1 00:00:02,464 --> 00:00:04,466 Thank you for flying Jet Blue. Welcome to Las Vegas. 2 00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:06,468 - Here you go, here you go. - That was quick. 3 00:00:06,552 --> 00:00:09,345 You skip the line when you're on the Excelsior level. 4 00:00:09,429 --> 00:00:12,098 Oh. 5 00:00:09,429 --> 00:00:12,098 Three rooms adjoining, top floor. 6 00:00:12,182 --> 00:00:14,267 Oh. 7 00:00:12,182 --> 00:00:14,267 Silver. Pretty. 8 00:00:14,351 --> 00:00:16,519 Platinum, so don't wave that around everywhere. 9 00:00:16,603 --> 00:00:19,355 People get jealous. Maybe wave it around a little. 10 00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,609 My friend Burt Tanner runs the hotel. 11 00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:27,072 He comped us a few rooms because we sold him some closets for his high-roller suites. 12 00:00:27,156 --> 00:00:29,866 Zebrawood, heated sock drawer, the works. 13 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,161 Hey, luxury bathroom. It's me, lowly closet. 14 00:00:33,245 --> 00:00:34,996 Watch your back. 15 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,499 - Mitchell? - Langham? 16 00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:39,667 Hey, Cam, it's Langham and Tim! 17 00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:40,960 Hi! 18 00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:40,960 Hi! 19 00:00:41,044 --> 00:00:42,962 What are you boys doing here? 20 00:00:43,046 --> 00:00:46,174 - Bachelor party weekend. We're getting married in June. - What? 21 00:00:46,258 --> 00:00:49,677 We really wanted to invite you, but Tim's family is huge. 22 00:00:49,761 --> 00:00:52,055 Relax. We're getting married in May, and you're not coming, so– 23 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,306 Mitchell! 24 00:00:53,390 --> 00:00:55,058 Oh, look at us moving on. 25 00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:57,143 It's almost like you never dumped me in an e-mail... 26 00:00:57,227 --> 00:00:59,020 the morning after I told you that I loved you. 27 00:00:59,104 --> 00:01:01,815 Well, in my defense, e-mail– It was new back then– 28 00:00:59,104 --> 00:01:01,815 Oh. 29 00:01:01,899 --> 00:01:04,359 There was still a blurry line as to what was appropriate and– 30 00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,611 Well, we have a pretty packed weekend. 31 00:01:06,695 --> 00:01:09,906 Oh, we do, but if you guys have some time, here's our itinerary. 32 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:11,324 Okay. 33 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:11,324 Come play. 34 00:01:11,408 --> 00:01:12,534 Oh, yeah. 35 00:01:11,408 --> 00:01:12,534 Fun. 36 00:01:12,618 --> 00:01:13,993 You guys, congratulations. Bye. 37 00:01:14,077 --> 00:01:15,245 Thank you. 38 00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:17,372 Oh, my gosh, an actual gay agenda. Geez. 39 00:01:17,456 --> 00:01:18,706 Ooh. Come on. 40 00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:21,918 Looks like we're not gonna see much of you two this trip. 41 00:01:22,002 --> 00:01:24,546 No, no. We are not participating in any of this. 42 00:01:24,630 --> 00:01:26,381 They're very judgy about bachelor parties. 43 00:01:26,465 --> 00:01:29,092 I offered to throw them one, and I got a whole lecture. 44 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,511 We're 40. We have a child. We've been together for 10 years. 45 00:01:31,595 --> 00:01:34,013 That's the one. 46 00:01:31,595 --> 00:01:34,013 It's just not who we are anymore. 47 00:01:34,097 --> 00:01:37,016 Listen to this– "Bananas in Cabanas Pool Party." 48 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,602 - "Most creative Speedo... 49 00:01:39,686 --> 00:01:41,771 wins tickets to The Kilty Pleasures." 50 00:01:39,686 --> 00:01:41,771 No. 51 00:01:41,855 --> 00:01:43,731 - Please. - What is The Kilty Pleasures? 52 00:01:43,815 --> 00:01:45,108 This. 53 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:49,238 We will be maintaining our dignity in the spa, thank you. 54 00:01:50,906 --> 00:01:54,826 I mean, come on. Have you ever seen a Scottish person this tan? 55 00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:56,703 I'm embarrassed even looking at it. 56 00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:58,288 Then stop. 57 00:02:11,134 --> 00:02:13,553 Whoa. That warmer drawer really works. 58 00:02:13,637 --> 00:02:15,763 It's like my mom's hugging my feet again. 59 00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:18,725 - I'm gonna go do some shopping. - Oh, well, maybe we'll catch up later. 60 00:02:18,809 --> 00:02:20,727 No. You have your day, I'll have mine. 61 00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:23,897 - Well, how 'bout the bar at, like, 5:00? - Sure. 62 00:02:23,981 --> 00:02:27,150 She was icing me, but I deserved it. 63 00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,777 For the first time in my whole life, I was neglecting her. 64 00:02:29,861 --> 00:02:33,489 I'd been invited to audition for a secret magic society in Las Vegas. 65 00:02:33,573 --> 00:02:35,825 But in all my rehearsals, I'd paid no attention to Claire. 66 00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:37,660 I even left her alone in a movie theater once. 67 00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:40,747 Oh, no. 68 00:02:40,831 --> 00:02:45,502 I let Phil think I was still mad at him because I needed a little time to myself. 69 00:02:46,795 --> 00:02:48,963 Come to mama! Yeah! 70 00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:53,301 Years ago, Phil and I put aside money for a trip on our 25th anniversary, 71 00:02:53,385 --> 00:02:56,429 but I lost that money on a girls' weekend in Vegas. 72 00:02:56,513 --> 00:02:59,432 Since then, I've been on a secret mission to win that money back, 73 00:02:59,516 --> 00:03:03,478 and if things go well this weekend, I am even. 74 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:06,272 Vegas, you have a gambling problem, 75 00:03:06,356 --> 00:03:07,983 and her name is Claire. 76 00:03:10,527 --> 00:03:12,153 Knockity knock, knock. 77 00:03:12,237 --> 00:03:13,947 Mr. Dunphy, I presume? 78 00:03:14,031 --> 00:03:15,281 Yes. Who– Hi. 79 00:03:15,365 --> 00:03:17,033 I'm Leslie Higgins. It's a boy's name where I'm from. 80 00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:18,952 - I'm your butler. - Oh, butler. Cool. 81 00:03:19,036 --> 00:03:22,372 Yes. As an Excelsior guest, I'm at your beck and call 24-7. 82 00:03:22,456 --> 00:03:25,459 - Anything you need, big or small, I can– - Oh. 83 00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:30,713 Can I just segue, sir, to the importance of discretion in my job? 84 00:03:30,797 --> 00:03:32,674 I'll just pop those– 85 00:03:30,797 --> 00:03:32,674 Oh, no, no, no. Never mind those. 86 00:03:32,758 --> 00:03:34,467 - As you wish. - They're for an appointment I have later. 87 00:03:34,551 --> 00:03:35,843 The less you know about that, the better. 88 00:03:35,927 --> 00:03:38,680 A myriad of apologies, sir. If there's nothing else– 89 00:03:38,764 --> 00:03:41,224 Oh, hang on. Actually, do you know where I can get a cape laundered? 90 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,142 Opera or superhero? 91 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,142 I'd rather not say. 92 00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:44,727 I overstepped the mark by asking. 93 00:03:44,811 --> 00:03:48,231 Uh, could I just quickly point out our luxury bath service, sir? 94 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,400 We have five outrageously decadent baths... 95 00:03:50,484 --> 00:03:52,360 that I can prepare for you at a moment's notice. 96 00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:53,820 Uh, I should just point out, though, 97 00:03:53,904 --> 00:03:56,281 that our Pharaoh's Fantasy does take a dash longer normally... 98 00:03:56,365 --> 00:03:58,324 because our Nubian lives off-site. 99 00:03:58,408 --> 00:04:01,620 - If there's nothing else, I'll just help you with your– - No, uh– 100 00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:06,082 - I'll get that. - Yep, yep. 101 00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:07,333 Ah, thank you. 102 00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:09,669 I love cucumber water. 103 00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:09,669 I know. 104 00:04:09,753 --> 00:04:11,671 If I were president– 105 00:04:09,753 --> 00:04:11,671 I know, I know. 106 00:04:11,755 --> 00:04:13,673 Cucumbers in the reservoirs. 107 00:04:13,757 --> 00:04:15,591 Giant cucumbers. 108 00:04:13,757 --> 00:04:15,591 Mmm. 109 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:16,843 Mr. Pritchett? 110 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:16,843 Yes, hi. 111 00:04:16,927 --> 00:04:18,386 All right, I'll see you in 90 minutes. 112 00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,763 Enjoy. 113 00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,763 Thank you. 114 00:04:22,516 --> 00:04:24,434 Mr. Tucker? 115 00:04:27,687 --> 00:04:29,398 Mr. Tucker? 116 00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:37,196 We had a few no-shows for the Britney concert, so– 117 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,198 One, please. 118 00:04:39,282 --> 00:04:40,408 Oh. What about Mitchell? 119 00:04:40,492 --> 00:04:42,577 It's Vegas. He doesn't need to know what I'm doing. 120 00:04:42,661 --> 00:04:44,162 I don't need to know what he's doing. 121 00:04:44,246 --> 00:04:46,706 So if you see him, maybe don't mention what I'm doing. 122 00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:49,000 Oh. Understood. 123 00:04:49,084 --> 00:04:51,420 So do you have anything on the aisle? 124 00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:55,048 Yeah? 125 00:04:55,132 --> 00:04:57,050 Rasputin's Dalmatian drowned in the Volga. 126 00:04:57,134 --> 00:04:58,384 I thought he was allergic to dogs. 127 00:04:58,468 --> 00:05:00,053 You're thinking of Merlin, and it was peanuts. 128 00:05:03,306 --> 00:05:06,392 Okay, everybody. We have a visitor. 129 00:05:06,476 --> 00:05:07,935 Welcome Phil Dunphy. 130 00:05:08,019 --> 00:05:09,187 Hi. 131 00:05:08,019 --> 00:05:09,187 Hey, Phil. 132 00:05:09,271 --> 00:05:10,396 Hey. 133 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,148 I'm so honored to be here. 134 00:05:12,232 --> 00:05:17,153 Wow. You may recognize my– my screen name, abracadunphyl7. 135 00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,614 That's you? You're up in the middle of the night a lot. 136 00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:21,157 My wife grinds her teeth. 137 00:05:21,241 --> 00:05:23,493 But let me tell you another story. 138 00:05:23,577 --> 00:05:25,661 It's about the miracle of metamorphosis. 139 00:05:25,745 --> 00:05:28,539 - Uh, Phil– - They say the only constant is change– 140 00:05:28,623 --> 00:05:30,500 Phil, we're gonna get to your trick in just a minute. 141 00:05:30,584 --> 00:05:32,251 Oh. I'm sorry. 142 00:05:32,335 --> 00:05:34,504 Got a little excited there. 143 00:05:34,588 --> 00:05:37,215 The heroes of the underground magic blogosphere– 144 00:05:37,299 --> 00:05:42,095 Flashpaper Finelli, Kaiser Mayhem, The Kid! 145 00:05:42,179 --> 00:05:45,765 When you think about it, it's crazy they're all alive at the same time. 146 00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:50,269 Jay, I'm feeling a little cold. Maybe I should buy a scarf. 147 00:05:50,353 --> 00:05:52,897 Sure, get a couple of 'em. 148 00:05:52,981 --> 00:05:55,733 Why, I know it's a little extravagant, 149 00:05:55,817 --> 00:05:58,486 but we're Excelsior now– might as well look it. 150 00:05:58,570 --> 00:06:00,780 Many years ago, when Jay was in Las Vegas, 151 00:06:00,864 --> 00:06:04,617 he bought Barkley, the doggie butler. 152 00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:06,119 I hate Barkley. 153 00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:09,914 I knew if Jay saw Rebarka, he would want her too. 154 00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:12,792 Yeah, that's her name– Rebarka. 155 00:06:12,876 --> 00:06:15,461 Yeah, but, uh– you know, if we're going to gamble, 156 00:06:15,545 --> 00:06:17,213 maybe I need my lucky sweater. 157 00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:19,340 Can you go and get it in the room? 158 00:06:19,424 --> 00:06:23,219 - Who has a lucky sweater? - You wore two different shoes to watch the Super Bowl. 159 00:06:23,303 --> 00:06:25,680 - Fine. - No, Jay! 160 00:06:25,764 --> 00:06:27,640 Other way. 161 00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:29,892 I like that way. 162 00:06:31,728 --> 00:06:33,688 Sorry, sir. This is a private elevator. 163 00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:36,816 No need to apologize. I'm glad you're on top of this stuff. 164 00:06:37,901 --> 00:06:39,485 That's only for the Excelsior level. 165 00:06:39,569 --> 00:06:40,903 This elevator goes to the top floor. 166 00:06:40,987 --> 00:06:44,073 I thought Excelsior was the top– 62. 167 00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:45,992 Mandalay Bay has 63 floors. 168 00:06:46,076 --> 00:06:48,495 Top floor is Excelsior Plus. 169 00:06:49,829 --> 00:06:52,498 Wait, they're allowed up there? They're wearing dungarees. 170 00:06:52,582 --> 00:06:55,793 Sixty-one, 62, 63. 171 00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:57,254 Son of a bitch! 172 00:07:00,298 --> 00:07:01,883 Come on, let me see an eight. 173 00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:04,677 I wanna see an eight. 174 00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:04,677 Seven out. 175 00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:06,888 Sorry. 176 00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:06,888 We'll get 'em next time, baby. 177 00:07:06,972 --> 00:07:10,349 Claire, give me your key. I need to charge something to your room. 178 00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:13,436 - Hang on a second. - Four. Point is four. 179 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:18,149 Okay, odds on four, and a five each on "C" and "E." 180 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:19,609 What are you talking about? 181 00:07:19,693 --> 00:07:21,861 It's the lady version of Barkley. 182 00:07:21,945 --> 00:07:25,698 I have to put it on hold so that Jay, if he sees it, he can't buy it, 183 00:07:25,782 --> 00:07:28,534 and then I will cancel the charge before we leave. 184 00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:30,244 Winner– four the hard way! 185 00:07:30,328 --> 00:07:32,622 Oh, yes! Finally! 186 00:07:33,623 --> 00:07:35,208 Claire, the key. 187 00:07:35,292 --> 00:07:37,210 Oh, no, honey. You're not going anywhere. 188 00:07:37,294 --> 00:07:38,961 You're my good luck charm. 189 00:07:39,045 --> 00:07:41,423 Give these a blow, beautiful. 190 00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:49,138 Oh. How was your massage? 191 00:07:49,222 --> 00:07:51,766 So re– So, so relaxing. 192 00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,726 Sorry, my masseuse was blasting the Enya. 193 00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:56,145 So what are you gonna do next? A long soak? 194 00:07:56,229 --> 00:07:58,314 - A long sauna? - I think a sauna. 195 00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:00,816 - Yeah, I think I'm gonna do a soak. - Ooh, a soak does sound nice. 196 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:03,903 - Maybe I'll do a sauna. - Is that– Is that glitter on your face? 197 00:08:03,987 --> 00:08:07,448 Oh. Yeah, I think my masseuse might moonlight. 198 00:08:07,532 --> 00:08:09,075 - Vegas. 199 00:08:09,159 --> 00:08:11,244 - I'll see you in an hour. - Okay. Enjoy it. Really have fun. 200 00:08:11,328 --> 00:08:13,038 Relax, Mitchell. 201 00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:16,415 Phil, you're up. 202 00:08:16,499 --> 00:08:20,336 Okay. The miracle... of metamorphosis. 203 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:23,422 They say the only constant is change. 204 00:08:23,506 --> 00:08:27,218 Well, all of that is about to ch– be different. 205 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:32,056 Note the simple burlap sack, the kind you'd find in any home. 206 00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:35,768 If you'd be so kind as to assist me, The– The Kid, 207 00:08:35,852 --> 00:08:39,230 I'll endeavor to prove that some change is glacial, 208 00:08:39,314 --> 00:08:42,441 while some change is instantaneous. 209 00:08:42,525 --> 00:08:46,779 Now if you'd be so kind as to raise the simple burlap sack above my head... 210 00:08:46,863 --> 00:08:48,698 and pinch my wrists. 211 00:08:50,075 --> 00:08:52,285 You'll note the clock says exactly 4:02. 212 00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:53,786 I have 3:15. 213 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:57,123 Yeah, I have 6:35. Kaiser Mayhem! 214 00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:58,332 It's what I do. 215 00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,459 Wait, it's 5:20? I actually have to call my wife. 216 00:09:00,543 --> 00:09:02,628 Uh, no, Phil. You can't just stop in the middle of a trick. 217 00:09:02,712 --> 00:09:04,672 - That's a cardinal rule. - Guys, it's an emergency. 218 00:09:04,756 --> 00:09:06,549 Don't tell me you've never had to call your spouse. 219 00:09:08,134 --> 00:09:11,637 Oh, there's– there's people for you. 220 00:09:11,721 --> 00:09:13,472 Come on, Claire. Please pick up. 221 00:09:13,556 --> 00:09:15,349 And the lady wins again. 222 00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:18,019 Yes! Yes! I did it. I did it. 223 00:09:18,103 --> 00:09:19,645 I did it. I won back my money. 224 00:09:19,729 --> 00:09:21,897 Oh, suck it, the house. 225 00:09:21,981 --> 00:09:23,649 Claire, the key. 226 00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:27,862 Yeah, okay, here you go. And, hey, buy yourself something sparkly. 227 00:09:31,574 --> 00:09:33,951 Gloria, there's a floor above us. 228 00:09:31,574 --> 00:09:33,951 What? 229 00:09:34,035 --> 00:09:36,495 I know. It threw me too. Excelsior Plus. 230 00:09:36,579 --> 00:09:38,998 But to the people on that floor, we're Excelsior Minus. 231 00:09:39,082 --> 00:09:41,500 - What is up there? - You need a black card to get in. 232 00:09:41,584 --> 00:09:43,544 All we've got is this stupid silver one. 233 00:09:43,628 --> 00:09:45,087 Oh, I thought it was platinum. 234 00:09:45,171 --> 00:09:47,340 - It's crap. - Uh, why– 235 00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:49,884 why don't you call your friend Burt... 236 00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:52,511 and tell him that we need the black card? 237 00:09:52,595 --> 00:09:54,805 Because he's not my friend. I never really even met him. 238 00:09:54,889 --> 00:09:57,183 I think I heard him cough one time on a conference call. 239 00:09:57,267 --> 00:09:59,018 I don't know why he would treat me this way. 240 00:09:59,102 --> 00:10:01,020 - Oh, come on! - What? 241 00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:04,940 Oh, come on! You're Jay Pritchett. 242 00:10:05,024 --> 00:10:07,777 You're gonna find your friend Burt and tell him who you are, 243 00:10:07,861 --> 00:10:09,362 and you're gonna get the black card. 244 00:10:09,446 --> 00:10:12,448 Because when you set your mind on something, nobody can stop you! 245 00:10:12,532 --> 00:10:14,200 Right! 246 00:10:12,532 --> 00:10:14,200 Wait! 247 00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:15,744 Go that way. 248 00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:21,958 Excuse me. How much is that doggie in the window? 249 00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:27,004 I had finally taken back from Vegas... 250 00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:29,382 what Vegas took from me. 251 00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:32,635 That's a feeling of satisfaction I can't describe– 252 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,512 'cause it didn't last very long. 253 00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:35,888 Oh, hey, Claire. 254 00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:35,888 Yeah? 255 00:10:35,972 --> 00:10:37,306 Have you seen Cam? 256 00:10:35,972 --> 00:10:37,306 No. 257 00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:40,184 Although we should stay in one place so he can find us. 258 00:10:40,268 --> 00:10:42,061 How about a blackjack table? 259 00:10:42,145 --> 00:10:45,147 Oh, no, I'm really worn out from my massage, the sauna. 260 00:10:45,231 --> 00:10:47,066 It was just– It was a lot of detoxing. 261 00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:49,276 You know what you need? Some toxing. 262 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,987 - No. - Hand of blackjack, couple of tequilas. 263 00:10:52,071 --> 00:10:54,240 Come on, it'll be fun. Do it. 264 00:10:54,324 --> 00:10:57,410 You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette. 265 00:10:57,494 --> 00:10:59,245 Maybe this time you won't tell on me. 266 00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:00,454 And then hit. 267 00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:00,454 Yes. 268 00:11:00,538 --> 00:11:02,456 And then hit. And then stay. 269 00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:04,500 I know. I have it. 270 00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:04,500 Okay. 271 00:11:04,584 --> 00:11:05,918 Eighteen, 19, 18. 272 00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:08,087 You are in a great position right now. 273 00:11:08,171 --> 00:11:10,423 Oh, the dealer has 21. 274 00:11:10,507 --> 00:11:12,883 Hers is better. I am so sorry, Mitchell. 275 00:11:12,967 --> 00:11:15,261 I promise you, we did everything right. Don't be mad. 276 00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:16,429 I'm not mad. 277 00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:16,429 Really? 278 00:11:16,513 --> 00:11:17,638 No, that was– that was thrilling. 279 00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:19,849 I'm– My pulse is racing. 280 00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:19,849 Yeah. Yeah. 281 00:11:19,933 --> 00:11:21,767 Yeah. 282 00:11:19,933 --> 00:11:21,767 Thank you so much for making me do this. 283 00:11:21,851 --> 00:11:23,352 I'm going to play another hand. 284 00:11:23,436 --> 00:11:26,105 - We're going to play another hand. - No, alone. Not with you. 285 00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:27,857 Really? 286 00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:27,857 You're bad luck. Go. Far. 287 00:11:27,941 --> 00:11:30,317 The minute I got rid of her, I couldn't lose. 288 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:32,570 Oh, gambling's fun. 289 00:11:32,654 --> 00:11:33,946 And easy. 290 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:36,157 Hey, big spender. What are you doing? 291 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:36,157 Hey. 292 00:11:36,241 --> 00:11:38,200 Gambling. I'm a gambler now. 293 00:11:38,284 --> 00:11:40,369 Look at you letting loose. 294 00:11:38,284 --> 00:11:40,369 Yeah. 295 00:11:40,453 --> 00:11:43,622 I guess I figure whatever mischief one might get into in Vegas... 296 00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:46,709 kind of remains here within the limits of the city, you know? 297 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,377 That's a cool way to think about it. 298 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,377 Yeah. 299 00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:49,962 I'm really glad that you came over here. 300 00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:51,922 - Really? Why is that? - Well, I always hated... 301 00:11:52,006 --> 00:11:53,924 the way that things ended between us, you know? 302 00:11:54,008 --> 00:11:56,469 Maybe now we can go out on a better note. 303 00:11:56,553 --> 00:11:58,262 That's nice. 304 00:11:56,553 --> 00:11:58,262 Yeah. 305 00:11:58,346 --> 00:11:59,930 Oh– Oh, my God! 306 00:12:00,014 --> 00:12:02,266 6-2-3-3– That's-That's my room number. 307 00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:04,268 Huh. Um, hit me. 308 00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:06,103 Mm-hmm. 309 00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:06,103 Seven! 310 00:12:06,187 --> 00:12:09,231 That's 21, huh? Yes! Yeah! 311 00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:12,151 Ah! 312 00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:12,151 Whoa, check you out. 313 00:12:12,235 --> 00:12:14,236 I guess tonight's my night to get lucky. 314 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,738 I would say. 315 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,738 My lady. 316 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,073 - Thank you. - Maybe I will run into you again, huh? 317 00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:21,578 Okay. It was good to see you. Oh, y– 318 00:12:26,457 --> 00:12:29,418 120, 140, Higgins– for nothing. 319 00:12:29,502 --> 00:12:33,255 Nothing! I want to do something crazy. Okay, I'm gonna order a bath. 320 00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:35,841 Sir, it sounds to me like you've gone mad. 321 00:12:37,677 --> 00:12:40,513 Okay, this is what I want. I want something romantic, but also a little dangerous. 322 00:12:40,597 --> 00:12:43,724 Romantic, dangerous. Might I suggest, sir, the Techno Bath? 323 00:12:43,808 --> 00:12:45,893 Your heart will throb with the bass... 324 00:12:45,977 --> 00:12:48,604 while your eyes take in an off-the-scale laser light show... 325 00:12:48,688 --> 00:12:52,274 from that most intimate of V.I.P. arenas– your own tub. 326 00:12:52,358 --> 00:12:54,443 Okay. I want that. That's what I want. 327 00:12:54,527 --> 00:12:56,862 Methinks the Little Red Riding Hood... 328 00:12:56,946 --> 00:12:58,864 - may be a big, bad wolf. - Oh! 329 00:12:58,948 --> 00:13:00,699 I'll be back shortly with supplies. 330 00:12:58,948 --> 00:13:00,699 Okay! 331 00:13:00,783 --> 00:13:04,286 Ah, Mr. Dunphy! How are... 332 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,038 we this evening? 333 00:13:06,122 --> 00:13:08,374 Not so good. I'm in a tight spot with my lady. 334 00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:09,959 Ah. 335 00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:09,959 You know what might help? 336 00:13:10,043 --> 00:13:12,086 One of those– one of those luxury baths. 337 00:13:12,170 --> 00:13:15,214 Ah, get yourself out of some hot water by getting her into some. 338 00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:16,423 Wow, so good. 339 00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:18,217 Might I suggest the Michael Bublé Bath? 340 00:13:18,301 --> 00:13:20,469 - You are a mind reader. - I'm not a mind reader, sir. 341 00:13:20,553 --> 00:13:22,972 I've just been in the bath buttling business since the early '90s, 342 00:13:23,056 --> 00:13:25,808 despite my fresh face, so I tend to know what these situations need. 343 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,810 I'll get the water going. 344 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,810 As you wish. 345 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,603 Same price either way. 346 00:13:29,687 --> 00:13:32,064 Burt says he's gonna be here any minute. 347 00:13:29,687 --> 00:13:32,064 Mm-hmm. 348 00:13:32,148 --> 00:13:36,402 We got to really lay it on for this guy– best scotch, put on something sexy. 349 00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:39,405 I... have a great idea! 350 00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:42,908 Cigars! A man like Burt appreciates a good cigar. 351 00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:45,870 Good thinking! Of course, upstairs, the butler would be here already. 352 00:13:45,954 --> 00:13:49,248 I'm telling you, we might as well be sleeping in the basement. 353 00:13:50,708 --> 00:13:53,586 I said hold it, not deliver it! 354 00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:56,171 Ay. Okay, there. 355 00:13:56,255 --> 00:13:57,631 Come here. 356 00:13:57,715 --> 00:13:59,509 Stay in Claire's room. 357 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,638 - Hey, honey. I'm in the bathroom. 358 00:14:05,431 --> 00:14:06,849 Honey? 359 00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:10,436 Okay, I-I know I messed up, but sit tight. 360 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,854 I got a little surprise for you. 361 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,689 Higgins, you got a minute? 362 00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:15,691 Sixty an hour. They all belong to you, sir. 363 00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:18,068 I need a couple of primo cigars, A.S.A.P. 364 00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:19,987 I'm not a stickler for how they got in the country. 365 00:14:20,071 --> 00:14:22,656 I'm also expecting a special scotch delivery. 366 00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:25,034 I need a shave. Burt can't see me like this. 367 00:14:25,118 --> 00:14:26,702 Unfortunately, the shaving butlers are all– 368 00:14:26,786 --> 00:14:27,828 I know– Excelsior Plus. 369 00:14:27,912 --> 00:14:29,455 Are you decent? 370 00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,290 I am. 371 00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,290 Well, not for long. 372 00:14:31,374 --> 00:14:32,917 My partner should be here any minute. 373 00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:36,545 Is it me, sir, or is the air positively fizzing with erotic anticipation? 374 00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:38,172 - Yeah. - Oh, I forgot the ice. 375 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:40,132 I'm gonna get it. 376 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:40,132 I couldn't ask you to do that. 377 00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:42,885 - Not a problem. - As you wish. Same price either way. 378 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,358 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for Mitchell. 379 00:14:57,442 --> 00:15:00,569 Oh, yeah, he's expecting you. In fact, he's asked me to draw the two of you a bath. 380 00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:03,072 Wow. This is crazy. 381 00:15:03,156 --> 00:15:04,782 Yeah. I believe that's the plan. 382 00:15:06,242 --> 00:15:07,826 Enjoy. 383 00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:09,244 Thank you. 384 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,755 Oh, good. You're back. 385 00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:21,507 - How's Claire seem? - I'm sorry? 386 00:15:21,591 --> 00:15:23,926 You must have seen her out there. Is she mad? What's she doing? 387 00:15:25,428 --> 00:15:26,845 Uh, she's dusting, sir. 388 00:15:26,929 --> 00:15:29,014 Oh, she always cleans when she's mad. 389 00:15:29,098 --> 00:15:32,017 Do me a favor. Bring her a drink and tell her to get comfortable on the couch. 390 00:15:32,101 --> 00:15:34,019 She's-She's allowed on the furniture, is she? 391 00:15:36,272 --> 00:15:38,357 She's my wife. 392 00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:43,362 Oh, good! I've been looking for you. 393 00:15:43,446 --> 00:15:45,531 Well, you should have been looking for somebody who was looking for you, 394 00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,241 because that's what I was doing. 395 00:15:47,325 --> 00:15:48,701 Come on, I have a surprise for you. 396 00:15:50,787 --> 00:15:52,788 Oh. 397 00:15:50,787 --> 00:15:52,788 Yeah, I-I've been thinking. 398 00:15:52,872 --> 00:15:55,249 We need to stop being so uptight. We are in Vegas. 399 00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:56,875 Let's have a little fun. 400 00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,544 I'll have to wrap my head around that, but okay. 401 00:15:58,628 --> 00:16:00,087 I have just the way to kick it off– 402 00:16:00,171 --> 00:16:01,630 something we could do together. 403 00:16:01,714 --> 00:16:05,384 It's a little extreme, but I think it might be just what we need. 404 00:16:05,468 --> 00:16:06,760 Okay. 405 00:16:05,468 --> 00:16:06,760 Go on in. 406 00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,558 Are you crazy? 407 00:16:12,642 --> 00:16:14,309 Oh, come on, Cam. We deserve this. 408 00:16:14,393 --> 00:16:17,771 All right, you get started, and then I'll jump in when it starts to heat up. 409 00:16:17,855 --> 00:16:20,733 - Mitchell! - Come on. Then I will throw you into it, tiger. 410 00:16:20,817 --> 00:16:22,151 Rub-a-dub-dub. 411 00:16:22,235 --> 00:16:23,694 No! 412 00:16:23,778 --> 00:16:25,070 Langham. 413 00:16:25,154 --> 00:16:26,739 Both of you? 414 00:16:26,823 --> 00:16:30,451 - Huh. Well, okay. - No, no. No, not okay. What are you doing here? 415 00:16:30,535 --> 00:16:32,327 - You gave me your room key. - What? 416 00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:35,789 Don't act so shocked. You told me at the bachelor party you two lead separate lives. 417 00:16:35,873 --> 00:16:37,207 You went to the bachelor party? 418 00:16:37,291 --> 00:16:39,585 Yes, and I was starting to feel bad about sneaking around, 419 00:16:39,669 --> 00:16:42,337 but I guess I shouldn't have, now that I see what you're up to. 420 00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:44,923 I'm not up to anything. I left my key by mistake. 421 00:16:45,007 --> 00:16:47,426 We're all obviously tense. 422 00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:49,636 Let's take a deep breath, 423 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,096 get in the tub– 424 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,806 It's not happening. 425 00:16:52,890 --> 00:16:56,393 You want to tell me how you "accidentally" gave someone your key? 426 00:16:56,477 --> 00:16:59,772 You want to tell me why you spent all day sipping tequila out of some guy's navel? 427 00:16:59,856 --> 00:17:01,774 - You saw that? - I guessed. 428 00:17:01,858 --> 00:17:03,942 Hi, guys. What's going on? 429 00:17:04,026 --> 00:17:05,319 Hey, Claire. Can you please come back? 430 00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:07,321 We're in the middle of an argument. 431 00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:07,321 Bet I know why. 432 00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:09,448 Are you guys getting in the bath? 433 00:17:09,532 --> 00:17:11,658 Or I'm way off. 434 00:17:11,742 --> 00:17:14,453 - Langham! - That's Tim. He can't know I'm here. 435 00:17:14,537 --> 00:17:16,997 He has insane trust issues. 436 00:17:14,537 --> 00:17:16,997 Insane? 437 00:17:17,081 --> 00:17:18,582 Langham, are you in there? 438 00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,167 Go out this door. 439 00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,167 In here. 440 00:17:20,251 --> 00:17:22,544 Gloria, hurry up, will you? 441 00:17:22,628 --> 00:17:24,379 He's on his way up. 442 00:17:24,463 --> 00:17:25,714 I need to shave. 443 00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,299 Oh, you're here. 444 00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:29,551 Jay Pritchett. Thanks for stopping by. 445 00:17:29,635 --> 00:17:31,804 Nice robe. Like Hef back in the day. 446 00:17:31,888 --> 00:17:34,556 I'm gonna cut to the chase. I like your lifestyle. 447 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,143 - I want a taste of it. - Well– Sure, that's flattering, but– 448 00:17:38,227 --> 00:17:40,395 Okay, the bathroom is– 449 00:17:38,227 --> 00:17:40,395 Gloria, it's Burt Tanner! 450 00:17:40,479 --> 00:17:42,648 That's not Burt Tanner. That's Long Ham. 451 00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,734 Langham! 452 00:17:45,693 --> 00:17:47,611 What's that thing doing here? 453 00:17:47,695 --> 00:17:50,572 Just enjoying a dirty martini before a cleansing romp in the bath. 454 00:17:50,656 --> 00:17:52,158 That's not who the bath is for. 455 00:17:54,911 --> 00:17:58,455 Oh, my mistake. Welcome, Claire. 456 00:17:58,539 --> 00:18:01,083 You're certainly gonna be clean by the end of the night, aren't you? 457 00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:04,837 Jay, I forgot all my hair products! 458 00:18:04,921 --> 00:18:06,672 I'm going to borrow from Claire. 459 00:18:06,756 --> 00:18:08,424 Okay, coast is clear. 460 00:18:11,802 --> 00:18:14,138 Eee! Ay. 461 00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,765 Hmm? 462 00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:17,891 Jay! 463 00:18:17,975 --> 00:18:19,184 Go, go, go, go, go, go. 464 00:18:19,268 --> 00:18:21,103 Hey, Phil. There you are. 465 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,021 Ducky. How'd you know where I was? 466 00:18:23,105 --> 00:18:25,399 - Magicians run this town. - Really? 467 00:18:25,483 --> 00:18:27,192 No. I'm a shaving butler up on Plus. 468 00:18:27,276 --> 00:18:29,570 Look, I felt bad about how things went down today, 469 00:18:29,654 --> 00:18:31,530 and I-I just wanted to give you another shot. 470 00:18:33,282 --> 00:18:35,534 Right this way. 471 00:18:35,618 --> 00:18:38,495 I really think you're gonna like what you see. 472 00:18:38,579 --> 00:18:40,664 Okay, let me just get everything set up. 473 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,043 Metamorphosis. 474 00:18:45,127 --> 00:18:47,880 They say the only constant is change. 475 00:18:47,964 --> 00:18:50,215 I-I'm sorry, what– What is that? 476 00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:52,843 Oh, I don't even know. It's something my wife bought. 477 00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:55,387 Let me just get rid of it. Here we go. 478 00:18:55,471 --> 00:18:58,307 Really, uh, rubbing it in on that wife thing, huh? 479 00:19:00,142 --> 00:19:01,727 Metamorphosis. 480 00:19:02,812 --> 00:19:04,229 Burt! 481 00:19:04,313 --> 00:19:07,900 Nice of you to come down a floor and see how the other half lives. 482 00:19:07,984 --> 00:19:12,029 If you will, raise it above my head and pinch it at my wrists. 483 00:19:12,113 --> 00:19:14,072 Go ahead and make it good and tight. 484 00:19:14,156 --> 00:19:16,074 Don't be easy on me. 485 00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:18,702 Okay. 486 00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:18,702 Now– 487 00:19:18,786 --> 00:19:23,415 As the lowly caterpillar becomes the majestic butterfly, 488 00:19:23,499 --> 00:19:26,585 as the tiny acorn becomes the mighty oak, 489 00:19:26,669 --> 00:19:30,547 so too do we complete our... 490 00:19:30,631 --> 00:19:32,591 metamorphosis! 491 00:19:32,675 --> 00:19:35,260 So it's the Governor's Bluff. 492 00:19:35,344 --> 00:19:37,512 Well, it's a huge twist on the Governor's Bluff. 493 00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:38,764 Eh. 494 00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:40,557 No, no, no, no, no. There were other elements. 495 00:19:40,641 --> 00:19:42,601 You just kind of threw me off. I forgot. I was gonna– 496 00:19:42,685 --> 00:19:44,353 As a flourish I was gonna use one– 497 00:19:47,064 --> 00:19:48,440 Hola. 498 00:19:48,524 --> 00:19:50,359 That's amazing! 499 00:19:50,443 --> 00:19:52,778 Y-You lull me with this– with this hacky quick change, 500 00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:55,072 and the whole time, you're changing the fake dog into a hot maid? 501 00:19:55,156 --> 00:19:57,032 It's brilliant! It's magic! 502 00:19:57,116 --> 00:20:00,619 No, that's metamorphosis! 503 00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:04,623 Like you, Burt, I enjoy the finer things. 504 00:20:04,707 --> 00:20:07,376 As a matter of fact, that's probably the Cuban I ordered for you. 505 00:20:08,711 --> 00:20:10,129 Hola. 506 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,883 Cam, if you wanted a bachelor party, you should have just said something. 507 00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:17,636 Well, I didn't know I wanted one until we got here. 508 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,806 And you're so "Eh, eh, eh," I-I was afraid to say anything. 509 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,641 Okay, all right. Lucky for the two of you, 510 00:20:22,725 --> 00:20:24,726 I know you better than you know yourselves, 511 00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:28,814 and what the two of you need is a little guilty pleasure. 512 00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,566 Or should I say– 513 00:20:33,819 --> 00:20:36,446 The Scotch delivery you had me on the lookout for, sir. 514 00:20:43,621 --> 00:20:46,457 I like your style, Pritchett. You're in. 515 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,668 Vegas. 516 00:20:49,752 --> 00:20:52,087 This reminds me of my late grandfather. 517 00:20:49,752 --> 00:20:52,087 He was Scottish? 518 00:20:52,171 --> 00:20:53,589 He was a stripper. 519 00:20:52,171 --> 00:20:53,589 Oh. 520 00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:58,552 There we go. 521 00:20:58,636 --> 00:21:00,262 You got the touch, kid. 522 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,431 I was blessed with my mother's small hands, sir. 523 00:21:02,515 --> 00:21:05,434 Shall I order your complimentary in-room hot-stone massage? 524 00:21:05,518 --> 00:21:06,685 Complimentary? 525 00:21:06,769 --> 00:21:09,396 All part of the Excelsior Plus experience, sir. 526 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,316 Might be nice after a dip in your private lap pool. 527 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,443 Oh, where has this been all my life? 528 00:21:14,527 --> 00:21:16,903 You know, I saw a harpist in the elevator. 529 00:21:16,987 --> 00:21:19,156 Can we get that for our brunch tomorrow? 530 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,325 If it was up to me, yes, but unfortunately, 531 00:21:21,409 --> 00:21:25,746 that is reserved for our Excelsior Ultra guests only. 532 00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:28,540 Sixty-two, 63, 64! 533 00:21:28,624 --> 00:21:30,376 Son of a bitch!