1 00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:07,618 It's so unfair, you told me I could go! 2 00:00:07,743 --> 00:00:10,932 I told you you could go if you got a B on your history exam, which you didn't. 3 00:00:11,101 --> 00:00:13,167 I have a learning disability. 4 00:00:13,292 --> 00:00:15,687 The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards. 5 00:00:15,856 --> 00:00:17,837 Honey, we had you tested like six times. 6 00:00:17,962 --> 00:00:19,975 Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia. 7 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:23,050 My god, why can't you ever let me have any fun? 8 00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:27,407 Dad, gross. Your hand smells like cheese! 9 00:00:27,576 --> 00:00:29,925 I didn't wanna dirty a knife. Sit. 10 00:00:31,414 --> 00:00:33,955 We all know when Nana Dede comes, your mom can get a little... 11 00:00:34,124 --> 00:00:35,237 - Psycho? - Scary. 12 00:00:35,362 --> 00:00:38,673 - Drunk? - All true. Therefore, I need you guys 13 00:00:38,798 --> 00:00:41,912 - to be on your best behavior. - Don't worry. I'll keep to myself. 14 00:00:42,037 --> 00:00:44,312 I have to practice for my cello recital. 15 00:00:44,437 --> 00:00:47,093 Fine. You know what? If it keeps you out of your mom's hair, yes, 16 00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:49,660 do that. Luke, if your mom starts to lose it, 17 00:00:49,785 --> 00:00:51,973 I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute. 18 00:00:52,142 --> 00:00:54,632 No problem. I've got some stuff prepared. 19 00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:57,600 "I'm firsty." 20 00:00:58,686 --> 00:00:59,856 Adorable, right? 21 00:01:00,025 --> 00:01:01,358 Yeah, that's good. 22 00:01:01,842 --> 00:01:04,080 Don't worry. It works better in my jammies. 23 00:01:04,437 --> 00:01:06,844 Subtitles by MiniBen314 & Kevin 24 00:01:06,969 --> 00:01:09,032 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 25 00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:19,918 Monica can't control Lily's birthday party. 26 00:01:20,086 --> 00:01:21,784 Her mom's gonna be in chicago. 27 00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,838 That's fantastic! What part is she playing? 28 00:01:25,466 --> 00:01:27,550 The city of chicago. 29 00:01:29,076 --> 00:01:30,742 Okay. Gun to your head... 30 00:01:31,397 --> 00:01:32,764 Which pair should I wear? 31 00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:35,684 Gun to my head. I'd say, pull the trigger. 32 00:01:35,852 --> 00:01:37,894 - What's that supposed to mean? - No Fizbo. 33 00:01:38,511 --> 00:01:39,552 Why? 34 00:01:39,677 --> 00:01:41,648 The center of attention at Lily's party 35 00:01:41,816 --> 00:01:43,066 should be Lily, 36 00:01:43,388 --> 00:01:45,110 not Fizbo the needy clown. 37 00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:48,363 - I'm sorry. Excuse me, "Needy"? - "Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell? 38 00:01:48,531 --> 00:01:51,408 "Or clapping when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?" 39 00:01:51,576 --> 00:01:54,953 It's 10 feet long with boxer shorts at the end. It works on so many levels. 40 00:01:56,173 --> 00:01:58,704 Well, also, it's a princess theme party, so... 41 00:01:59,384 --> 00:02:00,917 You don't respect party themes. 42 00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:03,586 You did not just say that. 43 00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:06,506 - I'm sorry. That was crossing a ligne. - Yes, it was. 44 00:02:07,466 --> 00:02:08,466 So? 45 00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:10,849 Can Fizbo come to the party? 46 00:02:11,721 --> 00:02:14,472 You are Lily's dad. Just be there as her dad. 47 00:02:14,641 --> 00:02:16,391 I'm not being a good dad now? 48 00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:18,393 Well, if the shoe fits... 49 00:02:18,561 --> 00:02:20,911 They don't. They're comically large. 50 00:02:25,369 --> 00:02:27,819 Hey, mom. Dad and Nana just pulled in. 51 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,054 My sweet girl! 52 00:02:54,462 --> 00:02:56,597 Gosh, I forget that you're all grown up. 53 00:02:56,722 --> 00:02:58,516 You know, in my mind, you're still 12. 54 00:02:58,685 --> 00:03:00,977 Well, look at us. Just two old ladies. 55 00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:06,220 We're home! 56 00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:07,984 - Good. - And we bought Lily 57 00:03:08,153 --> 00:03:09,952 a beautiful birthday gift. 58 00:03:10,559 --> 00:03:12,809 I was pushing for a cashmere throw. 59 00:03:13,098 --> 00:03:16,055 Look, Jay. It's a talking storybook. 60 00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:18,902 We record ourselves reading it, and then at night, 61 00:03:19,027 --> 00:03:21,372 Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep. 62 00:03:21,541 --> 00:03:24,080 - Terrible idea. - Unlike the timelessness of cashmere. 63 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,675 Enough with the cashmere! 64 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,295 Why is it a terrible idea? 65 00:03:27,464 --> 00:03:29,547 Don't you remember the answering-machine message? 66 00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:32,160 Hi, you've reached Jay... 67 00:03:32,285 --> 00:03:35,637 And Gloria. Please leave a message after the... 68 00:03:37,703 --> 00:03:38,932 You didn't say "beep." 69 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,309 If I say "beep," people will think it's the beep. 70 00:03:41,478 --> 00:03:43,645 They're gonna know to wait for the actual beep. 71 00:03:43,813 --> 00:03:45,313 - I don't thinkso. - Trust me. 72 00:03:45,686 --> 00:03:46,736 Okay, fine. 73 00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:50,089 Hi, you've reached Jay... 74 00:03:50,214 --> 00:03:53,321 And Gloria. Please leave a message after the beeeeeep! 75 00:03:55,057 --> 00:03:57,158 - What was that? - You told me to make the beep. 76 00:03:57,327 --> 00:04:00,662 I didn't tell you to make the beep. I told you to say the word "beep." 77 00:04:00,830 --> 00:04:03,414 If I say the word, then people think it's the beep. 78 00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:06,382 - It's not the beep! - Then why even say it? 79 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,670 So, anyways, 80 00:04:08,838 --> 00:04:11,297 you'll never guess who I saw at the airport. 81 00:04:12,376 --> 00:04:13,426 Who's that? 82 00:04:13,652 --> 00:04:14,843 Robbie Sullivan. 83 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,690 My Robbie Sullivan from high school? 84 00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:19,681 God, I haven't seen him in years. 85 00:04:19,849 --> 00:04:22,475 Decades, really. I always liked him. 86 00:04:22,644 --> 00:04:23,855 And as I recall, 87 00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:26,795 the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other. 88 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,189 Really, mom? 89 00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:31,568 - That's not true. - It is true. I read it in your diary. 90 00:04:32,062 --> 00:04:34,826 You read my diary! 91 00:04:34,951 --> 00:04:36,488 Well... Yeah. 92 00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:40,677 I read it because I wanted to see if you were on drugs. 93 00:04:41,744 --> 00:04:44,104 It's called parenting, Claire. 94 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,692 Okay, buddy. We're gonna need you on the front lines sooner than expected. 95 00:04:49,817 --> 00:04:51,260 Are you ready to be cute? 96 00:04:51,385 --> 00:04:53,085 - Please. - Go get 'em. 97 00:04:55,076 --> 00:04:57,359 Hi, mommy. My tummy's growling. 98 00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:59,012 Can I have some pas-ghetti? 99 00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:00,586 Sweetie, you're hurting me. 100 00:05:00,711 --> 00:05:03,075 And take a shower tonight. Your hair smells like cheese. 101 00:05:04,223 --> 00:05:05,323 I'll get it. 102 00:05:08,268 --> 00:05:11,608 Okay, I need a giant lollipop, and I need it now. 103 00:05:13,042 --> 00:05:14,342 There's my girl! 104 00:05:15,993 --> 00:05:17,197 Look at you! 105 00:05:17,365 --> 00:05:18,406 Surprise! 106 00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:21,701 - I invited him to dinner! - What? 107 00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,872 Didn't I tell you she'd be excited? 108 00:05:25,373 --> 00:05:26,846 I don't know what to say. 109 00:05:26,971 --> 00:05:29,167 Maybe a fuzzy navel wine cooler will loosen you up. 110 00:05:30,755 --> 00:05:31,905 Sure used to. 111 00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:34,714 Honney, who's this? 112 00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:36,007 This is... 113 00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:37,175 Robbie. 114 00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:40,278 My boyfriend from when I was 17 years old, whom 115 00:05:40,403 --> 00:05:41,804 my mom invited to dinner. 116 00:05:41,973 --> 00:05:45,099 - Fasten your seatbelts. Phil Dunphy. - How do you know Claire? 117 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,186 I know Claire from being married to Claire. 118 00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,201 Wait a minute. 119 00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,151 Mom didn't mention that I'm married with three kids? 120 00:05:56,006 --> 00:05:58,863 All she said was that you were still trying to figure out your life. 121 00:05:59,032 --> 00:06:00,031 Really? 122 00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:02,807 Aren't we all? 123 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:06,537 Not really. Why would you not mention that I'm married? 124 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:11,167 Not everything in a conversation is about you. 125 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,003 I could use some help in the kitchen. 126 00:06:14,172 --> 00:06:15,922 Your words, not mine. 127 00:06:19,673 --> 00:06:21,118 You came here in a limo? 128 00:06:21,243 --> 00:06:23,513 - Yep. That's right, little dude. - Are you rich? 129 00:06:23,681 --> 00:06:26,125 Luke, that's not polite. Maybe Robbie isn't rich, 130 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,788 but he needs a limo because he has a lot of DUIs. 131 00:06:28,913 --> 00:06:30,186 It's nothing like that. 132 00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:33,356 The truth is, luke, I am rich, but not with money. 133 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,320 I've got my abs, 134 00:06:35,601 --> 00:06:36,818 I've got my hair, 135 00:06:36,986 --> 00:06:40,280 and I've got a super-sweet job driving that limo outside. 136 00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:42,282 - Cool. - It is cool. 137 00:06:44,109 --> 00:06:45,259 Who's taller? 138 00:06:45,869 --> 00:06:46,995 Me or your dad? 139 00:06:48,556 --> 00:06:49,933 I don't think we need to... 140 00:06:50,058 --> 00:06:52,108 I am just wearing socks, buddy. 141 00:06:52,919 --> 00:06:55,128 I just don't understand why you invited him to my house. 142 00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:59,132 Because he's an old friend. What was I gonna do, not invite him? 143 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,594 Yes. Yes. 144 00:07:01,177 --> 00:07:04,637 Sweetheart, I don't know about you, but that is not the way I was raised. 145 00:07:05,915 --> 00:07:06,973 You raised me. 146 00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:08,891 You're overthinking this. 147 00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:11,728 I was thinking that it might be a hoot for you to see him again. 148 00:07:13,552 --> 00:07:16,899 And did you think it might be a hoot to ask me first? 149 00:07:17,678 --> 00:07:19,694 No. If I'd asked you, you would have said no. 150 00:07:19,862 --> 00:07:23,578 Of course, mom. Of course I would have said no. 151 00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:25,742 And I'm the bad guy. 152 00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:29,495 Honestly, Claire, I wish I had a tape recorder. 153 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,458 "Once upon a time, there lived a family of bears. 154 00:07:36,781 --> 00:07:39,119 "There was papa bear"... 155 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:41,966 That's you, Jay. 156 00:07:42,135 --> 00:07:43,434 Okay. Let's see. 157 00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:51,583 Do you want me to hold it and stand in the driveway? 158 00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,771 "Holy mackerel, this is good salmon." 159 00:07:55,288 --> 00:07:57,438 I feel like they missed an oppor- 160 00:07:58,109 --> 00:08:00,619 "I don't want to eat the fish. 161 00:08:00,844 --> 00:08:03,112 They are my friends!" 162 00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:04,864 What kind of voice is that? 163 00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:07,626 - I am a bear. - A bear? I was gonna get a crucifix. 164 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,301 "And then the baby bear said... " 165 00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:12,852 "Good night, mama. Good night, papa. 166 00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:15,354 This has been the best day ever." 167 00:08:16,127 --> 00:08:18,450 "And after she kissed her parents good night, 168 00:08:18,575 --> 00:08:20,953 "she drifted off to sleep. 169 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,584 The end." 170 00:08:23,843 --> 00:08:25,476 She? Baby bear's a girl? 171 00:08:25,601 --> 00:08:27,887 We have to do it over. I would have played it different. 172 00:08:28,056 --> 00:08:30,056 - I think you nailed it. - What do you mean? 173 00:08:30,224 --> 00:08:31,391 Manny, you're fine. 174 00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:34,143 But, Jay, I need to tell you something. 175 00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:36,229 It's a bear, Gloria. I did the best I could. 176 00:08:37,614 --> 00:08:41,234 I don't want you to get upset, but I'm not going to the party. 177 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,402 What? 178 00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:45,020 It's because your ex-wife is going to be there, 179 00:08:45,145 --> 00:08:46,781 and we're never good together. 180 00:08:46,949 --> 00:08:49,617 I'm feeling very nervous. It's better that I stay here. 181 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,246 I don't know what to say. 182 00:08:53,565 --> 00:08:55,873 Greatest news ever! 183 00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:59,341 - So you're okay with this? - Not really, but I get it. 184 00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:01,219 I feel like I'm in the same boat 185 00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:03,779 with your friend's daughter's first communion coming up. 186 00:09:03,904 --> 00:09:06,467 I always felt like the husband never liked me. 187 00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:08,215 Maybe you're right. 188 00:09:08,953 --> 00:09:10,304 I should probably skip it. 189 00:09:13,615 --> 00:09:16,355 Wait, wait, wait. So Robbie Sullivan's at your house right now. 190 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,020 Yes, he is having dinner 191 00:09:18,189 --> 00:09:19,438 with my family. 192 00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:22,613 And let me tell you something. This chick was fat. 193 00:09:23,592 --> 00:09:27,580 Every time he opens his mouth, I can feel my daughters losing respect for me. 194 00:09:27,705 --> 00:09:28,948 I never liked that guy. 195 00:09:29,116 --> 00:09:32,530 He used to always put me in a headlock. It's amazing the freaks we used to date. 196 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,905 'ello, gov'nah! 197 00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:37,665 I gotta jump. 198 00:09:39,574 --> 00:09:40,626 All right. 199 00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:41,886 Let's hear it. 200 00:09:42,011 --> 00:09:43,171 Sir Fizbo-lot, 201 00:09:43,339 --> 00:09:45,923 royal court jester, at your service. 202 00:09:46,092 --> 00:09:47,842 I understand there's a little princess 203 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:51,053 'oos in need of a jolly good time! 204 00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:56,552 Your highness said that the clown doesn't fit the princess theme. 205 00:09:56,677 --> 00:09:57,769 But "mefinks"... 206 00:09:58,537 --> 00:10:01,001 That a court jester is right as rain! 207 00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:04,066 There goes the theory that an english accent makes everyone sound smart. 208 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:07,153 Come on. It's gonna be a boring party without any entertainment. 209 00:10:07,321 --> 00:10:10,198 I agree, which is why I hired a princess. Cue the gasp. 210 00:10:11,649 --> 00:10:14,297 How could you do that? How dare you? 211 00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:16,913 Entertaining and delighting children is who I am. 212 00:10:17,081 --> 00:10:18,039 Be a parent. 213 00:10:18,207 --> 00:10:21,115 - But I want to... I want to... - Go. Now. Stop. 214 00:10:26,253 --> 00:10:28,090 I was thinking about what you said, and, 215 00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:30,927 - maybe I should go to the party. - What'd I say? I didn't say anything. 216 00:10:31,095 --> 00:10:33,171 About Maria Victoria's first communion. 217 00:10:33,296 --> 00:10:36,974 We cannot let other people make us miss important family events. 218 00:10:37,143 --> 00:10:39,552 What? I'm gonna miss Alex's graduation, 219 00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:42,392 all of Haley's weddings, just because of Dede? 220 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,232 I love them. They're my family, too. 221 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,776 Slow down. You're up to weddings already? 222 00:10:47,282 --> 00:10:48,361 How about this? 223 00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:52,073 Try missing tomorrow, and then just see how that feels. 224 00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:55,535 You're so good to me. 225 00:10:55,703 --> 00:10:57,411 That's why I have to go. 226 00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:59,608 You're gonna be there for me the same way 227 00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:02,375 I'm gonna be there for you at Maria Victoria's first communion. 228 00:11:03,301 --> 00:11:05,837 Wait a minute. That's back on the table? 229 00:11:06,005 --> 00:11:08,336 Well, you know, we didn't want to break curfew. 230 00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:09,549 Curfew? 231 00:11:09,717 --> 00:11:10,717 Right. 232 00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:13,553 As if you two ever honored a curfew. 233 00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:15,972 I love your stories, Nana. Keep on goin'. 234 00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:18,224 Your father used to scare the crap out of me. 235 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,082 Well, evidently not enough 236 00:11:21,207 --> 00:11:23,855 to keep you from sneaking in at 3:00 in the morning. 237 00:11:25,191 --> 00:11:27,942 I didn't know whether to punish you or make you pancakes. 238 00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:33,163 Halfway through dinner, I told Claire that whenever she had the urge 239 00:11:33,288 --> 00:11:36,553 to lash out at her mother, she should just squeeze my hand instead. 240 00:11:37,215 --> 00:11:39,704 A doctor had to cut off my wedding ring. 241 00:11:39,872 --> 00:11:42,957 Claire, you remember that time we cut school and we went out to the pier 242 00:11:43,493 --> 00:11:46,274 and we played that game, and you won the... 243 00:11:46,626 --> 00:11:49,213 - Giant panda bear! - The panda bear. Right. 244 00:11:51,031 --> 00:11:53,191 Do you remember what we did after that? 245 00:11:54,564 --> 00:11:56,178 Do you still like roller coasters? 246 00:11:56,347 --> 00:11:57,496 Not this one. 247 00:11:58,558 --> 00:12:00,766 You know, Robbie was a rogue, 248 00:12:00,935 --> 00:12:03,269 but he could charm your socks off. 249 00:12:03,437 --> 00:12:05,512 Although I doubt he stopped there. 250 00:12:09,231 --> 00:12:11,444 We're all adults here, honey, pretty much. 251 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,696 Okay, I think we're done. 252 00:12:14,712 --> 00:12:18,154 I better get going. I've got an early-morning run, celebrity client. 253 00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:21,127 Don't ask me who. Let's just say that if I'm late, 254 00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:23,289 I'll be in jeopardy. 255 00:12:23,457 --> 00:12:24,665 Who is Alex Trebek? 256 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,751 He's a game-show host. Why? 257 00:12:27,336 --> 00:12:28,336 No reason. 258 00:12:31,182 --> 00:12:33,232 This was incredible, thanks. It was so great. 259 00:12:33,357 --> 00:12:35,217 - So good to see you. - So great. I know. 260 00:12:35,386 --> 00:12:37,855 - You look so good. Really good. - Catching up was so fun. 261 00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:39,472 You take good care. 262 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,340 You take good care, now. 263 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,529 Let's do it. Let's do that. 264 00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:46,270 I'll walk you out. 265 00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:50,465 - Really, mom? - I was young. 266 00:12:50,590 --> 00:12:52,935 - I thought he was sexy. - Go to your room. 267 00:12:57,588 --> 00:12:58,597 I did it. 268 00:12:59,247 --> 00:13:01,811 She brought all the crazy in her arsenal, and I did not crack. 269 00:13:01,936 --> 00:13:03,412 I think a bone in my hand did. 270 00:13:03,581 --> 00:13:04,983 Honey, I'm sorry... 271 00:13:05,108 --> 00:13:06,791 - You know what hurt more? - What? 272 00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:08,449 I used to think she loved me. 273 00:13:08,574 --> 00:13:10,753 Apparently, she always wished you'd married Robbie. 274 00:13:10,921 --> 00:13:14,882 No, sweetie. This was all about her trying to annoy me. 275 00:13:15,051 --> 00:13:18,498 Come on. She's practically walking you two down the aisle. 276 00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,023 He left his phone. 277 00:13:20,415 --> 00:13:22,306 All those mother's day cards I sent her... 278 00:13:22,475 --> 00:13:26,085 All those joke e-mails she forwarded to me months after I'd already seen them. 279 00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:29,272 Well, no more polite "LOLs" for you, Dede. 280 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,400 Holy cow! 281 00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:37,028 You were right. It's not about me. 282 00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,142 You are princess... 283 00:13:44,847 --> 00:13:47,099 Stop eyeing the princess. You're gonna freak her out. 284 00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:48,579 I think the whole idea 285 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:51,028 of needing a prince to come along and make you happy 286 00:13:51,153 --> 00:13:53,368 sends the wrong message, Mitchell. I really do. 287 00:13:53,493 --> 00:13:55,798 And a grown man pulling boxer shorts out of his mouth doesn't. 288 00:13:59,845 --> 00:14:00,853 Hi, sweetie. 289 00:14:02,381 --> 00:14:04,223 So... Where is she? Where's mom? 290 00:14:04,392 --> 00:14:07,232 - Let's get the weirdness over with. - I thought she was coming with you. 291 00:14:07,924 --> 00:14:09,713 I haven't seen mom since, let's see. 292 00:14:09,838 --> 00:14:11,772 Oh, she made out with my ex-boyfriend last night. 293 00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,268 And then she took off with him, 294 00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:18,612 didn't come back until after I was asleep, 295 00:14:19,137 --> 00:14:21,351 and then this morning left a cute little note 296 00:14:21,476 --> 00:14:23,003 "Having breakfast with Robbie!" 297 00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:25,035 What the hell is she doing? He's half her age! 298 00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:27,569 Don't say it. 299 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:29,286 I think it's sweet. 300 00:14:29,495 --> 00:14:31,959 Love is beautiful. It has no age. 301 00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:34,295 When it's meant to be, it's meant to be. 302 00:14:34,488 --> 00:14:36,672 That is the question. 303 00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:37,869 What's going on? 304 00:14:37,994 --> 00:14:40,092 She was a little nervous about your mother being here, 305 00:14:40,261 --> 00:14:42,024 so she tried her first Xanax, 306 00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,929 washed it down with a shot of tequila. 307 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:47,977 Look at the princess. It's so beautiful. 308 00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:50,394 Really? 'cause I don't see it. 309 00:14:51,899 --> 00:14:52,899 Excuse me. 310 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,149 There's the birthday girl! 311 00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:57,651 Glitter? That'll settle in her lungs. 312 00:14:59,029 --> 00:15:01,338 So, I wanted to ask what method of payment you prefer - 313 00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:03,163 Cash, credit card, check? 314 00:15:03,784 --> 00:15:05,800 Princesses don't get paid, 315 00:15:05,925 --> 00:15:07,453 except maybe in laughter 316 00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:08,771 and sparkles. 317 00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:10,664 That's nice. But I really need to know. 318 00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:14,111 All I ask is that a little girl's birthday wishes... 319 00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:15,294 come true. 320 00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:17,046 Seriously, if you wanna get paid... 321 00:15:17,214 --> 00:15:19,173 Make the check out to Party Stars Incorporated. 322 00:15:19,341 --> 00:15:21,535 Never break character. Never, ever! 323 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:22,676 "But" nothing. 324 00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:24,929 When I was a clown, my shoe caught on fire, 325 00:15:25,097 --> 00:15:28,174 and one of my fellow clowns put me out with a bucket of flammable confetti. 326 00:15:28,299 --> 00:15:30,587 - What's happening? - When they loaded me in the ambulance, 327 00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,311 I continued to make balloon animals! 328 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,268 - Flammable confetti? - There was a seltzer bottle! 329 00:15:39,463 --> 00:15:42,112 I cannot believe it. She brought him to the party! 330 00:15:42,889 --> 00:15:44,882 - I'm gonna kill her. - Stop. No, not now. 331 00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:46,968 The last thing I need is some big scene, Claire. 332 00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:48,743 She's doing this just to torture me. 333 00:15:49,106 --> 00:15:51,743 She's doing this to get back at me because I didn't let her stay with us. 334 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,604 You're both wrong. This is about me. 335 00:15:53,729 --> 00:15:55,858 I got the young girl. She had to get the young guy. 336 00:15:55,983 --> 00:15:57,169 She and I are good. 337 00:15:57,338 --> 00:15:59,656 We had a long talk last night after you and I... 338 00:15:59,781 --> 00:16:02,967 "split" that bottle of wine, and you "fell asleep" on the stairs. 339 00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:06,520 I don't know why everybody's getting so upset about this. 340 00:16:06,779 --> 00:16:08,889 Maybe it's about passion, 341 00:16:09,058 --> 00:16:11,585 about what the body wants, 342 00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:13,711 what the heart wants for the heart. 343 00:16:13,836 --> 00:16:15,980 Seriously, can you deal with Cheech and Chong? 344 00:16:16,284 --> 00:16:17,398 Hi, everyone. 345 00:16:23,531 --> 00:16:25,698 Come on. That's enough. 346 00:16:28,828 --> 00:16:30,369 Thank you for coming. 347 00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,144 - You remember Robbie. - Yes, I do. 348 00:16:34,816 --> 00:16:36,480 That's Lily! 349 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:40,296 I guess you're trying to keep the outfit I sent her clean. 350 00:16:42,785 --> 00:16:44,656 The years have been treating you good. 351 00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:46,031 What's up, red? 352 00:16:46,331 --> 00:16:49,471 I love this guy. We used to wrestle around all the time. 353 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,458 Please stop. Is my baby watching? 354 00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:53,978 I need to talk to you for a second. Let me just... 355 00:16:54,770 --> 00:16:57,521 ask you a little something. What are you doing with my mother? 356 00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:58,873 Hey, I've got a code. 357 00:16:58,998 --> 00:17:02,359 - What happens in the limo stays in it. - She's my mother! 358 00:17:02,528 --> 00:17:04,403 Look, I know this is all a little freaky, 359 00:17:05,419 --> 00:17:07,948 but I had a crush on your mother back in high school, 360 00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:10,326 and it's always been kind of a fantasy for me. 361 00:17:12,046 --> 00:17:14,914 You were dating me and fantasizing about my mother? 362 00:17:15,082 --> 00:17:16,040 Ohh, boy. 363 00:17:17,293 --> 00:17:20,711 I think we both know what this is really all about. 364 00:17:21,881 --> 00:17:24,924 - You still want me. - Oh, my God. Are you insane? 365 00:17:25,737 --> 00:17:28,330 - What's going on here, you two? - You are. You're insane. 366 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,394 - Claire still wants me. - No. Don't. 367 00:17:31,519 --> 00:17:34,063 - I should've seen this coming. - Oh, really. 368 00:17:34,188 --> 00:17:37,541 One minute she sees I'm happy, and she swoops in! 369 00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:40,402 Didn't swoop! I didn't swoop. If anybody swooped, it was you! 370 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,456 Not now! Not now! No, stop, please. 371 00:17:42,581 --> 00:17:45,967 She accused me of trying to steal my old boyfriend from her. 372 00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:48,767 Okay, fine, but make it quick. 373 00:17:49,115 --> 00:17:51,834 Why does everything have to be so hard with you? 374 00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:55,246 Why can't you just be a normal old grandma? 375 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,831 You come in here, it's some sort of sick game for you 376 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,668 to just push people and see how far you can push them! 377 00:18:00,836 --> 00:18:02,031 So fine, look at me! 378 00:18:02,212 --> 00:18:05,588 You win! You win! I'm screaming at a princess party, mom! 379 00:18:10,392 --> 00:18:12,388 I think maybe, you know, you should take off. 380 00:18:12,556 --> 00:18:14,389 Yeah, yeah, look, I hear you, Phil. 381 00:18:15,031 --> 00:18:16,715 But between you and me... 382 00:18:17,225 --> 00:18:19,852 I'm getting some serious vibes from the princess over here, 383 00:18:19,977 --> 00:18:21,937 and I'd kind of like to play that out. 384 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:26,068 - Time to go. - Hey, Mr. P. How you been? 385 00:18:26,242 --> 00:18:27,367 I'm doing good. 386 00:18:27,492 --> 00:18:30,094 But I never liked you in the basement with my daughter, 387 00:18:30,384 --> 00:18:32,116 and I don't like you here with my ex. 388 00:18:32,557 --> 00:18:35,286 You know, Your little intimidation game 389 00:18:35,454 --> 00:18:37,413 may have worked on me when I was a kid, 390 00:18:37,797 --> 00:18:39,847 but I'm a full-grown man now... 391 00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:42,234 And I think I should go. 392 00:18:47,883 --> 00:18:49,954 So much for keeping it all about Lily. 393 00:18:50,514 --> 00:18:54,449 And I certainly didn't help by berating that sweet journeyman princess. 394 00:18:54,574 --> 00:18:57,307 Oh, god, look at this place. Everybody's traumatized. 395 00:18:58,193 --> 00:18:59,537 We need somebody... 396 00:18:59,662 --> 00:19:01,603 - to pump life into this party. - I got this. 397 00:19:01,772 --> 00:19:04,732 I'll put some music, bring the cupcakes, pump up the bubble machine. 398 00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:10,654 Is that a roundabout way of saying a certain clown can come to the party? 399 00:19:10,823 --> 00:19:13,991 I was wrong. Every kid wants a clown for a dad. 400 00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,535 You just made a little girl very happy. 401 00:19:16,704 --> 00:19:18,495 Yes, well, I can see that. 402 00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:27,337 - You okay? - I'm fine. 403 00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:29,590 I will be fine. 404 00:19:29,758 --> 00:19:33,218 You know Claire gets stressed out. That stuff she said out there... 405 00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:35,054 Was all true. 406 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,241 I don't know what I was thinking with him. 407 00:19:40,366 --> 00:19:41,768 I feel like such a fool. 408 00:19:41,893 --> 00:19:44,063 You got flattered by the attention of a younger guy, 409 00:19:44,231 --> 00:19:45,569 and you got carried away. 410 00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:47,649 - So what? - It's not that. 411 00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:49,651 It's... I divorced you, 412 00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:52,029 because I was looking for something else. 413 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,760 I haven't found it. 414 00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:57,910 But when I come back here, I feel like I have to prove something. 415 00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:00,797 Like people are looking at me, 416 00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:04,709 saying, "you broke up the family. What do you have to show for it?" 417 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:06,847 You did the right thing. We were stalled. 418 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,504 I didn't have the guts to end it. 419 00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:11,183 That's because you're a decent man. 420 00:20:11,791 --> 00:20:14,025 And that doesn't make it any easier. 421 00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:17,513 I just don't want to be thought of as "crazy nana." 422 00:20:17,681 --> 00:20:19,640 That's not really who I am. 423 00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:21,013 I think, 424 00:20:21,544 --> 00:20:22,976 more than anything else, 425 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,322 my real problem... 426 00:20:25,596 --> 00:20:26,791 is her! 427 00:20:31,432 --> 00:20:34,113 - So, maybe it isn't about me? - Or me. 428 00:20:34,281 --> 00:20:35,989 I told you it was about me! 429 00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:39,576 I got Gloria! 430 00:20:40,522 --> 00:20:42,327 And then Papa Bear said... 431 00:20:42,452 --> 00:20:44,714 "Baby and I are going fishing." 432 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:46,500 This is such a precious gift! 433 00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:49,420 I know. I can't believe my dad sat down and did this. 434 00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:50,638 Keep going. 435 00:20:51,374 --> 00:20:53,337 Jay, pay attention. It's your line! 436 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:55,112 I just had a damn line. 437 00:20:55,237 --> 00:20:57,108 Manny, freshen this up for me. 438 00:20:57,233 --> 00:20:59,014 No more drinks until we finish this. 439 00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:01,710 Who cares? Cam's just gonna return it anyway. 440 00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:02,835 Cue gasp.