HI. HEY.
HI.
WAIT!
GUYS! WAIT!
DON'T YOU NEED
TO CHECK I:D.s?
OH, YEAH:
HUH?
WE DON'T OFFER
NO. NO,
IT'S NOT FOR ME,
GO ON.
PICTURE!
OH? SOMEBODY 21 TODAY?
YES.
UH, OOPS:
PUT THAT AWAY!
YES, I'M A HUGE DORK
FOR CELEBRATING MY 21st
AW, IT'S SO NICE
WHY?
WAS SHE SUPER STRICT?
NO, SHE WOULD NEVER
"GLORIA, YOU GO TALK TO THEM.
"TELL THEM YOUR FATHER
A LITTLE BIT FIRST."
UH, THE CRAZIEST THING
TREATS ME LIKE I'M AN ADULT.
SO I WOULDN'T GET
NO, THAT IS JUST ONE WOMAN
UH,
ABOUT FASHION?
ABOUT CASUAL DRINKING?
THAT'S FUNNY.
SEE,
I WOULDN'T HAVE LAUGHED
'CAUSE YOU WERE A KID,
BUT NOW I'M GONNA LAUGH
'CAUSE IT'S FUNNY.
HI. SORRY THAT
HI.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WE'RE LIKE CATNIP TO DRUNKEN
BUT DON'T WORRY, HALEY.
OHH.
TO HALEY'S FIRST DRINK, HUH?
YEAH.
Captions by VITAC :
JAY.
YOU'VE ARRIVED
GET IT?
'CAUSE WE'RE IN A GERMAN CAR.
HALEY'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT ...
A NEW CAR!
I'M JOKING!
YOU'RE NOT LOW-MAINTENANCE!
OH, I HEARD YOU:
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME
SOME FINAL DETAILS?
NO. DEAL'S ALREADY
I'M JUST GONNA POP MY
AND I'LL, UH ...
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE BAR.
YOU DON'T NEED ME.
UH-HUH. MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.I-IT ALL
SEEMS TO CHECK ...
THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.
WITH A RED PEN?
SOME UPGRADED WHEELS?
WOULD THAT COST?
ON A CUP OF COFFEE?
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES!
JAY?
ANSWER THE QUESTION!
A CUP OF COFFEE?
$3.50.
NOT YOU!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M JUST HERE TO MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING'S ON THE UP-AND-UP.
UM, DARYL: THIS IS MY
JAY, YOU DON'T
IT'S ALL WORKED OUT.
WHY DON'T YOU THROW IN
LOWER THE DRIVE-OFF BY $500,
WE CALL IT A DEAL?
I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS
WE'RE ALL BUSINESSMEN HERE.
THERE'S WIGGLE ROOM
THERE'S NO WIGGLE ROOM.
SO, COME ON:
LET'S SEE YOU WIGGLE.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T WIGGLE.
JAY, I'VE ALREADY WIGGLED HIM.
NO, TRUST ME, HE CAN WIGGLE:
I REALLY CAN'T. I ...
WIGGLE, DARYL.
WHERE BABIES COME FROM?
I'M STUDYING.
ARE YOU A NERD?
NO. WHY WOULD YOU
ASK ME THAT?
IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT,
AND YOU'RE DOING HOMEWORK.
IT'S MY SENIOR YEAR.
THERE'LL BE TONS OF FUN
I DIDN'T HEAR
"BOYFRIEND."
YOU'RE 0 FOR 3.
OR... AM I 3 FOR 3?
THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
OF THE APPLE?
WHERE BABIES COME FROM?
THAT'S NOT
DO YOU KNOW OR NOT?
UH, YES.
THIS DORK?
SOMETHING TO EAT?
SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS?
SO, DO YOU KNOW
HOW BABIES ARE MADE?
YEP,
AND I'LL TELL YOU.
WE'RE GONNA NEED
WHY?
YOU'RE GONNA NEED
AND I'M HUNGRY.
WE CAN'T WAIT
TO GIVE YOU OUR PRESENT!
NO, YOU SAID NO GIFTS
UNDER $100.
OH, DID I?
IT'S JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING
OKAY!
GIVING A GIFT TO A NIECE
IN THE 10 YEARS
THAT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER,
WE'VE ONLY MISSED THE MARK
OR "GINSTINCTS."
NO.
OH, MY GOD! SO CUTE!
REALLY? YOU THINK?
YES! TOTALLY!
SUPER CUTE!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
NO, NO, THEY'RE GOOD.
HE'S BEEN GONE A LONG TIME.
DON'T HAVE FEELINGS.
HE'S BACK THERE MAKING TIME
BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE'S TAKING
HEY.
THAT I'M GONNA GET YOU
THE BEST DEAL POSSIBLE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
FIGHTING YOU ON THIS?
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY.
AND I CAN'T GIVE YOU
HE'S MAD
THAT'S ON THE TABLE.
YOU, TOO, JAY.
I GUESS WE'LL JUST SIGN
WHAT?
I'M SORRY, BUDDY. I GOT
WE'RE GONNA TAKE OUR BUSINESS
LET'S GO, PHIL.
DON'T TELL PHIL
PHIL?
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
WRONG.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
HE'S NOT GONNA
'CAUSE YOU ARE DEAD WRONG
HEY!
HOLD ON A SECOND!
HAPPY?
THESE AREN'T
HALEY DIDN'T LIKE THE SHOES.
OH, COME ON:
NO, SHE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT:
"THEY'RE CUTE!"
THE VOICE.
SO, I CAN'T PULL OFF
MID-THIGH SHORTS?
NO, YOU CAN:
YOU'RE SO SILLY!
GIGGLING ABOUT?
OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW,
NO, I DO. I DO. I DO.
I DO. I DO.
NO, YOU'LL JUST BE
OH, HONEY:
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT CEREAL?
COME ON.
PLAYING "WOULD YOU RATHER."
MM-HMM.
WHAT'S THAT?
"WOULD YOU RATHER
"OR HAVE THE BEST SEX OF
WITH TOM HARDY?"
WHO'S THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M GOING WITH TOM
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HALEY SAID!
OH!
ALL RIGHT! OKAY!
YEAH!
HEY, YOU TWO!
IT'S DANCE TIME!
OH, BOY.
SOMEBODY'S HUNGRY
TOLD THEM WE'RE STRAIGHT.
THE BRIDE'S PERFUME.
TO TEAR IT UP?
OH...
WE'RE KIND OF DOING
BOYS!
WHO ARE THOSE GAYS?
I DON'T KNOW,
DO YOU?
REALLY?
YEAH:
THIS GUY'S GONNA GET US
AND NOW IT'S GONE,
WE'RE ALREADY UP THREE HOT DOGS
AND I CAN'T COME CLOSE
OH, MY GOD.
LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.
OR WE'RE GONNA WALK BACK OVER
TH-THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO.
I DON'T MIND. I'LL LEAD.
$500 DOWN:
JAY? I WON.
WHAT DID I WIN?
NOT A CAR!
WHAT'S THAT?
HUH, PERHAPS?
UH, YEAH: HE SAYS THAT
YOU CAN'T HAVE
SO, A BOY AND A GIRL
SHE'S NOT HEARING THIS
WHY NOT?
YOU'RE TOO IMMATURE.
I'M NOT IMMATURE,
SAY IT?
MAYBE?
SUPPOSED TO THINK?
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.
IN HERE?
CAN I JUST SAY THAT I'M GLAD
THEY DIDN'T COME GET US?
THOSE CLINGY BROADS?
"BROADS"? DOES ANYONE
SAY "BROADS" ANYMORE?
I DON'T KNOW.
"HEY, LET'S GIVE THOSE GUYS
SOME SPACE."
NO, NO. SINCE WHEN
DOES YOUNG EQUAL BETTER?
OH.
LET'S SHOW THEM WHAT WE GOT.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT?
UM, WELL: I CAN RAISE THE ROOF
AND I CAN DO
THE "SINGLE LADY" HAND THING.
BUT PUT
OH, GOOD POINT:
NOW YOU'RE READY.
LET'S GO.
HEY, LADIES!
HEY, SINGLE LADIES!
HEY, GUYS!
OH, THANK GOD:
AND WON'T LET GO.
NO, YOU DON'T
WE COULDN'T GET RID
SO, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO AHEAD
AND SPLIT? WE'LL TAKE OVER.
ARE YOU SURE?
GO, GO.
YES. YES.
WE'LL HOLD IT DOWN.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
DON'T GO!
OH, YEAH: DON'T WORRY
GREAT!
SO FUN!
WE'RE GONNA GO
OH, CLUBS:
COOL.
YES.
HUH?
WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, MY GOD.
WE'RE GANCIENT.
REALLY? DYLAN?
MM-HMM.
DYLAN?
YEP.
HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
RIGHT?
YES!
YOU'RE LIKE MY GRANDMA.
GRANDMA?
OOH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TALKING
YOU'RE A GROWN-UP NOW.
I'M GONNA RESPECT
AND LET YOU
IT'S THE BEST GIFT
AW! THAT MEANS SO MUCH
YOU KNOW WHY?
MNH. WHY?
YOU'D SAY NO.
AY, HOW COULD SHE
SAY NO
SHE JUST SAID TO YOU?
HOW COULD I SAY NO?
IS THERE A WAY?
OH, MY GOD, MOM, THIS IS
THE BEST PRESENT EVER!
GET ANY BETTER?
YES!
SHE CAN PAY FOR IT
SO YOU CAN GET
A REALLY BIG ONE!
OH!
I'M SO EXCITED!
WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT?
NO, YOU STOP HER!
I CAN'T. I MADE A COMMITMENT
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'D LOVE TO, BUT YOUR DAD PLAYED
DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU ASK
THE TWEETY BIRD ON HALEY'S NECK?
OH, GOD,
SHE'S A TOUGH-ENOUGH HIRE
AS IT IS.
UM...
I'LL DEAL WITH THE TATTOO.
HERE'S WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M DONE LISTENING TO YOU.
YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW?
WE DON'T NEED IT.
HERE'S THE PLAN ...
OH, MY GOD,
YOU'RE SICK.
GOOD THINKING!
I'LL BE SICK
'CAUSE NOBODY CARES
ABOUT PEOPLE THEY CAN'T SEE.
ABOUT BUYING CARS IN THE '70s!
NOW, IF YOU WANT
I'M GOING OLD-SCHOOL
AND I'M GONNA
HELPING YOU?
HE BETTER BE!
YES,
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU AMERICANS
AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO LEARN
I'VE DONE
OH.I'M JUST
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
UH, NOTHING.
OUR CONVERSATION?
NO.I'M SORRY,
YOU'RE GONNA
YOU DON'T KNOW,
DO YOU?
I DO SO.
UH-
NO, WE DON'T.
GUYS?
NO, I GUESS NOT:
NO.
THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
WANT ME TO TELL YOU?
WHAT?
HEY, THAT'S WHY YOU ASKED IF WE
WANTED TO TELL US?
YOU'RE OLD.
YOU SHOULD DO?
LIKE ... UH,
OH. MM.
OR, LIKE:
OH, MY GOD,
LET'S DO THAT!
YES! YES!
LET'S GET MATCHING TATTOOS!
YOU DO?
YEAH!
WE CAN SAY
THAT THEY'RE FROM
WILL YOU?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I WILL.
'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.
TOO!
I LOVE YOU.
THEY ALSO HAVE PIERCING!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T EVEN NEED
IT'S LIKE, WHY?
WHY?
WHO CARES:
ISN'T THE COOLER THING
NOT CARING IF YOU'RE COOL?
THEN I'M SUPERCOOL,
HEY, GUYS!
WE'RE GETTING MATCHING TATTOOS.
WE'RE DOING IT, TOO.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
ARE WE SERIOUS?
"HONEY...
WE'RE GOING FOR A SPIN."
HUH.
BY 500 SAMOLIANS:
WHAT?
THIS GUY'S A BULLDOG.
DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF.
WOW! JAY.
I'LL GIVE YOU
THE GUY'S ALWAYS ONE-UPPING ME.
WHY?
TOO, SO I
HUH?
WHAT?
HOW MUCH MORE DID HE PAY?
$1,000.
OH, MY GOD, HE REALLY CARES
HUH?
TOO!
OH!
UH, THE TATTOOING :
I DON'T THINK
HUH. SO, A COUPLE
WHAT SHOULD WE GET?
UH...
LILIES FOR LILY?
FLOWERS?
GET THE WORD "GAY."
I HOPE EVERYBODY'S READY!
AY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.
I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!
IT'S VERY SEXY.
YEAH:
FOR "MOTHER."
AND HALEY'S GONNA GET ONE
THAT SAYS "DAUGHTER."
WHAT?
IT'S JUST, UM,
I-I'M NOT TOTALLY SURE
I'M NOT BAILING.
NO. NO, YOU'RE NOT.
BUT I DON'T THINK I WANT
IF YOU DON'T
GET "DAUGHTER,"
IT'S GONNA LOOK
AND THEN I'M GONNA
HEY, WHAT'S SANSKRIT
FOR "ISSUES"?
YOU'RE UP. LET'S GO.
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
IT'S ...
IT'S SO PERMANENT.
NO, MY GOD!
IS THAT FOR ME?
SWEETHEART!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I LOVE IT!
YOU DIDN'T GET A TATTOO.
NO, BUT TALK TO MOM:
'CAUSE SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE ME.
OH, IT'S SO CUTE!
CAN I TAKE IT FOR A RIDE?
OF COURSE!
WHEN I GROW UP:
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING TONIGHT.
'CAUSE YOU MADE ME.
TRYING TO DO TO HER?
WELL, FIRST:
HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS?
YOU'RE GONNA GET
RIGHT?
WE DON'T NEED ONE TO BE COOL.
SUPER CUTE!
SOMEONE WHO
AY, JAY. I'M TIRED.
I'M HUNGRY. TAKE ME HOME.
WE'LL GET YOU
WE'RE GONNA MAKE A BABY...
OH, MY GOSH!
WOW.
OH, MY GOD.
GET ONE OF MY OWN!
SO, I'VE BEEN
I DON'T THINK SMALL.
I DON'T DO THINGS HALFWAY.
I'M NOT AFRAID
SO, THEN: I WAS TRYING
YOU KNOW?
YOU DON'T
ON A-A BODY PART THAT'S GONNA
WRINKLE OR ...
AND YOU DON'T WANT IT
WHERE IF YOU'RE
SO, ON MY LOWER BACK:
"GO DEEP." BAM.
UM...
"DO IT." NO.
"ALL-IN."