1 00:00:11,552 --> 00:00:13,154 Okay... I'll get that. 2 00:00:14,971 --> 00:00:17,557 Manny's getting his outfit together for the dance tonight. 3 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,920 I was just taking some supplies out to the car. 4 00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:22,066 Isn't this exciting? The boys' first dance? 5 00:00:22,235 --> 00:00:23,562 Greatest day of my life. 6 00:00:23,688 --> 00:00:25,746 Does Phil have a green pocket square for him? 7 00:00:25,871 --> 00:00:26,872 Teal! 8 00:00:26,997 --> 00:00:27,998 Teal. 9 00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:31,209 I don't know. I don't think Phil's really a pocket-square kind of a guy. 10 00:00:34,719 --> 00:00:36,846 Why don't we conference in Mitch? 11 00:00:37,517 --> 00:00:38,767 Look. This might work. 12 00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:41,187 Well, except that it's turquoise... 13 00:00:41,774 --> 00:00:42,775 and a bra? 14 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,581 Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares? 15 00:00:45,707 --> 00:00:47,158 Here we go with the village. 16 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:49,664 - Dad, are you still there? - Unfortunately, yes. 17 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:52,837 Please ask Claire what time do I need to be at the school to help set up. 18 00:00:52,962 --> 00:00:55,091 - Gloria wants to know... - No, I heard. I heard. 19 00:00:55,866 --> 00:00:59,211 Tell her thank you so much, but we have all the help we could possibly need, 20 00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:01,990 and she doesn't even have to come tonight if she doesn't want to. 21 00:01:02,115 --> 00:01:03,565 - Claire said... - I heard. 22 00:01:07,461 --> 00:01:09,202 - Where are you? - We're at the park. 23 00:01:09,371 --> 00:01:11,581 You would not believe how some people dress their kids. 24 00:01:11,751 --> 00:01:14,629 Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spears getting out of a sandbox car. 25 00:01:14,799 --> 00:01:16,299 So, dad's on the line. 26 00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:19,139 Do you he a teal pocket square for Manny? 27 00:01:19,307 --> 00:01:21,274 Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square. 28 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:23,898 - I've got teal, aqua, sea foam... - Yeah, Cam's got one. 29 00:01:24,405 --> 00:01:25,944 - Cam's got one. - Yes! 30 00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:27,906 You know what? I lent it to Andre. 31 00:01:28,469 --> 00:01:29,617 He lent it to andre. 32 00:01:29,787 --> 00:01:31,789 - Flag on the play. - What's that mean? 33 00:01:32,335 --> 00:01:33,459 What's that mean? 34 00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:36,298 Now I got to go to the mall. 35 00:01:36,979 --> 00:01:38,130 Is this okay? 36 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,475 Luke has to go to the mall, too. 37 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:42,644 What? 38 00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:46,408 Let's go, Incredible Hulk. 39 00:01:47,188 --> 00:01:49,597 Subtitles by MiniBen314 40 00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:51,788 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 41 00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:04,187 Is that your little girl over there? 42 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:07,694 - Look at her. - This is a little bit awkward, 43 00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:09,405 but she bit Tyler. 44 00:02:11,071 --> 00:02:14,094 Oh, my goodness. I don't even know what to say. 45 00:02:14,219 --> 00:02:16,628 She's never done that before. How did it happen? 46 00:02:16,797 --> 00:02:18,173 I don't know. I didn't see. 47 00:02:20,513 --> 00:02:22,581 It's time to play everyone's favorite game. 48 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,399 - "Let's blame the gay dads"! - You know who had straight parents? 49 00:02:25,524 --> 00:02:27,132 - Adolf Hitler. - Charles Manson. 50 00:02:27,257 --> 00:02:28,903 - Shall we go on? - Naomi Campbell. 51 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:32,953 I know it happened. He's got bite marks on his arm. 52 00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:36,897 Gosh, someone really sunk their teeth into you, huh? 53 00:02:37,022 --> 00:02:39,586 It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy! Yes! 54 00:02:40,419 --> 00:02:41,846 Our daughter didn't do that. 55 00:02:42,014 --> 00:02:43,515 - But he said... - Right. 56 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,583 He's probably just confused. You know who I bet did it, though? 57 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,088 Billy, rhymes with Lily. 58 00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:49,891 Plus, he is very aggressive. 59 00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:53,786 His babysitter's right over there. She's not much of a disciplinarian. 60 00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:56,940 Because I can assure you, if our child did something like this, 61 00:02:57,065 --> 00:02:58,880 we would be on her like white on rice. 62 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,462 And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur 63 00:03:01,587 --> 00:03:03,743 because we're white and she presumably likes rice, 64 00:03:03,868 --> 00:03:05,643 but I didn't intend it that way. 65 00:03:07,986 --> 00:03:09,738 Finally. There's a spot. 66 00:03:11,323 --> 00:03:13,541 Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now. 67 00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:15,104 Your first dance. 68 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,981 Soon you're gonna be men. 69 00:03:17,106 --> 00:03:20,248 There's more to being a man than just shopping for fancy outfits. 70 00:03:20,373 --> 00:03:22,359 Pretty soon, you get some hair on your chest, 71 00:03:22,484 --> 00:03:25,195 you start answering the phone, people don't think you're ladies. 72 00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:27,980 Come on, today, Miss Daisy. 73 00:03:28,148 --> 00:03:30,681 Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, 74 00:03:30,806 --> 00:03:32,625 - not the one driving. - Never saw it. 75 00:03:32,751 --> 00:03:34,511 It's called Driving Miss Daisy. 76 00:03:34,636 --> 00:03:36,914 You got a real lip on you today. You know that? 77 00:03:42,409 --> 00:03:43,510 That was our spot! 78 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:46,730 What are you doing? You're gonna let him snake your spot? 79 00:03:46,855 --> 00:03:48,006 Not worth it. 80 00:03:48,131 --> 00:03:50,709 Boys, here's the only thing you gotta know about being a man... 81 00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:52,605 Never let someone take what is yours. 82 00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:55,651 Unless it's just a parking spot and there's plenty of others. 83 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,834 That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down. 84 00:03:57,959 --> 00:04:00,147 You got any lipstick in your purse? 85 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,329 I love Jay. Are you kidding me? He's my boy. 86 00:04:03,454 --> 00:04:06,493 Yeah, he gives me a hard time, but that's the deal with a father-in-law. 87 00:04:06,618 --> 00:04:07,638 The key is, 88 00:04:07,764 --> 00:04:11,483 I never let him see just how much it devastates me. 89 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,696 - It's "Dunphy." - That's what I said - "Dumphy." 90 00:04:13,865 --> 00:04:14,991 No, not "dumb." 91 00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:16,117 "Dunphy." 92 00:04:17,062 --> 00:04:18,330 - Say "done". - Done. 93 00:04:18,498 --> 00:04:19,917 - Say "fee". - Fee. 94 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:21,419 - "Done-fee." - "Dumphy." 95 00:04:24,093 --> 00:04:26,054 All right, just bring it this way? This way... 96 00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:28,215 There it is. Perfect. Thank you. Perfect. 97 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:30,604 What? 98 00:04:30,774 --> 00:04:32,358 Can you ask Gus to fix that light? 99 00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,349 I asked him, but he just growled at me. 100 00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:38,203 Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please? 101 00:04:38,371 --> 00:04:39,748 Don't make me come over there. 102 00:04:40,357 --> 00:04:41,909 I'm busy. You fix it. 103 00:04:42,427 --> 00:04:45,677 Is this because I said I wouldn't come to the dance with you? 104 00:04:45,802 --> 00:04:47,596 I'm a married woman. People would talk. 105 00:04:47,766 --> 00:04:50,018 One dance with me, you'd forget all about him. 106 00:04:50,526 --> 00:04:53,024 Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights. 107 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,193 Please? 108 00:04:57,141 --> 00:04:58,542 Thank you so much. 109 00:04:58,817 --> 00:05:00,999 This school would literally fall apart without you. 110 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,752 I don't know about literally, but... 111 00:05:04,425 --> 00:05:05,426 I'm here! 112 00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:08,138 You came anyway. That's great. 113 00:05:08,306 --> 00:05:10,008 I think it's great, too. 114 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,441 A few weeks ago, they asked for someone to be in charge of the school dance, 115 00:05:13,566 --> 00:05:14,567 I volunteered. 116 00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:18,358 The school asks for volunteers so that everybody will feel included, 117 00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:20,149 but who are they kidding? 118 00:05:20,274 --> 00:05:21,556 They want me to do it. 119 00:05:21,682 --> 00:05:23,837 I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12. 120 00:05:23,962 --> 00:05:24,963 It's my thing. 121 00:05:25,132 --> 00:05:27,190 They made us co-chairs, 122 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,836 which means we're supposed to do everything together, 123 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:33,188 but Claire won't take any of my ideas. 124 00:05:33,356 --> 00:05:36,332 She suggested an "arabian nights" theme. 125 00:05:37,409 --> 00:05:38,950 Isn't it a little soon? 126 00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:40,870 Okay. Hey, everybody? 127 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,414 Do you know Gloria, 128 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:44,978 Manny's mom? She's here to help us out today. 129 00:05:45,103 --> 00:05:46,172 I'm the co-chair. 130 00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:50,341 So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours, so, 131 00:05:50,466 --> 00:05:51,773 everybody back to work. 132 00:05:51,898 --> 00:05:53,283 Everybody back to work. 133 00:05:53,408 --> 00:05:54,556 I just said that. 134 00:05:54,682 --> 00:05:56,283 And I just co-said it. 135 00:05:58,643 --> 00:06:01,922 I mean, the nerve of that lady accusing Lily? 136 00:06:02,047 --> 00:06:04,002 You know what? You can't change people, Cam. 137 00:06:04,127 --> 00:06:05,979 We just have to rise above. 138 00:06:06,819 --> 00:06:08,020 What happened? 139 00:06:08,262 --> 00:06:10,429 - She bit me. - Are you serious? 140 00:06:12,111 --> 00:06:15,014 She did it again! It's like Twilight back here! 141 00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:20,115 No ice cream for you, Billy, because the lady say you biting! 142 00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:22,731 Okay. Go. Go. 143 00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,454 Go, go, go. Drive. 144 00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:30,049 Are you sure this is teal? 145 00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:32,580 'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here. 146 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,376 That's the fluorescent lights. 147 00:06:34,501 --> 00:06:36,599 Do you mind if I walk this over to lamps galore? 148 00:06:36,725 --> 00:06:38,704 I need you to worry about this less. 149 00:06:38,829 --> 00:06:42,184 Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequin and saved us 20 %? 150 00:06:42,309 --> 00:06:45,708 Here's something I didn't know about mannequins... They don't have a wiener. 151 00:06:45,877 --> 00:06:49,279 - What the heck is that? - It's a nicer word for "penis". 152 00:06:49,404 --> 00:06:51,177 No, I mean, what the heck is this? 153 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:52,847 - It's a tie. - It's teal. 154 00:06:53,016 --> 00:06:55,477 I don't care. I just grabbed the first one I saw. 155 00:06:55,645 --> 00:06:57,356 Well, grab a different one. 156 00:06:57,954 --> 00:06:59,155 Now I like it. 157 00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:01,926 I think we were here first. 158 00:07:02,051 --> 00:07:04,078 I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush. 159 00:07:04,246 --> 00:07:06,290 - So are we. - That's fine. Go ahead. 160 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,545 - Seriously? - Jay, it's not a big deal. 161 00:07:08,714 --> 00:07:11,175 Can you give me the sale prices for some things I bought last week? 162 00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:13,815 For God's sake! This is what I'm talking about. 163 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:15,942 You give people an inch, they'll run all over you. 164 00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,022 Or you could just be nice... Pay it forward. 165 00:07:18,191 --> 00:07:21,621 - Movies aren't made out of bad ideas. - You gotta fight for what you want. 166 00:07:21,747 --> 00:07:24,177 If there's one job available, this guy just got it, 167 00:07:24,302 --> 00:07:27,305 and they go hungry at the "Dumphys'". "Dunphys'". 168 00:07:29,338 --> 00:07:31,386 Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting? 169 00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:34,341 - Lily, why are you biting? - She's not biting. She's teething. 170 00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:35,467 On people! 171 00:07:35,904 --> 00:07:37,857 If she starts biting her play dates, 172 00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:40,282 - she's gonna be a pariah. - Try "piranha". 173 00:07:40,407 --> 00:07:41,945 - Really? - It was right there. 174 00:07:42,114 --> 00:07:44,838 All right, you should also know that I in no way... 175 00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:46,747 in no way... blame you. 176 00:07:46,915 --> 00:07:49,043 - Thank you. Why would you blame me? - I don't. 177 00:07:49,211 --> 00:07:52,507 - Well, good, because I don't blame you. - Well, obviously. 178 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,514 Okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame. 179 00:07:56,496 --> 00:07:59,271 Don't... It's... It's just that you're with her all day. 180 00:08:00,405 --> 00:08:02,653 I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings. 181 00:08:03,863 --> 00:08:05,584 Okay, you wanna know the truth? 182 00:08:05,710 --> 00:08:08,289 Sometimes you've sent her some mixed signals. 183 00:08:08,457 --> 00:08:10,022 I'm gonna bite your feet! 184 00:08:10,147 --> 00:08:12,099 I'm gonna bite 'em right off! 185 00:08:14,971 --> 00:08:17,684 I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool. 186 00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:20,327 Here we go. Cookies for Lily... 187 00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:22,651 and wine for us. 188 00:08:25,325 --> 00:08:26,827 I can't believe you would equate... 189 00:08:26,995 --> 00:08:30,617 Don't bite my head off. I'm not a pack of batteries. 190 00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:33,548 Un poquito más acá. Es perfecto allí. 191 00:08:33,717 --> 00:08:34,841 Good. Bellissimo. 192 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:38,684 Why is this box here? 193 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,524 I am sorry... we did, because we were moving the tables. 194 00:08:41,649 --> 00:08:43,441 Why are you moving the tables? 195 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,832 So the kids have more space to dance. 196 00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,952 - It's better this way. - Is it really, Gloria? 197 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,902 Because right now it kinda just looks like a clump of tables 198 00:08:51,027 --> 00:08:52,729 and a big open space. 199 00:08:53,089 --> 00:08:56,192 Look, I'm sorry, but we've always done it this way, 200 00:08:56,317 --> 00:08:59,268 and I think it's gonna throw people off if you move them around. 201 00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:01,867 My God, these tables look great! 202 00:09:02,173 --> 00:09:04,068 - Who did this? - I did! 203 00:09:04,236 --> 00:09:05,237 I love it! 204 00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:08,627 Hello. We haven't been properly introduced. 205 00:09:08,753 --> 00:09:10,755 - I'm Gloria. - I'm Bethenny. 206 00:09:11,244 --> 00:09:14,848 I don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're really pretty. 207 00:09:14,973 --> 00:09:17,128 No. No, Bethenny. No one's ever told her that. 208 00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:20,444 I am seriously freaking out about these tables! 209 00:09:20,569 --> 00:09:23,495 You know what? Let's just put a pin in where we're gonna put the tables. 210 00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:24,984 Yes, we're keeping the tables! 211 00:09:25,153 --> 00:09:26,362 So what else can I do? 212 00:09:27,745 --> 00:09:28,944 You can... 213 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,771 help me with the chairs. 214 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,985 We need a lot of them. They're under the stage right... 215 00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:35,380 here. There you go. 216 00:09:36,054 --> 00:09:38,427 It's like dirty and dark there, no? 217 00:09:38,552 --> 00:09:40,454 Yeah, I know. Bummer, right? 218 00:09:41,713 --> 00:09:42,764 Off you go. 219 00:09:42,889 --> 00:09:44,841 Smells funny, Claire! 220 00:09:44,966 --> 00:09:46,952 So sorry. Keep goin'! 221 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,124 What? 222 00:09:51,249 --> 00:09:52,600 We needed chairs. 223 00:10:06,402 --> 00:10:08,542 - What are you guys talking about? - No, nothing. 224 00:10:08,668 --> 00:10:11,170 He was just saying how much he loves the tables. 225 00:10:14,098 --> 00:10:15,461 If I had the receipt, 226 00:10:15,586 --> 00:10:17,261 I wouldn't need you to look it up. 227 00:10:17,656 --> 00:10:20,537 At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance... 228 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:21,864 at my wedding! 229 00:10:22,345 --> 00:10:23,894 I thought he only had one item. 230 00:10:24,062 --> 00:10:27,181 Tell your dad, if it were up to me, we'd have been outta here in 10 minutes. 231 00:10:27,306 --> 00:10:28,465 You mentioned that. 232 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,408 And I'll mention it again, because we're gonna be here for a while. 233 00:10:31,577 --> 00:10:32,577 I get it. 234 00:10:32,703 --> 00:10:34,501 You should order that suit in a larger size, 235 00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:37,420 - cause by the time we get outta here... - I get it. Pay for the suit. 236 00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:40,301 - Where the hell are you going? - Luke needs socks. 237 00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:41,886 Make 'em teal! 238 00:10:42,574 --> 00:10:44,927 You're playing a very dangerous game. 239 00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:49,194 Look who it is... The guy that stole our parking spot. 240 00:10:49,363 --> 00:10:51,700 Are you going to hit him? I'd totally hit him. 241 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:54,187 I'm not gonna hit him, but give him a piece of my mind. 242 00:10:54,312 --> 00:10:57,837 Pay attention... You wanna be men, this is how you handle a jerk like this. 243 00:10:58,536 --> 00:10:59,587 Hey, chief? 244 00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:02,596 You know, you stole our parking space today. 245 00:11:03,236 --> 00:11:04,433 - What? - That's right. 246 00:11:04,601 --> 00:11:07,073 I was waiting for the parking space, you sneaked right in there... 247 00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:09,736 - That make you feel like a big man? - Did I? I didn't even notice. 248 00:11:09,904 --> 00:11:10,988 That's no excuse. 249 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,992 I'm really sorry. 250 00:11:13,753 --> 00:11:16,624 My dog died today. I had to put him to sleep. 251 00:11:17,364 --> 00:11:18,377 14 years. 252 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:20,925 He was all I had. 253 00:11:21,093 --> 00:11:24,449 Now I can't stand the thought of going back to my empty apartment, 254 00:11:24,574 --> 00:11:26,662 so I just keep wandering around the mall. 255 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,734 You know what? Forget about the... spot. 256 00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:33,049 That was his name! 257 00:11:36,514 --> 00:11:37,766 Do not hit him. 258 00:11:44,632 --> 00:11:45,834 Oasis for Men? 259 00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:48,819 That's funny. 260 00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:51,820 You made that sound like a question, then you didn't wait for me to answer. 261 00:11:51,988 --> 00:11:53,476 - What? - Here, let me show you. 262 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,395 You go... You go, "Oasis for Men?" 263 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,624 You see what I mean? You went, "Oasis for Men?" 264 00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:00,503 You should have said, "Oasis for Men?" Then I'd go, "yeah, give me two". 265 00:12:00,851 --> 00:12:02,628 But instead, you went, "Oasis for Men". 266 00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,011 - I get it. - You see? 267 00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:07,032 I'm not sure you do! You sprayed before "men"! 268 00:12:07,157 --> 00:12:08,602 You went, "Oasis for Men". 269 00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:11,191 - Men! Men! Men! - Stop it! Stop it! 270 00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,650 I don't know what happened. 271 00:12:37,262 --> 00:12:38,463 I just... I... 272 00:12:39,812 --> 00:12:41,126 I don't know what happened. 273 00:12:41,295 --> 00:12:44,801 Look, I might've come down on you a little bit hard today. 274 00:12:44,926 --> 00:12:45,927 I'm sorry. 275 00:12:46,052 --> 00:12:48,202 I remember pretending to go look for some socks... 276 00:12:48,327 --> 00:12:51,130 I mean, it's my fault. I pushed your buttons. 277 00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:53,902 My father-in-law was the same way with me. He was horrible. 278 00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:55,823 Grandpa Lucas? He was a sweetheart. 279 00:12:55,991 --> 00:12:58,344 After the stroke mellowed him out good. 280 00:12:58,469 --> 00:13:00,039 Before? An animal. 281 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,337 - We named Luke after him. - Everything I did was wrong. 282 00:13:03,506 --> 00:13:05,798 If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. 283 00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,784 Although he never said anything was black 284 00:13:07,909 --> 00:13:09,516 'cause he was a pretty big racist. 285 00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:11,530 - I wear his watch. - I hated him. 286 00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:13,004 Hated him. 287 00:13:14,123 --> 00:13:16,525 And I was thinking... I don't know... 288 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,375 I don't want you to think the same way about me. 289 00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:23,168 You ever think about maybe not 290 00:13:23,293 --> 00:13:26,133 - being a jerk to me so much? - Now, see, you gotta stop 291 00:13:26,301 --> 00:13:27,873 taking that stuff personally. 292 00:13:27,998 --> 00:13:30,224 I'm like that with everybody. I'm tough! 293 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,393 And... mean. 294 00:13:31,874 --> 00:13:33,439 I don't like to take guff! 295 00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:36,381 Or people's feelings into consideration. 296 00:13:38,131 --> 00:13:40,533 I can't swear my way's the right way. 297 00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:44,197 I see you smiling, skipping around, and I think sometimes... I don't know... 298 00:13:44,322 --> 00:13:46,051 Maybe the boys would be better off 299 00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:48,469 if they were a little bit more like you. 300 00:13:51,014 --> 00:13:53,730 You know, skipping burns more calories than running. That's... 301 00:13:54,449 --> 00:13:55,751 We're done here. 302 00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,865 Listen. He didn't tell me, but what'd you do to that guy? 303 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,957 - Did you get him? - I sprayed him with cologne. 304 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:05,568 - I'm sorry I asked. - But, like, a lot of cologne. 305 00:14:05,694 --> 00:14:07,507 I just, like, got way up in there. 306 00:14:10,062 --> 00:14:11,063 Good boy. 307 00:14:15,024 --> 00:14:17,832 - Did you find anything yet? - Yes, there's a whole section on biting 308 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,032 - on this mommy forum. - Good. What does it say? 309 00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:23,491 "My son was biting, so I got a stranger to yell at him. 310 00:14:23,616 --> 00:14:27,214 Being disciplined by someone outside the family scared him into stopping." 311 00:14:27,339 --> 00:14:28,340 Idiots! 312 00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:32,516 What? I am not hiring some hobo to come over here and traumatize my child. 313 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,937 She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean. 314 00:14:35,106 --> 00:14:38,232 - You know she didn't fight in Vietnam? - I don't know anything anymore. 315 00:14:38,357 --> 00:14:40,467 - What else does it say? - Okay, this one says, 316 00:14:40,592 --> 00:14:44,170 "When my daughter bit her brother, I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. 317 00:14:44,295 --> 00:14:47,130 She cried and cried, but she never bit again." 318 00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:48,339 Smiley face. 319 00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:50,394 Well, the smiley face makes it okay. 320 00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:52,822 "I waterboarded our toddler... LOL!" 321 00:14:53,075 --> 00:14:54,424 What do you suggest we do? 322 00:14:54,549 --> 00:14:57,274 That we log off the Spanish Inquisition website 323 00:14:57,399 --> 00:14:59,235 and handle this with love. 324 00:15:01,616 --> 00:15:04,785 Take a bite of an apple 325 00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:07,594 Take a bite of a pear 326 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,272 Take a bite of the cookie 327 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,542 That you left over there. 328 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,765 Here's one thing you should never do: 329 00:15:16,951 --> 00:15:19,860 Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Sue, 330 00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:22,078 Because people aren't food 331 00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:23,408 People aren't food 332 00:15:23,577 --> 00:15:26,730 Your friends will run away if they're scared of being chewed 333 00:15:26,855 --> 00:15:29,640 And as a side note, private parts are private 334 00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:34,807 - Well... problem solved. - I know you're being sarcastic, 335 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,936 but you don't know that it's not. 336 00:15:37,105 --> 00:15:38,105 Honey. 337 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,723 Did she just bite you again? 338 00:15:39,848 --> 00:15:43,021 - That is it. I am getting the pepper! - No, you are not. 339 00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:45,809 You're not doing her any favors by being soft. 340 00:15:46,456 --> 00:15:48,844 Why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers, 341 00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:51,979 - and we'll pull her teeth now! - Relax! It's a seasoning. 342 00:15:52,104 --> 00:15:54,470 Why don't you try some? No, try a little. 343 00:15:54,639 --> 00:15:56,691 - Stop it. - Try a little bit. 344 00:15:58,378 --> 00:15:59,429 You bit me! 345 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,746 Well... why don't you sing me a song about it? 346 00:16:14,637 --> 00:16:17,183 Look at you two in your matching ties! 347 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,187 - Don't get me started. - Come here. 348 00:16:21,576 --> 00:16:23,654 Luke, sweetie, are you wearing cologne? 349 00:16:23,823 --> 00:16:26,076 Dad attacked the perfume guy and then hugged me. 350 00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:30,717 I saw the boys in those adorable little suits, 351 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:32,965 and it made me realize this dance is about them. 352 00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:36,012 It's not about me and my petty little competition with... 353 00:16:36,770 --> 00:16:37,891 with Gloria. 354 00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,360 Who wears that to a kids' dance? 355 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,741 I know. 356 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:52,169 She looks amazing. 357 00:16:52,749 --> 00:16:55,100 I'm gonna slow things down with a blast from the past 358 00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:56,758 for our chaperones. 359 00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:58,682 Give'em a hand. 360 00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:10,711 No, I'm fine. 361 00:17:32,627 --> 00:17:33,628 I'm fine. 362 00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:34,755 I'm fine. 363 00:17:35,249 --> 00:17:36,250 I'm fine. 364 00:17:36,852 --> 00:17:38,192 I need a paper towel. 365 00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:40,219 I'm sorry. I didn't see you. 366 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,605 Of course you didn't. 'Cause it's Gloria's night. 367 00:17:44,010 --> 00:17:45,526 That's right. It's all... 368 00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:47,952 about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria! 369 00:17:49,716 --> 00:17:51,782 When you're done getting married... 370 00:17:51,907 --> 00:17:53,675 maybe you can mop this up a little. 371 00:17:56,059 --> 00:17:58,593 - What was that? - It's this damn uniform. 372 00:18:03,913 --> 00:18:07,091 - Okay, we need to talk. - No. I am fine. I do not need to talk. 373 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,535 Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. 374 00:18:09,661 --> 00:18:11,829 You've been fighting all my ideas. 375 00:18:11,997 --> 00:18:14,000 That's because this is my thing, Gloria. 376 00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:17,047 Why can't it be my thing, too, Claire? 377 00:18:17,216 --> 00:18:19,299 Because everything is your thing! This... 378 00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:22,098 This is the one thing that was my thing. 379 00:18:22,223 --> 00:18:25,355 This is my only thing. My God, this is my only thing. 380 00:18:25,744 --> 00:18:28,697 And then you come along and you steal my thunder with your 381 00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:31,075 tight dresses and your great ideas. 382 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,440 I was the one that all the moms looked up to. 383 00:18:33,565 --> 00:18:35,710 - I was the only one that Gus liked. - Please. 384 00:18:35,879 --> 00:18:37,798 You like him so much, you can keep him. 385 00:18:38,557 --> 00:18:40,681 It's not the same now that I know he likes you. 386 00:18:40,806 --> 00:18:43,935 That sounds really insane, but this isn't actually about Gus. 387 00:18:44,103 --> 00:18:46,732 Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him. 388 00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:48,109 Gloria, Gus is a symbol. 389 00:18:50,143 --> 00:18:53,373 - A sex symbol? - Stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying. 390 00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:55,875 I didn't come here to steal your thunder. 391 00:18:56,044 --> 00:18:58,129 Your thunder is your thunder, and my thunder is my thunder. 392 00:18:58,646 --> 00:19:01,846 I know. It's just that God gave you so much thunder. 393 00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:03,565 Yeah, maybe too much. 394 00:19:03,997 --> 00:19:06,199 I hate how those women look at me. 395 00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:09,485 You think I don't know what they're thinking? "Here comes the hot one 396 00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:12,575 with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband." 397 00:19:12,744 --> 00:19:15,536 And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny. 398 00:19:15,662 --> 00:19:17,713 I volunteer because I want them to see 399 00:19:17,838 --> 00:19:19,965 that there's so much more to me. 400 00:19:20,421 --> 00:19:21,844 Why didn't you tell me that? 401 00:19:22,012 --> 00:19:24,884 Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell me you had a weird thing 402 00:19:25,009 --> 00:19:26,010 for Gus... 403 00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:28,271 It's embarrassing. 404 00:19:29,653 --> 00:19:30,705 I am sorry. 405 00:19:30,872 --> 00:19:34,625 I made this whole thing into some ridiculous competition, and... 406 00:19:35,131 --> 00:19:36,164 I'm pathetic. 407 00:19:36,332 --> 00:19:37,917 You're not pathetic. 408 00:19:40,717 --> 00:19:42,176 Okay, that's a little bit sad. 409 00:19:45,043 --> 00:19:46,961 We like to think we're so smart 410 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:49,231 and we have all the answers. 411 00:19:50,096 --> 00:19:53,049 And we want to pass all that on to our children. 412 00:19:53,232 --> 00:19:55,630 But... If you scratch beneath the surface, 413 00:19:55,756 --> 00:19:58,166 you don't have to dig very deep to find the kid you were. 414 00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:01,381 Which is why it's kind of crazy that now we're raising kids of our own. 415 00:20:01,549 --> 00:20:03,241 You know? This is a milestone. 416 00:20:03,366 --> 00:20:05,807 We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect. 417 00:20:05,975 --> 00:20:06,993 That's right. 418 00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,311 And it's okay. 419 00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:11,704 I take it back... 420 00:20:12,307 --> 00:20:13,606 She is perfect. 421 00:20:13,732 --> 00:20:15,660 But I guess that's the real circle of life. 422 00:20:15,828 --> 00:20:18,303 Your parents faked their way through it, 423 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,380 you fake your way through it, 424 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:21,688 and... 425 00:20:21,911 --> 00:20:23,926 hopefully, you don't raise a serial killer. 426 00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:31,984 That's not funny. 427 00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:34,809 I am so sorry! 428 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,500 Just come over, we'll watch a movie and put the whole thing behind you. 429 00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:41,190 Okay, see you in a bit. That was Longines. 430 00:20:41,315 --> 00:20:43,423 - He's in a very bad place. - No. What happened? 431 00:20:43,591 --> 00:20:45,890 Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall 432 00:20:46,015 --> 00:20:47,682 and attacked him with Oasis for Men. 433 00:20:48,274 --> 00:20:50,554 Well, I think we all knew that day was coming. 434 00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:53,026 All right. Wish me luck. 435 00:20:53,445 --> 00:20:54,446 Good luck. 436 00:20:54,999 --> 00:20:56,288 Okay, honey. 437 00:20:57,225 --> 00:20:58,829 Please don't hurt daddy. 438 00:21:00,132 --> 00:21:01,133 All right.