1 00:00:01,945 --> 00:00:04,294 Today, Sam Riley kicked a soccer ball, 2 00:00:04,419 --> 00:00:07,522 and it hit another kid so hard, his eye popped out. 3 00:00:07,871 --> 00:00:08,819 Awesome. 4 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,079 Really? His eye popped out? 5 00:00:11,431 --> 00:00:13,593 Well, got to hit the sack. Big Saturday tomorrow. 6 00:00:13,992 --> 00:00:16,260 That's right. It's somebody's birthday. 7 00:00:16,385 --> 00:00:19,931 Not just that. The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. 8 00:00:20,705 --> 00:00:23,821 It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "We love you, Phil." 9 00:00:23,989 --> 00:00:26,577 - What's so great about that doohickey? - "Doohickey," Elly May? 10 00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:30,984 It's a movie theater, a library, and a music store 11 00:00:31,109 --> 00:00:34,127 all rolled into one awesome pad. 12 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,796 A library is a place where people get books. 13 00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,269 A movie theater is a place where people go on dates. 14 00:00:39,437 --> 00:00:42,358 I'll load the beach chair into the trunk, for the line in the morning. 15 00:00:42,601 --> 00:00:45,824 Wait, honey, hang on. You can't spend your birthday in line. 16 00:00:45,992 --> 00:00:47,184 Not the whole day. 17 00:00:47,309 --> 00:00:50,249 I have to be there at 6:00, or forget about it, and then I'm out by 10:00. 18 00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:53,338 - Why don't you let me do it? - Claire, you don't have to do that. 19 00:00:53,506 --> 00:00:55,384 No, I know, but I want to. 20 00:00:55,552 --> 00:00:58,827 That way, on your birthday, you'll wake up, and you'll have your brand-new... 21 00:00:58,952 --> 00:00:59,745 toy. 22 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,048 In spite of you calling it a toy, this is shaping up to top 23 00:01:06,173 --> 00:01:08,125 the best birthday I ever had. 24 00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,210 Thank God we didn't have to hear that stupid story about... 25 00:01:11,335 --> 00:01:13,688 It was called the fun zone. I was 11. 26 00:01:13,813 --> 00:01:16,213 I hit 10 straight fastballs in the batting cage. 27 00:01:16,973 --> 00:01:18,681 Then my best friend, Jeff Sweeney, 28 00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:20,641 stepped in and took one in the groin. 29 00:01:20,937 --> 00:01:22,739 I yelled out, "Ball two!" 30 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,573 Everybody laughed. 31 00:01:26,075 --> 00:01:27,741 That was when I knew I was funny. 32 00:01:29,579 --> 00:01:30,630 Good night. 33 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:34,554 B- e-l-I-e-v-e. 34 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:35,721 Believe. 35 00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:38,317 Are you sure there's not an e-I in the middle? 36 00:01:38,442 --> 00:01:39,442 No. It's I-e. 37 00:01:39,694 --> 00:01:41,499 Good, papi. If I can't fool you, 38 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:43,627 then your teachers can't fool you, either. 39 00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:45,223 They're not trying to fool me. 40 00:01:45,348 --> 00:01:48,261 Wait until you see what I got Phil for his birthday. 41 00:01:48,386 --> 00:01:50,327 I found it on the Skymall catalog. 42 00:01:50,561 --> 00:01:53,264 It's not one of those talking alarm clocks? 43 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:56,827 "It's 6:05. It's 6:25. Wake up. Wake up." 44 00:01:56,952 --> 00:01:58,009 Even better... 45 00:01:58,177 --> 00:01:59,729 A rosewood chess set. 46 00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:01,266 Before I wrap this thing, 47 00:02:01,434 --> 00:02:03,980 what say we take it for a spin? Manny, I'll teach you. 48 00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,900 His father taught him how to play. 49 00:02:06,068 --> 00:02:08,490 I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version. 50 00:02:08,616 --> 00:02:10,435 We actually use the pieces to play the game, 51 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,433 not smuggle stuff out of the country. 52 00:02:12,688 --> 00:02:15,299 I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later. 53 00:02:15,424 --> 00:02:18,425 - Manny, let's see what you got. - You'd be surprised. 54 00:02:23,111 --> 00:02:24,646 Manny's an excellent player. 55 00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:26,616 But Jay is a grumpy loser. 56 00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:29,634 He mopes, he makes the face, he slams the door, 57 00:02:29,759 --> 00:02:32,161 then he said he didn't slam the door. 58 00:02:32,393 --> 00:02:34,145 It's better that he wins. 59 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,244 I got this. 60 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,572 Everything's gonna be okay. 61 00:02:48,161 --> 00:02:49,162 It's okay. 62 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:50,971 It's okay. 63 00:02:53,828 --> 00:02:55,401 Leave me alone. 64 00:02:56,315 --> 00:02:57,962 There's a man in Lily's room. 65 00:02:58,392 --> 00:03:00,344 There's a man in Lily's room! 66 00:03:03,897 --> 00:03:05,048 It's go time. 67 00:03:12,997 --> 00:03:13,953 Oh, thank God. 68 00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:16,912 It's me, it's me, it's me. 69 00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:20,507 She's fine. We must have just heard a neighbor with the same monitor. 70 00:03:20,676 --> 00:03:21,927 Thank God. 71 00:03:22,187 --> 00:03:24,354 Boy, if a spider would've broken in here, 72 00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:26,102 he would've been in trou-ble. 73 00:03:29,117 --> 00:03:31,581 Subtitles by Kevin & Tyno 74 00:03:31,706 --> 00:03:33,826 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 75 00:03:42,997 --> 00:03:44,699 Light-up barbecue tongs. 76 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:47,076 This was the lame gift I got Phil. 77 00:03:47,335 --> 00:03:48,128 So... 78 00:03:48,397 --> 00:03:51,390 Was I bummed to get up at 5:00 in the morning and wait in line? 79 00:03:51,771 --> 00:03:54,330 No, because I was finally getting my husband 80 00:03:54,455 --> 00:03:56,808 something that he really, really wanted. 81 00:03:56,933 --> 00:03:59,148 I was every bit as excited as he was. 82 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:22,176 Hey, buddy. I hope you're not upset about our chess match yesterday. 83 00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:24,678 - What do you say we play again? - I'm good. 84 00:04:24,846 --> 00:04:26,247 That's the spirit. 85 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,435 Downloaded this for you. It's kind of 86 00:04:28,604 --> 00:04:30,255 a kid's guide to chess. 87 00:04:30,393 --> 00:04:31,891 No, Jay. I'm good. 88 00:04:32,513 --> 00:04:34,785 It's not all dry like that. They have fun with it. 89 00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,640 See, you can color in the little players with your crayons. 90 00:04:37,914 --> 00:04:40,835 - You are making me want to play again. - We're lighting a fire. 91 00:04:41,003 --> 00:04:42,507 Let me toss this out. 92 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:43,884 If you beat me, 93 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:46,162 if that day should ever come, 94 00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:48,065 I'll give you, uh... 95 00:04:48,727 --> 00:04:49,686 Your watch. 96 00:04:50,085 --> 00:04:52,196 Wow. You had that loaded up, huh? 97 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,540 Okay. Game on. 98 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,136 Now, I want you to go first. 99 00:04:59,261 --> 00:05:02,246 Now, remember, try to open up the middle of the board. 100 00:05:02,939 --> 00:05:06,092 I'd have moved that guy two spaces. More aggressive. 101 00:05:07,198 --> 00:05:10,078 And you don't want to bring your queen out that quickly. 102 00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:13,450 You could have protected that with that, but now you're vulnerable to... 103 00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:14,577 Checkmate. 104 00:05:15,789 --> 00:05:16,582 What? 105 00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,769 How'd you do that? 106 00:05:22,085 --> 00:05:24,863 You will not believe what's going on at Jake and Debbie's house. 107 00:05:24,988 --> 00:05:27,511 - Who? - The people on the monitor. 108 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:28,881 So much drama. 109 00:05:30,126 --> 00:05:32,643 Jake told Debbie that he had to work late, 110 00:05:32,768 --> 00:05:34,935 so she called his boss and found out that he didn't. 111 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:35,862 Busted! 112 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,324 So she spent all morning on the phone crying 113 00:05:38,492 --> 00:05:39,883 and crying to her mother 114 00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:42,416 and said if Jake has to work "late" one more time, 115 00:05:42,981 --> 00:05:44,733 she's filing for divorce. 116 00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:46,818 Huh. 117 00:05:47,302 --> 00:05:50,015 I give you that tasty dish, and all you give me is a "huh"? 118 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,394 I'm s... Cam, I froze last night. 119 00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:53,463 I froze. 120 00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:56,402 I thought Lily was in danger, and I froze. But not you. 121 00:05:56,596 --> 00:05:58,322 You sprung right into action. 122 00:05:58,447 --> 00:06:00,535 You even had the cool "It's go time" line. 123 00:06:00,704 --> 00:06:03,082 That comes to me naturally. I spent a year as a crossing guard. 124 00:06:03,845 --> 00:06:07,466 What kind of parent am I if I can't even protect my own family? 125 00:06:08,537 --> 00:06:11,436 Just once I would love to be the guy with no fear 126 00:06:11,735 --> 00:06:14,846 who can stand up and... I don't know, you know, kick some ass. 127 00:06:15,149 --> 00:06:17,291 You're so cute when you're angry with your little fists. 128 00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,610 I just want to put you in my pocket. 129 00:06:21,604 --> 00:06:24,153 - I think he's coming. - Here he comes. 130 00:06:24,513 --> 00:06:25,335 Dad! 131 00:06:25,513 --> 00:06:26,994 Happy birthday! 132 00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:29,009 You guys, that's awesome. 133 00:06:29,675 --> 00:06:32,133 - Who are these from? - Cam and Mitchell. 134 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:33,695 Those guys are a class act. 135 00:06:33,937 --> 00:06:35,509 We're making you breakfast. 136 00:06:35,635 --> 00:06:37,136 French waffle cakes. 137 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,586 Let me guess. 138 00:06:38,711 --> 00:06:41,941 One waffle in between two pieces of French toast, 139 00:06:42,187 --> 00:06:43,440 wrapped in a pancake. 140 00:06:43,565 --> 00:06:44,498 Nailed it. 141 00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:46,468 Bring it in here, monkeys. 142 00:06:46,854 --> 00:06:48,003 Love you! 143 00:06:48,128 --> 00:06:49,329 Get over here! 144 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:50,636 Good enough. 145 00:06:50,804 --> 00:06:53,307 - Where's mom? - The greatest woman in the world? 146 00:06:54,185 --> 00:06:56,122 She is standing in line at the Apple store, 147 00:06:56,247 --> 00:06:58,497 making all my birthday wishes come true. 148 00:06:58,987 --> 00:07:01,289 Let's see how these bad boys taste. 149 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,615 - That is hot! - Are you okay? 150 00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,833 Fresh out of the oven, eh? That is... 151 00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,587 - Do you want some ice? - Yes. 152 00:07:08,075 --> 00:07:09,537 Oh, man, this... 153 00:07:10,223 --> 00:07:12,528 Oh, that feels better. That feels better. 154 00:07:12,654 --> 00:07:13,974 No, it actually... 155 00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,353 feels weird. That burns in a different way! 156 00:07:17,923 --> 00:07:21,197 Don't wash this until we see if I can get my skin back, okay? 157 00:07:24,932 --> 00:07:26,133 Let me see it! 158 00:07:26,375 --> 00:07:28,916 Your party's not until tonight. You'll have to wait. 159 00:07:29,041 --> 00:07:31,515 Just let me see the bag. Did you leave it in the car? 160 00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:33,554 Who'd you deal with? Was it a guy named Mehar? 161 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,944 They call him "the beast." Tiny guy. He must move a ton of product. 162 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,409 I kind of love that you're making me wait. 163 00:07:39,534 --> 00:07:41,195 You are the best wife ever! 164 00:07:41,363 --> 00:07:43,215 You are the best wife ever! 165 00:07:44,253 --> 00:07:45,871 I didn't get you the iPad. 166 00:07:46,745 --> 00:07:49,373 I got to the store, they were all out. I'm so sorry. 167 00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,907 I don't understand. My online buddies got it. 168 00:07:52,032 --> 00:07:54,148 Sat800 and Brobot didn't get there until 8:00, 169 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:57,397 and you definitely got there before 'em, because you got there at 6:30. 170 00:07:57,708 --> 00:08:00,233 You didn't get there at 6:30? Where were you? 171 00:08:00,736 --> 00:08:03,699 I set the alarm for 5:00. Got up. Came downstairs. I fell asleep. 172 00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:08,166 Oh, my goodness. What have I done? What have I done? 173 00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:11,590 - I should've done this myself. - They're gonna get more in next week. 174 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:15,096 Next week? That's, like, the worst thing you can say to an early adopter. 175 00:08:16,248 --> 00:08:17,350 Where are you going? 176 00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:19,606 To a place where birthdays still mean something. 177 00:08:29,064 --> 00:08:30,293 I'll get that. 178 00:08:32,852 --> 00:08:34,801 What are you doing here at... 179 00:08:34,926 --> 00:08:36,999 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon? 180 00:08:37,124 --> 00:08:40,077 I'm just returning my dad's belt of tools, so... 181 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,234 At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon? 182 00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:44,739 Don't you have something better to do? 183 00:08:47,104 --> 00:08:49,248 - So, were you a big hit? - What do you mean? 184 00:08:49,416 --> 00:08:51,349 I just assumed it was some kind of costume party. 185 00:08:51,474 --> 00:08:52,838 Was Cam the Indian? 186 00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:54,478 For your information, dad, 187 00:08:54,604 --> 00:08:56,638 we were doing a little construction at the house. 188 00:08:56,806 --> 00:08:59,587 - What did you build? - A gift-wrapping station. 189 00:08:59,895 --> 00:09:01,037 And we're back. 190 00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:02,093 So... 191 00:09:02,218 --> 00:09:04,609 - Thank you for that. - You're welcome. 192 00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:07,397 Hey, uh, dad, do you remember when I was 193 00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:10,206 probably 11 and you were teaching me how to fight, and then I quit? 194 00:09:10,374 --> 00:09:13,630 You said everything you needed to learn, you'd learned from "West Side Story." 195 00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:15,400 How'd that work out for you? 196 00:09:15,525 --> 00:09:17,596 If I'm ever in a dance fight, I'll let you know. 197 00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:22,319 Is the offer, uh, still good? 198 00:09:22,608 --> 00:09:24,526 What's the matter? You got problems with Cam? 199 00:09:24,695 --> 00:09:27,115 No! Why would you say that? 200 00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:30,264 Come on. I mean, you know, sharing a room with a guy? 201 00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:32,877 I bunked with my brother. I know that can get pretty rough. 202 00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:34,511 I don't "bunk" with Cam. 203 00:09:34,637 --> 00:09:37,010 Dad, I just want to learn a little self-defense. 204 00:09:37,263 --> 00:09:39,065 Show me what you remember. 205 00:09:39,444 --> 00:09:40,896 Right... right now? 206 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,000 Gosh, uh... 207 00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:47,030 - Thumbs out. - Thumbs... attaboy. 208 00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:55,296 That wasn't very pretty, was it? 209 00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,008 Maybe it was a little too pretty. 210 00:09:57,879 --> 00:09:59,230 That's the thing. 211 00:09:59,472 --> 00:10:00,568 Here it goes. 212 00:10:03,283 --> 00:10:04,084 Buddy, 213 00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:07,536 I think the problem is you're not jumping from high enough. 214 00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:11,394 - You should get on top of the garage. - Alex, stop trying to kill Luke. 215 00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:14,752 I need your help. We've got to find your dad one of those iPad thingies. 216 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,088 So, Haley, text everyone you know. 217 00:10:17,213 --> 00:10:18,635 Alex, Facebook, chat, 218 00:10:18,803 --> 00:10:21,342 tweet, buzz, bling... Just do what you have to do. 219 00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:23,669 We have got to find one of these iPads, okay? 220 00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:25,778 Luke, that means stay out of everyone's way 221 00:10:25,903 --> 00:10:27,485 and stop inhaling the balloons. 222 00:10:28,147 --> 00:10:29,399 I'm not inhaling them. 223 00:10:29,524 --> 00:10:30,576 Stop lying. 224 00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:34,416 How did she know? 225 00:10:36,631 --> 00:10:39,167 Didn't your mama teach you never to take a ride 226 00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:41,096 from a stranger? 227 00:10:41,329 --> 00:10:43,269 Got a little vacation time coming up? 228 00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:44,894 Have fun on the Moon! 229 00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:46,921 Not feeling too well lately? 230 00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:49,874 Maybe you should come see the doctor, and I'll... 231 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,093 get rid of it! 232 00:10:53,908 --> 00:10:55,374 What's that supposed to mean? 233 00:10:57,819 --> 00:11:00,320 Attention. If you're here for Phil's birthday party, 234 00:11:00,445 --> 00:11:02,756 they're gathering in the picnic area. 235 00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:04,482 Phil's birthday party. 236 00:11:04,818 --> 00:11:06,317 My wife knew I'd be here. 237 00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:08,234 She put together a whole party for me. 238 00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:10,752 Does that really make up for not getting an iPad? 239 00:11:10,877 --> 00:11:13,513 Don't make me sorry I shared that with you, okay? 240 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,381 See you, fellas. 241 00:11:20,153 --> 00:11:21,154 Howdy do. 242 00:11:21,705 --> 00:11:24,703 I just heard the announcement for Phil's birthday party. 243 00:11:24,828 --> 00:11:27,244 - It's right around the corner. - Awesome. 244 00:11:27,369 --> 00:11:29,922 - Have fun. - Thank you. Thanks, milady. 245 00:11:39,005 --> 00:11:40,799 Happy birthday, Phil! 246 00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:44,606 This is awesome! 247 00:11:59,591 --> 00:12:00,592 Hello? 248 00:12:01,115 --> 00:12:02,760 No, I'm just putting the baby down. 249 00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,389 That's Jake. He's the one having an affair. 250 00:12:06,384 --> 00:12:08,562 - I know. - Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night. 251 00:12:08,731 --> 00:12:11,033 I'll just give my wife some excuse. 252 00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:14,449 - Men are pigs. - I don't really have a choice, do I? 253 00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:16,964 Yeah, you could not cheat on her. How about that? 254 00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:18,774 Because it has to be a surprise. 255 00:12:18,899 --> 00:12:21,204 When she hears me speaking Italian to her grandmother, 256 00:12:21,329 --> 00:12:23,519 it'll be worth all this sneaking around. 257 00:12:23,645 --> 00:12:25,580 Lily, I had it backwards. He's wonderful. 258 00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:28,729 - I'll just tell her I'm working late. - No, Jake, don't do that! 259 00:12:28,854 --> 00:12:31,389 - That's the worst thing you could do! - Buona notte. 260 00:12:31,514 --> 00:12:33,325 Oh, no, what are we gonna do? 261 00:12:33,674 --> 00:12:35,175 We have to fix this. 262 00:12:37,538 --> 00:12:41,226 I'm gonna teach you a couple of basic Brazilian jujitsu moves. 263 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,734 Now, just... 264 00:12:43,082 --> 00:12:44,333 Just attack me. 265 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:47,628 - I'm sorry. What? - Take any deep-seated anger you have, 266 00:12:47,753 --> 00:12:50,438 - get a running start and come. - I don't have any deep-seated anger. 267 00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:53,793 Remember that Halloween when I wouldn't let you go as Olivia Newton-John? 268 00:12:55,668 --> 00:12:58,185 You see what I did? I used your momentum against you. 269 00:12:58,451 --> 00:13:02,459 Learned this from the Gracie brothers. It's called the lion killer, mata-leao. 270 00:13:04,066 --> 00:13:06,386 Try to get out. Try to get out. There, you see? 271 00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:07,714 - I can't. - Yeah. 272 00:13:07,839 --> 00:13:09,422 - Alright, now... - Impressive. 273 00:13:09,547 --> 00:13:12,094 The beauty of this is you don't have to make the first move. 274 00:13:12,219 --> 00:13:14,889 Chances are, your opponent's gonna be overconfident. 275 00:13:15,014 --> 00:13:17,260 He's gonna think you don't know a thing. Basically, 276 00:13:17,385 --> 00:13:19,370 he's being suckered into thinking... 277 00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,231 Manny, that little bastard. He hustled me. 278 00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:25,502 Oh, crap. 279 00:13:26,602 --> 00:13:27,603 Oh, crap. 280 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,144 Oh, crap. 281 00:13:31,539 --> 00:13:33,565 All right, come on. Yeah, breathe. 282 00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:35,101 - Attaboy. - What? 283 00:13:35,226 --> 00:13:38,367 - You all right? Come around. - Why am I on the floor? 284 00:13:41,812 --> 00:13:44,922 Haley, I just struck out again. Please tell me you have some good news. 285 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,928 The grove just got in a shipment. I'm texting you the directions now. 286 00:13:48,845 --> 00:13:50,924 Okay, that's good. That's good. 287 00:13:51,049 --> 00:13:52,150 That's good. 288 00:13:52,926 --> 00:13:54,757 I'm there. I'm on that. 289 00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:01,695 - That kid stole my watch. - What? 290 00:14:02,148 --> 00:14:03,800 He hustled me at chess. 291 00:14:04,585 --> 00:14:06,423 You promised you were gonna let him win. 292 00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:09,654 - I did the first time. - Wait a minute. You're in on it, too? 293 00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:12,831 - Go and get dressed for the party. - Do I have time for a steam? 294 00:14:12,956 --> 00:14:14,704 - Yeah, but a quick one. - Okay. 295 00:14:14,829 --> 00:14:18,263 - Why would you tell him to lose to me? - 'Cause you're a baby if you don't win, 296 00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,138 with the kicking and the eyebrows 297 00:14:20,263 --> 00:14:22,653 and the angry eating of the sunflower seeds... 298 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,878 Actually, that's not true. I don't mind losing to a chess genius, 299 00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:28,550 which Manny obviously is. 300 00:14:28,719 --> 00:14:30,972 Chess genius? He's not even as good as I am. 301 00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:33,226 You're not that good. I won on our honeymoon. 302 00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:36,230 - Or did I let you win? - You didn't let me win. 303 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,825 Why would I sacrifice my queen for your pawn, Jay? 304 00:14:47,342 --> 00:14:48,694 Stop saying that. 305 00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,316 Luke, honey, hi. What's going on? 306 00:14:57,484 --> 00:14:59,237 The guy came with Dad's cake, 307 00:14:59,362 --> 00:15:01,238 but just so you know, it's missing a piece. 308 00:15:01,363 --> 00:15:03,533 Did you take a bite out of your father's cake? 309 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,631 - Stop lying, Luke. - I'm not lying. 310 00:15:07,219 --> 00:15:10,217 By the way, I used your credit card to pay him. Is that all right? 311 00:15:10,419 --> 00:15:11,420 Oh, no. 312 00:15:11,719 --> 00:15:15,172 That's fine. Whatever. That's why I left the wallet there. 313 00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:17,001 Oh, my God. 314 00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:19,539 Oh, my God! 315 00:15:20,481 --> 00:15:21,574 I left the wallet. 316 00:15:21,742 --> 00:15:23,076 I left the wa... 317 00:15:23,244 --> 00:15:24,224 Your poor dad. 318 00:15:24,349 --> 00:15:27,586 All this running around, and he'll think nobody cares about him on his birthday. 319 00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:28,905 More cake? 320 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,146 Why not, little Phil? 321 00:15:31,405 --> 00:15:33,207 I got no place else to go. 322 00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:42,954 Sir. 323 00:15:43,079 --> 00:15:43,900 Sir. 324 00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:45,521 Sir, hi. Excuse me. 325 00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:48,216 Um, yes, I know this is highly unusual, 326 00:15:48,341 --> 00:15:50,832 but I need your help to save a marriage. 327 00:15:50,957 --> 00:15:53,738 A couple in this neighborhood is about to get a divorce 328 00:15:53,863 --> 00:15:56,955 for a simple misunderstanding. Their name is Jake and Debbie. 329 00:15:57,145 --> 00:16:00,994 And I know you've taken an oath to not tell people where other people live. 330 00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:04,949 I respect that, but we could work out some sort of super-secretive spy signal, 331 00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:08,004 where if you scratch your left ear, you know, maybe they live on the left, 332 00:16:08,129 --> 00:16:11,089 - and your right ear, they live on... - They live right here. 333 00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:17,150 This conversation never happened. 334 00:16:20,691 --> 00:16:23,865 - Sorry. - Thank God! Thank you, thank you. 335 00:16:24,272 --> 00:16:26,934 - Dad just put me to sleep. - The hunting story? 336 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,697 Oh, my gosh, no. You can't cut the line. Sorry. 337 00:16:31,822 --> 00:16:32,918 I was here. 338 00:16:33,516 --> 00:16:37,492 I've been here for an hour and a half. You haven't been, so you cut the line. 339 00:16:37,618 --> 00:16:38,485 Whatever. 340 00:16:39,143 --> 00:16:42,611 Excuse me, sir, you don't understand. You're not getting in front of us. 341 00:16:42,779 --> 00:16:44,155 Calm down, gingerbread. 342 00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,051 Are you gonna move or not? 343 00:16:50,422 --> 00:16:52,374 Then you leave me no choice. 344 00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:53,925 Oh, my God. 345 00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:55,446 Go to sleep. 346 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,250 Go to sleep. 347 00:16:57,528 --> 00:16:58,976 - Go to sleep. - No. 348 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,732 - Go to sleep. - What are you doing? Get off of him. 349 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:03,854 - Shut up. He's about to go to sleep. - No. 350 00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:08,203 - Let's stop it. You three, out of line. - Sorry, I had nothing to do with this. 351 00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:11,630 I'm just waiting in line to get an iPad. I don't even know this guy. 352 00:17:11,755 --> 00:17:13,972 - I need your credit card. - He's the problem. 353 00:17:14,097 --> 00:17:16,511 - Shut up. You're supposed to be asleep. - I have it. 354 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,965 - I've got it. - What? 355 00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:20,657 I've got your card. I'm good. No, no, I'm good. 356 00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:22,245 No, I'm here... 357 00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:24,695 I've got to get my husband an iPad! 358 00:17:24,987 --> 00:17:27,861 Key to a good birthday... Low expectations. 359 00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,584 Thought I was getting an iPad. I was wrong about that. 360 00:17:31,709 --> 00:17:34,264 Thought I was getting a surprise party at the batting cages. 361 00:17:34,389 --> 00:17:35,691 Sorry, big Phil. 362 00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:41,395 When it comes right down to it, we're Jeff Sweeney taking a ball to the plums. 363 00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:48,252 Hey, um, Dad, your cake fell off the counter, 364 00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:50,183 but uncle Cam's trying to fix it. 365 00:17:50,308 --> 00:17:51,309 He won't. 366 00:17:52,444 --> 00:17:54,146 And the pizzas never showed up. 367 00:17:54,271 --> 00:17:55,522 And they won't. 368 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,104 Hey, balloons. 369 00:17:58,229 --> 00:18:01,379 - Fine. I guess we'll never know. - Or we can find out right now, huh? 370 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,106 - Manny, give me the chess set. - Oh, it's a chess set. 371 00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:07,189 Yeah. You'll get it later. We got something to settle. Go in there. 372 00:18:07,314 --> 00:18:09,910 - Happy birthday, Phil. - Happy, happy. 373 00:18:10,078 --> 00:18:11,705 Is it Claire's baked brie I smell? 374 00:18:15,722 --> 00:18:18,129 Cam, you'll never believe what happened. 375 00:18:18,254 --> 00:18:20,043 Happy birthday, Phil. 376 00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:21,001 Sure. 377 00:18:21,126 --> 00:18:23,475 You'll never believe it. I got in trouble for fighting. 378 00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:26,735 - And we saved a marriage. - Oh, well, this is the best day ever. 379 00:18:26,903 --> 00:18:29,205 - It really is. - Ain't it, though? 380 00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,876 Look at this, papi! Huh? 381 00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:37,341 Easy. 382 00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:40,091 You can't sing "We are the champions"... 383 00:18:40,216 --> 00:18:41,668 without your queen. 384 00:18:42,305 --> 00:18:45,750 Damn it! Listen, I lose, and I burn this house down! 385 00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:51,827 - Ah, but look at this... - What are we doing? This is ridiculous. 386 00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:56,670 One of us will win the game, the other will feel lousy, we both lose. 387 00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:02,640 Yeah, just leave my birthday present on the floor. 388 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,842 That's my girl. 389 00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:06,272 She had me. There was no way I could win. 390 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,195 I knew it. I'm just glad she didn't know it yet. 391 00:19:09,529 --> 00:19:11,131 Two moves, and then... 392 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,713 I'm a very good chess player. 393 00:19:14,004 --> 00:19:15,606 But I'm a better wife. 394 00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,128 - Hey, did you get it? - No. 395 00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:23,184 - How's your dad? - Acting weird... er. 396 00:19:23,582 --> 00:19:24,519 Hey, wife. 397 00:19:24,645 --> 00:19:25,646 Honey. Hi. 398 00:19:25,771 --> 00:19:26,941 Um, listen. 399 00:19:27,765 --> 00:19:30,067 - Yeah, Luke, hang on one second. - Honey, it's okay. 400 00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:31,887 I don't feel things anymore. 401 00:19:32,012 --> 00:19:34,314 But, sweetie, I want you to feel... 402 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:36,450 Luke, just a second. Where are you going? 403 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,225 Just heading out to the yard to get a shovel for my cake. 404 00:19:39,939 --> 00:19:41,300 Luke, what do you want? 405 00:19:41,468 --> 00:19:42,881 I went on Dad's computer, 406 00:19:43,006 --> 00:19:46,979 contacted some of his geek friends, told them that he was dying 407 00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,191 and his last wish was an iPad. 408 00:19:49,537 --> 00:19:51,237 What have I told you about the... 409 00:19:51,405 --> 00:19:54,558 One of them felt so bad, they brought over an extra. 410 00:19:55,126 --> 00:19:56,181 Oh, my God. 411 00:19:56,306 --> 00:19:59,246 You got it, you beautiful little liar. 412 00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:00,590 Here comes Dad. 413 00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:10,442 Who wants some cake? 414 00:20:10,611 --> 00:20:13,364 I used to, but I don't desire food any... 415 00:20:13,532 --> 00:20:14,951 Oh, my God! You got it! 416 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,207 All this time, I said I didn't care, but I do care... I care so much! 417 00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,493 - Do you want to blow out the candles? - Yes. 418 00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:21,543 Go on. 419 00:20:21,669 --> 00:20:22,634 Go. 420 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,013 It did not just do that! 421 00:20:25,181 --> 00:20:27,106 - Yes, it did! - Honey! 422 00:20:28,878 --> 00:20:31,604 Who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives? 423 00:20:31,778 --> 00:20:33,850 - Phil, happy birthday. - Look at this. 424 00:20:34,249 --> 00:20:37,402 - Can I touch it? - Yeah. Not so hard, but touch it. 425 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,460 Touch it, but don't touch it. Touch it, but don't touch it. 426 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,785 I'm so sorry I ever doubted you. 427 00:20:44,126 --> 00:20:46,514 - I love you. - Thank God that guy came over. 428 00:20:46,968 --> 00:20:49,968 - What did he say his name was? - He didn't. Must be an angel. 429 00:20:50,872 --> 00:20:53,841 - Did you hear that? I'm an angel. - Or some creepy perv. 430 00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:56,361 How did he know? 431 00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:01,458 - Maybe I should call the police. - You should. 432 00:21:01,584 --> 00:21:04,833 - I'm gonna call the police. - And they lived happily ever after. 433 00:21:04,958 --> 00:21:07,264 No, where are you going? It was just getting good. 434 00:21:08,205 --> 00:21:09,874 I want... That's my program. 435 00:21:11,330 --> 00:21:12,381 I love you. 436 00:21:12,506 --> 00:21:13,837 I love you, too, honey.