There you go.
A nice Yummy breakfast.
Hey, where's the little
leprechaun?
Oh, I think he's still
getting dressed.
No, on the box.
This isn't our normal cereal.
Well, because this is
the store brand,
but
it's delicious.
Okay, guess what. I just got
an offer to handle a case.
Good, because I think this
cereal is mostly sawdust.
It is great, it's just there's,
um... slight complication.
It's for Closets,
Closets...
I don't like where
this is going.
Closets...
Don't say it.
Closets.
What did you think
the last word might be?
Mitchell, you can't work
for your father's rival.
Hey, wait.
Why does Grandpa have a rival?
Oh, who knows?
Betrayal.
Because 30 years ago,
your grandfather's
business partner
and best friend,
Earl Chambers,
stole his Rolodex
with all of his clients
and started his own company
on a day that is now known
as Black Wednesday Afternoon.
Nobody calls it that.
Look, I know that there's
some history there,
but can't we all just move on?
Your father hasn't.
He still crank calls
Earl every year
on the anniversary
of the day
that is now known as
Black Wednesday Afternoon.
I really need this job.
At least
tell your dad first
and spare him
the pain I felt
when I found out
you were still
getting your hair cut
at Miguel's.
Wait, what did Miguel
do to you again?
He recommended a shampoo
for thinning hair, Mitchell.
Maybe we can use this to fix
the loose tile in the bathroom.
Hey, Mr. Dunphy, can we have
just a moment of your time?
Come on, now. How long
have we known each other?
We should be on
a first-name basis.
Better yet, a nickname basis,
Vitamin D.
Glad to hear you say that,
'cause, um, we have a favor
to ask you.
You know how Dyl...
Vitamin D has his own
t-shirt business?
Oh, I should've seen
this coming.
Um... yes,
I will model for you,
but I'm gonna need
to own the negatives.
Okay, great.
Also,
we were kind of hoping
that Dylan could stay
in the basement
with me
for a little while.
Oh.
He's trying to save up
to build inventory,
and rent is killing him.
It feels like
they're asking for money,
like, every six weeks.
I don't know, guys.
Moving in together,
that's a big step.
It's just
for a little while.
Please?
I guess
if your mom's okay with it,
I'm okay with it.
Oh, um, and could you
ask her for us?
I'll give it a shot,
but it'll be the second thing
I've talked her into
this morning,
and it'll be a lot trickier
now that she's fully awake.
Hey, hon.
Do you have a minute?
Just.
I can't be late to work.
We are unveiling a new closet
today ... The Trulhatten.
It's Swedish,
it's cheap, it's modern.
We're gonna grab Ikea
by the meatballs.
Listen, I was talking
to Haley and Dylan ...
Ugh.
They want to know if he
can stay in the basement
for a few weeks.
Oh, Phil,
I think that's a bad idea.
They're adults,
and Dylan really has been
getting his act together.
This doesn't bother you?
I don't enjoy having to get
your approval
for everything,
but that's the deal I made.
Haley and Dylan
in her bedroom.
They're doing
what they're doing.
I say we be evolved
about it.
Fine.
If you're really okay
with our precious daughter
shacking up with her
ne'er-do-well boyfriend,
so be it.
I just don't want them sneaking
around like we had to.
The scariest moment of my life
was that pantsless conversation
I had with your dad
through the Dutch door.
How lazy are you?
If you want to talk to us,
just come downstairs.
Luke, I'm at college. I don't
even live there anymore.
And...
you have been missed.
Whatever.
I'll try mom in the car.
I really need to talk to her
about something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm here for you.
What's wrong?
Well, okay.
It's Sanjay.
I feel like he's been
avoiding me.
Whoa.
I know.
He's been really distant.
Uh, tell me all about it.
And don't worry.
Take all the time you need.
Well he never really
texts me back anymore.
Maybe I should confront him
about it?
Yes! Do it!
Yeah. You know what?
You are right.
I'm totally going
to call him right now,
and I'm going to tell him
he can't treat me this way.
No, no, no.
No, no, please don't.
Fine, whatever. I get it.
I'll give him some more space.
You could practice
right now
and take a scootch
to your right.
What?
Who are you talking to?
Oh!
My brother.
He's cute.
Mm.
Hi, Alex's brother.
Hey.
I'm Luke.
Who are you?
Ugh.
Brie.
I live down the hall.
Just borrowing a dress.
Thanks, Alex.
Mm.
Bye.
Bye, Luke.
I-I lift weights!
Hey, what's up?
Manny, you and I
are going to college.
You sure are, buddy.
Who cares what that
guidance counselor said?
Look, there's a girl
in my sister's dorm
who's super into me,
and she's got a hot roommate
for you.
How hot?
Use your imagination.
Holy cow.
I guess it would help
take my mind off of Carly.
Should we talk about
what color ties
we're gonna wear
so we don't clash?
Click.
Manny.
So, who is this Carly?
Carly Stevenson.
She's my cheerleader,
but I don't think
she's too happy about it.
What do you mean
that she's your cheerleader?
It's a football tradition.
They pair each player
with a cheerleader,
and then they're supposed to
decorate the locker,
bake them cookies, wear their
hair the way he likes it.
It's fun for everybody.
Yesterday, all
the other players' lockers
looked like
Mardi Gras floats.
My locker, nothing.
Maybe your Carly's busy,
but I'm sure she's gonna do
something nice for you.
I remember my cheerleader,
Donna Deritzio.
She got busy and did something
nice for me,
if you catch my meaning.
Oh! Mitchell.
You're the first to arrive.
Come on,
I'll make you a drink.
No, dad.
I'm not here for a party.
Oh, good. I thought I forgot
someone's birthday again.
Listen, there's something
I want to talk to you about.
Um, I got an offer
to handle a case,
but I'm a little worried
about who it's for.
What's the matter now?
Killing whales?
Drilling for oil?
Child labor?
'Cause let me
tell you something.
I had a paper route
when I was 7 years old,
and you know
what it gave me?
A work ethic and a right arm
like Popeye.
No, dad, it ...
I'd be working for
Closets, Closets, Closets ...
Next word better not
be closets.
Of course it's Closets!
Now I'm confused.
Are you talking about Closets,
Closets, Closets, Closets,
or Of Course
It's Closets?
'Cause Roy Carson's
a straight shooter,
and poor guy has a son
who's not quite right.
Are you really making me
say this again?
It's Closets, Closets ...
you're not working
for that
Rolodex-stealing
Earl Chambers!
It's just short term,
a few weeks.
You know why
he's doing this?
Because I'm a good lawyer
who handled a similar case
for you last year.
He's doing this
to mess with me!
I was referred
by another lawyer.
I doubt Earl even
knows about it.
That Rolodex was full
of A-list clients.
Your Erik Estradas,
your Fran Tarkentons,
your Leslie Uggums.
I'm sorry,
are these real names?
What about that probate?
Who did you mess that up?
Client's dead.
Okay, this is crazy.
Why am I worried
about your feelings
when you obviously have
no concern for mine?
Y...
I'm taking that job.
It's like a Hatfield
working for a McCoy.
If a Hatfield ever worked
for a McCoy,
maybe it would've ended
that ridiculous family feud.
Richard Dawson!
Also in the Rolodex!
Haley, did you take
my phone charger again?
What?
Do you have my charger?
I can't hear you.
Just text me.
I wish I could!
I really need you to get
your own charger, honey.
Oh, you're both
in the bed together.
Dad, it's fine.
Yeah.
Our room is your room,
Philibuster.
Thank you, Dylan.
Uh, anyway, just, uh,
looking for my charger.
Oh. Sorry, Dad,
it's not here.
Guess I'll just get used
to not having any power.
Carly?
Yeah?
I thought so.
Who are you?
I am Manny's mother,
and I want to know why
you haven't done a better job
at decorating his locker.
Because it's a stupid
sexist tradition.
Why don't the players
decorate our lockers?
That's a very good question
you should have asked yourself
before becoming
a cheerleader.
Here.
Buy yourself
something pretty
and put it
on my son's locker.
Mrs. Delgado-Pritchett,
may I please see you
in my office?
Okay, I want a new cheerleader
for Manny.
Give me this yearbook
and I'm gonna pick one for him.
No. Even if I did think
that was a good idea,
I'm not gonna abuse my position
of power in the school.
You share an office
with a tetherball.
You have to just let nature
take its course,
just like this webcam
I've been watching.
It's a live stream
of wild otters.
I forget,
is it the small hairy men
or the tall not hairy men?
Small hairy, but these are
actual otters. Look.
See, this mama otter
just gave birth to twins.
Now, the little one,
he's struggling,
but do you see
the mama doting on him?
No, you do not.
Well, if you ask me,
she's being a terrible mother.
She should be filling him
with confidence
and fish
like I do to Manny.
High school is difficult.
It's part of the experience.
And that's not
a bad thing.
Learning how to handle
disappointment
and overcoming adversity,
that's part of the reason I am
where I am today.
Chuck, no. No, no, no.
There's no more room in here.
I beg you, please!
Conference room
is down there.
Oh, very nice.
This is
Mr. Chambers' office.
Oh, he's in.
Let me introduce you.
Earl,
am I bothering you?
Nothing's bothering me.
I'm gonna be in Time magazine.
Closet Time.
Shut up.
This is the attorney...
Okay. All right, all right.
handling the Fowler case,
Mitchell...
Just call me Mitchell.
Pritchett.
Pritchett?
Mitch Pritchett.
Son of that son of a bitch
Jay Pritchett?
Reporting for duty.
Don't bother unpacking
that briefcase.
I cannot have a Pritchett
hanging around here.
I got too much
sensitive information
your dad would love
to get his hands on.
That was a takeout menu.
I don't want that man
to know where I eat.
I'm just here
to do a job.
I don't care what happened
between you and my dad
30 years ago.
Has it really been
that long?
I was little when
the whole thing started.
I used to call you
Uncle Earl.
I remember that.
You were a cute kid.
Hey, did you ever solve
that Rubik's Cube?
I got three sides.
Not bad.
What the hell?
You can stay.
Maybe you working here
can be the beginning
of a new chapter
between our two families.
I'll tell you what,
you tell your dad
if he wants to bury the hatchet,
dinner's on me.
Oh, really?
Absolutely.
Oh.
Okay.
I just wish my dad
was as reasonable as you.
Thank you very much.
Now get out of here.
I got to get
my cover shot.
You're not on the cover.
Shut up!
What are you two
doing here?
Reaching out to a family member
in distress.
You sounded pretty upset
yesterday.
So, you drove
all the way down here?
That's so sweet.
Hey, we're here for you.
How are you feeling?
What's new?
Where's your friend
Brie's room?
Ugh. Down the hall
to the left.
Just go.
Do you have a steam iron?
Because I would love to give
this blazer a ...
Ugh.
Hi, honey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm so late.
Work was so crazy today.
From the moment
I got there,
it was just one problem
after another.
But all just
closet stuff, right?
Yeah.
Listen.
I want to apologize about
the whole Dylan thing.
Um... I wasn't taking your
feelings into consideration.
I know how uncomfortable
you are
with him sleeping
in Haley's room, so...
I think
we should reconsider.
Really?
Hey. Look at me.
This is as much your house
as it is mine.
I know that.
Let's go kick him out.
Hey, guys.
Can we talk for a second?
What's up?
Actually,
let's sit down.
There's something pretty
important we need to discuss.
Okay, whoa.
This is exactly
how it started out
when I found out my father
wasn't really in space.
Anyway, um, after some
careful consideration...
Mm-hmm.
your mother
has something to say.
Claire, you're up.
That was the moment
I realized
Phil wanted me
to kick Dylan out
so he could be the cool one.
Well, I can be cool, too.
I'm cooler than cool.
I'm frigid.
Mom, what is it?
We were thinking
about having pizza
for dinner.
Whoa!
Mm-hmm.
Claire.
I know we had it a couple
of days ago,
but I'm too tired
to cook. Hmm.
I'm gonna go change
my clothes.
Claire, um... honey.
That was weird.
You know what's weird?
Thinking your dad's
on the moon,
then seeing him
working at the mall.
Claire, what was that?
I thought we were giving
Dylan the boot.
Yeah, but then
I suddenly realized
I'm being so unfair.
You like
having Dylan here.
Yeah, but ...
Honey, look at me.
This is as much
your house as mine.
It is?
Now go order the pizza.
It's getting late and those two
are heading off to bed soon.
Oh, hey, Mitchell,
you're in luck.
There's room for another knife
in my back.
I just came here
to tell you to your face
that you're wrong
about Earl.
He is not that bad a guy.
I've seen him
eat a panda steak.
He is a little rough
around the edges,
but, look, he wants
the rivalry to end.
Never!
You know,
he's not the problem.
You are. You.
So blinded by pettiness.
You can't even see when a man's
extending an Olive branch,
and ... oh, my God.
What?
I just realized there are
two sides to every story,
and who am I
to discount yours?
We should go inside
and we should ...
You were saying?
Nothing. I'm never saying
anything ever again.
Gloria?
No.
Gloria.
Yes.
Streamers,
twinkle lights.
"Sexy Manny"?
I hope there's a number
to a good therapist in here.
I don't have time
for this.
What is this?
Well, well, well.
Would you look at that?
I said to leave things alone,
and what do you know?
The cheerleader came through,
so apology accepted.
What are you
talking about?
She did this
because I scared her.
Well, whether we were both right
or just me,
the point is things
worked themselves out,
so I think we can go home.
Carly, hello.
Thank you so much for doing such
a great job on Manny's locker.
I haven't
decorated it yet.
What?
But then who would ...
well, I guess we'll never
know, so...
Cameron.
Okay, fine, I did it.
What happened with letting
mother nature take its course
like the otters
in your computer?
The little one's dead.
What?
The mother, she did nothing
while an eagle pecked it apart.
Nature is cruel.
Ah.
You decorated
Manny's locker?
I decorated eight of them.
This tradition's on fumes.
All right.
So, this is it, huh?
The rat's nest.
Well, well, well,
aloha, Jack Lord.
I remember you
from my Rolodex.
I'm so embarrassed.
I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, at least
you finally realized
this is not
some silly rivalry.
Now let me get at his cigars
so I can drag my deal across it.
Okay, I have to say,
the Scotch is starting
to wear off
and I'm having second thoughts
about this plan, dad.
What's there
to think about?
You take a picture of me
dragging my deal
across the cigars,
we give him enough time
to smoke them,
and we send the photo
to Earl.
First of all,
Earl will then
have a picture of you
with your pants down,
and I'll have
that same picture
in my brain
for the rest of my life.
Suddenly you're squeamish about
seeing another man's deal?
The man made a fool of you,
Mitchell!
You're right.
I'm overthinking it.
Whip it out.
Keep your deal in your pants,
Pritchett!
Okay, does everybody
call it a deal?
How have I
never heard of this?
You've gone too far
this time, Earl.
Bringing my family
into this.
Yeah. How could you?
I trusted you.
I defended you
to my father,
and you made me
look like a fool!
And all for what?
Closets.
You mean the place
that people start each day,
choosing an outfit
that gives them
the confidence to achieve
their dreams?
Or that magical space
that turns a bonus room
into a bedroom
and a house into a home?
Thanks to cheap materials,
your closets turn a house
into a fire trap!
We pleaded no contest.
That is not an admission
of guilt.
I'm doing it.
I'm taking my deal out.
The hell you are!
Get! Get!
I'll crush your skull
like an egg!
And they say by the end
of the semester,
we'll know how
to sequence a genome.
I don't know
about genomes,
but on my father's side
of the family,
we do have a garden gnome.
He uses a mushroom
as an umbrella.
Manny, you're up.
Can I just say
it's so amazing
spending some time
with you two.
I am so sick
of superficial,
self-absorbed
high-school girls.
Oh, my God,
I hated high-school girls.
The worst
are cheerleaders.
They used to make fun of me
behind my back brace.
Well,
brace yourself for this.
You look hot now.
Manny, you're up.
Forgive my friend.
It's just that you two
are so beautiful,
it's a little intimidating.
Okay.
College isn't going
the way we thought.
Neither of us has kissed a guy
since we got here.
So...
You mean us?
Yeah.
Now?
In accordance
with campus regulations,
you have our consent.
Yes!
Thank you.
I'll be right back.
Gum, gum, gum.
I need gum.
I don't have any.
Thanks.
I finally got through
to Sanjay.
Um... sounds personal.
I don't want to stick my nose
into your ...
He broke up with me.
He's seeing someone else.
Um, you probably want to be
alone right now.
I am alone.
Hey.
Come on.
You'll be okay.
That's, uh...
That's really all I got.
Luke, hurry up.
They're starting to come
to their senses.
Go. It's fine.
I'm gonna stay with Alex.
Is there anything
I can do?
I don't think so.
Okay, pray for me.
Well, there you are.
Didn't quite work out
like we planned,
but I did get that staple
in his head.
You have to understand I did it
for the right reasons.
I was ... I was just looking out
for my family,
but...
you're my family, too.
You know what the best part
of tonight was?
It wasn't just
me against Earl.
It was us against him.
I liked that.
I did too. Yeah.
And I promise I will never side
with anyone else ever again.
Unless, of course,
you're wrong,
'cause I still do have
my principles.
okay.
Just get out of the car.
First I have
to give you this.
It's my old Rolodex!
Yeah.
I stole it
out of his office.
But how? When?
You guys were rolling around
under that desk
for about 10 minutes.
After I grabbed it, I had time
to return some e-mails.
Thank you for this.
It's a huge deal.
That word's kind of tainted
for me now, so...
You guys cold?
I can turn up the heat,
get you out from underneath
that blanket.
We're good, L.A.P.D.
As bad as I wanted Dylan out,
I wasn't gonna flinch.
Phil needed to do it.
He needed to be as tough
as that eagle on the Internet.
Dumb otter never saw it coming.
Oh, stop!
That tickles!
Uh!
You all right, Phil?
Yeah,
just enjoying the movie.
Oh, you are?
It's not even scary.
Like, that is the lamest
sea monster I've ever seen.
That's 'cause
you can see it.
It is way scarier
if you can only imagine
what's going on
beneath the surface.
Aah!
That's it!
I'm done!
Oh!
Haley, Dylan,
this little living arrangement
of yours,
it's not working out
and it's about to change.
Dad, why are you
freaking out?
Because I'm your father
and I can't have the two of you
sleeping together
in the same room
like it's no big deal.
So, from now on, you're gonna
show me the respect I deserve
and sneak around
behind my back.
Do what, now?
I don't understand.
Starting tonight,
you're sleeping
in Alex's room,
and if there's any
monkey business,
better happen
after I'm asleep.
Are you serious?
I'm okay with that.
Me too.
I'm not okay with that.
I'm not okay
with any of that.
Haley, you need to start
focusing on your job.
Dylan,
you're moving out tomorrow.
End of discussion!
Sorry.
I'm not the cool mom.
Not the cool mom.
Hey, guys, I tried.
Thanks.
What are you doing
in my bed?
Waiting for your dad
to fall asleep.
What is going on in here?
Alex, why are you home?
Sanjay broke up with me.
Aww. Ohh.
Sweetheart.
Everything will be fine.
Just go sleep with Haley.
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