1 00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:04,013 - Come on in. 2 00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:04,013 - Hey-o! 3 00:00:04,013 --> 00:00:05,055 - Hi! 4 00:00:04,013 --> 00:00:05,055 - Hello. 5 00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:07,055 Do you love 6 00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:07,055 our sweaters? 7 00:00:07,055 --> 00:00:09,013 I thought they would be perfect 8 00:00:07,055 --> 00:00:09,013 for the Snow Ball dance. 9 00:00:09,013 --> 00:00:10,680 I got them at the store 10 00:00:09,013 --> 00:00:10,680 where you buy things 11 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,138 that go with 12 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,138 the other things. 13 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,805 Oh, I know that place. 14 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,805 That's where we got 15 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,346 our Salt-N-Pepa 16 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,346 salt and pepper shakers. 17 00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:18,305 Claire can never tell 18 00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:18,305 which one is which. 19 00:00:18,305 --> 00:00:21,180 A confusing idea 20 00:00:18,305 --> 00:00:21,180 poorly executed. 21 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,763 Stop implying 22 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,763 I'm a racist. 23 00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:24,971 How did we get roped into 24 00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:24,971 this chaperone thing? 25 00:00:24,971 --> 00:00:27,763 This incredibly annoying 26 00:00:24,971 --> 00:00:27,763 PTA mom, Marjorie, 27 00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:29,055 keeps hounding us 28 00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:29,055 to volunteer for things, 29 00:00:29,055 --> 00:00:31,138 and we finally 30 00:00:29,055 --> 00:00:31,138 ran out of excuses. 31 00:00:31,138 --> 00:00:33,096 Ooh, I should probably 32 00:00:31,138 --> 00:00:33,096 tell her we're coming. 33 00:00:33,096 --> 00:00:34,805 Unreal. 34 00:00:34,805 --> 00:00:36,388 "Where are you?" 35 00:00:36,388 --> 00:00:38,096 "Are you with Claire?" 36 00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:39,680 "How far away are you?" 37 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,513 "Text me 38 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,513 when you're close." 39 00:00:41,513 --> 00:00:43,513 "I locked my keys in my car." 40 00:00:43,513 --> 00:00:44,805 Oh, that's from Haley. 41 00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:46,638 Much as I'd love 42 00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:46,638 to meet this dingbat, 43 00:00:46,638 --> 00:00:48,638 how many chaperones 44 00:00:46,638 --> 00:00:48,638 do they really need? 45 00:00:48,638 --> 00:00:50,888 Takes one person 46 00:00:48,638 --> 00:00:50,888 to turn a garden hose 47 00:00:50,888 --> 00:00:52,055 on those dry humpers. 48 00:00:52,055 --> 00:00:54,013 If Phil is going, 49 00:00:52,055 --> 00:00:54,013 you are going. 50 00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,013 I don't like being 51 00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,013 the only person in the room 52 00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:57,263 without a husband. 53 00:00:57,263 --> 00:00:59,013 It's my one insecurity. 54 00:00:59,013 --> 00:01:00,346 Phil's just trying 55 00:00:59,013 --> 00:01:00,346 to be nice. 56 00:01:00,346 --> 00:01:01,805 He doesn't want to go 57 00:01:00,346 --> 00:01:01,805 to this thing, either. 58 00:01:01,805 --> 00:01:03,388 Actually, I was 59 00:01:01,805 --> 00:01:03,388 looking forward to it. 60 00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,346 Maybe meet some of these 61 00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,346 so-called cheerleaders. 62 00:01:05,346 --> 00:01:07,930 Watch their faces when I tell 63 00:01:05,346 --> 00:01:07,930 them we could kewpie a scorpion 64 00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:10,721 into a cradle catch and then 65 00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:10,721 pop up into a split extension. 66 00:01:10,721 --> 00:01:12,930 Most of 67 00:01:10,721 --> 00:01:12,930 that stuff's illegal now. 68 00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:15,346 I think what Phil's 69 00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:15,346 trying to say is that 70 00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:18,763 he and I haven't had 71 00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:18,763 a boy's night in a good while. 72 00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:20,805 I mean, wouldn't it be nice 73 00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:20,805 to just hang out together, 74 00:01:20,805 --> 00:01:22,096 just you and me? 75 00:01:22,096 --> 00:01:24,680 What do you say, buddy? 76 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,971 What? 77 00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:30,555 Might be nice to have 78 00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:30,555 a hang with my boy Jay. 79 00:01:30,555 --> 00:01:32,305 If it's fine with you. 80 00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:34,305 Sure, it's the least 81 00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:34,305 I could do, because tomorrow 82 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:36,513 you are going to help Luke 83 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:36,513 with his homework 84 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,096 while I visit wine country. 85 00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:39,721 I want to go. 86 00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:41,305 That's just what she calls 87 00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:41,305 lying on the trampoline 88 00:01:41,305 --> 00:01:42,596 drinking Chardonnay. 89 00:01:42,596 --> 00:01:43,888 Ah. 90 00:01:43,888 --> 00:01:45,555 Oh, yes! 91 00:01:43,888 --> 00:01:45,555 We're on our way. 92 00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:46,763 - Okay. 93 00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:46,763 - Bye-bye. 94 00:01:46,763 --> 00:01:48,138 Have fun, you two. 95 00:01:48,138 --> 00:01:49,763 Don't worry about us. 96 00:01:48,138 --> 00:01:49,763 We'll have a blast. 97 00:01:49,763 --> 00:01:51,263 We'll have a good time. 98 00:01:49,763 --> 00:01:51,263 We'll have a good time. 99 00:01:51,263 --> 00:01:53,138 Yes! 100 00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,346 This is gonna be 101 00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,346 so great! 102 00:01:55,346 --> 00:01:56,721 Sure it will. 103 00:01:55,346 --> 00:01:56,721 Maybe give them about 104 00:01:56,721 --> 00:01:58,888 a five-minute lag time 105 00:01:56,721 --> 00:01:58,888 before you hit the road. 106 00:01:58,888 --> 00:02:00,471 What do you mean? 107 00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:02,305 You ... you said we were 108 00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:02,305 gonna do something together. 109 00:02:02,305 --> 00:02:05,013 I was just trying to get us 110 00:02:02,305 --> 00:02:05,013 out of that stupid dance. 111 00:02:05,013 --> 00:02:06,805 Oh. 112 00:02:06,805 --> 00:02:07,805 Okay. 113 00:02:07,805 --> 00:02:08,805 Enjoy your night, Phil. 114 00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:10,388 I've got a date 115 00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:10,388 with an epic Western 116 00:02:10,388 --> 00:02:12,096 about a crooked sheriff, 117 00:02:10,388 --> 00:02:12,096 and I'm at the first 118 00:02:12,096 --> 00:02:14,596 of what I predict to be 119 00:02:12,096 --> 00:02:14,596 many wrongful hangings. 120 00:02:14,596 --> 00:02:16,596 Well, if you're not up 121 00:02:14,596 --> 00:02:16,596 for doing anything, 122 00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,263 I think I'll just 123 00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,263 go to the dance. 124 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,971 What? No. 125 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,971 You can't do that. 126 00:02:19,971 --> 00:02:21,263 Makes me look like a jerk. 127 00:02:21,263 --> 00:02:22,596 Well, then what 128 00:02:21,263 --> 00:02:22,596 am I supposed to do? 129 00:02:22,596 --> 00:02:24,263 Whatever you like. 130 00:02:22,596 --> 00:02:24,263 I want to go to the dance. 131 00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:25,638 How are you not 132 00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:25,638 getting this? 133 00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:28,305 Fine. 134 00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:28,305 I'll just go home. 135 00:02:28,305 --> 00:02:29,680 You're going to the dance, 136 00:02:28,305 --> 00:02:29,680 aren't you? 137 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,805 Of course I am. 138 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,805 All right, you win. 139 00:02:32,805 --> 00:02:34,263 We'll do something. 140 00:02:32,805 --> 00:02:34,263 Awesome! 141 00:02:34,263 --> 00:02:36,305 What do you want to do? 142 00:02:34,263 --> 00:02:36,305 Gosh, I don't know. 143 00:02:36,305 --> 00:02:38,180 I mean, dancing is still 144 00:02:36,305 --> 00:02:38,180 so much in the air. 145 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,805 Uh-huh. 146 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,805 Where are you going? 147 00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:41,263 Scotch country. 148 00:02:55,805 --> 00:02:57,055 We're low on ice in bucket 12. 149 00:02:57,055 --> 00:02:58,971 Hey, those crab cakes 150 00:02:57,055 --> 00:02:58,971 have to last all night. 151 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,971 Push the cheese. 152 00:03:00,971 --> 00:03:03,388 Set list? 153 00:03:03,388 --> 00:03:04,763 You're starting with 154 00:03:03,388 --> 00:03:04,763 "Get Lucky"? 155 00:03:04,763 --> 00:03:07,221 Come on, we're 156 00:03:04,763 --> 00:03:07,221 telling a story here. 157 00:03:08,471 --> 00:03:09,596 Do you know what time it is? 158 00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:10,971 I thought you were gonna 159 00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:10,971 help me set up. 160 00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,013 Sorry, buddy. 161 00:03:12,013 --> 00:03:14,305 I was worrying about 162 00:03:12,013 --> 00:03:14,305 the big-picture stuff. 163 00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:16,305 Hmm. Is there enough 164 00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:16,305 room for it here, 165 00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:18,013 or should I put it 166 00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:18,013 in the back entrance? 167 00:03:18,013 --> 00:03:20,846 You can certainly put it 168 00:03:18,013 --> 00:03:20,846 in a back entrance. 169 00:03:20,846 --> 00:03:24,180 Oh, my gosh, doesn't 170 00:03:20,846 --> 00:03:24,180 everything look so lovely? 171 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,430 Well, 172 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,430 it's high school. 173 00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:27,138 Dress it up all you want, 174 00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:27,138 it's still the place I spent 175 00:03:27,138 --> 00:03:29,638 four years being tormented 176 00:03:27,138 --> 00:03:29,638 by sadistic bullies. 177 00:03:29,638 --> 00:03:31,888 Nice shirt, Michelle. 178 00:03:31,888 --> 00:03:33,888 You know what? 179 00:03:31,888 --> 00:03:33,888 Times have changed. 180 00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:35,763 In high school, 181 00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:35,763 did you ever imagine 182 00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:37,638 you'd end up with 183 00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:37,638 the football coach? 184 00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:39,263 The football coach? 185 00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:39,263 No. 186 00:03:39,263 --> 00:03:41,180 The swim coach, Mr. Artino, 187 00:03:39,263 --> 00:03:41,180 almost nightly. 188 00:03:42,346 --> 00:03:44,013 Oh, Coach Tucker, Mitchell. 189 00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:45,138 Thank you 190 00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:45,138 for volunteering. 191 00:03:45,138 --> 00:03:46,305 I couldn't say no. 192 00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:48,138 The kids on the team 193 00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:48,138 practically begged me. 194 00:03:48,138 --> 00:03:51,721 It's an amazing thing to matter 195 00:03:48,138 --> 00:03:51,721 so much and inspire so many. 196 00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:53,846 Oh, no, I think 197 00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:53,846 they just wanted you here 198 00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:55,013 so they can prank you. 199 00:03:55,013 --> 00:03:56,263 Hmm? 200 00:03:55,013 --> 00:03:56,263 Yeah. 201 00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:57,971 The football team 202 00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:57,971 has something all worked out. 203 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,555 I don't know what it is 204 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,555 'cause I checked out 205 00:03:59,555 --> 00:04:01,138 after they capped my salary. 206 00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:02,888 But there's usually a mess, 207 00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:05,513 so you might want to throw 208 00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:05,513 a poncho over all that finery. 209 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,555 Oh. 210 00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:08,180 Oh, my God, 211 00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:08,180 I hate pranks so much. 212 00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:10,096 Now I'm gonna spend 213 00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:10,096 the whole dance paranoid 214 00:04:10,096 --> 00:04:11,930 wondering what 215 00:04:10,096 --> 00:04:11,930 they're gonna do. 216 00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:13,180 Is it gonna hurt? 217 00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:13,180 Am I gonna cry? 218 00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:14,680 You're a clown. 219 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,388 Isn't that mostly 220 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,388 just pranking people? 221 00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:19,471 No, it is not. 222 00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:19,471 Clowns are loving and joyful. 223 00:04:19,471 --> 00:04:21,680 You know what? I was warned 224 00:04:19,471 --> 00:04:21,680 about this kind of ignorance. 225 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,013 Don't make me regret 226 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,013 marrying outside the big top. 227 00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:26,721 What? 228 00:04:28,888 --> 00:04:30,263 We got to keep our eyes peeled 229 00:04:30,263 --> 00:04:31,888 for kids trying 230 00:04:30,263 --> 00:04:31,888 to bring alcohol in here. 231 00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:34,096 I cannot make it through 232 00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:34,096 this thing without a drink. 233 00:04:34,096 --> 00:04:36,221 Marjorie, 12:00. 234 00:04:36,221 --> 00:04:37,638 Oh, God. 235 00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:39,846 Quick, pretend 236 00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:39,846 we're having a fight. 237 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:40,930 Then she won't 238 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:40,930 come over here. 239 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:43,596 You stole my inheritance, 240 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:43,596 you gold digger! 241 00:04:43,596 --> 00:04:45,555 Wow, you had that 242 00:04:43,596 --> 00:04:45,555 one ready to go. 243 00:04:45,555 --> 00:04:46,930 There you are. 244 00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:48,055 Did you get my texts? 245 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,721 Look what I've 246 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,721 already confiscated. 247 00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,638 Oh, shameful. 248 00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,638 I'll take that. 249 00:04:52,638 --> 00:04:55,096 So, I still need 250 00:04:52,638 --> 00:04:55,096 volunteers to call parents 251 00:04:55,096 --> 00:04:56,805 for silent auction items. 252 00:04:56,805 --> 00:04:59,263 I've divided it into 253 00:04:56,805 --> 00:04:59,263 six-hour shifts, 254 00:04:59,263 --> 00:05:01,680 so if you switch ears 255 00:04:59,263 --> 00:05:01,680 every half-hour, 256 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,180 it's actually not bad. 257 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:05,263 Can I count on 258 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:05,263 you two ladies? 259 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:08,180 I'm so busy, but I can't 260 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:08,180 speak for Gloria. 261 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,388 My phone English 262 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,388 no so good. 263 00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:14,055 I get it. 264 00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:14,055 I'm a bit of a nag-eroo. 265 00:05:14,055 --> 00:05:15,180 Oh. 266 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,805 Like my mom always jokes, 267 00:05:16,805 --> 00:05:18,346 you know who you 268 00:05:16,805 --> 00:05:18,346 should bore with this? 269 00:05:18,346 --> 00:05:20,888 Your husband. 270 00:05:18,346 --> 00:05:20,888 Oh, right, he left you. 271 00:05:25,555 --> 00:05:27,180 That woman is so uptight. 272 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:28,805 You know what she needs? 273 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:28,805 - Mm. 274 00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:29,971 A man. 275 00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:32,680 That is a very 276 00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:32,680 old-fashioned attitude, 277 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,971 which in this case, 278 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,971 seems pretty accurate. 279 00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,388 A man, a man, a man. 280 00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,388 Where can we find one? 281 00:05:37,388 --> 00:05:39,971 Hey, Siri, 282 00:05:37,388 --> 00:05:39,971 record "Antiques Roadshow." 283 00:05:39,971 --> 00:05:41,596 I can't think of anyone. 284 00:05:41,596 --> 00:05:43,305 Principal Brown. 285 00:05:43,305 --> 00:05:44,888 He's single. 286 00:05:43,305 --> 00:05:44,888 We could fix them up. 287 00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:47,055 At the winter dance. 288 00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:47,055 Mm-hmm. 289 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,555 That's so romantic. 290 00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:51,263 Yes, and maybe 291 00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:51,263 she'll get off our backs 292 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,263 if she spends 293 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,263 more time on hers. 294 00:05:53,263 --> 00:05:56,138 You really are 295 00:05:53,263 --> 00:05:56,138 your father's son. 296 00:06:01,721 --> 00:06:02,971 Hey, you okay? 297 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,805 Guy just made fun of my bow tie 298 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,805 in front of everyone. 299 00:06:04,805 --> 00:06:06,055 Asked if I was trying 300 00:06:04,805 --> 00:06:06,055 to look gay. 301 00:06:06,055 --> 00:06:07,471 Oh, that is charming. 302 00:06:07,471 --> 00:06:10,138 So I-I guess high school hasn't 303 00:06:07,471 --> 00:06:10,138 changed that much, has it? 304 00:06:10,138 --> 00:06:12,471 Look, I want you 305 00:06:10,138 --> 00:06:12,471 to put this back on 306 00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:14,388 and wear this with pride. 307 00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:17,430 This was soaking wet before 308 00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:17,430 you threw it in there, right? 309 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:19,805 We're gonna let it go. 310 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:19,805 It's fine. 311 00:06:19,805 --> 00:06:20,680 All right. 312 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,013 Where is this idiot? 313 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:28,930 Are you trying 314 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:28,930 to look gay? 315 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,763 'Cause you don't have 316 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,763 the pecs, the pores, 317 00:06:30,763 --> 00:06:32,555 or the pants for it, 318 00:06:30,763 --> 00:06:32,555 slugger. 319 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:36,096 Hey, here's a reference that 320 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:36,096 hairstyle's old enough to get. 321 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,721 It's not twerking. 322 00:06:37,721 --> 00:06:39,888 Yeah, well, you're just ... 323 00:06:37,721 --> 00:06:39,888 you're just a ... you're a ... 324 00:06:39,888 --> 00:06:41,055 Ah? 325 00:06:39,888 --> 00:06:41,055 You're a ... you're a ... 326 00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:43,346 So, I'm gonna go squeeze 327 00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:43,346 in a dance real quick 328 00:06:43,346 --> 00:06:45,596 while you stagger 329 00:06:43,346 --> 00:06:45,596 to the end of that sentence. 330 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,013 Leslie Kwan Collins, 331 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,013 Daily Dolphin. 332 00:06:52,013 --> 00:06:53,138 I know who you are. 333 00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:54,388 We've been friends 334 00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:54,388 since kindergarten. 335 00:06:54,388 --> 00:06:57,180 Care to comment on 336 00:06:54,388 --> 00:06:57,180 what my sources are calling 337 00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,180 "The best Snow Ball ever?" 338 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:01,096 Sure, but I'm not 339 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:01,096 the one responsible 340 00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:02,846 for this party's success. 341 00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:04,180 They all are. 342 00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,180 I'm just a humble servant 343 00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,180 who made it all happen. 344 00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:09,555 Can you excuse us, please? 345 00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:09,555 Thank you. 346 00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:10,846 You are unbelievable. 347 00:07:10,846 --> 00:07:12,805 Stop. 348 00:07:10,846 --> 00:07:12,805 I can't keep hearing this. 349 00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:14,721 I'm the one who 350 00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:14,721 made all this happen. 351 00:07:14,721 --> 00:07:18,221 Do you have any idea how hard 352 00:07:14,721 --> 00:07:18,221 it is doing all this for $8,000? 353 00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,471 Yeah, of course not, 354 00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,471 because ... 355 00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:21,930 Wait, wait, wait. 356 00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:21,930 The budget for this was $800. 357 00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,096 You spent $8,000? 358 00:07:23,096 --> 00:07:24,471 That's the budget 359 00:07:23,096 --> 00:07:24,471 for the whole year. 360 00:07:24,471 --> 00:07:26,513 I texted you, "What's 361 00:07:24,471 --> 00:07:26,513 my budget for the Snow Ball." 362 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,096 You replied $8,000, 363 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,096 followed by a gratuitous gif 364 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:30,930 of a guy getting hit 365 00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:30,930 in the nards. 366 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,138 It's like just don't skateboard 367 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,138 down a railing, right? 368 00:07:34,596 --> 00:07:35,930 - Principal Brown. 369 00:07:34,596 --> 00:07:35,930 - Yep? 370 00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:37,971 If we were to go over with 371 00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:37,971 the student council budget, 372 00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:39,763 how hard would it be 373 00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:39,763 to get a little extra money? 374 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,055 Oh, no problem. 375 00:07:41,055 --> 00:07:43,305 We would just sell the Rembrandt 376 00:07:41,055 --> 00:07:43,305 in the faculty lounge. 377 00:07:43,305 --> 00:07:44,805 See? Problem solved. 378 00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:47,013 He's being sarcastic. 379 00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:47,013 Why? What's wrong? 380 00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:49,263 Nothing. Just playing "What if 381 00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:49,263 all the money got spent?" 382 00:07:49,263 --> 00:07:50,721 Oh, can you imagine? 383 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:51,930 We'd have to cancel 384 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,096 every other school event, 385 00:07:53,096 --> 00:07:55,013 starting with 386 00:07:53,096 --> 00:07:55,013 the wrestling banquet, 387 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:57,555 and those hopped-up psychos 388 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:57,555 would rip your heads off! 389 00:07:58,763 --> 00:08:00,471 And then you'd 390 00:07:58,763 --> 00:08:00,471 bleed to death 391 00:08:00,471 --> 00:08:02,013 'cause we can't afford 392 00:08:00,471 --> 00:08:02,013 a school nurse anymore, right? 393 00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:03,555 Ooh! 394 00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:03,555 Oysters. 395 00:08:10,263 --> 00:08:12,221 Oh! Nice try, boys! 396 00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:13,138 You guys are cool. 397 00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:14,430 Just, uh, move along. 398 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:18,888 Hey, Cam. Uh, do you know 399 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:18,888 a kid named Damien Warmack? 400 00:08:18,888 --> 00:08:20,013 Oh, yeah. 401 00:08:20,013 --> 00:08:21,138 Mean little kid. 402 00:08:20,013 --> 00:08:21,138 Yeah. 403 00:08:21,138 --> 00:08:22,721 He fat shamed 404 00:08:21,138 --> 00:08:22,721 my whole defensive line. 405 00:08:22,721 --> 00:08:24,596 There's nothing more sad 406 00:08:22,721 --> 00:08:24,596 than watching 407 00:08:24,596 --> 00:08:26,638 a once terrifying nose tackle 408 00:08:24,596 --> 00:08:26,638 pick croutons out of his salad. 409 00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:27,888 Oh, God, 410 00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:27,888 I'm so conflicted. 411 00:08:27,888 --> 00:08:29,638 A gay kid is now 412 00:08:27,888 --> 00:08:29,638 bullying football players, 413 00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:31,430 which I guess, you know, 414 00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:31,430 seems like progress, 415 00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:32,721 but the wrong kind 416 00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:32,721 of progress. 417 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,596 - Would you like a ... 418 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,596 - Oh! 419 00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:41,346 In my defense, bruschetta mostly 420 00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:41,346 ends up on the floor anyway. 421 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,721 Cam, I think you might be 422 00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:44,388 more worried about this prank 423 00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:44,388 than you need to be. 424 00:08:44,388 --> 00:08:46,138 Well, I just don't understand 425 00:08:44,388 --> 00:08:46,138 why they want to prank me. 426 00:08:46,138 --> 00:08:47,388 I thought they liked me. 427 00:08:47,388 --> 00:08:48,555 Of course they like you. 428 00:08:48,555 --> 00:08:50,138 You can't prank someone 429 00:08:48,555 --> 00:08:50,138 you don't like. 430 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,013 That's ... 431 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,013 that's just assault. 432 00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:54,180 But pranking you 433 00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:54,180 is their bizarre way 434 00:08:54,180 --> 00:08:55,471 of saying 435 00:08:54,180 --> 00:08:55,471 that they love you. 436 00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:58,013 Is this your bizarre way 437 00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:58,013 of not validating my feelings? 438 00:08:59,346 --> 00:09:01,346 Okay, we could 439 00:08:59,346 --> 00:09:01,346 go bowling. 440 00:09:01,346 --> 00:09:03,805 Hmm. Had my league last night. 441 00:09:01,346 --> 00:09:03,805 I'm a little bowled out. 442 00:09:03,805 --> 00:09:05,721 Fair enough. 443 00:09:03,805 --> 00:09:05,721 Round of mini golf? 444 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:06,763 Great idea. Wait up. 445 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,180 I'll go get my frog 446 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,180 and my slingshot. 447 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,680 We'll hop on our bikes 448 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,680 and go down there. 449 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,888 We could get 450 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,888 something to eat. 451 00:09:10,888 --> 00:09:12,096 Already ate. 452 00:09:10,888 --> 00:09:12,096 Go to the movies? 453 00:09:12,096 --> 00:09:13,638 Hate the lines. 454 00:09:12,096 --> 00:09:13,638 How about a bar? 455 00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:16,263 So, we drive across town, 456 00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:16,263 pay a 200% markup 457 00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:18,555 on the same glass of scotch 458 00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:18,555 I'm holding in my hand right now 459 00:09:18,555 --> 00:09:21,430 just so some drunken old broad 460 00:09:18,555 --> 00:09:21,430 can stagger over 461 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,388 and tell me I look like 462 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,388 Ernest Borgnine. 463 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,013 You know what? 464 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,013 I'm done trying. 465 00:09:26,013 --> 00:09:27,555 I'm sorry there isn't 466 00:09:26,013 --> 00:09:27,555 a single thing 467 00:09:27,555 --> 00:09:28,930 you'd have fun 468 00:09:27,555 --> 00:09:28,930 doing with me. 469 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,013 Oh, come on! 470 00:09:30,013 --> 00:09:31,388 Don't get all hurt. 471 00:09:31,388 --> 00:09:33,971 I promise your next idea, 472 00:09:31,388 --> 00:09:33,971 I'll say yes to. 473 00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:37,680 Really? 474 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,888 Thanks, Jay. 475 00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:40,430 You held out 476 00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:40,430 for something awesome, 477 00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:42,721 and I think we nailed it. 478 00:09:45,513 --> 00:09:46,763 One, please. 479 00:09:46,763 --> 00:09:49,721 That'll be $8, plus whatever 480 00:09:46,763 --> 00:09:49,721 tip you feel is appropriate. 481 00:09:49,721 --> 00:09:51,430 It was free an hour ago. 482 00:09:51,430 --> 00:09:52,888 You used to be able 483 00:09:51,430 --> 00:09:52,888 to throw a baby 484 00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:54,471 in the backseat 485 00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:54,471 without strapping it in. 486 00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:55,555 Times change, my friend. 487 00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,013 Hey, Delgado. 488 00:09:59,013 --> 00:10:01,221 I hope this punch 489 00:09:59,013 --> 00:10:01,221 isn't as watered down 490 00:10:01,221 --> 00:10:02,555 as your performance in 491 00:10:02,555 --> 00:10:05,138 "A Streetcar Named Desire 492 00:10:02,555 --> 00:10:05,138 to Hang Myself." 493 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,513 Damien, you're just ... 494 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,513 you look ... damn it, 495 00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,055 I hate how much 496 00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,055 I like that jacket. 497 00:10:11,805 --> 00:10:13,096 Hey. 498 00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:13,971 I know what you're doing. 499 00:10:13,971 --> 00:10:15,013 Excuse me? 500 00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:17,346 I know how hard it is 501 00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:17,346 to be a gay teen. 502 00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:20,138 In ... in high school, 503 00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:20,138 I only had one friend. 504 00:10:20,138 --> 00:10:21,263 Really? 505 00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,055 What was Oscar Wilde like? 506 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:24,555 You're lashing out. 507 00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:27,513 Because you're angry 508 00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:27,513 and you're insecure, 509 00:10:27,513 --> 00:10:29,638 and you just want everyone 510 00:10:27,513 --> 00:10:29,638 else to feel as bad as you do. 511 00:10:29,638 --> 00:10:31,138 Maybe. 512 00:10:31,138 --> 00:10:32,888 But come on. 513 00:10:32,888 --> 00:10:36,013 It must've been easier for you 514 00:10:32,888 --> 00:10:36,013 looking like Michael Fassbender. 515 00:10:36,013 --> 00:10:38,430 I do not look like ... 516 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,930 you think I look like 517 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,930 Michael Fassbender? 518 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,805 Yeah, if he were older 519 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,805 and shorter 520 00:10:41,805 --> 00:10:43,263 and played by 521 00:10:41,805 --> 00:10:43,263 Kathy Griffin. 522 00:10:43,263 --> 00:10:44,930 Uh... 523 00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:51,346 Hey, hey. That Damien Warmack 524 00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:51,346 kid is so mean. 525 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,638 Honing in on these 526 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,638 poor kids' insecurities 527 00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:55,221 and then just 528 00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:55,221 lacerating them. 529 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,596 I-I don't look like 530 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,596 Kathy Griffin, do I? 531 00:10:57,596 --> 00:10:59,180 I'll tell you what's mean, 532 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:02,263 is my team making me wait 533 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:02,263 all night for this damn prank. 534 00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:04,013 Or, "Mitch, 535 00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:04,013 you're being ridiculous. 536 00:11:04,013 --> 00:11:05,805 You're a very handsome man, 537 00:11:04,013 --> 00:11:05,805 and if you had to be played 538 00:11:05,805 --> 00:11:07,180 by a woman, it would be 539 00:11:05,805 --> 00:11:07,180 a young Ann-Margret." 540 00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:08,555 - Hey, Coach. 541 00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:08,555 - Oh, God! Just do it! 542 00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:09,846 Just do it! 543 00:11:09,846 --> 00:11:11,680 Oh, Principal Brown, sorry. 544 00:11:09,846 --> 00:11:11,680 Sorry, I thought ... 545 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,805 I thought you were the prank. 546 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,555 Prank? Oh, no. 547 00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:17,596 That was a little 548 00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:17,596 misunderstanding on my part. 549 00:11:17,596 --> 00:11:19,763 Turns out the new wrestling 550 00:11:17,596 --> 00:11:19,763 coach is being pranked. 551 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,513 Yeah, they're gonna 552 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,513 do that thing where 553 00:11:21,513 --> 00:11:22,971 you spin a guy around 554 00:11:21,513 --> 00:11:22,971 a bunch of times, 555 00:11:22,971 --> 00:11:24,680 you get him good and dizzy, 556 00:11:22,971 --> 00:11:24,680 and then you tie him 557 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,971 to a tree for the weekend. 558 00:11:25,971 --> 00:11:27,305 Oh, God. 559 00:11:25,971 --> 00:11:27,305 Shouldn't you stop them? 560 00:11:27,305 --> 00:11:29,513 I would, but he's been 561 00:11:27,305 --> 00:11:29,513 parking in my spot lately. 562 00:11:29,513 --> 00:11:32,013 I guess it's a relief 563 00:11:29,513 --> 00:11:32,013 they're not pranking me. 564 00:11:32,013 --> 00:11:33,596 Yes. 565 00:11:32,013 --> 00:11:33,596 You can finally relax. 566 00:11:33,596 --> 00:11:34,888 Can I? 567 00:11:34,888 --> 00:11:36,846 Knowing Coach Wilson's 568 00:11:34,888 --> 00:11:36,846 only been here seven months? 569 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:38,971 He's never brought his team 570 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:38,971 homemade banana loaf, 571 00:11:38,971 --> 00:11:40,846 and yet they care enough 572 00:11:38,971 --> 00:11:40,846 to terrorize him? 573 00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,721 Okay, you're gonna have 574 00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,721 to land on a position. 575 00:11:42,721 --> 00:11:45,096 I just don't understand 576 00:11:42,721 --> 00:11:45,096 why they begged me to be here 577 00:11:45,096 --> 00:11:46,555 if they're not gonna prank me. 578 00:11:46,555 --> 00:11:48,388 Because they love you, 579 00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:50,388 and you're making a real 580 00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:50,388 difference in their lives. 581 00:11:50,388 --> 00:11:51,638 Oh, well, I-I ... 582 00:11:51,638 --> 00:11:53,596 I'm just kidding. 583 00:11:51,638 --> 00:11:53,596 They think you're a pushover, 584 00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:55,138 and with you here, 585 00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:55,138 they can get away with anything. 586 00:11:55,138 --> 00:11:57,013 That's ridiculous, because 587 00:11:55,138 --> 00:11:57,013 nothing gets past me. 588 00:11:57,013 --> 00:11:58,596 Excuse me. 589 00:11:57,013 --> 00:11:58,596 Thank you. 590 00:11:58,596 --> 00:12:00,055 Mm-hmm. 591 00:11:58,596 --> 00:12:00,055 - What is that? 592 00:12:00,055 --> 00:12:01,221 Look at this. 593 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,721 Oh. 594 00:12:05,846 --> 00:12:08,138 I'm gonna go pour this 595 00:12:05,846 --> 00:12:08,138 down the drain. 596 00:12:08,138 --> 00:12:10,013 Cheers. 597 00:12:13,388 --> 00:12:15,138 Having fun? 598 00:12:15,138 --> 00:12:17,346 Hey, I'm just trying 599 00:12:15,138 --> 00:12:17,346 to keep up appearances. 600 00:12:17,346 --> 00:12:20,430 If I panic, 601 00:12:17,346 --> 00:12:20,430 everybody panics. 602 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:21,971 How much money did you make 603 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:21,971 at the drink station? 604 00:12:21,971 --> 00:12:23,346 Only about $200. 605 00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:24,513 That's enough. 606 00:12:24,513 --> 00:12:26,055 A caddy at the country club 607 00:12:24,513 --> 00:12:26,055 where I work 608 00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:27,471 knows this dog track 609 00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:27,471 in Hindsdale. 610 00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:30,180 There's 40-to-1 odds on 611 00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:30,180 a greyhound, Whippet Good, 612 00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,680 who ... 613 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,471 Okay, the money's gone. 614 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:36,805 One time. 615 00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:37,805 No, it's stupid. 616 00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:39,430 Just try it. 617 00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:39,430 I'm not doing it. 618 00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:41,096 No one else is around. 619 00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:41,096 I don't care. 620 00:12:41,096 --> 00:12:42,888 Come on, I'll start. 621 00:12:54,263 --> 00:12:55,721 All right, that's it! 622 00:12:55,721 --> 00:12:58,388 Get out. 623 00:12:55,721 --> 00:12:58,388 We're doing something else. 624 00:12:59,471 --> 00:13:02,346 Somebody thinks you're cute. 625 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,763 Claire, please, 626 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,763 this isn't high school. 627 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:05,221 Well, no, wait a minute. 628 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:05,221 It is high school. 629 00:13:05,221 --> 00:13:06,596 Mm. 630 00:13:05,221 --> 00:13:06,596 Okay. 631 00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:08,055 All right, so who is it? 632 00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:12,513 My favorite 633 00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:12,513 is a 1929 Bread Master. 634 00:13:12,513 --> 00:13:13,930 Some people might say 635 00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:17,513 that collecting vintage toasters 636 00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:17,513 is a crumby hobby. 637 00:13:19,096 --> 00:13:20,346 Thank you. 638 00:13:20,346 --> 00:13:23,055 Marjorie, I was just 639 00:13:20,346 --> 00:13:23,055 talking to Principal Brown, 640 00:13:23,055 --> 00:13:24,930 and he into you, girl. 641 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,388 Really? He's hotter than 642 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,388 a 1930s Sunbeam Toastrite. 643 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:31,846 Don't. 644 00:13:31,846 --> 00:13:33,763 I can't talk right now, Mom. 645 00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:36,388 No, I'm not home alone 646 00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:36,388 on a Saturday night. 647 00:13:36,388 --> 00:13:40,430 I'm at a dance, 648 00:13:36,388 --> 00:13:40,430 and a boy likes me. 649 00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:42,013 We good at this! 650 00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:43,721 Why are you 651 00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:43,721 talking like that? 652 00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:44,971 I don't know. 653 00:13:44,971 --> 00:13:46,596 Excuse me, hi. Hey. 654 00:13:46,596 --> 00:13:48,596 I don't know exactly 655 00:13:46,596 --> 00:13:48,596 how to do this, 656 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:51,013 but I'm very flattered 657 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:51,013 by your interest in me, 658 00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:53,096 and just so you know, 659 00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:53,096 the feeling is mutual. 660 00:13:53,096 --> 00:13:54,513 What? 661 00:13:54,513 --> 00:13:56,430 I don't know if you're into 662 00:13:54,513 --> 00:13:56,430 camping, but I can get a tent. 663 00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:59,055 I'm married. 664 00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:59,055 My rear end is at home. 665 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,180 I meant Marjorie. 666 00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:02,221 Oh! 667 00:14:02,221 --> 00:14:04,513 Oh, no. 668 00:14:02,221 --> 00:14:04,513 She's way too intense. 669 00:14:04,513 --> 00:14:06,846 No. And once 670 00:14:04,513 --> 00:14:06,846 you've imagined yourself 671 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,138 sitting by a campfire playing 672 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,138 your clarinet for Gloria ... 673 00:14:09,138 --> 00:14:10,555 Marjorie 674 00:14:09,138 --> 00:14:10,555 loves the outdoors. 675 00:14:10,555 --> 00:14:13,138 Yes, she even has 676 00:14:10,555 --> 00:14:13,138 a camping toaster. 677 00:14:13,138 --> 00:14:17,096 She is a super lady, 678 00:14:13,138 --> 00:14:17,096 but, guys, I'm only 45. 679 00:14:17,096 --> 00:14:18,888 I'm holding out 680 00:14:17,096 --> 00:14:18,888 for fireworks. 681 00:14:18,888 --> 00:14:21,721 Oh, here comes Damien. 682 00:14:21,721 --> 00:14:25,055 Do not tell him that I thought 683 00:14:21,721 --> 00:14:25,055 I had a shot with Gloria. 684 00:14:25,055 --> 00:14:27,638 My mom doesn't believe that 685 00:14:25,055 --> 00:14:27,638 Principal Brown likes me. 686 00:14:27,638 --> 00:14:28,805 Can you tell her? 687 00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:31,305 Gloria? 688 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,763 My phone English 689 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,763 no so good. 690 00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:41,263 How about ice cream? 691 00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:41,263 Too cold. 692 00:14:41,263 --> 00:14:42,346 Coffee? 693 00:14:41,263 --> 00:14:42,346 Too late. 694 00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:44,096 Oh, wait a minute. 695 00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:44,096 I'm such an idiot. 696 00:14:44,096 --> 00:14:45,805 I forgot about 697 00:14:44,096 --> 00:14:45,805 the Clint Eastwood retrospective 698 00:14:45,805 --> 00:14:47,388 followed by 699 00:14:45,805 --> 00:14:47,388 the scotch tasting 700 00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,805 where famous athletes 701 00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,805 from the '70s tell stories 702 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,263 about how life used to be 703 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,263 in Youngstown. 704 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,513 Really? 705 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,513 No! 706 00:14:51,513 --> 00:14:52,721 It doesn't exist. 707 00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:54,680 What you want 708 00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:54,680 does not exist. 709 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,305 What are you doing? 710 00:14:56,305 --> 00:14:57,721 I don't care what you do, 711 00:14:57,721 --> 00:14:59,555 but I'm going 712 00:14:57,721 --> 00:14:59,555 into that dance. 713 00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:01,638 I like to see the kids 714 00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:01,638 all dressed up and happy 715 00:15:01,638 --> 00:15:03,388 and trying to look older 716 00:15:01,638 --> 00:15:03,388 than they are. 717 00:15:03,388 --> 00:15:05,721 The first girl I ever kissed 718 00:15:03,388 --> 00:15:05,721 was at a high school dance. 719 00:15:05,721 --> 00:15:07,680 Huh. 720 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,638 It was actually to 721 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,638 "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." 722 00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:11,221 I guess that's why 723 00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:11,221 it was in my head. 724 00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:15,638 Let's just say the lion 725 00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:15,638 did not sleep that night. 726 00:15:15,638 --> 00:15:17,763 I was slamming Mountain Dews 727 00:15:15,638 --> 00:15:17,763 like a wild man. 728 00:15:17,763 --> 00:15:19,805 Marsha Goulding. 729 00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:21,888 I had this huge 730 00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:21,888 crush on her. 731 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,596 Finally got my nerve up to 732 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,596 ask her to the Spring Fling. 733 00:15:24,596 --> 00:15:27,471 First dance, I was terrified. 734 00:15:24,596 --> 00:15:27,471 I'm tromping all over her feet. 735 00:15:27,471 --> 00:15:29,555 But as the dances went on, 736 00:15:27,471 --> 00:15:29,555 it got easier, 737 00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:33,388 and right in the middle of 738 00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:33,388 Sam Cooke singing "You Send Me," 739 00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:35,096 I went for it. 740 00:15:35,096 --> 00:15:37,221 I was just so surprised 741 00:15:35,096 --> 00:15:37,221 she kissed me back. 742 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:42,388 Well, you can't have 743 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:42,388 your first kiss again, 744 00:15:42,388 --> 00:15:44,221 but you can have 745 00:15:42,388 --> 00:15:44,221 your next one right in there. 746 00:15:44,221 --> 00:15:45,888 Oh, what the hell. 747 00:15:44,221 --> 00:15:45,888 Give Gloria a thrill. 748 00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:47,555 That's great, Jay, 749 00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:47,555 'cause you complete her. 750 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,430 Oh, Phil. 751 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:49,680 No, literally. 752 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,013 You complete her. 753 00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:54,971 You're the butt 754 00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:54,971 of this joke. 755 00:15:56,638 --> 00:15:58,388 Give me the sweater. 756 00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:01,555 Marjorie is smart and organized, 757 00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:01,555 and if you ever need 758 00:16:01,555 --> 00:16:03,721 hand sanitizer or a Band-Aid, 759 00:16:01,555 --> 00:16:03,721 she always has it on her. 760 00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,513 She's like 761 00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,513 a sexy, sexy drugstore. 762 00:16:06,513 --> 00:16:08,221 She's as cute 763 00:16:06,513 --> 00:16:08,221 as a button. 764 00:16:08,221 --> 00:16:10,305 Like a grown-up 765 00:16:08,221 --> 00:16:10,305 Cabbage Patch doll. 766 00:16:10,305 --> 00:16:11,888 Yeah. 767 00:16:10,305 --> 00:16:11,888 Yeah, that seems like 768 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,388 it'd be 769 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,388 a whole lot of e-mails. 770 00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:14,638 It's a hard pass. 771 00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:16,305 But, Principal Brown, 772 00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:16,305 you know what they say 773 00:16:16,305 --> 00:16:19,138 about a mom who's 774 00:16:16,305 --> 00:16:19,138 enthusiastic in the streets. 775 00:16:19,138 --> 00:16:20,305 That's not a saying. 776 00:16:20,305 --> 00:16:21,555 Why are the two of you 777 00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:23,680 suddenly so interested in 778 00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:23,680 my love life, anyway? 779 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,971 Because we care. 780 00:16:24,971 --> 00:16:26,596 You don't even know 781 00:16:24,971 --> 00:16:26,596 my first name. 782 00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:27,763 Yes, we do. 783 00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:30,513 It's, um... Prince? 784 00:16:30,513 --> 00:16:32,555 Lucky guess. 785 00:16:32,555 --> 00:16:34,180 I was over at 786 00:16:32,555 --> 00:16:34,180 the carving station, 787 00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:36,846 and I thought, "You know 788 00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:36,846 who'd love some prime rib? 789 00:16:36,846 --> 00:16:38,930 Principal Prince Brown." 790 00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:39,971 Oh. 791 00:16:39,971 --> 00:16:41,638 Marjorie, I'm afraid 792 00:16:41,638 --> 00:16:44,263 you and I are pawns 793 00:16:41,638 --> 00:16:44,263 in a very sick game 794 00:16:44,263 --> 00:16:46,013 being orchestrated 795 00:16:44,263 --> 00:16:46,013 by these two. 796 00:16:46,013 --> 00:16:47,680 They're working very hard 797 00:16:46,013 --> 00:16:47,680 to put us together, 798 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,888 and I don't know why. 799 00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:51,263 I've never seen them 800 00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:51,263 work very hard in anything, 801 00:16:51,263 --> 00:16:53,096 except getting out of 802 00:16:51,263 --> 00:16:53,096 volunteering. 803 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,930 Hey, to be fair, we volunteer 804 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,930 for plenty of things. 805 00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:59,971 Yeah, don't you remember me 806 00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:59,971 holding a hose at the car wash? 807 00:16:59,971 --> 00:17:01,680 Yeah, everybody 808 00:16:59,971 --> 00:17:01,680 remembers that. 809 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,055 So you're not 810 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,055 interested in me? 811 00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:06,471 Well, we've always had 812 00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:06,471 a working relationship, 813 00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:09,263 and I guess I've just never 814 00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:09,263 thought of you in that way. 815 00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:10,513 As a woman? 816 00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:14,013 When I'm at work, 817 00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:14,013 I turn off that part of myself. 818 00:17:14,013 --> 00:17:15,471 Oh. 819 00:17:15,471 --> 00:17:16,805 Oh. 820 00:17:16,805 --> 00:17:19,513 Uh, it has turned back on. 821 00:17:21,096 --> 00:17:23,763 Oh, I'm gonna check the ... 822 00:17:21,096 --> 00:17:23,763 the fire exits. 823 00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:25,513 We're going 824 00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:25,513 to stack chairs. 825 00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:27,555 Whatever. 826 00:17:27,555 --> 00:17:28,555 I've got it. 827 00:17:28,555 --> 00:17:29,888 We start 828 00:17:28,555 --> 00:17:29,888 a fake marching band 829 00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:31,596 and get the money for 830 00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:31,596 the instruments up front. 831 00:17:31,596 --> 00:17:33,763 You just described the exact 832 00:17:31,596 --> 00:17:33,763 plot of "The Music Man." 833 00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:34,763 How'd that turn out? 834 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:36,180 Won four Tonys. 835 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,346 Five. Ugh. 836 00:17:38,346 --> 00:17:39,471 How could you 837 00:17:38,346 --> 00:17:39,471 let this happen? 838 00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:41,055 I don't know. 839 00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:41,055 You were texting me 840 00:17:41,055 --> 00:17:42,888 while I was live streaming 841 00:17:41,055 --> 00:17:42,888 my breakfast, and... 842 00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:44,555 Wait a minute. 843 00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:45,930 I did say $800. 844 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,388 Look. 845 00:17:47,388 --> 00:17:49,180 Oh, my God, 846 00:17:47,388 --> 00:17:49,180 this is all my fault. 847 00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:50,596 Well, well, well. 848 00:17:50,596 --> 00:17:53,055 Looks like the dunce cap 849 00:17:50,596 --> 00:17:53,055 is on the other foot. 850 00:17:55,471 --> 00:17:56,471 Hey! 851 00:17:56,471 --> 00:17:58,596 Is what an animal 852 00:17:56,471 --> 00:17:58,596 your size grazes on. 853 00:17:58,596 --> 00:18:00,430 Hay is... 854 00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:01,680 You're a cow. 855 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:05,305 Okay. 856 00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:07,471 You're the perfect weight 857 00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:07,471 for your frame. 858 00:18:11,305 --> 00:18:12,346 Hey. 859 00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:14,263 Another proud moment 860 00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:14,263 for the struggle. 861 00:18:14,263 --> 00:18:15,805 Ugh. 862 00:18:14,263 --> 00:18:15,805 Here she comes. 863 00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:17,846 Martin Luther Queen, yes. 864 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,055 By all means, 865 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,055 tell me about the struggle. 866 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:22,721 Okay, you nasty 867 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:22,721 little twink. 868 00:18:22,721 --> 00:18:24,471 You owe everything to me 869 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,013 and all the gays 870 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,013 that came before you. 871 00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:27,805 It's because of everything 872 00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:27,805 we fought for 873 00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,638 that you get to snark 874 00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,638 your way through high school 875 00:18:29,638 --> 00:18:31,221 with lifts in your shoes 876 00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:34,471 instead of spending it 877 00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:34,471 terrified, shoved in a locker. 878 00:18:34,471 --> 00:18:37,055 I was really proud of that. 879 00:18:37,055 --> 00:18:38,763 Wow. 880 00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:41,013 Just so you know... 881 00:18:41,013 --> 00:18:43,388 exfoliating with 882 00:18:41,013 --> 00:18:43,388 a dry brush pre-shower 883 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,805 will really help you 884 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,805 with all of this. 885 00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:48,888 It'll make you look 886 00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:48,888 50 again. 887 00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,096 I'm not really proud 888 00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,096 of what came next. 889 00:18:52,721 --> 00:18:55,013 You shove like a girl! 890 00:18:55,013 --> 00:18:56,263 What are you doing? 891 00:18:56,263 --> 00:18:57,555 The piper needs to be paid. 892 00:18:57,555 --> 00:18:58,888 You hired a piper? 893 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:02,721 No. I made a mistake, and I need 894 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:02,721 to accept the consequences. 895 00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:07,471 Classmates, could I have 896 00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:07,471 everyone's attention, please? 897 00:19:07,471 --> 00:19:09,388 I have some troubling news. 898 00:19:09,388 --> 00:19:12,096 I know you may all think of me 899 00:19:09,388 --> 00:19:12,096 as the golden boy, 900 00:19:12,096 --> 00:19:14,263 the prodigy, the wunderkind. 901 00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:15,471 Who are you? 902 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:16,638 Indeed. 903 00:19:16,638 --> 00:19:18,180 I'm not sure I know anymore. 904 00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:19,721 We have a little situation, 905 00:19:19,721 --> 00:19:21,388 and I just want to be 906 00:19:19,721 --> 00:19:21,388 as up front as I can. 907 00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:22,846 Hold on a minute. 908 00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:23,930 I'm the President. 909 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,471 I should do this. 910 00:19:25,471 --> 00:19:30,138 We need to raise $8,000 911 00:19:25,471 --> 00:19:30,138 for a classmate in need. 912 00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:32,971 If we don't get this money, 913 00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:32,971 he may never walk again. 914 00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:35,513 We're gonna make a Kickstarter, 915 00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:35,513 and if you want to show 916 00:19:35,513 --> 00:19:37,763 your date you're the kind 917 00:19:35,513 --> 00:19:37,763 of sensitive, caring person 918 00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:40,513 who deserves to be rewarded 919 00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:40,513 in a physical way, 920 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,680 you'll give generously. 921 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,263 Wow, you're a good liar. 922 00:19:45,263 --> 00:19:48,263 I take it back. 923 00:19:45,263 --> 00:19:48,263 You deserve to be President. 924 00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:51,263 We never should've helped 925 00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:51,263 that little punk 926 00:19:51,263 --> 00:19:52,721 get out of that locker. 927 00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:55,430 I didn't know he was gonna be 928 00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:55,430 so brutal about your sweater. 929 00:19:58,221 --> 00:19:59,930 All right, hand it over. 930 00:19:58,221 --> 00:19:59,930 What? 931 00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,596 This is a blaze-free zone, 932 00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,596 wastoid. 933 00:20:01,596 --> 00:20:03,263 I got eyes 934 00:20:01,596 --> 00:20:03,263 all over this place. 935 00:20:03,263 --> 00:20:04,346 I know what vape is. 936 00:20:04,346 --> 00:20:06,013 - Coach, that's just my ... 937 00:20:04,346 --> 00:20:06,013 - Just your ... 938 00:20:06,013 --> 00:20:07,846 Hey, Coach, can I talk 939 00:20:06,013 --> 00:20:07,846 to you for a second? 940 00:20:07,846 --> 00:20:08,930 Yeah, what's up? 941 00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,305 Yeah, I, uh, just wanted 942 00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,305 to let you know 943 00:20:10,305 --> 00:20:11,805 that that's, uh ... 944 00:20:10,305 --> 00:20:11,805 that's his inhaler. 945 00:20:11,805 --> 00:20:12,930 It's his ... oh. 946 00:20:12,930 --> 00:20:14,096 What is wrong with you? 947 00:20:14,096 --> 00:20:15,471 I'm sorry. 948 00:20:14,096 --> 00:20:15,471 - Sorry. 949 00:20:15,471 --> 00:20:17,180 It's just I give 950 00:20:15,471 --> 00:20:17,180 everything to these boys, 951 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,055 and all they think of me 952 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,055 is that I'm a pushover 953 00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:20,471 not even worthy 954 00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:20,471 of a lousy prank. 955 00:20:20,471 --> 00:20:22,138 Cam, have you seen 956 00:20:20,471 --> 00:20:22,138 Gloria? 957 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,971 What? Yeah, oh, 958 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,971 last time I saw her, 959 00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:26,305 she was somewhere over here. 960 00:20:27,721 --> 00:20:29,805 Oh, that was for me! 961 00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:32,596 That was supposed to be for me! 962 00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:32,596 My boys love me! 963 00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:39,388 I just wanted to read my book. 964 00:20:44,513 --> 00:20:45,596 Oh, hi there. 965 00:20:44,513 --> 00:20:45,596 I'm Luke Dunphy, 966 00:20:45,596 --> 00:20:46,596 Student Body President. 967 00:20:45,596 --> 00:20:46,596 And I'm ... 968 00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:48,221 But this isn't about us. 969 00:20:48,221 --> 00:20:50,555 We have a classmate 970 00:20:48,221 --> 00:20:50,555 who's in a pretty bad spot. 971 00:20:52,263 --> 00:20:53,846 But it doesn't have 972 00:20:52,263 --> 00:20:53,846 to end that way. 973 00:20:53,846 --> 00:20:56,680 With your help, we can save him 974 00:20:53,846 --> 00:20:56,680 from getting beaten up. 975 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,221 By ... by his disease. 976 00:20:58,221 --> 00:21:01,138 A disease no kid should 977 00:20:58,221 --> 00:21:01,138 have to wrestle with. 978 00:21:01,138 --> 00:21:03,555 We just need 979 00:21:01,138 --> 00:21:03,555 to raise $8,000 to ... 980 00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:06,180 Or $9,000 to get him 981 00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:06,180 that super deluxe treatment. 982 00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:07,596 We only need $8,000 ... 983 00:21:07,596 --> 00:21:10,013 I'm Luke Dunphy, 984 00:21:07,596 --> 00:21:10,013 and I approve this message. 985 00:21:15,388 --> 00:21:17,221 Captions by VITAC :