1 00:00:03,660 --> 00:00:05,160 Great. 2 00:00:03,660 --> 00:00:05,160 The karaoke machine. 3 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,326 Thanks, Uncle Mitch. 4 00:00:06,326 --> 00:00:07,868 It's Cam's, 5 00:00:06,326 --> 00:00:07,868 and he loves it. 6 00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:09,826 He's never more 7 00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:09,826 than two glasses of wine away 8 00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:11,910 from treating us all 9 00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:11,910 to an impromptu concert. 10 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:13,618 It's 100 bucks 11 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:13,618 if you break it. 12 00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,410 Really? 13 00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,410 Do you want more? 14 00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,076 Who's America's favorite 15 00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,076 TV mom? 16 00:00:18,076 --> 00:00:19,868 Could it be June... 17 00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:21,076 Cleaver? 18 00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:22,701 That must make me 19 00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:22,701 the Beaver. 20 00:00:22,701 --> 00:00:25,118 I can't hear too well. 21 00:00:22,701 --> 00:00:25,118 How hard is Luke laughing? 22 00:00:25,118 --> 00:00:26,326 Don't waste this gold 23 00:00:25,118 --> 00:00:26,326 on me. 24 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:27,826 Get over 25 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:27,826 to the Hendersons' party, 26 00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:30,826 put your keys in a bowl, 27 00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:30,826 do the Hustle. 28 00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:32,201 Relax. 29 00:00:32,201 --> 00:00:33,368 Your uncool parents 30 00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:34,826 aren't gonna hang 31 00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:34,826 around your party 32 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,160 and make it all lame. 33 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,076 Of course not. 34 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,076 Hey. 35 00:00:39,076 --> 00:00:42,326 I just heard a story about a kid 36 00:00:39,076 --> 00:00:42,326 who had an unsupervised party 37 00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:44,701 and one of the guests 38 00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:44,701 broke his leg 39 00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:46,618 because he jumped 40 00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:46,618 off the roof onto a trampoline 41 00:00:46,618 --> 00:00:47,785 and sued the parents. 42 00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:49,618 We have a trampoline. 43 00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:49,618 And a roof. 44 00:00:49,618 --> 00:00:50,868 I need to know 45 00:00:49,618 --> 00:00:50,868 that you're joking. 46 00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:52,993 Mom, I have everything 47 00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:52,993 under control. 48 00:00:52,993 --> 00:00:55,035 Claire, come on! 49 00:00:55,035 --> 00:00:57,035 He's a responsible 50 00:00:55,035 --> 00:00:57,035 young man! 51 00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:59,326 Have a little faith 52 00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:59,326 in your son. 53 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,951 These are 54 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,951 all the emergency numbers. 55 00:01:00,951 --> 00:01:02,951 That's Fire, Police, 56 00:01:00,951 --> 00:01:02,951 Poison Control, 57 00:01:00,951 --> 00:01:02,951 Homeland Security. 58 00:01:02,951 --> 00:01:04,618 You're in charge. 59 00:01:04,618 --> 00:01:06,576 I mean, unless you... 60 00:01:04,618 --> 00:01:06,576 happen to have other plans. 61 00:01:06,576 --> 00:01:08,618 Yeah, let's just pretend 62 00:01:06,576 --> 00:01:08,618 I partied too hard last night. 63 00:01:08,618 --> 00:01:09,701 You're an animal. 64 00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,743 Ugh! 65 00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,743 Hmm? 66 00:01:10,743 --> 00:01:12,076 Dang it! 67 00:01:10,743 --> 00:01:12,076 What's wrong? 68 00:01:12,076 --> 00:01:13,243 Is this flower straight? 69 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:14,660 I don't know. 70 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:14,660 Oh! 71 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,076 Halloween prank! 72 00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:18,826 That's payback 73 00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:18,826 from last year. 74 00:01:18,826 --> 00:01:20,410 A Pritchett 75 00:01:18,826 --> 00:01:20,410 always pays his debts. 76 00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,160 I have no idea 77 00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,160 what you're talking about. 78 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,701 The Friedmans' 79 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,701 pool party. 80 00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:25,618 That's what I say. 81 00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,868 What is ... 82 00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,868 Classic. 83 00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,576 The old fly 84 00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,576 in the plastic ice cube gag. 85 00:01:29,576 --> 00:01:31,535 Very funny! 86 00:01:29,576 --> 00:01:31,535 Very ... 87 00:01:31,535 --> 00:01:32,618 No! 88 00:01:32,618 --> 00:01:34,160 Ha, ha! 89 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,826 You're melting! 90 00:01:35,826 --> 00:01:37,993 You're melting! 91 00:01:37,993 --> 00:01:40,535 I did the ice cube. 92 00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,701 Well, now you're the one 93 00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,701 who's wet. 94 00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:44,826 Not really. 95 00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:44,826 Most of it's on the floor. 96 00:01:44,826 --> 00:01:46,826 Phil, are you okay? 97 00:01:46,826 --> 00:01:48,451 I'm fine. Yeah. 98 00:01:48,451 --> 00:01:50,243 Hey, you know 99 00:01:48,451 --> 00:01:50,243 what the Beaver said 100 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,743 when he slipped 101 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,743 in water? 102 00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,243 Damn it? 103 00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,243 Damn it. 104 00:02:07,368 --> 00:02:09,660 Jay, as a Catholic, 105 00:02:07,368 --> 00:02:09,660 I do not feel right about this. 106 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:11,410 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 107 00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:13,743 It's the perfect family costume. 108 00:02:13,743 --> 00:02:16,868 It doesn't even make sense. 109 00:02:13,743 --> 00:02:16,868 Joe should be the Jesus. 110 00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,160 Yeah! 111 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,660 "Joe" 112 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,660 short for "Joseph." 113 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,951 "Jay" 114 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,951 short for "Jaysus." 115 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:23,910 It's the only way 116 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:23,910 it makes sense. 117 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,451 But he's the child. 118 00:02:25,451 --> 00:02:26,743 You're overthinking it. 119 00:02:26,743 --> 00:02:28,701 Huh? 120 00:02:26,743 --> 00:02:28,701 You get who this is, right? 121 00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:29,618 Harriet Tub Man? 122 00:02:30,785 --> 00:02:32,118 Oh, Joyce Carol Floats. 123 00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:35,576 Farrah Faucet, 124 00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:35,576 spelled F-A-U ... 125 00:02:35,576 --> 00:02:36,826 Yeah, I get it. 126 00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:38,326 And why are you 127 00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:38,326 only guessing women? 128 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,576 I'm Dalton Trumbo, 129 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,576 blacklisted screenwriter, 130 00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:42,160 wrote in a bathtub. 131 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,618 I'm a little worried that 132 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,618 because of the movie, 133 00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,201 a lot of people 134 00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,201 will have this costume. 135 00:02:45,201 --> 00:02:47,243 I think you're good. 136 00:02:45,201 --> 00:02:47,243 Nobody going to Luke's party 137 00:02:47,243 --> 00:02:49,076 will ever be able 138 00:02:47,243 --> 00:02:49,076 to figure out that costume. 139 00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:51,076 Yeah, that's why I'm going 140 00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:51,076 to a different party. 141 00:02:51,076 --> 00:02:53,451 You're not skipping Luke's party 142 00:02:51,076 --> 00:02:53,451 to go to someone else's. 143 00:02:53,451 --> 00:02:55,368 There's going to be 144 00:02:53,451 --> 00:02:55,368 a million people at Luke's. 145 00:02:55,368 --> 00:02:57,368 He's not going to care 146 00:02:55,368 --> 00:02:57,368 whether or not I attend. 147 00:02:57,368 --> 00:03:01,076 Manny, is this because Luke 148 00:02:57,368 --> 00:03:01,076 beat you for class president? 149 00:03:01,076 --> 00:03:04,535 Why can't you get over 150 00:03:01,076 --> 00:03:04,535 this devastating humiliation? 151 00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:06,118 Because something 152 00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:06,118 keeps me reminding me. 153 00:03:06,118 --> 00:03:07,535 But it has nothing to do 154 00:03:06,118 --> 00:03:07,535 with that. 155 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,868 Sophie Chambers 156 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,868 is throwing a party 157 00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:10,493 with a much more 158 00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:10,493 sophisticated crow... 159 00:03:10,493 --> 00:03:12,618 You're not going to any party 160 00:03:10,493 --> 00:03:12,618 thrown by any member 161 00:03:12,618 --> 00:03:14,826 of that crooked 162 00:03:12,618 --> 00:03:14,826 Earl Chambers' family. 163 00:03:14,826 --> 00:03:17,826 That bastard stole my closet 164 00:03:14,826 --> 00:03:17,826 company right out from under me! 165 00:03:17,826 --> 00:03:19,493 No, no, no, no, no. 166 00:03:19,493 --> 00:03:21,618 Don't say the word "bastard" 167 00:03:19,493 --> 00:03:21,618 when you're dressed like Jesus! 168 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,701 And you ... 169 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,701 never turn your back on family. 170 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:26,951 My cousin Gomez skipped 171 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:26,951 my other cousin Gomez's party, 172 00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:30,368 and my cousin Gomez felt 173 00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:30,368 completely stabbed in the back. 174 00:03:30,368 --> 00:03:32,201 Because he ... 175 00:03:30,368 --> 00:03:32,201 Because he was. 176 00:03:32,201 --> 00:03:35,035 Come on. The party's going to be 177 00:03:32,201 --> 00:03:35,035 at Sophie's grandpa's mansion. 178 00:03:35,035 --> 00:03:36,826 It's the social event 179 00:03:35,035 --> 00:03:36,826 of the season. 180 00:03:36,826 --> 00:03:39,160 - You're going to Luke's! 181 00:03:36,826 --> 00:03:39,160 - That's not fair! 182 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,035 You heard your mother! 183 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,035 You're going to Luke's! 184 00:03:41,035 --> 00:03:42,785 You're going to Earl's. 185 00:03:41,035 --> 00:03:42,785 What? 186 00:03:42,785 --> 00:03:44,576 You're gonna put dead fish 187 00:03:42,785 --> 00:03:44,576 in his shoes. 188 00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:46,910 And I'm gonna cover for you 189 00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:46,910 if your mother gets suspicious. 190 00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:48,035 Where am I going 191 00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:48,035 to hide fish? 192 00:03:48,035 --> 00:03:49,118 You're in a bathtub! 193 00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,785 Happy Halloween! 194 00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,785 Thank you. 195 00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,785 Happy Halloween. 196 00:03:52,785 --> 00:03:54,201 They just took one, 197 00:03:52,785 --> 00:03:54,201 right? 198 00:03:52,785 --> 00:03:54,201 Yes. 199 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:55,993 How much candy 200 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:55,993 do we have to hand out 201 00:03:55,993 --> 00:03:57,451 before I go 202 00:03:55,993 --> 00:03:57,451 trick-or-treating? 203 00:03:57,451 --> 00:03:59,076 Can't I just take a knife 204 00:03:57,451 --> 00:03:59,076 and go by myself? 205 00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:00,076 No! 206 00:04:00,076 --> 00:04:01,701 No one would mess with me. 207 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,743 I told you she was too young 208 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,743 for "West Side Story." 209 00:04:05,743 --> 00:04:07,910 Hmm. 210 00:04:05,743 --> 00:04:07,910 W-What are you doing? 211 00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:10,076 What? It's my one and only 212 00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:10,076 candy bar for the night. 213 00:04:10,076 --> 00:04:11,576 No more Snickers. 214 00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:13,368 If you don't want to hear 215 00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:13,368 any more snickers 216 00:04:13,368 --> 00:04:15,743 then don't pretend 217 00:04:13,368 --> 00:04:15,743 that's your last candy bar. 218 00:04:15,743 --> 00:04:18,660 Cam doesn't react well 219 00:04:15,743 --> 00:04:18,660 to candy. 220 00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:22,826 Which is why I never eat it. 221 00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:22,826 Except on Halloween. 222 00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:25,535 And I admit, in years past, 223 00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:25,535 I may have overindulged. 224 00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:27,118 Which leads 225 00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:27,118 to a crazy high 226 00:04:27,118 --> 00:04:30,326 followed by a tearful, 227 00:04:27,118 --> 00:04:30,326 self-loathing crash. 228 00:04:30,326 --> 00:04:33,076 To Days of Red Vines 229 00:04:30,326 --> 00:04:33,076 and Roses. 230 00:04:33,076 --> 00:04:34,576 Trick or treat! 231 00:04:34,576 --> 00:04:36,535 Yep, just take one. 232 00:04:37,993 --> 00:04:40,285 I know that laugh. 233 00:04:37,993 --> 00:04:40,285 Not this year. 234 00:04:40,285 --> 00:04:41,285 Drop it. 235 00:04:41,285 --> 00:04:42,451 You're crazy. 236 00:04:42,451 --> 00:04:43,910 Yeah, 237 00:04:42,451 --> 00:04:43,910 crazy for justice! 238 00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:45,201 And just because 239 00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:45,201 you're dressed like a villain 240 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,451 doesn't mean 241 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,451 you have to act like one! 242 00:04:46,451 --> 00:04:48,243 Oh, my God. 243 00:04:46,451 --> 00:04:48,243 Can you believe that? 244 00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:49,451 Yes, a 9-year-old kid 245 00:04:49,451 --> 00:04:50,618 wanting extra candy 246 00:04:49,451 --> 00:04:50,618 on Halloween. 247 00:04:50,618 --> 00:04:52,160 Oh, it is baffling. 248 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,035 Speaking of 9-year-olds 249 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,035 wanting candy on Halloween... 250 00:04:54,035 --> 00:04:55,285 Okay, just a second, 251 00:04:54,035 --> 00:04:55,285 honey. 252 00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:56,826 Cam, maybe grabbing 253 00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:56,826 a kid's arm 254 00:04:56,826 --> 00:04:58,326 is where we draw 255 00:04:56,826 --> 00:04:58,326 the line. 256 00:04:58,326 --> 00:05:00,243 I think I read that 257 00:04:58,326 --> 00:05:00,243 in every single law book. 258 00:05:00,243 --> 00:05:02,368 This sounds like something 259 00:05:00,243 --> 00:05:02,368 we could be talking 260 00:05:00,243 --> 00:05:02,368 about on the sidewalk. 261 00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:04,910 Okay, just a second, honey. 262 00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:04,910 You know what, Mitchell? 263 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:08,035 That same little jerk grabs 264 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:08,035 a handful of candy every year. 265 00:05:08,035 --> 00:05:09,660 He's my Halloween nemesis. 266 00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:11,785 There is 267 00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:11,785 a social contract. 268 00:05:11,785 --> 00:05:13,826 You say "trick or treat," 269 00:05:11,785 --> 00:05:13,826 you get one piece of candy. 270 00:05:13,826 --> 00:05:16,326 That breaks down, we're 271 00:05:13,826 --> 00:05:16,326 just a hop, skip, and a jump 272 00:05:16,326 --> 00:05:20,368 to a lawless wasteland where we 273 00:05:16,326 --> 00:05:20,368 use beads and teeth for money! 274 00:05:20,368 --> 00:05:21,868 That was your first candy bar, 275 00:05:20,368 --> 00:05:21,868 you say? 276 00:05:21,868 --> 00:05:23,368 You think maybe 277 00:05:21,868 --> 00:05:23,368 you should have a little protein 278 00:05:23,368 --> 00:05:24,368 to balance that out? 279 00:05:24,368 --> 00:05:25,826 I don't need any protein. 280 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,410 Oh! 281 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,285 I feel like the universe 282 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,285 is telling you differently. 283 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,493 Who did that? 284 00:05:30,493 --> 00:05:32,076 (Darth Vader 285 00:05:30,493 --> 00:05:32,076 laughs maniacally) 286 00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:34,618 He went that way! Past all 287 00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:34,618 the houses handing out candy! 288 00:05:34,618 --> 00:05:36,410 I'm on it! 289 00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:39,410 No, see, 290 00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:39,410 his name is Joe. 291 00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:41,826 Yeah, but wouldn't the child 292 00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:41,826 be Jesus? 293 00:05:41,826 --> 00:05:43,826 I got to take this. 294 00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:45,660 Tell her what we're doing 295 00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:45,660 with this. 296 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,160 My husband is going 297 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,160 to hell 298 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,035 and he's trying 299 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,035 to take us with him. 300 00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:50,285 Hello? 301 00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:51,285 (dance music 302 00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:51,285 playing in distance) 303 00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:52,535 Okay, 304 00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:52,535 I'm in Earl's bedroom. 305 00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:53,951 Do you want me 306 00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:53,951 to show you his shoes 307 00:05:53,951 --> 00:05:55,743 so you can pick which ones 308 00:05:53,951 --> 00:05:55,743 I shove fish into? 309 00:05:55,743 --> 00:05:57,535 Follow your heart, kid. 310 00:05:55,743 --> 00:05:57,535 Wait a minute. What's that? 311 00:05:57,535 --> 00:05:58,785 What? 312 00:05:58,785 --> 00:06:00,285 That picture 313 00:05:58,785 --> 00:06:00,285 on the wall behind you. 314 00:06:00,285 --> 00:06:02,368 What is that? 315 00:06:00,285 --> 00:06:02,368 Let me see it. 316 00:06:02,368 --> 00:06:04,076 Who's David Soul? 317 00:06:04,076 --> 00:06:06,243 David Soul played Hutch 318 00:06:04,076 --> 00:06:06,243 in "Starsky and Hutch." 319 00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:08,451 Now, one of my groovier 320 00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:08,451 closet ideas 321 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,951 was a hutch for your skis 322 00:06:09,951 --> 00:06:12,451 that latched onto the end 323 00:06:09,951 --> 00:06:12,451 of your closet. 324 00:06:12,451 --> 00:06:14,368 I called it 325 00:06:12,451 --> 00:06:14,368 the "Storeski End Hutch." 326 00:06:14,368 --> 00:06:16,243 David Soul gave me 327 00:06:14,368 --> 00:06:16,243 a signed picture. 328 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,076 Well, one day, 329 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,076 the picture disappears 330 00:06:18,076 --> 00:06:19,326 and Earl plays innocent. 331 00:06:19,326 --> 00:06:21,368 But the whole time, 332 00:06:19,326 --> 00:06:21,368 he's had it. 333 00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:23,035 Ironically, this would've been 334 00:06:23,035 --> 00:06:25,243 a great episode 335 00:06:23,035 --> 00:06:25,243 in "Starsky and Hutch." 336 00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:26,326 Steal that picture! 337 00:06:26,326 --> 00:06:27,535 But what about the fish? 338 00:06:27,535 --> 00:06:28,576 Forget the fish! 339 00:06:28,576 --> 00:06:30,076 Oh, so, for no reason, 340 00:06:30,076 --> 00:06:31,493 I've just been carrying around 341 00:06:30,076 --> 00:06:31,493 this red herring? 342 00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:32,701 I want that picture. 343 00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:35,535 You want it, you steal it. 344 00:06:35,535 --> 00:06:37,035 I still have 345 00:06:35,535 --> 00:06:37,035 some self-respect. 346 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,743 Gloria, 347 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,743 you won't believe this. 348 00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:43,868 - What? 349 00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:43,868 - That was Claire. 350 00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:45,951 Manny never showed up 351 00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:45,951 at Luke's party. 352 00:06:45,951 --> 00:06:47,660 They think 353 00:06:45,951 --> 00:06:47,660 he went to Sophie's. 354 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:49,326 So disappointed in him. 355 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,285 I know, and I hate 356 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,285 to drive over there 357 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,660 and drag him to Luke's, 358 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,785 but I know better 359 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,785 than to try to stop you. 360 00:06:54,785 --> 00:06:56,451 I feel bad 361 00:06:54,785 --> 00:06:56,451 about embarrassing him, 362 00:06:56,451 --> 00:06:58,035 but I was very clear 363 00:06:56,451 --> 00:06:58,035 about this. 364 00:06:58,035 --> 00:07:00,285 Well, maybe next time 365 00:06:58,035 --> 00:07:00,285 he'll... get the picture. 366 00:07:01,493 --> 00:07:03,160 Why did you just chuckle 367 00:07:01,493 --> 00:07:03,160 like that? 368 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,285 Nothing. 369 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,285 The ... The beard tickles. 370 00:07:04,285 --> 00:07:05,451 Come on, I'll drive. 371 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,451 Here you go. 372 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,451 Sorry I forgot that, buddy. 373 00:07:12,451 --> 00:07:13,618 I would have grabbed it 374 00:07:12,451 --> 00:07:13,618 myself, 375 00:07:13,618 --> 00:07:14,743 but we were trying 376 00:07:13,618 --> 00:07:14,743 to respect 377 00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,285 the whole 378 00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,285 "no parents" thing. 379 00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:17,576 Also, how would it look 380 00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:17,576 if I went into your party 381 00:07:17,576 --> 00:07:19,368 looking for some tail? 382 00:07:19,368 --> 00:07:20,785 I'm gonna reuse that later. 383 00:07:19,368 --> 00:07:20,785 Act surprised. 384 00:07:20,785 --> 00:07:22,201 Yeah. 385 00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:23,576 Hey, honey. 386 00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:23,576 How's it going in there? 387 00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,493 Huh? Oh. Awesome. 388 00:07:25,493 --> 00:07:27,243 Yeah, I got to go. 389 00:07:27,243 --> 00:07:29,035 I know 390 00:07:27,243 --> 00:07:29,035 you were going to say 391 00:07:29,035 --> 00:07:31,285 that I'm being a neurotic, 392 00:07:29,035 --> 00:07:31,285 overly protective mom, but I ... 393 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,535 I saw that, too. 394 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,535 Something's up with Luke. 395 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,868 You think he's in 396 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,868 over his head? 397 00:07:33,868 --> 00:07:35,285 I should check on him. 398 00:07:33,868 --> 00:07:35,285 Should I check on him? 399 00:07:35,285 --> 00:07:36,785 I should check on him. 400 00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:40,701 You are never sexier 401 00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:40,701 than when you out-crazy me. 402 00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:42,326 Don't let anyone 403 00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:42,326 see you. 404 00:07:42,326 --> 00:07:43,618 I am way a... 405 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,535 head of you. 406 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,576 Aah! 407 00:07:54,576 --> 00:07:56,535 Shh! I'm not a real beaver! 408 00:07:54,576 --> 00:07:56,535 It's me ... Dad! 409 00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,201 Ugh. 410 00:07:58,201 --> 00:07:59,910 What are you doing? 411 00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,410 I just wanted to make sure 412 00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,410 everything's okay. 413 00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:03,326 Luke seems upset. 414 00:08:03,326 --> 00:08:04,660 Where is everybody? 415 00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:07,201 Are people upstairs? 416 00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:07,201 I said nobody upstairs! 417 00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:09,076 Nobody's upstairs. 418 00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:09,076 Nobody's even downstairs. 419 00:08:09,076 --> 00:08:12,201 They are literally 420 00:08:09,076 --> 00:08:12,201 like five people here. 421 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,201 Oh! 422 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,951 Hello, my dearest. 423 00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:16,493 Ugh. 424 00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:16,493 Well, four, and Reuben. 425 00:08:16,493 --> 00:08:17,868 I see your costume 426 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:19,785 is The Most Beautiful Woman 427 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:19,785 in the World. 428 00:08:19,785 --> 00:08:21,451 Shut up, Reuben. 429 00:08:19,785 --> 00:08:21,451 You make everything terrible. 430 00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:23,160 And we're off. 431 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,535 Don't flatter yourself! 432 00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:25,993 Just because 433 00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:25,993 I'm alone on Halloween 434 00:08:25,993 --> 00:08:27,826 doesn't mean 435 00:08:25,993 --> 00:08:27,826 I don't have plenty of suitors! 436 00:08:27,826 --> 00:08:31,368 Last week, an Uber driver 437 00:08:27,826 --> 00:08:31,368 asked to see my feet! 438 00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:33,785 Reuben, are you listening 439 00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:33,785 to me? 440 00:08:33,785 --> 00:08:34,993 Reuben! 441 00:08:35,660 --> 00:08:36,951 One last one. 442 00:08:35,660 --> 00:08:36,951 Good. 443 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,451 'Cause you're vibrating 444 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,451 right now. 445 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,493 With rage ... 446 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,493 Not sugar, rage. 447 00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:43,868 Hello. 448 00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:43,868 Excuse me. Hi. 449 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,076 Have you seen a little brat 450 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,076 about this tall 451 00:08:46,076 --> 00:08:47,451 dressed 452 00:08:46,076 --> 00:08:47,451 as Darth Vader? 453 00:08:47,451 --> 00:08:48,743 Throws eggs. 454 00:08:47,451 --> 00:08:48,743 Laughs like this ... 455 00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:49,993 He-he-he-he-he-he! 456 00:08:49,993 --> 00:08:52,451 Find him yourself. 457 00:08:49,993 --> 00:08:52,451 You're Batman. 458 00:08:52,451 --> 00:08:54,410 That one's on my list. 459 00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:56,118 I don't think 460 00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:56,118 there's any more room. 461 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,660 I'm gonna go throw away 462 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,660 these apples 463 00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,118 and make space 464 00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,118 for more candy. 465 00:08:59,118 --> 00:09:01,576 Cam, I feel terrible 466 00:08:59,118 --> 00:09:01,576 that you got hit with an egg, 467 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:03,618 but you're ruining the night 468 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:03,618 for Lily. 469 00:09:03,618 --> 00:09:05,743 Do you have to nurse 470 00:09:03,618 --> 00:09:05,743 every single grudge? 471 00:09:05,743 --> 00:09:07,285 I don't do that. 472 00:09:05,743 --> 00:09:07,285 Are you kidding me? 473 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,576 You have more archenemies 474 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,576 than the actual Batman. 475 00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:12,201 How about that sales lady 476 00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:12,201 who helped you with the scarf? 477 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:14,368 She implied my neck 478 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:14,368 was the problem. 479 00:09:14,368 --> 00:09:15,993 The Spanish teacher 480 00:09:14,368 --> 00:09:15,993 you've been working with? 481 00:09:15,993 --> 00:09:17,285 He calls me 482 00:09:15,993 --> 00:09:17,285 "locos frijoles" 483 00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:18,743 like I don't know 484 00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:18,743 what that means. 485 00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:20,285 It's "crazy beans," 486 00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:20,285 right? 487 00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:20,285 Yes, it is. 488 00:09:20,285 --> 00:09:22,118 Oh, and don't forget about 489 00:09:20,285 --> 00:09:22,118 Andrew from your old choir. 490 00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:23,785 He stole my piano key scarf, 491 00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:23,785 which is why I had to go 492 00:09:23,785 --> 00:09:25,076 into the stupid scarf store 493 00:09:23,785 --> 00:09:25,076 to begin with! 494 00:09:25,076 --> 00:09:26,618 Okay, you know what? 495 00:09:26,618 --> 00:09:29,785 Maybe I do have an overdeveloped 496 00:09:26,618 --> 00:09:29,785 sense of justice. 497 00:09:29,785 --> 00:09:31,493 Thank you. 498 00:09:29,785 --> 00:09:31,493 But maybe I wouldn't... 499 00:09:31,493 --> 00:09:34,785 if my partner took my side 500 00:09:31,493 --> 00:09:34,785 every once in a while. 501 00:09:34,785 --> 00:09:36,576 I take your side 502 00:09:34,785 --> 00:09:36,576 when I agree with you. 503 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,076 That's easy. 504 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,076 Anybody can do that. 505 00:09:39,076 --> 00:09:41,243 Marriage is about sticking up 506 00:09:39,076 --> 00:09:41,243 for your partner, 507 00:09:41,243 --> 00:09:43,743 even... when you don't agree 508 00:09:41,243 --> 00:09:43,743 with him. 509 00:09:43,743 --> 00:09:44,951 Is it? 510 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,118 Do you remember last week 511 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,118 at lunch 512 00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:47,660 when they brought you 513 00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:47,660 regular fries 514 00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:50,535 and you insisted that you 515 00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:50,535 ordered sweet potato fries? 516 00:09:50,535 --> 00:09:51,910 Well, guess what. 517 00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,951 You ordered 518 00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,951 regular fries. 519 00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,701 No, I didn't. 520 00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,701 You absolutely did. 521 00:09:55,701 --> 00:09:57,951 And I stuck up for you 522 00:09:55,701 --> 00:09:57,951 because I love you. 523 00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:00,368 And because you love 524 00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:00,368 sweet potato fries. 525 00:10:00,368 --> 00:10:01,535 Hey, Dad. 526 00:10:00,368 --> 00:10:01,535 What? 527 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,243 There's that kid 528 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,243 you hate. 529 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,785 Holy Halloween. 530 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,785 There he is. 531 00:10:06,785 --> 00:10:09,618 Hey! You! Stop! 532 00:10:09,618 --> 00:10:10,993 No. 533 00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:16,451 He's getting away! 534 00:10:16,451 --> 00:10:19,160 Ow! 535 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,660 Stupid cape! 536 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:24,493 Oh, poor Luke. 537 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:24,493 He must be crushed. 538 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,160 It's not as easy to pack 539 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,160 a high-school party 540 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,660 as it was in our day, 541 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,660 Claire. 542 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:28,951 Apparently, 543 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:28,951 it's no longer cool 544 00:10:28,951 --> 00:10:31,201 for kids to invite 545 00:10:28,951 --> 00:10:31,201 teachers or parents. 546 00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:32,451 It makes my heart hurt. 547 00:10:32,451 --> 00:10:34,201 I mean, people like him, 548 00:10:32,451 --> 00:10:34,201 don't they? 549 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,618 Why wouldn't they? 550 00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,493 He's by far the most likable 551 00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,493 of all our children. 552 00:10:37,493 --> 00:10:39,618 Then why didn't anybody 553 00:10:37,493 --> 00:10:39,618 come to his party? 554 00:10:39,618 --> 00:10:41,451 Because they're all 555 00:10:39,618 --> 00:10:41,451 at Sophie Chambers' party. 556 00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:43,035 Who? 557 00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:43,035 A kid in Luke's class. 558 00:10:43,035 --> 00:10:44,368 I'm Facebook friends 559 00:10:43,035 --> 00:10:44,368 with her brother 560 00:10:44,368 --> 00:10:46,951 'cause he used to sell me 561 00:10:44,368 --> 00:10:46,951 wee-gs. Wigs. 562 00:10:46,951 --> 00:10:48,660 That's how he pronounces it. 563 00:10:46,951 --> 00:10:48,660 He's British. 564 00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,618 When are you guys 565 00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,618 gonna talk, huh? 566 00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:52,076 Luke worked so hard 567 00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:52,076 on this party. 568 00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:53,993 He made his own costume, 569 00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:53,993 did all the decorations. 570 00:10:53,993 --> 00:10:55,410 He even thought he hid 571 00:10:53,993 --> 00:10:55,410 that bottle 572 00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:56,951 of Peppermint Schnapps 573 00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:56,951 under his bed. 574 00:10:56,951 --> 00:10:58,326 This is the kind of thing 575 00:10:58,326 --> 00:10:59,910 that could ruin 576 00:10:58,326 --> 00:10:59,910 his first senior year. 577 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,868 Wait! I can help! 578 00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,243 Are we forgetting 579 00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,243 what I do for a living? Huh? 580 00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:06,243 Uh, we remember. 581 00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:08,535 You... pretend to be friends 582 00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:08,535 with celebrities. 583 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,201 So you can sell 584 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,201 h... hats? 585 00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:12,576 I'm a promoter. 586 00:11:13,826 --> 00:11:16,076 I can go to Sophie's 587 00:11:13,826 --> 00:11:16,076 and talk up Luke's party. 588 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,035 In an hour, 589 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,035 it'll be packed. 590 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,035 Great! 591 00:11:18,035 --> 00:11:19,285 While you do that, 592 00:11:19,285 --> 00:11:20,451 I'm gonna 593 00:11:19,285 --> 00:11:20,451 get the party started. 594 00:11:20,451 --> 00:11:22,035 What ... No, no. 595 00:11:22,035 --> 00:11:23,660 A dad hanging around 596 00:11:22,035 --> 00:11:23,660 will only make that party lamer. 597 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:25,743 Um, a dad, maybe. 598 00:11:25,743 --> 00:11:28,493 But not Rod Skyhook, yo! 599 00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:30,535 The coolest 600 00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:30,535 new transfer student ever! 601 00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:31,826 Oh, wait. 602 00:11:31,826 --> 00:11:33,826 What do cool kids 603 00:11:31,826 --> 00:11:33,826 call girls nowadays? 604 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,076 Bettys? Shawties? 605 00:11:35,076 --> 00:11:36,243 Don't worry. 606 00:11:35,076 --> 00:11:36,243 There are none in there. 607 00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:37,451 Okay. 608 00:11:37,451 --> 00:11:39,368 What, what? 609 00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,118 I'm glad my hypoglycemia 610 00:11:48,118 --> 00:11:50,743 doesn't prevent me 611 00:11:48,118 --> 00:11:50,743 from filling up on eye candy. 612 00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:51,743 Sorry. 613 00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:51,743 I can't hear you. 614 00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:53,243 I'm listening to a message 615 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:55,160 from the sexiest professor 616 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:55,160 in the physics department. 617 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,243 Let's just say he got drunk 618 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,243 after a symposium last year 619 00:11:57,243 --> 00:11:59,660 and asked me 620 00:11:57,243 --> 00:11:59,660 to wheel him home. 621 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,993 Thanks for inviting me 622 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,993 to your party, brah! 623 00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:07,035 Sweet jams. 624 00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:07,035 Where are all the fillies at? 625 00:12:07,035 --> 00:12:08,493 Dad? 626 00:12:07,035 --> 00:12:08,493 Dad? 627 00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:11,451 I'm Rod Skyhook ... 628 00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:11,451 recent transfer student, yo! 629 00:12:11,451 --> 00:12:12,826 What's that knockin'? 630 00:12:12,826 --> 00:12:17,118 Oh, it's me, 631 00:12:12,826 --> 00:12:17,118 about to get this party rockin'! 632 00:12:17,118 --> 00:12:18,535 Oh, God. 633 00:12:18,535 --> 00:12:22,493 It's all good 634 00:12:18,535 --> 00:12:22,493 up under the hood, biznatches! 635 00:12:22,493 --> 00:12:24,910 Pretty soon, every kid in here's 636 00:12:22,493 --> 00:12:24,910 gonna call everyone they know, 637 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,285 tell them 638 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,285 to get their butts down here. 639 00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:27,576 You want to gas up 640 00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:27,576 the foot traffic ... 641 00:12:27,576 --> 00:12:28,618 I'm not inviting 642 00:12:27,576 --> 00:12:28,618 parents. 643 00:12:28,618 --> 00:12:30,035 Your party, broseph! 644 00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:31,743 Sorry, Jack. 645 00:12:31,743 --> 00:12:34,868 I'm gonna need some beats! 646 00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:48,701 Rambo? 647 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,160 No, Trumbo. 648 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,576 Dalton Trumbo. 649 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,576 He wrote in the bathtub. 650 00:12:52,576 --> 00:12:53,701 Why? 651 00:12:53,701 --> 00:12:55,201 Maybe, 652 00:12:53,701 --> 00:12:55,201 as a screenwriter, 653 00:12:55,201 --> 00:12:57,035 he knew he was going 654 00:12:55,201 --> 00:12:57,035 to take a bath on the back end. 655 00:12:58,076 --> 00:12:59,576 You smell like fish. 656 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,201 Oh, my God, you guys. 657 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,201 This party's such a snore. 658 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,410 I should have stayed 659 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,410 at Luke Dunphy's party. 660 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,951 That was going off! 661 00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:08,410 Isn't he the guy that ate 662 00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:08,410 a jar of mayonnaise 663 00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:09,576 for a dollar? 664 00:13:09,576 --> 00:13:11,160 Probably 'cause he's 665 00:13:09,576 --> 00:13:11,160 a wild man. 666 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,118 That's why his parties 667 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,118 are always insane. 668 00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:14,660 Look, 669 00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:14,660 it's really exclusive, 670 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,951 but I could probably 671 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,951 get you guys down on the list. 672 00:13:16,951 --> 00:13:18,326 Really? 673 00:13:16,951 --> 00:13:18,326 Who's there? 674 00:13:18,326 --> 00:13:21,910 Uh, just everyone. 675 00:13:18,326 --> 00:13:21,910 Luke... Rod Skyhook. 676 00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:23,118 Haley D! 677 00:13:23,118 --> 00:13:24,118 Oh! 678 00:13:24,118 --> 00:13:26,326 Griffin. Hey. 679 00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:27,868 What are you doing 680 00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:27,868 at my sister's party? 681 00:13:27,868 --> 00:13:30,160 Oh, nothing. Just ... 682 00:13:27,868 --> 00:13:30,160 Just something for my mom. 683 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,868 Wow, it's so good 684 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,868 to see you. 685 00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:33,910 You, uh, still 686 00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:33,910 in the sales industry? 687 00:13:33,910 --> 00:13:35,326 Guilty. 688 00:13:35,326 --> 00:13:37,243 How guilty? 689 00:13:35,326 --> 00:13:37,243 That is a costume, right? 690 00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:40,493 Yeah. I went legit. 691 00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:40,493 I work for a dispensary. 692 00:13:40,493 --> 00:13:41,410 I deliver. 693 00:13:41,410 --> 00:13:42,868 Oh, my God! 694 00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:45,076 I forgot 695 00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:45,076 how much I like you. 696 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,326 Did you say Dumbo? 697 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,326 No, Trumbo. 698 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,326 Little background. 699 00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,243 In the 1950s, a certain senator 700 00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,243 from Wisconsin 701 00:13:52,243 --> 00:13:53,618 named Joe McCarthy ... 702 00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:54,743 Hey! Let's dance! 703 00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:55,826 Oh, okay. 704 00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:03,410 Mom? 705 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,326 You said that you 706 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,326 were going to Luke's. 707 00:14:05,326 --> 00:14:06,535 Yeah, but Jay said ... 708 00:14:06,535 --> 00:14:09,326 Don't you say a word, 709 00:14:06,535 --> 00:14:09,326 mister! 710 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,910 I will deal with you 711 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,910 later. 712 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,535 Jay said I could come 713 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,535 to the party 714 00:14:13,535 --> 00:14:15,160 if I put dead fish 715 00:14:13,535 --> 00:14:15,160 in Earl's shoes. 716 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,951 Where does he come up 717 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,951 with this stuff? 718 00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:20,243 Are you lying, 719 00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:20,243 dressed as our Lord and Savior? 720 00:14:20,243 --> 00:14:22,576 What is that? 721 00:14:20,243 --> 00:14:22,576 Did you steal that? 722 00:14:22,576 --> 00:14:24,826 No. I've had this with me 723 00:14:22,576 --> 00:14:24,826 all night. 724 00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:26,201 You're lying again! 725 00:14:26,201 --> 00:14:28,368 Manny, 726 00:14:26,201 --> 00:14:28,368 don't stand next to him! 727 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,368 Pritchett! 728 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,410 Ay! 729 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,410 Aah! 730 00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:31,951 Look what you did! 731 00:14:31,951 --> 00:14:33,868 What the hell do you think 732 00:14:31,951 --> 00:14:33,868 you're doing? 733 00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:35,368 We're just leaving, 734 00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:35,368 Earl! 735 00:14:35,368 --> 00:14:37,451 That Soul is mine. 736 00:14:37,451 --> 00:14:38,951 Ay! 737 00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:44,826 Give it back! 738 00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:44,826 When hell freezes over! 739 00:14:44,826 --> 00:14:46,535 Come here, Earl! 740 00:14:44,826 --> 00:14:46,535 Come here! 741 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,951 As soon as they stop fighting 742 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,951 about whatever stupid new thing 743 00:14:48,951 --> 00:14:50,368 that they're 744 00:14:48,951 --> 00:14:50,368 fighting about, 745 00:14:50,368 --> 00:14:52,160 we're getting the car 746 00:14:50,368 --> 00:14:52,160 and we're going to Luke's. 747 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,160 I'm not really in the mood 748 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,160 for another party. 749 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,785 Well, I wasn't in the mood 750 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,785 to insult God tonight, 751 00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:59,326 but the Bible also said, 752 00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:59,326 "Listen to your husband." 753 00:14:59,326 --> 00:15:01,535 I'm very tense about this, 754 00:14:59,326 --> 00:15:01,535 so don't fight me! 755 00:15:01,535 --> 00:15:02,535 And get in the car. 756 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,993 I won't fit in. 757 00:15:03,993 --> 00:15:05,868 We'll take this bathtub 758 00:15:03,993 --> 00:15:05,868 and put it in the roof. 759 00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:07,743 No. I won't fit in 760 00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:07,743 at the party. 761 00:15:07,743 --> 00:15:09,243 Nobody gets me, Mom, 762 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,035 and I'm starting to worry 763 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,035 nobody ever will. 764 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,535 Who cares that the kids your age 765 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,535 don't get you? 766 00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:16,160 That means that you're 767 00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:16,160 more interesting than them. 768 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,868 That means that you're gonna be 769 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,868 hanging around people 770 00:15:17,868 --> 00:15:19,118 that are more interesting. 771 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,368 You're gonna have 772 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,368 a more inter... 773 00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:21,868 Interesting life. 774 00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:21,868 Yes, I know. 775 00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:23,493 I've been hearing this speech 776 00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:23,493 since I was 5. 777 00:15:23,493 --> 00:15:24,785 When's it gonna happen? 778 00:15:24,785 --> 00:15:27,118 Jesus has the devil 779 00:15:24,785 --> 00:15:27,118 in a headlock. 780 00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:28,410 That's not interesting 781 00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:28,410 to you? 782 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:30,243 No! 783 00:15:30,243 --> 00:15:31,701 This is mine! 784 00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,951 I'm the one who came up 785 00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,951 with "Storeski End Hutch." 786 00:15:33,951 --> 00:15:36,576 Just like I came up with the 787 00:15:33,951 --> 00:15:36,576 "Dr. Quinn Medicine Cabinet." 788 00:15:36,576 --> 00:15:39,201 You were the hack! 789 00:15:36,576 --> 00:15:39,201 I was the visionary! 790 00:15:40,535 --> 00:15:42,451 I saw my reflection 791 00:15:40,535 --> 00:15:42,451 and I asked myself ... 792 00:15:42,451 --> 00:15:44,410 What would Jesus do? 793 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,785 It's time to be the bigger man. 794 00:15:48,285 --> 00:15:49,993 This isn't over, 795 00:15:48,285 --> 00:15:49,993 Pritchett. 796 00:15:49,993 --> 00:15:51,993 I don't want 797 00:15:49,993 --> 00:15:51,993 to do this anymore. 798 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,368 Wh... What 799 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,368 are you saying? 800 00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:56,368 This has gone on too long. 801 00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:56,368 The lies, the anger. 802 00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:58,118 And what I left 803 00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:58,118 in your sock drawer tonight. 804 00:15:58,118 --> 00:15:59,410 What? 805 00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:02,576 Keep the picture, Earl. 806 00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:02,576 I forgive you. 807 00:16:04,576 --> 00:16:07,410 It's gonna drive 808 00:16:04,576 --> 00:16:07,410 that son of a bitch crazy. 809 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,076 Haley. 810 00:16:11,076 --> 00:16:12,868 I have been waiting 811 00:16:11,076 --> 00:16:12,868 for over an hour, 812 00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,868 and not a single person 813 00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,868 has left this party. 814 00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:17,618 Oh, my God, this is 815 00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:17,618 the best sushi I've ever had. 816 00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:20,243 For the first time, 817 00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:20,243 I can taste the yellowtail 818 00:16:20,243 --> 00:16:22,326 from the sea 819 00:16:20,243 --> 00:16:22,326 and then the rice from the land, 820 00:16:22,326 --> 00:16:24,451 then back to the sea 821 00:16:22,326 --> 00:16:24,451 for the seaweed. 822 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,451 Looks like you did more 823 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,451 than just seaweed. 824 00:16:26,451 --> 00:16:28,535 Mom, you're beautiful. 825 00:16:28,535 --> 00:16:30,493 Does Dad tell you that 826 00:16:28,535 --> 00:16:30,493 enough? 827 00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:32,118 I would hate to see 828 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:35,160 a cleaver in your head 829 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:35,160 for real. 830 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:35,160 No. Honey. 831 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,160 Sarah? 832 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,160 Mrs. Dunphy. 833 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,576 Is that a beer? 834 00:16:38,576 --> 00:16:41,118 It's not mine. 835 00:16:38,576 --> 00:16:41,118 Please don't tell my parents. 836 00:16:41,118 --> 00:16:43,118 That's when I realized 837 00:16:43,118 --> 00:16:45,326 I didn't need Haley 838 00:16:43,118 --> 00:16:45,326 to undermine a party. 839 00:16:45,326 --> 00:16:49,076 I just needed 840 00:16:45,326 --> 00:16:49,076 to drop the Mom-bomb. 841 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,201 Don't you two look cozy. 842 00:16:51,201 --> 00:16:54,701 Remember, it's not easy 843 00:16:51,201 --> 00:16:54,701 raising a baby by yourself. 844 00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:57,951 Oh, look at that! 845 00:16:57,951 --> 00:16:59,618 That's a fun way 846 00:16:57,951 --> 00:16:59,618 to serve Jell-O. 847 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,243 Let me get a pic 848 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,243 for your moms. 849 00:17:01,243 --> 00:17:03,160 No? Come on! 850 00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:06,910 Okay. Ooh! 851 00:17:06,910 --> 00:17:08,618 Isn't that better? 852 00:17:08,618 --> 00:17:10,368 Now we can all see 853 00:17:08,618 --> 00:17:10,368 and hear each other. 854 00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:11,576 Nice, huh? 855 00:17:11,576 --> 00:17:13,076 You got 856 00:17:11,576 --> 00:17:13,076 a little something ... 857 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,826 Who are you, and what are you 858 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,826 doing at my party? 859 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:18,868 Just making sure everybody's 860 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:18,868 having a good, clean, safe time. 861 00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:21,160 Somebody's talked to you all 862 00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:21,160 about herpes, right? 863 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,076 Let's just go 864 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,076 to that other kid's party. 865 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,160 You know, I made out 866 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,160 with Rod Skyhook once. 867 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,243 He's obsessed with me. 868 00:17:30,035 --> 00:17:31,993 Hey, remember last week when 869 00:17:30,035 --> 00:17:31,993 we all had lunch together ... 870 00:17:31,993 --> 00:17:34,868 You ordered the regular fries 871 00:17:31,993 --> 00:17:34,868 and Daddy lied for you. 872 00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:35,701 Damn it. 873 00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:37,201 Wait. There he is. 874 00:17:37,201 --> 00:17:40,285 Darth Vader! Freeze! 875 00:17:40,285 --> 00:17:41,910 Okay. 876 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,410 Hey, there, fellas. 877 00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:48,951 You're a little old, 878 00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:48,951 aren't you? 879 00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:51,410 Your son ... 880 00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:51,410 He hit me with an egg. 881 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:54,535 No, I didn't! 882 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:54,535 And he yelled at me. 883 00:17:54,535 --> 00:17:56,826 Whoa, whoa. 884 00:17:54,535 --> 00:17:56,826 You yelled at my son? 885 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,451 He took a handful of candy 886 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,451 and laughed. 887 00:17:59,451 --> 00:18:00,785 He does it every year. 888 00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:01,743 So? 889 00:18:01,743 --> 00:18:02,785 So... 890 00:18:04,743 --> 00:18:06,368 how does it feel? 891 00:18:06,368 --> 00:18:09,576 Well, it feels like you took 892 00:18:06,368 --> 00:18:09,576 about 17 cents worth of candy. 893 00:18:09,576 --> 00:18:12,201 He said he didn't egg you. 894 00:18:09,576 --> 00:18:12,201 Are we done here? 895 00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:14,285 - He's lying. 896 00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:14,285 - No, I'm not. 897 00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,910 Look, buddy. 898 00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,910 I don't know who egged you, 899 00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,493 but I can understand why. 900 00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:20,493 A kid takes a little extra candy 901 00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:20,493 and you chased him home? 902 00:18:20,493 --> 00:18:21,660 He's 9. 903 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,701 How old are you, Batman? 904 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,701 50? 905 00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:25,118 What kind of person 906 00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:25,118 does that? 907 00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:28,743 I will ... I will tell you 908 00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:28,743 what kind of person. 909 00:18:28,743 --> 00:18:31,326 Someone who believes 910 00:18:28,743 --> 00:18:31,326 in a civilized society, 911 00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:32,951 who believes that the future 912 00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:32,951 of our country 913 00:18:32,951 --> 00:18:36,785 depends on the lessons 914 00:18:32,951 --> 00:18:36,785 that we teach our children. 915 00:18:36,785 --> 00:18:39,993 "What kind of person," 916 00:18:36,785 --> 00:18:39,993 sir? 917 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,576 A hero. 918 00:18:41,576 --> 00:18:42,868 I didn't do it! 919 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,993 Oh, come on. 920 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,993 We heard you laughing! 921 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,160 'Cause the blonde lady 922 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,160 with an axe in her head 923 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,285 threw an egg at you. 924 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:50,118 Blonde lady? 925 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:50,118 Axe? 926 00:18:50,118 --> 00:18:53,035 That squirting flower 927 00:18:50,118 --> 00:18:53,035 really yanked my chain. 928 00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:56,951 Could not go unanswered. 929 00:18:58,993 --> 00:19:01,576 Oh! Close enough. 930 00:19:01,576 --> 00:19:02,951 Who did that? 931 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,451 He went that way! 932 00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,326 Well, that 933 00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,326 was embarrassing. 934 00:19:08,326 --> 00:19:10,035 No, it wasn't. 935 00:19:10,035 --> 00:19:11,910 It was magnificent. 936 00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:13,993 You stood up for me. 937 00:19:13,993 --> 00:19:16,451 Sometimes 938 00:19:13,993 --> 00:19:16,451 I just feel like it's me 939 00:19:13,993 --> 00:19:16,451 versus the entire world. 940 00:19:16,451 --> 00:19:19,035 It's just nice to know 941 00:19:16,451 --> 00:19:19,035 that we really are a... 942 00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:20,993 a dynamic duo. 943 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,785 All right. 944 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,785 Now we play candy crash. 945 00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:24,243 Okay. 946 00:19:24,243 --> 00:19:26,660 Give me some space, son. 947 00:19:38,826 --> 00:19:41,118 That's how we do, sucka! 948 00:19:42,451 --> 00:19:43,826 Is it 949 00:19:42,451 --> 00:19:43,826 just my imagination, 950 00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:45,701 or is Dad actually saving 951 00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:45,701 your lame party? 952 00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:47,368 Is it 953 00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:47,368 just my imagination, 954 00:19:47,368 --> 00:19:49,493 or is Reuben's makeup 955 00:19:47,368 --> 00:19:49,493 on your chin? 956 00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:51,660 I have a problem. 957 00:19:57,993 --> 00:19:59,618 Oh! Sorry. 958 00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:01,785 Oh, okay. 959 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,285 - I'm so sorry. 960 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,285 - Don't be. 961 00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,243 This is the most a girl's 962 00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,243 danced with me all night. 963 00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:09,076 I love your Dalton Trumbo. 964 00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:11,118 Thank you, 965 00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:11,118 Dorothy Parker. 966 00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,618 You're the first person tonight 967 00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,618 who's actually gotten that. 968 00:20:13,618 --> 00:20:15,285 I know how that feels. 969 00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:16,743 Yo, yo, yo! 970 00:20:16,743 --> 00:20:19,535 Awesome rager 971 00:20:16,743 --> 00:20:19,535 on the ground floor! 972 00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,118 Upstairs off-limits! 973 00:20:21,118 --> 00:20:24,576 Backyard, too, 974 00:20:21,118 --> 00:20:24,576 'cause it just got re-sodded! 975 00:20:24,576 --> 00:20:25,993 What's up, buddy? 976 00:20:25,993 --> 00:20:28,201 Typical high-school idiot. 977 00:20:28,201 --> 00:20:30,493 I fear 978 00:20:28,201 --> 00:20:30,493 for this country. 979 00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:34,035 Well, I think it's safe to say 980 00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:34,035 that things here 981 00:20:34,035 --> 00:20:36,660 are appropriately 982 00:20:34,035 --> 00:20:36,660 out of control. 983 00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:38,368 Oh, yeah ... Oh, wow. 984 00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:41,243 And I think you might have 985 00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:41,243 lost your deposit on that thing. 986 00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:42,868 Hmm. 987 00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:45,826 How come you never tell me 988 00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:45,826 I'm beautiful anymore? 989 00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:47,493 Oh! 990 00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:47,493 Damn it. 991 00:20:47,493 --> 00:20:49,535 Oh, just let me 992 00:20:47,493 --> 00:20:49,535 throw already. 993 00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:54,993 Hey, gorgeous. Look what 994 00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:54,993 I turned this water into. 995 00:20:54,993 --> 00:20:56,576 Jay, enough. 996 00:20:54,993 --> 00:20:56,576 Halloween is over. 997 00:20:56,576 --> 00:20:59,743 Come on. The night is young. 998 00:20:56,576 --> 00:20:59,743 Why don't we go begat it on? 999 00:20:59,743 --> 00:21:02,743 I'm not going to fool around 1000 00:20:59,743 --> 00:21:02,743 with someone dressed like Jesus. 1001 00:21:02,743 --> 00:21:03,951 Gloria, 1002 00:21:02,743 --> 00:21:03,951 you're being silly. 1003 00:21:03,951 --> 00:21:05,368 Am I? 1004 00:21:05,368 --> 00:21:07,535 I once dated a guy 1005 00:21:05,368 --> 00:21:07,535 named Jésus. 1006 00:21:07,535 --> 00:21:09,660 There was no harvest 1007 00:21:07,535 --> 00:21:09,660 that year. 1008 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,201 Is that the same year 1009 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,201 your uncle got drunk 1010 00:21:11,201 --> 00:21:12,493 and planted marbles? 1011 00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:14,326 Who do you think 1012 00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:14,326 made him do that? 1013 00:21:14,326 --> 00:21:15,910 Gloria, 1014 00:21:14,326 --> 00:21:15,910 all due respect, 1015 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,493 I think the big guy 1016 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,493 has better things to worry about 1017 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:18,743 than two sexy, 1018 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:18,743 you know ... 1019 00:21:21,826 --> 00:21:24,535 I'm gonna change into something 1020 00:21:21,826 --> 00:21:24,535 a little more secular. 1021 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,618 Captions by VITAC :