1 00:00:01,648 --> 00:00:02,649 Hey, best man. 2 00:00:02,733 --> 00:00:03,858 I might go with "best person." 3 00:00:03,942 --> 00:00:06,236 Is this about Mom again? I told you, I'm fine. 4 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:07,821 I was just a little sad for you. 5 00:00:07,905 --> 00:00:10,657 Mom's a no-show, and you and Dad are hardly even speaking. 6 00:00:10,741 --> 00:00:13,827 I'm leaving you. 7 00:00:10,741 --> 00:00:13,827 Not if I leave you first. 8 00:00:13,911 --> 00:00:15,245 What did you do? 9 00:00:15,329 --> 00:00:19,374 Attention! Attention, please. The fire has jumped the freeway. 10 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:25,171 Wait, wait, wait. If you're evacuating the whole area, can't you do us last? 11 00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:28,091 I don't think you realize how close you are to actual flames. 12 00:00:28,175 --> 00:00:30,385 Hello. Pepper Saltzman. 13 00:00:30,469 --> 00:00:32,720 Big supporter of yours. Have all your calendars. 14 00:00:32,804 --> 00:00:35,265 We've waited 10 years. Can we please have an hour? 15 00:00:35,349 --> 00:00:38,518 - I can give you 30 minutes. - We could make that work. 16 00:00:38,602 --> 00:00:41,396 The wedding will go on, just in a slightly pared-down version. 17 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,858 Claire, you're up front. Flower girl strewing. Grooms, come with me. 18 00:00:44,942 --> 00:00:46,901 "Ooh! Ahh! They look so handsome!" 19 00:00:46,985 --> 00:00:48,695 Quartet, quartet, quartet! ♪ [ "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" ] 20 00:00:48,779 --> 00:00:51,406 And cue Sal. Start after your limerick. 21 00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:54,659 Oh, God, no! We're all making sacrifices, dear. 22 00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:56,995 I have a Prius full of monarch butterflies... 23 00:00:57,079 --> 00:00:58,955 who are apparently coming home with me. 24 00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:00,748 No! Her water broke! 25 00:01:00,832 --> 00:01:03,710 - No! No, it did not! I am barely pregnant! 26 00:01:03,794 --> 00:01:07,005 Thank you all for being here on this joyous occasion. 27 00:01:07,089 --> 00:01:09,465 "There once was a homo named Tucker"– 28 00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:11,885 Sal, stop. No, you're going into labor. 29 00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:11,885 Also, just stop. 30 00:01:11,969 --> 00:01:14,554 But we've only been together four months. 31 00:01:14,638 --> 00:01:17,223 I just love you so much, I can't wait to have your baby. 32 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,393 Kids ruin everything. 33 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,393 Yeah, they sure do. 34 00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:23,313 Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby. 35 00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:23,313 Okay. 36 00:01:23,397 --> 00:01:26,566 Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early– 37 00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,151 Uh-huh? 38 00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,151 they're black. 39 00:01:28,235 --> 00:01:31,070 Okay, this is a disaster! We have no one to marry us. 40 00:01:31,154 --> 00:01:34,407 Dearly beloved, that is a problem. 41 00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:37,619 Yep. Thanks to $35 and the Internet, 42 00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:41,039 you are looking at the good Reverend Philip Humphrey Dunphy. 43 00:01:41,123 --> 00:01:43,917 Over the last year, I've dropped a few subtle hints to Mitch and Cam... 44 00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:45,501 that I was available. 45 00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:47,879 Hey, have you guys decided who's gonna officiate your wedding? 46 00:01:47,963 --> 00:01:50,173 'Cause I got ordained online. Oh, my God. A wallaby! 47 00:01:50,257 --> 00:01:52,175 Oh, my gosh! 48 00:01:52,259 --> 00:01:54,427 To be continued! 49 00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:57,096 Phil, you're a lifesaver. Thank you. 50 00:01:57,180 --> 00:01:58,765 No thanks necessary. 51 00:01:58,849 --> 00:02:01,517 Cameron, marrying you would make me the happiest man on earth. 52 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:02,810 Uh-huh. 53 00:02:02,894 --> 00:02:04,938 Everyone, attention, please! 54 00:02:05,022 --> 00:02:09,484 I've been informed by the fire chief we need to leave immediately. 55 00:02:09,568 --> 00:02:11,069 The winds have shifted. 56 00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:12,612 What? 57 00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:12,612 We have 30 minutes! 58 00:02:12,696 --> 00:02:14,948 A fellow wedding facilitator has informed me... 59 00:02:15,032 --> 00:02:17,283 a beautiful space just became available. 60 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:18,826 To the shuttles! 61 00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:20,620 But we don't know a thing about this place. 62 00:02:20,704 --> 00:02:23,581 Oh, my mistake. Let's go over it. 63 00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,834 It's a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling point is... 64 00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:29,504 it's not about to become a kiln! 65 00:02:29,588 --> 00:02:31,506 To the shuttles! 66 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:46,479 Cam, where are the shuttles that brought everyone up from the parking lot? 67 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:49,190 Apparently they were double booked. This is the best Pepper could do. 68 00:02:49,274 --> 00:02:51,150 This is how we're getting everyone to the wedding? 69 00:02:51,234 --> 00:02:54,487 Half our guests are gay. We're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus. 70 00:02:54,571 --> 00:02:56,197 That doesn't look completely sewn on. 71 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:58,574 You might wanna get something to cover that. 72 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:58,574 Oh, good idea. 73 00:02:58,658 --> 00:03:00,159 Thank you. 74 00:03:00,243 --> 00:03:03,329 What did you say to Merle that make him want to leave Barb? 75 00:03:03,413 --> 00:03:05,290 I have no idea. We were shooting the breeze– 76 00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:08,418 wedding day, Dede, how happy I am now that I'm with you. 77 00:03:08,502 --> 00:03:10,295 Why would you say something like that? 78 00:03:10,379 --> 00:03:12,505 Now you're breaking somebody's heart. 79 00:03:12,589 --> 00:03:14,090 I didn't mean for her to get hurt. 80 00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:16,009 Not her. Him, when he realizes... 81 00:03:16,093 --> 00:03:19,012 that not every second wife looks like this. 82 00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:21,639 Thank you for lending me your jacket, Jay. 83 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:24,726 It's good to know there are still gentlemen in the world. 84 00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:26,311 Oh, it's you, Barb. 85 00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:28,897 I didn't see you there on account of my bright future. 86 00:03:29,648 --> 00:03:31,524 Thank you, Gloria. 87 00:03:31,608 --> 00:03:34,610 Standing up to that old goat is the best thing I ever did. 88 00:03:34,694 --> 00:03:36,362 What's all that about? 89 00:03:36,446 --> 00:03:39,866 No, no. The thing is that she told me a story about a goat... 90 00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:43,036 and it's very old, and then the goat– 91 00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:43,036 Oh, don't give me that. 92 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,872 I told her to express herself. 93 00:03:45,956 --> 00:03:47,874 I believe that in a good marriage, a woman can ex– 94 00:03:47,958 --> 00:03:50,209 Fine. Whatever. I'll undo it. 95 00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:54,839 We can't let Cam know what the situation with his parents is. 96 00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:57,175 He's very delicate. 97 00:03:57,259 --> 00:04:00,887 I can't believe I'm involved in breaking up yet another marriage. 98 00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:03,389 What? 99 00:04:03,473 --> 00:04:06,225 Hey, hey. How you holding up? 100 00:04:03,473 --> 00:04:06,225 Uh, I've had better days. 101 00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:07,977 But you and me, we're cool, right? 102 00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:09,896 We probably have some things that we should talk about, 103 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:11,647 but maybe we save it for a less stressful day. 104 00:04:11,731 --> 00:04:14,692 This is not your fault, by the way. The fire was an act of God. 105 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,569 Not that God sent a fireball down... 106 00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:19,322 to keep a couple guys from getting married, but, uh– 107 00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,657 I didn't say that right. There's no way that this– 108 00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:23,743 any of this– is part of God's plan. 109 00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,244 Save something for the toast, Dad. 110 00:04:25,328 --> 00:04:27,080 Damn it. 111 00:04:27,164 --> 00:04:29,123 Where do you want this? 112 00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:30,917 Bus five. What's wrong with your voice? 113 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:32,877 The three of us just took a road trip. 114 00:04:32,961 --> 00:04:35,421 We sang Broadway tunes all the way to the Texas border. 115 00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:38,508 Then from the other side of Texas to Florida. 116 00:04:40,218 --> 00:04:41,844 Hey, so you're, like, the minister? 117 00:04:41,928 --> 00:04:44,597 Kinda. When they lost Sal, the situation was a no-brainer, 118 00:04:44,681 --> 00:04:46,140 which made them think of me. 119 00:04:46,224 --> 00:04:48,142 Isn't there a lot you have to remember to marry people? 120 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:50,436 Not really. They all follow the same basic pattern. 121 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,897 "We're gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony. 122 00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:54,857 Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?" 123 00:04:54,941 --> 00:04:56,567 - And the first person says– - "I do"? 124 00:04:56,651 --> 00:04:58,277 Right. Then I ask the second person, 125 00:04:58,361 --> 00:05:00,029 "Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?" 126 00:05:00,113 --> 00:05:01,614 You know the drill, right? 127 00:05:00,113 --> 00:05:01,614 I do. 128 00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:03,991 Then I say, "By the powers vested in me by the State of California, 129 00:05:04,075 --> 00:05:05,576 I now pronounce you legally wed." 130 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,121 - Bingo, bango, bongo, you're married. - Awesome. 131 00:05:08,205 --> 00:05:10,290 Really awesome. 132 00:05:15,086 --> 00:05:18,047 Look, Barb, I know what you're going through. 133 00:05:18,131 --> 00:05:20,842 You and Merle are at a crossroads in your marriage. 134 00:05:20,926 --> 00:05:22,760 It feels like the end of the world. 135 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,679 But in time, you'll see it more as a– 136 00:05:24,763 --> 00:05:26,264 Right. 137 00:05:26,348 --> 00:05:28,641 Little hiccup that we all go through. 138 00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:30,977 My advice: don't do anything. 139 00:05:31,061 --> 00:05:33,604 Just take some time and breathe. 140 00:05:35,315 --> 00:05:36,816 Maybe through your nose. 141 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,986 Did you happen to find anything in one of my pockets? 142 00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:41,988 Funny you should flask. 143 00:05:42,072 --> 00:05:44,866 Maybe I'll just take that. 144 00:05:46,535 --> 00:05:49,203 Excuse me. Well, it's much lighter now, isn't it? 145 00:05:49,287 --> 00:05:50,496 Yeah. 146 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,915 Okay, this is weird. I think this is the same seat... 147 00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:56,252 I used to nervously scratch at on my way to school. 148 00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:56,252 Oh, poor thing. 149 00:05:56,336 --> 00:05:58,838 Yeah. Even then I felt such pressure to be perfect– 150 00:05:58,922 --> 00:06:01,090 Andy's flight is delayed again. 151 00:06:01,174 --> 00:06:03,384 Okay. That was close. We almost connected on a human level. 152 00:06:03,468 --> 00:06:05,678 He's doing the dumbest thing. His girlfriend broke up with him, 153 00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:07,972 and he's flying out to win her back. 154 00:06:08,056 --> 00:06:09,515 That sounds so romantic. 155 00:06:09,599 --> 00:06:12,685 It's so weak. This girl throws a fit, he goes running. 156 00:06:12,769 --> 00:06:16,105 If they get back together, she has all the power. 157 00:06:16,189 --> 00:06:18,691 Oh, my God. You like him. 158 00:06:18,775 --> 00:06:20,276 No, I don't. What? 159 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,487 This is so hilarious. He's totally not your type. 160 00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,030 Shut up. 161 00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,030 Please. 162 00:06:24,114 --> 00:06:26,365 You can't stop thinking about him. You're checking on him. 163 00:06:26,449 --> 00:06:29,286 He's not even like a real person. He's like a Muppet. 164 00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:32,872 I don't even get some of Sal's remarks here. 165 00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:34,415 "Marriage is like a freeway– 166 00:06:34,499 --> 00:06:36,709 messy, but if you communicate, it's so worth it." 167 00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:40,546 Honey, that does not say "freeway." 168 00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:40,546 Oh. 169 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:43,382 I can't use any of this, but I don't want the whole ceremony to be generic. 170 00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:45,218 There needs to be some magic in it. 171 00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:47,303 Well, you can read a poem or maybe– 172 00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:47,303 Hold on. Back up. 173 00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:49,889 I like your last idea– a magic trick. 174 00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:49,889 I did not suggest a magic trick. 175 00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:53,018 After all, what's better than magic to symbolize the wonder of marriage? 176 00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,103 Excuse me. I'm talking to you. 177 00:06:56,187 --> 00:06:59,232 Yeah, yeah. They looked good on you in the store, but now you're not sure. 178 00:06:59,316 --> 00:07:01,275 That was the topic 10 minutes ago. 179 00:07:01,359 --> 00:07:03,903 Well, maybe if I stapled the sports page to my head, you'd pay attention. 180 00:07:03,987 --> 00:07:05,613 As long as it covered your mouth. 181 00:07:05,697 --> 00:07:07,657 What? 182 00:07:05,697 --> 00:07:07,657 Nothing. 183 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:13,412 - Oh! When are we going to be there? - Soon, honey. Very soon. 184 00:07:13,496 --> 00:07:14,956 Come on. Give us a smile. 185 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,793 Remember, this is the happiest day of your dads' lives. 186 00:07:18,877 --> 00:07:21,337 - No! The butterflies are eating me! 187 00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:23,130 Well, who told you to jostle the crate? 188 00:07:23,214 --> 00:07:24,757 One got in my mouth. 189 00:07:24,841 --> 00:07:26,843 What a bunch of babies. 190 00:07:32,349 --> 00:07:34,433 Pepper said it was nice. I hope we like it. 191 00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:38,187 Cam. Cam, listen. Whatever's on the other side of this curtain, we cannot be disappointed. 192 00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:41,440 You're right. Today is not about flowers or superficial things. 193 00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:43,484 Right. Okay. 194 00:07:43,568 --> 00:07:45,236 Thank God. It's pretty. 195 00:07:43,568 --> 00:07:45,236 Oh, my God. I love it. 196 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,779 I was so scared! 197 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,779 I could cry! 198 00:07:46,863 --> 00:07:48,364 Oh, don't cry. You'll streak your bronzer. 199 00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:50,199 Everyone, please take your seats. 200 00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:53,286 We'll be starting in cinco minutes, 10 at the most. 201 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:55,788 Do you ever notice with Ronaldo how his language barrier sort of fluctuates? 202 00:07:55,872 --> 00:07:57,456 How is this place even available? 203 00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,041 Oh, dreadful story. 204 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,336 Runaway bride, suicidal groom, feuding families. 205 00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,797 It really puts our mundane problems in perspective. 206 00:08:04,881 --> 00:08:08,343 - We can't dim the lights. - Then break some. These are not young men! 207 00:08:09,719 --> 00:08:12,221 Why don't you two go freshen up? 208 00:08:12,305 --> 00:08:14,724 Wait. Why am I seeing only half a quartet? 209 00:08:14,808 --> 00:08:17,351 - Ed and Jim are volunteer firemen. - Of course they are. 210 00:08:17,435 --> 00:08:19,479 Try to play in front of a mirror. 211 00:08:21,731 --> 00:08:23,524 - A kiss for luck. - Oh, okay. 212 00:08:23,608 --> 00:08:27,236 A kiss for luck, my little gingersnap! 213 00:08:23,608 --> 00:08:27,236 Oh, okay. Oh, wow, Barb. 214 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,196 Good thing we're out of the fire zone. Wow. 215 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,491 Well, you know, your dad gave me a little wedding helper. 216 00:08:32,575 --> 00:08:34,076 I didn't know the jacket still had a– 217 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,995 Flask. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. 218 00:08:36,079 --> 00:08:37,955 At the end of the ceremony, I kiss a man, 219 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,207 so you might wanna fill 'er up. 220 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,168 This is how you try to fix things? 221 00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:43,836 You get her drunk? 222 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,088 Don't blame him. She's been a loose cannon... 223 00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:49,634 ever since she started goin' to that church service that starts at 10:30. 224 00:08:49,718 --> 00:08:51,344 They play guitar music. 225 00:08:51,428 --> 00:08:52,845 It's a celebration. 226 00:08:52,929 --> 00:08:54,472 It's Gomorrah. 227 00:08:54,556 --> 00:08:57,725 The pastor wears one of them Madonna microphones. 228 00:08:57,809 --> 00:09:01,395 Oh, Madonna microphones. Where's my little corn silk? 229 00:09:01,479 --> 00:09:03,856 Hey, you wanna go and do something fun after this thing? 230 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,525 No, I was thinking about staying in tonight and spending some time with Joe. 231 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:10,196 You never wanna do anything since that baby came along. 232 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,864 How are you? 233 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,864 I'm good. 234 00:09:11,948 --> 00:09:15,076 You– You have the, um– 235 00:09:11,948 --> 00:09:15,076 Marriage license, rings, signing pen, toast? 236 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,411 Yes, of course. There's a reason I'm the best person. 237 00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:19,246 You know that's just a title for today, right? 238 00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,873 Yeah. I'm the best person at this wedding. 239 00:09:20,957 --> 00:09:22,917 I'm still kind of hearing– What is that? 240 00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:25,419 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait. Oh. 241 00:09:25,503 --> 00:09:28,422 That's pollen. Oh, no. 242 00:09:28,506 --> 00:09:30,675 Honey. 243 00:09:28,506 --> 00:09:30,675 Don't look at me. I only had one corsage. 244 00:09:30,759 --> 00:09:32,260 Where's your sister? 245 00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:38,599 - Haley? - Andy! You're still here? 246 00:09:38,683 --> 00:09:41,894 Yeah. My flight keeps getting delayed because of weather. 247 00:09:41,978 --> 00:09:43,437 So does the wedding. 248 00:09:43,521 --> 00:09:45,064 Wait. Is fire weather? 249 00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:46,816 - There was a fire? - Yeah. 250 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,235 Guess that explains that smoking dress. 251 00:09:49,319 --> 00:09:52,488 Wow. Line, Andy. 252 00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:55,241 Well, if you're just killing time, 253 00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:56,909 the new wedding venue is nearby. 254 00:09:56,993 --> 00:10:00,204 You could totally come and hang. 255 00:09:56,993 --> 00:10:00,204 I don't think I'm exactly dressed for it. 256 00:10:00,288 --> 00:10:03,541 Of course, if I was with you, no one would even look at me. 257 00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:05,209 Wow. Okay. 258 00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:07,920 That is quite enough pie for you, young man. 259 00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:11,841 I've got to get back. 260 00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:16,762 - Um, look, I didn't come here for coffee. 261 00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:19,515 Andy, I don't think it's a good idea for you to get on that plane. 262 00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:22,518 - I don't think Beth is worth it. - You don't even know Beth. 263 00:10:22,602 --> 00:10:26,105 I think I do. I think I've been her. 264 00:10:26,189 --> 00:10:29,608 Let me guess. For every 10 letters you write, she writes one. 265 00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:32,319 She's always the one who ends the phone call. 266 00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:35,197 You happen to mention when your birthday's coming up... 267 00:10:35,281 --> 00:10:40,619 because you know deep down she's already forgotten it. 268 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:44,039 Meanwhile, she gives you just enough to keep you on the hook. 269 00:10:47,043 --> 00:10:48,961 Hello? 270 00:10:49,045 --> 00:10:53,632 Of course I didn't leave, Mom. You walked past me two seconds ago. 271 00:10:53,716 --> 00:10:57,303 I'm just saying you deserve better. 272 00:10:57,387 --> 00:10:59,305 Oh, my God! 273 00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,182 I'm waving at you! 274 00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:03,851 Stay where you are. I'm walking towards you. 275 00:11:03,935 --> 00:11:05,686 Lily, here you go. I'm taking your corsage. 276 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:07,646 But it's mine! 277 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:07,646 You're the flower girl. 278 00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:09,440 It's part of your job. Read the fine print. 279 00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:10,566 Claire. 280 00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:10,566 Thank you. What? 281 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:11,817 I need the rings. 282 00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:13,861 For what? 283 00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:13,861 To practice our trick. Come on. 284 00:11:13,945 --> 00:11:16,071 Oh, honey, I don't know about the magic trick. 285 00:11:16,155 --> 00:11:18,574 Don't you think people should be focused on Cam and Mitch? 286 00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:20,701 I'm hoping so. It's the perfect misdirect. 287 00:11:20,785 --> 00:11:22,369 Okay, here's how we're gonna do this. 288 00:11:20,785 --> 00:11:22,369 Uh-huh. 289 00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:23,996 You hold the rings. 290 00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:23,996 Okay. 291 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,959 I say, "They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic." 292 00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:31,003 We hold up our arms. You let go of the rings. 293 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:32,671 They slide down the thread... 294 00:11:32,755 --> 00:11:36,509 as if mysteriously floating all the way– half the way to me. 295 00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:41,931 Merle, I know that after talking to Jay, 296 00:11:42,015 --> 00:11:44,767 you think that there are better things out there for you. 297 00:11:44,851 --> 00:11:46,936 Who says there isn't? 298 00:11:44,851 --> 00:11:46,936 Okay. 299 00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,771 Take a trip with me to the future. 300 00:11:48,855 --> 00:11:51,357 It's a regular night at the local honky-tonk. 301 00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:54,193 Look. Who's that man sitting alone in the bar? 302 00:11:54,277 --> 00:11:56,028 It's Merle. 303 00:11:56,112 --> 00:11:57,905 A beautiful woman approaches. 304 00:11:57,989 --> 00:12:00,241 She asks, "Is this seat taken?" 305 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:02,201 He says, "No." 306 00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:04,161 And then she grabs the chair... 307 00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:08,833 and sits next to a much younger, much handsomer-looking man. 308 00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:10,876 Then Merle turns around to the bartender... 309 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,212 and say, "Happy Tuesday, huh?" 310 00:12:13,296 --> 00:12:18,634 The bartender replies, "Don't you mean, 'Merry Christmas'?" 311 00:12:18,718 --> 00:12:20,594 You see, Merle? 312 00:12:20,678 --> 00:12:23,389 It was Christmas the whole time. 313 00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:25,516 Okay, it's showtime. Cue the processional. 314 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,227 Phil, as they say in my native South Carolina, 315 00:12:28,311 --> 00:12:30,521 it's time to marry your brother-in-law. 316 00:12:33,441 --> 00:12:35,401 Wedding party walking. 317 00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:36,652 What's that? 318 00:12:36,736 --> 00:12:38,321 I'll be right there. 319 00:12:39,447 --> 00:12:41,491 Okay. Last looks. 320 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,577 You look very handsome. 321 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,577 Oh. 322 00:12:44,661 --> 00:12:46,579 This is my second favorite suit of yours. 323 00:12:46,663 --> 00:12:48,455 Second? 324 00:12:46,663 --> 00:12:48,455 Right after your birthday suit. 325 00:12:48,539 --> 00:12:51,166 Hey. Cut it out. I'm practically a married man. 326 00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:52,585 I know. 327 00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:55,754 You know, you scared me earlier with what your dad said. 328 00:12:55,838 --> 00:12:58,382 Wh-What? 329 00:12:55,838 --> 00:12:58,382 Well, just about the fire, you know, and– 330 00:12:58,466 --> 00:13:00,676 Oh. 331 00:12:58,466 --> 00:13:00,676 being a sign we shouldn't get married. 332 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,595 It was kind of apocalyptic-y. 333 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,595 No. 334 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:05,598 And the sky turned dark. 335 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:05,598 Yeah, because of the fire. 336 00:13:05,682 --> 00:13:08,142 Well, and then we had a flood. You know, Sal– sploosh. 337 00:13:08,226 --> 00:13:11,145 I think you're stretching just a little bit. 338 00:13:11,229 --> 00:13:12,938 Because we paid for this room! 339 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:16,442 Mr. And Mrs. Lucas, we just need 20 minutes. Cut the boy soprano. 340 00:13:16,526 --> 00:13:18,402 No, we need these people out of here. 341 00:13:18,486 --> 00:13:21,447 I can see you want to run again, don't you? Follow your heart. 342 00:13:21,531 --> 00:13:25,451 On your mark, get set, live, baby. You don't need that! 343 00:13:25,535 --> 00:13:28,954 You don't see this as another biblical sign? A swarm of Lucases. 344 00:13:29,038 --> 00:13:31,498 Slight change, everyone! Don't worry! 345 00:13:31,582 --> 00:13:35,002 There's always a plan C. 346 00:13:35,086 --> 00:13:36,712 Oh! They're everywhere! 347 00:13:36,796 --> 00:13:40,341 What is wrong with you people? Leave the box alone! 348 00:13:40,425 --> 00:13:42,551 Oh, if that thing is coming in, 349 00:13:42,635 --> 00:13:45,471 we need to put a few more people on the lawn. 350 00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:47,014 Okay, this place is cozy, right? 351 00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:47,014 Yeah. 352 00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:48,849 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 353 00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:48,849 It's fine. 354 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:50,851 Oh, it's going to be fine. 355 00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:54,188 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 356 00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:54,188 Although we may need to sit some of the overflow guests upstairs. 357 00:13:54,272 --> 00:13:56,690 Oh, we don't– we don't own the upstairs. 358 00:13:54,272 --> 00:13:56,690 Really? 359 00:13:56,774 --> 00:13:59,736 I always assumed there was a nicer part you weren't showing me. 360 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,239 Make sure their checks have cleared. 361 00:14:06,284 --> 00:14:08,118 Just get another caterer here, 362 00:14:08,202 --> 00:14:10,579 or these people will be eating butterfly bisque. 363 00:14:10,663 --> 00:14:14,041 Okay, I'm trying to remain calm, but you realize that's another sign of the apocalypse, right? 364 00:14:14,125 --> 00:14:17,336 Famine? 365 00:14:14,125 --> 00:14:17,336 He sounds as bad as Steven, Stefan and Longinus. 366 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,005 Oh, so what you're saying is we have four hoarse men? 367 00:14:20,089 --> 00:14:22,800 Stop with the frowning. Today, you smile for your son. 368 00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:24,551 Tomorrow, you can do whatever you want. 369 00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:27,471 Tomorrow, I might just move out. 370 00:14:27,555 --> 00:14:30,766 Oh, now I feel a smile coming on. 371 00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:33,352 Oh, my God. You're texting Andy now? 372 00:14:33,436 --> 00:14:36,188 I'm just letting him know he can hang out here if he wants. 373 00:14:36,272 --> 00:14:40,109 Haley, I hope you know what you're doing. 374 00:14:36,272 --> 00:14:40,109 I'm not doing anything. 375 00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:43,195 I mean, it's one thing if you're actually into him, 376 00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:46,031 but if you're just playing around with him for the fun of it– 377 00:14:46,115 --> 00:14:50,035 Here's the thing about nice, quiet dorks like Andy. 378 00:14:50,119 --> 00:14:53,372 You get over us much faster than we get over you. 379 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,793 Hi. Sorry. 380 00:14:57,877 --> 00:14:59,628 So sorry. Excuse me. It's my husband. 381 00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:01,839 "They say the best marriages"– 382 00:15:01,923 --> 00:15:03,549 Hi. 383 00:15:01,923 --> 00:15:03,549 Hey. 384 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:06,844 I don't mean to rush you, but there's like 80 people waiting to get in here. 385 00:15:06,928 --> 00:15:08,387 No, no, no. I'm so glad you're here. 386 00:15:08,471 --> 00:15:10,389 I just worked up a new magic trick. 387 00:15:08,471 --> 00:15:10,389 Oh. 388 00:15:10,473 --> 00:15:15,644 I start by saying, "They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic." 389 00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:18,439 Then, in my sleeves, I've rigged two confetti poppers... 390 00:15:18,523 --> 00:15:20,274 that I found in Lily's closet. 391 00:15:18,523 --> 00:15:20,274 Mmm. 392 00:15:20,358 --> 00:15:23,110 So when I raise my arms– 393 00:15:23,194 --> 00:15:24,903 Really? You're not gonna say, "Don't do that"? 394 00:15:24,987 --> 00:15:27,489 No. No, I mean, I don't think you need the magic trick, 395 00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:30,284 but if you do it, I'm sure you'll be great. 396 00:15:30,368 --> 00:15:31,452 Oh, honey. 397 00:15:31,536 --> 00:15:33,037 Oh, God. Let me get that. 398 00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:35,497 Phil, no. 399 00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:35,497 Honey, no. Honey, no! Hey! 400 00:15:35,581 --> 00:15:38,292 Phil! Phil! Phil! Water's on! Water's on! 401 00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:39,376 No! 402 00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:39,376 You– 403 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,420 Just a minute! 404 00:15:45,299 --> 00:15:46,967 Hey, Andy. 405 00:15:45,299 --> 00:15:46,967 Hey. 406 00:15:47,051 --> 00:15:50,054 Has the wedding started yet? 407 00:15:47,051 --> 00:15:50,054 Oh, yeah, lots of times. 408 00:15:50,138 --> 00:15:52,306 What's up? 409 00:15:50,138 --> 00:15:52,306 Oh, nothing. 410 00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:55,601 Hey, that thing you said before about me deserving better, 411 00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:58,187 you just meant, like, in general, right? 412 00:15:58,271 --> 00:16:01,273 You weren't thinking of anyone in particular? 413 00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:05,319 Yeah. No, I– I just meant you deserve to be happy. 414 00:16:05,403 --> 00:16:07,654 And if it's this girl, great. If not, great. 415 00:16:07,738 --> 00:16:11,950 Um, sometimes the hardest part is just figuring out what you want. 416 00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:15,204 Yeah, that's what I thought. Well, enjoy the wedding. 417 00:16:15,288 --> 00:16:17,039 Thanks. Have a nice trip. 418 00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:20,209 Yeah. I'll see ya. 419 00:16:25,798 --> 00:16:27,299 I'm so glad we did this. 420 00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:30,385 I know. Who were we kidding? It was so gonna happen. 421 00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:32,221 I can't get enough of this. 422 00:16:33,764 --> 00:16:36,809 No, Mitch is fine. Still mad at me though. 423 00:16:36,893 --> 00:16:39,478 Ah, you know how touchy he can be, Dede. 424 00:16:39,562 --> 00:16:44,066 Remember when we tried to cheer him up after his first ice-skating competition? 425 00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:48,237 How were we supposed to know third place is a good thing? 426 00:16:48,321 --> 00:16:51,907 Remember he tromped off across that muddy field in his skates? 427 00:16:51,991 --> 00:16:53,700 He sunk like a woolly mammoth. 428 00:16:53,784 --> 00:16:56,370 Hey, Dede, if you're around the Fourth of July, 429 00:16:56,454 --> 00:16:58,997 you should come by and watch the wedding video. 430 00:16:59,081 --> 00:17:00,541 Oh. 431 00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:03,252 No, we're out of town in August. 432 00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:05,003 All right. Well, soon. 433 00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:06,255 Okay. 434 00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:08,173 Oh, Dede, I don't think I have your new– 435 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:19,017 Okay. It's magic time, everyone. 436 00:17:19,101 --> 00:17:22,938 Phil, please take your place beneath our majestic arch. 437 00:17:23,022 --> 00:17:24,690 Cue the quartet. 438 00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:26,358 Where's the other one? 439 00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:28,694 He rode with the caterer, who flipped his truck. 440 00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:31,196 Why do good things happen to everyone but me? 441 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,659 Let's send the flower girl before she's a flower teenager. 442 00:17:35,993 --> 00:17:38,620 Oh, so sad. 443 00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:40,289 Sorry. 444 00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:43,041 What is– 445 00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:43,041 Yeah. Like I'm the problem. 446 00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:46,086 Is your dad here? 447 00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:46,086 Yeah, he should be right– 448 00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:48,589 Oh– Oh, my God. He's out on the sidewalk on the phone. 449 00:17:48,673 --> 00:17:50,215 Do you want me to go get him? 450 00:17:50,299 --> 00:17:51,800 No. No, I don't. Let's just– Come on. 451 00:17:51,884 --> 00:17:54,761 Let's just do this. 452 00:17:54,845 --> 00:17:56,346 Mitchell. 453 00:17:54,845 --> 00:17:56,346 What? 454 00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:59,308 Is this really how you want to get married? 455 00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:59,308 Well, it's not ideal. 456 00:17:59,392 --> 00:18:03,145 People don't have any rice to throw because they're chewing it raw out of starvation. 457 00:18:03,229 --> 00:18:04,897 Half of our guests are on the lawn and– 458 00:18:06,524 --> 00:18:08,901 There go the sprinklers. 459 00:18:06,524 --> 00:18:08,901 Okay, let's just call time of death on this. 460 00:18:08,985 --> 00:18:10,736 All right, yeah. 461 00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:15,449 Hey, everybody, um, thank you so much for dealing with all this today. 462 00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:17,868 It means a lot to us. But unfortunately, this is not– 463 00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:17,868 Stop. 464 00:18:17,952 --> 00:18:20,746 - You can't do this. - I'm way ahead of you, Dad, and thank you for stopping by. 465 00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:23,582 What I mean is you can't get married like this. 466 00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,167 You two deserve the kind of wedding... 467 00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:28,003 you've been talking about nonstop for the last nine months. 468 00:18:28,087 --> 00:18:30,088 - What do you mean? - You bring it up every chance you get. 469 00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:33,009 - I know what nonstop means! - Just trust me, okay? 470 00:18:34,719 --> 00:18:36,845 Now, what are we all standing around for? 471 00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:38,931 My son's getting married today. 472 00:18:39,015 --> 00:18:40,599 Hey. 473 00:18:39,015 --> 00:18:40,599 All right, Jay. 474 00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:43,310 It's what this golf club needs. Shake it up a little. 475 00:18:43,394 --> 00:18:45,979 Go on, dear. How often do your fathers get married? 476 00:18:46,063 --> 00:18:49,233 So far, one, two– 477 00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:50,984 Why am I still seeing you? 478 00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:55,239 Take your seat, Dad. We're about to start. 479 00:18:55,323 --> 00:18:58,701 Actually, I thought you and I would take a little walk. 480 00:19:01,287 --> 00:19:04,039 I remember it like it was yesterday– 481 00:19:04,123 --> 00:19:06,291 the day that Mitchell came home from the hospital... 482 00:19:06,375 --> 00:19:09,628 in a very unfashionable white diaper... 483 00:19:09,712 --> 00:19:14,633 with three strands of scraggly Raggedy Andy hair. 484 00:19:14,717 --> 00:19:16,176 If he's doing it, I'm doing it. 485 00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:19,554 You comin', Barb? You old sweet talker. 486 00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:21,557 Wait for me. 487 00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:29,106 We were inseparable. I was his big sister, his big brother, 488 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:32,693 his nemesis, his protector, 489 00:19:32,777 --> 00:19:34,445 his best friend. 490 00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:38,282 I was his first partner, 491 00:19:38,366 --> 00:19:40,826 and I loved every minute of it. 492 00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:45,038 Thank you all for being here on this happy occasion. 493 00:19:45,122 --> 00:19:49,919 They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic. 494 00:19:51,337 --> 00:19:54,048 Believe me. I know. 495 00:19:57,093 --> 00:19:59,970 We're gathered here today to join two amazing people. 496 00:20:00,054 --> 00:20:02,180 So naturally, I was a little picky... 497 00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:05,434 when it came to who was going to be replacing me, 498 00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:07,436 and then I met this Cam. 499 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:11,607 And sure, he was warm and funny and loving. 500 00:20:14,819 --> 00:20:17,112 Cameron, do you take Mitchell to be your husband? 501 00:20:17,196 --> 00:20:19,197 I do. 502 00:20:19,281 --> 00:20:22,243 Cameron, would you please place this ring on Mitchell's finger? 503 00:20:23,953 --> 00:20:26,622 Mitchell, do you take Cameron to be your husband? 504 00:20:27,623 --> 00:20:29,207 I do. 505 00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:32,544 Then by the powers vested in me by the State of California, 506 00:20:32,628 --> 00:20:35,881 I am privileged to pronounce you spouses for life. 507 00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:39,135 You may now kiss your husband. 508 00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:49,436 I wondered was he really everything I wanted for my brother? 509 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:53,607 Was he really the best person? 510 00:20:53,691 --> 00:20:56,401 No. I'm the best person. 511 00:21:00,197 --> 00:21:02,574 And now I am very pleased to raise a glass... 512 00:21:02,658 --> 00:21:06,661 and introduce for the first time ever– on our fourth try– 513 00:21:06,745 --> 00:21:09,915 great husbands, Mitch and Cam. 514 00:21:09,999 --> 00:21:11,458 Yes! 515 00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:27,641 I saw that. 516 00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:27,641 What? 517 00:21:27,725 --> 00:21:29,226 The way you look at my sister. 518 00:21:29,310 --> 00:21:31,311 You do it all the time, you know. 519 00:21:29,310 --> 00:21:31,311 I do not. 520 00:21:31,395 --> 00:21:33,980 Just not in front of me, okay? 521 00:21:34,064 --> 00:21:36,358 So, have you heard from your dads on their honeymoon? 522 00:21:36,442 --> 00:21:37,943 You must really miss them, don't you? 523 00:21:38,027 --> 00:21:40,862 Sorry. I was being dramatic. 524 00:21:38,027 --> 00:21:40,862 No, you were right. 525 00:21:40,946 --> 00:21:43,115 You'll hate yourself. 526 00:21:40,946 --> 00:21:43,115 Right again. 527 00:21:43,199 --> 00:21:45,534 It's like they never left.