1 00:00:02,316 --> 00:00:04,984 Oh, New Yorker, you've done it again. 2 00:00:05,068 --> 00:00:06,569 Jay, check out this cartoon. 3 00:00:06,653 --> 00:00:08,488 - Does it have a talking dog? - No, it's a commentary– 4 00:00:08,572 --> 00:00:09,823 I'm out. 5 00:00:09,907 --> 00:00:12,617 Here you go. One of my best efforts. 6 00:00:12,701 --> 00:00:14,369 Have at it. 7 00:00:12,701 --> 00:00:14,369 I can't eat that. 8 00:00:14,453 --> 00:00:16,747 - Why not? - The pickle's touching it. 9 00:00:17,956 --> 00:00:20,166 - There. - The juice got on the bread and– 10 00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:21,709 Eew! What's that stuff? 11 00:00:21,793 --> 00:00:24,170 - Spices. - They look like Sea-Monkeys. 12 00:00:24,254 --> 00:00:26,881 Have you ever really examined a jar of pickles, Jay? 13 00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:28,842 It's like a swamp in there. I'll pass. 14 00:00:28,926 --> 00:00:31,678 - What happened? - I made him a beautiful sandwich, and he won't eat it. 15 00:00:31,762 --> 00:00:33,847 Yeah, 'cause it had pickles on it. 16 00:00:33,931 --> 00:00:36,182 Joe is taking a nap. I'm gonna go to the dry cleaners. 17 00:00:36,266 --> 00:00:38,184 - Well, if you're passing a sushi restaurant– - She's not. 18 00:00:38,268 --> 00:00:42,647 - I've never heard of anyone not liking pickles. - Aw, big day for you then. 19 00:00:42,731 --> 00:00:44,607 I'm just gonna make myself a grilled cheese. 20 00:00:44,691 --> 00:00:46,943 I think I saw some Gruyere in there. Do we have any fig? 21 00:00:47,027 --> 00:00:48,361 Uh-uh. Sit down. 22 00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:51,197 This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world. 23 00:00:51,281 --> 00:00:54,200 Never hand people another reason to make fun of you. 24 00:00:54,284 --> 00:00:57,787 You mean like all the cool kids with their leather jackets and their pickles? 25 00:00:57,871 --> 00:01:02,083 Well, you're gonna sit there until you at least try a pickle. 26 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:05,170 You're drunk with power. 27 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:05,170 You got that right. 28 00:01:20,811 --> 00:01:22,228 Oh, no. 29 00:01:20,811 --> 00:01:22,228 What? 30 00:01:22,312 --> 00:01:24,022 The Tonys are coming. 31 00:01:24,106 --> 00:01:27,066 This is exactly why I don't want you watching them. You're already so angry. 32 00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:28,651 Not that Tonys. 33 00:01:28,735 --> 00:01:30,278 Anthony Lamarque. Botox Tony. 34 00:01:30,362 --> 00:01:32,572 - They're coming to the wedding. - Oh. 35 00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:35,825 But, seriously, another revival of Anything Goes? 36 00:01:35,909 --> 00:01:37,410 Are we really doing this again? 37 00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:38,953 I'm surprised that they're coming, 38 00:01:39,037 --> 00:01:40,747 because when I mentioned the wedding to Tony, 39 00:01:40,831 --> 00:01:42,498 he seemed completely disinter– 40 00:01:42,582 --> 00:01:44,459 Oh! The Botox. 41 00:01:44,543 --> 00:01:46,044 Oh, no. 42 00:01:44,543 --> 00:01:46,044 What? 43 00:01:46,128 --> 00:01:48,087 Your cousin Pete. All of his kids. 44 00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:49,839 Everyone's accepting, Mitchell! 45 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,966 We haven't even gotten the list from my dad yet. 46 00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:54,093 And your dad's friends drink like soldiers... 47 00:01:54,177 --> 00:01:55,720 because they were soldiers. 48 00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,972 I mean, I am grateful for their service, 49 00:01:58,056 --> 00:02:00,141 but we are not gonna be able to afford this wedding. 50 00:02:00,225 --> 00:02:02,852 - Maybe we need to pull back on a few things. - Like what? 51 00:02:02,936 --> 00:02:04,771 - Uh, the centerpieces? 52 00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:06,689 Why even have a wedding? 53 00:02:06,773 --> 00:02:10,026 I don't know. Because we love and respect each other and we're raising a child together. 54 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:11,611 Do you want to help or not? 55 00:02:11,695 --> 00:02:14,030 Maybe we could send "un-vitations." Is that a thing? 56 00:02:14,114 --> 00:02:16,741 We've already made a lot of people angry by just being able to get married. 57 00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:19,285 Let's not alienate the ones on our side. 58 00:02:19,369 --> 00:02:21,120 Maybe we could sell something. 59 00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,622 We're thousands over budget. 60 00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:24,624 It would have to be something great. 61 00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:26,292 Here, you can sell my diamond ring. 62 00:02:26,376 --> 00:02:28,045 Oh, honey, that's candy. 63 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,714 I'm gonna kill that Jackson. 64 00:02:31,882 --> 00:02:33,299 I do have something of value– 65 00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:35,551 a Spider-Man vs. Dr. Octopus comic book. 66 00:02:35,635 --> 00:02:37,971 Issue number 3, 1963. 67 00:02:38,055 --> 00:02:39,555 Near-mint condition. 68 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:41,391 It's worth five grand. 69 00:02:41,475 --> 00:02:43,643 I traded a football for it when I was nine years old, 70 00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:45,186 and my dad was mad... 71 00:02:45,270 --> 00:02:48,064 because the football was signed by Dan Marino. 72 00:02:48,148 --> 00:02:50,191 I said, "Get it signed by Rita Moreno, 73 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:51,818 and I'll keep it." 74 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:55,488 Oh, no. My nephews are flying in from Tulsa– the big ones. 75 00:02:55,572 --> 00:02:58,992 - The pie eaters? - That's it. I gotta sell my Wyatt Earp. 76 00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:00,743 This here is a belt buckle... 77 00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:03,288 once worn by the great Wyatt Earp. 78 00:03:03,372 --> 00:03:05,373 My grandpa gave it to me when I was seven years old, 79 00:03:05,457 --> 00:03:08,960 and he said, "Son, this will keep the bad guys away." 80 00:03:09,044 --> 00:03:13,131 In my early 20s, I wore it to a cowboys-and-Indians disco party. 81 00:03:13,215 --> 00:03:16,509 And let's just say it didn't. 82 00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:19,012 No. I can't let you do that. That means the world to you. 83 00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:21,097 Cam, I will sell my Spider-Man. 84 00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:22,849 Mitchell, my belt buckle was owned... 85 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,475 by a legend of the Old West. 86 00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:27,353 I don't think your comic book would even cover our balloon budget. 87 00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:30,941 That's very offens– Wait. What's the balloon budget? 88 00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:36,029 Hey, Mom, can we put this stuff somewhere else? 89 00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:38,031 It's cluttering up my room. 90 00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:38,031 What is it? 91 00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:41,200 Oh, just some mementos of mine. 92 00:03:41,284 --> 00:03:42,785 A few of your dad's. 93 00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:45,038 Oh! Zima! 94 00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:45,038 Yeah. 95 00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:47,665 What's Zima? 96 00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:47,665 Just a party in a bottle. 97 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,668 Man, that reminds me of some wild times. 98 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:52,295 Cranking the Björk in my Saturn... 99 00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:55,256 before me and my buddies snuck some "Z" into Sleepless in Seattle. 100 00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,592 I wish you'd cover my ears for that. 101 00:03:57,676 --> 00:03:59,761 Ooh, Mom. Who's this hottie with his arm around you? 102 00:03:59,845 --> 00:04:01,262 Cute! 103 00:04:01,346 --> 00:04:03,598 Oh, that's Bobby Nash, my old boyfriend. 104 00:04:03,682 --> 00:04:05,641 Why'd you break up with him? For Dad? 105 00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:08,394 Let's just say he took his eye off the ball and struck out. 106 00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:09,854 Hmm. 107 00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:09,854 So I stepped up to the plate... 108 00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:11,397 and nailed her in the cheap seats. 109 00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:14,108 Yeah, let's not say that. 110 00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:14,108 Well, I'm off. 111 00:04:14,192 --> 00:04:16,527 Oh, honey, I've gotta stop by the drugstore. Do you need anything? 112 00:04:16,611 --> 00:04:19,906 No, thank you, my dear. The Dunphy glands produce all the drugs I need. 113 00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,657 Mm-hmm. 114 00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,657 Except for, uh, foot spray. 115 00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:24,452 Could you grab me some of that? 116 00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:24,452 Sure. 117 00:04:24,536 --> 00:04:26,662 Wow, Mom! 118 00:04:26,746 --> 00:04:28,456 What a dork, right? 119 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:30,750 What were you thinking? 120 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:30,750 It was comfortable. 121 00:04:30,834 --> 00:04:33,628 My dad didn't approve. Enough said. 122 00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:36,130 I know it's hard to believe, 123 00:04:36,214 --> 00:04:39,008 but I was actually a bit of a nerd back in the day, 124 00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:41,928 and it was suggested that I was out of my league when I landed Claire. 125 00:04:42,012 --> 00:04:43,471 By Jay, mostly. 126 00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:45,640 And my friends. A-And my parents. 127 00:04:46,558 --> 00:04:48,101 And Claire. 128 00:04:48,185 --> 00:04:50,228 What's this? 129 00:04:50,312 --> 00:04:51,771 Oh, my gosh. 130 00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:54,524 That is your father's answering machine from college. Wow. 131 00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:58,152 God, I sometimes forget how old you guys are. 132 00:05:01,865 --> 00:05:03,366 Schwing! 133 00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:05,034 He's so cute. 134 00:05:05,118 --> 00:05:08,287 Hi, Phil. This is Mitchell, uh, Pritchett, Claire's brother. 135 00:05:08,371 --> 00:05:11,624 I just wanted to thank you for setting me up with your cousin. 136 00:05:11,708 --> 00:05:13,793 She was very nice. 137 00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:15,378 Ooh. 138 00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:15,378 The only problem is, 139 00:05:15,462 --> 00:05:18,005 she lives kinda far, so– 140 00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:20,383 That's the only problem? 141 00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:21,968 Hey, Dunph-dog, it's Ling. 142 00:05:22,052 --> 00:05:23,970 Grab your rollerblades and meet us at the bike path, playa! 143 00:05:24,054 --> 00:05:27,140 But I gotta be done by 3:00, 'cause today's the day I'm flyin' my new helicopter. 144 00:05:27,224 --> 00:05:29,642 Phil? Hey, it's Claire. 145 00:05:29,726 --> 00:05:31,811 Um– I need to tell you something, 146 00:05:31,895 --> 00:05:34,021 and I don't want to do it on your machine. 147 00:05:34,105 --> 00:05:37,316 - It's really important. Life and death important. - No, no. No, no. 148 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,193 Come on. Come on. 149 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,193 Not death. Um, just life. 150 00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:41,654 I mean– Oh, hell, I'm pregnant! 151 00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,281 Ah! Sweet newlyweds! 152 00:05:43,365 --> 00:05:45,158 Don't worry. You don't have to marry me or anything. 153 00:05:45,242 --> 00:05:48,286 Let's talk as soon as you can. Why weren't we more careful? 154 00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,329 Stupid Duran Duran concert. 155 00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:52,540 All right! That's enough. 156 00:05:52,624 --> 00:05:55,001 I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert? 157 00:05:55,085 --> 00:05:56,836 Classy start to a classy life. 158 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,922 You were not conceived at the concert. It was after the concert. 159 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:02,592 In the car? 160 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:02,592 It was a very nice car. 161 00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:05,845 Listen, I am done. Stop snooping. I'm going. 162 00:06:07,305 --> 00:06:09,182 The seats folded all the way back. 163 00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:10,725 Oh! Images. 164 00:06:10,809 --> 00:06:12,768 - Can't believe they kept it. - I have a name. 165 00:06:12,852 --> 00:06:15,146 - The answering machine. - Oh. 166 00:06:15,230 --> 00:06:17,732 You know, we could have some fun with this. 167 00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,611 I'm home! 168 00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,611 Hi, Mom. 169 00:06:21,695 --> 00:06:25,364 Manny, what are you doing sitting in front of a pickle? 170 00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:27,700 Jay says I can't leave until I taste it. 171 00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:29,785 Why do you torture him like this? 172 00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:33,372 'Cause he's too stuck in his ways, Gloria. This is good for him. 173 00:06:33,456 --> 00:06:36,709 He'll taste the pickle, he'll find that he likes it, he'll try more things. 174 00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,544 This is good parenting. 175 00:06:38,628 --> 00:06:40,463 This is not going to play well in my memoir. 176 00:06:40,547 --> 00:06:42,882 You know, you're one to talk. 177 00:06:42,966 --> 00:06:45,885 How many times have I asked you to try my mother's blood sausages? 178 00:06:45,969 --> 00:06:47,386 Totally different. That's disgusting. 179 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,555 How do you know it's disgusting if you've never tried it? 180 00:06:49,639 --> 00:06:54,936 You've never tried Grandma's delicious blood sausage that's right there in the freezer? 181 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:57,813 Oh, you're right. We do have some leftovers. 182 00:06:57,897 --> 00:06:59,941 Really? It hasn't been all gobbled up yet? 183 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,777 Okay, Mr. Father of the Year, 184 00:07:02,861 --> 00:07:07,574 it's time for you to show Manny that you're not a hypocrite. 185 00:07:08,658 --> 00:07:10,660 Looks like you're in quite a conundrum. 186 00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:12,870 - You know, you could've said– - "A pickle"! Dang it! 187 00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,539 It was right there. 188 00:07:21,838 --> 00:07:23,673 - Hello. - Hi. Can I help you? 189 00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:27,093 Uh, yes. I have something pretty special that means the world to me. 190 00:07:27,177 --> 00:07:29,929 Yet I gladly part with it to prove my love for my fiancé. 191 00:07:30,013 --> 00:07:32,098 Cam, you don't have to– 192 00:07:30,013 --> 00:07:32,098 I do. 193 00:07:32,182 --> 00:07:36,769 This is a belt buckle that was once owned by the legendary Wyatt Earp. 194 00:07:36,853 --> 00:07:40,231 And when my grandfather gave it to me, God rest his soul, he said, 195 00:07:40,315 --> 00:07:43,025 "Son, this here is"– Um– 196 00:07:43,109 --> 00:07:44,610 Okay? 197 00:07:44,694 --> 00:07:46,612 I can't be here for this. You do it. 198 00:07:46,696 --> 00:07:48,531 And get a price on that divine lamp. 199 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:53,578 Um, anyway– I didn't want to say anything in front of your fiancé, 200 00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:57,456 but this is a cheap replica given away by a gas station chain in the '60s. 201 00:07:57,540 --> 00:08:00,835 There's tons of them out there. It's worth about 20 bucks. 202 00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:02,045 Are you sure? 203 00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:06,841 Pretty sure. 204 00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:06,841 Wow. 205 00:08:06,925 --> 00:08:09,677 That family loves to dress up a story. And a pig. 206 00:08:09,761 --> 00:08:13,598 Well, how about a first-edition #3 Spider-Man Versus Dr. Octopus... 207 00:08:13,682 --> 00:08:15,392 in near-mint condition? 208 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,477 Keep talking. 209 00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:20,104 That– 210 00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:22,232 Uh, that's pretty much it. 211 00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:26,068 Why isn't she calling? 212 00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:28,362 Aren't you the doubter? 213 00:08:28,446 --> 00:08:31,115 She'll call in three, 214 00:08:31,199 --> 00:08:33,034 two– 215 00:08:33,118 --> 00:08:34,744 One! One's next! 216 00:08:33,118 --> 00:08:34,744 Yeah. 217 00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:36,704 Oh! Oh! Shh! Shh! 218 00:08:36,788 --> 00:08:37,913 Press "record." 219 00:08:39,332 --> 00:08:40,666 Hi, Mom. 220 00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:43,502 Haley, honey, did you mean to send this text to your dad? 221 00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:45,004 Text? What does it say? 222 00:08:45,088 --> 00:08:48,925 Um– "I hate to spoil your golf game, but"– 223 00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:52,345 Uh– No, no. I-I didn't send that. 224 00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:55,181 Must have accidentally dictated when you and Dad were talking. 225 00:08:55,265 --> 00:08:56,974 Okay. That's weird. 226 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,977 Well, while I have you on the phone, would you mind emptying the dishwasher and– 227 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,854 Oh, you're breaking up. 228 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,854 Haley? 229 00:09:01,938 --> 00:09:03,689 Can you hear me now? Nope. Bye. 230 00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,524 Got it. 231 00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,524 Told you we'd get it. 232 00:09:05,608 --> 00:09:08,445 Now just for a little creative editing. 233 00:09:09,404 --> 00:09:11,238 Your mind is so brilliant. 234 00:09:11,322 --> 00:09:14,283 If you put this much effort into your schoolwork, there is no telling the things you could– 235 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:15,910 Why do you have to ruin everything? 236 00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:18,955 I know! She's always talking about my potential. 237 00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:25,086 Fore! 238 00:09:25,170 --> 00:09:27,630 Do you think I hit her? 239 00:09:25,170 --> 00:09:27,630 Nah, she's fine. 240 00:09:28,673 --> 00:09:30,591 Sorry I'm so distracted today. 241 00:09:30,675 --> 00:09:32,177 What's wrong, buddy? 242 00:09:33,136 --> 00:09:34,845 Let me ask you something. 243 00:09:34,929 --> 00:09:37,556 Do you ever get the sense that your wife feels like she could have done better? 244 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,684 God, no. She's the luckiest woman on Earth. 245 00:09:39,768 --> 00:09:41,727 If anything, I could've done better. 246 00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:43,562 The noises that come out of that woman at night? 247 00:09:43,646 --> 00:09:46,065 It's like she's that black guy from Police Academy. 248 00:09:46,149 --> 00:09:47,650 Speak of the devil. 249 00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:50,194 A message from my wife, not the black guy from Police Academy. 250 00:09:50,278 --> 00:09:52,363 Oh, that'd be so awesome. 251 00:09:50,278 --> 00:09:52,363 That would be neat. 252 00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:53,906 Hey, it's Claire. 253 00:09:53,990 --> 00:09:56,992 Um, I hate to spoil your golf game, but... I'm pregnant! 254 00:09:57,076 --> 00:09:59,537 What? 255 00:09:57,076 --> 00:09:59,537 Let's talk as soon as you can. 256 00:09:59,621 --> 00:10:01,247 I have to leave. 257 00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,082 What? We're in the middle of a game. 258 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,750 I have to be with Claire! 259 00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,003 My clubs! 260 00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:09,839 My hat! 261 00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:13,051 My sandwich! 262 00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:18,764 Hi. 263 00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:18,764 Hey. 264 00:10:18,848 --> 00:10:20,558 I'm sorry I freaked out in there. 265 00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:23,769 How much did we get for it? 266 00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:23,769 You know, here. I couldn't do it. 267 00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:26,522 - What? - No. This belt buckle means so much to you. 268 00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,316 I'm just gonna– I am going to sell my comic book instead. 269 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,444 Oh, Mitchell, that is so sweet. 270 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,444 It's okay. 271 00:10:31,528 --> 00:10:34,113 The idea of me parting ways with a belt buckle... 272 00:10:34,197 --> 00:10:36,949 that my grandfather arm-wrestled Wyatt Earp for– 273 00:10:37,033 --> 00:10:38,826 He arm-wrestled him? 274 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:41,662 Oh, yeah, but not in a contentious way. You know, they were friends. 275 00:10:41,746 --> 00:10:43,831 My grandfather saved his life during a train robbery. 276 00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:47,126 A train robbery? That's– Wow. Cam, wow! 277 00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:47,126 Yeah. 278 00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:50,796 They had a real bond. The great Wyatt Earp and Honest Abe Tucker. 279 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,673 Mm-hmm. 280 00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:56,553 I have it, I'll store it, and if I need to, I will use it. 281 00:10:59,889 --> 00:11:02,808 You know what? I quit. Pardon me for trying to broaden his horizons. 282 00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:04,477 No, no, no. You're not quitting anything. 283 00:11:04,561 --> 00:11:07,396 You're going to eat your sausage, and you're going to eat your pickle. 284 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,191 I am tired of every day cooking two different meals. 285 00:11:10,275 --> 00:11:13,486 "No tomatoes." "White meat only." "Extra bacon." 286 00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:15,321 He gets extra bacon? What the hell? 287 00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:18,449 Today is the day you two are stopping this silliness. 288 00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:21,202 Fine. We'll all conquer something today. 289 00:11:21,286 --> 00:11:23,829 What do I have to conquer? I eat everything. 290 00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:26,332 - Pet Stella's belly. - What? 291 00:11:26,416 --> 00:11:28,334 You won't touch Stella's belly. 292 00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:32,213 Yeah, because it's the creepiest thing ever. Has, like, 30 nipples. 293 00:11:32,297 --> 00:11:35,216 I'll eat the blood sausage, Manny eats the pickles, 294 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,842 you pet her belly. 295 00:11:36,926 --> 00:11:38,260 I'd rather eat the dog. 296 00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:40,095 Don't be a hypocrite. 297 00:11:40,179 --> 00:11:42,264 Nice and long, like you mean it. 298 00:11:42,348 --> 00:11:44,851 I want to see that leg shake. 299 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:57,029 Hey! What's happening? 300 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:57,029 Oh! Let me get these! 301 00:11:57,113 --> 00:11:59,240 I'm just so happy! 302 00:11:57,113 --> 00:11:59,240 Really? 303 00:11:59,324 --> 00:12:01,450 Did you finally get a hole in one? 304 00:11:59,324 --> 00:12:01,450 "A hole in one." 305 00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:04,620 I hope our baby has your sense of humor. 306 00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:04,620 Our what? 307 00:12:04,704 --> 00:12:08,040 Why didn't I see it? The drugstore, the bloated ankles, you've been so moody lately. 308 00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:10,125 What are you talking about? 309 00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:10,125 There it is. 310 00:12:10,209 --> 00:12:11,418 Phil, I am not pregnant. 311 00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:13,003 You're not? 312 00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:13,003 No. 313 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:14,880 Why'd you leave me that message? 314 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:14,880 Didn't leave you a message. 315 00:12:14,964 --> 00:12:16,715 You sure? You're very forgetful when you're pregnant. 316 00:12:16,799 --> 00:12:19,301 I think I would remember. 317 00:12:16,799 --> 00:12:19,301 Then why have you been so moody? 318 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,554 Maybe because you just told me I have giant ankles. 319 00:12:21,638 --> 00:12:23,514 Shh. I don't want him to hear us fight like this. 320 00:12:23,598 --> 00:12:25,099 Give me this. 321 00:12:28,519 --> 00:12:30,980 Okay. This is gonna be good for everybody, so let's get it over with. 322 00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,565 Fine. 323 00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,565 Okay. 324 00:12:32,649 --> 00:12:34,400 We'll go on the count of three. 325 00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,153 One, two, 326 00:12:37,904 --> 00:12:39,364 three. 327 00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,908 Oh, no! 328 00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,908 I'm gonna throw up! 329 00:12:42,992 --> 00:12:45,035 Why so moist, Jay? Why? 330 00:12:48,331 --> 00:12:50,249 Is this a bad time? 331 00:12:53,461 --> 00:12:55,254 Sorry to barge in here like this. 332 00:12:55,338 --> 00:12:58,507 I guess it's weird that, uh, I'm still storing stuff here. 333 00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:03,178 I just wish you would have come in sooner before I went to second base with Stella. 334 00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:05,014 All right, I'll be two minutes. 335 00:13:05,098 --> 00:13:07,600 If you need money for the wedding, why sell something that you love? 336 00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:10,144 Why don't you just ask Jay? 337 00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:10,144 No. No, no, no. 338 00:13:10,228 --> 00:13:12,938 Why not? He's your father. 339 00:13:10,228 --> 00:13:12,938 I don't feel right asking my dad for money. 340 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:15,984 I'm an adult, and I have my comic book. 341 00:13:17,527 --> 00:13:19,778 I hate to spoil your golf game, but... I'm pregnant! 342 00:13:19,862 --> 00:13:21,488 Let's talk as soon as you can. 343 00:13:21,572 --> 00:13:24,158 Oh, they are good. 344 00:13:21,572 --> 00:13:24,158 I can't believe they pulled such an elaborate stunt. 345 00:13:24,242 --> 00:13:25,826 I don't know whether to be angry or impressed. 346 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:28,120 It's so diabolical. I don't know where they get that fr– 347 00:13:28,204 --> 00:13:30,873 W-Wait. We could really have some fun with this. 348 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:36,629 It's funny. I never saw you as a comic book guy. 349 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:36,629 Oh, no, I wasn't. 350 00:13:36,713 --> 00:13:39,840 But I don't know– Spider-Man, he spoke to me. 351 00:13:39,924 --> 00:13:42,426 I-I think it's because it's about this nerdy kid... 352 00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:45,971 who has this special secret side of himself that he can't share with anybody. 353 00:13:46,055 --> 00:13:47,973 And that's how I always felt. 354 00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:52,102 Oh. Spider-Man made me feel like it was okay to be different. 355 00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:55,814 He made me feel tough enough to get through the rough times. 356 00:13:55,898 --> 00:13:58,984 Oh, Mitchell, that's so sweet. I didn't know that. Are you sure you want to sell it? 357 00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:02,238 Yes, yes. Because, like Spider-Man, I am brave and strong. 358 00:14:03,239 --> 00:14:04,823 Spider web! Spider web! 359 00:14:04,907 --> 00:14:06,533 My mouth! Mitchell! 360 00:14:06,617 --> 00:14:08,827 What– Oh! No! No! 361 00:14:08,911 --> 00:14:10,496 Oh, no. 362 00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:17,336 Give me a break, Phil! What do you want from me? 363 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,004 Shh! 364 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,004 I didn't say anything. 365 00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:21,382 A little compassion when you thought I was pregnant would have been nice! 366 00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:22,967 Uh-oh. 367 00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:22,967 I'm sorry. 368 00:14:23,051 --> 00:14:26,387 It was a knee-jerk reaction. 369 00:14:23,051 --> 00:14:26,387 You got that half right! 370 00:14:26,471 --> 00:14:29,014 Well, you're not pregnant anyway, so who cares? 371 00:14:29,098 --> 00:14:30,683 And what did I say that was so terrible? 372 00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:35,062 I believe your exact words were, "Great! Another kid that we can screw up!" 373 00:14:35,146 --> 00:14:37,481 Oh, well, I'm sorry, but we both know that's true! 374 00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:40,192 Wait! Are you saying we never should have had them in the first place? 375 00:14:40,276 --> 00:14:41,777 Like you never said that? 376 00:14:41,861 --> 00:14:44,363 This is awful. Is this what you thought was going to happen? 377 00:14:44,447 --> 00:14:47,658 I didn't think that far ahead. I never do. You know that. You should've stopped me! 378 00:14:47,742 --> 00:14:51,036 You said this was going to be fun. Nobody is having fun. 379 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,538 Careful? Please, Phil! 380 00:14:52,622 --> 00:14:54,748 If you hadn't gotten me pregnant, I never would have married you! 381 00:14:54,832 --> 00:14:56,375 I would have married Bobby Nash! 382 00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:57,710 You would? 383 00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:57,710 Oh, yeah! 384 00:14:57,794 --> 00:15:01,005 And right now, I would be on my 100-acre ranch in Aspen... 385 00:15:01,089 --> 00:15:03,590 with my strapping 6'4” hedge-fund husband. 386 00:15:03,674 --> 00:15:07,386 You really wish you'd married Bobby? 387 00:15:03,674 --> 00:15:07,386 Oh, every single day! 388 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:12,808 No. Phil. 389 00:15:12,892 --> 00:15:14,518 Dad, are you okay? 390 00:15:14,602 --> 00:15:17,438 Yep. That's what I am to everyone around here. 391 00:15:17,522 --> 00:15:18,939 Mom– Just "okay." 392 00:15:19,023 --> 00:15:20,566 Phil! 393 00:15:19,023 --> 00:15:20,566 Hey, Mom? 394 00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:22,151 Not now. Phil. 395 00:15:23,194 --> 00:15:26,071 You guys hear that? We totally got 'em. 396 00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:30,159 - Quick! We need a blow dryer! - Is this some sort of gay emergency? 397 00:15:30,243 --> 00:15:32,244 No, Dad, it's not a gay emergency. It's my comic book. 398 00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:35,080 We need– Oh, God! It's ruined! 399 00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:37,833 Mitchell, it's okay. It probably wasn't worth that much anyway. 400 00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:41,462 It was worth $5,000! Your belt buckle is garbage. It came from a gas station! 401 00:15:41,546 --> 00:15:44,423 Your grandfather never met Wyatt Earp! 402 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:48,093 I didn't hold on to that for quite as long as I thought. 403 00:15:48,177 --> 00:15:51,722 Hey, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. 404 00:15:51,806 --> 00:15:55,434 No, it's– it's okay. I kind of suspected the dates didn't line up. 405 00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:59,063 Now I'm starting to think that wasn't Amelia Earhart's compass. 406 00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:59,063 Well– 407 00:15:59,147 --> 00:16:02,858 I'm so sorry, but I am sure that Jay can help you two out. 408 00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:05,360 No, no, no, no, no. We want to do this on our own. 409 00:16:05,444 --> 00:16:07,362 Can I ask you a question? 410 00:16:07,446 --> 00:16:09,823 Why are you having such a big thing anyway? 411 00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:12,117 Well, because we're only getting married once. 412 00:16:12,201 --> 00:16:15,120 I'm just saying, why do you need to make it into a spectacle? 413 00:16:15,204 --> 00:16:17,623 - A s– A spectacle? - This could be the universe's way... 414 00:16:17,707 --> 00:16:19,500 of telling you to bring it down a notch. 415 00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,627 Invite your family, your friend Pepper. 416 00:16:21,711 --> 00:16:25,047 And what's his name– th-th-the flouncy one. L'David. 417 00:16:25,131 --> 00:16:27,800 I don't have a flouncy friend named L'David, Dad. 418 00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:30,969 Do you mean L'Michael or J'Marcus? I'm not sure who you're referring to. 419 00:16:31,053 --> 00:16:33,138 Whatever. I'm just saying keep it small. 420 00:16:33,222 --> 00:16:36,308 Why pay all that money for people you barely know? 421 00:16:36,392 --> 00:16:38,352 - Oh, you mean like any of your friends? - Oh, please. 422 00:16:38,436 --> 00:16:40,646 - You don't want any of my friends there. - Really? 423 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,648 Because I've been asking for a list for months now. 424 00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:46,568 - So who doesn't want them there, me or you? - Why are you getting upset? 425 00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:49,571 Because, Dad, if this was Claire's wedding, you would be all over it. 426 00:16:49,655 --> 00:16:52,741 You'd be wanting to have it at your club. You'd be inviting all your friends. 427 00:16:52,825 --> 00:16:55,661 Oh, please! I wasn't that thrilled when Claire got married either. 428 00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:58,038 "Either"? For God's sake, just stop talking. 429 00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,623 Everybody back off. 430 00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:01,375 I don't think I'm out of line... 431 00:17:01,459 --> 00:17:04,920 suggesting my friends don't want to see a father-son dance at a big gay wedding. 432 00:17:05,004 --> 00:17:07,047 There is no father-son dance, Dad. 433 00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:11,260 I don't know what things go on. Do I walk you down the aisle? Does someone throw a bouquet? 434 00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:15,013 I'm just saying, I don't know how this stuff plays out with my guys from the club. 435 00:17:15,097 --> 00:17:18,016 You mean the guys who sit around the locker room watching football naked? 436 00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,561 No, this isn't about them. This is about you. 437 00:17:20,645 --> 00:17:22,563 You are the one that's uncomfortable here. 438 00:17:22,647 --> 00:17:24,857 Fine. I admit it. This whole wedding thing is weird to me. 439 00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:26,400 Wow. 440 00:17:26,484 --> 00:17:29,194 Now, see, why do you get to be you, but I don't get to be me? 441 00:17:29,278 --> 00:17:31,947 I didn't choose to be uncomfortable. I was born this way. 442 00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:34,616 Are you really throwing a gay anthem in our face right now? 443 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:37,286 Give me some credit. You know how far I've come. 444 00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:39,580 I mean, what more do you want from me? 445 00:17:39,664 --> 00:17:41,957 You know what, Dad? You do. You get to be you. 446 00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:46,962 If it really makes you that uncomfortable, then... don't come to the wedding. 447 00:17:47,046 --> 00:17:48,255 Ay. Mitchell. 448 00:17:48,339 --> 00:17:50,675 No! See? We're scaling back already. 449 00:17:55,638 --> 00:17:59,433 Phil, honey. What happened down there? 450 00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:02,394 - You attacked me. - In a fun way. We were both doing it. 451 00:18:02,478 --> 00:18:06,398 I heard you this morning talking about your super-cute boyfriend Bobby, 452 00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:07,941 saying I was the comfortable choice, 453 00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:09,943 that you only married me because your dad hated it. 454 00:18:10,027 --> 00:18:12,529 No, sweetheart. I was not talking about you. 455 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:17,868 I was explaining to the girls about an outfit that I was wearing in a picture... 456 00:18:17,952 --> 00:18:22,331 that was the comfortable choice that my dad hated. 457 00:18:22,415 --> 00:18:25,209 Oh, honey. You can't possibly think that's why I married you. 458 00:18:25,293 --> 00:18:27,419 Okay, I-I get it a-about your dad. 459 00:18:27,503 --> 00:18:31,423 I-I– Sometimes I do wonder, you know, if you hadn't gotten pregnant– 460 00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,759 - Would we even be here right now? - Yeah. 461 00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:36,220 I wonder the same thing too. 462 00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,263 You do? 463 00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,263 Yes. All the time. 464 00:18:38,347 --> 00:18:42,267 Just last week, you and the kids were outside washing the car, 465 00:18:42,351 --> 00:18:44,269 and you got in that soap battle, 466 00:18:44,353 --> 00:18:47,105 and everybody was running around, laughing. 467 00:18:47,189 --> 00:18:50,817 And I stood there at the kitchen window, 468 00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:53,904 and I was thinking how lucky I am. 469 00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:56,949 Because I would have missed all of this if I hadn't married you. 470 00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:59,660 I knew you were watching. That's why I dropped the sponge. 471 00:18:59,744 --> 00:19:02,829 Mmm. That's what got my attention in the first place. 472 00:19:02,913 --> 00:19:05,290 You really don't regret not marrying Bobby Nash? 473 00:19:05,374 --> 00:19:07,501 No. He was cute, but he was boring. 474 00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:09,503 He never once made me laugh. 475 00:19:09,587 --> 00:19:13,049 You laugh at me all the time. 476 00:19:09,587 --> 00:19:13,049 I do. 477 00:19:15,468 --> 00:19:17,720 I liked how happy you were when you thought I was pregnant. 478 00:19:18,387 --> 00:19:19,972 Of course I was. 479 00:19:21,724 --> 00:19:24,393 Oh. 480 00:19:24,477 --> 00:19:26,103 Hmm. 481 00:19:26,187 --> 00:19:28,146 Do you think you could pick that up for me? 482 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:30,857 I don't know. 483 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:30,857 Oh? 484 00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:34,152 - It's so far down here. - Schwing! 485 00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:36,947 See? I told you they were gonna be fine. 486 00:19:37,031 --> 00:19:39,491 Door lock! 487 00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:40,867 Run! Go! Go! Go! Go! 488 00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,036 Ew! Ew! 489 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,206 Hey, Phil. It's Mitchell, Claire's brother. 490 00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:49,751 I heard about your and Claire's whole pregnancy situation, 491 00:19:49,835 --> 00:19:53,505 and I'm sorry my dad didn't have a better reaction. 492 00:19:53,589 --> 00:19:56,842 Don't take it personally. He's just like that. He'll– He'll come around. 493 00:19:56,926 --> 00:19:58,427 And if not– 494 00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:02,180 well, his loss. 495 00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:04,933 Yeah, okay, anyway, uh, now that we're gonna be family, 496 00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:07,185 it's probably a little weird for me to date your cousin. 497 00:20:07,269 --> 00:20:11,231 So maybe you could ask her to stop paging me? 498 00:20:11,315 --> 00:20:13,191 Wow. 499 00:20:13,275 --> 00:20:14,735 It's so crazy. 500 00:20:13,275 --> 00:20:14,735 I know. 501 00:20:14,819 --> 00:20:16,821 Uncle Mitchell with a pager. 502 00:20:24,995 --> 00:20:26,872 No, Stella. ! Que no! 503 00:20:34,922 --> 00:20:37,383 Stella, I said no. 504 00:20:41,137 --> 00:20:42,972 You– 505 00:20:44,515 --> 00:20:46,933 Okay. But just this time, okay? 506 00:20:47,017 --> 00:20:50,104 And you keep your mouth shut about this. 507 00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:56,735 Who's there?