1 00:00:02,032 --> 00:00:03,408 Okay, big day for this household. 2 00:00:03,492 --> 00:00:06,536 It certainly is. So exciting. Nothing like starting a new job. 3 00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,080 Or finally coming into your own at a job you already have. 4 00:00:09,164 --> 00:00:11,457 - The promise of something new. - Oh. 5 00:00:11,541 --> 00:00:14,252 The rewards of finally being– 6 00:00:11,541 --> 00:00:14,252 To opposite things being equally good. 7 00:00:14,336 --> 00:00:15,962 Cheers. 8 00:00:14,336 --> 00:00:15,962 Yes. 9 00:00:16,046 --> 00:00:20,216 I have accepted a job at the CFJ– the Center for Justice. 10 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:23,261 Not, it turns out, a secret headquarters for superheroes. 11 00:00:23,345 --> 00:00:25,346 Aw, no, it– It kind of is. 12 00:00:25,430 --> 00:00:28,850 It's a legal aid society founded by a law school friend of mine. 13 00:00:28,934 --> 00:00:33,229 I will be an advocate for the people, a voice for the voiceless. 14 00:00:33,313 --> 00:00:35,690 And just as important– 15 00:00:33,313 --> 00:00:35,690 Oh, thank you. 16 00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:38,568 Tonight I'm chaperoning the Spring-A-Ding-Fling, 17 00:00:38,652 --> 00:00:40,320 a fund-raiser, a dance, 18 00:00:40,404 --> 00:00:43,573 which, under my stewardship, has shattered school records. 19 00:00:43,657 --> 00:00:45,533 And I added the "A-Ding." 20 00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:49,412 Used to just be called the Spring Fling. 21 00:00:49,496 --> 00:00:51,915 I should have said my thing first. 22 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,959 Hey, guys. 23 00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:57,503 For my opening number tonight– Be honest– 24 00:00:57,587 --> 00:00:59,881 Does it look like I have anything on under this? 25 00:01:01,591 --> 00:01:03,176 Tonight is the SCARB: 26 00:01:01,591 --> 00:01:03,176 Mmm. 27 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:05,887 Southern California Annual Realtors' Banquet. 28 00:01:05,971 --> 00:01:08,431 It is the banquet for Southern California Realtors. 29 00:01:08,515 --> 00:01:10,099 Literally, it's the only one. 30 00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:12,602 And this guy is the only two-time host– 31 00:01:12,686 --> 00:01:15,730 - Three-time. - Three-time host in the history of the event. 32 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:18,024 Unfortunately, I have to miss it this year. 33 00:01:18,108 --> 00:01:20,276 It's for the best. She's invisible at these things. 34 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,779 It's tough being married to the rock star. 35 00:01:22,863 --> 00:01:25,114 Luckily, I lined up a substitute date. 36 00:01:25,198 --> 00:01:26,783 Dad. You're still up. 37 00:01:25,198 --> 00:01:26,783 Hey. 38 00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:28,743 Just working on some jokes for the banquet. 39 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:30,370 How'd you like to come with me? 40 00:01:30,454 --> 00:01:32,121 I would love to! 41 00:01:32,205 --> 00:01:34,791 Not surprised she said yes. That girl's got real estate in her blood. 42 00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:37,418 She used to come with me to open houses when she was little. 43 00:01:37,502 --> 00:01:40,505 We may have even talked about a father/daughter partnership. 44 00:01:40,589 --> 00:01:42,298 Yeah, she's been drifting a little lately, 45 00:01:42,382 --> 00:01:45,009 but I think a taste of regional real estate's most glamorous night... 46 00:01:45,093 --> 00:01:48,054 might just reignite that flame. 47 00:01:48,138 --> 00:01:50,181 I can't believe I have to go to this thing. 48 00:01:50,265 --> 00:01:51,808 But what choice did I have? 49 00:01:51,892 --> 00:01:53,685 I would love to! 50 00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:56,354 But you're not gonna have those cookies without milk, right? 51 00:01:56,438 --> 00:01:58,815 Right. Come on, Phil! 52 00:02:18,251 --> 00:02:20,086 Break area. Copier. 53 00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:22,880 - My stinky dog. - Oh, look at you. 54 00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:25,425 You just threw up recently. Okay. 55 00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:28,261 Oh, my gosh. That's you and Michelle Obama. 56 00:02:28,345 --> 00:02:30,346 - That's my aunt. - I am so sorry. 57 00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:32,515 - I don't know why I thought that– - Calm down, white guilt. 58 00:02:32,599 --> 00:02:34,767 - It's Michelle Obama. - Oh, good, yeah. 59 00:02:34,851 --> 00:02:37,020 Yeah, you've accomplished a lot in 15 years. 60 00:02:37,104 --> 00:02:38,521 Professionally, yeah. 61 00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:40,732 I haven't had a date in six months. 62 00:02:40,816 --> 00:02:43,359 Some Sundays, I drive out to visit my frozen eggs. 63 00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:46,863 But on the plus side, I have gotten really close with my mom. 64 00:02:46,947 --> 00:02:48,740 Oh, look at that. I see the resemblance. 65 00:02:48,824 --> 00:02:50,199 That's Maya Angelou. 66 00:02:48,824 --> 00:02:50,199 Damn it. 67 00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:52,368 - It's signed, Mitch. - Oh. Yeah. I see that. 68 00:02:52,452 --> 00:02:54,245 This is gonna be fun! 69 00:02:52,452 --> 00:02:54,245 I know! 70 00:02:54,329 --> 00:02:56,080 I'm just really looking for– 71 00:02:54,329 --> 00:02:56,080 You! 72 00:02:56,164 --> 00:02:57,665 What was that outfit last night? 73 00:02:57,749 --> 00:02:59,208 That was a business dinner! 74 00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:01,127 What is wrong with you? 75 00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:01,127 Wendy, I tried. 76 00:03:01,211 --> 00:03:03,838 Well, try harder. Go, go. 77 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,090 - Ooh, here's your office. - Okay. 78 00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:08,176 - Oh, this is nice. - Yeah. 79 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,720 Dennis liked it... until he didn't. 80 00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:12,597 I'll check on you later. 81 00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:12,597 Okay. 82 00:03:12,681 --> 00:03:14,557 All right. 83 00:03:14,641 --> 00:03:16,935 Let's see here. 84 00:03:19,646 --> 00:03:21,314 - Huh. - New guy? 85 00:03:21,398 --> 00:03:22,982 Uh, yes. Hi. I'm Mitchell Pritchett. 86 00:03:23,066 --> 00:03:25,860 Dan. Hope you don't have any plans for Sunday night– 87 00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,904 Dan! What are you still doing here? 88 00:03:27,988 --> 00:03:29,489 Go! 89 00:03:27,988 --> 00:03:29,489 Sorry. 90 00:03:29,573 --> 00:03:30,907 Huh! 91 00:03:29,573 --> 00:03:30,907 Right. 92 00:03:30,991 --> 00:03:32,492 That way! 93 00:03:33,702 --> 00:03:36,245 Ha. 94 00:03:36,329 --> 00:03:37,955 So– 95 00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:39,541 Oh, no. 96 00:03:43,879 --> 00:03:46,089 I do love it in leather. 97 00:03:46,173 --> 00:03:47,673 Well, learn to love it in silk. 98 00:03:47,757 --> 00:03:49,926 It's too hot outside to be wearing leather. 99 00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:51,803 I'm talking about this car. 100 00:03:51,887 --> 00:03:54,764 By the way, I do the negotiating at the dealership today. 101 00:03:54,848 --> 00:03:56,599 - Why? - Honey, I'm a businessman. 102 00:03:56,683 --> 00:04:00,144 When it comes to people, I know how to get what I want out of 'em. 103 00:04:00,228 --> 00:04:03,940 This watch– The man sold it to me for half of what he was asking. 104 00:04:04,024 --> 00:04:06,901 These– a third. 105 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,154 This– for free. 106 00:04:10,405 --> 00:04:13,699 So who's better at working people, Mr. Businessman? 107 00:04:13,783 --> 00:04:15,910 Fine. We have different approaches, but we're both pretty good. 108 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:18,371 Hmm. 109 00:04:18,455 --> 00:04:20,498 Hello, Mitch. 110 00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:23,376 Hey, buddy. You look like you want to get up and walk. 111 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,798 Late bloomer. Fine. Who cares if the other kids call you Slow Joe? 112 00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,550 And they do, you know. 113 00:04:32,969 --> 00:04:35,471 We're gonna have to reschedule the car shopping. 114 00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:37,473 Mitch has to work. Cam has to dance. 115 00:04:37,557 --> 00:04:39,725 - We have to sit Lily. - Hmm. 116 00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:41,352 - What? - Nothin'. 117 00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:43,772 Just– I could have got us out of that. 118 00:04:44,731 --> 00:04:46,399 Stop! Ugh! 119 00:04:46,483 --> 00:04:48,484 Eat it! Eat the grass, cow! 120 00:04:46,483 --> 00:04:48,484 Get off me! 121 00:04:48,568 --> 00:04:50,486 - Hi, Rhonda. - Hi, Mrs. Dunphy. 122 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:53,030 - Hey, Mom. - Honey, it's getting very close to time for the dance. 123 00:04:53,114 --> 00:04:55,158 - Shouldn't you go in and get changed? - I did already. 124 00:04:55,242 --> 00:04:57,827 - The guys are coming by. We're gonna ride from here. - What about you, Rhonda? 125 00:04:57,911 --> 00:04:59,829 - You want to go in and get cleaned up? - I'm good. 126 00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:01,581 Are you? What about that dirt on your face? 127 00:05:01,665 --> 00:05:05,377 Luke, you wait here. Ride with your friends. I will bring Rhonda. Come on. 128 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:11,382 Just, um, give me a good shake like a dog before you go inside. 129 00:05:11,466 --> 00:05:14,510 I know. 130 00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:17,054 My dad has three tattoos. Like, "Why? You're a dad." 131 00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:18,764 Ew! It's so sad when parents try. 132 00:05:18,848 --> 00:05:22,310 My mom double-pierced one of her ears, and I'm like, "Hello! You're 50." 133 00:05:22,394 --> 00:05:24,687 So old– like, ancient– to have an ear piercing– 134 00:05:24,771 --> 00:05:27,023 It's nasty. 135 00:05:24,771 --> 00:05:27,023 Uh, you two decide to go to the dance? 136 00:05:27,107 --> 00:05:28,524 Well, yeah, but not really. 137 00:05:27,107 --> 00:05:28,524 But yeah. 138 00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:30,193 - What? - We're going ironically... 139 00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:32,862 to make fun of all the kids who make a big deal out of it. 140 00:05:32,946 --> 00:05:34,697 "Ironic"? My ass. 141 00:05:34,781 --> 00:05:37,742 Alex likes Drew. She's just playing it safe. 142 00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:41,037 Now there are the pushy, obnoxious moms who try and get involved, 143 00:05:41,121 --> 00:05:43,372 nudge them towards one another. 144 00:05:43,456 --> 00:05:45,292 We mean well. 145 00:05:50,964 --> 00:05:52,840 - Fancy shirt, Coach Tucker. - Oh, thank you. 146 00:05:52,924 --> 00:05:57,386 You know what I like to say. I might be coach, but I travel first class. 147 00:05:57,470 --> 00:06:01,641 So, what would you think about giving the opening remarks at the dance tonight? 148 00:06:01,725 --> 00:06:04,519 The arts committee has never made this much, and it's all because of you. 149 00:06:04,603 --> 00:06:07,230 Oh, you guys. When I came to this school six months ago, 150 00:06:07,314 --> 00:06:09,732 I never would have imagined you would embrace me the way– 151 00:06:09,816 --> 00:06:11,859 Excuse me? Is this a chem lab? 152 00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:14,237 - Because I'm looking for a big reaction. 153 00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:17,281 And there it is. Hi. How are– Oh! 154 00:06:17,365 --> 00:06:19,325 Who is this? 155 00:06:19,409 --> 00:06:21,118 How was sabbatical? 156 00:06:21,202 --> 00:06:22,578 Amazing. 157 00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:25,957 I'm rested and ready... to take another vacation. 158 00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:27,750 How are we supposed to know him? 159 00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:31,295 Senor Kaplan. Legendary Spanish teacher. 160 00:06:31,379 --> 00:06:35,591 You know, my heart went out to him a little because he left as everyone's favorite, 161 00:06:35,675 --> 00:06:39,845 and I'm sure word got out about, you know– me. 162 00:06:39,929 --> 00:06:42,098 I just didn't want him to feel displaced. 163 00:06:42,182 --> 00:06:44,308 Okay. Excuse me, big guy. 164 00:06:44,392 --> 00:06:46,185 Gifts for everyone. 165 00:06:46,269 --> 00:06:48,479 Angela, this is fresh from Anuradhapura. 166 00:06:48,563 --> 00:06:52,400 And, uh, Karen, you might want to eat some chapati with that. 167 00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:54,527 - And this is for, um– - Marcia. 168 00:06:54,611 --> 00:06:56,237 Marcia! Right, of course. I knew that. 169 00:06:56,321 --> 00:06:57,989 I must have been having a "senor" moment. 170 00:06:58,865 --> 00:07:00,617 Somebody's always on. 171 00:07:02,035 --> 00:07:03,869 Who did this? 172 00:07:02,035 --> 00:07:03,869 What happened? 173 00:07:03,953 --> 00:07:06,455 Somebody knocked my bag down and broke my phone. 174 00:07:06,539 --> 00:07:08,291 Lily, do you know anything about this? 175 00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,001 He did it. 176 00:07:10,085 --> 00:07:13,379 - Joe? - Yep. I'm going to go and play. 177 00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:16,257 - She lies. - How could Joe pull a bag off a table? 178 00:07:16,341 --> 00:07:18,217 He can't even walk. I'll talk to her. 179 00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:22,638 Why you? Because you're such a businessman that know how to talk to people? 180 00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:24,557 Trust me. When I get done talkin' to her, 181 00:07:24,641 --> 00:07:28,060 not only will she have confessed to the crime, I might even sell her a closet. 182 00:07:29,729 --> 00:07:33,983 I remember my buddies and I were playing rock war once. 183 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,819 That's a game where you chuck rocks at each other's heads. 184 00:07:36,903 --> 00:07:39,822 I mean, what could go wrong, right? 185 00:07:39,906 --> 00:07:43,993 I put one through the window of my old man's Rambler, 186 00:07:44,077 --> 00:07:46,537 and he thought my baby brother did it. 187 00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:49,999 I couldn't take it, and I told him I did it. 188 00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:52,710 It felt so good to confess, 189 00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:55,296 and my old man was so proud of me, 190 00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,506 I didn't even get in any trouble. 191 00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:58,925 Y– You know? 192 00:08:00,385 --> 00:08:02,429 Joe did it. 193 00:08:05,265 --> 00:08:06,849 She's good. 194 00:08:05,265 --> 00:08:06,849 Watch and learn. 195 00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:09,060 I don't think that cleavage thing is gonna work with this one. 196 00:08:09,144 --> 00:08:11,312 That's not my only trick. 197 00:08:11,396 --> 00:08:13,773 Hola, Lily. 198 00:08:11,396 --> 00:08:13,773 Where did Grandpa go? 199 00:08:13,857 --> 00:08:17,818 Don't worry about Jay. It's only you and me here now. 200 00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:21,740 So, tell me, which one of these is your favorite? 201 00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:27,662 Fine. One by one, they will disappear. 202 00:08:27,746 --> 00:08:32,625 Sooner or later, we'll get to the one that you love. 203 00:08:32,709 --> 00:08:35,795 Ladies and gentlemen, he's the emperor of escrow. 204 00:08:35,879 --> 00:08:38,255 He puts the "tude" in Tudor. 205 00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:43,344 Let's put your hands together for Phil Dunphy! 206 00:08:45,638 --> 00:08:48,224 Thanks for the kind introduction, me. 207 00:08:48,308 --> 00:08:52,436 Now, unlike past years, 208 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,190 I'm not gonna stand up here and talk your ears off. 209 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:59,902 No, ladies and gentlemen. You deserve more. 210 00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:02,530 This year, I'm gonna sing 'em off. 211 00:09:35,021 --> 00:09:38,482 They say the greats never let anything affect their performance. 212 00:09:38,566 --> 00:09:40,776 Well, maybe the greats never had a daughter who checked out... 213 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:44,447 during the third of five planned real-time, mid-performance wardrobe changes. 214 00:09:44,531 --> 00:09:47,199 I'm not gonna lie. It knocked me off my game. 215 00:09:50,245 --> 00:09:52,288 - Oh! 216 00:09:54,207 --> 00:09:56,125 Is this part of it? 217 00:09:54,207 --> 00:09:56,125 No. 218 00:09:56,209 --> 00:09:58,627 It's not part of it. 219 00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:06,552 In law school, Wendy Kirk could be a little intense. 220 00:10:06,636 --> 00:10:09,347 I always hoped that she'd soften over time, but... 221 00:10:10,682 --> 00:10:12,224 some people go the other way. 222 00:10:12,308 --> 00:10:13,976 This place is a nightmare. 223 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:15,603 The conditions are deplorable, 224 00:10:15,687 --> 00:10:19,315 and no one should have to suffer this kind of abuse on a daily basis. 225 00:10:19,399 --> 00:10:23,360 What kind of tyrant has such utter disregard for human life? 226 00:10:23,444 --> 00:10:26,363 - I can't do this. - You have to. Wendy needs to hear it. 227 00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:28,115 Yeah, but I'm nervous. 228 00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:28,115 Mitchell– 229 00:10:28,199 --> 00:10:30,826 Yes! Hi. 230 00:10:28,199 --> 00:10:30,826 I just had a great idea. 231 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:34,246 I think you would be the perfect person to groom Rex. 232 00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:38,083 Excuse me? 233 00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:38,083 I just think he'd really respond to someone like you, you know? 234 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:41,337 You don't mind, right? 235 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:41,337 Uh, no. No, not at all. 236 00:10:41,421 --> 00:10:43,422 Great. Thanks. Will you go over and introduce yourself? 237 00:10:43,506 --> 00:10:45,216 Intro– Okay. Okay. 238 00:10:43,506 --> 00:10:45,216 Yeah. Thank you. 239 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,801 Yeah. 240 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,801 Okay. 241 00:10:49,304 --> 00:10:54,183 Hello. I'm Mitchell. And, apparently, this is my job now. 242 00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:56,352 Oh, God, you smell. 243 00:10:56,436 --> 00:10:59,396 People are looking at me. 244 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,691 Yeah! That's because you let me make you beautiful. 245 00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,194 Nuh-uh. Stop it. Am I? 246 00:11:05,278 --> 00:11:08,573 Yes, you are. Have fun. Go. Go. 247 00:11:09,699 --> 00:11:12,034 Drew. Hey, Drew. Having fun? 248 00:11:12,118 --> 00:11:13,911 "Fun"? Uh– Okay. 249 00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,080 Oh, Drew. Drew, listen. 250 00:11:16,164 --> 00:11:18,874 Phil and I are gonna be out really late tonight, 251 00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:22,711 so there will not be an adult at the house when you drop Alex off, 252 00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:24,255 if you know what I mean. 253 00:11:24,339 --> 00:11:26,924 Don't worry. I'll drop her off and I won't go in. 254 00:11:27,008 --> 00:11:29,385 Well, big house, 255 00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,220 you know, cute daughter. 256 00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:33,556 I would not be opposed to you walking her in, 257 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,266 keeping her company until we get back. 258 00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:37,726 Like I said, we will not be back until late. 259 00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:39,770 I hear you, Mrs. Dunphy. 260 00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:39,770 Uh-huh. 261 00:11:39,854 --> 00:11:41,856 You can trust me. 262 00:11:39,854 --> 00:11:41,856 Well, gonna have to trust you... 263 00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:44,316 because we have no way of knowing what you're gonna get up to. 264 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,402 In fact, if your car is blocking the driveway, 265 00:11:46,486 --> 00:11:48,654 I'll just honk twice and wait for you to come out. 266 00:11:48,738 --> 00:11:50,573 Okay. 267 00:11:48,738 --> 00:11:50,573 Okay. 268 00:11:50,657 --> 00:11:52,825 Go get her, tiger. Come on. 269 00:11:54,661 --> 00:11:56,120 Nice job, Tucker. 270 00:11:56,204 --> 00:11:58,372 I mean, you made so many choices that I never would have made, 271 00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,915 but a lot of them are working. 272 00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:01,959 Oh, well, you know, I just watched the videos... 273 00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:04,044 of the many, many dances you planned... 274 00:12:04,128 --> 00:12:05,921 and just built off that one idea. 275 00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:09,174 Hey, kids! 276 00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:09,174 There are my little chalupas! 277 00:12:09,258 --> 00:12:11,093 ! Hola! 278 00:12:09,258 --> 00:12:11,093 ! Hola! 279 00:12:11,177 --> 00:12:13,178 Wow! 280 00:12:13,262 --> 00:12:14,847 Um, what did you do to Rhonda? 281 00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:17,099 I cleaned her up. 282 00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:17,099 No, you broke her. 283 00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:19,643 I hate her like this. 284 00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:19,643 She looks fantastic. 285 00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:22,479 To you! Fix her. Ugh, it confuses me. 286 00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:23,939 Oh, Luke. 287 00:12:24,023 --> 00:12:27,443 "The house will be empty"? You are pimping me out! 288 00:12:27,527 --> 00:12:29,445 It is clear that the two of you like one another. 289 00:12:29,529 --> 00:12:31,989 Sometimes you need a little nudge. 290 00:12:29,529 --> 00:12:31,989 Well, you're a chaperone! 291 00:12:32,073 --> 00:12:34,325 Just disappear. This dance is not for you! 292 00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:39,997 Uh-uh-uh. 293 00:12:40,081 --> 00:12:41,624 You're lucky that's water. 294 00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:44,794 Damn it. 295 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,465 She's been stewing in there for an hour. 296 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:52,051 I say let's lock the door, cut the power. 297 00:12:52,135 --> 00:12:54,386 Let's show her that we mean business. 298 00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:58,141 Let's try the joint approach first, Gitmo. 299 00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:04,355 Hmm. Okay, we've been going over your story, 300 00:13:04,439 --> 00:13:05,940 and it doesn't add up. 301 00:13:06,024 --> 00:13:08,359 My purse was too high for Joe to reach. 302 00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:10,277 He's tall enough to reach up here. 303 00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:14,573 He knocked over the baby powder trying to get my stuffed animals. 304 00:13:14,657 --> 00:13:18,327 - Not buying it. - Look. You can see the footprints where he walked. 305 00:13:18,411 --> 00:13:20,913 - Walk? - Lily, Lily, Lily. 306 00:13:20,997 --> 00:13:23,874 - Joe can't walk. - He does for me. 307 00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:27,503 So you have ways of making him walk? 308 00:13:28,421 --> 00:13:30,631 Lily, just admit that you did it. 309 00:13:30,715 --> 00:13:34,301 Come here, Joe. Come here, like you did before. 310 00:13:34,385 --> 00:13:36,428 - Honey, you're embarrassing yourself. - Come here, Joe. 311 00:13:36,512 --> 00:13:38,681 He can't walk. 312 00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:44,186 He's walking! The candles that I lit worked! 313 00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:47,564 Look at the stride on him. He's as sure-footed as a mountain goat. 314 00:13:47,648 --> 00:13:51,860 - Told you. - I'm so sorry that we doubted you. 315 00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:54,030 Boy, did I get lucky. 316 00:13:58,326 --> 00:14:02,121 I'm going to blame everything on him until he learns how to talk. 317 00:14:03,372 --> 00:14:05,374 This guy waltzes in here like he's king of the dance... 318 00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:07,751 after doing God knows what in Sri Lanka. 319 00:14:07,835 --> 00:14:10,713 "Building schools in underdeveloped areas." What does that even mean? 320 00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:13,048 Is it possible that you're being a little hard on the man? 321 00:14:13,132 --> 00:14:16,552 I turned his two-bit dance into the event of the year. 322 00:14:16,636 --> 00:14:19,888 Look. Burnouts and dweebs hanging out together in harmony. 323 00:14:19,972 --> 00:14:22,558 That is me. 324 00:14:19,972 --> 00:14:22,558 I'm sorry, Cam. 325 00:14:22,642 --> 00:14:25,060 Don't feel sorry for me. Next is faculty dance. 326 00:14:25,144 --> 00:14:27,146 Kaplan can't move. It's on his Tumblr. 327 00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:31,066 It's his big shame. Trust me. He can't touch this. 328 00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:35,863 Okay. Time now for the faculty dance. Go, teachers. 329 00:14:35,947 --> 00:14:37,406 Uh, are you sure? 330 00:14:37,490 --> 00:14:39,992 Stop. It's Cammer time. 331 00:14:44,288 --> 00:14:46,957 Ooh! 332 00:14:49,335 --> 00:14:50,919 Mind if I join you, Coach? 333 00:15:03,015 --> 00:15:07,186 While on sabbatical, I learned a thing or two from Sri Lanka's own Chitrasena. 334 00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:08,812 I don't know who that is, 335 00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:12,274 and it's annoying when you say things like people are supposed to know! 336 00:15:12,358 --> 00:15:17,446 That pathetic peacock of a man was not going down without a fight. 337 00:15:17,530 --> 00:15:21,366 I had a choice to make– be the better dancer or the bigger man. 338 00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:24,620 So I stepped off the dance floor and made the obvious call. 339 00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:28,624 You want to win over a crowd? Invite a lonely mom to dance. 340 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:31,335 She never saw it coming, and neither did he. 341 00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:34,254 Whoo! 342 00:15:41,429 --> 00:15:45,224 Hey, senor. You just got out-coached. 343 00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:48,560 I try and look on the bright side of things. 344 00:15:48,644 --> 00:15:51,939 I'm a "doggy bath is half full" kind of guy. 345 00:15:52,023 --> 00:15:53,941 But it was time for me to open my eyes. 346 00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:56,860 I was working for a monster. 347 00:15:56,944 --> 00:15:59,530 I came to this job to be the voice of the downtrodden. 348 00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:02,741 Turns out those downtrodden were my coworkers, 349 00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:06,870 and they were desperate for a hero to slay their dragon. 350 00:16:06,954 --> 00:16:09,081 Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. 351 00:16:09,165 --> 00:16:10,916 Um, Rex, how's it going with Mitchell? 352 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,668 The new guy? I haven't met him yet. 353 00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,586 That's weird. I asked him to introduce himself. 354 00:16:14,670 --> 00:16:18,215 Um– Hey, has anybody seen my dog? Pixie! 355 00:16:18,299 --> 00:16:19,842 Oh, there she is. 356 00:16:19,926 --> 00:16:22,177 Wow! Okay, Wendy, I'm sorry. 357 00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:25,681 I have something to say to you, something that everybody else here is afraid to say. 358 00:16:25,765 --> 00:16:27,516 Now, I know you're fighting the good fight, 359 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,018 but that is no excuse for the way you treat people. 360 00:16:30,102 --> 00:16:32,896 That actually might be one of the reasons that you have no personal life, 361 00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:36,775 because who wants to come home to a cold, emotionless thug? 362 00:16:36,859 --> 00:16:39,027 What are you talking about? 363 00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:41,363 I am an experienced, respected attorney, 364 00:16:41,447 --> 00:16:44,116 and on my first day, you asked me to bathe Rex. 365 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,742 I'm not comfortable with that. 366 00:16:45,826 --> 00:16:48,370 And I'm not comfortable with that, but I did it. 367 00:16:48,454 --> 00:16:50,205 Okay, that's Pixie. 368 00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:53,041 This is Rex, the intern I asked you to groom. 369 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:55,711 And that is my mistake, and I own that. 370 00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:57,462 But that is still no excuse... 371 00:16:57,546 --> 00:17:00,132 for the way that you tore into him for the outfit he wore yesterday. 372 00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,050 I was talking about the outfit he picked out for me. 373 00:17:02,134 --> 00:17:05,971 Apparently, I have the one gay intern in the world with absolutely no fashion sense. 374 00:17:06,055 --> 00:17:07,723 I was unaware of– of this dynamic. 375 00:17:07,807 --> 00:17:09,558 But I-I'm not alone here, all right? 376 00:17:09,642 --> 00:17:12,895 There are people in this room who feel that you are– How did we say it? 377 00:17:12,979 --> 00:17:16,273 You are "a tyrant with no regard for human life." 378 00:17:16,357 --> 00:17:19,109 That sounds like my summation for the slumlord case. 379 00:17:19,193 --> 00:17:21,069 - Oh, hey, you finished it? - It's wonderful. 380 00:17:21,153 --> 00:17:24,072 - But he's nervous to show you. - Why are you so hard on yourself? 381 00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:26,742 Okay, but what– what about you making us work on Sundays? 382 00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:28,327 The night of my barbecue? 383 00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:31,997 Dan? What are you still doing here? It's your anniversary! Go home! 384 00:17:32,081 --> 00:17:33,874 Oh, God. This isn't happening. No, no. 385 00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:36,418 She's– She's crazy. I mean, I saw her attack the vending machine. 386 00:17:36,502 --> 00:17:38,670 That's the only way it works since Dennis broke it. 387 00:17:38,754 --> 00:17:40,380 Dennis is the guy whose office I took? 388 00:17:40,464 --> 00:17:43,467 Yeah, he was the machine's best customer until he started running. 389 00:17:43,551 --> 00:17:45,385 One day, he said he's got to get out or– 390 00:17:45,469 --> 00:17:47,137 He would die. Okay. Okay. 391 00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:51,016 Wendy, um, I might owe you a little bit of an apology, so I'm sorry. 392 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:54,436 Uh, clearly, everybody here loves you, and I was wrong about everything. 393 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,271 So, I'm sorry. 394 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,271 No, you– 395 00:17:56,355 --> 00:17:58,941 You weren't wrong about everything. I mean– 396 00:17:59,025 --> 00:18:01,777 Look, I do joke about it, but you're right. I'm alone. 397 00:18:01,861 --> 00:18:05,113 And that is not the first time that someone has called me cold. 398 00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:07,950 Those eggs– Those eggs came out of me frozen. 399 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:11,578 And I'm impossibly tall, and even if I could find somebody to love me, 400 00:18:11,662 --> 00:18:13,789 they wouldn't be able to reach. 401 00:18:11,662 --> 00:18:13,789 No. Hey, hey. Come on. 402 00:18:13,873 --> 00:18:16,458 You're an amazing woman. She's an amazing woman. 403 00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:19,336 And you're a role model. You're a hero. 404 00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:21,213 I'm a six-foot hero. 405 00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:21,213 No. 406 00:18:21,297 --> 00:18:23,632 Come on. You're surrounded by people who love you. 407 00:18:23,716 --> 00:18:26,760 Here's Dan and Rex. Me. Come here. 408 00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:30,472 All the way up to Samuel L. Jackson there. 409 00:18:30,556 --> 00:18:33,392 That's your mother in a Kangol hat, isn't it? 410 00:18:30,556 --> 00:18:33,392 Yeah. 411 00:18:33,476 --> 00:18:35,143 Um, are you sure you know what you're doing, Tad? 412 00:18:35,227 --> 00:18:36,853 I know you're the mortgage doctor– 413 00:18:36,937 --> 00:18:40,065 Someone said, "Is there a doctor in the house?" Was I supposed to not get up? 414 00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:42,234 Hey, Dad. You need any help out of that dress? 415 00:18:42,318 --> 00:18:45,028 Not unless you want to see me in nothing but a Baby New Year's diaper. 416 00:18:45,112 --> 00:18:47,447 That was the big finish to the song you were texting through. 417 00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:50,033 Hey, I got one text. I saw most of the show– 418 00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:50,033 We're leaving, okay? 419 00:18:50,117 --> 00:18:53,328 Could you just go to the table and grab my keys and purse? 420 00:18:50,117 --> 00:18:53,328 Fine. 421 00:18:53,412 --> 00:18:54,997 You want to talk about it? 422 00:18:55,081 --> 00:18:56,832 How many kinds of fake doctor are you? 423 00:18:56,916 --> 00:19:00,168 Okay, time for the big award of the night, the ROY, Realtor of the Year. 424 00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:01,878 I don't even know why I'm mad at her. 425 00:19:01,962 --> 00:19:04,006 Probably just 'cause she was so bored all night. 426 00:19:04,090 --> 00:19:05,841 Maybe you're feeling rejected? 427 00:19:05,925 --> 00:19:07,342 It's my own fault. 428 00:19:07,426 --> 00:19:09,803 I built up this hope that she'd want to follow me into real estate. 429 00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,638 Phil Dunphy. 430 00:19:11,722 --> 00:19:14,725 She's got her own life now. I just don't know where we connect anymore. 431 00:19:14,809 --> 00:19:16,226 You won. 432 00:19:14,809 --> 00:19:16,226 What? 433 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,603 Yeah. 434 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,603 Help me up! 435 00:19:18,687 --> 00:19:20,522 Oh! 436 00:19:20,606 --> 00:19:22,566 As we all know, Phil had a little accident tonight, 437 00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:25,277 but we're happy to accept this award on his behalf. 438 00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:25,277 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 439 00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:26,862 I got this. 440 00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:30,574 Hi. I'm, uh– I'm Haley, Phil's daughter. 441 00:19:30,658 --> 00:19:32,617 Dad, you won the ROY! 442 00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:33,869 Oh. 443 00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:35,746 Um– Wow. 444 00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:38,206 You all know him as an amazing Realtor, 445 00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:41,043 but I know him as the world's greatest dad. 446 00:19:41,127 --> 00:19:46,757 As far as I'm concerned, he's Dad of the Year, the DOY. 447 00:19:46,841 --> 00:19:49,593 It really is a shame that you didn't hear the rest of his act tonight. 448 00:19:49,677 --> 00:19:52,096 I– I heard him rehearsing it. 449 00:19:53,514 --> 00:19:57,059 Uh, which one of you is J.J. McCubbin? 450 00:19:57,143 --> 00:20:00,395 Oh. Hey, quick question, J.J. 451 00:20:00,479 --> 00:20:02,981 Why is a great mortgage rate like your wife in bed? 452 00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:04,941 Once a month and low interest. 453 00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:08,320 What are you laughing at, Skip Woosnum? 454 00:20:08,404 --> 00:20:11,656 You haven't seen a commission since you joined the navy. 455 00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:15,077 She is killing it. 456 00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:15,077 That's my girl. I would have hit the word "navy" harder. 457 00:20:15,161 --> 00:20:17,579 What else? What else? 458 00:20:17,663 --> 00:20:19,623 Oh! Margaret Fuhrman's here. 459 00:20:19,707 --> 00:20:23,960 Little heads-up to her date– she's been upside down in more houses than Fannie Mae. 460 00:20:25,629 --> 00:20:28,423 Or, in her case, Fannie definitely will. 461 00:20:28,507 --> 00:20:31,259 We all want people to think the best of us. 462 00:20:31,343 --> 00:20:34,805 So sometimes we cover things up to protect ourselves. 463 00:20:37,099 --> 00:20:39,268 But we don't have to be afraid. 464 00:20:40,686 --> 00:20:43,939 Because the truth is always a good thing. 465 00:20:45,524 --> 00:20:47,026 The truth sets us free. 466 00:20:50,112 --> 00:20:52,280 Brings us closer. 467 00:20:52,364 --> 00:20:55,951 So, do you want to tell us how Joe's shoes ended up on the wrong feet? 468 00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:59,497 I guess the little guy knows how to put on his own shoes. 469 00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:07,045 There you go, buddy. You got this. 470 00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:07,045 What are you doing? 471 00:21:07,129 --> 00:21:09,673 Since Joe can walk now, I figured he should be doing a few chores. 472 00:21:09,757 --> 00:21:12,050 Steady, big guy! 473 00:21:09,757 --> 00:21:12,050 Chores? What kind of– 474 00:21:12,134 --> 00:21:14,344 There he is. That-a-boy! 475 00:21:14,428 --> 00:21:16,138 That-a-boy! 476 00:21:16,222 --> 00:21:18,473 A beer? Are you crazy? 477 00:21:18,557 --> 00:21:20,809 Where you going? You want some? He'll bring it to you. 478 00:21:20,893 --> 00:21:22,727 I can't believe that you're teaching him to do that. 479 00:21:22,811 --> 00:21:24,646 - Wait till you see part two. 480 00:21:24,730 --> 00:21:26,565 Attaboy. 481 00:21:26,649 --> 00:21:28,901 Relax! It was me.