1 00:00:05,403 --> 00:00:07,829 - Honey, have a great time at the game. - Thanks. 2 00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:10,029 Why are you crunching? 3 00:00:10,658 --> 00:00:12,259 Ordinarily, I'm a rule follower, 4 00:00:12,384 --> 00:00:16,123 but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium, 5 00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:19,102 that's when I get a little nuts. 6 00:00:19,648 --> 00:00:21,500 It's a free country, right? 7 00:00:21,719 --> 00:00:23,731 Let's just say it ruffles me... 8 00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,281 when some goobers... 9 00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:28,008 tell me I have to spend half my payday... 10 00:00:28,307 --> 00:00:30,942 on their hot dogs. 11 00:00:32,534 --> 00:00:34,290 Please remember the family portrait. 12 00:00:34,415 --> 00:00:36,039 We have the photographer for an hour. 13 00:00:37,082 --> 00:00:40,465 Sweetie, did you have a chance to try on the white pants I put in your closet? 14 00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:42,528 What do they look like? 15 00:00:42,813 --> 00:00:45,642 Is there really a more clear way to describe white pants? 16 00:00:46,222 --> 00:00:47,396 If they don't fit you, 17 00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:49,623 you're gonna be the only one not wearing white, 18 00:00:49,748 --> 00:00:51,821 and then you're gonna stand out like "Where's Waldo?" 19 00:00:52,151 --> 00:00:53,840 "Where's Waldo?" doesn't stand out. 20 00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:55,871 He's super hard to find. That's the challenge. 21 00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:58,736 - This portrait is incredibly important. - Also, his name is just Waldo. 22 00:00:58,861 --> 00:01:02,259 I spent weeks trying to find a time that works for everybody 23 00:01:02,427 --> 00:01:04,847 and finding the right photographer. If you could just promise me 24 00:01:05,335 --> 00:01:07,088 that you'll cooperate, okay? 25 00:01:07,214 --> 00:01:08,215 I promise. 26 00:01:08,523 --> 00:01:10,066 It's amazing you're doing this. 27 00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:11,484 Thank you. 28 00:01:11,609 --> 00:01:13,198 - You're wonderful. - Thank you. 29 00:01:13,366 --> 00:01:14,435 Get in here. 30 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:15,753 Oh, no can do. 31 00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:17,080 I love you. 32 00:01:21,126 --> 00:01:22,758 Where's my good underwear? 33 00:01:23,594 --> 00:01:24,696 The question is, 34 00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:28,060 why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living! 35 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,966 The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. 36 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,571 Put on the first thing I grabbed... It was like a crotch tourniquet. 37 00:01:33,883 --> 00:01:35,534 - You got to talk to her. - Why me? 38 00:01:35,841 --> 00:01:38,415 Hola. You both speak the same language. 39 00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:39,886 She's Portuguese. 40 00:01:40,011 --> 00:01:41,519 Do you know how offensive it is 41 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:44,050 that you put all of us in the same mixing pot? 42 00:01:44,219 --> 00:01:46,639 Apologize to her when you tell her not to put my underwear... 43 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,393 I can't talk to her! 44 00:01:52,093 --> 00:01:53,935 - Where's Luke? - I'm going instead. 45 00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:56,451 Luke suddenly remembered a school project due tomorrow. 46 00:01:56,619 --> 00:01:58,608 That's tough. But it's a good lesson for the kid. 47 00:01:58,733 --> 00:02:00,917 You make a commitment, you got to follow through. 48 00:02:01,672 --> 00:02:02,895 What is the project? 49 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:05,669 He has to interview somebody who lived through the 1960s. 50 00:02:09,112 --> 00:02:09,913 Hello. 51 00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:11,870 Yeah, Luke. 52 00:02:12,572 --> 00:02:14,819 Oh, sure, I remember what I said. 53 00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:16,031 Yeah, come on over. 54 00:02:16,433 --> 00:02:17,434 All right. 55 00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:19,455 Gloria, you take Manny to the game. 56 00:02:20,403 --> 00:02:22,053 Manny, vamos! 57 00:02:22,178 --> 00:02:23,716 I'm still getting dressed! 58 00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:26,194 Hey, mom! I think my diet's working! 59 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,515 My underwear won't stay up! 60 00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:33,799 Subtitles by Kevin & Tyno 61 00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:35,987 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 62 00:02:46,028 --> 00:02:47,585 Oh, so delicious. 63 00:02:48,871 --> 00:02:51,169 You're okay with me not going with you today, right? 64 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:52,604 I have been hired to sing 65 00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:54,925 at a wedding this weekend. 66 00:02:55,231 --> 00:02:59,169 I was plucked from obscurity after a particularly stirring 67 00:02:59,623 --> 00:03:00,996 karaoke performance. 68 00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,814 So I guess you could say I'm a professional singer now. 69 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:07,257 They're paying you in flowers, so... 70 00:03:07,382 --> 00:03:10,452 I would have blown the money on flowers anyway. They're saving me a step. 71 00:03:10,577 --> 00:03:13,386 Plus, all the great divas are rewarded in flowers. 72 00:03:13,511 --> 00:03:15,275 They're also given paychecks. 73 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,065 I'm really bad at small talk, so... 74 00:03:18,356 --> 00:03:19,825 I get it. It's not a problem. 75 00:03:20,027 --> 00:03:21,996 Are you sure? You've been quiet all morning. 76 00:03:22,519 --> 00:03:25,021 It's because I'm resting my instrument. 77 00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:29,845 I feel tension. 78 00:03:36,409 --> 00:03:37,236 Kobe! 79 00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:39,740 What can I do for you? 80 00:03:40,894 --> 00:03:43,590 Do you like being a basketball... player? 81 00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:45,535 You serious? 82 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,173 I choked. I didn't think you'd look up here at me. 83 00:03:48,345 --> 00:03:50,887 Little preparation next time. It's a mental game. 84 00:03:51,218 --> 00:03:52,139 Dually noted. 85 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,915 What's wrong? 86 00:04:05,219 --> 00:04:06,353 That broken step. 87 00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:08,306 It's gonna ruin our family portrait. 88 00:04:08,431 --> 00:04:10,660 Here's my idea. I'm really excited about it. 89 00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:13,088 The whole extended family, all dressed in white, 90 00:04:13,214 --> 00:04:15,653 in a single-file line down the staircase. 91 00:04:15,778 --> 00:04:17,630 Like a line on the highway. 92 00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:20,307 Or a ski jump. 93 00:04:21,849 --> 00:04:23,415 Why would I want a ski jump? 94 00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:25,502 I don't know. My idea was to have the whole family 95 00:04:25,627 --> 00:04:27,289 on a giant bed like in "Willy Wonka." 96 00:04:27,414 --> 00:04:29,316 Yeah, but that's ridiculous. 97 00:04:29,829 --> 00:04:31,417 Ridicu-licious. 98 00:04:34,322 --> 00:04:36,270 - I don't see anything. - So I'm crazy? 99 00:04:36,703 --> 00:04:38,576 No! You're... not. 100 00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:42,845 Your father was supposed to fix that step. 101 00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:45,850 Mom, you're obsessing over the tiniest little thing. 102 00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:47,327 So you do see it. 103 00:04:47,826 --> 00:04:50,095 What is the big deal about this one picture? 104 00:04:50,299 --> 00:04:53,249 Honey, you know what? I don't expect you to understand. 105 00:04:54,478 --> 00:04:55,275 All right. 106 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,648 When you're a mom, everything goes by so quickly. 107 00:04:58,816 --> 00:05:00,443 In a minute, Luke's gonna be shaving, 108 00:05:01,138 --> 00:05:03,783 And Alex is gonna be off at college, and you're gonna be... 109 00:05:06,649 --> 00:05:08,820 You're gonna be doing something great. 110 00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:13,250 I just want to freeze this moment as it is right now. 111 00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:14,221 You know? 112 00:05:14,703 --> 00:05:15,537 I do. 113 00:05:15,662 --> 00:05:17,314 I know I don't show it, 114 00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:20,353 - but this family's still the most... - Screw it. 115 00:05:20,735 --> 00:05:22,069 I'm gonna fix the bastard. 116 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,241 I mean, seriously, how hard can it be? 117 00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:26,673 If your father can do it, I can do it, right? 118 00:05:26,798 --> 00:05:27,778 All right. 119 00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,378 I just need to... 120 00:05:30,781 --> 00:05:31,932 Like, lift... 121 00:05:35,442 --> 00:05:36,527 Now I see it. 122 00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:44,868 These seats are amazing! 123 00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:47,424 Why you have candy coming out of your pants? 124 00:05:49,039 --> 00:05:50,667 I brought my own snacks. 125 00:05:50,792 --> 00:05:53,222 Not because I'm cheap. It's a matter of principle. 126 00:05:53,347 --> 00:05:57,032 And I get a little rush from the danger. Be cool! Be cool! 127 00:05:57,422 --> 00:05:58,994 Just look straight ahead. 128 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,359 I've never felt more alive. 129 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,146 I just made it worse. I'm not freaking out, though. 130 00:06:08,272 --> 00:06:10,884 I'm gonna call your dad, and he's gonna tell me how to fix this. 131 00:06:11,215 --> 00:06:12,337 Oh, my God, it's dad! 132 00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,393 - Where? - Right there, behind Kobe! 133 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,387 How weird is this? 134 00:06:16,699 --> 00:06:18,808 Quick. Tell me something to say that'll freak him out. 135 00:06:18,976 --> 00:06:20,143 Tell him I'm pregnant! 136 00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:22,183 No, I'm not gonna say that. 137 00:06:23,276 --> 00:06:25,169 Okay, here we go. How funny is this? 138 00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:30,298 Hey, it's Phil. 139 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,924 You know what to do. 140 00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:35,223 Well, that was pretty funny. 141 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:42,800 Oh, my God! 142 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:45,985 Oh, my God. 143 00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:07,462 Excuse me. Sorry for that. 144 00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:10,328 Hello? 145 00:07:10,515 --> 00:07:13,095 There is a pigeon in our house! What do I do? 146 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,418 Who is this? 147 00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:15,960 Never funny. Not funny now. 148 00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:16,882 Calm down. 149 00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:19,416 I grew up around many animals. One time, a rooster attacked me, 150 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:21,558 and my mom wrung its neck, and we had it for dinner. 151 00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:23,818 Great time for an anecdote. Help me! 152 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,471 It's more afraid of you than you are of it. 153 00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:29,214 Pigeons aren't scared of anything. They stand on electrical wires. 154 00:07:29,339 --> 00:07:30,451 You're gonna be fine. 155 00:07:30,619 --> 00:07:32,559 You know what? Just as long as you don't... 156 00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:35,098 You know what? They're starting. I got to go. 157 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,452 As long as I don't what? Cam, as long as I don't... 158 00:07:42,824 --> 00:07:43,936 Oh, the kiss-cam! 159 00:07:44,104 --> 00:07:46,507 Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera was on us and then... 160 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,546 - We're related. - Not by blood. 161 00:07:48,671 --> 00:07:50,449 Touch me, and there will be blood. 162 00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:55,521 Not us. 163 00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:56,824 What's wrong? 164 00:07:56,949 --> 00:07:59,588 It's the kiss-cam. When it lands on you, you're supposed to kiss. 165 00:08:02,558 --> 00:08:04,760 It's my wife's dad's second wife. 166 00:08:05,178 --> 00:08:07,107 Legally okay, but still weird. 167 00:08:09,963 --> 00:08:11,315 That was awkward. 168 00:08:12,353 --> 00:08:13,537 And... we're back. 169 00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:19,163 Ay, come on. It's not a big deal. 170 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,528 Thank God for caller I.D. So you don't have to talk to your wife. 171 00:08:30,859 --> 00:08:32,690 Oh, we're gonna talk, mister. 172 00:08:32,815 --> 00:08:34,538 We're gonna talk and talk... 173 00:08:37,578 --> 00:08:39,745 Dad! Mom saw you on TV! 174 00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:41,100 You're dead. 175 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,233 Here's the thing. The kiss-cam is only supposed to be 176 00:08:46,358 --> 00:08:48,661 for the enjoyment of the people at the game! 177 00:08:48,786 --> 00:08:50,638 They never show that on TV. 178 00:08:51,199 --> 00:08:54,234 What people do in the privacy of their own sports arena 179 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,311 should be their own business. 180 00:08:56,951 --> 00:08:59,693 So, in '66, I worked at my grandfather's 181 00:08:59,818 --> 00:09:01,311 office-supply business. 182 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,313 Your ink, your staples, your legal pads. 183 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,108 Am I going too fast for you? 184 00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:07,985 I feel asleep for a second. 185 00:09:08,272 --> 00:09:10,639 Did you do anything interesting in the '60s? 186 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,657 One summer, I swept up hair at my other grandfather's barber shop. 187 00:09:13,825 --> 00:09:14,951 You're killing me! 188 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,914 - What do you want? - I don't know. 189 00:09:17,131 --> 00:09:19,517 Brian Beckwith's grandfather marched on Washington. 190 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:20,755 Artie Beckwith? 191 00:09:21,072 --> 00:09:23,638 He couldn't walk two feet without complaining. 192 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,265 He marched on Washington? 193 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:26,934 He told Brian he did. 194 00:09:27,102 --> 00:09:28,687 With Martin Luther King Jr. 195 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,420 Martin Luther King? 196 00:09:31,372 --> 00:09:32,612 Guess who cut his hair. 197 00:09:32,926 --> 00:09:33,719 What? 198 00:09:34,017 --> 00:09:36,934 Do you know who cut Martin Luther King Jr.'s hair? 199 00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,499 Neither does Luke's teacher. 200 00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:40,923 So, the barber shop was in Washington? 201 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:41,841 Okay. 202 00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:43,950 Did you cut any other famous hair? 203 00:09:44,473 --> 00:09:46,789 The Kennedys, Richard Nixon, all the astronauts. 204 00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:49,073 How do you think Buzz Aldrin got his nickname? 205 00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:50,099 Awesome. 206 00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,328 We love to play in Lily's room 207 00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:55,408 We don't need any milk 208 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,712 Okay, you know what, Lily? I am a man. 209 00:09:59,837 --> 00:10:02,640 I am going into the kitchen to get your milk. 210 00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:19,594 Then one day, Wilt Chamberlain shows up. 211 00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:22,687 He says, "Can you take a little off the top for my friend here?" 212 00:12:22,812 --> 00:12:24,666 - And it's Elvis. - No way. 213 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,209 Greatest singer that ever lived. 214 00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:28,714 After Sinatra. I'll fight any man who says different. 215 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,942 My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived 216 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,369 is Peabo Bryson. 217 00:12:32,890 --> 00:12:34,581 Then I guess I got to fight your dad. 218 00:12:34,706 --> 00:12:35,811 Yeah. I guess. 219 00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:44,339 Luke says Grandpa wants to fight you. 220 00:12:54,379 --> 00:12:56,548 Why does everything have to suck? 221 00:12:56,673 --> 00:12:59,849 Let's just do the picture another day. I think I'm getting a pimple. 222 00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:02,615 It took me too long to book the photographer. 223 00:13:03,674 --> 00:13:05,579 Maybe by the fireplace. 224 00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:10,220 That's a classic old-person spot for a portrait. 225 00:13:10,345 --> 00:13:13,314 Yeah, if I'd ever bothered to paint that hideous wall. 226 00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:14,901 Claire is a perfectionist, 227 00:13:15,026 --> 00:13:16,705 which sometimes is a good thing, 228 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,383 like when it comes to picking a husband. 229 00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:24,121 Sometime it's a bad thing, when everyone sees something beautiful, 230 00:13:24,247 --> 00:13:27,415 and all she sees is the teeny, tiny flaw. 231 00:13:34,979 --> 00:13:38,353 My house is a disaster. Can we do this picture at your place? 232 00:13:39,216 --> 00:13:41,141 That's not gonna work. 233 00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:51,046 Maybe one more layer... and tight, really tight. 234 00:13:51,171 --> 00:13:53,500 - Dad, can you call them again? - I just did. 235 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,695 They're on their way. Game went into overtime. 236 00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:58,685 We're losing the light. The photographer has a bar mitzvah in 10 minutes. 237 00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,086 Oh, red wine. Really? Now? 238 00:14:01,212 --> 00:14:03,152 You're getting a little too uptight. 239 00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:05,724 It's hard to breathe. 240 00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:07,870 - You're fine. - What'd you do? He's turning blue. 241 00:14:08,038 --> 00:14:09,290 His clothes'll stay white. 242 00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:12,838 - We're home! - Oh, thank God! 243 00:14:13,370 --> 00:14:14,874 Manny, let's go change. 244 00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,697 There's my beautiful wife. 245 00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:20,960 I know you're mad at me and this foam finger can't map for everything... 246 00:14:21,085 --> 00:14:23,619 You just go change. We'll talk about what you did later. 247 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:25,948 Thank you for those tickets. 248 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,880 Gloria tells me you had a good time. 249 00:14:28,005 --> 00:14:30,541 Not really. No, I didn't. God, I love your daughter. 250 00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:34,382 I should come by and kiss that step. Fix that step. 251 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,432 You're acting like I wanted to destroy the house. 252 00:14:37,557 --> 00:14:40,084 I just think it's odd that the majority of things you destroyed 253 00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:41,560 were sent by my mom. 254 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:46,364 I'm fighting off that filthy creature, and I stop and say, "Oh, you know what? 255 00:14:46,489 --> 00:14:50,162 "Here's the opportunity I've wanted to destroy our kitschiest objects. 256 00:14:50,331 --> 00:14:52,878 "Kitschiest"? She's gonna love that. If you'd come to the wedding, 257 00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:55,256 - none of this would have happened. - So you are angry. 258 00:14:55,381 --> 00:14:56,467 Mitchell, I get it. 259 00:14:56,635 --> 00:14:58,715 You're terrified of small talk... and birds. 260 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,478 You're lucky that pigeon didn't want to chit chat about the weather. 261 00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:07,774 - You're like the "Dance Fever" guy! - Thank you. 262 00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:09,660 Deney Terrio. Cleveland, Ohio. 263 00:15:09,828 --> 00:15:12,081 Dad, really. That is not a compliment. 264 00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:14,821 That's why I wanted you to try those on. Turn around. 265 00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:17,408 The picture can't happen today. My pimple's getting worse. 266 00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,221 I am so sorry. Can you stand? 267 00:15:20,475 --> 00:15:23,525 - Well, then, the picture's happening. - It's all anybody's gonna see! 268 00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:25,852 I wouldn't be so sure about that. 269 00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:29,998 - Did you get a look at her dress? - What? 270 00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:32,162 Why would I look at her dress? I love you! 271 00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:35,962 - The sun is setting. - Okay, this is happening. 272 00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:37,993 - Everybody, let's go. - Be careful. 273 00:15:38,118 --> 00:15:40,180 I stained some furniture out there. 274 00:15:40,348 --> 00:15:42,546 Of course you did, Dad. Anything else I need to know? 275 00:15:42,671 --> 00:15:45,022 Maybe the neighbors are having a paintball fight. 276 00:15:45,191 --> 00:15:46,079 Watch this. 277 00:15:46,205 --> 00:15:48,942 Dad, in his infinite wisdom, stained furniture today. 278 00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,450 Don't touch it. It's wet. 279 00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,705 - Hurry, hurry! - Put that down, sweetheart. 280 00:15:52,873 --> 00:15:54,983 Okay, we got it. Now we're gonna go out here. 281 00:15:56,881 --> 00:15:58,226 Are you kidding me? 282 00:15:58,351 --> 00:16:00,257 How do you turn the sprinklers off? 283 00:16:00,382 --> 00:16:01,464 Of course, 284 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,437 I'm Latina, so I know everything about gardening and sprinklers! 285 00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:07,057 You were here when they installed it! 286 00:16:09,281 --> 00:16:12,578 - The box is across the yard. - You mean the now-soaking-wet yard? 287 00:16:12,746 --> 00:16:14,048 Great. We are screwed. 288 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:15,375 No, we're not. 289 00:16:15,829 --> 00:16:18,298 We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon yet. 290 00:16:18,466 --> 00:16:21,763 Luke walks over there, "Hurt Locker"-style, 291 00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:23,634 flips the switch 292 00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:24,897 and boom! 293 00:16:25,022 --> 00:16:26,173 Or, not boom. 294 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,561 Water off. 295 00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:31,138 Put the "he" in "hero," son. 296 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,007 "Hurt Locker." It's more like "Squirt Locker." 297 00:16:42,052 --> 00:16:43,515 Really? That wasn't funny? 298 00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:45,811 I actually pity you guys. 299 00:16:50,336 --> 00:16:52,908 No time to celebrate! Stop it! 300 00:16:53,384 --> 00:16:55,664 - We don't have a lot of time. - All right, everybody. 301 00:16:55,832 --> 00:16:57,960 - If I can have the little... - If you don't mind... 302 00:16:58,128 --> 00:17:00,419 I've got this. Come on, people. Let's get out here. 303 00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,638 I need you to unwrap your brother. 304 00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:05,517 I need the Dunphys over on this side. 305 00:17:05,685 --> 00:17:07,019 Dad, in the middle. 306 00:17:07,188 --> 00:17:09,900 Mitchell, Cam, Lily on this end. 307 00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:12,948 Listen. 308 00:17:13,338 --> 00:17:17,252 I know I screwed up, but if ever you're in my arms again... 309 00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:18,913 - Phil, not now. - Yes, now! 310 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,959 I don't wanna look at this picture when I'm 80 311 00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:23,266 and you're dead and know you were angry when we took it! 312 00:17:23,391 --> 00:17:24,966 We'll talk about what you did later. 313 00:17:25,091 --> 00:17:26,934 Okay, everybody. Eyes over here. 314 00:17:27,102 --> 00:17:29,266 I didn't do anything. She kissed me. 315 00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:30,525 What? 316 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,482 Who kissed you? 317 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,585 - What? - It was the kiss-cam. 318 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:38,708 - Why did you kiss Cam? - I kissed Phil. He told me I had to. 319 00:17:38,876 --> 00:17:40,460 - No. - Hang on a second. 320 00:17:40,585 --> 00:17:43,426 Was this before or after you ignored the phone call from your wife? 321 00:17:43,869 --> 00:17:45,149 You saw that, too? 322 00:17:45,611 --> 00:17:48,859 Could we please just take the damn picture? 323 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,149 Okay, everybody, one more time. 324 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,030 - Just so you know, I am angry with you. - I knew it! 325 00:17:54,662 --> 00:17:56,327 - Damn it! - It was a big day for me, 326 00:17:56,495 --> 00:17:58,623 He didn't go because he doesn't like small talk! 327 00:17:58,791 --> 00:18:00,413 Would it be terribly inconvenient 328 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,798 to just postpone this hissy fit for a few minutes? 329 00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:04,843 Maybe we don't wanna take a picture today! 330 00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:07,599 - Thank you. - Please, don't try to make Mitchell do 331 00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:10,497 - something he doesn't want to do. - Oh, shut up, Cam! 332 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:11,857 Stop it! 333 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:13,068 Everyone! 334 00:18:13,237 --> 00:18:15,824 Listen, this took me forever to put together, 335 00:18:15,992 --> 00:18:18,358 so I don't really care who kissed who 336 00:18:18,483 --> 00:18:20,170 and who's got a pimple on her head, 337 00:18:20,296 --> 00:18:22,587 and who is wearing an outrageously inappropriate dress! 338 00:18:22,755 --> 00:18:26,629 We are gonna get together and act like a normal family 339 00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:29,424 for 1/10 of a freaking second, and we're gonna do it right now. 340 00:18:29,549 --> 00:18:31,574 - Come on, let's go. - Get your hands off or me! 341 00:18:31,699 --> 00:18:33,025 No, make me, make me! 342 00:18:33,194 --> 00:18:34,403 This is ridiculous! 343 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,741 You're both uptight about everything! 344 00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:40,991 You didn't go to a wedding with him because you don't wanna make small talk? 345 00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:43,880 That's how I met Gloria. Do you remember the first thing I said? 346 00:18:44,908 --> 00:18:48,652 "I like chocolate, I like fruit, but not together." 347 00:18:49,309 --> 00:18:51,520 Couldn't come up with that, Ivy league? And you... 348 00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:53,106 you'd be a lot happier 349 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:55,516 if you weren't so obsessed with everything being perfect. 350 00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:58,367 Look at us here all in white. What are we, a cricket team? 351 00:18:58,535 --> 00:19:01,767 News flash! Life is not perfect, Claire. 352 00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:03,878 Now, calm the hell down! 353 00:19:04,046 --> 00:19:06,938 Okay, Dad, that's great. And that's really easy for you to say. 354 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,097 But do you think I like being like this? 355 00:19:09,712 --> 00:19:10,809 No, I don't. 356 00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:14,233 So if you have some quick and easy fix, just give it to me right now! 357 00:19:23,702 --> 00:19:25,296 I got this, baby. 358 00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:30,473 Why did you do that? Two people are dirty! 359 00:19:30,641 --> 00:19:31,725 Well, three. 360 00:19:32,477 --> 00:19:33,729 Okay, you know what? 361 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,338 - That's for "kitschy." - Mud fight! 362 00:19:38,741 --> 00:19:40,117 Don't do that! 363 00:19:50,654 --> 00:19:51,599 Excuse me! 364 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,771 Are we still doing this? 365 00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:56,975 No, we're not. 366 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,083 Now we are. 367 00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:06,253 Ready! 368 00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:12,573 Say "cheese." 369 00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:14,510 Say "cheese!" 370 00:20:14,687 --> 00:20:17,950 Back in '68, when I was sweeping up hair in that barber shop, 371 00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:20,616 I had this mental picture of the family that, 372 00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:22,928 If I was lucky enough, one day I would end up with. 373 00:20:23,614 --> 00:20:25,250 Perfect wife, perfect kids. 374 00:20:25,819 --> 00:20:28,129 Guess what. I didn't get any of that. 375 00:20:28,298 --> 00:20:30,476 Wound up with this sorry bunch. 376 00:20:30,678 --> 00:20:32,980 And I'm thankful for that every day. 377 00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:35,175 Well, most days. 378 00:20:36,242 --> 00:20:38,149 I think I'm just gonna go with the Elvis stuff. 379 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,232 Yeah, I would. 380 00:20:43,597 --> 00:20:45,456 To the right... To the right... 381 00:20:45,767 --> 00:20:47,335 And a skosh to the left. 382 00:20:47,944 --> 00:20:49,064 There we go. 383 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,685 Whatever, I'm gonna have to take it down when I repaint the wall. 384 00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:55,488 Kill me now. 385 00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:56,687 What? 386 00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:58,148 Don't know how... 387 00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,841 I got so lucky. 388 00:21:00,939 --> 00:21:01,990 I love you. 389 00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:04,244 I love that picture. 390 00:21:09,292 --> 00:21:11,425 - Is that a chip on the frame? - No. 391 00:21:11,593 --> 00:21:13,524 - I can see it. - Honey!