1
00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:15,284
Hey, sir. Duane bailey, running
for,uh, Town council reelection.

2
00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:17,686
Oh, don't look. There's
that jerk duane bailey.

3
00:00:17,706 --> 00:00:18,958
Oh, yuck.

4
00:00:18,958 --> 00:00:20,639
I should say something
to him, shouldn't I?

5
00:00:20,669 --> 00:00:22,721
I gotta be honest,I was
just working off your tone.

6
00:00:22,721 --> 00:00:24,283
Who's duane bailey
and why do we hate him?

7
00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:27,256
Honey, he's that councilman
who shot down my stop sign.

8
00:00:27,256 --> 00:00:28,767
- Big phony.
- Yeah...

9
00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:31,160
Duane bailey, Seeking
reelection, town council.

10
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,361
Hoping I can count on your vote.

11
00:00:32,381 --> 00:00:34,283
- Well, you just got it.
- Phil.

12
00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:36,255
You don't remember meeting me, do you?

13
00:00:36,285 --> 00:00:39,488
Claire dunphy. Last month's
town council meeting?

14
00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:45,384
Oh, yes I do! Yes,I remember
you. I want a stop sign.

15
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,037
Just having fun. Here, have a pen.

16
00:00:49,028 --> 00:00:52,701
"duane bailey. Councilman.
Citizen. Puggle breeder."

17
00:00:52,721 --> 00:00:57,306
I love them because they're a different
mix of breeds, Just like america.

18
00:00:57,336 --> 00:00:58,787
I like what he's saying, claire.

19
00:00:58,807 --> 00:01:03,012
He isn't saying anything. We need
a stop sign at our intersection.

20
00:01:03,032 --> 00:01:06,605
Everyone says that, But pretty soon, we're
stopping at every single corner.

21
00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,838
Why don't you go ask canada
how that's working out?

22
00:01:08,848 --> 00:01:12,411
- He nailed it.
- Hi. Duane bailey. Hi.

23
00:01:12,892 --> 00:01:14,944
"actor/writer/director
who packs a punch."

24
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,125
- Oh, sylvester stallone.
- Sylvester stallone.

25
00:01:16,145 --> 00:01:18,397
I said it first.

26
00:01:19,338 --> 00:01:21,951
Oh, my god. This guy
brought his kids, mitchell.

27
00:01:21,971 --> 00:01:24,613
What, to this movie? Isn't it
supposed to be super violent?

28
00:01:24,643 --> 00:01:26,775
I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep,

29
00:01:26,775 --> 00:01:29,628
but I don't know That this movie
is really appropriate for children.

30
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:32,711
I'm terrified to see it. That's
why we're here during the day.

31
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:35,234
It's okay. We're good.

32
00:01:35,254 --> 00:01:39,768
- Okay. I tried.
- Yeah. All you can do.

33
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:42,051
You know,I've—I've
read this book,

34
00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:44,783
And I know what's gonna
happen, and it's very disturbing.

35
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:48,067
I really think you might be inviting
Some pretty serious nightmares here.

36
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,920
Hey,buddy, they're my kids. I got it.

37
00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:52,882
- Yeah, but I don't think you do.
- Cam. Cam.

38
00:01:52,902 --> 00:01:57,857
He says he's got it, all right? You
said your piece. Just watch the movie.

39
00:01:58,137 --> 00:01:59,308
Oh,uh, gwyneth paltrow.

40
00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,600
I really must insist you
not traumatize your kids...

41
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:04,443
By exposing them to gratuitous
violence... And graphic depictions of—

42
00:02:04,483 --> 00:02:07,766
- daddy,I'm scared.
- Yeah,well, you're gonna be.

43
00:02:07,796 --> 00:02:09,048
I'm gonna tell you one more time.

44
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:11,600
No,I'm gonna tell you
one more time. Okay.

45
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:15,845
It was "the muppet" movie.
We were in the wrong theater.

46
00:02:16,946 --> 00:02:19,668
Enjoy the show. I was
always a fan of the muppets,

47
00:02:19,688 --> 00:02:21,690
Especially the two guys in the
theater Who wouldn't shut up.

48
00:02:21,710 --> 00:02:23,212
Just leave.

49
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:27,446
- =http://bbs.sfile2012. com=-
- =http://ytet. org=-
Proudly Presents

50
00:02:27,476 --> 00:02:31,580
- =http://bbs.sfile2012. com=-
- =http://ytet. org=-
É­Æo°®ÂüÄá

51
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,873
Modern Family
Season 3 Episode 05

52
00:02:38,247 --> 00:02:40,039
- Hello?
- I'm running late.

53
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,761
This knucklehead's kept me
waiting for over an hour.

54
00:02:42,781 --> 00:02:45,094
I never had to wait like this
when his dad was running things.

55
00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:47,406
And soda was a nickel.

56
00:02:47,456 --> 00:02:49,828
Just tell them that your
family is coming over.

57
00:02:49,849 --> 00:02:52,601
This guy fired his own father.
He's not gonna care about my family.

58
00:02:52,651 --> 00:02:55,664
Okay, then just leave.
You don't need his money.

59
00:02:55,684 --> 00:02:59,118
Once a week,I have eight family members
Coming to my house for free food.

60
00:02:59,118 --> 00:03:00,339
I'm not going anywhere.

61
00:03:00,359 --> 00:03:03,462
Okay. I see you when I see you.

62
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:07,696
Are you okay? What is wrong?

63
00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,288
I want to be homeschooled.

64
00:03:09,298 --> 00:03:12,541
Really, manny? Do you want
me to learn you english?

65
00:03:12,561 --> 00:03:13,913
What is going on?

66
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:17,506
I have a big report due, And the teachers
don't seem to care about the substance.

67
00:03:17,526 --> 00:03:19,328
All they care about is the flash.

68
00:03:19,358 --> 00:03:22,261
Manny, sometimes you can be
a little bit old-fashioned.

69
00:03:22,281 --> 00:03:25,584
Remember the first time You saw the
kids with the backpacks with wheels

70
00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:27,806
And you thought they were too flashy?

71
00:03:27,857 --> 00:03:30,229
You're going to school, not
boarding a flight to denver.

72
00:03:30,249 --> 00:03:31,450
It's getting absurd.

73
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:34,083
Reuben freestyle-rapped his
report on irish immigrants.

74
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,654
That doesn't even make sense.

75
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,137
Maybe you do a riverdance. Maybe.

76
00:03:38,157 --> 00:03:40,469
- What is your report on?
- The mafia.

77
00:03:40,489 --> 00:03:43,833
Perfect. We do a
papier-mache tommy gun.

78
00:03:43,853 --> 00:03:45,574
Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up.

79
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:49,098
Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your
old rocking horse And we chop the head off.

80
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:51,861
No, that's a terrible
idea. I love brownie!

81
00:03:51,871 --> 00:03:55,414
Do you want to send a message or not?

82
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,766
Jay never wants me to
help him with his business,

83
00:03:57,776 --> 00:04:00,920
And now suddenly, manny doesn't
want to listen to me either.

84
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,651
It's very frustrating.

85
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:05,004
I have all the answers.

86
00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:09,258
- There he is. Bring it in, jay.
- How you doing, joshie?

87
00:04:09,278 --> 00:04:11,660
It's josh now. Have a seat.

88
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:16,765
Ah, all right. So I flipped through
your proposal, And here's the thing—

89
00:04:16,765 --> 00:04:19,758
We're about to build our
largest luxury condo complex yet.

90
00:04:19,798 --> 00:04:24,643
And I have an important question for
you— What is it you want to build?

91
00:04:25,654 --> 00:04:27,706
Closets.

92
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,269
See,I was kinda hoping
you'd say "dreams."

93
00:04:30,289 --> 00:04:32,221
I thought that was implied.

94
00:04:32,241 --> 00:04:36,675
Jay,I'm looking for closets nobody's
ever seen before, You know,a big "wow!"

95
00:04:36,705 --> 00:04:37,496
You know what I'm saying?

96
00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:41,400
You want a nice closet with sharp design, Quality
materials, and expert craftsmanship.

97
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:44,954
Uh,I mean,I want it to be like, bam!

98
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:49,348
You know, people are gonna walk in there
And go,"whoa! What do I hang first?"

99
00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:51,780
I wanted to hang myself.

100
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,033
Yeah, let's talk more specific.

101
00:04:54,053 --> 00:04:56,145
What exactly do you like
and what don't you like?

102
00:04:56,195 --> 00:05:01,590
All right, fair enough. Uh... I
don't like this. This makes me sad.

103
00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:04,253
I do like getting my mind blown.

104
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,005
I love your enthusiasm.

105
00:05:06,025 --> 00:05:09,808
Uh, before I go off in the wrong
direction, How about an example?

106
00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,892
All right, check this out. So,like, three
weeks ago,I'm down in south beach.

107
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,074
I walk into this thumpin' club.

108
00:05:15,094 --> 00:05:19,148
Bartender says,"what do you
wanna drink?" I say,"wow me."

109
00:05:19,158 --> 00:05:23,572
He mixes this thing together. I take
one sip, And I'm like,"hello, nurse!"

110
00:05:23,602 --> 00:05:28,777
And she's like,"you've been unconscious for
two days." That's what I want in a closet.

111
00:05:29,678 --> 00:05:32,842
I don't think I need to hear any more.

112
00:05:36,155 --> 00:05:38,077
Whatcha doing there? Homework?

113
00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:39,468
What do you want?

114
00:05:39,488 --> 00:05:42,381
I need to borrow some
money. It's really important.

115
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:45,514
- How much?
- $900.

116
00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:46,685
What?

117
00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:50,419
Come on. If you were in trouble,I
would do anything for you.

118
00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:54,894
We're not just sisters.
We're best friends.

119
00:05:56,255 --> 00:06:00,659
Look,I would if I could, But
I don't have any money.

120
00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:05,354
And since we're talking,I never
told anyone this before, and it...

121
00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:08,958
wipe that smug smile
off his stupid face.

122
00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:10,199
His face is stupid.

123
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:13,642
Oh! I can't believe ridiculous
people like him End up in office.

124
00:06:13,662 --> 00:06:15,845
Well, why don't you run?

125
00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:17,666
You're smart, you care
about the community,

126
00:06:17,706 --> 00:06:20,920
And you're easy on the eyes when
you put a little effort into it.

127
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:21,971
Are you serious?

128
00:06:21,991 --> 00:06:24,944
Yeah, you know, maybe change out of the
sweaty gym clothes Every once in while.

129
00:06:24,944 --> 00:06:28,537
I thought you were talking
about running for office. Go on.

130
00:06:28,557 --> 00:06:30,439
I'd be lying if I said
I'd never thought about it.

131
00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:32,531
I mean,I know it's a
ridiculous little local thing,

132
00:06:32,531 --> 00:06:35,144
But it might be fun to get
out there and contribute.

133
00:06:35,154 --> 00:06:36,335
Plus I think I'd be good at it.

134
00:06:36,335 --> 00:06:39,008
- You'd be great.
- How would this work?

135
00:06:39,038 --> 00:06:41,620
I mean, who would be here
for the kids after school?

136
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:44,113
Who would take them to
practice and recitals

137
00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,605
And keep them from
burning the house down?

138
00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:49,828
It must be so hard being a single mom.

139
00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:52,531
Claire,I will.

140
00:06:52,741 --> 00:06:55,204
If you wanna fly,I'm not gonna
hold your feet to the ground.

141
00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:59,058
I wanna be the one to
push you off the cliff.

142
00:06:59,228 --> 00:07:02,181
- I think I'm gonna do it.
- Great.

143
00:07:02,211 --> 00:07:03,552
- Go fly.
- Phil.

144
00:07:03,572 --> 00:07:06,165
- No.
- Oh, phil!

145
00:07:06,395 --> 00:07:08,717
I'll admit it. I'm turned
on by powerful women—

146
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:14,343
Michelle obama,oprah, condoleezza
rice, Serena williams— Wait a minute.

147
00:07:15,764 --> 00:07:19,618
- a.
- a

148
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:21,520
b

149
00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:24,293
c

150
00:07:27,816 --> 00:07:30,219
- Oh, my god. What was that?
- We just got rear ended.

151
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:32,241
Oh, pull off to the side street.
Pull off to the side street.

152
00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:34,894
Are you okay? Oh,I think I cut
the roof of my mouth on the straw.

153
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:37,156
- Oh, my god.
- So yes.

154
00:07:39,508 --> 00:07:40,449
Oh, boy.

155
00:07:40,469 --> 00:07:43,452
I am so sorry. This is all
my fault. Are you guys okay?

156
00:07:43,472 --> 00:07:46,395
W-well,I-I sustained
a minor mouth injury.

157
00:07:46,415 --> 00:07:47,626
We're fine. Thank you. It's...

158
00:07:47,626 --> 00:07:50,619
Look,I feel terrible. Um, don'worry.
I'm gonna take care of everything.

159
00:07:50,639 --> 00:07:52,271
Let me just get my insurance info.

160
00:07:52,281 --> 00:07:53,602
Okay. Thank you.

161
00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:55,214
Well, he seems nice.

162
00:07:55,214 --> 00:07:58,057
You know, if this were a romantic
comedy, This would be our meet cute.

163
00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:01,330
We'd spend the rest of the
afternoon Drinking wine, eating food,

164
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,412
Flying a kite, you
know, doing montage-y stuff.

165
00:08:03,432 --> 00:08:04,783
Yeah, am I in this movie of yours?

166
00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:06,856
Yeah, you're the gay best friend.

167
00:08:07,316 --> 00:08:09,128
- Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
- We have a runner!

168
00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:10,930
Um, it's d-w-y—
I can't read it.

169
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,641
- Come on! Let's go! Let's go!
- Go where?

170
00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:15,084
- We have to chase him down!
- No, we're not supposed to do that!

171
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,775
Help! Stop that car!

172
00:08:16,805 --> 00:08:19,008
He's getting away! Help!

173
00:08:19,028 --> 00:08:21,770
Yeah, you almost got
him, cam. You almost got him.

174
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,822
He's getting away!

175
00:08:27,176 --> 00:08:29,188
Whatcha doing? Playing?

176
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:31,030
Yeah.

177
00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:33,532
Do you have any money saved up?

178
00:08:34,073 --> 00:08:35,824
I'm comfortable.

179
00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:38,978
I've saved $1,217.

180
00:08:38,988 --> 00:08:40,599
It wasn't even that hard.

181
00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:42,601
Don't forget your lunch.

182
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,844
Thanks, mom.

183
00:08:45,104 --> 00:08:46,645
Don't forget your lunch money, buddy.

184
00:08:46,665 --> 00:08:49,088
- Thanks, dad.
- You bet.

185
00:08:53,322 --> 00:08:55,344
Please. It's really important.

186
00:08:55,364 --> 00:08:59,648
Look,I'd love to help you out, But
I'm not very liquid right now.

187
00:08:59,658 --> 00:09:01,460
It's in a block of ice.

188
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:05,784
I got the idea When I heard about
rich guys with frozen assets.

189
00:09:07,026 --> 00:09:09,568
Assets.

190
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:16,805
I am running for town council, And I
understand that I can pick up a form here.

191
00:09:16,825 --> 00:09:19,488
Fourth floor. Elevator down the hall.

192
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:22,311
Beyonce, when'd you start working here?

193
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:25,494
Oh, duane. He's always
saying stuff like that.

194
00:09:25,514 --> 00:09:28,007
Duane bailey. Running for reelection.

195
00:09:28,027 --> 00:09:31,260
You're joking.I just saw you in
the parking lot two hours ago.

196
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,593
Oh, hey. It's you! Oh, it's you.

197
00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:36,155
What... Are you doing here?

198
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:40,179
I am entering the race for town
council, And I am running against you.

199
00:09:40,199 --> 00:09:42,361
Oh. Well, don't you have pluck.

200
00:09:42,391 --> 00:09:43,652
No,I plan on winning, so...

201
00:09:43,672 --> 00:09:47,206
Oh, yeah,I bet you do. Marcia!
Rocking the bangs! Love it.

202
00:09:47,226 --> 00:09:49,869
Do you know why, of all the dogs
in the world,I breed puggles?

203
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,331
Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical
question, And you're about to l—

204
00:09:52,331 --> 00:09:54,073
it's because they're lovable, yes,

205
00:09:54,073 --> 00:09:58,497
But they're also tenacious hunters who
won't quit Until the kill is complete.

206
00:09:58,507 --> 00:10:00,579
Really? 'Cause I feel
like they just yip a lot.

207
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,461
Look,lady, you're going down.

208
00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:03,973
I've won six straight elections.

209
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:09,698
I don't plan on losing to some bored
housewife, So don't quit your lack of a day job.

210
00:10:09,999 --> 00:10:15,174
Excuse me!

211
00:10:16,455 --> 00:10:19,378
Hello? Anne.

212
00:10:20,229 --> 00:10:22,271
Haley did that?

213
00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:27,116
Oh, god. Okay. Um...
I'll call you right back.

214
00:10:27,366 --> 00:10:31,230
For your information, sir,I
am no bored housewife.

215
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:34,964
No,I-I would kill for "bored."
why isn't this lighting up?

216
00:10:34,994 --> 00:10:38,497
Oh, it's because it's,uh, staff only.

217
00:10:38,497 --> 00:10:43,052
Here. Allow me to...
Not get that for you.

218
00:10:43,062 --> 00:10:45,824
Good luck!

219
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,039
Dad,I cut my arm.

220
00:10:50,069 --> 00:10:54,353
Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy.
I'll get you fixed up.

221
00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:55,794
Where's mom?

222
00:10:55,814 --> 00:10:58,087
She belongs to the people now.

223
00:10:58,127 --> 00:11:00,079
My allergies are acting up again.

224
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:08,027
Well, it is your lucky day,Because,missy, Dr.
Dad has everything you need.

225
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:11,871
Behold the healing
powers of grape flavoring.

226
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:14,133
- Where's mom?
- Some people took her.

227
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:19,558
Drink this. Listen,guys, your mom is taking
on more responsibilities Outside of the...

228
00:11:19,608 --> 00:11:22,191
House, But don't you worry.

229
00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:25,624
Good old... Dad—
oh, my goodness!

230
00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:27,066
I'm so sorry!

231
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,407
You punched me!

232
00:11:28,427 --> 00:11:30,419
Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind.

233
00:11:30,449 --> 00:11:31,861
There's a drowsy kind?

234
00:11:31,881 --> 00:11:33,833
I have to study for a test!

235
00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,965
- It really hurts!
- Well,I'll get you some ice.

236
00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:39,598
No. No,no, no. I'll get it.

237
00:11:43,652 --> 00:11:45,995
Oh, you made it. How was it?

238
00:11:45,995 --> 00:11:47,877
- Uh...
- Why? What's wrong, babe?

239
00:11:47,897 --> 00:11:50,679
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Do it anyways.

240
00:11:50,699 --> 00:11:53,012
Uh, this stupid kid's been in
the business about ten minutes.

241
00:11:53,032 --> 00:11:56,956
He barely looks at my proposal, And
he says he wants more "wow."

242
00:11:56,976 --> 00:11:58,597
What does he mean by more "wow"?

243
00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:00,439
It's the "bieber-ization" of america.

244
00:12:00,449 --> 00:12:02,091
What do beavers have
to do with anything?

245
00:12:02,111 --> 00:12:05,564
The beavers—they build the dams all
over the country So there's no floods,

246
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:08,898
Is the "beaver-ization"
of the americas.

247
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:12,141
I'm finding there's less
and less we can talk about.

248
00:12:12,161 --> 00:12:15,714
So why didn't you tell him That you've
been in the business for such a long time—

249
00:12:15,714 --> 00:12:18,287
It's not gonna make any difference.
He wants to make a change.

250
00:12:18,307 --> 00:12:20,659
And I got a factory full
of people depending on this.

251
00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:21,820
Yeah, but maybe if
you tell him that—

252
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:25,694
Gloria, please. I-I-I've had a tough
day. Can we please not talk about it?

253
00:12:25,714 --> 00:12:27,106
But I want to help.

254
00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:28,637
Trust me. I wish you had the answers.

255
00:12:28,657 --> 00:12:30,759
I do!

256
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:33,072
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, grandpa.

257
00:12:33,092 --> 00:12:35,444
Hey, jay. What's with her?

258
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:37,056
Just tired. Growth spurt.

259
00:12:38,197 --> 00:12:39,999
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, baby girl.

260
00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:43,312
Hola, lily. How are you?

261
00:12:43,322 --> 00:12:45,724
- Dads are fighting.
- No,uh, we're not fighting.

262
00:12:45,754 --> 00:12:47,206
No, not at all, honey.

263
00:12:47,216 --> 00:12:49,388
No. Okay,uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay?

264
00:12:49,398 --> 00:12:51,770
Let's go play with some blocks.
Let's go stack some blocks.

265
00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:54,934
All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting
Is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty harry.

266
00:12:54,944 --> 00:12:56,936
Having a hard time picturing
clint eastwood in that shirt.

267
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:58,087
Okay, let me ask you something.

268
00:12:58,107 --> 00:13:02,241
Today, at a stoplight,a guy ran
into our car, And then just took off.

269
00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:04,203
I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell...

270
00:13:04,223 --> 00:13:06,755
Kept a level head and called the police.

271
00:13:06,775 --> 00:13:11,180
Police. Aren't they too busy
winning the war on drugs?

272
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,862
Okay, so which one of
us did the right thing?

273
00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:14,773
Hit and run. Gotta chase him down.

274
00:13:14,783 --> 00:13:16,465
I chase the people all the time.

275
00:13:16,465 --> 00:13:18,747
No. No. That's—that's
irresponsible and dangerous.

276
00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,299
Okay,well, what if he had been armed?

277
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,651
He wasn't armed. He had
a hillary bumper sticker.

278
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,243
This isn't an isolated incident.

279
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:26,735
This morning he flipped out at
somebody at the muppet movie.

280
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:29,398
You saw the muppet movie without me?

281
00:13:29,418 --> 00:13:31,901
Oh, no. No, honey. Just
the first two numbers.

282
00:13:31,921 --> 00:13:33,272
No, lily. Wait.

283
00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:35,154
Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey?

284
00:13:35,164 --> 00:13:37,336
I need to talk to you. Do you
know what our daughter did?

285
00:13:37,356 --> 00:13:39,238
Nothing. She's fine. She's reading.

286
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:41,300
No, not her. Haley. Haley!

287
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,391
Come over here. I want to talk to you.

288
00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:44,924
There she is. Not a scratch on her.

289
00:13:44,944 --> 00:13:46,585
Do you have something
you want to say to us?

290
00:13:46,615 --> 00:13:49,558
Uh... Let me help you out here.

291
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,000
Fake I.d.s?

292
00:13:51,010 --> 00:13:52,541
What?

293
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:55,945
Haley tried to get her and
her friends some fake I.d.s.

294
00:13:55,955 --> 00:13:57,937
I wasn't gonna use them for drinking.

295
00:13:57,957 --> 00:14:00,339
We just wanted to get into
this club to see a band.

296
00:14:00,359 --> 00:14:03,612
She took a bunch of money
from them and then she lost it.

297
00:14:03,632 --> 00:14:05,774
How much? $900.

298
00:14:05,774 --> 00:14:07,616
- You're kidding me!
- Oh, my god!

299
00:14:07,636 --> 00:14:09,048
It's not my fault!

300
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:12,201
I gave money to this guy.
He's the one who ripped us off.

301
00:14:12,221 --> 00:14:14,063
What happened to your face?

302
00:14:14,073 --> 00:14:16,936
Oh. I ran into a door.

303
00:14:16,996 --> 00:14:18,948
- What happened to your face?
- Dad hit me.

304
00:14:18,948 --> 00:14:22,641
- It was an accident. I was trying
to open up a band-aid!- Phil!

305
00:14:23,142 --> 00:14:24,894
- What's wrong with her?
- Growth spurt.

306
00:14:24,904 --> 00:14:25,845
What's wrong with her?

307
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,086
- I drugged her.
- Phil!

308
00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:30,729
I accidentally gave her the
nighttime allergy medicine.

309
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,321
All right, one thing at a time.

310
00:14:32,341 --> 00:14:35,214
Haley, how are you going
to repay your friends?

311
00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:36,385
I don't know.

312
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,617
I know. You go there
with a couple of guys—

313
00:14:38,617 --> 00:14:40,900
She's gotta get the money
back. Who is this kid?

314
00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:43,652
A guy at school's cousin's
friend. He lives in gardena.

315
00:14:43,672 --> 00:14:45,514
Well, if you know where he
lives, just call the police.

316
00:14:45,534 --> 00:14:48,707
No cops. We can't afford
a scandal right now.

317
00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:50,399
Claire's running for town council.

318
00:14:50,409 --> 00:14:53,502
That was before, When I thought you
could take care of the children.

319
00:14:53,522 --> 00:14:55,244
I take my eye off the
ball for one minute,

320
00:14:55,274 --> 00:14:58,958
And I've got one in a coma, one with a
black eye, And one running a crime ring.

321
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:03,772
Well, to be fair, haley started her crime
ring When your eye was still on the ball.

322
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,554
It's not a crime ring.

323
00:15:05,554 --> 00:15:08,077
I just gotta get my hands on that $900.

324
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:10,499
I know how the mafia would handle this.

325
00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:14,553
The kid is right. I'm sick
of these smart-ass punks

326
00:15:14,563 --> 00:15:17,566
Who keep changing the rules And think
they can get away with anything they want.

327
00:15:17,576 --> 00:15:20,219
I'm gonna pay this guy a visit.
Haley, text me his address.

328
00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:21,620
- I'm going with you.
- Me, too.

329
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,854
Oh, no. No. Nobody's going
anywhere. Okay, we're not vigilantes.

330
00:15:24,874 --> 00:15:28,077
- Shotgun!
- No! No weapons!

331
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:34,934
In my country, it is tradition— When
the men are out seeking vengeance,

332
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:37,496
The women—they stay
home, and they drink.

333
00:15:37,516 --> 00:15:39,658
Sometimes I think you
just make this stuff up.

334
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:42,271
- Do you want a drink or not?
- Oh, yeah.

335
00:15:42,461 --> 00:15:44,713
So what happened?

336
00:15:44,733 --> 00:15:47,626
You were running for
office, and now you're not?

337
00:15:47,626 --> 00:15:49,128
I don't really want to talk about that.

338
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:52,141
I know. I am sick and tired
of no one needing my help.

339
00:15:52,161 --> 00:15:54,053
You are going to tell me what is wrong,

340
00:15:54,073 --> 00:15:57,857
And I'm gonna give you the right
answer, Because I have all of them.

341
00:15:57,887 --> 00:16:00,880
So why are you not running for office?

342
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:04,153
Because my family needs me too
much. You saw what just happened.

343
00:16:04,203 --> 00:16:06,025
Why are you not running for office?

344
00:16:06,055 --> 00:16:07,326
That doesn't work on me.

345
00:16:07,356 --> 00:16:09,108
Why are you not running for office?

346
00:16:09,108 --> 00:16:11,380
Because I don't want to lose!

347
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:16,445
I—I haven't done anything
outside of my house in 18 years.

348
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,979
I don't want the first thing
I do to be a complete failure.

349
00:16:19,999 --> 00:16:21,871
Okay.

350
00:16:21,891 --> 00:16:27,096
I'm gonna tell you a story about a little
girl Who entered a beauty pageant...

351
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:31,680
Even though she was very, very
scared That she was going to lose.

352
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,362
Let me guess. You won.

353
00:16:33,372 --> 00:16:36,335
Of course I won, But I was talking
about my cousin maria conchita.

354
00:16:36,365 --> 00:16:39,638
She had a nose like a toucan, She
stuffed her body in this bikini,

355
00:16:39,658 --> 00:16:43,152
And at the end, she finished dead last.

356
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:45,244
How is that a good story?

357
00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:50,019
Because she faced her
fears, and it didn't kill her.

358
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,192
What killed her two
weeks later was a bus.

359
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,884
Are you serious?

360
00:16:54,934 --> 00:16:58,757
Yes, because she couldn't see
anything coming With that big nose.

361
00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:01,310
This guy has won six elections.

362
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,132
I am way out of my league.

363
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:04,914
Look,I don't know
anything about this guy,

364
00:17:04,944 --> 00:17:09,428
But I know that you're a tough lady, And
I come from a family of tough ladies.

365
00:17:09,448 --> 00:17:12,872
And I have to say, sometimes
you scare me a little bit.

366
00:17:12,892 --> 00:17:15,294
And I know that you're
strong enough to win

367
00:17:15,314 --> 00:17:19,238
And definitely strong enough
to be okay if you lose.

368
00:17:19,558 --> 00:17:21,891
- I scare you?
- Are you kidding me?

369
00:17:21,921 --> 00:17:24,523
I want thanksgiving at my house!

370
00:17:24,553 --> 00:17:27,606
Why does everybody
think I talk like that?

371
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,351
This is it.

372
00:17:33,292 --> 00:17:35,624
W-w-wait. No, no. Come
on. Do we have a plan?

373
00:17:35,644 --> 00:17:37,016
It doesn't seem like we have a plan.

374
00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:38,988
Yeah,I got a plan. Either
he gives us the money,

375
00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:42,601
Or he gets a private performance
From england dan and john ford coley.

376
00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:44,223
That's not a good plan.
That's not even a good band.

377
00:17:44,253 --> 00:17:47,166
If all you're gonna do is
criticize, just wait by the car.

378
00:17:47,186 --> 00:17:48,687
Okay, fine.

379
00:17:48,687 --> 00:17:50,639
I'll see you in jail.

380
00:17:50,639 --> 00:17:53,562
It's gonna be a big
adjustment for two of you.

381
00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:04,373
- You peter?
- What do you want?

382
00:18:04,403 --> 00:18:07,206
You know haley dunphy? You owe her $900.

383
00:18:07,226 --> 00:18:08,757
- We're here to collect.
- You dig?

384
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:10,729
I tried to call that
girl,like, ten times,

385
00:18:10,749 --> 00:18:13,102
But her voice mail was always... Full.

386
00:18:13,132 --> 00:18:14,483
That does sound like haley.

387
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:16,605
So how are you gonna make this right?

388
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:18,487
You guys want the
money, right? That's fine.

389
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:22,331
I don't need any hassle.
Hold on. I'll just... Grab it.

390
00:18:26,665 --> 00:18:28,297
That was easy.

391
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:30,169
He's lucky he didn't put up a fight.

392
00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:34,894
I would've treated him to a reunion
Of crosby,stills,nash, and young!

393
00:18:36,085 --> 00:18:40,439
We got a runner! Runner!
Stop! Stop! Stop!

394
00:18:43,983 --> 00:18:46,866
No. No. No.

395
00:18:48,817 --> 00:18:49,708
I got him!

396
00:18:49,738 --> 00:18:52,331
- Oh, my god. You did!
- Don't be so surprised.

397
00:18:52,361 --> 00:18:55,704
Help! He's slipping
out of his skinny jeans.

398
00:18:56,876 --> 00:18:59,628
These are cute. I totally have these.

399
00:19:03,212 --> 00:19:04,723
There you go!

400
00:19:04,753 --> 00:19:06,635
Oh, you got it back! Thank you!

401
00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:08,838
Hey, don't thank me.
Thank your uncle mitchell.

402
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,229
He's the one who tackled the guy.

403
00:19:10,239 --> 00:19:14,263
- I got grass stains.
- Well,I will tell you one thing.

404
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:16,105
I have learned my lesson.

405
00:19:16,145 --> 00:19:19,588
Disappointing my family and
friends Is punishment enough.

406
00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:23,462
Nice try. You're grounded for two weeks.

407
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,704
Okay, we have big news.

408
00:19:25,724 --> 00:19:30,029
Claire has decided to
run for mayor after all.

409
00:19:30,049 --> 00:19:31,931
Thank you, but it's town council.

410
00:19:31,951 --> 00:19:34,613
It doesn't matter. You're
not going to win anyways.

411
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:37,136
But she's going to be okay. You see?

412
00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:41,010
I help the people. Why don't
you two let me help you?

413
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:45,985
Well,I can't speak for jay, But I guess
I'm just too proud to ask for help.

414
00:19:46,005 --> 00:19:48,087
Are you serious? She cuts your steak.

415
00:19:48,107 --> 00:19:49,328
What about you?

416
00:19:49,348 --> 00:19:51,530
I don't want to bother
you with my business.

417
00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:52,972
What else do I do every day?

418
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,735
I don't know. I'm guessing
the gym And... One other thing?

419
00:19:56,775 --> 00:20:00,079
Dad, you should listen to her.
She might really help you.

420
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,922
She could be an asset.

421
00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:06,485
- Asset.
- Heard it.

422
00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:09,678
And look at the shelves over here.

423
00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:13,022
They're for the shoes.
Those are my favorite ones.

424
00:20:13,032 --> 00:20:15,794
So what do you think?

425
00:20:19,939 --> 00:20:24,063
Same... Exact... Closet.

426
00:20:24,884 --> 00:20:26,615
We never needed fake I.d.s on the farm.

427
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,228
We figured if a 16-year-old
could drive a tractor,

428
00:20:29,248 --> 00:20:31,790
He could drink a beer. Not
at the same time, of course.

429
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:34,003
It's missouri, not texas.

430
00:20:34,023 --> 00:20:39,098
I used a fake I.d.to get into an "r"-rated
movie— "the fabulous baker boys."

431
00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:40,789
I found the title to be misleading.

432
00:20:40,809 --> 00:20:42,892
Lot of michelle pfeiffer—
that's all I'm saying.

433
00:20:42,902 --> 00:20:44,793
I remember when I got my fake I.d.

434
00:20:44,813 --> 00:20:46,675
Me, too. Crazy times.

435
00:20:46,695 --> 00:20:49,849
Hell, yeah. I tried to enlist in the
army, But they saw right through me,

436
00:20:49,869 --> 00:20:52,691
so me and a bunch of guys Drove across
state lines, we got a bunch of booze,

437
00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:55,564
We loaded up on fireworks, and
I woke up in the morning—

438
00:20:55,574 --> 00:20:59,828
I kid you not— in a
mexican strip joint.

439
00:21:00,169 --> 00:21:01,881
you?

440
00:21:01,921 --> 00:21:05,304
Uh,I used mine to rent some
bowling shoes and kept 'em.

441
00:21:05,354 --> 00:21:09,658
Suckers probably spent months Trying
to track down dr. Richard hertz.

442
00:21:10,789 --> 00:21:12,301
Think about it.

443
00:21:12,661 --> 00:21:13,863
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