1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:02,113
What's with all the yogurt?

2
00:00:02,114 --> 00:00:04,882
Shh! Durkas has been
breaking into my locker.

3
00:00:04,883 --> 00:00:07,031
But I've got a little
revenge planned.

4
00:00:07,032 --> 00:00:09,298
Sorry. I just remembered
I don't really care.

5
00:00:12,616 --> 00:00:15,246
Where's mom?
Oh, my God, what is that outfit?

6
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:16,301
Are you going goth?

7
00:00:16,302 --> 00:00:17,902
You still sleep
with a stuffed panda.

8
00:00:17,903 --> 00:00:19,770
Don't you have a fraternity
to pass out in?

9
00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:22,258
Is there anything else
you need for your procedure?

10
00:00:22,259 --> 00:00:24,373
Um, I think I'm supposed
to have ice cream.

11
00:00:24,374 --> 00:00:25,987
Hmm.
Actually, I don't—

12
00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:27,714
I'm sorry. Is it a vasecto-you,

13
00:00:27,715 --> 00:00:29,127
or a vasectomy?

14
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:30,673
- You can have ice cream.
- Thanks.

15
00:00:30,674 --> 00:00:33,453
- Today...
- Snip-a-dee-doo-dah!

16
00:00:33,454 --> 00:00:35,563
We-we've been talking
about doing this for a while.

17
00:00:35,564 --> 00:00:37,371
Yeah. Yeah, ever
since dad and Gloria

18
00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:39,742
had their little accident,
we don't need any surprises.

19
00:00:39,743 --> 00:00:41,530
Also, though, it will
allow for a little more

20
00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:42,885
freestylin' in the boudoir

21
00:00:42,886 --> 00:00:45,196
if we're not having to worry
about adding more critters.

22
00:00:45,197 --> 00:00:47,239
More importantly,
it is an essential part

23
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,401
of our 5-year plan.

24
00:00:48,402 --> 00:00:51,062
Oh, the 5-year plan.
Talk about the— the Rosses.

25
00:00:51,063 --> 00:00:53,272
The Rosses— Okay,
the Rosses are this couple

26
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,181
we have known forever, and...

27
00:00:55,182 --> 00:00:56,838
they were never
able to have kids,

28
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,905
- so we always felt a little...
- Jealous of them.

29
00:00:58,906 --> 00:01:00,246
- Yeah.
- I mean, we love our kids,

30
00:01:00,247 --> 00:01:02,313
but John and Chrissy can travel...

31
00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:03,526
They're always tan.

32
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:06,302
Did you know that Chrissy
is eight years older than me?

33
00:01:06,303 --> 00:01:07,986
I would have said
eight years younger.

34
00:01:07,987 --> 00:01:09,870
There's just this
spark in her that—

35
00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:11,727
Well, look who I'm talking to.
You used to have it.

36
00:01:11,728 --> 00:01:13,847
- Wow. It's like you don't... hear...
- The point is,

37
00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:15,759
as long as we don't have
another baby,

38
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,862
that life is ours in five years

39
00:01:17,863 --> 00:01:19,385
when Luke goes off to college.

40
00:01:19,386 --> 00:01:20,837
Or somewhere.

41
00:01:20,898 --> 00:01:21,822
It will actually be a pleasure

42
00:01:21,823 --> 00:01:24,435
walking into that
doctor's office today—

43
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,276
There you are. Mom—

44
00:01:26,277 --> 00:01:28,265
Hang on a second. What is this?

45
00:01:28,266 --> 00:01:30,545
Uh— is this because
of your new friend Skylar?

46
00:01:30,546 --> 00:01:32,431
Oh, she's just trying
to change her image.

47
00:01:32,432 --> 00:01:33,392
Nice work, by the way.

48
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,272
You went from dork
to Count Dorkula.

49
00:01:35,273 --> 00:01:37,807
Can we talk about my clothes?
You were supposed to send them!

50
00:01:37,808 --> 00:01:39,113
I'll be with you in a second.
Hang on.

51
00:01:39,114 --> 00:01:40,844
I don't like this Skylar.

52
00:01:40,845 --> 00:01:42,437
You don't need
to change who you are

53
00:01:42,438 --> 00:01:44,424
to fit in with the cool kids.

54
00:01:44,425 --> 00:01:47,075
Oh, of course she does.
She just is so uncool,

55
00:01:47,076 --> 00:01:48,741
she doesn't know
who the cool kids are.

56
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,286
Don't you have a class to fail?

57
00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:51,891
Don't you have a raven to train?

58
00:01:51,892 --> 00:01:55,066
Listen, I have repeated
outfits twice this week.

59
00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:57,351
- It's a disaster.
- And I will deal with it tomorrow,

60
00:01:57,352 --> 00:01:59,340
but today I'm taking
your father to the doctor.

61
00:01:59,341 --> 00:02:01,980
- He's having an ass-ectomy.
- What?

62
00:02:01,981 --> 00:02:04,467
- I hear things.
- You're getting your tonsils out?

63
00:02:04,468 --> 00:02:06,682
Ohh! This family needs
a dumb-ass-ectomy.

64
00:02:06,683 --> 00:02:08,817
Oh, shut up! I'm tired
of you thinking you're so...

65
00:02:08,818 --> 00:02:09,803
Did dad ever tell you
you were adopted?

66
00:02:09,804 --> 00:02:11,840
- No, I wasn't!
- Five more years.

67
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:12,886
Okay.

68
00:02:22,088 --> 00:02:25,085
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

69
00:02:26,799 --> 00:02:28,043
Okay, so after school,

70
00:02:28,044 --> 00:02:29,855
you're going to your friend
Ashley's to swim,

71
00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:31,937
so I'm gonna need you
to go get your swimsuit,

72
00:02:31,938 --> 00:02:34,845
your swim goggles,
and your sunscreen, okay?

73
00:02:34,942 --> 00:02:36,967
And change into a dress
that's not covered in cat fur.

74
00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:39,429
Oh, that cat
is really losing its hair.

75
00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:42,240
Maybe we should slip it
one of your Propecia, huh?

76
00:02:42,383 --> 00:02:43,447
What Propecia?

77
00:02:43,448 --> 00:02:44,997
Your Pro—

78
00:02:45,802 --> 00:02:47,615
Is that not something
that we're...

79
00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:50,224
So, uh, what you
got going on today?

80
00:02:50,225 --> 00:02:52,138
Ohh. Busy, busy, busy, busy.

81
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:54,268
I might buy some light bulbs,
and then, if time permits,

82
00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:56,732
I might do a little work
on my master project.

83
00:02:56,733 --> 00:02:57,867
- Top secret.
- Okay.

84
00:02:57,868 --> 00:03:00,974
- So don't you dare ask what it is.
- I won't.

85
00:03:00,975 --> 00:03:02,642
Since Lily started kindergarten,

86
00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:04,515
Cam's had a lot of free time.

87
00:03:04,516 --> 00:03:08,059
Now, I-I'd like to suggest
he go back to work, but...

88
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:12,418
Historically, uh, that has proved
to be a sensitive topic.

89
00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:15,880
We sent those adoption papers
to Vietnam last summer.

90
00:03:15,881 --> 00:03:17,578
No, thank you very much,

91
00:03:17,579 --> 00:03:19,949
and please remember my tone,
not my words.

92
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,828
She said it could take up
to nine months to get a baby.

93
00:03:21,829 --> 00:03:22,997
It's inhuman!

94
00:03:22,998 --> 00:03:25,684
Is it? Don't—
I-I know it's frustrating,

95
00:03:25,685 --> 00:03:27,803
but maybe instead
of driving yourself crazy

96
00:03:27,804 --> 00:03:30,553
waiting for the phone to ring,
you could go back to work.

97
00:03:30,554 --> 00:03:31,440
Excuse me?

98
00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:33,124
Get a job!

99
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:36,418
No, it—it'll help you take
your mind off the baby.

100
00:03:36,419 --> 00:03:38,035
Oh, what, because
I'm a big, giant freeloader?

101
00:03:38,036 --> 00:03:40,164
Actually, I think I laid out
the reasons pretty clearly.

102
00:03:40,165 --> 00:03:41,828
No, I think you pegged me.
Bone lazy,

103
00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:43,220
just like on the farm—
first to bed,

104
00:03:43,221 --> 00:03:44,367
last to wake up in the morning.

105
00:03:44,368 --> 00:03:45,534
You know what?
Why don't you call my dad,

106
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:46,522
and you two can gab all night

107
00:03:46,523 --> 00:03:49,089
about what a teet-sucking
layabout I am?

108
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:50,328
Okay, I think I might have paddled

109
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:51,595
into some deeper waters here.

110
00:03:51,596 --> 00:03:53,424
What, you think
I sit around all day?

111
00:03:53,425 --> 00:03:55,207
Well, I'm not sitting now.

112
00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:56,926
What's happening?

113
00:03:57,436 --> 00:03:59,751
You keep a packed suitcase?

114
00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:01,471
That's a healthy baby.

115
00:04:01,472 --> 00:04:03,004
- Hold on.
- What?

116
00:04:03,005 --> 00:04:05,336
Is that a license plate
and a hubcap?

117
00:04:05,337 --> 00:04:07,033
You know, like in "Jaws"?

118
00:04:07,034 --> 00:04:08,227
I never saw it.

119
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:09,330
I saw it, but I don't remember

120
00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:10,926
a scene with a hubcap
in a pregnant woman.

121
00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:12,339
Ah, forget it.

122
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,159
So, would you like to know

123
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,406
if you're having a boy or a girl?

124
00:04:14,407 --> 00:04:15,736
- Yes.
- No.

125
00:04:15,737 --> 00:04:18,561
Ay. I want it to be a surprise,

126
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:19,799
don't you, Jay?

127
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,616
I'm having a baby at 65.

128
00:04:21,617 --> 00:04:23,322
You want another surprise, Gloria?

129
00:04:23,323 --> 00:04:25,874
Buy yourself
a box of cracker Jacks.

130
00:04:26,696 --> 00:04:28,431
Estupid dry cleaners!

131
00:04:28,432 --> 00:04:30,495
They shrink my clothes!

132
00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:32,269
Might be time for maternity wear.

133
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,619
Are you crazy?
I'm barely showing.

134
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:37,105
Sweetheart, your shirts barely
fit before you were pregnant.

135
00:04:37,106 --> 00:04:39,417
And I never heard you complain.

136
00:04:40,838 --> 00:04:43,237
We're gonna need a bigger belt.

137
00:04:43,999 --> 00:04:45,400
Come on.

138
00:04:46,063 --> 00:04:47,860
This is hard.

139
00:04:50,073 --> 00:04:51,129
Hey, Cam.

140
00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:52,274
Who's hungry?

141
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:56,402
Ohh! Were you thinking
about dropping by for lunch...

142
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:58,159
Again?

143
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,753
You know, I-I really wish I could,

144
00:04:59,754 --> 00:05:02,949
but it's, uh,
it's a zoo around here.

145
00:05:02,950 --> 00:05:05,868
Um... but, hey, Cam—

146
00:05:05,869 --> 00:05:08,725
Cam, would you mind, uh,
stopping by Longinus' boutique

147
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:10,296
and picking up a few shirts for me?

148
00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:12,014
- Sure.
- Thank you.

149
00:05:12,015 --> 00:05:13,286
Or we can do it together.

150
00:05:13,287 --> 00:05:14,441
- Hey!
- Hey!

151
00:05:14,442 --> 00:05:15,571
- Hi.
- Hi.

152
00:05:15,572 --> 00:05:16,831
- How are you?
- Good.

153
00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:18,083
Okay.

154
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:21,146
Um... that's— that's good.
Okay. Yeah.

155
00:05:21,147 --> 00:05:23,203
You didn't send
the little green jacket?

156
00:05:23,204 --> 00:05:24,617
Honey, I am not doing this again.

157
00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:26,996
It took me an hour to mail
that package before.

158
00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:30,382
I have post-post office
traumatic stress disorder.

159
00:05:30,383 --> 00:05:32,183
Stop smiling.
It's not that clever.

160
00:05:32,184 --> 00:05:35,259
It is clever, and there's no way
I'm going back there today.

161
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,106
Oh, my God, I hate you so much!

162
00:05:37,107 --> 00:05:39,174
Oh, sorry, that's your father.
Gotta go!

163
00:05:39,285 --> 00:05:40,460
Claire, where are you?

164
00:05:40,461 --> 00:05:42,223
Oh, honey, I just
had a hellish experience

165
00:05:42,224 --> 00:05:43,584
at the post office.

166
00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:47,067
I have post-post office
traumatic stress disorder.

167
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:48,840
- Nailed it.
- Yes!

168
00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:50,418
And Luke forgot
his science project,

169
00:05:50,419 --> 00:05:51,976
so now I'm at the school
dropping it off.

170
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,825
Um, but what about
my appointment?

171
00:05:54,826 --> 00:05:56,790
I'm so sorry, honey.
I made other arrangements,

172
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,853
but I promise I will be
there when you wake up.

173
00:05:58,854 --> 00:05:59,961
Arrangements?

174
00:05:59,962 --> 00:06:02,612
What—um...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

175
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:03,927
What— what arrangements?

176
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:07,159
I, um... I kinda
wanted you to take me.

177
00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:09,320
Let's go! Chop, chop!

178
00:06:09,321 --> 00:06:10,718
Seriously? "Chop, chop"?

179
00:06:10,719 --> 00:06:12,332
Oh, right.

180
00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:26,465
Ohh! What?

181
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:32,145
What is this?

182
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:33,823
- Mom?
- Luke!

183
00:06:33,824 --> 00:06:34,889
What are you doing?

184
00:06:34,890 --> 00:06:37,057
I was dropping off
your science project.

185
00:06:37,058 --> 00:06:38,466
Not to my locker!

186
00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:41,121
When are you ever gonna
stop embarrassing me?

187
00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:44,162
Five more years.

188
00:06:44,525 --> 00:06:46,250
Five more years.

189
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,499
Oh, my God!

190
00:06:57,224 --> 00:06:59,832
Oh, my God!

191
00:07:00,430 --> 00:07:01,739
Oh, my God!

192
00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:02,544
If you're gonna go any higher,

193
00:07:02,545 --> 00:07:03,922
maybe I should
put this down, huh?

194
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,138
So? What do you think?

195
00:07:06,139 --> 00:07:08,329
Finally, a store that sells shirts

196
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:10,364
men actually wanna wear.

197
00:07:10,365 --> 00:07:12,361
Thank you.
Look, holla if you need me.

198
00:07:12,362 --> 00:07:13,360
We're a little shorthanded today.

199
00:07:13,361 --> 00:07:14,871
What happened to J'Marcus?

200
00:07:14,872 --> 00:07:16,621
Don't ask. She's a j'mess.

201
00:07:16,622 --> 00:07:18,215
I'm telling you, it is
so hard to find someone

202
00:07:18,216 --> 00:07:20,322
who knows clothes
and is good with people.

203
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:22,699
Well, I wish I knew somebody.

204
00:07:22,992 --> 00:07:25,642
Oh, my God.
Wait a second. Cam?

205
00:07:25,643 --> 00:07:27,643
You wouldn't think about
taking the job, would you?

206
00:07:27,644 --> 00:07:29,224
Do you realize
how perfect you'd be?

207
00:07:29,225 --> 00:07:31,457
Well, yes. Um, but I-I—

208
00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:32,919
You'd only work part-time.

209
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,981
You'll get employee discounts
on the clothes.

210
00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:36,561
Stop me if I'm wasting my breath.

211
00:07:36,562 --> 00:07:38,097
Well, I don't know.
What do you think, Mitchell?

212
00:07:38,098 --> 00:07:40,506
Well, I-I would miss
having you around the house,

213
00:07:40,507 --> 00:07:43,218
but, you know, if—
if it's something that you love...

214
00:07:43,219 --> 00:07:44,127
Mulling.

215
00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:45,788
You know what?
It was nice of you to offer,

216
00:07:45,789 --> 00:07:47,372
- but he should probably think about it.
- I'll do it!

217
00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:49,756
- Really? - Yep. Just until he can
find somebody to replace me,

218
00:07:49,757 --> 00:07:51,436
and good luck with that.

219
00:07:51,453 --> 00:07:53,537
Oh, and I don't fold.

220
00:07:56,023 --> 00:07:58,322
Longe, I'm getting a protein shake.

221
00:07:58,323 --> 00:07:59,868
Okay. Mitchell, this is Jeoux.

222
00:07:59,869 --> 00:08:01,173
Hi. Oh, just "Joe"?

223
00:08:01,174 --> 00:08:03,371
Yes, Jeoux. J-e-o-u-x.

224
00:08:03,372 --> 00:08:04,227
There it is.

225
00:08:04,228 --> 00:08:05,620
Oh, is this the Mitchell
you're helping out

226
00:08:05,621 --> 00:08:07,536
because he wants
his boyfriend to get a job?

227
00:08:07,537 --> 00:08:09,308
I don't know what you're doing.
Should I wave?

228
00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:11,383
Did your boyfriend take the job?

229
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,801
Oh, my God!
That looks so good on you, Cam!

230
00:08:14,802 --> 00:08:15,941
Don't even.

231
00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:18,722
It is everything I can do
to not create a scene right now.

232
00:08:18,723 --> 00:08:20,978
You will pay for this. Mnh.

233
00:08:23,572 --> 00:08:25,116
And this.

234
00:08:26,454 --> 00:08:27,983
And this.

235
00:08:32,824 --> 00:08:35,144
Manny, you don't seem so happy.

236
00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:38,010
You usually love when I pull you
out of school to play hockey.

237
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:39,261
"A," it's "hooky,"

238
00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:42,026
and "B," don't ever take me
out of school to play hockey.

239
00:08:42,027 --> 00:08:43,917
Did something bad
happen at school?

240
00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:45,287
They fired the music teacher.

241
00:08:45,288 --> 00:08:46,598
Mr. Hideo Namagachi?

242
00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:47,816
That you say perfectly.

243
00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:50,087
Manny, don't worry.
He'll find another job.

244
00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:51,185
What about me?

245
00:08:51,186 --> 00:08:53,912
I've been buttering up
Mr. Namagachi for years.

246
00:08:53,913 --> 00:08:56,258
He was gonna give me the lead
in the school musical,

247
00:08:56,259 --> 00:08:57,073
"Oliver!"

248
00:08:57,074 --> 00:08:58,610
Is it not all over.

249
00:08:58,611 --> 00:08:59,889
"Oliver!"

250
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,344
Manny...

251
00:09:02,035 --> 00:09:03,744
You are a very talented boy.

252
00:09:03,745 --> 00:09:06,330
You're gonna find plenty
of music teachers

253
00:09:06,331 --> 00:09:07,549
to put butter on.

254
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,422
But what if I can't?
I don't want to spend

255
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,397
my last year of middle school
in the chorus.

256
00:09:11,398 --> 00:09:12,860
Maybe I can help.

257
00:09:12,861 --> 00:09:15,489
Maybe when they pick
the new music teacher,

258
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:18,905
I'll go and I'll flirt
a little bit with him.

259
00:09:19,222 --> 00:09:22,016
Hey, mom, since
we're just talking here,

260
00:09:22,017 --> 00:09:23,302
about your shirt.

261
00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:25,231
Uh— what about my shirt?

262
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,364
Nothing.

263
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,155
I just noticed you got some, uh,

264
00:09:28,156 --> 00:09:31,026
some pizza...
on the ice cream on it.

265
00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:33,429
Ah, a little piece of— mm.

266
00:09:36,435 --> 00:09:38,715
It's natural to want
to know the sex.

267
00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:41,464
And there's practical matters—
how you paint the nursery.

268
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:44,001
- Gloria should— Phil, would you
please knock that off? - What?

269
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:46,678
- What's the matter? Are you nervous?
- I'm not nervous.

270
00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:47,835
May-maybe you're
the one who's nervous.

271
00:09:47,836 --> 00:09:49,346
You ever think about that?

272
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:50,386
Okay. "Nervous."

273
00:09:50,387 --> 00:09:52,650
Okay. Okay.

274
00:09:52,782 --> 00:09:54,366
Because if you've had
a change of heart...

275
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:55,180
I haven't had a change of heart.

276
00:09:55,181 --> 00:09:56,958
Maybe you had a change of heart,
but I'm totally pumped.

277
00:09:56,959 --> 00:09:58,003
Pump, pump, pumped.

278
00:09:58,004 --> 00:10:00,655
Pump up the jam
in my pumped-up... kicks.

279
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:02,320
Pumpty-dumpty.
Pumplestiltskin.

280
00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:04,123
Because they do this
kind of thing all the time,

281
00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:04,933
and in about an hour,

282
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:06,962
you're gonna be wanting
to ride a horse.

283
00:10:12,954 --> 00:10:15,786
Mr. Dunphy, can you please
come to the desk?

284
00:10:17,710 --> 00:10:18,823
What's the plan, Phil?

285
00:10:18,824 --> 00:10:19,946
Just sit here.
I'm just gonna sit—

286
00:10:19,947 --> 00:10:22,040
I'm gonna sit a bit.
Sitting pretty.

287
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:24,675
Is there a Phil Dunphy here?

288
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,764
I'm his father-in-law.
He's gonna need a moment.

289
00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:28,975
Is there anything
I could fill out for him?

290
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,568
Not unless you want the vasectomy.

291
00:10:30,569 --> 00:10:31,931
Where were you six months ago?

292
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,537
Barbados. Now I really need
to speak with the patient.

293
00:10:34,538 --> 00:10:36,395
Got it.
Phil, get over here.

294
00:10:36,834 --> 00:10:38,227
Phil?

295
00:10:39,577 --> 00:10:41,479
He just ran ou—

296
00:10:41,749 --> 00:10:43,871
You know what could do wonders
for your business here?

297
00:10:43,872 --> 00:10:45,561
A recovery room.

298
00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:04,458
Okay, wait, wait.
I'm not sure about this.

299
00:11:04,459 --> 00:11:05,815
Don't be a baby.

300
00:11:05,816 --> 00:11:08,050
It's gonna look cool.
Just hold still.

301
00:11:08,051 --> 00:11:10,268
Ohh! Mom, what
are you doing here?

302
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,496
I am changing my shirt.
Why aren't you at school?

303
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,822
- Mrs. Dunphy, we just—
- Oh, no, you don't get to talk, Morticia.

304
00:11:14,823 --> 00:11:17,148
Okay, we cut last period—
big deal—

305
00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:18,493
because we're shaving
the backs of our necks,

306
00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:20,194
which is totally a style.

307
00:11:20,195 --> 00:11:21,843
But of course now
you're going to freak out

308
00:11:21,844 --> 00:11:25,521
- like you always do about
every little thing. - Let's do it.

309
00:11:25,522 --> 00:11:28,418
- What?
- Yeah. Yeah. Let's shave up some heads.

310
00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:29,742
Come on. Who's first?

311
00:11:29,743 --> 00:11:31,330
Uh, okay. Okay, mom, we—
we don't need you to do that.

312
00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:33,227
- Are you afraid?
- I'm not afraid!

313
00:11:33,228 --> 00:11:35,603
Then let's do this. It's shaving time.

314
00:11:35,604 --> 00:11:37,189
Shavy gravy.
Shaved by the bell.

315
00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:39,046
- Why are you talking like dad?
- Hair up, girls!

316
00:11:39,047 --> 00:11:41,217
Let's see some napes. Come on. Let's—

317
00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:42,235
oh, God. No!

318
00:11:42,236 --> 00:11:44,754
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What did you do?

319
00:11:44,755 --> 00:11:47,608
What did you do?
I have my sister's wedding on Saturday!

320
00:11:47,609 --> 00:11:48,965
I'm so sorry.

321
00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:50,050
Uh, Skylar, wait!

322
00:11:50,051 --> 00:11:51,716
I could—I could—
I could even that up for you.

323
00:11:51,717 --> 00:11:53,758
Stay away from me, both of you!

324
00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:56,598
Uhh! You ruined my life!

325
00:11:56,599 --> 00:11:58,139
Skylar!

326
00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,867
Cam.

327
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:05,492
Cameron! Ohh! You're gonna
have to talk to me at some point!

328
00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:07,237
Oh, well, let me put that
on my list of things to do,

329
00:12:07,238 --> 00:12:10,162
- right after "get a job."
- Would you stop running away?

330
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,000
Nope.

331
00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:13,402
C-Cam! Come on!

332
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,118
You know, I can barely
catch up with you

333
00:12:15,119 --> 00:12:16,978
now that you lost
all that weight.

334
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:18,479
You know what?
I am sleeping better,

335
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,661
and I do have more energy—
Oh, you know what? You're good.

336
00:12:20,662 --> 00:12:22,310
You're very good.

337
00:12:28,093 --> 00:12:30,504
Cam, the only reason
I tried to get you that job

338
00:12:30,505 --> 00:12:33,127
is because you've been seeming
a little... unfulfilled.

339
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,304
Oh, what, and
you thought you'd fix me

340
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,788
by turning me into
some common shopgirl?

341
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,536
You're not going anywhere.
We have a daughter.

342
00:12:38,537 --> 00:12:40,618
It's not for me. It's for you.

343
00:12:40,619 --> 00:12:42,935
Cam, I'm not go—
Okay, well, that's packed.

344
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:43,944
Yeah, and if you're going
someplace cool,

345
00:12:43,945 --> 00:12:46,779
- I have a winter one packed as well.
- No, I'm not going anywhere!

346
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,249
And I should be able to talk
to you about these things.

347
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,395
Oh, what things?

348
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:52,859
How empty my life is?

349
00:12:53,094 --> 00:12:54,587
You know, you have
no idea what I do

350
00:12:54,588 --> 00:12:57,119
around this house every day.
I shop for food,

351
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,790
I pay the bills,
I maintain the house,

352
00:12:58,791 --> 00:12:59,697
I grocery shop.

353
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:00,828
Same as shopping for food.

354
00:13:00,829 --> 00:13:04,185
And still I have enough time
to work on my master project.

355
00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:07,312
And you never ask me
what my master project is.

356
00:13:07,313 --> 00:13:09,070
Because you told me not to ask!

357
00:13:09,071 --> 00:13:11,146
Fine, since you won't let it go...

358
00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:15,908
Does this...

359
00:13:16,072 --> 00:13:18,440
look like the work
of an unfulfilled slacker?

360
00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:19,553
A mermaid costume?

361
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:21,548
Hand-sewn from my own design.

362
00:13:21,549 --> 00:13:23,640
Have you ever stitched lycra?

363
00:13:23,866 --> 00:13:25,554
It's like sewing water, Mitchell.

364
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,216
It looks a little small for Lily.

365
00:13:27,217 --> 00:13:28,853
It's not for Lily.

366
00:13:29,239 --> 00:13:30,890
It's for the cat.

367
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,713
It's a mermaid costume for the cat.

368
00:13:36,664 --> 00:13:38,654
My master project.

369
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,363
It's a mermaid costume...

370
00:13:42,027 --> 00:13:43,050
for a cat!

371
00:13:43,051 --> 00:13:44,425
Okay. Hey, don't cry, okay?

372
00:13:44,426 --> 00:13:46,555
No, no, it's—it's nice. It's—

373
00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:48,468
it's a very nice cat costume.

374
00:13:48,469 --> 00:13:49,914
Oh, stop it!

375
00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,725
This is eight weeks of my life!

376
00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:54,584
My—my stupid, empty, creepy,

377
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:57,023
useless cat-dressing life.

378
00:13:57,024 --> 00:13:59,199
Let me get you a tissue, all right?

379
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,863
- Here.
- Okay.

380
00:14:00,864 --> 00:14:02,809
Oh! You packed me tissues.

381
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,860
I know how you are
with your allergies.

382
00:14:04,861 --> 00:14:07,777
Cam! You know
I don't think you're lazy.

383
00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:10,357
I know.
That's just stupid dad stuff.

384
00:14:10,358 --> 00:14:11,878
You know, I didn't like
working on the farm,

385
00:14:11,879 --> 00:14:13,757
and he just took it
as me being lazy.

386
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:16,905
The truth is, is I am unfulfilled.

387
00:14:16,970 --> 00:14:18,568
And I do need to find something.

388
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:20,922
Well, you just—you seem happier
when you have a challenge.

389
00:14:20,923 --> 00:14:22,834
- You know?
- I know, I know.

390
00:14:22,835 --> 00:14:24,946
You know, I loved
teaching music to kids,

391
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:28,220
and then—then Lily,
she came along, and...

392
00:14:28,221 --> 00:14:30,313
That's the best job
in the whole wide world.

393
00:14:30,314 --> 00:14:32,833
You know? And now
she doesn't need me as much.

394
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:34,005
No, come on, come on.

395
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,160
- We're gonna find you
something else, all right? - Yeah.

396
00:14:36,161 --> 00:14:38,557
And it doesn't have to be Longinus.

397
00:14:39,162 --> 00:14:40,289
- Or this.
- Yeah.

398
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,417
We'll just— you know,
I do like these shirts.

399
00:14:42,418 --> 00:14:44,205
Yeah. Yeah.

400
00:14:44,206 --> 00:14:45,268
Mulling.

401
00:14:45,269 --> 00:14:47,246
Okay. You know, if I'm gonna mull,

402
00:14:47,247 --> 00:14:48,363
I could really use some chocolate.

403
00:14:48,364 --> 00:14:50,328
Well, since your diet,
we don't keep it around the house.

404
00:14:50,329 --> 00:14:52,606
- Side pocket.
- Yeah? Oh.

405
00:14:52,607 --> 00:14:54,841
- Remind me to replace these.
- Okay.

406
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:59,472
Oh. Hey, Jay! How you doing?

407
00:14:59,473 --> 00:15:02,014
Phil, you gotta stop running
from things because—

408
00:15:02,015 --> 00:15:03,752
Running? I'm not running.

409
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:05,917
You're running. Look, I'm not up
for another round with this.

410
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:08,134
Just get in the damn car!
I'm not having a great day!

411
00:15:08,135 --> 00:15:09,879
You're not having a great day?

412
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,217
Are you about to get spayed
like a common schnauzer?

413
00:15:12,218 --> 00:15:14,405
They don't spay you,
they fix you. You're a man!

414
00:15:14,406 --> 00:15:16,464
I just want to stay one!

415
00:15:20,897 --> 00:15:23,226
Phil, what's scaring you here?

416
00:15:23,227 --> 00:15:25,114
That people are gonna think
less of you as a man?

417
00:15:25,115 --> 00:15:26,955
No, I'm afraid it's gonna hurt.

418
00:15:26,956 --> 00:15:29,411
- That's what this is about?
- Wait, people think that?

419
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:31,304
That you're less of a man?

420
00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:33,612
That never even occurred to me.

421
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:37,494
Look, no one's gonna
think less of you.

422
00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:38,918
And it hardly even hurts.

423
00:15:38,919 --> 00:15:41,004
I'm unusually sensitive down there.

424
00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:42,730
I can't go in certain jacuzzis.

425
00:15:42,731 --> 00:15:44,434
I'm gonna be with you
the entire way.

426
00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:46,161
Plus it's the fear of pain

427
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,827
that's always more than
the actual experience.

428
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,955
That's easy for you to say.
You're not afraid of anything.

429
00:15:50,956 --> 00:15:53,613
- Of course I'm afraid of stuff.
- Like what?

430
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,412
Look...

431
00:15:57,768 --> 00:15:59,835
You remember before,
when I told you I was

432
00:15:59,836 --> 00:16:02,759
wanting to know the—
the sex of the baby...

433
00:16:03,515 --> 00:16:05,925
For practical matters?
Well, that wasn't true.

434
00:16:06,324 --> 00:16:09,094
I'm kind of afraid
of having a girl.

435
00:16:09,207 --> 00:16:11,051
Give me a break.
That's not a thing.

436
00:16:11,052 --> 00:16:12,827
You'd just rather have a boy.

437
00:16:12,828 --> 00:16:14,390
Everyone would rather have a boy.

438
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,991
No. I'm actually scared.
I get boys.

439
00:16:16,992 --> 00:16:19,175
It's girls— they're—
they're complicated.

440
00:16:19,176 --> 00:16:21,348
Half of Claire's childhood,
I did everything I could

441
00:16:21,349 --> 00:16:23,017
to try to turn her into a boy.

442
00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:25,505
Well, whatever your issues were,

443
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:26,747
you and Claire are good now.

444
00:16:26,748 --> 00:16:28,463
Yeah, but I may not get
that kind of time

445
00:16:28,464 --> 00:16:31,049
with this new one,
and I can't screw it up.

446
00:16:31,915 --> 00:16:34,918
I don't think I'm sensitive
enough to raise a girl.

447
00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:37,569
Jay, you're being
sensitive right now.

448
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:40,343
I mean, I was pretty hysterical,
and you calmed me down.

449
00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:42,765
I-I don't think you're
the guy you used to be.

450
00:16:42,766 --> 00:16:44,417
So you're saying that
if I can deal with you,

451
00:16:44,418 --> 00:16:47,989
then I can handle...
any other little girl?

452
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,588
I think I'd put it
a-a little differently.

453
00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:52,316
No, I-I-I think that's right.

454
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:54,768
Thanks.

455
00:16:57,096 --> 00:16:58,267
We gonna do this?

456
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,055
Promise it's not gonna
hurt that much?

457
00:17:00,056 --> 00:17:01,136
Tiny, little pinch.

458
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:03,382
- I built it up in my head, didn't I?
- Totally.

459
00:17:03,671 --> 00:17:06,407
And I can still achieve
a-a full and satisfying...

460
00:17:06,408 --> 00:17:08,234
You know what?
We had a nice little moment here.

461
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,898
We don't have many of those.

462
00:17:09,899 --> 00:17:11,924
I think I'm gonna commemorate it.

463
00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:13,684
- Okay.
- All right?

464
00:17:13,685 --> 00:17:15,239
So sit up straight.

465
00:17:16,176 --> 00:17:17,602
There you go.

466
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,823
No, no, the arms down.
Uh, better arms down.

467
00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:20,941
- All right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

468
00:17:20,942 --> 00:17:22,900
That's right. Relax.

469
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,575
There you go.

470
00:17:26,052 --> 00:17:26,833
Perfect.

471
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:27,665
Can I get a copy?

472
00:17:27,666 --> 00:17:28,892
Oh, there'll be a lot of copies.

473
00:17:28,893 --> 00:17:30,359
Oh, great.

474
00:17:31,499 --> 00:17:33,447
You were kind of hard
on that cinnamon bun guy.

475
00:17:33,448 --> 00:17:35,257
Did you hear what he said to me?

476
00:17:35,258 --> 00:17:36,929
"Congratulations"?

477
00:17:37,051 --> 00:17:38,746
He thinks I'm pregnant!

478
00:17:38,747 --> 00:17:42,118
That is an insult when
the person doesn't look it.

479
00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:43,763
Mom, wait.

480
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:46,456
You need to hear this.

481
00:17:46,522 --> 00:17:49,128
You are pregnant,
and you look it.

482
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:53,321
I hope that this new one
has some good manners!

483
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,055
Mom, stop!

484
00:17:56,164 --> 00:17:58,650
I know this whole thing
is a little scary for you.

485
00:17:58,651 --> 00:18:00,686
Last time you were pregnant,
you kinda did it alone

486
00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,625
'cause dad wasn't around much.

487
00:18:02,626 --> 00:18:05,108
But this time
you have two partners.

488
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:08,976
That's sweet.

489
00:18:08,981 --> 00:18:10,718
And so are you.

490
00:18:11,292 --> 00:18:13,696
Especially with a little bit
of sugar in your face.

491
00:18:13,697 --> 00:18:15,215
Let me see.

492
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,034
Ohh! What happened?

493
00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:20,346
Your shirt couldn't take it anymore!

494
00:18:20,347 --> 00:18:22,656
The stupid dry cleaners!

495
00:18:22,657 --> 00:18:24,091
W— where is it?

496
00:18:24,092 --> 00:18:24,761
Ay, no!

497
00:18:24,762 --> 00:18:26,306
Oh! You're running out
of arms, mom!

498
00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:28,301
A maternity store's
right over there!

499
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,220
- What was that?
- I don't know, but let's go!

500
00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:35,291
It's you. I thought it was
the guy coming to shave me.

501
00:18:35,292 --> 00:18:36,747
Oh, good. They haven't started.

502
00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:38,181
He had a little piece
of bloody toilet paper

503
00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,363
on his neck.
It was disconcerting.

504
00:18:41,692 --> 00:18:43,274
- Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.

505
00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:44,835
Yeah. I had a pretty crazy day,

506
00:18:44,836 --> 00:18:47,112
but it— it had
an interesting ending.

507
00:18:47,113 --> 00:18:50,120
And this tortoise
was 200 years old.

508
00:18:50,121 --> 00:18:51,970
I'm sorry.
I'm boring you with my trip.

509
00:18:51,971 --> 00:18:52,959
No, not at all.

510
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,572
You hot-air-ballooned
over an active volcano.

511
00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:58,199
Three weeks ago I made
every green light on Jefferson.

512
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,539
Couldn't stop talking about it.

513
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:02,161
- You e-mailed me.
- Oh, God.

514
00:19:04,973 --> 00:19:08,008
Mom shaved Skylar's head?
That's hilarious!

515
00:19:08,009 --> 00:19:09,254
It's not gonna be so fun

516
00:19:09,255 --> 00:19:11,088
the next time she bothers
to show up for school.

517
00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:13,107
What do you care?
You know you don't even like her.

518
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,743
I don't. Skylar's awful.

519
00:19:14,744 --> 00:19:16,639
Mom actually did me a huge favor.

520
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,275
Oh, my God. Do not tell her that.

521
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:20,562
She will never shut up.

522
00:19:20,563 --> 00:19:21,827
I know. Remember when you admitted

523
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,472
that you didn't hate that
James Taylor concert

524
00:19:23,473 --> 00:19:27,018
- she dragged you to?
- She was unbearable! "I told you!

525
00:19:27,019 --> 00:19:29,869
- He's got the voice of an angel!"
- "He's got the voice of an angel!"

526
00:19:32,086 --> 00:19:34,224
She's such a nerd.

527
00:19:34,453 --> 00:19:36,451
I kind of miss her, though.

528
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,332
You know, honey,
I don't want to do this

529
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,462
unless you are really ready.

530
00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:54,944
I am ready.

531
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,759
- I don't know if I am.
- Me, either.

532
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:01,210
You wanna wait?

533
00:20:02,165 --> 00:20:04,155
Five more years?

534
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:09,871
I've always seen life
like a series of doors.

535
00:20:09,872 --> 00:20:12,298
Sometimes you get to choose
the door you go through,

536
00:20:12,299 --> 00:20:14,207
sometimes you don't get that choice.

537
00:20:14,208 --> 00:20:16,511
But you still gotta walk through.

538
00:20:19,016 --> 00:20:21,994
So you can either go
kicking and screaming...

539
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,958
Or walk through with
your head held high.

540
00:20:32,225 --> 00:20:34,000
And since I don't get to choose

541
00:20:34,001 --> 00:20:36,393
the door I'm about to go through,

542
00:20:36,394 --> 00:20:39,078
I just pray it's a healthy,
happy kid.

543
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:41,634
And a boy.

544
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,901
Honey, look what
Manny just sent me.

545
00:20:52,902 --> 00:20:55,538
Hang on one sec. Okay.

546
00:20:55,962 --> 00:20:58,845
- Is that the funniest thing ever?
- Oh, yeah!

547
00:20:58,846 --> 00:21:00,642
Oh... oh, my gosh.
Mitchell, come here.

548
00:21:00,643 --> 00:21:02,008
You have to see
what Claire sent us.

549
00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,769
Okay, wait. One—one second.

550
00:21:04,687 --> 00:21:06,507
Okay. Is that hilarious?

551
00:21:06,508 --> 00:21:09,199
That's great! Oh, Phil!

552
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,552
Ay, this is embarrassing.

553
00:21:10,553 --> 00:21:11,937
I don't know
how comfortable I am

554
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,976
with this guy teaching our kid.

555
00:21:14,176 --> 00:21:22,368
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com