1 00:00:07,626 --> 00:00:10,133 And now, please welcome your valedictorian, 2 00:00:10,258 --> 00:00:11,517 Alex Dunphy. 3 00:00:20,743 --> 00:00:22,493 Where are my mom and dad? 4 00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,708 And in this corner, finishing first in her class, 5 00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:30,639 delivering the commencement address, 6 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,053 weighing in at... What do you weigh, honey? 7 00:00:33,854 --> 00:00:36,486 A healthy amount for a girl her age. 8 00:00:36,944 --> 00:00:39,001 - Are you getting all this, buddy? - Pure gold. 9 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,436 She's the main brain, the cerebellum of the ball, 10 00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:43,493 Alex Dunphy! 11 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:47,351 Keep rolling, the news will want this footage when I eventually snap. 12 00:00:47,476 --> 00:00:49,505 I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class. 13 00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:52,460 He was until he missed a few weeks and his robot attacked him. 14 00:00:53,147 --> 00:00:55,672 It's happening, people. Our hubris will be our undoing. 15 00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:58,535 Sweetie, what do you say you and I go and get our nails done, huh? 16 00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:00,130 I wanna work on my speech. 17 00:01:00,255 --> 00:01:01,261 Been there. 18 00:01:01,693 --> 00:01:04,993 I remember the speech that won me treasurer of my Spanish club. 19 00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:08,047 "Mi nombre es Felipe. 20 00:01:08,726 --> 00:01:10,653 Yo voy a la escuela..." 21 00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:11,779 Felipe. 22 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,773 It was kind of a grande deal. 23 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,775 I was up against an actual Puerto Rican. 24 00:01:16,528 --> 00:01:19,829 Honey, are you sure? Because I think they can do school colors. 25 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,154 I'm good, mom. 26 00:01:22,779 --> 00:01:25,452 Family milestones always throw Claire for a loop. 27 00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,503 She holds it in, and then the next day, 28 00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:30,413 she has a total meltdown, and I have to pick up the pieces. 29 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,208 Problem is, 30 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,623 tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to Vegas with my buds, so... 31 00:01:35,748 --> 00:01:37,748 I need her to melt down today. 32 00:01:38,310 --> 00:01:40,531 Otherwise, what happens in Vegas won't happen to me 33 00:01:40,656 --> 00:01:42,238 because I won't be there. 34 00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:44,043 Emotional day, huh? 35 00:01:44,339 --> 00:01:45,340 Happy day. 36 00:01:46,721 --> 00:01:47,921 Happy and sad. 37 00:01:51,405 --> 00:01:52,771 "Guys, I can't go to Vegas 38 00:01:52,937 --> 00:01:54,871 because my wife's freaking out!" 39 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:57,195 Trust me, that is not a phone call you wanna make 40 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,977 to a bunch of ex-college male cheerleaders. 41 00:02:00,102 --> 00:02:03,152 They will mock you with a hurtful, rhythmic taunt. 42 00:02:10,329 --> 00:02:11,456 Gloria, it's me. 43 00:02:11,622 --> 00:02:12,742 How was the doctor? 44 00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:15,293 Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please? 45 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:18,119 I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work. Could you press... 46 00:02:18,244 --> 00:02:19,380 - Hello? - ... 9? 47 00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:21,174 - Manny, it's okay. - What's okay? 48 00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,531 What's wrong? Where are you calling from? 49 00:02:23,656 --> 00:02:26,012 I'm not calling from. Jay is calling. 50 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:28,632 - What's wrong with Jay? - My clicker won't work. 51 00:02:29,515 --> 00:02:32,430 Your heart's not working? How could you tell us this over the phone? 52 00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:33,770 My heart is fine. 53 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,606 Would somebody please press 9 and let me in? 54 00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:38,201 - Okay. - Got it. 55 00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:41,069 It won't work if you're both on the line. 56 00:02:44,336 --> 00:02:46,520 Every damn time! 57 00:02:50,272 --> 00:02:51,559 Time to get dressed. 58 00:02:51,684 --> 00:02:54,197 I can't believe Alex is gonna be in High School. 59 00:02:54,322 --> 00:02:56,209 - I feel so old! - You feel old. 60 00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:59,293 I was there when she was born... in the delivery room. 61 00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:02,775 - If I wasn't gay before, I... - You wouldn't have lasted on a farm. 62 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,464 I've witnessed all kinds of birthing... never batted an eye. 63 00:03:05,589 --> 00:03:08,471 I've seen cattle, hogs, goats... I've even seen a three-legged... 64 00:03:15,981 --> 00:03:17,605 - I'm sorry. - Really, Mitchell? 65 00:03:17,772 --> 00:03:19,065 I could have just died. 66 00:03:24,188 --> 00:03:26,530 Subtitles by Kevin & MiniBen314 67 00:03:26,696 --> 00:03:28,783 www.seriessub.com www.sous-titres.eu 68 00:03:36,919 --> 00:03:40,356 Principal Kaizler, faculty, parents, fellow graduates, it's... 69 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:42,004 Hey, superstar. 70 00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:44,476 You're working on your speech. 71 00:03:44,936 --> 00:03:46,183 Do you need any help? 72 00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:49,371 Sometimes it's great to bounce ideas off someone whose opinion you value. 73 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,497 I'm good. 74 00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,070 That's cool. 75 00:03:52,947 --> 00:03:55,805 Could do your hair. Like we saw in that magazine. 76 00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:58,432 What's that actress... Her name? With the teeth? 77 00:03:58,955 --> 00:04:00,899 Please, I'm trying to concentrate. 78 00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:06,855 You be ready to go in a half-hour, we are gonna carpool with grandpa. 79 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,730 Haley's driving me. I wanna get there early. 80 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,123 That's a great idea. 81 00:04:12,248 --> 00:04:14,011 Great. I will see you there... 82 00:04:14,136 --> 00:04:15,137 Superstar. 83 00:04:17,316 --> 00:04:19,756 Hey, mama bear. You okay? 84 00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:21,479 Not with "mama bear" I'm not. 85 00:04:21,604 --> 00:04:23,398 - Don't cry. - I'm not crying. 86 00:04:23,523 --> 00:04:24,773 Don't be brave. 87 00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:26,375 I'm here for you. 88 00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:30,215 Until 2 P.M. tomorrow, when my flight leaves for Vegas. 89 00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:34,140 Where were you? Did you bring the bread? 90 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,060 I was stuck outside that gate for 10 minutes before it opened. 91 00:04:37,571 --> 00:04:40,104 - So no bread? - We got to get that thing fixed. 92 00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:42,674 - What happened to your eye? - What are you talking about? 93 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:44,901 - It's droopy. - What do you mean, "droopy"? 94 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:48,004 I don't like the look of that, Jay. Here, let me check something. 95 00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:51,260 Put that thing away. My dermatologist was checking for moles or something. 96 00:04:51,385 --> 00:04:53,826 He probably got some numbing cream on it. It's fine! 97 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,240 Nothing to worry about. 98 00:04:57,990 --> 00:04:59,298 I got botox. 99 00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:03,116 Stupid doctor talked me into it, and now it's drifting. 100 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:07,048 I haven't felt this dumb since I shelled out 30 bucks for that bracelet 101 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:08,925 supposed to give me better balance. 102 00:05:09,463 --> 00:05:12,491 Try to push my arm down. Go ahead. You can't do it. 103 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:13,916 Honey, I'm home. 104 00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,390 Why is your dad's car here? 105 00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,558 "It's ironic that I stand up here, 106 00:05:21,683 --> 00:05:24,483 "representing my classmates when, for the past three years, 107 00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:27,136 "most of them have treated me like I'm invisible. 108 00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,703 "It's my own fault. I was obsessed with good grades 109 00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:32,517 instead of looks, popularity, and skinny jeans." 110 00:05:32,642 --> 00:05:34,784 - What? Is that your speech? - Get out of here! 111 00:05:34,951 --> 00:05:36,545 You cannot say that! 112 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,328 Yes, I can! And you wanna know why? 'Cause it's the truth. 113 00:05:39,623 --> 00:05:41,576 No one wants to hear the truth. 114 00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:44,346 It's very simple, Alex. In order to give a good speech, 115 00:05:44,471 --> 00:05:47,160 all you have to do is take a song and say it, like... 116 00:05:47,285 --> 00:05:49,799 Don't stop believin' or Get this party started. 117 00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:51,415 That means nothing. 118 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:54,053 Who cares? Nobody wants to think. 119 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:57,181 It's a graduation, a celebration of being done with thinking. 120 00:05:57,348 --> 00:06:00,309 People want to be challenged. They're gonna respect me for it. 121 00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:03,351 No one's ever gonna talk to you again. 122 00:06:03,476 --> 00:06:04,735 So what? 123 00:06:05,028 --> 00:06:08,318 Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike for what he believed in. 124 00:06:08,896 --> 00:06:12,030 That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria! 125 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:21,145 Come on over. Have some lemonade and cookies. 126 00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:23,419 - Jay, that's not looking very good. - It's fine. 127 00:06:23,544 --> 00:06:25,748 - Quick! Who's the president? - Obama! 128 00:06:25,873 --> 00:06:27,944 Phil, please. I'm trying to rule out a stroke. 129 00:06:28,069 --> 00:06:29,088 Not a stroke. 130 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,506 Why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke? 131 00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,718 - Age. - Diet. 132 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,677 You forgot to bring my bread. 133 00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:36,028 I'm sorry we're late. 134 00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:38,548 That's okay. We got to leave in about 5 minutes, though. 135 00:06:38,673 --> 00:06:41,517 Luke, stop pushing that ball around! You're gonna fall in. 136 00:06:41,684 --> 00:06:44,382 And then your Uncle Mitchell will laugh at your expense! 137 00:06:44,507 --> 00:06:46,732 I'm just saying it's a character flaw. 138 00:06:46,857 --> 00:06:50,318 Quick poll here. This morning, Cam, fully dressed... 139 00:06:50,484 --> 00:06:52,169 Thank God it's one of those stories. 140 00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:54,812 while in the middle of a very serious thought, 141 00:06:54,937 --> 00:06:56,856 fell into a ducky pool. 142 00:06:57,141 --> 00:06:59,035 My goodness, are you all right? 143 00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:00,515 Yes, I am. Thank you. 144 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,253 That is a normal reaction... Love and concern. 145 00:07:03,378 --> 00:07:06,499 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. The pool popped. 146 00:07:08,836 --> 00:07:09,921 Poor thing! 147 00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:12,340 There is nothing worse than a tailbone injury. 148 00:07:12,506 --> 00:07:14,801 Seriously? No, you're so full of it. This is funny. 149 00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:16,427 Picture this 150 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,212 falling into a tiny pool. 151 00:07:21,243 --> 00:07:22,850 He'll be here all week, folks! 152 00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:25,561 Literally, because you're not coming home with me. 153 00:07:25,728 --> 00:07:28,147 There she is. There's my little Stella. That's my girl. 154 00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,937 Hi, sweetie. You're so cute, I just wanna eat your face! 155 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,085 You remember when you used to hold Alex like that, 156 00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,733 and you wanted to eat her face? 157 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,103 Now she's off to High School. Time marches on, huh? 158 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,848 - You know what's really sad? - What? 159 00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:44,530 The end of Titanic. 160 00:07:46,789 --> 00:07:49,919 Do you realize, in two years, you and I will be graduating? 161 00:07:50,485 --> 00:07:53,535 Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind. 162 00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:55,818 Well, I'll be graduating. 163 00:07:58,008 --> 00:08:01,199 Stop congratulating yourselves for being so compassionate. 164 00:08:01,324 --> 00:08:04,090 If you had been there, you would have laughed just as hard as I did. 165 00:08:04,215 --> 00:08:06,936 He's coming. Stop talking. He's been embarrassed enough today. 166 00:08:18,155 --> 00:08:19,704 Now it makes sense. 167 00:08:19,952 --> 00:08:21,284 It's a Pritchett thing. 168 00:08:22,454 --> 00:08:25,593 Cruelty's genetic. Suddenly it's all very clear. 169 00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:27,741 Be careful. You might run into it. 170 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,336 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry. 171 00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:34,380 My God, dad, your face! 172 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,364 What? That's nothing. It's boring. 173 00:08:36,489 --> 00:08:38,718 I went to the dermatologist. I'm fine. 174 00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,261 You need to go to a hospital. 175 00:08:40,427 --> 00:08:42,680 - I'm taking you, come. ¡Vamos! - Gloria, no, wait. 176 00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:44,312 Wait right here! 177 00:08:49,705 --> 00:08:51,189 Gloria, hold on. 178 00:08:51,714 --> 00:08:54,462 The reason my face looks like this is because I had... 179 00:08:54,587 --> 00:08:55,651 botox. 180 00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:58,988 Like the ladies use for their wrinkles? 181 00:08:59,155 --> 00:09:00,823 Nearly 10% of their sales are men, 182 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:02,950 but that's not important. I had a bad reaction. 183 00:09:03,117 --> 00:09:05,953 Hit a nerve or something. It's gonna go away soon. 184 00:09:07,058 --> 00:09:08,525 What's that supposed to mean? 185 00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:11,334 - Nothing. - Would you stop? 186 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:13,753 This is very embarrassing for me. 187 00:09:14,753 --> 00:09:16,003 For both of us. 188 00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,346 He's fine. It was a false alarm. 189 00:09:23,512 --> 00:09:25,556 What do you mean? His face looks like a candle. 190 00:09:25,723 --> 00:09:27,308 You heard her. I'm okay. 191 00:09:27,474 --> 00:09:29,602 - She's not a doctor. - Neither are you. 192 00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:30,868 Technically. 193 00:09:31,316 --> 00:09:35,031 I don't know what's going on here, but there is no way that this is normal. 194 00:09:35,156 --> 00:09:37,985 You look like a botox job gone horribly wrong. 195 00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:42,609 - You didn't. - Of course he didn't. 196 00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:43,741 Did you? 197 00:09:47,244 --> 00:09:48,245 You did! 198 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,540 What were you thinking? You're a veteran. 199 00:09:50,706 --> 00:09:53,081 Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go. 200 00:09:54,585 --> 00:09:57,588 Do you think he got his butt done, too? It looks fantastic. 201 00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:01,944 Alex, wait. I'm sorry. 202 00:10:02,493 --> 00:10:04,413 If you wanna give your speech, go ahead. 203 00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,430 I was never valedictorian. What do I know? 204 00:10:06,597 --> 00:10:07,773 Thank you! 205 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:10,560 I am doing this for a reason. It's not just like I'm... 206 00:10:11,323 --> 00:10:14,204 Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day! 207 00:10:15,298 --> 00:10:17,922 Please. You really think I don't have duplicates? 208 00:10:18,442 --> 00:10:20,486 If you do this, you'll be a social piranha. 209 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,746 Yes, I'll be an amazonian carnivorous fish. 210 00:10:25,475 --> 00:10:26,962 Carniv... what? 211 00:10:36,116 --> 00:10:37,566 Dad, open the gate. 212 00:10:37,691 --> 00:10:40,172 - Geez, not now! - What? What's happening? 213 00:10:40,338 --> 00:10:41,688 It's stuck again. 214 00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:44,093 What do you mean? Can't you get it open? 215 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:46,470 What do you think "stuck" means? 216 00:10:46,637 --> 00:10:49,557 We have to do something, dad. Can't you push it open or something? 217 00:10:49,723 --> 00:10:50,862 I don't know! 218 00:10:50,987 --> 00:10:52,935 We are trapped in your driveway, 219 00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:54,764 and you don't know? 220 00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:57,398 As a gate owner, dad, you have a certain responsibility. 221 00:10:58,551 --> 00:11:01,611 My daughter is gonna get up on that stage and give a speech 222 00:11:01,777 --> 00:11:04,530 and graduate from Middle School, and if I am not there, dad, 223 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,694 - I am going to freak out! - Maybe push it. 224 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,300 - Why are you smiling? - I'm not smiling. 225 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:14,472 Chun-chunk. 226 00:11:14,597 --> 00:11:15,779 Hysterical wife. 227 00:11:15,904 --> 00:11:17,204 Hysterical wife. 228 00:11:17,329 --> 00:11:18,629 Hysterical wife. 229 00:11:19,424 --> 00:11:20,425 Jackpot. 230 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,281 Come on. 231 00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:27,799 All right. We have tried this way. I say we ram the gate. 232 00:11:27,924 --> 00:11:30,619 - Kids, get out of the way. - Hold on! I think I can fix this! 233 00:11:30,744 --> 00:11:32,085 I just need a paper clip, 234 00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:34,810 - some olive oil, and a ribbon. - What's the plan, MacGyver? 235 00:11:34,977 --> 00:11:37,575 Actually, the paper clip is to connect these two circuits, 236 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,792 and the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism. 237 00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:42,642 And the hair ribbon is for Lily. Her hair's been driving me crazy. 238 00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,383 Why don't we just call some cabs? 239 00:11:44,508 --> 00:11:46,989 Because, this is not Times Square, and they'll take forever. 240 00:11:47,156 --> 00:11:49,617 Then we'll just climb over the fence and start running. 241 00:11:49,783 --> 00:11:53,219 No, it's 5 miles away, Phil! And I'm in big shoes, so, no. 242 00:11:53,871 --> 00:11:55,361 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 243 00:11:55,486 --> 00:11:56,666 I save the day. 244 00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,085 Let's take this crazy bicycle, 245 00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:02,878 we throw it over the gate, then we take Phil and we take Claire, 246 00:12:03,003 --> 00:12:05,216 and then we throw them over the gate, too. 247 00:12:05,382 --> 00:12:06,634 What the hell is that? 248 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,735 Jay bought it. He thought we were gonna use it, 249 00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:10,757 but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees. 250 00:12:10,882 --> 00:12:12,223 Champagne problems, right? 251 00:12:12,797 --> 00:12:14,350 They're not gonna ride the bike. 252 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:17,035 But I still think we should throw it over the gate. 253 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,145 You know what? 254 00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:20,898 Thank you. Thank you. Nobody else has come up with an idea. 255 00:12:21,276 --> 00:12:22,733 I think I've got a good idea. 256 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,944 We don't have time to build a rocket, buddy. 257 00:12:25,572 --> 00:12:26,625 Never mind. 258 00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:28,238 Okay, so... 259 00:12:28,363 --> 00:12:31,183 Phil and I will go over first, and then you will throw over the bike? 260 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:34,286 - Okay, step up, I'll boost you. - Couldn't we get a ladder? 261 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,932 I'm cheer's squad, I boostedones bigger than you to the top of a human pyramid. 262 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,349 Now, arms at your side. Straight like a pencil. 263 00:12:41,157 --> 00:12:42,401 One, two... 264 00:12:42,526 --> 00:12:44,811 We are bulldogs! 265 00:12:47,674 --> 00:12:48,724 She's fine. 266 00:12:49,499 --> 00:12:50,949 Jay, now you do me. 267 00:12:53,369 --> 00:12:55,247 Just grab a handful. Don't be shy. 268 00:12:55,372 --> 00:12:58,346 I'm not giving you as much to work with. I used to have a lot more there. 269 00:12:58,471 --> 00:13:01,012 I lost it. They used to call me "The Grand Can". 270 00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,446 "It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates, 271 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,121 "when, for the past..." 272 00:13:11,532 --> 00:13:14,206 - I read the rest of your speech. - Congratulations. 273 00:13:15,274 --> 00:13:16,620 Do you hate me? 274 00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,999 You talk about how all the popular kids are shallow and lame. 275 00:13:20,165 --> 00:13:21,209 I didn't mean you. 276 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,837 You think you have everyone figured out, but everybody has their stuff. 277 00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:26,540 What "stuff" do you have? 278 00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:29,758 Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties? 279 00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:32,373 You really want to know what "stuff" I have? 280 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:36,891 I'm flunking out of biology. And now I have to go to summer school. 281 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,434 My friends... 282 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,720 all they can talk about is going off to college, 283 00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:42,940 and I don't even know if I can get into college. 284 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:44,690 Is that enough "stuff" for you? 285 00:13:45,076 --> 00:13:46,077 Whatever. 286 00:13:46,352 --> 00:13:47,318 You know what? 287 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,198 Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast. 288 00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:53,598 But you're only doing it to yourself because you're smart and pretty 289 00:13:53,723 --> 00:13:57,645 and funny in a way that I don't get but other people seem to enjoy, so... 290 00:13:57,986 --> 00:13:59,830 you can either start fresh next year 291 00:13:59,996 --> 00:14:01,779 or be the freak who flipped off her class. 292 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:05,224 - You really think I'm pretty? - Shut up! 293 00:14:11,046 --> 00:14:12,908 - Phil, go straight! - This way's faster! 294 00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:14,375 - Straight! - Stop leaning! 295 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:15,923 - Do you want to drive? - I do. 296 00:14:16,048 --> 00:14:17,498 Tough, I called it! 297 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,388 What was that? 298 00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,579 Oh, crap. The chain broke! 299 00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:24,591 - Just keep pedaling. It doesn't matter. - It matters a little! 300 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,107 Cam, please be careful. 301 00:14:27,274 --> 00:14:29,700 Why? If I get electrocuted, my hat might blow right off. 302 00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,612 That'd be funny as hell, right? 303 00:14:36,131 --> 00:14:37,743 I know you're feeling self-conscious, 304 00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,914 so I dug out something I thought might help. 305 00:14:40,039 --> 00:14:41,121 Put that away. 306 00:14:41,288 --> 00:14:43,165 I knew you'd say that, but hear me out. 307 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,794 This makes a hideously disfigured man look supercool. 308 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,347 It's perfect for you. 309 00:14:48,756 --> 00:14:49,797 Oh, yikes. Okay. 310 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,064 I'll go upstairs and see if I have a lefty. 311 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:57,596 Don't look at me like that. 312 00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:01,709 I have to say that I am a little disappointed in you doing this thing. 313 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,869 Not me. I feel real good about it. 314 00:15:03,994 --> 00:15:05,688 How many times do I have to tell you 315 00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:07,606 that you don't have to look young for me? 316 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:10,053 - I didn't do it for you. - What is her name? 317 00:15:11,094 --> 00:15:13,895 Most of the time, I walk around, and in my head, I'm 40. 318 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,261 Then I look in the mirror. 319 00:15:16,386 --> 00:15:19,243 I say, "who's that old man? And what's he doing in my bathroom?" 320 00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:22,788 Well, it's my bathroom, too. And I like when the old guy is there. 321 00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:27,084 This is the face that I fell in love with. 322 00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:28,877 Not this face. 323 00:15:29,044 --> 00:15:30,044 This one. 324 00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:31,472 The gate's opening! 325 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,489 - How did you do that? - I didn't do anything. 326 00:15:33,614 --> 00:15:36,200 I did it. I opened it with my mind. 327 00:15:36,808 --> 00:15:38,625 Come on, guys! Let's go, guys! 328 00:15:41,021 --> 00:15:42,474 Everyone in the car. Let's go! 329 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,530 That's what I thought. Chain's broken. 330 00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:47,363 What do you think? 331 00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:49,805 I think we gotta go. 332 00:15:50,738 --> 00:15:53,694 Sweetie, we can't make it on foot. 333 00:15:54,063 --> 00:15:55,195 We have to try. 334 00:15:59,364 --> 00:16:01,506 - It's okay. - It's not okay, Phil! 335 00:16:01,796 --> 00:16:04,079 It's not okay. We're losing her. 336 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,405 You're not losing her. 337 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,208 We are. She's going to high school. 338 00:16:08,745 --> 00:16:10,140 This is just when I lost Haley. 339 00:16:10,265 --> 00:16:13,100 This is when Haley went from being my sweet little angel 340 00:16:13,225 --> 00:16:16,751 to being a moody, texting, snotty little princess 341 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,026 who hates me. 342 00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:20,391 Haley doesn't hate you. 343 00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:22,306 And we're not losing her. 344 00:16:22,472 --> 00:16:24,546 Do you remember when you used to come home from work 345 00:16:24,671 --> 00:16:27,382 and Haley would meet you at the door in her little Aladdin pajamas? 346 00:16:28,132 --> 00:16:32,560 She stuck her arms up in the air and say "Daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride." 347 00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:34,005 Remember that? 348 00:16:34,524 --> 00:16:37,529 When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you? 349 00:16:39,188 --> 00:16:41,122 I don't remember. It's been so long. 350 00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,068 We're losing another one. 351 00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:47,351 And that's what kids do, they leave. 352 00:16:48,122 --> 00:16:49,792 And they don't come back. 353 00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:53,087 - Well, ours will come back, right? - What if they don't? 354 00:16:53,253 --> 00:16:55,777 And, pretty soon, it's just the two of us? 355 00:16:57,386 --> 00:16:59,760 - I don't want to go to Vegas anymore. - I know. 356 00:16:59,926 --> 00:17:02,680 I want to hug them and embarrass them in front of their friends. 357 00:17:02,846 --> 00:17:03,847 I know. 358 00:17:06,573 --> 00:17:08,170 If we miss this speech... 359 00:17:09,424 --> 00:17:12,314 She's a middle child. She will never forgive us. 360 00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:15,422 We're not missing that speech! 361 00:17:15,547 --> 00:17:17,736 - Hello, hello! - What's the plan, Phil? 362 00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:24,707 - You need a ride to the school. - Yes, please! 363 00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:41,719 I am so proud to be standing in front of this... 364 00:17:41,885 --> 00:17:43,861 extraordinary group of youngsters. 365 00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:47,099 I'm sorry. Or should I say "oldsters"? 366 00:17:47,537 --> 00:17:49,685 But seriously, the word "commencement" 367 00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,478 means "beginning." 368 00:17:51,645 --> 00:17:54,069 - I'm sorry I laughed. - I don't need an apology. 369 00:17:54,194 --> 00:17:57,102 But I will say your behavior today has been very eye-opening. 370 00:17:57,227 --> 00:17:59,004 - No offense, Jay. - None taken. 371 00:17:59,129 --> 00:18:00,817 You look like an iceberg. 372 00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:05,762 Señor, this is it. Right here, yeah. 373 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,641 You're quite welcome! 374 00:18:15,015 --> 00:18:17,625 And now, please welcome your valedictorian. 375 00:18:25,482 --> 00:18:26,891 Where's my mom and dad? 376 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,416 There they are! 377 00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:34,938 Principal Kaizler... 378 00:18:35,351 --> 00:18:36,342 faculty... 379 00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,449 school-board administrators... 380 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:39,943 fellow graduates... 381 00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:44,239 parents, and everyone who helped us... 382 00:18:44,364 --> 00:18:46,505 You have lost all credibility. 383 00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:48,452 - This is completely different. - How? 384 00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:50,480 It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy 385 00:18:50,605 --> 00:18:52,790 against the backdrop of a formal setting... 386 00:18:52,915 --> 00:18:54,625 Not a big-boned man falling into a pool. 387 00:18:54,791 --> 00:18:56,678 - Really? - Shh! This is about Alex. 388 00:18:57,294 --> 00:19:01,632 It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates 389 00:19:01,798 --> 00:19:02,674 when... 390 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,301 they're so... 391 00:19:07,957 --> 00:19:08,847 awesome. 392 00:19:09,530 --> 00:19:11,813 They should be up here themselves. 393 00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:14,286 But I'm up here, and... 394 00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:16,644 I'm sayin'... 395 00:19:17,338 --> 00:19:18,148 stuff, 396 00:19:18,561 --> 00:19:21,485 'cause everybody's got their... 397 00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:23,021 stuff, 398 00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,531 whether you're popular 399 00:19:25,906 --> 00:19:27,574 or a drama geek... 400 00:19:27,937 --> 00:19:29,159 or a cheerleader... 401 00:19:31,161 --> 00:19:32,538 or even a nerd like me. 402 00:19:33,874 --> 00:19:36,492 - We all have our insecurities. - Yes, we do. 403 00:19:36,617 --> 00:19:38,669 We're all just trying to figure out who we are. 404 00:19:40,587 --> 00:19:42,172 I guess what I'm trying to say is... 405 00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:46,385 Don't stop... 406 00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:48,095 believing. 407 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,390 Get this party started. 408 00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:06,485 Seriously? 409 00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:11,136 - There she is! - Here's our girl! 410 00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:14,656 Your speech moved me. 411 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,929 I loved how you play with the song titles. 412 00:20:18,054 --> 00:20:19,877 - Fantastic. - My idea. 413 00:20:20,043 --> 00:20:21,839 - You did good, kid. - Thanks, grandpa. 414 00:20:22,648 --> 00:20:25,507 - Don't ask. He'll be fine. - We are so proud of you. 415 00:20:25,674 --> 00:20:26,654 Come here. 416 00:20:27,842 --> 00:20:29,657 I opened a gate with my mind. 417 00:20:29,782 --> 00:20:32,060 - Do you wanna go get something to eat? - Let's do it. 418 00:20:32,472 --> 00:20:36,123 Actually, I was kind of just invited to a party. 419 00:20:36,248 --> 00:20:37,561 Would it be okay if I go? 420 00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:39,842 Yeah. Of course. 421 00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:42,444 - See you, kid. - Thanks for coming, you guys! 422 00:20:43,506 --> 00:20:44,649 Congratulations! 423 00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:47,669 I'm kind of hungry, mom. 424 00:20:49,126 --> 00:20:50,678 Oh, my God. She's back. 425 00:20:50,803 --> 00:20:52,146 - My baby. - What? 426 00:20:52,436 --> 00:20:54,786 - My baby. My little baby. - What are you doing? 427 00:20:54,952 --> 00:20:56,079 Let's go eat. 428 00:20:56,246 --> 00:20:58,907 - I'm not hungry anymore. - Oh, you're not gonna regret this. 429 00:20:59,032 --> 00:21:00,845 I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry anymore. 430 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:02,961 - Sure you are. - I'm not. No, I'm not.