BALLET AT 11:00,
THEN KARATE CLASS AT 3:00,
SO WHY DON'T YOU GO GET
YOUR UNIFORM?
CHOP CHOP!
CAM.
WHAT?
SHE'S IN KARATE.
IT'S NOT OFFENSIVE.
AS HER TALENT SHOW?
SO SHE'S SO TIRED
AND DOESN'T HUMILIATE HERSELF?
BECAUSE SHE'S 7.
I DID.
YOU WALTZED AT 7?
HMM.
I GOT IT!
HEY, WAIT:
ISN'T MY TALENT SHOW TODAY?
OH, WHO KNOWS?
BUT LET'S GO RIDE SOME PONIES.
NO, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO
DO A LITTLE BIT OF WARMING UP?
MAESTRO?
OH, OKAY, GREAT.
SO, LILY: CAN YOU
Captions by VITAC :
[ GAME PLAYING INDISTINCTLY
ON TV ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JOE, HAVE YOUR LAST PUFF
I'M TRYING
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
YOUR BATHING SUIT?
IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
I'LL BORROW FROM JAY.
JAY?
HA HA! ZINGER!
DAD, HUH?
â™ª CLOSETS, CLOSETS:
OUR COMPETITION'S AIRING?
SEE THE LASERS?
SPECIAL EFFECTS?
I'LL BET THEY SPENT
5 MILLION BUCKS ON THAT THING:
DON'T WORRY, DAD.
WE'RE SCRAPPING IT.
WHAT? I WORKED
WITH WHAT'S PROVEN.
WE'RE REMAKING
30 YEARS AGO:
FOR PRITCHETT'S CLOSETS,
I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD
[ 1980s-STYLE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING ]
PRITCHETT'S CLOSETS ...
TECHNOLOGY?
COME VISIT PRITCHETT'S
CLOSET? YOU'LL LOVE IT!
ARE YOU SURE THEY WEREN'T
ASKING YOU TO EXPLAIN IT?
WHAT'S TO EXPLAIN?
INSTEAD OF "LIKE IT?
YOU'LL LOVE IT,"
YOU USE THE WORD "CLOSET."
"LIKE IT?
YOU'LL CLOSET!"?
DAD,
"GARAGE DOOR OPENER KING."
HEY, HE WAS EATING
SO WE'RE GONNA FLUSH
THAT'S NOT EVEN
GET THERE!
UGH!
HEY, IF YOU REALLY WANNA IMPRESS
OH, PENGUIN'S JUST AS GOOD.
MONEY!
AAH!
A LOT.
MM.
YOU WORK AT THE HUT?
I'M GONNA GUESS...
YEP, CHASE PICKED OUT
I COULD'VE BEEN MURDERED
IN THE '70s.
OOH, YOU'VE BEEN FRAMED.
HMM?
"JABBA THE HUT."
I'M REALLY LOST HERE,
OH!
AGAIN?
UH, IT'S PROBABLY
UH, YEAH: THE MOTION OF SHOVING
IT'S MY MANAGER AGAIN.
SHE'S ALWAYS ON ME.
CAN'T WAIT TILL THE FALL
WHEN SHE'S OFF TO COLLEGE.
MAUREEN?
BETH'S NOT COMING.
SHE'S TOO TIRED TO DRIVE UP
WHO I'VE
REAL-LIFE MOVE-AROUND GIRLS?
HA HA.
YOU KNOW SHE'S A REAL GIRL.
SHE CAN'T DRIVE A COUPLE HOURS
TO SEE YOU?
SHE'S BEEN SAVING
BUT DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU
THAT SHE'S FLAKED FOR, LIKE,
THE HUNDREDTH TIME?
OKAY?
AND IF WE'RE POINTING FINGERS...
SHH.
THEY'RE IN MY JACKET.
MOM, THAT PERV
NO! I WAS READING
"YOU WILL BORROW
A HUGE SWIMSUIT TODAY." WHAT?
AY, NO, THE PLANE! THE PLANE!
IT'S ALWAYS SPYING ON ME!
GO AWAY OR I'M GONNA CALL
THE POLICEMAN!
WOW, DON'T EVEN WASTE
JOHNNY LAW'S GOT NO CHANCE
YOU'RE LOOKING
SCRAMBLER.
I'M A DRONER MYSELF.
YES, YOU'RE DRONING RIGHT NOW.
AY, IT'S GETTING CLOSER!
MOM, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
NO! THAT'S CRAZY. WE CAN JUST
I'LL USE THIS
MY EYES!
OH!
AAH!
THE WATER'S REALLY COLD.
OH! YOU'RE STILL REHEARSING.
FOR LILY'S SINGING VOICE.
REALLY?
I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT.
HYAH! HYAH!
NO, COME ON: NO. NO!
SHE'S NOT EVEN SINGING.
SHE WASN'T SINGING BEFORE
CAM.
I JUST DON'T WANT HER
ANDREW'S CONDESCENDING, "HMM."
OH, MY GOSH: YOU'RE STILL
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA'S
AND "JUST THE NUTMEG WE WANT
DUSTED WITH" ...
"L.A. TIMES,"
DECEMBER 23:199...
OH, I REMEMBER:
SO YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT
SHE'S NOT SINGING.
OH.
HEY. LILY IS GONNA SING
AND YOU'RE GONNA GET OVER
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIDICULOUS?
HYAH!
HI.
OH,
HE'S NOT EXACTLY
WHAT IS HIS DEAL?
AND HE'S STILL CRYING.
HE'S BEING SUCH A BABY.
MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT
NO, I PROMISED MY MOTHER
THAT HE WOULDN'T USE IT ANYMORE.
AND NOW HE'S IN JAIL.
I'M GONNA PUT ON
HI, MANNY:
OH!
[ WATER SPLASHES:
POOL SKIMMER CLANKS ]
HE PUT US ON YouTube?
"DRONE 1, IDIOT 0."
ANDY'S IN THE HOSPITAL.
WHAT? WHY?
IS HE OKAY? MAYBE I SHOULD
AND NOW HE'S IN JAIL.
HMM.
CLOSET? YOU'LL LOVE IT.
AND... CUT.
UH, THAT WAS GREAT: JAY.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
EVEN MORE?
FROM JAY'S LINE.
AND...
CLOSET? YOU'LL LOVE IT!
CUT.
RIGHT?
I DO.
SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO DO WE HAVE IT?
UM...
10 DIFFERENT CHOICES:
LET'S NOT OVERTHINK THIS, HUH?
OKAY. WELL...
HE'LL CALM DOWN.
UH, HEY, CLAIRE?
YES.
UM...
HE'S THE WORST. SO BAD.
AND, UM... STRICTLY FROM
OH. OH, GOD.
I CAN'T FIRE MY DAD!
I KNOW.
BUT YOU REALIZE IT'S
YES, I DO.
TO BACK ME UP?
TOTALLY.
DO YOU SEE HIM TODAY?
HE'S LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY
I...
I'M SORRY.
OH, MAN.
WE'LL NOW TAKE A BREAK
JUST ACT LIKE WE DON'T CARE
OOH, I HOPE I COULD
DIRECT? NO, NOT THIS YEAR:
AH, I DIDN'T THINK SO.
YOU'RE...
SO WE'RE REALLY ENJOYING
TOO.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS,
OR... NEMESIS?
I'VE...
SO HOW'S WORK? I'M SURE
FLOM, ARPS, & LeBOEUF:
AND I'M ACTUALLY AT
OH, I THINK OUR FIRM DONATED
WE'RE MOVING CLOSER
BECAUSE OUR DAUGHTER'S
RIGHT?
MM-HMM.
SO...
A CONVERSATION ON "SO..."?
LET'S JUST TAKE OUR SEATS.
NO, CAM,
I-I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS
LET'S GET HER
OKAY.
REALLY BETTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
CHICKEN'S IN THE POT. I REPEAT,
DAMN IT.
GRAVITY!
NERD! OW! OW!
PLAN "B"! IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM,
DRONE 'EM!
ACTIVATE VOICE CONTROL!
OH! IT'S ATTACKING!
GET DOWN!
DEACTIVATE VOICE CONTROL!
PLAN "C"! FOLLOW IT HOME!
HURRY UP!
HEY! THAT'S MY BIKE!
WE'RE ALL MAKING SACRIFICES!
I'M WEARING A MONOKINI!
HEY, LIZZIE! WHOA!
AAH!
OKAY?
HERE, JUST ...
ALL RIGHT?
NO, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT MY MOM'S HUMIDIFIER!
HE'S HEADING FOR THE RIVER
FOR STALLING MY AquaBike!
LOOK OUT!
OW!
YOU OKAY?
IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE
AAH!
OHH!
OW!
OW. ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?
THIS ISN'T OVER YET!
YOU KNOW THAT!
AAH!
OH, GOD! DAD!
AAH! PHIL!
OHH!
OW! OW! OW!
"DRONE 2, IDIOTS ZERO."
COME ON!
AT LEAST IT'S FAR AWAY
SO YOU CAN'T TELL IT'S US.
OH, GREAT.
"L.O.L. THAT'S MY REALTOR,
PHIL D:."
LET'S JUST GRAB HER
SHE'S UP AFTER THE NEXT ACT.
HEY, WE'RE DOING
I STILL CAN'T EAT ...
I CAN'T RELIVE THIS
I'M SORRY. OKAY.
TO THINGS SHE CAN'T DO.
NO. SHE'S NOT
THEY'RE A WRECK.
BUT SHE DIDN'T GET
OH. WE'RE NOT GIVING HER
HI. MY MOM'S DOING CHEMO,
MOM.
WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETIE?
I CAN'T GO AFTER HER.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
WE CAN'T
MAYA'S FEELING A BIT FEVERISH.
OH, WELL: I GUESS SOME PEOPLE
CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
NO.
LET'S GO OUT THE SIDE DOOR.
HEY, DAD, I ...
I DIDN'T WANT IT
BUDDY!
UM...
SIGN SAYS "NO MENUS"!
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
UH...
IF ... IF SOMEONE ELSE
IT'S CALLED
PRITCHETT'S CLOSETS.
IT'S MINE NOW!
GRUMPY?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
THAT'S HOW YOU ARE.
HOW I AM?
THAT I'M SOME BIG GRUMP?
DAD, THAT CANNOT BE
THE KIDS CALL YOU "GRUMPA."
SINCE WHEN?
NOT TO YOUR FACE?
COWARDS:
SO IF I GET "GRUMPA,"
WHAT DO THEY CALL PHIL'S DAD?
"FUNPA."
GETS "FUNPA"?
THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE, DAD.
NO, NO, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING I'M NOT
IT'S A DAY THAT EVERY FATHER
STOP HURTING ME!
OH!
HEY, HOW YOU FEELIN'?
HEY.
OH, LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT YOU
COULDN'T BE HERE.
NO.
TALK ABOUT IT?
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
THAT YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU
I'M NOT TRYING
IT'S JUST... YOU EVER THINK
SETTLING FOR SOMETHING HERE?
WE'VE ... WE'VE ALL DONE IT.
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T THINK
IF I'M YOUR ELEPHANT,
THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING
I'M GLAD
HE'S FINALLY ASLEEP.
WE CAN DO
BETH ISRAEL? OH.
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU OKAY?
HE'S OKAY, RIGHT?
UH, YEAH: HE'S SLEEPING.
OH, THANK GOD:
I'M BETH,
ANDY'S GIRLFRIEND.
OH. HI. UH, HALEY:
ANDY'S TOLD ME
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT
I'VE JUST BEEN UP
YOU'RE HERE,
OKAY.
MM.
OH, SO GOOD FOR HIM:
I'M GLAD. SO LISTEN.
WHO ARE THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE?
THEY MUST BE COUSINS OF YOURS?
MM-HMM.
FINALLY GETTING OVER HIS BINKY!
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
OR I'M GOING UP THERE
HEY-O!
HOW'S MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT?
I'M JUST HAPPY
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH YOUR FACE?
THAT JOE STOPPED CRYING? AAH.
DON'T ASK WHY.
WHY ARE YOU
SMILING LIKE THAT?
HAPPEN TO MOM?
DAD.
SO NOW I'M TOO HAPPY.
MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS!
I'VE GOT IT.
DAD, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU.
MM-HMM.
I'M NOT THAT CHEERY,
30 YEARS AGO:
WHEN DID I TURN THAT CORNER?
YOU HAVEN'T. YOU HAVEN'T.
YOU'RE CREEPING
UP TO IT.
BUT... YOU HAVEN'T YET.
YOU KNOW?
THE NEXT HE'S THROWING
'CAUSE SOME LADY SPORTSCASTER
I SWORE I'D NEVER BE
YOU'RE NOT THAT BAD.
ALL OUR TIME OVER HERE?
OH, YOU JUST COME HERE
THAT'S NOT...
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
NO.
[ INHALES
AND EXHALES DEEPLY ]
DAD, YOU ARE A LONG WAY
MM.
I'M NOT SURE SOME OF THIS JUST
ISN'T NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS.
BOGEY AT 10:00! MOVE IT!
THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
WHAT?
LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR!
8... 7...
DOING OUT HERE?
NOW LET'S GO ON MY COUNT,
'CAUSE NOBODY STARTS AT 8.
3... 2... 1.
ABOVE MY LAWN!
OW!
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:
HEY!
WE DID IT!
IDIOTS 1!
DAD,
WE'RE READY FOR YOU.
WHY?
I'LL HAVE WHAT
SHE'S CLOSET.
LET'S GET READY TO CLOSET!
THEY'RE ALL GOOD.