1
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,119
"Stat" means right now!

2
00:00:05,134 --> 00:00:06,647
Ugh. What is it?

3
00:00:06,648 --> 00:00:08,741
Ignore her. She's been
in a bad mood all day.

4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:09,969
And Luke isn't home yet.

5
00:00:10,099 --> 00:00:11,139
I'm right here.

6
00:00:11,756 --> 00:00:12,815
Where were you?

7
00:00:12,816 --> 00:00:14,751
This house still holds its secrets.

8
00:00:14,752 --> 00:00:16,873
You're probably wondering
why I called you all here.

9
00:00:16,874 --> 00:00:18,632
- Nope.
- Well, stop your wondering...

10
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:19,730
We're not wondering.

11
00:00:19,731 --> 00:00:22,017
And behold... this wonder!

12
00:00:22,018 --> 00:00:23,659
- Oh, my God!
- Wow.

13
00:00:25,135 --> 00:00:27,624
I sold a home to the one
and only Pete Johnson.

14
00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:28,984
There's only one Pete Johnson?

15
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:32,071
Only one who's
California's top R.V. dealer.

16
00:00:32,072 --> 00:00:35,104
There's 835 others.
Nightmare of a deal to paper.

17
00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:36,842
Well, and this was
his way of saying...

18
00:00:36,843 --> 00:00:38,340
- Thank you.
- Of course.

19
00:00:38,341 --> 00:00:39,345
He paid a commission, too, right?

20
00:00:39,346 --> 00:00:42,426
Yes. And he told me I could
take Jolene out anytime.

21
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:43,996
Yeah, I named her!

22
00:00:43,997 --> 00:00:46,704
Let's take this dirty girl
for a spin up the coast!

23
00:00:46,705 --> 00:00:49,130
- Yes! - Awesome!
- Pretty sweet, huh?

24
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:50,491
- Yeah!
- Huh.

25
00:00:51,278 --> 00:00:52,794
I can see where this is going.

26
00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:55,627
This summer... you, me, the kids,

27
00:00:55,628 --> 00:00:57,730
- Yellowstone National Park.
- Mm.

28
00:00:58,074 --> 00:01:00,653
And that's just the Verona,
he offered me an Amalfi.

29
00:01:00,789 --> 00:01:02,096
An Amalfi, Claire!

30
00:01:02,097 --> 00:01:04,373
That makes the Umbria
look like a Portofino!

31
00:01:04,374 --> 00:01:06,145
Well, they should've
called it the Roman,

32
00:01:06,146 --> 00:01:08,162
'cause that's what
we're about to be doin'.

33
00:01:08,396 --> 00:01:09,831
I'm really not following you.

34
00:01:10,795 --> 00:01:12,537
Ten days on the road
with those kids?

35
00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:14,086
Winnebag-no.

36
00:01:14,087 --> 00:01:15,713
I hate it when Phil does this.

37
00:01:15,714 --> 00:01:16,825
Now I have to be the bad guy

38
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:19,497
who comes in and
squelches his brilliant idea.

39
00:01:19,498 --> 00:01:22,143
I said no.
Get it out of my house.

40
00:01:22,144 --> 00:01:23,201
Fine.

41
00:01:23,676 --> 00:01:24,719
Come on, Jolene.

42
00:01:26,691 --> 00:01:28,186
Fortunately, this time,

43
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:29,646
I don't have to be
the wet blanket,

44
00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:32,158
because even on just
a short spin up the coast,

45
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,720
Phil will see what I see
every day...

46
00:01:35,034 --> 00:01:36,722
the transformation that happens

47
00:01:36,723 --> 00:01:39,324
when our kids are locked
in a moving metal box...

48
00:01:39,325 --> 00:01:41,941
The kraken that is unleashed.

49
00:01:42,984 --> 00:01:44,757
I love my kids very,
very much.

50
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,980
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

51
00:01:57,223 --> 00:01:59,117
- You're poking me.
- Yeah, well, I know, sweetie.

52
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:00,621
But I don't get
these pins just right,

53
00:02:00,622 --> 00:02:02,555
your bun could fall out
during your routine,

54
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,480
and it could mess you up.

55
00:02:03,481 --> 00:02:04,921
Okay, let's test it out.

56
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:06,752
All right.

57
00:02:06,916 --> 00:02:07,971
Jump.

58
00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:09,294
Good. Spin.

59
00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:11,088
Now give me Beyonce.

60
00:02:12,929 --> 00:02:15,146
Okay, I've done everything
I can do. It's up to you now.

61
00:02:15,147 --> 00:02:16,596
We have a gymnast in our family.

62
00:02:16,597 --> 00:02:18,340
Yeah, Lily goes
to gymnastics class.

63
00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:19,345
In one short year,

64
00:02:19,346 --> 00:02:21,071
I've seen her blossom
from a little girl

65
00:02:21,072 --> 00:02:22,301
who couldn't do a somersault...

66
00:02:22,302 --> 00:02:24,533
Into one who... kind of can.

67
00:02:24,885 --> 00:02:26,883
Yeah, and by that standard,
we also have a black belt,

68
00:02:26,884 --> 00:02:29,289
art prodigy, and prima ballerina
in our family, so...

69
00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:30,396
You know, what we
don't have in our family

70
00:02:30,397 --> 00:02:32,047
is two loving, supportive fathers.

71
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:33,463
I'm just saying, she's 5, you know?

72
00:02:33,464 --> 00:02:35,026
And you never let her forget it.

73
00:02:35,876 --> 00:02:38,591
- Excuse me, is that your little girl
out there? - It is.

74
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,344
- And you did her hair?
- I did.

75
00:02:40,345 --> 00:02:43,211
Do you mind helping
my Julie with hers?

76
00:02:43,212 --> 00:02:45,086
Oh. Oh, do you guys
own a convertible?

77
00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:47,367
- No.
- Oh, no judgment.

78
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,543
Yeah, I'll get to work
right when Lily's done.

79
00:02:56,215 --> 00:02:58,633
Not bad. That little leap
at the end... that's new.

80
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:00,762
Wow. She's getting really good.

81
00:03:00,838 --> 00:03:02,670
Mm. You better bring your "A" game.

82
00:03:02,678 --> 00:03:06,022
Oh, my God. Cam, look.
Lily's in second place. 9.2.

83
00:03:06,023 --> 00:03:06,960
I told you she's a gymnast.

84
00:03:06,961 --> 00:03:08,635
With scores like that,
she's gonna make pre-team.

85
00:03:08,636 --> 00:03:09,850
- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.

86
00:03:09,851 --> 00:03:12,394
Pre-team? She could make pre...
What's pre-team?

87
00:03:13,912 --> 00:03:15,400
Claire!

88
00:03:15,401 --> 00:03:16,863
Phil!

89
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,269
Haley!

90
00:03:18,270 --> 00:03:19,768
Luke!

91
00:03:19,769 --> 00:03:20,855
Alex!

92
00:03:20,856 --> 00:03:22,892
Gloria, we've been through
the roster three times.

93
00:03:22,893 --> 00:03:24,184
They're not home.

94
00:03:24,185 --> 00:03:26,121
But their cars are here.
Where could they be?

95
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,595
Who knows what these people do?

96
00:03:27,596 --> 00:03:29,204
But my backpack is in there, Jay,

97
00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:30,770
- my poem for my poetry reading.
- Calm down.

98
00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:32,391
Didn't you back it up
on your computer?

99
00:03:32,392 --> 00:03:34,323
What kind of man writes
poetry on a computer?

100
00:03:34,324 --> 00:03:36,772
You could've ended
that sentence after "poetry."

101
00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:41,598
Come in.
And no questions.

102
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,160
My backpack wasn't upstairs.

103
00:03:46,379 --> 00:03:47,023
What's that?

104
00:03:47,024 --> 00:03:49,244
Postcard from a friend
of Claire's... Rachel.

105
00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:51,855
"Living it up in Club Med Cozumel."

106
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:54,111
Looks like that marriage
went down the drain.

107
00:03:54,112 --> 00:03:55,578
In other shocking news,

108
00:03:55,579 --> 00:03:58,330
Phil subscribes
to a trampoline magazine.

109
00:03:58,331 --> 00:03:59,788
Going through other people's mail...

110
00:03:59,789 --> 00:04:01,160
keeping it classy, Jay.

111
00:04:01,711 --> 00:04:03,664
Mom, my backpack
isn't in Luke's room.

112
00:04:03,665 --> 00:04:05,986
I don't see it in here, either.

113
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,603
I don't think
it would fit in there.

114
00:04:07,604 --> 00:04:09,468
Ay, this was open when I came in.

115
00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:11,722
I was just looking
for an aspirin.

116
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,352
I thought that
I heard some noises.

117
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:15,522
So you were snooping?

118
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,186
Oh, so now it's snooping,

119
00:04:17,248 --> 00:04:18,573
wanting to know
more about your family

120
00:04:18,574 --> 00:04:20,822
by looking through
their personal things?

121
00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:23,521
Not just now.
Since the invention of things.

122
00:04:23,522 --> 00:04:25,351
Is that one of Claire's brownies?

123
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,175
No, they're delicious.
Must be Cam's.

124
00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:29,042
- Oh, no.
- Don't worry. There's more.

125
00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:31,589
No! That's where my backpack is.

126
00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:33,567
Cam drove me and Luke home.

127
00:04:33,786 --> 00:04:35,108
I must've left it in his car.

128
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,436
Why are you so scattered lately?

129
00:04:36,437 --> 00:04:40,085
Aw, he's just nervous because
of his poetry reading tonight.

130
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:42,007
But don't worry, papi.

131
00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:44,368
I am going to be
there to support you.

132
00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:46,616
I don't want my mom there.

133
00:04:46,975 --> 00:04:50,224
I'm exploring some darker themes
I'm not sure she's ready for,

134
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,105
poems like "The umbilical noose,"

135
00:04:53,219 --> 00:04:54,865
"A jail called mom,"

136
00:04:54,876 --> 00:04:56,115
"Smother nature."

137
00:04:56,753 --> 00:04:58,832
She'll just find some way
to make it all about her.

138
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,470
And a toasty 75 degrees

139
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,170
for daughter Haley.

140
00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:09,919
You see, the Verona boasts
individualized climate zones, Claire.

141
00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:13,311
I could literally transport
a polar bear and an orchid

142
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,161
and not make two trips.

143
00:05:15,912 --> 00:05:18,729
Dad, I'm freezing.
It's, like,1 degree back here.

144
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:23,001
Six minutes in, and it begins.

145
00:05:23,109 --> 00:05:25,093
Here.
Take the blanket from the bed.

146
00:05:25,339 --> 00:05:26,452
Thanks, kitten.

147
00:05:27,048 --> 00:05:28,400
Dad, can you change the music?

148
00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:29,545
Can I?

149
00:05:30,104 --> 00:05:32,109
Oh, no. Oh, no,
that's just getting louder.

150
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:34,575
This isn't good.
It's not good at all.

151
00:05:34,818 --> 00:05:36,316
Actually, it's kind of perfect.

152
00:05:36,317 --> 00:05:37,258
Right?

153
00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:39,500
The big windows,
the classical music.

154
00:05:39,501 --> 00:05:40,897
It's like we're in a movie.

155
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:42,782
Turn it up, handsome.

156
00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:44,057
You got it!

157
00:05:47,354 --> 00:05:50,554
Obviously, the novelty of the situation
was delaying the inevitable.

158
00:05:50,624 --> 00:05:53,052
But I didn't want to get halfway
into a trip to Yellowstone

159
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,287
before Phil discovered

160
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:56,505
what malevolent hellspawn
we have for children...

161
00:05:57,276 --> 00:05:58,755
Whom I love very much.

162
00:06:01,247 --> 00:06:02,798
Alex, honey,
that's a cute sweater.

163
00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:03,942
Doesn't Haley have one like that?

164
00:06:03,943 --> 00:06:05,119
Oh, it actually is hers.

165
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,094
- I took it from her closet before we left.
- Really?

166
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:09,749
Ooh. Sorry, girls.
Didn't mean to start a whole thing.

167
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:14,136
I am so sick of you always
looking better in my clothes.

168
00:06:14,137 --> 00:06:16,892
- When did that happen?
- You're okay with this?

169
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,545
Oh, yeah. She can wear
whatever she wants

170
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,179
after I've had it for six months.

171
00:06:20,606 --> 00:06:21,786
- Oh.
- Or I get it automatically

172
00:06:21,787 --> 00:06:23,331
if you buy anything
that looks like it.

173
00:06:23,410 --> 00:06:25,883
This just feels right.
Huh, team?

174
00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,248
Matter of fact,

175
00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:30,337
I was thinking we could all drive up
to Yellowstone this summer.

176
00:06:30,352 --> 00:06:31,664
But I say,

177
00:06:31,813 --> 00:06:34,881
let's take this beeyotch
ocean to ocean!

178
00:06:34,882 --> 00:06:36,452
- That'd be cool!
- Awesome!

179
00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:37,773
We're doing it!

180
00:06:38,327 --> 00:06:39,382
Phil, the road!

181
00:06:43,657 --> 00:06:45,592
I don't know what
button I just pressed,

182
00:06:46,063 --> 00:06:47,511
but that was amazing.

183
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,078
My backpack's definitely
not in there.

184
00:06:57,079 --> 00:06:58,864
Well, they're not
picking up their phone.

185
00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:00,717
He must've brought it inside.

186
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,713
Sorry, kid, looks like
you're out of luck.

187
00:07:03,105 --> 00:07:04,218
Come!

188
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:05,911
Don't they have a burglar alarm?

189
00:07:05,912 --> 00:07:07,095
Ay, please.

190
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,260
Okay, everybody,
split up and search.

191
00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:11,325
Jay, you look in the bedroom.

192
00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:12,786
I'm not looking in their bedroom.

193
00:07:12,787 --> 00:07:15,848
Fine. Mom, I don't think
my backpack is in Cam's bag.

194
00:07:15,849 --> 00:07:17,435
I was just closing it for him.

195
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,193
I... heard a noise.

196
00:07:19,194 --> 00:07:21,075
Looks like the guys
threw a little party.

197
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,707
I noticed. They brought out
the guest soaps.

198
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,926
How long have you been in here?

199
00:07:25,798 --> 00:07:28,381
Hey.
This is that bottle of wine

200
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,306
I bought Phil when
he started his company.

201
00:07:30,307 --> 00:07:33,475
And Claire's lipstick is
on many of these wineglasses.

202
00:07:33,476 --> 00:07:35,419
Pictionary.
They had game night?

203
00:07:35,854 --> 00:07:37,768
But we always go to game night.

204
00:07:37,769 --> 00:07:39,673
Son of a bitch.
They snubbed us.

205
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:41,754
Found it!

206
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,208
There must've been a dozen players.

207
00:07:44,856 --> 00:07:46,359
Pepper was here.

208
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,656
But Pepper loves me.

209
00:07:49,587 --> 00:07:50,534
Okay, she's all set.

210
00:07:50,535 --> 00:07:52,882
I defy you to find a tighter bun
in this gymnasium.

211
00:07:53,249 --> 00:07:54,896
Lot of different ways
you could've said that.

212
00:07:55,331 --> 00:07:57,089
Oh, and good luck
on your floor routine, sweetie.

213
00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,146
Not that you need it.

214
00:07:59,885 --> 00:08:00,773
That's Abby.

215
00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:01,867
- Mm-hmm.
- She's the best in class.

216
00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:03,275
- Oh.
- She's our competition.

217
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,085
I've never wanted
to beat a kid so badly.

218
00:08:05,086 --> 00:08:06,364
Are you not hearing these?

219
00:08:06,766 --> 00:08:07,795
No? Okay.

220
00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:09,206
Oh, Lily's on the beam.

221
00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:10,788
I'm nervous about her dismount.

222
00:08:10,789 --> 00:08:12,291
You said that she could
stick the landing, right?

223
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,651
Yeah, as long as she breathes,
relies on her training,

224
00:08:14,652 --> 00:08:15,877
and stays in the zone.

225
00:08:15,981 --> 00:08:17,815
We are talking about
her stepping off a 6-inch beam.

226
00:08:17,816 --> 00:08:19,543
And not falling. Right.

227
00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:21,709
I have to admit.

228
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,743
Seeing Lily do so well
brought out something in me.

229
00:08:24,798 --> 00:08:26,636
The pride of being
a parent of a child

230
00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:29,573
who wasn't just
participating but thriving.

231
00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:32,584
Okay, here comes her dismount.

232
00:08:32,585 --> 00:08:35,645
Stick it Lily. Stick it!

233
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:39,685
She stuck it!

234
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:41,184
- Mm!
- She stuck it!

235
00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:43,666
9.4.

236
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:45,960
If no one beat my daughter's
score on the beam,

237
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,805
she would make pre-team.

238
00:08:48,349 --> 00:08:49,947
She'd be one of the elite.

239
00:08:51,477 --> 00:08:52,902
Funny thing, pride.

240
00:08:53,263 --> 00:08:55,809
They say it goeth before the...

241
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,606
Fall. Fall.

242
00:08:57,607 --> 00:08:59,406
- Fall.
- Mitchell, I can hear you...

243
00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:00,902
- What?
- Rooting for a little girl to fall.

244
00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:03,132
If I can hear you,
other people can hear you.

245
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,459
Yes!

246
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,917
I don't know why I said that.
I don't... I'm sorry.

247
00:09:06,918 --> 00:09:08,013
Yeah, he didn't mean it.

248
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,438
- I didn't mean it.
- No, um, he just got caught up.

249
00:09:10,768 --> 00:09:12,076
And, uh, you know, we all know

250
00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:14,394
competition makes people
do crazy things. So...

251
00:09:14,395 --> 00:09:17,320
Look at this! Her bun fell apart
during the floor exercise.

252
00:09:17,321 --> 00:09:19,573
Her hair got in her eyes
and she couldn't even finish!

253
00:09:19,574 --> 00:09:21,256
You did it on purpose!

254
00:09:21,257 --> 00:09:22,780
- No!
- Daddies!

255
00:09:22,781 --> 00:09:24,560
I'm in first place.

256
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,897
- Yay.
- That's great.

257
00:09:30,048 --> 00:09:31,330
Did you offend them?

258
00:09:31,331 --> 00:09:33,154
Me? They love me.

259
00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:35,975
Can we go now?
I have a poetry reading tonight.

260
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:37,838
And speaking of that,

261
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,122
- are you sure you guys really want...
- It makes no sense.

262
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:42,403
We're always the life
of every party.

263
00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:43,830
Maybe they didn't invite you

264
00:09:43,831 --> 00:09:45,240
because you're a couple of snoops?

265
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:47,398
Okay, Mr. Goody two-shoes.

266
00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:49,470
A trait normal parents would value.

267
00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:53,404
Jay, I think you're right about him.

268
00:09:53,405 --> 00:09:56,274
He's been too good
lately for a teenager.

269
00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:57,626
It's not normal.

270
00:09:57,870 --> 00:09:59,490
I am afraid that
the world is going to...

271
00:09:59,491 --> 00:10:01,709
- Oh, hell, no. This is too far.
- Ay.

272
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:02,920
Look at this.

273
00:10:04,546 --> 00:10:05,722
Is that supposed to be...

274
00:10:05,723 --> 00:10:06,740
That's us.

275
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,722
Not only do we get blown off,

276
00:10:08,723 --> 00:10:10,217
now they're making fun of us.

277
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:13,522
Well, I'm just gonna
leave them a little message.

278
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,044
As far as I'm concerned,

279
00:10:17,358 --> 00:10:18,804
they can all...

280
00:10:22,868 --> 00:10:25,022
Horse mouth!
That's a good one!

281
00:10:25,023 --> 00:10:26,767
No, "horse mouth"
is not an expression.

282
00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:28,064
You can't get this?

283
00:10:28,386 --> 00:10:30,309
Look. Donkey.

284
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,577
That's not a donkey.
Look at the ears.

285
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:34,533
Okay. Donkey mouth!

286
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,210
That's a terrible guess.

287
00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:37,880
That's a terrible drawing!

288
00:10:37,881 --> 00:10:40,527
- Hello? - We weren't invited
because you stink at this game.

289
00:10:40,528 --> 00:10:41,748
At least I can draw!

290
00:10:41,749 --> 00:10:43,293
Excuse me.
Just need a signature.

291
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,581
Yeah, sure.

292
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:49,080
Okay.

293
00:10:50,242 --> 00:10:51,402
Here we go.

294
00:10:51,974 --> 00:10:52,883
There. Thank you.

295
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:53,940
Yep.

296
00:10:55,094 --> 00:10:57,022
That's not a signature.
You drew a cat.

297
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:58,243
Thank you.

298
00:11:06,739 --> 00:11:09,172
Perfect freaking harmony.

299
00:11:09,274 --> 00:11:10,381
That's when it hit me.

300
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,772
Maybe it's not the cold
confines of a moving vehicle

301
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,412
that brings out
the worst in my kids.

302
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:18,596
Maybe I bring out
the worst in them

303
00:11:18,597 --> 00:11:22,181
when there's no fun-lovin'
Phil around to neutralize my toxins.

304
00:11:22,618 --> 00:11:24,211
I was in a full shame spiral.

305
00:11:24,362 --> 00:11:25,690
Aah! A bee!

306
00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:28,557
And then something
wonderful happened.

307
00:11:28,744 --> 00:11:29,613
I got it!

308
00:11:29,614 --> 00:11:31,784
- Ow! You idiot!
- Kill it!

309
00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:32,946
No, don't!

310
00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,232
Haven't you heard
of colony collapse?

311
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:35,584
Bees are endangered!

312
00:11:35,598 --> 00:11:36,964
Okay, guys, stand still.

313
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:38,505
They can't see you
if you're not moving.

314
00:11:38,506 --> 00:11:40,171
- It's coming near me!
- Aah!

315
00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:41,861
- Aah!
- Do I look like a bee?

316
00:11:41,862 --> 00:11:43,193
No, that was an accident!

317
00:11:43,194 --> 00:11:44,635
Well, so is this!

318
00:11:47,259 --> 00:11:49,232
Everyone remain calm!
I'll just open up

319
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:50,890
the double-tilt Swiss skylight

320
00:11:50,891 --> 00:11:52,201
and the airflow will pull

321
00:11:52,202 --> 00:11:53,696
- the bee out of...
- Aah! There's another bee now!

322
00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:54,916
We must be near its cave!

323
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:57,111
Oh, my God!
There's so much stupid in here!

324
00:11:57,112 --> 00:11:59,120
All right, I'm pulling
this thing over.

325
00:11:59,237 --> 00:12:00,635
Those are the wipers.

326
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,052
Claire, say something!

327
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:04,687
Kids, stop, please.

328
00:12:04,688 --> 00:12:07,621
Hey, there are daily
flights to Yellowstone.

329
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,085
Aah! You ripped my sweater!

330
00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,415
My sweater, which you
shouldn't even be wearing!

331
00:12:13,319 --> 00:12:15,434
- Aah! Get off of my sweater!
- Short layover in Salt Lake.

332
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,165
Are you really not
gonna do anything?

333
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:19,380
Oh, Phil, you must have known
this was gonna happen.

334
00:12:19,381 --> 00:12:21,847
I know that tone.
You're making a point.

335
00:12:22,090 --> 00:12:23,875
It's better that you find out
who they are now

336
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,020
than when you're halfway
across the country.

337
00:12:27,196 --> 00:12:28,635
Well, I guess I'm just a naive boob

338
00:12:28,636 --> 00:12:30,260
who thought we liked each other!

339
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,114
Obviously, it was too much to ask

340
00:12:32,115 --> 00:12:34,460
to think that we could take
one magnificent trip

341
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:36,538
in a tricked-out,
state-of-the-art R.V.

342
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,874
to see the sun
dancing off the Pacific.

343
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,725
What a huge ask!

344
00:12:55,803 --> 00:12:57,949
I can't stand the way
everyone's starting at us.

345
00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,333
Yeah, I know.
It's the way we look at people

346
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:01,400
who walk with their pet birds.

347
00:13:01,637 --> 00:13:02,552
There she is!

348
00:13:02,553 --> 00:13:05,042
Hey, good luck on your balance
beam routine, sweetie.

349
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:07,153
- You're gonna do great.
- I'll never beat Lily.

350
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,458
Of course you will,
because you're a superstar!

351
00:13:09,669 --> 00:13:11,642
And your daughter's a genius.
I am such a fan. Such a fan.

352
00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,741
- Okay, now you're overcompensating.
- I have to!

353
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:15,669
You saw what a monster
I was out there.

354
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:18,753
This... this is the exact thing
I always hated in my dad,

355
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:22,646
that ugly macho
testosterone drive to win,

356
00:13:22,647 --> 00:13:24,472
and today it has flowered in me.

357
00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:26,935
- Well...
- No, this ends today, Cam.

358
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,342
I am not passing this on to Lily.

359
00:13:28,343 --> 00:13:29,889
Well, it's not all on you.
You know,

360
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:32,969
I'm beginning to think maybe
I did sabotage Abby's hair.

361
00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:35,169
I didn't spray.
I didn't Beyonce.

362
00:13:35,407 --> 00:13:37,374
I basically built
a ticking time bun.

363
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:38,610
Well...

364
00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:44,748
Are you okay?

365
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,300
No.

366
00:13:48,646 --> 00:13:51,254
- My hair hurts.
- I'll fix it.

367
00:13:55,122 --> 00:13:56,322
We should find Lily.

368
00:13:56,413 --> 00:13:58,654
Did you see what
your daughter just did?

369
00:14:00,652 --> 00:14:02,653
Uh... Lily, did you pull
the pins out of Julie's hair?

370
00:14:02,654 --> 00:14:04,062
Yeah, she fell.

371
00:14:04,227 --> 00:14:06,019
- Oh.
- Okay, um...

372
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:08,342
I... Could I get everyone's
attention for just a moment?

373
00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:09,831
We consider what
our daughter just did

374
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:12,114
to be an embarrassment
to the sport of gymnastics.

375
00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:14,936
I assure you,
she did not learn this from us.

376
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,298
And as far as we are concerned,
that is a sign of weakness...

377
00:14:17,299 --> 00:14:19,411
Not the way a winner behaves,
but the way...

378
00:14:19,412 --> 00:14:21,659
- A loser behaves.
- A loser behaves.

379
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,794
Come on, Lily. Let's get
your grips and tiger paws.

380
00:14:23,795 --> 00:14:26,842
- You're going to a time-out.
- Yeah. A nice long one.

381
00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:30,918
I made pre-team, and my daddies
get to watch from outside.

382
00:14:31,024 --> 00:14:33,096
- No closer than 100 feet.
- But we're appealing.

383
00:14:33,097 --> 00:14:35,610
- Yay!
- Yay, Lily!

384
00:14:38,097 --> 00:14:40,673
Kill the chicken!
Chicken fingers!

385
00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:43,366
- Pigeon man!
- "Pigeon man."Pigeon man"!

386
00:14:43,577 --> 00:14:45,195
You see, Tony, it's not me.

387
00:14:45,238 --> 00:14:46,635
Would you invite her
to game night?

388
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,686
I'm gonna go now.

389
00:14:47,802 --> 00:14:50,147
They're kinda sticklers about
the next-day delivery thing.

390
00:14:50,947 --> 00:14:53,140
- Bird in the hand!
- There you go.

391
00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:55,558
Any slower, she'd be
the U.S. mail, am I right?

392
00:14:55,841 --> 00:14:57,325
That's gonna kill
at the warehouse.

393
00:14:57,326 --> 00:14:59,627
You see?
You are the problem.

394
00:14:59,628 --> 00:15:01,948
Except you cheated.
I saw you look at the paper.

395
00:15:01,949 --> 00:15:03,219
I knew it.

396
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,454
You're no better.

397
00:15:04,455 --> 00:15:06,425
All the screaming and bullying.

398
00:15:06,426 --> 00:15:08,843
The question isn't why
you two weren't invited.

399
00:15:08,844 --> 00:15:10,741
It's why you're ever invited.

400
00:15:10,805 --> 00:15:13,597
And by the way,
this isn't even about you.

401
00:15:14,337 --> 00:15:15,905
"Treasure... chest."

402
00:15:15,906 --> 00:15:17,937
Now can we clean this place up and go?

403
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,080
Funny story.

404
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:25,084
My mom and Jay were invited.

405
00:15:25,248 --> 00:15:26,827
Cam gave me
the invitation at school,

406
00:15:26,828 --> 00:15:27,982
and I forgot about it.

407
00:15:28,186 --> 00:15:30,570
But how could I tell them
right after I'd shamed them?

408
00:15:30,632 --> 00:15:32,176
I had to cover my tracks.

409
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,641
It's true, Jay. I cheated.

410
00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:38,317
I cheat a little bit every time that
we come to the game night.

411
00:15:38,341 --> 00:15:40,050
I think Mitch saw me the last time,

412
00:15:40,051 --> 00:15:42,039
and that's why they don't want
to play with us anymore.

413
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,399
But why would you do that?

414
00:15:43,411 --> 00:15:44,723
I don't know!

415
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:47,072
Maybe because
I don't want you to think

416
00:15:47,073 --> 00:15:48,476
that I am not smart.

417
00:15:48,477 --> 00:15:50,245
I would never think that.

418
00:15:50,423 --> 00:15:51,982
And besides, it's my fault, anyway.

419
00:15:51,983 --> 00:15:54,545
The kid is right.
I'm too competitive.

420
00:15:54,546 --> 00:15:57,109
Lost a game of Yahtzee once.
The dice are still on the wall.

421
00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:58,719
Yeah, but at least
you're not a cheater.

422
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,111
I feel like such a donkey mouth.

423
00:16:01,442 --> 00:16:03,930
Guys, there's something
you should know.

424
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:07,459
It's Trivial Pursuit night
at mom's church.

425
00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:09,559
I hate for you to miss
my poetry reading,

426
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,002
but maybe you could
head down there,

427
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,411
work on your sportsmanship,

428
00:16:12,412 --> 00:16:14,523
and you will feel better
about yourselves.

429
00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:17,054
Are you sure you're going
to be okay without me there?

430
00:16:17,055 --> 00:16:19,895
Yes, mother. Mother.
I'll be in the car.

431
00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:23,567
I get this damn competitive
streak from my old man.

432
00:16:23,568 --> 00:16:25,501
It's a miracle I didn't
pass it down to Mitchell.

433
00:16:25,502 --> 00:16:27,346
I love that we can
blame our parents.

434
00:16:27,347 --> 00:16:30,686
My mother was the biggest
cheater I've ever known.

435
00:16:30,687 --> 00:16:33,608
And she used to snoop on
everything that we did.

436
00:16:33,609 --> 00:16:35,680
Ay. Jay, look at this.

437
00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:38,135
Our invitation.

438
00:16:38,136 --> 00:16:40,059
They must have forgot
to give it to us.

439
00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:42,452
No. I checked this bag
when we got here,

440
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,973
- and it wasn't there.
- Why are you always...

441
00:16:43,974 --> 00:16:45,693
You know I have a problem.

442
00:16:45,948 --> 00:16:47,180
This was Manny.

443
00:16:47,593 --> 00:16:49,517
He forgot to give it to us,

444
00:16:49,518 --> 00:16:52,266
and then he came and
tried to sneak it in there.

445
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,922
Why wouldn't he just tell us?

446
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:57,419
Maybe because he doesn't
want us to go to the reading.

447
00:16:57,890 --> 00:17:00,898
That's why he was talking about
the church and the game.

448
00:17:01,698 --> 00:17:02,982
He was working us.

449
00:17:02,983 --> 00:17:04,838
Guess he's not too much
of a goody two-shoes.

450
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:08,898
No. He's a lying,
scheming little sneak.

451
00:17:10,257 --> 00:17:11,681
That's my son.

452
00:17:11,735 --> 00:17:12,942
Our son.

453
00:17:14,447 --> 00:17:16,536
I've never seen dad
freak out like that before.

454
00:17:16,537 --> 00:17:17,945
I feel terrible.

455
00:17:18,102 --> 00:17:19,586
Oh, it's partly my fault.

456
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:22,202
I goaded you guys into
a fight to prove a point.

457
00:17:22,382 --> 00:17:24,103
Why do I always have to win?

458
00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:25,508
How did I get this way?

459
00:17:28,350 --> 00:17:29,406
That you?

460
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:31,386
Yeah.

461
00:17:31,895 --> 00:17:33,144
- You?
- Yep.

462
00:17:33,484 --> 00:17:34,869
How many kids in yours?

463
00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:36,397
Felt like 30.

464
00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:37,581
I got four.

465
00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:40,588
But I'm thinking of emancipating
two of them early.

466
00:17:40,589 --> 00:17:42,982
Tell me one of you
has cigarettes or a flask.

467
00:17:42,983 --> 00:17:44,101
Sorry, buddy.

468
00:17:44,487 --> 00:17:46,086
I've been through every state...

469
00:17:46,388 --> 00:17:49,843
depressed, catatonic, Arkansas.

470
00:17:49,982 --> 00:17:53,233
I considered faking my own death
in Bryce Canyon National Park.

471
00:17:53,568 --> 00:17:55,903
Have you been?
Not to be missed.

472
00:17:55,904 --> 00:17:58,312
I'm gonna miss it.
I'm missing every bit of it.

473
00:17:58,439 --> 00:18:01,105
I'm not spending another second
in that rolling asylum.

474
00:18:01,271 --> 00:18:04,383
Poor guy. How long you been
on the road? Couple weeks?

475
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,495
Couple days?

476
00:18:10,396 --> 00:18:12,972
Dad's in the middle
of a super sad dude hug.

477
00:18:13,431 --> 00:18:15,086
We really disappointed him.

478
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,022
Yeah, maybe we should
just suck it up

479
00:18:17,023 --> 00:18:18,728
and go to jellystone this summer.

480
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,402
Wait. That's why
dad got this thing?

481
00:18:22,304 --> 00:18:24,105
I-I can't go
on a trip this summer.

482
00:18:24,149 --> 00:18:25,933
- Why?
- I've...

483
00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:30,729
- I've got stuff.
- Huh? No. What stuff?

484
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:32,608
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Luke.

485
00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:35,423
Summer school.
I'm failing pre-algebra.

486
00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:37,733
- Why didn't you say something?
- I don't know.

487
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:38,941
I feel stupid.

488
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:40,727
You know what it's like
to follow her?

489
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,237
All the teachers look at me

490
00:18:42,238 --> 00:18:44,806
and think that I'm some
kind of irrational remainder.

491
00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:47,180
- Did I use that right?
- No.

492
00:18:47,511 --> 00:18:48,671
Dang it.

493
00:18:48,918 --> 00:18:51,141
But why didn't you ask me?
I would've tutored you.

494
00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:54,457
I tried, but you were
always off in your room

495
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:56,629
or some corner
of the house on the phone.

496
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,536
Yeah, who have you been
talking to so much lately?

497
00:18:58,537 --> 00:18:59,880
- Aaron?
- Who's Aaron?

498
00:18:59,881 --> 00:19:01,500
Actually, it's two boys...
Aaron and Alex.

499
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:03,759
- Oh, two boys.
- A boy named Alex likes you?

500
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,742
Yeah, I know. It's weird.

501
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,654
But my friend Andi with an "I"...
She's a girl...

502
00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:08,360
- also liked Alex.
- The boy?

503
00:19:08,361 --> 00:19:10,534
Yes, the boy. I don't refer
to myself in the third person.

504
00:19:10,535 --> 00:19:12,380
- I thought Aaron was the third person.
- No.

505
00:19:12,381 --> 00:19:14,815
Anyway, I thought I was cool
juggling two boys at once,

506
00:19:14,816 --> 00:19:15,897
but...

507
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:18,412
They both ended up
dumping me on the same day.

508
00:19:18,476 --> 00:19:19,971
Sweetie, that's awful.

509
00:19:19,972 --> 00:19:21,892
How did I not know
this was happening?

510
00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:23,517
You've been really busy lately,

511
00:19:23,518 --> 00:19:25,037
like with flipping that house.

512
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,383
And plus I didn't really
want to talk about it,

513
00:19:27,384 --> 00:19:29,305
- because it's kind of embarrassing.
- Oh...

514
00:19:29,561 --> 00:19:33,147
Not as embarrassing as failing
a class that starts with "pre."

515
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:35,030
- Baby...
- You guys wanna feel better?

516
00:19:35,948 --> 00:19:38,133
I auditioned to be a
Laker girl this morning.

517
00:19:38,474 --> 00:19:39,841
- What? You did?
- No way.

518
00:19:39,842 --> 00:19:42,420
I took all those dance classes
when I was younger,

519
00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:43,825
and, I don't know.
I've been trying to figure out

520
00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:45,291
what I want to do with my life,

521
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,946
so I saw online that
there were open tryouts,

522
00:19:47,947 --> 00:19:49,967
- so I went down there.
- And?

523
00:19:50,291 --> 00:19:52,051
I'm the new head Laker girl, mom.

524
00:19:52,347 --> 00:19:54,652
It was a disaster.
I was the worst one there.

525
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:56,646
I couldn't even get
through my routine.

526
00:19:56,647 --> 00:19:58,360
- Oh...
- You have a routine?

527
00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:03,355
Pat, Heath, you guys have given me
the courage to go back in there,

528
00:20:03,356 --> 00:20:04,365
stand up to my wife,

529
00:20:04,366 --> 00:20:06,178
and tell her
she was right all along.

530
00:20:06,365 --> 00:20:07,717
Happy trails, Phil.

531
00:20:09,043 --> 00:20:09,747
Heath?

532
00:20:09,748 --> 00:20:11,653
I might just stay here a while.

533
00:20:14,118 --> 00:20:15,787
Phil. Phil, I have
to show you something.

534
00:20:15,788 --> 00:20:16,832
Don't gloat. I get it.

535
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,633
I keep trying to push
this family closer together,

536
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,507
- but they need their space.
- No, no, no. We have too much space.

537
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:23,224
Being in trapped in one room
has forced us

538
00:20:23,225 --> 00:20:24,511
to actually talk to one another,

539
00:20:24,512 --> 00:20:26,883
and I have found out some
incredible things about our kids.

540
00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,885
Wait. Incredible good?

541
00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:30,138
You tell me.

542
00:20:33,012 --> 00:20:34,716
Oh, my God.

543
00:20:34,922 --> 00:20:38,308
- Dream come true! I don't even
need context! - Yeah!

544
00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:39,784
What is this?

545
00:20:39,785 --> 00:20:42,643
- So our trip's back on?
- We're in if Jolene's in.

546
00:20:42,644 --> 00:20:45,251
- Come on. Do it!
- Yeah!

547
00:20:53,455 --> 00:20:54,613
Oh! Why can't I get this?

548
00:20:54,614 --> 00:20:56,832
You just gotta focus.
Clear your mind.

549
00:20:56,833 --> 00:20:58,870
Loosen up. Get in the zone.
You know this.

550
00:20:58,871 --> 00:21:00,206
Okay, we're gonna walk
through this together,

551
00:21:00,207 --> 00:21:01,347
step by step.

552
00:21:01,348 --> 00:21:03,765
Five, six, seven, eight...

553
00:21:03,778 --> 00:21:06,266
One, two, three, four,

554
00:21:06,267 --> 00:21:09,712
- five and six, seven and eight...
- 56.1 plus or minus 8.25.

555
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,608
- That's the first one.
- One, two, three, four,

556
00:21:11,609 --> 00:21:13,422
- five, six, two, five...
- Okay, number 2... x plus 2 over 4

557
00:21:13,423 --> 00:21:16,423
- equals 3 plus 3... minus...
- Damn it, Alex, do you mind?

558
00:21:16,423 --> 00:21:17,623
We're doing something
important here!

559
00:21:20,027 --> 00:21:21,847
Oh. OK.
Once more.

560
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:23,247
- Like nobody's watching.
- x plus 2...

561
00:21:23,447 --> 00:21:33,447
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