1
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,160
Jay, should I get rid of this?

2
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,640
The hat, the jacket, or the cane?

3
00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:10,430
Actually, yes. Just yes.

4
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,888
We're having a yard sale for
our social studies class

5
00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:13,890
to raise money for UNICEF:

6
00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:16,210
The point is for us to learn
about global altruism.

7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,319
No, the point is for us

8
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,238
to raise more money than
Miss Cooper's class

9
00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,020
so we get a pizza and a pool party.

10
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,640
Your cynicism makes me sad for our world.

11
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,260
Ease up, Delgado.
I've seen you with a pizza.

12
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:29,838
Ugh. I hate garage sales.

13
00:00:29,839 --> 00:00:31,800
Bunch of shady characters
going through my stuff.

14
00:00:31,801 --> 00:00:33,419
Why can't I just write a check?

15
00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:34,789
Ay, relax, Jay.

16
00:00:34,790 --> 00:00:36,288
It's just a couple of
people in the driveway.

17
00:00:36,289 --> 00:00:37,618
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where it starts.

18
00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,500
Then it's, "it's just a local call."

19
00:00:39,670 --> 00:00:40,798
"Can I use your bathroom?"

20
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,200
"My mother needs to lie down."

21
00:00:42,201 --> 00:00:43,530
No, it just stinks.

22
00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:46,140
He did write a check.

23
00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:48,310
Shh! The less he nows, the better.

24
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,410
You're not even here aymore.

25
00:00:50,411 --> 00:00:51,759
But it's my stuff.

26
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,720
Where's Mom?
Luke, take me to Mom.

27
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,219
And move slow. I'm still drunk

28
00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:58,389
ing my coffee. Mom!

29
00:00:58,390 --> 00:00:59,510
What's the problem?

30
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:02,219
Uh, tell Luke not to sell my stuff?

31
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,919
Honey, come on. Give it up.

32
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,609
Even John Mayer doesn't have
a John Mayer poster any more.

33
00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:07,940
It's signed by him.

34
00:01:08,090 --> 00:01:09,790
It's time you knew...
they come that way.

35
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:11,980
But it's "To Haley."

36
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:14,190
In a different color.
Your dad wrote that.

37
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,840
Ew! He wrote
"My body is a wonderland."

38
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,839
I didn't catch that till after.

39
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,210
Mom, is it okay if Michael
comes to the yard sale?

40
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:23,050
Well, honey, did't you see him last night?

41
00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:26,149
So? Why don't you like my boyfriend?

42
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,689
I do like him.

43
00:01:27,690 --> 00:01:30,970
I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.

44
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:32,709
Yes, when Michael took me to prom,

45
00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:34,250
I questioned his sexuality.

46
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,890
But then... we made out.

47
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,390
A couple times.

48
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,020
There was even a little...
under-the-shirt action.

49
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,980
His chest is very smooth.

50
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,120
Heads up! Coming through!

51
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:52,130
Wow! I am glad you're finally
getting rid of that thing.

52
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,210
What? I'm not selling this bad boy.

53
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,348
I was gonna meet you at your dad's

54
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,848
and get a little exercise on the way.

55
00:01:56,849 --> 00:01:59,188
What's, uh, what's your beef
with my streetstrider?

56
00:01:59,189 --> 00:02:01,370
Even I think it's nerdy,
and I'm fluent in elvish.

57
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,319
It's not nerdy. Luke, back me up.

58
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,849
I hope you mean into the garage,

59
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,380
because I have friends on this street.

60
00:02:06,970 --> 00:02:09,789
Honey, you finally found
something less cool

61
00:02:09,790 --> 00:02:11,770
tan those pants that zip off into shorts.

62
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,709
My shants, which you have been
gunning for since day one.

63
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,729
Does it matter to any of
you that this is actually

64
00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:18,708
an extremely efficient
cardiovascular workout

65
00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:19,890
that could prolong my life?

66
00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:23,930
Mm, yeah, but what kind of life?
And with whom?

67
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:39,930
== Sync by YYeTs.com | Corrections by Alice ==
www.addic7ed.com

68
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:42,280
Remember, everyone, this is for charity.

69
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,850
Every dollar we earn
helps a diseased child,

70
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,930
a starving child, an abused child.

71
00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:47,700
Now have fun!

72
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,360
Speaking of starving children,
here's my contribution.

73
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:52,810
Six pair of jeans that
don't fit me any more

74
00:02:52,811 --> 00:02:54,330
because I've lost 25 pounds.

75
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:57,170
That's like... one, two, three
children's bowling balls.

76
00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:58,930
- Mm, bravo! Hey!
- Very nice.

77
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,160
C- Cam? Are... are you really
getting rid of all of these?

78
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,260
I mean, they're almost new. It's...

79
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,598
Well, what if you, um...

80
00:03:04,599 --> 00:03:05,910
Chat if I what, Mitchell?
Put the weight back on?

81
00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:07,910
No! No.

82
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:09,990
No, what if you...

83
00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:12,549
you think of some creative art
project that requires denim?

84
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:15,599
You know, something farm
or Kelly Clarkson-themed?

85
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,318
Or... I've already down
so much with that motif.

86
00:03:17,319 --> 00:03:18,070
Yeah. Yeah.

87
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:20,140
You know what?
No, sell 'em! I wanna purge,

88
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,340
which, for the record, is
not how I lost this weight.

89
00:03:23,930 --> 00:03:25,460
Oh, every time. Every time he loses weight,

90
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:26,988
he gets rid of his big pants.

91
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,260
And then when he puts the weight back on,

92
00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:29,528
he has to buy them all new again.

93
00:03:29,529 --> 00:03:30,548
It's... it's a nightmare.

94
00:03:30,549 --> 00:03:32,518
Just put the jeans in the car
while he's in the house.

95
00:03:32,519 --> 00:03:33,750
No, Dad! That's incredibly dis...

96
00:03:33,751 --> 00:03:35,190
I'm gonna do that. Yeah.

97
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:38,768
Whoa! Where you think
you're going with those?

98
00:03:38,769 --> 00:03:39,488
Oh, these aren't for sale.

99
00:03:39,489 --> 00:03:40,960
Hey, this is for charity.

100
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,160
You know you're taking those
jeans out of the hands

101
00:03:43,161 --> 00:03:44,819
of some needy, giant children.

102
00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:47,160
You know they're not getting
the actual jeans, right, Luke?

103
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,649
Oh. Right? Welll then how about a donation?

104
00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,140
- 20 bucks?
- A hundred.

105
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,039
$20?

106
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,320
Sure. What's it to you

107
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,110
if some kid gets sick bathing
in poo river, Africa?

108
00:03:58,550 --> 00:03:59,540
How much for the ashtray?

109
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,220
I don't know. What's the tag say?

110
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,499
50 cents. But there's a chip in it.

111
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,570
Well, that's why it's lying
on a blanket on my lawn,

112
00:04:05,571 --> 00:04:07,689
next to some old corn on the cob handles.

113
00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:08,798
I'll give you 35.

114
00:04:08,799 --> 00:04:10,258
You're wearing a $10,000 watch.

115
00:04:10,259 --> 00:04:11,690
You're haggling over 15 cents?

116
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:14,280
You live in this place, and you
can't let that 15 cents go?

117
00:04:14,281 --> 00:04:15,300
Fine. 35.

118
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,270
Can you break a 50? Get out.

119
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:25,500
Manny.

120
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:27,810
What is this case doing here?

121
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,148
I found it in the attic.

122
00:04:29,149 --> 00:04:30,000
Why? What is it?

123
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,480
Nothing that concerns you.

124
00:04:32,630 --> 00:04:33,700
It's from Colombia.

125
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,040
- But I thought you said...
- You thought nothing.

126
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:42,459
It's going back in the attic,
and I want no more questions.

127
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:43,068
Why?

128
00:04:43,069 --> 00:04:44,000
That's a question.

129
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:48,400
Wow. That was weird.

130
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:49,560
Too weird.

131
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:50,730
I wonder what's in there.

132
00:04:51,470 --> 00:04:52,760
Wake up, Delgado.

133
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:57,100
Locked box, from Colombia,
"no more questions"?

134
00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:58,990
It's obviously a human head.

135
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,790
Why is that always your first guess?

136
00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:03,310
One of these days,
I'm gonna be right.

137
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:06,350
No way!

138
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:07,968
You're selling the Harley?

139
00:05:07,969 --> 00:05:09,520
No, I'm just trying to
move it out of the way.

140
00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:12,060
Some asshat offered me 100 bucks for it.

141
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,870
But with the baby coming, I
guess I am gonna sell it.

142
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,160
Oh, she's a beaut.

143
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,800
What, you wouldn't be
interested in it, would you?

144
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,420
Why wouldn't I be?

145
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,221
Well, I just never thought of
you as a motorcycle kinda guy.

146
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,390
I would be if Claire would
ever let me have one.

147
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,240
You can have a motorcycle if you want.

148
00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:30,539
Can I also have an affair with
my super hot receptionist?

149
00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:31,978
What super hot receptionist?

150
00:05:31,979 --> 00:05:33,328
Don't change the subject!

151
00:05:33,329 --> 00:05:35,308
Now what would everybody like for lunch?

152
00:05:35,309 --> 00:05:36,638
You don't have to buy a motorcycle

153
00:05:36,639 --> 00:05:37,710
if you don't want one.

154
00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,750
But don't blame it on me.
I'm fine with it.

155
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:42,040
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

156
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,080
Yeah, look, I know it's not the
safest thing in the world,

157
00:05:44,081 --> 00:05:45,780
but it is sexy.

158
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:50,260
Yes. I lot more sexy than that
crazy machine you rode up on.

159
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:52,710
Is that something that
your doctor make you use?

160
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,970
All right, I'm gonna take this around back,

161
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,140
unless you'd like to go for a test-drive.

162
00:05:57,141 --> 00:05:58,960
Sure. Let's go. Not too fast.

163
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:00,248
Precious cargo.

164
00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:01,520
I'm not taking you, sweetheart.

165
00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:02,390
I'm driving?

166
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,260
Awesome!

167
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,928
I'm terrified of motorcycles,

168
00:06:08,929 --> 00:06:10,928
but sometimes you have to
do things to show the world

169
00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:11,860
you're still a man.

170
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:15,110
Same reason I got that henna tattoo.

171
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:18,380
Japanese symbol for "courage."

172
00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:19,830
Yeah.

173
00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:21,650
Oh, Michael's here! Hi, Michael!

174
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,509
Well, well, well. What is this all about?

175
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,019
Is there a-a new man in Alex's life?

176
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,530
Well, she certainly thinks so.

177
00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:31,779
Is there any way that boy is straight?

178
00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:33,270
Ooh, what's going on?
Who are we looking at?

179
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:36,200
Uh, it's Alex's new "boyfriend" Michael.

180
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,278
What's up with the air quotes?

181
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:38,370
She thinks he's gay.

182
00:06:38,371 --> 00:06:41,649
I "think" he's gay she same way
I "think" that lamp is hideous.

183
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,440
Okay, brought it,
made it in art class.

184
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,919
Look, I like Michael. I really do.

185
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,309
I just... I don't want her
to get her heart broken.

186
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,108
When it comes to boys,

187
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,468
her self-esteem is low enough as it is.

188
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:52,330
I don't know. Alex seems pretty darn tough.

189
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:54,959
Oh, she's just sarcastic on the outside.

190
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,439
Inside, she's just a fragile little girl.

191
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,080
By all means, look right
at me when you say that.

192
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,780
If she wants to get her
heart broken by a gay guy,

193
00:07:01,781 --> 00:07:03,949
she can do so when she's 18 or 19

194
00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:05,270
and can drink her way through it.

195
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,980
Aw. You're a "good mother."

196
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,440
Mm-hmm. I don't know, Claire.
You could be wrong.

197
00:07:08,441 --> 00:07:10,980
Boys aren't as concerned about
traditional masculinity any more.

198
00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:12,428
You know, they're not butching it up.

199
00:07:12,429 --> 00:07:14,398
They're not pushing down their feelings.

200
00:07:14,399 --> 00:07:15,730
- Yeah, they care about their clothes.
- Mm-hmm.

201
00:07:15,731 --> 00:07:17,250
- They... they... they groom.
- Mm-hmm.

202
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:18,660
Everybody's hairless.

203
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,620
Yeah, you can't tell anything any more.

204
00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,080
- Mnh-mnh.
- Really?

205
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,640
Uncle Mitch, Uncle Cam, this is Michael.

206
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:26,020
Hi! Hello.

207
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:27,720
Okay, come on.

208
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:31,418
- Yep, he's gay.
- We stand corrected.

209
00:07:31,419 --> 00:07:32,000
Yeah.

210
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:38,340
Okay.

211
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,340
Now be careful. I don't want you to crash.

212
00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,810
I don't want the bike all scratched up.

213
00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:44,508
And don't be nervous.

214
00:07:44,509 --> 00:07:46,298
People make mistakes when they're nervous.

215
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,310
I'm not nervous.

216
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,800
I've had bigger hogs than
this between my legs.

217
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,530
He really oughta run things
through his head first.

218
00:07:57,890 --> 00:07:58,610
Yeah.

219
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:02,400
I know I looked super cool on the outside,

220
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,410
but on the inside, I was terrified.

221
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:06,590
And then I remembered

222
00:08:06,591 --> 00:08:10,049
that Fonzie once put together a
whole motorcycle while blind.

223
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:10,750
And I thought,

224
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:12,380
that was a great show,

225
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,410
Andi got really distracted
and... and I forgot I was scared.

226
00:08:15,610 --> 00:08:18,280
So I headed up the canyon
and I left the city behind.

227
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,660
I'd never felt so exhilarated.

228
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,550
I don't know exactly when it happened,

229
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:24,800
but somewhere on that lonely road...

230
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,580
The bike and I became one.

231
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,500
Ohh. Oh, no.

232
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,980
No. Oh, you're heavy!

233
00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:31,830
No! Ohh!

234
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:42,210
Lock the door.

235
00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:46,240
Okay, let's do this.

236
00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:48,870
No matter what we find in here,
I will always love my mother.

237
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,550
Even if it's a head?

238
00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:51,960
It's not a head.

239
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,610
Oh, my God! It's a head!

240
00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:56,820
Ah! Finally!

241
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,020
Mitchell!

242
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,318
I was just in the car, and I
found my fat pants in there.

243
00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:02,300
Do you know anything about that?

244
00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:05,450
What? No! No.
Did you forget to put 'em out?

245
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,068
No. Remember?
I posed, people clapped...

246
00:09:07,069 --> 00:09:07,858
I had my moment.

247
00:09:07,859 --> 00:09:10,450
I do remember that. That...
Oh, that was a great moment.

248
00:09:10,451 --> 00:09:12,000
I am so proud of you.

249
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:14,990
What's going on? You're being weird.

250
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,849
What? First, I'm a pants thief

251
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,510
and... and now I can't pay you a compliment?

252
00:09:18,511 --> 00:09:20,280
You know who's being weird? You.

253
00:09:20,430 --> 00:09:22,200
Here comes Claire! Hey, girl!

254
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,480
I don't know what that was.

255
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:27,820
Okay, I just saw Alex and
Michael sittin' in a tree.

256
00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:29,720
Don't make me spell this out for you.

257
00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:31,040
Well, what can you do?

258
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,440
I can't do anything, but
you two could talk to her.

259
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,438
And tell her what?

260
00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:35,820
Michael's playing for the pink team.

261
00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:37,298
Okay, we get to say that.
You don't really.

262
00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:38,850
I know, because you have credibility,

263
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,440
and I have the opposite of credibility.
I have...

264
00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:43,470
I am a mother.

265
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:44,758
Okay, we're not doing this.

266
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:46,360
No. Well, now hold on. Just a minute.

267
00:09:46,361 --> 00:09:48,999
You know, when I was...
young and straight,

268
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,319
I left a trail of broken
hearts like a Rock star.

269
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:51,878
I'm not proud of it.

270
00:09:51,879 --> 00:09:53,018
Ah, you're kinda proud of it.

271
00:09:53,019 --> 00:09:54,368
You work it into a lot of conversations.

272
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,610
He brought it up yesterday.

273
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,298
Okay, how am I supposed to
walk into a dry cleaner

274
00:09:57,299 --> 00:09:59,740
and not mention my girlfriend
Wendy Jo Martinizer?

275
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,390
Can we get back to my problem?

276
00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:03,610
You don't have a problem, okay?
They're kids.

277
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,340
They're gonna work it out.

278
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:07,298
Can you talk to her?

279
00:10:07,299 --> 00:10:08,390
Not when she's like this.

280
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,010
- Oh, you mean Alex.
- Mm-hmm.

281
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:12,660
Yeah. I'll do it.

282
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:13,410
Thank you.

283
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:16,250
Claire, kids,

284
00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:18,590
if you're seeing this,
then they found my body.

285
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:22,070
Or I finally got a signal and I
sent it to you in an e-mail.

286
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:23,530
Although in that case, I'd just call.

287
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,780
But sometimes you can actually get
a pretty decent data signal and no voice.

288
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,750
I know I'm not making any sense.

289
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,040
I've been trapped out here now for...

290
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,480
27 minutes.

291
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,830
I'm such an idiot.

292
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,520
Why did I bring this stupid
motorcycle out here?

293
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:39,930
To prove I'm a man?

294
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,260
I am a man.

295
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,010
Mom.

296
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,669
Manny, what is this doing here?

297
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:50,070
If you don't mind, we'll be
asking the questions now.

298
00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:51,300
I do mind.

299
00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:52,870
I apologize.

300
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:54,430
We couldn't help ourselves.

301
00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:55,400
But I've gotta know.

302
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,060
Why were you hiding this?

303
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:02,700
Love this! Sold!

304
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,710
What's the story here?

305
00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:06,850
I don't want to talk about it!

306
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:08,758
Aw! Cute!

307
00:11:08,759 --> 00:11:09,680
Oh, where'd that come from?

308
00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:11,890
It's my mom's.
She's being very cagey.

309
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:13,950
We think something's stashed in the head.

310
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:15,850
It's from Colombia.

311
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,100
Mom, what's the big deal?

312
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:20,670
Okay, fine.

313
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:24,590
When I was young, I was
in a beauty pageant.

314
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,670
All the other girls, for their talent,

315
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,350
were juggling knives, as they always do.

316
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,580
But I wanted to stand out,

317
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,470
so I came up with...

318
00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:34,980
Uncle Grumpy.

319
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,569
Okay. Never been so happy.

320
00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:38,468
Not leaving till I see it.

321
00:11:38,469 --> 00:11:39,130
Hit it, Gloria.

322
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,548
Excuse me, how much is this vase?

323
00:11:40,549 --> 00:11:41,328
It's yours. Take it.

324
00:11:41,329 --> 00:11:41,948
So what do you need here?

325
00:11:41,949 --> 00:11:43,158
A stool? Glass of water?

326
00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:43,978
How do we make this happen?

327
00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:44,920
Let's go. I need to see this.

328
00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:46,130
You see nothing.

329
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:50,060
That pageant was one of the
worst nights of my life.

330
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:52,570
After weeks of rehearsing,

331
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:56,320
I froze, and we were speechless.

332
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:57,770
Aw, and you lost.

333
00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:00,170
No. I won.

334
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,530
Imagine this when I was 18.

335
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,590
But it was very humiliating.

336
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,860
I don't want to do it ever again.

337
00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:11,280
And yet, you kept him all these years.

338
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:13,999
Maybe there's a part of you that
wants to work through this,

339
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,150
get some closure.

340
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,180
You're wrong, whoever you are.

341
00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:23,020
It's going on 31 minutes.

342
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:24,880
I feel so alone.

343
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,050
I gotta get my leg free.

344
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,260
Why didn't I wear my shants?

345
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:45,209
Hey, guys. Check it out.

346
00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:46,070
You like my new bracelet?

347
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:46,950
Ooh, cute.

348
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,520
It's an old curtain ring
Michael saw over there.

349
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,800
He braided three leather
shoelaces around it

350
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:51,590
and voila.

351
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,979
Yu know, Alex, you and
Michael remind me so much

352
00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:00,460
of me and my first girlfriend
Annabelle Pickett.

353
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,158
Huh? You had a girlfriend? Oh.

354
00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:04,020
Yeah. Cutest girl in Sunday school, too.

355
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:06,099
So one year, I asked her to go

356
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,830
to the church bazaar lip sync
contest with me,

357
00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:10,509
and we did our version of "Endless Love"...

358
00:13:10,510 --> 00:13:12,260
Which was ironic because two weeks later,

359
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:14,029
I fell head over heels

360
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:17,200
for a young square-jawed rodeo
ticket taker named Woody Ray.

361
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,140
Oh, no. Of course, she was
devastated, just destroyed her.

362
00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:22,258
And then she spray-painted
something unrepeatable

363
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,860
on my daddy's barn and
never spoke to me again.

364
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,138
Wow, and all because

365
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,920
she wanted you to be
something you just weren't.

366
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:27,968
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

367
00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:29,218
Ugh. Stop. I get it.

368
00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:30,820
I know what you think about Michael, Mom.

369
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:33,400
You didn't have to bring in your
big gay guns to back you up.

370
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:34,818
No offense.

371
00:13:34,819 --> 00:13:35,900
- None taken.
- I kinda like it.

372
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:38,219
Okay. Honey, I am worried about you.

373
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:39,600
I don't want you to get hurt.

374
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,740
I told them that this was
a bad idea, all right?

375
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,550
You know, maybe Michael's gay.
Maybe he's not.

376
00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:45,338
He is.

377
00:13:45,339 --> 00:13:47,708
Your mother just wants you
to have all the information

378
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:49,120
so that... that you can go slow.

379
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:51,160
Uncle Mitchell, he's straight.

380
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:52,900
We kissed.

381
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:54,760
Oh, honey, I...

382
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,809
I kissed a lot of girls when
I wanted to be straight.

383
00:13:57,810 --> 00:14:00,209
And your Uncle Cam kissed
some, too, he says.

384
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:01,610
But that's neither here nor there.

385
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,068
What's important is that
you make your own... where...

386
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:04,718
wait, where are you going?

387
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,260
It's not the olden days any more, you guys.

388
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:07,370
I can just ask him.

389
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,318
- Hope you're happy.
- I'm not.

390
00:14:09,319 --> 00:14:11,030
That "olden days" comment
ws like a punch to the gut.

391
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,008
She may as well have spray-painted it
on my daddy's barn.

392
00:14:13,009 --> 00:14:14,179
Yeah, I'm done with this.

393
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:14,870
Where's he going?

394
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:16,730
Hey, you got any bread?

395
00:14:16,870 --> 00:14:18,508
I wanna make sure this thing still works.

396
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:19,550
Yeah, that' not gonna happen.

397
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:20,998
Oh, it doesn't have to be bread.

398
00:14:20,999 --> 00:14:22,420
I mean, I can get the information I need

399
00:14:22,421 --> 00:14:24,839
from, like, a bagel or a frozen waffle.

400
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,378
Look, kid,

401
00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:27,320
you're just gonna have to
roll the dice on this one.

402
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:29,150
I don't know.

403
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,090
What's your return policy?

404
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:33,030
You return, I call the police.

405
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:34,640
Where'd you get that?

406
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:36,630
- From the kitchen.
- Give me that!

407
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:40,868
You selling the pot-bellied pig?

408
00:14:40,869 --> 00:14:41,730
Get out of my driveway.

409
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:45,710
You're not a pig.

410
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,670
You're Daddy's little girl.

411
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:53,150
There you are.

412
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:54,940
Hey. Sorry.

413
00:14:55,070 --> 00:14:56,860
I got lost in this "Elle Decor."

414
00:14:56,990 --> 00:15:00,149
Justin Timberlake is
designing his own home line,

415
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,060
and I'm trying to reserve judgment.

416
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,480
Michael I have to ask you something.

417
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,959
I want you to know it's okay either way,

418
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:09,690
but...

419
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:12,550
Are you gay?

420
00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:13,720
What?

421
00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:15,600
No! I'm not!

422
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,090
I-I took you to prom.

423
00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:18,310
I kissed you.

424
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,080
Unless you're a boy, I'm
pretty sure I'm straight.

425
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,320
Are... are you a boy?

426
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,129
No.

427
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,290
Right. So then I'm straight.

428
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,340
I didn't mean to make you mad.

429
00:15:27,341 --> 00:15:29,090
I'm not mad. I'm just...

430
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:30,410
Angry.

431
00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:32,250
I'm sorry.

432
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:34,620
And those are synonyms.

433
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,660
You just know everything today.

434
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,640
Can you just give me a minute?

435
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:51,930
Hey. Can I help you?

436
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,400
Yeah. Why does everybody think I'm gay?

437
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,230
God, I hate yard sales.

438
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,000
Thank you.

439
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:05,000
Sorry for snooping around and
finding your old man doll.

440
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,720
In Colombia, if you snoop
around the wrong box,

441
00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:09,980
you might end up inside that box.

442
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:10,850
I shouldn't have done it.

443
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:12,570
Now I feel bad for Manny.

444
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:14,850
What do you mean?

445
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,738
Well, I don't know.

446
00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:18,310
He's always talking about
how brave you are,

447
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:19,950
how you're not afraid of anything.

448
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,770
Now... he just seems a little sad.

449
00:16:22,910 --> 00:16:23,640
How sad?

450
00:16:23,770 --> 00:16:25,470
Don't worry. It's a good thing.

451
00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:27,240
He needs a little dose of reality.

452
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,358
You walk around school

453
00:16:28,359 --> 00:16:30,450
telling everyone how great
your mommy is all the time,

454
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,940
you find yourself on the
business end of a wedgie.

455
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,010
I know how to push buttons
to get what I want,

456
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:41,030
and what I want is to see a puppet show.

457
00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:44,010
J'accuse!

458
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:45,700
I'm sorry. One more time?

459
00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:47,370
It's just a dramatic way of accusing you...

460
00:16:47,371 --> 00:16:49,570
Of stashing my fat pants in a bush!

461
00:16:49,830 --> 00:16:51,800
- Saboteur!
- That's a second way.

462
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,689
How... could... you?

463
00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:54,550
And a third.

464
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:55,880
Why, Mitchell? Why?

465
00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:57,410
Cam... oh, come on.

466
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:58,650
All right, the...

467
00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:00,530
This is a little hard to say, but...

468
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,230
Every time you get rid of these pants,

469
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,910
you have to buy them all over again,

470
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,800
and you get depressed, all right?

471
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:09,979
This is just a way to have a safety net.

472
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,558
I can't have a safety net, Mitchell.

473
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:14,010
Otherwise, I won't be successful
and keep the weight off.

474
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,260
Have you ever thought of that?

475
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:18,410
No. No, I didn't.

476
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,318
You know, you're not the
only one who remembers

477
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:21,490
all the times I failed.

478
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:24,670
You're right.

479
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,779
I-I should support you more.
I'm... I'm sorry.

480
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,828
I'm happy to hear you say that.

481
00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:29,950
Well, I'm happy you're happy.

482
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,290
Well, I hope you both are happy.

483
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,250
Michael's not gay. Now he hates me.

484
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:34,590
Thanks a lot.

485
00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:36,408
You see?

486
00:17:36,409 --> 00:17:38,840
This is exactly why I didn't
want to get involved.

487
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:41,870
Now I feel terrible.

488
00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:44,590
These feelings would go good with pie.

489
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,700
There he is!

490
00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:54,529
Sweetheart, do you love it?

491
00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:55,810
No, Claire, I do not love it.

492
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:58,849
Oh, that's too bad 'cause
you look so cool on that.

493
00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:00,820
Do I, Claire? Do I really?

494
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:02,330
What happened?

495
00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:03,900
It's a long story. Check your in-box.

496
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,450
But suffice it to say, I'm
not buying that motorcycle.

497
00:18:07,180 --> 00:18:08,190
- Uh-huh.
- I know what I am, Claire.

498
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:10,200
I'm not a rider. I'm a strider.

499
00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:12,410
I hope that's sexy enough for you.

500
00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:14,820
Well, I can see stuff.

501
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,360
Yeah, I know. I can feel air on it.

502
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,270
Mm. It's not like I have
another pair of pants.

503
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:20,280
Oh, uh, today is your lucky day.

504
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,130
It's for a good cause.

505
00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:23,910
Aw. You might need a belt.

506
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:26,028
Oh, I doubt it.
I bet we wear the same size.

507
00:18:26,029 --> 00:18:26,840
Don't do that.

508
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:27,940
Copy.

509
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,290
Well, we ruined Alex's life, by the way.

510
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:34,050
I don't know. She looks okay.

511
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:36,740
- Oh, looks like they made up.
- Hmm.

512
00:18:37,590 --> 00:18:38,490
If she would just listen to me,

513
00:18:38,491 --> 00:18:40,160
I could have avoid her so much pain.

514
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,320
Give it a rest.
She's 14, all right?

515
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,890
No matter who that boy is,
he's not gonna last.

516
00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:45,628
Mm, you're right.

517
00:18:45,629 --> 00:18:46,548
Well, at least with a gay kid,

518
00:18:46,549 --> 00:18:48,270
you know she's gonna get a
great flower arragement.

519
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,250
Should've seen the one I made Annabelle.

520
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:52,020
Arranged it myself. It was gorgeous...

521
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:55,050
Till she pulled it apart and
spelled "homo" on my porch.

522
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,780
This doesn't make me feel any better.

523
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,020
Gather around everybody.

524
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,080
I want you to meet somebody.

525
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:03,620
Oh, but that might.

526
00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:04,680
Uncle Grumpy.

527
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,350
Luke's wise words got to me.

528
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,350
I needed my son to respect me again.

529
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:15,630
More than that, I needed to respect myself.

530
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,640
Holy maracas!

531
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:20,750
I think I sat on the right lap!

532
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:24,010
Uncle Grumpy, we're in public.

533
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,300
Ay, look at all those white faces!

534
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:30,490
I see we made it over the wall.

535
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:32,620
Uncle Grumpy, are you in a bad mood?

536
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:36,740
Damn right I am!
I just came from the movies.

537
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:41,340
A whole day's pay
to see "Basic Instinct."

538
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,680
Oh. And what did you think?

539
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,500
Basically, it stinked.

540
00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:49,010
You're so grumpy.

541
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,890
Damn right I am!

542
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,630
I just met the girl of my dreams.

543
00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:55,890
Ay, that's such great news.

544
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:59,300
No. She gave me the termites.

545
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,470
Gloria, I'm just gonna...

546
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,890
Oh, jeez. I don't even wanna know
what this is. I'm outta here.

547
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:05,740
- You're leaving?
- Damn right.

548
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,700
The only difference between
this and a home invasion

549
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,490
is I get to shoot people
at a home invasion.

550
00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:13,480
Oh, my God. She married her puppet.

551
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:19,480
Uncle Grumpy!

552
00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:22,050
Can anyone hear me?

553
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:25,480
Please help me!

554
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:27,920
I don't wanna die!

555
00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,149
If I had to make a playlist

556
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:32,128
for being trapped under a motorcycle,

557
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:32,930
it'd be, um...

558
00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:36,430
"Stuck In The Middle,"
"Hit The Road Jack,"

559
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,980
um, anything by Heavy D.

560
00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:42,040
Ooh, Pointer Sisters, "Neutron Dance."

561
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:44,549
Turns out today wasn't

562
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:46,830
the first day of the rest of my life.

563
00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:49,920
Oh, my goodness.

564
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:53,289
There's some DVDs in a
shoe box in, uh, my closet

565
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:55,080
that I was holding for... a buddy.

566
00:20:56,510 --> 00:20:58,360
Um, you can go ahead and just
throw the whole box away.

567
00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:09,670
I'm so hungry.

568
00:21:11,590 --> 00:21:13,140
I don't know how long
I'm gonna be out here.

569
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:15,990
I gotta ration my food.

570
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,170
I said no tomatoes!

571
00:21:27,430 --> 00:21:32,170
== Sync by YYeTs.com | Corrections by Alice ==
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