1 00:00:05,349 --> 00:00:09,546 Come on, boys! It's leap day, not sleep day! 2 00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:13,868 I love leap day! 3 00:00:13,869 --> 00:00:15,674 It's kind of a big deal in the Dunphy house. 4 00:00:15,675 --> 00:00:17,309 This year, we even got Manny involved. 5 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,965 You're given this gift of 24 extra hours. 6 00:00:19,966 --> 00:00:21,725 You can't waste it at work or school. 7 00:00:21,726 --> 00:00:23,468 You have to do something extraordinary, 8 00:00:23,469 --> 00:00:25,278 - something shocking. - Mm. 9 00:00:25,517 --> 00:00:29,034 This year, the entire family is taking a trapeze class. 10 00:00:29,035 --> 00:00:30,329 How extraordinary is that? 11 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:31,276 It was my idea. 12 00:00:31,277 --> 00:00:32,452 How shocking is that? 13 00:00:32,453 --> 00:00:34,794 I can be spontaneous every four years. 14 00:00:34,795 --> 00:00:36,031 I can't wait. 15 00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,729 Leap day is stupid. 16 00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:39,905 You're not understanding the logic behind it. 17 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:43,991 A year is actually 365.25 days. 18 00:00:43,992 --> 00:00:46,206 Every four years, we gain one day. 19 00:00:46,207 --> 00:00:48,848 If we didn't adjust the calendar in, say, 40 years, 20 00:00:48,891 --> 00:00:51,496 February would almost be January. 21 00:00:51,730 --> 00:00:55,467 That's not my problem, and it's definitely not your problem. 22 00:00:55,468 --> 00:00:56,102 Look at this. 23 00:00:56,103 --> 00:00:58,976 The housekeeper turned another one of my whites pink. 24 00:00:59,016 --> 00:01:00,964 I can't wear this to a sports bar. 25 00:01:00,965 --> 00:01:03,077 Mm, they're to going to be looking at you, Jay. 26 00:01:03,078 --> 00:01:04,816 Somebody's feeling pretty good about herself. 27 00:01:04,817 --> 00:01:06,727 They're going to be watching the match. 28 00:01:07,153 --> 00:01:08,705 You meant you a little bit. 29 00:01:10,292 --> 00:01:11,527 Okay, put it in there. 30 00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:12,952 All right, very quietly, 31 00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:16,506 we're gonna go to daddy's bedroom, open the door, 32 00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:17,850 and— Aah! 33 00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:21,068 Happy Birthday to me. 34 00:01:21,069 --> 00:01:23,616 I'm 10! 40! 35 00:01:23,677 --> 00:01:25,189 I was born February 29th, 36 00:01:25,190 --> 00:01:26,739 and there have been ten of those... 37 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:29,330 In my lifetime, therefore I'm 10! 38 00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:30,245 It's fun. 39 00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:32,056 It's so much fun. 40 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,495 Anyway, I-I've spent the last four years 41 00:01:34,496 --> 00:01:36,623 trying to figure to what kind of party to throw this one. 42 00:01:36,624 --> 00:01:37,932 Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine 43 00:01:37,933 --> 00:01:40,001 with just a nice casual evening at home with you. 44 00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:41,355 Don't—don't even. 45 00:01:41,443 --> 00:01:43,535 No. No! That's what he said last time. 46 00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,639 Okay, birthday boy, what's it gonna be— 47 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,280 rom com or horror? 48 00:01:49,281 --> 00:01:51,526 Or we can do both and watch "maid in Manhattan." 49 00:01:51,755 --> 00:01:52,783 Whatcha doing? 50 00:01:52,891 --> 00:01:54,434 Canceling our baby. 51 00:02:08,117 --> 00:02:10,752 Okay, love to dad. Bye! Mwah! 52 00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:15,294 Daddy, what are you doing? 53 00:02:15,295 --> 00:02:17,002 Yeah, daddy, what are you doing? 54 00:02:17,587 --> 00:02:20,306 Snooping for hints about your birthday? Wow. 55 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,443 No, I— come on. 56 00:02:21,444 --> 00:02:24,121 No, I'm just excited, and I wanna be helpful. 57 00:02:24,122 --> 00:02:25,938 I know party planning isn't your thing. 58 00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:26,992 Wow. 59 00:02:27,359 --> 00:02:29,122 Y-you need to trust me, cam. 60 00:02:29,123 --> 00:02:30,704 I know, and I do. 61 00:02:30,799 --> 00:02:32,816 It's not like you're gonna do anything tired, 62 00:02:32,817 --> 00:02:34,561 like appletinis or ice sculptures. 63 00:02:34,562 --> 00:02:36,197 Or synthetic napkins or anything mylar. 64 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,392 Cam, that's enough! 65 00:02:37,393 --> 00:02:39,680 I've been paying for your last party for four years. 66 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,498 And I find it a little insulting 67 00:02:41,499 --> 00:02:43,251 that you don't think I can pull this off. 68 00:02:43,252 --> 00:02:44,191 You know what? 69 00:02:45,069 --> 00:02:46,920 I trust you. I'm letting go. 70 00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:48,481 - Okay. - Okay? 71 00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:50,121 You know orange is over, right? 72 00:02:50,122 --> 00:02:51,919 It's a simple party. I can do it. 73 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,049 Simple. 74 00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:54,935 Perfect. 75 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,785 Yeah, just a simple party. 76 00:02:57,818 --> 00:03:01,307 I'm simply taking Cam's favorite movie, "The Wizard of Oz," 77 00:03:01,308 --> 00:03:04,442 and turning our house into an Oz-themed extravaganza— 78 00:03:04,443 --> 00:03:07,907 yellow brick carpet, waitstaff in full costume, 79 00:03:07,908 --> 00:03:10,116 and custom-made Ruby slippers for Cam. 80 00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:11,595 Whazzup? 81 00:03:11,853 --> 00:03:13,313 So is this safe? 82 00:03:13,314 --> 00:03:14,180 It's a trapeze. 83 00:03:14,181 --> 00:03:17,225 Relax. More people are killed by knife-wielding strangers 84 00:03:17,226 --> 00:03:18,939 than from trapezing. 85 00:03:19,148 --> 00:03:20,903 I'm thinking about going home now. 86 00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:28,816 Honey, are you okay? 87 00:03:29,056 --> 00:03:30,243 I'm fine. 88 00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:31,762 I'm watching... 89 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:33,429 It's so sad. 90 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,769 Oh, no. Not today. 91 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,047 What's wrong? 92 00:03:39,048 --> 00:03:41,011 Nothing. No, your mom's just, uh... 93 00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:42,344 Feeling emotional. 94 00:03:42,345 --> 00:03:45,305 She was like this last month and the month before 95 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,538 and the month before. 96 00:03:46,539 --> 00:03:48,280 What? I could kill someone! 97 00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:49,829 No, I can't hear you! 98 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:53,306 This stupid phone gets no reception in this stupid house! Aah! 99 00:03:55,419 --> 00:03:56,428 Dear God, no. 100 00:03:56,728 --> 00:03:58,065 I'd heard rumors. 101 00:03:58,420 --> 00:04:00,057 Yeah, we all had, 102 00:04:00,497 --> 00:04:02,785 that females living or working in close quarters 103 00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,622 could eventually get on the same... cycle. 104 00:04:05,623 --> 00:04:07,488 But I always assumed that was a story designed 105 00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:09,470 to keep women out of submarine corps. 106 00:04:12,247 --> 00:04:14,406 This isn't milk. What's wrong with me today? 107 00:04:14,407 --> 00:04:16,076 My brain's not working right. 108 00:04:16,077 --> 00:04:17,123 No. 109 00:04:17,502 --> 00:04:18,831 I can't focus... 110 00:04:20,016 --> 00:04:21,399 Three legs? 111 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,921 It's not fair. 112 00:04:22,922 --> 00:04:23,945 I know. 113 00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:25,431 Oh, no! It's sad. 114 00:04:25,812 --> 00:04:27,944 Oh, my God. They're gonna ruin everything. 115 00:04:27,945 --> 00:04:30,777 No. We—we just need to be extra sensitive. 116 00:04:30,778 --> 00:04:32,467 Phil, honey, when do we need to leave? 117 00:04:32,468 --> 00:04:34,847 Whenever's good for you, sweetie. Maybe 20 minutes? 118 00:04:34,848 --> 00:04:36,239 - 20 minutes? - Then which one is it, Phil? 119 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,573 Is it whenever it's good for me or is it 20 minutes? 120 00:04:39,574 --> 00:04:40,855 Whenever you're ready! 121 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,928 It happened— Satan's trifecta. 122 00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:52,652 They're gonna ruin trapezing. 123 00:04:52,653 --> 00:04:54,053 I bet they don't even catch me. 124 00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,919 Why are you so afraid of them? They're reasonable. 125 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,479 Why don't we just suggest they stay home, 126 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,488 - considering they're all on their menst— - Shh! 127 00:05:00,702 --> 00:05:02,658 The first rule of dealing with the cycle— 128 00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:04,153 you never mention the cycle. 129 00:05:04,154 --> 00:05:05,525 You tiptoe around it. 130 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:08,167 The woman's actually taken great pains 131 00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:10,451 to hide the monster she's become. 132 00:05:10,452 --> 00:05:13,579 But if you acknowledge it, that brings the monster forth. 133 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,925 My God. 134 00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:16,670 And there's three of them. 135 00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:17,750 It's okay. 136 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,886 I have a plan. 137 00:05:20,826 --> 00:05:23,471 It's kind of traditional for people to lean in 138 00:05:23,472 --> 00:05:25,307 when somebody says, "I have a plan." 139 00:05:27,056 --> 00:05:27,863 Okay... 140 00:05:27,864 --> 00:05:32,111 Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! 141 00:05:32,112 --> 00:05:33,230 Ooh! No! 142 00:05:33,231 --> 00:05:35,296 Si! Si! Si! Si! 143 00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:37,610 Goal! 144 00:05:37,611 --> 00:05:40,049 Goal! 145 00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:42,511 You should call your country "the never-lands" 146 00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,706 - because you're never— - Ja, because we are never going to win. 147 00:05:44,707 --> 00:05:46,192 You said that a billion times. 148 00:05:46,193 --> 00:05:47,429 Just go home. 149 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,799 Why don't you Dutch people go home? 150 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,093 Someone should shut your Colombian mouth! 151 00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:54,507 - Okay, I wanna see you try! - Uh, is there a problem over here? 152 00:05:54,559 --> 00:05:57,189 Yes. There is a problem, and you're married to her. 153 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,448 Really? Well, let me make a suggestion. 154 00:06:00,349 --> 00:06:02,496 Why don't you sit down, I send you over a beer, 155 00:06:02,497 --> 00:06:04,009 my wife and I watch from over there? 156 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:05,904 That way, everybody enjoys the game— 157 00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:08,882 except me, 'cause I prefer a game where something happens. 158 00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:10,444 Gloria, let's go. 159 00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:12,544 Let's go. 160 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:17,061 I thought you were going to punch that guy back there. 161 00:06:17,062 --> 00:06:18,866 Ah, I got 60 pounds on the kid. 162 00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:22,878 Yeah. It's just that I've heard so many stories about you fighting. 163 00:06:22,879 --> 00:06:24,422 And— it's not worth the trouble. 164 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,113 Yeah, and he has all those friends and... 165 00:06:27,114 --> 00:06:28,613 Well, his friends had nothing to do with it. 166 00:06:28,614 --> 00:06:30,673 I mean, sometimes it's better to take the high road. 167 00:06:30,674 --> 00:06:32,794 Yeah, it's better that you walked away. 168 00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:35,207 Gloria, I get— I get the impression 169 00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:37,652 - you're disappointed I didn't punch that guy. - Of course not. 170 00:06:37,653 --> 00:06:41,566 Who needs all that manly, protect-your-woman stuff? 171 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,533 - No, see, like, right there. - You're saying one thing, 172 00:06:43,702 --> 00:06:45,278 but it feels like you mean the opposite. 173 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,992 - No. - That's a "yes." 174 00:06:47,272 --> 00:06:49,603 Look, Jay, I just came to watch the game. 175 00:06:49,604 --> 00:06:51,495 - I don't want to fight. - Neither do I. 176 00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:53,389 I know. 177 00:06:54,575 --> 00:06:56,096 So in keeping with the film, 178 00:06:56,097 --> 00:06:57,735 this area will be in black and white, 179 00:06:57,736 --> 00:07:00,890 and then an explosion of technicolor. 180 00:07:01,057 --> 00:07:03,392 Best part—as the guests are coming in... 181 00:07:03,618 --> 00:07:05,860 Auntie em! Auntie em! 182 00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:08,183 A simulated tornado. 183 00:07:08,184 --> 00:07:09,651 Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that. 184 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,644 - So the appletinis are canceled... - Yes. 185 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:13,414 The little Toto dog is ordered, and... 186 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:16,207 Please tell me that you are not mixing punch in costume! 187 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:21,180 Oh, no! W-what is Cam doing home? 188 00:07:22,406 --> 00:07:23,597 - Hey. - Hey. 189 00:07:23,598 --> 00:07:24,092 We're the monkeys. 190 00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,568 Yes, hi. Hi. Come on inside. Quickly, quickly. 191 00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:28,850 Hi. Okay, one second. 192 00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:30,931 Hey! Whatcha doing home? 193 00:07:30,932 --> 00:07:32,399 Are you checking on me and the party again? 194 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,055 No, no. I left my cell phone in your car 195 00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:35,176 and I gotta be in touch with mama today. 196 00:07:35,177 --> 00:07:37,333 She's talking to the insurance agency for the first time 197 00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:39,546 to see if they're gonna rebuild grandpa's farm. 198 00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:40,529 Rebuild the... 199 00:07:41,436 --> 00:07:42,829 Because of the tornado. 200 00:07:43,569 --> 00:07:45,045 I totally missed the connection. 201 00:07:45,046 --> 00:07:47,069 A month after the most devastating twister 202 00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:50,503 to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party 203 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,372 based on gay cinema's most famous tornado. 204 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,848 Yeah, you know, it's been a month, 205 00:07:56,849 --> 00:07:59,675 and she hasn't heard anything, and she's just beside herself. 206 00:07:59,676 --> 00:08:01,211 And then you know what else? 207 00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:02,703 Lily succumbed to her injuries. 208 00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:05,118 - Your aunt Lily died? - No, the family pig. 209 00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:06,221 Aunt Lily was a... 210 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,740 We named our daughter after a pig? 211 00:08:07,741 --> 00:08:10,441 Could you just witness my pain instead of criticizing? 212 00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:12,574 I just want to be in touch with my family today, 213 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,693 get all this tornado stuff behind me so I can enjoy... 214 00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:18,698 The fabulous party you're planning for me! 215 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,112 Yeah! You gotta get outta here! 216 00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:21,641 - Okay. Hey, listen. Hey, Cam? - Yeah? 217 00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:24,182 You just call your family, tell them I said "hi." 218 00:08:24,183 --> 00:08:26,447 And don't worry about being back at 6:00 on the dot. 219 00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:27,562 There's a little breathing room. 220 00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:29,236 Oh, what, are you kidding me? 221 00:08:29,357 --> 00:08:30,684 - Mnh-mnh. - The sooner I can start to party, 222 00:08:30,685 --> 00:08:32,292 the sooner I can start to forget. 223 00:08:32,747 --> 00:08:33,384 But then again, 224 00:08:33,385 --> 00:08:36,359 hey, if you keep running from every reminder of the tornado, 225 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,800 doesn't the tornado win? 226 00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,879 Mitchell, my grandpa runs to his pickup truck every morning 227 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,103 because he thinks the pitchfork is gonna come back down. 228 00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,117 The tornado always wins. 229 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,277 Okay, well, it's gonna be so much fun tonight! 230 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,239 I know! The big 1-0! 231 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,372 4-0! 232 00:08:50,373 --> 00:08:51,594 Hey, Mitchell! 233 00:08:52,309 --> 00:08:54,611 - I'm over here! But you didn't! - I could've hit you! 234 00:08:54,612 --> 00:08:55,862 I'm doing my "I love ya" dance. 235 00:08:55,863 --> 00:08:57,915 Okay, I'm doing my "I love you" car dance. 236 00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:59,182 Look at you! 237 00:08:59,183 --> 00:09:01,943 - I do the best moves! - Stop that! Okay! Go! 238 00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:02,777 I got— this is dangerous. 239 00:09:02,778 --> 00:09:03,608 Okay, okay. Go. 240 00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:04,467 Get out of here, you. Out! 241 00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:06,041 It's my birthday! 242 00:09:07,866 --> 00:09:10,393 All right, guys, come here. We need to talk. 243 00:09:13,983 --> 00:09:16,141 - There they are. - Stop rushing us! 244 00:09:16,626 --> 00:09:17,936 Buddy, what's wrong? 245 00:09:17,937 --> 00:09:20,728 Yes, you've been a little off all morning. 246 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:23,013 I've been feeling a lot of stress lately. 247 00:09:23,014 --> 00:09:25,414 My head's all foggy, and I'm kind of emotional. 248 00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:27,533 Oh. Well, I sure hope you feel better soon 249 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,308 'cause you really need your wits about you when you're trapezing. 250 00:09:31,097 --> 00:09:33,318 This is weird because the three of us 251 00:09:33,319 --> 00:09:35,927 haven't exactly been feeling our best today either. 252 00:09:35,928 --> 00:09:36,691 - Really? - Mm. 253 00:09:36,692 --> 00:09:38,210 I can't find my other sock! 254 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,953 Try looking under the one you have one. 255 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,655 I am not you. I don't do that. See? 256 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,182 Oh, God, I am you. 257 00:09:46,383 --> 00:09:48,759 Would you mind if we sat out trapezing? 258 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,418 - Really? - Yeah. 259 00:09:49,419 --> 00:09:50,742 Are you sure? Okay. 260 00:09:51,114 --> 00:09:52,383 Why does he do that? 261 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:53,518 Every month. 262 00:09:53,519 --> 00:09:55,623 Yeah, I get a little moody, 263 00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:57,288 but unrelenting physical discomfort 264 00:09:57,289 --> 00:09:58,835 will do that to a person. 265 00:09:59,318 --> 00:10:00,297 Doesn't he know 266 00:10:00,298 --> 00:10:02,587 that tiptoeing around someone like they're crazy 267 00:10:02,588 --> 00:10:03,850 makes them crazy? 268 00:10:04,118 --> 00:10:05,340 All right, you and Manny go ahead. 269 00:10:05,341 --> 00:10:07,523 - Luke can just stay here with us. - Wait. What? 270 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,120 Luke's actually looking better. 271 00:10:09,121 --> 00:10:11,300 - I am better. - Well, let's not take any chances. 272 00:10:11,301 --> 00:10:13,773 - He can stay here. You go ahead. - Dad? 273 00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:15,498 - Um, I... - Daddy? 274 00:10:15,509 --> 00:10:16,877 See you later, buddy. 275 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,599 What are we going to do? 276 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,282 We leave no man behind. 277 00:10:20,415 --> 00:10:21,846 I think I'm just gonna go home. 278 00:10:23,946 --> 00:10:24,675 We have time. 279 00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:27,129 Just take down the decorations and have a normal party. 280 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:28,653 Yeah, and throw a boring party in our house 281 00:10:28,654 --> 00:10:30,666 that looks like I just threw it together this afternoon? 282 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,518 - Think! - Okay, we have a few options. 283 00:10:32,519 --> 00:10:34,369 I can get you the back room at Amelia's. 284 00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:35,666 Spilled juice on the owner's white rug 285 00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,244 and almost killed her toddler. Next. 286 00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:37,941 Bowling alley? 287 00:10:37,942 --> 00:10:39,526 Not classy enough. What have you got? 288 00:10:39,527 --> 00:10:40,936 - Uh... - You're no help. You. 289 00:10:40,937 --> 00:10:43,153 Well, last weekend, I did a party on a boat. 290 00:10:43,528 --> 00:10:44,946 You said you were visiting your parents. 291 00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:45,819 Shh! You're suffocating me. 292 00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,335 What's this boat? Tell me about the boat. 293 00:10:47,336 --> 00:10:49,857 Okay, we did an elegant dinner party on a luxury yacht 294 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,843 for about 25 people. 295 00:10:50,844 --> 00:10:53,541 It takes you around the harbor, dancing under the moonlight. 296 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:56,461 Okay, okay. Uh, maybe we can— we can make a theme out of this. 297 00:10:56,462 --> 00:10:58,464 You know, Cam's life is like a long voyage. 298 00:10:58,465 --> 00:11:01,460 Sometimes choppy but—but always forward, ever forward. 299 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,010 - We have two hours. - Book it. 300 00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,749 Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh? 301 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,618 Didn't happen, 302 00:11:08,619 --> 00:11:11,044 and common decency prevents me from telling you why. 303 00:11:11,818 --> 00:11:12,808 How was the soccer match? 304 00:11:12,809 --> 00:11:14,624 Thrilling. 1-1 tie. 305 00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:16,372 One of the goals was an accident. 306 00:11:16,373 --> 00:11:17,725 I'm sure my mom was happy you went. 307 00:11:17,726 --> 00:11:19,340 I don't know what to make of her today. 308 00:11:19,341 --> 00:11:20,591 She got into it with this guy, 309 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:23,035 and I swear she was pushing me into a fight with him. 310 00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:24,817 Now is that something she'd want? 311 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:25,806 I don't know. 312 00:11:25,906 --> 00:11:28,412 I always thought of women as the more evolved sex. 313 00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:30,667 But after today... I've seen things, Jay. 314 00:11:30,668 --> 00:11:32,529 'Cause, you know, I had my share of fights in my time. 315 00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:33,511 You know that. 316 00:11:34,857 --> 00:11:36,319 Mmm! Mm. Mm. It's too warm for me. 317 00:11:37,557 --> 00:11:39,735 Yeah, I remember this time I was crossing the street with Dede, 318 00:11:39,736 --> 00:11:41,952 and some jackass almost clipped her. 319 00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:44,323 I had the guy on the ground, my foot on his neck, 320 00:11:44,324 --> 00:11:45,901 before the car stopped moving. 321 00:11:45,902 --> 00:11:47,758 Yeah, we've heard all those stories. 322 00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:50,025 Maybe my mom wouldn't mind a glimpse of that Jay. 323 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:52,203 That's her. 324 00:11:52,204 --> 00:11:54,017 She wants me to help pick out Cam's gift. 325 00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:56,287 I'm still that guy, you know. 100%. 326 00:11:56,597 --> 00:11:58,765 What the hell? How do you cut your finger on a cracker? 327 00:11:58,766 --> 00:12:00,535 Anyway, if I thought there was a fight worth fighting, 328 00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:01,573 I'd fight it. 329 00:12:01,574 --> 00:12:04,350 Ow! Now I got salt in this. That stings! 330 00:12:09,406 --> 00:12:11,560 Next time, don't scream at your boss 331 00:12:11,561 --> 00:12:13,552 so that he doesn't make you work during the weekends. 332 00:12:13,553 --> 00:12:16,349 And you can come to see your son! 333 00:12:16,378 --> 00:12:17,593 Si. Adios. 334 00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:20,413 Hey, mom. Who were you yelling at? 335 00:12:20,809 --> 00:12:22,252 Your father, baby. 336 00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:24,415 He cannot make it this weekend. 337 00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:28,999 Okay, I admit it. 338 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,968 I wanted Jay to kick that little Dutch man's ass at the bar. 339 00:12:33,346 --> 00:12:35,434 But two seconds on the phone with Javier, 340 00:12:35,435 --> 00:12:39,485 and I remember what that stupid hothead behavior gets you- 341 00:12:39,747 --> 00:12:40,731 Nothing. 342 00:12:40,841 --> 00:12:43,128 It's better to be calm like Jay. 343 00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:44,874 Like Jay and me. 344 00:12:46,088 --> 00:12:47,201 Like Jay. 345 00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:50,632 I'm back! 346 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,859 Wouldn't you know, I forgot my ding-dang sunglasses. 347 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,465 Luke, could you give me a hand? 348 00:12:57,466 --> 00:13:00,574 What were the chances that Phil had come back to apologize 349 00:13:00,575 --> 00:13:01,956 for all the game playing 350 00:13:01,957 --> 00:13:03,927 and have an open conversation with me 351 00:13:03,928 --> 00:13:05,449 about what I was feeling? 352 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,562 Okay, I got a bottle of fake blood out of the Halloween supplies. 353 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,884 Put a dab on your finger, say you cut it. 354 00:13:10,885 --> 00:13:13,394 I say I need to run you by the doctor. Easy trapezy. 355 00:13:13,395 --> 00:13:14,098 Got it? 356 00:13:14,099 --> 00:13:15,731 See ya on the other side, brother. 357 00:13:16,657 --> 00:13:20,259 Just once, I would like Phil to have a little empathy, 358 00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:23,295 give me some sense that he understands 359 00:13:23,296 --> 00:13:24,683 what women go through. 360 00:13:24,822 --> 00:13:26,752 - You feeling any better? - Mnh-mnh. 361 00:13:26,804 --> 00:13:29,116 Hate to see the whole team on the D.L. 362 00:13:29,117 --> 00:13:30,365 Ow! My finger! 363 00:13:30,437 --> 00:13:32,723 I don't like the sound of that. 364 00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:37,394 I said a little bit! 365 00:13:37,395 --> 00:13:39,624 The cap fell off. I decided to just go with it. 366 00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:41,166 Okay, we gotta get you out the back. 367 00:13:42,099 --> 00:13:44,732 - God, what happened? - Oh, it's just a little cut. 368 00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:46,386 But to be safe, I'll run him by the doctor. 369 00:13:46,387 --> 00:13:48,736 No, are you crazy? Call 9-1-1! 370 00:13:48,737 --> 00:13:50,003 No, no, they're so busy. 371 00:13:50,004 --> 00:13:51,984 Where's the wound? We need to put pressure on it, right? 372 00:13:51,985 --> 00:13:53,210 - I'm gonna be sick! - My—my finger. 373 00:13:53,211 --> 00:13:55,172 Oh, he needs a tourniquet! Where do I put it? 374 00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:57,670 - On my finger. - Stop! There is nothing wrong with h.. 375 00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,917 - Luke, what's going on? - I cut my finger? 376 00:14:01,139 --> 00:14:02,466 - Dad? - How crazy is that? 377 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,306 They were in my pocket the whole time. I'll see you. 378 00:14:04,307 --> 00:14:05,307 Phil! 379 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:07,234 What is going on, Luke? 380 00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:08,392 Dad staged the whole thing 381 00:14:08,393 --> 00:14:10,638 so we could go on the trapeze without you three. 382 00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:11,710 Why? 383 00:14:11,711 --> 00:14:12,903 Because... 384 00:14:13,112 --> 00:14:14,419 B-because... 385 00:14:14,757 --> 00:14:17,532 Because of this! You're all monster-ating! 386 00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:20,128 - Luke, no! - Are you kidding me? - Oh, my God! Oh, my lord. 387 00:14:20,129 --> 00:14:22,470 Sorry! I know you told me not to say it, but I... 388 00:14:22,471 --> 00:14:23,712 Phil! 389 00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:25,474 Is this what you've been teaching our son? 390 00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:27,827 That—that women are some kind of unclean lepers 391 00:14:27,828 --> 00:14:30,403 that should be hidden away under sheets for a week? 392 00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:32,168 Do you have any idea how offensive that is? 393 00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:33,582 I do, honey. 394 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,560 And from the bottom of my heart, 395 00:14:35,561 --> 00:14:36,994 I am so... 396 00:14:37,103 --> 00:14:39,215 S-s-scared. 397 00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,021 - Ugh! - Oh, no! 398 00:14:42,328 --> 00:14:43,593 Oh, my. 399 00:14:48,945 --> 00:14:50,135 Okay. 400 00:14:50,198 --> 00:14:52,495 3, 2, 1! 401 00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:54,105 Surprise! 402 00:14:54,106 --> 00:14:56,099 Oh, my gosh! Oh, it's amazing! 403 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,856 - Yeah, it's a boat party. - Oh! Because? 404 00:14:57,857 --> 00:14:59,252 Your life is like a voyage. 405 00:14:59,253 --> 00:15:01,429 Oh! Well, everyone's is, but I love it 406 00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:03,577 because none of our other friends have ever done it. 407 00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:06,515 Aw. That's so sweet. 408 00:15:06,516 --> 00:15:10,482 Oh, it must be easy with no dirty, broken woman in the relationship. 409 00:15:12,936 --> 00:15:14,024 What are you laughing at? 410 00:15:14,025 --> 00:15:16,923 Okay, everybody follow the birthday flag! 411 00:15:16,924 --> 00:15:18,855 What'd you call me? Oh. Uh, oh, yes. 412 00:15:18,856 --> 00:15:21,724 Oh, my gosh. It's so elegant. I'll bet Pepper is dying. 413 00:15:21,725 --> 00:15:23,378 Oh, you know, actually, Pepper couldn't come 414 00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,764 because he hates boats. You know, after the Navy. 415 00:15:25,765 --> 00:15:26,981 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 416 00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:30,019 I guess longinus got over his fear of—of water? 417 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:30,562 Mnh. No, no. 418 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,308 Why don't we just focus on the 30 people who are here, 419 00:15:32,309 --> 00:15:34,008 having a great time! 420 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:37,089 Ew! It smells like somebody's dead. 421 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,702 Ugh! What is that smell? 422 00:15:38,735 --> 00:15:41,635 That faint odor is— is a tiny, tiny blue whale 423 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:44,316 who apparently has indeed died, uh, nearby. 424 00:15:44,317 --> 00:15:45,288 But... 425 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:47,716 Si, but it's getting all over my coat. 426 00:15:47,717 --> 00:15:49,045 I don't smell anything. 427 00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,943 Maybe that's because you smell like a bouquet of flowers. 428 00:15:52,572 --> 00:15:54,376 Oh, yeah. Watch out for that. 429 00:15:54,377 --> 00:15:56,956 Ugh! It smells like puke married poop 430 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,126 and had the ceremony in my nose. 431 00:15:59,127 --> 00:16:00,451 You paint with words. 432 00:16:00,452 --> 00:16:01,869 Okay, don't worry, everybody. 433 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:04,941 Soon we'll be way, way out at sea, bouncing on the waves 434 00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:07,633 with all of his sweet-smelling brothers and sisters. Okay? 435 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,923 - Mitchell Pritchett? - Oh, yes. Hi. 436 00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,957 Hi. I'm your captain tonight. We've got a problem. 437 00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:12,487 I can't fit this many people on my boat. 438 00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:14,305 No, no. I was—I was told you could take 30. 439 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,542 I have exactly 30 guests. 440 00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:17,669 Plus six in help. You gotta drop a few people. 441 00:16:18,372 --> 00:16:20,361 Come on. There—there must be something that we can do here. 442 00:16:20,362 --> 00:16:21,479 Well, we have bigger boats, 443 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,603 but this is the best I could do on two hours' notice. 444 00:16:23,604 --> 00:16:25,745 - Please, um... - What is the problem? 445 00:16:25,775 --> 00:16:28,585 Apparently, Mitchell started planning my birthday party two hours ago. 446 00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:30,711 Mnh-mnh. No. No, I-I did not. 447 00:16:30,765 --> 00:16:33,498 Uh, apparently, we have too many people for his boat. 448 00:16:33,499 --> 00:16:35,112 So... that's crazy. 449 00:16:35,113 --> 00:16:38,057 I've seen more people clinging to a floating door. 450 00:16:38,058 --> 00:16:39,697 I'm sorry, lady. It's a safety issue. 451 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,794 Oh, no. You're going to have a safety issue 452 00:16:41,795 --> 00:16:44,220 if you don't take me away from this whale. 453 00:16:44,221 --> 00:16:46,100 Okay, little too much finger, little too much attitude. 454 00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:46,901 What's all this? 455 00:16:46,902 --> 00:16:49,560 Uh, two hours of Mitchell's hard work going down the drain. 456 00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:52,799 Look, I can't fit more than 30 people on the boat, 457 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,424 as I was just explaining to the lady here. 458 00:16:54,425 --> 00:16:56,392 Well, first of all, that "lady" is my son. 459 00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:57,957 He wasn't talking about me. 460 00:16:57,958 --> 00:16:59,274 I was talking about her. 461 00:16:59,275 --> 00:17:01,021 Oh. Her. Oh, it's "her" now. 462 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,163 Well, "her" happens to be my wife. 463 00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:05,690 You got a problem with her, you got a problem with me. 464 00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:07,143 - No, no, Jay... - You know... 465 00:17:07,144 --> 00:17:08,832 - Calm down. - I didn't have a problem before, 466 00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:09,712 but now I'm starting to. 467 00:17:09,713 --> 00:17:11,976 No, your problem's about to get a lot bigger. 468 00:17:11,977 --> 00:17:14,558 No, Jay, I know you think this is what I want, but it's not. 469 00:17:14,559 --> 00:17:16,281 - I've got this, Gloria. - No, Jay. 470 00:17:16,282 --> 00:17:19,481 I was just being stupid today. I like that you're calm, 471 00:17:19,482 --> 00:17:22,149 that you think first, and you act second. 472 00:17:22,435 --> 00:17:24,046 I need that in my life. 473 00:17:24,095 --> 00:17:25,632 Yeah, so walk away, grandpa. 474 00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:26,444 You know what? 475 00:17:27,027 --> 00:17:29,161 Nobody call him "grandpa"! 476 00:17:29,294 --> 00:17:30,351 I do. 477 00:17:30,362 --> 00:17:32,139 Okay, that's it! 478 00:17:32,238 --> 00:17:35,148 No boat! Everybody off my dock, or I'm calling the cops! 479 00:17:35,149 --> 00:17:36,524 Wait, w-wait. So no party now? 480 00:17:36,525 --> 00:17:38,297 No! No, of course! Just... 481 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,777 Just... just give me a minute okay? 482 00:17:39,778 --> 00:17:41,019 Oh, we, after what you did with two hours, 483 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,852 - I can't wait to see what you do with a minute. - Cam! 484 00:17:44,919 --> 00:17:46,838 Poor Cam. He seems so upset. 485 00:17:46,971 --> 00:17:48,116 Oh, is that hard for you, Phil, 486 00:17:48,117 --> 00:17:49,686 that he's have a feeling around you? 487 00:17:49,687 --> 00:17:51,373 - I'm so sorry. - Too many emotions? 488 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:53,679 Okay, okay, I give up! 489 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,992 - Yeah, I made a mistake today. - Mm. 490 00:17:57,011 --> 00:17:58,978 But only because the three of you ganged up on me 491 00:17:58,979 --> 00:18:01,174 like when the wolfman, Dracula, and frankenstein 492 00:18:01,175 --> 00:18:02,855 show up in the same movie, 493 00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,429 except this wasn't awesome! 494 00:18:05,473 --> 00:18:08,020 I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day today. 495 00:18:08,568 --> 00:18:10,537 I'm afraid. I'm mad. I'm mad because I'm afraid, 496 00:18:10,538 --> 00:18:11,383 and now I can't even think straight 497 00:18:11,384 --> 00:18:13,848 because I'm in so much pain from what just happened over there! 498 00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,390 And the whole thing makes me so sad, and I'm not even sure why, 499 00:18:16,391 --> 00:18:19,110 and I'm nauseous from that smell but I'm so hungry. 500 00:18:22,885 --> 00:18:23,936 Yeah. 501 00:18:26,032 --> 00:18:28,461 Cam, the—the boat wasn't even part of the plan. 502 00:18:28,462 --> 00:18:29,351 No, it's fine. 503 00:18:29,352 --> 00:18:32,051 It's my fault for letting my expectations get too high. 504 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,674 - I'll get over this one, too. - No, no. 505 00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:36,208 I had this whole "Wizard of Oz" party planned, 506 00:18:36,209 --> 00:18:38,159 only today I realized that it might be 507 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,087 a-a little too tornado-y. 508 00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:41,028 - Today? - Yes! 509 00:18:41,029 --> 00:18:43,122 I'm sorry I-I didn't make the connection, okay? 510 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,192 Probably 'cause I've been planning for months 511 00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:47,493 so that you could have the perfect party and be happy, 512 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,664 which now I don't even think is possible. 513 00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:51,255 Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have 514 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,366 a nice 10th birthday party. 515 00:18:53,384 --> 00:18:54,845 Well, you can't have it, Cam! 516 00:18:54,846 --> 00:18:57,220 You wanna know why? Because you're 40! 517 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,886 You're a 40-year-old man! 518 00:19:02,953 --> 00:19:04,045 I am 40. 519 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,649 - I'm 40. - Yes. 520 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,887 Oh, Cam, stop it. 521 00:19:12,888 --> 00:19:16,464 I'm 40 and I'm—I'm on this stupid—wait, what is that? 522 00:19:16,465 --> 00:19:17,708 Oh, it's this... 523 00:19:18,428 --> 00:19:19,161 Thing! 524 00:19:19,162 --> 00:19:21,058 Suddenly, it all made sense. 525 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,035 Cam's craziness all day wasn't about a party. 526 00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:25,806 It was about turning 40. 527 00:19:25,845 --> 00:19:29,568 And once he realized that, everything got much worse. 528 00:19:29,719 --> 00:19:32,452 - I've done nothing with my life! - Oh, w—stop it. 529 00:19:32,453 --> 00:19:34,108 Come on. How—how can you say that? 530 00:19:34,109 --> 00:19:36,977 You're—you're a wonderful father. You... 531 00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:39,225 You—you graduated from clown college. 532 00:19:39,226 --> 00:19:41,107 You've been to France. 533 00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:44,144 I don't want to be 40. It's not fair! 534 00:19:44,145 --> 00:19:45,451 - I know. - Nothing's fair. 535 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,856 2 Miles from here is an amusement park 536 00:19:47,857 --> 00:19:50,474 full of happy families swinging on a trapeze. 537 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,959 That's all I wanted for my special bonus day. 538 00:19:57,935 --> 00:19:58,904 What? 539 00:19:58,993 --> 00:20:00,201 I'd been trying so hard 540 00:20:00,202 --> 00:20:02,346 to figure out what Cam wanted for his birthday. 541 00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,370 He'd been telling me all along. 542 00:20:06,342 --> 00:20:07,586 He wanted to be 10. 543 00:20:18,272 --> 00:20:20,416 Seriously? There's nothing you can do? 544 00:20:20,568 --> 00:20:22,559 I'm sorry. You just missed the cutoff. 545 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,846 How about we see you next time? 546 00:20:24,406 --> 00:20:27,813 How about you make an exception and strap him in there? 547 00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:30,129 Yeah, we're, like, ten minutes past your deadline, anyway. 548 00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,903 And you don't want to make us angry today. 549 00:20:31,904 --> 00:20:33,826 - Ladies, uh, I really can't make any exceptions. - "Ladies"? 550 00:20:33,827 --> 00:20:38,657 - Seriously, Pete? - No, I don't think "ladies"... 551 00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:42,124 And that was how they apologized to me. 552 00:20:42,132 --> 00:20:44,374 - Whoo! - Come on, Phil! 553 00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:47,230 Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ohh! Oh, God, Phil! 554 00:20:48,294 --> 00:20:49,715 Aah! You did it! 555 00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:52,731 At least, I-I think it was. I could never ask them. 556 00:20:57,696 --> 00:20:59,056 This is so satisfying! 557 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,753 Best I've felt all day! 558 00:21:02,781 --> 00:21:05,928 Can I rent one of these on a monthly basis? 559 00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:09,199 Ohh, ha ha! Yes! 560 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,982 Oh, yay! 561 00:21:12,197 --> 00:21:13,933 Best 40th birthday party ever. 562 00:21:13,934 --> 00:21:16,286 No, no. 10th. 563 00:21:16,315 --> 00:21:17,988 - Really? - Yeah. 564 00:21:17,989 --> 00:21:19,909 In fact, you're still that sexy little 8 year old 565 00:21:19,910 --> 00:21:21,293 I fell in love with. 566 00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:26,367 Oh, um... no, just go. 567 00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:29,580 Sync by YYeTs, corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com