Okay, five Newtonian
equations down.
Only seven quantum mechanical
proofs to go!
We are cooking
with C-H-4.
Ohh!
Cooking with gas.
And they're both single,
fellas.
Come on, guys.
Can't we just have one day
where we respect and support
one another?
Hello, family.
There was an incident
this morning
at our annual neighborhood
block party.
Cam usually provides the
entertainment at these things,
but he had Lily's birthday
party, so Phil volunteered.
Who needs a Fizbo
if you can have a Philbo?
What?
I mean, where does it end?
It's so long!
It's comically long,
when you think about it.
Thing is,
Phil's terrified of clowns.
Just thought if I was the clown,
I wouldn't be scared.
Like how you can't
tickle yourself.
Sebastian, no!
I got this!
Sebastian!
Your mom's worried
about you, buddy,
even though there's absolutely
no reason to be ...
Smell ... Oh, God.
S-s-s-clowns!
Honey.
They were everywhere.
I recognize that I embarrassed
the family this morning,
but I assure you that ...
Phil, honey, just come on
over here for one second.
Just a sec.
Honey, you are not the first
person to put on a clown outfit,
walk into
a hall of mirrors, and ...
I guess
what I'm saying is
if you think you need to do
something to make up for that,
don't think that.
- No!
Oh, my God,
the computer froze!
- Daddy to the rescue!
- Um...
Well, I feel heard.
Yeah, you know what, Dad?
I-I think it's okay.
I just need to do
a hard reset ...
No, I don't think
it's a reset issue.
I think the surge protector
just blew.
I am going to plug this bad boy
directly into the wall and ...
(thunder crashes,
electricity zaps)
Oh, my God!
You fried my computer!
All of our work is gone!
Honey, calm down.
These hard drives are designed
to withstand temperatures
of up ...
- Aaaah!
- Oh, my God, it's on fire!
Damn it.
What is wrong?
Huh? Nothing.
You know, I totally forgot
some of my Navy buddies
are meeting downtown later
for a little reunion
at O'Brien's pub.
Well, nothing special
is happening here today,
so you have
permission to go.
Well, I don't really need
your permission.
Why don't you just keep quiet
and take yes for an answer?
Ay, there's my handsome,
perfect, amazing boy!
Still not going
on the class trip.
Why are you being such a dummy?
Is this because I ...
Mom, I don't want
to talk about it.
Why am I the only one
in this house
that ever wants to talk
about things?
Ay, papi, what is wrong?
Not now.
Okay, that's it.
If the men in this house
don't start talking to me,
I swear to God that I will
make life miserable
for each and every one
of you!
(thunder crashes,
electricity zapping)
No, not yet.
Oh, don't tell me the power
just went out!
My Sleep Number bed is stuck
on the nap setting.
Calm down. This is exactly why
I sprung for a new generator.
Which, you're welcome,
just kicked in.
Now, granted,
it doesn't power everything.
I had to make
some hard choices.
Hmm. That's it?
The bar and the pool table?
The frigerator's black.
Okay, Jay, you're not leaving
until you put power
in the important things.
I swear to God, don't make me
more mad than I already am!
Can't I just do it
when I get back?
Would you stop doing that?
It's Lily's 8th birthday,
and we had a little
backyard party planned.
Hot dogs, some balloons ...
you know, I mean, we really
just threw it together.
Kind of like my birthday party
last year.
Okay, you told me that you did
not want me to do anything ...
Anyway, we were all set
for a casual kids' party,
but then
Lily got an e-mail.
She's coming! She's coming!
She's coming! Ashley's coming!
Ashley's coming?
Mitchell,
Ashley's coming!
Oh, my God!
Well, now, wait a minute.
Ashley S. or Ashley W.?
"W"!
Ashley W.'s coming!
Ashley is the most popular girl
in Lily's class.
I mean, you invite her...
Yeah.
but you never think
she's gonna accept.
No. Something must have fallen
through, or ...
The point is, she decides
who's in and who's out.
So we had to up our game.
Which was a fun challenge.
Yeah, considering
it had been a while
since we'd thrown any sort of
fabulous birthday party.
You begged me not to make
a fuss. You said ...
Oh, because that sounds
like me, yeah.
All right.
Once Sophie boards the bus,
we will be on our way
to the Princess Park,
where we will all pick out
our princess costumes!
I think Ashley's having
a really good time.
Yeah?
How can you tell?
She's still here.
(thunder crashes,
girls scream)
Oh!
Oh, no!
Is it raining?
Not to worry, sweetie.
We have parasols.
Oh!
Oh...
It worked!
Good. I powered up
all your essentials.
Now I'm gonna go meet
my buddies.
I see my espresso machine
didn't make the cut,
but I'll manage.
One of the guys I'm meeting
was lost at sea once.
Had to eat a jellyfish.
I'll speak to him
of your courage.
So, power's out.
Had to come over real quick.
Phil got dressed up
as a clown
and then had a panic attack
in a hall of mirrors,
so he's gonna be looking to
overcompensate for a lot,
so please don't indulge
in any of his ...
- Hey, Jay.
- Right here.
I remembered you had
a generator.
I'm just gonna upload
a few quick files for Alex.
Don't ask.
I never do.
I can't open the jar.
Well, lucky for you
your uncle ...
brother-in-law Phil
is here.
And with one mighty twi...
We should be...
Bloop! Bloop!
good to go.
Oh!
- Dad!
- No!
- No, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
Dad, stop helping!
Ugh!
Hey, monster.
Hey, you.
Andy and I started out
pretty hot and heavy,
but, uh, the last few weeks
I've just been super busy,
so I guess he's feeling
neglected,
and he's acting a little cold.
I mean, a chuck on the arm?
What are we,
Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer?
Those are people, right?
Ay, there's a puddle!
Stella or Joe.
I'll see you
in a couple of hours.
No, no, no, no!
Look, it's a leak,
because it's coming
through the wall.
Most likely
your gutter's backed up.
Consider it handled.
Please don't ask me.
Luke!
To the gutters!
Okay, princesses,
your castle awaits!
What gives?
The roads were starting
to flood,
so we were hoping to ride out
the storm here.
Yeah, sure.
Also, Dad, we're hoping to keep
the princess theme alive,
so if you could pretend
to be a ...
Interested?
No.
- Okay.
Ladies, it's costume time!
We have...
Costumes!
Belle, we have Elsa,
we have Ariel!
Costumes?
Ew, costumes.
What are we, 5?
Okay.
Uh, okay,
so, that's happening.
Hey, Ashley hates
the costumes.
You got to think
of something else!
What do we do?
Well, I don't know.
Our friends are basically
8-year-old girls.
What would they
want to do?
Dance party!
Yeah? Yeah?
Okay. Okay, girls.
Uh, let's get some music started
here, huh?
Oh. Oh, God, Cam,
there's no power.
There's Cam power.
What is that?
Well, had I listened to you
and we not donated to NPR,
we wouldn't have gotten
this free emergency radio
that we then re-gifted
to Jay and Gloria.
I wouldn't call $19 a month
free, but okay.
All right, let's get a little
funk in here, ladies!
Oooh!
Okay.
Little more funky energy
in this thing!
Got to warm up,
you know?
Got to get it warmed up!
I don't know what's wrong
with me.
This is my
butter-churning arm.
Third drawer
from the left.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Thank you.
What's with the robe?
I had to go outside and cover
my drought-resistant garden.
Timing, right?
Well, anyway, there's no power
in my room,
and I wasn't gonna get dressed
in the dark, so...
Ohh!
Whoa!
How crazy is your dad, huh?
Braving the elements!
Keeping the family dry!
That is fur!
What's the plan, Luke?
There are no bad ideas,
but waving a metal shovel around
in an electrical storm
could have a downside,
so let's put it back
in the garage, huh?
Whoa, that was close!
Oh, my God!
Not again!
Oh, honey,
you're gonna be fine.
I can't believe you let him
get struck again!
Again?
Don't worry about it,
champ.
I don't even think
it hit him.
Last time he smelled
like aluminum.
Last time?
Honey, your father and I
are trying to talk.
Okay, everyone.
Don't feel like you have to wait
for me to get back.
Jay!
The leak is growing!
I was just
on my way back out.
- I'll do it.
- But ...
Sit!
That's a silly excuse not
to go to your school trip.
Mom, I've made
my decision.
Oh.
- Oh. Hey.
Hey.
What's going on here?
I could cut the tension
with my machete.
It's so... nothing.
I mean
Manny got his robe
caught in
the refrigerator door,
and I may have
accidentally seen...
him.
Oh, you saw.
Okay.
Manny, it's over.
What happened happened.
It's done.
Okay, good,
because I have a problem
and I need your help,
Claire.
Yes. You got it.
What is it?
Well, Manny doesn't want to go
to his school trip
because there is a rumor
that the kids want to go
skinny-dipping,
and he's self-conscious
about his body.
I'm gonna pretend
I don't understand
why you're including me
in this conversation.
I'm just saying ...
You could tell him
since you already peeped.
I didn't peep.
Tell him that he has
a beautiful body
so at least something good
comes out of the peeping.
Please stop saying that.
When I see Luke naked,
I am going to tell him,
"Luke, you have
a beautiful body."
"When"?
Maybe she doesn't think
I have a beautiful body.
Ohh.
iAy, dios mÃ­o!
Claire, is this true?
No!
Okay, I can't do this.
I'm ... I'm just gonna go ahead
and walk away now.
But if a bolt of lightning
should strike this house,
you can send it my way.
Oh!
Okay.
What ... they didn't like
the peanut-butter sandwiches?
No. No one would touch them
after Ashley said,
"Crunchy?"
Shh! What are you, crazy?
She's right there.
Ugh!
This is ridiculous.
Are we really gonna let an
8-year-old dictate this party?
You know
how peer pressure is.
I had an Ashley
when I was Lily's age.
She blackballed me
from the cafeteria table,
and then no one
would sit with me.
I had to eat outside
with the class rooster.
And then one day ...
Okay, if this ends
in another case
of you almost eating one of
your animal friends, I can't.
Look, okay. This is ... This is
what I'm gonna do.
If we get Ashley on board,
everything else will just fall
into place.
I convince juries that
guilty people are innocent.
I can certainly
convince Ashley
that our party ideas
are dope.
Yeah,
but don't say dope.
I won't say dope.
Ugh. Hey, Ash.
So, listen.
Oops.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, good call.
Um, I'm thinking about kicking
this party up a notch,
more grown-up activi...
I-I-It's still...
Yeah. Yes, it is.
My word.
Kind of
a tweener on sizes.
And we always tend to go
smaller, don't we?
I mean, human nature,
am I right?
Anyway, um, a lot
of high-school girls
are really just falling in love
with Pictionary,
and I sort of ... um, uh...
Oh, gosh.
Cam bought me this shirt,
and I...
can't believe I just tried
to blame Cam.
Mitchell, take responsibility ...
You eat bread, you billow.
Anyway...
your shirt is really nice,
and I ...
- Hey.
- Yeah. Take the call.
Nobody.
Bye, Ash.
Hey, sexy!
What's all this?
Oh, just a little something
special for "U" and "I".
I would put those away.
Joe goes crazy if you play
with his blocks.
Maybe it's time for us
to get a little crazy.
Come here.
I was afraid of this.
This is why I was trying
to slow things down with Haley.
Women are always drawn
to me physically
in a very intense way,
which often fizzles out
before we have a chance
to connect emotionally.
So...
Yes?
There are so many
things about you
that I just don't know.
I feel, in the Book of Haley,
I'm only in chapter one.
Turn the page for me, girl.
What?
Would it help you to open up
if I were to brush your hair?
You mean in a hot way?
I got us some wine.
You know
what would be better?
Two cups
of soothing green tea
to warm our emotional
availability.
Ooh, the places we will go.
I'll be right back.
I hope this doesn't
sound conceited,
but everyone wants me.
I just knew there had to be
a rational reason
Andy was rejecting me.
Beth's Coast Guard uniform.
I can't believe
he's not over her.
She's a size six!
Hey!
Who moved my blocks?
Okay, so, Vi equals 367 meters
per second,
and D equals.00214,
so th...
Alex, did you know I was struck
by lightning?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not right now. Maisie, continue.
Uh... I lost it.
So... can we talk
about my thing now?
Okay, look,
you're really hot,
and under
the right circumstances,
I could see myself making out
with you, but ...
Ew.
But we're trying
to re-create
all the work that we lost on the
computer this morning, so...
Also, every time
you open your mouth,
you let out a cloud of stupid
over the entire room.
Wow.
I don't want to be in here
with you losers anyway.
And another thing ...
can we circle back
to what Maisie just said?
Get out!
- Hey. Back already?
- Never left.
And now the pool's
a centimeter
from overflowing
right in the house.
I got to pump the pool.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Jay, I want you
in that bar,
and I need to feel
like a man.
Let me pump your pool.
All right. One hose in the pool,
the other one ...
Jay, shh.
It's me.
You're right.
I'll do it.
No, no, no, no, no.
I got it. I got it.
Gloria, I'll be back
in a couple hours!
What the ... Son of a bitch!
Who left the door open?
Stella!
She probably got outside.
Who the hell
left the door open?
- Not me!
- Nope.
Oh, God.
What have I done?
Stella!
Stella?
All set, here, Jay!
Working like a charm!
Admit it!
You didn't think I could
actually ... Aaah!
Aaah!
Oh, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
Wha... Well, Phil had this
in his trunk...
and I didn't have
faith in your "talk to
Ashley" plan, so ...
So you decided to go
with Bleeding Clown?
Well, how did your talk
with Ashley go?
It ...
Is your shirt stapled?
Yea...
Don't worry about it.
Okay, I will not have
our daughter eat lunch
with a rooster
for the next year.
We have a fully-licensed clown
right here.
And I defy any child to not be
delighted by that!
A clown.
You don't like clowns?
Please.
You know what?
Shut up, Ashley!
Jay! Jay.
The water is coming inside
the house from the pool!
Of course it is.
Because Phil was supposed
to pump it out!
Actually,
there's an emergency valve.
At the north end of
the pool. I know that valve.
I'm gonna open
that valve.
Haven't you done
enough already?
Please!
I need this!
And who else
would dare to jump
in that pool right now
anyway?
Me!
I'm not sure
about the rest of you,
but I'm going swimming,
in the rain, in my clothes!
Pool party!
Okay.
I am not gonna ...
Can I come?
Um...
Do whatever you want,
Ashley.
Yeah.
Is she following?
Don't look back.
Everybody stand back!
I opened the valve!
I'm happy for her.
Your husband's
outside half naked.
There's still time
to go downstairs
and body shame him
if you like.
Okay. Let's you and me get this
over with.
Huh.
Okay, you're really putting
on mixed signals here.
Please stop talking.
Okay.
Of course you're insecure
about your body.
You're a teenager.
It's part of the job
description.
But if this whole skinny-dipping
thing ever even happens,
you have nothing
to worry about.
- Easy for you to ...
- You're still talking.
You have nothing
to worry about
because nobody's going to be
looking at you,
because all
those other kids
are gonna be too preoccupied
with their own insecurities.
But I-if they do?
(inhales sharply,
sighs)
You'll be fine.
You're the most confident kid
I have ever met,
and that is always sexy.
Thanks, Claire.
Mm.
And if this helps you
in any way,
I've always found
you sexy, too.
Super.
Oh, God.
Stop pouting!
That's so not you.
Who cares that you dressed up
as a clown,
then scared yourself
in many mirrors?
Actually, what's even
more embarrassing
is that I thought if I ran
into that fun house
and grabbed that kid,
everyone would
look at me
like the hero I always
wanted to be.
Correction.
What's most embarrassing
is everything I've done
since then
to try to make up
for the first thing.
What are you talking about?
"Hero"?
You're so much more
than that.
You have flaws.
You fall down a lot.
You frighten yourself.
You cannot even open a jar.
You cry all the time.
I'm really ready for this
to build into a compliment.
The point is that you are
comfortable with yourself,
and you make people around you
feel comfortable.
They feel that they
can talk to you.
That's your superpower!
Pool's drained, leaks are fixed,
generator's running,
and I'm meeting
my buddies.
Why, Jay?
Why you have to go out?
It's a hurricane outside!
I just do.
I think you probably
loosened it with the ...
Don't.
Here's your
precious uniform!
That's Beth's.
Oh, so you admit you're still
in love with her!
What? Ow!
Just saying "Hey."
Hurts, doesn't it?
Haley!
Stop!
What are you doing?
You won't kiss me.
You won't even touch me.
And then I find
Beth's uniform?
So you tell me, okay?
What do you do with it
anyway?
You ... You ... You sniff it?
You snuggle it?
You put it on a coat rack
and dance with it?
I'm sending Beth's things
back to her,
and I got her uniform pressed
because I love my country.
So, y-you and Beth, you ...
There is no Beth.
There's only you.
I'm just trying to
slow us down a little.
We kind of started this whole
thing off in the middle.
I just want us to
catch up emotionally
to where we are physically
so we don't burn out.
We're not going
to burn out.
I liked you way before
we ever hooked up.
I just want our relationship
to be as good as our affair.
I mean, we never even had
a romantic first date.
I know.
Maybe we should wait
for the perfect moment
so we can start
our relationship right.
Something special and magical,
like in the movies.
What do
you want me to do,
chase you through
an airport?
I think we got it.
Oh, yeah.
Come on!
A damn tree's blocking
the street.
I need my chainsaw.
Jay, I know you didn't ask
my advice ...
I'm glad you noticed that.
I've been stuck here all day.
Now, I'm going
to that bar!
The last thing I need's
another delay.
Where the hell's
the chainsaw?
It's right there.
I'm not gonna get there,
am I?
We don't have to talk
about it.
Old Navy buddy of mine,
Big Jake, died today.
Guys in my unit
have a tradition
whereas, when one of us goes,
the rest of us,
no matter where we are,
find the nearest Irish pub,
and at 7:00,
silently toast the fallen.
Started with 10 guys.
Four of us left.
Probably should have told
Gloria about it,
but I don't know.
We...
We all went through
some rough stuff together and...
Hard to talk about.
Thanks.
Phil.
Why can't we remember
this last piece?
We just had it
this morning.
Hey, guys.
I know you're busy,
but do you think being hit
by lightning
can make people smarter?
Get out of here.
Huh.
What ...
Yeah.
It's probably just a myth.
There's so much crazy stuff
written on the Internet
these days.
Turns out, when they figured it
out the first time,
the formula was in the
background of a selfie I took.
Anyway, if you don't think
lightning can do that,
it must not be true.
After all, you are the smartest
people I know.
Captions by VITAC :