1 00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:09,159 We're gonna need a little extra time at airport security, 2 00:00:09,284 --> 00:00:11,588 'cause I'm pretty sure they're gonna want to pat you down. 3 00:00:11,756 --> 00:00:14,082 Manny's with his father for the weekend, 4 00:00:14,207 --> 00:00:16,899 so Jay and I are flying to Vegas. 5 00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:20,020 I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria, 6 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,974 but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck. 7 00:00:23,275 --> 00:00:25,310 I just need to send this e-mail to Claire 8 00:00:25,478 --> 00:00:27,490 why I'm not working on the bake sale next week. 9 00:00:27,615 --> 00:00:29,981 - But I can't say the real reason. - Why not? 10 00:00:30,149 --> 00:00:33,234 Because she drives me crazy when she's in charge of these things. 11 00:00:33,747 --> 00:00:36,044 We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here. 12 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,072 You tell me what you want to say to her, 13 00:00:38,197 --> 00:00:40,158 and I'll help you find a nice way to say it. 14 00:00:40,455 --> 00:00:41,755 I want to say... 15 00:00:42,662 --> 00:00:44,162 I can't work on the bake sale 16 00:00:44,331 --> 00:00:46,697 because you're a bossy control freak 17 00:00:46,822 --> 00:00:48,616 that looks down on my cupcakes 18 00:00:48,741 --> 00:00:52,212 even though your lemon squares were very dry. 19 00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:55,650 Done. 20 00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:57,634 How's this? 21 00:00:57,971 --> 00:01:00,424 "Dear Claire, I can't work the bake sale 22 00:01:00,549 --> 00:01:03,098 because you're a bossy control freak who look down..." 23 00:01:03,507 --> 00:01:04,891 Very funny, Jay. 24 00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:08,430 Why the whoosh? 25 00:01:08,793 --> 00:01:09,970 Where is the e-mail? 26 00:01:10,095 --> 00:01:11,095 It sended! 27 00:01:11,661 --> 00:01:13,858 - Make it come back. - I don't know how. 28 00:01:14,027 --> 00:01:16,528 Now she's gonna read it, and she's gonna think it's from me! 29 00:01:16,736 --> 00:01:19,804 Technically, it was from you. But come on, let's hit the road. 30 00:01:21,468 --> 00:01:22,851 It sended. 31 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:26,599 Please come back. 32 00:01:27,089 --> 00:01:29,500 Subtitles by MiniBen314 & Kevin 33 00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:31,668 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 34 00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:40,860 We love our neighborhood, 35 00:01:40,985 --> 00:01:43,437 but sometimes the last thing you wanna do after fighting traffic 36 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,327 is get back in the car to go out to eat. 37 00:01:45,452 --> 00:01:47,775 And the only restaurant within walking distance 38 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,269 is Shawarma City. 39 00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:51,771 Two Shawarma Combo. Meat or chicken? 40 00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:53,157 One meat, one chicken. 41 00:01:53,282 --> 00:01:55,316 And can you make the chicken all white meat? 42 00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:57,841 - Number 32. Pay cashier. - Okay, that's not an answer. 43 00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:03,633 Then a miracle happened. 44 00:02:04,035 --> 00:02:06,369 The hottest new restaurant opened up two blocks away. 45 00:02:06,538 --> 00:02:08,747 - Amelia's. - But there was a problem. 46 00:02:08,915 --> 00:02:11,458 - They can take us at 5:15... - What are we, 80? 47 00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:13,793 - Or 10:45. - What are we, 20? 48 00:02:14,026 --> 00:02:16,504 Then... Miracle number two. 49 00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:18,648 Turns out a mother at Lily's pre-school 50 00:02:18,773 --> 00:02:21,375 is none other than Amelia herself. 51 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,633 So we arranged a play date with her son, Jackson, 52 00:02:23,758 --> 00:02:25,555 where we would, you know, charm Amelia. 53 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:30,413 The most important play date ever, so I'm really gonna need you to sparkle. 54 00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:32,812 - Like it's the 4th of July. - I was talking to Lily. 55 00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,836 It's our parents' anniversary, 56 00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:38,841 so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed. 57 00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:40,898 They're impossible to buy for... 58 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,907 We think. We've never really tried. 59 00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:47,866 Okay. Ready? 60 00:02:50,993 --> 00:02:52,640 Surpri... 61 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,050 - I'm sorry! - Nothing's happening! 62 00:02:59,007 --> 00:03:00,648 Yeah, our kids walked in on us. 63 00:03:00,773 --> 00:03:03,777 We were, as they say, "having sex." 64 00:03:03,902 --> 00:03:06,887 That's not a euphemism, Phil. It's exactly what we were doing. 65 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,062 Having sex. 66 00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:11,041 - In front of our children. - They weren't there when we started. 67 00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:14,717 In fact, you weren't even there when we sta... 68 00:03:16,818 --> 00:03:19,027 It's okay. Maybe they didn't see anything. 69 00:03:19,152 --> 00:03:21,884 They screamed, they dropped a tray of dishes, 70 00:03:22,009 --> 00:03:24,271 and then they ran out of here like they were on fire. 71 00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:25,782 You were on fire, lady. 72 00:03:26,761 --> 00:03:28,201 Really? You're still going? 73 00:03:28,369 --> 00:03:31,716 Forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves praise. 74 00:03:32,292 --> 00:03:35,333 Our children are downstairs right now, and they are probably traumatized. 75 00:03:35,502 --> 00:03:37,752 Oh, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad. 76 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,547 I can still see it! 77 00:03:40,715 --> 00:03:42,286 I can't believe that just happened! 78 00:03:42,411 --> 00:03:44,229 - What were they doing? - Nothing! 79 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,719 Whatever it was, it looked like dad was winning. 80 00:03:46,888 --> 00:03:48,962 It! They were doing it! 81 00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:50,849 He has no idea what you're talking about. 82 00:03:51,017 --> 00:03:52,466 - Sex? - Yes! 83 00:03:53,019 --> 00:03:54,686 I know what sex is, Alex. 84 00:03:54,854 --> 00:03:57,313 It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants, 85 00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,023 - and get into bed. - Stop talking! 86 00:04:01,945 --> 00:04:04,404 - Try Claire again. - I'm not getting a signal. 87 00:04:04,572 --> 00:04:06,156 Relax. We'll get her. 88 00:04:07,343 --> 00:04:09,350 Shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas 89 00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:13,067 that's got a three-story wine tower right in the middle of it. 90 00:04:13,192 --> 00:04:15,940 The guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire. 91 00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:17,899 Like the Peter Pan. 92 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:20,865 Not like the Peter Pan. This is a high-end place. 93 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:23,388 Because all the finest restaurants in the world 94 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,682 have people flying around on wires. 95 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,666 You used to go bananas when a Japanese flipped a shrimp onto your plate. 96 00:04:30,026 --> 00:04:31,910 - Now look at you. - Try her again. 97 00:04:32,035 --> 00:04:33,349 Fine. And just so you know. 98 00:04:33,518 --> 00:04:35,729 It's not like Peter Pan. Nobody wears tights or anything. 99 00:04:35,854 --> 00:04:37,280 If they're not wearing anything, 100 00:04:37,405 --> 00:04:39,731 I don't want them flying over my food. 101 00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,650 It's me. Can I talk to Claire? 102 00:04:43,404 --> 00:04:45,109 One second, Jay. It's your dad. 103 00:04:45,234 --> 00:04:46,234 Can't. 104 00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:47,989 She doesn't want to talk. 105 00:04:48,751 --> 00:04:49,754 Why not? 106 00:04:50,037 --> 00:04:51,862 She's a little too upset. 107 00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:54,204 Put her on. 108 00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:56,748 - He says he wants to... - Hang up the phone. 109 00:04:57,137 --> 00:04:58,208 I'm sorry, Jay. 110 00:04:58,376 --> 00:04:59,976 She says I have to go. 111 00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:02,934 You know, she's my daughter and everything, 112 00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,575 but that guy seriously needs to grow a pair. 113 00:05:06,258 --> 00:05:07,508 Well, we tried. 114 00:05:08,246 --> 00:05:09,746 Vegas, here we come. 115 00:05:10,203 --> 00:05:12,032 Turn around the car. 116 00:05:14,776 --> 00:05:16,376 Only 'cause I want to. 117 00:05:20,143 --> 00:05:21,898 This is a beautiful home. 118 00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:24,025 I love the throwback to the '60s. 119 00:05:24,194 --> 00:05:27,230 Although if this was the '60s, we'd be "confirmed bachelors," 120 00:05:27,355 --> 00:05:28,613 and Lily a yorkie. 121 00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:30,907 And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage. 122 00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:34,494 Oh, you are funny! 123 00:05:37,068 --> 00:05:38,790 I really like you guys. 124 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:41,245 I haven't had a lot of time to meet the other parents. 125 00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:43,878 You know, single mom, hectic work schedule... 126 00:05:44,047 --> 00:05:46,784 - What do you do, Amelia? - Oh, I own a few restaurants. 127 00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:49,008 I just opened one nearby. 128 00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:51,678 Oh, my gosh. Are you that Amelia? 129 00:05:54,413 --> 00:05:56,434 We've heard wonderful things about the restaurant. 130 00:05:56,559 --> 00:05:59,163 It must be doing well. We can never seem to get a... 131 00:05:59,288 --> 00:06:00,762 - A reservation. - Can't get in. 132 00:06:00,887 --> 00:06:02,881 - Can't. - Oh, well, that's no problem. 133 00:06:03,006 --> 00:06:05,273 The next time you call, just tell them... 134 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,484 Oh. One second. 135 00:06:06,653 --> 00:06:08,382 I'm sorry. Tell them what? 136 00:06:09,381 --> 00:06:11,364 Did you show it to him? And what did he say? 137 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,067 Hold on a second. I'm gonna switch phones. 138 00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:17,007 I'm sorry. It's the restaurant. 139 00:06:17,132 --> 00:06:18,523 Excuse me just a minute. 140 00:06:18,648 --> 00:06:20,670 You said to tell them something. 141 00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:25,048 Did you hear that? When we know what to say, we're in. 142 00:06:25,173 --> 00:06:28,006 This is very exciting. I've never had an in at a restaurant. 143 00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:30,383 They'll probably greet us at the door by our names. 144 00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:33,177 - Show us to our favorite table... - Play fast and loose with the menu. 145 00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,956 Order lunch things for dinner, dinner things for lunch! 146 00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:38,767 It's fine. 147 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,643 Cameron, stop moving. 148 00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:43,217 You there? Put him on the phone. 149 00:06:43,342 --> 00:06:45,329 That's the baby monitor. Should we turn it off? 150 00:06:45,454 --> 00:06:46,911 Who am I speaking to? 151 00:06:48,278 --> 00:06:49,526 Mr. Campbell, 152 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,020 you must replace the extremely expensive countertop 153 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,440 that one of your incompetent workers clearly ruined 154 00:06:54,565 --> 00:06:56,965 when he was supposed to be fixing the refrigerator. 155 00:06:57,090 --> 00:07:00,572 This is why she's so successful. She's tough but calm. 156 00:07:00,697 --> 00:07:02,463 Because I'm not an idiot! 157 00:07:02,679 --> 00:07:04,625 As is evidenced by my law degree, 158 00:07:04,794 --> 00:07:08,004 which I'll happily use to crush you in court if you don't fix it, 159 00:07:08,508 --> 00:07:09,489 replace it, 160 00:07:09,614 --> 00:07:12,133 or send me a check in the next 72 hours. 161 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,093 You know what? Stay right there. 162 00:07:14,397 --> 00:07:15,332 Don't move. 163 00:07:15,457 --> 00:07:18,049 - Act like you weren't listening. - What does that look like? 164 00:07:19,934 --> 00:07:21,060 I'm so sorry. 165 00:07:21,185 --> 00:07:23,777 I have to run down to the restaurant for a minute. 166 00:07:24,855 --> 00:07:27,649 I really feel terrible asking, but would you guys mind... 167 00:07:27,817 --> 00:07:29,859 Oh, it's not a problem. We'll watch the kids. 168 00:07:30,028 --> 00:07:32,309 You go take care of that fabulous restaurant of yours 169 00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:33,850 that we cannot wait to try. 170 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,742 And when we do call, Amelia, you said to... 171 00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:40,078 Mommy will be right back. Thank you guys, so much. 172 00:07:40,246 --> 00:07:41,696 I owe you big time. 173 00:07:46,009 --> 00:07:48,883 - Did you hear that? - She owes us big time. 174 00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:53,007 She also has that restaurant in Vegas where the sommeliers fly on wires. 175 00:07:54,337 --> 00:07:57,804 Thank you for being such a trouper with Mr. Personality over there. 176 00:07:58,157 --> 00:07:59,957 I'm gonna get you a treat. 177 00:08:00,767 --> 00:08:02,767 A juice box broke. It's all wet inside. 178 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,781 Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper... 179 00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:16,261 We need a game plan. 180 00:08:16,386 --> 00:08:18,464 We need to rehearse exactly what we're gonna say. 181 00:08:18,589 --> 00:08:20,472 That is the only way I'm gonna hold it together 182 00:08:20,597 --> 00:08:23,079 when my babies are looking at me with judgment and disgust. 183 00:08:23,247 --> 00:08:25,813 First of all, that's how they always look at us. 184 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,044 Secondly, this isn't as traumatic as you think. 185 00:08:30,213 --> 00:08:32,204 Honey, I walked in on my parents having sex once. 186 00:08:32,329 --> 00:08:33,759 It was... oh... awful. 187 00:08:33,884 --> 00:08:35,633 I can't even get the image out of my mind. 188 00:08:35,802 --> 00:08:38,136 Claire, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape. 189 00:08:39,059 --> 00:08:40,669 You want to know the worst thing? 190 00:08:41,132 --> 00:08:43,391 They didn't even talk about it. They just let it hang there. 191 00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:45,810 I'm not gonna do that to our kids. 192 00:08:45,978 --> 00:08:47,128 Phil, this... 193 00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:49,876 this is a defining moment for us as parents. 194 00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,525 How we handle this could shape how they feel 195 00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,900 about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives! 196 00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:57,224 Honey, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal. 197 00:08:57,349 --> 00:09:00,207 We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool. 198 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:03,077 Act like it was a big, funny mix-up. Crack a few jokes. Lighten the mood. 199 00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:04,749 - Jokes. - Yeah. 200 00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,785 - What kind of jokes? - Well, this is... 201 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,066 I'm just spitballin' here, but... 202 00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:12,627 what if I was all, "knock, knock"... 203 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,687 and they were like, "who's there?" And I was all, 204 00:09:14,812 --> 00:09:17,211 "someone who doesn't want to see their parents doing it. 205 00:09:17,336 --> 00:09:18,509 That's why we knocked". 206 00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,662 Again, this is... this is very rough. 207 00:09:22,056 --> 00:09:23,746 Why are they still up there? 208 00:09:23,871 --> 00:09:25,955 Yeah. How long does sex take? 209 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,830 Oh, my God. Stop talking. 210 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,754 Did you guys notice that dad had the same look on his face 211 00:09:30,879 --> 00:09:32,565 as when he smells a new car? 212 00:09:34,932 --> 00:09:36,068 I need to leave. 213 00:09:36,237 --> 00:09:37,600 I need to go to camp. 214 00:09:37,725 --> 00:09:39,732 This is gonna be so weird when they come down. 215 00:09:39,857 --> 00:09:42,158 Let's just go. Okay? Come on. 216 00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:44,869 Wait. But I'm hungry. 217 00:09:45,037 --> 00:09:47,472 We'll get breakfast. Let's just go. Come on! 218 00:09:48,392 --> 00:09:50,967 - Let's go. Come on. - Where are you going? 219 00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:51,850 Anywhere. 220 00:09:51,975 --> 00:09:54,081 Where is your mother? I need to talk to her. 221 00:09:54,206 --> 00:09:57,006 It's not a good time right now. She won't come out of her room. 222 00:09:57,579 --> 00:10:00,468 - She's really upset, isn't she? - Big time. 223 00:10:00,658 --> 00:10:02,829 - How'd you know? - We called. 224 00:10:02,954 --> 00:10:04,430 Tell me exactly what she said. 225 00:10:04,599 --> 00:10:06,724 I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming. 226 00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:09,058 Where was your father when all this was going on? 227 00:10:09,706 --> 00:10:11,146 He was right behind her. 228 00:10:15,124 --> 00:10:17,151 It's not coming out! It's not coming out! 229 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,528 Don't rub! Blot! 230 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,528 We are beyond blotting and rubbing. We've moved on to sweating and crying. 231 00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:22,696 Let's not panic. 232 00:10:22,867 --> 00:10:25,660 We'll tell Amelia what happened, and then we'll pay to have it cleaned. 233 00:10:25,828 --> 00:10:27,992 What if it can't be cleaned, Mitchell? 234 00:10:28,664 --> 00:10:30,206 Then we'll pay for a new rug. 235 00:10:30,374 --> 00:10:31,457 Are you insane? 236 00:10:32,149 --> 00:10:35,452 This is a limited-edition alpaca hand-made stark rug! 237 00:10:35,577 --> 00:10:38,339 I saw it in Architectural Digest. It cost $50,000. 238 00:10:38,464 --> 00:10:40,404 It was in Diane Keaton's house. 239 00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:42,673 Oh, no, it was in what's-her-name's house. 240 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,193 From "Prizzi's honor". From... 241 00:10:45,972 --> 00:10:47,848 She was in "Addams family." You know, she... 242 00:10:48,017 --> 00:10:48,975 Anjelica Huston! 243 00:10:51,502 --> 00:10:53,825 $50,000 for a rug? 244 00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:55,439 We don't have that kind of money. 245 00:10:55,669 --> 00:10:57,080 Maybe she won't make us pay. 246 00:10:57,205 --> 00:10:59,381 We wouldn't make someone pay if this happened to us. 247 00:10:59,506 --> 00:11:00,778 You heard her on the phone? 248 00:11:00,974 --> 00:11:03,823 "Fix it. Replace it. Write me a check". 249 00:11:03,991 --> 00:11:06,082 She probably has that embroidered on a pillow. 250 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,156 Right next to a jar of human tears. 251 00:11:09,365 --> 00:11:12,130 - Maybe we can turn this around. - How? It looks like someone bled out. 252 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,637 No. I mean the rug. Maybe we can turn the whole rug around. 253 00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:17,590 Put it under the couch. See? No one would ever know it's there. 254 00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:19,525 Well, you know, we would know. 255 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:20,650 Well... 256 00:11:23,492 --> 00:11:25,676 - What are you thinking? - You don't want to know. 257 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:28,524 No, tell me, 'cause I think I'm thinking the same thing. 258 00:11:28,649 --> 00:11:32,653 I seriously doubt that, because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins' house. 259 00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:37,313 Great. 260 00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:40,334 Gloria, what are you... what are you doing here? 261 00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,630 - Where are the kids? - They just left. 262 00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:44,455 They told me that you were very upset. 263 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,658 And you have every right to be. It was bad. 264 00:11:47,827 --> 00:11:49,076 I know that. 265 00:11:49,937 --> 00:11:51,287 Claire, it was an accident. 266 00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:52,788 Doesn't make it any better. 267 00:11:52,957 --> 00:11:54,832 You're right. I know how you feel. 268 00:11:55,606 --> 00:11:57,736 It happened to me before, with another woman. 269 00:11:57,861 --> 00:12:00,212 And that time, I was the one getting it. 270 00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,803 And it hurt. 271 00:12:03,217 --> 00:12:05,210 I'm sorry it had to come out like this, 272 00:12:05,335 --> 00:12:07,221 but you have to admit that you're only happy 273 00:12:07,346 --> 00:12:08,971 when you're the one cracking the whip. 274 00:12:09,182 --> 00:12:10,058 What? 275 00:12:10,183 --> 00:12:11,057 Come on. 276 00:12:11,225 --> 00:12:12,934 We all know how you ride Phil. 277 00:12:13,435 --> 00:12:15,895 But maybe if you just let go a little, 278 00:12:16,105 --> 00:12:18,439 maybe even taste my cupcakes, 279 00:12:19,204 --> 00:12:20,392 I will join you. 280 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,636 - I am so confused right now. - I may pass out. 281 00:12:24,761 --> 00:12:27,615 - What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? 282 00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:31,953 The kids just walked in on me and Phil... in bed. 283 00:12:32,138 --> 00:12:33,371 We've just spent the last 284 00:12:33,539 --> 00:12:36,040 hour holed up in our room trying to figure out what to say to them. 285 00:12:36,950 --> 00:12:37,950 Yeah. 286 00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,428 That's what I'm talking about. 287 00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:43,047 Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail. 288 00:12:43,215 --> 00:12:44,291 Yeah, the kitchen. 289 00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:46,384 Gloria, I just switched us to the next flight. 290 00:12:46,585 --> 00:12:48,260 Did you get everything straightened out? 291 00:12:48,437 --> 00:12:49,630 Claire is very upset 292 00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:52,223 because the kids just walk in on them having sex. 293 00:12:52,424 --> 00:12:53,391 Aw, geez. 294 00:12:53,609 --> 00:12:55,113 Then we're all up to speed. 295 00:12:55,238 --> 00:12:57,903 She's so upset that she hasn't even had time 296 00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,398 to apply her make-up or use her computer. 297 00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,276 What are you even doing here, dad? 298 00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:06,862 I don't think you should be the one doing the questioning, missy. 299 00:13:07,201 --> 00:13:08,306 Don't get mad at her. 300 00:13:08,431 --> 00:13:10,758 Your wife's the one who just offered up her cupcakes. 301 00:13:15,029 --> 00:13:16,795 Good thing we had mom's gas card. 302 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,354 Don't make me regret buying you that lighter, dude. 303 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:20,732 Put it down. 304 00:13:20,857 --> 00:13:22,365 I'm just gonna say it. 305 00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:24,412 Our parents are totally irresponsible. 306 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,597 And I'm not just talking about us walking in 307 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,340 on their little freak show earlier. 308 00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:29,477 Just let it go. 309 00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:31,536 No. We're lucky to be alive. 310 00:13:31,661 --> 00:13:34,522 How often do they let Luke go to school 311 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,142 in shorts in the winter? 312 00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:39,027 And they let me ride in the front seat before I was 60 pounds. 313 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,954 And they never shut the gate at the top of the stairs when we were babies. 314 00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:45,600 Do you know how many times you fell on your head? Do you? 315 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,725 No. 316 00:13:46,905 --> 00:13:48,605 We get it... it was bad. 317 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,138 But, you know, I... 318 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,263 I guess... 319 00:13:51,388 --> 00:13:54,694 It's better than having parents who fight all the time. 320 00:13:55,048 --> 00:13:56,048 Maybe. 321 00:13:56,617 --> 00:13:59,047 My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced. 322 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,508 He has to move out of his house. 323 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,333 They told him last week. 324 00:14:03,546 --> 00:14:04,596 That sucks. 325 00:14:06,031 --> 00:14:07,134 He'll get used to it. 326 00:14:07,259 --> 00:14:08,966 Half of my friends' parents are divorced. 327 00:14:09,091 --> 00:14:10,091 Mine too. 328 00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:11,329 It's insane. 329 00:14:12,255 --> 00:14:15,105 So it's a good thing mom and dad still do sex. 330 00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:20,144 Better than mom leaving the stove on, which she's done twice this month. 331 00:14:20,362 --> 00:14:23,410 I just realized we haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet. 332 00:14:23,535 --> 00:14:24,691 Which is? 333 00:14:25,378 --> 00:14:27,109 They're gonna want to talk about it. 334 00:14:27,663 --> 00:14:28,963 Well, maybe not. 335 00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:32,824 Are you kidding? Their parents never talked about anything, 336 00:14:32,949 --> 00:14:34,825 so they want to talk about everything. 337 00:14:35,225 --> 00:14:38,925 Yeah, they called a family meeting when we switched to 1% milk. 338 00:14:40,268 --> 00:14:42,875 - I don't know where those kids are. - What is more important 339 00:14:43,043 --> 00:14:45,795 than putting a working lock on a bedroom door? 340 00:14:45,963 --> 00:14:48,422 - You are one to talk. - What is that supposed to mean? 341 00:14:49,772 --> 00:14:52,200 You don't remember when I walked in on you and mom that time? 342 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,197 Gloria, can we please go now? 343 00:14:55,235 --> 00:14:57,129 So why don't you just get off your high horse. 344 00:14:57,254 --> 00:14:59,767 At least I am trying to handle this better than the two of you did. 345 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,603 - What did we do? - You made gimlets and went back. 346 00:15:02,772 --> 00:15:04,396 What were we supposed to do? 347 00:15:04,996 --> 00:15:06,970 You... you could have talked to me, 348 00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:08,526 made sure that I was okay. 349 00:15:08,694 --> 00:15:10,361 Want to talk about it? Fine. 350 00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,863 Your mother and I were watching a particularly 351 00:15:13,032 --> 00:15:15,081 racy episode of "Hart to Hart". 352 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:17,618 Stefanie powers had to go undercover as a call girl. 353 00:15:18,274 --> 00:15:20,371 Hang on. This whole story makes more sense 354 00:15:20,539 --> 00:15:23,123 if you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots. 355 00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:25,671 Oh, gross! Gross. You are ruining sex for me. 356 00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:26,969 And boots. 357 00:15:29,613 --> 00:15:31,163 Working okay for you? 358 00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:34,635 I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia. 359 00:15:36,121 --> 00:15:38,127 I was telling him about Claire. 360 00:15:38,252 --> 00:15:41,907 You know, I realize there's so much I don't know about her. 361 00:15:42,214 --> 00:15:45,335 Like, for example, what is her favorite word? 362 00:15:45,716 --> 00:15:48,757 Or what was her first pet's name? 363 00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:50,859 Gloria, I'm not an idiot. 364 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,028 Are you trying to get Claire's password? 365 00:15:53,797 --> 00:15:54,847 Okay, fine. 366 00:15:56,057 --> 00:15:57,771 I sent her something by mistake. 367 00:15:57,896 --> 00:16:01,453 I need to get into Claire's e-mail to erase it before she sees it. 368 00:16:01,622 --> 00:16:02,872 Before I see what? 369 00:16:06,272 --> 00:16:07,565 Before I see what? 370 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,240 It's so embarrassing. 371 00:16:10,707 --> 00:16:12,131 You see, Jay and I... 372 00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:14,349 It's a naked picture of Gloria. 373 00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:17,929 Yes. 374 00:16:18,054 --> 00:16:19,054 Naked. 375 00:16:19,733 --> 00:16:21,490 I was gonna send it to Jay. 376 00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:24,059 You see everything. The whole body. 377 00:16:24,228 --> 00:16:25,427 I need to sit. 378 00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:30,774 So, you just got done giving me a lecture 379 00:16:30,899 --> 00:16:33,421 on the importance of locking my bedroom door 380 00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:37,450 while in my house to retrieve naked pictures 381 00:16:37,575 --> 00:16:39,376 that your wife accidentally sent me. 382 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,701 The irony is just occurring to me. 383 00:16:44,193 --> 00:16:46,524 - What are you doing? - What I'm doing... 384 00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:48,564 - is deleting it. - Good for you. 385 00:16:48,689 --> 00:16:50,753 - Let's go to Vegas! - Ciao! 386 00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:52,630 Do us a favor... no pictures. 387 00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:56,799 Listen. We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point. 388 00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:59,553 - I have some concerns. - Of course you do. 389 00:17:03,046 --> 00:17:04,183 What do we do now? 390 00:17:04,351 --> 00:17:06,985 Okay, I'm really afraid of reading this situation the wrong way, 391 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,938 but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me. 392 00:17:10,691 --> 00:17:12,269 Okay, now... 40%. 393 00:17:13,235 --> 00:17:15,194 Mitchell, we need to make a decision. 394 00:17:17,239 --> 00:17:19,478 It was the perfect plan. Turn the rug, 395 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:21,773 and she wouldn't find the stain for years. 396 00:17:21,898 --> 00:17:23,118 But we couldn't do it. 397 00:17:23,786 --> 00:17:24,906 We're too honest. 398 00:17:25,031 --> 00:17:27,406 There are certain moments in life that define you, 399 00:17:28,235 --> 00:17:29,833 and this is one of those moments. 400 00:17:31,966 --> 00:17:33,796 Guys, I'm so sorry 401 00:17:33,964 --> 00:17:35,099 that took so long. 402 00:17:36,486 --> 00:17:37,936 What happened here? 403 00:17:38,803 --> 00:17:41,303 - Jackson did it. - He drank Lily's strawberry juice. 404 00:17:41,663 --> 00:17:43,806 - What? - And it was all over everything. 405 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:47,026 - We are horrible. - I'm following your lead. 406 00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:49,271 So close that you stepped on the back of my shoe. 407 00:17:49,396 --> 00:17:50,771 Jackson's allergic. 408 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:54,233 His gonna go into anaphylactic shock. I need to inject him right now! 409 00:17:54,401 --> 00:17:57,111 - He seems all right to me. - Maybe just get him some fresh air. 410 00:17:57,279 --> 00:17:59,571 Stop talking! He really hates this. 411 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,119 I'm gonna need you to help me pin down his arms and legs. 412 00:18:02,244 --> 00:18:04,243 Honey, mommy's so sorry to have to do this, 413 00:18:04,411 --> 00:18:06,956 but it's only gonna hurt for a second. His arms! 414 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:09,832 Here we go. One, two... 415 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,417 - Wait! - Wait! 416 00:18:11,585 --> 00:18:14,461 - Jackson didn't drink the juice! - A juice box fell and we panicked 417 00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:17,297 because we heard you and we can't afford Joan Collins' rug! 418 00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:21,207 We are so, so sorry. We could not feel any worse. 419 00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,683 That's bad. 420 00:18:28,476 --> 00:18:29,476 Number 19! 421 00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,215 Number 19! 422 00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:34,064 Can we have some napkins, please? 423 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:36,567 All out of napkins. Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell. 424 00:18:37,509 --> 00:18:38,753 He knows your name! 425 00:18:39,905 --> 00:18:41,572 And... I'm just gonna say it... 426 00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:44,384 I'm really sorry about what happened. 427 00:18:44,509 --> 00:18:46,928 Well, we're not sorry about what happened. 428 00:18:47,053 --> 00:18:49,164 We're sorry that you saw what happened. 429 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,206 Yeah, okay. They get that. 430 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,458 Let's see. 431 00:18:52,761 --> 00:18:55,061 No one wants to see their parents... 432 00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,203 - Your sensuality... - ... not dressed. 433 00:19:00,676 --> 00:19:03,569 - Basically, it's two adults. - Adults. 434 00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:05,568 It's like you're shaking hands. 435 00:19:05,693 --> 00:19:08,177 But you're not using your hands at all. 436 00:19:08,477 --> 00:19:10,695 I can't handle a big family talk about this. 437 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:12,311 We're not gonna have a choice. 438 00:19:12,479 --> 00:19:13,888 So when they start talking, 439 00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:16,709 just smile and nod and think about something else. 440 00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:19,234 Yeah, it's easy. Just like at school. 441 00:19:21,654 --> 00:19:23,765 So, I guess what I'm saying here 442 00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:25,407 is that as you get older 443 00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:26,575 and... 444 00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:29,381 explore your sexuality, you will discover 445 00:19:29,506 --> 00:19:31,583 that as long as you are in a... 446 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,390 committed relationship with consenting adults, 447 00:19:34,515 --> 00:19:36,585 there's really nothing to be embarrassed about. 448 00:19:36,754 --> 00:19:39,151 And let's face it, your mom can't keep her hands off me 449 00:19:39,276 --> 00:19:41,298 whenever the gun show comes to town. 450 00:19:42,109 --> 00:19:43,425 Good one, dad. 451 00:19:44,011 --> 00:19:46,428 Humor makes difficult situations easier! 452 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,029 - Really? - Totally. 453 00:19:50,154 --> 00:19:53,227 You talked to us on our level but without being condescending! 454 00:19:53,395 --> 00:19:55,045 - We did. - All right. 455 00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:57,437 I guess we did. 456 00:19:58,668 --> 00:20:00,063 Yay, us. 457 00:20:00,378 --> 00:20:02,499 I think we really handled that well. 458 00:20:02,624 --> 00:20:04,310 Me too. You were excellent. 459 00:20:04,435 --> 00:20:05,739 You were pretty good. 460 00:20:08,218 --> 00:20:10,739 - This is such a weird day. - I know it. 461 00:20:10,864 --> 00:20:12,830 By the way... Happy anniversary. 462 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,463 It always is. 463 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,483 Mom, can I get... 464 00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:19,378 Enough! 465 00:20:25,563 --> 00:20:28,213 - What's this? - Your anniversary present. 466 00:20:28,338 --> 00:20:30,237 That's very sweet. 467 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:31,868 My goodness. 468 00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:33,983 What is it? 469 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,306 A door lock. 470 00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,064 How embarrassing. 471 00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:40,559 Thank you. 472 00:20:41,111 --> 00:20:42,734 We'll use it all the time. 473 00:20:42,902 --> 00:20:45,201 We thought the lock was a really good idea. 474 00:20:46,544 --> 00:20:47,893 But the problem is... 475 00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:49,241 It makes a noise. 476 00:20:49,591 --> 00:20:50,741 A loud noise. 477 00:20:55,874 --> 00:20:58,574 It's hard for me to look at dad afterwards.