1 00:00:03,256 --> 00:00:05,280 - Morning, mom. - Good morning, papi. 2 00:00:06,008 --> 00:00:07,635 Hump day. Am I right, Jay? 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,410 Your days ends at 2:30. 4 00:00:09,727 --> 00:00:12,635 Can't come fast enough. Quitting time. Am I right, Jay? 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,660 Let's not make this a thing. 6 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,336 What is this? Where's my soft-boiled egg? 7 00:00:19,503 --> 00:00:22,297 I scrambled it. It's good for you to try new things. 8 00:00:22,464 --> 00:00:25,592 I don't want to try new things. You can't just spring this on me. 9 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,041 I have bad news, Manny. 10 00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:30,472 This is not the biggest curve ball that life is going to throw you. 11 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,832 Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things. 12 00:00:32,957 --> 00:00:35,049 Ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? 13 00:00:35,174 --> 00:00:37,685 Thought I didn't like them, tried them, love them. 14 00:00:38,912 --> 00:00:41,365 Are the movie rights available for that one? 15 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,133 Subtitles by MiniBen314 16 00:00:44,258 --> 00:00:46,321 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 17 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,289 Dunphy spring classic. 18 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:58,375 Who's gonna do the dishes for the next week? 19 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,370 Boys versus girls. 20 00:01:00,692 --> 00:01:03,153 Testosterone versus estrogen. 21 00:01:03,278 --> 00:01:04,757 Standing up to pee versus 22 00:01:04,923 --> 00:01:06,425 - the squat. - Phil, come on! 23 00:01:11,088 --> 00:01:12,556 Swing and a miss. 24 00:01:12,911 --> 00:01:14,433 He's in her head, Luke. 25 00:01:14,599 --> 00:01:16,555 And boys rule and girls drool. 26 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:17,978 You drool all the time. 27 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,855 Mom had to take you to a specialist. 28 00:01:20,022 --> 00:01:21,907 I'm still growing into my tongue. 29 00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:23,859 Can I go to the movies with Robin? 30 00:01:24,026 --> 00:01:26,236 No, you may not, 'cause you are still grounded. 31 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,335 Then can I be sent to my room? 32 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:30,449 No, 'cause we're having some fun family time. 33 00:01:30,615 --> 00:01:33,079 We're gonna spend this beautiful afternoon outside 34 00:01:33,204 --> 00:01:35,370 in the fresh air, getting some exercise, okay? 35 00:01:35,822 --> 00:01:36,872 Pitch it, Phil. 36 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:45,896 That's the game. 37 00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:47,257 What? We just started. 38 00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:50,921 - That was our only ball. - What? The game's over just because 39 00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:53,972 - you're afraid of stupid Mr. Kleezak? - I'm not going over there. 40 00:01:54,139 --> 00:01:55,288 That was fun. 41 00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:58,326 If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a love child, 42 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,657 he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor. 43 00:02:00,782 --> 00:02:04,732 I don't have a mean thing to say about anyone, but Mr. Kleezak is... 44 00:02:05,714 --> 00:02:07,114 not a nice person. 45 00:02:07,818 --> 00:02:08,918 Easy, honey. 46 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:13,975 Is your mom home? 47 00:02:14,242 --> 00:02:16,286 She had to take Alex to the oncologist. 48 00:02:16,453 --> 00:02:17,412 What's wrong? 49 00:02:17,579 --> 00:02:18,956 She needed new glasses. 50 00:02:19,824 --> 00:02:21,708 - Did you mean optometrist? - Whatever. 51 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,585 So, should I give her a message? 52 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,929 Could you ask her if she could possibly babysit Lily on Saturday night? 53 00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:28,757 We'd really, really appreciate it. 54 00:02:28,924 --> 00:02:31,831 Saturday night, we're having dinner with Pepper, Longinus, and Crispin. 55 00:02:31,956 --> 00:02:35,106 - They're our gay friends. - I think that was clear. 56 00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:38,566 I've been spending a lot of time with a lot of straight people lately. 57 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,978 And, darling, I need a night with my homies. 58 00:02:41,423 --> 00:02:42,673 You mean homos. 59 00:02:43,923 --> 00:02:46,379 You know what? Maybe you should stay in and babysit. 60 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:49,877 Our babysitter bailed, and we're kind of in a bind, so... 61 00:02:50,002 --> 00:02:53,436 I can watch Lily. I'm really good. I'm babysitting Luke right now. 62 00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:56,265 You wanna babysit Lily? 63 00:02:57,706 --> 00:02:59,413 That's very sweet, honey, but, 64 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:03,000 you're a very popular girl. I'm sure you have better things to do, so... 65 00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,565 Seriously, I'm totally free. 66 00:03:06,044 --> 00:03:08,765 Being grounded is so much worse than it was in the olden days. 67 00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:11,384 My friends text and Facebook all the fun stuff they're doing 68 00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:14,024 while I'm stuck at home playing Jenga with my dad. 69 00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:18,182 Are you serious? 70 00:03:18,348 --> 00:03:20,684 You don't even have to pay me. I promise I'll take 71 00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:23,979 - super good care of her. - That would be great, thank you. 72 00:03:24,146 --> 00:03:26,523 We'll see you on Saturday night. Bye, sweetie. 73 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:39,328 What are you thinking? Haley is a very sweet and fashionable girl, but, 74 00:03:39,494 --> 00:03:41,533 seems hardly a responsible caregiver! 75 00:03:41,658 --> 00:03:44,901 Well, we needed a sitter. She's family. I say we give her a shot. 76 00:03:45,026 --> 00:03:47,726 A shot? With our only child? Sure, why not? 77 00:03:47,851 --> 00:03:51,840 If something goes wrong, we'll just pop over to the orient and grab another one. 78 00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:01,683 What? 79 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,102 My name is Luke Dunphy. I live next door. 80 00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:06,563 - What do you want? - Get our ball from your yard. 81 00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:10,400 I don't want you messing around back there. Just 82 00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:11,567 go home. 83 00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,655 Are you going scuba diving? Why do you have that tank? 84 00:04:16,184 --> 00:04:17,484 You being smart? 85 00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:19,034 You mean in school? 86 00:04:19,201 --> 00:04:20,500 Well, I do okay. 87 00:04:20,846 --> 00:04:24,373 My teacher says I get distracted. Why do you have that tube in your nose? 88 00:04:24,539 --> 00:04:25,666 For fun. 89 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,251 Really? Can I try? 90 00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:29,187 It's oxygen. 91 00:04:29,496 --> 00:04:32,256 We have that in our house, but we don't need tanks. 92 00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:34,716 For God's sake, just get your ball. 93 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,763 I was watching the news, 94 00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:50,113 and another flock of birds fell out of the sky dead. 95 00:04:50,376 --> 00:04:51,584 What is happening? 96 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,331 Sweetie, you gotta stop watching the news. 97 00:04:54,456 --> 00:04:57,698 That's your big solution... embrace ignorance? 98 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,879 What are you two arguing about? Never mind, I don't want to know. 99 00:05:01,493 --> 00:05:03,977 - Be back in a couple hours. - Where you going? 100 00:05:04,102 --> 00:05:05,998 To my friend Walt's to watch High noon. 101 00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,762 I love westerns... The bloodier, the better. 102 00:05:08,887 --> 00:05:10,458 That's my favorite type of movie... 103 00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,510 That and anything set against the backdrop of competitive cheerleading. 104 00:05:13,635 --> 00:05:15,799 Is Walt the one who's always skateboarding? 105 00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:17,884 No. Where would he put his oxygen tank? 106 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,803 Okay, now I'm really confused. 107 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:21,295 You sound like Walt. 108 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:23,432 He gets confused a lot. It's hilarious. 109 00:05:23,598 --> 00:05:26,098 Wait, are we talking about Mr. Kleezak? 110 00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:29,938 I went over to his house to get my ball, and we've been hanging out. 111 00:05:30,228 --> 00:05:32,208 You were in Mr. Kleezak's house? 112 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,651 - Luke, that is not okay. - Why not? 113 00:05:34,818 --> 00:05:36,667 He's really nice and funny. 114 00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:38,322 Listen to this joke. 115 00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:41,050 - Two krauts walk into a bar. - This is not good. 116 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,535 Don't jump to conclusions. Let him finish the joke. 117 00:05:43,702 --> 00:05:44,828 And one of them has a limp. 118 00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:48,123 You may not go back to that man's house. 119 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,791 - Why not? - Because... 120 00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:52,294 - He's weird. - And not very nice. 121 00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,713 That's what you said about my friend Oliver. 122 00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,506 He almost burned down our garage? 123 00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:59,572 He likes to melt stuff. Like you're so perfect. 124 00:06:00,051 --> 00:06:02,846 I'm sorry, but your mother and I just aren't comfortable with this. 125 00:06:03,013 --> 00:06:04,131 That's so unfair. 126 00:06:04,256 --> 00:06:07,017 You don't even know him 'cause you're too afraid to talk to him. 127 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:10,429 - We're just looking out for you. - You never like any of my friends. 128 00:06:14,028 --> 00:06:16,416 - We're doing the right thing. - Absolutely. 129 00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:19,713 - Aren't we? - I don't know. 130 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,655 I mean, he makes a point. We don't know the man, and, 131 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:25,202 little kids can be friends with old people, right? 132 00:06:25,368 --> 00:06:27,953 Of course they can. There's tons of examples. Up, 133 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,165 Gran Torino, True grit. 134 00:06:30,542 --> 00:06:32,945 Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. 135 00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:35,422 - We've gotta go talk to that guy. - Now? 136 00:06:35,669 --> 00:06:36,914 It's so dark. 137 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,553 So, the numbers are by the phone, food in the fridge. 138 00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:43,969 I just changed her diaper, so all you need to do 139 00:06:44,094 --> 00:06:47,140 is put her down in about a half-hour and not let a serial killer come in. 140 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,102 - What if he's cute? - Then save him for us. 141 00:06:51,646 --> 00:06:53,145 Nobody in, nobody out. 142 00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:56,735 We're gonna be totally fine. You just go get your gay on. 143 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:59,060 It is on like Donkey Kong. 144 00:06:59,482 --> 00:07:01,405 Clearly it's not on yet, but it will be. 145 00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:03,198 So, okay, come on. Let's go. 146 00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:06,308 I'm telling you, kid, this is a concert you're never gonna forget. 147 00:07:06,815 --> 00:07:08,715 Greatest music in the world. 148 00:07:10,271 --> 00:07:11,540 Wait. What's this? 149 00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:14,232 - What do you mean? - What are we seeing? 150 00:07:14,357 --> 00:07:16,128 The symphony The four seasons. 151 00:07:16,294 --> 00:07:18,787 I thought we were seeing Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. 152 00:07:18,912 --> 00:07:20,267 - It's Vivaldi. - Crap. 153 00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,743 Nothing but instruments? I'm out of here. 154 00:07:22,868 --> 00:07:25,512 - You're not out. You're in. - I hate this kind of music. 155 00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:29,516 Every time we try something new, your first reaction is always no. 156 00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:31,814 I'm old enough to know what I like or not. 157 00:07:31,939 --> 00:07:33,844 - And the crab cakes? - That was a fluke. 158 00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:36,794 And I can't slather that boring music in tartar sauce. 159 00:07:37,232 --> 00:07:40,593 So I have to try new things, like scrambled eggs, 160 00:07:41,152 --> 00:07:42,863 - but you don't have to? - You see? 161 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,656 You're tearing this family apart. 162 00:07:44,823 --> 00:07:47,709 Let's take it down a notch. You two go in, have a great time. 163 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,953 - I'll see you later. - What are you going to do? 164 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,180 I'm gonna walk like a man, fast as I can, to that bar over there. 165 00:07:53,305 --> 00:07:56,001 And if you knew Frankie Valli, you'd be cracking up right now. 166 00:07:57,469 --> 00:07:58,470 It's okay. 167 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,050 I'm telling you, John Schneider was the one! 168 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,553 John Schneider, from The Dukes of Hazzard? 169 00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:09,681 - That was your first crush? - My God, yes. Bo Duke... delicious. 170 00:08:09,848 --> 00:08:12,899 He was a redneck who drove a car called the General Lee 171 00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,895 with a giant confederate flag on it. 172 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,980 That wasn't a turn-off for you? 173 00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:19,691 I know it was wrong, but the heart wants what he wants. 174 00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:21,939 Richard Gere. My God. 175 00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:25,071 I'll be the officer. Don't be a gentleman. 176 00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:27,896 - Montgomery Clift. - Who? 177 00:08:28,183 --> 00:08:30,202 Don't do that, Crispin. You're not that young. 178 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,121 Anyway, my crush was gay. At least I had a shot. 179 00:08:33,288 --> 00:08:36,166 You had a shot with Montgomery Clift? How old are you? 180 00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:39,851 I will cut you like it was nothing, farm boy. 181 00:08:41,222 --> 00:08:43,721 - See, I miss this. - Wait. What about you, Mitchell? 182 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,968 I didn't know it was a crush because I was only 8 at the time. 183 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,823 - I knew when I was 8. - Everyone knew when you were 8. 184 00:08:49,948 --> 00:08:51,806 Longinus, get up. We're switching seats. 185 00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:55,680 Back to me... 186 00:08:55,805 --> 00:08:58,188 So, I had just seen St. Elmo's fire, and... 187 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,971 Mitchell, look, it's your father. 188 00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:02,984 That's your father? 189 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:06,196 - He's cute. - Please, turn it off for one second? 190 00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:09,741 - He's all alone. Invite him over. - That's not something we're gonna do. 191 00:09:09,908 --> 00:09:12,786 - Relax, your dad knows you're gay. - He doesn't know I'm this gay. 192 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,764 Excuse us? 193 00:09:18,604 --> 00:09:21,545 He looks like that dentist you hooked up with in Laguna. 194 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,255 That was in my daddy phase. 195 00:09:23,421 --> 00:09:25,481 Please, keep this up. This is fun for me. 196 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,300 - Fellas, how you doing? - Hey, dad. 197 00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:30,757 What are you doing here? 198 00:09:30,882 --> 00:09:33,056 Getting a drink while Gloria and Manny see a show. 199 00:09:33,223 --> 00:09:36,059 - Well, please join us. - No, I don't want to intrude. 200 00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:37,477 You are not intruding. 201 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,688 I'm just gonna watch the game at the bar. 202 00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:41,982 Sit down. We're up by 25 with a minute to go. 203 00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,680 Maybe just for a minute. 204 00:09:55,438 --> 00:09:57,895 So, what does a guy gotta do to get a drink around here? 205 00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,332 Nobody say anything. 206 00:10:01,624 --> 00:10:03,523 Justin, more booze. 207 00:10:03,648 --> 00:10:07,007 Mitchell was just about to tell us who his first boy crush was. 208 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,092 - I wasn't. - Let me bring you up to speed. 209 00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:12,158 Crispin's was Joey Mclntyre... whoever that is. 210 00:10:12,465 --> 00:10:15,557 - Longinus said John Schneider. - Your name is Longinus? 211 00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:18,101 I know. I never stood a chance. 212 00:10:18,268 --> 00:10:20,530 Cam's was Richard Gere, and I was Monty Clift. 213 00:10:20,655 --> 00:10:23,106 At least yours was gay. I mean, you might've had a shot. 214 00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:24,542 Thank you. 215 00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,527 Crispin, up. I'm sitting next to this one. 216 00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:30,906 Welcome. 217 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,990 - He's right there. - All right. 218 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,710 Mr. Kleezak? It's open. 219 00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:46,305 Honey, he's not moving. Is he okay? 220 00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:49,984 There's only one way to find out. 221 00:11:04,404 --> 00:11:07,196 I don't know if he's breathing. Does he have a pulse? 222 00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:09,027 There's only one way to find out. 223 00:11:09,193 --> 00:11:11,593 Would you stop pushing me? You do it. 224 00:11:11,718 --> 00:11:12,818 I hate this. 225 00:11:13,192 --> 00:11:14,692 I'm gonna kill Luke. 226 00:11:18,684 --> 00:11:20,284 My God. He's ice-cold. 227 00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:26,705 I'm sorry. We thought there was something wrong with you. 228 00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,839 What? 229 00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:30,214 We thought there was something wrong with you! 230 00:11:32,967 --> 00:11:33,968 We haven't 231 00:11:34,288 --> 00:11:36,554 - formally met. Phil Dunphy. - Yeah, I know you. 232 00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:39,181 You're the guy who just broke into my house and fondled me. 233 00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,223 We were just concerned that you looked dead. 234 00:11:42,348 --> 00:11:43,353 No offense. 235 00:11:43,519 --> 00:11:45,219 What are you doing here? 236 00:11:45,813 --> 00:11:49,863 Our son, Luke, told us that you invited him over here to watch movies, 237 00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:53,309 and I'm sure you could understand why we would... 238 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:55,323 be concerned about that. 239 00:11:56,451 --> 00:11:58,451 - You're doing great. - Honey. 240 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,704 Are you saying that I'm some kind of pervert? 241 00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:02,595 Probably not. 242 00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,858 I didn't ask him to come over here. 243 00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:06,983 I was minding my own business, 244 00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:08,558 like you should be. 245 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,413 But in all fairness, our son is our business. 246 00:12:12,538 --> 00:12:13,883 Well, then, keep him. 247 00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:17,651 And keep your daughter from driving into my garbage cans. 248 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:23,090 And keep your blinds closed when you're doing your little sexy dance. 249 00:12:24,174 --> 00:12:25,874 He's seen my sexy dance. 250 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:34,988 So... I'm 12 years old, I'm staying over night at my best friend Jim's house, 251 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,051 and neither one of us want to go to sleep. 252 00:12:37,176 --> 00:12:40,410 - I know where this is going. - You're better than that, Crispin. 253 00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:44,289 So, we sneak off to the movies, and we see this little picture 254 00:12:44,455 --> 00:12:46,272 called Solomon and Sheba. 255 00:12:46,397 --> 00:12:47,751 And Sheba was... 256 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,294 - Gina Lollobrigida! - Bingo! 257 00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,505 And for the rest of my life, I swore, I would marry Gina Lollobrigida. 258 00:12:52,918 --> 00:12:55,425 - Well, dad, you kind of did. - I hear that! 259 00:12:57,385 --> 00:13:00,647 - These are good. What's in them? - Margarita with a shot of absinthe. 260 00:13:00,772 --> 00:13:02,766 Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. 261 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,716 Are you making a bad pun or just lisping? 262 00:13:05,841 --> 00:13:08,938 I can't believe I drove all the way to the Valley to pick you up. 263 00:13:09,982 --> 00:13:11,599 Justin, more booze! 264 00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:18,448 - Is everything okay? - Yeah, why? 265 00:13:18,614 --> 00:13:20,658 Because I saw a man walk through the living room. 266 00:13:21,225 --> 00:13:22,862 What? Where are you? 267 00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:25,538 I can see through the camera on the computer. 268 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,204 You're spying on me? 269 00:13:28,054 --> 00:13:29,834 That is so lame. 270 00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:32,207 Look, I don't know what you think you saw... 271 00:13:32,332 --> 00:13:34,989 Maybe the TV, or the reflection, or maybe you think 272 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,967 my body's just shaped like a boy, like I don't have hips or something. 273 00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:40,389 No, you have a darling figure. 274 00:13:40,514 --> 00:13:42,414 I was just concerned that... 275 00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:44,287 That hurts so much. 276 00:13:44,412 --> 00:13:46,840 This is the kind of thing that I expect from my mother, 277 00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:50,665 but not from my cool uncle, so thank you for all of your trust. 278 00:13:51,189 --> 00:13:52,866 I'm sorry. Sorry. 279 00:13:54,596 --> 00:13:55,746 Unbelievable. 280 00:13:56,591 --> 00:13:57,741 You gotta go. 281 00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:17,050 I've never seen you sing before. 282 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:19,676 You never saw me in the shower. And don't anybody go there. 283 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,596 When I was 12 years old, my father 284 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,608 walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing 285 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:29,233 that a boy can do... 286 00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:31,896 Dancing to Madonna's Lucky star. 287 00:14:32,063 --> 00:14:33,922 And from that moment on, 288 00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:37,061 there's always been a part of me that I've kept from him. 289 00:14:37,186 --> 00:14:40,866 And yet, yeah, here he was, you know, laughing with my friends, and... 290 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,148 I don't know. Maybe the problem was me. 291 00:14:46,926 --> 00:14:48,496 - Rob Lowe. - Where? 292 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,207 Rob Lowe from St. Elmo's fire. That was my crush. 293 00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:52,584 I loved him. 294 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,948 I get that. He was a good-looking kid. 295 00:14:55,073 --> 00:14:56,087 Right? 296 00:14:56,635 --> 00:14:58,339 Hey, Walk like a man? 297 00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:01,005 Well, I can sing it, but I can't do it. 298 00:15:05,182 --> 00:15:07,265 I think I just pulled something! 299 00:15:07,996 --> 00:15:08,997 Nurse! 300 00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:20,870 Please tell me that you have my shoes. 301 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,404 Why would I have your shoes? 302 00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:24,824 Because I left them at your uncles's house last night. 303 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,201 What? How could you leave without your shoes? 304 00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:29,746 I go a lot of places without shoes. 305 00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,748 I'm not wearing shoes right now. 306 00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:33,499 Wait. 307 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,969 That's 'cause I left them at your uncles's house. 308 00:15:36,094 --> 00:15:37,795 This is a disaster! 309 00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,672 Maybe they'll think they're theirs. 310 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:42,383 They're gay. They know what shoes they own. 311 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,387 Thanks a lot, Walt. 312 00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,640 You couldn't be nice to my parents for two seconds, 313 00:15:48,806 --> 00:15:50,642 so now I'm not allowed to hang out with you. 314 00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,823 - What do you want from me? - I thought you were my friend. 315 00:15:53,948 --> 00:15:56,114 You promised to teach me how to grow tomatoes, 316 00:15:56,239 --> 00:15:58,281 and you were gonna take me for an egg cream. 317 00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:00,456 Forget it. You're a little kid. 318 00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:02,621 I don't need the aggravation. 319 00:16:03,031 --> 00:16:04,781 Sorry I "aggravated" you. 320 00:16:05,205 --> 00:16:08,655 And, just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable. 321 00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:17,794 I can't open this. 322 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,505 Maybe if you had gone to the concert instead... 323 00:16:20,671 --> 00:16:22,006 Could you open it, please? 324 00:16:22,406 --> 00:16:24,356 I would, but I'm old enough to know 325 00:16:24,481 --> 00:16:27,131 that I don't like opening aspirin bottles. 326 00:16:30,264 --> 00:16:32,141 - Hey, dad! - How do you guys do it? 327 00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:34,288 I thought cops could drink. 328 00:16:34,977 --> 00:16:38,977 Listen, I wanted to say I had such a good time with you last night... 329 00:16:39,102 --> 00:16:41,025 Hold on. I got call waiting. 330 00:16:44,248 --> 00:16:46,548 Not a morning person. Good to know. 331 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:50,660 Listen, I'm five away. I hope you like blueberry scones and dusty Springfield. 332 00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:52,745 - Who is this? - Pepper, silly. 333 00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:56,576 It's gonna be a scorcher in the desert today, so dress accordingly. 334 00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:58,710 This is your street. See you in a minute. 335 00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:02,130 Holy crap! 336 00:17:02,296 --> 00:17:05,383 That friend of yours, that Pepper. He's on his way over here, why? 337 00:17:05,549 --> 00:17:07,552 You made a date with him. Don't you remember? 338 00:17:07,718 --> 00:17:09,846 I think I would remember if I made a date with a guy! 339 00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:12,098 I'm telling you, I know a guy in Palm Springs 340 00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:14,913 who has every single vintage record known to man. 341 00:17:15,038 --> 00:17:17,353 I'm driving out there tomorrow. Come with me. 342 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,772 - It's a date! - All right! 343 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,400 I was drunk. 344 00:17:22,566 --> 00:17:25,111 I'm not going shopping with Priscilla, Queen of the desert. 345 00:17:26,037 --> 00:17:28,757 I'm feeling really good about our relationship, and I wanna hold on 346 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,231 to that for a little while longer, so I'm gonna go ahead 347 00:17:31,356 --> 00:17:33,752 and hang up with you. Give Pepper a big kiss for me. 348 00:17:37,279 --> 00:17:41,105 I know that you're upset with me about that concert thing, and rightfully so, 349 00:17:41,542 --> 00:17:43,394 - but you have to help me. - What is it? 350 00:17:43,519 --> 00:17:45,882 It seems I made plans with Mitchell's friend Pepper. 351 00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:49,177 - That's someone's name? Pepper? - That's just the tip of the iceberg. 352 00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:52,680 There's another guy named Longinus. But Pepper's gonna be here any second. 353 00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:56,126 He's gonna take me to Palm Springs to go shopping for records. 354 00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:59,437 When he gets here, can you pretend there's some kind of an emergency? 355 00:17:59,719 --> 00:18:01,419 Can you do that, please? 356 00:18:02,723 --> 00:18:05,276 I think you'll have to take me now to the hospital. 357 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,278 My head is in pain. 358 00:18:08,941 --> 00:18:11,591 - Do you mean like that? - Yes, thank you. 359 00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,411 It's showtime. And with this guy, I mean that literally. 360 00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:18,774 I'm here! 361 00:18:21,042 --> 00:18:22,950 What I could do with this house. 362 00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:29,429 Chop, chop. It's a two-hour drive, not counting our stop at the outlet mall. 363 00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:31,594 Gloria, we're leaving! 364 00:18:32,476 --> 00:18:34,650 Hello. You must be Pepper. 365 00:18:35,806 --> 00:18:37,308 - My head. - What's the matter? 366 00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:40,812 Nothing. I just had a little ice cream. 367 00:18:41,623 --> 00:18:43,773 He hasn't stopped talking about you all day long. 368 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,355 You are stunning. 369 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,861 How rich are you? 370 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,429 - Are you sure you're all right, Gloria? - I feel great, mi amor. 371 00:18:52,554 --> 00:18:54,367 I am so happy he's doing this with you, 372 00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,911 because I never get him to do anything different, 373 00:18:57,501 --> 00:18:59,455 like the Vivaldi, hmm? 374 00:18:59,622 --> 00:19:01,821 I think he likes you more than me. 375 00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:05,113 - You two have a great time together. - But we gotta be back early, 376 00:19:05,238 --> 00:19:07,188 because, you know, I got that work thing. 377 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,626 I canceled everything. You don't have anything. 378 00:19:09,751 --> 00:19:11,509 You can spend all day long with him. 379 00:19:11,964 --> 00:19:13,886 Wonderful. Well, shall we? 380 00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:23,850 Don't worry. She'll stop yapping when she gets on your lap. 381 00:19:29,622 --> 00:19:32,039 Alex, honey, come on. We're gonna be late. 382 00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,615 A herd of cows dropped dead for no reason. 383 00:19:34,964 --> 00:19:36,367 I'm not going anywhere. 384 00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:39,453 Get your affairs in order, people. This is the end. 385 00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:42,206 Don't be ridiculous. There's nothing out there to be afraid of. 386 00:19:44,759 --> 00:19:47,709 I'm not used to waking up with people poking me. 387 00:19:48,106 --> 00:19:49,630 I was startled, you know. 388 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,796 We're really sorry about that. 389 00:19:52,997 --> 00:19:55,636 These are onions from my garden. 390 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,202 Thank you so much. 391 00:19:57,776 --> 00:19:59,223 That is so nice. 392 00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:02,839 Yeah, well, don't go throwing any parades. They're onions. 393 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,589 I used to be a fireman, you know. 394 00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:11,819 I don't hurt kids. 395 00:20:14,736 --> 00:20:16,786 Sir, would you like to come in? 396 00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:20,953 Just tell the boy that "Shane" is on today at 3:00. 397 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,346 He should watch it. 398 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,440 Maybe you could tell him yourself. He's right upstairs, hang on. 399 00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:29,058 Honey, come on down! Your friend Walt is here. 400 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:31,061 This is just so sweet. 401 00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:33,422 Just don't start dancing. 402 00:20:33,547 --> 00:20:35,092 People can surprise you. 403 00:20:35,259 --> 00:20:38,512 You get used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles. 404 00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:40,681 They are what they are. 405 00:20:41,784 --> 00:20:44,727 And then they do something that shows you there's all this depth 406 00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:48,022 and dimension that you never knew existed. 407 00:20:48,189 --> 00:20:49,927 Are you talking about Rob Lowe? 408 00:20:50,052 --> 00:20:52,132 I'm just saying he's a very versatile actor. 409 00:20:52,257 --> 00:20:55,143 I think his good looks have actually held him back. 410 00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:56,989 I can relate to that. 411 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,121 We need to talk. 412 00:21:04,288 --> 00:21:07,766 I freaked out on you, but you have to see it from my point of view. 413 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,460 You were totally spying on me. 414 00:21:09,627 --> 00:21:11,003 - I know. - You were invading 415 00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:13,839 - my first-amendment right to privacy. - We were. 416 00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:16,092 I'm sick and tired of people not trusting me. 417 00:21:16,258 --> 00:21:18,052 - I get it. - And especially you guys. 418 00:21:18,218 --> 00:21:21,323 I don't think of you guys as my uncles, I think of you as my friends. 419 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,267 And if your friends don't believe in you, then what else do you have? 420 00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:25,601 Dylan's shoes? 421 00:21:25,768 --> 00:21:27,517 Please don't tell my mom. 422 00:21:28,884 --> 00:21:29,885 Buckle up.