1 00:00:01,925 --> 00:00:02,926 Oh, God. 2 00:00:03,010 --> 00:00:04,761 It's a little early, isn't it? 3 00:00:04,845 --> 00:00:08,640 - Go back to sleep. I don't need you awake for this. - Honey, it's Christmas Eve. 4 00:00:08,724 --> 00:00:10,642 Are you gonna spend all day on that thing? 5 00:00:10,726 --> 00:00:13,519 I made a promise. Yes! 6 00:00:13,603 --> 00:00:15,772 Last Christmas, Phil got an elliptical machine... 7 00:00:15,856 --> 00:00:20,235 and vowed to walk the equivalent of our house to Canada in one year. 8 00:00:20,319 --> 00:00:22,987 This body doesn't just happen, ladies. 9 00:00:23,071 --> 00:00:25,615 If he didn't make it, no machine in the bedroom. 10 00:00:25,699 --> 00:00:28,743 Except for this machine in the bedroom, ladies. 11 00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:30,871 Who are these ladies? 12 00:00:31,538 --> 00:00:33,289 Oh, Phil, give it up. 13 00:00:33,373 --> 00:00:35,458 Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you? 14 00:00:35,542 --> 00:00:37,877 Just when I'm so close to the Canadian border, 15 00:00:37,961 --> 00:00:41,130 I can smell the bacon and the reasonably priced medications. 16 00:00:41,214 --> 00:00:42,966 Mom, this came for you from Nana. 17 00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:45,009 I don't know why she bothers to wrap it every year. 18 00:00:45,093 --> 00:00:46,970 It's always the same thing– slippers. 19 00:00:47,054 --> 00:00:48,972 You never know. She might surprise you this year. 20 00:00:49,056 --> 00:00:52,392 Would you care to take a visit to the Museum of Maternal Indifference? 21 00:00:52,476 --> 00:00:55,311 Watch it! 22 00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:57,021 Oh. Careful! 23 00:00:57,105 --> 00:00:59,816 You guys are really moving her downstairs right now? 24 00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:01,359 Aren't you gonna be late for work? 25 00:01:01,443 --> 00:01:03,319 They're not gonna fire an elf on Christmas Eve. 26 00:01:03,403 --> 00:01:05,989 Ugh. I thought this would be lighter without my shoes on it. 27 00:01:06,073 --> 00:01:08,700 You know, once you set up your room, you could put books on this. 28 00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:11,577 Books... on a shoe shelf. Right. 29 00:01:11,661 --> 00:01:14,289 Not gonna jump on that? 30 00:01:11,661 --> 00:01:14,289 I'm just too happy. 31 00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:16,332 After today, there'll be no more clothes thrown everywhere, 32 00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:18,876 no more hour-long phone calls where all she says is "No way." 33 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:23,047 I think it's a little sad that you guys are doing this today. 34 00:01:23,131 --> 00:01:26,676 I remember when you used to get into the same bed on Christmas Eve... 35 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,178 and talk about all the presents you were gonna get. 36 00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:30,763 It's a perfect day for it. 37 00:01:30,847 --> 00:01:32,682 When I wake up in my own room tomorrow, 38 00:01:32,766 --> 00:01:35,310 I'm going to be giving thanks for my independence. 39 00:01:35,394 --> 00:01:37,854 And isn't that what Christmas is all about? 40 00:01:38,772 --> 00:01:40,440 Seriously? Nothing? 41 00:01:52,953 --> 00:01:55,705 This is your great-grandmother's recipe. 42 00:01:55,789 --> 00:01:57,582 If she could see you now– 43 00:01:57,666 --> 00:01:59,751 she would die again because you're doing it wrong! 44 00:01:59,835 --> 00:02:02,378 My mother has been here all week. 45 00:02:02,462 --> 00:02:04,922 I love her very much, but you know what they say– 46 00:02:05,006 --> 00:02:09,052 Houseguests start to stink after three days, like dead bodies. 47 00:02:10,971 --> 00:02:12,472 What the hell is that? 48 00:02:12,556 --> 00:02:14,098 A fiber-optic tree. 49 00:02:14,182 --> 00:02:16,059 It's way better for the environment than a real one. 50 00:02:16,143 --> 00:02:18,144 Not if the environment is my living room. 51 00:02:18,228 --> 00:02:21,356 Look, I admit, it takes some getting used to, but so did Greek yogurt. 52 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,566 Now I can't even remember how the old stuff tastes. 53 00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:27,070 Why do we keep changing things that don't need changing? 54 00:02:27,154 --> 00:02:29,572 Christmas is real trees and eggnog. 55 00:02:29,656 --> 00:02:32,450 Perry Como and Bing on the hi-fi. 56 00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:34,786 Now you're just making up words. 57 00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:34,786 I'm drawing a line in the sand. 58 00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:38,039 We're gonna get a real tree and cut it down like I did when I was a kid. 59 00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:39,082 Follow me. 60 00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:41,250 Hi, Dad. 61 00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:41,250 Can't talk. Saving Christmas. 62 00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:42,835 Oh. 63 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,338 Ay. Thank you again for coming. 64 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,338 No problem. 65 00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,757 I love babysitting. 66 00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,757 Good. 67 00:02:47,841 --> 00:02:49,675 We're going to run some quick errands. 68 00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:52,261 Wait. If you're taking Joe– Hola, Claire. 69 00:02:52,345 --> 00:02:54,806 Around 4:00, she gets fussy for her bottle. 70 00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:57,100 Um– 71 00:02:57,184 --> 00:03:00,603 Lily, do you know why I'm able to relax and read this paper today? 72 00:03:00,687 --> 00:03:02,313 Because you don't have a job? 73 00:03:02,397 --> 00:03:04,774 I am starting a new job in exactly– 74 00:03:04,858 --> 00:03:07,193 No. We're not doing this again. 75 00:03:07,277 --> 00:03:09,862 It's because I planned ahead. 76 00:03:09,946 --> 00:03:11,781 I finished my Christmas shopping weeks ago. 77 00:03:11,865 --> 00:03:13,449 It's important to keep busy. 78 00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:16,202 I-It is perfectly normal to take some downti– 79 00:03:16,286 --> 00:03:17,495 No. No. 80 00:03:17,579 --> 00:03:20,456 Okay. I printed out the directions to Pepper's party. 81 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:23,793 Oh. We're calling it "The 12 Gays of Christmas" now. 82 00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:26,212 Just be thankful we talked him out of "Feliz Navidude." 83 00:03:26,296 --> 00:03:29,924 Okay, honey, finish your breakfast so we can go help our fellow man. 84 00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:31,968 One hour at this charity event, max. 85 00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:36,305 I can't eat. I'm too excited to get my Puppy Pound. 86 00:03:36,389 --> 00:03:40,309 - I'm– I'm sorry. Your what? - Puppy Pounds have six puppies with online profiles. 87 00:03:40,393 --> 00:03:42,520 Ask your parents before using the Internet. 88 00:03:42,604 --> 00:03:46,315 Honey, you never mentioned a Puppy Pound. It's not on your list. 89 00:03:46,399 --> 00:03:49,318 Yes, it is. "Puppy Pound." 90 00:03:49,402 --> 00:03:51,446 Oh, no! She put a "P" backwards. 91 00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,489 And, honey, there's a "U" in "pound." 92 00:03:53,573 --> 00:03:55,450 This says "guppy pond." 93 00:03:53,573 --> 00:03:55,450 Guppy pond. 94 00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,577 Guppy pond. - What is a guppy pond? 95 00:03:58,578 --> 00:04:01,330 It's only the– the coolest gift ever. 96 00:04:01,414 --> 00:04:03,040 I want a Puppy Pound. 97 00:04:03,124 --> 00:04:04,709 Um, honey, it's– 98 00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:06,294 Okay. 99 00:04:06,378 --> 00:04:07,837 I am not pointing fingers, but our daughter... 100 00:04:07,921 --> 00:04:11,048 had exactly one thing on her list, 101 00:04:11,132 --> 00:04:13,468 and someone didn't get it, 102 00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,553 so someone needs to go to the mall. 103 00:04:15,637 --> 00:04:17,346 You're pointing fingers. 104 00:04:15,637 --> 00:04:17,346 No. 105 00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:19,683 It's still a one. It just fell asleep on the job. 106 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:24,520 Ellipticaler's log, 12/24. 107 00:04:24,604 --> 00:04:26,481 Ten miles from Canadian border. 108 00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:29,108 high. strong. 109 00:04:29,192 --> 00:04:32,069 Must get another application of thigh lube. 110 00:04:32,153 --> 00:04:33,696 Oh, good. Luke. 111 00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:36,324 Dad, I was with you on the tightrope. 112 00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:38,701 I was your wingman in the wing-eating competition. 113 00:04:38,785 --> 00:04:41,454 I'm not feeling this one. You're missing Christmas Eve. 114 00:04:41,538 --> 00:04:44,540 There's something more important than Christmas, Son– pride. 115 00:04:44,624 --> 00:04:46,417 If I don't make it to Canada, your mom wins, 116 00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:48,753 and this baby ends up in the garage first thing in the morning. 117 00:04:48,837 --> 00:04:51,047 Our garage? 118 00:04:51,131 --> 00:04:52,882 I'm in charge of the recycling. 119 00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:56,010 I'm supposed to bring it from the garage to the curb by 6:00 a.m. Thursday morning. 120 00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,221 I may have missed a few weeks. 121 00:05:01,016 --> 00:05:02,475 Shoot! 122 00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:07,188 Maybe more than a few weeks. 123 00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:08,981 After a while, the pile just got so big, 124 00:05:09,065 --> 00:05:12,360 I couldn't bring it out the night before or people would ask questions. 125 00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:14,904 I don't need people asking questions. 126 00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:16,572 Then you're right. You've got to finish. 127 00:05:16,656 --> 00:05:18,908 You'll never use this thing in the garage. It's too drafty. 128 00:05:18,992 --> 00:05:22,662 That's why I'm going to Canada, buddy– to avoid the draft. 129 00:05:22,746 --> 00:05:24,247 No. 130 00:05:25,165 --> 00:05:26,666 Eh. 131 00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:29,877 Bang. 132 00:05:29,961 --> 00:05:32,129 I know we've been hiking for an hour, 133 00:05:32,213 --> 00:05:34,298 but worth it when you look at this beauty, huh? 134 00:05:34,382 --> 00:05:36,968 That's why you don't cut down the first tree you see. 135 00:05:37,052 --> 00:05:39,053 This is literally the first tree we saw. 136 00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,596 There's our car. 137 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,306 No, we started that way. 138 00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:44,350 So, you're arguing that we walked entirely around the earth? 139 00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:47,937 Give me the ax. 140 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,360 Don't give me that look. 141 00:05:54,444 --> 00:05:57,864 Trees are like women. The best ones make you work a little bit harder. 142 00:06:04,454 --> 00:06:06,330 She's just not that into you. 143 00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,416 I know! 144 00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,416 Sorry it took so long. 145 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:12,461 Oh, it's fine. Claire and I were having a nice time catching up. 146 00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:14,046 Ven con tu abuela. 147 00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:17,133 I am really sorry that I am late. 148 00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:17,133 No, you're not. 149 00:06:17,217 --> 00:06:19,176 No, I'm not. 150 00:06:17,217 --> 00:06:19,176 Mm-hmm. It's fine. 151 00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:20,970 Just hope I didn't talk Pilar's ear off. 152 00:06:21,054 --> 00:06:26,976 No! I love hearing about your family and your big new job. 153 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,186 Oh, well, it-it's not such a big job. 154 00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:31,188 I mean, I'm really just working for my dad. 155 00:06:31,272 --> 00:06:33,649 But you're working hard. I'm proud of you. 156 00:06:33,733 --> 00:06:36,319 How do they look? 157 00:06:33,733 --> 00:06:36,319 Ooh! Perfect. 158 00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:38,696 Yes. 159 00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:38,696 You are a wonderful student. 160 00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:40,906 Thank you. 161 00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:40,906 My grandmother taught my mother. 162 00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:45,077 My mother taught me, and now I teach Claire. 163 00:06:45,161 --> 00:06:46,746 And don't be so modest. 164 00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:50,708 I respect a woman who can raise a family and have a full-time job. 165 00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:54,503 Can you believe that on Fridays they don't even have to dress up? 166 00:06:54,587 --> 00:06:55,880 Taste. Taste. Taste. 167 00:06:54,587 --> 00:06:55,880 Oh. 168 00:06:55,964 --> 00:06:57,882 Sometimes they even wear sweatpants. 169 00:06:57,966 --> 00:06:59,842 Would you like to lick the batter? 170 00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:01,719 Yes! Oh, yes! 171 00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:01,719 You like that? 172 00:07:01,803 --> 00:07:03,512 - Me too. There's one for– - No, no, no! 173 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:05,514 Helpers only. 174 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:05,514 Uh-huh. 175 00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:07,434 I don't make the rules. 176 00:07:12,105 --> 00:07:14,273 Oh, Lily, what a beautiful ornament. 177 00:07:14,357 --> 00:07:16,442 That's gonna make a little kid very happy. 178 00:07:16,526 --> 00:07:18,277 Wait. I don't get to keep this? 179 00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:19,862 Why am I killing myself? 180 00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:21,447 Okay, kids! 181 00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:24,909 We've got a visitor from the North Pole, and he brought presents. 182 00:07:27,245 --> 00:07:28,704 Hey! Hey, how's it going? 183 00:07:28,788 --> 00:07:30,373 There are no Puppy Pounds anywhere. 184 00:07:30,457 --> 00:07:33,918 It's like trying to find a Cabbage Patch Kid on Christmas Eve, 1983. 185 00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:35,211 Still hurts, huh? 186 00:07:35,295 --> 00:07:36,629 I had her bed all made. 187 00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,673 Okay. Well, Lily is gonna be devastated. 188 00:07:38,757 --> 00:07:41,550 Call around. Get us on some lists. You have to do something. 189 00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:44,053 I'll figure it out. How's the fund-raiser? 190 00:07:44,137 --> 00:07:46,806 Oh, well, I'm managing. You know. Oh, bring the checkbook. 191 00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:48,891 You can always tell when they're gearing up for the big ask– 192 00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,227 They fill you full of freebies. 193 00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:53,271 Oh, hey, I gotta go. Gotta help somebody. 194 00:07:54,856 --> 00:07:57,149 Hi. Classic. Flawlessly executed. 195 00:07:57,233 --> 00:07:59,402 If I had one– 196 00:07:57,233 --> 00:07:59,402 Just trying to bring a smile to you folks. 197 00:07:59,486 --> 00:08:01,654 You're gonna get through this. 198 00:07:59,486 --> 00:08:01,654 Get through what? 199 00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:04,740 Don't be embarrassed. Everyone here is in the same boat. 200 00:08:04,824 --> 00:08:06,200 We are? 201 00:08:06,284 --> 00:08:09,162 Best thing about the hot chocolate– They let us keep the mug. 202 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,587 I thought it was a charity event for the needy. 203 00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:21,298 Turns out, it was a charity event for the needy. 204 00:08:21,382 --> 00:08:22,591 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 205 00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:25,010 Look! Santa gave me a Puppy Pound. 206 00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:25,010 What? No. 207 00:08:25,094 --> 00:08:26,721 I'm finally happy. 208 00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,639 I'd like a picture for the newsletter. 209 00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:31,434 You can show your mommy. 210 00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:31,434 I don't have a mommy. 211 00:08:31,518 --> 00:08:33,352 - This is why I do this. 212 00:08:36,272 --> 00:08:38,107 That cramp could be a heart attack. 213 00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:39,859 Here's some advice I've been holding back on. 214 00:08:39,943 --> 00:08:41,944 Always shave with the grain. 215 00:08:42,028 --> 00:08:46,323 - No reputable talent agent will ever ask for money up front. - Dad, you're fine. 216 00:08:46,407 --> 00:08:48,451 - I really want to quit, Luke. - No, you're gonna make it. 217 00:08:48,535 --> 00:08:50,202 He was never gonna make it. 218 00:08:50,286 --> 00:08:51,996 I just needed to buy some time. 219 00:08:53,248 --> 00:08:54,790 That's a lot of product you're moving. 220 00:08:54,874 --> 00:08:56,792 Just bring it to a recycling place. 221 00:08:56,876 --> 00:08:58,377 Not until I get paid. 222 00:08:58,461 --> 00:09:02,131 Just so you know, this is six weeks' allowance. 223 00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:04,008 You have the coolest parents ever. 224 00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:07,386 I want to know when you're about to leave, so give me a honk. 225 00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:08,971 Honk! 226 00:09:09,055 --> 00:09:11,223 From your car. 227 00:09:11,307 --> 00:09:13,976 The best business card is a firm handshake. 228 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:17,646 The best pickup line is a tight pair of Dockers. 229 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:19,565 The best Dockers– 230 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:19,565 Dad, save your breath. 231 00:09:19,649 --> 00:09:21,984 - You're in the last five miles. - I'm never gonna make it! 232 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,694 Of course you are. 233 00:09:23,778 --> 00:09:25,654 Then again, do what you want. I got stuff to do. 234 00:09:25,738 --> 00:09:27,156 I'm gonna quit. 235 00:09:25,738 --> 00:09:27,156 Cool. 236 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,284 What's one more failure? 237 00:09:30,368 --> 00:09:32,787 You ever wonder why we take such a crazy route to school? 238 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:37,541 So I don't have to drive by certain places– 239 00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:40,336 the flute teacher's house I went to once, 240 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:43,756 the French cooking academy I quit after learning only two of the five mother sauces, 241 00:09:44,924 --> 00:09:49,345 the hot yoga studio I left after happy baby. 242 00:09:49,429 --> 00:09:52,724 I guess there's no avoiding this big failure sitting in my garage. 243 00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:56,811 Get up. 244 00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:56,811 I appreciate it, buddy, but– 245 00:09:56,895 --> 00:09:58,396 Get up. 246 00:09:59,439 --> 00:10:01,106 I don't know anything about flutes... 247 00:10:01,190 --> 00:10:04,193 or cooking or happy babies, 248 00:10:04,277 --> 00:10:07,363 but I'm damn sure getting my dad to Canada. 249 00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:09,198 Now mount that beast. 250 00:10:09,282 --> 00:10:10,866 Thank you, Son. 251 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:14,245 You can thank me after you cross the finish line and the celebration begins. 252 00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:16,747 Just picture that. 253 00:10:16,831 --> 00:10:18,374 I'm picturing it. 254 00:10:20,168 --> 00:10:23,212 I'm picturing it. I'm really picturing it! 255 00:10:25,632 --> 00:10:27,883 Thanks, Santa. 256 00:10:25,632 --> 00:10:27,883 Yeah. You got it. 257 00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:30,177 Don't forget a candy cane from Mrs. Claus. 258 00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:32,096 I gotta take a break. 259 00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:34,057 What? 260 00:10:35,516 --> 00:10:37,977 Um– It's okay. Does anybody want to take a picture with me? 261 00:10:38,061 --> 00:10:41,314 - I'll do it. - Oh, maybe just the kids. 262 00:10:42,315 --> 00:10:44,066 What was that? 263 00:10:42,315 --> 00:10:44,066 What was what? 264 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:45,734 Santa doesn't take breaks. 265 00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:47,570 He visits the North Pole. 266 00:10:47,654 --> 00:10:49,905 And why do you leave your things all over? 267 00:10:49,989 --> 00:10:51,407 Who do you think cleans this place up? 268 00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,242 Oh, you are such a nag! 269 00:10:53,326 --> 00:10:56,120 Can't we at least act like a happy couple during the holidays? 270 00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:57,746 For the children! 271 00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:59,582 Another hot chocolate? 272 00:10:59,666 --> 00:11:01,667 How many more of those are you going to drink? 273 00:11:01,751 --> 00:11:03,294 At least it's warm, unlike you! 274 00:11:03,378 --> 00:11:05,421 He travels a lot. 275 00:11:05,505 --> 00:11:08,007 She's put on cookie weight. It's hard. 276 00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:11,594 Yes, you can put me on the last-minute shoppers waiting list. 277 00:11:11,678 --> 00:11:13,137 Unbelievable. 278 00:11:11,678 --> 00:11:13,137 Oh! Well, there he is. 279 00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:14,722 Hey, Jotham. 280 00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:14,722 Hey. 281 00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:17,600 Oh, looks like someone did a little last-minute Christmas shopping. 282 00:11:17,684 --> 00:11:19,184 That Daniel's a lucky guy. 283 00:11:19,268 --> 00:11:21,604 Yes, he is, but these are for Pepper's party. 284 00:11:21,688 --> 00:11:23,647 His invitation said "No gifts, please." 285 00:11:23,731 --> 00:11:25,774 Say that again... as Pepper. 286 00:11:25,858 --> 00:11:28,652 No gifts? Please. 287 00:11:28,736 --> 00:11:30,237 5:00, Christmas Eve, 288 00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:32,573 and I have to find a dozen perfect presents... 289 00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:35,576 for the world's snarkiest, cattiest men– 290 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,620 my dear, dear friends. 291 00:11:37,704 --> 00:11:40,289 Pull! Pull! Pull! 292 00:11:40,373 --> 00:11:42,958 - Yeah. Hey, take a break. - This is taking forever. 293 00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:46,795 It's supposed to. Took my dad and I all day to get a tree. 294 00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:48,797 And when he finally brought her down, 295 00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:51,091 he used to celebrate with a cigar. 296 00:11:51,175 --> 00:11:53,218 I was just a kid, so I'd have a cigarette. 297 00:11:53,302 --> 00:11:55,680 All right, grab the other end. 298 00:11:56,806 --> 00:11:59,224 There we go. Now we got a groove. 299 00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:01,727 Yeah. 300 00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:01,727 There we– 301 00:12:01,811 --> 00:12:04,021 - It won't budge! - What the hell is this wood made of? 302 00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:05,648 They ought to make saws out of it. 303 00:12:05,732 --> 00:12:07,316 Let's face it. The tree's beaten us. 304 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,318 Hey, we're Pritchetts. We don't quit. 305 00:12:09,402 --> 00:12:11,946 Besides, all my tools are stuck in it. 306 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:14,741 I got it. 307 00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:17,743 It's simple physics. 308 00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:20,871 A little pressure, the thing will snap where we put the blade in. Done. 309 00:12:20,955 --> 00:12:23,207 Just hit the gas. 310 00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:25,709 It's working. That's why they call it Yankee ingen– 311 00:12:25,793 --> 00:12:27,295 Get down! 312 00:12:28,838 --> 00:12:31,840 It's bald on one side now. 313 00:12:28,838 --> 00:12:31,840 It'll be fine. 314 00:12:31,924 --> 00:12:34,177 We'll just comb over some branches. 315 00:12:37,096 --> 00:12:38,973 Oh, Claire, I thought that you had left. 316 00:12:39,057 --> 00:12:41,642 She was going to, but I wanted to show her how much better she looks... 317 00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:44,061 without this hair blocking her pretty face. 318 00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:44,061 Mmm. 319 00:12:44,145 --> 00:12:46,021 She does have beautiful hair though. 320 00:12:46,105 --> 00:12:49,191 Ay, sí. Porque escogió un color bonito en el salón de belleza será. ? Por qué más? 321 00:12:49,275 --> 00:12:52,069 What did she say? 322 00:12:49,275 --> 00:12:52,069 That you picked a good color. 323 00:12:52,153 --> 00:12:55,197 At least, I think that's what she said with that American accent. 324 00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,658 You don't have to entertain her. 325 00:12:57,742 --> 00:13:00,244 After all, she's my mother. 326 00:13:00,328 --> 00:13:04,123 Ah, this used to be Glorita's favorite. 327 00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:08,377 She used to do headstands to get extra cookies– at least, she'd try. 328 00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:10,462 Yeah, but it's not easy. 329 00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:13,632 I mean, it's hard enough to keep all this right-side up. 330 00:13:13,716 --> 00:13:16,468 Imagine when I had to put it all right-side down. It was– 331 00:13:16,552 --> 00:13:18,554 Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I can still do it. 332 00:13:18,638 --> 00:13:21,056 - Look at that. Oh, wow. - Look at Claire, Gloria! 333 00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:24,143 Very good. Two cookies for you. 334 00:13:24,227 --> 00:13:25,436 Thank you! 335 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,063 Yeah, but she needs a pedicure. Look at that. 336 00:13:28,147 --> 00:13:29,606 Oh! You knocked me down. 337 00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,734 I did not. 338 00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,734 Yes, you did too! 339 00:13:31,818 --> 00:13:33,694 Girls! 340 00:13:33,778 --> 00:13:36,071 Girls! Girls! Girls! 341 00:13:36,155 --> 00:13:39,074 No need to fight. I don't have a favorite. 342 00:13:39,158 --> 00:13:41,035 Why the hell not? 343 00:13:45,164 --> 00:13:48,917 I am very disappointed in both of you. 344 00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:52,504 Family members should treat each other with love and respect. 345 00:13:52,588 --> 00:13:54,673 Except that Claire is not part of our family. 346 00:13:54,757 --> 00:13:57,051 Cierra la boca. 347 00:13:54,757 --> 00:13:57,051 No. No, no. 348 00:13:57,135 --> 00:13:58,886 She's right, unless that's what you just said. 349 00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:02,097 I can't tell, 'cause I-I only took French, and je parle un peu. 350 00:14:02,181 --> 00:14:05,184 Oh, you have a beautiful accent. 351 00:14:02,181 --> 00:14:05,184 Really? Do you think so? 352 00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,979 ! Ay, ya, por favor! 353 00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,979 I'm sorry. I– 354 00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:12,816 I– I'm jealous. 355 00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:18,322 Ay, Claire. But you're beautiful too, in your own way. 356 00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:20,908 No. I'm not jealous of you. 357 00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:24,286 I'm jealous of how your mother comes all the way to see you from Colombia, 358 00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:26,955 when my own mother won't even get on a bus... 359 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:29,124 from the almond co-op she lives on three hours away. 360 00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:30,542 She sends presents, no? 361 00:14:30,626 --> 00:14:33,712 Yeah. The same thing every year. It's always slippers. 362 00:14:33,796 --> 00:14:35,881 I am sorry. 363 00:14:33,796 --> 00:14:35,881 Thank you. 364 00:14:35,965 --> 00:14:38,801 But I shouldn't take it out on you just 'cause I have a lousy mom. 365 00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:40,969 Don't disrespect your mother! 366 00:14:41,053 --> 00:14:42,679 Is she always like this? 367 00:14:41,053 --> 00:14:42,679 Yes. 368 00:14:42,763 --> 00:14:48,143 Did you ever think maybe there's a reason she sends you that gift? 369 00:14:48,227 --> 00:14:51,063 Yeah, 'cause she found something when I was eight years old that I actually liked, 370 00:14:51,147 --> 00:14:52,856 and she hasn't thought about it since. 371 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:55,984 Well, maybe she thinks about it a lot. 372 00:14:56,068 --> 00:15:00,656 Maybe she remembers a time when she made you happy, 373 00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:03,033 and she wants to go back there. 374 00:15:03,117 --> 00:15:05,327 Well, now I feel terrible. 375 00:15:05,411 --> 00:15:07,579 The only thing I sent her was an e-card. 376 00:15:07,663 --> 00:15:10,583 We don't like to admit it, 377 00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:16,255 but mothers never get over the day their daughters leave them. 378 00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:20,468 We never stop needing our little girls. 379 00:15:22,178 --> 00:15:24,555 I will never stop needing you, Mama. 380 00:15:29,936 --> 00:15:31,437 Mmm. 381 00:15:32,855 --> 00:15:34,731 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 382 00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:36,525 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 383 00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:39,027 Excuse me, elf. It's been 45 minutes. Where's Santa? 384 00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:40,612 I don't know. 385 00:15:40,696 --> 00:15:44,575 Maybe he's a little busy making presents for every child in the world. 386 00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,786 One second. 387 00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,621 Hey. You're just gonna leave? 388 00:15:49,705 --> 00:15:53,417 Where is he? 389 00:15:49,705 --> 00:15:53,417 He said he was going out for a pack of candy canes. 390 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:55,419 You mean like those? 391 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:55,419 Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! 392 00:15:55,503 --> 00:15:57,337 Okay. Wake up! 393 00:15:57,421 --> 00:16:00,382 He is not coming back. Okay. 394 00:16:00,466 --> 00:16:03,135 We need to change into our regular clothes and sneak out. 395 00:16:03,219 --> 00:16:05,387 Who am I kidding? My eyes are unforgettable. 396 00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:07,723 I couldn't even hold on to a fake husband. 397 00:16:07,807 --> 00:16:10,392 I always thought you were the tough one to live with, but maybe I am. 398 00:16:10,476 --> 00:16:12,269 Okay, they've breached the jelly bean moat. 399 00:16:12,353 --> 00:16:13,854 - This is a problem. - It's a big problem. 400 00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:16,231 All this time I've been waiting for a guy to see the true me, 401 00:16:16,315 --> 00:16:17,816 and now I'm scared he will. 402 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:20,068 - My God, they've got Blitzen! - What's going to happen to me? 403 00:16:20,152 --> 00:16:22,738 Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me? 404 00:16:22,822 --> 00:16:25,115 - Hey, Mom found somebody. - That's true. 405 00:16:25,199 --> 00:16:27,868 Okay, listen. We really need to get out of here. 406 00:16:27,952 --> 00:16:31,246 But I just want to let you know that you weren't all bad to live with. I thought– 407 00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:32,915 Oh, my God! 408 00:16:32,999 --> 00:16:35,584 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 409 00:16:35,668 --> 00:16:38,795 Where's Santa? 410 00:16:38,879 --> 00:16:40,964 Only a hundred more yards. 411 00:16:41,048 --> 00:16:42,716 You're just about there. 412 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,259 Can you see it? 413 00:16:44,343 --> 00:16:45,886 It's so beautiful. 414 00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,471 It's so green. 415 00:16:47,555 --> 00:16:49,973 And, wow, those are high up there. 416 00:16:47,555 --> 00:16:49,973 The mountains? 417 00:16:50,057 --> 00:16:52,601 No, my shorts again. Would you mind giving them one last tug? 418 00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,061 You're crossing the border. 419 00:16:54,145 --> 00:16:56,438 I know, and I feel bad asking, but I'm tasting cotton. 420 00:16:56,522 --> 00:16:59,316 No. You did it. You're in Canada. 421 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,151 Wait. What? 422 00:17:01,235 --> 00:17:04,947 I did it? I did it! 423 00:17:05,031 --> 00:17:06,490 I did it. I did it! 424 00:17:06,574 --> 00:17:09,201 Let's go tell Mom. 425 00:17:10,536 --> 00:17:13,288 Wait. How did I used to walk? 426 00:17:13,372 --> 00:17:14,998 All right. Come on, sweetie. 427 00:17:15,082 --> 00:17:17,710 Let's go. 428 00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,838 Uh, we're serving Christmas dinner. 429 00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,838 Uh, no. That's fine. 430 00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:23,590 We have to actually get going, so– 431 00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:25,968 But I haven't eaten today. 432 00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:25,968 Oh, you poor thing. 433 00:17:26,052 --> 00:17:27,552 No, she's fine. She's fine. 434 00:17:29,388 --> 00:17:31,139 There he is. Honey, where did you get this coat? 435 00:17:31,223 --> 00:17:34,810 Sorry, kids. It looks like we've run out of coats and toys. 436 00:17:34,894 --> 00:17:37,521 - That's okay, Mom. 437 00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:39,147 At least I got to see presents. 438 00:17:39,231 --> 00:17:40,941 Okay. Come on. Let's go. 439 00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:42,651 Hey! How are my do-gooders? 440 00:17:42,735 --> 00:17:44,528 - Did you have fun? - Yep. Talk about it in the car. 441 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:45,821 Oh, my gosh. 442 00:17:45,905 --> 00:17:47,281 Wow! 443 00:17:47,365 --> 00:17:49,866 What are these? 444 00:17:47,365 --> 00:17:49,866 Yeah, I went a little crazy, huh? 445 00:17:49,950 --> 00:17:51,660 No. No, no. It's a Christmas miracle. 446 00:17:51,744 --> 00:17:54,371 Kids! Kids! Who wants presents? 447 00:17:54,455 --> 00:17:57,499 Cam, what are you doing? No, trust me. Lily has enough. 448 00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:59,626 Cam. Cam. 449 00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:59,626 Everybody, merry Christmas! 450 00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,378 Ho, ho, ho! 451 00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,378 Hey, Cam. 452 00:18:01,462 --> 00:18:04,673 Not that one. 453 00:18:01,462 --> 00:18:04,673 ! Feliz Navidad! 454 00:18:04,757 --> 00:18:06,216 Okay. Those aren't for Lily. 455 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:09,386 - "His-and-his shower clogs"? - They're for Pepper's party. 456 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,680 He said, "No gifts, please." 457 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,680 Imagine how Pepper would say that. 458 00:18:11,764 --> 00:18:14,266 - What's a Himalayan salt plate? 459 00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:16,268 You can season your food while you serve it. 460 00:18:16,352 --> 00:18:18,353 - Yeah. - "Body fat scale"? 461 00:18:18,437 --> 00:18:20,939 I wish I would've had one of those when I was your age. You're welcome. 462 00:18:21,023 --> 00:18:22,733 Who's Robert Mapplethorpe? 463 00:18:22,817 --> 00:18:25,110 Actually, I'm gonna need that one back. Sorry. 464 00:18:25,194 --> 00:18:28,864 That's okay. All I really wanted this year was a Puppy Pound. 465 00:18:28,948 --> 00:18:32,534 Here. You can have mine. It's really fun. 466 00:18:32,618 --> 00:18:34,995 Oh, my gosh. That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. 467 00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:37,873 Lily, honey, that was so nice. 468 00:18:37,957 --> 00:18:40,000 It's okay. I'll get one tomorrow. 469 00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:43,754 Um, well, you know what? About that– 470 00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:43,754 Cam? Cam? 471 00:18:43,838 --> 00:18:47,215 Uh, that was the T-O-Y S-T-O-R-E. 472 00:18:47,299 --> 00:18:49,134 What? 473 00:18:47,299 --> 00:18:49,134 Someone returned their Puppy Pound. 474 00:18:49,218 --> 00:18:51,636 We can't get over there in time before the store closes. 475 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,722 Wait, you know who lives right over there? 476 00:18:55,307 --> 00:18:59,061 Oh, no. No! 477 00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:09,321 - Almost there. 478 00:19:09,405 --> 00:19:11,239 No. 479 00:19:11,323 --> 00:19:13,742 No! Why? 480 00:19:13,826 --> 00:19:16,745 Why? 481 00:19:20,374 --> 00:19:22,876 In hindsight, the cigar was a mistake. 482 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,212 So what do we do now? 483 00:19:25,296 --> 00:19:27,589 We go home. 484 00:19:25,296 --> 00:19:27,589 I thought Pritchetts never give up. 485 00:19:27,673 --> 00:19:31,176 They know when to give up, which is its own kind of victory. 486 00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,220 Unless– 487 00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,220 What? 488 00:19:33,304 --> 00:19:34,930 No. It's crazy. 489 00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:37,808 Unless– 490 00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:37,808 Are you really gonna make me ask you again? 491 00:19:37,892 --> 00:19:41,395 We somehow apply pressure to the axhead already in the tree. 492 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:43,605 I bet we can use the jack from the car. 493 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:43,605 Of course. 494 00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:46,525 The upward motion will split the trunk. 495 00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:46,525 Yeah. 496 00:19:52,072 --> 00:19:55,868 We can always tell people that's how we did it. 497 00:19:52,072 --> 00:19:55,868 That is how we did it. 498 00:19:57,453 --> 00:19:59,454 People love getting new things, 499 00:19:59,538 --> 00:20:01,665 but the best stuff has a story behind it. 500 00:20:01,749 --> 00:20:03,291 Damn fine tree. 501 00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:04,876 Except the saw's still stuck in the trunk. 502 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,796 Yeah, you're gonna want to keep your brother away from that, huh? 503 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,007 A lot of times, it's only after we get rid of something– 504 00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:12,467 Room for me? 505 00:20:12,551 --> 00:20:15,095 that we realize how much we miss it. 506 00:20:17,389 --> 00:20:19,141 Aw. 507 00:20:17,389 --> 00:20:19,141 That is cute! 508 00:20:19,225 --> 00:20:22,144 Nice. Good job, Luke. 509 00:20:22,228 --> 00:20:24,188 Yea! A Puppy Pound! 510 00:20:26,273 --> 00:20:27,983 And things that seem worthless... 511 00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:30,735 suddenly turn out to be super valuable– 512 00:20:30,819 --> 00:20:32,654 Okay, everybody, picture in front of the tree. 513 00:20:32,738 --> 00:20:34,114 Timer's set. Ready? 514 00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,658 No, no. Another one. 515 00:20:36,742 --> 00:20:38,493 Oh, no! 516 00:20:38,577 --> 00:20:40,078 What? No! 517 00:20:40,162 --> 00:20:41,872 maybe even precious. 518 00:20:41,956 --> 00:20:45,167 Which is why I thought getting rid of this stuff would be a huge mistake. 519 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:46,960 Ah. 520 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:46,960 Nice try. 521 00:20:47,044 --> 00:20:49,754 You still owe us six weeks' allowance. 522 00:20:47,044 --> 00:20:49,754 And the fireworks. 523 00:20:49,838 --> 00:20:51,882 How could you screw this up? 524 00:20:51,966 --> 00:20:53,467 What? 525 00:20:58,013 --> 00:21:00,515 I'll see you in Vancouver, eh? 526 00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:02,184 No. Luke, do the accent again? 527 00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:03,560 Oh, are you on that machine? 528 00:21:03,644 --> 00:21:05,687 Yes, Juliana, but unlike your husband, 529 00:21:05,771 --> 00:21:07,898 I'll be finished before you know it. 530 00:21:07,982 --> 00:21:10,358 You know what? It's actually easier this way! Hmm. 531 00:21:10,442 --> 00:21:12,027 Wonder if you can patent a movement? 532 00:21:12,111 --> 00:21:15,281 Call it Philiptical– 533 00:21:22,955 --> 00:21:25,582 Dad, trick-or-treaters. We're out of candy! 534 00:21:25,666 --> 00:21:27,167 Who is this Dad? 535 00:21:27,251 --> 00:21:29,377 I'm Gandalf! 536 00:21:29,461 --> 00:21:31,088 Huzzah!