1 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,819 Okay. Okay, here she comes. 2 00:00:09,256 --> 00:00:11,259 Happy mother's day... 3 00:00:12,384 --> 00:00:14,725 - What are you wearing? - You don't remember this shirt? 4 00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:17,598 You made it for me for mother's day in kindergarten. It's adorable. 5 00:00:17,765 --> 00:00:18,794 It's perverted. 6 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,688 It looks like you were felt up by that creepy guy around the corner. 7 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:22,814 Why him? 8 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,421 - Cause he's got freakishly tiny hands. - Thank you! 9 00:00:25,546 --> 00:00:28,286 - I cannot believe you kept that shirt. - Of course I kept it. 10 00:00:28,411 --> 00:00:31,404 I'm your mother. I keep everything you make me. 11 00:00:31,570 --> 00:00:33,990 - Please take that off. - When I'm dead. 12 00:00:34,156 --> 00:00:37,702 Today is my special day, and I am gonna enjoy me some coffee. 13 00:00:37,868 --> 00:00:39,542 You know that's a pencil holder? 14 00:00:40,014 --> 00:00:41,015 I do now. 15 00:00:43,207 --> 00:00:45,293 - Go first. - No, you can go first. 16 00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,117 - Go first! - No, you go first. 17 00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:49,005 Somebody give me a present! 18 00:00:51,429 --> 00:00:52,879 A diamond necklace! 19 00:00:53,338 --> 00:00:54,343 Thank you! 20 00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:55,759 You deserve it. 21 00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:57,498 Go ahead, kid. 22 00:00:57,914 --> 00:00:59,614 Happy mother's day, mom. 23 00:01:01,990 --> 00:01:05,776 A necklace made of the froot loops! I love it! 24 00:01:06,272 --> 00:01:08,871 I know they're not exactly diamonds, mom. 25 00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:11,152 They're beautiful. 26 00:01:11,318 --> 00:01:13,988 I got a confession to make. Those aren't real diamonds. 27 00:01:15,447 --> 00:01:18,024 Here, give them back. I'll get you some real ones later. 28 00:01:18,149 --> 00:01:20,159 Dang it. Now I got to come clean. 29 00:01:20,284 --> 00:01:22,747 Those aren't real froot loops. They're generic. 30 00:01:25,814 --> 00:01:27,764 Now I have no presents again. 31 00:01:32,558 --> 00:01:33,708 Good morning! 32 00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:37,219 What's this? 33 00:01:37,386 --> 00:01:39,566 Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily, 34 00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:42,754 and this is just my way of saying "Thank you" and "I love you". 35 00:01:42,879 --> 00:01:43,880 Thank you. 36 00:01:44,005 --> 00:01:46,604 And this is just the beginning. Cause today is your day. 37 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,231 - Today? - All day. 38 00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:51,984 Today. Today is my day. 39 00:01:52,858 --> 00:01:54,820 - Something's happening. - It mother's day. 40 00:01:55,103 --> 00:01:56,113 So? 41 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,036 You're bringing me breakfast in bed on mother's day. 42 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:02,377 This is not a mother's day breakfast. It happens to be on... 43 00:02:02,502 --> 00:02:06,123 You think of me as Lily's mother! I'm your wife! I'm a woman! 44 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:07,208 What? 45 00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:10,694 Honestly, I'm a little offended that he accused me of that. 46 00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:13,369 I'm acally very sensitive to that issue. 47 00:02:14,163 --> 00:02:17,013 Like I would ever treat my partner as a woman. 48 00:02:17,635 --> 00:02:21,534 - Somebody got new curtains. - Well, Mrs. Pritchett loves to shop. 49 00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:25,163 We're never gonna be done by 6:00. Better call home. 50 00:02:25,908 --> 00:02:27,958 The wife's not gonna like this. 51 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:31,912 Sometimes I think he just wants to be mad at me. 52 00:02:32,232 --> 00:02:34,118 - I can't eat! - Okay, you know what? 53 00:02:34,243 --> 00:02:37,355 If you can't accept the nice gesture, then just forget it. 54 00:02:37,927 --> 00:02:40,427 Scratch the balloons. She is in a mood. 55 00:02:42,236 --> 00:02:44,578 Subtitles by MiniBen314 56 00:02:44,744 --> 00:02:46,831 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 57 00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:57,005 I asked Claire what she wanted for mother's day, 58 00:02:57,130 --> 00:02:58,743 and she said, "Take a hike." 59 00:02:59,866 --> 00:03:03,721 It's not like that. She's just bananas for walking around in nature. 60 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,883 So, she and Gloria are taking the kids up the canyon 61 00:03:08,008 --> 00:03:11,179 And Jay and I are throwing on the aprons and 62 00:03:11,304 --> 00:03:13,654 preparing a mother day feast. It's... 63 00:03:14,866 --> 00:03:16,266 It's gonna be fun. 64 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,424 We're not doing that. 65 00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:39,300 You know there are coyotes in these woods? Did you pack a weapon? 66 00:03:39,466 --> 00:03:40,961 I have a walking stick. 67 00:03:41,086 --> 00:03:42,481 Does it become a sword? 68 00:03:42,606 --> 00:03:44,513 I guess it could become a running stick. 69 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,432 You're gonna outrun a coyote? 70 00:03:46,598 --> 00:03:48,698 The fastest mammal in the world? 71 00:03:49,033 --> 00:03:50,783 I'm not sure that's true. 72 00:03:50,908 --> 00:03:53,902 And how are you gonna fend them off with a Popsicle stick? 73 00:03:54,027 --> 00:03:55,177 It's a spear. 74 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:58,502 And it smells like lemon-lime, a flavor coyotes hate. 75 00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:01,739 - Where are you getting your info? - How much farther? 76 00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:05,076 I'd like to go far enough that we can't still see our car in the parking lot. 77 00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:07,192 I'm getting dust in my mouth. 78 00:04:07,661 --> 00:04:09,899 You have to appreciate nature. 79 00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:11,957 Soon, this will be the mall. 80 00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:14,223 - I'll come then. - I'm hungry. 81 00:04:14,348 --> 00:04:16,198 I say we eat what we kill. 82 00:04:17,008 --> 00:04:18,874 Then I guess we'll be eating the mood. 83 00:04:18,999 --> 00:04:21,299 - I don't get you at all. - I know. 84 00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:25,179 Is that the party over there? 85 00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:27,660 I don't know. I have a terrible sense of direction. 86 00:04:27,785 --> 00:04:31,073 May I remind you that my big crime was making you fluffy pancakes, okay? 87 00:04:31,198 --> 00:04:33,591 I'm getting a little sick of you dwelling on this. 88 00:04:33,716 --> 00:04:36,666 It happens to be mother's day, not martyr's day. 89 00:04:37,732 --> 00:04:38,733 I'm sorry. 90 00:04:38,991 --> 00:04:41,241 It's just a sensitive issue for me. 91 00:04:41,987 --> 00:04:45,422 There's nothing gays hate more than when people treat us like women. 92 00:04:45,547 --> 00:04:48,641 We're not. We don't wanna go to your baby shower. 93 00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,496 We don't have a time of the month. 94 00:04:50,662 --> 00:04:52,112 We don't love pink. 95 00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,967 - You love pink. - No, pink loves me. 96 00:04:58,054 --> 00:05:01,112 That's Jen, husband Rick, baby Diego. I don't get it either. 97 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,530 Jen. Let me help you with that. 98 00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:05,582 Rick! How you doing? 99 00:05:06,970 --> 00:05:09,306 We should do play group on weekends more often. 100 00:05:09,473 --> 00:05:11,949 It's nice to have the husbands around to help, right? 101 00:05:12,074 --> 00:05:14,846 Because that makes all the sense in the world... You as the husband. 102 00:05:14,971 --> 00:05:17,773 - Stop it. That's not what she meant. - I could snap you like a twig. 103 00:05:17,939 --> 00:05:20,284 Every once in a while you say that thing about the twig, 104 00:05:20,409 --> 00:05:22,004 - and it bothers me. - Sorry. 105 00:05:22,129 --> 00:05:24,697 Okay, everybody, happy mother's day! 106 00:05:24,863 --> 00:05:28,319 I know I speak for all the guys when I say thank you for everything you do 107 00:05:28,444 --> 00:05:30,071 while we're off having affairs. 108 00:05:30,886 --> 00:05:33,035 I'm kidding. I'll pay for that later. 109 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,957 Let's take a moms and kids picture! 110 00:05:35,124 --> 00:05:37,323 Let's get out of here. Leave the stroller and run. 111 00:05:37,448 --> 00:05:40,191 - No one's going to ask you to... - Cameron, get on up here. 112 00:05:40,316 --> 00:05:42,047 I don't know. You guys just go ahead. 113 00:05:42,214 --> 00:05:45,885 - You're an honorary mom! - I don't know... Okay. 114 00:05:46,051 --> 00:05:49,346 - All right. Unhand me. That's... - Get over there. 115 00:05:51,026 --> 00:05:52,976 Okay, tighten up, tighten up. 116 00:05:53,928 --> 00:05:55,228 Up here, ladies! 117 00:05:56,311 --> 00:05:58,161 Beautiful. One more, gals. 118 00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:00,611 Thanks, ladies. Thanks so much. Perfect. 119 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:01,737 Great. 120 00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:07,112 Yeah, that was definitely poison oak. 121 00:06:07,237 --> 00:06:10,079 - I think this rash is spreading. - Manny, that's not a rash. 122 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,476 - It's red because you scratch it. - I just don't want my throat to close. 123 00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:15,207 Wouldn't be the worst thing. 124 00:06:15,332 --> 00:06:17,003 I'm so bored, I'd rather be reading. 125 00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:20,413 I'm so bored, I chewed the last bug that flew in my mouth just to feel something. 126 00:06:20,538 --> 00:06:22,322 I'm so bored, I'm talking to you. 127 00:06:23,608 --> 00:06:26,994 For the last 20 minutes, all you peopleave done is whine! 128 00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:30,498 You would think on mother's day, you would have something nice to say... 129 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:31,555 What? 130 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,476 Thought I heard a coyote. Go ahead. 131 00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:38,229 God, Luke, you're such an idiot. 132 00:06:38,395 --> 00:06:40,537 At least I don't look like an idiot. 133 00:06:40,662 --> 00:06:42,425 - What does that mean? - Your hat. 134 00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,984 It's like you walked under a bird that poops ugly hats. 135 00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:47,613 - Can we watch the language? - There's nothing else to watch. 136 00:06:47,779 --> 00:06:49,229 Enough complaining! 137 00:06:49,354 --> 00:06:52,671 You can't bitch all day because you're not at the beach all day. 138 00:06:53,311 --> 00:06:54,312 Come on. 139 00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:58,371 I'm giving myself a mother's day present. 140 00:06:58,496 --> 00:07:00,251 Kids, your hike is over. 141 00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:03,411 No, not happy. 142 00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:05,156 Bad. Sad. 143 00:07:05,532 --> 00:07:08,236 Gloria and I are gonna go finish this beautiful hike together 144 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:12,100 while you sit here and think about how selfish and thoughtless you've been. 145 00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:13,832 Come on. 146 00:07:13,957 --> 00:07:15,766 If we're thoughtless, how can we think? 147 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:21,239 You just lost your water. 148 00:07:22,138 --> 00:07:23,139 Let's go. 149 00:07:34,451 --> 00:07:35,661 What the hell are those? 150 00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:38,105 Onion goggles. No more tears when I cook. 151 00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:41,000 Welcome to the 21st century. You should get a pair. 152 00:07:41,166 --> 00:07:42,584 I was gonna suggest the same. 153 00:07:43,057 --> 00:07:45,280 Jay, you know what we should put in this? 154 00:07:45,405 --> 00:07:48,173 - We should add a da... - No. It's my mom's recipe. 155 00:07:48,464 --> 00:07:50,688 What it says on the page goes in the pot. 156 00:07:50,813 --> 00:07:52,119 Nothing more, nothing less. 157 00:07:52,244 --> 00:07:54,847 Now, how long do I stir the beef and sausages? Read it to me. 158 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,475 You should stir the beef and sausages for five minutes. 159 00:07:58,642 --> 00:08:01,562 And how much longer do I have to listen to the julia child impression? 160 00:08:01,728 --> 00:08:03,564 For as long as it's still funny. 161 00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:06,082 I think the timer just went off on that. 162 00:08:06,207 --> 00:08:07,757 That was unnecessary. 163 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,774 - What's this? - What? 164 00:08:12,588 --> 00:08:14,794 Jay, maybe after this, we should make 165 00:08:14,919 --> 00:08:16,319 "The Perfect Mom". 166 00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:20,205 All we need is "a tablespoon of love, 1 cup of warmth, 167 00:08:20,372 --> 00:08:23,375 - add one heart, softened." - What the hell are you talking about? 168 00:08:23,542 --> 00:08:28,255 This recipe for the perfect mom, by Jay Francis Pritchett, age nine. 169 00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:31,717 Geez, I forgot all about that. 170 00:08:33,199 --> 00:08:35,929 - I didn't know she had that in there. - What's that, Francis? 171 00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:37,576 Nothing. 172 00:08:37,913 --> 00:08:39,863 How much longer on the meat? 173 00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:42,986 I love the part about "serves one small boy." 174 00:08:43,111 --> 00:08:44,271 That's adorable. 175 00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:50,770 "175 pounds of tenderness." She must have loved that. 176 00:08:51,292 --> 00:08:52,293 Big woman? 177 00:08:56,542 --> 00:08:58,202 And that's when I saw it. 178 00:09:02,858 --> 00:09:03,977 Are you crying? 179 00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,019 It's the onions, damn it. Give me these. 180 00:09:08,837 --> 00:09:10,130 What are you lookin' at? 181 00:09:10,297 --> 00:09:11,297 Nothing. 182 00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:14,406 Those really frame your face. 183 00:09:23,284 --> 00:09:25,084 - Beautiful. - Thank you. 184 00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:31,804 I don't want you to judge me, but I have to say mething. 185 00:09:31,929 --> 00:09:34,229 Sometimes, I want to punch my kids. 186 00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:36,459 - You don't mean that. - No, I do. I do. 187 00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:40,342 The last time they were horrible like today, they happened to be all lined up. 188 00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:43,631 And I couldn't help but think, "if I hit just one of them, 189 00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:45,499 the rest would go down like dominos." 190 00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:50,087 I know. It would rob me of the pleasure of hitting each one individually, but... 191 00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:53,090 My god, you don't talk about your children this way. 192 00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:55,384 Come on. You know Manny irritates you. 193 00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:58,179 Manny is the best thing that ever happened to me. 194 00:09:58,304 --> 00:09:59,555 We have a special bond. 195 00:09:59,721 --> 00:10:02,683 Yes, bonds. I know. But that's not what I'm talking about now. 196 00:10:03,516 --> 00:10:06,216 For a long time, it was only the two of us. 197 00:10:06,341 --> 00:10:08,355 I cannot say anything bad about that boy. 198 00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:10,442 Give a break, Gloria! 199 00:10:10,968 --> 00:10:13,444 Anybody who's ever had a kid knows that they can 200 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:16,530 irritate the freaking life out of you at some point. Am I right? 201 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,954 He's persnickety. 202 00:10:24,996 --> 00:10:25,998 What? 203 00:10:26,405 --> 00:10:28,709 He's persnickety. It drives me up the wall. 204 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,544 Okay, persnickety. Good start. 205 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,567 He follows me around all the time. 206 00:10:32,692 --> 00:10:35,382 Sometimes I love it, but sometimes I need my own space. 207 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,552 This does not make you a bad mother to admit these things. 208 00:10:38,718 --> 00:10:40,804 And the poetry. It's not very good. 209 00:10:41,638 --> 00:10:43,938 First time that I say that out loud. 210 00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:46,205 It's not very good! 211 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,864 I love Manny, but, you know, sometimes I... 212 00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:53,650 Just be a boy! Go outside. Kick a ball. 213 00:10:53,817 --> 00:10:55,437 Steal something. 214 00:10:57,547 --> 00:10:58,897 It feels so good! 215 00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:01,358 Maybe to you. 216 00:11:05,704 --> 00:11:10,699 I was talking about another Manny that I klong time ago! 217 00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:12,002 Diablo! 218 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:19,213 You know, more people have died hiking than in the entire civil war? 219 00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:20,969 What book did you read that in? 220 00:11:21,136 --> 00:11:24,014 Book? Wake up and smell the internet, grandma. 221 00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:26,782 You know mom's just gonna want us to apologize. 222 00:11:27,350 --> 00:11:29,186 We did kind of ruin her mother's day. 223 00:11:29,352 --> 00:11:31,456 No, she ruined her mother's day. 224 00:11:31,581 --> 00:11:33,743 She took us to a place she knew we wouldn't like. 225 00:11:33,868 --> 00:11:36,443 And then we complain for like a second, and we're the bad guys? 226 00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:37,851 That's a good point. 227 00:11:37,976 --> 00:11:40,266 You ever get the feeling she does this intentionally? 228 00:11:40,391 --> 00:11:41,615 Why would she do that? 229 00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:43,878 - So she can make us feel guilty. - Exactly. 230 00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,411 And the next time, she gets to choose what to do again. 231 00:11:46,578 --> 00:11:48,282 And the next time and the next time. 232 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,384 And eventually, it's mother's day every day. 233 00:11:50,935 --> 00:11:52,084 Mom's really smart. 234 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:53,750 Not smarter than me. 235 00:11:54,509 --> 00:11:58,549 I say we don't alogize this time, let her know we're onto her little game. 236 00:11:58,715 --> 00:12:01,056 We could change the way this whole family operates. 237 00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:03,512 So nobody says they're sorry, got it? 238 00:12:03,637 --> 00:12:06,287 Keep your mouths shut when she comes back. 239 00:12:06,412 --> 00:12:07,812 If she comes back. 240 00:12:09,059 --> 00:12:11,008 Jay teared up in front of me. 241 00:12:11,791 --> 00:12:15,449 He'd never shown me that kind of vulnerability, and it embarrassed him. 242 00:12:16,422 --> 00:12:18,222 I'd shamed the proud lion. 243 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,612 Only thing to do... 244 00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:23,851 Hug the proud lion. 245 00:12:28,886 --> 00:12:30,186 I could get bit. 246 00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:32,820 I could get scratched. 247 00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:35,752 But you know what's inside every lion? 248 00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:36,927 A pussycat. 249 00:12:37,052 --> 00:12:39,102 I need you to get away from me. 250 00:12:42,717 --> 00:12:46,117 Okay, I'm just gonna say this one time so we can move on. 251 00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:47,892 - It's okay. - Gotcha. 252 00:12:49,131 --> 00:12:50,731 You know what "it" is? 253 00:12:52,061 --> 00:12:53,820 - It's you crying. - Which I didn't. 254 00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:56,122 - You teared up. - It was the onions. 255 00:12:58,568 --> 00:13:01,357 Maybe I'm just putting myself in your place, 256 00:13:01,482 --> 00:13:03,967 but if I came across something from my childhood, 257 00:13:04,092 --> 00:13:07,492 and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty, 258 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,162 - Maybe even want to talk about it. - Here. 259 00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,011 So proud. 260 00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:29,173 They offered me a bouquet, Mitchell. 261 00:13:29,298 --> 00:13:30,748 Which you accepted. 262 00:13:30,873 --> 00:13:33,141 Why can't you ever take my side? 263 00:13:33,499 --> 00:13:35,718 They think of me as a woman! 264 00:13:35,843 --> 00:13:38,150 Come on. We're just a new type of family, you know? 265 00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,964 They don't have the right vocabulary for us yet. 266 00:13:41,089 --> 00:13:42,962 They need one of us to be the mom. 267 00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:45,389 So why does it have to be me? Do I wear a dress? 268 00:13:45,514 --> 00:13:47,413 - Well... - That's a nightshirt! 269 00:13:47,538 --> 00:13:48,850 It's kind of satiny. 270 00:13:48,975 --> 00:13:50,475 What are you saying? 271 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,001 Come on, you know. 272 00:13:52,783 --> 00:13:53,933 I don't know. 273 00:13:54,163 --> 00:13:56,208 All right, if I'm thinking about it, 274 00:13:56,988 --> 00:13:59,721 of the two of us, if I had to pick, 275 00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:03,090 I- I-I might say that you're slightly mom-er. 276 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,719 Excuse me. Can you throw that ball? 277 00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,335 Can I throw a ball? 278 00:14:10,361 --> 00:14:13,413 - You don't think I can throw a ball? - That's not what he said. 279 00:14:13,538 --> 00:14:17,145 Apparently, this gentleman doesn't think I can throw a ball. 280 00:14:17,312 --> 00:14:18,647 That's not what he said. 281 00:14:18,813 --> 00:14:21,190 You think I can't throw a ball? Well, let's find out! 282 00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:25,413 God, he looks old. 283 00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:26,539 Sorry! 284 00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:28,064 - Hands. - Sorry! 285 00:14:29,062 --> 00:14:30,158 There you go. 286 00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:35,004 I didn't mean any of it! Please forgive me! 287 00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,814 I don't think I can. Let's just get in the van. 288 00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:40,941 Sorry for the rhyme. I know how you "hate my poetry." 289 00:14:41,066 --> 00:14:42,701 Please, stop my suffering! 290 00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:47,009 Say something terrible about me so that we can be even like Steven. 291 00:14:47,175 --> 00:14:49,261 Why would I do that to someone I love? 292 00:14:49,673 --> 00:14:51,625 I curse my tongue! 293 00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:53,500 I'm gonna intervene here. 294 00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:56,024 Manny, let's talk about what really happened, okay? 295 00:14:56,149 --> 00:14:58,369 Your mom said you should go out and throw a ball. 296 00:14:58,494 --> 00:15:00,686 That can't be the first time you've heard that. 297 00:15:00,811 --> 00:15:03,108 But there was some hurtful stuff said about my poetry. 298 00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:06,007 - Which your mom regrets. - I do! 299 00:15:06,428 --> 00:15:09,281 So? That's what parents are for. Sometimes, 300 00:15:09,447 --> 00:15:12,159 they criticize because it helps make you stronger. 301 00:15:12,325 --> 00:15:15,325 Kids these days get trophies just for showing up. 302 00:15:15,587 --> 00:15:18,915 What's that gonna lead to? A bunch of 30-year-olds living at home. 303 00:15:19,403 --> 00:15:21,334 Manny, your mom loves you very much. 304 00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:22,961 But she's a human being. 305 00:15:23,128 --> 00:15:24,713 So she let off a little steam. 306 00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:27,799 Honestly, it's probably a great thing for your relationship. 307 00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:30,093 - I guess I can... - Stop. 308 00:15:30,588 --> 00:15:32,688 He needs to know the real truth. 309 00:15:34,373 --> 00:15:38,173 Claire was feeling bad because she wants to hit her own children, 310 00:15:38,485 --> 00:15:42,606 so I tried to make her feel better by inventing terrible things about you. 311 00:15:43,565 --> 00:15:45,859 You mean you don't have a problem with my poetry? 312 00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:50,888 The only problem that I have is that I never have enough of it. 313 00:15:51,729 --> 00:15:53,658 You're the perfect kid in every way. 314 00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:56,535 Mi amor 315 00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:57,910 That's healthy. 316 00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:01,236 - Good. You're back. - Are we done? 317 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,142 Unless the you have something to say 318 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:05,462 to the person who gave you life on her special day. 319 00:16:06,897 --> 00:16:07,898 I'm good. 320 00:16:09,444 --> 00:16:10,817 My baby, Luke? 321 00:16:20,169 --> 00:16:21,478 - Here. - What's this? 322 00:16:21,644 --> 00:16:23,313 Well, it's a mother's day card. 323 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,315 And I know... Stop it! Okay. 324 00:16:25,482 --> 00:16:27,609 That was Gloria's card from Manny 325 00:16:27,776 --> 00:16:31,325 but I just wanted you to see was its definition for "mother" was on it. 326 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:34,036 It's warm, nurturing, supportive. 327 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,162 Maybe when the world sees you as a mom... 328 00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,962 - Not just the world. - Fine. Fine. Me too. 329 00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:41,008 But maybe this is what we're seeing, 330 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,751 and I don't know why that's such a bad thing. 331 00:16:43,876 --> 00:16:46,976 It certainly doesn't make you less of a man, right? 332 00:16:47,995 --> 00:16:49,445 Maybe you're right. 333 00:16:49,881 --> 00:16:51,149 Let's join the party. 334 00:16:51,274 --> 00:16:53,468 And put down the scotch. You're not fooling anyone. 335 00:16:53,635 --> 00:16:54,934 It is so burn-y. 336 00:16:56,075 --> 00:16:58,625 Come on, people! Everybody to the table! 337 00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:05,651 It's just hard, you know? 338 00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:08,347 Having your mother's day ruined. 339 00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:13,688 I never thought it would be you, Lucas. 340 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,205 - Don't even think about it. - But she's sad. 341 00:17:22,372 --> 00:17:23,721 Sad she's losing. 342 00:17:23,846 --> 00:17:26,585 She just hit you with her best shot. We need to stay strong. 343 00:17:26,751 --> 00:17:28,142 - But I feel - Don't feel! 344 00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:30,422 Just go splash water on your face and man up! 345 00:17:36,258 --> 00:17:37,858 We're your mother now. 346 00:17:40,399 --> 00:17:41,850 How was your day with my dad? 347 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,217 Awkward, actually. 348 00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:46,438 He... He cried a little. 349 00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,189 - My dad? - Dad what? 350 00:17:48,356 --> 00:17:50,502 - He cried. - I didn't say he cried. 351 00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,068 - Who cried? - My dad. 352 00:17:52,235 --> 00:17:55,509 - Why would you make Jay sob? - I didn't make him sob. 353 00:17:55,634 --> 00:17:59,784 He teared up when I found this poem he wrote for his mom as a boy. 354 00:18:01,892 --> 00:18:04,545 - What is "ohh"? - Phil saw dad cry. 355 00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:05,999 Jay misses his mama. 356 00:18:06,165 --> 00:18:08,665 - Everybody, stop! - Is anybody hungry? 357 00:18:11,087 --> 00:18:13,798 - What? - You cried for your mommy? 358 00:18:13,965 --> 00:18:15,349 Crap. I did not. 359 00:18:15,474 --> 00:18:18,303 - Yes, Phil just told us... - No, that's not true. She's a liar. 360 00:18:18,469 --> 00:18:20,096 What's wrong with you? 361 00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,018 I know you would all be so happy 362 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:25,518 if you thought I had some big emotional moment about my mom, 363 00:18:25,685 --> 00:18:26,834 but I didn't. 364 00:18:26,959 --> 00:18:30,284 - So you don't miss your mom? - Of course I do. She was a great lady. 365 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:33,478 And she also left me a fantastic recipe for sauce, 366 00:18:33,603 --> 00:18:36,077 which now is getting cold. So can we please eat? 367 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,113 Let's eat. 368 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,740 - Hear! - Just grab some wine. 369 00:18:39,888 --> 00:18:41,201 My gosh, smell that. 370 00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,704 - It smells like grandma's house. - You guys remember that? 371 00:18:44,871 --> 00:18:46,706 I remember the first time I cut spaghetti. 372 00:18:47,587 --> 00:18:49,087 That's what she did! 373 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,778 Yeah, no, you can't cut spaghetti. She taught me to twirl. 374 00:18:51,903 --> 00:18:53,253 So she's the one. 375 00:18:53,378 --> 00:18:54,673 Yeah, she was tough. 376 00:18:54,839 --> 00:18:57,388 I remember my little league coach. And one time after a game, 377 00:18:57,513 --> 00:19:00,303 he was laying into me about something. I don't remember, but, 378 00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:02,889 mom comes charging. She goes right up to the guy. 379 00:19:03,056 --> 00:19:05,016 I mean, face to face, nose to nose. 380 00:19:05,183 --> 00:19:07,917 And she says to him, "Let me tell you something. Nobody, 381 00:19:08,042 --> 00:19:09,492 "and I mean nobody, 382 00:19:09,617 --> 00:19:11,317 "yells at my little b... 383 00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:13,692 Boy." 384 00:19:14,817 --> 00:19:16,111 It's happening again! 385 00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:18,258 It's okay, Jay. Let it out. Let it out. 386 00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:19,948 You only get one mom. 387 00:19:21,032 --> 00:19:22,158 I'm sorry, mom! 388 00:19:23,232 --> 00:19:24,233 Me too! 389 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:26,990 A bottle of red, a bottle of... 390 00:19:27,115 --> 00:19:28,116 What? 391 00:19:31,014 --> 00:19:32,564 And I'm the weak one? 392 00:19:36,589 --> 00:19:37,590 I'm good. 393 00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:59,480 - Come on, honey! - I'm sorry! 394 00:19:59,891 --> 00:20:01,774 - Get off of me! - I'm sorry! 395 00:20:05,802 --> 00:20:06,803 Dada! 396 00:20:07,689 --> 00:20:09,185 I think she's calling you. 397 00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:12,280 Don't even try. I have that pottery class in the morning. 398 00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:17,516 - Jay, let's go to bed. - Be right up. 399 00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:27,447 Son of a bitch!