1
00:00:00,153 --> 00:00:02,251
I need to document Haley's
first day on the chain gang.

2
00:00:02,351 --> 00:00:04,849
It's not a chain gang.
It's community service.

3
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:07,446
And leave her alone.
She feels bad enough as it is.

4
00:00:07,482 --> 00:00:09,332
Okay, I'm torn.
On one hand, I'm like,

5
00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:10,725
"ugh, I have to pick up
garbage all day."

6
00:00:10,726 --> 00:00:12,310
And on the other hand, I'm like,

7
00:00:12,311 --> 00:00:14,261
"look at me in orange."

8
00:00:15,986 --> 00:00:18,161
Aw, that's cute.
Send that to me.

9
00:00:18,162 --> 00:00:21,043
Haley had a little run-in
with the law in college.

10
00:00:21,044 --> 00:00:23,807
She was arrested
for assaulting a police officer.

11
00:00:23,808 --> 00:00:25,916
Accidentally. I fell on him.

12
00:00:25,917 --> 00:00:27,718
While evading arrest
for underage drinking.

13
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:28,966
That was on purpose.

14
00:00:28,967 --> 00:00:30,328
They were very lenient with her.

15
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:31,802
She only has to do
community service.

16
00:00:31,803 --> 00:00:34,182
Because I do not have any priors.

17
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:36,437
Taking a little too much pride
in that, sweetheart.

18
00:00:37,222 --> 00:00:39,087
Things can get
pretty rough out there.

19
00:00:39,088 --> 00:00:41,150
I couldn't get my hands
on any cigarettes.

20
00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:43,673
But I did make you
a shiv out of an old knife.

21
00:00:43,674 --> 00:00:45,283
You don't make a shiv
out of a knife.

22
00:00:45,284 --> 00:00:47,185
Yeah, you make a shiv
out of a rusty spoon

23
00:00:47,186 --> 00:00:48,391
or a shard of glass.

24
00:00:48,392 --> 00:00:49,495
Or a human femur.

25
00:00:49,496 --> 00:00:51,342
Exactly. Be creative.

26
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,567
It's really sweet of you, Luke,

27
00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,281
but there's just gonna be
a bunch of drunk drivers

28
00:00:54,282 --> 00:00:56,747
and vandalizers who were
stupid enough to get caught.

29
00:00:56,748 --> 00:00:59,352
Or stupid enough to use
the word "vandalizers."

30
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,646
It's vandals.

31
00:01:04,234 --> 00:01:05,633
I'm so alone.

32
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,010
They're gonna eat you alive, suburbia.

33
00:01:20,178 --> 00:01:23,675
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

34
00:01:24,676 --> 00:01:26,047
Mitchell, we're back.

35
00:01:26,048 --> 00:01:27,622
You are not going to believe this.

36
00:01:27,623 --> 00:01:29,114
Cam, do you remember
why I didn't want you

37
00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:30,828
to swap out the handles
on Lily's dresser?

38
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,928
Because you lack a designer's eye
and fear change?

39
00:01:32,929 --> 00:01:35,197
No. Because I was afraid
two weeks would go by,

40
00:01:35,198 --> 00:01:36,431
and we'd still be using a spatula

41
00:01:36,432 --> 00:01:38,142
to get at Lily's clothes.

42
00:01:38,241 --> 00:01:40,344
Okay, well, we have bigger issues.

43
00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:42,787
Guess what they are cutting down
at the park today?

44
00:01:42,788 --> 00:01:44,498
- A tree?
- Yes. How did you know that?

45
00:01:44,499 --> 00:01:45,534
I played a hunch.

46
00:01:45,535 --> 00:01:48,083
Not just any tree, Tree-ona Elmsly.

47
00:01:48,084 --> 00:01:51,243
Oh, no. That's terrible.
That's our picnic tree.

48
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:53,101
It's a nightmare.

49
00:01:53,102 --> 00:01:55,536
Well, someone's picked up
her daddy's gift for hyperbole.

50
00:01:55,537 --> 00:01:57,437
They are literally
chainsawing paradise

51
00:01:57,438 --> 00:01:59,638
- to put up a parking lot.
- Oh, it's too bad.

52
00:01:59,639 --> 00:02:00,561
We have to do something.

53
00:02:00,562 --> 00:02:01,981
Well, if we knew earlier, we could.

54
00:02:01,982 --> 00:02:04,098
I blame myself.
I've taken on too much.

55
00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:06,657
What exactly have you taken on?

56
00:02:06,658 --> 00:02:08,601
Are you kidding me?
Teaching music?

57
00:02:08,602 --> 00:02:11,269
This dresser handle project?
My role in the musical?

58
00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:12,602
Oh, that.

59
00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:13,909
You know what?
I don't like your tone.

60
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,716
The understudy's
the most challenging role

61
00:02:15,717 --> 00:02:17,027
in any production.

62
00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:18,557
You have to be ready
at a moment's notice

63
00:02:18,558 --> 00:02:20,505
to go on and face
a disappointed audience

64
00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:22,562
who was there to see
Kenny van Heffington.

65
00:02:22,563 --> 00:02:23,689
Our insurance guy?

66
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:24,789
He's breathtaking.

67
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,461
- Really?
- Yeah, I hate him.

68
00:02:26,849 --> 00:02:28,231
Anyway, what was I talking about?

69
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,189
Putting new handles on the dresser.

70
00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:32,688
Right. The tree.
I have to do something.

71
00:02:34,698 --> 00:02:36,872
I can't live like this.

72
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,023
Manny, while we're young!

73
00:02:43,099 --> 00:02:44,383
He doesn't want to go.

74
00:02:44,384 --> 00:02:46,507
That's why he's taking
so long with the primping.

75
00:02:46,508 --> 00:02:49,843
A boy his age should do
exactly zero primping.

76
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:50,768
You ready?

77
00:02:50,769 --> 00:02:51,721
Not in the least.

78
00:02:51,722 --> 00:02:53,044
That's the spirit.

79
00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:54,842
This kid in my class, Doug Brooks,

80
00:02:54,843 --> 00:02:57,393
has a sports-themed
birthday party every year.

81
00:02:57,549 --> 00:03:00,506
All boys. All sports. All day.

82
00:03:00,664 --> 00:03:02,503
He calls it the Doug-lympics,

83
00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:05,196
which might make sense
if he did it every four years,

84
00:03:05,331 --> 00:03:06,961
or if his name was Al.

85
00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:09,157
Let's just say nothing
about it works.

86
00:03:09,727 --> 00:03:11,803
Manny, it's a beautiful day outside.

87
00:03:11,804 --> 00:03:13,766
Go on. Enjoy your dougy-lympics.

88
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:16,470
You don't have to win a medal.
Just have fun.

89
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:18,786
Doug finishes with the most
medals no matter what.

90
00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:20,417
Plus I think he only invites me

91
00:03:20,418 --> 00:03:22,762
because he likes to match
skin color to nation.

92
00:03:22,763 --> 00:03:24,543
I know that's why
Alan Yan gets invited.

93
00:03:24,544 --> 00:03:26,550
Okay, we get it.
Sports isn't your thing.

94
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:29,655
But you gotta step out
of your comfort zone sometime.

95
00:03:29,990 --> 00:03:32,466
And for God sake,
change out of those wingtips.

96
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:34,994
You're a kid.
You're not Nixon on the beach.

97
00:03:34,995 --> 00:03:37,017
Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes.

98
00:03:37,019 --> 00:03:37,887
Where are they?

99
00:03:37,888 --> 00:03:39,062
They're still in the box.

100
00:03:39,063 --> 00:03:40,649
And don't forget
to take out the paper

101
00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:42,338
before you put them on, okay?

102
00:03:42,339 --> 00:03:44,384
And they're called sneakers.

103
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:49,315
Hello, hello!

104
00:03:49,477 --> 00:03:51,499
Hey, Gloria. So, ready to go?

105
00:03:51,868 --> 00:03:53,970
- Where?
- Thought we were doing a Costco run.

106
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,669
Oh, I see what this is.

107
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,851
You called Claire to babysit
the stupid pregnant lady!

108
00:04:00,092 --> 00:04:01,595
You're the one who called her.

109
00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:02,754
I did?

110
00:04:02,928 --> 00:04:04,239
I called Claire.

111
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:05,925
Gloria needs watching.

112
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:08,449
She's got a serious case
of pregnancy brain.

113
00:04:08,829 --> 00:04:11,466
Last week, I found
a bar of soap in the fridge

114
00:04:11,511 --> 00:04:13,326
and a stick of butter in the shower.

115
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:16,535
I walked around all day
smelling like a bucket of popcorn.

116
00:04:16,852 --> 00:04:18,555
Better than the toast I ate.

117
00:04:19,020 --> 00:04:20,763
Yet you ate the second piece.

118
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:24,467
Jay! Bye-bye! We're leaving!

119
00:04:24,468 --> 00:04:26,210
Seriously? I'm right here.

120
00:04:32,302 --> 00:04:35,210
Duck! Duck! Come on
and hit him, you little freak!

121
00:04:36,254 --> 00:04:38,282
Talk about a big left hook.

122
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,514
God, I love you.

123
00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:40,431
Phil in the blank!

124
00:04:40,432 --> 00:04:41,657
Bill of rights!

125
00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:43,073
Jerry-atric!

126
00:04:43,487 --> 00:04:45,348
Alan's dad!

127
00:04:45,349 --> 00:04:47,176
Hey, guys.
Luke, you getting in there?

128
00:04:47,177 --> 00:04:48,137
Of course.

129
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:51,100
Look, I'm Mexico. Again.

130
00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:53,635
Does anybody care
that I'm not from Mexico?

131
00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:54,620
You keep saying that,

132
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,362
but we've never seen
a birth certificate.

133
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:58,003
All right, look,
I'll pick you up at 5:00.

134
00:04:58,004 --> 00:04:58,979
Knock yourself out.

135
00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:01,458
Or better still,
knock someone else out.

136
00:05:01,607 --> 00:05:02,366
Jay, where you headed?

137
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,184
Why don't you stick around
and grab a beer with the dads?

138
00:05:04,185 --> 00:05:05,444
Oh, I don't really know those guys.

139
00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:07,336
I think I'll just swing
by the club, hit a few balls.

140
00:05:07,337 --> 00:05:09,422
Well, come here.
Let me introduce you around.

141
00:05:09,423 --> 00:05:10,420
Hey, guys,

142
00:05:10,718 --> 00:05:12,993
this is Jay, my father-in-law.
Manny's stepdad.

143
00:05:12,994 --> 00:05:14,270
Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?

144
00:05:14,271 --> 00:05:15,900
Okay, guys, I'll see you later.

145
00:05:16,006 --> 00:05:17,318
What's the matter, Jay?

146
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,162
Afraid to step outside
your comfort zone?

147
00:05:19,163 --> 00:05:21,081
I will send you back to Mexico.

148
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,463
I didn't really call you, did I?

149
00:05:24,589 --> 00:05:26,930
No, my dad did.
But I thought you knew.

150
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:29,201
Ugh. I want to be so mad at him,

151
00:05:29,418 --> 00:05:30,656
but he's right.

152
00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:32,461
I have two brains in my body,

153
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:33,960
but I've never been so dumb.

154
00:05:33,961 --> 00:05:35,052
It happens. I get it.

155
00:05:35,053 --> 00:05:37,040
You have another
human being inside of you,

156
00:05:37,041 --> 00:05:38,632
competing for resources.

157
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:40,217
Look, when I was pregnant with Alex,

158
00:05:40,218 --> 00:05:41,629
I could barely remember my name.

159
00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:43,300
Same with Haley and Luke?

160
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,450
Mm, not so much.

161
00:05:44,451 --> 00:05:46,505
They kind of just hung out in there,
let me do my thing.

162
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,649
Thank you for understanding.

163
00:05:48,754 --> 00:05:50,457
I'm glad that you came.

164
00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:52,888
It will help me not to forget stuff.

165
00:05:52,889 --> 00:05:54,611
- I'm glad I can help out.
- I— Whoa, whoa!

166
00:05:54,612 --> 00:05:57,628
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Why didn't you stop first?

167
00:05:59,272 --> 00:06:00,634
Where's daddy?

168
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:01,584
I don't know, sweetie.

169
00:06:01,585 --> 00:06:03,039
He said to meet him by Tree-ona.

170
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,278
Mitchell! Lily!

171
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:05,249
Where is he?

172
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:06,704
Up here! Look up here!

173
00:06:07,063 --> 00:06:09,005
Cam, what are you doing up there?

174
00:06:09,006 --> 00:06:10,605
I came down to say
goodbye to the tree,

175
00:06:10,606 --> 00:06:11,620
give it one final hug,

176
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,758
and before I knew it,
I was up here.

177
00:06:13,759 --> 00:06:15,762
When you say "one final hug"...

178
00:06:15,763 --> 00:06:18,137
If I'm occupying the tree,
they can't cut it down.

179
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:19,817
I googled it. It's a thing.

180
00:06:19,818 --> 00:06:21,921
Okay, Lily, see,
this is a nightmare.

181
00:06:22,005 --> 00:06:23,651
Tell me about it.

182
00:06:24,223 --> 00:06:26,194
You know what?
You're a list-maker,

183
00:06:26,195 --> 00:06:27,314
a planner.

184
00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:29,913
I'm a doer and an action taker!

185
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:32,342
Sean Penn would play me
in a movie about this,

186
00:06:32,343 --> 00:06:35,167
or Anne Hathaway, if they
wanted a female-driven vehicle.

187
00:06:35,168 --> 00:06:37,043
And who would play
your long-suffering partner?

188
00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:38,428
Julianne Moore, either way.

189
00:06:38,429 --> 00:06:40,217
- I would totally see that. I would.
- I know.

190
00:06:40,218 --> 00:06:42,576
Hey! My supervisor wants to know

191
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,374
if you have a history
of mental illness.

192
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:45,924
No, sir, I do not.

193
00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:55,846
All right, Cam, let's hear.
What's the plan?

194
00:06:55,847 --> 00:06:58,229
I don't know.
I'm sort of making it up as I go.

195
00:06:58,321 --> 00:06:59,788
Are you sure you wanna do this?

196
00:06:59,789 --> 00:07:02,682
Yes. I've never been more sure
about anything in my life.

197
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:06,148
We need to teach our daughter
the value of taking a stand,

198
00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:08,115
no matter the sacrifice!

199
00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:10,684
Hello?

200
00:07:12,554 --> 00:07:14,888
Done. I'll be right there.

201
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:17,080
Mitchell, you need to get up here.
I have to go.

202
00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:17,788
Excuse me?

203
00:07:17,789 --> 00:07:19,254
That was my theater troupe.
An actor's sick.

204
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,465
I have to go and do the matinee.

205
00:07:20,466 --> 00:07:22,979
What happened to showing Lily
the value of taking a stand?

206
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,506
It's the lead.

207
00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:26,606
It's also important
to show her the value

208
00:07:26,607 --> 00:07:28,279
of honoring one's commitments.

209
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,857
And in this case,
my commitment preceded my stand!

210
00:07:30,858 --> 00:07:32,395
This is so you, Cam.

211
00:07:32,396 --> 00:07:35,104
You start something, and
then you expect me to finish it.

212
00:07:35,105 --> 00:07:36,135
So you're not coming up here?

213
00:07:36,136 --> 00:07:37,909
No! No, I'm not.
Come on.

214
00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:39,645
Mitchell?

215
00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:42,260
Where were we the first day
Lily rolled over?

216
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:43,549
Under this tree.

217
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,227
Where is home base when
we play hide-and-go-seek?

218
00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:47,244
Under this tree.

219
00:07:47,245 --> 00:07:48,397
And where did we take shelter

220
00:07:48,398 --> 00:07:50,459
during that dangerous
lightning storm?

221
00:07:50,597 --> 00:07:52,564
Wasn't a good idea,
but it was under this tree.

222
00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:56,457
Daddy, you've got to save the tree!

223
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,385
Yeah, daddy,
you have to save the tree!

224
00:07:58,386 --> 00:07:58,900
Okay, okay.

225
00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:01,323
But you get back here
the second you are done.

226
00:08:01,324 --> 00:08:03,622
Well, I can't very well turn away
fans that come backstage.

227
00:08:03,623 --> 00:08:04,902
The second!

228
00:08:12,765 --> 00:08:16,594
Last summer, my sister took
a totally humiliating photo of me.

229
00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:21,101
Haley, that's not funny!

230
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:22,575
Then she posted it to Facebook

231
00:08:22,576 --> 00:08:24,233
and refused to take it down.

232
00:08:24,483 --> 00:08:26,697
It got 873 likes.

233
00:08:26,937 --> 00:08:30,039
Meanwhile, there's not one
embarrassing photo of Haley.

234
00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:32,370
Even her mug shots were cute.

235
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:36,712
Today, I get my revenge.

236
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,772
One photo of Haley, dirty, sweaty,

237
00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:40,771
picking up trash like a criminal.

238
00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:42,717
It'll be my finest moment.

239
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:45,202
In a few years, I hope
to have some more friends

240
00:08:45,203 --> 00:08:46,825
and not have time
for this kind of stuff.

241
00:08:50,994 --> 00:08:52,044
Okay. Hey.

242
00:08:52,045 --> 00:08:52,941
Where did you go?

243
00:08:52,942 --> 00:08:53,831
To get a sweatshirt.

244
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:56,309
We've been standing in
the frozen food aisle for half an hour.

245
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,738
I need something frozen.

246
00:08:57,982 --> 00:08:59,612
Right. What?

247
00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:02,787
I don't know.
I just wrote the word "frozen."

248
00:09:02,788 --> 00:09:04,371
Okay. Uh, let's think.

249
00:09:04,372 --> 00:09:06,692
Peas. Ice cream. Pizza. Waffles.

250
00:09:06,693 --> 00:09:07,707
Wait a minute.

251
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:10,461
It says "dozen." I need the eggs!

252
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,534
Ah, the eggs. Okay.

253
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:14,069
Ay, no, on the other side.

254
00:09:14,435 --> 00:09:16,187
Oh, God. I-I'll get the carts.

255
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:18,406
So that's... oh, sorry.

256
00:09:18,407 --> 00:09:21,180
That's... that's me.
That's me. I got it.

257
00:09:23,746 --> 00:09:25,385
Come on, guys! You're killing us!

258
00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:27,033
Where the heck is Mexico?

259
00:09:27,232 --> 00:09:29,433
Good news, gentlemen!
I found another rope.

260
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:31,392
If we double-Dutch, everyone wins.

261
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:34,343
Okay, hold still...

262
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,304
And wait for it...

263
00:09:36,305 --> 00:09:38,567
This is what you'd look like
fat and bald.

264
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,259
On my phone,
that app's called a camera.

265
00:09:42,342 --> 00:09:43,948
Bill, don't do that to yourself.

266
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:46,701
Let me tell you something.
Ellen is one lucky woman.

267
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,063
Why is that funny?

268
00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:50,671
Because she's married to Jerry.

269
00:09:52,505 --> 00:09:53,912
Jay, you got any good apps?

270
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,990
I don't know. I got call waiting.
Is that an app?

271
00:09:57,268 --> 00:09:58,635
You guys laugh a lot, huh?

272
00:09:58,721 --> 00:10:00,718
Jay's a little
technologically challenged.

273
00:10:00,719 --> 00:10:02,427
From a guy who can't drive a stick.

274
00:10:02,516 --> 00:10:03,422
- What?
- You can't?

275
00:10:03,423 --> 00:10:05,568
Well... he called me
to rescue him one time.

276
00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:08,182
He got stuck on a hill.
He was afraid to let go of the clutch.

277
00:10:08,296 --> 00:10:10,024
Well... by the time I got there,

278
00:10:10,025 --> 00:10:11,704
traffic's backed up half a mile,

279
00:10:11,705 --> 00:10:14,008
everybody's yelling at him.
He's in tears.

280
00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:15,832
Not tears. Maybe sweat.

281
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,384
Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.

282
00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:26,216
I had about ten
pretty bad pictures of Haley.

283
00:10:26,217 --> 00:10:29,198
I could have quit right there,
but I'm a perfectionist.

284
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:30,418
I thought,

285
00:10:30,535 --> 00:10:33,292
"I could do better.
She could look worse."

286
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,092
Oh, my God.

287
00:10:41,402 --> 00:10:42,393
All right, pal.

288
00:10:42,662 --> 00:10:43,705
Come down from the tree.

289
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:45,433
Sorry, can't do that.

290
00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:47,467
Come down before we pull you down.

291
00:10:47,468 --> 00:10:49,498
W—hey. Ease up.

292
00:10:49,558 --> 00:10:50,352
What's the problem?

293
00:10:50,353 --> 00:10:51,940
Look, I don't want to be up here.

294
00:10:51,941 --> 00:10:54,327
You know? But this is
my daughter's favorite tree.

295
00:10:54,328 --> 00:10:55,699
And my partner—
he's all up in arms

296
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,289
about them cutting it down, so...

297
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,440
Well, if your partner's so worked up,
why isn't he here?

298
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,481
Oh, well, that's
a very good question.

299
00:11:01,482 --> 00:11:03,603
It's because he starts things,
and he doesn't finish them,

300
00:11:03,604 --> 00:11:04,735
so then I have to.

301
00:11:04,736 --> 00:11:06,040
Just like my wife.

302
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,831
You know, my therapist
would say we're "enabling" them.

303
00:11:08,949 --> 00:11:10,281
You and your therapist.

304
00:11:10,282 --> 00:11:12,703
Well, I wouldn't have to see him
if you hadn't shot that guy.

305
00:11:12,737 --> 00:11:13,788
Aw, that again?

306
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:15,886
Look, let's just spray him
with the fire hose.

307
00:11:15,887 --> 00:11:17,075
You're not helping, Terry.

308
00:11:17,892 --> 00:11:19,905
It's not your fight.

309
00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:21,297
So why don't you do us a favor,

310
00:11:21,298 --> 00:11:22,284
and come on down?

311
00:11:22,285 --> 00:11:23,853
Because he's right, all right?

312
00:11:23,963 --> 00:11:25,366
That's the frustrating part.

313
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:27,925
I-I've been sitting up here
these past few hours,

314
00:11:27,926 --> 00:11:30,944
and... this tree is beautiful, okay?

315
00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:34,762
And I-I can hear the squirrels
dancing through the branches,

316
00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:36,224
you know, chasing each other,

317
00:11:36,336 --> 00:11:37,770
no idea what's about to happen.

318
00:11:37,771 --> 00:11:39,368
You know, this isn't just a tree.

319
00:11:40,128 --> 00:11:41,253
This is a home.

320
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:43,761
Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats.

321
00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:45,177
They're all over this thing.

322
00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:46,477
Well, that changes nothing.

323
00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:48,764
I will wait you guys out
all night if I have to.

324
00:11:49,013 --> 00:11:51,123
Cam, you got 20 minutes,
and I'm out of this tree.

325
00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,351
Terry, you wanna
get ready with that hose?

326
00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:57,125
So Alex comes home
from school the other day,

327
00:11:57,126 --> 00:11:59,147
and she said the teacher didn't know
what she was talking about,

328
00:11:59,148 --> 00:12:01,923
when in reality, I don't think that—
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

329
00:12:01,924 --> 00:12:04,087
Hey! You almost
just cut my head off.

330
00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:05,079
You gotta focus.

331
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,292
I am sorry.
After all that, I forgot the eggs!

332
00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:10,053
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, hang on one second.

333
00:12:10,054 --> 00:12:12,432
Listen, this is not
just your pregnancy.

334
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:13,903
You are purposely
turning your brain off.

335
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:15,877
You have to at least
try to pay attention.

336
00:12:15,878 --> 00:12:16,732
- Ma'am?
- Yeah.

337
00:12:16,733 --> 00:12:18,176
Do you have a receipt
for that sweatshirt?

338
00:12:18,176 --> 00:12:19,501
Oh, shoot.

339
00:12:19,607 --> 00:12:20,949
I'm gonna need you
to come back into the store.

340
00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:22,742
Oh, no. No, it's—
I forgot I was wearing it.

341
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,407
It's no big deal. Here.

342
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:25,159
Ma'am. The store.

343
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:26,506
Are you kidding me?

344
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,169
I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt!

345
00:12:28,170 --> 00:12:29,505
Sir, I'm a mom.

346
00:12:29,819 --> 00:12:30,893
- Uh-huh.
- Gloria, help me out.

347
00:12:30,894 --> 00:12:32,477
Listen, Mr. Policeman,

348
00:12:32,478 --> 00:12:34,000
if we wanted to steal it,

349
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:35,895
you wouldn't even know
that it was gone!

350
00:12:35,910 --> 00:12:37,437
Yeah, okay. That's not helping.

351
00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,826
Oh, my God! A gold bracelet!

352
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:57,544
Hey, can we keep what we find?

353
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,159
Unbelievable.

354
00:13:04,336 --> 00:13:05,319
Really?

355
00:13:12,497 --> 00:13:15,351
Gentlemen, you wanna know
about the real ultimate frisbee?

356
00:13:15,352 --> 00:13:17,713
Walk with one balanced
on your head for 50 meters.

357
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,451
It is a measure of poise,
balance, and posture.

358
00:13:20,452 --> 00:13:23,037
Let's just whip the frisbees
at each other as hard as we can

359
00:13:23,038 --> 00:13:24,344
and see who quits first.

360
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,736
Frisbee smash.

361
00:13:25,987 --> 00:13:27,674
Awesome! Let's go!

362
00:13:27,827 --> 00:13:29,397
Oh, my God, I'm Sisyphus. Yes!

363
00:13:29,398 --> 00:13:31,155
A big one! Ha ha! Uhh!

364
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,965
So he's out in our yard
and he's got a boombox...

365
00:13:35,324 --> 00:13:37,102
What's the name
of that movie with the boombox?

366
00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:39,188
- Oh, "Say anything."
- With John Mahoney.

367
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,451
So anyway, he's out there,

368
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,545
- and he's begging Claire for forgiveness.
- I...

369
00:13:42,546 --> 00:13:45,425
She's still mad at him.
She won't have any of it.

370
00:13:45,496 --> 00:13:47,588
So he turns it up full-blast,

371
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:49,698
and it's Olivia Newton-John.

372
00:13:50,770 --> 00:13:53,984
And he starts singing,
"Let's get Phil-sical"!

373
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,536
It was an inside joke.

374
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:58,110
Well, not anymore!

375
00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,208
Okay, enough with
the funny Phil stories.

376
00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:01,698
No, but I haven't even gotten
to the best part yet.

377
00:14:01,699 --> 00:14:04,456
So he's doing his little dance,
and I can't take it anymore,

378
00:14:04,457 --> 00:14:06,671
so I nail him with the sprinklers!

379
00:14:07,288 --> 00:14:09,399
Yep, and you also
shorted out my boombox,

380
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,254
which you said you'd replace
and you never did.

381
00:14:11,255 --> 00:14:12,283
I never said that!

382
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,903
Yes, you did. You still owe me
one boom box, 12 "D" batteries,

383
00:14:14,908 --> 00:14:16,634
and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.

384
00:14:17,425 --> 00:14:18,908
Okay, uh...

385
00:14:19,711 --> 00:14:21,325
Why don't we settle it in the ring?

386
00:14:21,522 --> 00:14:22,746
We get in there,

387
00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:25,747
and if you beat me, I'll buy you
any boombox you want.

388
00:14:25,748 --> 00:14:27,091
If I beat you,

389
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,730
then you've gotta do
your little dance for everyone.

390
00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:30,410
Yeah!

391
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,196
I'm in.

392
00:14:32,661 --> 00:14:34,011
Let's get Phil-sical.

393
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,642
I wasn't worried.
I'd boxed in the Navy.

394
00:14:38,493 --> 00:14:39,612
And it was Phil.

395
00:14:39,751 --> 00:14:41,655
And here's something
I thought I'd never say—

396
00:14:42,108 --> 00:14:43,964
I'd rather box
my daughter's husband

397
00:14:44,513 --> 00:14:45,600
than my son's.

398
00:14:57,352 --> 00:15:00,508
I may have been holding on
to a tiny bit of anger towards Jay.

399
00:15:01,304 --> 00:15:04,408
I scooped ice cream
all summer for that boombox!

400
00:15:11,564 --> 00:15:13,845
Excuse me. Pardon me.
We're here!

401
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,457
We came as fast as we could!

402
00:15:15,483 --> 00:15:16,646
You couldn't change?

403
00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:18,748
You said come right away!

404
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:20,772
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen!

405
00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:22,892
Oakwood rep's production of "Cats"!

406
00:15:23,097 --> 00:15:24,373
Make sure you catch it this week.

407
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:27,716
Word on the street is the understudy
steals the show!

408
00:15:28,909 --> 00:15:30,271
Mitchell, I get two more shows!

409
00:15:30,272 --> 00:15:32,606
Kenny van Heffington's
toenail is infected!

410
00:15:32,607 --> 00:15:33,847
Just get up here, all right?

411
00:15:33,848 --> 00:15:36,653
The crew has to leave at dark,
so you have until then.

412
00:15:37,513 --> 00:15:38,738
Easy peasy.

413
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,056
Sweetie, tell daddy what
you thought of my performance.

414
00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:42,555
Transcendent.

415
00:15:42,556 --> 00:15:43,762
Oh, jeez.

416
00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:45,389
Is this sap?

417
00:15:47,751 --> 00:15:50,336
Why would I buy hundreds
of dollars worth of merchandise

418
00:15:50,337 --> 00:15:52,078
and then steal a $20 sweatshirt?

419
00:15:52,079 --> 00:15:55,171
I don't know.
Maybe you do it for the thrill.

420
00:15:55,726 --> 00:15:56,833
I know your type.

421
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:59,173
You're a bored housewife,
drives a minivan,

422
00:15:59,174 --> 00:16:01,226
husband spends a little
too much time online.

423
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,861
Got a couple of kids,
a college degree you don't use.

424
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,316
You could not be more wrong.

425
00:16:05,317 --> 00:16:07,002
Yes. She has three kids.

426
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:07,957
Okay, no. No, no.

427
00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:09,846
No, no. No, that's not helping.

428
00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:12,891
Look, as I said before,
it was an accident.

429
00:16:12,892 --> 00:16:14,946
Heard it a thousand times.

430
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,583
Grandmothers, businessmen,
honor students—

431
00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:19,027
they all say the same thing—

432
00:16:19,184 --> 00:16:20,246
"it was an accident.

433
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,358
I don't know how that
clock radio got in my pants."

434
00:16:22,359 --> 00:16:25,423
Oh, for God sake!
I don't feel well. Let us go.

435
00:16:25,424 --> 00:16:26,408
Yeah, right.

436
00:16:26,807 --> 00:16:27,996
Is that even a baby?

437
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:30,462
'Cause from here,
it looks like a turkey.

438
00:16:31,996 --> 00:16:34,371
I need you to sign this,
admitting your guilt,

439
00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:35,891
and promising you'll never
return to this store.

440
00:16:35,892 --> 00:16:37,217
I'm not signing that.

441
00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:38,175
Okay, great.

442
00:16:38,176 --> 00:16:40,076
- Then I'm gonna call the police
and I'll be forced to— - Aaah!

443
00:16:41,717 --> 00:16:42,788
What was that?

444
00:16:42,789 --> 00:16:44,507
My water broke!

445
00:16:44,823 --> 00:16:46,413
I'm having the baby!

446
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:51,743
Hey.

447
00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:54,311
Sorry about that.
I went a little nuts there.

448
00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:56,108
I don't know what happened.

449
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,159
I do.

450
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,623
I was ragging on you
in front of your friends.

451
00:17:00,624 --> 00:17:02,397
- Oh, yeah.
- Sorry about that.

452
00:17:03,392 --> 00:17:05,062
I couldn't think
of anything else to say.

453
00:17:05,813 --> 00:17:06,652
Why not?

454
00:17:06,653 --> 00:17:09,314
I got 20, 25 years on those guys.
We got nothing in common.

455
00:17:09,472 --> 00:17:10,768
It's only gonna get worse.

456
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:13,500
I mean, what's it gonna be like
with the new kid in ten years?

457
00:17:13,704 --> 00:17:15,590
Oh, my goodness.

458
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,103
You're insecure and vulnerable.

459
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,989
This is the cutest thing
I've ever seen.

460
00:17:20,045 --> 00:17:21,051
Shut up.

461
00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:22,322
Who's a shy bunny?

462
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:24,271
You wanna go one more round,
without the gloves?

463
00:17:24,272 --> 00:17:26,333
I'm just playing around, Jay.

464
00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:27,586
I don't care how old you are.

465
00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:29,169
I could sit and talk to you all day.

466
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:30,898
Those guys really liked you, too.

467
00:17:30,899 --> 00:17:32,047
I don't care about that.

468
00:17:33,212 --> 00:17:34,148
Did they?

469
00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:36,578
- Even Jerry?
- Yes.

470
00:17:37,288 --> 00:17:38,520
Well, maybe you're right.

471
00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,717
I mean, Manny didn't want
to come, and look at him.

472
00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:42,293
Looks like he's having a great time.

473
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:44,705
So then Luke's dad
grabs the taser from me,

474
00:17:44,706 --> 00:17:47,971
- and he was like, "uhh! Uhh!"
- No. No!

475
00:17:47,972 --> 00:17:49,458
That's not how it happened.

476
00:17:50,174 --> 00:17:51,237
Hey.

477
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:54,550
Aah! Ay! Ay! It hurts!

478
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:55,262
Hang in there! Hang in there!

479
00:17:55,263 --> 00:17:56,808
Get you to the hospital
as soon as I can!

480
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,725
- I just want to apologize...
- Uh-huh.

481
00:17:57,726 --> 00:17:59,103
One more time
on behalf of the store

482
00:17:59,104 --> 00:18:00,514
for any stress that
I might have caused you.

483
00:18:00,515 --> 00:18:02,261
Here, you can keep
the sweatshirt as a gift.

484
00:18:02,264 --> 00:18:04,028
And congratulations on this baby,

485
00:18:04,029 --> 00:18:05,972
which is clearly not a turkey.
That was—

486
00:18:05,973 --> 00:18:08,327
- Go away now!
- Yeah.

487
00:18:08,661 --> 00:18:11,650
- Ay! Ay!
- Okay. Go on. Go on. Get in. Keep going.

488
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,176
What hospital are we going to?

489
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,978
- No! No hospital!
- No hospital. Wow.

490
00:18:15,979 --> 00:18:17,372
Wow, you're one of those, huh?

491
00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:19,123
Okay, please don't have it
in the pool, though.

492
00:18:19,124 --> 00:18:20,435
'Cause we swim in there.

493
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:22,764
I'm not having the baby, Claire.

494
00:18:22,765 --> 00:18:24,243
I was just faking it.

495
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,168
What?

496
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:29,542
Not bad for someone
with pregnancy brain, huh?

497
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:31,628
Okay, that's good.
That was very good.

498
00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:33,150
Good thinking, Gloria.

499
00:18:33,151 --> 00:18:34,979
I'm sorry.
I just couldn't sit there

500
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:35,884
and watch you suffer

501
00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:37,973
just because
you had turned your brain off.

502
00:18:37,974 --> 00:18:39,486
Okay, I deserved that.

503
00:18:40,457 --> 00:18:42,218
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.

504
00:18:42,219 --> 00:18:44,511
I just blew through a red light.
Damn.

505
00:18:44,753 --> 00:18:45,917
You think you can keep
the pregnancy thing up

506
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:47,460
for a little while longer?

507
00:18:49,047 --> 00:18:51,125
Ay! I feel the head!

508
00:18:51,126 --> 00:18:52,427
Feel it! Feel it!

509
00:18:52,428 --> 00:18:54,745
Save it! Save it for the cop! Aah!

510
00:18:54,746 --> 00:18:55,744
Save it.

511
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,457
All right, guys, that's it.
Pack it up!

512
00:19:02,356 --> 00:19:05,098
You win for today.
See you on Monday.

513
00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:06,776
That's it?

514
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:07,892
That's it.

515
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,384
So I'll go to city hall on Monday

516
00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:10,299
and see what I can do,

517
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,483
but... you did it, Cam!

518
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,731
No, we did it.

519
00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:15,621
I had to run away,
and you stepped in,

520
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,662
and like an understudy,
you gave a brilliant performance.

521
00:19:18,663 --> 00:19:20,691
Yeah, but you're the star.

522
00:19:20,737 --> 00:19:21,831
Oh, well...

523
00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:25,557
Can we stop doing this
and go home?

524
00:19:25,558 --> 00:19:28,115
Yes, Lily, but I want you
to remember this moment—

525
00:19:28,238 --> 00:19:30,488
the day your daddies
made you proud.

526
00:19:35,396 --> 00:19:37,638
Turn her away, Mitchell!
Turn her away!

527
00:19:48,496 --> 00:19:50,542
Alex, what are you doing here?

528
00:19:51,188 --> 00:19:54,869
Learning a valuable lesson
about karma

529
00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:56,195
and how wrong it is
to take pleasure

530
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,603
in people's embarrassment.

531
00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:00,635
Wow. I don't know
what any of that means,

532
00:20:00,636 --> 00:20:02,556
but you look like hell.

533
00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,846
- Say "geek."
- No!

534
00:20:05,387 --> 00:20:06,929
He's a vandalizer!

535
00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:13,150
593 likes, and counting.

536
00:20:18,597 --> 00:20:20,059
Who does he belong to?

537
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:21,863
He's mine.

538
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:25,782
It was a great ending
to an amazing day.

539
00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:28,389
Look, I even... made the paper.

540
00:20:28,831 --> 00:20:31,509
"Bizarre protest saves park tree."

541
00:20:31,786 --> 00:20:33,065
Oh, look what it says.

542
00:20:33,114 --> 00:20:34,582
"This production of 'Cats'
should be put to sleep."

543
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:35,611
Don't read that.

544
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:37,574
Don't...

545
00:20:49,561 --> 00:20:50,392
Oh, hey, Gloria.

546
00:20:50,393 --> 00:20:52,278
Listen, I called Jay
about borrowing a drill

547
00:20:52,279 --> 00:20:53,089
for my dresser handles.

548
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:54,674
I got it right here, Cam!

549
00:20:54,675 --> 00:20:56,317
Oh, jeez.
What's with the getup?

550
00:20:56,318 --> 00:20:58,283
Ay, good. You see that, too?

551
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,488
Stella, stop.

552
00:21:00,555 --> 00:21:02,497
Ay, shh, shh, shh.
Sorry, Cam.

553
00:21:02,498 --> 00:21:04,631
Oh, no, don't be.
I take it as a compliment.

554
00:21:07,525 --> 00:21:09,642
"Cats"-- Now and forever.

555
00:21:09,905 --> 00:21:11,501
Actually, just till next Thursday.

556
00:21:11,502 --> 00:21:13,603
It's been described as "transcendent."

557
00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:23,593
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com