360 00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:44,056 Oh, gross. 361 00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:47,894 - Let's just get married. - Okay. 362 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:51,442 You will not regret this decision, Mrs. Patterson. 363 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:54,471 Tell you what. We're gonna have you over to our little house to celebrate, okay? 364 00:16:56,261 --> 00:16:58,226 Sometime when you get a break, maybe. 365 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,895 Phil, what are you doing? 366 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,951 Just concluding a little business. 367 00:17:04,076 --> 00:17:05,607 Very successfully, I might add. 368 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:06,775 Honey. 369 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,152 Is that Valerie? 370 00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,659 You look fantastic. 371 00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:13,156 - Thank you. - Come here! 372 00:17:13,527 --> 00:17:14,795 Get over here! 373 00:17:16,688 --> 00:17:19,330 - How long's it been? - A long time. 374 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,967 I can't touch you. 375 00:17:21,092 --> 00:17:23,102 A little bit difficult. The gulf divides us, eh? 376 00:17:23,227 --> 00:17:25,451 - So nice to see you. - Great to see you, though. 377 00:17:25,576 --> 00:17:26,939 - All right. - Okay, then. 378 00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:29,501 - Thanks for coming by. - It's such a pleasure. 379 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,466 Thanks for stopping by. 380 00:17:32,554 --> 00:17:34,678 - She looks great, doesn't she? - What is on your face? 381 00:17:40,176 --> 00:17:41,184 One time! 382 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:45,322 Once! One time I bring somebody home who I want to impress, 383 00:17:45,447 --> 00:17:46,606 and what do I find? 384 00:17:46,849 --> 00:17:49,349 A bunch of booze-drenched hill people! 385 00:17:49,474 --> 00:17:52,342 You're sitting around in your underwear and chasing rats 386 00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,447 and fornicating in the stairwell? 387 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:57,534 - Can I say something? - No, you can't, Mario. 388 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:00,038 There is nothing left to say but thank you. 389 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,363 Thank you all. 390 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,885 I told you I'd win! 391 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,304 Not talking so much now, are you, hotshot? 392 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,772 Hope you enjoy that nice hot shower. 393 00:18:20,128 --> 00:18:22,395 But it's not gonna wash away the shame 394 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,527 of that 15-7 beatdown. 395 00:18:25,057 --> 00:18:27,457 You should have seen the look on your face 396 00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:29,703 when that drop shot just kissed the wall. 397 00:18:30,553 --> 00:18:31,903 Okay, splashdown. 398 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,719 Got me again. Yep. 399 00:18:34,633 --> 00:18:36,710 Make the uptight straight guy all embarrassed, 400 00:18:36,835 --> 00:18:39,117 except for one thing: doesn't even bother me anymore. 401 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,032 I could do this all day. Here. Another one for you. 402 00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:44,190 Maybe a couple of them. 403 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,166 I just noticed the sauna. 404 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,307 - How big of a hurry are we in? - Biggest hurry of your life. 405 00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:52,434 Scuse me. Scuse me. 406 00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:56,635 If you're going to be stranded, might as well be in a place full of cupcakes. 407 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,511 I don't think you need any more. 408 00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:02,466 I'm sorry, guys. 409 00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,489 It's true. I am a defensive driver. 410 00:19:05,862 --> 00:19:09,074 - You mean you're defensive about... - I know what I am. 411 00:19:09,199 --> 00:19:10,199 Let's go. 412 00:19:10,831 --> 00:19:12,712 It's just that I don't like 413 00:19:12,837 --> 00:19:15,792 when people just assume that I'm a bad driver. 414 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,907 Maybe it was just like a little bit my fault. 415 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,441 Well, I'm glad you can admit that, Gloria. 416 00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:24,287 But I'm still gonna need you as my lawyer, Mitch. 417 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,193 - Why? - Because this one... 418 00:19:26,318 --> 00:19:28,360 It was not my fault. 419 00:19:28,485 --> 00:19:29,685 I promise you. 420 00:19:31,218 --> 00:19:32,651 That's what that sound was. 421 00:19:32,776 --> 00:19:34,426 It was the big cupcake. 422 00:19:35,272 --> 00:19:37,754 That was unreal. Mom was crazy. 423 00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,390 I'm scared. 424 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,804 Look... 425 00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:43,556 I know your mom pretty well. She's fine. 426 00:19:43,799 --> 00:19:46,243 I'd be willing to bet she's just composing herself, 427 00:19:46,368 --> 00:19:48,561 taking a nice, long, peaceful walk in the park. 428 00:19:57,944 --> 00:19:58,944 Perfect. 429 00:20:01,019 --> 00:20:04,269 At that moment, all I wanted was to be with my family. 430 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,597 But of course, that meant finding a way to apologize 431 00:20:07,722 --> 00:20:10,742 to the people that I had belittled and rejected. 432 00:20:11,216 --> 00:20:13,775 Okay, you are so crazy. That song totally rules. 433 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:16,200 - Dad, you're crazy. - Crazy right. 434 00:20:16,531 --> 00:20:18,331 - Hey, honey. - Hey, mom. 435 00:20:18,928 --> 00:20:20,677 No, seriously, dad. It's lame. 436 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,360 Seriously, Luke. It's not. 437 00:20:22,485 --> 00:20:24,412 You got some mustard or something on your face. 438 00:20:24,537 --> 00:20:27,415 I think I know a little bit about music. I was a deejay in college. 439 00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:31,395 I had my own show in the coveted time slot, "Daybreak with Dunphy." 440 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,558 - Are you kidding me? - No, I'm not kidding you. 441 00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:36,078 - And I played Rick Astley. - Dad, that's embarrassing. 442 00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:37,944 Never gonna... Sing it, Luke. 443 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,617 They could have been petty. 444 00:20:39,742 --> 00:20:42,800 They really could have made me pay, but they didn't. 445 00:20:42,925 --> 00:20:44,993 And I've never loved them more. 446 00:20:45,351 --> 00:20:48,330 Why the hell couldn't Valerie have seen them like that? 447 00:20:57,910 --> 00:20:59,908 - Hey, Dylan. - Hey, Mr. Dunphy. 448 00:21:00,076 --> 00:21:01,397 What's happening? 449 00:21:01,522 --> 00:21:03,827 Well, Haley and I got into another fight. 450 00:21:05,726 --> 00:21:07,076 "Say Anything..." 451 00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,552 "Good morning"? 452 00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:11,883 No, "Say Anything..." 453 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:13,772 "Newspaper." 454 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,250 No, Dylan. "Say Anything..." Clutch movie. 455 00:21:16,717 --> 00:21:17,967 "Clutch movie." 456 00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:22,238 She probably won't be up for a couple hours still. 457 00:21:22,432 --> 00:21:24,074 It's okay. It's not that heavy.