YOU'RE STILL
ON THAT THING?
LOOKING AT ON YOUR COMPUTER?
ASKING AROUND HERE?
IT IS NOT.
I'M JUST CHECKING
WE HAVE EVER OWNED?
A LaserDisc JUST EJECTED:
UH, I CAN'T BRING ALEX
YOU KNOW?
SHE'S A COP.
I'LL GRAB MY SUNSCREEN.
HEY, DAD.
HALEY DIDN'T RUN
A 10K YESTERDAY
WHAT'S ALOPECIA?
BUT I'VE GOT WORK.
FIGURED WE'D DO A LITTLE
FATHER/SON BONDING
OH. YOU CAN TEACH ME
SON,
BUT IT'S WAY TOO DANGEROUS.
AND YOU'RE EATING SPRINGS.
OH, NO, NO, THOSE ARE :
IS THAT MY BANJO?
HMM?
YEP, I'VE BEEN NOODLING AROUND
ON THE OL' FLYSWATTER
IT'S HARD TO PRACTICE, THOUGH,
I THINK I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.
I'VE GOT TIME
OF "SHORTNIN' BREAD."
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, IT'S IN THE BOX.
IT'S LEAVING THE HOUSE.
BUT YOU CALLED ME "BANJOVI."
DIDN'T LIKE MY BAGPIPING?
WE HAVE LUKE?
IT'S NOT.
Is it?
AY, CAM,
NO DESSERT FOR YOU?
NO, NONE FOR ME:
BECAUSE I'M GONNA ...
BECAUSE I'M SINGING "MEMORY"
IT'S A FUNDRAISER
AY,
OH, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN
NEGLECTING JOE?
NO, IT'S BECAUSE I ASKED JAY
BUT IT'S VERY HARD.
WHAT'S SO DAMN HARD?
IT'S THE SAME THING
WHAT IS IT?
IS IT SOME SORT OF AN ESCAPE?
IT'S BETTER THAN BLOWING
SMOKE IN OUR BABY'S FACE.
ANYWAYS?
OH, THERE'S AN E-MAIL
FROM LILY'S SCOUT CAMP.
I HOPE EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
SHE'S FINE.
MITCHELL'S NERVOUS
BECAUSE HE'S NOT A CAMPER.
DOESN'T GET BRAVO.
OH, BOY.
HERE'S A PHOTO, LOOK.
SHE'S USING THE SIGNAL.
WHAT SIGNAL?
THE KIDS AREN'T ALLOWED
"WE."
SHE'S FINE.
SHE'S UNHAPPY.
I DON'T LOOK AT PICTURES
IF IT'S A GOOD SHOT,
LIKE SHE'S JUST DOING
IT'S A SCOUT CAMP,
SHE'S SMILING.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
BECAUSE IT'S HER FIRST TIME
IT ...
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S PROBABLY IT.
I'M JUST ...
I'M STRESSING OUT, SO ...
I'M ... I'M GONNA
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA TAG ALONG WITH YOU.
I'm not really going
to the office.
Don't care.
Need a cigar.
SO, YOU WANT
TO HEAD DOWN FRONT?
ALEX!
I'LL GET A NEW ONE.
UH, IS THERE VODKA
IN HERE?
IT'S NOT
MUSIC!
YEAH!
HEY.
I'M HO...
[ BANJO PLAYING
"TURKEY IN THE STRAW" ]
OH, AMAZING!
WERE YOU LISTENING?
ISN'T HE GOOD?
I ... I THOUGHT
YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE BANJO.
I DIDN'T THINK I DID,
BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING
IT'S SO...
IT'S SO MUSICAL.
MM-HMM. SO, WHAT'S THIS,
A SURPRISE FOR OLD DAD?
PROBABLY LONGER?
HE LEARNED TWO!
I'M GOOD, THANKS.
ARE THOSE MY SHOES?
THEY'RE A LITTLE SNUG.
'CAUSE WE ARE ABOUT TO DO
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
OKAY: I'M GONNA
DRESSING ROOM? AY, SHOW ME:
I CAN'T. IT'S THE HANDICAPPED
STALL IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
IT'S ABOUT THE KIDS.
SENOR KAPLAN:
OH.
A CAVEMAN COSTUME?
NO, I JUST SIGNED UP
TO SING "MEMORY" FROM "CATS."
ALTHOUGH I HOPE I'M NOT ON
AFTER THE "GREASE" CHORUS.
THEY'RE A TOUGH ACT
"MEMORY"?
TWO CAT COSTUMES?
WE CAN'T BOTH
OH, WELL:
FOR ME?
AND I'M FROM CANADA.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
I THINK THERE'S A CHANCE
YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN
WILL CRUSH HIM!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL ONLY LOOK BETTER
OH, MY GOODNESS!
THE MOVE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IT'S AS OLD
AS MAN'S QUEST TO FLY.
IT'S JUST A FLIP
RIGHT?
THERE'S A LOT MORE GOING ON,
BUT YOU WON'T BE ABLE
EINS... ZWEI...
NO GOOD.
OH.
I'M GLAD THAT HAPPENED.
I'M ACTUALLY GLAD THAT HAPPENED.
IT'S A GOOD REMINDER ...
THIS... FOR...
REAL!
OHH.
JIM McKAY, THAT HURTS!
I'M GONNA...
I'M SURE THEY DO.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE FOOT
I'D ...
OH, MY GOD!
I THINK I DID IT!
DID I DO IT?
ALMOST.
REALLY?
I'LL TRY ONE MORE TIME.
I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
SOME BAD...
I DID IT AGAIN!
I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME WATER.
AGAIN!
OH, HONEY:
I AM NOT.
IS LUKE DOING THE DUNPHY TUCK?
SORT OF A POOR MAN'S VERSION
OF IT.
WOW. HE ADDED
IT'S CALLED OVER-ROTATION.
YOU COULD GIVE LUKE MY LIST?
NAH.
NO, NO,
I-I-
LUKE'S PRETTY BUSY OUT THERE
SO HE'S ALL LIKE,
"GET A LIFE,"
AND I'M LIKE,
"NO, THANKS. GOT NINE."
'CAUSE...
OH! MY THROAT!
IT BURNS!
HE MADE THE TEA TOO HOT!
NOT ON PURPOSE!
OH! OH!
COACH TUCKER'S PAINT CANS.
I DON'T REMEMBER
LEAVING THAT THERE!
OH, LOOK AT ME:
I CAN'T COMMAND A STAGE.
WE'LL WHEEL YOU
OH, COME ON :
INTO FUR AND MAKEUP!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO. YOU SHOULD NOT
REALLY? 'CAUSE I GOT
HOW?
DRUG IT.
I'M TURTLING HER.
NO, YOU'RE GONNA
LUKE!
NO, NO, NO!
I DON'T NEED HIS HELP!
LET HIM PLAY HIS PRECIOUS BANJO!
HEY!
I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE.
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO GET
WHAT'S THAT?
UH...
A BRA?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
YOU DON'T HAVE TO!
YOU THINK YOU'RE AN ADULT,
BUT YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE A KID
MY RULES!
OW!
THE "G" STRING SNAPPED!
THAT'S HAPPENED IN HERE.
NO! IT HIT MY EYE!
IS IT BLEEDING?
EYES CAN'T BLEED, SO ...
THAT'S BAD!
ALEX!
OH. HI.
I'M LOOKING
HANG ON!
HELLO?
ARE YOU WITH ALEX?
SHE'S NOT ANSWERING HER PHONE.
UH, YEAH, YEAH:
WE'RE JUST A TINY BIT
BUT, UH, SHE'S BEEN ACTING
OH, NO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
UM, I ...
I-I'D SAY SHE'S BEEN, UM...
OH, NO.
MOM, DON'T FREAK OUT.
NO, I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THIS
OH, OKAY: SO SHE WAS BEING
COME ON!
YOU STUPID THING!
FINE!
OKAY!
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE
I POURED IT DOWN HER THROAT!
SHE DIDN'T
OH, THANK GOD!
THAT'S WHY
SHE'S BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD.
WAIT.YOU
DIDN'T POUR IT DOWN HER THROAT?
DID YOU GET HER DRUNK?
HEY,
YOU HACKED HER COMPUTER!
IS THAT HER?
UH, I JUST FOUND HER:
I'LL HAVE HER CALL YOU.
TAKE ME TO MY SISTER!
OH. OH, HI.
OH. WHOO!
LILY'S CAMP IS
I'LL BE BACK SOON.
UM, WHAT'S UP
WITH THE OUTFIT?
IT'S TO KEEP THE SMOKE OFF ME
SO GLORIA WON'T SMELL IT.
THAT'S INSANE.
YEP, I'VE LOST MY MIND.
OH, OF COURSE
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY?
UM... YOU FORGOT?
I FORGOT I SHOULDN'T ASK "WHY"
WASN'T IT?
T-
I WAS ...
THAN TODD JANSEN'S
WATCHING "THE BIONIC WOMAN,"
IT'S FINE.
IF THAT'S YOUR IDEA
IT'S NO WONDER
SO, THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU
SO, STILL ANGRY: HUH?
GEE,
WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY?
AND TRAMPOLINIC ARTS?
I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT PROUD
10K.
IN 15 YEARS I COULDN'T FINISH.
IT'S EVERYTHING
NO, I CAN'T.
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S A SHOCK.
I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A MAN
DAD.
OH, REALLY?
I HAD A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL'S BRA
IN MY HAND?
SOMEWHERE MORE PRIVATE?
MM-HMM.
OH... KAY.
THAT'S NOT THE CONVERSATION
I THOUGHT WE'D BE HAVING,
BUT... IF THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED
NO!
IT'S TO PRACTICE ON.
THAT'S WHY
I DIDN'T GO AWAY THIS WEEK.
MY TRIP WASN'T CANCELED.
YOU COULDN'T FACE THEM.
YOUR LIFE'S GONNA BE
I'M BLIND?
LUKE DUNPHY?
I KNOW I'M GETTING A LITTLE OLD
BUT...
OH, LUKEY!
DO YOU NEED A HUG?
ALEX!
STOP!
AN HOUR!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
UH ...
OH, OKAY: SO, WE'LL SEE YOU
IN, LIKE, WHAT, 10 YEARS:
OUT OF WEASEL'S BASEMENT?
HOW?
MOM SAW
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
THE RIGHT WAY?
I R...
NO! WHAT'S THE POINT?
GET STRAIGHT A's
AND FOR WHAT?
"NO, THANK YOU, ALEX!"
"WE DON'T WANT YOU,
ALEX!"
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!
I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE
AND WHERE DID IT GET ME?
WITH 6:000 IDIOTS!
KNOW WHAT? I THINK THAT THIS IS
SPARE ME TODAY?
NO.
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY
YOU'RE GONNA COME IN SECOND...
BUT YOU'RE GONNA
I'M ALLOWED TO FEEL BAD
OKAY?
YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR!
I'VE BEEN SAYING
SINCE YOU WERE 10
YOU'RE GONNA BE
I'M GONNA BE A SCIENTIST.
AS LONG AS SOMETHING'S
YOU'RE GONNA BE
I... DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I COULDN'T
IF I'D PERFORMED
CAN'T TALK!
I'LL BE IN MY STALL!
SO, NOW
I CAN'T SING "MEMORY."
IT'S TOO MUCH SONG FOR ME.
IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THAT.
OH, IT'S ABOUT TO,
THAT YOU JUST SAID!
NO. NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU MONSTER!
AAH! OOH-HOO-HOO! OOH!
AMAZING!
AND WITH NO COMMERCIALS!
OOH! OOH!
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA RUN INTO ...
A HUNTER WHO DOESN'T
I CAN'T WAIT.
I LOVE S'MORES.
AS HAPPY
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN HER.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT LET'S HIT IT WITH A SHOVEL.
WITH OUR MARSHMALLOW STICKS!
YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH!
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!
I-I'M LILY'S DAD.
I'M LILY...
HI. SHE'S MINE.
UM...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
NO!
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME
DO YOU KNOW ANY?
BUT IT'S PROBABLY
S...
TELL US NOW!
IT'S REALLY SCARY.
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
UM...
THIS ISN'T SCARY.
"THE BLOOD MOON"...
OOOOOH!
WAS A ...
WHO BREATHED FIRE!
I'M BORED.
CAN WE GO TO SLEEP EARLY?
I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING
WHAT'S THAT?
GLOWING EYES!
IT'S THE GHOST!
NO! OH!
GIRLS!
BY THE WAY:
I SHOULD'VE COME BY
UH,
"TOUGH IT OUT" STUFF ...
ABOUT THAT STORY?
WE'VE ALL HEARD THAT STORY.
NOW, DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
OH, THAT'S THE WAY
YOU'LL BE ABLE
IT'S FUN.
OH.
CIGAR?
NO. NO, THANK YOU:
I ... I ONCE STOLE
I DON'T REMEMBER
AREN'T YOU GOING TO
THAT FACULTY FOLLIES AFTER THIS?
HUH. I THOUGHT
OH, YEAH: YOU'LL GET
I STILL HAVEN'T A CHANCE TO ...
OH!
SHE DIDN'T GET IN.
OH, NO!
"STUPID HARVARD"? SHE DIDN'T
EITHER?
NO, JUST HARVARD:
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MOM.
THERE SHE IS!
HI.
I'M SO SORRY.
OH.
UH, THANKS: MOM,
I JUST DON'T REALLY FEEL
HI.
ALONE?
GUESS THEY DON'T NEED US
OH, WELL:
ME TOO.
HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?
STILL GOT IT!
OH.