1 00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:04,802 Hey, Cam. 2 00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:04,802 Louise, 3 00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:04,802 what are you doing here? 4 00:00:04,802 --> 00:00:06,221 You're not dropping out 5 00:00:06,221 --> 00:00:07,848 of the league championship 6 00:00:06,221 --> 00:00:07,848 tonight, are you? 7 00:00:07,848 --> 00:00:09,807 Louise is dropping out 8 00:00:07,848 --> 00:00:09,807 of the league championship? 9 00:00:09,807 --> 00:00:11,517 Did you shoot yourself 10 00:00:09,807 --> 00:00:11,517 in the leg again? 11 00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:13,811 Oh, my God, we're one win away 12 00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:13,811 from my first sports trophy, 13 00:00:13,811 --> 00:00:14,729 and then this happens. 14 00:00:14,729 --> 00:00:16,731 All I said was "Hey, Cam." 15 00:00:16,731 --> 00:00:18,524 So, this year, 16 00:00:16,731 --> 00:00:18,524 I invited Mitchell 17 00:00:18,524 --> 00:00:21,569 to join my gay bowling team ... 18 00:00:18,524 --> 00:00:21,569 the Britney Spares. 19 00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,363 I came up with the team name, 20 00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,363 I designed the shirts. 21 00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:24,865 Yeah. 22 00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:24,865 It's not important 23 00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:24,865 who gets the credit. 24 00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:28,201 When we first stated, 25 00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:28,201 my bowling was, um ... 26 00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:28,201 well, it was iffy. 27 00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:30,245 But then I practiced 28 00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:30,245 and I practiced 29 00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:34,165 until the shoe-rental guy 30 00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:34,165 called me "decent." 31 00:00:34,165 --> 00:00:35,708 I'm not here 32 00:00:34,165 --> 00:00:35,708 as a teammate. 33 00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,086 I'm here on official 34 00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,086 police business. 35 00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,086 What? 36 00:00:38,086 --> 00:00:40,130 Please tell me 37 00:00:38,086 --> 00:00:40,130 that is not you. 38 00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,547 What is that? 39 00:00:42,798 --> 00:00:44,509 Oh, no. 40 00:00:44,509 --> 00:00:45,510 Oh. 41 00:00:45,510 --> 00:00:47,595 Oh. 42 00:00:48,972 --> 00:00:51,141 No, no, no. 43 00:00:51,141 --> 00:00:52,350 Hmm. 44 00:00:51,141 --> 00:00:52,350 That's Fizbo... 45 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:53,852 Mm-hmm. 46 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:53,852 with a scary mask. 47 00:00:53,852 --> 00:00:55,811 That's clearly not me. 48 00:00:53,852 --> 00:00:55,811 It's not him. 49 00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,563 No! 50 00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,563 Who would do that? 51 00:00:57,563 --> 00:00:59,565 Who would take 52 00:00:57,563 --> 00:00:59,565 something so beautiful 53 00:00:59,565 --> 00:01:01,567 and turn it 54 00:00:59,565 --> 00:01:01,567 into something so ugly? 55 00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:03,236 How did the guy get 56 00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:03,236 the costume? 57 00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:04,487 Oh, who knows? 58 00:01:04,487 --> 00:01:06,031 Your father 59 00:01:04,487 --> 00:01:06,031 gave it to charity. 60 00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:07,448 By accident. 61 00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,742 How did I not hear 62 00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,742 that fight? 63 00:01:09,742 --> 00:01:10,826 Was I in town? 64 00:01:10,826 --> 00:01:12,537 All right, then, 65 00:01:10,826 --> 00:01:12,537 uh, case closed. 66 00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:13,788 I'll see you guys tonight. 67 00:01:13,788 --> 00:01:15,373 What? 68 00:01:13,788 --> 00:01:15,373 No "case closed." 69 00:01:15,373 --> 00:01:17,375 We haven't even found 70 00:01:15,373 --> 00:01:17,375 the perp! 71 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,419 Look, the only reason 72 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,419 I was following up on this 73 00:01:19,419 --> 00:01:21,004 is 'cause I thought 74 00:01:19,419 --> 00:01:21,004 it might be you. 75 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,964 Well, yeah, but we have 76 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,964 to get my costume back. 77 00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:24,507 We have to restore 78 00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:24,507 Fizbo's good name. 79 00:01:24,507 --> 00:01:26,676 Oh, but we're ... we're still 80 00:01:24,507 --> 00:01:26,676 gonna go bowling, right? 81 00:01:26,676 --> 00:01:28,011 Wow. 82 00:01:28,011 --> 00:01:29,345 You give away 83 00:01:28,011 --> 00:01:29,345 my beloved alter ego, 84 00:01:29,345 --> 00:01:30,972 and you won't even allow me 85 00:01:29,345 --> 00:01:30,972 30 seconds 86 00:01:30,972 --> 00:01:32,473 to have an emotional reaction? 87 00:01:32,473 --> 00:01:34,767 Yeah. No, it sounded fast 88 00:01:32,473 --> 00:01:34,767 as I was saying it. 89 00:01:48,114 --> 00:01:49,407 And now for 90 00:01:48,114 --> 00:01:49,407 the finishing touch. 91 00:01:49,407 --> 00:01:52,493 Franks for Frank! 92 00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:54,620 Dad's bachelor party's 93 00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:54,620 gonna be epic. 94 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,998 You couldn't see it. 95 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,998 That's why ... Boom! 96 00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:59,667 Chicken wraps, 97 00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:59,667 white wine, fudge. 98 00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,336 Is this a bachelor party 99 00:02:01,336 --> 00:02:03,588 or a party where ladies sit 100 00:02:01,336 --> 00:02:03,588 around watching "The Bachelor"? 101 00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:05,715 And why did you get me 102 00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:05,715 a triple-XL? 103 00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:07,092 The lady said 104 00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:07,092 it'd shrink in the wash. 105 00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:08,676 How's it gonna do 106 00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:08,676 in the trash? 107 00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:08,676 Jay. 108 00:02:08,676 --> 00:02:11,096 Kidding. 109 00:02:08,676 --> 00:02:11,096 I'll use it to wash my car. 110 00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,932 My dad is marrying 111 00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,932 my old babysitter Lorraine, 112 00:02:13,932 --> 00:02:15,225 who has a son, 113 00:02:15,225 --> 00:02:19,187 which means that I am finally 114 00:02:15,225 --> 00:02:19,187 getting a brother! 115 00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:21,314 When I was young, 116 00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:21,314 I wanted a brother so much, 117 00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:22,941 my folks got me bunk beds. 118 00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:24,985 At night, I'd pretend 119 00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:24,985 he was up there and talk to him, 120 00:02:24,985 --> 00:02:27,237 and when he didn't answer back, 121 00:02:24,985 --> 00:02:27,237 I always just figured, 122 00:02:27,237 --> 00:02:30,156 "Well, Marty's in a mood again." 123 00:02:34,452 --> 00:02:36,746 Excuse me. 124 00:02:34,452 --> 00:02:36,746 Do you serve crabs here? 125 00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:38,456 We serve anyone. 126 00:02:38,456 --> 00:02:40,208 Jokes only get old 127 00:02:38,456 --> 00:02:40,208 because they're good, right? 128 00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:42,668 Nailed it. 129 00:02:42,668 --> 00:02:43,962 Phil, this is Ray. 130 00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:46,381 Wow. 131 00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:46,381 I guess we're gonna be brothers. 132 00:02:46,381 --> 00:02:47,798 Bring it in. 133 00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:49,175 Ah. Oh! 134 00:02:49,175 --> 00:02:51,636 Oh! No. Oh! 135 00:02:49,175 --> 00:02:51,636 What's happening? 136 00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:53,429 We're brothers! 137 00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:53,429 Isn't this what brothers do? 138 00:02:53,429 --> 00:02:54,805 I don't know, 139 00:02:53,429 --> 00:02:54,805 but I love it! 140 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:56,307 Whoa! 141 00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:58,101 This guy totally tried 142 00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:58,101 to touch my ding-dong. 143 00:02:58,101 --> 00:02:58,935 Oh. 144 00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:00,436 I didn't know it was 145 00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:00,436 that kind of party. 146 00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:02,688 I guess you didn't see 147 00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:02,688 the white wine and fudge. 148 00:03:02,688 --> 00:03:05,483 White wine? 149 00:03:02,688 --> 00:03:05,483 That's not gonna get me there. 150 00:03:05,483 --> 00:03:06,943 Am I the only one 151 00:03:05,483 --> 00:03:06,943 who sees me 152 00:03:06,943 --> 00:03:08,361 choking that guy out 153 00:03:06,943 --> 00:03:08,361 tonight? 154 00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:09,362 I don't know. 155 00:03:09,362 --> 00:03:10,864 I got a good feeling 156 00:03:09,362 --> 00:03:10,864 about Ray, 157 00:03:10,864 --> 00:03:12,198 and I-I felt 158 00:03:10,864 --> 00:03:12,198 a lot of him. 159 00:03:12,198 --> 00:03:14,492 He's just a little wound up 160 00:03:12,198 --> 00:03:14,492 from the drive. 161 00:03:14,492 --> 00:03:16,953 I'm sure you'll find 162 00:03:14,492 --> 00:03:16,953 he's a real solid citizen. 163 00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:20,123 The sap across the hall 164 00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:20,123 left his door open. 165 00:03:20,123 --> 00:03:21,207 That's my room! 166 00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,127 Oh. 167 00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,127 So, I guess you'll need these. 168 00:03:25,545 --> 00:03:27,797 Before we start, 169 00:03:25,545 --> 00:03:27,797 thanks for agreeing 170 00:03:27,797 --> 00:03:29,715 to do this read through 171 00:03:27,797 --> 00:03:29,715 of my latest play, 172 00:03:29,715 --> 00:03:31,885 "A Withering Farewell 173 00:03:29,715 --> 00:03:31,885 Under a Harvest Moon"... 174 00:03:31,885 --> 00:03:33,261 So catch... 175 00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:34,429 colon, 176 00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:34,429 "The Tears of Angels." 177 00:03:34,429 --> 00:03:36,097 So catchy! 178 00:03:34,429 --> 00:03:36,097 Right? 179 00:03:36,097 --> 00:03:37,933 It's a story of four women 180 00:03:36,097 --> 00:03:37,933 who come together 181 00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:39,517 to mourn the loss 182 00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:39,517 of the family patriarch. 183 00:03:39,517 --> 00:03:41,937 Oh, no. 184 00:03:39,517 --> 00:03:41,937 So sad, so very sad. 185 00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:44,105 Pace yourself, crazy. 186 00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:44,105 We haven't even started. 187 00:03:44,105 --> 00:03:45,899 A man died, Claire. 188 00:03:45,899 --> 00:03:47,317 A fake man, 189 00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:49,277 and if he was a patriarch, 190 00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:49,277 he was a fake old man, 191 00:03:49,277 --> 00:03:50,445 and old men die. 192 00:03:50,445 --> 00:03:51,654 Surely, this is a thought 193 00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:53,990 that has occurred to you 194 00:03:51,654 --> 00:03:53,990 from time to time, huh? 195 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,117 Please don't make me 196 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,117 part of this. 197 00:03:56,117 --> 00:03:57,327 Anyway, when it's over, 198 00:03:57,327 --> 00:03:58,786 feel free to share 199 00:03:57,327 --> 00:03:58,786 your thoughts ... 200 00:03:58,786 --> 00:04:01,289 What you liked, what you loved, 201 00:03:58,786 --> 00:04:01,289 but also the negatives ... 202 00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:03,708 what went over your head, 203 00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:03,708 any words you didn't know. 204 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:06,586 I'm submitting my latest play 205 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:06,586 to a young playwrights festival, 206 00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,088 but I want 207 00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,088 to hear it out loud first 208 00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:09,881 to be sure I've hit 209 00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:09,881 all my emotional marks. 210 00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:12,300 One might ask, 211 00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:12,300 "Why all female characters?" 212 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,844 Let's just say, 213 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,844 write what you know. 214 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:17,263 Wait. 215 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:17,263 To clarify, I understand women. 216 00:04:17,263 --> 00:04:19,891 I don't feel like I am one. 217 00:04:19,891 --> 00:04:21,351 110 pages? 218 00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:23,269 What time are we supposed 219 00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:23,269 to get out of here? 220 00:04:23,269 --> 00:04:24,812 Oh, honey, 221 00:04:23,269 --> 00:04:24,812 you got a hot date tonight? 222 00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:27,232 Mom, don't be mean. 223 00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:27,232 Ignore her. 224 00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:28,942 I actually am in a relationship, 225 00:04:28,942 --> 00:04:30,568 but I've been hiding it 226 00:04:28,942 --> 00:04:30,568 from everybody 227 00:04:30,568 --> 00:04:32,778 because I have once again 228 00:04:30,568 --> 00:04:32,778 chosen somebody 229 00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:35,073 that is completely 230 00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:35,073 inappropriate. 231 00:04:35,073 --> 00:04:36,867 It's this older guy ... Ben. 232 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:40,620 He works for my mother, 233 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:40,620 and he lives with his mother. 234 00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,538 I'm like a moth to a flame 235 00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:44,832 if the flame is an 236 00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:44,832 underachieving man-child 237 00:04:44,832 --> 00:04:47,793 with a Tasmanian Devil tattoo 238 00:04:44,832 --> 00:04:47,793 on his butt. 239 00:04:47,793 --> 00:04:49,963 Sorry, this is going to take 240 00:04:47,793 --> 00:04:49,963 longer than I expected. 241 00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:50,838 Can you wait there? 242 00:04:50,838 --> 00:04:52,132 Sure. 243 00:04:52,132 --> 00:04:54,009 My mom's got 244 00:04:52,132 --> 00:04:54,009 her poker girls over, anyway. 245 00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:56,219 This one lady, Karen, 246 00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:56,219 she gets real handsy with me. 247 00:04:56,219 --> 00:04:57,929 She's not un-hot, either. 248 00:04:57,929 --> 00:05:02,350 She's like an older, 249 00:04:57,929 --> 00:05:02,350 curvy Emily Blunt but Indian. 250 00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:03,935 Don't try 251 00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:03,935 to make me jealous, Ben. 252 00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:05,645 One of my regulars 253 00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:05,645 at the coffee shop 254 00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:07,856 is always asking if I want 255 00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:07,856 to do some motorboating. 256 00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:09,732 If I didn't get seasick, 257 00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:09,732 I'd go. 258 00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:13,111 Now, okay, I don't want 259 00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:13,111 to get ahead of myself, 260 00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:15,196 but does the trophy have 261 00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:15,196 each of our names, 262 00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:16,531 or is it just the team name, 263 00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:18,408 'cause I kind want 264 00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:18,408 one of my own, but ... 265 00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:20,326 You know what? No, never mind. 266 00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:20,326 I'll just get it engraved. 267 00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:21,577 Okay, 268 00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:21,577 how can you be thinking 269 00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:23,746 about bowling 270 00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:23,746 at a time like this? 271 00:05:23,746 --> 00:05:26,374 You mean as we're going in 272 00:05:23,746 --> 00:05:26,374 to our bowling championship? 273 00:05:26,374 --> 00:05:28,043 Oh. Text message. 274 00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:31,171 Read text message. 275 00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:32,838 You have a message from Martin. 276 00:05:32,838 --> 00:05:34,340 "I keep picturing you guys 277 00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:36,051 holding the trophy 278 00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:36,051 later tonight. 279 00:05:36,051 --> 00:05:37,593 Just kidding. 280 00:05:37,593 --> 00:05:39,345 You're not invited 281 00:05:37,593 --> 00:05:39,345 to my victory party. 282 00:05:39,345 --> 00:05:40,346 Ha ha." 283 00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:43,808 Oh. 284 00:05:43,808 --> 00:05:45,310 Hello, Martin. 285 00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:46,853 Hello, Cameron. 286 00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:46,853 Hello, Mitchell. 287 00:05:46,853 --> 00:05:48,563 Where's the rest 288 00:05:46,853 --> 00:05:48,563 of Britney Queers? 289 00:05:48,563 --> 00:05:51,191 It's the Britney Spares, 290 00:05:48,563 --> 00:05:51,191 Martin. 291 00:05:51,191 --> 00:05:53,109 The Britney Queers 292 00:05:51,191 --> 00:05:53,109 were eliminated weeks ago. 293 00:05:53,109 --> 00:05:54,652 Yes, by us. 294 00:05:54,652 --> 00:05:57,238 Eventually, all will fall 295 00:05:54,652 --> 00:05:57,238 to The Gay City Bowlers. 296 00:05:57,238 --> 00:05:58,739 I forget. Do all the names 297 00:05:57,238 --> 00:05:58,739 have to be puns? 298 00:05:58,739 --> 00:06:00,116 Yes. 299 00:05:58,739 --> 00:06:00,116 It's like hair salons. 300 00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:01,910 Unpleasant as always, 301 00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:01,910 Martin. 302 00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:03,328 I'll see you in the alley. 303 00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,496 I'm sure you say that 304 00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,496 to a lot of men. 305 00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:09,500 Mitchell! 306 00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:09,500 Fizbo! 307 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,086 What? 308 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,086 Over there! 309 00:06:11,086 --> 00:06:12,795 Cam ... Cam, 310 00:06:11,086 --> 00:06:12,795 do you think it's possible 311 00:06:12,795 --> 00:06:14,714 with how upset you are 312 00:06:12,795 --> 00:06:14,714 about Fizbo 313 00:06:14,714 --> 00:06:16,216 that ... that maybe 314 00:06:14,714 --> 00:06:16,216 you're seeing things? 315 00:06:16,216 --> 00:06:17,133 Oh. No. 316 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,802 Maybe it's another guy with 317 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,802 purple hair and a size 23 shoe. 318 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:22,138 Maybe Dennis Rodman 319 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:22,138 bowls here! 320 00:06:25,475 --> 00:06:27,768 And we begin. 321 00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:30,146 "Lights up on the living room 322 00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:30,146 of James Pickett. 323 00:06:30,146 --> 00:06:32,899 The furnishings and art tell us 324 00:06:30,146 --> 00:06:32,899 he was a wealthy man, 325 00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,442 but his money 326 00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,442 couldn't buy taste. 327 00:06:34,442 --> 00:06:37,237 Enter four women in black 328 00:06:34,442 --> 00:06:37,237 returning from a funeral. 329 00:06:37,237 --> 00:06:39,697 First, James' widow 330 00:06:37,237 --> 00:06:39,697 Chloe Dubois-Pickett"... 331 00:06:39,697 --> 00:06:41,199 That's me! 332 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:42,408 "a beautiful French commoner 333 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:42,408 who married up." 334 00:06:42,408 --> 00:06:43,743 Ooh, la la. 335 00:06:43,743 --> 00:06:45,328 Next is Bailey, 336 00:06:43,743 --> 00:06:45,328 the granddaughter ... 337 00:06:45,328 --> 00:06:47,247 cute as a button 338 00:06:45,328 --> 00:06:47,247 and just as smart." 339 00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:48,498 I like her. 340 00:06:48,498 --> 00:06:50,458 "Following her is James' sister, 341 00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:52,335 Professor Alma Diller, 60s. 342 00:06:52,335 --> 00:06:54,087 There's no problem 343 00:06:52,335 --> 00:06:54,087 she can't solve 344 00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,755 except her own loneliness. 345 00:06:55,755 --> 00:06:57,548 Finally, James' daughter Kate ... 346 00:06:57,548 --> 00:07:00,010 attractive, intense, 347 00:06:57,548 --> 00:07:00,010 sharp-tongued, 348 00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:01,594 fleeting moments of warmth." 349 00:07:01,594 --> 00:07:03,889 "Fleeting moments of warmth"? 350 00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:05,015 I get it. 351 00:07:05,015 --> 00:07:06,307 This is the story 352 00:07:05,015 --> 00:07:06,307 of the four of us 353 00:07:06,307 --> 00:07:07,893 through some sort 354 00:07:06,307 --> 00:07:07,893 of distorted Manny lens. 355 00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:10,478 Yeah, just because I'm smart, 356 00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:10,478 I end up a spinster? 357 00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:10,478 Mm-hmm. 358 00:07:10,478 --> 00:07:12,272 You know what I could 359 00:07:10,478 --> 00:07:12,272 be doing right now 360 00:07:12,272 --> 00:07:13,314 if I didn't get seasick? 361 00:07:13,314 --> 00:07:14,440 Okay, calm down. 362 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,650 These characters 363 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,650 are a compilation 364 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:17,777 of many other women I've known, 365 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:17,777 not you people. 366 00:07:17,777 --> 00:07:19,029 Okay, let's start. 367 00:07:19,029 --> 00:07:21,656 "Kate enters and crosses 368 00:07:19,029 --> 00:07:21,656 straight to the credenza. 369 00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:24,575 As she pours herself 370 00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:24,575 a much-needed glass of wine"... 371 00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:28,079 Mm. 372 00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:28,079 Right. 373 00:07:28,079 --> 00:07:29,747 "To be honest, 374 00:07:28,079 --> 00:07:29,747 I can't believe 375 00:07:29,747 --> 00:07:31,958 the old grump didn't die 376 00:07:29,747 --> 00:07:31,958 years ago." 377 00:07:31,958 --> 00:07:33,668 Nice. 378 00:07:33,668 --> 00:07:35,211 My first line is something 379 00:07:33,668 --> 00:07:35,211 horrible about my dead dad. 380 00:07:35,211 --> 00:07:36,587 How cold do you think I am? 381 00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:37,923 Didn't I just say 382 00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:37,923 it's not you? 383 00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:40,175 Isn't it, though? 384 00:07:40,175 --> 00:07:41,467 What? 385 00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:44,512 "Old people die, 386 00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:44,512 get over it"? 387 00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:45,721 That was, like, 388 00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:45,721 20 minutes ago. 389 00:07:45,721 --> 00:07:46,973 Okay, now, 390 00:07:45,721 --> 00:07:46,973 hang on a second. 391 00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:48,308 Okay, this seems like 392 00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:48,308 a whole thing, 393 00:07:48,308 --> 00:07:49,350 so I'm just gonna go grab 394 00:07:48,308 --> 00:07:49,350 a water real quick. 395 00:07:49,350 --> 00:07:50,810 Oh, come on. 396 00:07:52,228 --> 00:07:53,813 Who are you texting? 397 00:07:53,813 --> 00:07:55,148 Ahh! No one. 398 00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:56,399 I'm just reading 399 00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:56,399 my horoscope. 400 00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:56,399 Liar. 401 00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:58,443 Why would anyone read their 402 00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:58,443 horoscope so late in the day? 403 00:07:58,443 --> 00:07:59,652 Everything's 404 00:07:58,443 --> 00:07:59,652 already happened. 405 00:07:59,652 --> 00:08:01,112 There's a dude, 406 00:07:59,652 --> 00:08:01,112 isn't there? 407 00:08:01,112 --> 00:08:02,113 What? 408 00:08:01,112 --> 00:08:02,113 No. 409 00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,489 Sneaking off 410 00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,489 with your phone, 411 00:08:03,489 --> 00:08:04,782 the clean hair, 412 00:08:04,782 --> 00:08:06,534 your one bra 413 00:08:04,782 --> 00:08:06,534 that fits properly ... spill. 414 00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:07,953 Okay, fine. 415 00:08:07,953 --> 00:08:09,579 There is a dude. 416 00:08:09,579 --> 00:08:11,372 Oh, God, it's not another 417 00:08:09,579 --> 00:08:11,372 high-school boy, is it? 418 00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:12,748 No. 419 00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:12,748 He's legal. 420 00:08:12,748 --> 00:08:14,417 He's just embarrassing 421 00:08:12,748 --> 00:08:14,417 in a different way. 422 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,044 You know you've been like this 423 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,044 your whole life ... 424 00:08:16,044 --> 00:08:18,922 ashamed of the romantic, 425 00:08:16,044 --> 00:08:18,922 sexual part of you. 426 00:08:18,922 --> 00:08:20,548 Honestly, it seems like 427 00:08:18,922 --> 00:08:20,548 you think you don't deserve it, 428 00:08:20,548 --> 00:08:21,925 but you do. 429 00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,844 And if this guy is fun 430 00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,844 and good to you 431 00:08:23,844 --> 00:08:26,972 and doesn't ride a scooter, 432 00:08:23,844 --> 00:08:26,972 let it be okay. 433 00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:29,140 Haley. 434 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:30,475 Thanks. 435 00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:31,767 Ladies, I don't know 436 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,561 what emotional thing 437 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,561 is playing out right now, 438 00:08:33,561 --> 00:08:35,230 but how about you save it 439 00:08:33,561 --> 00:08:35,230 for over there? 440 00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:37,523 And then I sent you 441 00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:37,523 the cutest video 442 00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:40,151 of a puppy nursing 443 00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:40,151 on a mama lion, 444 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:41,819 and what do you text back? 445 00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:42,946 "She's getting him fat 446 00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,031 so that he tastes better 447 00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,031 at lunch"? 448 00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:47,075 Yeah, so what? 449 00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:47,075 My crime is I'm hilarious? 450 00:08:47,075 --> 00:08:49,160 Can we get back to this, 451 00:08:47,075 --> 00:08:49,160 please? 452 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,912 Kate just said 453 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,912 she couldn't believe 454 00:08:50,912 --> 00:08:52,747 her father 455 00:08:50,912 --> 00:08:52,747 didn't die sooner, then ... 456 00:08:52,747 --> 00:08:55,791 "The Widow Dubois 457 00:08:52,747 --> 00:08:55,791 slumps in a chair, emotional." 458 00:08:55,791 --> 00:08:58,294 "Ohh, ma chérie, 459 00:08:58,294 --> 00:09:01,172 your papa would be devastated 460 00:08:58,294 --> 00:09:01,172 to hear you say 461 00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:03,341 such insensitive things." 462 00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:04,675 Really? 463 00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:07,262 Are you gonna do 464 00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:07,262 the whole accent thing? 465 00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:12,058 Lo and behold ... 466 00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:12,058 What do we see? 467 00:09:12,058 --> 00:09:15,561 The queen of spades is gone! 468 00:09:12,058 --> 00:09:15,561 Where could she be? 469 00:09:15,561 --> 00:09:17,856 In Frank's pocket. 470 00:09:15,561 --> 00:09:17,856 I saw you put it there. 471 00:09:18,982 --> 00:09:20,691 So it is! 472 00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:22,360 Great trick, Phil. 473 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,945 And nice assist, Ray. 474 00:09:23,945 --> 00:09:26,447 I thought this was supposed 475 00:09:23,945 --> 00:09:26,447 to be a bachelor party. 476 00:09:26,447 --> 00:09:28,699 Where's 477 00:09:26,447 --> 00:09:28,699 the female entertainment? 478 00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:31,161 Oh, don't you worry 479 00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:31,161 about that. 480 00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:47,177 What are you doing? 481 00:09:47,177 --> 00:09:48,678 Calling time of death. 482 00:09:48,678 --> 00:09:49,846 Oh, not you ladies. 483 00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,556 You're still very vital, 484 00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,556 of course. 485 00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:52,640 Hey, we really appreciate 486 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,600 all the riveting you did 487 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,600 during the war. 488 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,977 Dad was enjoying them. 489 00:09:55,977 --> 00:09:57,770 Just as well. 490 00:09:57,770 --> 00:09:59,105 I'm about to be married. 491 00:09:59,105 --> 00:10:00,523 I don't need to be tempted 492 00:10:00,523 --> 00:10:02,192 by all those 493 00:10:00,523 --> 00:10:02,192 bum, bum, bums. 494 00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:04,235 Oh, is that it 495 00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:04,235 for the planned activities? 496 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:06,112 No, we're just 497 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:06,112 getting started. 498 00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:08,739 For the next hour, 499 00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:08,739 it's a $5 buy-in game of Uno, 500 00:10:08,739 --> 00:10:11,284 then downstairs 501 00:10:08,739 --> 00:10:11,284 to Captain Scupper's, 502 00:10:11,284 --> 00:10:12,994 the best oysters 503 00:10:11,284 --> 00:10:12,994 in the desert. 504 00:10:12,994 --> 00:10:15,205 And finally, put on 505 00:10:12,994 --> 00:10:15,205 your neckties, gentlemen, 506 00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:18,875 'cause I have four balcony seats 507 00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:18,875 to Mr. Neil... 508 00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:19,834 Please say "Diamond." 509 00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:20,835 Sedaka. 510 00:10:20,835 --> 00:10:22,337 What a night! 511 00:10:22,337 --> 00:10:24,005 Oh, we need some ice. 512 00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:25,506 I'll be right back. 513 00:10:25,506 --> 00:10:26,632 What the hell's Uno? 514 00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:29,052 Sort of a thinking man's 515 00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:29,052 Crazy Eights. 516 00:10:29,052 --> 00:10:30,720 Instead of playing cards 517 00:10:29,052 --> 00:10:30,720 up here, 518 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,640 there is a casino downstairs 519 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,640 with actual big-boy drinks. 520 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,017 I'm right behind him. 521 00:10:36,017 --> 00:10:37,685 We'll grab Phil on the way. 522 00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:42,357 Or wouldn't it be fun 523 00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:42,357 for him to try and find us? 524 00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:45,068 Oh, he'll love that! 525 00:10:45,068 --> 00:10:46,527 Hey, Louise, 526 00:10:46,527 --> 00:10:48,154 I just saw that psycho 527 00:10:46,527 --> 00:10:48,154 imposter clown 528 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:50,031 out by the dumpster 529 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:50,031 giving me threatening looks. 530 00:10:50,031 --> 00:10:51,741 Look, Flouncy ... 531 00:10:50,031 --> 00:10:51,741 It's Fizbo. 532 00:10:51,741 --> 00:10:53,159 I'm talking to you. 533 00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:55,495 I don't have time 534 00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:55,495 for your clown nonsense. 535 00:10:55,495 --> 00:10:57,288 We've got a championship 536 00:10:55,495 --> 00:10:57,288 to win. 537 00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,165 I'm gonna go warm up 538 00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,165 with the Pindigo Girls. 539 00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:02,627 Why does this 540 00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:02,627 have to be happening today? 541 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:06,840 Mitchell, maybe it's happening 542 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:06,840 because it's today. 543 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,467 Maybe somebody is trying 544 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,467 to get in my head 545 00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:11,011 to throw me off my game. 546 00:11:11,011 --> 00:11:12,971 Oh, honey, do you really think 547 00:11:11,011 --> 00:11:12,971 people care enough to ... 548 00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:15,431 Hey, you know what, there are 549 00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:15,431 six people just in my eyesight 550 00:11:15,431 --> 00:11:17,433 that would do anything to break 551 00:11:15,431 --> 00:11:17,433 my winning streak. 552 00:11:17,433 --> 00:11:19,519 For instance, Martin. 553 00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:22,272 He's never forgiven me 554 00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:22,272 for making him feel 555 00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:23,606 like your father 556 00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:23,606 was in love with him. 557 00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:24,690 Okay, 558 00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:24,690 it couldn't have been Martin. 559 00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:25,775 We saw him, like, 560 00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:25,775 three seconds 561 00:11:25,775 --> 00:11:26,776 before you thought 562 00:11:25,775 --> 00:11:26,776 that you saw Fiz... 563 00:11:26,776 --> 00:11:27,903 Actually saw. 564 00:11:26,776 --> 00:11:27,903 Okay. 565 00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:28,945 And what's this about my dad? 566 00:11:28,945 --> 00:11:30,488 Fine. 567 00:11:28,945 --> 00:11:30,488 It's not Martin. 568 00:11:30,488 --> 00:11:32,866 But it certainly could be 569 00:11:30,488 --> 00:11:32,866 Senor Kaplan. 570 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,994 Uno, dos, tres, 571 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,994 cuatro, cinco, seis. 572 00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,246 Hola, Senor Kaplan. 573 00:11:38,246 --> 00:11:40,206 If you're here to talk trash, 574 00:11:38,246 --> 00:11:40,206 I'm not interested. 575 00:11:40,206 --> 00:11:41,541 Where were you 20 minutes ago, 576 00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:42,876 and can anybody account 577 00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:42,876 for your whereabouts? 578 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,669 Not that it's any 579 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,669 of your business, 580 00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:46,546 but I happened to be in the 581 00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:46,546 photo booth taking some solos. 582 00:11:46,546 --> 00:11:48,381 I'm gonna use number three 583 00:11:46,546 --> 00:11:48,381 for my new passport. 584 00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:50,091 I would use number two. 585 00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:50,091 There's a twinkle in your eye. 586 00:11:50,091 --> 00:11:51,551 But I have a different theory 587 00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:52,928 as to where you were 588 00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:52,928 20 minutes ago, 589 00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:55,221 and it would have 590 00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:55,221 given you exactly enough time 591 00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:57,933 to change out of a clown costume 592 00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:57,933 into your bowling outf... 593 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,436 What's wrong? 594 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,436 Wha... No. No, no. 595 00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:02,854 I just saw ... 596 00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:02,854 I just saw Fi... Fizbo 597 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:04,355 in ... in ... in the mirror. 598 00:12:04,355 --> 00:12:05,815 I don't know what's going on 599 00:12:04,355 --> 00:12:05,815 with you, Tucker, 600 00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:09,945 but in my culture, we like 601 00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:09,945 to call it loco en la cabeza. 602 00:12:09,945 --> 00:12:12,113 Okay, you know what? 603 00:12:09,945 --> 00:12:12,113 Knock it off. You're Canadian. 604 00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:18,578 "You all seem to forget 605 00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:18,578 I'm not alone. I have Albert. 606 00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:20,246 You can search the world, 607 00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:20,246 and I defy you 608 00:12:20,246 --> 00:12:23,583 to find a more devoted, 609 00:12:20,246 --> 00:12:23,583 loving... 610 00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:24,876 parrot." 611 00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,669 "I used to like 612 00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,669 talking to Albert, 613 00:12:26,669 --> 00:12:29,380 but then we got into a fight 614 00:12:26,669 --> 00:12:29,380 over a cracker." 615 00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:31,382 "Kate whispers to Bailey 616 00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:31,382 as they watch the Widow 617 00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:33,801 sadly plunking notes 618 00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:33,801 on the piano." 619 00:12:33,801 --> 00:12:36,012 "How long do we have to stay 620 00:12:33,801 --> 00:12:36,012 with her? 621 00:12:36,012 --> 00:12:37,680 We can leave now, right?" 622 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,765 "I knew when your papa died, 623 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,767 I would never 624 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,767 see you again." 625 00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:44,187 "No matter what I do, 626 00:12:44,187 --> 00:12:47,858 you refuse to accept 627 00:12:44,187 --> 00:12:47,858 that I accepted you." 628 00:12:47,858 --> 00:12:48,774 "Mais non. 629 00:12:48,774 --> 00:12:49,985 I'm sorry. 630 00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:52,403 I'm just so emotional 631 00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:52,403 today." 632 00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:54,322 "But of course you are, 633 00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:54,322 Chloe. 634 00:12:54,322 --> 00:12:57,575 And I'm sorry if I made you feel 635 00:12:54,322 --> 00:12:57,575 like an outsider." 636 00:12:57,575 --> 00:13:00,828 "I love you, you know? 637 00:12:57,575 --> 00:13:00,828 Je t'aime." 638 00:13:00,828 --> 00:13:02,038 "I love you, too." 639 00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:03,789 Black out. 640 00:13:03,789 --> 00:13:05,250 Bravo! Bravo! 641 00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,085 Really, Manny? 642 00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:09,379 My character gets into a fight 643 00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:09,379 with a parrot over a cracker? 644 00:13:09,379 --> 00:13:10,881 I told you that story 645 00:13:09,379 --> 00:13:10,881 in confidence. 646 00:13:11,589 --> 00:13:13,341 And for the record... 647 00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:15,760 I am nothing like 648 00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:15,760 my character. 649 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,095 I'm not lonely at all. 650 00:13:17,095 --> 00:13:18,346 I have tons of options. 651 00:13:18,346 --> 00:13:19,764 I'm actually going 652 00:13:18,346 --> 00:13:19,764 to see one right now. 653 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,142 And thanks to Haley, 654 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,142 I'm no longer ashamed 655 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,142 of talking about him. 656 00:13:22,142 --> 00:13:23,351 Ooh! Who is it? 657 00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:24,769 - No one. 658 00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:24,769 - What's his name? 659 00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:26,104 Nothing. 660 00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:27,522 Well, if that's it 661 00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:27,522 for the feedback... 662 00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:29,357 No, actually... 663 00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:29,357 Oh. Yay. 664 00:13:29,357 --> 00:13:32,610 for me, the ending felt 665 00:13:29,357 --> 00:13:32,610 a little trite. 666 00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:34,237 There's a lot of good stuff 667 00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:34,237 in there, 668 00:13:34,237 --> 00:13:36,531 but the whole "I'm sorry, 669 00:13:34,237 --> 00:13:36,531 I'm sorry, 670 00:13:36,531 --> 00:13:38,116 I love you, I love you" ... 671 00:13:36,531 --> 00:13:38,116 I just ... 672 00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:40,243 I think women are more 673 00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:40,243 complicated than that. 674 00:13:40,243 --> 00:13:42,370 Don't listen to her, Manny. 675 00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,663 The ending was beautiful. 676 00:13:43,663 --> 00:13:45,790 It's just that some women 677 00:13:43,663 --> 00:13:45,790 have a hard time 678 00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:47,876 expressing their feelings. 679 00:13:47,876 --> 00:13:49,169 Oh, this again? 680 00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,046 Gloria, 681 00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,046 I'm a very feeling person. 682 00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:52,505 Oh, really? 683 00:13:52,505 --> 00:13:54,590 From the woman that writes 684 00:13:52,505 --> 00:13:54,590 in my birthday cards 685 00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:56,217 "Best, Claire." 686 00:13:56,217 --> 00:13:57,593 How is that not warm? 687 00:13:57,593 --> 00:13:59,554 I am wishing you 688 00:13:57,593 --> 00:13:59,554 quite literally the best. 689 00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:01,222 I am a person 690 00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:01,222 in your family. 691 00:14:01,222 --> 00:14:04,017 I am not the woman 692 00:14:01,222 --> 00:14:04,017 that does your eyebrows. 693 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,311 Why would I send her 694 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,311 a birthday card? 695 00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:10,773 The question is why can't 696 00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:10,773 you write "Love, Claire"? 697 00:14:10,773 --> 00:14:12,358 I write "Love, Gloria." 698 00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:15,778 I even dot the "I" 699 00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:15,778 with a huge heart. 700 00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:18,698 I tell you that I love you, 701 00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:18,698 and you say "Me, too." 702 00:14:18,698 --> 00:14:20,909 Why? Why can't you tell me 703 00:14:18,698 --> 00:14:20,909 that you love me? 704 00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:22,953 I don't know why 705 00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:22,953 I can't tell you that I ... 706 00:14:22,953 --> 00:14:24,745 There was a time 707 00:14:22,953 --> 00:14:24,745 when I wanted to, 708 00:14:24,745 --> 00:14:27,373 and then the moment passed 709 00:14:24,745 --> 00:14:27,373 and time went by 710 00:14:27,373 --> 00:14:29,334 and then 711 00:14:27,373 --> 00:14:29,334 it just felt forced. 712 00:14:29,334 --> 00:14:31,044 You ... You say it 713 00:14:29,334 --> 00:14:31,044 all the time. 714 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,879 One could argue 715 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,879 that dilutes it. 716 00:14:32,879 --> 00:14:34,089 Oh, so now it's my fault? 717 00:14:34,089 --> 00:14:35,381 I am lashing out at you 718 00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,342 because this is not 719 00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,342 the first time 720 00:14:37,342 --> 00:14:38,801 I've been accused of this. 721 00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:42,097 I am sorry I haven't said it 722 00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:42,097 before, Gloria. 723 00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:43,181 I love you. 724 00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:45,641 I love you. 725 00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:46,809 Mm. 726 00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:46,809 Okay. 727 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:50,771 My God, you're right. 728 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:50,771 It is trite. 729 00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:54,025 You got this, Sam! 730 00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:54,025 Come on. 731 00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:55,360 Come on! 732 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,653 You on the other hand ... 733 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,653 you throw one more gutter ball, 734 00:14:57,653 --> 00:15:00,198 and I will literally 735 00:14:57,653 --> 00:15:00,198 frame you for murder. 736 00:15:00,198 --> 00:15:01,950 No pressure. 737 00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:10,208 Mwah! 738 00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:12,752 I wonder what that's about. 739 00:15:13,794 --> 00:15:14,880 Oh! 740 00:15:13,794 --> 00:15:14,880 Shh, shh, shh! 741 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:15,881 Shh, shh, shh! 742 00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:16,882 Hmm. 743 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:18,549 You two seem 744 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:18,549 awfully chummy. 745 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:19,759 Well, if by "chummy," 746 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:19,759 you mean, 747 00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,678 "in the throes of an electric 748 00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,678 sexual relationship," 749 00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:25,390 then, yes, you bet 750 00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:25,390 your bowling balls we're chummy. 751 00:15:28,518 --> 00:15:30,520 Oh, my gosh. 752 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,188 I just put it all 753 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,188 together. 754 00:15:32,188 --> 00:15:33,523 You're both Fizbo. 755 00:15:33,523 --> 00:15:35,066 When I'm with one of you, 756 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:37,193 the other's wearing the costume, 757 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:37,193 creating the perfect alibi. 758 00:15:37,193 --> 00:15:38,862 Light-bulb moment! 759 00:15:38,862 --> 00:15:39,946 This clown thing again. 760 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:42,282 Look, Tucker, 761 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:42,282 if I wanted to get back at you 762 00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:44,075 for, oh, I don't know, 763 00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:44,075 say something like 764 00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:45,952 setting me up 765 00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:45,952 with your straight 766 00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:45,952 father-in-law, 767 00:15:45,952 --> 00:15:47,287 I certainly wouldn't do it 768 00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:49,956 by stealing 769 00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:49,956 your stupid Bozo suit. 770 00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:49,956 It's Fizbo. 771 00:15:49,956 --> 00:15:51,457 Way to take 772 00:15:49,956 --> 00:15:51,457 the high road, sweetie. 773 00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:54,294 First, 774 00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:54,294 I'd hack your e-mails, 775 00:15:54,294 --> 00:15:57,172 then I'd create several fake 776 00:15:54,294 --> 00:15:57,172 social-media accounts, 777 00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:59,757 which I would use to mount 778 00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:59,757 the multi-pronged smear campaign 779 00:15:59,757 --> 00:16:02,302 to drive a wedge between you 780 00:15:59,757 --> 00:16:02,302 and everything you love. 781 00:16:02,302 --> 00:16:03,761 Wow. 782 00:16:03,761 --> 00:16:05,931 That's maybe a bit 783 00:16:03,761 --> 00:16:05,931 of a red flag. 784 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,058 And then I'd get several 785 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,058 credit cards in your name 786 00:16:08,058 --> 00:16:10,435 and then embark on a massive 787 00:16:08,058 --> 00:16:10,435 identity-theft scheme 788 00:16:10,435 --> 00:16:11,978 that would leave you bankrupt 789 00:16:11,978 --> 00:16:13,313 and, with any luck at all, 790 00:16:11,978 --> 00:16:13,313 facing criminal charges. 791 00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:14,647 That's what I'd do. 792 00:16:14,647 --> 00:16:16,732 Okay. 793 00:16:14,647 --> 00:16:16,732 She's a bit of a handful, huh? 794 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,568 You know, I was thinking, 795 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,568 maybe we should take a beat 796 00:16:18,568 --> 00:16:19,945 on meeting your parents 797 00:16:18,568 --> 00:16:19,945 this weekend. 798 00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,029 What do you say? 799 00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,029 All right. 800 00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:22,322 What? 801 00:16:22,322 --> 00:16:26,492 Bravo! Bravo. 802 00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:29,955 If you think your little 803 00:16:26,492 --> 00:16:29,955 over-the-top revenge monologue 804 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:32,916 is gonna throw me 805 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:32,916 off your scent, 806 00:16:32,916 --> 00:16:35,001 then you are 807 00:16:32,916 --> 00:16:35,001 sorely mistaken. 808 00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:37,753 Now open your bag. 809 00:16:37,753 --> 00:16:38,754 What? 810 00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:41,216 All of you, 811 00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:41,216 open your bags! 812 00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:42,758 You don't have ... 813 00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:42,758 Cam, you got to stop. 814 00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:43,885 Open them! 815 00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:43,885 Hey, hey! 816 00:16:43,885 --> 00:16:45,178 You're paranoid. 817 00:16:43,885 --> 00:16:45,178 You are paranoid. 818 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:47,555 No one is dressing up... 819 00:16:47,555 --> 00:16:49,015 Oh, damn it, 820 00:16:47,555 --> 00:16:49,015 I hate it when you're right. 821 00:16:49,015 --> 00:16:50,433 What ... Oh! 822 00:16:49,015 --> 00:16:50,433 There he is! 823 00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:52,227 Chase him! 824 00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:52,227 Get him! 825 00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:54,729 Stop! 826 00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:54,729 Imposter! 827 00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:56,898 Oh. 828 00:16:56,898 --> 00:16:58,358 Close your door, ma'am! 829 00:16:56,898 --> 00:16:58,358 We're in pursuit! 830 00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,650 Okay, okay, okay. 831 00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,650 Thank you! 832 00:17:01,027 --> 00:17:02,820 Okay. 833 00:17:04,572 --> 00:17:05,573 We lost him. 834 00:17:05,573 --> 00:17:07,325 Wait. His mask. 835 00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:09,244 It smells like beer 836 00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:09,244 and cheese fires. 837 00:17:09,244 --> 00:17:11,121 Oh, Mitchell, that's good 838 00:17:09,244 --> 00:17:11,121 investigative work. 839 00:17:09,244 --> 00:17:11,121 Yes. 840 00:17:11,121 --> 00:17:12,413 You've narrowed it down 841 00:17:12,413 --> 00:17:14,040 to everyone 842 00:17:12,413 --> 00:17:14,040 in the bowling alley. 843 00:17:21,464 --> 00:17:22,507 Uno. 844 00:17:23,591 --> 00:17:25,844 There you are. 845 00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,720 We've been looking 846 00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,720 all over for you. 847 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,223 Did you check in here, 848 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,223 in the room where the party is? 849 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,558 Don't worry. 850 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,558 We didn't forget about you. 851 00:17:32,558 --> 00:17:33,643 Boop. 852 00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:35,061 I hope it was worth it. 853 00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:36,479 We missed our reservation 854 00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:36,479 to Captain Scupper's. 855 00:17:36,479 --> 00:17:37,730 Don't worry, Phil. 856 00:17:36,479 --> 00:17:37,730 We ate. 857 00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,399 Pit boss sent 858 00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,399 some shrimp cocktails 859 00:17:39,399 --> 00:17:40,942 over to our craps table. 860 00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:42,443 Along with some 861 00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:42,443 regular cocktails, am I right? 862 00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:43,444 Yeah! 863 00:17:45,196 --> 00:17:46,572 You ... You had to be there. 864 00:17:46,572 --> 00:17:47,782 I get it. 865 00:17:46,572 --> 00:17:47,782 You had shrimp and drinks. 866 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,242 Now, 867 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,242 if it's not too much trouble, 868 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,743 maybe we could get 869 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,743 back on schedule. 870 00:17:50,743 --> 00:17:52,495 We don't want to miss 871 00:17:50,743 --> 00:17:52,495 Sedaka's opening act ... 872 00:17:52,495 --> 00:17:53,788 Extremely Little 873 00:17:52,495 --> 00:17:53,788 Richard. 874 00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:56,124 Good golly, 875 00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:56,124 is he small! 876 00:17:56,124 --> 00:17:58,084 Change of plans ... 877 00:17:56,124 --> 00:17:58,084 I traded those tickets 878 00:17:58,084 --> 00:17:59,920 for seats to "Sexcalibur." 879 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,297 You what? 880 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,297 It's a dirty 881 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,297 "Medieval Times." 882 00:18:02,297 --> 00:18:03,673 Are you kidding me? 883 00:18:03,673 --> 00:18:05,050 It's okay, Phil. 884 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,886 I waited 79 years 885 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,886 to see Neil Sedaka. 886 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,470 I can wait another 79. 887 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,222 No, Dad. 888 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,222 You're being too nice. 889 00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:14,350 This is your bachelor party, 890 00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:14,350 not yours! 891 00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:15,977 You're ruining 892 00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:15,977 this whole night. 893 00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,770 You ruined it 894 00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,770 when you planed it. 895 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:19,981 And get that finger 896 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:19,981 out of my face. 897 00:18:19,981 --> 00:18:21,983 Nobody hijacks 898 00:18:19,981 --> 00:18:21,983 my dad's party, 899 00:18:21,983 --> 00:18:25,904 and nobody tells me 900 00:18:21,983 --> 00:18:25,904 where to put my finger. 901 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,363 Boop! 902 00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,115 Here we go. 903 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,493 I wanted a brother 904 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,493 when I was 10, 905 00:18:32,493 --> 00:18:33,870 not a 10-year-old brother! 906 00:18:33,870 --> 00:18:35,080 You're the baby! 907 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,332 You're older, 908 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,332 but you're the baby. 909 00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:38,583 You're no Marty! 910 00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:40,126 It's not much of a fight, 911 00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:40,126 but maybe we should ... 912 00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:42,295 I know. 913 00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:42,295 I thought it was gonna get good. 914 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,589 All right, that's enough. 915 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,589 Stop. 916 00:18:44,589 --> 00:18:45,924 Phil, you're being ridiculous. 917 00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:48,718 Ray, I don't know you, 918 00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:48,718 but you seem like a horse's ass. 919 00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:50,846 All right, now! 920 00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:50,846 Grow up! 921 00:18:50,846 --> 00:18:52,472 Start acting like gentlemen. 922 00:18:52,472 --> 00:18:54,140 Uh, would you two mind 923 00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,017 stepping out in the hall 924 00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,017 for a second? 925 00:18:56,017 --> 00:18:57,602 I need to have a word 926 00:18:56,017 --> 00:18:57,602 with Phil. 927 00:18:57,602 --> 00:18:59,229 All right, but hurry up. 928 00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:01,147 We don't want to miss 929 00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:01,147 the unlacing of the first wench. 930 00:19:01,147 --> 00:19:03,274 You know, I really appreciate 931 00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:04,817 all you've done 932 00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:04,817 arranging my party, 933 00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:07,695 but, you know, 934 00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:07,695 I'm happy doing whatever. 935 00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:09,364 Is something else 936 00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:09,364 bothering you? 937 00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,532 I don't know. 938 00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:13,034 So much is changing, Dad. 939 00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:15,495 I guess I'm kind of afraid 940 00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:15,495 that this is the end of an era. 941 00:19:15,495 --> 00:19:18,039 Now I have to share you 942 00:19:15,495 --> 00:19:18,039 with Lorraine, with that. 943 00:19:18,039 --> 00:19:19,916 You're not losing me. 944 00:19:19,916 --> 00:19:22,085 As a matter of fact, 945 00:19:19,916 --> 00:19:22,085 you're gonna be seeing 946 00:19:19,916 --> 00:19:22,085 a lot more of me. 947 00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:24,712 Lorraine and I have been 948 00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:24,712 kind of kicking around the idea 949 00:19:24,712 --> 00:19:27,215 of moving to California. 950 00:19:27,215 --> 00:19:29,092 To be closer to me? 951 00:19:29,092 --> 00:19:30,593 Yes. 952 00:19:30,593 --> 00:19:32,637 And to be farther from Ray. 953 00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:37,600 Hey, Louise, 954 00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:37,600 we just saw evil Fizbo again. 955 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,727 It's true. I was there. 956 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,727 We lost him in the parking lot. 957 00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:41,104 Yeah, 958 00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:41,104 we looked in every car. 959 00:19:41,104 --> 00:19:42,856 Geez, Louise, there has to be 960 00:19:41,104 --> 00:19:42,856 something you can do. 961 00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,565 Fine. First thing tomorrow, 962 00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,565 I'll look into it 963 00:19:44,565 --> 00:19:45,984 if you can focus on bowling. 964 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,443 I can. 965 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,443 There you are. 966 00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:48,904 I've been looking 967 00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:48,904 all over for you. 968 00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:48,904 It's your turn. 969 00:19:48,904 --> 00:19:50,238 Sorry. 970 00:19:48,904 --> 00:19:50,238 I was in the ladies room. 971 00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:51,572 I was putting IcyHot 972 00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:51,572 on my hammies. 973 00:19:51,572 --> 00:19:53,658 Mm. 974 00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:55,160 Ahh! Ohh. 975 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,661 D-Did you do something 976 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,661 to your hand? 977 00:19:56,661 --> 00:19:58,329 I just hurt it 978 00:19:56,661 --> 00:19:58,329 playing air hockey. 979 00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:00,248 They got rid of the air hockey 980 00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:00,248 table months ago. 981 00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:01,832 Uh ... Nothing. 982 00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:01,832 I mean, I was ... 983 00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:03,751 Wait ... W-Wait ... 984 00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:03,751 Wait a minute. 985 00:20:03,751 --> 00:20:05,003 You go missing, 986 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:06,880 then you mysteriously 987 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:06,880 hurt your hand, and t... 988 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,424 Okay, okay ... 989 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,424 There is lipstick in this mask, 990 00:20:09,424 --> 00:20:11,259 and it is ... 991 00:20:09,424 --> 00:20:11,259 It is the same shade 992 00:20:11,259 --> 00:20:12,718 as the lipstick 993 00:20:11,259 --> 00:20:12,718 on your beer. 994 00:20:12,718 --> 00:20:14,720 You're Fizbo? 995 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:15,847 You wear lipstick? 996 00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:17,223 But you're on our team. 997 00:20:17,223 --> 00:20:18,516 Why would you do this? 998 00:20:18,516 --> 00:20:20,310 Because you bug me. 999 00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:22,562 That's it? 1000 00:20:22,562 --> 00:20:24,898 You picked the team name, 1001 00:20:22,562 --> 00:20:24,898 you designed the shirts, 1002 00:20:24,898 --> 00:20:27,233 you take all the credit. 1003 00:20:24,898 --> 00:20:27,233 Everything's about you. 1004 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:30,320 You messed with his head so he'd 1005 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:30,320 lose us the team championship. 1006 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,780 Yeah, opening the door 1007 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,780 for ... for you to be captain. 1008 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,115 I should be captain. 1009 00:20:34,115 --> 00:20:37,035 Give me my Fizbo. 1010 00:20:40,997 --> 00:20:42,290 You get out of my face. 1011 00:20:42,290 --> 00:20:43,875 Wait, wait, no. 1012 00:20:42,290 --> 00:20:43,875 Hold on. Hold on. 1013 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,793 Is there still a chance 1014 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,793 that we could win this? 1015 00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,670 Not unless we can pick up 1016 00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,670 57 pins in one frame. 1017 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:50,465 Yeah. And you get out 1018 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:50,465 of his face. 1019 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:58,598 Hello, fruit of 1020 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:58,598 your father's loins. 1021 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:58,598 "Mitchell's" fine. 1022 00:20:58,598 --> 00:20:59,599 You know, 1023 00:20:58,598 --> 00:20:59,599 speaking of Jay ... 1024 00:20:59,599 --> 00:21:00,766 You brought him up. 1025 00:21:00,766 --> 00:21:03,311 Well, your father and I had 1026 00:21:00,766 --> 00:21:03,311 a moment... 1027 00:21:03,311 --> 00:21:05,355 Uh-huh. 1028 00:21:03,311 --> 00:21:05,355 a couple of years ago 1029 00:21:05,355 --> 00:21:08,233 when he was pretending 1030 00:21:05,355 --> 00:21:08,233 to be gay 1031 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,110 so that he could bowl 1032 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,110 in our league. 1033 00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,402 I know he said 1034 00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,402 it was all an act, 1035 00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:13,821 but what I felt from him ... 1036 00:21:13,821 --> 00:21:15,365 It was just so very real. 1037 00:21:15,365 --> 00:21:17,117 Okay, Martin, 1038 00:21:15,365 --> 00:21:17,117 I hate to break this to you, 1039 00:21:17,117 --> 00:21:18,451 but my dad is potentially 1040 00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:19,785 the straightest man 1041 00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:19,785 on the planet. 1042 00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,079 Yeah, 1043 00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,079 but that not withstanding, 1044 00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:23,206 do you think maybe you could 1045 00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:23,206 give me his phone number? 1046 00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:25,750 It's just always felt like 1047 00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:25,750 unfinished business to me. 1048 00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,502 I am not giving you 1049 00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,502 his phone number. 1050 00:21:27,502 --> 00:21:28,503 I'll give you my trophy. 1051 00:21:28,503 --> 00:21:30,171 It's 3-1-0... 1052 00:21:30,171 --> 00:21:33,174 Captions by VITAC :