1 00:00:02,666 --> 00:00:03,626 Mmm. 2 00:00:05,212 --> 00:00:06,715 Remember before we had kids, 3 00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:08,678 when we could just lie in bed on a Saturday? 4 00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,515 That's how we got them. 5 00:00:10,599 --> 00:00:13,813 Why did I have to be so sexy? 6 00:00:13,897 --> 00:00:17,779 A few months ago, Luke joined a club soccer team, and at first we were thrilled. 7 00:00:17,863 --> 00:00:21,369 But then we realized it takes over your whole weekend. 8 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,708 And not in the cool MythBusters marathon way. 9 00:00:23,792 --> 00:00:26,379 Luke sits on the bench a lot, 10 00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:28,801 which means we sit in the hot sun for, like, eight hours... 11 00:00:28,885 --> 00:00:30,888 just to see him play five minutes. 12 00:00:30,972 --> 00:00:32,767 But what a five minutes. Tell 'em about last week. 13 00:00:32,851 --> 00:00:35,732 Oh, yeah. Luke stopped a goal with his face. 14 00:00:35,816 --> 00:00:36,984 Yeah. 15 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,238 Too bad he doesn't remember that. 16 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,238 Yeah. 17 00:00:39,322 --> 00:00:42,871 What if we sent Luke to the game without us today? 18 00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,708 - We can't do that. - Why not? 19 00:00:44,792 --> 00:00:47,254 Missing one tournament doesn't make us bad parents. 20 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:50,010 My mom never went to any of my stuff. I'm fine. 21 00:00:50,094 --> 00:00:51,680 Why didn't she go to any of your stuff? 22 00:00:51,764 --> 00:00:53,058 Because she was an incredibly competitive woman... 23 00:00:53,142 --> 00:00:54,978 who didn't like to see me do very well at anything, 24 00:00:55,062 --> 00:00:56,523 but I think it's pretty clear who won. 25 00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:59,195 - Mm-hmm. - I'm working now, you know? 26 00:00:59,279 --> 00:01:02,702 And I really need my weekends back to catch up on errands. 27 00:01:02,786 --> 00:01:04,288 I don't know. It just feels wrong. 28 00:01:04,372 --> 00:01:08,171 Would it feel wrong to use that robot gutter cleaner... 29 00:01:08,255 --> 00:01:10,050 that's been sitting in the box for the last three weeks? 30 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:12,597 - No, that would feel right. So right. - Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:15,060 - Did I tell you I call it the Gutter Done? - You did. 32 00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:17,440 I love "Gutter Done." It's your sense of humor. It's so fun. 33 00:01:17,524 --> 00:01:19,110 Okay, stop drilling. You've struck oil. 34 00:01:19,194 --> 00:01:21,239 But only if Luke's a hundred percent cool with it. 35 00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:22,909 Yeah. Course. I'm on it. 36 00:01:22,993 --> 00:01:26,207 You know, if we're not going, 37 00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:27,919 we could stay in bed a little longer. 38 00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:29,715 No, thank you. 39 00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:29,715 Okay. 40 00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:32,011 Don't wanna have this conversation again in 15 years. 41 00:01:47,584 --> 00:01:49,713 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing with those swatches? 42 00:01:49,797 --> 00:01:51,299 She's gonna be here any minute. 43 00:01:51,383 --> 00:01:53,178 I told you to put all this wedding stuff away. 44 00:01:53,262 --> 00:01:56,518 Are these really our top two choices for color palette? Why are they both white? 45 00:01:56,602 --> 00:01:59,858 That's what my friend Keisha asked about you and Daddy. 46 00:01:59,942 --> 00:02:01,487 Oh. Instead of hiding all this stuff, 47 00:02:01,571 --> 00:02:03,824 why don't you just tell Pam we're getting married? 48 00:02:03,908 --> 00:02:05,745 I will, when she's ready– 49 00:02:05,829 --> 00:02:08,918 carefully and preferably in a large, open field. 50 00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:11,423 She's your sister, not the Hulk. 51 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,844 My big sister, Pam, is emotionally fragile, 52 00:02:13,928 --> 00:02:15,681 and she's still single, so when she finds out... 53 00:02:15,765 --> 00:02:17,936 I'm getting married before she is– Whoo! 54 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,396 Look out. 55 00:02:19,481 --> 00:02:21,317 She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset. 56 00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:22,654 Because that's when they wake up? 57 00:02:22,738 --> 00:02:24,282 Yep. That's morning time for a barn owl. 58 00:02:25,284 --> 00:02:26,912 It's her! 59 00:02:26,996 --> 00:02:28,289 Quick, hide! 60 00:02:28,373 --> 00:02:29,543 It's okay, Lily. 61 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,254 Oh, take that bow out of her hair. 62 00:02:31,338 --> 00:02:33,634 I don't want to rub our daughter's adorableness in my barren sister's face. 63 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:36,723 - There she is! - Hey, Pam! 64 00:02:36,807 --> 00:02:37,892 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 65 00:02:37,976 --> 00:02:40,272 Well, the damn airline lost my trunk. 66 00:02:40,356 --> 00:02:41,817 Now I'm gonna have to make new clothes. 67 00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:43,654 Oh, no. 68 00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:43,654 Yep. 69 00:02:43,738 --> 00:02:46,910 I need to squeeze something. Get over here, Lily. 70 00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:48,914 - I'm good. Yeah, well, she's shy. 71 00:02:48,998 --> 00:02:51,503 So, Pam, we got some big news. 72 00:02:51,587 --> 00:02:53,089 Speaking of big news– 73 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,597 You remember that little ugly girl I used to babysit– Britney Horner? 74 00:02:56,681 --> 00:02:58,601 - Yeah. - Well, she got married last summer, 75 00:02:58,685 --> 00:02:59,936 and now she's pregnant with twins. 76 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:03,026 So, if you're keeping track, that's ugly 2, me nothing. 77 00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:04,361 What's your news? 78 00:03:04,446 --> 00:03:05,573 Um– 79 00:03:04,446 --> 00:03:05,573 Well– 80 00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:08,704 We're getting a new dryer. Oh. 81 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:11,042 Well, I'm very happy for y'all. 82 00:03:11,126 --> 00:03:14,675 - Thank you. - How come I never get a new dryer? 83 00:03:16,971 --> 00:03:18,474 Mom, in all the time you've known Grandpa, 84 00:03:18,558 --> 00:03:20,185 has he ever used the word "fluxions"? 85 00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:22,857 That is not an F-word I've heard him use. 86 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:25,655 He's beating me in Words With Friends. How is that even possible? 87 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,661 Shouldn't you be playing Words With Friends with friends? 88 00:03:28,745 --> 00:03:30,665 Grandpa is my friend. 89 00:03:28,745 --> 00:03:30,665 Oh, of course he is. 90 00:03:30,749 --> 00:03:32,585 That's not sad. What? 91 00:03:32,669 --> 00:03:34,506 Morning, buddy. What's with the pillow? 92 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,720 It's for soccer. My neck gets pretty tired watching all those games. 93 00:03:37,804 --> 00:03:40,058 Right. Yeah, I'll bet. 94 00:03:40,142 --> 00:03:42,187 Say, listen, your dad and I were just talking... 95 00:03:42,271 --> 00:03:45,193 about you maybe wanting to go to the game without us today. 96 00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:47,280 Oh. 97 00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:47,280 But it's totally up to you. 98 00:03:47,364 --> 00:03:49,661 Whatever you want, because we love you very much. 99 00:03:49,745 --> 00:03:51,999 Right. You can either ride with some of your teammates... 100 00:03:52,083 --> 00:03:54,211 like the L.A. Kings, or you can ride with us, 101 00:03:54,295 --> 00:03:56,759 like Gloria and Grandpa take Joe to playdates. 102 00:03:58,011 --> 00:04:00,265 Professional athlete, little poopy baby– Your call. 103 00:04:00,349 --> 00:04:02,102 - I'll get a ride from Max. - Great. 104 00:04:02,186 --> 00:04:05,233 - You sure it's okay? - Yeah, it's fine. Hey, can I borrow your sleep mask? 105 00:04:05,317 --> 00:04:07,321 - You bet. - Awesome. 106 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,326 Yes! I love that kid. 107 00:04:10,411 --> 00:04:12,623 Can you imagine how easy it would be if it was just him? 108 00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:13,751 Mmm. 109 00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:13,751 I mean– 110 00:04:13,835 --> 00:04:15,755 I know what you mean. 111 00:04:21,851 --> 00:04:24,229 You call that folded? Where's that military precision? 112 00:04:24,313 --> 00:04:27,277 We didn't fold many Onesies in the navy. 113 00:04:27,361 --> 00:04:28,781 I'm back! 114 00:04:28,865 --> 00:04:30,366 What did the doctor say? 115 00:04:30,451 --> 00:04:32,455 He said my eyes are perfect. 116 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,167 Where was he looking when he said it? 117 00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:36,588 Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses. 118 00:04:36,672 --> 00:04:38,801 The last couple of months she's been struggling. 119 00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:45,189 ! Ay! 120 00:04:47,903 --> 00:04:50,157 I'll take this one. It looks very good. 121 00:04:52,244 --> 00:04:55,208 That's their address, Magoo. 122 00:04:55,292 --> 00:04:58,047 - Did he even give you an eye test? - He put the spoon in one eye, 123 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,886 the spoon in the other eye, the poof-poof, the eye drops. 124 00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:03,349 20/20. Now who's the Magoo? 125 00:05:04,561 --> 00:05:07,023 What the hell language was that? 126 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:10,531 Did you see that fresh coat of nail polish? She never went to the doctor. 127 00:05:10,615 --> 00:05:12,618 Why would she lie? 128 00:05:10,615 --> 00:05:12,618 She's vain, Manny. 129 00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:14,204 She doesn't want to wear glasses. 130 00:05:14,288 --> 00:05:15,791 Well, she's only hurting herself. 131 00:05:19,967 --> 00:05:22,053 Okay, I hope you're hungry. 132 00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:25,351 Starving. That damn airline ran out of roast beef. 133 00:05:25,436 --> 00:05:27,815 Tried to fast-talk me into eating something called hoo-mus. 134 00:05:27,899 --> 00:05:29,652 Oh, hummus. It's actually really delicious. 135 00:05:29,736 --> 00:05:32,157 You would like the– Uh– Oh. 136 00:05:33,536 --> 00:05:36,081 - What's this? - Oh, uh– That's an action figure. 137 00:05:36,165 --> 00:05:39,631 - It's two grooms. - They melted together in the car on a very, very hot day. 138 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:42,845 - It was 103. - My daddies are getting married. 139 00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:45,643 - Your dads are getting married? 140 00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:47,103 That can't be right. 141 00:05:47,187 --> 00:05:49,776 That's what my friend Keisha says. 142 00:05:52,406 --> 00:05:55,788 - Is this true? - Pam, honest to goodness, we were gonna tell you. 143 00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:58,251 - Get over here, you. - Hey, hey! 144 00:05:58,335 --> 00:05:59,671 She's got me. 145 00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,675 Damn! 146 00:06:01,759 --> 00:06:04,221 This is the greatest news I've ever heard! 147 00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:06,810 Oh, I am so happy to hear you say that, Pam. 148 00:06:06,894 --> 00:06:09,022 Of course! Oh! 149 00:06:09,106 --> 00:06:12,028 I want my baby brother to be happy. Oh! 150 00:06:12,112 --> 00:06:14,659 And as long as we're sharing, I have some news– 151 00:06:14,743 --> 00:06:16,245 You remember Bo Johnson? 152 00:06:16,329 --> 00:06:20,336 Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh! He was my first crush. 153 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,423 Oh. 154 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,423 Oh. 155 00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,050 Please tell me nothing happened to his face. 156 00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:26,098 - What did he fall into? - He fell into me. 157 00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:28,019 - We're engaged! - Say what? 158 00:06:28,103 --> 00:06:29,856 Bo and I are getting married! 159 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:33,154 That is fantastic! Cam, isn't this great news? 160 00:06:33,238 --> 00:06:34,364 Come here, you. Oh! 161 00:06:34,449 --> 00:06:35,701 Yeah. So great. 162 00:06:35,785 --> 00:06:38,247 Oh! Get in on this! Come on! 163 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,333 Oh! 164 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,333 Whoo! 165 00:06:39,418 --> 00:06:41,129 Thank you for jumping. 166 00:06:44,218 --> 00:06:46,806 I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament... 167 00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:50,731 because I had a ton of errands I figured would take me all day to finish. 168 00:06:50,815 --> 00:06:54,947 But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list. 169 00:06:55,031 --> 00:06:59,457 I ended up in every short line. I made every green light. 170 00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:01,503 It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap. 171 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,840 Because suddenly I had no more errands, 172 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,427 which meant no more excuses, 173 00:07:05,511 --> 00:07:08,767 which meant me at that boring soccer tournament. 174 00:07:08,851 --> 00:07:12,065 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 175 00:07:12,149 --> 00:07:14,821 Hi. There you are. Your son is playing so great. 176 00:07:14,905 --> 00:07:16,616 No, I'm Luke's mom. 177 00:07:14,905 --> 00:07:16,616 No, I know. 178 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,704 He's been amazing all day. 179 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,704 Luke? 180 00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:22,293 - Oh! Luke? - Here, you want one? 181 00:07:22,377 --> 00:07:23,964 Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffeed out. 182 00:07:24,048 --> 00:07:25,426 Oh, honey, it's sangria. 183 00:07:25,510 --> 00:07:27,471 Well, all right. 184 00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:31,980 Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating. 185 00:07:32,064 --> 00:07:34,401 On Gloria? How could he possibly do better? 186 00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:36,405 No, not on Gloria. On this game. 187 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,535 I've never lost it to anyone. 188 00:07:38,619 --> 00:07:41,499 Keep playing word games with Grandpa, and you never will. 189 00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,545 Hey, girls! 190 00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,545 Hey. 191 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,632 - What is that thing? - What do they call it, 192 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,218 or what should they have called it? 193 00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:49,682 - Never mind. - Uh, wait, wait, wait. 194 00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,853 It's a gutter cleaner. 195 00:07:51,937 --> 00:07:57,113 Ladies, I give you the future. 196 00:07:59,201 --> 00:08:01,873 How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? 197 00:08:01,957 --> 00:08:05,254 Now that's gonna happen less. 198 00:08:05,338 --> 00:08:08,219 Looks like your gutter cleaner is stuck on something. 199 00:08:08,303 --> 00:08:11,434 Not a problem. This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power. 200 00:08:11,518 --> 00:08:14,482 That's why I've nicknamed it the Gutter Done. 201 00:08:15,317 --> 00:08:16,276 Stop! 202 00:08:15,317 --> 00:08:16,276 Dad! 203 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,405 Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity. 204 00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:19,992 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 205 00:08:20,076 --> 00:08:21,746 - What? What happened? - It's a bird's nest! 206 00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,583 - No! - And they're all dead! 207 00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,879 - Oh, my– - You killed them! 208 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,468 It wasn't me! It was the robot! 209 00:08:28,552 --> 00:08:32,267 Oh, my God! 210 00:08:28,552 --> 00:08:32,267 Look at it. It doesn't know! 211 00:08:32,351 --> 00:08:34,522 - Oh, my God! Gross, gross, gross! 212 00:08:34,606 --> 00:08:37,027 I'm sorry! 213 00:08:38,112 --> 00:08:40,701 Mom! Mom! Help! 214 00:08:38,112 --> 00:08:40,701 What? What happened? 215 00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:42,663 I just ate a handful of this rat poison! 216 00:08:42,747 --> 00:08:44,834 - Why? - I thought it was trail mix. 217 00:08:44,918 --> 00:08:46,921 Why do I keep it so close together? 218 00:08:44,918 --> 00:08:46,921 I'll call 911! 219 00:08:47,005 --> 00:08:48,508 Here, read the box! 220 00:08:48,592 --> 00:08:50,554 Tell me what it says to do! Hurry! 221 00:08:50,638 --> 00:08:53,225 - It says– - 'Cause I don't have much time! 222 00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:56,148 In the– 223 00:08:56,232 --> 00:08:58,653 And I'm dead. 224 00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:02,995 - What? - You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses. 225 00:09:03,079 --> 00:09:05,166 - Wow, Mom. - There's no poison? 226 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:08,172 Oh, there's rat poison, and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix, 227 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,219 but this was to point out that your vanity could be fatal. 228 00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:12,723 I knew this was all a trick. 229 00:09:12,807 --> 00:09:15,562 That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box! 230 00:09:15,646 --> 00:09:18,485 How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria? 231 00:09:19,696 --> 00:09:21,491 It just doesn't make any sense. 232 00:09:21,575 --> 00:09:24,538 Pam and Bo Johnson? My Bo Johnson? 233 00:09:24,622 --> 00:09:27,920 "My"? Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush? 234 00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:30,257 Oh, don't be ridiculous. Bo is straight. 235 00:09:30,341 --> 00:09:32,680 He'd probably never go for me. 236 00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:37,230 Oh, my gosh. It is Bo. 237 00:09:37,314 --> 00:09:39,150 Look. He's hotter than ever. 238 00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:41,781 Mmm-mm-mm-mm. 239 00:09:41,865 --> 00:09:43,283 - I'm gonna answer it. - No, you can't. 240 00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,706 Yes, I can. We're practically family. 241 00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:49,129 Hey, dude. It's Cam. 242 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,297 Where? 243 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,220 Been good. Been real, real good. 244 00:09:53,304 --> 00:09:55,266 Uh-huh. So, you and Pam, huh? 245 00:09:57,395 --> 00:10:01,153 Hey, better be good to my old sis, or I'll have to wrestle you down. 246 00:10:01,237 --> 00:10:03,323 - Oh, my God. - Hey, question– 247 00:10:03,407 --> 00:10:05,996 Do you still have that friendship bracelet that I made for ya? 248 00:10:06,915 --> 00:10:08,501 Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. 249 00:10:08,585 --> 00:10:11,298 If you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back. Uh-huh. 250 00:10:11,382 --> 00:10:13,928 Hey, and, Bo, congratulations. 251 00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,306 You too. 252 00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:16,893 Can you believe it? 253 00:10:16,977 --> 00:10:19,063 - Oh, and we're gay again. - It just doesn't make sense. 254 00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:20,984 I mean, he's got to be after our drilling rights. 255 00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:23,197 I knew it. 256 00:10:23,281 --> 00:10:25,911 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 257 00:10:25,995 --> 00:10:29,919 I knew you couldn't stand the thought of me landing the man of your dreams. 258 00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:33,676 - "Dreams" is strong. - Believe it or not, Bo and I are in love. 259 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,348 He thinks I'm beautiful, and he's right. 260 00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:39,855 And for the record, Bo has twice the land we do. 261 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,401 He has absolutely no interest in my drilling rights. 262 00:10:42,486 --> 00:10:45,074 - Not that kind, at least. - Okay, let's just relax. Hey. 263 00:10:45,158 --> 00:10:48,038 Come on, Pam. Do you wanna pick me up again? 264 00:10:48,122 --> 00:10:49,875 - They warned me, you know. - Who warned you? 265 00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:52,548 The whole family said you wouldn't take it well. 266 00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:55,554 Ever since you moved to the city 'cause you couldn't hack it on the farm. 267 00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,850 - Couldn't hack it? - Yeah, that's right. 268 00:10:57,934 --> 00:11:00,981 Everyone knows, Cam. You're not farm strong. 269 00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:03,570 - You take that back, Pameron Jessica Tucker! - I will not! 270 00:11:03,654 --> 00:11:05,574 You are weak and weepy. 271 00:11:05,658 --> 00:11:07,494 That's why we can't ever say anything to you, 272 00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:09,748 'cause we know you'll crumble into a big heaping mess! 273 00:11:09,832 --> 00:11:13,255 Oh, are you saying I'm the one people have to step around? That I'm the Pam of the family? 274 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:16,637 You mean the Cam of the family? 'Cause that's what we all call it! 275 00:11:16,721 --> 00:11:18,641 Okay, that's enough! 276 00:11:16,721 --> 00:11:18,641 Oh, yeah? Well, I was Gammy's favorite! 277 00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:20,185 Really? 278 00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:20,185 Yeah! 279 00:11:20,269 --> 00:11:23,025 Come on! Enough! No! 280 00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:26,449 Seriously, Pameron? 281 00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,126 Oh! Way to go, Luke! 282 00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:33,630 Kid's amazing. 283 00:11:33,714 --> 00:11:35,842 So great, right? Hello? 284 00:11:35,926 --> 00:11:37,554 Claire? Phil? 285 00:11:37,638 --> 00:11:40,810 Oh, hi, honey. I was– I was just about to call you. 286 00:11:40,894 --> 00:11:42,981 I killed a bunch of baby birds. 287 00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:44,693 What? 288 00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:44,693 My robot wiped out the nest, 289 00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:46,822 and now the mom's just staring at me. 290 00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,997 They recognize faces, you know. I saw it in a documentary. 291 00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:52,709 Sweetie, I'm sure it was just an accident. 292 00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,964 None of this would've happened if we'd gone to Luke's game. 293 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,509 We're terrible parents for not going. 294 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,509 No, no. 295 00:11:56,593 --> 00:11:59,263 - Is that a whistle? Where are you? 296 00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:01,894 Um, I-I'm just walking by a construction site. 297 00:12:01,978 --> 00:12:03,523 Pervs! 298 00:12:03,607 --> 00:12:05,192 Sorry. Sorry. Not you. 299 00:12:05,276 --> 00:12:07,029 I hope Luke's not mad at us. 300 00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:08,491 No, he's fine, honey. 301 00:12:08,575 --> 00:12:11,079 Or he's not. He-He could be mad. We don't know. 302 00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:13,041 We won't– We won't know. I'll-I'll be home soon though. 303 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:14,712 I love you. Okay, bye-bye. 304 00:12:14,796 --> 00:12:16,131 Thank you. It was great. 305 00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:17,551 Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke. 306 00:12:17,635 --> 00:12:20,097 Don't tell your dad I was here, all right? Great game. 307 00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:22,561 Claire? 308 00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:23,813 Claire? 309 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,628 Say good night to Daddy. 310 00:12:35,712 --> 00:12:37,549 Mwah. Good night, my boy. 311 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,805 Hey, Grandpa, great word you played earlier today. 312 00:12:40,889 --> 00:12:42,434 What does "syzygy" even mean? 313 00:12:42,518 --> 00:12:44,312 It means 45 points. Ha! 314 00:12:46,024 --> 00:12:48,529 Hey, everybody. You remember my sister Pam? 315 00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:51,619 Oh, hi, Pam. 316 00:12:48,613 --> 00:12:51,619 She's here to pay a visit and cast aspersions. 317 00:12:51,703 --> 00:12:52,954 - Oh, grow up. - You grow up. 318 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,458 Real good one. 319 00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:56,837 Hi, y'all. I brought boar. 320 00:12:56,921 --> 00:12:58,800 Oh. Well, let me give you a hand with that. 321 00:12:58,884 --> 00:13:02,933 Cam, look. I know you're upset, but please just try and let it go tonight. 322 00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:06,482 Can you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? I mean, how crazy is that? 323 00:13:06,566 --> 00:13:08,318 Boy! 324 00:13:06,566 --> 00:13:08,318 "Boy"? 325 00:13:08,402 --> 00:13:11,659 Is that your thinly veiled way of saying you agree with her? 326 00:13:08,402 --> 00:13:11,659 Pfft. 327 00:13:11,743 --> 00:13:14,247 You know what? If I was fragile, I would care, but I'm not, so I don't. 328 00:13:14,331 --> 00:13:16,376 Good. 329 00:13:14,331 --> 00:13:16,376 Good. And you know what? 330 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,340 That shirt washes you out, so don't be shocked when someone mistakes you for a beige candle. 331 00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:20,844 Hey, everyone. 332 00:13:20,928 --> 00:13:22,514 Hi, Luke. Hey, buddy. 333 00:13:22,598 --> 00:13:24,350 I'm so sorry I missed your game. 334 00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:26,856 We are both so sorry we missed your game. 335 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,028 The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows. 336 00:13:30,112 --> 00:13:32,116 Actually, it's not a bunch of crows. It's called a murder. 337 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,913 I know what I did! 338 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,913 How was your game? 339 00:13:34,997 --> 00:13:36,374 Fine. Nothing special. 340 00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:38,211 What do you mean, "Fine, nothing special"? 341 00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:42,261 Well, there was this girl on the 16-year-old team who wasn't wearing a bra. 342 00:13:42,345 --> 00:13:43,890 - So that was cool. - Huh. 343 00:13:43,974 --> 00:13:47,062 Josh's mom texted me. She said you were having a great game. 344 00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:48,984 She drinks. 345 00:13:49,986 --> 00:13:51,614 I-I'll be right back. 346 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,076 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, Pam. 347 00:13:57,166 --> 00:14:00,130 It's my parents again. I'm getting married soon, 348 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,427 and they're already acting like they have empty nest syndrome. 349 00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:08,188 I appreciate you not saying anything to your dad about me being there, 350 00:14:08,272 --> 00:14:10,275 but why aren't you telling him what a great game you played? 351 00:14:10,359 --> 00:14:12,112 I can tell he feels bad enough for missing it. 352 00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,783 I don't want to make him feel worse. 353 00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:16,956 Oh, I screwed up. 354 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,626 Why? What's wrong? 355 00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:20,672 I talked Phil into skipping Luke's game, and then I went. 356 00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,425 And of course he played the game of his life. 357 00:14:22,509 --> 00:14:24,513 But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil about the game now... 358 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,182 because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. 359 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,771 Oh, well, I think it's sweet that Luke's protecting Phil. 360 00:14:28,855 --> 00:14:33,489 You know, we all have to protect my sister in my family because she's such a disaster. 361 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,493 Mmm. 362 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,493 I mean, you can see it, right? 363 00:14:35,577 --> 00:14:38,331 Did think it was a little weird she brought pig to a party. 364 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:40,587 Hey! I can say it. 365 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:43,926 Hey, hon. 366 00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:46,014 I'm sorry about what I did before. 367 00:14:46,098 --> 00:14:48,769 I saw this, and I thought it would look beautiful on you. 368 00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:50,355 Ay. 369 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,781 You know I can't stay mad at you when you buy me... glasses? 370 00:14:54,865 --> 00:14:57,829 - You son of a bitch! - Just try 'em on. You'll still look gorgeous. 371 00:14:57,913 --> 00:15:00,375 I will try them on when you buy hearing aids! 372 00:15:00,460 --> 00:15:02,129 There's nothing wrong with my hearing. 373 00:15:02,213 --> 00:15:05,928 Um, I have a, uh, hearing test app on my phone. 374 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,306 Let's do it! 375 00:15:08,977 --> 00:15:10,730 You do it! 376 00:15:08,977 --> 00:15:10,730 Okay. 377 00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:15,238 - Everybody under the age of 60 should be able to hear this. 378 00:15:15,322 --> 00:15:16,909 - Yeah, definitely. 379 00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:19,080 What? You're lying. You didn't hear anything. 380 00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:21,125 We did. You see, you're deaf. 381 00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:23,464 Okay, 70. 382 00:15:25,594 --> 00:15:27,096 Did she put you up to this? 383 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:29,935 Here, Grandpa, I'll play you something even louder. 384 00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:32,857 - Okay. I heard that one. - I didn't press anything. 385 00:15:32,941 --> 00:15:35,112 - Oh, look who's a cheater. 386 00:15:35,196 --> 00:15:37,116 Don't worry about it, big guy. I have trouble smelling lemons. 387 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,786 You know, I don't need any of this. 388 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:41,082 But I'll tell you what I can hear loud and clear. 389 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,504 The sound of you all munching free food. 390 00:15:43,588 --> 00:15:46,802 Oh, come on, Dad. Aren't you being a little oversensitive? 391 00:15:46,886 --> 00:15:48,681 Oh, well, we can consult my sister Pam. 392 00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,726 She's the self-appointed sensitivity expert. 393 00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,726 Uh-oh. 394 00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:52,981 - Oh, let it go. - I will not let it go. 395 00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:56,905 In fact, I would like everyone to be honest with me, please, right now. No sugarcoating. 396 00:15:56,989 --> 00:16:01,164 My sister here seems to think you all have to walk on eggshells around me. 397 00:16:01,248 --> 00:16:03,544 - Eggshells. - Do you all think I'm so fragile, 398 00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:06,925 you can't tell me things for fear of how I will react? 399 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,514 - Well– - Claire, don't. Zip. Bup, bup, bup. 400 00:16:09,598 --> 00:16:13,021 No. Let her talk, please. Claire, you have the floor. 401 00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,944 W-Well, you're not not fragile. 402 00:16:17,238 --> 00:16:19,033 Okay. Well, why don't you give me an example... 403 00:16:19,117 --> 00:16:22,540 of something you haven't told me because you were worried I couldn't handle it? 404 00:16:22,624 --> 00:16:24,084 Go on. 405 00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:26,130 All right. 406 00:16:26,214 --> 00:16:28,552 Last week when we were supposed to have lunch and you canceled– 407 00:16:28,636 --> 00:16:30,723 Mm-hmm. 408 00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:32,310 Beyoncé was at the restaurant. 409 00:16:33,438 --> 00:16:35,942 Okay. Uh, the singer or Pepper's dog? 410 00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:37,445 The singer. 411 00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:42,622 And when I was leaving, I– I stopped and I said hello to her, 412 00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:44,585 and we chatted for, like, 10 minutes. 413 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:48,425 Okay, that's great. I'm glad you had that experience. 414 00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:50,930 I mean, I don't know what you talked to her about, 415 00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:52,850 seeing that you don't know any of her songs... 416 00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:55,146 other than "Single Ladies," which everyone knows. 417 00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,443 - Love that song. - I'm surprised you can hear it. 418 00:16:57,527 --> 00:17:00,156 Well, this was fun. Who's hungry? Hey, where's that boar? 419 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,829 - Okay, anyone else? - Well, since we're coming clean, 420 00:17:02,913 --> 00:17:04,916 you overuse the word "divine." 421 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,878 It's just an ice cream sandwich. 422 00:17:06,962 --> 00:17:08,465 You're the boy who cried "divine." 423 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,469 Okay. Was not aware of that. Duly noted. 424 00:17:10,553 --> 00:17:14,184 Hey, I got one! Remember that blue rotary phone you gave me for Christmas? 425 00:17:14,268 --> 00:17:15,646 - Yes. - I tossed it. 426 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,067 Okay. May I ask the reason? 427 00:17:18,151 --> 00:17:20,573 It made me feel like Ann-Margret in Bye Bye Birdie. 428 00:17:20,657 --> 00:17:22,117 Why? 429 00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:23,495 Okay, anyone else? 430 00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:26,208 I don't really like the shirts with the crazy cuffs. 431 00:17:26,292 --> 00:17:28,505 I'm sorry. Can you push your boobs down, because I couldn't hear you. 432 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,843 Here we go. - No, no. Here we don't go. 433 00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:33,766 This is fine. I'm fine, okay? 434 00:17:34,768 --> 00:17:36,228 Sometimes when you read to me, 435 00:17:36,312 --> 00:17:38,567 I pretend to fall asleep so you'll go. 436 00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:43,702 - Heard that one. - Well, I heard you all loud and clear. 437 00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:46,833 - I have to use the restroom. - So, Cam, you're sensitive. Big deal. 438 00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:48,587 It's one of your best qualities. 439 00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:48,587 Thank you, Phil, 440 00:17:48,671 --> 00:17:51,760 and I'm sorry your Beyoncé-loving wife went to Luke's game without you. 441 00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,476 See? 442 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,271 Farm strong. 443 00:18:01,237 --> 00:18:02,949 You went to Luke's game? 444 00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:05,746 I did, Phil, and I am so sorry. I did not mean to. 445 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:09,629 But then he started playing the most amazing game, and I got so wrapped up in it. 446 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,427 I know I should have called. 447 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,427 Yeah, you should've called. You were amazing? 448 00:18:12,511 --> 00:18:14,431 Oh, he was incredible. I wish you'd been there. 449 00:18:14,515 --> 00:18:16,935 Then why'd you make me skip it? I knew you had it in you! 450 00:18:17,019 --> 00:18:18,396 Oh, Coach said he's gonna start next week. 451 00:18:18,481 --> 00:18:21,445 You're starting? I'm so mad at you! I'm so proud of you! 452 00:18:24,408 --> 00:18:27,874 Hey. How are you doing in here? 453 00:18:27,958 --> 00:18:31,297 Fine. I'm a little embarrassed about my outburst, but otherwise– 454 00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:34,429 Oh. You had a lot to take in. 455 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,348 As a lawyer, I should've told you... 456 00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,394 never ask questions you don't want the answer to. 457 00:18:38,479 --> 00:18:40,148 Am I really that much of a mess? 458 00:18:40,232 --> 00:18:42,111 Are you not listening to me? 459 00:18:43,405 --> 00:18:44,991 Hey. Room in here for me? 460 00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:46,411 Not really. 461 00:18:46,495 --> 00:18:49,333 Look, I'm real sorry I said what I said. 462 00:18:49,418 --> 00:18:52,297 No, no, you're right. I am the Cam of the family. 463 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,384 Apparently, I'm the Cam of two families, so– 464 00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:57,683 So what if you go a little cuckoo when you get bad news? 465 00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:00,396 You also go all cuckoo when you hear good news. 466 00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:02,234 It's one of the things I love most about you. 467 00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:05,741 No, that's– that's true. You're the first person I call when I have good news. 468 00:19:05,825 --> 00:19:08,455 I mean, remember when I got my adult braces removed? 469 00:19:08,539 --> 00:19:10,291 Your teeth looked divi– divine. 470 00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:12,547 See? I can't help it. I'm a celebrator. 471 00:19:12,631 --> 00:19:14,132 Of course you are. 472 00:19:14,216 --> 00:19:17,557 I should've celebrated how lucky Bo is to land a great gal like you. 473 00:19:17,641 --> 00:19:19,435 Aww. 474 00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:21,774 Look at me. I'm crying like a Cam. 475 00:19:22,651 --> 00:19:24,488 Sorry, old habits. 476 00:19:28,579 --> 00:19:30,583 Are you mad because I embarrassed you? 477 00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:33,839 Forget about it. And I'm gonna ease up on the glasses too. 478 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,260 It's just that I worry, you know– 479 00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:37,763 your not seeing everything. 480 00:19:37,847 --> 00:19:39,601 I'm getting old, Jay. 481 00:19:39,685 --> 00:19:44,276 When Manny was little, I used to run around with him all day without getting tired. 482 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:49,369 Today at Joe's baby class, a six-year-old had to pull me out of the ball pit. 483 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,123 Hold on. Manny used to run around? 484 00:19:51,207 --> 00:19:55,131 All the mothers are so young and perky. 485 00:19:55,215 --> 00:19:57,177 I hate being the oldest one there. 486 00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:58,805 Well, I, for one, love that you're getting older. 487 00:19:58,889 --> 00:20:00,976 It makes me feel closer to you. 488 00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:04,567 So you'll like it if I get all wrinkly and saggy? 489 00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:07,866 - Well, I wouldn't make it a goal. - Okay, I'll wear them. 490 00:20:10,538 --> 00:20:12,332 - What? 491 00:20:13,043 --> 00:20:14,796 Nothing. 492 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,508 You have lines there. 493 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:18,720 I can see them very clearly now with these– 494 00:20:18,804 --> 00:20:21,016 Okay, okay. These are just for reading. 495 00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:23,855 I won't be able to hear her. She won't be able to see me. 496 00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:26,027 We'll be together forever. 497 00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:35,546 Congratulations. You officially beat me in Words With Friends. 498 00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:36,881 Better luck next time, kid. 499 00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:39,429 Okay, I have to ask– Did you cheat? 500 00:20:39,513 --> 00:20:43,060 - Is that how you won? - I never took you for a sore loser. 501 00:20:43,144 --> 00:20:45,899 - That's not an answer. - Listen, one day you might be... 502 00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:48,739 the smartest person in this family, but today is not that day. 503 00:20:48,823 --> 00:20:51,494 So tread lightly before you assiduously malign... 504 00:20:51,578 --> 00:20:53,833 the veracity of my etymological prowess. 505 00:20:55,377 --> 00:20:57,297 Jay Pritchett out. 506 00:21:00,888 --> 00:21:03,686 You broke your phone, smarty-pants. Damn it!