1 00:00:03,047 --> 00:00:05,049 Hey, Jay. 2 00:00:03,047 --> 00:00:05,049 Oh! 3 00:00:03,047 --> 00:00:05,049 Welcome! 4 00:00:05,049 --> 00:00:06,341 New Year's Day at Jay's. 5 00:00:06,341 --> 00:00:07,802 My dad was driving in. 6 00:00:07,802 --> 00:00:09,929 Things were looking up 7 00:00:07,802 --> 00:00:09,929 after a bad morning. 8 00:00:11,138 --> 00:00:14,391 Oh! Yeah! 9 00:00:11,138 --> 00:00:14,391 Oh, man! 10 00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:16,852 Look how high it goes! 11 00:00:16,852 --> 00:00:19,146 I'm gonna try and spit 12 00:00:16,852 --> 00:00:19,146 on a bird. 13 00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:22,357 Did he just get 14 00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:22,357 off the ride? 15 00:00:24,526 --> 00:00:26,445 You know, honey, um, 16 00:00:24,526 --> 00:00:26,445 I'm getting cold feet. 17 00:00:26,445 --> 00:00:28,447 Maybe we should just ... 18 00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:30,574 Well, if you're scared, 19 00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:30,574 we should just go. 20 00:00:30,574 --> 00:00:32,451 I'm disappointed, 'cause to me, 21 00:00:30,574 --> 00:00:32,451 it seemed like a blast. 22 00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:34,912 Oh! 23 00:00:34,912 --> 00:00:37,247 My resolution 24 00:00:34,912 --> 00:00:37,247 to live more dangerously 25 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,749 was off to a rocky start. 26 00:00:38,749 --> 00:00:40,667 Help yourself 27 00:00:38,749 --> 00:00:40,667 to my Christmas present. 28 00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,170 Nothing like a frozen margarita 29 00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,170 in a hot tub. 30 00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:46,048 Lets nature know 31 00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:46,048 we can do anything she can. 32 00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:47,507 Well, 33 00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:47,507 I'll take one to go. 34 00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:49,593 Alex and I are just here 35 00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:49,593 to raid your guys' closet 36 00:00:49,593 --> 00:00:50,886 for some vintage clothing. 37 00:00:50,886 --> 00:00:52,304 Yeah, we're going 38 00:00:50,886 --> 00:00:52,304 to a '90s music festival 39 00:00:52,304 --> 00:00:53,430 called Fo-shizzle-fest. 40 00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:55,725 Okay, 41 00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:55,725 get ready to pig out! 42 00:00:55,725 --> 00:00:58,393 In six to eight hours. 43 00:00:58,393 --> 00:01:00,145 I did Thanksgiving dinner 44 00:00:58,393 --> 00:01:00,145 last year, 45 00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:01,563 and it didn't go well. 46 00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:02,940 Cam blew up the turkey 47 00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:04,274 and made the goat 48 00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:04,274 kill itself. 49 00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:06,068 Anyhoo, 50 00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:06,068 today is my comeback meal, 51 00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:08,403 and I decided to keep it simple 52 00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:08,403 and roast a pig. 53 00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:10,155 So, you just dig a hole, 54 00:01:10,155 --> 00:01:12,574 you put down a bed of coals, 55 00:01:10,155 --> 00:01:12,574 then a layer of banana leaves, 56 00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:14,910 lower the pig, cover it 57 00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:14,910 with burlap and tin foil, 58 00:01:14,910 --> 00:01:16,203 and ... Bam! 59 00:01:16,203 --> 00:01:18,080 Six hours later, 60 00:01:16,203 --> 00:01:18,080 you dig it all up, 61 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,999 put it on a platter, 62 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,999 and ... Bam! 63 00:01:19,999 --> 00:01:21,041 dinner is served. 64 00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:22,793 Guys, 65 00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:25,629 just because you spent 66 00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:25,629 Christmas in Missouri 67 00:01:25,629 --> 00:01:27,047 doesn't mean 68 00:01:25,629 --> 00:01:27,047 that we forgot about you. 69 00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:28,507 Open your presents. 70 00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:29,967 Oh, okay! 71 00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:29,967 I'll go first. 72 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:32,427 Uh, let's see. 73 00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:34,847 Oh, it's a gift certificate 74 00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:34,847 for E-Butler. 75 00:01:34,847 --> 00:01:36,556 It's a concierge service. 76 00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,893 Use it for errands, tickets, 77 00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,893 things like that. 78 00:01:38,893 --> 00:01:39,935 Oh my God. 79 00:01:38,893 --> 00:01:39,935 I love this! 80 00:01:39,935 --> 00:01:41,561 It's like staying in a hotel, 81 00:01:41,561 --> 00:01:42,897 but I don't have to wear gloves 82 00:01:41,561 --> 00:01:42,897 to use the remote. 83 00:01:42,897 --> 00:01:44,732 Okay, me next. Me next. 84 00:01:44,732 --> 00:01:47,192 Oh... it's an apron 85 00:01:47,192 --> 00:01:48,778 with ... with bells on it. 86 00:01:48,778 --> 00:01:51,155 And it says, 87 00:01:48,778 --> 00:01:51,155 "Cam and get it!" 88 00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:52,572 Oh, so that's not 89 00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:52,572 a mistake? 90 00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:54,992 We spent extra cash 91 00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:54,992 to get that custom made. 92 00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:56,076 Came to me in a dream. 93 00:01:56,076 --> 00:01:57,953 Put it on, buddy. 94 00:01:57,953 --> 00:02:00,247 Let's, uh ... Let's get pictures 95 00:01:57,953 --> 00:02:00,247 with you guys and your gifts. 96 00:02:00,247 --> 00:02:01,581 Jay and Gloria, 97 00:02:00,247 --> 00:02:01,581 get in there too. 98 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,333 Come on, honey. 99 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,333 Let's go. 100 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,501 - Oh, boy. 101 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,501 - I'll tie it. 102 00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:06,003 - No, you won't. 103 00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:06,003 - All right. 104 00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:07,922 - I'll tie it. 105 00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:07,922 - No. 106 00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:11,050 Whoa! 107 00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:11,050 Oh! 108 00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:15,012 I told you Stella was trying 109 00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:15,012 to kill me! 110 00:02:29,151 --> 00:02:31,153 Well, that was a scare. 111 00:02:29,151 --> 00:02:31,153 Nothing happened. 112 00:02:31,153 --> 00:02:32,612 I know where 113 00:02:31,153 --> 00:02:32,612 you're going with this. 114 00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:34,156 This is why 115 00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:34,156 I've been hounding you 116 00:02:34,156 --> 00:02:35,282 about your estate planning. 117 00:02:35,282 --> 00:02:36,826 No, Mitch. 118 00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:38,911 Don't put that horrible thing 119 00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:38,911 out in the universe! 120 00:02:41,205 --> 00:02:42,790 Dad, you still 121 00:02:41,205 --> 00:02:42,790 haven't done that? 122 00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:44,917 They haven't updated their 123 00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:44,917 paperwork since Joe was born. 124 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,753 Uh, God forbid something bad 125 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,753 should happen to them. 126 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,922 We don't even know 127 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,922 who'd they want to raise Joe. 128 00:02:49,922 --> 00:02:51,131 Shh! 129 00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:53,759 Will you stop scaring her? 130 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:55,886 I spend more money on eyelashes 131 00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,262 than most of you do 132 00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,262 on health care. 133 00:02:57,262 --> 00:02:58,638 Fine, we'll do it today. 134 00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,265 What better way 135 00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,265 to start the new year 136 00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:01,976 than by preparing for the worst? 137 00:03:01,976 --> 00:03:03,853 Speaking of alive dads, 138 00:03:03,853 --> 00:03:06,313 there's mine! 139 00:03:03,853 --> 00:03:06,313 Oh! 140 00:03:06,313 --> 00:03:07,690 So good to see you! 141 00:03:06,313 --> 00:03:07,690 Oh! 142 00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:08,858 How was the drive? 143 00:03:08,858 --> 00:03:10,317 Fantastic. 144 00:03:10,317 --> 00:03:12,152 My radio broke 145 00:03:10,317 --> 00:03:12,152 around Tallahassee. 146 00:03:10,317 --> 00:03:12,152 Aw. 147 00:03:12,152 --> 00:03:14,029 But is there a better 148 00:03:12,152 --> 00:03:14,029 entertainment source 149 00:03:14,029 --> 00:03:16,240 than the billboards 150 00:03:14,029 --> 00:03:16,240 of America? 151 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,367 Apparently, syphilis is making 152 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,367 a comeback. 153 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:20,577 Plus, you had me 154 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:20,577 to keep you company. 155 00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:23,497 Lorraine? 156 00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:25,791 Lorraine was my babysitter 157 00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:25,791 growing up. 158 00:03:25,791 --> 00:03:27,334 She was also my first crush 159 00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:33,382 and also the star 160 00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:33,382 of my first, um..."funny dream." 161 00:03:33,382 --> 00:03:35,300 Yeah, 162 00:03:33,382 --> 00:03:35,300 Lorraine used to bring out 163 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,052 the holy terror in Phil. 164 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,052 Oh. 165 00:03:37,052 --> 00:03:39,013 It seemed like he wanted 166 00:03:37,052 --> 00:03:39,013 to be spanked by her. 167 00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:40,305 No, I did not. 168 00:03:40,305 --> 00:03:42,808 How long 169 00:03:40,305 --> 00:03:42,808 has this been going on? 170 00:03:42,808 --> 00:03:45,728 Well, we reconnected 171 00:03:42,808 --> 00:03:45,728 earlier this year on jury duty. 172 00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:48,898 I was the lone holdout 173 00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:48,898 on a triple homicide case. 174 00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:48,898 Mm. 175 00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:52,067 You can just feel when someone 176 00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:52,067 is innocent, you know? 177 00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:52,067 Mm-hmm. 178 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,444 Mm-hmm. 179 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,444 But Lorraine said she'd go 180 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,444 out to lunch with me 181 00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:55,696 if I changed my vote, 182 00:03:55,696 --> 00:03:57,197 so here we are. 183 00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:59,449 Phil, did ... 184 00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:59,449 did you ever dream ... 185 00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:59,449 No. 186 00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:00,659 Last time I saw you, 187 00:04:00,659 --> 00:04:02,494 you came up to here. 188 00:04:02,494 --> 00:04:04,663 Okay, Claire will take you 189 00:04:02,494 --> 00:04:04,663 that way to the back yard. 190 00:04:04,663 --> 00:04:06,040 I'll go through the house 191 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,624 so we can finally know 192 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,624 which way's faster. 193 00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:09,668 Okay, just a few 194 00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:09,668 simple questions, 195 00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,378 and your estate planning 196 00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,378 is done. 197 00:04:11,378 --> 00:04:12,963 What is this? 198 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,464 We don't need to put aside money 199 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,464 for Manny's college. 200 00:04:14,464 --> 00:04:16,050 I already took care of it. 201 00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:19,219 When Manny was born, 202 00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:19,219 I didn't want to rely on anyone, 203 00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:21,180 so I started saving money 204 00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:21,180 from my paycheck. 205 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,307 Eventually, I made enough 206 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,307 money for Manny's college, 207 00:04:23,307 --> 00:04:25,475 so if anything happens, 208 00:04:23,307 --> 00:04:25,475 he'll be okay. 209 00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:26,852 That's amazing. 210 00:04:26,852 --> 00:04:29,021 How did I not see this 211 00:04:26,852 --> 00:04:29,021 in the bank statements? 212 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:30,856 Why would I put money 213 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:30,856 that I might need 214 00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:32,775 to run away with 215 00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:32,775 in the middle of night 216 00:04:32,775 --> 00:04:34,068 in the bank? 217 00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:35,652 I put it 218 00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:35,652 in my disappear bag. 219 00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:37,905 It's hard not to take that 220 00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:37,905 personally, but, um, 221 00:04:37,905 --> 00:04:39,156 where is this bag? 222 00:04:39,156 --> 00:04:41,951 It's in... in... 223 00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:43,744 You forgot? 224 00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:43,744 No. 225 00:04:43,744 --> 00:04:45,120 That's why I made a song 226 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,289 so that it would always 227 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,289 help me remember. 228 00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:55,172 I don't know. 229 00:04:56,298 --> 00:04:57,675 One second. 230 00:04:57,675 --> 00:04:59,593 Okay, Cam, 231 00:04:57,675 --> 00:04:59,593 what are we ... 232 00:04:59,593 --> 00:05:00,761 Okay. 233 00:04:59,593 --> 00:05:00,761 Just ... Just be cool. 234 00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:02,471 Just be cool. 235 00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:02,471 Be cool? 236 00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:04,431 You just jangled across the yard 237 00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:04,431 like a big country tambourine. 238 00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:05,725 All right, well, apparently, 239 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:07,434 the fire went out 240 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:07,434 and I didn't notice, 241 00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:09,186 and now this pig is as cold 242 00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:09,186 as your family is gonna be 243 00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:10,938 when they figure out I ruined 244 00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:10,938 another meal. 245 00:05:10,938 --> 00:05:12,231 Okay, this is bad. 246 00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,316 My dad does not like 247 00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,316 to be pork teased. 248 00:05:14,316 --> 00:05:16,235 Well, maybe we can get 249 00:05:14,316 --> 00:05:16,235 a replacement pig. 250 00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,987 Do you think your 251 00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,987 concierge thing could help out? 252 00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,987 Wha... 253 00:05:17,987 --> 00:05:19,404 But I just got it today, 254 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,281 and ... and the card says, 255 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,281 "For Mitch stuff." 256 00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:22,908 Mitchell, 257 00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:22,908 one of my resolutions 258 00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,534 was to cry less 259 00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,534 outside the home. 260 00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,328 Please help me get through 261 00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,328 this day. 262 00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,328 Gosh. 263 00:05:26,328 --> 00:05:28,372 You know they only got me 264 00:05:26,328 --> 00:05:28,372 six hours, right? 265 00:05:28,372 --> 00:05:29,414 I know. 266 00:05:28,372 --> 00:05:29,414 Thank you. 267 00:05:29,414 --> 00:05:31,000 Okay. 268 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,334 Thank you for calling 269 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,334 E-Butler, Mr. Pritchett. 270 00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:34,336 How may I make your day 271 00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:34,336 more E-fficient? 272 00:05:34,336 --> 00:05:36,797 Okay, um, well, 273 00:05:34,336 --> 00:05:36,797 this is a weird request. 274 00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:40,217 Keep in mind, erotic tasks are 275 00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:40,217 billed at twice the normal rate. 276 00:05:40,217 --> 00:05:44,930 Uh, no, I-I need you to secretly 277 00:05:40,217 --> 00:05:44,930 deliver a whole roasted pig. 278 00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:46,390 With extreme pleasure. 279 00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:48,768 Requests like these 280 00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:48,768 remind me why I E-buttle. 281 00:05:48,768 --> 00:05:50,019 I knew that voice. 282 00:05:50,019 --> 00:05:51,145 It was Keifth. 283 00:05:51,145 --> 00:05:52,396 When I first moved here, 284 00:05:52,396 --> 00:05:54,356 I was just a young 285 00:05:52,396 --> 00:05:54,356 Missouri hayseed. 286 00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:56,483 I-I bought 287 00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:56,483 a ticket to the circus one day, 288 00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:58,778 and there in the middle 289 00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:58,778 of all the action, 290 00:05:58,778 --> 00:06:02,406 in an impeccably pressed tuxedo, 291 00:05:58,778 --> 00:06:02,406 was Ringmaster Keifth. 292 00:06:02,406 --> 00:06:05,284 I started hanging out 293 00:06:02,406 --> 00:06:05,284 at circus bars until we met. 294 00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:07,036 The attraction was immediate. 295 00:06:07,036 --> 00:06:09,579 He was older, 296 00:06:07,036 --> 00:06:09,579 always in command of a room, 297 00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:12,541 which makes sense because a room 298 00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:12,541 is just a permanent tent. 299 00:06:12,541 --> 00:06:13,709 We dated for six months. 300 00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:15,252 He transformed me 301 00:06:15,252 --> 00:06:18,588 into the sophisticate 302 00:06:15,252 --> 00:06:18,588 that we all know today. 303 00:06:18,588 --> 00:06:22,134 And then, 304 00:06:18,588 --> 00:06:22,134 he suddenly disappeared. 305 00:06:22,134 --> 00:06:25,179 No goodbye. 306 00:06:22,134 --> 00:06:25,179 No note. 307 00:06:25,179 --> 00:06:27,139 Just some peanut shells 308 00:06:25,179 --> 00:06:27,139 on the floor 309 00:06:27,139 --> 00:06:29,850 that must have... fallen 310 00:06:27,139 --> 00:06:29,850 from his glorious black boot. 311 00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:32,812 I found a trattoria 312 00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:32,812 in Little Polynesia 313 00:06:32,812 --> 00:06:34,604 that can spare 314 00:06:32,812 --> 00:06:34,604 a fully roasted pig. 315 00:06:34,604 --> 00:06:35,898 Sorry for the delay. 316 00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:37,191 It w... 317 00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:37,191 It was a minute and a half. 318 00:06:37,191 --> 00:06:38,734 You can't know my shame. 319 00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,527 I'll deliver the porcine parcel 320 00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,527 within the hour. 321 00:06:40,527 --> 00:06:42,822 Okay, that ... that is great. 322 00:06:40,527 --> 00:06:42,822 I will ... I will see you then. 323 00:06:42,822 --> 00:06:44,239 What is wrong with you? 324 00:06:44,239 --> 00:06:45,657 Okay, my circus boyfriend 325 00:06:44,239 --> 00:06:45,657 who left me 326 00:06:45,657 --> 00:06:47,326 in the middle of the night ... 327 00:06:45,657 --> 00:06:47,326 that was him. 328 00:06:47,326 --> 00:06:49,161 And now he's coming here? 329 00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:51,288 This is no way 330 00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:51,288 to ring in a new year. 331 00:06:58,045 --> 00:06:59,714 The money has to be here 332 00:06:58,045 --> 00:06:59,714 somewhere. 333 00:06:59,714 --> 00:07:02,007 This is all the stuff from when 334 00:06:59,714 --> 00:07:02,007 we first moved in together. 335 00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:04,343 Why do we have 336 00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:04,343 a box of doll heads? 337 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:06,136 Oh, I guess you think 338 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:06,136 it's a coincidence 339 00:07:06,136 --> 00:07:08,555 that we have never had 340 00:07:06,136 --> 00:07:08,555 evil spirits in this house. 341 00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:10,307 What about 342 00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:10,307 these will questions? 343 00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:12,768 If something happens to us, 344 00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:12,768 who should raise Joe? 345 00:07:12,768 --> 00:07:14,228 No, Jay, don't say that. 346 00:07:14,228 --> 00:07:15,645 All right, look. 347 00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:19,358 If someone other than us 348 00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:19,358 needs to raise Joe, 349 00:07:19,358 --> 00:07:20,860 I vote Mitch and Cam. 350 00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:22,361 Nice balance. 351 00:07:22,361 --> 00:07:25,030 Mitch is, uh, responsible, 352 00:07:22,361 --> 00:07:25,030 he knows culture, 353 00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:28,617 and Cam is basically a mom 354 00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:28,617 who played college football. 355 00:07:28,617 --> 00:07:31,829 Plus, Joe and Lily 356 00:07:28,617 --> 00:07:31,829 are close in age. 357 00:07:31,829 --> 00:07:33,831 Yeah, 358 00:07:31,829 --> 00:07:33,831 but isn't she a little... 359 00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:35,624 Direct? 360 00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:35,624 You're not wrong. 361 00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:37,960 She did five minutes on my nose 362 00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:37,960 at Thanksgiving. 363 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,419 I mean, it's a little big, 364 00:07:39,419 --> 00:07:42,006 but to say that it has 365 00:07:39,419 --> 00:07:42,006 its own zip code, 366 00:07:42,006 --> 00:07:43,507 that was too much for me. 367 00:07:43,507 --> 00:07:44,508 What's this? 368 00:07:44,508 --> 00:07:46,343 No, that is... 369 00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,888 "If I ever go missing 370 00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,888 or am found dead, 371 00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:50,139 it was my husband"? 372 00:07:50,139 --> 00:07:51,306 What the hell is this? 373 00:07:51,306 --> 00:07:52,683 Ay! Calm down. 374 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:54,810 It was when we had 375 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:54,810 our first big fight. 376 00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:57,479 Of course I knew that 377 00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:57,479 you were not going to kill me. 378 00:07:57,479 --> 00:07:59,732 I was just going 379 00:07:57,479 --> 00:07:59,732 to run away and frame you. 380 00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:05,487 Is it weird we've barely seen 381 00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:05,487 Phil since we've been here? 382 00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:06,739 He was always a wanderer. 383 00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:08,323 It's the curse 384 00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:08,323 of being a genius. 385 00:08:08,323 --> 00:08:10,325 Oh. 386 00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:15,247 Phil. 387 00:08:15,247 --> 00:08:16,916 Trinidad and Tobago! 388 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:18,125 Why are you avoiding 389 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:18,125 Frank? 390 00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,668 What? 391 00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:21,586 I'm ... 392 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,297 Okay, there's something 393 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,297 you don't know. 394 00:08:23,297 --> 00:08:25,590 She used to be your babysitter, 395 00:08:23,297 --> 00:08:25,590 and you had the hots for her. 396 00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:26,926 How? 397 00:08:26,926 --> 00:08:28,052 What is the plan, honey? 398 00:08:28,052 --> 00:08:29,720 Are you just 399 00:08:28,052 --> 00:08:29,720 gonna avoid them? 400 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,889 I just need a minute to get 401 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,889 comfortable with this, okay? 402 00:08:31,889 --> 00:08:34,725 I mean, did he always have 403 00:08:31,889 --> 00:08:34,725 a crush on her, 404 00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:36,435 even when 405 00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:36,435 my mom was around? 406 00:08:37,436 --> 00:08:39,354 It's one thing 407 00:08:37,436 --> 00:08:39,354 for a 13-year-old 408 00:08:39,354 --> 00:08:41,899 to position his babysitter 409 00:08:39,354 --> 00:08:41,899 in front of an open refrigerator 410 00:08:41,899 --> 00:08:44,694 so that he can enjoy 411 00:08:41,899 --> 00:08:44,694 the backlit contours 412 00:08:41,899 --> 00:08:44,694 of her beautiful body 413 00:08:44,694 --> 00:08:46,278 in the silk blouse he stole 414 00:08:44,694 --> 00:08:46,278 from Randall's mother. 415 00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:48,823 But if he was doing 416 00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:48,823 the same thing? 417 00:08:48,823 --> 00:08:51,075 Uh, 418 00:08:48,823 --> 00:08:51,075 moving past your decision 419 00:08:51,075 --> 00:08:53,703 to steal trophy clothing 420 00:08:51,075 --> 00:08:53,703 from Randall's mom, 421 00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:55,495 maybe you could 422 00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:55,495 just talk to your dad. 423 00:08:56,663 --> 00:08:58,457 You know we don't talk 424 00:08:56,663 --> 00:08:58,457 in my family. 425 00:08:58,457 --> 00:08:59,499 We riff. 426 00:08:59,499 --> 00:09:01,001 We do bits. 427 00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:02,377 You know how my dad told me 428 00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:02,377 my grandmother died? 429 00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:03,545 In a knock-knock joke. 430 00:09:03,545 --> 00:09:05,923 That is last year's Phil 431 00:09:03,545 --> 00:09:05,923 talking. 432 00:09:05,923 --> 00:09:08,884 In the spirit of living 433 00:09:05,923 --> 00:09:08,884 more dangerously, 434 00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,427 why don't you take 435 00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,427 an emotional risk 436 00:09:10,427 --> 00:09:11,762 and ... and try and have 437 00:09:11,762 --> 00:09:13,388 an honest conversation 438 00:09:11,762 --> 00:09:13,388 with your father? 439 00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:19,812 Also, well, I may not be wearing 440 00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:19,812 Randall's mothers blouse, 441 00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:22,147 but I thought 442 00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:22,147 maybe you'd like... 443 00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:23,523 And he's gone. 444 00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,693 Uh, da... 445 00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,693 How am I saying it wrong? 446 00:09:25,693 --> 00:09:27,862 His name is Keith. 447 00:09:25,693 --> 00:09:27,862 No. 448 00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:29,029 Keef? 449 00:09:29,029 --> 00:09:30,781 It couldn't be simpler. 450 00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:33,826 K-E-I-F-T-H. 451 00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:33,826 Keifth. 452 00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:35,703 Fth. Fth. 453 00:09:35,703 --> 00:09:37,955 A remarkable name 454 00:09:35,703 --> 00:09:37,955 for a remarkable man. 455 00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:40,750 Isn't ringmaster basically 456 00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:40,750 a ceremonial position? 457 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,126 Uh, wow. 458 00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:43,335 I would love to live 459 00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:43,335 in your fantasy world 460 00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:44,754 where circuses 461 00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:44,754 run themselves. 462 00:09:44,754 --> 00:09:46,463 Okay. 463 00:09:44,754 --> 00:09:46,463 Call and cancel. 464 00:09:46,463 --> 00:09:48,132 Then who's gonna save 465 00:09:46,463 --> 00:09:48,132 your dinner? 466 00:09:48,132 --> 00:09:49,466 Besides, 467 00:09:48,132 --> 00:09:49,466 we don't even know 468 00:09:49,466 --> 00:09:51,218 if the concierge 469 00:09:49,466 --> 00:09:51,218 is actually Keifth. 470 00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:52,845 I'm gonna forget 471 00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:52,845 the velvety baritone 472 00:09:52,845 --> 00:09:54,722 that abandoned me 473 00:09:52,845 --> 00:09:54,722 in the middle of the night? 474 00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:56,390 And plus, he walks in here, 475 00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:56,390 I lose it, 476 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,183 I don't want Lily 477 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,183 to see that. 478 00:09:58,183 --> 00:09:59,643 Oh, she's not here. 479 00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:01,771 She has that sleepover, 480 00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:01,771 and she already leffffth. 481 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:02,813 Without saying goodbye? 482 00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:03,898 Then it hit me. 483 00:10:03,898 --> 00:10:05,733 It could be therapeutic for Cam 484 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:08,986 to see this ridiculously named 485 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:08,986 circus person who deserted him 486 00:10:08,986 --> 00:10:11,488 because that incident could 487 00:10:08,986 --> 00:10:11,488 be the very root 488 00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:14,158 of his pretty intense 489 00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:14,158 abandonment issues... 490 00:10:14,158 --> 00:10:15,659 which are not unchallenging. 491 00:10:15,659 --> 00:10:18,245 Mm. 492 00:10:18,245 --> 00:10:19,288 Where are you going? 493 00:10:19,288 --> 00:10:21,123 To the bathroom. 494 00:10:21,123 --> 00:10:24,001 Well, have a nice life. 495 00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:26,295 What about Phil and Claire 496 00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:26,295 to take care of Joe? 497 00:10:26,295 --> 00:10:28,881 I don't know. 498 00:10:26,295 --> 00:10:28,881 Isn't Phil kind of silly? 499 00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:31,801 What are you talking about? 500 00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:31,801 Phil is a great father. 501 00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:33,010 He's kind. 502 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:34,094 He's fun. 503 00:10:34,094 --> 00:10:36,096 Even Lily likes him. 504 00:10:36,096 --> 00:10:37,431 But is he too likeable? 505 00:10:37,431 --> 00:10:38,683 Where's the gravitas? 506 00:10:38,683 --> 00:10:40,350 He's full of energy. 507 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:41,601 He's sensitive, 508 00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:44,104 and he never, 509 00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:44,104 ever gets grumpy. 510 00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:46,648 Fine. Why don't you give Joe 511 00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:46,648 to Super Dad right now, then? 512 00:10:46,648 --> 00:10:49,026 Oh, my God, 513 00:10:46,648 --> 00:10:49,026 are you really jealous 514 00:10:49,026 --> 00:10:51,946 because Phil might 515 00:10:49,026 --> 00:10:51,946 be a better father than you? 516 00:10:51,946 --> 00:10:53,530 I know it's stupid. 517 00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,950 Not to mention the fact that 518 00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,950 Joe gets Claire in the deal. 519 00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,242 She's a fantastic mother. 520 00:10:57,242 --> 00:11:00,037 Runs a company, 521 00:10:57,242 --> 00:11:00,037 hell of a role model. 522 00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:01,956 He could never do better 523 00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:01,956 than that for a mother. 524 00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:04,166 You know what, Phil and Claire 525 00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:04,166 have already raised their kids. 526 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:05,584 I think it's time 527 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:05,584 for them to travel. 528 00:11:06,752 --> 00:11:08,128 There. 529 00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:10,589 That's where 530 00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:10,589 my disappear bag was hanging! 531 00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:15,678 You have, like, a hundred 532 00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:15,678 missed calls from Gloria. 533 00:11:17,888 --> 00:11:19,431 You have to come back right now. 534 00:11:19,431 --> 00:11:21,516 Is everything okay? 535 00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:23,143 What? 536 00:11:25,354 --> 00:11:27,356 There must 537 00:11:25,354 --> 00:11:27,356 be a bus stop nearby. 538 00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:28,816 Until then, just act normal 539 00:11:28,816 --> 00:11:30,985 like we don't have 540 00:11:28,816 --> 00:11:30,985 $40,000 on us. 541 00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:32,527 Okay, why are you whispering 542 00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:32,527 only part of a sentence? 543 00:11:32,527 --> 00:11:33,570 That's going to attract 544 00:11:32,527 --> 00:11:33,570 attention. 545 00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:34,905 Really? 546 00:11:34,905 --> 00:11:36,073 More than you being covered 547 00:11:34,905 --> 00:11:36,073 in sweat? 548 00:11:36,073 --> 00:11:37,700 Because you look like 549 00:11:36,073 --> 00:11:37,700 a sauna wall. 550 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:38,993 You're right. How do I make 551 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:38,993 myself stop sweating? 552 00:11:38,993 --> 00:11:40,494 I don't know! 553 00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:42,621 Oh, don't cry. 554 00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:42,621 Crying's worse than sweating. 555 00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:44,498 Oh look, now I'm crying too! 556 00:11:44,498 --> 00:11:47,167 Maybe we can smile our way 557 00:11:44,498 --> 00:11:47,167 out of this. 558 00:11:48,627 --> 00:11:49,920 Phil? 559 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,421 Yeah? 560 00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:52,673 Honey, come quick! 561 00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:52,673 Your dad passed out in the RV. 562 00:11:52,673 --> 00:11:54,133 Oh, my God! 563 00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:57,261 Dad, are you okay? 564 00:11:57,261 --> 00:12:00,180 Yeah, Claire just accidentally 565 00:11:57,261 --> 00:12:00,180 sprayed me with a garden hose. 566 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,265 Really? 567 00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:02,307 Oh, Claire? 568 00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:03,558 Sorry, stuck... 569 00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:05,519 like many 570 00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:05,519 father/son relationships. 571 00:12:07,813 --> 00:12:11,483 So, uh, 572 00:12:07,813 --> 00:12:11,483 place looks great. 573 00:12:11,483 --> 00:12:13,193 Yeah, Lorraine really 574 00:12:11,483 --> 00:12:13,193 spruced it up ... 575 00:12:13,193 --> 00:12:14,486 curtains, 576 00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:16,196 brass safety rails 577 00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:16,196 over the privy. 578 00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:17,823 That was really 579 00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:17,823 a lifesaver. 580 00:12:17,823 --> 00:12:19,742 She stopped short 581 00:12:17,823 --> 00:12:19,742 on the I-90 once. 582 00:12:19,742 --> 00:12:22,369 I came rolling out of there 583 00:12:19,742 --> 00:12:22,369 like a Chinese acrobat. 584 00:12:23,495 --> 00:12:25,748 Well, Lorraine seems good. 585 00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:30,169 Hey, so Phil, 586 00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:30,169 uh, you seem a little off today. 587 00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:33,588 Me and Lorraine ... uh, 588 00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:33,588 that doesn't bother you, right? 589 00:12:34,548 --> 00:12:36,050 No. No. 590 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:38,969 Good. 591 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:38,969 It's the craziest thing. 592 00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:40,554 She re-introduced herself, 593 00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:43,390 and, uh, I didn't even remember 594 00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:43,390 she was our babysitter. 595 00:12:43,390 --> 00:12:44,433 Really? 596 00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:45,810 Yeah. 597 00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:45,810 Then she asked me out, 598 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,644 and you know, I don't get 599 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,644 a lot of offers, 600 00:12:47,644 --> 00:12:49,229 so I thought, "What the heck?" 601 00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,231 Sure. 602 00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,231 That's what I figured. 603 00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:53,442 But, uh, I'm just glad 604 00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:53,442 you're having fun. 605 00:12:53,442 --> 00:12:55,277 Well, I better go fill 606 00:12:53,442 --> 00:12:55,277 this thing up 607 00:12:55,277 --> 00:12:57,154 with some of Jay's 608 00:12:55,277 --> 00:12:57,154 expensive Scotch. 609 00:12:58,488 --> 00:12:59,990 Oh, actually, 610 00:12:58,488 --> 00:12:59,990 I think the door's locked. 611 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:01,491 Oh, no, it's fine. 612 00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:04,578 Well, Frank, I'm really sorry 613 00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:04,578 about that hose thing. 614 00:13:04,578 --> 00:13:06,621 Oh, no hard feelings. 615 00:13:06,621 --> 00:13:08,373 Shirt needed freshening 616 00:13:06,621 --> 00:13:08,373 anyway. 617 00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:09,959 I haven't washed it 618 00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:12,002 since we stopped 619 00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:12,002 to take pictures at Smokey-Top, 620 00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:15,339 Utah's longest, 621 00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:15,339 continuously burning tire fire. 622 00:13:17,717 --> 00:13:20,761 As I guess you heard, 623 00:13:17,717 --> 00:13:20,761 I had no reason to be worried. 624 00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:22,972 He didn't even notice when 625 00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:22,972 Lorraine was my babysitter. 626 00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:24,639 Plus, they're not even 627 00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:24,639 that serious. 628 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,225 I felt a ring box 629 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,225 in his pocket. 630 00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:27,267 What? No way. 631 00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:28,686 Yep. 632 00:13:28,686 --> 00:13:30,104 There's only one thing 633 00:13:28,686 --> 00:13:30,104 shaped like that. 634 00:13:30,104 --> 00:13:31,814 No, there isn't. 635 00:13:30,104 --> 00:13:31,814 There's a million things ... 636 00:13:31,814 --> 00:13:34,149 Rubik's Cube, sewing kit, 637 00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:35,860 souvenir tire keychain 638 00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:35,860 from Smokey-Top. 639 00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,862 I can't think of anything 640 00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,862 that's not shaped like that. 641 00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,822 Let's assume for a moment 642 00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,822 that I am right 643 00:13:39,822 --> 00:13:40,948 and that was a ring box. 644 00:13:40,948 --> 00:13:42,157 Maybe it's worth exploring 645 00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:43,367 why the idea 646 00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:43,367 of your dad remarrying 647 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:44,576 is setting you off 648 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:44,576 like this. 649 00:13:44,576 --> 00:13:45,995 Maybe it's worth exploring 650 00:13:45,995 --> 00:13:47,872 why you find so much joy 651 00:13:45,995 --> 00:13:47,872 in tearing people down. 652 00:13:47,872 --> 00:13:49,331 In previous generations, 653 00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:50,750 they accused people like that 654 00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:50,750 of being witches 655 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,376 and threw water at them 656 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,376 to see if they screamed. 657 00:13:52,376 --> 00:13:53,460 Great. 658 00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:54,586 Aah! 659 00:13:54,586 --> 00:13:56,171 Witch. 660 00:14:00,801 --> 00:14:02,511 Ah, Mr. Pritchett, 661 00:14:00,801 --> 00:14:02,511 I presume. 662 00:14:02,511 --> 00:14:04,388 Hi. Thank you so much 663 00:14:02,511 --> 00:14:04,388 for coming. 664 00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:05,973 I'm not sure 665 00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:05,973 I caught your name. 666 00:14:05,973 --> 00:14:07,224 Keifth Banks. 667 00:14:05,973 --> 00:14:07,224 Yes. 668 00:14:07,224 --> 00:14:08,433 At your ... 669 00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:09,852 Mitchell, 670 00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:09,852 sorry to interrupt. 671 00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:11,270 I didn't know you were with 672 00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:11,270 a common worker. 673 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:13,188 Can it be? 674 00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:14,356 Hmm? 675 00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:16,025 Cameron Tucker. 676 00:14:16,025 --> 00:14:17,109 Yes. 677 00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:18,402 I'm sorry. 678 00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:18,402 You are...? 679 00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:19,653 Keifth. 680 00:14:19,653 --> 00:14:21,321 Keifth. 681 00:14:19,653 --> 00:14:21,321 I-I don't believe I know ... 682 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:23,490 No, C-Cam, 683 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:23,490 didn't you tell me 684 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,868 you once dated someone 685 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,868 named Keifth? 686 00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:28,662 Oh, yes. 687 00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:28,662 Keifth. 688 00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,289 What was it 689 00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,289 you did again? 690 00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:32,624 I remember you wore white gloves 691 00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:32,624 and ... and gestured a lot. 692 00:14:32,624 --> 00:14:33,667 Subway mime? 693 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:36,712 I commanded a circus. 694 00:14:36,712 --> 00:14:38,005 Yes. 695 00:14:36,712 --> 00:14:38,005 Now I remember. 696 00:14:38,005 --> 00:14:39,298 How have you been? 697 00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:40,966 I see you're in 698 00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:40,966 pig delivery now? 699 00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:42,467 I'm a concierge. 700 00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:45,137 The circus business 701 00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:45,137 has gotten rather difficult. 702 00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:46,596 People today, 703 00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:46,596 they don't have the patience 704 00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:49,058 for the more elegant 705 00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:49,058 pleasures of yesteryear ... 706 00:14:49,058 --> 00:14:51,560 men putting their heads 707 00:14:49,058 --> 00:14:51,560 into lion's mouths, 708 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,771 unfortunate little people 709 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,771 being shot from cannons. 710 00:14:53,771 --> 00:14:56,315 I can't believe you... you're 711 00:14:53,771 --> 00:14:56,315 meeting up again like this. 712 00:14:56,315 --> 00:14:58,150 You must have 713 00:14:56,315 --> 00:14:58,150 so much to catch up on 714 00:14:58,150 --> 00:14:59,902 or ... or ... or work through. 715 00:14:59,902 --> 00:15:01,987 Oh, well, 716 00:14:59,902 --> 00:15:01,987 I'm sure Keifth would rather 717 00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:04,531 just make the delivery 718 00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:04,531 and disappear. 719 00:15:04,531 --> 00:15:05,574 Start there. 720 00:15:05,574 --> 00:15:06,826 To the matter at hand. 721 00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:09,912 The swap will be difficult. 722 00:15:09,912 --> 00:15:12,581 Fortunately, I have had a bit of 723 00:15:09,912 --> 00:15:12,581 experience with misdirects ... 724 00:15:12,581 --> 00:15:15,667 just tell the audience to keep 725 00:15:12,581 --> 00:15:15,667 your eyes on the center ring! 726 00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,502 They won't even notice 727 00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,502 the trapeze act 728 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:20,339 suffering through the more 729 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:20,339 vivid stages of food poisoning. 730 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,841 That happened. 731 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,841 I was there. 732 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,841 Oh. 733 00:15:21,841 --> 00:15:26,762 First, I will release 734 00:15:21,841 --> 00:15:26,762 a live peacock ... 735 00:15:26,762 --> 00:15:29,724 an exotic beauty 736 00:15:26,762 --> 00:15:29,724 of the Orient ... into the yard. 737 00:15:29,724 --> 00:15:31,183 Magical. 738 00:15:31,183 --> 00:15:34,812 Then, I will need 739 00:15:31,183 --> 00:15:34,812 something to lure him inside 740 00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,396 to draw 741 00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,396 the family's attention. 742 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:38,315 Do you happen to have 743 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:38,315 any Andalusian filberts? 744 00:15:38,315 --> 00:15:39,358 No. 745 00:15:39,358 --> 00:15:40,693 Then Cheez-Its will do. 746 00:15:40,693 --> 00:15:42,527 Naturally, 747 00:15:40,693 --> 00:15:42,527 everyone will be transfixed. 748 00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,947 And while they're distracted, 749 00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,947 we will swap out the pigs, 750 00:15:44,947 --> 00:15:48,200 the dinner will be saved, 751 00:15:44,947 --> 00:15:48,200 and the show will go on. 752 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,994 Just let me sneak a peek 753 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,994 at the backyard. 754 00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:54,331 Goodbye. 755 00:15:54,331 --> 00:15:55,875 Hey, Joe, 756 00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:59,670 what has two heads, 757 00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:59,670 four legs, and can fly? 758 00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:01,171 I don't know. 759 00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:03,173 Us. 760 00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:03,173 Aah! 761 00:16:03,173 --> 00:16:04,675 This is dangerous! 762 00:16:04,675 --> 00:16:06,761 That's how you know 763 00:16:04,675 --> 00:16:06,761 we're alive! 764 00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:08,220 It's like I said 765 00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:08,220 in my wedding toast ... 766 00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,263 that bride of yours 767 00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,263 is fearless. 768 00:16:09,263 --> 00:16:10,890 Yeah. 769 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:14,476 Funny thing is, we went to an 770 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:14,476 amusement park earlier today 771 00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:17,813 and she was too scared 772 00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:17,813 to get on this one ride. 773 00:16:17,813 --> 00:16:20,315 Or she pretended to be 774 00:16:20,315 --> 00:16:23,068 so that I wouldn't have to admit 775 00:16:20,315 --> 00:16:23,068 how scared I was. 776 00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:26,571 I have a hunch 777 00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:26,571 that she's not the only one 778 00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,824 who's trying to protect 779 00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,824 my feelings today. 780 00:16:28,824 --> 00:16:31,618 You seem 781 00:16:28,824 --> 00:16:31,618 to be rambling, son. 782 00:16:31,618 --> 00:16:33,913 When you hugged Claire 783 00:16:31,618 --> 00:16:33,913 earlier, 784 00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,915 she felt a ring box 785 00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,915 in your pocket. 786 00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:38,250 What? 787 00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:38,250 That wasn't a ring box. 788 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:41,128 It was... where am I? 789 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:41,128 I'm so old and confused. 790 00:16:41,128 --> 00:16:42,504 Stop. 791 00:16:42,504 --> 00:16:44,006 I'm not gonna say 792 00:16:42,504 --> 00:16:44,006 seeing you with Lorraine 793 00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:45,299 wasn't a little bit weird 794 00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:45,299 for me. 795 00:16:45,299 --> 00:16:47,176 It was a crazy idea. 796 00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:48,593 That's not 797 00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:48,593 what I'm trying to say. 798 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:50,054 That pig's got to be ready, 799 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:50,054 doesn't it? 800 00:16:50,054 --> 00:16:51,180 Dad, please. 801 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,683 Son, can we please 802 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,683 not do this? 803 00:16:53,683 --> 00:16:55,559 Fine. 804 00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:56,601 Knock, knock. 805 00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:57,812 That's more like it. 806 00:16:57,812 --> 00:16:59,021 Who's there? 807 00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,731 Your son. 808 00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,731 Your son, who? 809 00:17:00,731 --> 00:17:02,441 Your son who'd hate to think 810 00:17:00,731 --> 00:17:02,441 you threw away 811 00:17:02,441 --> 00:17:04,985 a shot at happiness 812 00:17:02,441 --> 00:17:04,985 just to protect his feelings. 813 00:17:08,823 --> 00:17:10,199 Here it is. All here. 814 00:17:08,823 --> 00:17:10,199 Just take it from me. 815 00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:11,491 That's the most stress 816 00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:11,491 I've ever felt, 817 00:17:11,491 --> 00:17:12,910 and I spent two weeks 818 00:17:11,491 --> 00:17:12,910 underground 819 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,453 as part of 820 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,453 an isolation study. 821 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,453 Okay. 822 00:17:14,453 --> 00:17:15,871 So, I guess now 823 00:17:14,453 --> 00:17:15,871 we can finish this. 824 00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:18,332 Ay, Mitch. Mitch, come. 825 00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:18,332 Help us finish. 826 00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:21,001 Okay. Okay. We got 827 00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:21,001 to lightning round these forms. 828 00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:22,544 You guys 829 00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:22,544 are overthinking this. 830 00:17:22,544 --> 00:17:24,129 Everybody knows in their heart 831 00:17:22,544 --> 00:17:24,129 what they want. 832 00:17:24,129 --> 00:17:26,173 They just feel bad 833 00:17:24,129 --> 00:17:26,173 about making the decision. 834 00:17:26,173 --> 00:17:28,592 So, who will be the executor 835 00:17:26,173 --> 00:17:28,592 of your estate? Go. 836 00:17:28,592 --> 00:17:30,385 You. 837 00:17:28,592 --> 00:17:30,385 Aww. Okay. 838 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,429 Um, do you want to leave 839 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,429 anything to charity? 840 00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:33,973 Yes. 841 00:17:33,973 --> 00:17:36,475 10% to whatever 842 00:17:33,973 --> 00:17:36,475 is sexy at the time we die ... 843 00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:39,061 like, um, 844 00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:39,061 orphans or whatever. 845 00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:40,354 Okay, okay, yeah. 846 00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:40,354 And what about Stella? 847 00:17:40,354 --> 00:17:41,897 Same as Manny. 848 00:17:41,897 --> 00:17:43,691 No, he's asking 849 00:17:41,897 --> 00:17:43,691 who's gonna take care of her, 850 00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:46,235 not how much money you're gonna 851 00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:46,235 leave to a murderer. 852 00:17:46,235 --> 00:17:47,611 No proof of that. 853 00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:48,821 Okay, this seems like 854 00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:48,821 a whole sidebar, 855 00:17:48,821 --> 00:17:50,280 so we're gonna 856 00:17:48,821 --> 00:17:50,280 circle back to that. 857 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,241 Um, who do you want 858 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,241 as Joe's legal guardian? 859 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,869 No, no, don't think. 860 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,869 Just answer, okay? 861 00:17:54,869 --> 00:17:56,286 If something happens 862 00:17:54,869 --> 00:17:56,286 to both of you, 863 00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:57,705 who do you want 864 00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:57,705 to take care of Joe? 865 00:17:59,331 --> 00:18:00,415 Me, obviously. 866 00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:03,002 Ay, Manny, 867 00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:03,002 you're too young. 868 00:18:03,002 --> 00:18:05,713 Besides, you're about to start 869 00:18:03,002 --> 00:18:05,713 your new life soon. 870 00:18:05,713 --> 00:18:06,756 Yeah, you should be out 871 00:18:05,713 --> 00:18:06,756 sowing your oats 872 00:18:06,756 --> 00:18:07,882 or just sewing. 873 00:18:07,882 --> 00:18:09,341 That's something 874 00:18:07,882 --> 00:18:09,341 you like. 875 00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,176 I don't see 876 00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,176 what the big deal is. 877 00:18:11,176 --> 00:18:14,346 I'd hire a nanny, 878 00:18:11,176 --> 00:18:14,346 sell the house, 879 00:18:11,176 --> 00:18:14,346 downsize to a condo. 880 00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:16,807 I'm thinking maybe a loft in an 881 00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:16,807 up-and-coming arts district. 882 00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:19,393 Sure, it'll take me a bit longer 883 00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:19,393 to finish college, 884 00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:21,645 but aren't those 885 00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:21,645 the best years of life, anyway? 886 00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:23,731 The main thing is, 887 00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:23,731 he's my brother. 888 00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:25,440 I'm not letting 889 00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:25,440 anybody else raise him. 890 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,778 Ay, Manny. 891 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,778 You're so sweet. 892 00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:30,195 Am I the only one unsettled 893 00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:32,031 by how much he's thought 894 00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:32,031 about that already? 895 00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:37,953 - Oh, my God! Look! 896 00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:37,953 - What? 897 00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:41,040 Cast your spell, 898 00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:41,040 nature's kaleidoscope! 899 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,458 Why is there a blue turkey 900 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,458 going into the house? 901 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:44,919 It's a peacock. 902 00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:46,461 It's really plowing through 903 00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:46,461 the Cheez-Its. 904 00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:48,463 Oh, we forgot to put the apple 905 00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:48,463 the new pig's mouth. 906 00:18:48,463 --> 00:18:49,924 Oh, just leave it. 907 00:18:49,924 --> 00:18:52,592 Now that's your answer 908 00:18:49,924 --> 00:18:52,592 to everything, isn't it? 909 00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:54,845 I deserve that. 910 00:18:54,845 --> 00:18:56,221 I was a fool to think 911 00:18:54,845 --> 00:18:56,221 I could get through this 912 00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,765 without you bringing up 913 00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,765 the way I left. 914 00:18:57,765 --> 00:18:59,474 Well, you broke my heart. 915 00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:01,268 I didn't mean to hurt you, 916 00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:01,268 Cameron. 917 00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:02,853 I just had 918 00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:02,853 to protect myself. 919 00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:04,646 When we first met, 920 00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:04,646 you were just... 921 00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:07,399 pure, raw potential. 922 00:19:07,399 --> 00:19:10,027 Your Missouri twang. 923 00:19:10,027 --> 00:19:12,487 The innocent 924 00:19:10,027 --> 00:19:12,487 way your shirt cuffs 925 00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:13,989 were no different 926 00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:13,989 than your sleeves. 927 00:19:13,989 --> 00:19:16,742 Once you emerged 928 00:19:13,989 --> 00:19:16,742 from your country cocoon, 929 00:19:16,742 --> 00:19:18,285 I knew it was 930 00:19:16,742 --> 00:19:18,285 just a matter of time 931 00:19:18,285 --> 00:19:21,163 before you realized you could 932 00:19:18,285 --> 00:19:21,163 do better and moved on. 933 00:19:21,163 --> 00:19:23,248 But you never 934 00:19:21,163 --> 00:19:23,248 even said goodbye. 935 00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:25,250 For all these years, 936 00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:25,250 I-I thought it was my fault. 937 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,836 Oh, no. 938 00:19:26,836 --> 00:19:28,253 No. 939 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:32,257 I was a coward. 940 00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:36,011 I just ran away to join 941 00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:36,011 another circus. 942 00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:39,306 I suppose 943 00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:39,306 you could say the ... 944 00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,600 the one ring you never mastered 945 00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,600 was the ring of life. 946 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,978 Well, that's kind of mean, 947 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,978 but sure. 948 00:19:43,978 --> 00:19:46,063 And look 949 00:19:43,978 --> 00:19:46,063 at your beautiful home. 950 00:19:46,063 --> 00:19:47,397 Oh, it's... 951 00:19:46,063 --> 00:19:47,397 You've blossomed 952 00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:48,565 into the success 953 00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:48,565 I always knew you'd be. 954 00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:50,192 Correct. 955 00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:53,237 I did so enjoy 956 00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:53,237 our time together, Cameron. 957 00:19:55,364 --> 00:19:57,116 Remember that split week 958 00:19:55,364 --> 00:19:57,116 between Lansing and Kalamazoo? 959 00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:58,283 Oh, my gosh, 960 00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:58,283 how could I forget? 961 00:19:58,283 --> 00:20:01,411 the rain dripping 962 00:19:58,283 --> 00:20:01,411 on the canvas. 963 00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:03,706 Me sneaking into your wagon 964 00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:03,706 after curfew. 965 00:20:03,706 --> 00:20:05,374 I believe that was 966 00:20:03,706 --> 00:20:05,374 the first time you saw me... 967 00:20:05,374 --> 00:20:08,002 without my top hat. 968 00:20:08,002 --> 00:20:09,044 Okay. 969 00:20:09,044 --> 00:20:10,337 Well, wounds healed, 970 00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:12,422 whole new perspective, 971 00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:12,422 off you go. 972 00:20:14,549 --> 00:20:15,968 Goodbye, Cameron. 973 00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:17,011 Goodbye, Keifth. 974 00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:21,891 Oh, hey, honey. 975 00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:23,350 I, uh... 976 00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:23,350 Whatcha doing? 977 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:26,979 Oh, I think it's cute 978 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:26,979 how scared he is. 979 00:20:26,979 --> 00:20:28,438 Yeah, but he's doing it. 980 00:20:28,438 --> 00:20:30,482 Yes. 981 00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:33,360 There's one Dunphy who's not 982 00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:33,360 afraid to live dangerously. 983 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,404 Oh. 984 00:20:35,404 --> 00:20:36,613 Hey, Claire? 985 00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,743 They're open 986 00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,743 for two more hours. 987 00:20:42,077 --> 00:20:44,371 Everything's gonna be okay. 988 00:20:44,371 --> 00:20:46,331 Whoo! 989 00:20:44,371 --> 00:20:46,331 Whoo! 990 00:20:46,331 --> 00:20:47,750 2017! 991 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,584 It's gonna be 992 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,584 a great yea... 993 00:20:53,673 --> 00:20:55,340 Phil? 994 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,633 Oh. 995 00:20:59,386 --> 00:21:00,846 Cam, 996 00:20:59,386 --> 00:21:00,846 this is so delicious. 997 00:21:00,846 --> 00:21:02,431 Well, you know, 998 00:21:00,846 --> 00:21:02,431 after Thanksgiving, 999 00:21:02,431 --> 00:21:03,974 I'm just happy 1000 00:21:02,431 --> 00:21:03,974 nothing went wrong. 1001 00:21:03,974 --> 00:21:05,184 I love this seasoning. 1002 00:21:05,184 --> 00:21:06,977 What gives it 1003 00:21:05,184 --> 00:21:06,977 that nutty taste? 1004 00:21:06,977 --> 00:21:08,312 It might be nuts, 1005 00:21:06,977 --> 00:21:08,312 sweetheart. 1006 00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:09,689 Oh, no, he wouldn't 1007 00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:09,689 put nuts in it. 1008 00:21:09,689 --> 00:21:10,773 He knows I'm allergic. 1009 00:21:12,232 --> 00:21:13,442 Excuse me. 1010 00:21:13,442 --> 00:21:14,651 Hi. 1011 00:21:13,442 --> 00:21:14,651 Hi. 1012 00:21:14,651 --> 00:21:15,695 Hey, how was the ride? 1013 00:21:15,695 --> 00:21:17,321 Amazing. 1014 00:21:15,695 --> 00:21:17,321 Phil fainted. 1015 00:21:17,321 --> 00:21:18,530 Claire. 1016 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,115 Oh, come on, 1017 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,115 they were gonna find out. 1018 00:21:20,115 --> 00:21:21,325 I'm not spending $15 1019 00:21:20,115 --> 00:21:21,325 on this picture 1020 00:21:21,325 --> 00:21:22,868 and not show it 1021 00:21:21,325 --> 00:21:22,868 to everyone. 1022 00:21:22,868 --> 00:21:25,495 I'm just gonna need you 1023 00:21:22,868 --> 00:21:25,495 to spit into this napkin. 1024 00:21:25,495 --> 00:21:26,580 EpiPen is on the way. 1025 00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:28,207 Just keep the card. 1026 00:21:28,207 --> 00:21:29,959 Isn't that amazing? 1027 00:21:29,959 --> 00:21:33,796 Captions by VITAC :