1 00:00:01,414 --> 00:00:03,333 Howdy! 2 00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:06,294 Welcome to the Thanksgiving 3 00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:06,294 country jamboree! 4 00:00:06,294 --> 00:00:07,670 - Wow. 5 00:00:06,294 --> 00:00:07,670 - We got the whole Dunphy clan, 6 00:00:07,670 --> 00:00:09,547 Claire, Phil, Luke, 7 00:00:07,670 --> 00:00:09,547 Alex and ... 8 00:00:09,547 --> 00:00:13,051 well, and who is this 9 00:00:09,547 --> 00:00:13,051 happy farmhand? 10 00:00:13,051 --> 00:00:14,552 I'm Jerry. 11 00:00:14,552 --> 00:00:16,096 Jerry used to live 12 00:00:14,552 --> 00:00:16,096 next door. 13 00:00:16,096 --> 00:00:18,431 He's been going through a brutal 14 00:00:16,096 --> 00:00:18,431 divorce for years, 15 00:00:18,431 --> 00:00:19,975 and he was gonna spend 16 00:00:18,431 --> 00:00:19,975 Thanksgiving alone. 17 00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:21,684 Phil thought 18 00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:21,684 it'd be a good idea 19 00:00:21,684 --> 00:00:24,604 if he spent the day with 20 00:00:21,684 --> 00:00:24,604 a happy, functional family. 21 00:00:24,604 --> 00:00:27,565 We couldn't find one, 22 00:00:24,604 --> 00:00:27,565 so he's coming with us. 23 00:00:27,565 --> 00:00:28,649 So, where's Haley? 24 00:00:28,649 --> 00:00:29,943 She's with Rainer. 25 00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:31,777 They've been seeing a lot of 26 00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:31,777 each other, which is great. 27 00:00:31,777 --> 00:00:33,196 Funny thing is, 28 00:00:31,777 --> 00:00:33,196 he was my friend first, 29 00:00:33,196 --> 00:00:34,865 but now I never see him. 30 00:00:33,196 --> 00:00:34,865 Or Haley. 31 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,449 Phil. 32 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,449 It's what everybody's 33 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,449 thinking. 34 00:00:36,449 --> 00:00:37,993 I don't want people 35 00:00:36,449 --> 00:00:37,993 walking on eggshells 36 00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:40,036 'cause he was my friend first, 37 00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:40,036 but now I never see him. 38 00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:41,162 Or Haley. 39 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,498 I'm only allowed to see 40 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,498 my children once a week. 41 00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:44,833 I hardly know them. 42 00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:46,877 Oh, well, Clark's 43 00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:46,877 head of the math club, 44 00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:48,920 and Tina's turned 45 00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:48,920 into a bit of a slut. 46 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,588 Thanks for the update. 47 00:00:50,588 --> 00:00:53,383 - Okay, there they are! 48 00:00:50,588 --> 00:00:53,383 - Hi! 49 00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:55,426 Don't y'all look as pretty 50 00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:55,426 as a peach pie 51 00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,594 on a Sunday afternoon? 52 00:00:56,594 --> 00:00:57,846 For the love of God, 53 00:00:57,846 --> 00:00:59,472 this is the last thing 54 00:00:57,846 --> 00:00:59,472 I need today. 55 00:00:59,472 --> 00:01:02,058 Hey, Flavor Flav, what's up 56 00:00:59,472 --> 00:01:02,058 with the giant watch? 57 00:01:02,058 --> 00:01:03,977 It's my doctor being 58 00:01:02,058 --> 00:01:03,977 a pain in the butt. 59 00:01:03,977 --> 00:01:05,645 One high reading, 60 00:01:03,977 --> 00:01:05,645 I got this thing 61 00:01:05,645 --> 00:01:07,272 taking my blood pressure 62 00:01:05,645 --> 00:01:07,272 all day. 63 00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:08,273 Wait, are you okay? 64 00:01:08,273 --> 00:01:09,607 No. 65 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:11,317 He needs to quit cigars 66 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:11,317 and the terrible food. 67 00:01:11,317 --> 00:01:13,069 Last week, 68 00:01:11,317 --> 00:01:13,069 I caught him in the garage 69 00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:14,404 eating a Polish sausage. 70 00:01:14,404 --> 00:01:16,197 What a man does 71 00:01:14,404 --> 00:01:16,197 behind his water heater 72 00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:17,532 is his own business. 73 00:01:17,532 --> 00:01:18,950 Don't worry about it. 74 00:01:17,532 --> 00:01:18,950 I've got it beat. 75 00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:20,035 Here's my trick. 76 00:01:20,035 --> 00:01:21,744 As soon as this thing goes off, 77 00:01:21,744 --> 00:01:23,955 I start singing 78 00:01:21,744 --> 00:01:23,955 sweet '70s soft rock 79 00:01:23,955 --> 00:01:25,248 to mellow myself out. 80 00:01:25,248 --> 00:01:27,208 Those songs could do anything. 81 00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:28,877 Seals and Crofts came on, 82 00:01:28,877 --> 00:01:31,004 lady's bell bottoms came off. 83 00:01:32,047 --> 00:01:33,423 - Well... 84 00:01:32,047 --> 00:01:33,423 - Hey, y'all. 85 00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:35,008 Anybody have a hankering 86 00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:35,008 for a hush puppy? 87 00:01:35,008 --> 00:01:37,135 Oh, geez. 88 00:01:41,181 --> 00:01:43,433 - What is going on here? 89 00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:44,893 It's a Thanksgiving 90 00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:44,893 jamboree! 91 00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:46,811 We have bales of hay. 92 00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:46,811 We have a cider press. 93 00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,479 Ooh, we're even 94 00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,479 deep-frying a turkey. 95 00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:49,564 And you're on board 96 00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:49,564 with this? 97 00:01:49,564 --> 00:01:51,649 Yes! Come on, 98 00:01:49,564 --> 00:01:51,649 it's good country fun. 99 00:01:51,649 --> 00:01:52,733 No. 100 00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:54,652 For Cam, maybe. 101 00:01:54,652 --> 00:01:56,404 What is happening? 102 00:01:54,652 --> 00:01:56,404 Is he hitting you? 103 00:01:56,404 --> 00:01:57,822 No. 104 00:01:57,822 --> 00:01:58,865 You did something, 105 00:01:57,822 --> 00:01:58,865 didn't you? 106 00:01:58,865 --> 00:02:00,075 You did! 107 00:02:00,075 --> 00:02:01,159 I didn't do anything. 108 00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:02,827 I'm ... 109 00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:02,827 I'm loving this, okay? 110 00:02:02,827 --> 00:02:03,954 Mm-hmm. 111 00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,872 That takes practice. 112 00:02:05,872 --> 00:02:08,749 No, I am not leaving here 113 00:02:05,872 --> 00:02:08,749 until you tell me what you did. 114 00:02:08,749 --> 00:02:10,251 Can I get you a mason jar 115 00:02:08,749 --> 00:02:10,251 of Chardonnay? 116 00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:11,127 Giddy up. 117 00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:14,547 Mr. Student Council 118 00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:14,547 President, 119 00:02:14,547 --> 00:02:16,674 have you had a chance to look 120 00:02:14,547 --> 00:02:16,674 at my proposal 121 00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:19,052 updating the honor code to 122 00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:19,052 address cyber-bullying? 123 00:02:19,052 --> 00:02:20,345 One second. 124 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,392 Why would you 125 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,392 call me that? 126 00:02:27,768 --> 00:02:30,355 Luke somehow beat me in 127 00:02:27,768 --> 00:02:30,355 the election for president, 128 00:02:30,355 --> 00:02:32,023 and I still can't get over it. 129 00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:34,525 Not to be hyperbolic, 130 00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:34,525 but humans are a decade away 131 00:02:34,525 --> 00:02:36,319 from fighting apes 132 00:02:34,525 --> 00:02:36,319 on horseback. 133 00:02:36,319 --> 00:02:37,820 You're trying to tell me 134 00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:40,323 that there's absolutely nothing 135 00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:40,323 weird going on here? 136 00:02:40,323 --> 00:02:41,532 You are dressed like 137 00:02:40,323 --> 00:02:41,532 a character 138 00:02:41,532 --> 00:02:42,825 out of 139 00:02:41,532 --> 00:02:42,825 "It's Raining Mice and Men." 140 00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:44,119 I don't know what you're 141 00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:44,119 talking about. 142 00:02:44,119 --> 00:02:46,997 I am enjoying this 143 00:02:44,119 --> 00:02:46,997 more than a farm animal 144 00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:49,415 missing a limb engaged in... 145 00:02:49,415 --> 00:02:51,376 some sort of activity. 146 00:02:51,376 --> 00:02:52,418 Okay, I did something bad. 147 00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:53,544 I knew it. 148 00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:54,754 Yeah, yeah, 149 00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:54,754 something real bad. 150 00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:56,297 I need Cam in a good mood 151 00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:56,297 before I tell him. 152 00:02:56,297 --> 00:02:58,716 Is it infidelity? 153 00:02:56,297 --> 00:02:58,716 If feels like infidelity. 154 00:02:58,716 --> 00:03:00,635 - I can't say. 155 00:02:58,716 --> 00:03:00,635 - Hey, Mitchell? 156 00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:03,263 It's your turn to feel 157 00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:03,263 the burn on the churn! 158 00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:06,224 Well, then I "butter" 159 00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:06,224 get over there. 160 00:03:06,224 --> 00:03:08,101 Okay, come on! 161 00:03:08,101 --> 00:03:10,145 Hey, Dwight. 162 00:03:10,145 --> 00:03:11,562 Ma'am. 163 00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:13,356 So, did they just happen 164 00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:13,356 to have this costume 165 00:03:13,356 --> 00:03:14,482 lying around 166 00:03:13,356 --> 00:03:14,482 in your size? 167 00:03:14,482 --> 00:03:15,901 Weirdly, they did. 168 00:03:15,901 --> 00:03:17,735 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 169 00:03:15,901 --> 00:03:17,735 No, Dwight 170 00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:19,946 has one of the most important 171 00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:19,946 games of his season next week 172 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:21,447 and I can't have you 173 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:21,447 getting him sick. 174 00:03:21,447 --> 00:03:22,448 Yeah, I'm over the mono. 175 00:03:22,448 --> 00:03:23,616 But it could still be 176 00:03:22,448 --> 00:03:23,616 contagious, 177 00:03:23,616 --> 00:03:25,618 and I have a fun 178 00:03:23,616 --> 00:03:25,618 costume idea for you. 179 00:03:25,618 --> 00:03:27,913 How about being an old-timey 180 00:03:25,618 --> 00:03:27,913 bank robber? 181 00:03:27,913 --> 00:03:31,624 You gotta cover that face 182 00:03:27,913 --> 00:03:31,624 before the marshal gets to town. 183 00:03:31,624 --> 00:03:33,793 Hi! 184 00:03:31,624 --> 00:03:33,793 Oh, what happened? 185 00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:36,087 Oh, nothing, 186 00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:36,087 just a Korean laser peel. 187 00:03:36,087 --> 00:03:38,756 Hurt like hell, but once 188 00:03:36,087 --> 00:03:38,756 the skin regenerates, 189 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:40,967 it's gonna take 10 years off 190 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:40,967 these moneymakers. 191 00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:44,095 Hey! There she is. 192 00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:45,596 Thanks for dropping 193 00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:45,596 her off. 194 00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:48,308 Uh, actually, Rainer's daughter 195 00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:48,308 is with her mom, 196 00:03:48,308 --> 00:03:50,643 so I invited him to spend 197 00:03:48,308 --> 00:03:50,643 Thanksgiving with us. 198 00:03:50,643 --> 00:03:53,771 I am loving 199 00:03:50,643 --> 00:03:53,771 this country theme! 200 00:03:53,771 --> 00:03:56,191 This reminds me of when I worked 201 00:03:53,771 --> 00:03:56,191 for Newscenter Twelve 202 00:03:56,191 --> 00:03:58,359 in Tulsa, except no one here's 203 00:03:56,191 --> 00:03:58,359 bitter and drunk. 204 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,363 Gosh, I would hate for you 205 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,363 to feel weird, though, 206 00:04:02,363 --> 00:04:04,032 since this is just 207 00:04:02,363 --> 00:04:04,032 for family. 208 00:04:04,032 --> 00:04:05,616 Isn't that our old 209 00:04:04,032 --> 00:04:05,616 neighbor, Jerry, 210 00:04:05,616 --> 00:04:07,202 stuffing appetizers 211 00:04:05,616 --> 00:04:07,202 into a ziplock? 212 00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:11,289 You know what, Rainer? You are 213 00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:11,289 more than welcome to stay. 214 00:04:11,289 --> 00:04:12,623 Thank you. 215 00:04:12,623 --> 00:04:14,792 Okay, well, I guess 216 00:04:12,623 --> 00:04:14,792 the main thing 217 00:04:14,792 --> 00:04:16,086 is all the Dunphys 218 00:04:14,792 --> 00:04:16,086 are here. 219 00:04:16,086 --> 00:04:17,921 Hey, Rainer, what's the weather 220 00:04:16,086 --> 00:04:17,921 going to be like for tomorrow? 221 00:04:17,921 --> 00:04:20,048 Clear and sunny skies, 222 00:04:17,921 --> 00:04:20,048 highs in the mid 70s, 223 00:04:20,048 --> 00:04:21,757 but hang onto that umbrella 224 00:04:20,048 --> 00:04:21,757 'cause Monday... 225 00:04:21,757 --> 00:04:23,468 Yeah, 226 00:04:21,757 --> 00:04:23,468 I just needed tomorrow, 227 00:04:23,468 --> 00:04:25,470 because that's when we're having 228 00:04:23,468 --> 00:04:25,470 our big family football game. 229 00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:26,888 Remember last year? 230 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:28,139 We ran that play? 231 00:04:28,139 --> 00:04:29,182 The Haley Mary? 232 00:04:29,182 --> 00:04:30,475 Uh, but tomorrow 233 00:04:29,182 --> 00:04:30,475 we're supposed... 234 00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:32,352 To have sunny weather? 235 00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:32,352 Yeah, you said that. 236 00:04:32,352 --> 00:04:34,562 Rainer's taking me to Cabo 237 00:04:32,352 --> 00:04:34,562 for the weekend. 238 00:04:34,562 --> 00:04:36,064 So, I had a problem. 239 00:04:36,064 --> 00:04:37,565 I wasn't sure if my hairdryer 240 00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:39,943 ran on Mexican electricity. 241 00:04:39,943 --> 00:04:41,987 Oh, and telling my dad. 242 00:04:41,987 --> 00:04:43,571 I had two problems. 243 00:04:56,417 --> 00:04:58,962 Doctors call it 244 00:04:56,417 --> 00:04:58,962 "hysterical impotence." 245 00:04:58,962 --> 00:05:00,796 There's nothing physically 246 00:04:58,962 --> 00:05:00,796 wrong, per se. 247 00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:02,340 But because of 248 00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:02,340 my divorce trauma, 249 00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,009 I guess I'm rewired 250 00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,009 down there. 251 00:05:04,009 --> 00:05:05,426 I get it. 252 00:05:05,426 --> 00:05:06,594 Okay, city slickers, 253 00:05:06,594 --> 00:05:10,473 guess who has a genuine petting 254 00:05:06,594 --> 00:05:10,473 zoo in the backyard? 255 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,897 All right! 256 00:05:16,897 --> 00:05:19,190 Wow! 257 00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:20,859 Animals! 258 00:05:20,859 --> 00:05:22,903 Oh, Cam, and you had 259 00:05:20,859 --> 00:05:22,903 the scarecrow 260 00:05:22,903 --> 00:05:24,112 made to look like Mitch! 261 00:05:24,112 --> 00:05:26,865 No, no, no, no, my mom sent that 262 00:05:24,112 --> 00:05:26,865 out from Missouri. 263 00:05:26,865 --> 00:05:28,074 I grew up with that. 264 00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:29,784 I even learned 265 00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:29,784 how to dance with it. 266 00:05:29,784 --> 00:05:31,661 I guess, now that you mention 267 00:05:29,784 --> 00:05:31,661 it, I do have a-a type. 268 00:05:31,661 --> 00:05:33,413 Hey, what's on 269 00:05:31,661 --> 00:05:33,413 this goat's head? 270 00:05:33,413 --> 00:05:34,747 That's my big idea ... 271 00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:36,875 a camera to capture 272 00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:36,875 everyone's delight! 273 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:38,001 Guess what I call it. 274 00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:39,044 Goat-Pro? 275 00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:42,047 That's also 276 00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:42,047 a... good name, yep. 277 00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:45,216 Look, Joe. 278 00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:45,216 This is a goat. 279 00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:48,219 Aah, I'm scared! 280 00:05:48,219 --> 00:05:50,471 No, no, no, there's nothing 281 00:05:48,219 --> 00:05:50,471 to be scared of. 282 00:05:50,471 --> 00:05:52,765 That's the way he says, 283 00:05:50,471 --> 00:05:52,765 "I love you." 284 00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:54,767 Of all the animals, 285 00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:54,767 this one is the one 286 00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:58,521 that sounds the most like 287 00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:58,521 an informant being tortured. 288 00:05:58,521 --> 00:06:01,441 I cannot have another son 289 00:05:58,521 --> 00:06:01,441 that is afraid of animals. 290 00:06:01,441 --> 00:06:03,902 When Manny was 5, 291 00:06:01,441 --> 00:06:03,902 he went to a petting zoo 292 00:06:03,902 --> 00:06:06,279 with a backpack 293 00:06:03,902 --> 00:06:06,279 full of truffle popcorn. 294 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,656 By the time they pulled 295 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,656 the pigs off him 296 00:06:08,656 --> 00:06:11,034 he was only wearing one sock. 297 00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:12,452 Joe, relax. 298 00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:15,163 Animals don't attack people 299 00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:15,163 for no reason. 300 00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:16,957 Let go of me! 301 00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:16,957 Oh, let go of me! 302 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,084 Run, Jerry! 303 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,084 They do terrible things! 304 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,084 Shh! 305 00:06:19,084 --> 00:06:21,544 Ohh! 306 00:06:21,544 --> 00:06:23,379 Hey. Good news. 307 00:06:23,379 --> 00:06:25,841 The box of hair products 308 00:06:23,379 --> 00:06:25,841 we pre-shipped has arrived 309 00:06:25,841 --> 00:06:27,550 and is waiting for us 310 00:06:25,841 --> 00:06:27,550 at the resort. 311 00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,135 I don't care about 312 00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,135 our hair anymore. 313 00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:30,971 Hey! 314 00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:30,971 That's crazy talk. 315 00:06:30,971 --> 00:06:33,431 I still haven't gotten up 316 00:06:30,971 --> 00:06:33,431 the guts to tell my parents. 317 00:06:33,431 --> 00:06:36,642 My mom will be cool, 318 00:06:33,431 --> 00:06:36,642 but my dad is gonna freak out. 319 00:06:36,642 --> 00:06:37,685 Well, I'll tell him. 320 00:06:37,685 --> 00:06:39,479 Your dad and I are buds. 321 00:06:39,479 --> 00:06:42,941 And I am excellent at delivering 322 00:06:39,479 --> 00:06:42,941 bad news with a smile. 323 00:06:42,941 --> 00:06:44,650 And that means 324 00:06:42,941 --> 00:06:44,650 the Coast Guard 325 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,569 will be spending the holidays 326 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,569 with their families, 327 00:06:46,569 --> 00:06:49,405 because the search 328 00:06:46,569 --> 00:06:49,405 has been called off. 329 00:06:49,405 --> 00:06:51,449 Wow, you're good. 330 00:06:51,449 --> 00:06:53,701 Phil. Hey. 331 00:06:53,701 --> 00:06:57,122 I know we haven't been spending 332 00:06:53,701 --> 00:06:57,122 enough time together lately, 333 00:06:57,122 --> 00:07:01,542 but I scored this amazing villa 334 00:06:57,122 --> 00:07:01,542 in Cabo for the weekend, 335 00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:03,544 and I wanted to take 336 00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:03,544 a special someone. 337 00:07:03,544 --> 00:07:04,754 Listening. 338 00:07:04,754 --> 00:07:06,547 I know you have your big 339 00:07:04,754 --> 00:07:06,547 family football game, 340 00:07:06,547 --> 00:07:08,174 but it's right 341 00:07:06,547 --> 00:07:08,174 on the water. 342 00:07:08,174 --> 00:07:10,135 Horseback riding 343 00:07:08,174 --> 00:07:10,135 on the beach. 344 00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:11,511 I see us both 345 00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:11,511 in white shirts. 346 00:07:11,511 --> 00:07:12,387 Phil. 347 00:07:12,387 --> 00:07:13,930 Claire, I know. 348 00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,141 It sounds like the best weekend 349 00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,141 of my life, mi amigo, 350 00:07:16,141 --> 00:07:17,100 but I can't. 351 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,309 It's family time. 352 00:07:18,309 --> 00:07:19,477 He wants 353 00:07:18,309 --> 00:07:19,477 to take Haley. 354 00:07:19,477 --> 00:07:20,561 Yeah. 355 00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:21,855 Did you think 356 00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:21,855 I was asking you? 357 00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:24,774 What... brother can't yank 358 00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:24,774 a brother's chain? 359 00:07:24,774 --> 00:07:26,151 You trippin'? 360 00:07:26,151 --> 00:07:27,485 This guy! 361 00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:29,905 I'll send you 362 00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:29,905 some pictures. 363 00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:31,447 Okay. 364 00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:31,447 But not from 365 00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:31,447 the nude beach. Ooh! 366 00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:34,575 Oh, that's funny 'cause 367 00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:34,575 it's my naked daughter! 368 00:07:34,575 --> 00:07:36,452 And you're taking her away! 369 00:07:36,452 --> 00:07:37,913 It's okay. 370 00:07:40,832 --> 00:07:43,168 See? They like it 371 00:07:40,832 --> 00:07:43,168 when you pet them. 372 00:07:43,168 --> 00:07:44,920 And when you look 373 00:07:43,168 --> 00:07:44,920 into their eyes, 374 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,796 you can see that 375 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,796 they're very smart. 376 00:07:46,796 --> 00:07:49,174 They have a very deep soul. 377 00:07:49,174 --> 00:07:50,842 What's his name? 378 00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:53,219 Name? It's a goat. 379 00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:53,219 Just touch it. 380 00:07:53,219 --> 00:07:56,222 I know it's a bummer, 381 00:07:53,219 --> 00:07:56,222 Haley going to Cabo. 382 00:07:56,222 --> 00:07:58,934 I wouldn't salt those 383 00:07:56,222 --> 00:07:58,934 margarita glasses just yet. 384 00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:01,978 Once I remind her how much fun 385 00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:01,978 Thanksgiving weekend is here, 386 00:08:01,978 --> 00:08:03,688 she's not going anywhere. 387 00:08:03,688 --> 00:08:06,274 Well, I hope it goes better 388 00:08:03,688 --> 00:08:06,274 than your big presentation 389 00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:08,651 on why the Ice Capades 390 00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:08,651 were cooler than Coachella. 391 00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:12,363 Hey, honey. 392 00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:12,363 Hi. 393 00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:15,200 I heard you had some tentative 394 00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:15,200 travel plans. 395 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,410 Actually, we just checked in 396 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,410 for our flight online. 397 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,079 Thanks for being so cool 398 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,079 about this. 399 00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:20,496 Of course. Mmm. 400 00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:23,791 Potable water. 401 00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:25,293 We take this stuff 402 00:08:25,293 --> 00:08:26,878 for granted stateside, 403 00:08:25,293 --> 00:08:26,878 don't we? 404 00:08:26,878 --> 00:08:29,380 It's a five-star resort. 405 00:08:26,878 --> 00:08:29,380 I'm sure we'll be fine. 406 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:30,882 Smell those side dishes. 407 00:08:30,882 --> 00:08:32,342 They're gonna be 408 00:08:30,882 --> 00:08:32,342 even better tomorrow 409 00:08:32,342 --> 00:08:33,551 at the post-game picnic. 410 00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:34,510 You know what's not 411 00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:34,510 a picnic? 412 00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:35,803 Putting on 413 00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:35,803 your bedroom slipper 414 00:08:35,803 --> 00:08:37,472 and getting an ankle full 415 00:08:35,803 --> 00:08:37,472 of scorpion. 416 00:08:37,472 --> 00:08:39,099 Thanks, Dad. 417 00:08:37,472 --> 00:08:39,099 I'll take my chances. 418 00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,808 That's what you said 419 00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,808 about Coachella, 420 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,768 and you missed Kristi Yamaguchi 421 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,768 doing a triple twist lift 422 00:08:42,768 --> 00:08:44,562 with Jiminy Cricket. 423 00:08:45,646 --> 00:08:47,732 What? 424 00:08:47,732 --> 00:08:50,151 You are not allowed to eat those 425 00:08:47,732 --> 00:08:50,151 with your blood pressure. 426 00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:52,028 Don't worry. These chips won't 427 00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:52,028 show up for a couple of weeks, 428 00:08:52,028 --> 00:08:53,446 and by then 429 00:08:52,028 --> 00:08:53,446 I'll have switched doctors. 430 00:08:53,446 --> 00:08:55,573 Sorry, Gloria's orders. 431 00:08:55,573 --> 00:08:58,243 Hey, Jay, looks like you could 432 00:08:55,573 --> 00:08:58,243 use a little square dance. 433 00:08:58,243 --> 00:08:59,577 That would be 434 00:08:58,243 --> 00:08:59,577 about the last... 435 00:09:03,039 --> 00:09:04,207 Cam, why are you... 436 00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:08,253 That's it! 437 00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:08,253 I'm out of here! 438 00:09:08,253 --> 00:09:09,504 Huh? 439 00:09:09,504 --> 00:09:11,214 I need some aspirin. 440 00:09:09,504 --> 00:09:11,214 I'm going to a pharmacy. 441 00:09:11,214 --> 00:09:13,299 I'm coming, too. 442 00:09:11,214 --> 00:09:13,299 No reason. 443 00:09:13,299 --> 00:09:15,510 Apparently, you don't need 444 00:09:13,299 --> 00:09:15,510 a reason to leave your family. 445 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,388 I'll go, too. 446 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,388 I'm out of Ramen and Xanax. 447 00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,349 What's happening? 448 00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:23,184 This is what we 449 00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:23,184 in the weather game 450 00:09:23,184 --> 00:09:25,145 refer to as a 451 00:09:23,184 --> 00:09:25,145 "high-pressure system." 452 00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:30,483 This reminds me 453 00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:30,483 of the time 454 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:31,943 I walked in on you 455 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:31,943 watching "Top Gun". 456 00:09:31,943 --> 00:09:33,778 You need to stop 457 00:09:31,943 --> 00:09:33,778 telling that story. 458 00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:36,907 Whatever you did to Cam, 459 00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:36,907 it can't have been that bad. 460 00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:38,909 And it is not worth this. 461 00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:41,327 Maybe you're right. 462 00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:41,327 Maybe I'm worrying too much. 463 00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:42,370 You are. 464 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:44,622 I gave Cam's Fizbo 465 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:44,622 costume away. 466 00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,624 Oh, my God, he's gonna kill 467 00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,624 everyone in the house. 468 00:09:46,624 --> 00:09:48,543 The truck was here, 469 00:09:46,624 --> 00:09:48,543 and there were so many boxes, 470 00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:50,921 and you know how excited 471 00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:50,921 I get about a deduction. 472 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,213 Listen to me. 473 00:09:52,213 --> 00:09:54,007 He's not going to believe 474 00:09:52,213 --> 00:09:54,007 that this was an accident. 475 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:56,426 You can never, 476 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:56,426 ever tell him. 477 00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:57,635 He's gonna know 478 00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:57,635 it's missing. 479 00:09:57,635 --> 00:09:59,345 I mean, he pulls it out 480 00:09:57,635 --> 00:09:59,345 for everything. 481 00:09:59,345 --> 00:10:01,639 Birthday parties, brunches, 482 00:09:59,345 --> 00:10:01,639 hot yoga... 483 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:03,433 Blah. 484 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:03,433 Mm-hmm. 485 00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:04,809 I-I need to wait 486 00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:04,809 for the right moment. 487 00:10:04,809 --> 00:10:06,394 There's never gonna be 488 00:10:04,809 --> 00:10:06,394 a right moment. 489 00:10:06,394 --> 00:10:09,272 Hey, ain't nothing in the world 490 00:10:06,394 --> 00:10:09,272 that can get me down 491 00:10:09,272 --> 00:10:10,941 when I'm holding 492 00:10:09,272 --> 00:10:10,941 a little piglet. 493 00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:11,983 Look at her! 494 00:10:11,983 --> 00:10:13,902 It's time. 495 00:10:11,983 --> 00:10:13,902 Sweetie? 496 00:10:11,983 --> 00:10:13,902 Don't do it. 497 00:10:13,902 --> 00:10:15,320 Don't do it. 498 00:10:13,902 --> 00:10:15,320 Don't do what? 499 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,197 I need you 500 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,197 to sit down for this. 501 00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:18,198 Take a bale. 502 00:10:18,198 --> 00:10:19,449 Think of the children. 503 00:10:19,449 --> 00:10:21,201 Lily, Dwight. 504 00:10:21,201 --> 00:10:23,036 Um... 505 00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:25,872 I gave Fizbo away. 506 00:10:29,042 --> 00:10:30,335 What? 507 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:31,962 I know how much that costume 508 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:31,962 meant to you, 509 00:10:31,962 --> 00:10:35,506 and I am so, so sorry. 510 00:10:35,506 --> 00:10:37,717 Well, it's a lot 511 00:10:35,506 --> 00:10:37,717 to process. 512 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:40,678 I know. 513 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:40,678 Accidents do happen. 514 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:42,680 And I am holding 515 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:42,680 a little piglet. 516 00:10:44,182 --> 00:10:46,017 I forgive you. 517 00:10:46,017 --> 00:10:50,021 Now, if you'll excuse me, 518 00:10:46,017 --> 00:10:50,021 I have a turkey to deep fry. 519 00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,439 Here. 520 00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,439 Hold Connor. 521 00:10:51,439 --> 00:10:53,900 No, I 522 00:10:51,439 --> 00:10:53,900 Okay. 523 00:10:55,693 --> 00:10:57,320 I married the sweetest, 524 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,821 most understanding man 525 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,821 on the planet. 526 00:10:58,821 --> 00:11:01,157 Or he's done something 527 00:10:58,821 --> 00:11:01,157 even worse to you 528 00:11:01,157 --> 00:11:02,825 and wants to get you 529 00:11:01,157 --> 00:11:02,825 in a good mood. 530 00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:04,202 No. 531 00:11:04,202 --> 00:11:05,495 Yes! 532 00:11:07,956 --> 00:11:09,290 Hey! 533 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:10,791 You don't have to 534 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:10,791 cover your face. 535 00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:12,627 I don't care what Coach Cam 536 00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:12,627 says about mono. 537 00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:14,087 You're way too pretty. 538 00:11:14,087 --> 00:11:16,214 Oh, no. 539 00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:17,924 I mean, listen, 540 00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:17,924 I'm flattered, 541 00:11:17,924 --> 00:11:23,930 but even though you are 542 00:11:17,924 --> 00:11:23,930 so, so tall 543 00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:26,391 you are in high school 544 00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:26,391 and I'm... 545 00:11:26,391 --> 00:11:27,392 Very beautiful. 546 00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:30,103 Well... 547 00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:33,314 I was going to say, 548 00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:33,314 "in college," but thanks. 549 00:11:34,482 --> 00:11:36,734 Stop it, oh, my God! 550 00:11:36,734 --> 00:11:38,236 Ugh! Dad is killing me. 551 00:11:38,236 --> 00:11:40,030 He's trying to guilt trip me 552 00:11:38,236 --> 00:11:40,030 out of going to Cabo. 553 00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,781 When is he gonna let me 554 00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,781 live my own life? 555 00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:43,241 Maybe when you stop living 556 00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:43,241 out of his basement 557 00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:44,492 and eating all of his food. 558 00:11:44,492 --> 00:11:46,661 You're right. 559 00:11:44,492 --> 00:11:46,661 I am a victim. 560 00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,207 I should get this tiny mouthwash 561 00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,207 for Haley. 562 00:11:51,207 --> 00:11:53,709 It's the abandon-your-family 563 00:11:51,207 --> 00:11:53,709 travel size. 564 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,128 Oh, dear God. 565 00:11:55,128 --> 00:11:57,755 I know ... Corn Nuts, 566 00:11:55,128 --> 00:11:57,755 two-for-one sale. 567 00:11:57,755 --> 00:12:00,175 I feel like God's giving me 568 00:11:57,755 --> 00:12:00,175 the middle finger. 569 00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:04,595 No. That's my wife's 570 00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:04,595 divorce lawyer. 571 00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:05,763 I can't believe it. 572 00:12:05,763 --> 00:12:07,765 That bastard 573 00:12:05,763 --> 00:12:07,765 was my ex's lawyer. 574 00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:09,642 - Are you kidding me? 575 00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:09,642 - Whoa. 576 00:12:09,642 --> 00:12:12,938 I bet he's here to buy 577 00:12:09,642 --> 00:12:12,938 some extra-small condoms, 578 00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,899 the kind that they keep 579 00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,899 behind the counter. 580 00:12:15,899 --> 00:12:17,817 Shut up. 581 00:12:17,817 --> 00:12:19,777 I keep having this dream 582 00:12:17,817 --> 00:12:19,777 that he's dying of thirst 583 00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:21,446 in the desert, 584 00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:21,446 and I hit him with my car. 585 00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,323 - I thought you were over it. 586 00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,323 - I thought I was. 587 00:12:23,323 --> 00:12:25,325 Let's get out of here 588 00:12:23,323 --> 00:12:25,325 before my cuff explodes. 589 00:12:25,325 --> 00:12:27,202 Yeah, he already ruined 590 00:12:25,325 --> 00:12:27,202 my family. 591 00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,537 I don't want him to ruin 592 00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,537 my Thanksgiving, too. 593 00:12:30,788 --> 00:12:32,958 No. 594 00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:35,001 We're not going anywhere. 595 00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,294 It's time someone stood up 596 00:12:36,294 --> 00:12:38,046 to the weasels who sweep 597 00:12:36,294 --> 00:12:38,046 into our lives, 598 00:12:38,046 --> 00:12:40,548 break up our families, 599 00:12:38,046 --> 00:12:40,548 and take our loved ones to Cabo. 600 00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:42,968 I feel like you're making this 601 00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:42,968 about you, but you're right. 602 00:12:42,968 --> 00:12:45,053 Do you know when my high 603 00:12:42,968 --> 00:12:45,053 blood pressure started? 604 00:12:45,053 --> 00:12:46,637 When I met that guy. 605 00:12:46,637 --> 00:12:48,639 Is this when someone's supposed 606 00:12:46,637 --> 00:12:48,639 to say, "Get him!" 607 00:12:48,639 --> 00:12:49,891 - No. 608 00:12:48,639 --> 00:12:49,891 - You hold him down. 609 00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:51,601 I'm gonna beat him 610 00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:51,601 with this orthopedic shoe. 611 00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:52,810 Come here! 612 00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:55,146 Let's not lock into 613 00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:55,146 our ... our first idea. 614 00:12:55,146 --> 00:12:57,148 I love you, Mr. Goat! 615 00:12:57,148 --> 00:12:58,691 Aw, you see, Joe? 616 00:12:58,691 --> 00:13:00,986 You listen to Mommy, and now 617 00:12:58,691 --> 00:13:00,986 you have a new best friend. 618 00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:03,321 What? 619 00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:06,241 You're cold? 620 00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:06,241 I'll go get you a blanket! 621 00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:09,119 Well, if he was going to get 622 00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:09,119 the pig a blanket, 623 00:13:09,119 --> 00:13:10,370 you know what that 624 00:13:09,119 --> 00:13:10,370 would be called. 625 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,622 Pig in a blanket? 626 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,622 Okay, I teed that one up 627 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,622 for you. 628 00:13:12,622 --> 00:13:14,207 All right, 629 00:13:12,622 --> 00:13:14,207 it's time to fry this turkey. 630 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:16,334 Somebody please lower 631 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:16,334 my splatter goggles, boys? 632 00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:17,293 You heard him. 633 00:13:17,293 --> 00:13:18,586 You do it. 634 00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,421 You're not the president 635 00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,421 of goggle lowering. 636 00:13:20,421 --> 00:13:23,049 I would be 637 00:13:20,421 --> 00:13:23,049 if they took a vote. 638 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:26,261 What could Cam have done? 639 00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:27,846 Maybe he's the one 640 00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:27,846 who's having an affair. 641 00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:30,515 I saw a list of clues 642 00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:30,515 in a magazine. 643 00:13:30,515 --> 00:13:33,601 Has he joined a gym or bought 644 00:13:30,515 --> 00:13:33,601 sexy new underwear recently? 645 00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,436 I think it's sweet 646 00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,436 that you think 647 00:13:35,436 --> 00:13:39,232 we're capable of having an 648 00:13:35,436 --> 00:13:39,232 affair, but we're just so tired. 649 00:13:39,232 --> 00:13:40,733 All right, now, boys, 650 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:44,112 the key is you drop it 651 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:44,112 nice and gentle like. 652 00:13:46,531 --> 00:13:47,740 Mono! 653 00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:50,618 Runaway goat! 654 00:13:51,577 --> 00:13:53,288 Ay! 655 00:13:53,288 --> 00:13:56,624 Aw, you wanted to run 656 00:13:53,288 --> 00:13:56,624 to the barn! 657 00:13:57,959 --> 00:13:59,127 Aw! 658 00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:02,047 Let me put a positive spin 659 00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:02,047 on this. 660 00:14:02,047 --> 00:14:04,090 Who here likes goat? 661 00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:09,804 Hello, you son of a bitch. 662 00:14:09,804 --> 00:14:12,598 Hope you like that deodorant, 663 00:14:09,804 --> 00:14:12,598 'cause you stink! 664 00:14:12,598 --> 00:14:13,934 Wart remover ... 665 00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,268 well, if that works, 666 00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,268 there'll be nothing left. 667 00:14:15,268 --> 00:14:17,728 Well, well, well. 668 00:14:15,268 --> 00:14:17,728 Norbert and Pritchett. 669 00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,480 Jay, I don't think 670 00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,480 I ever got a chance 671 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,607 to thank you for buying me 672 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,607 my first Ferrari. 673 00:14:21,607 --> 00:14:22,943 I wish you drove it 674 00:14:21,607 --> 00:14:22,943 off a cliff. 675 00:14:22,943 --> 00:14:24,194 Like the one 676 00:14:22,943 --> 00:14:24,194 my house is on, 677 00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:25,695 which you also paid for, 678 00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:25,695 thank you? 679 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,949 This doesn't sound like 680 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,949 we're getting him. 681 00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:30,700 Look, you want some 682 00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:30,700 free legal advice, fellas? 683 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,120 Three words ... 684 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,120 Ladies. Leave. Losers. 685 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,539 No, sir, we have three words 686 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,539 for you. 687 00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:38,416 Have you no sh... 688 00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:38,416 have you ... 689 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:42,003 have no ... have you no shame ... 690 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:42,003 it can be four words. 691 00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:43,088 Who's this chuckle-head? 692 00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:44,672 Someone who you're never 693 00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:44,672 gonna know, 694 00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:47,092 'cause I'm happily married 695 00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:47,092 most of the time. 696 00:14:47,092 --> 00:14:48,634 Aw, that's what 697 00:14:47,092 --> 00:14:48,634 they all say. 698 00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:50,971 Then one day your wife wakes up 699 00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:50,971 and says, "Oh, my God! 700 00:14:50,971 --> 00:14:52,388 I married a moron!" 701 00:14:52,388 --> 00:14:55,725 She calls me, and I'm like, 702 00:14:52,388 --> 00:14:55,725 "Hello, Mrs. Chuckle..." 703 00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:03,733 Yeah, 704 00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:03,733 that's about right. 705 00:15:08,738 --> 00:15:10,156 He might have had 706 00:15:08,738 --> 00:15:10,156 a heart attack. 707 00:15:10,156 --> 00:15:11,491 We probably ought 708 00:15:10,156 --> 00:15:11,491 to do something. 709 00:15:11,491 --> 00:15:12,993 Oh, I saw some champagne 710 00:15:11,491 --> 00:15:12,993 back there. 711 00:15:12,993 --> 00:15:14,452 It's the guy on the ground! 712 00:15:14,452 --> 00:15:17,580 Oh! Take the defibrillator, 713 00:15:14,452 --> 00:15:17,580 I'll call 911. 714 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,915 Guys, help me out. 715 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,915 I don't know what I'm doing. 716 00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:20,458 I watch a lot of 717 00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:20,458 "Grey's Anatomy," 718 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,502 but I fast-forward through 719 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,502 the non-romantic scenes. 720 00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:23,962 No, no, no, we're not 721 00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:23,962 gonna save him! 722 00:15:23,962 --> 00:15:25,338 Jerry, no, Jerry. 723 00:15:25,338 --> 00:15:26,631 Jay, get him off me! 724 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:29,550 Look at his basket. 725 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:29,550 Wasn't much of a life. 726 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:31,219 Ohh! 727 00:15:33,513 --> 00:15:35,681 Ah, hell, 728 00:15:33,513 --> 00:15:35,681 I'm gonna regret this. 729 00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:39,560 I'm feeling better, Pritchett. 730 00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:39,560 I think it was just gas. 731 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,896 Better safe than sorry. 732 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,813 Aah! 733 00:15:42,813 --> 00:15:45,275 Oh, I deserve 734 00:15:42,813 --> 00:15:45,275 some of the blame. 735 00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:47,443 I made my farmscape 736 00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:47,443 too inviting. 737 00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:50,071 Okay. 738 00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:50,071 This is a mess. 739 00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:51,156 What are we gonna do now? 740 00:15:51,156 --> 00:15:53,283 Alex, how many goats 741 00:15:51,156 --> 00:15:53,283 have to die 742 00:15:53,283 --> 00:15:55,869 until you get a handle 743 00:15:53,283 --> 00:15:55,869 on your insatiable appetite 744 00:15:55,869 --> 00:15:57,120 for high-school boys? 745 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,746 Actually, I-it's my fault. 746 00:15:58,746 --> 00:16:00,540 Ooh, Dwight. 747 00:15:58,746 --> 00:16:00,540 We're good-looking guys. 748 00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,458 We don't apologize 749 00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,458 for it. 750 00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:04,294 I got you a blanket, 751 00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:04,294 Mr. Goat. 752 00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,753 No, no, no, no, no! 753 00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:08,256 We're going to wait for 754 00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:08,256 Santa Claus by the chimney! 755 00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:09,757 But it's Thanksgiving. 756 00:16:09,757 --> 00:16:11,968 What about Mr. Goat? 757 00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:13,970 How come I don't 758 00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:13,970 hear him anymore? 759 00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:16,472 Ay, Mr. Goat is fine! 760 00:16:16,472 --> 00:16:17,933 Baaa! 761 00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,434 Did you hear that? 762 00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:21,227 What is it, Mr. Goat? 763 00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:22,603 Baaa! 764 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,481 He's saying that he needs 765 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,481 some time alone. 766 00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:27,943 Look, there's some cookies 767 00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:27,943 for Santa. 768 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,028 Here, why don't you go and sit 769 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,028 by the chimney and wait. 770 00:16:30,028 --> 00:16:32,447 Santa! 771 00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:36,076 Hey lookit, it's not my place 772 00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:36,076 to try to parent your kids. 773 00:16:36,076 --> 00:16:37,077 Good. 774 00:16:37,077 --> 00:16:39,037 But one thing we learn 775 00:16:37,077 --> 00:16:39,037 on the farm 776 00:16:39,037 --> 00:16:41,832 is that death 777 00:16:39,037 --> 00:16:41,832 is a part of life. 778 00:16:41,832 --> 00:16:43,291 If you tell Joe what happened 779 00:16:41,832 --> 00:16:43,291 to that goat, 780 00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,043 death is gonna be part 781 00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,043 of your life. 782 00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:47,921 You know what? Kids can handle 783 00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:47,921 a lot more than you think. 784 00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,465 And every step, 785 00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,465 from birth till the end, 786 00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:52,884 has its own 787 00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:52,884 magical beauty. 788 00:16:52,884 --> 00:16:54,510 So, do we jam the goat 789 00:16:52,884 --> 00:16:54,510 in the garbage 790 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:56,137 or heave it over the fence? 791 00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:57,763 Teach your children well. 792 00:16:57,763 --> 00:17:00,725 Hey. 793 00:16:57,763 --> 00:17:00,725 Thanks for before. 794 00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:02,643 You know, pushing me out 795 00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:02,643 of the way of the goat. 796 00:17:02,643 --> 00:17:03,728 Don't worry about it. 797 00:17:03,728 --> 00:17:05,521 It's more about protecting 798 00:17:03,728 --> 00:17:05,521 the office. 799 00:17:05,521 --> 00:17:08,649 Look, I think we both know 800 00:17:05,521 --> 00:17:08,649 you should have been president. 801 00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:11,987 Maybe I've been hard on you 802 00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:11,987 'cause I'm jealous. 803 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,155 Yeah, okay. 804 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:17,283 You two keep making out 805 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:17,283 while I carry the dead goat. 806 00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:26,417 Mr. Goat? 807 00:17:26,417 --> 00:17:29,129 Baaaa? 808 00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:31,797 Any suspicious activity 809 00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:31,797 on that phone bill? 810 00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:33,925 Well, Cam spent $100 811 00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:33,925 on the psychic hotline... 812 00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,386 but that's normal during 813 00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,386 the run-up to awards season. 814 00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:37,846 - Oh. 815 00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:37,846 - Hey. 816 00:17:37,846 --> 00:17:39,555 I just saw we were running out 817 00:17:37,846 --> 00:17:39,555 of pumpkin dip, 818 00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:41,432 and I know it's your favorite, 819 00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:41,432 so I brought you some. 820 00:17:41,432 --> 00:17:42,558 What's your game? 821 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,935 Yeah, 822 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,935 show us your underwear. 823 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,935 What? 824 00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:46,521 Hm. 825 00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:46,521 Why were you so understanding 826 00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:46,521 about Fizbo, huh? 827 00:17:46,521 --> 00:17:47,563 What are you hiding? 828 00:17:47,563 --> 00:17:48,940 - Hiding? 829 00:17:47,563 --> 00:17:48,940 - Mm-hmm. 830 00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,191 Shame on you. 831 00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:51,734 It's Thanksgiving. 832 00:17:51,734 --> 00:17:53,444 I want to celebrate 833 00:17:51,734 --> 00:17:53,444 with my husband, 834 00:17:53,444 --> 00:17:57,115 my daughter, 835 00:17:53,444 --> 00:17:57,115 my lovely family, Jerry. 836 00:17:57,115 --> 00:17:59,534 I think it's sad 837 00:17:57,115 --> 00:17:59,534 that you two look at life 838 00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:00,952 as some sort of game 839 00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:00,952 where everyone's trying 840 00:18:00,952 --> 00:18:02,662 to get away 841 00:18:00,952 --> 00:18:02,662 with something. 842 00:18:02,662 --> 00:18:04,747 Some people 843 00:18:02,662 --> 00:18:04,747 are just nice. 844 00:18:06,707 --> 00:18:07,876 They bought it. 845 00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:09,627 Truth is, I paid 846 00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:09,627 for the jamboree 847 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:13,256 with money we had saved for 848 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:13,256 a romantic Hawaiian vacation. 849 00:18:13,256 --> 00:18:16,467 I even sprung for fancy straw 850 00:18:13,256 --> 00:18:16,467 bales flown in from Missouri. 851 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:20,555 Ohh. That's class. 852 00:18:23,474 --> 00:18:25,018 The hell happened here? 853 00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:27,938 I think I felt enough 854 00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:27,938 for one day. 855 00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:29,355 - Ohh! 856 00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:29,355 - Oh! 857 00:18:29,355 --> 00:18:32,442 It's possible I've been 858 00:18:29,355 --> 00:18:32,442 electrocuted one too many times. 859 00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,569 You know, 860 00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,569 I learned something today. 861 00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:38,114 I saw a man nearly die 862 00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:38,114 right in front of me. 863 00:18:38,114 --> 00:18:40,575 And this is 864 00:18:38,114 --> 00:18:40,575 a constant reminder 865 00:18:40,575 --> 00:18:42,368 that it can happen to me 866 00:18:40,575 --> 00:18:42,368 at any moment. 867 00:18:42,368 --> 00:18:44,412 It's a lot to think about. 868 00:18:44,412 --> 00:18:45,538 So I'm not gonna. 869 00:18:47,665 --> 00:18:48,959 Phil, get me a beer. 870 00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:50,793 Jerry, get me a scotch. 871 00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:52,670 I learned something 872 00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:52,670 today, too. 873 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:55,215 It's a lot right now, 874 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:55,215 Jerry. 875 00:18:59,219 --> 00:19:00,636 Hey. 876 00:19:00,636 --> 00:19:02,638 What's the matter, kid? 877 00:19:02,638 --> 00:19:04,515 I loved Mr. Goat. 878 00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:06,559 He died. 879 00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:06,559 Ohh. 880 00:19:06,559 --> 00:19:08,019 Please don't smoke. 881 00:19:08,019 --> 00:19:13,024 Hey, don't you worry 882 00:19:08,019 --> 00:19:13,024 about a thing, Joey. 883 00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:15,068 I'm not going anywhere. 884 00:19:21,532 --> 00:19:23,784 Dad, I don't care 885 00:19:21,532 --> 00:19:23,784 what you say. 886 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:24,911 I'm going to Cabo. 887 00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:25,828 You sure are. 888 00:19:25,828 --> 00:19:26,997 Sure are 889 00:19:25,828 --> 00:19:26,997 gonna get kidnapped 890 00:19:26,997 --> 00:19:28,789 by Aztecs and sacrificed 891 00:19:26,997 --> 00:19:28,789 in a volcano. 892 00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,376 I get it. 893 00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,376 No, honey, I want you to go. 894 00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:34,462 I-I'm sorry about earlier. 895 00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:34,462 I was mad. 896 00:19:34,462 --> 00:19:36,339 And instead 897 00:19:34,462 --> 00:19:36,339 of talking about it, 898 00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:39,134 I pushed it down and it came out 899 00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:39,134 in some ugly ways 900 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:42,678 with my beautiful daughter 901 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:42,678 and a lawyer who has warts. 902 00:19:43,972 --> 00:19:46,016 Anyway, it's just 903 00:19:43,972 --> 00:19:46,016 more and more of your life 904 00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:48,684 is happening away from me, 905 00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:48,684 and it's normal and good, 906 00:19:48,684 --> 00:19:50,020 but it's hard. 907 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,063 Damn it, why do you have 908 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,063 to be so sweet? 909 00:19:52,063 --> 00:19:53,231 Now I feel guilty. 910 00:19:53,231 --> 00:19:55,691 Don't. Go to Cabo. 911 00:19:53,231 --> 00:19:55,691 Have fun. 912 00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:57,610 You know, 913 00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:57,610 I could play football today. 914 00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,112 Run that Haley Mary? 915 00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:00,655 That would be 916 00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:00,655 so wonderful... 917 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:02,615 Oh! 918 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:02,615 Ow! 919 00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:05,535 Electrocuted again? 920 00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:05,535 Real bad. 921 00:20:06,912 --> 00:20:09,747 - Okay, break! 922 00:20:06,912 --> 00:20:09,747 - All right, everybody. 923 00:20:09,747 --> 00:20:12,792 Welcome to the 15th annual 924 00:20:09,747 --> 00:20:12,792 Thanksgiving football game, 925 00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:14,878 being played a day early. 926 00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,587 I'd be remiss 927 00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,587 if I didn't mention 928 00:20:16,587 --> 00:20:18,756 how beautiful it is that 929 00:20:16,587 --> 00:20:18,756 we're all together. 930 00:20:18,756 --> 00:20:21,509 Is it just me, 931 00:20:18,756 --> 00:20:21,509 or can you feel the love... 932 00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:22,635 Can we please do this? 933 00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:25,430 - All right. 934 00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:25,430 - Down! 935 00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:26,597 Set. 936 00:20:26,597 --> 00:20:28,349 Phil, we're good, right? 937 00:20:26,597 --> 00:20:28,349 Oh, we're great. 938 00:20:28,349 --> 00:20:29,935 You should really take Claire 939 00:20:28,349 --> 00:20:29,935 to this resort. 940 00:20:29,935 --> 00:20:30,852 Very romantic. 941 00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:32,395 Blue, 39! 942 00:20:32,395 --> 00:20:34,314 Heart-shaped Jacuzzi 943 00:20:32,395 --> 00:20:34,314 in every room. 944 00:20:34,314 --> 00:20:36,774 Kansas City, Kansas City... 945 00:20:37,943 --> 00:20:41,071 Actually, now I'm great. 946 00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:43,281 Oh, my God, Dad. 947 00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:43,281 Seriously? 948 00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:45,533 Ahh. 949 00:20:45,533 --> 00:20:47,452 Ah, what a beautiful day. 950 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:52,540 Oh, I am exhausted. 951 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:55,460 I'm counting down the days 952 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:55,460 till we're in Hawaii. 953 00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:57,212 Sweetie, I don't know 954 00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:57,212 if you can count that high. 955 00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:59,214 You remember how cool I was 956 00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:59,214 with the whole Fizbo thing? 957 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,674 Cam, you spent the Hawaii money 958 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,674 on this party, didn't you? 959 00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:03,844 What is wrong with us? 960 00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:05,553 From now on, can we just be 961 00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:05,553 honest with each other, 962 00:21:05,553 --> 00:21:06,847 all right? 963 00:21:05,553 --> 00:21:06,847 No more games. 964 00:21:06,847 --> 00:21:08,056 Deal. 965 00:21:08,056 --> 00:21:09,724 Hey, daddies. 966 00:21:08,056 --> 00:21:09,724 You look tired. 967 00:21:09,724 --> 00:21:11,601 I made you some 968 00:21:09,724 --> 00:21:11,601 grilled cheese sandwiches. 969 00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:13,269 Love you. 970 00:21:13,269 --> 00:21:14,770 Well, there's something 971 00:21:13,269 --> 00:21:14,770 we did right. 972 00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:15,897 Yeah. 973 00:21:15,897 --> 00:21:17,607 I needed them in a good mood. 974 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:19,650 I kept this 975 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:19,650 from the petting zoo. 976 00:21:24,948 --> 00:21:27,951 Captions by VITAC :