1
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:07,904
Honey, what is all this?

2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:11,078
Hey, mom? I'm trying to write this
stupid college essay question,

3
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,599
And I really don't even
know where to start.

4
00:00:12,619 --> 00:00:14,221
Okay, what's the question? Tell me.

5
00:00:14,241 --> 00:00:17,304
"what's the biggest obstacle
you've ever had to overcome?"

6
00:00:17,324 --> 00:00:20,267
Didn't my third grade teacher say
I had, Like,a.d.d. Or something?

7
00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:24,231
Oh,no, honey. She said you couldn't
a-d-d, and she put it that way

8
00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:26,553
Because she also knew
you couldn't s-p-e-l-l.

9
00:00:26,573 --> 00:00:28,485
Wait, slow down...

10
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:32,059
Sweetheart? What's this?

11
00:00:32,079 --> 00:00:34,541
We talked about this last week. I
said I'm building luke a tree house.

12
00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:39,266
You said "fine." You know, sometimes
I think you just tune me out.

13
00:00:39,446 --> 00:00:41,949
I never told her. She
just would have said "no."

14
00:00:41,999 --> 00:00:44,431
I don't remember agreeing to this, phil.

15
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,703
This is like the time you
backed down the driveway

16
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,445
With a hang glider
sticking out of the car.

17
00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:51,198
If you'd let me keep that, Those geese
would have followed me to the wetlands.

18
00:00:51,238 --> 00:00:53,730
- You would have died.
- A hero.

19
00:00:55,642 --> 00:00:59,856
So we spread out a nice
blanket, Opened up a bottle of vino,

20
00:00:59,876 --> 00:01:01,828
And watched the sun set over the water.

21
00:01:01,858 --> 00:01:04,721
- It was majestic.
- Majestic.

22
00:01:04,741 --> 00:01:07,134
Why? Why we never have the picnic?

23
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,686
Who wants to sit on a
blanket? There's no back pport.

24
00:01:09,706 --> 00:01:11,158
It's majestic.

25
00:01:11,168 --> 00:01:14,962
Last week, shorty took me to
see the cirque du soleil—

26
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,884
It's like a circus, but classy.

27
00:01:17,914 --> 00:01:21,358
So if you like elephants, Don't
hold your breath.

28
00:01:21,418 --> 00:01:23,160
She's so cute.

29
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:26,863
Jay hates the crowds, the
beach, the rainbows.

30
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:29,236
Rainbows? It's just colors in the sky.

31
00:01:29,266 --> 00:01:31,668
Do we have to pull over
every time and take a picture?

32
00:01:31,668 --> 00:01:34,291
Shame. There's an
expression in italian, jay—

33
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:39,766
Dammi la tua mano e corriamo
uniti per tutta la vita.

34
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:44,091
"give me your hand and we will
run together our whole lives."

35
00:01:44,111 --> 00:01:46,813
Jay also hates running.

36
00:01:47,464 --> 00:01:50,677
- =http://bbs.sfile2012. com=-
- =http://ytet. org=-
Proudly Presents

37
00:01:50,697 --> 00:01:56,023
- =http://bbs.sfile2012. com=-
- =http://ytet. org=-
É­Æo°®ÂüÄá Â¥ÉÏÄØ£¿²»°®À­³öÈ¥ßÇàê

38
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:58,485
Modern Family
Season 3 Episode 07

39
00:01:59,947 --> 00:02:01,708
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

40
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:04,791
- And here you go.
- Oh. What is this?

41
00:02:04,811 --> 00:02:06,603
You said to knock your socks off.

42
00:02:06,623 --> 00:02:09,646
Oh,well, ok. It's already working!

43
00:02:09,876 --> 00:02:12,629
Well, two more of those, And you won't
be wearing any underwear either.

44
00:02:12,649 --> 00:02:14,641
- Oh! Look...
- Cam, down. Down.

45
00:02:14,661 --> 00:02:18,565
- Maybe later.
- Oh,okay, maybe... Maybe later.

46
00:02:18,575 --> 00:02:20,377
Did you hear that? Waitress
is flirting with me.

47
00:02:20,397 --> 00:02:21,848
No, no. She's not flirting with you.

48
00:02:21,848 --> 00:02:23,981
She's—she's trolling
for tips, okay?

49
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:25,602
She totally knows you're gay.

50
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,304
How would she know I'm gay?

51
00:02:27,324 --> 00:02:30,477
Uh, maybe it's the way you
ordered a drink-a-doodle-doo.

52
00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:33,290
Cam has this crazy theory
that if he were straight...

53
00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:35,252
And julia roberts were single...

54
00:02:35,272 --> 00:02:36,994
- They'd be dating.
- It's not crazy.

55
00:02:37,004 --> 00:02:39,806
I met her once at an a.I.d.s.
walk, And our chemistry was palpable.

56
00:02:39,806 --> 00:02:42,309
- No, you handed her a bottle of water.
- And her fingers lingered.

57
00:02:42,309 --> 00:02:44,992
Because you wouldn't let go.

58
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,654
I could totally pick
up any woman in here.

59
00:02:47,674 --> 00:02:51,168
If by that, you mean lift her off the
ground, Then yes,I'll give you that.

60
00:02:51,178 --> 00:02:52,899
I for sure could be a womanizer.

61
00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:56,773
Or you could be someone who just stepped
out Of a machine called the womanizer.

62
00:02:56,793 --> 00:02:57,995
Okay, you know what? That's it.

63
00:02:58,015 --> 00:03:01,318
Pick anyone in here. If I can get their
number, you do the laundry for a month.

64
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,430
If I fail,I'll do it.

65
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:10,117
Okay. I hate doing laundry. So, um...
No, um... Oh, okay. Right here.

66
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,869
Her.

67
00:03:14,541 --> 00:03:16,333
Okay, great.

68
00:03:16,333 --> 00:03:20,427
Great. Just get rid of my flair...

69
00:03:20,427 --> 00:03:25,122
- Where did cam go?
- I don't know. Where is he?

70
00:03:26,143 --> 00:03:28,986
- Dinner was absolutely wonderful.
- Amazing.

71
00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:31,768
Hey, you know what? Why don't you guys
come salsa dancing with us tomorrow night?

72
00:03:31,768 --> 00:03:33,640
Oh, yeah! That would be great!

73
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,742
It sounds like so much
fun. I love salsa dancing.

74
00:03:35,742 --> 00:03:39,216
Jay, let's go salsa
dancing with them. Look.

75
00:03:39,696 --> 00:03:41,298
Why not?

76
00:03:41,318 --> 00:03:42,970
I just bought that
pay-per-view fight.

77
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,541
I te you what—
we'll compromise.

78
00:03:44,561 --> 00:03:46,763
We'll watch the fight. We'll eat salsa.

79
00:03:46,783 --> 00:03:48,615
Who needs him? Come dancing with us.

80
00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:51,969
- Ay, no,I wouldn't want to...
- No, no! You'd be doing me a favor.

81
00:03:52,009 --> 00:03:55,222
Shorty never wants to
stop, and I could use a break.

82
00:03:55,242 --> 00:03:56,994
You hear that jay? I never stop.

83
00:03:57,014 --> 00:04:00,037
All I hear is she could use a break.

84
00:04:01,898 --> 00:04:05,022
Hey! Oh, my god! How are you?

85
00:04:05,042 --> 00:04:07,504
Hey. H!

86
00:04:07,504 --> 00:04:10,517
Wow. Look at you. You look fantastic.

87
00:04:10,557 --> 00:04:12,749
Thank you. So do you.

88
00:04:12,749 --> 00:04:14,771
How long has it been?

89
00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:16,583
- It feels like forever.
- Yeah.

90
00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:18,966
Um, when is the last
time we saw each other?

91
00:04:18,986 --> 00:04:22,089
Oh, let's see. I think
it was at dave's thing.

92
00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:25,392
You know what? I'm sorry.

93
00:04:25,412 --> 00:04:27,094
I don't know if you've heard.

94
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:31,838
I was in a terrible car
accident, And ever since the coma,

95
00:04:31,908 --> 00:04:36,313
I have a really hard time
placing names and faces.

96
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:38,535
- So who are you again?
- Oh, my god. I am so sorry.

97
00:04:38,565 --> 00:04:40,347
It was just a clever way
to try to approach you.

98
00:04:40,357 --> 00:04:42,919
We don't know each other.

99
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,152
I've never been in a coma.

100
00:04:45,172 --> 00:04:50,227
But you so deserved that. That
was the worst pick-up ever.

101
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:55,612
Oh, my god! That was genius! And mean!

102
00:04:55,632 --> 00:04:59,186
Now I know why we're old fake friends.

103
00:04:59,256 --> 00:05:01,078
Oh. Can I buy you a drink?

104
00:05:01,118 --> 00:05:03,300
Yeah. I'm katie.

105
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,681
Cameron.

106
00:05:04,711 --> 00:05:07,975
If she we a hot guy,I would
never have been that smooth.

107
00:05:08,005 --> 00:05:11,738
It's ironic. Like the gift of the vagi.

108
00:05:14,911 --> 00:05:17,824
- There you go.
- Thank you. Nice to meet you.

109
00:05:17,854 --> 00:05:20,477
- You, too. Bye!
- Bye.

110
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:23,360
Wham,bam, thank you, cam.

111
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:24,781
Seriously? You got her number?

112
00:05:24,781 --> 00:05:26,823
Sure did. And all my shirts get ironed,

113
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:30,347
And their seams should appear
straight, Just like their owner.

114
00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:37,924
a

115
00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:40,547
America was built with nails, son.

116
00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:44,541
So was that gazebo you built
for our 4th of july party.

117
00:05:44,571 --> 00:05:47,334
I'm telling you, you are
gonna love this bad boy.

118
00:05:47,354 --> 00:05:49,416
You know what can't climb trees?

119
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,698
- Raccoons?
- Worries.

120
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,850
Raccoons can and will get up
here, so don't leave any food,

121
00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:56,903
Or they'll get territorial and attack.

122
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,855
Are you sure this is a good idea?

123
00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:00,537
Are you kidding me? You're
gonna have so much fun

124
00:06:00,547 --> 00:06:02,519
Hanging out up here with your buddies.

125
00:06:02,539 --> 00:06:04,841
Trust me, when you get
older, it all changes.

126
00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:07,844
- Why?
- Well, life gets in the way.

127
00:06:08,515 --> 00:06:11,248
Did I just say "wife gets in the
way"? 'Cause sometimes I do that.

128
00:06:11,268 --> 00:06:12,929
Nope, you're good.

129
00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:14,381
And you have lots of friends.

130
00:06:14,401 --> 00:06:17,144
Yeah,I have work friends, And your
mom and I have couples friends,

131
00:06:17,154 --> 00:06:21,148
And there are my college friends, But
they're scattered all over the country.

132
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:23,870
It's not the same as just shouting
out To your neighborhood buddies,

133
00:06:23,890 --> 00:06:26,453
"hey, fellas! I'm up
here in the tree house!"

134
00:06:27,494 --> 00:06:31,018
Fix that... Board.

135
00:06:32,779 --> 00:06:34,821
I can't do this.

136
00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:36,393
Why are you so frustrated?

137
00:06:36,423 --> 00:06:38,956
Because I've never had
any obstacles to overcome.

138
00:06:38,976 --> 00:06:41,638
Oh,honey, that's not true.

139
00:06:41,658 --> 00:06:42,990
Really? Name one.

140
00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:47,424
Well... You're lactose-intolerant.

141
00:06:47,464 --> 00:06:51,128
Oh,"dear college, cheese makes
me gassy. See you in september.

142
00:06:51,148 --> 00:06:54,681
" Sweetie, you're not really starting
your essays "dear college," are you?

143
00:06:54,721 --> 00:06:56,193
What difference does it make?

144
00:06:56,193 --> 00:06:58,805
I've lived a
boring,sheltered, pathetic life.

145
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:02,199
I am sorry we have made things
too easy And comfortable for you.

146
00:07:02,219 --> 00:07:05,392
Oh, you should be! It is all your fault!

147
00:07:05,422 --> 00:07:09,406
You have shielded me From
everything interesting and dangerous!

148
00:07:09,456 --> 00:07:13,190
You are blaming me Because
I kept you from getting hurt?

149
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:14,831
Gaby's mom's a hoarder.

150
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,754
That essay practically writes itself.

151
00:07:17,784 --> 00:07:19,306
Maybe it is our fault.

152
00:07:19,336 --> 00:07:23,350
But did you ever
consider there's a reason?

153
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,922
What are you talking about?

154
00:07:27,074 --> 00:07:30,287
There's a reason why
we were so easy on you.

155
00:07:30,327 --> 00:07:32,039
I don't understand.

156
00:07:32,059 --> 00:07:33,660
Oh,honey, you're old enough now.

157
00:07:33,690 --> 00:07:35,882
- Old enough for what?
- The truth.

158
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:38,905
Okay, come on. Gotta show you somethin'.

159
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:42,639
- We're gonna go for a ride.
- Mom, just tell me.

160
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,502
You are my mom, right?

161
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:49,236
- Oh, hey.
- I'm a bad man.

162
00:07:49,256 --> 00:07:50,767
Oh, no. What did you eat?

163
00:07:50,797 --> 00:07:53,590
Mitchell, remember the
girl I met last night?

164
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:54,731
How can I forget her?

165
00:07:54,781 --> 00:07:57,204
She's sur famous for having
the world's worst gay-dar.

166
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,137
How could I be so
cavalier with her emotions?

167
00:08:00,187 --> 00:08:01,568
You know, we had a real connection.

168
00:08:01,598 --> 00:08:04,331
She gave me her number, And
right now she's probably sitting

169
00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:06,954
by the phone Waiting for me to call.

170
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,538
I don't think you understand
how charmed she was by me.

171
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,591
Oh, my god. Where did you
get all this self-confidence?

172
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:18,025
I won cutest bab at the
1974 jasper county fair.

173
00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:20,317
People at the time
said I could go gerber.

174
00:08:20,347 --> 00:08:22,149
You know what? I'm calling her.

175
00:08:22,159 --> 00:08:25,592
- What?
- No,I can't carry this around.

176
00:08:25,612 --> 00:08:28,325
I have to come clean so she
can move on with her life.

177
00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:33,270
- This is crazy. She is not waiting...
- Hi. Katie. It's cam.

178
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,002
First ring.

179
00:08:35,032 --> 00:08:37,934
I was hoping I would call, too.

180
00:08:37,955 --> 00:08:39,206
Oh, smooth.

181
00:08:39,206 --> 00:08:41,638
So listen,I forgot to
mention something last night,

182
00:08:41,658 --> 00:08:46,133
And I'm—I'm actually not really
quite sure how to say this.

183
00:08:46,153 --> 00:08:48,755
I'm a gay guy.

184
00:08:48,785 --> 00:08:51,078
Um, it's actually somewhat delicate.

185
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,260
As am I, on account of the gay.

186
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:55,442
No, no,I had a great
time with you,too, katie.

187
00:08:55,462 --> 00:08:57,965
- It's... well, it's just that...
- I don't dig the ladies.

188
00:08:57,965 --> 00:09:02,099
No, no. And I want you to sit— I want
you to have a seat on a chaise lounge.

189
00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:05,382
Hey, you wanna go out and grab some
dinner Before the fight tonight?

190
00:09:05,402 --> 00:09:07,004
No, thank you.

191
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,645
Wanna eat at home?

192
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:11,158
I'll grill some steaks, open
a bottle of wine.

193
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:13,860
Whatever you want, because
I'm not going to be here.

194
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:16,883
She's going salsa dancing without me.

195
00:09:16,903 --> 00:09:20,657
Ay, manny,I told you, it's
a 21 and overlub.

196
00:09:20,697 --> 00:09:23,190
A forbidden dance floor.
Only makes me want it more.

197
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:26,944
Wait a second. You're going
ncing with shorty and darlene?

198
00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:31,048
Yes, because even though he's old
like you, He still likes to have fun.

199
00:09:31,068 --> 00:09:32,769
We like to have fun.

200
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:37,474
Last week I took you to dinner, Went
to the boat show, Got some sherbet?

201
00:09:37,504 --> 00:09:40,007
And we were home by 8:30 with no boat.

202
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,139
What do you want from
me? I don't like dancing.

203
00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:44,061
- I don't like sherbet.
- Yeah, right.

204
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:45,682
How about coconut?

205
00:09:45,692 --> 00:09:48,505
Who doesn't like the coconut, hmm? Who?

206
00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,137
And anyways,I'm going
dancing with or without you.

207
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:52,339
Fine. I hope you have
a good time with shorty.

208
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:54,061
I don't need shorty!

209
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:58,025
I won't have any problem
finding a partner on my own!

210
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,318
Wow. Way to rub it in, mom.

211
00:10:04,301 --> 00:10:05,812
How'd it go, heartbreaker?

212
00:10:05,832 --> 00:10:09,856
That is one classy lady...
Which is why I couldn't tell her.

213
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,449
- What? Well...
- I just couldn't do it on the phone.

214
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,611
She seemed so excited to hear from me,

215
00:10:14,631 --> 00:10:17,784
And I'm very bad at
disappointing people, mitchell.

216
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,296
Not all people.

217
00:10:19,336 --> 00:10:22,559
Mama was right when she said My
charm was like a wild stallion—

218
00:10:22,569 --> 00:10:25,022
If not properly bridled, it'll
bust down a barn.

219
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,934
Okay, you wanna get rid of your
girlfriend? Tell her that story.

220
00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:30,577
Maybe I will when she comes
over. She's coming over.

221
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,199
Are you serious?

222
00:10:32,209 --> 00:10:33,941
She said she was in the
area running errands.

223
00:10:33,941 --> 00:10:35,983
What was I supposed to
say,"don't come over"?

224
00:10:36,013 --> 00:10:38,285
Well,I guess I could have said
that, But it's too late now,

225
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,886
Plus I wanna break it to her gently.

226
00:10:39,896 --> 00:10:41,538
So come on. Help me un-gay this place.

227
00:10:41,588 --> 00:10:43,630
You know what? I'll
make it less gay by half.

228
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:44,851
Oh, these flowers should go, too.

229
00:10:44,871 --> 00:10:47,474
You mean the ones underneath the
portrait Of you cuddlg another man?

230
00:10:47,494 --> 00:10:49,256
Oh, good catch.

231
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,611
Manny.

232
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:55,953
What's up, big guy?

233
00:10:55,983 --> 00:10:58,675
How hard is it to learn
this salsa dancing stuff?

234
00:10:58,695 --> 00:10:59,947
Not hard at all.

235
00:10:59,947 --> 00:11:04,471
It's about tapping into your
emotion, Your passion, and your inner fire.

236
00:11:04,491 --> 00:11:06,813
Crap!

237
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,435
I stink at dancing.

238
00:11:08,455 --> 00:11:11,568
First dance at our wedding, Gloria
was all graceful and gorgeous,

239
00:11:11,598 --> 00:11:13,860
And I was all big and clunky.

240
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,812
Like that scene from
"beauty and the beast."

241
00:11:15,812 --> 00:11:17,624
Actually, that was the song.

242
00:11:17,624 --> 00:11:19,456
Manny picked it.

243
00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:21,718
He didn't like me back then.

244
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:25,582
Back straight. Okay. Do as I do.

245
00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:28,535
Other leg.

246
00:11:28,565 --> 00:11:31,308
Okay, stop marching. You're
dancing, not invading poland.

247
00:11:38,946 --> 00:11:40,797
Hello, hi!

248
00:11:40,837 --> 00:11:41,858
I'm looking for jay pritchett.

249
00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:45,082
He's about 6'2", tough
guy, Wrestles with homophobia...

250
00:11:45,102 --> 00:11:48,185
- The hell are you doing here?
- Uh,I had to get out of the house.

251
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:51,388
Cam needed a little alone
time with his new girlfriend.

252
00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:53,270
- Don't ask.
- Don't tell.

253
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:54,401
What's going on here?

254
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,743
He's learning to dance, but
he's just so tense.

255
00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:58,615
- It's not working out.
- 'Cause you're not letting go.

256
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,807
I'm trying. Don't you think
I want to be all smooth

257
00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,569
And make your mom happy out there?

258
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,481
But I just can't do it, that's all.

259
00:12:04,481 --> 00:12:06,773
Jay,I'm not giving up on you.

260
00:12:07,124 --> 00:12:11,148
Okay. Hey,manny, would you
give us a second? Thanks.

261
00:12:11,168 --> 00:12:15,582
Dad, look,I-I know this is
weird, But you and I are a lot alike.

262
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,474
We're self-conscious, okay?

263
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:21,138
- So,um, here. Just...
- The hell is this?

264
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:24,871
It's just something that some people
take at clubs To, you know, loosen up.

265
00:12:24,871 --> 00:12:26,423
You take this?

266
00:12:26,453 --> 00:12:29,436
A gay man who hates dancing Lives
in a sad and lonely little world.

267
00:12:29,446 --> 00:12:33,120
This just melts your inhibitions, And—and
you can dance all night,

268
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,211
Plus it gives
you a raging—

269
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:37,034
I don't wanna— I
don't like this at all.

270
00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:40,127
Just hold on to it. Just
in case. Come on. It's fine.

271
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,698
Jay,I wanna show you something.

272
00:12:41,718 --> 00:12:44,661
A farmer in new zealand
taught a pig to dance.

273
00:12:47,424 --> 00:12:49,856
See how he keeps his snout up?

274
00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:57,514
Yep. This is it.

275
00:12:58,205 --> 00:13:00,437
This is what?

276
00:13:00,907 --> 00:13:02,909
This.

277
00:13:04,311 --> 00:13:06,793
I-I can't do this. I
can't get out of the car.

278
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:08,645
I'm sorry. I'm too embarrassed.

279
00:13:08,665 --> 00:13:10,207
Would you just tell me what's going on?

280
00:13:10,217 --> 00:13:15,542
Okay. I-I want you to go read
what's carved in that tree.

281
00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:17,995
Mom, you're freaking me out.

282
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,797
Just do it. Do it, haley.

283
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,378
Have fun getting home!

284
00:13:41,398 --> 00:13:43,550
There's your obstacle!

285
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:46,823
What? Are you kidding me?

286
00:13:51,828 --> 00:13:56,473
Oh! Son of a... Brisket!
Why does that keep happening?

287
00:13:56,513 --> 00:13:57,945
Maybe I need a nail gun.

288
00:13:57,955 --> 00:14:00,107
Okay, that's it! I'm out!

289
00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:02,489
What do you mean, you're
out? Where are you going?

290
00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,622
Dad, no offense, But I've
seen you with a glue gun.

291
00:14:05,672 --> 00:14:08,625
I think a nail is gonna be
harder to get out of my hair.

292
00:14:08,645 --> 00:14:12,119
No, don't go! I'm doing this for you!

293
00:14:12,169 --> 00:14:14,651
Are you, dad? Are you?

294
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,404
The kid made me think with that one.

295
00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:20,337
Who was I really doing this for?

296
00:14:20,357 --> 00:14:23,580
Sometimes I just say,"are
you, dad? Are you?"

297
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:27,294
Because he gets real quiet And
doesn't notice when I walk away.

298
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:34,121
It's weird, because I feel so
comfortable around you already.

299
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,013
You know, last night when I got home,

300
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:41,868
I just started thinking about all of the fun
things That we could do together, you know?

301
00:14:41,888 --> 00:14:45,622
I don't wanna scare you off, But my sister's
getting married in a couple of weeks,

302
00:14:45,642 --> 00:14:48,775
And I so don't wanna
go to that thing alone.

303
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,727
Maybe you could be my date?

304
00:14:50,747 --> 00:14:53,650
Katie, you're an amazing woman.

305
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:58,475
You're smart, you're beautiful, And
how fun is that handbag?

306
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:03,340
This is gonna come as
a little bit of a shock.

307
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,574
I'm fairly gay. I don't
know why I said that.

308
00:15:07,604 --> 00:15:12,109
I'm—I'm totally
gay. Just gay.

309
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,582
- You're telling me you're gay?
- Yeah.

310
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,555
- Why?
- I was born that way.

311
00:15:18,565 --> 00:15:19,256
I mean, you
know, it's just—

312
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:24,321
No, why are you telling me? I mean,I
know you're gay. It's obvious.

313
00:15:24,331 --> 00:15:26,343
Well, it's not that—
it's not that obvious.

314
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,334
Well, yeah.

315
00:15:27,354 --> 00:15:31,388
The way you talk and walk and dress
And your theatrical hand gestures—

316
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:32,950
I do not have theatrical hand gestures.

317
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:36,933
Okay, maybe I am moderaly... Expressive.

318
00:15:36,954 --> 00:15:39,596
But why would you give me your number?

319
00:15:39,616 --> 00:15:45,212
Oh, because I want a gay friend— Soone
I can dish with, Give me guy advice,

320
00:15:45,242 --> 00:15:48,715
- and I can shop with...
- Those are totally offensive stereotypes.

321
00:15:48,745 --> 00:15:50,968
We could go see julia
roberts movies together.

322
00:15:50,988 --> 00:15:52,960
I know her, and she's as
nice as she seems on screen.

323
00:15:52,990 --> 00:15:55,452
- Shut up. Really? Is she?
- She is, yeah.

324
00:15:55,462 --> 00:15:59,716
Wait, what—so you were pretending
to be straight, And hitting on me?

325
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:03,941
I was just a stupid bar bet.
My boyfriend—oh, he's here...

326
00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:07,694
Bet me that I couldn't get
a beautiful woman's number.

327
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,127
And as a proud gay man,I
know it shouldn't matter,

328
00:16:10,147 --> 00:16:14,551
But I-I just wish everyone
could find me attractive.

329
00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:18,895
But now he's gonna get to
gloat, And I guess I deserve it.

330
00:16:19,256 --> 00:16:21,768
- Hi...
- Hi.

331
00:16:21,858 --> 00:16:24,041
How's—how's
it going? Hello.

332
00:16:24,061 --> 00:16:28,025
This is katie,and,uh, it
turns out, well...

333
00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:31,668
No, actually. It doesn't turn out well.

334
00:16:31,688 --> 00:16:38,315
Because I thought I finally met
a nice, funny guy, Who is also hot!

335
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,637
And now he's telling me he's gay?

336
00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:46,233
He's,like, the least gay person I
have ever met in my entire life!

337
00:16:46,253 --> 00:16:48,745
And I thought he was the one!

338
00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:51,658
And I even told my mom about him!

339
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,730
You better cherish him!

340
00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:10,487
- Are you sure you're gay?
- No.

341
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,899
- Cam.
- Yes.

342
00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:19,416
Yes. Look... You're gonna find
somebody, Because you're an amazing girl, katie.

343
00:17:19,436 --> 00:17:21,418
You're the whole package.

344
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:25,102
I just prefer somebody who has one.

345
00:17:25,592 --> 00:17:27,464
Okay.

346
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,842
Oh... My... God!

347
00:17:35,842 --> 00:17:40,968
That was a lot of girl tongue! I
think I need a drink-a-doodle-doo.

348
00:17:45,352 --> 00:17:47,234
What was that?

349
00:17:47,254 --> 00:17:49,196
Hello, haley. How was your day?

350
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:53,000
- I have no money, no cell phone...
- You're welcome.

351
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,142
What? I listened to you.

352
00:17:55,172 --> 00:17:58,595
I stopped coddling you, and
look— You overcame an obstacle.

353
00:17:58,605 --> 00:18:00,657
Oh! Yeah! I did!

354
00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,919
I grew up normal despite my crazy mom!

355
00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:05,342
Well, that sounds like the
beginning of a great essay.

356
00:18:05,342 --> 00:18:08,795
"dear college..." Oh,honey, if
you get stuck, let me know,

357
00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:10,477
And I'll make you sleep out in the yard.

358
00:18:10,477 --> 00:18:13,270
- You're psychotic!
- Use spell check!

359
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,482
Don't just sit there! Get out here!

360
00:18:25,492 --> 00:18:27,494
I'm good,I'm good.

361
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:28,625
Okay!

362
00:18:28,645 --> 00:18:31,358
Hola! You're looking so
good! How long has it been?

363
00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:33,520
We don't know each other. Go away.

364
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:35,562
Fair enough.

365
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:39,516
Hola! You're looking so
good. How long has it been?

366
00:18:39,936 --> 00:18:41,838
What was wrong with that guy?

367
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:43,720
Yeah,I would have danced with
him. He's got nice shoulders.

368
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,013
Aw, you know, salsa is
so intimate and sensual

369
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:49,516
That it feels wrong to do it with
somebody else That is not jay.

370
00:18:49,536 --> 00:18:51,168
You know, darlene feels the same way.

371
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:53,110
If I wasn't here, she's
be holding up the wall.

372
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:55,732
Yeah. A wall of men.

373
00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:58,815
You know,I think I should
go home to my loving husband

374
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:03,080
And pull him close and tell
him that I danced with 20 men.

375
00:19:03,590 --> 00:19:05,152
He's not home.

376
00:19:05,172 --> 00:19:07,955
He's in a dicey neighborhood
worried about his car.

377
00:19:09,726 --> 00:19:11,488
Jay!

378
00:19:12,259 --> 00:19:15,132
- What, are we gonna kiss or dance?
- Let's dance!

379
00:19:15,973 --> 00:19:19,086
I'm dead set against drugs.
"just say no" and all that stuff.

380
00:19:19,096 --> 00:19:23,700
But I thought, Just this once for gloria.

381
00:19:25,462 --> 00:19:29,086
And if I was gonna make a complete ass
of myself,I didn't wanna remember it.

382
00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:36,373
The big drug I gave him—
baby aspirin. Orange-flavored.

383
00:19:36,393 --> 00:19:38,385
He could have chewed it.

384
00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:44,251
- Home come you never surprise me like that?
- I do surprise you.

385
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:47,384
No, you don't. You never surprise me...

386
00:19:52,919 --> 00:19:54,921
That's gonna be a hell of a tree house.

387
00:19:54,982 --> 00:19:58,325
Oh, thanks. I'm trying.

388
00:19:58,345 --> 00:20:00,797
It's for my son, but he's
kind of lost interest.

389
00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:02,699
It's kind of like my
daughter with the dog.

390
00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:04,651
Which is why I'm the
one out here doinghis.

391
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,524
Did you just move in?

392
00:20:07,524 --> 00:20:10,427
Lived here eight years. You?

393
00:20:10,447 --> 00:20:12,379
12.

394
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:16,483
You know, me and my friends,We,uh, we
built a te house when I was a kid.

395
00:20:16,513 --> 00:20:19,056
We spent hours in that thing. Loved it.

396
00:20:19,076 --> 00:20:20,948
Me, too.

397
00:20:21,478 --> 00:20:23,500
You need any help?

398
00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:27,124
Yes,a lot. But I-I
don't wanna bother you.

399
00:20:27,144 --> 00:20:30,297
Only thing that bothers me Is that
drunken amish roof you got up there.

400
00:20:30,327 --> 00:20:31,488
Do you even have a level?

401
00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:35,322
I did, but I might have gotten
frustrated And thrown it into your yard.

402
00:20:35,342 --> 00:20:36,984
Let me find it. I'll be right over.

403
00:20:36,984 --> 00:20:38,775
Thanks.

404
00:20:38,775 --> 00:20:40,307
I'm phil, by the way.

405
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,649
I'm andre. Nice to meet you, phil.

406
00:20:42,649 --> 00:20:44,361
Nice to meet you, andre.

407
00:20:44,391 --> 00:20:46,313
So I guess I was wrong when
I said once you get older,

408
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:49,006
It's harder to make new friends.

409
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:51,388
Hey, honey! 'S a dude
in the tree that's cool!

410
00:20:51,408 --> 00:20:55,402
Andre, it turns out, is an
orthopedic surgeon, Handy with tools,

411
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,794
and a great guy to hang out with.

412
00:20:57,814 --> 00:21:02,129
Plus he's a badass black man
that gives me extra street cred.

413
00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:04,521
That's his joke.

414
00:21:04,541 --> 00:21:07,524
He's my brotha from a different motha.

415
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,556
- What was that?
- Different...

416
00:21:09,576 --> 00:21:10,937
- That's not it.
- What is it?

417
00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:11,918
It's "brother from another mother."

418
00:21:11,918 --> 00:21:14,601
- Brotha from anotha motha...
- Slow down. Slow it down.

419
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,433
Brotha from another motha.

420
00:21:16,453 --> 00:21:18,645
Forget it. Don't— just
don't say it. Forget it.

421
00:21:18,875 --> 00:21:20,797
- =http://bbs.sfile2012. com=-
- =http://ytet. org=-
Proudly Presents

422
00:21:20,837 --> 00:21:22,559
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